All language subtitles for The Chris Rock Show s02e05 Bryant Gumbel.eng

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

ANNOUNCER: From New York City,
it's The Chris Rock Show.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)
-ANNOUNCER: Tonight,

journalist Bryant Gumbel.

Musical guest, LL Cool J.

Plus, musical director,
Grandmaster Flash

Ladies and gentlemen,
Chris Rock!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, WHISTLING)

Hey, Steve White!

All right, all right, all right.
All right.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
-Yeah.

-Hello!
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

-MAN: Yeah!
-Welcome to the show.

Yes, welcome, I'm Chris Tucker.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-And thanks for coming out.

I'm glad everybody's here.
Got a crazy week this week.

-This week Mitch "Blood" Green.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Just the mention of his name
brings laughter, doesn't it?

(LAUGHS)

Why'd the chicken cross
the road? Mitch "Blood" Green.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Mitch "Blood" Green

was awarded 45,000 dollars
by a civil jury,

in his suit against Mike Tyson.

Forty-five thousand dollars.
Now, not only did Mike pay

Mitch "Blood" Green
45,000 dollars,

but he also paid him
another 45,000

just to punch him
in the face again.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

(AUDIENCE WHISTLING)

You know, cause Mike wanna get
his money's worth.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Now, after the jury's decision,

you know, Mitch "Blood" Green
started taunting Tyson.

You know, he started calling him
Cicely Tyson.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Called him Cicely Tyson.
He shouldn't have done that,

'cause Cicely Tyson
heard him say that,

came down there,
and whupped his ass.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

That's right. That's right.

It was the battle
of the fucked-up curls.

(ALL LAUGHING)

-Did you see Hoodlum? All right.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Here's some sad news.
John Denver died this week.

John Denver died this week.

And investigators are saying
it may be gang-related.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Just kidding. I'm just kidding.

Come on, but it's sad, man.
First Tupac, then Biggie.

I don't know
if rap can survive this.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

I mean, you know who's going
to be on the cover

of The Source next month,
right?

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-All right.

Gang violence is getting
even worse in New York City.

It's getting crazy.
We got gangs in New York City.

And officials say, the increase
is a result of the Bloods

trying to compete
with the two most violent gangs

in New York City. That's right.

-The Latin kings and the NYPD.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

Thank you.

Hey, you! (CHUCKLES)
Box cutter, plunger.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING)

Okay. This week. This week
Louis Farrakhan called

on Black Americans to stay
home from work

and school on Thursday.

Did some of y'all do that that?
Did some of y'all do that that?

That's right. Now, to stay home
from work on this Thursday.

Also, this week, David Duke
called for Blacks to stay home

Thursday, Friday, Saturday,
Sunday, Monday, and Tuesday.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-Keep them Black asses home.

That's right. Farrakhan called
for Blacks to stay home.

Why? 'Cause, you know,
he wanted--

You know why Farrakhan did it?
He said

he wanted white people
to realize

how important that we are.
That's right, that's right.

Wanted white people to realize
how important we are.

I think white people realize
how important we are every time

Luc Longley tries
to take it to the hole.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(CHUCKLES)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)

You know... it's...

Now-- Oh, hey, I'm down
with the whole thing, but I hope

this whole day
of atonement, you know,

I hope it doesn't backfire,
'cause brothers will get fired.

And then we got
a whole lot of days to atone.

(CHUCKLES) "What you doing
tomorrow?" "Atonin'."

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-(CHUCKLES)

President Clinton,

our president, Mr. Bill,
is finally getting fed up

with Paula Jones

and her accusations
of sexual misconduct.

That's right,
he can't take it no more.

Now, this week, after Jones--
Paula Jones claimed that--

Now, did y'all hear this?

That the president Clinton's
dick was bent.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-That his penis was bent.

Said when erect,
it was a little sideways.

Now, you know what Clinton said?

"Hey, she didn't say that
when I shoved it in her face."

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER:
Chris rock's monologue

is brought to you
by God. Yes, God.

Maker of fine products
like the Earth,

the universe, and salt.

Now,
we got a great show tonight.

We got Bryant Gumbel.
We got LL Cool J!

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

And don't forget to give it up
for my man, Grandmaster Flash!

-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Okay, now, fall is here
and kids are back in school.

But not all of them
are going to finish the year,

especially here in New York City

where we have one of the highest
dropout rates in the country.

I mean, what happens to someone
who drops out of school?

What is their future
gonna be like?

