Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:05,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
2
00:00:10,097 --> 00:00:12,664
JAY: Wow, we really
pulled this place together.
3
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,362
Do you think Kenny and Liz will like it?
4
00:00:14,405 --> 00:00:17,278
I hope so. And I hope Liz Grams
the hell out of this wedding
5
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:19,062
for her 300,000 followers.
6
00:00:19,106 --> 00:00:20,977
Oh, I know I've made
fun of her social media,
7
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,414
but now that it could help us
launch our bed-and-breakfast,
8
00:00:23,458 --> 00:00:25,982
- we are the ones who are #Blessed.
- [CHUCKLES]
9
00:00:26,026 --> 00:00:27,288
Oh, this is lovely!
10
00:00:27,331 --> 00:00:29,551
I hope these nuptials
go better than mine.
11
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:31,118
Elias arrived late, drunk,
12
00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:32,423
and smelling of the maid's perfume.
13
00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:34,208
Hetty, why would you marry that guy?
14
00:00:34,251 --> 00:00:35,905
My father needed to close a land deal,
15
00:00:35,948 --> 00:00:37,515
and I was deemed his
most comely daughter.
16
00:00:37,559 --> 00:00:40,127
Damn Margaret and her
mustache. She dodged a bullet.
17
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,433
Hey, you got a minute?
18
00:00:42,477 --> 00:00:44,087
Something I need you to see.
19
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:45,523
Those are always
expensive words to hear.
20
00:00:45,567 --> 00:00:47,221
Oh, Mark, is it bad news?
21
00:00:47,264 --> 00:00:48,874
This could actually be good news.
22
00:00:48,918 --> 00:00:51,007
Well, I'll bring a check
for five grand just in case.
23
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:52,835
No need. I have your card on file now.
24
00:00:52,878 --> 00:00:54,271
Great.
25
00:00:54,315 --> 00:00:56,186
MARK: So, I was doing some rewiring,
26
00:00:56,230 --> 00:00:58,406
and when I turned this sconce,
I heard a click from that wall.
27
00:00:58,449 --> 00:00:59,581
Check this out.
28
00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:01,452
[LOCK CLICKS]
29
00:01:01,496 --> 00:01:02,627
- [HETTY GASPS]
- [CREAKING]
30
00:01:03,976 --> 00:01:06,414
And that's when I discovered
something behind this paneling.
31
00:01:06,457 --> 00:01:07,850
Is it a secret passageway?
32
00:01:07,893 --> 00:01:09,504
Don't toy with my emotions, Mark.
33
00:01:09,547 --> 00:01:12,028
It's never a secret passageway.
34
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,943
But in this case, it is.
35
00:01:13,986 --> 00:01:16,641
- How about that mislead, babe?
- Mark's having fun.
36
00:01:16,685 --> 00:01:18,339
Oh! Oh!
37
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,386
- Did you know about this, Hetty?
- I did not!
38
00:01:22,430 --> 00:01:24,301
What is down the passageway?
39
00:01:24,345 --> 00:01:25,955
Oh, it's good.
40
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,436
[JAY LAUGHS]
41
00:01:29,437 --> 00:01:31,003
I don't understand.
42
00:01:31,047 --> 00:01:33,441
So, we just have a bank
vault under our house?
43
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:35,660
Well, you said a robber
baron lived here, right?
44
00:01:35,704 --> 00:01:38,707
What? Babe, we might be rich.
45
00:01:38,750 --> 00:01:40,926
Unless, of course, this
is a Geraldo situation.
46
00:01:40,970 --> 00:01:42,928
What is Geraldo?
47
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:46,018
He was this news anchor
who did this live TV special
48
00:01:46,062 --> 00:01:47,846
where he opened up Al Capone's vault.
49
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:50,066
And inside? Bubkes.
50
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,155
Don't get me started on Al Capone.
51
00:01:52,199 --> 00:01:54,940
- [CHUCKLES] That man was clingy.
- Can you open it?
52
00:01:54,984 --> 00:01:56,420
Think so.
53
00:01:56,464 --> 00:01:57,900
Course, it'll take a while.
54
00:01:57,943 --> 00:01:59,510
- Won't be cheap.
- Mark.
55
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,121
Say the word. Card's on file.
56
00:02:02,252 --> 00:02:05,255
My crooked husband must have
built this to embezzle my riches.
57
00:02:05,299 --> 00:02:07,301
Hetty thinks there
might be riches inside.
58
00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:09,607
If this thing is filled with gold coins,
59
00:02:09,651 --> 00:02:11,609
I am definitely gonna
Scrooge McDuck in 'em.
60
00:02:11,653 --> 00:02:13,916
Can one of you walk through the
door and see what's in there?
61
00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,614
I'll do it. A Pinecone Trooper's
always up for an adventure.
62
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:19,791
- ALBERTA: Oh! Peter!
- [GRUNTS]
63
00:02:19,835 --> 00:02:22,403
I've never seen that happen before.
64
00:02:22,446 --> 00:02:23,969
Pete bounced off the vault door.
65
00:02:24,013 --> 00:02:27,190
[GASPS] A surface that's
impenetrable to ghosts?
66
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,714
I love it when the
mythology gets expanded.
67
00:02:29,758 --> 00:02:33,065
Puny Pete must not be strong enough.
68
00:02:33,109 --> 00:02:35,285
Stand back.
