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Charles: All right guys, we
got a lot of work today.
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00:00:05,067 --> 00:00:06,360
Nathan: Hey!
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00:00:06,678 --> 00:00:10,046
It really smells
like lemons in here.
4
00:00:10,082 --> 00:00:12,883
Somebody just clean
this table with lemons?
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00:00:12,918 --> 00:00:14,050
Toki: I ams eatings lemons.
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00:00:14,119 --> 00:00:14,718
That's me.
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00:00:14,786 --> 00:00:16,686
Pickles: You're still
eating lemons all the time?
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00:00:16,722 --> 00:00:19,422
Toki: I'ms challenging myself
to endures the flavors,
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00:00:19,491 --> 00:00:21,691
likes puttings your hands
over an opens flame.
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00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:25,428
Skwisgaar: Pickle, I found one
of your dreads in the hallways.
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00:00:25,497 --> 00:00:27,764
Uh, do you wants it back?
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00:00:27,799 --> 00:00:30,867
Pickles: Eh, yeah,
I, uh, guess so.
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00:00:30,903 --> 00:00:31,768
Skwisgaar: Oops.
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00:00:31,837 --> 00:00:33,036
Dropped it in my
cups of coffees.
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00:00:33,071 --> 00:00:34,971
Nathan: Drinking a lot of
coffee these days, huh?
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00:00:35,007 --> 00:00:35,972
Charles: All right, guys.
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00:00:36,041 --> 00:00:36,973
I just want to get started.
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00:00:37,042 --> 00:00:38,508
Nathan: Yeah, just go.
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00:00:38,577 --> 00:00:40,610
Charles: We have some
congratulations in order for
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00:00:40,679 --> 00:00:42,679
Mr. William Murderface,
sitting at the table here.
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00:00:42,714 --> 00:00:45,749
You are being honored at this
year's Brutalies Award Ceremony.
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00:00:45,784 --> 00:00:46,950
Murderface: Yeah, that's right.
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00:00:47,019 --> 00:00:50,954
Good to see [bleep] finally changing
around here, and I'm getting some respect.
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00:00:50,989 --> 00:00:52,422
Now, what are these brutalies?
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00:00:52,491 --> 00:00:53,590
Charles: I don't know.
26
00:00:53,625 --> 00:00:55,592
I mean, no one's gotten
back to me on that.
27
00:00:55,627 --> 00:00:57,861
But Dethklok is gonna play
there, and they're going to give
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00:00:57,930 --> 00:01:01,031
ya lifetime achievement award for being
the most brutal-looking musician ever.
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00:01:01,099 --> 00:01:04,501
Nathan: Can't really tell if
that's an award or a public insult.
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00:01:04,570 --> 00:01:07,137
Skwisgaar: If you thinks about
it, it ams an award for
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00:01:07,172 --> 00:01:09,506
beings the most uglys
humans in the worlds.
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00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:12,475
Nathan: They're, like, saying
you're bad at being handsome,
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00:01:12,511 --> 00:01:14,945
but it's an award if they're
saying you're really good at
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being ugly, so congratulations.
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00:01:16,215 --> 00:01:17,847
Skwisgaar: Yeah,
congratulations.
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00:01:17,916 --> 00:01:19,482
Pickles: Yeah, congratulations.
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00:01:19,551 --> 00:01:21,117
Charles: You're okay
with that, right?
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00:01:21,153 --> 00:01:22,953
Murderface: Okay with it?
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00:01:22,988 --> 00:01:25,188
I [bleep] love it!
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00:01:25,224 --> 00:01:28,491
Really, this is awesome.
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00:01:28,527 --> 00:01:31,761
If you all will excuse
me for a moment.
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00:01:31,797 --> 00:01:35,632
Nathan: You're bad
at being handsome.
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00:01:35,667 --> 00:01:36,766
Murderface: Keep it together.
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00:01:36,835 --> 00:01:38,835
Toki: If I gots that award,
I'd [bleep] kill myself.
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00:01:38,904 --> 00:01:40,003
Pickles: Dude, you're ugly.
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00:01:40,038 --> 00:01:40,537
Dude.
