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DETHTROLL
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>> IDEA FOR SONG--MURDER.
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A GUY GETS MURDERED AND EATEN
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AT AN ALL-YOU-CAN EAT BUFFET.
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>> LAST TIME I WAS IN FINLAND--
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>> YEAH.
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>> LAST TIME I WAS IN FINLAND, I
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MUST HAVE, YOU KNOW, LUCKIED
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ABOUT, HMM, 500 GIRLS.
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>> OH, AND THAT HAPPENS FOREVER.
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YEAH.
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>> BALLSPARK ESTIMATE. WHATEVER.
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>> NOT LIKE IT'S SO HARD.
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YOU'RE IN THE BIGGEST BAND IN
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THE WORLD.
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>> WOMEN HAVE--
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>> HE BRAGS ABOUT EATING
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LOLLIPOPS.
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HE WORKS IN LOLLIPOPS FACTORY.
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>> WOMEN HAVE FELT THE
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ATTRACTION TO ME.
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YOU GOT TO DEAL WITH IT.
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>> OH, I'M DEALING WITH IT,
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BELIEVE ME.
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I'M HOLDING BACK GALLONS OF
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THROW-UP AS WE SPEAK.
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>> DON'T DO ME ANY FAVORS.
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THROW UP ON YOURSELF.
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>> OK. BEFORE WE GO OUT THERE,
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HERE ARE YOUR DETHPHONES.
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THERE YOU GO.
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THERE'S YOURS. HEH HEH.
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>> I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS.
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>> DON'T YOU REMEMBER MAKING
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THIS DEAL?
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>> NOPE. WERE WE DRUNK?
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>> YES. YES, YOU WERE.
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>> THIS IS HEAVY.
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IT HURTS MY FACE.
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BOY, I REALLY HATES IT.
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>> WELL, IT'S YOUR DESIGN.
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YOU MAY HAVE BEEN DRUNK, BUT YOU
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MADE A VERY CONVINCING CASE TO
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ME, SO--
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>> ALL RIGHT.
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YOU KNOW WE GET REALLY, REALLY
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EXCITED ABOUT REALLY BAD IDEAS
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WHEN WE DRINK, AND IT'S YOUR JOB
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TO TALK US OUT OF IT, RIGHT?
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>> OH, I TRIED.
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I TRIED VERY HARD, BUT YOU ALL
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THREATENED TO KILL ME, IF YOU
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DON'T REMEMBER.
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>> SO? BIG DEAL.
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THOSE THREATS AREN'T NEW.
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>> HMM? NOTED. ANYWAY, LOOK.
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YOU'RE ON THE BAND PLAN, AND
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WEEKEND MURDER MINUTES START AT
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11 P.M.
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HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?
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>> WAIT A MINUTE.
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NIGHTTIME MINUTES START AT
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11 P.M.?
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OH, THAT'S BRUTAL.
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>> WELL, IT'S YOUR IDEA.
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>> WELL, THEY SUCK. I APPROVE.
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>> ALL RIGHT. IT'S TIME, BOYS.
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FINLAND IS EXPECTING OUR APOLOGY
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FOR ALMOST DESTROYING THEIR
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NATION LAST TOUR.
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>> OH, BOY.
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♪ DO ANYTHING FOR METAL
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DO ANYTHING FOR METAL
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DO ANYTHING FOR METAL
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DO ANYTHING FOR METAL
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DO ANYTHING FOR METAL ♪
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>> ♪ DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK
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DETHKLOK, DETHKLOK ♪
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♪ DETHKLOK! DETHKLOK! ♪
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>> ♪ SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF
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TALLER THAN A TREE
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TOKI WARTOOTH
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NOT A BUMBLE BEE
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WILLIAM MURDERFACE
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MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE
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PICKLES THE DRUMMER
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DOODILY DOO, DING-DONG
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DOODILY DOODILY DOO
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NATHAN EXPLOSION ♪
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[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
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TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
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[CAPTIONED BY THE NATIONAL
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CAPTIONING INSTITUTE
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--www.ncicap.org--]
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FINLAND, WE ARE HERE TO, UH,
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APOLOGIZE FOR ALLEGED HAPPENINGS
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DURING--
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DURING--
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DURING, UH...
