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ADULT SHELDON:
It was a beautiful morning
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00:00:03,438 --> 00:00:04,526
in East Texas.
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00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,314
The kind of morning
that made you want to get up,
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00:00:10,358 --> 00:00:13,578
get dressed and test
that acceleration
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00:00:13,622 --> 00:00:18,105
due to gravity does not depend
on an object's motion.
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00:00:18,148 --> 00:00:19,715
I love Saturdays.
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00:00:19,758 --> 00:00:22,370
The Earth causes the same
gravitational acceleration
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00:00:22,413 --> 00:00:24,198
of everything,
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00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:27,505
even a doll
and a flying Ping-Pong ball.
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00:00:27,549 --> 00:00:29,377
It's not often a man of science
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00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:33,294
gets to say "Yippee ki-yay,"
and mean it, but...
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00:00:33,337 --> 00:00:35,165
Yippee ki-yay.
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00:00:39,343 --> 00:00:40,692
Morning, Herschel.
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00:00:40,736 --> 00:00:42,694
Hey, George.
Uh, you didn't see a dog
15
00:00:42,738 --> 00:00:44,348
wandering around here, did you?
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00:00:44,392 --> 00:00:46,568
No. Y'all get a dog?
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00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:48,526
Uh, sort of. We took him in
after my brother-in-law
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00:00:48,570 --> 00:00:51,225
had to go live
in a gated community.
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00:00:51,268 --> 00:00:54,097
Oh, that sounds nice;
uh, they got a no pets policy?
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00:00:54,141 --> 00:00:55,098
He's in jail, George.
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00:00:55,142 --> 00:00:56,230
Right, sure.
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00:00:56,273 --> 00:00:57,361
ADULT SHELDON:
In physics,
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00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:58,623
nothing feels better
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00:00:58,667 --> 00:01:00,234
than predicting an outcome.
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00:01:00,277 --> 00:01:02,105
I love predictability.
26
00:01:02,149 --> 00:01:04,238
The force of gravity:
predictable.
27
00:01:04,281 --> 00:01:06,631
Nuclear fusion: predictable.
28
00:01:06,675 --> 00:01:09,112
My brother peeing
in the shower:
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00:01:09,156 --> 00:01:10,766
repulsive, but predictable.
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00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:12,594
What isn't predictable:
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00:01:12,637 --> 00:01:15,379
dogs.
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00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,381
I've always been
terrified of dogs.
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00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:21,385
To me, they're nothing
but big, furry question marks.
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Question marks with teeth.
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00:01:28,914 --> 00:01:33,267
In panic situations,
I'd often lose consciousness.
36
00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:37,227
This time,
I only lost my voice.
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00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:38,533
:
Help.
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00:01:38,576 --> 00:01:41,318
Please help.
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00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:44,278
♪ Nobody else
is stronger than I am ♪
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♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain
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♪ I bet I could be your hero
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♪ I am a mighty little man
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♪ I am a mighty little man.♪
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SMURF :
Uh, I was just admiring
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00:02:00,685 --> 00:02:03,384
Grandpa Smurf's
unique walking stick.
46
00:02:03,427 --> 00:02:05,168
Smurf-a-loo-loo.
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00:02:05,212 --> 00:02:06,256
That's not my walking stick.
48
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,388
Lunch is ready.
49
00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,693
Can you go get your brother?
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00:02:08,737 --> 00:02:10,304
I'm watching TV.
51
00:02:10,347 --> 00:02:11,740
Just go.
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00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:15,352
I have to do
smurfing everything around here.
53
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:16,875
I heard that.
54
00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:18,529
I said "smurfing."
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00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:20,357
And I heard how you said it.
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00:02:21,837 --> 00:02:24,231
She can cut her own crusts off.
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00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:26,189
Sheldon?
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00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:28,452
Who are you?
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You're so cute.
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00:02:29,932 --> 00:02:32,761
SHELDON :
Be careful.
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00:02:32,804 --> 00:02:34,502
What are you doing up there?