69
00:02:35,329 --> 00:02:36,547
[SHOUTS]
70
00:02:36,591 --> 00:02:38,506
- [GHOSTS EXCLAIM]
- [THORFINN GRUNTS]
71
00:02:38,549 --> 00:02:42,336
Well, this is mysterious.
72
00:02:43,293 --> 00:02:45,339
♪
73
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:49,865
SAMANTHA: Hetty, do you have any idea
74
00:02:49,908 --> 00:02:51,693
what combination Elias could have used?
75
00:02:51,736 --> 00:02:53,521
Oh, that's a good idea.
76
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,087
Try 0603.
77
00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:56,785
Try 0603.
78
00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:59,179
- It was our anniversary.
- JAY:0603.
79
00:02:59,222 --> 00:03:01,746
- [INHALES, GRUNTS] Oh, nope.
- HETTY: Okay.
80
00:03:01,790 --> 00:03:03,661
Fine. Uh, try 1101.
81
00:03:03,705 --> 00:03:04,967
1101?
82
00:03:05,010 --> 00:03:06,925
- The maid's birthday.
- [LOCK CLICKING]
83
00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:09,537
01. [INHALES, GRUNTS]
84
00:03:09,580 --> 00:03:10,712
[DOOR UNLOCKS]
85
00:03:10,755 --> 00:03:11,755
- Yes!
- Oh!
86
00:03:11,756 --> 00:03:13,715
Ah, that is heavy!
87
00:03:13,758 --> 00:03:16,979
[GRUNTS, EXHALES]
88
00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,198
Okay.
89
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:20,678
Damn it!
90
00:03:20,722 --> 00:03:22,245
There's nothing in here.
91
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:24,204
Aw. No riches.
92
00:03:24,247 --> 00:03:25,770
See, now picture this
93
00:03:25,814 --> 00:03:27,511
but with Geraldo having
to vamp for two hours.
94
00:03:27,555 --> 00:03:29,121
[MAN LAUGHS]
95
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:32,037
- Sweet Lord, I'm finally free.
- [ALL GASP]
96
00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,823
Who are all you people? Hetty!
97
00:03:34,866 --> 00:03:37,739
Elias. How are you not rotting in hell?
98
00:03:37,782 --> 00:03:39,741
Good to see you, too.
99
00:03:39,784 --> 00:03:42,178
The ghost of a robber baron
just popped out of our safe.
100
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,875
Hey, where's all your gold, man?
101
00:03:43,919 --> 00:03:46,008
Hi! I'm Pete. Nice to meet you.
102
00:03:46,051 --> 00:03:47,270
Welcome.
103
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:49,490
[CHUCKLES]: Back, I guess. Welcome back.
104
00:03:49,533 --> 00:03:50,708
Oh, my God.
105
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,189
- SAMANTHA: Is that... ?!
- My corpse?
106
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,147
It is. The only thing
that kept me company
107
00:03:55,191 --> 00:03:57,976
when I was locked in there
for the last 130 years.
108
00:03:58,020 --> 00:03:59,369
Not much of a talker, though.
109
00:03:59,413 --> 00:04:00,849
[DOORBELL RINGS]
110
00:04:00,892 --> 00:04:03,373
That must be Kenny and Liz. I'll get it.
111
00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:04,853
Okay. I'll just stay in here
112
00:04:04,896 --> 00:04:06,550
with the corpse and all the ghosts.
113
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,204
I was kidding. Sam, please slow down!
114
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:09,553
Sam!
115
00:04:09,597 --> 00:04:12,295
So, this is where you've
been all this time?
116
00:04:12,339 --> 00:04:15,994
Yes. What did you think
when I just disappeared?
117
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,431
Didn't you search for me?
118
00:04:17,474 --> 00:04:19,302
You didn't tell anyone about the vault.
119
00:04:19,346 --> 00:04:21,304
I assumed that you ran off
with one of your many floozies.
120
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:23,698
No. The vault maker locked me in here.
121
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:26,048
- He left me to suffocate.
- Oh.
122
00:04:26,091 --> 00:04:27,571
His wife and I had grown close.
123
00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,399
Oh, God.
- And when he finished the vault,
124
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,966
there was a debate over payment
125
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,141
- and the paternity of his son, but...
- Oh.
126
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:34,752
Wait, all of you are ghosts?
127
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:37,233
Yeah, bro. We've all died on
the property over the years.
128
00:04:37,277 --> 00:04:38,887
PETE: Most people go up,
129
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,715
- but we just stick around for some reason.
- THORFINN: Hi.
130
00:04:40,758 --> 00:04:42,717
[CHUCKLES] I am Thorfinn.
131
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:44,327
I like herring and...
132
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:48,026
Wonderful. Now, how do-eth you, madam?
133
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,550
Really?
134
00:04:49,593 --> 00:04:52,596
Mm-mm. Not happening.
135
00:04:53,641 --> 00:04:57,079
- [GASPS] Hi! Hi, hi, hi, hi, hi!
- SAMANTHA: Hi!
136
00:04:57,122 --> 00:05:01,126
Oh, I am so excited to be here.
137
00:05:01,170 --> 00:05:04,391
I can't believe we're
getting married tomorrow.
138
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,436
[SQUEALS]
139
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:08,873
[INHALES] Kenny, did you get that?
140
00:05:08,917 --> 00:05:10,701
Oh! Sorry, the phone wasn't ready.