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00:01:40,572 --> 00:01:41,671
Toki: Kills myself.
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00:01:41,740 --> 00:01:42,672
Pickles: Dude.
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00:01:42,708 --> 00:01:43,940
Toki: And kills myself.
50
00:01:43,976 --> 00:01:44,908
Pickles: Dude.
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00:01:44,943 --> 00:01:46,543
Toki: [Bleep] kills myself.
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Pickles: Dude.
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00:01:47,512 --> 00:01:49,579
Murderface: I'll show everyone.
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00:01:49,648 --> 00:01:53,750
I'm going to transform myself
into the most handsome [bleep]
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00:01:53,819 --> 00:01:56,019
They've ever laid eyes on!
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00:01:56,088 --> 00:01:57,120
♪ Tick-tock tick-tock ♪
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00:01:57,155 --> 00:01:58,822
♪ tick-tock tick-tock ♪
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♪ tick-tock tick-tock ♪
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00:01:59,958 --> 00:02:01,925
♪ Dethklok! Dethklok! Dethklok!
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00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:03,026
Dethklok! ♪
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00:02:05,963 --> 00:02:08,832
Murderface: Oh, I'm personally
okay with myself, but...
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00:02:08,900 --> 00:02:11,668
Just take the pen and draw on
the areas that you think could
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00:02:11,737 --> 00:02:14,638
use some corrections.
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00:02:14,673 --> 00:02:17,974
[ Marker squeaking ]
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00:02:18,010 --> 00:02:20,010
Murderface: Do you
have another marker?
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00:02:20,078 --> 00:02:21,978
Whoa.
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00:02:22,014 --> 00:02:23,246
Missed a spot.
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00:02:23,282 --> 00:02:25,081
Murderface: Okay, doc.
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00:02:25,150 --> 00:02:27,550
I'm gonna level with you.
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00:02:27,586 --> 00:02:29,519
I hate myself.
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00:02:29,554 --> 00:02:31,254
I [bleep] hate myself.
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00:02:31,290 --> 00:02:36,693
Mr. Murderface, we have the
ability to take you -- a beast
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00:02:36,728 --> 00:02:40,630
damned by the gods, a grotesque
abomination doomed to spend his
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00:02:40,666 --> 00:02:44,868
life as a wandering monstrosity--
and transform you
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00:02:44,903 --> 00:02:50,607
into a breathtaking Adonis, chiseled
in marble from a church in heaven.
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00:02:50,642 --> 00:02:52,809
All it takes is money.
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00:02:52,878 --> 00:02:54,244
Here's the estimate.
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00:02:54,279 --> 00:02:56,813
Murderface: [ Groans ]
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00:02:56,882 --> 00:03:00,150
Stampingston: Gentlemen, it seems
that William Murderface is
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00:03:00,185 --> 00:03:02,252
getting some "work" done.
81
00:03:02,321 --> 00:03:06,056
Here to talk about the cultural obsession
with cosmetic surgery is specialist
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00:03:06,091 --> 00:03:08,525
Dr. Alsajahbfifborgiltk.
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00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,161
Trying to improve the unjust
genetic hand dealt to you
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00:03:11,229 --> 00:03:14,864
through expensive cosmetic enhancements
can lead to horrifying results.
85
00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:18,234
The average man, after cosmetic
procedure, will end up looking
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00:03:18,270 --> 00:03:22,605
like a woman, a large game animal,
an alien, even a children's puppet.
87
00:03:22,641 --> 00:03:26,209
But the real catastrophe will
occur if Murderface succeeds at
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00:03:26,244 --> 00:03:27,610
becoming "Handsomeface."
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00:03:27,679 --> 00:03:31,081
Crozier: Our in-house specialist
has concocted these images of what
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00:03:31,149 --> 00:03:34,317
William Murderface would look like should
he go through with this procedure.
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00:03:34,353 --> 00:03:38,688
Murderface is Dethklok's zero on the
yardstick of attractiveness to which all
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00:03:38,724 --> 00:03:40,657
other band members
compare themselves.
