All language subtitles for SDF.S01E01.Pilot.HDTV.x264

♪ ♪

what's up?

Where is everybody?

They're so late.

That's so unprofessional
of them.

You should talk to them.

The meeting ended
ten minutes ago, sam.

- You're late.
- -what?

Someone changed the meeting time
and didn't tell me?

-That's messed up. It was probably austin.
-Nope.

-Nope.
-That kid sucks.

He's had it out for me
since day one.

-Sam.
-I'm telling you. He's, like, genuinely

-very jealous of me.
-Sam, you're drunk.

What?

You're a holding a bottle
of vodka right in front of me.

This is water.

It's water, and honestly...

-Can I smell it?
-Would it matter?

-Yeah, it actually does matter.
-Dude, it doesn't matter.

I could do this job
drunk, sober, juggling.

I mean, come on,
you name it, I could do it.

This is ridiculous.

We're not winning
pulitzers here, man.

I don't want to, like,
rain on your parade, but, like,

"hey, here's ten dogs that look
the cast of gossip girl"?

Sam, what are you doing?

What am I doing?!

That is an interesting question.

What are we doing here?

We just sit around
and friggin' talk to each other

-and wait to die?
-Listen, here's the good news.

You don't have to worry
about any of this stuff

ever again, okay?

Because you're fired.

Fired?

you're firing me?

-Yeah.
-Wow.

-Because I am a woman
who said something true.
-No.

Oh, my god. Seriously?

I'm gonna find a lawsuit
in there. I can guarantee it.

-For what?
-And I'm gonna find it...

For you being drunk every day
and showing up to work?

-That's why you're fired.
-You're fired.

Sam, just get out, please.

-I'm not leaving!
-You...

-You have...
-This is, this is happening now.

I'm hanging out.

-Sam, I don't want to... Okay.
-Nope.

I'm not going anywhere.

-too bad. So sad.
I'm staying in your office.
-All right.

-I'm occupying the space.
-I didn't want to do it
like this,

-but you leave no choice. Okay.
-What are you doing?

I'll tell you
what I'm not doing is...

I'm not putting my hands on you
and moving you myself,

'cause that's not cool.
All right?

- That's a cuomo
- and I'm not doing that.
- Security.

Yeah, security,
this is bzzzzzzzzzz.

-Uh, sixth floor
conference room.
-Security?

There's a burglar here.

-A short woman.
-Give me this.

-Orange sweater.
-Come on!

-Dark hair. No.
-Let me talk to them.

-Get out... Sam.
-Let me tell them the truth.

Let me tell them the truth.

-Hi, this is...
-God, you're strong.

This is the aforementioned sam.

I was telling him
something honest,

and the patriarchy
couldn't handle that.

-do you hear me?
-Oh, my god. Please.

Let me have it!
You know what?

I quit!

Aah!

Ow!

God!

What the hell, sam?

Oh.

- Sir? Are you okay?
- Oh, god.

oh, my god.

♪ onset, make you
work up sweat an' a ♪

♪ onset, make you ♪
♪ uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ onset, make you
work up sweat an' a ♪

♪ onset make you
work up sweat, make ya ♪

♪ onset, make you work up
sweat, make ya ♪

♪ onset, make you
work up sweat ♪

♪ better the measure ♪

♪ to make 'em all say,
"yes, sir" ♪

♪ oh, oh, oh. ♪

I followed you on instagram.

I noticed that you
haven't followed me back yet,

but I figured since they won't
give me your cell phone number,

we could just, like,
dm or something

and keep it touch
that way, or...

-Mm.
-Oh, I guess
I can just email you, right?

That's fine. Okay.

- I just don't want...
- Hurry up!

I have my spiritual book club
meeting at 2:00,

and I can't miss it
because I'm the speaker.

I sincerely hope
you don't come back.

I'm gonna miss you.

Yeah.

Hello, smother.

Hello, beauty girl.

Is that your new york apartment
in one bag?

Can you not...
Can we not on the seat?

Because it's clean.
Okay, it's not. It's...

it's fine.

Thanks for not
making me take the t.

Oh.

who's-who's that--
your rehab boyfriend?

No. That's my therapist.
Sidney.

Did you just talk about me
the whole time?

Yes, mother.
It's all about you.

But yeah, basically.

