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1
00:00:01,251 --> 00:00:03,184
[Vehicles rumble loudly,
horns blare]
2
00:00:03,269 --> 00:00:05,636
Hmph! Royal visit's
going ahead.
3
00:00:05,734 --> 00:00:07,219
"Prince Charles and lady Diana
4
00:00:07,303 --> 00:00:09,755
will visit city hall at 2 P.M.,
on Friday."
5
00:00:09,839 --> 00:00:11,757
Really?
Oh, oh, mom, can we go?
6
00:00:11,841 --> 00:00:12,958
I won't be going to see
7
00:00:13,042 --> 00:00:14,826
That elephant-eared prick,
let me tell ya.
8
00:00:14,910 --> 00:00:16,710
Pop: I hope the inbred
arseholes
9
00:00:16,846 --> 00:00:18,312
Drown on the way over.
10
00:00:19,982 --> 00:00:22,634
Well, our family's Irish.
The critch's were English.
11
00:00:22,718 --> 00:00:25,156
Well, my mother was Irish!
12
00:00:25,241 --> 00:00:27,703
Being Irish is like
being Jewish.
13
00:00:27,796 --> 00:00:30,375
It's passed down through
the maternal line.
14
00:00:30,459 --> 00:00:32,092
Mark: I think they're
a lovely couple.
15
00:00:32,228 --> 00:00:33,726
Perfect marriage.
16
00:00:33,856 --> 00:00:36,575
- A true fairy tale.
- As in, it's not real.
17
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:38,183
No such thing
as a perfect marriage.
18
00:00:38,267 --> 00:00:39,352
Oh, really?
19
00:00:39,437 --> 00:00:40,918
Well, I for one sympathize
with her.
20
00:00:41,003 --> 00:00:42,654
I know what it's like
to spend your life
21
00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,156
Waitin' for your in-laws
to die.
22
00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:46,073
Oh, sweet Jesus,
take me now.
23
00:00:46,208 --> 00:00:47,993
Hey, quiet, quiet!
What's that sound?
24
00:00:48,077 --> 00:00:50,262
[Knocking] Is someone
knocking at the door?
25
00:00:50,346 --> 00:00:53,102
No, can't be!
Nobody ever comes here.
26
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,900
- I'll get it.
- And that's what you won't.
27
00:00:54,985 --> 00:00:56,468
God only knows who that is now.
28
00:00:56,552 --> 00:00:58,085
Mary, you answer it.
29
00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:00,739
Oh! My brave protector.
30
00:01:00,823 --> 00:01:03,075
[Paper rustles sharply,
knocking continues]
31
00:01:03,159 --> 00:01:05,677
[Footsteps thud]
32
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,094
Be quiet. She's opening.
33
00:01:07,179 --> 00:01:08,864
[Door clicks open]
34
00:01:09,003 --> 00:01:11,088
- Well, how do you do?
- Hey, there, Mary.
35
00:01:11,173 --> 00:01:13,091
How's the Rose of vocm valley?
36
00:01:13,176 --> 00:01:14,902
Adult Mark: Dick Dunphy!
37
00:01:14,987 --> 00:01:16,920
Top dj at the station next door
38
00:01:17,005 --> 00:01:18,977
And my dad's arch-Nemesis.
39
00:01:19,062 --> 00:01:21,547
I'm good, dick.
Looking for Mike?
40
00:01:21,632 --> 00:01:23,813
No. I see enough of him.
41
00:01:23,898 --> 00:01:25,883
[Giggles]
42
00:01:26,022 --> 00:01:28,374
- Oh! These are for you.
- [gasps]
43
00:01:28,551 --> 00:01:30,298
Oh my! What for?
44
00:01:30,383 --> 00:01:31,936
I did a parking lot promotion
for a florist
45
00:01:32,020 --> 00:01:33,771
And he let me take
the week-olds.
46
00:01:33,856 --> 00:01:35,455
They're beautiful!
47
00:01:35,611 --> 00:01:36,743
Not as pretty as you.
48
00:01:36,924 --> 00:01:37,976
Tsk! Oh, go 'way with ya,
dick!
49
00:01:38,060 --> 00:01:40,112
- You're the devil, you are.
- [smarmy chuckle]
50
00:01:40,196 --> 00:01:42,781
Adult Mark: Gross.
Was mom flirting?
51
00:01:42,865 --> 00:01:45,117
I never see you down
to the strand lounge.
52
00:01:45,201 --> 00:01:47,352
Mike needs to take you
out more.
53
00:01:47,436 --> 00:01:49,721
You're like my Chevy blazer,
Mary.
54
00:01:49,805 --> 00:01:52,024
She can't be parked too long
or she'll seize up.
55
00:01:52,189 --> 00:01:54,122
Oh, dick, you are shockin'!
56
00:01:54,805 --> 00:01:57,296
I don't go out at night so
I don't show up for work drunk!
57
00:01:57,380 --> 00:01:58,930
He's still loaded!
58
00:01:59,014 --> 00:02:01,665
- [Catlike] Rrrrr!
- [breathy laugh]
59
00:02:02,151 --> 00:02:05,037
Oh! Got a coupon
for ten percent off
60
00:02:05,121 --> 00:02:07,172
Red sticker ladieswear
at ayre's.
