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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,252 --> 00:00:04,088 (dramatic music) 2 00:00:25,735 --> 00:00:26,735 - Hot dog. 3 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:42,543 - I'd like one with onions, please. 4 00:00:50,176 --> 00:00:51,385 - Hi. 5 00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:52,719 Nice day, huh? 6 00:01:01,771 --> 00:01:02,771 Thank you. 7 00:01:11,363 --> 00:01:14,492 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 8 00:01:14,825 --> 00:01:17,953 ♪ Take your baby to the flicks ♪ 9 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:21,040 ♪ That's where you can be together ♪ 10 00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,502 ♪ That's where you can get your kicks ♪ 11 00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:27,755 ♪ Sit her in a back row ♪ 12 00:01:28,089 --> 00:01:31,050 ♪ Where the lights are low ♪ 13 00:01:31,383 --> 00:01:34,095 ♪ Pick yourself a double feature ♪ 14 00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:37,348 ♪ To the movie pics, go ♪ 15 00:01:37,681 --> 00:01:41,102 ♪ If your baby wants a lolly ♪ 16 00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:44,021 ♪ Buy her one or even two ♪ 17 00:01:44,355 --> 00:01:47,108 ♪ And when she has got that lolly ♪ 18 00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,528 ♪ There is one thing you can do ♪ 19 00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:53,656 ♪ Put your arms around her ♪ 20 00:01:53,989 --> 00:01:57,201 ♪ Hold her oh so tight ♪ 21 00:01:57,535 --> 00:02:00,246 ♪ You can give a star performance ♪ 22 00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:03,958 ♪ On the movie pics night ♪ 23 00:02:31,402 --> 00:02:34,155 ♪ Billy Fury, Adam Faith ♪ 24 00:02:34,488 --> 00:02:37,867 ♪ And Frank Sinatra, too ♪ 25 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,870 ♪ They will make your partners cuddle ♪ 26 00:02:41,203 --> 00:02:44,039 ♪ Oh so close to you ♪ 27 00:02:44,373 --> 00:02:46,625 ♪ Shirley McClain is swinging ♪ 28 00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:49,336 ♪ And Cliff Richard and his boys ♪ 29 00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:52,464 ♪ So, take your baby to the movies ♪ 30 00:02:52,798 --> 00:02:55,801 ♪ And take your choice ♪ 31 00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:59,221 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 32 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:02,474 ♪ Take your baby to the flicks ♪ 33 00:03:02,808 --> 00:03:05,561 ♪ That's where you can be together ♪ 34 00:03:05,895 --> 00:03:08,189 ♪ That's where you can get your kicks ♪ 35 00:03:09,231 --> 00:03:12,276 ♪ Sit her in a back row ♪ 36 00:03:12,610 --> 00:03:15,362 ♪ Where the lights are low ♪ 37 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:18,782 ♪ Pick yourself a double feature ♪ 38 00:03:19,116 --> 00:03:22,119 ♪ To the movie pics, go ♪ 39 00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:25,623 ♪ If your baby wants a lolly ♪ 40 00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:29,001 ♪ Buy her one or even two ♪ 41 00:03:29,335 --> 00:03:32,254 ♪ And when she has got her lolly ♪ 42 00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,424 ♪ There is one thing you can do ♪ 43 00:03:35,758 --> 00:03:38,719 ♪ Put your arms around her ♪ 44 00:03:39,053 --> 00:03:41,972 ♪ Hold her oh so tight ♪ 45 00:03:42,306 --> 00:03:45,267 ♪ You can give a star performance ♪ 46 00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:48,646 ♪ On a movie pics night ♪ 47 00:03:48,979 --> 00:03:52,107 ♪ Take your baby to the movies ♪ 48 00:03:52,441 --> 00:03:55,402 ♪ Get your action at the movies ♪ 49 00:03:55,736 --> 00:03:58,781 ♪ Swinging music at the movies ♪ 50 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:00,532 ♪ You and your ♪ 51 00:04:00,866 --> 00:04:03,702 ♪ Baby at the movies ♪ 52 00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:13,629 ♪ New York, New York, it's a hell of a town ♪ 53 00:04:13,963 --> 00:04:16,215 ♪ The taxis got off and Yorkers go down ♪ 54 00:04:16,548 --> 00:04:19,009 ♪ Do do do do dee do do ♪ 55 00:04:19,343 --> 00:04:20,678 ♪ New York, New York ♪ 56 00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,597 (whimsical music) 57 00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:33,482 Dive, 58 00:04:33,816 --> 00:04:34,816 dive! 59 00:04:35,567 --> 00:04:38,779 Motherfucker. (chuckles) 60 00:04:39,113 --> 00:04:39,697 Hey. 61 00:04:40,030 --> 00:04:41,282 Are you guys the 62 00:04:41,615 --> 00:04:44,159 Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures 63 00:04:44,493 --> 00:04:46,370 Brothers Unlimited, Inc? 64 00:04:46,704 --> 00:04:47,955 - [All] Yeah, that's us. 65 00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:51,041 - Good, 'cause I have a telegram for you. 66 00:04:52,334 --> 00:04:53,335 ♪ We don't look related ♪ 67 00:04:53,669 --> 00:04:54,712 ♪ But we're very elated ♪ 68 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:57,131 ♪ And we're greatly understated when we say ♪ 69 00:04:57,464 --> 00:05:00,092 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 70 00:05:00,426 --> 00:05:04,221 ♪ Brothers Unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 71 00:05:04,555 --> 00:05:05,795 ♪ This gentleman's our father ♪ 72 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,349 ♪ And we know that he would rather ♪ 73 00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,852 ♪ Never say how many wives it took to make ♪ 74 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:12,938 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 75 00:05:13,272 --> 00:05:16,900 ♪ Brothers Unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 76 00:05:17,234 --> 00:05:18,527 ♪ I married a career girl ♪ 77 00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:20,029 ♪ He married a career girl ♪ 78 00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:21,642 ♪ Two virgins and three tramps ♪ 79 00:05:21,739 --> 00:05:23,019 ♪ Two virgins and three tramps ♪ 80 00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:25,409 ♪ By the time this one came along ♪ 81 00:05:25,743 --> 00:05:28,662 ♪ I was so old they called me gramps ♪ 82 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:31,332 ♪ These two are legit ♪ 83 00:05:31,665 --> 00:05:34,251 ♪ This one's a little shit ♪ 84 00:05:34,585 --> 00:05:35,645 ♪ And I know that there are others ♪ 85 00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,087 ♪ Who certainly are brothers ♪ 86 00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:38,421 ♪ But not ♪ 87 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,112 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and ♪ 88 00:05:40,215 --> 00:05:42,468 (singing gibberish) 89 00:05:42,801 --> 00:05:44,803 ♪ What do you think ♪ 90 00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:46,847 ♪ We weren't born with smarts ♪ 91 00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,849 ♪ But we got six balls, three hearts ♪ 92 00:05:49,183 --> 00:05:52,311 ♪ So the brothers got together and formed ♪ 93 00:05:52,644 --> 00:05:55,439 (singing gibberish) 94 00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:58,901 ♪ What do you think ♪ 95 00:05:59,234 --> 00:06:02,154 ♪ Remember that day we met Mr. Big ♪ 96 00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:04,740 ♪ That day we met a man, yeah ♪ 97 00:06:05,074 --> 00:06:07,451 ♪ They called the Money Man ♪ 98 00:06:07,785 --> 00:06:12,581 ♪ He gave us half a million for a plan to start ♪ 99 00:06:13,957 --> 00:06:16,377 ♪ The Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 100 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,755 ♪ Brothers Unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 101 00:06:20,089 --> 00:06:23,550 ♪ We arty and creative ♪ 102 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:28,680 ♪ And smartly innovative ♪ 103 00:06:31,266 --> 00:06:34,978 ♪ We believe in nepotism ♪ 104 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:39,566 ♪ Oh, good morning Mrs. Prism ♪ 105 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,443 ♪ We're the one and only ♪ 106 00:06:41,777 --> 00:06:42,817 ♪ I'll never be a lonely ♪ 107 00:06:42,903 --> 00:06:43,903 ♪ I gotta work ♪ 108 00:06:44,196 --> 00:06:45,406 ♪ Getting unemployment ♪ 109 00:06:45,739 --> 00:06:47,991 ♪ A junkie, a drunk, living in a bunk ♪ 110 00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:49,368 ♪ I'm lucky to be ♪ 111 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:50,701 ♪ Single and free ♪ 112 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:52,037 ♪ Our mothers must be proud ♪ 113 00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:53,371 ♪ For crying out loud ♪ 114 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:54,622 ♪ I got you ♪ 115 00:06:54,706 --> 00:06:55,707 ♪ You got me ♪ 116 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:57,167 ♪ We have us ♪ 117 00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:58,502 ♪ Are we ♪ 118 00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:03,257 ♪ Together we make three ♪ 119 00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:08,387 ♪ We're the The Creative Concepts ♪ 120 00:07:09,555 --> 00:07:11,890 ♪ Systems and Procedures ♪ 121 00:07:12,224 --> 00:07:15,519 ♪ Brothers Unlimited Inc. ♪ 122 00:07:15,853 --> 00:07:19,648 ♪ What do you think ♪ 123 00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,067 ♪ I need a drink ♪ 124 00:07:22,401 --> 00:07:24,153 (whimsical music) 125 00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:25,713 - Gentlemen, I call this meeting 126 00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,739 to discuss our deteriorating financial situation. 127 00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:29,533 - What about our league? 128 00:07:29,867 --> 00:07:32,661 - Face it, Ned, Big League Bocce is not going to catch on. 129 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:34,496 We're broke, gentlemen. 130 00:07:34,830 --> 00:07:35,956 - We mustn't give up. 131 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,709 Big League Bocce's gonna sweep the country. 132 00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,462 Just ask Mr. Big to give us more time. 133 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:42,795 - Yeah, Red's right. 134 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:45,466 After all, we named the league after him. 135 00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,302 - Yeah, we still got one team left. 136 00:07:48,635 --> 00:07:50,554 Thank God for the Greensboro Pisanos 137 00:07:51,221 --> 00:07:52,490 - But if there's only one team left, 138 00:07:52,514 --> 00:07:53,514 who are they gonna play? 139 00:07:53,557 --> 00:07:54,600 - You're so negative. 140 00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:56,059 - Ah, fuck you. 141 00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:58,520 - Hey, what about this telegram? 142 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:01,064 First you sing, then you talk. 143 00:08:01,398 --> 00:08:03,233 You want this telegram or what? 144 00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,068 - I'll take that, young man. 145 00:08:05,402 --> 00:08:07,112 (gasps) 146 00:08:07,446 --> 00:08:08,446 - What's up, Fred? 147 00:08:08,697 --> 00:08:10,199 - It's from the Greensboro Pisanos. 148 00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:12,366 - Well? 149 00:08:13,035 --> 00:08:14,953 - Fangul, y'all, we quit. 150 00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:20,501 Gentlemen, it's all over. (phone rings) 151 00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:23,170 - Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures 152 00:08:23,504 --> 00:08:25,005 Brothers Unlimited Inc. 153 00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:27,799 Home of Big League Bocce, now defunct. 