All language subtitles for End.of.Days.Inc.2016.HDRip.WEB-DL.HI.eng

I just can't believe
this is the last time

I'll walk into this building and say,

"Good Morning, Misty."

"Good morning, Misty."

You've got a thing.

In your...

Where? Oh, God.

[Misty] Weirdo.

[Lloyd] Paraguay.

HBW000337890.

Yep. Gotcha.

[Mort] Well! If it isn't
another misty morning!

Misty freaking morning.

How goes it, Misty-kins?

It's the same as it always goes, Mort.

Doofus.

[Rico]
Okay. Uh, Finland.

HBW00837

2717.

[Misty] Finland.

Yeah. Finland.

I've always loved the
way you say "Finland."

It's like, "Fin. Land."

Thanks.

You know what's funny.

Godfrey's closing after all these years,

and you and me never

got the chance to, you know.

To?

I thought you knew. I'm married.

Your wife doesn't need to know!

There's a broom closet
on the second floor.

It's very roomy.

Is this woman harassing you again, Rico?

I'm fine, Lloyd. Let's
just get out of here.

[Jason] Told ya.

Eat shit, Jason.

Jackass.

(upbeat jazz music)

(bell ringing)

It is time to begin working.

(upbeat jazz music)

(bell ringing)

It is time to stop working.

[Misty]
Esther said to wait here. She said,

Mr. Godfrey wants to
speak with us personally.

Oh! He wants to say goodbye!

[Jason] Oh, I'm thinking
fat severance bonuses.

Bonuses should be based on tenure.

Bonuses should be based on talent.

Loyalty is more important.

Innovation is more important.

Ass-kissing's pretty high up there, too.

And as master of the butt smooch, Jason.

I do not kiss ass, okay?

I strategize self-actionization moments.

It's all in Steve's seminars.

Your "shaman" is named "Steve"?

Mr. Godfrey!

Jason Tumley, warehousing associate.

I just want to say,

what an honor and a privilege

it has been toiling in your shadow.

Which, actually, hasn't even

really been like a shadow.

It's more like a

white hot sun illuminating the...

Ow!

Thank you very much,
Jason, for that speech.

It contained words,

verbs, nouns, and so forth.

So huzzah to you, lad!

And now on to business.

I know you're all waiting for some

envelopes.

Yes?

You all love envelopes. Right?

[Mort]
It's really not the envelopes.

It's the stuff inside.

That's exactly the
robust spirit that's kept

Godfrey Global Inventory

alive and kicking all these years.

Until tonight when it finally,

finally dies.

So, anyway, Esther, envelopes.

(bouncy music)

[Mort]
It's an invitation.

To a party.

Oh Jesus tits.

In honor of your loyal years of service

to Godfrey Global Inventory,

Esther and I,

request the pleasure of your company

at a farewell soiree

to be held here tonight.

We've never been to a party before.

We've never been to a party before.

You've never been to a party before?

No, we've never been to a party before.

And because we've never been

to a party before this will be

the finest party we've ever thrown!

[Janet]
Oh, come on, guys!

Come on, let's embrace this.

I mean, this is our last day.

Our last day!

I mean, we've all worked here for?

11 years.

Seven years.

14 years.

Talent matters more than tenure.

All these years, and what have we

ever really learned about each other?

Or about Mr. Godfrey?

Or his lovely twin sister, Esther?

Or about Godfrey Global
Inventory itself?

Its purpose, its function.

I mean, the raison d'etre

for the thousands of punchcards.

And so on and so
forth, Janet, thank you.

So. Party tonight?

Where's our checks?

Final checks will be
distributed at the party.

Can you just, like, mail mine?

Well, we could, "just, like, mail" yours

if you decline tonight's invitation.

However, party attendance is mandatory

in order to receive Godfrey Global's

additional severance bonus,

which is quite generous.

Quite generous.

[Jason]
So, if we don't go to the party,

then we don't get our bonuses?

Whip smart, that one.

After 11 years of
"manning the carts" here

at Godfrey, I would be honored

to hoist a couple of tall cold ones.

You wanna talk honored?

I mean, my bowels clench with pride

when this man, when this,

when this, when this fella right here

inspired me in my brief...

So! 7:06 sharp.

[Janet] I'm only gonna
be gone a few hours,

Nana, you'll be fine by yourself.

[Nana]
I'm actually glad you're going out.

Really?

[Nana]
That way you won't

have to hear my screams.

There will be no screaming tonight.

You're right.

They'll probably ball gag
me right from the get-go.

Nana, no one's going
to ball gag you, okay?

Not if they slit my throat first.

Then they can steal
my silver tea service

in peace and quiet while I bleed out.

You know, it's a shame

you've never met Mr. Godfrey!

You're the same age!

Though he sure doesn't look 80,

it's the weirdest thing.

[Nana]
All those murderers

have baby faces.