♪ you so sad ♪

♪ don't pull up
to tell me how you feel ♪

♪ 'cause it won't end up
going your way ♪

♪ I've been fooled once,
but I won't be fooled again ♪

♪ my z-o-d told me
we don't match today ♪

♪ so I've been duckin',
you're buggin' ♪

♪ like frank,
catch me if you can ♪

♪ catch me if you can ♪

♪ quite frankly,
I think that you'll thank me ♪

♪ for this when you understand ♪

♪ yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪

oh. What are you
getting all tarted-up for?

I have an audition for chicago,
national tour.

-Really?
-I'm going to meet

-my new probation officer.
-Well,

let's hope, for your sake,
he's a man,

because men let things slide

-when you're pretty.
-Oh.

Thank you for saying
I look pretty while I

-hide my withdrawal zits.
-You're welcome.

You're not actually
really covering your zits.

-That's a little... It's pale.
-Okay.

The color. Teeny. Teeny.
Here...

♪ trying to play
a big boy game... ♪

Don't play the family card.

I cannot right now.

Mm-mmm.

Okay.

bye. Bye.

Sorry.

My sister's husband just died.

- It's a whole thing.
- oh.

Well, he was 87.

He lived a good life.

And now she's very rich.

But we're here
to talk about you.

So...

Mm.

I had one bad day

that turned into
a class a misdemeanor.

Otherwise known
as reckless assault.

Yes, but I did
a 30-day rehab program.

I picked up enough trash
on the side of the road

to make it all good,
you know? I...

I did the crime,
but I did the time,

and I'm not sure
why I'm here.

You're here 'cause someone
got you the best deal

-I've ever seen.
-Well, I think if it was

the best deal you'd ever seen,
I wouldn't be

sitting in your office,
I'd be watching

every version of
pride and prejudice ever made.

Okay.

So, the state of new york

has put under my care,

and as part of your probation,

um, you'll need to attend
meetings every day for 90 days.

Go ahead and
get someone at the meeting

to sign that for you, okay?

uh, all right.
I'm just spitballing here.

What if I hit three meetings
a day for 30 days?

Some-some fast math.

Feel like I could get so.

Okay. You know what?

♪ ♪

hi.

Hi.

-I'm olivia.
-Samantha.

You're new.

How can you tell?

That's easy.

You're vibrating.

Oh.

Who's this?

Uh, this is samantha.

Samantha, say hi to james.

Hi, james.

Hey.

So, what brings you here today?

Oh, uh, public intoxication,

destruction of
personal property,

almost blinding my coworker.

Being awesome.

Sounds epic.

I'm gonna go check in

with my harem of sponsees.

-Excuse me.
-Yeah, no, of course.

- Great.
- mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm.

All right, yo, so we can
keep our thing a secret,

unless you want
to talk about it,

or we can just pretend like
it never happened.

Talk about what?

Last thanksgiving.

Yikes.
You don't remember.

Oh, no.

What? There's a lot about the
last 12 years I don't remember.

Yeah, then forget about it.

Don't even worry...
I didn't say anything.

-It's fine.
-Forget about what?

Okay.

Last thanksgiving, you and I
met at good time sally's.

-Met?
-Yeah.

We met at good time sally's.

We met once on the bar,

and, uh, once in the bathroom.

-Oh.
-Okay, that's enough.
-Yeah.

-Go sit down.
-Yeah. Nice to meet you, sam.

Is that... Is that something?

You guys gossip a lot
for a place

that's supposed to be anonymous.

Um, can you please

sign this thing
that proves I was here?

Not 'till after the meeting,
I'm afraid.

-oh, that's, like, 45 minutes.
-It's actually longer, 'cause

-I like to schmooze afterwards.
-Yeah, but I'm not one of them,

-so...
-No, but if you're ever looking

for more than a signature,
give me a call.

This is not something
you want to do alone.

I don't want to do this all.

♪ watch your back, watch
your back, feel the contact ♪

♪ can I get a boom,
can I get a boom, boom? ♪

♪ watch your back, watch
your back, feel the contact ♪

♪ contact, contact,
give me room ♪

♪ turn me up, turn me up,
here we, here we go ♪

♪ first up to bat,
contact on a john doe ♪

♪ fresh fitted on the one-two ♪

♪ rhythm I jam on a fish stick,
played-out gimmick... ♪

the prodigal daughter returns.

Wow. You actually learned
something in catholic school?

Oh, I had one of the good ones.

-Yes, you did.
-Oh!

My beautiful samantha.

-Aah!
-Aah! How've you been?