154 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:29,510 Miss Bliss speaking. 155 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,011 May I help you? 156 00:08:32,262 --> 00:08:34,890 Fred, it's Mr. Big. (dramatic music) 157 00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:37,059 (gasps) 158 00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:40,771 I'm sorry, he's having a heart attack right now. 159 00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:42,481 May I take a message. 160 00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:46,278 - [Mr. Big] They don't get the half million to me 161 00:08:46,485 --> 00:08:49,112 in 24 hours, I'll take them one by one 162 00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:51,156 and blow their fucking brains out. 163 00:08:51,490 --> 00:08:53,534 - We'll see that he gets the message. 164 00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:54,952 And thank you for calling. 165 00:08:55,285 --> 00:08:57,079 Say hello to Mrs. Big. 166 00:08:57,412 --> 00:08:58,412 Bye. 167 00:08:58,622 --> 00:08:59,623 You guys is dead. 168 00:08:59,957 --> 00:09:00,957 - Don't say that. 169 00:09:01,166 --> 00:09:03,085 We still got a whole day. 170 00:09:03,418 --> 00:09:05,504 - We've got to make a fortune fast. 171 00:09:05,837 --> 00:09:07,172 Let's sell real estate. 172 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,132 - Too risky. - What about heroine? 173 00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:11,593 - Too much government competition. 174 00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:13,011 Any other ideas? 175 00:09:13,345 --> 00:09:16,348 (all talking at once) 176 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:18,474 - Hold it. 177 00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:19,226 Hold it! 178 00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:22,187 (beeping music) 179 00:09:23,397 --> 00:09:24,717 You guys are creative, aren't you? 180 00:09:24,940 --> 00:09:25,983 - Sure. - Yeah. 181 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,359 - Goddamn right. 182 00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:30,195 - Well, there's only one way to make that kind of money 183 00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:31,780 in 24 hours. 184 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,242 Make a porno flick. 185 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:36,743 A dirty movie. 186 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:38,245 You'll clean up. 187 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,747 - But we don't know nothing about movie making. 188 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,791 - Aw, with some technical assistance, 189 00:09:43,125 --> 00:09:45,752 you can put together a dynamite fuck film. 190 00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:50,048 What you need is lots of raunchy sex, 191 00:09:50,382 --> 00:09:52,509 plenty of sucking and fucking. 192 00:09:52,843 --> 00:09:54,886 - Yeah, maybe even a plot. 193 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,305 - Terrific Red. 194 00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:57,973 - Nah, nah, nah. 195 00:09:58,307 --> 00:10:01,310 You need plenty of hardcore sex. 196 00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:02,644 (all panting) 197 00:10:02,978 --> 00:10:04,354 Close ups. 198 00:10:04,688 --> 00:10:06,273 (all gasping) 199 00:10:06,607 --> 00:10:07,607 Penetration. 200 00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:10,944 - Whoa! - Moaning and groaning. 201 00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,278 - Oh yeah. 202 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,238 - Now. 203 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,158 Here's an idea. 204 00:10:16,491 --> 00:10:18,827 You got this girl, see, 205 00:10:19,161 --> 00:10:21,038 and she's all alone, 206 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:25,292 practically. (whimsical music) 207 00:10:25,626 --> 00:10:27,961 (sexy music) 208 00:10:38,555 --> 00:10:41,016 - Another lonely Saturday night. 209 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:42,350 Stood up again. 210 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:44,686 Men are so horrid. 211 00:10:46,647 --> 00:10:49,441 (mellow music) 212 00:10:49,775 --> 00:10:52,277 (dog grunting) 213 00:10:59,910 --> 00:11:01,370 - Oh, but I couldn't. 214 00:11:02,663 --> 00:11:03,664 You're a dog. 215 00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:07,124 - So. 216 00:11:07,292 --> 00:11:09,127 I've had all my shots. 217 00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:10,796 I'm attractive, 218 00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:13,674 and I'm a purebred cocker. - You are. 219 00:11:14,716 --> 00:11:16,134 You're beautiful. 220 00:11:17,469 --> 00:11:18,887 - And easy to please. 221 00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,347 Discreet. 222 00:11:20,681 --> 00:11:22,891 You don't have to do a thing, sweetheart. 223 00:11:23,225 --> 00:11:25,102 Fido will take care of you. 224 00:11:25,435 --> 00:11:26,436 Come on, baby. 225 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:31,733 ♪ Come as you are ♪ 226 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,819 ♪ Just take it a little closer ♪ 227 00:11:34,152 --> 00:11:37,322 ♪ To your situation ♪ 228 00:11:37,656 --> 00:11:41,910 ♪ Following the way that you feel ♪ 229 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:44,454 ♪ The way you writhe ♪ 230 00:11:44,788 --> 00:11:47,416 ♪ A little closer ♪ 231 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:51,169 ♪ Get yourself to something on me ♪ 232 00:11:51,503 --> 00:11:56,258 ♪ 'Cause baby we got something ♪ 233 00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:02,347 ♪ Something we both can't hide ♪ 234 00:12:02,681 --> 00:12:07,477 ♪ Oh, it's so good ♪ 235 00:12:08,103 --> 00:12:12,524 ♪ You're good ♪ 236 00:12:13,483 --> 00:12:16,319 ♪ We got a good thing going on ♪ 237 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:17,653 - Oh, yes, Fido. 238 00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:20,698 Speak, speak. 239 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:22,658 Yes. 240 00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:23,784 Yes. 241 00:12:24,703 --> 00:12:29,374 (moaning) Oh, Fido, you're such a beast. 242 00:12:32,502 --> 00:12:37,048 (howling) (screaming) 243 00:12:40,385 --> 00:12:43,096 ♪ I got something ♪ 244 00:12:44,431 --> 00:12:47,559 - You really are a girl's best friend. 245 00:12:49,644 --> 00:12:54,524 ♪ We got something ♪ 246 00:12:55,650 --> 00:12:59,905 ♪ You got a good thing going on ♪ 247 00:13:00,864 --> 00:13:03,784 ♪ We got a good thing going on ♪ 248 00:13:08,663 --> 00:13:09,663 - [All] Oh. 249 00:13:10,373 --> 00:13:11,541 - Sexy, huh? 250 00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,252 And you can bet your ass every guy in the audience 251 00:13:14,586 --> 00:13:17,255 is gonna be identifying with that dog. 252 00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:18,965 - Just a moment, boys. 253 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,179 We'll get a lot of heat from the Humane Society. 254 00:13:21,510 --> 00:13:22,510 - Yeah, Fred's right. 255 00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:24,054 - What about you, Gramps. 256 00:13:24,387 --> 00:13:25,387 Got any ideas? 257 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:27,098 - I've got some great ideas. 258 00:13:27,432 --> 00:13:28,475 How about this. 259 00:13:28,809 --> 00:13:30,018 Guy's walking down the street, 260 00:13:31,812 --> 00:13:32,812 sees a sign, 261 00:13:33,647 --> 00:13:34,940 goes in. 262 00:13:35,273 --> 00:13:37,526 (upbeat music) 263 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,051 Hot shit! 264 00:14:05,637 --> 00:14:07,472 (clears throat) 265 00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:09,099 Excuse me, 266 00:14:09,432 --> 00:14:11,518 I'm a little embarrassed about this, 267 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:16,189 but who do I see about taking nude photographs. 268 00:14:18,733 --> 00:14:19,776 Ooh. (giggles) 269 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:21,790 - Well, you came to the right place, honey. 270 00:14:21,903 --> 00:14:23,572 Is there anymore at home like you? 271 00:14:23,905 --> 00:14:25,105 - Well, I... - I don't see him. 272 00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,842 Girls get a load of what just walked in. 273 00:14:27,033 --> 00:14:28,033 - Oh my goodness. 274 00:14:28,326 --> 00:14:29,619 - Oh my god. - Yeah. 275 00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:33,290 - My worthless life has meaning. 276 00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,458 - Wait a minute, now wait a minute. 277 00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:37,794 I'm supposed to take pictures of you. 278 00:14:39,713 --> 00:14:41,089 What about the money? 279 00:14:42,340 --> 00:14:43,633 - Well, here's a 50. 280 00:14:43,967 --> 00:14:45,635 Lie down on the table, honey. 281 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:46,969 This won't hurt a bit. 282 00:14:47,929 --> 00:14:50,432 - Oh, oh, hey wait... (giggling) 283 00:14:50,765 --> 00:14:52,642 Oh, please, oh, my heart. 284 00:14:55,812 --> 00:14:58,148 - Yahoo, it's a big one! 285 00:14:58,481 --> 00:14:59,900 - My blood pressure, ooh. (giggling) 286 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,985 Oh, oh. - Don't be a pig. 287 00:15:03,486 --> 00:15:05,030 How do you like it, Gramps? 288 00:15:05,363 --> 00:15:08,533 - Oh, I like it like that, but what about the pictures? 289 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:12,162 Ooh, oh, my heart. (giggling) 290 00:15:12,495 --> 00:15:13,663 Oh, that's nice. 291 00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:16,750 (Gramps moaning) 292 00:15:21,630 --> 00:15:23,340 Yahoo! - Here we go again! 293 00:15:23,673 --> 00:15:28,053 - I got this side. (giggling) 294 00:15:28,386 --> 00:15:30,680 (laughing) 295 00:15:31,014 --> 00:15:32,054 - Well, how'd you like it? 296 00:15:32,307 --> 00:15:34,517 - Well, it's a swell fantasy, Gramps, 297 00:15:34,851 --> 00:15:36,519 but it's just not believable. 298 00:15:36,853 --> 00:15:37,955 The audience will never buy it. 299 00:15:37,979 --> 00:15:39,314 - What do you mean? 300 00:15:39,648 --> 00:15:41,650 It happened to me twice just last week. 301 00:15:41,983 --> 00:15:44,819 - Ooh, ooh, I got an idea for the flick. 302 00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,154 - Yeah, here it comes. 303 00:15:46,488 --> 00:15:47,928 - Well, everyone's been in a hospital 304 00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:49,950 and had those fantasies, 305 00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:52,619 thinking of the nurses, whacking off in bed. 306 00:15:52,953 --> 00:15:53,953 (chuckling) 307 00:15:54,079 --> 00:15:55,664 - I never whack off in bed. 308 00:15:55,997 --> 00:15:57,707 I think it's depraved. - Nah, fuck you. 309 00:15:58,041 --> 00:16:00,835 - Well, anyway, here's the idea. 310 00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:03,630 Guy's just waking up from an operation. 311 00:16:03,964 --> 00:16:04,964 See? 312 00:16:05,006 --> 00:16:06,591 He's groggy. 313 00:16:06,925 --> 00:16:08,134 Just coming to, see. 314 00:16:09,427 --> 00:16:11,805 And he starts calling, see. 315 00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:17,185 Nurse, nurse. 316 00:16:17,519 --> 00:16:19,437 (groaning) Nurse. 317 00:16:19,771 --> 00:16:20,897 - It's all right, sir. 318 00:16:21,231 --> 00:16:22,440 Nurse is here. 319 00:16:22,774 --> 00:16:24,776 What is it? - I'm sinking fast. 320 00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:27,654 - Yes, I know. - I only have a few minutes. 