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Staying alive.
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00:02:36,460 --> 00:02:38,245
Whose dog is this?
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00:02:38,288 --> 00:02:39,724
I don't know. Get help.
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00:02:39,768 --> 00:02:41,335
Well, how did he get
into the garage?
66
00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:43,424
Please get help.
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00:02:43,467 --> 00:02:44,555
Maybe we can keep it.
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00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:46,731
I'm begging you, get help now.
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00:02:46,775 --> 00:02:49,430
First, I have
to tell you something.
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00:02:49,473 --> 00:02:50,735
What?
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00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:52,563
Lunch is ready.
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00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:58,613
GEORGE SR. :
Will you look at that?
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00:02:58,656 --> 00:03:00,310
What kind of dog
chews through wood?
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00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:01,920
Y'all are feeding him, right?
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00:03:01,964 --> 00:03:03,400
Maybe he's teething.
76
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:04,619
You know, when Billy was little,
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00:03:04,662 --> 00:03:06,229
he chewed right through
his playpen.
78
00:03:06,273 --> 00:03:08,231
No kidding?Only had three teeth.
79
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,277
Mostly gummed it.
80
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:12,583
So how y'all want to fix it?
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00:03:12,627 --> 00:03:13,932
Well, I figure I'll patch it,
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00:03:13,976 --> 00:03:15,630
run some chicken wire
along the bottom--
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00:03:15,673 --> 00:03:17,675
that way, he don't
chew through it again.
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00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:20,591
Hello.
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00:03:20,635 --> 00:03:22,027
Hey.
Hey, Billy.
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00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:24,769
Was this fence window
always here?
87
00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:29,339
No, son,
that's a new fence window.
88
00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:32,864
Anybody else getting dizzy?
89
00:03:45,312 --> 00:03:47,270
Why didn't you
call for help?
90
00:03:47,314 --> 00:03:50,012
I tried,
but no sound came out.
91
00:03:50,055 --> 00:03:51,666
You poor thing.
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00:03:51,709 --> 00:03:53,276
It was very dirty up there.
93
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,713
Is cleaning the garage
your job or Dad's?
94
00:03:55,757 --> 00:03:56,845
Don't you worry about that.
95
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,325
Here, have some tea.
96
00:03:58,368 --> 00:03:59,935
Chamomile?
Yes.
97
00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:00,979
One teaspoon of honey?
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00:04:01,023 --> 00:04:01,980
Yes.
99
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:03,504
An ice cube to cool it off?
100
00:04:03,547 --> 00:04:04,809
I went with two today.
101
00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:07,116
You've been through enough.
102
00:04:11,468 --> 00:04:13,078
I prefer one ice cube.
103
00:04:13,122 --> 00:04:14,558
Drink it.
104
00:04:16,386 --> 00:04:18,867
It's nice when the kids
are in bed,
105
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:22,436
and we can just
hang out and relax.
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00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:25,439
I'm not even gonna
respond to that.
107
00:04:25,482 --> 00:04:27,876
I finally got him asleep.
108
00:04:27,919 --> 00:04:29,486
He's still pretty shook up.
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00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:30,705
MEEMAW:
Maybe having
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00:04:30,748 --> 00:04:32,707
this mutt next door
won't be so bad.
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00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,665
Shelly could end up
getting used to it.
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00:04:34,709 --> 00:04:35,884
That's true.
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00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:37,059
Remember when he got
all freaked out
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00:04:37,102 --> 00:04:38,800
by the fruit
at the bottom of yogurt?
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00:04:38,843 --> 00:04:40,584
Now he eats it no problem.
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00:04:40,628 --> 00:04:41,890
He still makes me stir it.
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00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,108
MEEMAW: Maybe you
could start out
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with a small pet,
and work your way up.
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00:04:45,154 --> 00:04:46,416
Like a turtle.
120
00:04:46,460 --> 00:04:48,113
He says they carry salmonella.
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00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,376
A gerbil?
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00:04:49,419 --> 00:04:51,029
Apparently, they
caused the plague.
