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NATHAN: Previously, on "Workin' Moms:"
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00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:03,702
I think we need to
talk about boundaries.
3
00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:05,737
What's the problem?
You said you'd be there for me.
4
00:00:05,773 --> 00:00:07,873
Colleagues don't shove semen
5
00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,808
into other colleagues' vaginas,
traditionally.
6
00:00:10,565 --> 00:00:12,877
You can't just put her in
a car without a car seat!
7
00:00:12,913 --> 00:00:14,980
- I'm sorry, I didn't know.
- You know, honestly, Sloane,
8
00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,082
I am not sure you're
cut out to be a mother.
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00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:18,917
(SHEET RUSTLES)
10
00:00:18,919 --> 00:00:21,253
It's a proposal of an
expose about multi-level
11
00:00:21,322 --> 00:00:23,822
- marketing companies.
- What, like pyramid schemes?
12
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:25,690
Yeah, this shit's insidious.
13
00:00:27,928 --> 00:00:30,028
SLOANE: Ah! She's spittin' fire.
14
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:32,297
These pyramid schemes are goin' down!
15
00:00:33,401 --> 00:00:35,300
- Is this a joke?!
- It's called a pivot.
16
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,202
This is my kid that
you're talking about,
17
00:00:37,204 --> 00:00:38,903
- this is my little...
- Okay. Okay.
18
00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,672
Your book might actually sell now,
19
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:42,240
- how about a thank you?
- Fuck you.
20
00:00:44,445 --> 00:00:46,010
(CHILDREN LAUGH AND SHOUT)
21
00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:49,348
Welcome to the inaugural "Val's pals,"
everyone!
22
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:51,550
I can't believe you dragged us
back to "Mommy and me".
23
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,285
No, no, no, this is not "Mommy and me".
24
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,687
This is Val's pals, TM.
25
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:58,624
The kids are free to join,
but this is really about the pals.
26
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:01,226
Last I checked,
I didn't have to pay for my pals.
27
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:03,361
Yeah, Val, you've somehow
monetized friendship.
28
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I'm a very good friend.
29
00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:06,365
- Yeah, I'm gonna go.
- Yeah.
30
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,033
Look... no, wait! Here's something fun,
31
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:10,769
just for the pals... Husband swap,
32
00:01:10,904 --> 00:01:12,004
- who would you bangalang?
- What?
33
00:01:12,063 --> 00:01:13,606
- I'm not gonna play this!
- Lionel, right?
34
00:01:13,694 --> 00:01:15,776
- What the fuck did you just say?!
- Okay, maybe I pushed a button there.
35
00:01:15,848 --> 00:01:19,043
- Yeah, this has been real. Thanks.
- No wait!
36
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,013
I got you something!
37
00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:25,818
(SIGHS) Okay.
38
00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:28,487
What is this?
39
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:30,856
It's an invitation to my birthday!
40
00:01:30,925 --> 00:01:32,524
It's the big one!
41
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,360
- An invitation to nothing?
- Yeah, it's blank. (SCOFF)
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00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:38,330
I was kinda hoping you
two could plan something.
43
00:01:39,149 --> 00:01:41,785
- Ohhh!
- Oh wow.
44
00:01:42,470 --> 00:01:44,102
It'd be nice.
45
00:01:44,105 --> 00:01:46,972
We were just-we were already uh,
talking about it.
46
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:49,274
- Invite Lionel.
- What the fuck?!
47
00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,209
You gotta stop that. You gotta stop it.
48
00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:58,082
???
49
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:01,586
???
50
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:03,355
(DOOR SLAMS, ALARM BEEPS ON)
51
00:02:03,424 --> 00:02:06,558
- Hey!
- Hey, you ready to relax, bitch?
52
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,360
Oh! I really need this.
53
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:10,762
I know, I wanna release the
fuck out of some tension.
54
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,230
Hmm. Thank you for this.
55
00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,400
Helloooooo! ? It's my birthday ?
56
00:02:15,402 --> 00:02:17,103
- ? On the day I was born ?
- How old is she even turning?
57
00:02:17,156 --> 00:02:19,071
I don't know,
she said it was "the big one."
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00:02:19,096 --> 00:02:21,707
- 40?
- No dude, like, the big one!
59
00:02:21,842 --> 00:02:23,642
50? Not 65?
60
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,444
- VAL: Hello, it's my birthday!
- Huh?
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00:02:25,446 --> 00:02:27,179
BOTH: Happy birthday!
62
00:02:27,181 --> 00:02:29,247
Oh, my very best friend is here!
63
00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:32,117
And Anne, too. I'm so excited for a day
64
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,785
- of pampering with my girlies!
- Hmmm.
65
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:35,487
Yeah. How'd you swing
a rezzo to this place?
66
00:02:35,489 --> 00:02:36,655
I've been trying to get
in here since they opened.
67
00:02:36,696 --> 00:02:39,324
Oh, this place?
I um, actually, I didn't.