61
00:02:07,256 --> 00:02:10,242
Limit one per customer.
Tax on full price.
62
00:02:10,326 --> 00:02:12,727
Get yourself a pair of dancing
shoes on uncle dick.
63
00:02:13,663 --> 00:02:16,329
Well, now you are just
spoilin' me.
64
00:02:17,172 --> 00:02:20,055
- Thank you, dick.
- My pleasure!
65
00:02:21,230 --> 00:02:23,430
Everybody needs a bit
of dick in their life.
66
00:02:24,640 --> 00:02:26,235
[Door squeaks open]
67
00:02:28,177 --> 00:02:30,596
Hmm.
[door clicks shut]
68
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:32,064
Mike sr.: Good god!
69
00:02:32,148 --> 00:02:34,533
I can't believe you're throwing
yourself at dick Dunphy.
70
00:02:34,617 --> 00:02:36,067
I bet that coupon
isn't even valid.
71
00:02:36,151 --> 00:02:37,903
Don't you worry.
Dick is the last thing
72
00:02:37,987 --> 00:02:40,854
I'm interested in this morning,
Dunphy or otherwise!
73
00:02:40,990 --> 00:02:42,774
- Good god!
- [shudders]
74
00:02:42,858 --> 00:02:45,077
Adult Mark: I longed for my
parents to have a marriage
75
00:02:45,161 --> 00:02:47,045
Like Charles and Diana.
76
00:02:47,129 --> 00:02:50,024
Little did I know,
they already did.
77
00:02:50,526 --> 00:02:52,744
[Bell rings in the distance]
78
00:02:52,829 --> 00:02:54,581
I want you to know something.
79
00:02:54,704 --> 00:02:56,054
I've been thinking about it
80
00:02:56,138 --> 00:02:58,739
And you're officially
my best friend.
81
00:02:58,874 --> 00:03:01,342
Wow, that was fast.
82
00:03:01,477 --> 00:03:04,897
I'm sorry. I've never had
a best friend before.
83
00:03:04,981 --> 00:03:06,563
I haven't had one either.
84
00:03:07,166 --> 00:03:08,540
It's official then.
85
00:03:09,404 --> 00:03:10,852
Best friends?
86
00:03:11,105 --> 00:03:14,406
[Hands clap lightly,
kids shout in the distance]
87
00:03:14,641 --> 00:03:16,308
I have a secret I need
to share.
88
00:03:16,392 --> 00:03:18,962
Do tell.
It'll go no further.
89
00:03:19,591 --> 00:03:21,375
If we are best friends,
90
00:03:21,630 --> 00:03:23,081
Then I, I think you should know
91
00:03:23,165 --> 00:03:25,344
My parents might be getting
a divorce.
92
00:03:25,626 --> 00:03:28,320
The social implications
on a catholic schoolyard
93
00:03:28,404 --> 00:03:30,907
Might make me a pariah, so...
94
00:03:31,389 --> 00:03:33,607
I mean, they do fight a lot.
95
00:03:33,692 --> 00:03:34,958
They do?
96
00:03:35,043 --> 00:03:37,996
I-I... I thought of it more
as playful repartee.
97
00:03:38,146 --> 00:03:39,530
She said he was "thick as poo
98
00:03:39,615 --> 00:03:41,348
And half as handy"
the other day,
99
00:03:41,433 --> 00:03:43,018
Except she didn't say "poo,"
she said...
100
00:03:43,103 --> 00:03:46,610
Okay, okay.
Yes, I see your point.
101
00:03:47,423 --> 00:03:49,493
Tsk. Oh dear. Uh...
102
00:03:50,067 --> 00:03:52,052
I gotta go do something,
103
00:03:52,137 --> 00:03:53,532
But it's a secret.
104
00:03:53,617 --> 00:03:55,514
Great. I like our secrets!
105
00:03:55,598 --> 00:03:57,249
No. I mean,
we are best friends,
106
00:03:57,333 --> 00:04:00,267
But this, this one has
to stay private, okay?
107
00:04:02,671 --> 00:04:05,638
Look, it's complicated.
I'm sorry.
108
00:04:07,443 --> 00:04:09,328
Adult Mark: I'd only had
a best friend for a minute
109
00:04:09,412 --> 00:04:11,129
and I'd already upset him.
110
00:04:11,213 --> 00:04:12,864
But there were some things
111
00:04:12,948 --> 00:04:14,948
that you couldn't even tell
your best friend.
112
00:04:16,385 --> 00:04:18,804
Like the fact that
I was the only male member
113
00:04:18,888 --> 00:04:20,973
of the local monarchist league.
114
00:04:21,057 --> 00:04:24,142
I was also the youngest one
by about sixty years.
115
00:04:24,226 --> 00:04:25,978
Woman: Mark!
116
00:04:26,062 --> 00:04:27,193
There's Mark now.
117
00:04:28,531 --> 00:04:30,315
Patricia!
Saw your new granddaughter
118
00:04:30,399 --> 00:04:33,018
at the mall the other day.
Cute as a button.
119
00:04:33,102 --> 00:04:34,953
[Patricia chuckles]
Women chatter]
120
00:04:35,037 --> 00:04:37,203
Joan! Wanna hear about
your hip surgery.
121
00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:39,825
Let's have a chin wag after.