321 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,657 - Poor thing. - I'm so horny. 322 00:16:30,991 --> 00:16:31,991 Help me. 323 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,535 Please. 324 00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:35,662 - Oh, you poor sick thing. 325 00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:40,542 Well, Nurse McPringle never shrinks from a challenge, 326 00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:44,546 no matter how big. 327 00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:50,552 (Red groaning) 328 00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,653 - [Red] Yes, nurse, ah. 329 00:17:08,987 --> 00:17:10,947 Yes! (moaning) 330 00:17:11,281 --> 00:17:16,077 (both moaning) ("William Tell's Overture") 331 00:17:20,874 --> 00:17:22,333 I'm coming! 332 00:17:22,667 --> 00:17:24,919 (both moaning) 333 00:17:28,131 --> 00:17:29,299 Oh, that's it. 334 00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:33,845 (both moaning) ("William Tell's Overture") 335 00:17:36,014 --> 00:17:38,058 - What's going on in there? - Oops! 336 00:17:39,851 --> 00:17:42,270 Some poor devil is suffering. 337 00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,774 - Doctor, who was that masked lady. 338 00:17:46,107 --> 00:17:47,776 I wanted to thank her. 339 00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:51,279 - Why sir, that was no masked lady. 340 00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,406 That was the head nurse. 341 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:55,992 (Red groaning) 342 00:17:57,243 --> 00:18:00,914 ("William Tell's Overture") 343 00:18:01,873 --> 00:18:02,873 - Down. 344 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,462 Down boy, down, big fella. (horse neighing) 345 00:18:07,796 --> 00:18:08,838 Whoa! 346 00:18:09,172 --> 00:18:13,968 Whoa! ("William Tell's Overture") 347 00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,515 (laughing) 348 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,308 - My idea was right. 349 00:18:20,642 --> 00:18:23,061 - Now, that's box office, I tell ya. 350 00:18:23,394 --> 00:18:25,814 A first class motion picture. 351 00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:28,608 - Gummy Pachino. (laughing) 352 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,531 - I've an idea for a picture. 353 00:18:37,534 --> 00:18:41,830 A porno monster thriller (laughing) 354 00:18:42,163 --> 00:18:43,414 about a blowfish. 355 00:18:43,748 --> 00:18:48,545 (laughing) (suspenseful music) 356 00:19:04,602 --> 00:19:07,063 Who sucks off on weary swimmers. 357 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:13,278 Can't you see that fucking fish? (laughing) 358 00:19:13,611 --> 00:19:18,408 (upbeat music) (swimmer groaning) 359 00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:36,425 (laughing) 360 00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:41,431 - We'll title it as Deep Trout. (laughing) 361 00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:44,475 (upbeat music) 362 00:19:50,315 --> 00:19:52,692 - Gentlemen, we're just floundering around here. 363 00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,461 It seems clear we've reached the point 364 00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,845 where we need technical assistance. 365 00:19:55,987 --> 00:19:58,281 - I know just the man you need. 366 00:19:58,615 --> 00:19:59,866 Give me that phone. 367 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,160 Person to person to Federico Gepetto. 368 00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:06,372 Met Gepetto on the beach at Anzio during the big one. 369 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,583 We surrendered to each other immediately, 370 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,085 and we've been fast friends ever since. 371 00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:11,878 Huh? 372 00:20:12,212 --> 00:20:13,504 Well, Prado to you to. 373 00:20:13,838 --> 00:20:14,839 Hey, Gepetto! 374 00:20:15,173 --> 00:20:16,424 Oh, it's me, 375 00:20:16,758 --> 00:20:18,343 Grandpa. 376 00:20:18,676 --> 00:20:20,345 Yeah, it sure has been a long time. 377 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,348 Listen, I got a job for you to do. 378 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:25,808 Hop on a plane and get over here. 379 00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:26,601 And hurry. 380 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:27,935 Ciao. 381 00:20:29,812 --> 00:20:30,939 - Hey, you guys, 382 00:20:31,272 --> 00:20:33,358 now all you need is a first-class cameraman. 383 00:20:33,691 --> 00:20:35,818 I know just where we can dig one up. 384 00:20:36,152 --> 00:20:37,362 - Listen to me, all of you. 385 00:20:37,695 --> 00:20:39,739 I have to be in this film. 386 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,783 I wanna be the star. 387 00:20:42,116 --> 00:20:43,576 I need a chance. 388 00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,453 Give me the chance. 389 00:20:45,787 --> 00:20:47,187 - I'm sure you're aware, Miss Bliss, 390 00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,333 that we can't hire an actress without (giggling) 391 00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:51,667 an audition. 392 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,419 - I understand. 393 00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,713 ("William Tell's Overture") Come and get it, boys! 394 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:57,173 - [Ned] Oh, baby! 395 00:20:57,507 --> 00:21:02,178 ("William Tell's Overture") (everyone shouting) 396 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:05,640 - Wait a minute! 397 00:21:05,974 --> 00:21:09,477 Either one of you guys left your cock in there, 398 00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:11,562 or Miss Bliss is a boy. 399 00:21:11,896 --> 00:21:13,481 - Nobody's perfect. 400 00:21:13,815 --> 00:21:16,985 (depressing music) 401 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,362 ♪ I'm singing in the pain ♪ 402 00:21:19,696 --> 00:21:21,614 ♪ Just singing in the rain ♪ 403 00:21:21,948 --> 00:21:25,118 ♪ I'm only happy when I'm in pain ♪ 404 00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:27,036 (doorbell chimes) 405 00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:28,746 Alas, step right up here, sir. 406 00:21:29,080 --> 00:21:31,040 Welcome to the Pleasure Chest. 407 00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:33,918 - Uh, I'm looking for an old friend, 408 00:21:34,252 --> 00:21:35,378 a guy named... - Eh no, no, 409 00:21:35,712 --> 00:21:38,214 there's no need for pretense. 410 00:21:38,548 --> 00:21:41,009 With us, it's not just hit and miss. 411 00:21:41,342 --> 00:21:45,013 Perhaps I can interest you in some of our erotic devices. 412 00:21:45,346 --> 00:21:48,349 Now, here's a genuine French tickler. 413 00:21:48,683 --> 00:21:50,476 A steal at two bucks. 414 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:51,810 - Uh, I don't think so. 415 00:21:52,103 --> 00:21:54,480 I'm really looking for a... - How 'bout 416 00:21:54,814 --> 00:21:57,942 the all electric You Whack-It Masturbator. 417 00:21:58,276 --> 00:22:00,570 It's guaranteed for a full 20 minutes. 418 00:22:00,903 --> 00:22:03,031 - I swear to God, I'm looking for an old friend. 419 00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:03,906 - A guy named... - No, no. 420 00:22:04,240 --> 00:22:07,118 No need to feel ill at ease. 421 00:22:07,452 --> 00:22:08,870 We're bound to please. 422 00:22:09,203 --> 00:22:10,705 I'm here to help you. 423 00:22:11,039 --> 00:22:14,334 Is there anything I can do to make you feel uncomfortable? 424 00:22:14,667 --> 00:22:16,669 Perhaps bondage is your game. 425 00:22:17,003 --> 00:22:19,547 The soft supple feel of leather. 426 00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:22,175 We're fully stocked with restraints, 427 00:22:22,508 --> 00:22:25,970 shackles, hooks, clips, Spanish handcuffs, 428 00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:31,100 studded collars, all manner of demonic devices to inflict 429 00:22:32,727 --> 00:22:35,521 pleasurable punishment up to and including death. 430 00:22:35,855 --> 00:22:37,065 - Jesus. 431 00:22:37,398 --> 00:22:38,918 Look, I'm trying to locate an old buddy 432 00:22:38,983 --> 00:22:40,443 who used to be a movie cameraman 433 00:22:40,777 --> 00:22:42,403 named Lash. - Why, that's me! 434 00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:43,737 I'm Lash. 435 00:22:43,821 --> 00:22:45,656 - Hey, old buddy, it's me, Jimmy. 436 00:22:45,990 --> 00:22:47,742 I didn't recognize you without your hood. 437 00:22:48,076 --> 00:22:49,285 - We know each other? 438 00:22:49,619 --> 00:22:50,661 - Sure, from the old days. 439 00:22:50,995 --> 00:22:52,538 You were directing Army training films. 440 00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:55,875 I was a key grip. - Ah, Army training films. 441 00:22:56,209 --> 00:22:57,335 Now, those were actors 442 00:22:57,668 --> 00:22:59,670 who understood the meaning of discipline. 443 00:23:00,004 --> 00:23:00,630 Hi-yah! 444 00:23:00,963 --> 00:23:01,964 Hi-yah! 445 00:23:03,299 --> 00:23:05,468 Cat of nine tails, it's an enforcer. 446 00:23:05,802 --> 00:23:06,802 Hmm, hmm? 447 00:23:07,387 --> 00:23:08,388 We ship 448 00:23:08,721 --> 00:23:09,721 anywhere. 449 00:23:10,014 --> 00:23:11,933 - No, listen, Lash, we need your help. 450 00:23:12,266 --> 00:23:14,519 I'm working with a bunch of greenhorns on a fuck film. 451 00:23:14,852 --> 00:23:15,892 We need a great cameraman. 452 00:23:16,187 --> 00:23:17,438 How about it? 453 00:23:17,772 --> 00:23:18,772 - No. 454 00:23:18,981 --> 00:23:20,733 I'm through with the business. 455 00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:22,787 - For old time's sake, piece of the picture? 456 00:23:23,027 --> 00:23:24,027 - Never. 457 00:23:24,195 --> 00:23:25,405 I'm not even for points. 458 00:23:25,738 --> 00:23:29,450 I have been pushing these prurient interests, amorous 459 00:23:29,784 --> 00:23:32,537 bullshit, for years now, 460 00:23:32,870 --> 00:23:33,910 and I couldn't be happier. 461 00:23:35,081 --> 00:23:37,792 Get into plastics, kid, you'll make a fortune. 462 00:23:38,126 --> 00:23:39,544 - But the actors need you. 463 00:23:39,877 --> 00:23:41,671 They need that professional touch. 464 00:23:42,004 --> 00:23:43,004 - Sorry. 465 00:23:43,214 --> 00:23:45,049 - They need inspiration and organization. 466 00:23:45,383 --> 00:23:46,843 - Forget it, sweetheart. 467 00:23:47,176 --> 00:23:49,720 - More than anything else, Lash, they need 468 00:23:50,763 --> 00:23:52,807 discipline. - Why didn't you say so? 469 00:23:53,141 --> 00:23:53,808 I'm your boy. 470 00:23:54,142 --> 00:23:55,184 Get me a cab. 471 00:23:55,518 --> 00:23:56,811 Call me a taxi. - You're a taxi. 472 00:23:58,146 --> 00:24:00,982 - Hi-yah, hi-ya! (Jimmy groaning) 473 00:24:01,315 --> 00:24:03,901 (whimsical music) 474 00:24:06,988 --> 00:24:08,656 - Gepetto! - Grandpa! 475 00:24:08,990 --> 00:24:10,825 (laughing) 476 00:24:12,535 --> 00:24:16,873 (speaking foreign language) - Ah, and this 477 00:24:17,206 --> 00:24:18,666 must be Pinocchio. 478 00:24:20,084 --> 00:24:21,878 - How do you do, sir? 479 00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:25,131 - [Gramps] Well, feel free to nose around, little boy 480 00:24:25,465 --> 00:24:26,465 - Ooh! 481 00:24:26,757 --> 00:24:28,676 - My Pinocchio, he's a such a good boy. 482 00:24:29,010 --> 00:24:30,010 - Oh! 483 00:24:30,136 --> 00:24:33,514 Pinocchio, you're so good. 484 00:24:36,809 --> 00:24:38,728 - See, everybody say so. 485 00:24:39,061 --> 00:24:40,688 So, you make a film. 486 00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:42,857 Where's your stars? - Me, me! 487 00:24:43,733 --> 00:24:44,775 I'm the star. 488 00:24:45,902 --> 00:24:46,569 - One star? 489 00:24:46,903 --> 00:24:48,779 Huh, we need more. 490 00:24:49,113 --> 00:24:49,739 Many more. 491 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:51,741 But not to worry. 