He's my age?

Janet? Can I come to the party?

Showering, I can't hear you!

[Nana] JANET!

Yes, I know. I've watched it.

I'm watching it right now.

[Shaman Steve]
Actionization is about establishing

your masculine potential
as a shamanic warrior.

Squat low. Breathe hot. YAAAAHR

Steve, I do. I do breathe
the warrior fire, okay.

I breathe it actionizingly,

but even the warrior fire,

it can't stop my employer
from closing up shop.

You're right. You're
right, you're right,

but maybe now that Godfrey's is gone

maybe the universe is telling me

to take it to the next level, you know?

Go full shaman and start
teaching other warriors

to breathe the warrior fire, and...

What?

Right now?

Okay, okay. Just hold on.

YAAAAAAHR!!!

Is it "yahr" or is it "aar?"

'Cause I can never... Oh, shit!

[Male radio announcer]
Whether you seek ultimate

relaxation, or ultimate excitement.

[Female radio announcer]
The Ambergris Islands await you.

[Male radio announcer]
A tropical paradise

full of beautiful people.

[Female radio announcer]
The Ambergris Islands await you.

[Male radio announcer]
Sultry days and steamy nights.

[Female radio announcer]
The Ambergris Islands await you.

[Male radio announcer]
So what are you waiting for?

[Female radio annoncer]
So what are you waiting for?

[Disclaimer radio announcer]
All-inclusive resort

packages start at just $1,500.

[Female Radio Announcer]
The Ambergris Islands await you.

What are you waiting for?

[Mort]
They say that the squeaky wheel

gets the grease.

Well, I may not have
been the squeakiest wheel

during my 11 years tenure

here at Godfrey Global Inventory.

But then I'm the kind of guy

who will bend over
backwards for my employer,

whether or not he greases me up.

I'll take on any size workload,

and I've taken some pretty darn big ones

during my 11 years tenure

here at Godfrey Global Inventory. So.

Thank you, Mr. Godfrey,
for being my employer

all these 11 years of my tenure

here at Godfrey Global Inventory.

How was that, Donald?

Did Daddy make a good speech?

Yes. Good boy. Yes.

Yes, I know.

(dance music)

Hey.

So glad you could make
it this evening, Janet.

Oh, thank you, Mr. Godfrey,

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Are you enjoying the gum?

Yes, it's wonderful. Thank you.

Here. Have another.

No, thanks. I'm okay.

I insist!

Okay.

No, no, I.

Chew to your heart's content!

Tonight is a special night!

You are so right, Mr. Godfrey.

Tonight is special.

But then again,

every moment of my employment

here at Godfrey Global has been special.

They say that the squeaky
wheel gets the grease.

Well, I may not have
been the squeakiest wheel

during my 11...

Hmmm. Party games!

[Godfrey] Excellent.

Thank you, Esther, for
keeping us on schedule.

This portion of the evening

has been allotted to party games.

Tonight's party game shall be

"Duck Duck Goose."

You're not serious.

But this is a party.

It is my understanding that seriousness

would be inappropriate at this event.

Touché, Mr. G! Right?

When do we get our checks?

This is not the question-and-answer

period of the evening.

That's at 5:13 a.m.

You're kidding, right?

No-one's gonna be here at 5 a.m.

[Janet]
You know, I just think it's wonderful

that two people who have never been

to a party before are
bending over backwards

to make sure we have a good time.

So I say, bring on
the "Duck Duck Goose!"

Duck, Duck, Duck.

GOOSE!

Oh my god. GO.

This is ridiculous.

I have a heart condition, you know!

Duck.

Duck.

Duck.

Goose.

The hell with this!

Mort is not using his indoor voice.

I've used my indoor voice

for far too long, Mr. Godfrey!

I've bent over backwards,

and you've never greased me up

to take on your big workload!

And, and, and now

my 11-year tenure here at
Godfrey Global Inventory

has come to an end and I'm ready to

go home.

So, you can hand me my pay check

and I'll mosey proudly along,

because obviously, I'm
not appreciated here.

I'd prefer if you stayed
until the party ended.

[Mort]
The party ended for me

a long time ago, Mr. Godfrey.

[Misty]
Can I get my check too?

Very well, then.

I'll give you your check now.

Thank you.

But, that means that I'll have to

punch your card and move it

to the "Dormant Accounts" file.

Let's see here.

Janet, Jason,

Misty, Mort.

So, if I leave you're going to?

[Godfrey] Process your card,
and move it from

"Active" to "Dormant" status.

To make your termination official.

Punch my card.
Goodbye, everyone.

[Godfrey]
Gee, Mort. What's wrong?

Nothing. I'm fine!

[Jason]
You okay there, big guy?

Did you take your heart medicine, Mort?

[Misty]
You should sit down, Morty.

[Godfrey]
Nonsense, he's fine, see?

Anyhow.