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READING...HUH.
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HEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?
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>> YOU'RE TRYING TO READ A
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SPEECH TO PEOPLE.
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>> YEAH. WAIT. HOLD ON.
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YOU KNOW WHAT? I PASS.
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>> WROTE MY OWN SPEECH.
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HEY, FI--
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[GUITAR RIFF PLAYS]
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YEPPO?
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OH, WHAT'S HAPPENING?
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UH-HUH. WELL, WHAT DID HE SAY?
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WHAT DID YOU SAY?
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YOU DID NOT.
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I KNOW. I KNOW. FRIGGIN'--
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>> FRIENDS, WE'RE NOT USED TO
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THE WHOLE APOLOGIZING THING.
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WE'RE NOT PROFESSIONAL
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APOLOGIZERS.
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WE'RE MUSICIANS, SO WE WROTE A
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SONG FOR YOU, A NEW NATIONAL
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ANTHEM.
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WE TOOK THE LYRICS STRAIGHT FROM
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YOUR FINNISH FOLKLORE BOOK OF
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NECRONAMIC SPELLS.
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>> NO!
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>> YOU MAY RECOGNIZE THIS ONE,
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THOUGH IT HASN'T BEEN SUNG FOR A
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FEW THOUSAND YEARS.
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AWAKEN, AWAKEN, MUSTAKRAKISH THE
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LAKE TROLL.
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♪ MUSTAKRAKISH
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MUSTAKRAKISH
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AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN
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TAKE THE LAND THAT MUST BE TAKEN
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AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN
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DEVOUR WORLDS, SMITE FORSAKEN
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RISE UP FROM YOUR
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1,000-YEAR-OLD SLEEP
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BREAK FORTH FROM YOUR GRAVE
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ETERNALLY
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I COMMAND YOU TO RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE
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RISE AND AWAKEN ♪
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>> ...THE ENTIRE SOUTHERN
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SECTION LEFT IN SHAMBLES.
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FINLAND IS REPORTING...
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>> NO WORD FROM DETHKLOK.
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>> ...NIGHT VIGIL WAS GIVEN LAST
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NIGHT IN SALZBURG.
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>> THE SATELLITE FEED HAS...
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>> ...BEEN DESTROYED BY WHAT THE
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LOCALS ARE CALLING THE TROLL...
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>> ...KNOCKING DOWN ALL
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TECHNOLOGICAL DEVICES.
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>> THIS SMALL PIECE OF
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DISTURBING FOOTAGE IS ALL THAT
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WE'VE SEEN SINCE THIS BLACKOUT
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OCCURRED.
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>> GENTLEMEN, IT'S CLEAR THAT
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WE'RE IN A UNIVERSALLY
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PRECARIOUS SITUATION.
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DETHKLOK HAS SUMMONED A TROLL.
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>> THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
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THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TROLLS.
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>> THEN HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE
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DEAD UNICORNS?
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THIS MAY BE THE FIRST YOU'VE
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SEEN OF THIS, BUT SINCE DETHKLOK
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HAS GAINED MORE POWER, ODD
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EVENTS HAVE COME TO OUR
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ATTENTION.
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LET ME INTRODUCE YOU TO DR.
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ARMAND SKAGARAKFREDRIKSHOVEN.
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>> THIS TROLL IS NO MYTH.
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HE IS A BREATHING ENTITY
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BANISHED FROM THIS WORLD
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HUNDREDS OF YEARS AGO.
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IT TOOK A MAGNIFICENT FORCE TO
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WAKE HIM.
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DETHKLOK IS MORE POWERFUL THAN
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WE'D EXPECTED.
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>> GOD WILL CRUSH THIS DEMON.
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>> I SHOULD HOPE HE WOULD SOON
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BECAUSE THE MORE YOUR GOD WAITS,
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THE SOONER HE WILL FIND HIMSELF
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JOINED BY MORE ENTITIES WHOSE
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POWER WILL DWARF HIS.