141
00:05:10,745 --> 00:05:12,355
Uh... [SIGHS] Okay, this
is gonna be a big weekend
142
00:05:12,399 --> 00:05:14,226
for us, so I'm gonna need
you to have your phone
143
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,663
- in your hand at all times, okay?
- Yeah.
144
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:17,273
These two seem like a lot.
145
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:18,709
Oh, so, who's this little guy?
146
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:20,058
- [YIPS]
- [CHUCKLES] Oh, this is Rooney,
147
00:05:20,102 --> 00:05:22,017
our rescue that we rescued.
148
00:05:22,060 --> 00:05:23,627
Oh, my God, Rooney. I follow him.
149
00:05:23,671 --> 00:05:26,891
Uh, Rooney's got,
like, 30,000 followers.
150
00:05:26,935 --> 00:05:28,197
What's a follower?
151
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,894
Well, in the cult, it referred to anyone
152
00:05:29,938 --> 00:05:32,027
who'd gotten the tattoo
and slept with Bruce.
153
00:05:32,070 --> 00:05:34,203
Are you guys gonna post any
pictures while you're here?
154
00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:37,337
Feel free to tag us. #WoodstoneB&B.
155
00:05:37,380 --> 00:05:39,469
I absolutely will,
156
00:05:39,513 --> 00:05:41,166
just after the wedding.
157
00:05:41,210 --> 00:05:43,691
Actually on a short social
media vacay right now.
158
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:45,780
- [ROONEY YIPS]
- It's part of a brand strategy
159
00:05:45,823 --> 00:05:47,303
to make sure that Liz
160
00:05:47,347 --> 00:05:48,652
seems more present
for life's big moments.
161
00:05:48,696 --> 00:05:50,001
LIZ: Exactly.
162
00:05:50,045 --> 00:05:52,308
Because life is about what happens
163
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:54,528
when the cameras aren't rolling.
164
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,009
- Kenny, did you get that?
- Oh, sorry.
165
00:05:58,053 --> 00:06:00,925
- [CHUCKLES] Damn it. Okay, we'll roll it back.
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
166
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:05,103
ELIAS: I still can't believe
I didn't ascend into heaven.
167
00:06:05,147 --> 00:06:07,584
I paid the church. There was a contract!
168
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:10,587
Did you pay for me, too,
or was it just a solo trip?
169
00:06:10,631 --> 00:06:11,936
I was a little pinched at the time.
170
00:06:11,980 --> 00:06:13,547
The mill workers had unionized,
171
00:06:13,590 --> 00:06:15,026
which I put down violently,
172
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:16,854
but somebody had to pay for that mob.
173
00:06:16,898 --> 00:06:18,421
That is not a great story.
174
00:06:18,465 --> 00:06:20,423
TREVOR: So, you're an
actual robber baron.
175
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:22,382
I mean, you're, like,
really rich, right?
176
00:06:22,425 --> 00:06:26,037
Let me put it to you this way:
I ate meat several times a week.
177
00:06:26,081 --> 00:06:28,388
Well, it's not a Lamborghini,
but that's very cool.
178
00:06:28,431 --> 00:06:30,912
So, did anyone else from our
day stick around as a ghost?
179
00:06:30,955 --> 00:06:32,348
He's gonna ask about the maid.
180
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:35,220
Like, oh, I don't know, say, the maid?
181
00:06:35,264 --> 00:06:36,831
Just to name someone randomly.
182
00:06:36,874 --> 00:06:38,310
No, she's no longer here,
183
00:06:38,354 --> 00:06:39,703
you syphilitic reprobate.
184
00:06:39,747 --> 00:06:42,706
First off, everybody fun had syphilis.
185
00:06:42,750 --> 00:06:44,665
And I don't appreciate that tone.
186
00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:46,318
HETTY: Well, then
maybe you should go back
187
00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:48,146
down to your vault and talk
to your withered corpse.
188
00:06:48,190 --> 00:06:49,452
There it is again.
189
00:06:49,496 --> 00:06:51,236
What happened to my obedient wife?
190
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:54,326
Well, modern women don't
just defer to their husbands,
191
00:06:54,370 --> 00:06:56,416
Elias, and I have learned from
the living lady of the house
192
00:06:56,459 --> 00:06:58,156
that when she doesn't like
something, she says so.
193
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:01,116
Like when Jay spent $500 on action doll.
194
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:02,683
[CHUCKLES]: Big mistake.
195
00:07:02,726 --> 00:07:05,729
That living lady is a
dangerous influence on you
196
00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,731
with her newfangled notions.
197
00:07:07,775 --> 00:07:10,386
HETTY: She and Jay have
simply opened my eyes.
198
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,822
They have a respectful marriage,
199
00:07:11,866 --> 00:07:13,389
and you were a terrible husband, Elias.
200
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:14,869
And my least favorite cousin.
201
00:07:15,783 --> 00:07:18,786
I don't have to stand here and
listen to another word of this!
202
00:07:18,829 --> 00:07:22,180
Look, it's not important,
but how hot was this maid?
203
00:07:22,224 --> 00:07:24,574
[MOUTHS]
204
00:07:25,575 --> 00:07:27,142
[ELIAS GRUNTS]
205
00:07:28,186 --> 00:07:31,015
What kind of servant
doesn't move out of the way?