So, what I did is,
I hit the streets,

and I talked to some people
who just might know.

-♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-What kind of job can you get

if you dropped out of school?

Well, the jobs
that we handle mostly,

loading and unloading trucks,

stock work, packing, shipping.
A lot of unskilled work.

Is this the worst job
you ever had?

You had a worse job than this?
What did you play, a roach?

What kind of work
are you looking for now?

I'm looking for something
like a CEO position.

School just
wasn't doing it for me.

So, being a bathroom attendant,
is that doing it for you?

Uh, n-- Yes. (CHUCKLES)

You got any astronaut jobs?

Hmm. Not at the moment.

So, what's the craziest thing
that's ever happened to you

on the job?

The craziest thing,
I would say, I met a man

one time who had
a really bad foot fetish.

He gave me, like, 200 dollars
just to suck my toes.

Beautiful face, beautiful hair.
A figure that's really neat.

But the face and the hair
wouldn't go nowhere

if it wasn't for the feet.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

What's the worst job
you ever had?

Well, I never had a worse job.
Every job is the best.

And it depends
how you're looking at it.

-So, you're a positive guy, huh?
-I am.

Wow.
If you had to shovel cow shit,

you'd be the happy-cow-shit-guy.

You ever been convicted
of a crime?

I don't believe
that's your business.

What's the worst part
about this job

as the elevator operator?

I guess, centrifugal force.

So, now, would you be here
tomorrow morning

at six o'clock, ready to go?

We could send you
right out to work.

Yeah. Yeah, don't CEOs
come in a little later?

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-6:30.

You getting ready
for the Peaches & Herb

-reunion?
-(LAUGHS)

-How did you get this job?
-Daddy.

You see any strippers
around here that need to retire?

Yes.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, LAUGHING)

Do you have any computer skills,
Mr. Rock?

Computer skills. You know,
I have a Sony PlayStation

-that I'm very good at it.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Do you know how to operate one
in terms of turning it on

and typing out some documents?

Every fool knows a computer
has an on button.

This is the on button.

You push that on
and then the computer turns on.

And then this.
You also can turn off as well.

On and off. Do you want
to write this down?

On, off. On, off.

On. Wow. Off.

Did you drop out of school?

I went up to ninth grade.

I went to, say,
about tenth grade.

(CLICKS TONGUE)
Probably third grade.

So, what did you wanna be
when you were a kid?

I wanted to be a teacher,
which I'm going to school for.

Okay. It's going
to be an exciting class.

Yes, it will be.

(BOTH LAUGH)

If you're good,
I'll show you some ass.

What's your dream right now?

-Actor.
-Actor?

What did you dream of being?

Well, I always dreamt of being
an entertainer, a performer.

Do you see any actors
out there right now

that you think
you're better than?

-Keanu Reeves maybe.
-Keanu Reeves.

There's a bomb
strapped to the bus.

Do not go under 55.

Do you see anybody
out there now that's famous

that you're better than?

That you think
you're better than?

I wouldn't say better,
but I would say I can do just

as good as, say, R. Kelly.

♪ A one in a million... ♪

(AUDIENCE BOOING)

♪ Chance... ♪

-(SCREAMS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

What advice would you give
the kids thinking about

dropping out of school
becoming strippers?

Don't do it.
That is the stupidest--

You don't have to drop out
of school

to be a stripper. Finish school.

Finish high school at least.

-Don't do it.
-Don't do it.

I would definitely recommend
not dropping out of school.

You end up with a job
that you don't like.

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

-How you feeling today?
-MAN: It's all right, you know.

-Get a little more?
-Yeah.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-Don't do it!
-♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, APPLAUDS)

Ah! Hey!

I think I'm going
to go back to school.

My first guest tonight
was the anchor

for the Today show
for the past 15 years.

He now
has a prime-time magazine series

called The Public Eye.
Please welcome Bryant Gumbel.

-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-How you doing, man?
-Hey, Bryant on my show.

-This is great. This is great.
-Your show.

-Yeah, unless you want the job.
-Your show.

-No, no, no.
-(CHUCKLES)

-'Cause you're a big man in TV.
-No, I'm not.

-No, I'm not. No, I'm not.
-You know, I like that HBO slot.

-No, I'm not.
-You know what's weird?

I'm glad people, like,
giving you standing ovation.

Your props 'cause I been like--
Okay, this is a weird one.

Like, ten years ago I did a joke
about you that was really bad.