Ah, you know, my sister's

an asshole,
and zack's a little tiktok star.

-Wow, you're such a stage mom.
-Yeah, but a hot stage mom.

tommy, two beers, two shots.

-None for me, thanks.
-Coming right up.

Oh, my samantha is back in town.

We're gonna party like when
tom was still with the patriots.

Mm-hmm.

oh, man.

Yecan't.

You're samantha fink.

You're the russian-jewish tank.

I know,
but I'm hanging up my jersey.

All right, suit yourself.

I'll have yours.

♪ on the mic I'm gonna
murder ya, tear you up... ♪

ah.

♪ until now, when I caught you ♪

♪ with the wild style,
twist, twist ♪

♪ when I diss on a chump. ♪ -♪ ♪

all right, but stop me at two.

Yeah, for sure.

-Two.
-All right.

♪ that my friend,
she a real bad ... ♪

♪ got her own money,
she don't need no ... ♪

♪ on the dance floor,
she had two, three drinks ♪

♪ now she twerkin', she throw it
out and come back in ♪

♪ that my best friend,
she a real bad ... ♪

you look so hot right now.

I know.

Yay!

♪ beep-beep ♪

♪ is that my bestie
in a tessie? ♪

♪ fresh blow out, skin on tan ♪

♪ ooh, she ready ♪

♪ best friend,
you my ... Soulmate. ♪

you know,

they say the secret to sobriety
is one day at a time,

so, I'll just
start over tomorrow.

Tomorrow is a new day.

Backstabber.

How dare she show her face
in my bar.

Let's run her out.

All right. I'll try, but I ate
a lot of chicken parm.

Oh, you got to pace yourself.

Oh, my god. It's sam.

Hey, sam.

-Hi. Nice hat.
-Yeah.

-Chantel forced me to wear this.
-You and joel

-are getting married. Hmm.
-Yeah. I didn't

-want you to find out this way.
-All right, don't be sorry.

Come on. You guys have
been together a long time.

This is, like, pretty
small-town inevitable, right?

Yeah.

So do you guys want to, like ?

You can have some cake.

Felicia, do you want
to have, uh, cake

with the gal
who's marrying my ex-boyfriend?

-okay, sam, you...
-I would never have a slice

of your skank cake.

-oh.
-Uh, o-okay.

All right, okay.

Next time. Okay.

-Boom, bitches.
-Just stop. Look...

-Give me five.
-Oh.

- Ah.
- Sam?

Hey. No, no, no, no.
Use this.

I don't need you spraying
all over the walls again.

Oh, that last time
was me, actually.

-(laremember that?
-Why are people like this?

Thank you.
Sam, how you feeling?

Can we help you?

Can I just talk to sam?

Would you like
to talk to her, sam?

Yeah, why not?

All right. Fine.

I got to call my babysitter
anyway, so...

-Oh.
-Way too small of a target.

You know what I mean?

Samantha, you're back
from new york.

Oh, yeah.

living with mom. We're like
grey gardens on acid, you know?

Oh, my god.
That sounds terrifying.

My baby asleep yet or what?

You have no idea.

So, rehab?

Oh.

yeah, that was just mandatory
so my office wouldn't sue.

You know, it wasn't a big deal.

And obviously
a huge waste of time,

because I can control
my drinking when I want to.

Yeah, look, sam, I just...
I want to say I'm sorry, okay?

You know, since you blocked me
on all social media.

Thought this was
my one chance and...

Are you sorry about the hat
or the marrying my ex?

I'm just a little confused.

You don't have to be a dick
about it.

You know joel and I have been
together for a long time,

and you guys have been broken up
for a long time.

Sam, life moves forward
even if you don't.

Oh, my god.
That was beautiful.

I got to get that
tattooed on butt.

Could you just not do the whole
victimy thing right now?

You know, this is exactly like

when I got first chair violin
and you got last.

Out of three violins.

Why do you keep
bringing that up?

Okay, look, I just...

Everything's not always
about you.

I know things have been rough
since your dad passed away.

I really tried.

I came to new york to meet you
at that restaurant.

I sat there waiting for you
for two hours, eating edamame.

Like, so much edamame, because

I wanted to tell you
about this in person.

I am very sorry
about that, honestly.

-I was very busy that day.
-Oh, yeah?

-Doing what?
-Sorry. You're right.

I forgot. You're a doctor
who saves lives, so your life is

-so much more important
-yeah. You know what,
-all right over here?