AAAAAH!

[Misty
Mort! Snap out of it!

[Esther] That is an unauthorized
first aid procedure.

I shall file an incident report.

[Janet] Call 911!

Mort!

Damn it!

Non-business related calls must be

pre-approved by the management!

[Misty] Oh! Oh my God!

Oh my God, oh my God,
oh my God, oh my God!

Augh, Jason!

You took the CPR course! C'mere.

Mr. Godfrey, we have to call 911!

[Jason] Check his pulse!

Mr. Godfrey, please!

[Godfrey]
He's. Already. Dead. Janet.

[Misty]
Oh my god. He is dead.

Oh, no. Oh, no.

Oh my God! Oh my God,
it's a million dollars!

It's a million dollars!

Don't stop!

[Godfrey]
I hope Mort's cat makes

good use of its inheritance.

Lucky, lucky Donald.

Our severance bonus
is a million dollars?

With one small caveat, I'm afraid.

Godfrey Global has one
last batch of inventory

that must be processed
before the deadline.

What deadline?

[Godfrey] The deadline.

When we "shut 'er down."

The End.

The deadline.

So, when's the deadline?

Dawn. Dawn is the deadline.

So. So, you tricked us into

coming here to work overnight?

No, no tricks.

We invited you to a party.

This is a party.
Note the garlands.

So, if we finish processing

the inventory before dawn,

we each get a million dollars? Really?

[Jason] Awesome.

Mr. Godfrey, it's incredibly generous,

but why would you give us

such a large amount of money?

Well, you know what they say, Janet.

You know what they say!

No. No. What do they say?

So, we're all agreed then? Hmmm?

You'll work one more night
for our humble operation?

[Misty] I will!

Yeah, yeah. I can. Yes. Yes.

I guess so.

But, what about Mort?

I'll miss him so much.

No, you won't!

We'll put him in your
office to keep you company.

Uh.

And, remember, tonight is a celebration!

There will be mandatory party games

during your breaks.
Esther will officiate.

I can't believe I'm gonna be rich.

Good stuff never happens to me.

Well, Godfrey's got the
dough to spread around.

You know, they've been
raking it in for centuries,

ever since he brought the company over

from the Old Country.

Which "Old Country?"

Beats me.

What exactly is "the business"?

Global Inventory. Duh.

Right.

Holy crap.

We're gonna hafta haul ass

if we wanna get that money.

How did those get here?

Did I miss the delivery guy?

Jesus, get over it.

(quirky music)

Ta da!

He's in a better place now.

You really believe that?

NO.

[Jason] I honestly don't mind
the extra workload.

In fact, I relish the
challenge to take on

Mort's duties as well as my own.

I gotta say, I dig your
style, Mr. Godfrey.

I mean, clearly Mort's
passing was a coincidence,

but you brilliantly parleyed that into

increased worker productivity,

and I just think I could
learn a lot from you, sir.

Do you know what else

you could learn a lot from, Jason?

Television!

Television makes people

shut up and stop thinking.

Oh, gee. Sir, for me,
thanks. That's, um...

Television!

[Male radio announcer]
Whether you seek ultimate

relaxation, or ultimate excitement.

[Female radio announcer]
The Ambergris Islands await you.

[Male radio announcer]
A tropical paradise

full of beautiful people.

[Misty] I'm a beautiful person.

[Female radio announcer]
The Ambergris Islands await you.

[Male radio announcer]
Sultry days and steamy nights.

[Disclaimer radio announcer]
All-inclusive resort

packages start at just $1,500.

I'm a rich beautiful person.

[Female Radio Announcer]
The Ambergris Islands await you.

[Male Radio Announcer] So
what are you waiting for?

[Woman Radio Announcer]
So what are you waiting for?

I don't have to wait no more

Gee, Janet, why don't you have a seat?

Thank you, Misty. I
knew I could talk to you.

So, what do you think is happening here?

Uh, I'm working one more night.

For a million bucks. That's what.

But do you really believe Mr. Godfrey

is going to give us
each a million dollars?

[Misty] I saw Mort's
cheque. I counted the zeros.

But Mort is...

Don't be an idiot, Janet.

But it...

Get out!

Okay, okay. I'm sorry.

[TV Show host] We're
down to the final two

contestants here on
"Yes, My Pet Can Dance!"

Partner ChiChi the spider
monkey are raring to...

[News Anchor] We interrupt this program

to bring you breaking news.

A massive earthquake has hit Australia.

The death toll is unknown,

but seismologists say it may be

a disaster of epic proportions.

Australia?

[News Anchor] Measurements as high as

9.7 on the Richter scale

rate this as the most
devastating earthquake

in recorded history.

Sorry, I've got a Update, here.

This is amazing. Um, remarkably,

there are no reports of mass fatalities

as would be expected in seismic events

of this magnitude.

Only. Only one person

has been reported dead.