206
00:07:31,059 --> 00:07:32,277
[EXHALES]
207
00:07:32,321 --> 00:07:34,323
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
208
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,849
You want to go into that
room and have sex right now?
209
00:07:38,893 --> 00:07:40,329
I... What?
210
00:07:40,372 --> 00:07:43,375
- I want you like I've never wanted anyone.
- Uh,
211
00:07:43,419 --> 00:07:47,118
sorry, I'm married. But that was
a much-needed confidence boost.
212
00:07:48,076 --> 00:07:49,773
What are you talking about?
213
00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:52,036
About you hitting on me just now?
214
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:53,821
You wish.
215
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:58,695
Wow.
216
00:07:58,739 --> 00:08:00,915
And this is where it all happens.
217
00:08:00,958 --> 00:08:03,831
Wow. The wedding planner was raving
218
00:08:03,874 --> 00:08:05,833
about the heritage menu you're doing.
219
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:08,139
Now, I've never had squab.
220
00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:10,011
What's that like?
221
00:08:10,054 --> 00:08:12,883
I'd say it's like pigeon.
It's a lot like pigeon.
222
00:08:12,927 --> 00:08:14,755
Well, I'm really
looking forward to seeing
223
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:16,583
- what you come up with.
- [ELIAS GRUNTS]
224
00:08:16,626 --> 00:08:19,281
Oh! Blast it, that hurt.
225
00:08:19,324 --> 00:08:21,196
[SIGHS] Uh...
226
00:08:21,239 --> 00:08:22,850
are you okay?
227
00:08:22,893 --> 00:08:24,591
Yeah.
228
00:08:24,634 --> 00:08:28,246
[CHUCKLES]: I feel real good.
229
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:29,552
[CHUCKLES]: Oh, great.
230
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,599
Well, I-I'll just show you the sauces.
231
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:34,400
All I can think about
is grabbing your butt.
232
00:08:38,454 --> 00:08:41,172
- What? What is it? What's going on, Jay?
- Okay.
233
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:42,522
I don't know how to tell you this.
234
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,307
Liz hit on me.
235
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,875
- What? The bride?
- Oh, okay.
236
00:08:47,918 --> 00:08:49,572
Wait, what does that mean?
237
00:08:49,616 --> 00:08:52,270
- You don't believe me?
- No, it's just, are you sure
238
00:08:52,314 --> 00:08:54,272
this isn't, like, an
Olive Garden situation?
239
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,274
Okay, that waitress
definitely hit on me.
240
00:08:56,318 --> 00:08:58,363
- What is the Olive Garden?
- SAMANTHA: It's a restaurant
241
00:08:58,407 --> 00:08:59,930
known for its endless
breadstick baskets.
242
00:08:59,974 --> 00:09:02,629
- Alberta and Sass are here.
- Oh, hey.
243
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:05,501
Endless? How is that even possible?
244
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,242
Jay and I ate there a couple months ago,
245
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:09,331
and our waitress was
refilling our bread basket...
246
00:09:09,374 --> 00:09:11,289
Yeah, and then I said,
"No, thank you, or I'll eat
247
00:09:11,333 --> 00:09:14,902
'olive' them." Olive.
Olive Garden. [LAUGHS]
248
00:09:14,945 --> 00:09:16,512
Tonya laughed for six straight minutes.
249
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,948
Yeah, she works for tips, Jay.
250
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:19,950
Hey, this is a victory for you.
251
00:09:19,994 --> 00:09:22,910
You have me. You're
living Tonya's dream.
252
00:09:22,953 --> 00:09:24,781
Okay, so, what exactly did Liz say?
253
00:09:24,825 --> 00:09:28,045
She said all she could think
about was grabbing my butt.
254
00:09:28,089 --> 00:09:29,830
Mm. That little thing?
255
00:09:29,873 --> 00:09:32,528
Wait, seriously? She did hit on you.
256
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,500
- That's insane.
- JAY: Do we tell Kenny?
257
00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:35,501
Because if we tell Kenny,
258
00:09:35,502 --> 00:09:37,664
then this wedding probably
gets called off, right?
259
00:09:37,707 --> 00:09:39,013
Liz was gonna post about it.
260
00:09:39,056 --> 00:09:40,449
This was gonna put us on the map.
261
00:09:40,492 --> 00:09:42,016
But we got to tell him, right?
262
00:09:42,059 --> 00:09:43,626
Yes.
263
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,629
Ugh, why do you have to
be so damn irresistible?
264
00:09:46,673 --> 00:09:49,023
Sorry. It's a curse.
265
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:51,503
[SIGHS] Hey, guys.
266
00:09:51,547 --> 00:09:53,984
What's wrong, Samantha?
267
00:09:54,028 --> 00:09:55,943
It has been a day.
268
00:09:55,986 --> 00:09:58,119
[SIGHS] Tell me about it.
269
00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:00,164
I cannot believe Elias is back.
270
00:10:00,208 --> 00:10:03,298
Till death do us part.
It's right in the vows.
271
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:05,996
So, why'd you have a bad day, Samantha?
272
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,781
Well, the bride hit on Jay,
273
00:10:07,824 --> 00:10:09,783
and now Kenny's probably
gonna call the whole thing off.
274
00:10:09,826 --> 00:10:11,262
- What?
- Wait, seriously?
275
00:10:11,306 --> 00:10:12,829
Now she's not gonna post
pictures of the mansion,
276
00:10:12,873 --> 00:10:14,570
and we're not even gonna
get paid for the wedding.