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>> YOU DARE TO CHALLENGE GOD?
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>> YOU HAVE NO IDEA THE TRUE
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DANGER THAT WE'RE IN.
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YOU WOULD DO WELL TO REMAIN
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SILENT.
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>> YOU DARE SHOW--
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>> GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN, PLEASE.
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WE'VE CONTAINED ALL FOOTAGE OF
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THIS TROLL.
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THE REST OF THE WORLD WILL NOT
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KNOW ABOUT IT.
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WE NEED FINLAND SAFE.
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WE NEED THEIR WOOD, THEIR SALT,
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AND THEIR CELL PHONES.
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>> THEN WE SHOULD SEND IN OUR
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MILITARY AND ATTACK.
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>> IT WOULD ONLY UPSET THE
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BEAST.
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>> WE MUST LOOK TO DETHKLOK.
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BE PATIENT.
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>> [ROARING]
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[SIRENS]
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>> OH, I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SAID
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THAT.
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SERIOUSLY?
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>> WELL, IT'S OFFICIAL.
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FINLAND IS BEING DESTROYED BY A
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TROLL THAT YOU SUMMONED.
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>> WELL, I'M NOT SORRY.
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>> HUH. I CAN'T BELIEVE WE
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SUMMONED A TROLL.
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WHY DIDN'T WE THINK OF THIS
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EARLIER?
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>> OH, HIGH SCHOOL WOULD'VE BEEN
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AWESOME WITH A BIG PAL LIKE HIM.
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HE COULD'VE CARRIED ME TO
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SCHOOL.
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>> I KNOW.
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>> DUDE, I'M TURNING ON MY
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DETHPHONE, AND I'M HEARING
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MURDERFACE.
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WAIT A MINUTE.
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DID WE JUST GET ONE PHONE LINE
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AND 5 PHONES?
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>> THAT'S BRUTAL.
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>> SO, WAIT.
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WE CAN'T EVEN MAKE ANY OUT
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CALLS?
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DUDE, MURDERFACE, GET OFF THE
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PHONE.
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>> OK. GOOD-BYE.
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>> PLEASE GET OFF THE PHONE.
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>> HOLD ON.
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I JUST GOT TO CHECK MY MESSAGES.
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>> YOU HAVE 67 NEW TELEPHONE
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ANSWERING MACHINE DISTANCE PHONE
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WIRELESS FIDELITY DETHPHONE
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MESSAGES.
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TO HEAR THE MESSAGES, PRESS 1 ON
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THE KEYPAD LOCATED ON THE FRONT
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OF THE PHONE.
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PREPARING TO PLAY ANSWERING
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MACHINE MESSAGE NUMBER ONE.
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AFTER THIS MESSAGE, WELL, IF
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YOU'D LIKE TO SAVE OR DELETE OR
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REPLAY THIS MESSAGE, PLEASE
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LISTEN TO THE DIRECTIONS THAT
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WILL FOLLOW THE MESSAGE...
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>> OH, MAN, THIS THING IS JUST
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DESIGNED TO EAT UP MINUTES.
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IT'S BRUTAL.
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>> ...PLAYS ONE MESSAGE NOW.
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[DIAL TONE]
266
00:06:41,833 --> 00:06:42,503
>> GOD...
267
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:43,673
[GUITAR FEEDBACK]
268
00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:44,580
>> SO, YOU THINK IT MIGHT BE A
269
00:06:44,667 --> 00:06:45,497
GOOD BUSINESS MOVE TO PUT THAT
270
00:06:45,583 --> 00:06:46,383
TROLL BACK TO SLEEP?
271
00:06:46,458 --> 00:06:47,708
>> PBBBB. I DON'T--
272
00:06:47,792 --> 00:06:48,882
I JUST DON'T SEE THAT HAPPENING,
273
00:06:48,958 --> 00:06:49,918
YOU KNOW?
274
00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,000
CRAPPY TROLL KNOCKED OUT THE
275
00:06:51,083 --> 00:06:51,833
DSL.