68
00:02:39,326 --> 00:02:41,393
- Yeah, it's a funny story, uh...
- (BOOMING BASS PLAYS IN A CAR)
69
00:02:41,395 --> 00:02:43,127
Yeah, well, that's not helping.
70
00:02:43,164 --> 00:02:45,063
- Very loud.
- (BOOMING RHYTHMIC BASS)
71
00:02:45,065 --> 00:02:47,132
So look, Sloane actually got
the reservation for this place,
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00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:48,467
I didn't want to tell you
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00:02:48,602 --> 00:02:50,101
'cause I thought you wouldn't come,
74
00:02:50,171 --> 00:02:51,869
and the whole book cover thing,
ancient history.
75
00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:53,505
We can laugh about it now,
you know what I mean?
76
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,607
She-she probably doesn't even remember,
it's the truth.
77
00:02:55,742 --> 00:02:58,510
VAL: Sloane,
I've heard so much about you!
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00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:00,311
Hey, bestseller.
79
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:04,216
Okay, so she remembered, but listen,
80
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:06,818
just keep it together for Val, right?
81
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,854
Anne? Anne?
82
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,756
Anne? Anne?
83
00:03:11,792 --> 00:03:13,225
So, here we go.
84
00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:15,494
We have aromatherapy, deep tissue,
85
00:03:15,563 --> 00:03:17,296
- and Thai massage.
- You hear that?
86
00:03:17,298 --> 00:03:19,098
Maybe someone can finally
massage the bitch out of you.
87
00:03:19,233 --> 00:03:21,166
I'll massage the bitch out of you.
88
00:03:21,168 --> 00:03:22,968
- Good luck.
- SYMONE: Ahem!
89
00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:26,204
A gentle reminder that the
club has a whisper-only policy
90
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,208
to ensure peace and
tranquility for all our guests.
91
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,777
Hey, what were you thinking
inviting her?
92
00:03:32,813 --> 00:03:34,313
Look, I know she's not
your favorite person.
93
00:03:34,315 --> 00:03:36,314
No shit! I'd rather let
Jayme cut my hair
94
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:38,250
than hang out with that
wide-awake nightmare.
95
00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:40,652
I know you guys are co-workers,
but she sucks, dude.
96
00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,921
She just says whatever
she's thinking. It's a lot.
97
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,323
Yeah, it kinda reminds me
of another person in my life.
98
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:48,126
- Okay.
- Look, today is about Val.
99
00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:50,262
Okay? And whatever
birthday Val is having.
100
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,431
So I need you to try, all right?
101
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,534
Truth be told,
I don't totally know how to act
102
00:03:55,536 --> 00:03:57,168
- around Sloane today, either.
- What do you mean?
103
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,704
I thought you guys were cool now.
104
00:03:58,727 --> 00:04:01,339
I um, I may have put us in a...
105
00:04:02,233 --> 00:04:04,809
conflict of interest situation. Hmm.
106
00:04:04,845 --> 00:04:06,177
What?
107
00:04:06,213 --> 00:04:08,146
Uh, let's just say
there was like, a fire,
108
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:10,249
and I put out the fire, it's gone.
109
00:04:10,384 --> 00:04:12,351
And I don't know if I should tell her
110
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,886
about the fire that I put out.
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00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,422
I genuinely hate your analogies.
112
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,090
- Yeah.
- If there's no fire,
113
00:04:18,225 --> 00:04:20,725
- why sound the alarm?
- Right. Exactly.
114
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,895
- I'm not gonna tell her.
- Great. Okay.
115
00:04:22,897 --> 00:04:24,563
Let's go get pretzeled by some Russians.
116
00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:26,031
Yeah.
117
00:04:27,802 --> 00:04:29,968
(SOFT MUSIC PLAYS)
118
00:04:30,037 --> 00:04:33,771
No need to stay so north of the border,
my good man.
119
00:04:33,808 --> 00:04:35,773
Typically we start with the shoulders.
120
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,176
Do whatever you need to
do to get the tension out.
121
00:04:38,245 --> 00:04:40,445
Remember, this body is a wonderland.
122
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:42,714
You know,
I'm not really supposed to say this,
123
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:45,584
but you have beautiful shoulders.
124
00:04:45,653 --> 00:04:47,486
Yeah, yeah, just get the job done.
125
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,389
What do you think of these shoulders?
126
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:53,325
Uh, they're-they're fine.
127
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:55,727
Fine, or like... fiiine?
128
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,830
Can you focus on my neck,
that's where I hold
129
00:04:58,833 --> 00:05:00,398
- all my tension.
- MASSEUR: Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:00,434 --> 00:05:02,801
Speaking of tension,
did you see the look
131
00:05:02,803 --> 00:05:04,336
on Anne's face when you walked up?
132
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:06,404
What got a bee in her bonnet?
133
00:05:06,406 --> 00:05:08,607
Don't get me wrong,
I love me a sour bitch,
134
00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,542
but I prefer the fun kind.