122
00:04:39,909 --> 00:04:41,693
- [Women chatter]
- How nice.
123
00:04:41,777 --> 00:04:44,378
[Spoon clinks against cup]
124
00:04:44,513 --> 00:04:46,398
I now call this meeting
125
00:04:46,482 --> 00:04:49,334
Of the newfoundland monarchist
league to order.
126
00:04:49,418 --> 00:04:52,019
- We have a lot to discuss.
- [clears his throat]
127
00:04:52,154 --> 00:04:53,505
Before we start,
128
00:04:53,589 --> 00:04:56,641
I have an awkward order
of business - dues.
129
00:04:56,725 --> 00:04:58,377
[Chair scrapes back]
130
00:04:58,461 --> 00:05:00,845
Some of our members
are in arrears.
131
00:05:00,929 --> 00:05:03,229
Woman: [gasps] What?!
132
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,519
I apologize.
133
00:05:07,603 --> 00:05:11,571
I've been finding it hard
to, uh, get by since...
134
00:05:12,675 --> 00:05:15,327
[emotional]
Since Eugene passed.
135
00:05:15,411 --> 00:05:17,863
- Eugene was a hell of a man.
- Mm.
136
00:05:17,947 --> 00:05:19,865
Allow me.
[velcro rips]
137
00:05:19,949 --> 00:05:22,216
But this is the last time,
Helen.
138
00:05:22,351 --> 00:05:24,418
The shortbread doesn't pay
for itself.
139
00:05:24,553 --> 00:05:26,320
Woman: What a sweet young man.
140
00:05:27,456 --> 00:05:28,940
As I was saying,
141
00:05:29,024 --> 00:05:32,010
I've received a letter
from the lt. Governor.
142
00:05:32,094 --> 00:05:34,079
The league has been invited
143
00:05:34,163 --> 00:05:37,516
to the royals' arrival
ceremony,
144
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:40,085
And it's going to be televised!
[women clap]
145
00:05:40,169 --> 00:05:41,953
Adult Mark: I was playing
with fire.
146
00:05:42,037 --> 00:05:44,222
If my family found out,
they'd disown me.
147
00:05:44,306 --> 00:05:47,441
And if fox did,
she would disembowel me.
148
00:05:50,512 --> 00:05:51,797
[Chair scrapes back]
149
00:05:51,881 --> 00:05:54,232
I suggest we proceed
with caution, ladies.
150
00:05:54,316 --> 00:05:55,949
Woman: Yes, yes.
151
00:05:56,084 --> 00:05:58,236
High fashion and trendy
haircuts are fun,
152
00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,238
but we must ask ourselves,
153
00:06:00,322 --> 00:06:02,589
"when it comes to modernizing,
154
00:06:02,724 --> 00:06:05,610
is the monarchy moving
too fast?"
155
00:06:05,694 --> 00:06:07,479
Woman: Hmm. Yeah.
156
00:06:07,563 --> 00:06:09,581
[Chair scrapes forward]
157
00:06:09,665 --> 00:06:11,364
[Slurps]
158
00:06:14,270 --> 00:06:16,321
[Slurping]
159
00:06:16,405 --> 00:06:18,423
[Rotary dial whisks sharply]
160
00:06:18,507 --> 00:06:21,059
Who you calling...
Dick Dunphy?
161
00:06:21,143 --> 00:06:24,262
Hello, ayre's? Can I have
the shoe department, please.
162
00:06:24,346 --> 00:06:25,931
Look at you calling ayre's.
163
00:06:26,015 --> 00:06:27,098
You think you're the queen
of England.
164
00:06:27,182 --> 00:06:28,767
Oh, hi there.
165
00:06:28,851 --> 00:06:30,535
I have this red tag coupon
166
00:06:30,619 --> 00:06:33,404
that was given to me
by a very good friend of mine
167
00:06:33,488 --> 00:06:35,841
and I'm wondering
if it's valid.
168
00:06:35,925 --> 00:06:38,343
A mister Richard Dunphy.
169
00:06:38,427 --> 00:06:41,213
Oh, that's great.
It's perfectly valid.
170
00:06:41,297 --> 00:06:42,948
Wonderful news.
171
00:06:43,032 --> 00:06:45,933
And can it be used
to buy shoes?
172
00:06:46,068 --> 00:06:48,334
It can. Lovely.
173
00:06:48,470 --> 00:06:50,922
Oh, well, what kind would
I want?
174
00:06:51,006 --> 00:06:53,907
Oh, well, definitely want them
to be high heels.
175
00:06:54,042 --> 00:06:55,360
Cherry red,
176
00:06:55,444 --> 00:06:57,244
Patent leather,
177
00:06:57,379 --> 00:06:59,464
And good for dancing.
178
00:06:59,548 --> 00:07:02,300
Well, thank you so much.
179
00:07:02,384 --> 00:07:05,637
I will be in with my valid
coupon later on today
180
00:07:05,721 --> 00:07:08,121
to pick them up.
181
00:07:09,391 --> 00:07:11,376
[Receiver clunks loudly]
182
00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:13,393
But I don't dance.
[footsteps recede]
183
00:07:14,830 --> 00:07:17,030
[Birds chirp outside]
184
00:07:20,869 --> 00:07:22,669
[low hum of chatter,
birds chirp]
185
00:07:23,806 --> 00:07:25,405
Are you still mad at me?