277
00:10:14,614 --> 00:10:16,920
We're, like, this close
to defaulting on our loan.
278
00:10:16,964 --> 00:10:19,314
HETTY: Samantha, what are you saying?
279
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:21,359
Okay, I hadn't told you guys,
280
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:23,318
but if we don't start making money soon,
281
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,015
we could lose the house.
282
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:28,279
[GASPS] No, you cannot leave us!
283
00:10:28,323 --> 00:10:30,107
Just when I finally learned to
look beyond the hideous pants
284
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:32,675
and see the wonderful person
inside the hideous pants.
285
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:34,851
You think I want to leave?
I don't know what to do.
286
00:10:34,895 --> 00:10:36,636
I have it. Solution.
287
00:10:36,679 --> 00:10:38,768
You and small man kill yourselves.
288
00:10:38,812 --> 00:10:41,249
Become ghosts. And then
we are friends forever.
289
00:10:41,292 --> 00:10:42,990
But they might not
actually become ghosts.
290
00:10:43,033 --> 00:10:45,732
Right, that's the
problem with that plan.
291
00:10:45,775 --> 00:10:49,202
Hello, all. Get your
spatter dashes off my table.
292
00:10:49,203 --> 00:10:51,015
I had it upholstered with the hide
293
00:10:51,016 --> 00:10:53,565
of a white rhinoceros I shot in Kenya.
294
00:10:53,609 --> 00:10:55,480
Oh, my God. Those are extinct now.
295
00:10:55,524 --> 00:10:57,569
Really? We got 'em all? Bully for us.
296
00:10:57,613 --> 00:10:58,875
Man, he is evil.
297
00:10:58,919 --> 00:11:00,616
And I used to pillage for a living.
298
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,980
- [ROONEY YIPS]
- Oh! That thing ran through my leg.
299
00:11:03,981 --> 00:11:06,578
Skin that beast and
turn it into a table.
300
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,450
Must everything be a table?
301
00:11:08,493 --> 00:11:12,628
TREVOR: Well, he's really
interested in that teddy bear.
302
00:11:12,672 --> 00:11:14,891
THORFINN: Ah! Look at the little guy go.
303
00:11:14,935 --> 00:11:17,677
Good boy. Yes, use your hips.
304
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,114
One walk through you and the
dog becomes a sex pervert.
305
00:11:20,157 --> 00:11:21,724
Can't say I'm surprised.
306
00:11:21,768 --> 00:11:25,075
Wait, Elias, did you walk
through any Livings today?
307
00:11:25,119 --> 00:11:26,990
Like the bride, to be specific?
308
00:11:27,034 --> 00:11:30,037
Yes, in fact, I did accidentally
happen through her. Why?
309
00:11:30,080 --> 00:11:32,300
That's it. That's why Liz hit on Jay.
310
00:11:32,343 --> 00:11:34,824
Your ghost power is that when people...
311
00:11:34,868 --> 00:11:36,173
or animals, apparently...
312
00:11:36,217 --> 00:11:38,001
walk through you, they get horny.
313
00:11:38,045 --> 00:11:39,394
Really?
314
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:40,787
Okay, I know he's controversial,
315
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,789
- but that's pretty cool.
- Yeah.
316
00:11:42,832 --> 00:11:44,312
It wasn't Liz's fault at all.
317
00:11:44,355 --> 00:11:45,879
She didn't mean to hit on Jay.
318
00:11:45,922 --> 00:11:47,837
I've got to stop Jay telling Kenny.
319
00:11:48,581 --> 00:11:51,188
HETTY: Well, I hope you're happy.
320
00:11:51,232 --> 00:11:53,190
You nearly ruined this wedding.
321
00:11:53,234 --> 00:11:54,844
Those two are hemorrhaging cash.
322
00:11:54,888 --> 00:11:56,367
They need this to be a success.
323
00:11:56,411 --> 00:11:58,195
You're saying those
Livings need this wedding
324
00:11:58,239 --> 00:11:59,806
to go off without a hitch,
325
00:11:59,849 --> 00:12:01,111
otherwise they'll be leaving?
326
00:12:01,155 --> 00:12:02,634
Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.
327
00:12:02,678 --> 00:12:04,375
Hmm.
328
00:12:04,419 --> 00:12:06,943
Why is he literally
twirling his mustache?
329
00:12:06,987 --> 00:12:08,771
It can't be good.
330
00:12:10,817 --> 00:12:12,470
Kenny, hey.
331
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,734
- I've been looking all over for you.
- What's up, buddy?
332
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:16,692
I don't know how to say this. Um...
333
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:19,869
Okay, y-you know how I'm always
getting hit on by random women?
334
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:22,002
Is this about the
Cheesecake Factory waitress?
335
00:12:22,045 --> 00:12:24,656
There's an entire factory
dedicated to cheesecake?
336
00:12:24,700 --> 00:12:27,224
- It's as amazing as it sounds.
- [WHISPERS]: Wow.
337
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,661
- No, it's not about her.
- You know, she probably writes
338
00:12:29,705 --> 00:12:31,098
"thank you" with the
little heart-shaped Os
339
00:12:31,141 --> 00:12:33,056
on every receipt. She works for tips.
340
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:36,059
Uh, Jay, can I just,
uh, grab you for a sec?