135
00:05:10,611 --> 00:05:13,077
Unfortunately,
she never holds back, you know?
136
00:05:13,114 --> 00:05:15,413
Yeah, I know.
137
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:19,151
You have absolutely
incredible skin elasticity.
138
00:05:19,153 --> 00:05:20,919
It's-it's like touching a newborn.
139
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,554
So I've been told.
140
00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:26,525
I too am... hot?
141
00:05:26,660 --> 00:05:28,527
Oh, I can adjust
the temperature for you.
142
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:31,996
MASSEUR: Ooh!
And your arms, they're so supple.
143
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,036
(SIGHS HEAVILY)
144
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:40,438
Oh, my good man, are you hard?
145
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:42,574
- No, no.
- Well, yes, you are,
146
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:44,275
I can see it, hard as a rock.
147
00:05:44,311 --> 00:05:46,110
It's all right, perfectly natural.
148
00:05:46,147 --> 00:05:47,579
I'm sure it happens with
all the beautiful women.
149
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:50,816
You're excited, the blood is flowing.
150
00:05:50,818 --> 00:05:53,251
- I'm absolutely not excited.
- Yes, you are.
151
00:05:54,855 --> 00:05:56,254
I can see it.
152
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:58,122
Hard like a rock.
153
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,960
???
154
00:06:02,095 --> 00:06:04,128
(WATER LAPS GENTLY)
155
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,132
This water's so warm, huh?
156
00:06:08,169 --> 00:06:09,735
It's so nice.
157
00:06:09,737 --> 00:06:12,070
How you doin', you been good?
158
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,972
- What's going on?
- (LAUGHS) Nothing.
159
00:06:14,107 --> 00:06:16,140
Nothing, I'm just-I'm just having fun,
160
00:06:16,177 --> 00:06:17,676
I'm just making some conversation.
161
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:19,610
- Kate.
- Uh, there was a fire.
162
00:06:20,133 --> 00:06:21,413
- Where?
- It's out.
163
00:06:21,482 --> 00:06:23,382
It's totally out, and because it's out,
164
00:06:23,384 --> 00:06:25,383
we don't need to tell anyone
about the fire, right?
165
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:27,319
- I don't gotta tell anybody.
- For fuck's sake.
166
00:06:27,454 --> 00:06:29,287
- Is this a metaphor?
- Yes, sorry, uh,
167
00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:31,089
but I really would like your blessing
168
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,191
- to not talk about the fire.
- At this point I would pay you
169
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:34,793
- to stop talking about the fire.
- What fire?
170
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:35,994
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
171
00:06:36,129 --> 00:06:37,895
Good. Yeah.
172
00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:43,101
Hey, should you be in the hot tub?
173
00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,703
You know with the whole uh...
174
00:06:44,772 --> 00:06:46,504
- Oh, the whole baby thing?
- Yeah.
175
00:06:46,574 --> 00:06:48,440
It's not a problem. It didn't take.
176
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:51,376
- Oh shit, dude, I'm sorry.
- Don't be.
177
00:06:51,412 --> 00:06:53,378
You could try again, you know.
178
00:06:53,414 --> 00:06:55,079
No, I'm good.
179
00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,650
- Hey!
- (VAL SIGHS)
180
00:07:01,055 --> 00:07:03,221
Oh! Look at the ass on that one.
181
00:07:03,224 --> 00:07:05,057
What I wouldn't give
for an industrial-sized
182
00:07:05,059 --> 00:07:06,491
dump truck like that.
183
00:07:06,493 --> 00:07:08,660
- To Val!
- To Val!
184
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:10,361
Shhhh!
185
00:07:11,532 --> 00:07:14,098
(WATER BABBLES SOFTLY)
186
00:07:15,168 --> 00:07:16,367
(FAINT CALMING MUSIC)
187
00:07:17,705 --> 00:07:19,937
(SIGHS HEAVILY) Did you take a day off
188
00:07:19,974 --> 00:07:21,840
from ruining authors' lives
today, Sloane?
189
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,975
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) You said
you were gonna try, Anne.
190
00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:25,410
You got something to say
to me there, red?
191
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,279
- Yeah, I might.
- Or are you just gonna slap me?
192
00:07:27,339 --> 00:07:29,048
I thought this was gonna
be a close friends-only
193
00:07:29,091 --> 00:07:31,116
kind of party, I didn't think
that someone who humiliated me
194
00:07:31,192 --> 00:07:33,752
- on TV was gonna be invited!
- Shhh!
195
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:36,221
Sorry, you think you were humiliated?!
196
00:07:36,223 --> 00:07:38,423
My ass was on the line when
you and bestie over here
197
00:07:38,425 --> 00:07:41,990
pulled that stunt in front of the board,
and for what?
198
00:07:42,025 --> 00:07:43,495
Middling sales at best?
