All language subtitles for The Chris Rock Show s01e01 Johnnie Cochran.eng

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Hi, we're backstage
at the Trevor Berbick Theater.

This is where we tape
The Chris Rock Show.

You know, this old studio
is steeped in tradition.

(LAUGHTER)

Ah, let me check out
my old pictures.

Boy, who could forget the time

all the Wayans brothers
stopped by?

Oh, that Marlon sure is funny.

Ah, my first writing staff.

You know, they really wanted
to get to know

the Black experience,

so I fired 'em.

And how could I forget
the night Marion Barry

guest hosted the show?

Ooh, I caught
a lot of flak for that.

But, hey, Chris stands by
his friends.

A lot of people don't know this,
but I'm the second Chris Rock.

You know, like they had
two Lionels on The Jeffersons.

-Here's the original Chris.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

He drowned
in a vat of activator.

God rest his soul.

Hey! Who could forget
the night O.J. came by

to sell his new
instructional video tape,

I Didn't Kill My Wife!
But If I Did,

Here's How I'd Do It. Crazy.

What is this?
The first Chris Rock Show.

Hey, let's watch this,
Chris Rock #1.

(CROWD CHEERING)

ANNOUNCER:
From New York City,

it's The Chris Rock Show.

Tonight, Johnnie Cochran.

Plus musical director
Grandmaster Flash.

Ladies and gentlemen,
Chris Rock!

(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)

Hey, what's up,
what's up, what's up?

I want to thank everybody
for coming out to my show.

Fun to be doing a show
in New York.

New York, New York,
the home of the crack priest.

(LAUGHTER)

That's right, we got
a crack priest in New York.

Cr-- It's like--
You know what I'm talking about,

the priest was recently caught
smoking crack

while writing a sermon.

I'm not even making this up.

Now what the hell does
a crack sermon sound like?

"And on the sixth day,
God created crack.

And on the seventh day,
he sold his VCR."

(LAUGHTER)

Okay, uh, we got--
we gotta talk about O.J.,

have to talk about O.J.

Now, O.J.,
you know what happened,

he's getting ready
to lose a lot of money.

You know, you lose
a lot of money,

he might have to move
back with his mother

'cause he might lose his house.

Now, you know,
his mother's a old lady.

She's too old
to be picking up behind O.J.

It's like, "Oh, O.J.,
is this your blood?"

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

Now, O.J., O.J. has been playing
a lot of golf lately.

But now, he's, like,
complaining, like,

he can't play at the posh
country clubs anymore, no.

I read in the paper
where he had he has to play

at a public course
in a bad neighborhood.

(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)

I've never heard of
a golf course

in a bad neighborhood. Okay?

If you got that much grass,

you live in a pretty good
neighborhood.

(LAUGHTER)

-Um...
-(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

Now, with the--
on to the big issue, Ebonics.

-Ebonics, big in the news.
-(AUDIENCE BOOS)

Ebonics, everybody,
you know what they say.

There's two ways of speaking.
There's two ways of talking.

Yeah, there's two ways.
One way if you want a job...

(LAUGHTER)

-(APPLAUSE)
-(CHUCKLES)

...and that other way.

Uh, my man, Dennis Rodman,

Dennis Rodman has been
reinstated into the NBA.

As you-- Yeah,
he's coming back, Dennis.

-(AUDIENCE APPLAUDS)

Now, as you know,
Dennis had to pay a photographer

two hundred thousand dollars
when he fell out of bounds,

you know,
and kicked the cameraman.

Now, in the old days,
cameramen would get out the way.

(AUDIENCE CHUCKLES)

Now, when the cameraman
sees somebody coming,

they just take the charge.

-(LAUGHTER)
-Um...

Now, the women's NBA
is starting up.

They got the whole
women's thing going now.

And like, all-- Yeah, it's cool.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

They got all the women players,

all the big ones
from the Olympics are signed up.

And they're gonna get everything
that the male NBA players get.

They're gonna get
million-dollar shoe contracts,

they're gonna get endorsements,

they gonna get white girls,
everything!

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Uh...

Riddick Bowe
just joined the Marines.

Riddick Bowe joined the Marines!

-Well, that's some ass whoopin'.
-(LAUGHTER)

You get your ass whooped so bad,

I'm gonna sign up
for the Marines.

You know? How they gonna treat
Riddick Bowe in the Marines?

Riddick Bowe got
like 100 million dollars.

Hundred million. It's like,
"Riddick, drop down, give me 20.