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00:03:40,692 --> 00:03:44,060
Should this change, it could
set off a series of gruesome
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00:03:44,129 --> 00:03:47,697
attempts at self-improvement
that end in dethklok losing
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00:03:47,733 --> 00:03:51,034
their sense of self and the
respect of all mankind.
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00:03:51,069 --> 00:03:56,039
Orlaag: Is the hand of the cosmetic
surgeon also the hand of God?
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00:03:56,074 --> 00:03:57,240
Perhaps.
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00:03:57,275 --> 00:04:00,944
Selatcia: Let us see
where it takes us.
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00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,312
Toki: Hurrys up, Nathan.
100
00:04:02,381 --> 00:04:03,279
Nathan: Hold on.
101
00:04:03,348 --> 00:04:04,280
I'm getting a snack.
102
00:04:04,349 --> 00:04:06,649
♪ Hot air balloon ♪
103
00:04:06,718 --> 00:04:09,018
Nathan: [ Grunts ]
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00:04:09,054 --> 00:04:12,088
Is there something wrong
with this hot tub?
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00:04:12,157 --> 00:04:15,291
This particular hot tub is not known to
withstand that much weight, my lord.
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00:04:15,327 --> 00:04:16,192
Nathan: [ Scoffs ]
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00:04:16,261 --> 00:04:21,197
Well, someone should call the
company and, you know -- and
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00:04:21,266 --> 00:04:22,832
it's poor manufacturing.
109
00:04:22,901 --> 00:04:25,702
And it appears as if the
drain is clogged with coffee
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grounds, lemon rinds, and
a cluster of dreadlocks.
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00:04:28,106 --> 00:04:29,239
Pickles: Ew.
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00:04:29,274 --> 00:04:30,607
Clogged?
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00:04:30,642 --> 00:04:32,976
That's just poor manufacturing.
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00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:33,977
Your dreads, sire.
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00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:36,146
Pickles: Just give me that back.
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00:04:36,181 --> 00:04:38,715
Murderface: Well, just move
some money around or something!
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00:04:38,784 --> 00:04:39,349
Look, William.
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00:04:39,384 --> 00:04:41,818
As your business manager, I have
to warn you, this is not a good
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00:04:41,853 --> 00:04:43,753
time for you to have an
expensive elective surgery.
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00:04:43,789 --> 00:04:45,655
Murderface: You've got
to be [bleep] me.
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00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:47,023
I'm the bassist for dethklok.
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00:04:47,058 --> 00:04:49,659
No, I know, but you just
lost a lot of money.
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00:04:49,728 --> 00:04:50,994
Do you not remember this?
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00:04:51,029 --> 00:04:51,728
You were drunk.
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00:04:51,763 --> 00:04:54,664
You tripped on an escalator... Murderface:
Yeah, I tripped on an escalator.
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00:04:54,733 --> 00:04:56,633
...while you were shopping
for scented candles.
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00:04:56,668 --> 00:04:58,368
Murderface: Yes, 'cause
I love scented candles.
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00:04:58,403 --> 00:05:01,638
And then your overcalcified
face injured a baby.
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00:05:01,673 --> 00:05:02,305
Murderface: Oh.
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00:05:02,374 --> 00:05:05,742
Well, that civil suit from the incident
wiped you out, completely, okay?
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00:05:05,811 --> 00:05:07,644
Murderface: That baby
had a great lawyer.
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00:05:07,712 --> 00:05:08,344
Amazing lawyer.
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00:05:08,380 --> 00:05:09,813
Murderface: God, he was good.
134
00:05:09,848 --> 00:05:10,380
Wasn't he good?
135
00:05:10,415 --> 00:05:12,081
Find another way
to get the money.
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00:05:12,117 --> 00:05:13,016
Murderface: [Bleep]
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00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:15,385
Nathan: Move my feet
down a little bit more.
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00:05:15,454 --> 00:05:16,719
Move my head up higher.
139
00:05:16,755 --> 00:05:17,720
How's that, sire?
140
00:05:17,756 --> 00:05:20,089
Nathan: Now, bring the piece
of pizza closer to my head.
141
00:05:20,125 --> 00:05:21,024
Murderface: Hey, Nathan.