199
00:07:43,630 --> 00:07:45,430
Oh, maybe if you were
better at your job,
200
00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:46,932
you wouldn't need to
rely on hack marketing!
201
00:07:46,982 --> 00:07:49,301
Yeah, well, maybe if you weren't
such an asshole all the time,
202
00:07:49,303 --> 00:07:51,002
we wouldn't have to resort
to "hack marketing."
203
00:07:51,005 --> 00:07:52,871
- Oh, really?!
- Really!
204
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:56,519
Ladies! Just a gentle
reminder to lower your voices.
205
00:07:56,554 --> 00:07:58,341
Totally, loud and clear, sorry.
206
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:02,314
Do you know what,
I didn't come here to be attacked!
207
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,650
Oh, uh... did you just
splash a black woman's hair?
208
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:06,518
What, are you fuckin' nine?!
209
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,386
You happy ruining Val's birthday?!
210
00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,588
No, no, no getting older
ruined my birthday.
211
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,490
You're just snuffing out the candles.
212
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:13,525
- Shhh!
- Oh...
213
00:08:13,544 --> 00:08:16,862
- (IN UNISON) You fuckin' shush!
- Who invited you, anyways?!
214
00:08:16,864 --> 00:08:18,363
I don't think I did anything wrong here.
215
00:08:18,411 --> 00:08:20,532
Okay, now I have to ask you to leave.
216
00:08:20,667 --> 00:08:22,367
- Yeah. All right, we're goin'.
- Yeah, let's go!
217
00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,402
- You wanna go? You wanna go?
- No, no!
218
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:26,404
- Let's fuckin' go!
- Let's go! - I'm out!
219
00:08:26,539 --> 00:08:28,874
- You stop it!
- Stop it, we're out!
220
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:30,308
- You stop it!
- We're out! We're out!
221
00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:32,276
I never get to go in hot tubs.
222
00:08:32,313 --> 00:08:34,579
I never get to go in hot tubs, ever!
223
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:39,417
(TRAFFIC RUMBLES, HORNS HONK)
224
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,152
(LOW HUM OF PATRON CHATTER)
225
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,288
(SILVERWARE CLINKS)
226
00:08:47,661 --> 00:08:50,128
(LOW HUM OF PATRON CHATTER)
227
00:08:50,263 --> 00:08:51,830
Okay, this is super depressing.
228
00:08:51,899 --> 00:08:54,165
Guys, why don't we just
start by apologizing
229
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,833
for what happened back there, okay?
230
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,668
Anne?
231
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:02,461
- Sloane?
- Fine, I'm... I'm sorry.
232
00:09:03,138 --> 00:09:04,138
For?
233
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,619
Spending time with Anne
in the first place.
234
00:09:06,654 --> 00:09:10,047
- No.
- This is the worst day of my life.
235
00:09:10,084 --> 00:09:11,449
It is!
236
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,452
You know, this is supposed
to be my last good year,
237
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,120
and frankly, what's good about it?
238
00:09:15,157 --> 00:09:18,857
I work, come home,
bang Mel within an inch of his life,
239
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:21,259
go to bed, repeat.
240
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:22,794
You have sex every day?
241
00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:25,663
- You get to be my age...
- And that age is...?
242
00:09:27,101 --> 00:09:28,866
And nothing is really exciting anymore.
243
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:32,003
Remember how fun birthdays
were when you were a kid?
244
00:09:32,876 --> 00:09:34,205
The thrill of a clown.
245
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,675
The magic of a bouncy castle.
246
00:09:38,045 --> 00:09:39,611
Playing truth or dare.
247
00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,991
Then suddenly you find yourself
eating lightly salted lettuce
248
00:09:46,026 --> 00:09:49,859
in a desperate attempt to hang
on to any semblance of youth.
249
00:09:52,226 --> 00:09:53,524
Ohh!
250
00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:58,163
Now, that looks delicious.
251
00:10:00,134 --> 00:10:02,033
What I wouldn't give for a bite of that.
252
00:10:02,069 --> 00:10:03,835
I cannot take this shit anymore.
253
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,070
I dare you to go take a bite
out of that man's sandwich.
254
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,572
- Pardon me?
- You heard me.
255
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,307
Walk over there,
256
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:10,975
you say hello,
257
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:14,245
take a bite of that man's
sumptuous chicken parm sandie.
258
00:10:14,314 --> 00:10:15,914
Oh, I couldn't.
259
00:10:15,916 --> 00:10:18,149
(LAUGHS) That's fine.
260
00:10:19,003 --> 00:10:20,285
Why do anything exciting?
261
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:23,221
Might as well just quietly
slip into old age instead.
262
00:10:25,058 --> 00:10:31,262
???
263
00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:32,864
- No.
- Yeah.
264
00:10:34,601 --> 00:10:36,835
- (SLOANE AND VAL CHUCKLE)
- Oh shit!
265
00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:44,408
???
266
00:10:44,445 --> 00:10:46,211
- Hello.
- Hi.