It was like, "If somebody told
Bryant Gumbel he was Black

-he'd have a heart attack."
-(CHUCKLES)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

It was like-- I was like--
It came from my ignorance

of, like, this is where I grew
up and everything.

Like, any Black guy that spoke
well was considered white.

And I'm glad that people
are like growing the fuck up.

-(LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

And, like, giving you--

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
-You know--

(CHUCKLES)

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)
-And I... I'm--

I've always been amused
by it when people say,

"Well, you don't sound Black."
It's like, "Well, excuse me.

I mean, does it mean you
have to sound unintelligent

in order to sound Black?
Is that what you're telling me?"

In other words,
if I sound halfway intelligent

then I sound white.

Yeah. It's--
Have you seen it change

in the last, like, I mean,

from the time you started
till now?

No, a lot of people
are still ignorant.

-CHRIS ROCK: Really?
-Yeah.

-(CHRIS LAUGHING)
-(CHUCKLES)

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
-Oh, you know what?

-It's like--
-(CHUCKLES)

You know what it is.
You know this very well.

I mean, if you got good parents,
and they stay on you,

and they just want you to use
proper English,

you just grow up
using proper English.

I don't take
any great pride in it.

I mean, just speak, that's all.

-(LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, APPLAUDS)

It's not something
you put on your resume.

-No.
-(CHUCKLES) Man, I can talk.

-(BOTH LAUGH)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, APPLAUDS)

And you're a broadcaster,
a journalist, okay.

Now, the thing with you--

-Uh-oh.
-You're like-- No.

'Cause you're like
a very controversial figure.

I don't know
if I'm controversial.

Here's what makes you
controversial in this business.

If somebody
hits you over the head,

you don't say thank you
and walk away.

You turn around
and hit them over the head.

So, then they say,
"You're controversial."

I'm not controversial.
I never pick on anybody.

I just happen to return fire
if somebody fires on me.

CHRIS: Oh, okay.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)

No, I mean-- And you know this
as well as I do...

it has ever been thus

when Black folk are on TV,
you're supposed to walk around

and constantly be saying,
"Thank you, thank you."

-"I'm so glad to have this job."
-"Thank you for the chance.

I'm so glad to have this job,

thank you so very much
I'm so lucky."

And because I don't say that,

then I'm supposedly
controversial.

It's weird that you got
the controversial... thing

attached to you,
'cause you work in the morning.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
-And like-- (CHUCKLES)

And the morning
is not very kind.

People are just like,
"Hey, man, I'm just..."

"Hey, I'm just selling my book,
man."

(ALL LAUGHING)

It just seems odd. I mean--

And maybe
you have a nighttime persona

-in the daytime. You ever...?
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

-No, I'm pretty much the same.
-'Cause I've done your show.

-I never did it with you. But--
-No.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-Sorry.

-Yeah, why is that? Okay.
-You are always welcome there.

You just didn't get up
that early.

I get up now.

-I was ignorant then.
-What time you get up?

-What time you get up?
-I get up early, man.

-I'm up at 9:00.
-What time you get up?

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)
-(LAUGHS)

Come on, man.
Cut a brother some slack, man.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

I didn't get
into show business to work.

(ALL LAUGH)

Sleep's overrated.

-Sleep is overrated.
-Sleep is not--

-Sleep's overrated?
-Yeah.

-What are you talking about?
-You don't need a lot of sleep.

-You need some sleep, Bryant.
-You don't need a lot of sleep.

You need water, food, and sleep.

-(CHUCKLES)
-If you don't get nothing else.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, APPLAUDS)

(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

Let me ask you this.
Let me ask you this.

Is there ever a day,
no matter what time you get up

you don't complain
about getting up?

-(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)
-Sometime.

BRYANT GUMBEL: It doesn't matter
if you get up at 4:00

or at 11:00, you're going
to complain about it.

Am I right? And two minutes
after you're up, does it matter?

-Yes, sometimes.
-BRYANT: It does not.

If I was partying last night
with Puffy, you know?

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
-(CHUCKLES)

Chasing some girls
around the jacuzzi,

yes, I need a little
more sleep the next day.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
-(CHUCKLES)

-I used to get like--
-So, you don't need no sleep?

You know what?
I don't get a lot of sleep.

I don't need a lot of sleep.

I mean,
when I did the Today program,

I got up every day at 4:10,

I'd go to bed
about midnight, one o'clock.

-Really?
-BRYANT: Yeah.

You woke up at 4:00
in the morning?

BRYANT: Yeah.