142
00:05:21,092 --> 00:05:22,158
Can I talk to you for a minute?
143
00:05:22,194 --> 00:05:23,092
And how's that, sire?
144
00:05:23,128 --> 00:05:24,194
Murderface: [ Clears throat ]
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00:05:24,262 --> 00:05:25,929
Nathan: Getting better,
getting warmer.
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00:05:25,964 --> 00:05:26,996
Is that adequate, sire?
147
00:05:27,032 --> 00:05:28,264
Murderface: [Bleep] off!
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00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:28,932
Yes, sire.
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00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,099
Murderface: Nathan, pal.
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00:05:30,135 --> 00:05:31,201
Good old Nathan.
151
00:05:31,236 --> 00:05:33,002
Aw, man, look at
those shoulders.
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00:05:33,038 --> 00:05:34,137
Captain of the ship.
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00:05:34,172 --> 00:05:36,806
What's happening, man?
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00:05:36,842 --> 00:05:40,710
Nathan, I want you
to look at me.
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00:05:40,745 --> 00:05:41,744
Are you looking at me?
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00:05:41,813 --> 00:05:42,712
Nathan: Kind of.
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00:05:42,747 --> 00:05:44,881
Murderface: I'm gonna
tell you a sad tale.
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00:05:44,916 --> 00:05:45,815
Nathan: Oh, God.
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00:05:45,884 --> 00:05:49,919
Murderface: Imagine a child so
horrific-looking... Nathan: Uh-huh.
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00:05:49,988 --> 00:05:53,323
Murderface: ...That he drove
his parents to murder-suicide.
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00:05:53,358 --> 00:05:54,324
Nathan: Yeah, you, right?
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00:05:54,359 --> 00:05:55,325
Murderface: [ Groans ]
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00:05:55,360 --> 00:06:00,897
Imagine a man with so little self-esteem...
Nathan: You.
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00:06:00,932 --> 00:06:04,267
Murderface: ...That he
looks and acts like me.
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00:06:04,302 --> 00:06:05,235
Nathan: You.
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00:06:05,270 --> 00:06:07,871
Murderface: Well,
that man is me.
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00:06:07,906 --> 00:06:11,708
Nathan: I'm glad we had, uh...
This little chat.
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00:06:11,776 --> 00:06:12,342
[ Engine whirring ]
169
00:06:12,410 --> 00:06:13,142
See you later.
170
00:06:13,178 --> 00:06:15,078
Murderface: You're
just not getting it.
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00:06:15,146 --> 00:06:15,445
Listen.
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00:06:15,514 --> 00:06:17,146
Nathan: Do you want
to borrow some money?
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00:06:17,182 --> 00:06:17,780
Just say it!
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00:06:17,816 --> 00:06:20,717
Murderface: Yes, I want to borrow some
money, but -- Nathan: I'll give you
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00:06:20,785 --> 00:06:22,418
anything just to get you
away from me, all right?
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00:06:22,454 --> 00:06:24,053
Murderface: I won't
forget this, pal.
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00:06:24,089 --> 00:06:26,422
I'm having some work
done down in Tijuana.
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00:06:26,491 --> 00:06:28,057
Shh. Don't tell the others.
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00:06:28,126 --> 00:06:31,794
It's our secret, you know,
'cause it's cost effective now.
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00:06:31,863 --> 00:06:33,162
Nathan: Get out of here!
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00:06:40,137 --> 00:06:41,137
Murderface: I'm sorry.
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00:06:41,172 --> 00:06:42,772
Is that someone's dog?
183
00:07:03,027 --> 00:07:05,929
[ Tires screech ]
184
00:07:05,964 --> 00:07:07,931
[ Crowd gasps ]
185
00:07:25,816 --> 00:07:27,417
Despierta de.
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00:07:27,485 --> 00:07:28,318
Despierta de.
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00:07:28,386 --> 00:07:29,786
Despierta de!
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00:07:33,157 --> 00:07:35,458
Murderface: Am I handsome?
189
00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:45,935
Toki: All right, checks it out.
190
00:07:46,004 --> 00:07:47,270
"Celebrity Snapsdown" is on.