186
00:07:26,542 --> 00:07:28,460
Sister Margaret: Now,
can anyone tell me
187
00:07:28,544 --> 00:07:31,444
what the royal family
actually does?
188
00:07:32,681 --> 00:07:34,666
Members of the royal family
support the queen
189
00:07:34,750 --> 00:07:36,902
in her many state
and national duties.
190
00:07:36,986 --> 00:07:40,438
Every year they carry out
over 2,000 royal engagements.
191
00:07:40,522 --> 00:07:42,941
Now, even the queen can't be
everywhere at once,
192
00:07:43,025 --> 00:07:44,809
so the royals represent her
at events.
193
00:07:44,893 --> 00:07:46,778
Sort of like Santa's helpers.
194
00:07:46,862 --> 00:07:48,828
[Kids chuckle]
195
00:07:49,898 --> 00:07:52,017
Or not. Whatever.
196
00:07:52,101 --> 00:07:54,467
I'm... I'm not actually sure.
197
00:07:55,570 --> 00:07:57,289
I can't decide what's dumber;
198
00:07:57,373 --> 00:07:58,957
That you know all
about the queen
199
00:07:59,041 --> 00:08:00,774
or that you still think
Santa claus is real.
200
00:08:00,909 --> 00:08:01,927
[Kids titter]
201
00:08:02,011 --> 00:08:03,495
Sister Margaret: As catholics,
202
00:08:03,579 --> 00:08:05,297
The only crown we bow to,
children,
203
00:08:05,381 --> 00:08:08,667
Is the crown of thorns
our lord wore.
204
00:08:08,751 --> 00:08:11,518
Did you know that the royals
were once catholics? Ha!
205
00:08:12,588 --> 00:08:14,172
But they left the church
206
00:08:14,256 --> 00:08:17,008
because the queen's great,
great, great, great grandfather
207
00:08:17,092 --> 00:08:18,877
wanted to bed a whore.
208
00:08:18,961 --> 00:08:21,995
The pope said no because
he was already married.
209
00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:24,683
So, they formed their own
satanic religion
210
00:08:24,767 --> 00:08:27,152
called the church of England.
211
00:08:27,236 --> 00:08:29,487
Adult Mark: While I disagreed
with many of the aspects,
212
00:08:29,571 --> 00:08:32,390
I couldn't actually say
that she was wrong per se.
213
00:08:32,474 --> 00:08:34,726
The royals made up
a whole religion
214
00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:37,811
just so they could get
divorced. Imagine!
215
00:08:40,416 --> 00:08:43,950
Prince Charles and lady Diana
won't divorce, sister.
216
00:08:44,086 --> 00:08:45,819
They have effortless romance.
217
00:08:45,954 --> 00:08:48,707
Hmph! Give it time.
218
00:08:48,791 --> 00:08:50,976
Princess Margaret
was divorced more times
219
00:08:51,060 --> 00:08:53,912
than she was married.
That's a fact!
220
00:08:53,996 --> 00:08:56,648
This false idolatry
of the "royal family"
221
00:08:56,732 --> 00:08:59,399
is a direct sin against god.
222
00:09:03,805 --> 00:09:05,539
Mike sr.: Mary?
223
00:09:05,674 --> 00:09:07,359
Mary?!
224
00:09:07,443 --> 00:09:09,560
Where's supper?
225
00:09:09,644 --> 00:09:12,412
I was at ayre's.
Do you like my new shoes?
226
00:09:12,548 --> 00:09:15,233
Oh, I can't wait to hit
the dance floor in 'em.
227
00:09:15,317 --> 00:09:17,235
Oh, I got them with the coupon
that dick gave me.
228
00:09:17,319 --> 00:09:19,204
Turns out it was valid
after all.
229
00:09:19,288 --> 00:09:20,538
Bring those back.
230
00:09:20,622 --> 00:09:22,207
Don't be so foolish.
I can't.
231
00:09:22,291 --> 00:09:23,741
You can't or you won't?
232
00:09:23,825 --> 00:09:25,677
Won't,
because you're telling me to
233
00:09:25,761 --> 00:09:27,394
and can't,
because there's no returns
234
00:09:27,529 --> 00:09:29,214
When you use a coupon.
235
00:09:29,298 --> 00:09:31,383
You really think dick Dunphy
fancies you?
236
00:09:31,467 --> 00:09:33,200
He talks to all the women
like that.
237
00:09:33,335 --> 00:09:36,002
I mean, why would dick Dunphy
be interested in you?
238
00:09:36,138 --> 00:09:38,405
Oh. I see.
239
00:09:39,741 --> 00:09:44,010
So, I'm not good enough
for dick Dunphy, is that it?
240
00:09:44,146 --> 00:09:47,814
Or maybe I'm not good enough
for you?!
241
00:09:48,984 --> 00:09:51,069
You're good enough for me.
242
00:09:51,153 --> 00:09:52,804
You're fine.
243
00:09:52,888 --> 00:09:55,655
I mean, there's nothing wrong
with you.
244
00:09:57,759 --> 00:09:59,244
[Huffs]
245
00:09:59,328 --> 00:10:01,112
[Heels clack sharply]
246
00:10:01,196 --> 00:10:03,964
Is the fight over now?