492 00:24:52,074 --> 00:24:55,786 Federico creates his own stars from a-scratch. 493 00:24:56,120 --> 00:24:58,456 I carve them from my own imagination. 494 00:24:58,789 --> 00:25:01,125 - Ah, you should be aware that we're in a bit of a rush. 495 00:25:01,459 --> 00:25:03,169 Our very lives are at stake. 496 00:25:03,503 --> 00:25:04,629 - So. 497 00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:05,630 Rapido. 498 00:25:05,963 --> 00:25:08,216 Pinocchio, read-a the list. 499 00:25:08,549 --> 00:25:10,551 - All right you guys, here's what we need. 500 00:25:10,885 --> 00:25:11,885 Clay. - Clay. 501 00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:12,637 - Wood. - Wood. 502 00:25:12,970 --> 00:25:14,305 - Nails. - Nails. 503 00:25:14,639 --> 00:25:16,799 - 10 miles of blue chiffon. - 10 miles of blue chiffon. 504 00:25:17,225 --> 00:25:20,686 - Two miles of foam rubber. - Two miles of foam rubber. 505 00:25:21,020 --> 00:25:23,856 Elmer's glue, paste, 506 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:27,735 plenty of scotch tape, a gallon of Vaseline... 507 00:25:28,069 --> 00:25:30,613 - And all the dildos you can get your hands on. 508 00:25:30,947 --> 00:25:33,491 - [Miss Bliss] I have all those things in my desk. 509 00:25:33,824 --> 00:25:34,824 - So, we begin. 510 00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:37,745 (dramatic music) 511 00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:47,588 (machine whirring) (Gepetto humming) 512 00:25:51,634 --> 00:25:53,844 Foam, foam, I need more foam. 513 00:25:54,929 --> 00:25:57,098 (materials crashing) Ah! 514 00:25:57,431 --> 00:25:58,808 Nobody likes a smart ass. 515 00:26:00,434 --> 00:26:03,020 (dramatic music) 516 00:26:08,901 --> 00:26:12,029 - How you like my cock ring, honey? 517 00:26:12,363 --> 00:26:14,407 You wanna try it on for size? 518 00:26:15,116 --> 00:26:17,118 I knew you'd like it. (chuckling) 519 00:26:17,451 --> 00:26:19,787 Now, get rid of that other thing, come on. 520 00:26:20,121 --> 00:26:21,914 Look, what's your favorite there? 521 00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:23,708 You see one you like? 522 00:26:25,042 --> 00:26:27,795 Ooh, ooh, watch out, watch out, my ears. 523 00:26:31,882 --> 00:26:33,801 That's what I call head. 524 00:26:35,428 --> 00:26:37,805 (upbeat music) 525 00:26:44,145 --> 00:26:45,145 - Is this a joke? 526 00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:47,773 Who made these tits? 527 00:26:48,107 --> 00:26:50,693 I wouldn't be caught dead in these tits. 528 00:26:51,027 --> 00:26:53,195 - Rest easy, Belissima. 529 00:26:53,529 --> 00:26:54,989 You not finished yet. 530 00:26:55,323 --> 00:26:57,199 You gonna be lovely. 531 00:26:58,242 --> 00:27:01,704 - Hey, you pretty sexy for a old guy. 532 00:27:02,038 --> 00:27:03,038 You wanna party? 533 00:27:03,289 --> 00:27:06,751 (whimsical music) 534 00:27:07,084 --> 00:27:08,085 - Uh, Gepetto? 535 00:27:10,046 --> 00:27:11,046 - No. 536 00:27:13,549 --> 00:27:14,884 No, that's all wrong. 537 00:27:20,681 --> 00:27:21,349 - Thank you. 538 00:27:21,682 --> 00:27:22,682 Thank you, Rabbi. 539 00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:26,145 (humming) 540 00:27:32,109 --> 00:27:35,154 ♪ I'll be loving you ♪ 541 00:27:36,739 --> 00:27:39,408 (whimsical music) 542 00:27:42,787 --> 00:27:45,915 - Here it is, Gepetto. - Oh, thank you. 543 00:27:51,003 --> 00:27:52,880 Hey, where's your fairy godmother? 544 00:27:53,214 --> 00:27:53,839 Who's a make? 545 00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:55,173 Listen what I say. 546 00:27:55,216 --> 00:27:56,884 All of my films had a fairy godmother, 547 00:27:57,218 --> 00:27:59,679 and they all were hits. - Attention everyone. 548 00:28:00,012 --> 00:28:02,293 If he wants a fairy godmother, I think he should have one. 549 00:28:03,307 --> 00:28:04,892 - And who are you, madam? 550 00:28:05,226 --> 00:28:09,063 - I'm the secretary for Urban Women for Decent Pornography. 551 00:28:09,397 --> 00:28:10,856 - You're in the wrong movie. 552 00:28:11,190 --> 00:28:12,190 Get out. 553 00:28:12,316 --> 00:28:13,502 - You're obviously a woman of taste. 554 00:28:13,526 --> 00:28:14,526 You stay. 555 00:28:15,486 --> 00:28:16,529 The work is a finitio. 556 00:28:17,571 --> 00:28:19,532 And there's our new star. 557 00:28:20,533 --> 00:28:23,244 (whimsical music) 558 00:28:27,081 --> 00:28:28,082 - Hi-yah! 559 00:28:28,416 --> 00:28:29,416 No talking. 560 00:28:29,709 --> 00:28:32,461 Listen and listen good, you cretins. 561 00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:36,048 I'm here to whip this porno film into shape. 562 00:28:36,382 --> 00:28:37,007 Places. 563 00:28:37,341 --> 00:28:38,968 Get this number on it's feet. 564 00:28:39,301 --> 00:28:40,302 Let's rehearse it first. 565 00:28:42,012 --> 00:28:45,474 ♪ When I'm calling you ♪ 566 00:28:45,808 --> 00:28:46,392 - Cut! 567 00:28:46,726 --> 00:28:47,727 Cut, cut! 568 00:28:48,060 --> 00:28:49,770 This is a porno flick. 569 00:28:50,104 --> 00:28:51,188 - Well, how about 570 00:28:51,522 --> 00:28:54,525 ♪ When I'm balling you ♪ 571 00:28:54,859 --> 00:28:57,153 - Very funny, Mary. 572 00:28:57,486 --> 00:28:58,904 I said quiet! 573 00:28:59,238 --> 00:29:00,656 Where is the number I wrote? 574 00:29:00,990 --> 00:29:01,990 Can they learn it? 575 00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:03,701 - Of course, they can. 576 00:29:04,034 --> 00:29:05,034 These are my stars. 577 00:29:08,247 --> 00:29:09,623 - Quim. 578 00:29:09,957 --> 00:29:11,125 - Quim. 579 00:29:11,459 --> 00:29:12,459 - Quim. 580 00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:16,964 (whimsical music) 581 00:29:17,298 --> 00:29:17,715 - Enough! 582 00:29:18,048 --> 00:29:19,048 Enough! 583 00:29:19,091 --> 00:29:20,885 Let's go for a take. 584 00:29:21,218 --> 00:29:22,218 Sound! 585 00:29:24,805 --> 00:29:26,056 - [Jimmy] Rolling. 586 00:29:26,390 --> 00:29:27,390 - Camera! 587 00:29:28,058 --> 00:29:30,019 Oh, fucking shit. 588 00:29:30,352 --> 00:29:32,313 - Where the hell is the... 589 00:29:32,646 --> 00:29:33,981 What the, speed... 590 00:29:34,315 --> 00:29:35,315 Found them. 591 00:29:35,566 --> 00:29:37,985 - Ready when you are, sailor. 592 00:29:38,319 --> 00:29:39,904 - Scene one. 593 00:29:40,237 --> 00:29:41,237 Take one. 594 00:29:41,906 --> 00:29:42,906 Action. 595 00:29:44,325 --> 00:29:47,036 (whimsical music) 596 00:29:48,954 --> 00:29:50,080 ♪ Quim, ta ta ta ♪ 597 00:29:50,414 --> 00:29:50,998 ♪ Quim, ta ta ta ♪ 598 00:29:51,332 --> 00:29:53,000 ♪ Quivering quim ta ta ta ♪ 599 00:29:53,334 --> 00:29:57,087 ♪ I trust salacious, contraciously slim ♪ 600 00:29:57,421 --> 00:29:57,963 ♪ Ha ha, quim, ♪ 601 00:29:58,297 --> 00:29:58,923 ♪ Ha ha, quim, ♪ 602 00:29:59,256 --> 00:30:01,300 ♪ A cavernous quim ♪ 603 00:30:01,634 --> 00:30:05,513 ♪ The thrill of fulfilling is all up to him ♪ 604 00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:07,681 ♪ Ha ha, coos, coos ♪ 605 00:30:08,015 --> 00:30:10,059 ♪ They're glorious coos ♪ 606 00:30:10,392 --> 00:30:11,936 ♪ You could drive me to madness ♪ 607 00:30:12,269 --> 00:30:14,355 ♪ For glorious coo, ha ha ha ♪ 608 00:30:14,688 --> 00:30:15,688 ♪ Cock ♪ 609 00:30:15,856 --> 00:30:16,856 ♪ Cock ♪ 610 00:30:16,941 --> 00:30:20,277 ? Haven't you had? - Cut! 611 00:30:20,611 --> 00:30:21,904 Cut! 612 00:30:22,238 --> 00:30:25,032 Can't you creeps remember my fucking choreography? 613 00:30:25,366 --> 00:30:27,243 - Of course I can, bitch. 614 00:30:28,118 --> 00:30:29,787 - Goddamn amateur. 615 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:32,164 We got this shit in a can where it belongs. 616 00:30:32,498 --> 00:30:34,124 Let's move on. 617 00:30:34,458 --> 00:30:35,000 Sound. 618 00:30:35,334 --> 00:30:36,460 Camera! 619 00:30:36,794 --> 00:30:37,794 - Speed 620 00:30:38,796 --> 00:30:40,130 - Quaaludes. 621 00:30:40,464 --> 00:30:43,300 - Take it, sailor. - Scene one, take two. 622 00:30:44,718 --> 00:30:45,718 Action. 623 00:30:47,096 --> 00:30:48,176 ♪ Sweet peach, I pray you ♪ 624 00:30:48,305 --> 00:30:49,366 ♪ I can't wait to lay you ♪ 625 00:30:49,390 --> 00:30:50,558 ♪ Make a date my darling ♪ 626 00:30:50,891 --> 00:30:51,891 ♪ God, I want your body ♪ 627 00:30:52,017 --> 00:30:56,605 ♪ Let's run amok ♪ 628 00:30:56,939 --> 00:30:59,233 ♪ Breathing in your grass ♪ 629 00:30:59,567 --> 00:31:01,569 ♪ Why don't we fuck ♪ 630 00:31:01,902 --> 00:31:05,489 ♪ That's me too, God I want ♪ 631 00:31:05,823 --> 00:31:06,240 ? Your? - Cut, 632 00:31:06,574 --> 00:31:07,574 cut, cut, cut, cut! 633 00:31:08,492 --> 00:31:11,120 I can't understand my lyrics. 634 00:31:11,453 --> 00:31:12,453 What is this horseshit? 635 00:31:12,580 --> 00:31:15,207 This is ridiculous poo poo. 636 00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:16,041 Hi-yah! 637 00:31:16,375 --> 00:31:18,836 What is this costume? 638 00:31:19,169 --> 00:31:21,005 There's no skin showing. 639 00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:22,338 Tacky, it's terrible. 640 00:31:22,423 --> 00:31:24,216 Oh, go away all of you. 641 00:31:24,550 --> 00:31:26,260 I can't even look at you anymore. 642 00:31:26,594 --> 00:31:27,794 We'll finish this after lunch. 643 00:31:28,512 --> 00:31:29,930 Next number. 644 00:31:30,264 --> 00:31:31,932 Fluffer, fluffer where is the fluffer? 645 00:31:32,266 --> 00:31:33,934 - [Fluffer] Coming, Lash. 646 00:31:35,311 --> 00:31:38,105 - Fluffer, my head is killing me. 647 00:31:38,439 --> 00:31:39,857 - [Fluffer] Oh. 648 00:31:40,190 --> 00:31:44,987 (whimsical music) (moaning) 649 00:32:12,473 --> 00:32:14,266 - Harder, do it harder. 650 00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:16,185 Oh, thank you, thanks. 651 00:32:16,518 --> 00:32:21,315 (whimsical music) (moaning) 652 00:32:22,274 --> 00:32:23,275 Oh, my Lipchitz. 653 00:32:23,609 --> 00:32:28,405 (whimsical music) (moaning) 654 00:32:29,657 --> 00:32:32,201 Oh, love it, love it, love it! 655 00:32:32,534 --> 00:32:37,331 (whimsical music) (moaning) 656 00:32:37,873 --> 00:32:38,873 Again, again. 657 00:32:42,419 --> 00:32:43,419 Oh, hit me, hit me. 658 00:32:44,421 --> 00:32:45,422 - Hmm, uh-uh. 659 00:32:46,382 --> 00:32:47,382 - It's gone. 660 00:32:47,549 --> 00:32:49,176 My headache is gone. 661 00:32:53,597 --> 00:32:56,183 (upbeat music) 662 00:33:02,356 --> 00:33:04,566 (groaning) 663 00:33:06,485 --> 00:33:08,153 - Uh, excuse me, Lash. 664 00:33:08,487 --> 00:33:10,173 Do you have a second to take a look at a skit 665 00:33:10,197 --> 00:33:11,197 that Grandpa and I wrote? 666 00:33:11,490 --> 00:33:12,490 - I wrote most of it. 667 00:33:12,783 --> 00:33:14,118 - You did not. 668 00:33:14,451 --> 00:33:15,451 - Let's hear it. 669 00:33:16,620 --> 00:33:18,205 ♪ That old black magic ♪ 670 00:33:18,539 --> 00:33:20,332 You see, I'm a witch. (giggling) 671 00:33:20,666 --> 00:33:21,666 ♪ That old black ♪ 672 00:33:21,959 --> 00:33:25,629 Why, you may have one wish granted. 673 00:33:25,963 --> 00:33:27,589 - I wish I had a dingle dangle 674 00:33:27,923 --> 00:33:30,009 that could touch the floor. 675 00:33:30,342 --> 00:33:31,342 (laughing) 676 00:33:31,635 --> 00:33:34,179 - So, the witch takes a saw out of her dress 677 00:33:34,513 --> 00:33:35,764 and chops his legs off. 678 00:33:39,351 --> 00:33:41,270 And (laughing), and then he says... 679 00:33:41,603 --> 00:33:42,604 - Holy shit. 680 00:33:42,938 --> 00:33:45,024 (laughing) 681 00:33:46,275 --> 00:33:47,419 - That's the worst thing I ever heard. 682 00:33:47,443 --> 00:33:48,443 Who wrote that shit? 683 00:33:48,610 --> 00:33:49,695 - [Both] He did! 684 00:33:50,029 --> 00:33:53,323 - Out, both of you, out, out, out. 685 00:33:53,657 --> 00:33:54,199 Ah! 686 00:33:54,533 --> 00:33:57,119 (whimsical music) 687 00:34:07,171 --> 00:34:08,380 Hi-yah! 688 00:34:08,714 --> 00:34:09,714 Next number. 