341
00:12:36,103 --> 00:12:38,105
Actually, Kenny and I
were just about to have
342
00:12:38,148 --> 00:12:40,934
- a difficult conversation.
- We were?
343
00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:43,632
Well, no difficult
conversations are needed,
344
00:12:43,675 --> 00:12:45,373
because everything is actually okay.
345
00:12:45,416 --> 00:12:47,636
FLOWER: Oh, hey, it's the Monopoly guy.
346
00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:49,159
What are you talking about, Sam?
347
00:12:49,203 --> 00:12:50,421
I'm talking about the fact that...
348
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:52,467
[GRUNTS] Criminy.
349
00:12:53,968 --> 00:12:56,471
ISAAC: Oh, what are you doing, man?
350
00:12:56,514 --> 00:12:57,515
Just spreading a little love.
351
00:12:57,559 --> 00:12:59,343
Aw, that's sweet.
352
00:12:59,387 --> 00:13:01,824
You two are looking good.
353
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,348
Very good.
354
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:07,134
Jay? What's going on?
355
00:13:07,177 --> 00:13:08,831
I haven't seen Sam this worked up
356
00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:10,964
since she saw that
movie The Holiday on TV.
357
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:14,097
- Sam?
- [GRUNTS] Damnation!
358
00:13:14,141 --> 00:13:15,882
You can't just walk through people.
359
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:18,362
- It's the greatest pain there is.
- Well, actually...
360
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:19,406
- Yes, yes, we know.
- Okay.
361
00:13:19,407 --> 00:13:21,452
Well, hello, you two.
362
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:24,716
Did you leave the oven on?
Or is it just getting...
363
00:13:24,760 --> 00:13:26,370
hot in here?
364
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,808
Well, enjoy the show.
365
00:13:28,851 --> 00:13:30,331
JAY: Hey, Kenny,
366
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:32,333
didn't you say you didn't
have a bachelor party?
367
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:35,858
Well, how about we have
a little party right here?
368
00:13:35,902 --> 00:13:37,729
- What?
- I could be Cameron Diaz,
369
00:13:37,773 --> 00:13:41,124
and you two could be
a couple of Jude Laws.
370
00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:42,473
Okay, that was not in the movie.
371
00:13:42,517 --> 00:13:43,823
- [MEOWS]
- KENNY: What is that?
372
00:13:43,866 --> 00:13:45,433
Did you just meow at me?
373
00:13:45,476 --> 00:13:48,175
What are you doing? What's going on?
374
00:13:48,218 --> 00:13:49,437
I don't think I'm tall
enough to be Jude Law.
375
00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:51,091
Liz. Liz. Liz!
376
00:13:52,092 --> 00:13:53,310
Oh.
377
00:13:53,354 --> 00:13:54,746
[SAMANTHA CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
378
00:13:54,790 --> 00:13:56,357
What happened? I feel
like I just blacked out.
379
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,228
Me, too. I-I have the strangest urge
380
00:13:58,272 --> 00:13:59,577
to watch a Nancy Meyers movie.
381
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:01,579
Kenny? What's happening?
382
00:14:01,623 --> 00:14:05,932
These two just propositioned
me for a threesome.
383
00:14:05,975 --> 00:14:07,324
They what?
384
00:14:07,368 --> 00:14:08,586
We what?
385
00:14:08,630 --> 00:14:10,153
It was Elias.
386
00:14:10,197 --> 00:14:11,894
Oh, God.
387
00:14:11,938 --> 00:14:13,853
Uh, there's got to be some
kind of misunderstanding.
388
00:14:13,896 --> 00:14:17,813
No. No. Uh, we did
proposition Kenny, actually.
389
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:19,946
- What?
- JAY: Babe.
390
00:14:19,989 --> 00:14:21,730
As a test of your faithfulness.
391
00:14:21,773 --> 00:14:23,906
And guess what. You passed. [CHUCKLES]
392
00:14:23,950 --> 00:14:27,257
- Yep, you passed. Flying colors.
- LIZ: I'm sorry,
393
00:14:27,301 --> 00:14:30,260
you two tried to have sex with my Kenny
394
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:32,001
the day before my wedding?
395
00:14:32,045 --> 00:14:33,655
No. No, God, no.
396
00:14:33,698 --> 00:14:35,700
Oh, my God, no, I would
not have sex with Kenny.
397
00:14:35,744 --> 00:14:39,530
But you guys should definitely
have sex with each other.
398
00:14:39,574 --> 00:14:41,924
Okay, this is too weird.
399
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:45,623
Uh, disgusting. We will not
be having our wedding here.
400
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:48,365
No, no, no, don't leave.
What about the squab?
401
00:14:48,409 --> 00:14:49,453
- The squab!
- [PETE EXHALES]
402
00:14:55,155 --> 00:14:56,591
You know, a bake sale's a
quick way to earn some cash.
403
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,376
O... our troop once
raised $78 in one week.
404
00:14:59,420 --> 00:15:01,770
- Thanks, Pete.
- What's happening?
405
00:15:01,813 --> 00:15:04,025
The ghosts are pitching
ways for us to make money.
406
00:15:04,026 --> 00:15:05,026
That's sweet.
407
00:15:05,078 --> 00:15:07,254
- Any viable ideas?
- ALBERTA: I have a plan.
408
00:15:07,297 --> 00:15:09,082
But it only works if
you have a tommy gun.
409
00:15:09,125 --> 00:15:10,648
Not really.