-Than mine!
-This is just like you.
-Hey! What's going on?

-Are we all right?
-Everything's totally fine.

I actually have some
very important work to do

-and some files and so on
and so forth.
-All right.

So I'm gonna get to that, and
you ladies have a nice evening.

Oh, my god.

-Oh, no. Sam. Hey, sam. Sammy?
-Oh, wait.

-Sammy. Sammy, you can't drive.
-No, sam, I've got lyft credits.

-Sam, just, look.
-Hey, sam, sam,
just take a lyft, please.

I know you hate me. Just let me
take you home in the party bus.

-Okay? It's right...
-Yeah, well,
I don't know if you can

-call it a party bus if
it doesn't have a stripper pole.
-Sam...

She's right.

hey, sam, no, no, look.
There-there's no stripper pole,

but there-there is a...
There is a disco ball.

-Oh, you got one.
-You love a disco ball.

Xander is 4.8 stars
and he's on his way.

enough!

- Where is she going?
- Well, at least
she's going slow.

-no, no, no, no, no, no!
-Oh!

samantha?!

-You guys okay?
-Yeah.
-Yeah.

♪ ♪

here she is.

Thank you.

- samantha, wake up.
- who?

Huh? Oh.

-How did you find me?
-You don't remember

calling me last night,
scream-crying?

You were in jail, they were
never going to let you out,

you needed
a fried chicken sandwich?

Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah.
I called the call.

must have been really drunk.

Okay.
Yeah, I'll take this one.

sweet.

You run a fine establishment
here, sir.

Thank you, officer.

So, what--
you try to convert people

when they're truly desperate?

Mm, it's the best time to do it.

But if it makes you feel
any better,

-I am already regretting
my decision.
-Oh, no, no.

I'm sorry.
Thank you.

Seriously, uh, you're, like,
my last friend on earth, so...

I am not your friend.

Right.
Of course not.

-Could you be my sponsor?
-Oh, I don't know.

I have seven sponsees, but two
of them don't call me, so maybe.

Do you know what a sponsor does?

We get coffee and go shopping.

We get coffee,
and we talk about alcoholism.

You ready to do that?

I don't know what that is.

what am I supposed to do?

Just try to be a person.

Brush your teeth,
take a shower.

You make your bed every day.

Is the make-your-bed thing
metaphorical,

or should I really do that?

-You sure I can't just
stay with you?
-I'm sure.

- I could sleep in your car.
- Goodbye.

-oh, hello.
-I know you're upset, mom.

Oh, I'm just...
Sit down.

Yeah, I'm covered in, like,
50 kinds of urine

and every std right now.

Okay, don't sit.

I know you're probably mad.

I'm not mad.

I'm done.

Yeah.
No, I know, and I'm sorry,

but if you could just let me
explain to you what...

It's been 24 hours
since you left rehab.

You've already been arrested
for drunk driving

after totaling my car, so no.

Okay, so, I'm sitting
at the bar, right?

-Oh, god.
-Dead sober.

Swear to god
I could drive a school bus.

-I'm really not. I'm just not.
-But then brit

-walks in the door, okay?
-Yeah?

-And she's wearing
a veil on her head,
-okay.

Because it's her
bachelorette party,

-and she's marrying joel.
-I know.

I'm going to their wedding.

-Are you kidding me?
-No. I've known brit

-since she was little.
-Yes, mother,

-because she was my friend.
-This isn't about brit.

This is about you... Growing up.

So, number one--

you're gonna start
paying me rent

or find another place to live.

-I just got out of rehab.
-Yeah, and I spent

a lot of money for that place,
money that I was saving

for my neck lift, which now
I can't have because of you.

Where would you like me to go?

I don't have any money.

That is what my book group calls

not my problem.
So, you're gonna get a job,

and with that job,
you're gonna pay me rent.

I'm trying that
setting boundaries thing.

I think I'm quite good at it.

Oh, no,
you should keep the boat.

I don't know how
to drive a boat,

but it couldn't be that hard
to learn.

oh, um, look, o-owning a boat
is not a real problem.

I got real problems,
and I got to go.

Yeah. Bye.

Sorry.
My sister is still "grieving."

so, your lucky streak continues.

-That's funny.
I don't feel very lucky.
-Oh.

Well, the judge
assigned to your case

approved
your pre-trial probation.

-And that means?
-I mean,

I recommended
60 days of jail time.

-What?
-But with overcrowding
and good behavior,

it would have been,
two weeks.