[bedroom door clicks open]
247
00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:06,265
It's suppertime!
[bedroom door slams shut]
248
00:10:07,369 --> 00:10:10,002
[Door clicks open,
footsteps approach]
249
00:10:11,373 --> 00:10:13,407
[Metallic clink,
chair thunks loudly]
250
00:10:13,542 --> 00:10:16,576
[Flashlight thumps,
magazine rustles]
251
00:10:18,113 --> 00:10:20,298
- What're you reading?
- Nothing.
252
00:10:20,382 --> 00:10:22,515
[Blankets rustle]
253
00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:26,071
Pop?
254
00:10:26,155 --> 00:10:27,487
Hmm?
255
00:10:27,623 --> 00:10:30,909
Do you think mom and dad'll
get a divorce?
256
00:10:30,993 --> 00:10:33,678
[Chuckles] What?
257
00:10:33,762 --> 00:10:36,781
No. Good god, no.
258
00:10:36,865 --> 00:10:39,466
Uh, no, it'll never happen.
259
00:10:39,601 --> 00:10:43,003
For one thing,
they can't afford the lawyers.
260
00:10:43,138 --> 00:10:45,990
No. I mean, they may want
to divorce, but...
261
00:10:46,074 --> 00:10:47,959
they never will.
262
00:10:48,043 --> 00:10:51,930
That's the catholic way.
You know, misery loves company.
263
00:10:52,014 --> 00:10:54,481
And that's why there's two
in a marriage.
264
00:10:57,619 --> 00:10:59,471
Ah, don't worry.
265
00:10:59,555 --> 00:11:01,473
Your father will never leave
your mother.
266
00:11:01,557 --> 00:11:03,490
She'd murder him.
267
00:11:03,625 --> 00:11:06,493
And she loves him too much
to kill him.
268
00:11:07,696 --> 00:11:10,115
Hmm.
[newspaper rustles]
269
00:11:10,199 --> 00:11:11,716
Hmm.
270
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:14,486
What did you and nanny
fight about?
271
00:11:14,570 --> 00:11:16,488
The queen mostly.
272
00:11:16,572 --> 00:11:19,624
She loved the old bitch.
273
00:11:19,708 --> 00:11:21,174
Uh...
274
00:11:21,309 --> 00:11:23,361
Feeling better?
275
00:11:23,445 --> 00:11:24,478
No, worse,
276
00:11:24,613 --> 00:11:26,564
but I appreciate the effort.
277
00:11:26,648 --> 00:11:28,248
Anytime.
278
00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:29,968
[Spoon clinking]
279
00:11:30,052 --> 00:11:32,118
Helen: I have wonderful news.
280
00:11:32,254 --> 00:11:33,553
We have been invited
281
00:11:33,689 --> 00:11:36,574
to select one of our members
282
00:11:36,658 --> 00:11:39,610
To present lady Diana
with flowers.
283
00:11:39,694 --> 00:11:41,346
Adult Mark: I knew the drill.
284
00:11:41,430 --> 00:11:44,182
Helen would start whining about
her dead husband and then...
285
00:11:44,266 --> 00:11:45,598
I nominate Mark.
286
00:11:47,669 --> 00:11:49,187
[Chair scrapes back]
287
00:11:49,271 --> 00:11:51,589
Helen,
I insist that you go.
288
00:11:51,673 --> 00:11:55,527
- A-After losing your husband...
- Oh, nonsense.
289
00:11:55,611 --> 00:11:59,597
We want to show the world
that the monarchy is cool,
290
00:11:59,681 --> 00:12:02,867
and there's nobody cooler
than our Mark!
291
00:12:02,951 --> 00:12:07,272
And the whole province will see
just how cool he is.
292
00:12:07,356 --> 00:12:09,689
Adult Mark: Maybe the kids
at school wouldn't notice me.
293
00:12:09,824 --> 00:12:11,691
I made you this.
294
00:12:15,830 --> 00:12:18,349
Pink - for the Rose of England.
295
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,752
Yes! The Rose of England!
Women: [chuckle and applaud]
296
00:12:20,836 --> 00:12:23,102
Adult Mark: Oh no, they will!
[women applaud]
297
00:12:26,140 --> 00:12:33,164
[♪]
298
00:12:33,248 --> 00:12:35,233
Mark: [panicked] Ritchie!
You followed me!
299
00:12:35,317 --> 00:12:38,002
I was just checking to see
when mass was.
300
00:12:38,086 --> 00:12:40,605
W-wait!
Is this an anglican church?
301
00:12:40,689 --> 00:12:42,640
Wow! Where is my head?
302
00:12:42,724 --> 00:12:46,344
Oh, look! You have
a new friend your own age.
303
00:12:46,428 --> 00:12:48,312
You should be proud of Mark.
304
00:12:48,396 --> 00:12:49,663
It's not every day
305
00:12:49,798 --> 00:12:53,232
you get to present lady Diana
with flowers.
306
00:12:55,203 --> 00:12:58,089
[Footsteps recede]
307
00:12:58,173 --> 00:13:00,959
I hope you're better at
keeping secrets than Helen is.
308
00:13:01,043 --> 00:13:02,494
That's your big secret,
309
00:13:02,578 --> 00:13:04,710
your real best friend
is an old lady?