410
00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:12,476
TREVOR: Here's what you
do. You go to New York.
411
00:15:12,520 --> 00:15:14,348
You look up this guy I know.
He's gonna double your money.
412
00:15:14,391 --> 00:15:15,784
His name, Bernie Madoff.
413
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,133
Miracle worker.
414
00:15:17,177 --> 00:15:19,483
I robbed a bank once, if that helps.
415
00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:22,791
- Did I ever tell you guys about that?
- [GHOSTS MURMURING]
416
00:15:22,834 --> 00:15:24,109
I don't think we're gonna
get out of this mess, Sam.
417
00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:25,533
We're up to our ears in debt.
418
00:15:25,576 --> 00:15:27,317
This house is our only asset.
419
00:15:27,361 --> 00:15:29,450
I think we're gonna have to sell.
420
00:15:29,493 --> 00:15:32,670
Aw, are the poors gonna have to leave?
421
00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,281
That didn't take long.
422
00:15:34,324 --> 00:15:36,457
I'd tell you exactly how long,
423
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,676
but unfortunately this
thing doesn't work anymore.
424
00:15:38,720 --> 00:15:40,983
You'd think, for $5,000,
425
00:15:41,027 --> 00:15:42,593
it would last into the afterlife.
426
00:15:42,637 --> 00:15:46,075
You spent $5,000 on a watch?!
427
00:15:46,119 --> 00:15:47,859
Wait a minute.
428
00:15:47,903 --> 00:15:50,775
If Elias has that valuable
timepiece on his ghostly person,
429
00:15:50,819 --> 00:15:54,170
- that must mean...
- The real watch must be on his corpse.
430
00:15:54,214 --> 00:15:56,129
What about a corpse?
431
00:15:56,172 --> 00:15:59,219
Babe, I need you to do me a quick favor.
432
00:16:01,090 --> 00:16:03,527
Yeah, I don't think I can do this.
433
00:16:03,571 --> 00:16:04,789
It's looking right at me.
434
00:16:04,833 --> 00:16:06,052
Babe, he's not looking at you.
435
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:08,054
His eyes are little, withered husks.
436
00:16:08,097 --> 00:16:10,360
That is not having the calming
effect that you want it to.
437
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,493
Okay.
438
00:16:12,536 --> 00:16:13,973
Okay.
439
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:15,496
Oh.
440
00:16:15,539 --> 00:16:17,019
I know what pocket he kept it in,
441
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,717
- but I confess, I'm enjoying this.
- [CHUCKLES]
442
00:16:20,718 --> 00:16:21,893
SAMANTHA: Guys?
443
00:16:21,937 --> 00:16:23,939
- We got it.
- THORFINN: Yes!
444
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:25,521
- All right!
- I bet that's worth
445
00:16:25,522 --> 00:16:27,029
a pretty penny in today's dollars.
446
00:16:27,073 --> 00:16:28,204
Definitely enough to keep the bank
447
00:16:28,248 --> 00:16:29,553
off our backs for a few months.
448
00:16:29,597 --> 00:16:31,555
- Take that, bank.
- Yes, I'm sure the bank
449
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:34,167
will be very hurt that
you're making timely payments.
450
00:16:34,210 --> 00:16:36,647
- So, this means you're not selling the house?
- SAMANTHA: No, Sass,
451
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:38,432
we're staying. We have a few more months
452
00:16:38,475 --> 00:16:39,737
to get the business up and running.
453
00:16:39,781 --> 00:16:42,827
Well, I am very happy about that.
454
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:44,975
Oh, look, Elias, another opinion.
455
00:16:44,976 --> 00:16:46,657
And nothing you can do about it.
456
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:49,747
You think this is over? That
I'm just going to give up?
457
00:16:49,791 --> 00:16:51,358
As long as I'm here,
458
00:16:51,401 --> 00:16:52,750
they will never host a wedding
459
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,622
that I don't turn into an all-out orgy.
460
00:16:54,665 --> 00:16:56,493
So just normal wedding?
461
00:16:56,537 --> 00:16:58,365
And I won't stop there.
Whatever they host,
462
00:16:58,408 --> 00:17:00,062
I'll make it horny.
463
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:02,064
Funeral? Horny.
464
00:17:02,108 --> 00:17:03,674
High tea? Horny.
465
00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:07,417
Baptism? Ravenous thrust-fest.
466
00:17:07,461 --> 00:17:09,071
Is this starting to sound
good to anybody else?
467
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:10,507
Why are you doing this?
468
00:17:10,551 --> 00:17:12,509
Because I want you Livings out of here.
469
00:17:12,553 --> 00:17:14,555
You have corrupted my Hetty.
470
00:17:14,598 --> 00:17:17,427
No! I haven't been corrupted.
471
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,473
I have changed. A little.
472
00:17:19,516 --> 00:17:22,693
For the better, I
think. Let's be honest.
473
00:17:22,737 --> 00:17:25,479
Elias, you and I were not good people.
474
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,133
We stole. We exploited.
475
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,396
We profited off of others' misery.
476
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,875
We did have fun.
477
00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:32,573
But while you were
trapped in that vault,
478
00:17:32,616 --> 00:17:34,444
I have been out here.
479
00:17:34,488 --> 00:17:36,707
Learning from these people.