-What's wrong with you, man?
-(CHUCKLES)

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING)

-What are you, the Terminator?
-No!

-You don't need sleep?
-There's too many things to do.

CHRIS:
What are you doing, Bryant?

Working, reading, playing golf.
Having fun.

You know,
it's real cool you have this--

you have a golf tournament
every year

to raise money for
the United Negro College Fund.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS, CHEERS)

You know...

The funny thing is--

That's-- Okay. You-- Okay.
Speaking white, that's ignorant.

-(CHUCKLES)
-But golf is very white.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS)

More brothers would play
if they dropped the requirement

-for plaid pants, that's true.
-Okay.

But the funny thing
about the tournament,

I've been doing the tournament
now ten years, and I bet

there's only a handful
of people

-that even know about it.
-MAN 1: Right!

You know? And we put--

My foundation puts
through 84 kids through college

every single year.
Every single year.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)
-And I've--

And the funny thing is, I do it
because I believe in education.

I believe in Black folks
getting an education.

I don't do it
to get your applause,

although, I'm grateful, really.

But the funny thing is,
nobody ever writes about that.

You see? Nobody ever writes
about that.

It is right that you hit them
upside the head.

That's right, I hit somebody
upside the head today.

All right, man.
I gotta thank you for coming.

Hey! Always a pleasure.
Always a pleasure.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)
-♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)
-A legend.

Now, I want everybody
to watch this.

NARRATOR: You loved
Dorf on Golf.

You howled at Dorf on Fishing.

Well, get ready to rupture
multiple internal organs

with hearty, out of control
laughter as you watch

-Dorf on Crack.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, APPLAUDS)

NARRATOR: Chuckle along
with the inner city's

most lovable loser

as Dorf tries his darnedest
to get high.

(EXPLOSION)

Damn these cheap ass
crack pipes.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

NARRATOR: And to get paid.

Sir, could I interest you
in a VCR for about 50 dollars?

I'll give you two dollars
for that.

-Sold.
-(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

Hey! Hey! Mother--!

I was gonna buy
some crack with that.

NARRATOR: Dorf just can't win,
but he takes the prize

as the wackiest substance
abuser you've ever seen.

-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

NARRATOR: For 19.95,

you can own this hilarious
video cassette for yourself.

It's 21 zany minutes of fun
at about the same price

as a couple hits
of crack cocaine.

Send for Dorf on Crack today,

before the real Dorf people
take some kind of legal action

and prevent us from selling it.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)

Okay, hey!

There's been a lot
of controversy about euthanasia

or mercy killings.

And it's mostly centered
around Dr. Kevorkian.

Well, what most people
don't know

is that there is another doctor

who has assisted in hundreds
of suicides

all over the country.
And his name

is Dr. Peter Johnson,
and he's my next guest.

Please welcome
Dr. Peter Johnson.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)

Now, euthanasia
or mercy killings,

as you may call them,
it's a very controversial topic.

Now, what's your take
on the right to die?

Well, Chris, I believe that
every human being has a right

to decide for themselves
if life is worth living.

I've devoted my life to this
principle by helping those

who are crying out
for the release

of a merciful death.

Now, I understand
that you have taken part

in hundreds
of assisted suicides.

-That's right, Chris, I have.
-Now, some people criticize you,

saying
that what you do is just murder.

Those people are ignorant,
Chris.

The fact is, I videotape
everyone that I euthanize.

In each tape, they positively
state their intention

-to commit suicide.
-CHRIS: Now, do you have

any tapes of...
that you can show us?

Yes, as a matter of fact,
I do have a couple clips.

Now, this first one
is a young man who was suffering

from a terrible
medical condition.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
-Sufferin'.

Okay, let's take a look.

PETER JOHNSON:
Please state your name.

Ed Connors.

PETER: Mr. Connors,
why don't you tell us

about your medical condition.

Well, I have a knee injury.

Last summer, my knee went out.
It hurts pretty bad.

PETER: And you've tried
getting treatment.

Well, yeah, I've had three
operations, but it still hurts.

-PETER: It's hopeless, isn't it?
-Well, yeah, it still hurts.

PETER: You want to die,
don't you?

Huh?

PETER: Wouldn't you like for me
to take the pain away?

-Well, yeah.
-PETER: I thought so.

And you made this decision
of your own free will.

-What kind of thing is this?
-PETER: Never mind, Mr. Connors.

You don't need
to say anything more.

I know you feel the pain.
I suggest we get this over with.

Hey! What are you...? (GROANS)

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

Now...