310
00:13:07,049 --> 00:13:09,367
Look, I think the royals
are cool!
311
00:13:09,451 --> 00:13:12,470
King lear, Richard the third,
Henry the 5th.
312
00:13:12,554 --> 00:13:14,172
I collect stamps, too.
313
00:13:14,256 --> 00:13:16,489
So, shoot me!
314
00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:19,143
Why not just tell me?
315
00:13:19,227 --> 00:13:22,028
No one's ever asked me
to be their best friend before.
316
00:13:23,131 --> 00:13:25,432
I was worried you'd change
your mind.
317
00:13:27,602 --> 00:13:28,820
When this gets out,
318
00:13:28,904 --> 00:13:31,222
I might need to keep
my distance for a few days.
319
00:13:31,306 --> 00:13:32,790
I can't afford
any more ridicule
320
00:13:32,874 --> 00:13:35,841
- than I'm already getting.
- That's... fair.
321
00:13:39,848 --> 00:13:42,715
So, still best friends?
322
00:13:43,852 --> 00:13:45,685
[Hands clap lightly]
323
00:13:46,988 --> 00:13:49,856
So, um, is that short bread?
324
00:13:51,059 --> 00:13:52,858
[lid pops off,
metal lid scrapes]
325
00:13:55,597 --> 00:13:56,796
[Chuckles]
326
00:13:56,931 --> 00:13:58,683
Adult Mark: Finally,
the big day had come!
327
00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:01,735
My proudest moment
and my biggest embarrassment.
328
00:14:01,870 --> 00:14:03,421
Sister Margaret: Settle down.
329
00:14:03,505 --> 00:14:05,690
Yes, there will be television
today.
330
00:14:05,774 --> 00:14:07,391
Kids: [quietly] Yes!
331
00:14:07,475 --> 00:14:10,477
The school board says we have
to watch the royal visit.
332
00:14:10,612 --> 00:14:12,363
[Kids moan, TV clicks on]
333
00:14:12,447 --> 00:14:13,879
[A royal fanfare plays]
334
00:14:14,015 --> 00:14:15,766
Reporter: Hundreds have
gathered at city hall,
335
00:14:15,850 --> 00:14:18,202
hoping to catch a glimpse
of the royal couple.
336
00:14:18,286 --> 00:14:20,271
- Lots of eager faces...
- Fox: Hey, dick!
337
00:14:20,355 --> 00:14:22,273
- Where's the other dick?
- Quiet!
338
00:14:22,357 --> 00:14:23,508
Reporter: The red carpet
has been rolled out
339
00:14:23,592 --> 00:14:25,225
to greet their highnesses.
340
00:14:26,828 --> 00:14:29,547
Mayor Murphy will greet
the royals on the steps
341
00:14:29,631 --> 00:14:32,022
- and one lucky youth from...
- Turn it off!
342
00:14:32,857 --> 00:14:34,719
I mean, as a catholic,
343
00:14:34,803 --> 00:14:37,589
I am really upset that
we are even seeing this.
344
00:14:37,673 --> 00:14:40,858
I must say,
I agree, ritchie,
345
00:14:40,942 --> 00:14:42,927
but the school board says
we have to
346
00:14:43,011 --> 00:14:44,762
For historical reasons.
347
00:14:44,846 --> 00:14:48,114
So, you'll get to witness
a low point in our history.
348
00:14:48,250 --> 00:14:50,450
- Suck hole!
- ...Beautiful day we got for it.
349
00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:53,883
A royal fanfare plays...
350
00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:57,808
[♪♪♪]
351
00:14:57,892 --> 00:14:59,859
[low hum of chatter]
352
00:14:59,994 --> 00:15:03,047
Ugh! God.
Where the hell is Mark at?
353
00:15:03,131 --> 00:15:06,266
Whining to come down here
and then he just takes off.
354
00:15:06,401 --> 00:15:08,386
Sure you don't wanna
sit down?
355
00:15:08,470 --> 00:15:10,488
Oh, I could walk all day
356
00:15:10,572 --> 00:15:12,624
and dance all night
in these, my dear.
357
00:15:12,708 --> 00:15:15,375
Men: Frig off! Frig off!
[radio feedback buzzes]
358
00:15:16,478 --> 00:15:18,278
Dick: People have lined
the street
359
00:15:18,413 --> 00:15:21,281
for Diana-mania today
in St. John's.
360
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:23,750
This is dick Dunphy
361
00:15:23,885 --> 00:15:28,002
and I'm your vocm
"eye on di!"
362
00:15:28,222 --> 00:15:30,757
- Men: Frig off!
- When do we want him to do it?
363
00:15:30,892 --> 00:15:33,144
Adult Mark: Pop had decided
to become a bit of a nuisance,
364
00:15:33,228 --> 00:15:36,080
and to my dad,
that was headline news.
365
00:15:36,164 --> 00:15:37,964
- When do we want him to do it?
- Men: Now!
366
00:15:38,099 --> 00:15:41,367
Here's Paul Anka
with "Diana."
367
00:15:42,437 --> 00:15:44,022
- Comin' at ya!
- Paul Anka: "Diana" plays...
368
00:15:44,106 --> 00:15:45,623
Let me have the mic.