689 00:34:10,424 --> 00:34:11,550 Move. 690 00:34:11,884 --> 00:34:12,342 Move. 691 00:34:12,676 --> 00:34:14,094 Sing, you prick. 692 00:34:14,428 --> 00:34:17,639 ♪ Ah, she's ♪ 693 00:34:17,973 --> 00:34:22,770 ♪ The America dream girl ♪ 694 00:34:24,188 --> 00:34:25,272 ♪ Now listen ♪ 695 00:34:25,606 --> 00:34:29,610 ♪ My peaches and cream girl ♪ 696 00:34:29,943 --> 00:34:32,154 ♪ Figure, form, and face ♪ 697 00:34:32,488 --> 00:34:35,449 ♪ Far surpass the human race ♪ 698 00:34:35,783 --> 00:34:37,409 ♪ Your grace ♪ 699 00:34:37,743 --> 00:34:42,664 ♪ Is what I esteem, girl ♪ 700 00:34:43,624 --> 00:34:46,877 ♪ Charming you seem, girl ♪ 701 00:34:47,211 --> 00:34:49,963 ♪ My American dream ♪ 702 00:34:54,510 --> 00:34:55,510 - Hi-yah! 703 00:34:57,387 --> 00:34:58,680 No, no, 704 00:34:59,014 --> 00:35:00,474 you piece of crotch. 705 00:35:00,808 --> 00:35:03,143 Dammit, shout, ah shit. 706 00:35:03,477 --> 00:35:04,645 (screaming) 707 00:35:05,729 --> 00:35:07,272 Get with the program, huh? 708 00:35:07,606 --> 00:35:10,025 ♪ Each huge protuberance ♪ 709 00:35:10,359 --> 00:35:13,320 ♪ Wins my exuberance ♪ 710 00:35:13,654 --> 00:35:17,658 ♪ My pants are antsy-pantsy heads ♪ 711 00:35:19,409 --> 00:35:22,788 (music drowns out speaker) 712 00:35:24,081 --> 00:35:27,417 - Oh, did your mama wear combat boots? 713 00:35:27,751 --> 00:35:30,796 You stupid, vagina, I tell you you're full of shit. 714 00:35:31,130 --> 00:35:35,926 (Lash groaning) ? My American dream girl? 715 00:35:38,053 --> 00:35:42,975 ♪ My American ♪ 716 00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:45,519 ♪ Dream ♪ 717 00:35:45,853 --> 00:35:47,563 ♪ Girl ♪ 718 00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:51,482 - Poo poo. 719 00:35:51,733 --> 00:35:54,236 What are you, sweetheart, a painting? 720 00:35:54,570 --> 00:35:56,113 - Up yours, I'm having my period. 721 00:35:56,446 --> 00:35:58,407 - You really are a cunt. 722 00:35:58,740 --> 00:36:00,534 Pimp hole, pimp hole. 723 00:36:00,868 --> 00:36:01,868 Hi-yah! 724 00:36:02,536 --> 00:36:03,662 Dance. 725 00:36:03,996 --> 00:36:05,873 - She's a too busy bleeding to dance. 726 00:36:06,206 --> 00:36:07,457 You frighten my actors. 727 00:36:07,791 --> 00:36:09,293 You ruin the film, you stop. 728 00:36:09,626 --> 00:36:11,211 - Out of the way, you old fart. 729 00:36:11,545 --> 00:36:14,548 (whimsical piano music) 730 00:36:16,091 --> 00:36:20,179 Your stars are shit, and you're a shit director. 731 00:36:20,512 --> 00:36:22,931 - And you, you, you are a sadistic Spanish sissy. 732 00:36:23,265 --> 00:36:28,896 And your mother was a... - Ah, hi-yah, hi-yah! 733 00:36:29,229 --> 00:36:31,565 Poo poo, caca, shit, shit, shit! 734 00:36:33,650 --> 00:36:34,650 I quit. 735 00:36:34,943 --> 00:36:36,153 Hi-yah! 736 00:36:36,486 --> 00:36:37,821 (whimsical music) 737 00:36:38,155 --> 00:36:39,448 And you, Fluffer. 738 00:36:39,781 --> 00:36:42,242 Have my whip sent to the plaza. 739 00:36:42,576 --> 00:36:43,576 Hi-yah! 740 00:36:44,661 --> 00:36:48,332 - Hey, who do I have to fuck to get out of this flick? 741 00:36:48,665 --> 00:36:49,665 - Me. 742 00:36:49,833 --> 00:36:51,376 I know the director. 743 00:36:51,710 --> 00:36:53,879 (laughing) 744 00:36:58,592 --> 00:36:59,927 Far out! Whoo-hoo! 745 00:37:00,260 --> 00:37:05,057 (whimsical piano music) (laughing) 746 00:37:20,197 --> 00:37:21,782 - This tension is unbearable. 747 00:37:22,115 --> 00:37:23,700 Blasted all, I'm going out for a drink. 748 00:37:24,034 --> 00:37:25,327 - You can't leave, Fred. 749 00:37:25,661 --> 00:37:26,745 We're not finished yet. 750 00:37:27,079 --> 00:37:28,538 - Gentlemen, that is debatable. 751 00:37:28,872 --> 00:37:31,083 - Suppose Mr. Big calls back? 752 00:37:31,416 --> 00:37:32,416 What'll we say? 753 00:37:32,668 --> 00:37:35,462 - Your prayers, my good man, your prayers. 754 00:37:35,796 --> 00:37:36,796 I shall return. 755 00:37:38,340 --> 00:37:41,718 (mellow music) 756 00:37:43,762 --> 00:37:46,390 (crying) 757 00:37:46,723 --> 00:37:48,976 - Aww, what's the matter, sugar? 758 00:37:49,309 --> 00:37:51,395 - I'm a disgraced by this filth. 759 00:37:51,728 --> 00:37:54,773 They have taken advantage of an older man. 760 00:37:55,107 --> 00:37:59,236 The film makes a mockery of my work, my reputation, 761 00:37:59,569 --> 00:38:00,612 my genius. 762 00:38:01,780 --> 00:38:03,448 It is filthy and disgusting, 763 00:38:04,533 --> 00:38:07,703 and slowly paced. (crying) 764 00:38:10,414 --> 00:38:11,748 Come, Pinocchio. 765 00:38:12,082 --> 00:38:13,417 We go home now. 766 00:38:13,750 --> 00:38:14,750 You go to school. 767 00:38:15,919 --> 00:38:16,919 - Aw, pop. 768 00:38:17,212 --> 00:38:18,630 I don't wanna go to school. 769 00:38:18,964 --> 00:38:21,883 I wanna stay here and play it by ear. 770 00:38:22,217 --> 00:38:27,014 (Miss Bliss moaning) (crying) 771 00:38:29,224 --> 00:38:30,851 - I hear you coming, big boy. 772 00:38:31,184 --> 00:38:33,145 (moaning) 773 00:38:33,478 --> 00:38:37,274 - So, I am alone once more. 774 00:38:37,816 --> 00:38:40,277 I am so ashamed. 775 00:38:41,820 --> 00:38:42,820 I go now. 776 00:38:43,739 --> 00:38:44,739 Find a boat. 777 00:38:46,033 --> 00:38:49,995 - Oh, life is too short to sweat the small stuff, sugar. 778 00:38:50,329 --> 00:38:52,247 Now, listen to what I've got to say. 779 00:38:53,874 --> 00:38:56,501 (upbeat music) 780 00:39:02,591 --> 00:39:06,428 ♪ Have you lost your sunshine ♪ 781 00:39:06,762 --> 00:39:10,515 ♪ Trouble got you down ♪ 782 00:39:10,849 --> 00:39:14,478 ♪ Are you feeling left out ♪ 783 00:39:14,811 --> 00:39:18,857 ♪ Well, take a look around ♪ 784 00:39:19,191 --> 00:39:21,818 ♪ Everybody's waiting ♪ 785 00:39:22,152 --> 00:39:26,615 ♪ For that sun to break through ♪ 786 00:39:26,948 --> 00:39:30,869 ♪ So, try and keep yourself together ♪ 787 00:39:31,203 --> 00:39:34,873 ♪ Until it shines for you ♪ 788 00:39:35,207 --> 00:39:37,125 ♪ Smile through the heartaches ♪ 789 00:39:37,459 --> 00:39:39,127 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 790 00:39:39,461 --> 00:39:41,088 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 791 00:39:41,421 --> 00:39:43,256 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 792 00:39:43,590 --> 00:39:45,300 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 793 00:39:45,634 --> 00:39:47,302 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 794 00:39:47,636 --> 00:39:49,638 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 795 00:39:49,971 --> 00:39:54,768 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 796 00:39:56,645 --> 00:40:00,273 ♪ When you're feeling happy ♪ 797 00:40:00,607 --> 00:40:04,403 ♪ And you wear a smile ♪ 798 00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:08,448 ♪ Your troubles seem so easy ♪ 799 00:40:08,782 --> 00:40:12,661 ♪ And living's so worthwhile ♪ 800 00:40:12,994 --> 00:40:15,705 ♪ What's the use of crying ♪ 801 00:40:16,039 --> 00:40:20,293 ♪ Over things that might have been ♪ 802 00:40:20,627 --> 00:40:24,339 ♪ There's nothing you can't do to change it ♪ 803 00:40:24,673 --> 00:40:28,427 ♪ So let that sun shine in ♪ 804 00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:30,595 ♪ Smile through the heartaches ♪ 805 00:40:30,929 --> 00:40:32,556 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 806 00:40:32,889 --> 00:40:34,683 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 807 00:40:35,016 --> 00:40:36,601 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 808 00:40:36,935 --> 00:40:38,645 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 809 00:40:38,979 --> 00:40:40,772 ♪ You find if you do ♪ 810 00:40:41,106 --> 00:40:42,732 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 811 00:40:43,066 --> 00:40:44,651 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 812 00:40:44,985 --> 00:40:46,903 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 813 00:40:47,237 --> 00:40:48,905 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 814 00:40:49,239 --> 00:40:51,658 (upbeat music) 815 00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,507 ♪ Come on and smile through the heartaches ♪ 816 00:41:07,841 --> 00:41:09,509 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 817 00:41:09,843 --> 00:41:11,595 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 818 00:41:11,928 --> 00:41:13,513 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 819 00:41:13,847 --> 00:41:15,432 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 820 00:41:15,765 --> 00:41:17,726 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 821 00:41:18,059 --> 00:41:19,769 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 822 00:41:20,103 --> 00:41:21,771 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 823 00:41:22,105 --> 00:41:25,859 ♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪ 824 00:41:26,193 --> 00:41:27,986 ♪ La la la la la ♪ 825 00:41:28,320 --> 00:41:30,030 ♪ La la la la la ♪ 826 00:41:30,363 --> 00:41:34,034 ♪ La la la la la la la la la ♪ 827 00:41:34,367 --> 00:41:36,286 ♪ La la la la la ♪ 828 00:41:36,620 --> 00:41:37,913 ♪ La la la la ♪ 829 00:41:38,246 --> 00:41:40,499 ♪ Come and smile through the heartaches ♪ 830 00:41:40,832 --> 00:41:42,667 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 831 00:41:43,001 --> 00:41:44,711 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 832 00:41:45,045 --> 00:41:46,755 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 833 00:41:47,088 --> 00:41:48,673 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 834 00:41:49,007 --> 00:41:50,759 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 835 00:41:51,092 --> 00:41:52,636 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 836 00:41:52,969 --> 00:41:54,596 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 837 00:41:54,930 --> 00:41:56,890 ♪ So, smile through the heartaches ♪ 838 00:41:57,224 --> 00:41:58,224 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 839 00:41:59,142 --> 00:42:00,142 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 840 00:42:01,144 --> 00:42:02,938 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 841 00:42:03,271 --> 00:42:04,940 ♪ Smile when you're down and out ♪ 842 00:42:05,273 --> 00:42:07,067 ♪ You'll find if you do ♪ 843 00:42:07,400 --> 00:42:08,680 ♪ The whole world will soon be ♪ 844 00:42:09,569 --> 00:42:10,695 ♪ Smiling at you ♪ 845 00:42:11,029 --> 00:42:13,281 ♪ Come and smile through the heartaches ♪ 846 00:42:13,615 --> 00:42:15,492 ♪ Laugh at the blues ♪ 847 00:42:15,825 --> 00:42:17,536 ♪ Smile and be happy ♪ 848 00:42:17,869 --> 00:42:19,829 ♪ What you got to lose ♪ 849 00:42:20,163 --> 00:42:22,415 (wind howling) 850 00:42:25,835 --> 00:42:29,464 (depressing whimsical music) 851 00:42:38,348 --> 00:42:40,517 - Ah, sweet solitude. 852 00:42:40,850 --> 00:42:43,603 No naked bodies in disgusting contortions. 853 00:42:43,937 --> 00:42:46,314 No genitalia staring me in the face. 854 00:42:46,648 --> 00:42:48,191 Free at last. 855 00:42:48,525 --> 00:42:51,820 (upbeat burlesque music) 856 00:43:35,989 --> 00:43:38,241 There must be refuge somewhere. 857 00:43:38,575 --> 00:43:41,828 (upbeat burlesque music) 858 00:43:53,590 --> 00:43:54,215 Women. 859 00:43:54,549 --> 00:43:55,925 (upbeat burlesque music) 860 00:43:56,259 --> 00:43:58,428 Is there no rest for the weary? 861 00:43:58,762 --> 00:43:59,429 - What's the matter with you, pal? 862 00:43:59,763 --> 00:44:00,889 You a faggot or something? 863 00:44:02,557 --> 00:44:05,560 - I'd merely like to be left alone, if you please. 864 00:44:05,894 --> 00:44:08,938 (upbeat burlesque music) 865 00:44:29,793 --> 00:44:31,961 (mellow music) 866 00:44:32,295 --> 00:44:32,879 - (sighs) Must be a faggot. 867 00:44:33,213 --> 00:44:35,340 Hey, move it over here, baby. 868 00:44:35,674 --> 00:44:38,843 Old AI knows what to do when he gets his hands on it. 869 00:44:39,177 --> 00:44:40,470 - Ah, fuck off. - Oh, come on, 870 00:44:40,804 --> 00:44:42,138 give me a handful, baby. 871 00:44:42,472 --> 00:44:44,974 I promise I'll lick my fingers all the way home. 872 00:44:45,308 --> 00:44:46,308 - Creep. 