276
00:06:51,917 --> 00:06:52,787
NOW IT TAKES TWO MINUTES TO GET
277
00:06:52,875 --> 00:06:53,745
TO T--
278
00:06:53,833 --> 00:06:54,633
>> OK. I DID NOT WANT TO SAY
279
00:06:54,708 --> 00:06:55,538
ANYTHING, BUT THIS IS AFFECTING
280
00:06:55,625 --> 00:06:56,495
YOUR RECORD SALES.
281
00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:57,833
THERE. I SAID IT.
282
00:06:57,917 --> 00:06:58,827
>> DUDE, NICE ONE.
283
00:06:58,917 --> 00:06:59,747
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO,
284
00:06:59,833 --> 00:07:00,543
DEPRESS US?
285
00:07:00,625 --> 00:07:01,285
WELL, IT'S WORKING.
286
00:07:01,375 --> 00:07:02,205
HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
287
00:07:02,292 --> 00:07:03,212
NOW I NEED A DRINK, A DIFFERENT
288
00:07:03,042 --> 00:07:04,132
ONE, NOT THIS ONE, IN A
289
00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:04,958
DIFFERENT PLACE.
290
00:07:05,042 --> 00:07:05,752
>> YEAH.
291
00:07:05,833 --> 00:07:06,633
>> ME, TOO.
292
00:07:06,708 --> 00:07:07,418
>> YEAH. OUT OF HERE.
293
00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:09,080
>> YEAH, A DRINK.
294
00:07:09,167 --> 00:07:10,037
>> [ROARING]
295
00:07:10,125 --> 00:07:12,825
[SIRENS]
296
00:07:12,917 --> 00:07:14,707
>> LOOKS LIKE THAT TROLL KILLED
297
00:07:14,792 --> 00:07:16,172
THE POWER EVERYWHERE.
298
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:17,630
>> WELL, THERE'S ONLY TWO THINGS
299
00:07:17,708 --> 00:07:20,208
TO DO IN A BLACKOUT--GET DRUNK.
300
00:07:20,042 --> 00:07:21,212
ONE THING TO DO.
301
00:07:21,292 --> 00:07:22,332
>> OH, I HATE FINLAND.
302
00:07:22,417 --> 00:07:23,827
I NEED 100 BEERS.
303
00:07:23,917 --> 00:07:26,707
I NEED 100 BEERS EXACTLY.
304
00:07:26,792 --> 00:07:28,332
EXACTLY 100. THANK YOU.
305
00:07:28,417 --> 00:07:29,827
>> WE DON'T SERVE PEOPLE WHO
306
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:31,497
AWAKEN LAKE TROLLS.
307
00:07:31,583 --> 00:07:33,003
>> YOU MUST PLAY A SONG TO PUT
308
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:34,793
THE TROLL BACK TO SLEEP.
309
00:07:34,875 --> 00:07:35,955
>> HEY, DOUCHE BAG, HOW THE HELL
310
00:07:36,042 --> 00:07:37,042
WE GONNA PLAY WITH NO
311
00:07:37,125 --> 00:07:38,035
ELECTRICALS, HUH?
312
00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:38,995
THINK ABOUT IT.
313
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:42,633
>> COME WITH ME.
314
00:07:42,708 --> 00:07:45,828
>> WHAT ARE THOSE WOOD THINGS,
315
00:07:45,917 --> 00:07:47,037
CHAIRS?
316
00:07:47,125 --> 00:07:48,035
>> THEY ARE ACOUSTIC
317
00:07:48,125 --> 00:07:49,535
INSTRUMENTS.
318
00:07:49,625 --> 00:07:51,075
>> WHAT IS ACOUSTIC?
319
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,827
>> OH, YOU MEAN A GRANDPA'S
320
00:07:52,917 --> 00:07:53,877
GUITARS?
321
00:07:53,958 --> 00:07:55,078
>> GRANDPA'S GUITARS.
322
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:57,077
THAT'S FOR PUSSIES AND GRANDPAS.