267
00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:49,014
- It's my birthday.
- Okay, so happy...
268
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:50,715
- Hey! What?!
- Mmm!
269
00:10:50,751 --> 00:10:52,684
- Excuse me!
- Mmm!
270
00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,886
- Mm-hmm!
- What?
271
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:56,288
- Mm-hmm! Mmm!
- Huh?
272
00:10:56,290 --> 00:10:57,989
Mmmm! (MOANS)
273
00:10:58,124 --> 00:11:00,324
That must be a damn good sandwich!
274
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,760
That's my girl!
275
00:11:01,895 --> 00:11:03,628
Mmm! Meet you bitches outside,
276
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:05,864
let's get this party started, huh?!
277
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,833
(CACKLES WILDLY)
278
00:11:07,968 --> 00:11:09,801
- Dude, come on. Pay, pay, pay!
- What?
279
00:11:09,803 --> 00:11:12,037
- You got it.
- I'm so sorry.
280
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,972
You're sorry?
281
00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:17,108
Oh! Holy shit, I'm alive!
282
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:19,110
(ALL LAUGH)
283
00:11:19,112 --> 00:11:21,379
All right, ladies, it is dare night...
284
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,248
in the middle of the goddamn day.
285
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,383
Foster, you're up.
286
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,351
- Whaaat?
- Giddy-up, Kate!
287
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,787
Truth or dare, really?
288
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,989
I didn't realize I was at
one of Alice's parties.
289
00:11:30,991 --> 00:11:32,790
Hey, no truth in this game.
290
00:11:32,860 --> 00:11:35,059
All right, all right,
all right, so what's my dare?
291
00:11:35,128 --> 00:11:37,795
(LAUGHS) Okay, okay, okay.
292
00:11:37,865 --> 00:11:39,797
- Uh... (LAUGHS)
- What?
293
00:11:39,833 --> 00:11:41,900
I dare you to flash them.
294
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,135
- She's not gonna flash them.
- Who, them? I'll do it, yeah.
295
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,337
- What?
- Yeah, what are the parameters?
296
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:47,606
Both nerps, full ten mississippis.
297
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,008
Well, that is the legal
measurement of time.
298
00:11:50,077 --> 00:11:52,143
You flash 'em, I'll moon 'em.
Solidarity.
299
00:11:52,145 --> 00:11:54,478
Ah, nah-uh-uh-uh,
you've had your moment, this is Kate's.
300
00:11:54,515 --> 00:11:55,813
- Can I count?
- Sure!
301
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:58,616
- This is my moment.
- ANNE: Oh my god.
302
00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,419
(SLOANE AND VAL GIGGLE)
303
00:12:01,555 --> 00:12:03,588
- Oh my lord!
- One Mississippi.
304
00:12:03,723 --> 00:12:05,657
- Two Mississippi.
- Little slow Val, come on!
305
00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,626
- Three Mississippi.
- Is that a birthmark?
306
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,766
- Four Mississippi.
- You want to count a little faster?
307
00:12:09,801 --> 00:12:11,363
Pick up the pace!
What do you say? Come on!
308
00:12:11,365 --> 00:12:12,998
- Five Mississippi.
- Oh!
309
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:14,866
- Oh my god! Oh!
- ANNE: Hey! Hey! You peeping tween!
310
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:17,001
What the fuck? Gimme that!
311
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:18,637
- (GLASS SHATTERS)
- That's my phone!
312
00:12:18,772 --> 00:12:21,406
It was an Android,
it's probably gonna explode anyway.
313
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,974
? Yeah ?
314
00:12:23,109 --> 00:12:24,475
- ? Hey ?
- (COME ON)
315
00:12:24,511 --> 00:12:25,777
? Young rap girl ?
316
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,111
? This is the anthem, folks ?
317
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,713
? You know I'm known
to make 'em mad ?
318
00:12:28,715 --> 00:12:30,282
? It's the tantrum flow ?
319
00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:31,750
? Yeah, I hear a lot of talk ?
320
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,351
? And they're saying this and that ?
321
00:12:33,486 --> 00:12:35,520
? Look I'm gettin' real sick
about to tell 'em get the gat ?
322
00:12:35,589 --> 00:12:37,055
? Make it nasty he's
sliding like skates ?
323
00:12:37,124 --> 00:12:40,058
? But lookin' like you wanna eat,
this is steak, yeah ?
324
00:12:40,060 --> 00:12:42,060
? I think you're choosin'
but know I got the option ?
325
00:12:42,129 --> 00:12:45,330
- (DEEP INHALE, GROWL)
- (CHILDREN SCREAM)
326
00:12:45,399 --> 00:12:47,732
? I need one for the money
two times for the show ?
327
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:49,700
? This is where you take notes ?
328
00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,502
? On how to really kill a flow ?
329
00:12:51,572 --> 00:12:53,471
? Mix the henny with the coke
make the room move slow ?
330
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,873
? Speed it up and make the club,
buss it down to the floor ?