123
00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,553
What about a bird?
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00:04:52,596 --> 00:04:53,728
Oh, I know that one.
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00:04:53,771 --> 00:04:55,773
They'll steal his hair
to make a nest.
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♪
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Mom!
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ADULT SHELDON: At least
this time, sound came out.
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00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:18,448
I call that progress.
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00:05:29,981 --> 00:05:31,418
What's going on?
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00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,854
Your dog got
into our house.
132
00:05:32,897 --> 00:05:34,421
How the hell did he do that?
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00:05:34,464 --> 00:05:36,074
He pushed in a screen window.
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00:05:36,118 --> 00:05:37,467
You think he chewed
through the fence again?
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00:05:37,511 --> 00:05:38,555
All I know
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00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:39,904
is Sheldon's yelling at the dog,
137
00:05:39,948 --> 00:05:41,558
and Mary's yelling at me.
138
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:43,995
Now I'm looking at you
in your underwear.
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00:05:44,039 --> 00:05:45,736
BRENDA: Damn it, Herschel,
what is going on?
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00:05:45,780 --> 00:05:47,129
Oh, hey, George.
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00:05:47,172 --> 00:05:48,130
Hey, Brenda.
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00:05:48,173 --> 00:05:49,261
Bucky got in their house.
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00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,002
That's funny.
144
00:05:51,046 --> 00:05:53,918
It might be funny one day,
not right now.
145
00:05:53,962 --> 00:05:55,224
Look, I'm real sorry, George.
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00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:57,139
I'll keep him tied up,
it won't happen again.
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00:05:57,182 --> 00:05:58,227
Y'all have a good night.
148
00:05:58,270 --> 00:05:59,533
MARY:
George!
149
00:05:59,576 --> 00:06:02,057
You are not gonna
believe this. Look.
150
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:04,799
Their dog left a dead squirrel
in our living room.
151
00:06:04,842 --> 00:06:06,801
Well, h-he is part hunting dog.
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00:06:06,844 --> 00:06:08,150
I think that means he likes you.
153
00:06:08,193 --> 00:06:09,281
I'm not interested
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00:06:09,325 --> 00:06:10,935
in winning his affection.
155
00:06:10,979 --> 00:06:13,895
I'm interested in keeping dogs
and rodents outside of my home.
156
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,200
BRENDA: Well,
now, hold on.
157
00:06:15,244 --> 00:06:16,550
How do we know it was
Bucky that left
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00:06:16,593 --> 00:06:17,812
that squirrel
in your house?
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00:06:17,855 --> 00:06:19,727
Maybe that squirrel
was already there.
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00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:23,208
Why else would a dead squirrel
be in my living room?
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00:06:23,252 --> 00:06:24,949
I don't know what kind
of house you keep.
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00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:26,821
My house
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00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:27,952
is immaculate.
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00:06:27,996 --> 00:06:29,214
George, tell them.
Uh...
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00:06:29,258 --> 00:06:31,303
She does keep a nice house.
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00:06:31,347 --> 00:06:33,523
Honey, it's a pretty good chance
it was Bucky.
167
00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,525
Whose side are you on?Yours, always yours.
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00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:36,700
All right.
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00:06:36,744 --> 00:06:37,832
Everyone's upset, it's late.
170
00:06:37,875 --> 00:06:39,268
Maybe we should drop
this for tonight?
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00:06:39,311 --> 00:06:41,226
That's a good idea. Okay.
172
00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,837
You just keep your dog
away from my son.
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00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:44,665
There you go
picking it up again.I am sorry,
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00:06:44,708 --> 00:06:45,927
but their dog
broke into our home.
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00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:46,971
Something he
probably learned
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from your brother.
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00:06:48,277 --> 00:06:49,713
How dare you.
178
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:52,063
Okay, I think that's
a good stopping point.
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00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:53,848
How do we know
that your son didn't
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00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:56,981
lure Bucky in to perform weird
science experiments on him?