323
00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:58,827
I THINK YOU KNOW IT.
324
00:07:58,917 --> 00:08:00,167
>> IT'S YOUR ONLY CHOICE, I'M
325
00:08:00,250 --> 00:08:01,330
AFRAID.
326
00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:03,077
>> WHOA. THIS IS A TOUGH ONE,
327
00:08:03,167 --> 00:08:04,077
GUYS.
328
00:08:04,167 --> 00:08:05,037
>> PICKLES IS RIGHT.
329
00:08:05,125 --> 00:08:06,165
WE HAVE A TOUGH CHOICE.
330
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,670
PLAYING ACOUSTIC IS TOTALLY LAME
331
00:08:07,750 --> 00:08:09,040
AND NOT METAL, BUT THEN AGAIN,
332
00:08:09,125 --> 00:08:10,745
IF WE DON'T PUT THAT TROLL BACK
333
00:08:10,833 --> 00:08:12,253
TO SLEEP, WE MAY NEVER BE ABLE
334
00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:13,423
TO CHECK OUR E-MAIL WITH
335
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,630
HIGH-SPEED DSL AGAIN.
336
00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:22,788
[ALL PLAYING]
337
00:08:22,875 --> 00:08:23,575
>> WAIT. TOKI, WHY'D YOU STOP
338
00:08:23,667 --> 00:08:24,707
PLAYING?
339
00:08:24,792 --> 00:08:26,382
>> I...HAVE A CONFESSIONS TO
340
00:08:26,458 --> 00:08:27,958
MAKES.
341
00:08:28,042 --> 00:08:29,672
I CAN'T READ MUSIC.
342
00:08:29,750 --> 00:08:31,290
>> DUDE, TOKI CAN'T READ MUSIC.
343
00:08:31,375 --> 00:08:32,415
HA! IT'S A LAUGH.
344
00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:33,750
>> CAN YOU?
345
00:08:33,833 --> 00:08:36,253
>> NO. I HAS MUSIC DYSLESKIA.
346
00:08:36,333 --> 00:08:37,793
YOU KNOW THAT.
347
00:08:37,875 --> 00:08:39,535
I DON'T WISH TO TALK ABOUT IT.
348
00:08:39,625 --> 00:08:40,665
>> WAIT. THEN HOW ARE YOU
349
00:08:40,750 --> 00:08:42,000
PLAYING THAT SONG?
350
00:08:42,083 --> 00:08:43,133
>> HONESTLY, I WAS JUST HITTING
351
00:08:43,208 --> 00:08:43,918
ANY NOTE.
352
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:44,710
>> YEAH. ME, TOO.
353
00:08:44,792 --> 00:08:45,582
THAT'S AN OLD MUSIC SCHOOL
354
00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:46,287
TRICK.
355
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:46,995
>> SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD.
356
00:08:47,083 --> 00:08:48,003
>> YEAH. I KNOW.
357
00:08:48,083 --> 00:08:48,633
IT SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD.
358
00:08:48,708 --> 00:08:49,378
I THINK WE GOT LUCKY.
359
00:08:49,458 --> 00:08:50,128
>> DUDE, CHECK IT OUT.
360
00:08:50,208 --> 00:08:51,038
THERE'S GUITAR TABLATURE IN THE
361
00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:52,125
BACK OF IT.
362
00:08:52,208 --> 00:08:52,828
>> SO, WHAT, WE JUST PLAY THE
363
00:08:52,917 --> 00:08:53,667
SONG AND GO HOME?
364
00:08:53,750 --> 00:08:54,500
>> NO. IT SAYS WE GOT TO GO OUT
365
00:08:54,583 --> 00:08:55,253
TO THE LAKE WHERE HE WOKE FROM.
366
00:08:55,333 --> 00:08:57,333
>> NOT YOU. YOU.
367
00:08:57,417 --> 00:08:59,037
SO, WE JUST PLAY THE SONG AND GO
368
00:08:59,125 --> 00:09:01,165
HOME?
369
00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:03,830
>> UH! UGH!
370
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:06,827
THIS IS WHERE HE WAS BIRTHED.