We await further details
on this breaking story.

And will continue to update you

every hour on the hour.

Mr. Godfrey!

Janet.

Mr. Godfrey. Um, I've
been rethinking my decision.

As generous as your offer is,

I just can't leave my
Nana alone overnight.

I feel wracked with guilt.

Aw. Poor Janet.

You miss your Nana?

Yeah.

Seriously?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Tons.

I just can't wait to get back to her

cheery little grimace and, um,

well, also, Mort is dead in my office,

and he's developing an odor,

which makes it very hard to work and...

Fascinating as always, Janet.

But what I'm really wondering is,

would you rather I did this,

or gave you a million dollars?

You're not sure? Hmm.

I'll take the money!

Good girl.

Have some more gum.

Chew, chew, chew!

[News anchor] The
minuscule death toll amidst

such epic scale destruction is

nothing short of miraculous.

Oh! I'm sorry, Mr. Godfrey.

[News anchor] Says Australian Red Crest

emergency management
leader Barbara Borkner.

[Godfrey] Jason, perhaps the television

is too much of a distraction.

No! Sir, no. It's just...

It's the weirdest coincidence.

I was, uh, I spilled some cards,

and one of them just got damaged,

and it happened to be

from Australia, and now...

[News anchor] Australians are mourning

Brisbane beekeeper Myron Bumbersnatch,

the sole fatality in this
devastating earthquake.

See, that's the thing.

One fatality, one punchcard.

[News anchor] Dedicated to his work,

and to his bees.

He is survived by his
wife and two children

from previous relationships.

As tragic as the circumstances.

He annoys me.

This man who speaks.

Who? Peter Beckwith?

Oh, I can just...

Yeah, I'll just change the channel.

I can just turn it off. You
know, you're totally right.

No. It's important

to remain apprised of current events.

[News anchor] The utterly
devastating wreckage

has prompted other nations to support

a newly-created disaster relief.

Peter Beckwith.

[News anchor] There are no estimates yet

as to the total financial impact.

We now turn our attention to

a natural phenomenon

we can all get behind, adorable kittens.

That's adorable!

Ol' Petey's got a lot of fight in him.

You see?

Television, it teaches us

so much about the world!

Yeah.

Misty Kerkovitsky.

[Janet] You're going too fast!

Problem, Janet?

[Janet] The files are piling up.

Can you slow down a bit?

Uh, if I slow down,

we're not gonna get this done in time,

so you're just gonna
hafta kick it up a notch.

[Janet] I'm sorry! I'm sorry!

I shouldn't even be here.
I can't handle this!

Do not ruin this for
the rest of us, Janet.

[Janet] It's just, I've told you

how demanding Nana can be,

especially during psoriasis season.

There are so many itchy areas

she can't reach on her own.

(buzzing)

Did you just hang up on me?

You mean like this?

I'm just not accustomed to this pace,

and I'm afraid I might make mistakes.

Alternatively, perhaps I
could come back tomorrow,

no charge, of course,

and just finish up what
I didn't get to today.

Dawn is the deadline, Janet. Dawn.

Okay.

What you need is an assistant!

Dormant. Post-dormant.

Gorg?

And a fine "gorg" to you too, Mort!

As you know, Mort has always possessed

the physical fortitude of a donkey.

He now has the mind of one, too.

He can take on any size workload.

No doubt, he'll be a great help to you.

Now get back to work.

You're welcome.

Mort?

You're alive?

Okay. So, um,

the South American cards need checking,

and those boxes.

Mort. Mort, my eyes are up here.

That's it.

You have

beautiful eyes.

Oh, thank you.

Anyway, we really have
to get to work, because...

Beautiful eyes.

If you can, if you can get those cards.

EYES!

(bell ringing)

It's break time.

Mandatory party games.

That way.

[Mort] Duck! Duck!

Duck! Duck! Duck!

That is not how the game is played!

Maybe that earthquake
was just a coincidence.

Yeah, right. And Mort
was just "napping."

Yeah, Oooh, look at you.

Sarcasm, I like it.

Really?

Yeah.

I think I might try to be
more sarcastic in the future.

You should.

Would you guys shut up?

I'm trying to plan
the holiday I'm taking

with that severance check.

Misty, don't you think that there's

something strange going on here?

No. Everything seems perfectly normal.

Except Mort smells worse than usual,

and tomorrow we're all gonna be rich.

[Mort] Chicken duck!

Ah!

(bell ringing)

It is time to resume working.

Okay, probably wasn't a coincidence.

Yeah, I don't think so.

[Radio reporter] A
freak tsunami has struck

the Caribbean, causing mass devastation

to Jamaica and Trinidad.

The Ambergris Isles have been

swallowed by the sea,
utterly obliterated.

All of its citizens are dead.

Folks, the Ambergris
Islands no longer await you.

Meet me in the broom closet.

I was wondering when I'd get my turn.