191
00:07:47,305 --> 00:07:48,838
Nathan: Wonder what [bleep]
192
00:07:48,907 --> 00:07:51,207
Are gonna [bleep]
fail this time.
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00:07:51,242 --> 00:07:54,277
And finally, this week on
"Celebrity Snapdown," number
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00:07:54,312 --> 00:07:56,846
one in the category of
aging rockers is...
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00:07:56,881 --> 00:07:57,947
Nathan: Here goes nothing.
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00:07:58,016 --> 00:07:58,915
This is gonna be good.
197
00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:01,117
Pickles: Who's it gonna be?
198
00:08:01,186 --> 00:08:04,287
...Dethklok!
199
00:08:04,322 --> 00:08:05,855
Fat.
200
00:08:05,924 --> 00:08:07,290
Bald.
201
00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:09,292
Coffee-stained teeth.
202
00:08:09,361 --> 00:08:11,394
And thin lemon lipped.
203
00:08:11,429 --> 00:08:15,531
These rock-'n'-roll gargoyles are
not making peace with aging.
204
00:08:15,567 --> 00:08:18,201
We'll be right back.
205
00:08:18,269 --> 00:08:21,337
Skwisgaar: Well at least we
ain't as horrible looking as,
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00:08:21,373 --> 00:08:22,972
you know, Williams Murderface.
207
00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:25,808
Pickles: Yeah, where is that
ugly tub of goop, anyway?
208
00:08:25,877 --> 00:08:28,444
Nathan: He's in Tijuana
getting a bunch of cosmetic
209
00:08:28,513 --> 00:08:31,347
procedures done so he can be
handsome and confident, but
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00:08:31,416 --> 00:08:33,783
that's a secret, so you
can't tell anybody.
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00:08:33,852 --> 00:08:34,784
Skwisgaar: Waits a minute.
212
00:08:34,853 --> 00:08:39,155
If he ams gonna become handsome
and confident, then where does
213
00:08:39,224 --> 00:08:40,256
that put us?
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00:08:40,291 --> 00:08:44,060
Pickles: That makes us
gargoyles that are going bald.
215
00:08:44,129 --> 00:08:45,428
Nathan: That's not good.
216
00:08:45,463 --> 00:08:47,430
We gotta do something
about this.
217
00:08:47,499 --> 00:08:51,100
Tonight, the brutalies,
featuring dethklok.
218
00:08:51,136 --> 00:08:54,470
And being honored, he's brutal
and uglier than a garbage can
219
00:08:54,506 --> 00:08:56,205
filled with burning [bleep]
220
00:08:56,241 --> 00:08:57,373
William Murderface.
221
00:08:57,409 --> 00:09:01,277
So, without any further
ado, the brutalies!
222
00:09:01,312 --> 00:09:02,211
Nathan: [ Grunts ]
223
00:09:02,280 --> 00:09:05,481
I can't [bleep] breathe in
this thing, but I look good.
224
00:09:05,517 --> 00:09:07,183
I have an hourglass figure.
225
00:09:07,218 --> 00:09:10,486
Toki: Well, my lips are full
and wonderfuls and filled with
226
00:09:10,522 --> 00:09:12,188
collagens and fats from my ass.
227
00:09:12,223 --> 00:09:15,024
I looks like a young
Francis Fords Coppola.
228
00:09:15,093 --> 00:09:16,292
Skwisgaar: Yeah, you does.
229
00:09:16,361 --> 00:09:16,993
Coffee, sire.
230
00:09:17,028 --> 00:09:17,894
Skwisgaar: Yes, thanks.
231
00:09:17,929 --> 00:09:18,361
Aah!
232
00:09:18,396 --> 00:09:22,098
My teeths ams sensitives
from the bleaching.
233
00:09:22,167 --> 00:09:25,435
Pickles: Even though my scalp
is itchy and sweaty, I have the
234
00:09:25,470 --> 00:09:30,273
appearance of a young schoolgirl
with a full head of hair.
235
00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:31,908
Skwisgaar: Lookings
good, Pickles.
236
00:09:31,976 --> 00:09:32,542
Pickles: Thanks.