But that judge--
he overruled me.

So... So what is happening?

Oh, you're not going to jail.

-Mm-mmm.
-Oh, my god.

No, no, no, no, no.
But over the next 12 months,

you will need to complete
250 hours of community service,

maintain your sobriety,
go to meetings,

and complete driver's ed,
because apparently,

you can't drive
without getting drunk

and hitting large objects.
Just know

that if you make so much
as one slip-up,

you're going straight to jail.

So, stay on your path,
and your case will be dismissed

within the year.
It's your choice.

- Seems easy enough.
- oh, let's be honest.

You make it hard.

Hi.

Uh, hi.
I have three days.

I want all the booze
and all the sex

and all the drugs
all at the same time.

you want to come in
for a cup of tea?

It's not blow,
but it's all I have.

Oh, that's all right.

I only do coke
to help me drink more.

Come on. Are serious?

Way to bury the lead.

-What?
-I'm olivia elliot,

and this is...
Off our docs.

You're a listener?

big-time.
Big-time listener.

-Yeah.
-Wow.

I can't believe
you're an alcoholic.

Anyone can be an alcoholic.
It's a disease.

Yeah.
I just meant, like,

this is a lot of stuff
to get while you're drinking.

Oh, I didn't get it
while I was drinking.

I've been sober
for ten years.

But the cash and prizes
don't all come at once, so,

don't call me next week asking
me where your mortgage is.

I won't.
Don't even have a job.

Um, my sponsee, mindy--
she manages giovanni's market.

I know she'd been looking
for a cashier.

Wow. Okay. Got it.

Okay. Cashier
and then peabody and then

-okay.
-Sick house.

-And then, awesome paint colors.
-Yeah,

let's just worry
about getting the job first

and let your higher power
take care of the rest.

I knew it was a cult.

So, giovanni's.

-Yup.
-I'm proud of you.

Definitely did not think
you could do it.

I'm really sorry
for crashing your car.

Don't be dramatic.
It was 12 years old.

They don't even make parts
for it anymore,

so what are you gonna do?

-What are you doing?
-What?

Thought you could have
one glass of wine.

No. No, I can't.

Unfortunately,
that's not how it works.

I can do this, though, right?

That's okay?

Yeah. Yeah, you can do
whatever you want, mom.

Phew!

not that it's a big deal
or anything.

Yeah, well, it turns out,
I can't.

Apparently,
alcoholism is a disease,

and, uh... Boy, do I have it.

Did you just say
you have a disease?

-Mom...
-You don't have a disease.

I know
what a disease looks like.

-Leukemia, for one.
-Right. Yeah. Look,

I'm sorry. I wasn't
trying to bring up dad.

-I really...
-A disease is

when you can't walk
from your bed to the bathroom.

Right.
I hear you.

Seriously. I was just
trying to say that, like,

it's recognized as a disease.

You can... You can look it up,
but that's all.

If you want
to call yourself sick,

call yourself sick.

But don't judge me
for having some wine at night,

because everybody wants
to have some wine at night.

It's hard to be a person.

Just doing the best
that I can.

I'm sure you are, and welcome.

The rest of us have been
doing the best we can

the whole time
you've been drinking.

-Hey, hey. You okay?
-What?

-No. Jesus.
-What...

-What happened?
-Didn't know
there'd be so much...

Stuff and feelings or whatever.

No, no, no, that's the worst
part by, like, a long shot.

It's just, like,
a bunch of garbage people

giving me garbage advice.
I don't need that.

I could just keep doing
exactly what I'm doing,

and-and one day write
an autobiography of a trash bag,

featuring me,
because I am an expert.

You know, like,
I'm one of them.

So I'm gonna be real.
Uh, that's a terrible idea.

You shouldn't write that.
That's a bad book.

That's a real bad book.

I do remember you.

-Sure you do.
-No, I do.

I kept calling you
the winklevoss twins

-because you code?
-And that never
made sense because

-that's two white guys.
-To be fair,

you kept calling me
norah jones.

But do you see
how that's not two people?

-I do.
-Yeah.

I'll see you in there, yeah?

♪ sharpener's calling me
again... ♪

you okay?

Nope.

♪ something I can draw ♪

♪ into my skin ♪

♪ why am I ashamed ♪

♪ to look ♪

♪ the way I do? ♪

♪ all 'cause an escape ♪

♪ to me ♪

♪ was just a sharpener ♪

♪ to you. ♪