Shut up.

[Janet] I'm sorry, I just feel slightly

uncomfortable with this arrangement.

I honestly don't see the problem.

Um, well, it's just that
I feel, just a little,

well, uneasy working with Mort

now that he's a zombie.

Good, good Mort, bravo! Oh, that's rich.

[Esther] Yes, this is Esther.

Esther, you're gonna love this.

Janet thinks Mort is a zombie!

Well, if he's not a zombie,
then what is he?

He is,

eight-seven-three-decimal-nine...

...four-space-eight-hyphen-aught-n...

...space-six-dash-four-four-twospa.

Status, post-dormant.

Now get back to work.

[Janet] Aah! No
thank you, Morty.

Thank you. You can eat
it, you can eat it.

Psst. Meet me in the broom closet.

Oh! Uh, well, I'm flattered,

but I don't think that you and I...

Well, it's just that I'm not a...

Oh, God! Why does everyone here act

like I'm some kind of
slutty slut whorebag?

Ho-bag.

Just come!

Okay.

[Misty] I sent up seven cases

from the Caribbean
Islands half an hour ago.

And now there are no Caribbean Islands.

[Jason] And when Godfrey decided

he didn't like that news anchor,

he was dead, within seconds.

The Australian earthquake,
the Caribbean Islands.

It's like Godfrey's summoning

the end of the the world.

[Misty] And even if
Godfrey keeps his word,

and lets us go free after
giving us the money,

what the hell are we gonna spend it on?

I've seen the movies.

No one shops after the apocalypse.

I am never gonna get to
go to an all-inclusive,

and drink my face off!

We have to tell someone,

we have to tell them
what's going on here.

God, yeah, right!

Try to leave and you'll
end up like Mort.

Balloon!

Ew!

Icky, nasty! Bad!

We have to call 911.

[Jason] Uh, hello,

how long have you been working here?

There's no cell reception
in this building.

And the business
phones were disconnected.

Except for Esther's.

[Janet] Right. Right!

Okay, okay, so,

What if I sneak into her office

and call 911?

What can I do?

You and Mort, you guys,

you watch Godfrey,

you keep him off the third floor.

[Jason] No problem, he loves me.

Misty, do you think you could

distract Esther while I go in?

Sure.

Is that okay?

That hag comes at me
and I'll rip her tits off.

But if I'm gonna do this,

you have to promise me one thing.

Because I don't want Godfrey

bringing me back like he did Mort.

Mort.

Ugh. God, you gotta burn me up,

or chop me up,

or dissolve me in a vat of battery acid.

Where would I find
a vat of battery acid?

Wherever, just be creative.

Just please, please promise me.

Okay, well, what size chunks

do I have to chop you into?

Jason!

Okay, I promise!

All right! Let's do this.

- [Mort] Mort.
- [All] Aaahhh!

Esther?

Why have you abandoned
your work station?

[Misty] Oh, is this the
portion of the evening

allotted for work?

I thought this was the
portion of the evening

allotted for "Misty/Esther Girl Time!"

There is no portion of
the evening allotted for...

Oh, but you're wrong.

Haven't you seen the schedule

posted down by the elevator?

I did not authorize any such posting.

Well, it's posted there.

Come see.

(quirky music)

I see no such posting.

You see no such posting!

(Misty laughing)

This portion of the evening

has not been allotted for laughter.

You know why you see no such posting?

Because this is the portion

of the evening allotted for lying.

That is not true.

Exactly! Because this is the portion

of the evening allotted for lying.

That is not true.

This is the portion of the evening

allotted for fucking with Esther's mind!

THAT IS NOT TRUE!

[911 Operator] 911.
Where are you phoning from?

Godfrey Global Inventory.

[911 Operator] Gopher
Globule who, ma'am?

You are afraid.

Actually, I'm not.

Watch this.
(Spits)

[Esther] That is a direct
violation of company policy!

It is on now, bitch!

No, no, Godfrey Global Inventory!

[911 Operator] There's
no Groggy Gogo Factory

listed in our records.

So it's Godfrey Global Inventory?

Yes! Now I don't have much time,

so please listen carefully!

[911 Operator]
Shhhh! What was that?

What was that?

Hello?

[911 Operator] Did
you hear that, Elliott?

It came from outside.

I must be hearing things.

Sorry, ma'am, what were you saying?

My name is Janet Crimple.

The world is going to end tonight

if you don't come right now.

[911 Operator] Hold please, ma'am.

There it is again. Hear that?

Jesus! Did you see that,
Elliot? Did you see that?

Jesus God! They're coming
through the window!

What, exactly, is
coming through the window?

[911 Operator] I've never
seen so many raccoons!

AAAAAAAAAAH!

[911 Recording] Your
call is important to us.

Please wait for the
next available operator.

No, no, no.

[Esther] I shall file an incident report

with Mr. Godfrey immediately.