369
00:15:45,707 --> 00:15:47,625
There's a riot breaking out;
There's protestors!
370
00:15:47,709 --> 00:15:49,159
This whole place
is a powder keg.
371
00:15:49,243 --> 00:15:50,594
- Pop: Frig!
- Men: Off!
372
00:15:50,678 --> 00:15:52,579
[Chanting] Frig! Off!
Frig! Off!
373
00:15:52,714 --> 00:15:54,632
- Pop: Frig!
- Are you nuts?
374
00:15:54,716 --> 00:15:56,783
I timed this song
for when lady di passes me.
375
00:15:56,918 --> 00:15:59,604
I'm gonna say "and that
was 'Diana' by Paul Anka,
376
00:15:59,688 --> 00:16:02,306
and there is Diana,
right by me, dick Dunphy."
377
00:16:02,390 --> 00:16:03,975
That's top shelf banter, Mike!
378
00:16:04,059 --> 00:16:06,177
Nobody can see her
on the radio, dick!
379
00:16:06,261 --> 00:16:08,212
- Now, give it!
- Don't! You can't!
380
00:16:08,296 --> 00:16:11,349
Reporter: And here is
the motorcade now.
381
00:16:11,433 --> 00:16:13,518
And there she is!
382
00:16:13,602 --> 00:16:16,454
Oh, I like her outfit.
She looks pretty.
383
00:16:16,538 --> 00:16:18,838
[Crowd cheers on TV]
384
00:16:20,141 --> 00:16:22,074
For a terrible woman.
385
00:16:24,145 --> 00:16:27,031
Pop and men: Frig! Off!
Frig! Off! Frig! Off!
386
00:16:27,115 --> 00:16:29,067
Pop: Frig...
Men: [silence]
387
00:16:29,151 --> 00:16:32,552
[Camera shutters click,
crowd cheers and claps]
388
00:16:34,422 --> 00:16:35,955
Reporter: The crowd
is euphoric now
389
00:16:36,090 --> 00:16:38,825
As their long wait is over.
390
00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:41,179
[Crowd cheers on TV]
391
00:16:41,263 --> 00:16:42,829
I really need to go
to the bathroom.
392
00:16:42,964 --> 00:16:45,583
It can wait. They're about
to give her flowers.
393
00:16:45,667 --> 00:16:47,900
Not that I care.
394
00:16:50,305 --> 00:16:52,404
It's a poop.
[class laughs]
395
00:16:53,708 --> 00:16:56,075
Fine.
[chair scrapes back]
396
00:16:58,680 --> 00:16:59,997
[Cord rips, power cuts,
ritchie thumps]
397
00:17:00,081 --> 00:17:01,933
[Class laughs]
398
00:17:02,017 --> 00:17:03,601
What a loser!
399
00:17:03,685 --> 00:17:06,537
Plug that back in!
400
00:17:06,621 --> 00:17:08,506
[Sighs with relief]
401
00:17:08,590 --> 00:17:10,756
Mark! What the frig?!
402
00:17:12,093 --> 00:17:14,394
♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh,
oh, I do know ♪
403
00:17:14,529 --> 00:17:16,180
♪ I love you,
love you so ♪
404
00:17:16,264 --> 00:17:19,183
♪ Only you can take my heart
405
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:22,453
♪ Only you can tear it apart
406
00:17:22,537 --> 00:17:25,890
♪ When you hold me
in your loving arms ♪
407
00:17:25,974 --> 00:17:29,209
♪ I can feel you giving
all your charms ♪
408
00:17:29,344 --> 00:17:32,530
♪ Hold me, darling,
hold me tight ♪
409
00:17:32,614 --> 00:17:35,633
♪ Squeeze me, baby,
with all your might ♪
410
00:17:35,717 --> 00:17:37,417
- [Radio feedback squeals]
- Crowd: Oh!
411
00:17:37,552 --> 00:17:38,969
Dick: [on radio] It's my show!
Mike sr.: Why not?
412
00:17:39,053 --> 00:17:40,772
- You're gonna take my Mary!
- Dick: Mary?!
413
00:17:40,856 --> 00:17:42,088
What're you gettin' on with?
414
00:17:42,223 --> 00:17:45,743
You're trying to...
Seduce her, you arsehole!
415
00:17:45,827 --> 00:17:47,760
Come on, Mike,
it was just a few coupons.
416
00:17:47,896 --> 00:17:49,614
Trust me,
I don't want your wife.
417
00:17:49,698 --> 00:17:51,415
I was just havin' fun, baby!
418
00:17:51,499 --> 00:17:53,633
This is your idea of fun,
is it?
419
00:17:53,768 --> 00:17:55,568
That's my wife.
420
00:17:55,703 --> 00:17:56,943
You ever knock on my door
again,
421
00:17:57,038 --> 00:17:59,290
and I'll... I'll...
422
00:17:59,374 --> 00:18:01,574
Knock you on your arse,
you dick!
423
00:18:01,709 --> 00:18:02,927
[Door squeaks open]
424
00:18:03,011 --> 00:18:04,577
Wait!
[door bangs shut]
425
00:18:04,712 --> 00:18:06,798
Did you just call me by my name
or was that an insult?
426
00:18:06,882 --> 00:18:08,781
Mike! By the sweet...