331
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:59,277
? Wait, holler, I think I got
the next dude on the way ?
332
00:12:59,279 --> 00:13:01,479
- (GASPS) Lady!
- Oh, I'm just playin'.
333
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:03,381
I'm messin' with you,
she's gorgeous, by the way.
334
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,883
Congratulations, congratulations.
335
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,885
SLOANE: (LAUGHS) You crazy bitch!
336
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:09,521
- (LINE RINGS)
- Oh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
337
00:13:09,656 --> 00:13:11,222
Yes, Richard Greenwood?
338
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,858
Congratulations,
you are our grand prize winner!
339
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:17,762
Is this for the steaks?
Honey, we won the steaks! Huh!
340
00:13:17,764 --> 00:13:19,230
(ALL LAUGH)
341
00:13:19,232 --> 00:13:22,233
? Buss it, buss it,
buss it, buss it ?
342
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:23,802
? Go ahead and buss it ?
343
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:25,503
? Buss it, buss it, buss it ?
344
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,839
Yes, I'd like to place an
order for CeeCee Mitchell.
345
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:30,808
Mm-hmm, I would like uh,
one beehive, please.
346
00:13:31,845 --> 00:13:33,545
? Go ahead and buss it ?
347
00:13:33,680 --> 00:13:35,680
(LAUGHS WILDLY)
348
00:13:35,815 --> 00:13:37,815
Aaah! (GIGGLES)
349
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:40,185
(LAUGHS, SCREAMS)
350
00:13:42,456 --> 00:13:44,522
(SCREAMING) Oof!
351
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:47,125
? Buss it, buss it,
buss it, buss it ?
352
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:49,394
- (MUSIC SLOWS TO A STOP)
- (BIRDS CHIRP)
353
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:51,062
(COUGHS, GASPS)
354
00:13:51,131 --> 00:13:52,931
(LAUGHS) I'm okay!
355
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:54,399
? Go ahead and buss it ?
356
00:13:54,468 --> 00:13:56,001
? Throw it in the mirror like
you do it out in public ?
357
00:13:56,012 --> 00:13:59,070
Hello, is your refrigerator running?
358
00:13:59,139 --> 00:14:01,339
? She dig don't care and
they know we really... ?
359
00:14:01,474 --> 00:14:03,241
Better go catch it! (LAUGHS)
360
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:06,147
- (ALL JEERING) Booooo! - That's terrible!
- What? It's a classic!
361
00:14:06,579 --> 00:14:08,412
? Go ahead and buss it,
buss it, buss it ?
362
00:14:08,448 --> 00:14:11,148
? Buss it,
buss it buss it, buss it ?
363
00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,151
? Go ahead and buss it, buss it ?
364
00:14:13,153 --> 00:14:15,252
? Go ahead and buss it, buss it ?
365
00:14:15,288 --> 00:14:18,490
? Buss it,
buss it buss it, buss it ?
366
00:14:18,492 --> 00:14:20,625
- ? Go ahead and... ?
- (ALL LAUGH)
367
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,960
- Oh my God!
- Ah! It's so good! So good.
368
00:14:23,030 --> 00:14:25,982
Oh! All right, dare master,
what do you got for Anne?
369
00:14:26,017 --> 00:14:28,600
- No, no, I'm good.
- No, come on, dude, try something.
370
00:14:28,735 --> 00:14:31,836
Ah, okay, fine.
But just like, nothing too crazy.
371
00:14:31,838 --> 00:14:35,240
All right, uh, I dare you to...
372
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:37,442
take a little birdbath
in that fountain there.
373
00:14:38,578 --> 00:14:40,278
Okay, that's a reasonable dare.
374
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,047
Ooh, then we all get to make a wish!
375
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:44,315
I mean, and spend the rest
of the day soaking wet?
376
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:45,917
- No way!
- Right, no fun.
377
00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:47,585
- No!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
378
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:50,055
Okay, well, nobody else complained,
but fair enough.
379
00:14:51,103 --> 00:14:54,760
Let's play to your strengths. Uh...
380
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,663
I dare you to go up to that guy
381
00:14:58,732 --> 00:15:00,598
and give him your
uncensored opinion of him.
382
00:15:00,734 --> 00:15:02,433
Should be easy enough for you.
383
00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:04,335
Unlike some people, I don't go around
384
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,605
giving my unsolicited
opinions like a psycho! No!
385
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,907
Are you unfamiliar with the game?
It's a dare.
386
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:12,143
"Are you unfamiliar with the game?"
No! No!
387
00:15:12,212 --> 00:15:14,546
- Pick another one.
- Anne, you gotta do something, come on.
388
00:15:14,574 --> 00:15:16,048
I knew she didn't have it in her,
can we skip her?
389
00:15:16,129 --> 00:15:19,550
No, I don't wanna be skipped,
I just want a fun, harmless dare.
390
00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:21,318
- Yeah.
- Okay, uh...