Not 20 push-ups,
20,000 dollars!"

(LAUGHTER)

Speaking of boxing,
Mike Tyson, my man Mike,

turned down an offer
to endorse St. Ides Malt Liquor.

St. Ides Malt Liquor.

And Mike said, "Hey, that's how
I got fucked up the first time."

(CHEERING)

Hey, I want to thank everybody
for coming out.

I want you to give it up
for Grandmaster Flash.

(CHEERING)

Now, every
Black neighborhood has

a Martin Luther King Boulevard,
or a Malcolm X Boulevard.

But there's never been a street
named after a slain Black icon

in a white neighborhood.

So what I did,
I went to Howard Beach

to see if I could get people
to sign a petition

to rename one
of their greatest streets

into Tupac Shakur Boulevard.

(LAUGHTER)

Here's what happened.
Look at the screen.

I'm telling you that he stinks,
his music stinks.

And I'm not interested

in having this boulevard's
name changed

to a piece of dirt like him.

Pull over, over here.

Pull over, over here.

-Pull over, over here.
-CHRIS ROCK: Go. Go!

What the fuck are you doing?

I'm not gonna stop
for nobody who's not a cop.

-Have a good day.
-All right.

Enjoy.
Any problems, let us know.

We're trying to change
your Cross Bay Boulevard

-into a Tupac Shakur Boulevard.
-(LAUGHS)

-...to a Tupac Shakur Boulevard.
-Why?

He wants to change Cross Bay
into Tupac Shakur Boulevard.

Into Tupac Shakur Boulevard.

-Into Tupac Shakur Boulevard.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Too bad he's dead.

He should've died
before he was born.

-(AUDIENCE BOOS)
-You got nothing better to do?

CHRIS:
Are you familiar with Tupac?

-PEDESTRIAN: No.
-CHRIS: (SINGING) ♪ California ♪

♪ Knows how to party ♪

You can go back to Jersey.

We're trying to change
Cross Bay Boulevard

into Tupac Shakur Boulevard.

I don't want to sign it, sorry.

And I liked him,
he was a good entertainer.

I like you.
Tupac I didn't care for.

Have you ever heard
any of Tupac's music?

♪ ("CALIFORNIA LOVE" BY
TUPAC SHAKUR PLAYING ON RADIO) ♪

-♪ California ♪
-CHRIS: You don't feel that?

♪ Knows how to-- ♪

I heard all I wanna hear of it.

-♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
-Come on, bop your head.

I think you got a pair--
some pair of balls

to come around
a neighborhood like this...

Residents of Howard Beach unite.

Support Tupac Shakur Boulevard.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

CHRIS: How about
Bruce Springsteen Boulevard?

No.

-How about, uh,
Neil Diamond Boulevard? -No.

-Eric Clapton Boulevard?
-Nope.

Do you remember
Olivia Newton-John?

CHRIS: Olivia Newton-John?

♪ ("PHYSICAL" BY
OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN PLAYING) ♪

♪ Let's get physical, physical ♪

What about, uh, Frank Sinatra?

What if it was, uh,
Frank Sinatra Boulevard?

That'd be
a different story, right?

No, not Frank Sinatra.

CHRIS:
Residents of Howard Beach unite.

Support Tupac Shakur Boulevard.

Oh, I think I want
to change the street now.

-CHRIS: Great!
-Let's change the name.

All right, what the hell.

(AUDIENCE CHEERS)

Yeah, we're almost there.

♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

I'm into that.

Absolutely.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING)

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

Okay, I want to thank
Suge Knight

and all the good people
at Death Row Records

for letting us use that music.

Yes. Okay-- Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

Now, our first guest tonight
is recognized

as one of the top
defense attorneys in the world.

Please welcome
the Michael Jordan of the Dream Team,

Mr. Johnnie Cochran.

-♪ (MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

-Yes! Finally.
-How you doing?

I'm glad to be here.
I'm not Johnnie Cochran anymore.

I'm the lawyer formerly
known as Johnnie Cochran.

-Oh, okay.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

-(CHUCKLES)
-Okay.

Let me ask you this,
okay, let me--

Does O.J. owe you any money?

-(LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Let's see, I think he owes me

about 8.6 million dollars,
I think.

But no, I'm only--
I'm only kidding. No, no.

-You're slightly kidding.
-I'm slightly-- I'm only--

(LAUGHS)

-I'm only kidding. No.
-You're only--

Well you better kid him,
'cause you never know

-what might happen.
-I'm only kidding. (LAUGHS)

Yeah, I--
You're like an idol to me.