371
00:09:06,917 --> 00:09:08,667
>> [ROARING]
372
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:09,960
>> THERE HE IS!
373
00:09:10,042 --> 00:09:11,082
>> YEP. THAT'S DEFINITELY A
374
00:09:11,167 --> 00:09:12,127
TROLL.
375
00:09:12,208 --> 00:09:14,458
>> PLAY, DAMN IT! PLAY!
376
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:18,382
>> ♪ ARE YOU GETTING SLEEPY
377
00:09:18,458 --> 00:09:22,378
TRANQUILIZED BY THE TUNE? ♪
378
00:09:22,458 --> 00:09:24,168
>> ♪ LITTLE TROLLS
379
00:09:24,000 --> 00:09:26,170
MUST GO TO SLEEP
380
00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:30,420
AND DREAM OF KITTENS, PLEASE ♪
381
00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,960
>> ♪ NOW IT'S TIME
382
00:09:33,042 --> 00:09:35,632
TO GO TO SLEEP
383
00:09:35,708 --> 00:09:39,168
COUNT YOUR LITTLE BABY SHEEP ♪
384
00:09:39,250 --> 00:09:40,670
>> DUDE, IT'S WORKING.
385
00:09:40,750 --> 00:09:42,000
[GUITAR RIFF PLAYING]
386
00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:43,173
>> ♪ OH, YOUR EYES ARE HEAVY
387
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:44,580
'CAUSE IT'S NIGHT-- ♪
388
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,077
[GUITAR RIFF PLAYING]
389
00:09:47,167 --> 00:09:52,707
>> [ROARING]
390
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,002
>> THE GRANDPA'S GUITARS ARE
391
00:09:54,083 --> 00:09:55,923
SMASHED.
392
00:09:56,000 --> 00:10:00,170
>> DUDES, HERE COMES THAT GUY.
393
00:10:00,250 --> 00:10:02,000
>> WAIT. THE PHONES.
394
00:10:02,083 --> 00:10:03,293
USE THE DETHPHONES.
395
00:10:03,375 --> 00:10:11,785
THROW THEM AT THAT GUY.
396
00:10:12,625 --> 00:10:20,825
>> [ROARING]
397
00:10:20,917 --> 00:10:23,667
>> IDEA FOR OUR LAST SONG EVER--
398
00:10:23,750 --> 00:10:27,460
KILLED BY A TROLL.
399
00:10:27,542 --> 00:10:29,132
>> YOU DID NOT.
400
00:10:29,208 --> 00:10:31,078
WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
401
00:10:31,167 --> 00:10:32,577
I CAN'T--
402
00:10:32,667 --> 00:10:34,327
I JUST LOST A CALL.
403
00:10:34,417 --> 00:10:39,957
I'LL KILL THIS PIECE OF CRAP!
404
00:10:40,042 --> 00:10:48,212
>> [ROARING]
405
00:11:01,042 --> 00:11:02,332
>> METAL.
406
00:11:02,417 --> 00:11:04,537
♪ MUSTAKRAKISH
407
00:11:04,625 --> 00:11:06,955
MUSTAKRAKISH
408
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:09,422
AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN
409
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,830
TAKE THE LAND THAT MUST BE TAKEN
410
00:11:11,917 --> 00:11:14,167
AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN, AWAKEN
411
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:16,790
DEVOUR WORLDS, SMITE FORSAKEN
412
00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:18,125
RISE UP FROM YOUR
413
00:11:18,208 --> 00:11:21,748
1,000-YEAR-OLD SLEEP
414
00:11:21,833 --> 00:11:23,423
BREAK FORTH FROM YOUR GRAVE
415
00:11:23,500 --> 00:11:24,960
ETERNALLY ♪
416
00:11:25,042 --> 00:11:26,042
>> CHIRP.
417
00:11:26,125 --> 00:11:27,455
[CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
418
00:11:27,542 --> 00:11:31,252
TURNER ENTERTAINMENT GROUP]
419
00:11:31,302 --> 00:11:35,852
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