873 00:44:46,351 --> 00:44:48,603 (mellow music) 874 00:44:53,066 --> 00:44:54,609 - Have mercy. 875 00:44:54,943 --> 00:44:57,487 - Oh gee, you're English. 876 00:44:57,821 --> 00:44:58,863 - Correct. 877 00:44:59,197 --> 00:45:00,573 And you, my dear woman, 878 00:45:00,907 --> 00:45:03,034 are perverse. - Oh gee, thanks. 879 00:45:03,368 --> 00:45:04,968 - Hey, how come you stick it in his face, 880 00:45:05,245 --> 00:45:06,329 you won't stick it in mine? 881 00:45:06,663 --> 00:45:08,915 - Because your vibrations suck. 882 00:45:09,249 --> 00:45:10,875 That's why. (drum beats) 883 00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:12,919 - Ah, you bitch! (screaming) 884 00:45:13,253 --> 00:45:14,671 - Sir, you're out of bounds. 885 00:45:15,004 --> 00:45:16,339 - You get out of my way, buster, 886 00:45:16,673 --> 00:45:19,300 or I'm gonna shove this bottle where the sun don't shine. 887 00:45:21,177 --> 00:45:22,303 - I beg your pardon. 888 00:45:22,637 --> 00:45:24,305 - I better not, he'd probably like it. 889 00:45:26,474 --> 00:45:27,934 - I must warn you, sir, 890 00:45:28,268 --> 00:45:30,103 I'm quite well-versed in the martial arts. 891 00:45:30,437 --> 00:45:31,437 - No shit. 892 00:45:33,064 --> 00:45:35,024 (laughing) 893 00:45:35,358 --> 00:45:37,902 (mellow music) 894 00:45:57,297 --> 00:46:00,842 - (moaning) Where am I? - My place. 895 00:46:01,176 --> 00:46:02,886 You were knocked cold. 896 00:46:03,219 --> 00:46:05,346 Hey, that's quite some bump you got there. 897 00:46:07,265 --> 00:46:09,726 - (groaning) Oh, it hurts, too. 898 00:46:10,059 --> 00:46:11,259 - I was talking about the bump 899 00:46:11,561 --> 00:46:13,730 between your legs, sweetheart. 900 00:46:14,063 --> 00:46:15,815 Tell me, how are you hung, anyway? 901 00:46:16,900 --> 00:46:18,485 - Oh, I'm not hung at all. 902 00:46:18,818 --> 00:46:19,818 Marionettes are hung. 903 00:46:20,069 --> 00:46:21,154 I'm a hand puppet. 904 00:46:21,488 --> 00:46:23,198 - Oh, you're so witty and brave. 905 00:46:23,531 --> 00:46:26,367 I'll bet you're a very important man. 906 00:46:27,702 --> 00:46:29,537 - Actually, I'm a film producer. 907 00:46:29,871 --> 00:46:31,080 - Hey, far out. 908 00:46:31,414 --> 00:46:33,166 How long you been in the business? 909 00:46:34,459 --> 00:46:35,459 - All day. 910 00:46:35,585 --> 00:46:36,878 And I must be dashing back. 911 00:46:37,212 --> 00:46:38,505 My partners need me. 912 00:46:41,257 --> 00:46:43,009 - Yeah, but you rescued me. 913 00:46:43,343 --> 00:46:45,178 Let me show you how grateful I am. 914 00:46:45,512 --> 00:46:48,223 All you English guys are such turn-ons. 915 00:46:49,766 --> 00:46:51,768 - Please, I really must be going. 916 00:46:52,101 --> 00:46:53,353 - Come on, baby. 917 00:46:54,938 --> 00:46:56,147 I won't keep you long. 918 00:46:57,232 --> 00:46:59,651 (mellow music) 919 00:47:00,610 --> 00:47:01,610 - Very well. 920 00:47:01,861 --> 00:47:03,071 But I mustn't linger. 921 00:47:03,404 --> 00:47:05,365 You see, I have serious corporate problems. 922 00:47:06,449 --> 00:47:08,368 - Don't worry about that. 923 00:47:08,701 --> 00:47:10,495 I'll get it up for ya. 924 00:47:12,288 --> 00:47:13,873 - What shall we do? 925 00:47:15,208 --> 00:47:18,169 - Freddy, I have a confession to make. 926 00:47:20,046 --> 00:47:22,882 - [Fred] Do tell. - I've been a very 927 00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:25,134 bad 928 00:47:25,468 --> 00:47:26,468 girl. 929 00:47:28,304 --> 00:47:29,639 - So, I gathered. 930 00:47:29,973 --> 00:47:31,683 - When I was little, 931 00:47:32,016 --> 00:47:35,520 my daddy would spank me if I was bad. 932 00:47:37,021 --> 00:47:38,022 - [Fred] My word. 933 00:47:38,356 --> 00:47:39,356 - Spank me. 934 00:47:39,482 --> 00:47:41,025 Hit me, daddy. 935 00:47:41,359 --> 00:47:43,111 I've been such a bad girl. 936 00:47:45,572 --> 00:47:46,572 - Really? 937 00:47:49,617 --> 00:47:51,244 - Hit me, please. 938 00:47:51,578 --> 00:47:53,496 Make my little fanny red. 939 00:47:55,415 --> 00:47:56,415 - Hmmm. 940 00:47:58,126 --> 00:48:02,964 - [Woman] Hit me, please. (moaning) 941 00:48:05,341 --> 00:48:06,341 - My word. 942 00:48:07,594 --> 00:48:09,178 - [Woman] Yes, Freddy. 943 00:48:09,512 --> 00:48:10,722 Hit harder, harder. 944 00:48:11,806 --> 00:48:14,183 (moaning) 945 00:48:14,517 --> 00:48:17,103 Ooh, oh yes, Freddy. (moaning) 946 00:48:17,437 --> 00:48:18,813 I love it, Freddy, yes. 947 00:48:19,147 --> 00:48:20,387 - My dear, it's truly smashing. 948 00:48:20,481 --> 00:48:25,278 (upbeat music) (woman moaning) 949 00:48:30,408 --> 00:48:34,704 - [Woman] Oh, Freddy, you're such a wonderful spanker. 950 00:48:36,414 --> 00:48:38,499 How do you last so long? 951 00:48:38,833 --> 00:48:41,294 - Well my dear, it's all in the wrist. 952 00:48:41,628 --> 00:48:43,713 - [Woman] What about you, Freddy? 953 00:48:44,047 --> 00:48:46,841 What can I do to make you happy? 954 00:48:47,175 --> 00:48:50,970 - I'd really rather not say. - Come on, tell me. 955 00:48:51,304 --> 00:48:52,472 - Promise you won't laugh? 956 00:48:52,805 --> 00:48:55,266 - Cross my heart, and hope to die. 957 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:57,018 What do you like? 958 00:48:57,352 --> 00:48:59,228 - Would you take your bra and panties 959 00:48:59,562 --> 00:49:01,189 and put them on my head, and then... 960 00:49:04,359 --> 00:49:06,569 (laughing) 961 00:49:07,695 --> 00:49:09,197 - I knew it, I knew it. 962 00:49:09,530 --> 00:49:10,810 Just get me your bra and panties. 963 00:49:11,115 --> 00:49:12,115 I need them. 964 00:49:16,663 --> 00:49:18,456 - You're weird. 965 00:49:18,790 --> 00:49:21,167 Is David Cross as kinky as you are? 966 00:49:21,501 --> 00:49:22,126 - Never mind. 967 00:49:22,460 --> 00:49:25,171 Now, the grapes, get the grapes. 968 00:49:25,505 --> 00:49:28,257 - The grapes? - Over there, the grapes. 969 00:49:32,512 --> 00:49:34,847 All right love, give them a toss. 970 00:49:36,015 --> 00:49:40,687 (grunting) (upbeat music) 971 00:49:51,280 --> 00:49:52,280 Throw it, love, harder. 972 00:49:52,573 --> 00:49:55,034 Don't worry, they're seedless. 973 00:49:56,452 --> 00:49:58,079 Ha ha, you missed me. 974 00:49:59,080 --> 00:50:00,080 Ooh! 975 00:50:01,332 --> 00:50:03,292 (laughing) 976 00:50:05,795 --> 00:50:05,878 Ow! 977 00:50:06,212 --> 00:50:11,676 I am having an arrival. (moaning) 978 00:50:19,976 --> 00:50:21,227 (woman laughing) 979 00:50:21,561 --> 00:50:22,561 - Thanks. 980 00:50:22,603 --> 00:50:23,603 I needed that. 981 00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,024 Oh! - You're weird. 982 00:50:31,154 --> 00:50:33,948 - (clears throat) Well, my dear, I must depart. 983 00:50:34,282 --> 00:50:35,282 My troops need me. 984 00:50:35,533 --> 00:50:36,533 Ta-ta. 985 00:50:38,119 --> 00:50:39,119 - Well, 986 00:50:40,955 --> 00:50:42,540 it's been nice meeting you. 987 00:50:45,251 --> 00:50:46,251 I think. 988 00:50:47,503 --> 00:50:50,548 - Years from now, when you talk about this, 989 00:50:52,050 --> 00:50:53,176 be kind. 990 00:50:53,509 --> 00:50:55,887 (dramatic music) 991 00:51:12,445 --> 00:51:15,281 How go the wars, gentlemen? - Hey, Fred's back. 992 00:51:15,615 --> 00:51:17,742 (laughing) 993 00:51:18,993 --> 00:51:20,513 - Fred, what have you got on your head? 994 00:51:20,787 --> 00:51:21,787 - On my head? 995 00:51:22,997 --> 00:51:24,874 There's nothing on my head. 996 00:51:25,208 --> 00:51:26,209 - [Ned] Got it. 997 00:51:26,542 --> 00:51:27,542 (laughing) 998 00:51:27,668 --> 00:51:28,920 - You're the boss. 999 00:51:30,588 --> 00:51:31,588 - [Fred] How's it going? 1000 00:51:31,714 --> 00:51:33,382 - Gepetto and Lash ran out on us. 1001 00:51:33,716 --> 00:51:34,383 Fucking foreigners. 1002 00:51:34,717 --> 00:51:36,219 - Ooh, but we might have enough. 1003 00:51:36,552 --> 00:51:38,513 I'm working on the first cut. 1004 00:51:38,846 --> 00:51:40,726 - Hang in there boys, we'll lick this thing yet. 1005 00:51:41,724 --> 00:51:42,724 - Lick my ass. 1006 00:51:43,935 --> 00:51:44,935 - Let's see. 1007 00:51:45,228 --> 00:51:49,273 4 1/2 times 318 reels minus 1008 00:51:49,607 --> 00:51:53,236 pi squared, 16 frames to the dozen. 1009 00:51:53,569 --> 00:51:54,569 Uh, let me see. 1010 00:51:54,695 --> 00:51:56,280 What's seven plus four? 1011 00:51:56,614 --> 00:51:57,949 - Uh, eight. 1012 00:51:58,282 --> 00:51:59,282 - Right. 1013 00:52:00,493 --> 00:52:03,996 Good god, there must be half a million feet of film here. 1014 00:52:04,330 --> 00:52:05,832 - Hell, that ought to be plenty. 1015 00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:08,251 - That's too many feet, for Christ sakes. 1016 00:52:08,584 --> 00:52:09,836 Who wants to see feet anyway? 1017 00:52:10,169 --> 00:52:11,289 People don't wanna see feet. 1018 00:52:11,587 --> 00:52:14,298 They wanna see pussy and cocks and tits and ass. 1019 00:52:14,632 --> 00:52:17,844 - Not that kind of feet, you dumbbell. 1020 00:52:18,177 --> 00:52:19,929 - Gentlemen, we have a crisis. 1021 00:52:20,263 --> 00:52:22,723 Our movie has no ending. - What? 1022 00:52:23,057 --> 00:52:24,537 That can't be. - You gotta be kidding. 1023 00:52:24,642 --> 00:52:25,802 You don't know what happened. 1024 00:52:26,060 --> 00:52:27,395 - Look. 1025 00:52:27,728 --> 00:52:28,728 Here's the beginning, 1026 00:52:30,356 --> 00:52:31,356 and here's the middle. 1027 00:52:31,774 --> 00:52:33,401 But we have no end. 1028 00:52:33,734 --> 00:52:35,278 - [Ned] What'll do we do? 1029 00:52:35,611 --> 00:52:36,611 - We're screwed. 1030 00:52:39,157 --> 00:52:41,409 - [Fred] We could film an ending, I suppose. 1031 00:52:41,742 --> 00:52:42,785 - Let's put some new stuff 1032 00:52:43,119 --> 00:52:44,559 between the beginning and the middle. 1033 00:52:45,204 --> 00:52:47,331 Then the old middle will be the new end. 1034 00:52:47,665 --> 00:52:49,375 - Yeah, how about some commercials? 1035 00:52:49,709 --> 00:52:51,210 People are used to seeing commercials 1036 00:52:51,544 --> 00:52:52,664 in the middle of everything. 1037 00:52:54,297 --> 00:52:58,509 - Yeah, X-rated commercials. - The public will love it. 1038 00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:00,386 - Think we can come up with some? 1039 00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:01,345 - Sure we can. 1040 00:53:01,679 --> 00:53:03,848 Let's not forget our heritage. 1041 00:53:04,182 --> 00:53:06,893 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 1042 00:53:07,226 --> 00:53:08,352 - Oh, cut that shit out. 1043 00:53:08,686 --> 00:53:09,686 Now, let's get to work. 1044 00:53:11,230 --> 00:53:14,358 - Hey, let's do the one where that girl holds up the soap. 1045 00:53:14,692 --> 00:53:17,486 - How about the one with the widow and the toilet bowl? 1046 00:53:17,820 --> 00:53:18,940 - Yeah, that's a swell idea. 1047 00:53:23,284 --> 00:53:24,368 - [Fred] We're interviewing 1048 00:53:24,702 --> 00:53:26,120 high fashion model Ms. Jessica Coos 1049 00:53:26,454 --> 00:53:28,581 on the subject of feminine hygiene sprays. 1050 00:53:28,915 --> 00:53:30,291 Jessica tell me... (phone ringing) 1051 00:53:30,625 --> 00:53:31,625 - Oh, excuse me. 1052 00:53:32,919 --> 00:53:33,919 Hello? 1053 00:53:34,754 --> 00:53:36,756 Yes, this is Jessica. 1054 00:53:37,089 --> 00:53:38,299 Paul? 1055 00:53:38,633 --> 00:53:39,633 I don't know you. 1056 00:53:40,801 --> 00:53:42,470 Oh, Harry sent you. 1057 00:53:42,803 --> 00:53:43,971 Why didn't you say? 1058 00:53:46,182 --> 00:53:48,768 Well, 100 bucks an hour, sweetheart. 1059 00:53:49,852 --> 00:53:50,852 Right. 1060 00:53:51,687 --> 00:53:53,522 Sure you can come right up. 1061 00:53:54,607 --> 00:53:59,153 But no whips or none of that kinky shit, please. 1062 00:54:00,905 --> 00:54:01,905 Bye-bye. 1063 00:54:05,451 --> 00:54:06,535 Oh, where were we? 1064 00:54:06,869 --> 00:54:08,847 - [Fred] I was about to ask you for your favorite brand 1065 00:54:08,871 --> 00:54:10,748 of feminine hygiene spray. 