237
00:09:32,610 --> 00:09:35,478
Nathan: There's no way we can be the
ugliest members of the band now.
238
00:09:35,547 --> 00:09:36,345
No way.
239
00:09:36,381 --> 00:09:37,380
[ Thunder crashes ]
240
00:09:37,449 --> 00:09:40,550
Murderface: I think you're
very wrong about that.
241
00:09:40,585 --> 00:09:44,554
For you see, underneath this
mask, I'm handsome now.
242
00:09:44,589 --> 00:09:50,059
I'm going to show all these ugly
monsters what handsome really is.
243
00:09:50,095 --> 00:09:51,894
[ Thunder crashes ]
244
00:09:51,930 --> 00:09:59,902
And now, voted most brutal-looking
musician, William Murderface!
245
00:09:59,938 --> 00:10:04,507
[ Applause ]
246
00:10:04,542 --> 00:10:07,543
Murderface: Thank you for
this cruel and humiliating
247
00:10:07,612 --> 00:10:10,980
award, but I have an
interesting piece of news.
248
00:10:11,015 --> 00:10:12,548
I am no longer ugly!
249
00:10:12,617 --> 00:10:14,183
[ Audience murmuring ]
250
00:10:14,252 --> 00:10:17,987
I am, in fact, handsome.
251
00:10:18,022 --> 00:10:19,355
[ Audience murmuring ]
252
00:10:19,424 --> 00:10:20,323
You suck!
253
00:10:20,358 --> 00:10:23,159
Murderface: I don't
suck, for you suck.
254
00:10:23,228 --> 00:10:27,897
And you will always suck because
you are ugly, and I am not.
255
00:10:27,966 --> 00:10:33,269
I am better than you, so you
shall suck my fat [bleep] and
256
00:10:33,338 --> 00:10:37,173
behold a beautiful,
confident work of art.
257
00:10:37,208 --> 00:10:38,407
Behold!
258
00:10:38,443 --> 00:10:41,878
William Handsomeface!
259
00:10:41,946 --> 00:10:42,678
[ Screams ]
260
00:10:42,714 --> 00:10:44,147
Oh, my God. It's horrible.
261
00:10:44,215 --> 00:10:46,149
Murderface: What's
going on here?
262
00:10:46,184 --> 00:10:48,151
[ Screams ]
263
00:10:50,954 --> 00:10:52,955
Pickles: His face is infected!
264
00:10:52,991 --> 00:10:55,024
Nathan: He's a [bleep] monster.
265
00:10:55,059 --> 00:10:55,892
[ Glass shatters ]
266
00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,060
Pickles: He's coming over here!
267
00:10:58,129 --> 00:10:59,061
Murderface: Pickles!
268
00:10:59,130 --> 00:11:00,296
Pickles: Get away from me!
269
00:11:00,331 --> 00:11:01,297
Nathan: Oh, my God!
270
00:11:01,332 --> 00:11:03,032
Pickles: Throw your
coffee at him!
271
00:11:03,067 --> 00:11:05,701
Murdederface: [ Screams ]
272
00:11:05,737 --> 00:11:07,703
[ Audience screaming ]
273
00:11:18,450 --> 00:11:20,700
Stop! Stop! Stop it!
274
00:11:20,820 --> 00:11:22,606
What's wrong with all of your hands?
275
00:11:22,726 --> 00:11:24,731
Yeah, what's going on? Ow!
276
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:25,638
Ow!
277
00:11:25,758 --> 00:11:28,106
Look at your wrists,
they're all just swollen and limp.
278
00:11:28,226 --> 00:11:30,161
You guys have been jerking off so hard,
279
00:11:30,281 --> 00:11:32,504
that you got advanced
Carpal tunnel syndrome.
280
00:11:32,856 --> 00:11:35,727
So uh, you're saying we're...
281
00:11:36,020 --> 00:11:37,778
***
282
00:11:37,898 --> 00:11:39,438
Hey, this is serious stuff!
283
00:11:39,558 --> 00:11:40,961
Stop giggling!
284
00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,645
Anyway, who wants to go with me?
285
00:11:46,695 --> 00:11:51,245
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