391
00:15:23,623 --> 00:15:25,089
I got it.
392
00:15:25,092 --> 00:15:26,690
- Mm-hmm? Okay.
- Come on, Anne!
393
00:15:26,727 --> 00:15:28,592
I dare you to go give that guy a kiss.
394
00:15:29,629 --> 00:15:31,896
- VAL: (GASPS) Ohhhh! Oh!
- (SLOANE CHUCKLES)
395
00:15:31,898 --> 00:15:33,965
I-I'm not gonna cheat on
my husband for a dare.
396
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,267
And who knows what infectious
diseases that guy has!
397
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:38,303
- No way!
- Oh my God, this is painful!
398
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,071
I'll do it.
399
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,939
- Wha...
- Great, go.
400
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:45,677
- (FRUSTRATED EXHALE)
- KATE: Jesus.
401
00:15:45,812 --> 00:15:47,645
- Hi.
- KATE: Is she gonna...
402
00:15:47,781 --> 00:15:50,247
- (VAL GIGGLES, GASPS)
- KATE: Oh!
403
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,518
Oh!
404
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,653
It's steamy.
405
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:57,188
(SHOCKED SCOFF)
406
00:15:58,258 --> 00:16:03,394
???
407
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:07,464
- (RETCHES, VOMITS)
- ALL: Ooh! Oh!
408
00:16:07,501 --> 00:16:08,933
- Oh!
- SLOANE: (COUGHS)
409
00:16:14,608 --> 00:16:16,307
That bad, huh?
410
00:16:19,246 --> 00:16:20,878
Oh, that's nice.
411
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,050
???
412
00:16:26,119 --> 00:16:27,819
(TRAFFIC RUMBLES, HORNS HONK)
413
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:29,353
(BIRDS CHIRP)
414
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,356
Pretty hot kiss, minus the barf.
415
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:35,093
Which is weird, because
I usually have an iron stomach.
416
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,394
Oh, maybe you caught
something from bench guy.
417
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,899
- You know, we could call it.
- Are you kidding?
418
00:16:43,102 --> 00:16:44,635
The fun just started!
419
00:16:44,704 --> 00:16:46,503
That was a puke and rally situation.
420
00:16:46,540 --> 00:16:49,106
Ah, pull the trig,
and then you're good to go, I love it.
421
00:16:49,108 --> 00:16:50,908
That's right, baby.
422
00:16:53,346 --> 00:16:55,313
Well...
423
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:57,781
At least you know you're not pregnant.
424
00:16:57,818 --> 00:16:59,450
(LAUGHS)
425
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,452
You did take a pregnancy test, right?
426
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:04,021
I didn't need to, I know my body,
it's not spawning.
427
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,325
Oh yeah, what does "spawning" feel like?
428
00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,060
- Tiny fingernails scratching.
- Mm-hmm.
429
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:11,395
(PLASTIC BAG RUSTLES)
430
00:17:11,464 --> 00:17:13,697
I got a dare for you.
431
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:16,934
(SNORT LAUGHS)
432
00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,139
I'll admit it, Val,
the shirt was a good purchase.
433
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,340
VAL: You want me to run back
and see if they have a small?
434
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,476
- It would look good on you.
- No, I already got it, so.
435
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,345
- Hmm.
- What about a pair of... hmm?
436
00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:29,047
No, I'm, I'm good.
437
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:30,648
Hey, you good?
438
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,750
Yeah, of course. I'm not pregnant.
439
00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:35,019
And in two minutes,
this little test will prove it.
440
00:17:35,021 --> 00:17:36,820
Okay, because if you are...
441
00:17:36,857 --> 00:17:38,489
I told you, I'm not. I can't be.
442
00:17:38,625 --> 00:17:40,491
Well, those are two different things.
443
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:42,293
I'm not pregnant.
I shouldn't be, anyway.
444
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,096
What do you mean?
445
00:17:45,165 --> 00:17:47,031
Well, I don't have what
it takes to be a mother.
446
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,166
- What?
- The fuck?!
447
00:17:49,168 --> 00:17:51,201
Who the fuck told you that?
That doesn't sound like you.
448
00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,871
- Not at all.
- Look, if you are pregnant,
449
00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:55,706
your kid's gonna be a dick,
just like you.
450
00:17:55,775 --> 00:17:57,842
- Okay.
- What the fuck?
451
00:17:57,911 --> 00:17:59,644
That's a step backwards, my friend.
452
00:17:59,713 --> 00:18:01,980
What I'm trying to say is,
the one thing I know
453
00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:04,748
- about difficult people...
- Excuse me?
454
00:18:04,784 --> 00:18:07,185
...is that we make great moms.
455
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:10,788
Headstrong, opinionated, asshole women
456
00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:13,324
make headstrong,
opinionated, asshole kids.
457
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:16,026
And that's not a bad thing.
458
00:18:16,062 --> 00:18:17,962
It's the one reason I know that
459
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,431
Alice is gonna be okay in this world.