[Jason] Oh my God.

(dismal music)

[Jason] Jason here.

Third floor. Come, now.

[Jason] Janet? Are you okay?

You made a promise.

Esther did this? How?

She's like a million years old!

I know.

[Jason] Oh my god! Misty!

[Janet] Jason, there's no time to mourn.

You know what you have to do.

No, I, No, I can't!

This is Misty! No, she wants me to.

I know, I know, but you promised!

You have to.

Okay, okay! Okay, how?

I don't know. I don't know,

but we have to get her out of here

before Godfrey finds her.

Okay.

Okay, let's just pull her up.

Okay.

How do we do this?

I don't know.

Mort.

[Mort] Mort.

Mort, come here. Crouch!

Crouch, crouch!

[Mort] Crouch, crouch.

[Jason] Get down, Mort!

Crouch down.

[Jason] Yeah, yeah.
Bend down. Bend down.

[Mort] Bend down!

[Jason] Yes, yes,
there we go! Good boy!

Good boy! Okay, good. Good boy.

[Janet] Okay. Okay.

[Jason] Okay,
Okay. Mort, okay!

[Mort] Where?

[Jason] Yeah, yeah, over here.

Over here. Yeah, yeah,
Over here. Pony ride!

[Mort] Pony ride!
Pony ride, pony ride,

everyone loves a pony ride.

Pony ride, pony ride,

everyone loves a pony ride.

[Jason] Okay, okay. Yeah!

(ringing)

[911 Recording] Your
call is important to us.

Okay, big fella.
Okay, hand her over.

Come on, come on.

Here we go, here we go.

Here we go.

Goodbye, pretty girl.

I'm sorry for all those times

I was a dick to you.

I promise, if I get out of this alive,

I'm not gonna live like that anymore.

See? Now there's a second
thing I promised you.

I don't know if I can do this, Steve!

Okay.

Gotta summon the strength.

Gotta breathe that

warrior fire.

YAAAAHR!

Yaaahr! Yaahr.

Yaahr. Yaaahr!

YAAAHR!

I not clean that. Biohazard.

You gotta help us.

No way, Jack. Biohazard.

Please!

I know this smell.

Rotting corpse.

That's just Mort.

Yaahr!

Hey.

Mort.

Oh, fuck.

[911 Recording] Your
call is important to us.

[911 Recording & Godfrey]
Please wait for the

next available operator.

We invented that, you know.

Who is we?

[Jason] It's not just the one incident.

The Australian beekeeper,

and Mort's heart attack,

and then Janet nearly

chokes to death on her own gum.

[Oola] You get million dollars

for one night?

Look, you're missing the point, okay?

The world is ending, all right?

Look! Just look!

[Oola] Soccer game. So?

No. Watch, watch, watch.

[Sportscaster] Strangling Lee Antomyn,

and he's turning blue!

The stadium has erupted in violence!

The fans are killing each other!

Oh my God. They're killing each other!

What the bloody hell is going on here?

The beautiful game get ugly some time.

Oh, the beautiful...

You need to help us get
a message to the police!

I not your little
message slave, white boy.

You on salary. You go.

I can't leave the building, okay?

Godfrey has my punchcard,

and if he processes it, I am gonna die.

Good thing this place go tits up.

This one fuck your brain.

(bell ringing)

Party games!

Chicken! Duck! Pony Ride!

Chicken! Duck! Pony Ride!

Chicken! Duck! Pony Ride!

Chicken! Duck! Pony Ride!

Chicken! Duck! Pony Ride!

Chicken! Duck! Pony Ride!

- [Godfrey] Attention!
- [Mort] Chicken!

I have some very exciting news,

so I need you all to be very quiet,

or I will kill you!

It seems that Misty

has opted for early retirement,

so the rest of you
must pick up the slack.

I'm counting on my dependable employees

to muster up that

good ol' Godfrey Global spirit

to get the job finished by the deadline!

And if we refuse?

That's all right.

Mort here refused, and
he's still working!

Sort of. Aren't ya
there, big guy? Please.

A post-dormant worker is
better than no worker at all.

Hey, Mr. Godfrey, I hear

you are short-handed.

[Godfrey] Yes, as a
matter of fact, we are.

I can help you.

Why, that would be marvelous.

For million dollars.

Deal or no deal?

Welcome aboard.

As a matter of fact,

I've already taken the liberty

of pulling your punchcard.

Oola. As you were.

(bell ringing)

It's time to resume working.

What are you doing?

You think I stupid? I got plan.

This girl look out for number one.

[Jason] Oola says that she's got a plan.

We should make a plan.

I know, but what can we do?

I mean, if we leave, he'll
just punch our cards.

If we slow down.

[Janet] He'll punch our cards.

[Jason] And if we refuse to work.

[Janet] He'll just punch our cards,

and turn us into whatever Mort is.