1066 00:54:11,082 --> 00:54:13,751 - Oh, I always use new Sweet Fish. 1067 00:54:14,085 --> 00:54:16,128 - Why Sweet Fish, Ms. Coos? 1068 00:54:16,462 --> 00:54:19,590 - Well us models, under the hot lights and all, 1069 00:54:19,924 --> 00:54:23,344 our cunts can get pretty skunky. 1070 00:54:23,678 --> 00:54:26,305 And if it isn't fresh, 1071 00:54:27,723 --> 00:54:28,933 I'm out of business. 1072 00:54:30,226 --> 00:54:33,229 Isn't that sweet, you little money maker, you? 1073 00:54:33,562 --> 00:54:35,314 ♪ Use new Sweet Fish everyday ♪ 1074 00:54:35,648 --> 00:54:37,566 ♪ Keep that skunky cunt away ♪ 1075 00:54:37,900 --> 00:54:39,986 ♪ Use new Sweet Fish everyday ♪ 1076 00:54:40,319 --> 00:54:42,405 ♪ Keep that skunky cunt away ♪ 1077 00:54:42,738 --> 00:54:45,116 ♪ Sweet Fish ♪ 1078 00:54:46,742 --> 00:54:50,037 (film projector whirring) 1079 00:54:51,455 --> 00:54:54,250 ♪ I gonna put you in the movies ♪ 1080 00:54:54,583 --> 00:54:57,586 ♪ I'm gonna make a big star outta you ♪ 1081 00:54:57,920 --> 00:55:00,464 ♪ I'm gonna put you in the movies ♪ 1082 00:55:00,798 --> 00:55:02,550 ♪ And all you gotta do is ♪ 1083 00:55:02,883 --> 00:55:05,011 ♪ Hang loose and screw ♪ 1084 00:55:05,344 --> 00:55:08,014 (machine whirring) 1085 00:55:10,766 --> 00:55:11,766 Hmmm. 1086 00:55:25,740 --> 00:55:28,951 (moaning and laughing) 1087 00:55:33,456 --> 00:55:35,082 - Doctor, really. 1088 00:55:35,416 --> 00:55:38,669 You are a cheeky devil, you are. 1089 00:55:39,003 --> 00:55:40,087 Ooh. 1090 00:55:40,421 --> 00:55:41,421 Ow. 1091 00:55:43,341 --> 00:55:45,593 - How long have you had these pains? 1092 00:55:45,926 --> 00:55:47,553 - Well, I don't know, I lost my watch, 1093 00:55:47,887 --> 00:55:49,847 but I guess it's about, uh, 1094 00:55:50,181 --> 00:55:53,851 four years, um, three months, and two days. 1095 00:55:54,185 --> 00:55:58,481 - Well, I'm glad you came to me right away. 1096 00:55:58,814 --> 00:55:59,814 Let's see here. 1097 00:56:00,691 --> 00:56:03,527 - Ooh, Doctor, do you think that I might be... 1098 00:56:03,861 --> 00:56:04,861 - Now, now. 1099 00:56:05,071 --> 00:56:08,324 Just relax and we'll see what we have here. 1100 00:56:08,657 --> 00:56:10,993 - [Patient] It's so hard waiting, doctor. 1101 00:56:11,327 --> 00:56:13,371 (moaning) 1102 00:56:14,747 --> 00:56:16,499 - Ha, I have it! 1103 00:56:16,832 --> 00:56:18,000 A Climax watch. 1104 00:56:18,334 --> 00:56:22,797 Still ticking after four years, three months, and two days. 1105 00:56:23,756 --> 00:56:24,756 Climax. 1106 00:56:25,007 --> 00:56:28,844 It takes a licking and keeps on ticking. 1107 00:56:29,178 --> 00:56:30,846 That's why Climax 1108 00:56:31,180 --> 00:56:35,726 is the largest selling watch on 47th Street. 1109 00:56:36,060 --> 00:56:37,103 - Climax? 1110 00:56:37,436 --> 00:56:39,772 Bullshit, you better take another look down there. 1111 00:56:40,106 --> 00:56:41,524 My watch was a Pulsar. 1112 00:56:45,945 --> 00:56:49,240 - [Fred] Isn't it time you had a Climax? 1113 00:56:49,573 --> 00:56:52,201 (whimsical music) 1114 00:56:59,708 --> 00:57:02,461 - If I were a switch, where would I be? 1115 00:57:03,462 --> 00:57:04,880 - Push everything. 1116 00:57:05,214 --> 00:57:06,424 What do you got to lose? 1117 00:57:08,759 --> 00:57:11,387 (upbeat music) 1118 00:57:15,141 --> 00:57:17,726 (Gramps yelling) 1119 00:57:22,440 --> 00:57:24,150 - Stop fucking around. 1120 00:57:26,986 --> 00:57:29,447 (upbeat music) 1121 00:57:35,870 --> 00:57:38,622 - I hate the taste of Lusterine, 1122 00:57:40,458 --> 00:57:43,043 but I use it 40 times a day. 1123 00:57:43,377 --> 00:57:45,754 (upbeat music) 1124 00:57:56,098 --> 00:57:57,098 I'm so oral. 1125 00:58:06,233 --> 00:58:07,233 I love it. 1126 00:58:08,360 --> 00:58:11,447 ♪ Lusterine ♪ 1127 00:58:11,780 --> 00:58:12,990 ♪ When you go to bed ♪ 1128 00:58:13,324 --> 00:58:14,492 ♪ When you're giving head ♪ 1129 00:58:14,825 --> 00:58:16,827 ♪ Lusterine ♪ 1130 00:58:26,962 --> 00:58:29,715 - It was a smashing idea, Red, but I don't think it'll work. 1131 00:58:30,049 --> 00:58:31,592 - Golly, why not? 1132 00:58:31,926 --> 00:58:33,886 - It's just not dramatically viable. 1133 00:58:34,220 --> 00:58:35,638 - Oh, what the fuck do you know? 1134 00:58:35,971 --> 00:58:37,431 Our asses are on the line. 1135 00:58:37,765 --> 00:58:38,765 Let's put them in. 1136 00:58:39,058 --> 00:58:40,476 (Red and Ned arguing) 1137 00:58:40,809 --> 00:58:43,854 - Gentlemen, gentlemen, please don't despair. 1138 00:58:44,188 --> 00:58:45,188 All we need is a shot 1139 00:58:45,481 --> 00:58:47,858 to get our creative juices flowing again. 1140 00:58:48,192 --> 00:58:49,192 (door slams) 1141 00:58:49,485 --> 00:58:50,485 - [All] It's Mr. Big! 1142 00:58:51,862 --> 00:58:54,406 (dramatic music) 1143 00:58:57,535 --> 00:59:01,038 - These guys don't look glad to see me, boys. 1144 00:59:05,084 --> 00:59:06,877 Where's my half a million dollars? 1145 00:59:10,756 --> 00:59:13,342 (dramatic music) 1146 00:59:18,264 --> 00:59:20,182 Well, where's the money? 1147 00:59:22,893 --> 00:59:24,812 - (chuckling) Gee, I don't know. 1148 00:59:25,145 --> 00:59:27,606 It was around here someplace. 1149 00:59:27,940 --> 00:59:28,941 - Wise guy, huh? 1150 00:59:29,984 --> 00:59:31,504 Somebody better come up with the money, 1151 00:59:31,569 --> 00:59:33,862 or you're all as good as dead. 1152 00:59:34,196 --> 00:59:36,516 - You'll have it as soon as the movie is released, Mr. Big, 1153 00:59:36,824 --> 00:59:37,824 with interest. 1154 00:59:37,992 --> 00:59:39,034 - When will that be? 1155 00:59:40,035 --> 00:59:43,706 According to my watch, yous got one hour. 1156 00:59:44,039 --> 00:59:46,417 (Ned stammering) 1157 00:59:46,750 --> 00:59:48,252 What's the matter with him? 1158 00:59:48,586 --> 00:59:51,297 - He ain't himself since you came in the door. 1159 00:59:51,630 --> 00:59:54,842 I'm the s-s-s-same w-w-w-w-way m-m-m-m-myself. 1160 00:59:55,175 --> 00:59:58,345 - You guys better stop blubbering and start fund raising. 1161 01:00:01,181 --> 01:00:02,182 Ernie, 1162 01:00:02,516 --> 01:00:04,977 hock all this equipment, 1163 01:00:05,311 --> 01:00:07,813 and send all the money to the widows. 1164 01:00:08,147 --> 01:00:09,147 - Jesus. 1165 01:00:09,231 --> 01:00:12,234 - This looks like a job for Mighty Mouth! 1166 01:00:12,568 --> 01:00:13,986 - [Brothers] Yay! 1167 01:00:14,320 --> 01:00:16,030 - All right boys, I got him. 1168 01:00:16,363 --> 01:00:17,448 Run! 1169 01:00:17,781 --> 01:00:18,782 - Get her off of me! 1170 01:00:19,116 --> 01:00:20,743 No, wait, wait. 1171 01:00:21,076 --> 01:00:23,662 Yous can run, but you can't hide. 1172 01:00:23,996 --> 01:00:26,165 I'll see you creeps in your office in one hour. 1173 01:00:27,249 --> 01:00:31,003 ("William Tell's Overture") 1174 01:00:32,880 --> 01:00:35,549 (water bubbling) 1175 01:00:37,551 --> 01:00:38,844 - Excuse me, Madam. 1176 01:00:39,178 --> 01:00:40,804 Your car. - Oh, James. 1177 01:00:41,138 --> 01:00:43,015 It's time to go already? - Yes, Madam. 1178 01:00:43,349 --> 01:00:44,892 You have a bridge date. 1179 01:00:45,225 --> 01:00:46,226 - Cancel it. 1180 01:00:46,560 --> 01:00:48,771 I'm going to stay here and help these poor souls. 1181 01:00:49,104 --> 01:00:50,147 They're trying to create 1182 01:00:50,481 --> 01:00:52,441 an erotic film and failing dismally. 1183 01:00:52,775 --> 01:00:54,902 It's a matter of life and death. 1184 01:00:55,235 --> 01:00:56,570 - Oh, forget it, lady. 1185 01:00:56,904 --> 01:00:57,905 Ned? - Yeah? 1186 01:00:58,238 --> 01:00:58,781 - Fred? - Yeah? 1187 01:00:59,114 --> 01:01:00,114 - Red? - Yeah? 1188 01:01:00,366 --> 01:01:01,825 - You guys are dead. 1189 01:01:02,159 --> 01:01:03,911 - He's right, nothing can save us. 1190 01:01:04,244 --> 01:01:05,244 - It's all over. 1191 01:01:05,537 --> 01:01:06,537 - Just a moment. 1192 01:01:06,830 --> 01:01:10,000 If Madam says she'll help, all is well. 1193 01:01:10,334 --> 01:01:11,710 - Are you kidding? 1194 01:01:12,044 --> 01:01:12,670 Look at her. 1195 01:01:13,003 --> 01:01:14,003 What does she know? 1196 01:01:14,296 --> 01:01:15,296 She's an old lady. 1197 01:01:16,715 --> 01:01:19,802 - Madam, they've thrown down the gauntlet. 1198 01:01:20,135 --> 01:01:23,806 - Gentlemen, I may look like an old lady on the outside, 1199 01:01:24,139 --> 01:01:28,352 but inside, I'm as hot and as wet as the best of them. 1200 01:01:30,229 --> 01:01:34,900 ♪ I got scrawny thighs and beady eyes ♪ 1201 01:01:35,234 --> 01:01:40,030 ♪ A bulbous nose and sagging hose, but I'm ♪ 1202 01:01:42,282 --> 01:01:47,204 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1203 01:01:48,163 --> 01:01:52,459 ♪ My mammaries are memories ♪ 1204 01:01:52,793 --> 01:01:54,837 ♪ But still I can ♪ 1205 01:01:55,170 --> 01:01:59,717 ♪ Delight my man, 'cause I'm ♪ 1206 01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:04,054 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1207 01:02:04,388 --> 01:02:09,184 ♪ What I do is sensuali-tease him ♪ 1208 01:02:10,394 --> 01:02:13,814 ♪ Come to mama, fudge him ♪ 1209 01:02:14,148 --> 01:02:15,649 ♪ Blow in his ear ♪ 1210 01:02:15,983 --> 01:02:17,943 ♪ Or nip on his rear ♪ 1211 01:02:18,277 --> 01:02:21,280 ♪ He's ripe for plucking ♪ 1212 01:02:22,364 --> 01:02:25,951 ♪ Lend your sex electrics ♪ 1213 01:02:26,285 --> 01:02:29,538 ♪ Ting-A-Ling-A-Ling-A ♪ 1214 01:02:29,872 --> 01:02:30,998 ♪ A maddening lick ♪ 1215 01:02:31,331 --> 01:02:34,585 ♪ With a butterfly flick and a blow ♪ 1216 01:02:34,918 --> 01:02:37,713 ♪ Your man down ♪ 1217 01:02:38,046 --> 01:02:41,425 ♪ So when your bedroom bores ♪ 1218 01:02:41,759 --> 01:02:43,385 ♪ Get out of doors ♪ 1219 01:02:43,719 --> 01:02:44,887 ♪ Try a rope and a hack ♪ 1220 01:02:45,220 --> 01:02:47,264 ♪ Or the BMD track ♪ 1221 01:02:47,598 --> 01:02:50,434 ♪ And live ♪ 1222 01:02:50,768 --> 01:02:55,522 ♪ Like the sensuous woman ♪ 1223 01:02:57,274 --> 01:03:01,945 ♪ And if your Romeos ♪ 1224 01:03:02,279 --> 01:03:05,449 ♪ Drooping low ♪ 1225 01:03:05,783 --> 01:03:08,786 ♪ A tired he ♪ 1226 01:03:09,119 --> 01:03:11,038 ♪ Do it orally ♪ 1227 01:03:11,371 --> 01:03:13,957 ♪ You better be ♪ 1228 01:03:14,291 --> 01:03:19,087 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1229 01:03:20,088 --> 01:03:22,758 ♪ The sensuous woman ♪ 1230 01:03:33,644 --> 01:03:34,644 - You're terrific. 1231 01:03:34,686 --> 01:03:36,021 - Yeah, sexy. - Help us. 1232 01:03:36,355 --> 01:03:36,980 - Save our movie. 1233 01:03:37,314 --> 01:03:40,150 - Take us to the Promise Land, sweet mama. 1234 01:03:40,484 --> 01:03:42,569 - But Madam, what shall I do with the car? 1235 01:03:42,903 --> 01:03:44,071 - Sell it, you dummy. 1236 01:03:45,489 --> 01:03:46,800 - You really think we can make it? 1237 01:03:46,824 --> 01:03:48,176 - [Madam] Of course, you can make it. 1238 01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,993 Remember who you are. 1239 01:03:50,327 --> 01:03:53,038 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts Systems and Procedures ♪ 1240 01:03:53,372 --> 01:03:55,172 ♪ Brothers Unlimited Inc., what do you think ♪ 1241 01:03:55,499 --> 01:03:56,539 - And don't you forget it. 1242 01:03:56,834 --> 01:03:58,585 You've got imagination, taste, 1243 01:03:58,919 --> 01:04:01,797 and this boy has a problem that can help you. 1244 01:04:02,130 --> 01:04:04,258 - Yeah, give me a chance. 1245 01:04:04,591 --> 01:04:06,009 - And you shall have it, my dear. 1246 01:04:06,343 --> 01:04:10,138 What you need is Buffo production numbers, today's sound, 1247 01:04:10,472 --> 01:04:13,392 a rock beat, transvestites, ah. 1248 01:04:13,725 --> 01:04:15,102 Stop it, you two. 1249 01:04:15,435 --> 01:04:16,435 - What about me? 1250 01:04:16,520 --> 01:04:17,896 What can I do? 1251 01:04:18,230 --> 01:04:19,690 - Pinocchio, according to my notes, 1252 01:04:20,023 --> 01:04:22,317 you have now cum seven times. 1253 01:04:22,651 --> 01:04:24,027 - Eight. - Eight times. 