460
00:18:21,635 --> 00:18:24,402
Well, I appreciate the pep talk,
ladies, but again,
461
00:18:24,404 --> 00:18:26,337
- not pregnant.
- But if you are,
462
00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:28,539
I'd throw money down
that you'd be great at it.
463
00:18:29,943 --> 00:18:31,275
(TRAFFIC HUMS IN THE DISTANCE)
464
00:18:31,278 --> 00:18:33,043
(BIRDS CHIRP)
465
00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:36,747
Valeria! I almost forgot,
I got you something!
466
00:18:36,749 --> 00:18:38,616
Oh no, save your pregnancy test, Kate.
467
00:18:38,618 --> 00:18:40,284
- I love condoms.
- What?
468
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,119
Yeah, can't get enough of 'em.
469
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:43,955
They just make it feel better. You know,
470
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:45,490
actually, I'm addicted. And honestly,
471
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,358
I can't come without 'em, call me nuts.
472
00:18:47,493 --> 00:18:48,926
- I got you a cupcake.
- Oh my God,
473
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:50,561
even better, I love cupcakes.
474
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:51,630
(LAUGHS) I know it's not a cake,
475
00:18:51,681 --> 00:18:54,365
but I figured a-a birthday of um...
476
00:18:54,401 --> 00:18:56,167
- this magnitude...
- Oh, yes!
477
00:18:56,976 --> 00:18:59,069
And that birthday is...
478
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,240
Do neither of you know how old I am?
479
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:05,009
No, we do, we do, we totally do.
480
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:06,077
We just were hoping
you were gonna say it.
481
00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:09,713
Good, so you know I'm turning...
482
00:19:09,749 --> 00:19:11,315
- 38.
- 50.
483
00:19:11,351 --> 00:19:13,217
- Did you just say 70?
- Did you say 28?
484
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:15,185
- No, I said 38.
- 38?
485
00:19:15,187 --> 00:19:17,459
- I thought you said it was the big one!
- It is the big one.
486
00:19:17,494 --> 00:19:19,257
Well, the big one before the big one.
487
00:19:19,392 --> 00:19:21,459
- Well, that's...
- 38 is your last good year.
488
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,594
39 is just a slip 'n slide to 40.
489
00:19:23,730 --> 00:19:25,863
And 40 is the big, big one.
490
00:19:25,932 --> 00:19:27,198
And then it's a crapshoot after that.
491
00:19:27,267 --> 00:19:29,100
Oh God, I've depressed myself.
492
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:31,469
(HORNS HONK, TRAFFIC RUMBLES)
493
00:19:31,471 --> 00:19:36,073
???
494
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:38,810
- Fuck it!
- Where you goin'?
495
00:19:38,812 --> 00:19:40,144
Anne.
496
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:42,813
Anne!
497
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:44,815
What?
498
00:19:45,986 --> 00:19:47,951
- What-aaah!
- Do it!
499
00:19:47,988 --> 00:19:50,154
- VAL: Wooooooo!
- KATE: Oh my God!
500
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,289
- (HORN HONKS)
- (LAUGHS)
501
00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,892
(ALL CHEER) Woooooooooo!
502
00:19:54,894 --> 00:19:56,227
Are you happy now?
503
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:59,163
Not as happy as you are,
look at that smile on your face!
504
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:01,298
Crazy bitch!
505
00:20:02,902 --> 00:20:08,272
???
506
00:20:08,408 --> 00:20:10,241
(CRICKETS CHIRP)
507
00:20:11,311 --> 00:20:13,511
(LIGHT BUZZES ON)
508
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:16,146
???
509
00:20:16,182 --> 00:20:18,449
? I'm lost in the light ?
510
00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:20,851
? I pray for the night ?
511
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,520
(DOOR CREAKS OPEN AND SHUT)
512
00:20:22,589 --> 00:20:24,789
? Take me, take me too ?
513
00:20:26,860 --> 00:20:28,593
(KEYS JINGLE)
514
00:20:28,728 --> 00:20:30,528
? After so many words ?
515
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,897
? Still nothin's heard ?
516
00:20:34,934 --> 00:20:38,936
? Don't know what we should do ?
517
00:20:40,040 --> 00:20:42,540
? So if someone could see me now ?
518
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:45,242
- ? Let them see you ?
- (LIGHT CLICKS ON)
519
00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:48,946
???
520
00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:50,815
? They help you to ?
521
00:20:52,285 --> 00:20:54,151
? See you through ?
522
00:20:55,422 --> 00:20:58,289
? All the hard things ?
523
00:20:58,358 --> 00:21:00,524
? We've all gotta do ?
524
00:21:01,561 --> 00:21:03,828
? Because this life is long ?
525
00:21:03,897 --> 00:21:06,297
? And so you wouldn't be wrong ?
526
00:21:36,267 --> 00:21:38,096
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
527
00:21:38,146 --> 00:21:42,696
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