Who are you guys?

We're waiting on you, Janet.

Go! Go!

Coming right up, Mr. Godfrey.

(quirky music)

So, uh, what's your plan?

[Oola] Get my punchcard.

[Jason] How?

Take it.

Take it?

You seriously think
it's gonna be that easy?

[Oola] Yup.

You know, I used to be as smug

and as self-centred as you.

[Oola] Your boyfriend cute!

[Jason] What?

No, no, that is not my boyfriend!

Okay, there isn't a boyfriend,

I don't have a boyfriend.
How'd you do that?

You're a pickpocket!

In my country, I stole to survive.

In this country, I take
my punchcard. I survive.

Yeah, what about the rest of us?

Can you help me and Janet?

Can't save anyone if I
die. First save myself.

Please, please, please, please, please.

I don't wanna die!
Please, I don't wanna die,

I just, I don't wanna be here.

Okay.

Okay, maybe if you nice,

I save you and sad old Janet, too.

Okay.

I just charmed Oola

into stealing our punchcards back.

Great!

[Jason] Yeah, that chick is so into me.

You know, maybe
Godfrey's not gonna do it.

Maybe he's just gonna give us

a million dollars and let us live.

No. Think.

Janet, he never said
he would let us live.

He said he'd give us a million dollars.

He never said he'd let us live.

Is there a problem here?

No, no problem at all, sir.

Do you know where's
there's really no problem?

Downstairs.
"Post-Dormant Morty."

He's the ideal employee.

Perhaps I should...

[Janet] No, no, no. No.

We've got it under control, Mr. Godfrey!

Cart's coming in now.

Excellent.

Go, go, go.

[TV Show host #1]
ChiChi the spider monkey

is ripping out Nestor Crepe's lung.

She's throwing it at the judges!

[Godfrey] What, may
I ask, are you doing?

Tickle-tickle?

[Jason] Mort! Help.
Down here. Mort.

Mort. There we go.
There we go. Down.

- [Mort] Down.
- [Jason] Down.

[Mort] Down.

- [Jason] Here, okay?
- [Mort] Down.

- [Jason] Here we go.
- [Mort] Down.

[Jason] Yes, hold,
hold and up. There.

(quirky music)

[Jason] So, you didn't
get our punchcards.

And here I thought that you were some

big, hot shot pickpocket.

Oh, Godfrey not human.

He demon!

With eyes in the back of hand!

Lucky for me, demon
like "tickle-tickle."

Do you really think
that Godfrey's a demon?

Shhhh!

Like, an entry-level minion demon,

or a chief executive demon?

Are you all cozy in there?

[Jason] All hail the dark lord!

All hail the dark lord!

Beg pardon?

I'm sorry. I was...

I was assuming that
that was the correct.

Anyhow, I have a hunch

that you have some big
plans for the future,

Mr. Godfrey, and I want in.

Really?

Yes.

Big, dark,

evil plans.

Really?

Yeah. And I've goosed my résumé

to accentuate some of my more, oh,

diabolical characteristics.

You sang in a Presbyterian boys' choir?

Yeah, but read below that.

I lip synced the whole time.

I never actually sang a note.

Take that, God!

God!

And I've worshipped graven images.

I worshipped the Miss October centrefold

so hard that it got moldy.

You are telling me this why?

[Jason] Because I
want in, Mr. Godfrey,

on the whole anti-Christ action.

Look, I even got a tattoo!

"999?"

No, six, oh!

That's magic marker.

[Jason] Yeah, but I'm
totally gonna get it inked

once I cash my severance check.

Which I hope isn't even

a severance check at all,

because I wanna keep serving you, sir.

Whatever you may need,

I am so down for it.

Hmmm.

Whatever I need?

Whatever you, uh, you need.

Where have you been?

I don't wanna talk about it.

What time is it?

It's 5:06. We're running out of time.

- 5:13!
- What is it?

[Janet]
5:13, it's the question and answer

portion of the evening!

The question and
answer period has begun.

Is Nana still alive?

[Godfrey] Your Nana died peacefully

in her sleep several hours ago.

No!

What about the rest of us?

[Godfrey] Now, now, Janet.

It's our turn to ask you questions.

This is so exciting.

The question is,

now that you're not shackled

to that cruel, rotting, parasite.

Why are you crying, Janet?

Parasite?

Don't you talk about my Nana like that!

With the shrewd eye of a slave trader,

"Nana" plucked you from the foster home

at the age of six,

enlisting you into a
life of dismal servitude

in her cold and loveless home.

A life laden with
constant reminders to...

Oh.

(in Nana's voice)
Thank your lucky stars

I took you in, Janet,

'cause your crackhead
Mama sure didn't want you!

If I hadn't of saved you,

you'd be paddling bare-handed

up a creek full of shit, Janet!

Janet! Where's my ointment?