480
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:39,841
Learning from Alberta to speak my mind
481
00:17:39,884 --> 00:17:41,364
and learning from Sam
482
00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:43,192
that the Irish are
people, too, apparently.
483
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:45,455
- She says it, but I don't think she believes it.
- HETTY: Yes,
484
00:17:45,499 --> 00:17:47,109
I complain about being here.
485
00:17:47,153 --> 00:17:49,503
And yes, I do want to be
sucked off more than anything.
486
00:17:49,546 --> 00:17:52,984
But these people have taught
me how to be a better Hetty.
487
00:17:53,028 --> 00:17:56,553
And I say there's hope for you, too,
488
00:17:56,597 --> 00:17:58,120
Elias.
489
00:17:58,164 --> 00:17:59,643
You're here for eternity.
490
00:17:59,687 --> 00:18:02,081
Why not use it to change?
491
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:05,345
I don't need to be a better person.
492
00:18:05,388 --> 00:18:07,173
There is no good or evil.
493
00:18:07,216 --> 00:18:09,305
That's just a story we tell ourselves.
494
00:18:09,349 --> 00:18:10,741
And I know better.
495
00:18:10,785 --> 00:18:13,701
So, Hetty, get this through your tiny,
496
00:18:13,744 --> 00:18:16,921
inferior female brain.
497
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:20,316
I will never change.
498
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,972
Well, then, you can go to hell.
499
00:18:25,539 --> 00:18:27,410
- [HETTY GASPS]
- [ELIAS GRUNTS]
500
00:18:27,454 --> 00:18:30,065
[ALL SCREAM]
501
00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,284
Whoa!
502
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:32,502
Oh, my God!
503
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:34,025
He just went down on us.
504
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:35,592
I didn't know that could happen.
505
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,072
Yeah, I don't love having
to worry about that.
506
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,422
Did I... Did I just... ?
507
00:18:39,466 --> 00:18:42,904
Is that my power, we think?
Banishing people to Hades?
508
00:18:42,947 --> 00:18:44,601
Or it was him just yelling
he was never gonna change
509
00:18:44,645 --> 00:18:46,342
and basically thumbing
his nose at the universe.
510
00:18:46,386 --> 00:18:47,691
That's another possibility.
511
00:18:47,735 --> 00:18:49,215
Well, we should try it out.
512
00:18:49,258 --> 00:18:50,390
Trevor, go to hell.
513
00:18:50,433 --> 00:18:52,522
- [ALL SCREAM]
- Why?! Why?! Why?!
514
00:18:52,566 --> 00:18:54,916
Why?! Why would you pick
me?! What is wrong with you?!
515
00:18:54,959 --> 00:18:57,005
Guess not.
516
00:18:57,048 --> 00:19:00,139
- That was so scary.
- Oh, calm down.
517
00:19:05,100 --> 00:19:08,582
I mean, this is just a big
day in terms of ghost rules.
518
00:19:08,625 --> 00:19:10,061
So, the floor opens up,
519
00:19:10,105 --> 00:19:11,541
and this guy falls through
right in front of you?
520
00:19:11,585 --> 00:19:13,282
That's incredible.
521
00:19:13,326 --> 00:19:15,458
Well, Jay seems awfully
gleeful about this new horror
522
00:19:15,502 --> 00:19:16,807
we all have hanging over our heads.
523
00:19:16,851 --> 00:19:18,200
You got to tell me how
it happened. I mean,
524
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,246
was it hot? Was there screaming?
525
00:19:20,289 --> 00:19:21,943
Was country music playing?
526
00:19:21,986 --> 00:19:23,510
Well, there was screaming,
527
00:19:23,553 --> 00:19:26,077
but I'm pretty sure that
was just from our ghosts.
528
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:28,210
Thor not scream. Thor not scared
529
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,778
of some silly hole in
the ground. [CHUCKLES]
530
00:19:30,821 --> 00:19:33,084
Because Thor working
towards being better person.
531
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:35,217
[CHUCKLES]: Very open to change.
532
00:19:35,261 --> 00:19:37,915
It all happened so fast. It was,
like, this red light, suddenly,
533
00:19:37,959 --> 00:19:39,134
and then whoosh.
534
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:40,744
Mm! He went down on us.
535
00:19:40,788 --> 00:19:42,442
Alberta, I'm not sure
that's the best term...
536
00:19:42,485 --> 00:19:44,183
[CHUCKLES]: What? If that's
the term that she wants to use,
537
00:19:44,226 --> 00:19:45,619
then she can do it.
538
00:19:45,662 --> 00:19:47,403
Hello, all.
539
00:19:47,447 --> 00:19:49,405
I'm feeling in a good mood,
540
00:19:49,449 --> 00:19:53,104
so you may all remain on
this earthly plane tonight.
541
00:19:53,148 --> 00:19:54,932
[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY] So funny.
542
00:19:54,976 --> 00:19:57,457
Hetty just came in, joking about
trying to send Trevor to hell.
543
00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:59,459
Aw, too soon, Hetty.
544
00:19:59,502 --> 00:20:03,245
Trevor, I told you, I knew
it wasn't going to work.
545
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,247
I don't actually have that power.
546
00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:06,553
Or do I?
547
00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:08,381
Thorfinn, you're in my seat.
548
00:20:08,424 --> 00:20:10,600
Moving! Yes.
549
00:20:13,734 --> 00:20:15,866
Wasn't comfortable there, anyways.
550
00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:22,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
40892
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