I think you can see
from the tape that Mr. Connors

-died of his own free will.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Doctor, with all due respect,
you killed that guy.

I did not kill him, Chris.
He killed himself.

I merely assisted him.

-He was suffering.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

But you didn't even do it
painlessly.

I mean, you strangled the guy!

What's the difference?
He's dead, isn't he?

He's not going to remember
if it was painful or not.

He's dead. The point is,
he got what he wanted.

Now this next tape. I'm gonna
show you this next tape.

It's of a woman, who, living had
become a terrible task for her.

And I was very happy
to bring her some relief.

-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)
-Okay. Let's look at the tape.

PETER: Excuse me, ma'am.

Oh, hello.

PETER: Ma'am, those bags
look very heavy.

I'll bet you're tired
of carrying them around,

-aren't you?
-Well, yes. I--

PETER: Would you like me
to help you

so you won't have to carry
them anymore?

Well, yes, I suppose so.

PETER: Say no more, ma'am.
I'm here to help you.

-(SCREAMS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

(DOG BARKING)

CHRIS: Stop the tape!

Stop the tape.
That was no mercy killing!

You mugged that old lady!

I didn't mug her, Chris.
I was helping her.

But you went through her wallet.
You had a fucking knife.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)

Chris,
I'm not independently wealthy.

I'm a doctor,
and I'm entitled to a fee.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

You're no doctor.
You're a murderer. A killer!

So, what you saying,
a Black man can't be a doctor?

What the fuck does Black
have to do with this?

You just killed somebody.

Chris, please just take a look
at this next tape of me

euthanizing a man
who was confined to a chair.

-(GROANS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Please, help me. Don't hurt me.
I don't want to die.

I don't want to die! (GROANS)

Okay, okay. Now, that guy
was actually saying,

if I'm not mistaken,
he said, "I don't wanna die!"

You call that a suicide?

Chris, I mean, some people,

after they make
the brave decision

to take their own lives,
right before the actual act,

they have second thoughts.

They have what I call
the fear of death.

Now, it's my job to see them
through that time of doubt.

No, no, no. You're no doctor,
you are a fraud.

-Chris, I beg to differ--
-(SNEEZES, SNIFFS)

-(COUGHS)
-Sir, is that a cold you have?

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS, CHEERS)

One second, I'll be right there.

-(ELECTRIC SAW RUMBLING)
-Hey! Run! Run!

(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)

I want to thank Dr. Johnson
very much.

Now, here to perform the song,
"Phenomenon"

from his latest album
just released this week,

-give it up for LL Cool J.
-(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)

LL Cool J: (SINGING)

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah
C'mon, c'mon hold it ♪

♪ Hands in the air
Beep, beep, you and the crew ♪

♪ Hold it ♪

♪ Baby girl was draped
In Chanel ♪

♪ Said she love Tupac
But hates some LL ♪

♪ Seen her at the bar
With anklets and toe rings ♪

♪ Take a prince
Turn him into a king ♪

♪ Staring at her in
The limelight, pearly whites ♪

♪ Said her man get paper
But he don't live right ♪

♪ All these emotions
Flowing inside the club ♪

♪ Do you really wanna thug
Or do ya want love? ♪

♪ She gets the paper
When it's time to get it ♪

♪ Keeps these clowns sinkin'
Like Chappaquiddick ♪

♪ Honey smoke make you click
Feel it in their throats ♪

♪ No joke all these love letters
They wrote ♪

♪ Behind every playa
Is a true playette ♪

♪ Bounce you up outta there
Push your check ♪

♪ Taster's choice
Have you nice and moist ♪

♪ Or play paper games ♪

♪ Or floss the rolls Royce
Come on... ♪

-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪
-♪ ...C'mon... ♪

-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪
-Up out ya seat!

-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪
-Hands in the air

from side to side.

Come on!
Let me hear you say, yeah!