Yeah, Janet,

WHERE'S MY OINTMENT?

STOP!

Nana may have loved her ointment,

but she was a really

kind of a

vicious, vicious woman!

Wow.

Is it my turn to ask a question?

Yes.

And that was it.

But, I...

The question and answer period is over.

But what about the rest of us?

Back to work now, Janet.

[Janet] Will you let me live?

Do you really think
you deserve to, Janet?

Because I'm beginning to wonder myself.

[Janet] "Do you really
think you deserve to, Janet?"

Of course I deserve to live.

I think.

I do.

I think I know I do.

Oh!

But Nana's dead, and...

Nana's dead.

And my life can finally begin.

I deserve to live. So
do you. So does Oola.

Says Godfrey?

Says me.

Oh.

[Janet] We'll ambush Godfrey and Esther

when we're all together.

Whoa! Whoa. Ambush.

[Janet] Yeah.

Yeah. What if, uh...

There's no "what if" scenario worse than

what happens if we don't
try to save ourselves.

Oh, come on, Jason, work with me!

You're supposed to be
smart. Come up with a plan.

You're right, I am the
smartest person here.

And actionization strategies
are my thing. Yaahr.

Oh god, we're doomed.

What's that?

Nothing.

"Dawn is the deadline."

That's what Godfrey said.

What time does the sun rise?

(quirky music)

(bell ringing)

[Esther] It is time to stop working.

It is also time to collect
your severance bonuses.

Stop by the office.

This is Esther speaking.

[Janet] So, this is it.

What's the plan?

[Jason]
I'm glad you asked that, Janet,

because actionization,

it's more about finesse
than brute force.

All right. And?

[Jason]
And I'm gonna go in there and, uh.

And I'm gonna distract Godfrey

with a bit of my trademark
scintillating wit.

And then Janet, you're
gonna flirt with Esther.

What?

Yeah, don't worry,
you're totally her type.

Just flash her a little
elbow skin. She likes that.

What? Ewww!

And then while they're distracted,

Oola, you're gonna go in
Godfrey's jacket pocket,

and then just yoink.

"Yoink?"

Yeah.

That's your plan? "Yoink?"

Oola already tried
picking Godfrey's pocket,

it didn't work.

Oh! Well, what's your
brilliant plan, Janet?

Yeah, yeah, I'd love to hear

what the old maid has to say.

Too bad Nana isn't here
to give you some advice!

I'm sorry. I'm really sorry.

I promised I wouldn't be such a dick,

but my dickishness,
it's just so it's just,

it's really entrenched
in my personality.

If only my mentor was here.

Steve! Why have you forsaken me!

"Steve!" "Warrior fire."

You're familiar with
Shaman Steve's teachings?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I've seen the infomercials.

[Jason] And?

And it's total horseshit, Jason! Yaahr!

[Mort] Yaahr!

Come on!

You're right. I know you're right.

What did that skeevy

pony-tailed bastard ever do for me?

[Oola] Oh, blah blah blah.
You guys talk too much.

No, it's gonna be fine.
It's gonna be fine.

You just get in there.

And you get your punchcard back.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Great plan. Jackass.

[Oola]
You stay here. Sit down.

Please. Stay.

Sit.

Mort lover. Not fighter.

[Godfrey] Congratulations.

You have succeeded in processing

every last punchcard

on the face of the planet.

Except, of course, for these
last remaining three.

And the ones that Janet stole.

[Godfrey]
Yes, and the ones that Janet stole.

You'll return them now, Janet.

No, I won't.

Yes, you will.

Otherwise, I shall simply have to

kill, eeny meeny miny.

Jason!

No! No, no, Janet, you can't
let him do this. Please.

[Godfrey] Whaddya say, Janet?

You wanna watch Jason die?

Oh! Take it. Take it all.

Excellent. Now, thanks to you,

all the good work at
Godfrey Global Inventory is done!

As is the entire human race.

And here is to a contract completed,

and a job well done!

(applause)

And now, I have some
envelopes to distribute!

The first, for Janet.

Our dear Janet.

Janet! For your craven loyalty

to a thankless system of
soul crushing monotony,

and for your unwavering

failure to show the slightest backbone

even in the face of extreme evil.

Your dogged servitude has been essential

to the success of Godfrey Global.

AAAAAAH!

Oola, catch!

(struggle)

[Godfrey]
I do not understand you people!

Instead of going to your graves with

an extremely generous severance package,

instead, you shall all be terminated

without pay for this act
of insubordination.

You are all now officially

[Both] FIRED!

And that's what we're all about.

You did it.

You saved us all.

I didn't save us all.

I saved us three.

Out of how many billions?

Still.

High five, dude.

I still breathing.
He still breathing.

You still breathing.

Three's a lot better than fuck all.

You strong lady.

You gotta be strong lady

in this world to survive.

What world?

(music by Maria Molinari
and Rohan Staton)