I mean, you are-- first of all,
forget the O.J. thing.

You got Todd Bridges,
shot at somebody eight times,

you got him off.

Michael Jackson had a kid
sleeping in his house,

you talked to somebody,
he's a free man.

But you don't get-- You don't--

You know, after this trial,
people got so mad at you,

and they didn't give you
the respect you were due.

I mean, you know, Marcia Clark
got a bigger book deal than you.

You're kinda like Joe Frazier
after he beat Ali.

-(LAUGHS)
-It's like--

It's like he won,
but, no, I guess he didn't.

(LAUGHTER)

Everybody talks about race
in the whole trial.

Do you think looks
had anything to do with it?

-Well--
-'Cause O.J. was a good-looking guy, now.

Well, you know, I've had--
I've had cases

-where good-looking defendants--
-CHRIS: Yes.

I once had a case where--
where we had pictures

-of the defendant in his briefs.
-CHRIS: Really?

And you should have seen
the jury.

They were mesmerized
by the pictures of this man.

And so, looks had
something to do with it.

Really? Was the defendant
a football player?

Um, I represent
a couple football players.

-Really? (LAUGHS)
-(LAUGHS) Jim Brown.

-Really?
-Yes.

Oh man, you like 'em...

(BOTH LAUGH)

-You repped Jim Brown too?
-Yes, I--

Like when he threw the little
white girl out the window?

-Well, I didn't--
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

No, that was just an allegation.

-That was the allegation, huh?
-It was an allegation.

-That was an allegation.
-Oh, okay.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, LAUGHING)

Just an allegation!
That's right, you know,

'cause some people think
they can fly.

-(LAUGHS)
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

And if she thought
she could fly,

and my client just happened
to be behind her...

(LAUGHS)

...why should he do any time,
Your Honor?

If she can't fly,
don't ask me why.

Oh, man. So...

(LAUGHTER)

I'm just so on yours, man.

Do you think that--
okay, on the serious side,

do you think it's possible
for a poor man

to get a fair trial
in this country?

It's real hard for a poor man
to get a fair trial, Chris.

I mean,
there's no question about it.

If you don't have the finances
to level the playing field,

prosecution has
all the resources,

and it's very difficult.

It's one of the things we ought
to address in this country,

to have adequate resources
for everybody,

so everybody can get
a fair trial.

(APPLAUSE)

Let me ask you this, though.

When was the last time
you represented a poor man?

Oh, I have lots--
We talk all the time.

You hear about the M.J.s
and the O.J.s,

but I love representing
the No Js,

-people you never heard of.
-CHRIS: Wow.

Those are my favorite clients,
absolutely,

-no question about it.
-Wow, you know, I've got--

I got a couple of cousins...

(LAUGHS)

-...that may need your help.
-All right.

Now, you went after--

Your big thing is going after
the police departments.

You know, you're--
that's your thing.

And I remember, in our
pre-interview thing, you said...

years ago, it was unheard of
to go after a police department.

When we first started trying
cases of police brutality,

nobody in L.A.
had ever won a case, ever.

And now, you know,
it's commonplace now.

Because, see, people wanted to
bury their heads in the sand.

Police do a fine job
in most communities,

but not all police
always tell the truth, or--

and sometimes
they beat people up.

And so we tried to argue this
for years,

and now we've demonstrated that.

And I think it's made for
better police departments.

And it's made for
a better society.

People should stop burying
their heads in the sand.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING)

Now, what was the craziest--

I mean, what was one of the--

Just give me an example
of police brutality

that no one would ever
think would happen.

Well, I was trying a case
of a client

who, uh, basically,
the police broke his neck.

It was a real sad case.
This man had eight children.

In the course of the trial,

the lawyer for
the county of Los Angeles

was gonna demonstrate--
they hog-tied this man,

and he was going to
demonstrate for the jury

how that wasn't so bad,
to be hog-tied.

You know, where you have
your hands behind your back

and you have your legs cuffed
and you hook them together.

And he allowed himself to
get on the table in the trial,

to be handcuff--
to be hog-tied.

After a while, he turned so red
he could hardly talk.

And I just pointed, I said,
"That's exhibit number one,

ladies and gentlemen
of the jury."

And it was just--
it was so graphic.

Even he learned
how tough it was.

Wow, man. Whoa.

And today,
that guy's a rich man.