AUDIENCE: (SINGING) ♪ Yeah! ♪

-♪ Say, yeah ♪
-AUDIENCE: (SINGING) ♪ Yeah! ♪

-♪ Now, scream ♪
-(AUDIENCE SCREAMS)

♪ Hold it ♪

♪ You was king of seduction
Cop a suction ♪

♪ Now, she with a cat
That work construction ♪

♪ Forfeit the paper
Abuse the mind ♪

♪ Dis a new lover
When you know it's outta line ♪

♪ On top
Lap dancing's got to stop ♪

♪ You play out your chick
'Cause your game is hot ♪

♪ I did it too, Italian iced
My whole crew ♪

♪ Banging on my chest
Till I'm black and blue ♪

♪ We beefin', yellin'
On the cell of my six ♪

♪ You reachin', then I heard
The cordless click ♪

♪ Now, your club hopping,
Keep the Cristal poppin' ♪

♪ Use my chips and take
The next man shoppin' ♪

♪ Hell, no
Must be out your mind ♪

♪ Your knees and your elbows
Each and every time ♪

♪ That's why I love you
Mami, you run your mouth ♪

♪ Throw your legs over the bed
Baby, work me out ♪

-♪ C'mon... ♪
-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪

-♪ ...C'mon, come on... ♪
-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪

-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪
-Hands in the air

from side to side.
Hands in the air.

-♪ Let me hear you say, yeah ♪
-AUDIENCE: (SINGING) ♪ Yeah! ♪

-♪ Say, yeah ♪
-AUDIENCE: (SINGING) ♪ Yeah! ♪

-♪ Now, scream... ♪
-(AUDIENCE SCREAMS)

♪ ...Hold it ♪

♪ You was all souped up
But played it just right ♪

♪ I was full-blown
My game was airtight ♪

♪ I needed to switch up
And get it in gear ♪

♪ It's a whole new movie
A world premiere ♪

♪ Yeah, keep it jinglin'
No more minglin' ♪

♪ Brand-new year
Me and you can bring it in ♪

♪ I'm tired of the freakin'
Night to morn' ♪

♪ Moanin' in the mirror
With my Cubans on ♪

♪ Let bygones be bygones
No more games ♪

♪ All the chicken heads
Go up in flames ♪

♪ Brand-new mansion
With the lake in back ♪

♪ Got it all figured out
Mami, I like that ♪

♪ Collect tips
Cop his and her whips ♪

♪ Waste a quarter mil'
On clothes is sick ♪

♪ You're worth it, playgirl
Real in the field ♪

♪ Say what you want
But keep your lips sealed ♪

-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪
-♪ Come on ♪

-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪
-♪ Come on ♪

♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪

-♪ Come on ♪
-♪ Something like a phenomenon ♪

-♪ Let me hear you say yeah ♪
-AUDIENCE: (SINGING) ♪ Yeah! ♪

-♪ Say, yeah ♪
-AUDIENCE: (SINGING) ♪ Yeah! ♪

-♪ Now, scream ♪
-(AUDIENCE SCREAMS)

-♪ Scream ♪
-(AUDIENCE SCREAMS)

♪ Raise the roof ♪

♪ C'mon, c'mon, raise the roof
C'mon, c'mon, raise the roof ♪

♪ C'mon, c'mon, raise the roof ♪

♪ Let me hear you say
phenomenon ♪

AUDIENCE: (SINGING)
♪ Phenomenon ♪

♪ Say, phenomenon ♪

AUDIENCE: (SINGING)
♪ Phenomenon ♪

♪ Say phenomenon ♪

AUDIENCE: (SINGING)
♪ Phenomenon ♪

-♪ Now, scream ♪
-(AUDIENCE SCREAMS)

♪ Beep, beep, you and the crew
Hold it, c'mon, c'mon ♪

♪ C'mon, beep, beep
You and the crew

♪ Hold it, c'mon, c'mon ♪

♪ C'mon, beep, beep
You and the crew ♪

♪ Hold it, c'mon, c'mon ♪

♪ C'mon, beep, beep
You and the crew ♪

One more time, come on.

♪ Beep, beep, you and the crew ♪

AUDIENCE: (SINGING) ♪ Hold it ♪

One more time, c'mon.

♪ Beep, beep
You and the crew... ♪

AUDIENCE: (SINGING)
♪ Hold it ♪

One more time, come on.

♪ Beep, beep
You and the crew... ♪

AUDIENCE: (SINGING)
♪ Hold it ♪

That's right, come on.
One more time.

♪ Beep, beep
You and the crew... ♪

AUDIENCE: (SINGING)
♪ Hold it ♪

♪ Phenomenon ♪

♪ Something like a phenomenon
Something like a phenomenon ♪

♪ Something like a phenomenon
Something like a phenomenon... ♪

Ladies and gentlemen, LL Cool J.
The baddest around.

I'd like to thank all my guests
for tonight's show.

Bryant Gumbel and LL Cool J.
Yo, Flash, take us out.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERS, APPLAUDS)
-♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(ELECTRIC SAW RUMBLING)

PETER: I got you!

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

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