1254 01:04:24,361 --> 01:04:26,196 And you shall be 1255 01:04:26,530 --> 01:04:30,158 rewarded. (audience applauds) 1256 01:04:31,952 --> 01:04:34,872 - I've become a partner. 1257 01:04:35,205 --> 01:04:40,002 (upbeat music) (audience applauds) 1258 01:04:50,762 --> 01:04:53,098 (upbeat music) 1259 01:05:05,652 --> 01:05:08,739 ♪ She lives a life marked his and hers ♪ 1260 01:05:09,072 --> 01:05:11,283 ♪ In a world of changing sex ♪ 1261 01:05:11,617 --> 01:05:14,578 ♪ She's the king and queen of differences ♪ 1262 01:05:14,912 --> 01:05:17,831 ♪ In a dream that's rated X ♪ 1263 01:05:18,165 --> 01:05:20,292 ♪ She took to drag and dressing up ♪ 1264 01:05:20,626 --> 01:05:24,004 ♪ 'Cause it sure beats driving trucks ♪ 1265 01:05:24,338 --> 01:05:27,257 ♪ Her world's a myth like gravity ♪ 1266 01:05:27,591 --> 01:05:30,427 ♪ It has no pull, it sucks ♪ 1267 01:05:30,761 --> 01:05:33,305 ♪ There's lots of things about her ♪ 1268 01:05:33,639 --> 01:05:36,350 ♪ That you never understand ♪ 1269 01:05:36,683 --> 01:05:39,645 ♪ I mean, how can you talk to a lady ♪ 1270 01:05:39,978 --> 01:05:42,940 ♪ That's every inch a man ♪ 1271 01:05:43,273 --> 01:05:45,651 ♪ Why she's the new all American boy ♪ 1272 01:05:45,984 --> 01:05:49,196 ♪ She got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1273 01:05:49,529 --> 01:05:52,115 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1274 01:05:52,449 --> 01:05:54,076 ♪ With her, you get two ♪ 1275 01:05:54,409 --> 01:05:57,204 ♪ For the price of one ♪ 1276 01:05:57,537 --> 01:05:58,914 ♪ Show me your la la ♪ 1277 01:05:59,247 --> 01:06:01,333 (harmonizing) 1278 01:06:11,551 --> 01:06:16,473 ♪ Oh beautiful ♪ 1279 01:06:17,766 --> 01:06:19,685 ♪ Her life's a constant struggle ♪ 1280 01:06:20,018 --> 01:06:21,853 ♪ In a boy meets girl facade ♪ 1281 01:06:22,187 --> 01:06:26,066 ♪ While the girly part comes easy ♪ 1282 01:06:26,400 --> 01:06:29,069 ♪ For the man, the part stays hard ♪ 1283 01:06:29,403 --> 01:06:32,114 ♪ So, she went to see the doctor man ♪ 1284 01:06:32,447 --> 01:06:35,117 ♪ She said, hey make me a fox ♪ 1285 01:06:35,450 --> 01:06:37,327 ♪ She took a shot of G ♪ 1286 01:06:37,661 --> 01:06:38,661 ♪ Her breast of things ♪ 1287 01:06:38,787 --> 01:06:41,289 ♪ And a brand new plastic part ♪ 1288 01:06:41,623 --> 01:06:44,751 ♪ Now, she's the foxy lady ♪ 1289 01:06:45,085 --> 01:06:46,878 ♪ That you've been waiting for ♪ 1290 01:06:47,212 --> 01:06:51,174 ♪ So what if the girl of your dreams turns out ♪ 1291 01:06:51,508 --> 01:06:54,261 ♪ To be the boy next door ♪ 1292 01:06:54,594 --> 01:06:57,097 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1293 01:06:57,431 --> 01:07:00,475 ♪ She got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1294 01:07:00,809 --> 01:07:03,395 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1295 01:07:03,729 --> 01:07:05,647 ♪ With her you get two ♪ 1296 01:07:05,981 --> 01:07:07,607 ♪ For the price of one ♪ 1297 01:07:07,941 --> 01:07:10,277 ♪ Oh yeah, guys, let's hear everything ♪ 1298 01:07:10,610 --> 01:07:12,779 (harmonizing) 1299 01:07:19,369 --> 01:07:22,039 ♪ She's the new all American boy ♪ 1300 01:07:22,372 --> 01:07:25,083 ♪ She's got the curse of every mother's son ♪ 1301 01:07:25,417 --> 01:07:27,294 ♪ I said that she's the new all American boy ♪ 1302 01:07:27,627 --> 01:07:28,730 (sirens blaring) (whistle shrills) 1303 01:07:28,754 --> 01:07:30,756 - [Cop] All right, hold it right there. 1304 01:07:31,089 --> 01:07:32,591 Don't let these motherfuckers move. 1305 01:07:32,924 --> 01:07:35,510 - [Miss Bliss] Oh, son-of-a-bitch. 1306 01:07:36,887 --> 01:07:39,473 - Okay, you perpetrators is all under arrest 1307 01:07:39,806 --> 01:07:42,184 on account of making a dirty movie. 1308 01:07:42,517 --> 01:07:44,186 All right, you cunts, let's go. 1309 01:07:44,519 --> 01:07:45,520 Hut, two, three, four. 1310 01:07:45,854 --> 01:07:47,064 Hut, two, three, four. 1311 01:07:47,397 --> 01:07:48,440 Hut, two, three, four. 1312 01:07:48,774 --> 01:07:51,234 Hut, two, three, four. (cunt farts) 1313 01:07:51,568 --> 01:07:53,320 All right kid, you're next. 1314 01:07:53,653 --> 01:07:54,653 Let's go. 1315 01:07:54,696 --> 01:07:56,198 You outta be ashamed of yourself. 1316 01:07:56,531 --> 01:08:00,243 Contributing to the delinquency of an adult. 1317 01:08:00,577 --> 01:08:01,577 - Up yours. 1318 01:08:01,787 --> 01:08:04,206 All right, hut, two, three, four. 1319 01:08:04,539 --> 01:08:06,291 Okay cutie, you're next. 1320 01:08:07,542 --> 01:08:11,505 Hey, by the way cutie, I'll uh, 1321 01:08:12,422 --> 01:08:14,132 see you when you get out. 1322 01:08:15,008 --> 01:08:16,008 (belches) 1323 01:08:16,176 --> 01:08:17,296 - Ooh. - All right, let's go. 1324 01:08:17,469 --> 01:08:18,678 Hut, two, three, four. 1325 01:08:19,012 --> 01:08:20,097 Hut, two, three. 1326 01:08:20,430 --> 01:08:23,308 (depressing music) 1327 01:08:23,642 --> 01:08:26,978 - It was a good try, gentlemen, but we're goners. 1328 01:08:28,355 --> 01:08:30,440 - Hmm, our present predicament 1329 01:08:30,774 --> 01:08:33,235 severely limits our fund raising mobility. 1330 01:08:33,568 --> 01:08:34,568 - Listen. 1331 01:08:34,694 --> 01:08:36,238 We still got 45 minutes left. 1332 01:08:36,571 --> 01:08:37,239 Right? 1333 01:08:37,572 --> 01:08:40,575 - It seems to me you only got one shot, boys. 1334 01:08:40,909 --> 01:08:42,035 - [All] What? 1335 01:08:42,369 --> 01:08:43,703 - Politics. 1336 01:08:44,037 --> 01:08:45,747 - Totally unfeasible. 1337 01:08:46,081 --> 01:08:47,707 Gentlemen, we have enough problems. 1338 01:08:48,041 --> 01:08:50,127 We go into politics, we'll really be in trouble. 1339 01:08:50,460 --> 01:08:52,087 - All right, all right. 1340 01:08:53,004 --> 01:08:55,257 Quiet down yous perpetrators. 1341 01:08:55,590 --> 01:08:56,590 You're free. 1342 01:08:56,842 --> 01:08:58,468 All charges have been dropped. 1343 01:08:58,802 --> 01:09:00,512 (cheering) 1344 01:09:00,846 --> 01:09:02,430 - Wait a minute, officer. 1345 01:09:02,764 --> 01:09:05,475 I'm not sure I have a firm grasp of the situation. 1346 01:09:05,809 --> 01:09:08,270 - Social redeeming, that's what the situation is. 1347 01:09:08,603 --> 01:09:10,105 Some faggot judge says she got 1348 01:09:10,438 --> 01:09:13,191 social redeeming value in this here film. 1349 01:09:13,525 --> 01:09:14,525 You're free. 1350 01:09:14,568 --> 01:09:15,110 Outta here. 1351 01:09:15,443 --> 01:09:17,279 Out of my jail, all of ya. 1352 01:09:17,612 --> 01:09:18,780 Hut, two, three, four. 1353 01:09:19,114 --> 01:09:20,282 - You dirty screw. 1354 01:09:20,615 --> 01:09:23,910 You're the guy give to my brother in the back. 1355 01:09:25,120 --> 01:09:27,622 - Listen, who I fuck is my business. 1356 01:09:27,956 --> 01:09:29,082 Now, move it! 1357 01:09:30,667 --> 01:09:31,877 Bunch of perverts. 1358 01:09:32,210 --> 01:09:34,504 Social redeeming, my ass. 1359 01:09:34,838 --> 01:09:36,715 Fucking is fucking. 1360 01:09:37,048 --> 01:09:39,593 (upbeat music) 1361 01:09:53,648 --> 01:09:57,569 - Well, I still think we shoulda gone out to Hollywood. 1362 01:09:57,903 --> 01:10:00,197 Jimmy won't know what to say if we win. 1363 01:10:00,530 --> 01:10:02,073 - Ah, we'll never win. 1364 01:10:02,407 --> 01:10:04,284 Let's put on the ball game. 1365 01:10:04,618 --> 01:10:06,453 - Oh, ye of little faith. 1366 01:10:06,786 --> 01:10:09,122 - Look, they're announcing the nominees. 1367 01:10:09,456 --> 01:10:10,790 - Turn up the volume. 1368 01:10:11,124 --> 01:10:14,419 - And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment 1369 01:10:14,753 --> 01:10:16,296 we've all been waiting for 1370 01:10:17,464 --> 01:10:20,175 for the best picture of the year. 1371 01:10:20,508 --> 01:10:22,010 May I have the envelope please? 1372 01:10:24,930 --> 01:10:25,931 I'm so excited. 1373 01:10:26,848 --> 01:10:27,891 And the winner is... 1374 01:10:29,976 --> 01:10:31,478 You are hereby summoned 1375 01:10:31,811 --> 01:10:36,358 to appear before the grand jury in Memphis... 1376 01:10:36,691 --> 01:10:37,691 You asshole. 1377 01:10:38,610 --> 01:10:39,610 Gimme. 1378 01:10:41,279 --> 01:10:42,697 And the winner is... 1379 01:10:47,035 --> 01:10:49,371 I don't believe this shit. 1380 01:10:49,704 --> 01:10:50,704 The winner is 1381 01:10:51,665 --> 01:10:54,000 The Last Porno Flick. (all cheering) 1382 01:10:54,334 --> 01:10:55,585 Federico 1383 01:10:55,919 --> 01:10:56,919 Gepetto 1384 01:10:57,003 --> 01:10:58,296 Alexa. 1385 01:10:58,630 --> 01:11:01,007 Accepting the award for Mr. Gepetto is 1386 01:11:02,634 --> 01:11:04,469 Jimmy. - Go on down. 1387 01:11:04,803 --> 01:11:06,683 - Congratulations. - And since this is the first 1388 01:11:06,972 --> 01:11:09,349 fuck film to win an Oscar, 1389 01:11:09,683 --> 01:11:13,270 I just gotta thank two people who made it all possible. 1390 01:11:13,603 --> 01:11:17,941 The two people who invented fucking: Adam and Eve. 1391 01:11:18,275 --> 01:11:19,693 I didn't get their last names, 1392 01:11:20,026 --> 01:11:21,903 but they know who they are. 1393 01:11:22,237 --> 01:11:25,115 And I'm thrilled for my good buddy Gramps 1394 01:11:26,283 --> 01:11:28,660 that he lived to see this night. 1395 01:11:30,870 --> 01:11:32,414 - What an asshole. 1396 01:11:38,586 --> 01:11:40,588 (machine whirring) 1397 01:11:40,922 --> 01:11:43,508 (machine dings) 1398 01:11:46,678 --> 01:11:50,557 (everyone murmuring) 1399 01:11:50,890 --> 01:11:53,130 - There must be nine million dollars here, keep counting. 1400 01:11:53,226 --> 01:11:54,811 - There's 10 million in this pile, 1401 01:11:55,145 --> 01:11:56,625 and nine million in... - Are you sure? 1402 01:11:56,938 --> 01:11:57,957 Let's start again and make sure, 1403 01:11:57,981 --> 01:11:59,357 'cause I don't wanna get screwed. 1404 01:11:59,691 --> 01:12:01,609 - Come on, come on, boys. 1405 01:12:01,943 --> 01:12:02,527 - Keep counting. 1406 01:12:02,861 --> 01:12:04,195 - I'm being taken advantage of. 1407 01:12:04,529 --> 01:12:06,531 That's my pile, get your hands off it. 1408 01:12:06,865 --> 01:12:07,945 - Come on now, don't fight. 1409 01:12:08,241 --> 01:12:10,094 I'm gonna take my share and go to that massage parlor 1410 01:12:10,118 --> 01:12:11,118 and go for broke. 1411 01:12:11,244 --> 01:12:12,244 - Hey. 1412 01:12:12,329 --> 01:12:13,371 Hey. 1413 01:12:13,705 --> 01:12:15,999 I've got an idea for our next movie. 1414 01:12:16,333 --> 01:12:17,333 How about 1415 01:12:17,625 --> 01:12:19,669 She Came on the Bus. 1416 01:12:20,003 --> 01:12:21,003 - Ah, horseshit. 1417 01:12:21,379 --> 01:12:23,715 Those travel films never make money. 1418 01:12:24,758 --> 01:12:26,384 I've got one. 1419 01:12:26,718 --> 01:12:31,097 Doctor Dick Makes a House Call. (laughing) 1420 01:12:31,431 --> 01:12:32,682 - Too medical, no zip. 1421 01:12:33,016 --> 01:12:35,810 You gotta play on their fantasies, boys. 1422 01:12:36,144 --> 01:12:37,144 How's this? 1423 01:12:37,354 --> 01:12:39,314 Teenage Grandmother. 1424 01:12:39,647 --> 01:12:42,317 - Yeah, great, yeah. - Terrific. 1425 01:12:42,650 --> 01:12:43,650 - No, no, no. 1426 01:12:44,903 --> 01:12:48,365 There'll be no more erotic film. 1427 01:12:48,698 --> 01:12:49,698 - Fred, why? 1428 01:12:50,575 --> 01:12:54,496 - Gentlemen, this is the last porno flick. 1429 01:12:54,829 --> 01:12:56,373 - Oh. - What? 1430 01:12:56,706 --> 01:12:58,184 - [Gramps] Yeah, we gotta think of something. 1431 01:12:58,208 --> 01:12:59,288 Yeah, what are we gonna do? 1432 01:12:59,542 --> 01:13:00,622 We all remember who we are. 1433 01:13:00,835 --> 01:13:02,104 - [Fred] Let's not forget our heritage. 1434 01:13:02,128 --> 01:13:06,925 ♪ We're the Creative Concepts ♪ 1435 01:13:08,426 --> 01:13:10,720 ♪ Systems and Procedures ♪ 1436 01:13:11,054 --> 01:13:14,057 ♪ Brothers Unlimited Inc. ♪ 1437 01:13:14,391 --> 01:13:18,645 ♪ What do you think ♪ 1438 01:13:18,978 --> 01:13:21,481 ♪ I need a drink ♪ 1439 01:13:23,900 --> 01:13:27,404 (upbeat whimsical music) 1440 01:15:16,137 --> 01:15:18,848 (bomb explodes) 1441 01:15:19,974 --> 01:15:22,936 (bottles clatter) 1442 01:15:26,940 --> 01:15:29,609 (upbeat music) 91589