(LAUGHS)

And so is Johnnie.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

-Well, I don't know about that.
-Oh, I saw you in Jet Man.

(LAUGHING)

CHRIS: I saw you in Jet.

You had a Rolls-Royce
before O.J., man.

You're living good, man.

So, now-- Let me address--

Do you think that, you know,
the media in the country

is treating you unfairly?

You know,
I accept what takes place.

But, I mean,
let me put it this way.

That I think that if, um,
under the circumstances--

There are a lot of people
in the media

who pre-judged the Simpson case,

and they pre-judged
everything we did.

And, um, I think that
if I were white,

it would've been a different
situation. I really do.

And so, you know, you might
as well tell the truth about it.

(APPLAUSE)

If you were white, you'd be like
Tom Cruise in The Firm.

That's right, that's right,
that's right.

(LAUGHTER)

You could've been the man.
Oh, my God, man.

So, what's next
for Johnnie Cochran?

Well, a couple things.

I'm gonna be appearing at
Madison Square Garden, uh,

-with a talk on justice--
-Temptations, huh?

No, no-- well, yes--

We'll be singing later.
But on March 8th.

Uh, I've got my own show now,
Cochran and Grace,

-each night 10:00 on Court TV.
-Okay. Okay.

And the most important thing
for me right now

is I have a client,
Geronimo Pratt,

former Black Panther leader,
who was convicted 25 years ago

in July of 1972,
and he's innocent,

a victim of the FBI's
counterintelligence program.

On February 27th,
I'm going to California

to argue a motion
for a new trial for him.

And if we get it,
we're gonna try that case

and get him out
after all these years.

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
-That's my passion.

(APPLAUSE)

-Mr. Johnnie Cochran.
-My pleasure.

Thank you for being here.
I hope I never need you.

(LAUGHS) Thank you, Chris.

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(AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING)

In, uh, recent years,

Americans have become fascinated
with court cases

like O.J.,
the Menéndez brothers.

So in keeping with that,
we have our own

legal correspondent,
Mr. Coleman Brooks.

-Hello, Coleman.
-How you doing, Chris?

So, Coleman, what sort of case
are you following this week?

Chris, it's an armed robbery
of a convenience store

at the corner of Hillside
and 89th Street

in Queens, New York.

Really, now, what's
the big deal about a holdup?

Well, Chris, this case
could have larger ramifications.

Like what?

Like, I could do ten years.

(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Wait, hold up a minute,
you could do ten years?

Chris, the prosecution alleges

that a Black man
matching my description

entered the mini-mart
in question,

brandishing
a .45 caliber handgun,

making off with some 87 dollars.

He was later arrested
after spending the money

on several vials
of crack cocaine.

So, what are you claiming
about these charges?

They're preposterous, Chris.

I've been off
the pipe for a week.

(LAUGHTER)

Right. So, uh, Coleman,
let me get this straight.

What is the prosecution
basing their case on?

Their key piece of evidence
is this piece of video tape

from the surveillance camera
at the mini-mart in question.

Give me the money.

(CASHIER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

CHRIS: Wait a minute.

-That was you, Coleman.
-Ah!

Chris, allegedly.

But the defense intends to prove
a prima facie case

that the defendant
was a victim of entrapment.

Coleman, how the hell
was that entrapment?

Well, Chris, there was a store
with money in it.

I was broke.

Therefore,
the store was entrapping me

-into coming in and robbing it.
-(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

Yeah, but what about the video?

Keep in mind, Chris, it's a very
short piece of video footage,

and it's shot at a distance
of some nine feet.

Yeah, but, Coleman,

if they slow it down
and enlarge it,

there'll be no mistaking
that was you.

Allegedly, Chris.

But if they speed it up
and shrink it,

you can barely make me out.

Why the fuck
would they do that?

That's the dumbest thing
I ever heard.

Coleman, I thought
you were a legal expert.

Allegedly, Chris, once again.

(APPLAUSE)

Thanks, Coleman.
We'll get back you.

Thank you.

(CHEERING)

Hey, Conan.

Hey, Chris, congratulations,
that was great.

Oh man, I'm glad
you could make it.

Yeah, your first talk show.
I was watching it.

I gotta say, you really earned
your wings out there.

You know, that means a lot
coming from you.

All right, well,
let's get this over with. Okay?

Oh, God!

-(SCREAMING)
-Come on, come on!

Come on. Take it like a man.
Come on! Come on!

-My heart! My heart!
-Come on, take it!

(GROANS)

♪ (THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

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