427
00:18:08,917 --> 00:18:12,318
Oh crap! That was "Diana"
by lady Diana.
428
00:18:13,521 --> 00:18:15,506
I mean, uh, Diana Anka.
429
00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:17,924
I mean, uh... Jesus Murphy!
430
00:18:18,059 --> 00:18:19,811
Mary: Jeez... [mumbling]
431
00:18:19,895 --> 00:18:23,614
Friggin' cheap bastards!
[shoes clunk loudly]
432
00:18:23,698 --> 00:18:25,116
[Sighs heavily]
433
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:28,033
[People chatter,
running footsteps]
434
00:18:30,906 --> 00:18:32,190
Adult Mike: I'd saved a flower
435
00:18:32,274 --> 00:18:34,959
from lady Diana's bouquet
as a keepsake,
436
00:18:35,043 --> 00:18:38,329
but I figured dad could use it
more than I could.
437
00:18:38,413 --> 00:18:41,165
I thought you loved
those shoes.
438
00:18:41,249 --> 00:18:43,968
I likes me shoes the way
I likes me men -
439
00:18:44,052 --> 00:18:45,818
Sensible.
440
00:18:49,791 --> 00:18:51,958
Uh, this is for you.
441
00:18:53,461 --> 00:18:55,813
[People chatter]
442
00:18:55,897 --> 00:18:58,263
Well, don't I feel like
a Princess.
443
00:18:59,367 --> 00:19:02,101
[People chatter and laugh]
444
00:19:04,239 --> 00:19:06,691
Oh...
[people chatter excitedly]
445
00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:08,708
Oh Mike...
446
00:19:10,011 --> 00:19:13,030
Adult Mark: I'd never seen
my parents hug before.
447
00:19:13,114 --> 00:19:15,833
I was worried they might
divorce because they fought...
448
00:19:15,917 --> 00:19:18,569
Now, can we please get
the hell outta here?
449
00:19:18,653 --> 00:19:20,738
Guess I'll find us a ride.
450
00:19:20,822 --> 00:19:23,289
Adult Mark: In that moment,
I knew they'd stay together
451
00:19:23,424 --> 00:19:25,409
- because they could forgive.
- Mmm...
452
00:19:25,493 --> 00:19:27,360
[car rumbles]
453
00:19:27,495 --> 00:19:29,996
Thanks for the ride, dick.
454
00:19:30,131 --> 00:19:31,930
Don't mention it.
455
00:19:33,568 --> 00:19:35,601
[Blazer rumbles loudly]
456
00:19:36,905 --> 00:19:38,522
Adult Mark: Now, everyone knew
I loved the royals...
457
00:19:38,606 --> 00:19:40,124
[Gasps] There he is!
458
00:19:40,208 --> 00:19:42,328
Adult Mark: But at least
everyone else did now, too.
459
00:19:43,445 --> 00:19:45,763
Pop: You know,
she looked right at me.
460
00:19:45,847 --> 00:19:48,480
I swear to god,
she gave me the once over.
461
00:19:49,550 --> 00:19:51,702
I thought you hated
the royals.
462
00:19:51,786 --> 00:19:53,753
Who me? I never said that!
463
00:19:53,888 --> 00:19:56,889
My father was English!
From liverpool.
464
00:19:58,293 --> 00:20:02,094
And besides,
these two are different.
465
00:20:03,298 --> 00:20:05,098
Aww... Yes, sir.
466
00:20:06,701 --> 00:20:09,835
They're gonna have
a wonderful life together.
467
00:20:10,972 --> 00:20:12,723
[Crowd cheers on TV,
camera shutters click]
468
00:20:12,807 --> 00:20:15,359
Adult Mark: Every picture
tells a story,
469
00:20:15,443 --> 00:20:17,862
But appearances
can be deceiving.
470
00:20:17,946 --> 00:20:21,047
Some people may seem like
the perfect couple,
471
00:20:21,182 --> 00:20:24,268
but you wouldn't wanna walk
a mile in their shoes.
472
00:20:24,352 --> 00:20:27,186
[Crowds cheer on TV,
Choral music plays]
473
00:20:28,590 --> 00:20:31,375
After all, there's no point
in wearing glass slippers
474
00:20:31,459 --> 00:20:33,311
if, at the end of the day,
475
00:20:33,395 --> 00:20:35,828
there's no one there
to rub your feet.
476
00:20:39,500 --> 00:20:42,101
♪ God save our queen!
477
00:20:43,237 --> 00:20:44,956
♪ Bam, bam, bam, bam...
478
00:20:45,040 --> 00:20:48,607
Both: ♪ Send her victorious
479
00:20:50,745 --> 00:20:54,313
♪ Happy and glorious
480
00:20:56,184 --> 00:21:00,152
All: ♪ Long to reign over us
481
00:21:01,222 --> 00:21:03,956
♪ God save our queen
482
00:21:05,893 --> 00:21:07,427
Pop: Yeah!
483
00:21:09,064 --> 00:21:15,987
[♪♪♪]
484
00:21:16,071 --> 00:21:22,994
[♪♪♪]
485
00:21:23,078 --> 00:21:29,982
[♪♪♪]
486
00:21:30,118 --> 00:21:37,055
[♪♪♪]35842
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