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00:06:57,025 --> 00:06:58,896
My son was asleep in his bed,
and you have some nerve...
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00:07:01,856 --> 00:07:03,553
Oh, oh, oh! Oh!
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00:07:03,597 --> 00:07:04,989
HERSCHEL:
Night, George!
184
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:06,077
Night!
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00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:12,257
I don't understand
why that dog
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00:07:12,301 --> 00:07:13,998
is so interested in Sheldon.
187
00:07:14,042 --> 00:07:16,610
Maybe Bucky likes the way
Sheldon smells?
188
00:07:16,653 --> 00:07:18,568
Your brother washes himself
three times a day.
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00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,222
He has no smell.
190
00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:21,353
Here we go: animal control.
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00:07:21,397 --> 00:07:22,790
MEEMAW:
Oh, no, no.
192
00:07:22,833 --> 00:07:25,836
No, you don't want
to go calling animal control.
193
00:07:25,880 --> 00:07:27,925
Why not?Because,
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00:07:27,969 --> 00:07:30,145
you have to live next door
to these people.
195
00:07:30,188 --> 00:07:34,149
They called the cops on Georgie
when he played music too loud.
196
00:07:34,192 --> 00:07:37,195
Maybe it was them,
maybe it was me.
197
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:38,153
Anyway, the point is,
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00:07:38,196 --> 00:07:39,676
you don't can't
go throwing
199
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,156
gasoline on the fire.
200
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:42,418
Well, they started this fire,
201
00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:44,159
and now,
they're gonna get burned.
202
00:07:44,202 --> 00:07:46,770
I believe you've had
enough coffee.
203
00:07:46,814 --> 00:07:49,947
Listen, why don't you
let me talk to Brenda,
204
00:07:49,991 --> 00:07:51,166
and just smooth things out?
205
00:07:51,209 --> 00:07:52,689
Why do you think
she'll listen to you?
206
00:07:52,733 --> 00:07:54,996
Because people like me
more than you.
207
00:07:55,039 --> 00:07:57,085
People like me.
208
00:07:57,128 --> 00:07:59,217
I didn't say they don't,
they just like me more.
209
00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:00,262
Anyway,
210
00:08:00,305 --> 00:08:01,959
I see her all the
time at bowling.
211
00:08:02,003 --> 00:08:03,787
I know how to handle her.
212
00:08:03,831 --> 00:08:04,962
Fine.
213
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:06,486
Thank you.
214
00:08:11,099 --> 00:08:14,102
Plenty of people like me.
215
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,239
Hey, Brenda, how's it going?
216
00:08:21,283 --> 00:08:24,808
Your daughter's a pain in
my ass, that's how it's going.
217
00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,203
You don't beat around the bush.
218
00:08:28,246 --> 00:08:30,379
I've always liked that
about you.
219
00:08:30,422 --> 00:08:31,989
Connie, I've had a long night.
220
00:08:32,033 --> 00:08:34,470
Unless you're looking to bowl,
I don't want to hear it.
221
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,037
Aw, now, come on.
222
00:08:36,080 --> 00:08:38,822
Let me buy you a drink,
and we'll talk about this.
223
00:08:38,866 --> 00:08:41,129
I'm more on your side
than you think.
224
00:08:41,172 --> 00:08:42,260
Somehow,
225
00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:44,741
I doubt that.It's true.
226
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:48,397
Don't you think I realize
that Mary can be a bit...
227
00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,225
Of a self
228
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:53,054
I was gonna say "challenging,"
but sure, let's go with yours.
229
00:08:53,097 --> 00:08:55,230
It's got a nice rhythm.
230
00:08:56,274 --> 00:08:58,233
Mmm.
231
00:08:58,276 --> 00:08:59,887
Brenda, this is, by far,
232
00:08:59,930 --> 00:09:02,367
the best bowling alley
margarita in town.
233
00:09:02,411 --> 00:09:03,934
How long
234
00:09:03,978 --> 00:09:06,154
you and Herschel been married?
18, 19 years?
235
00:09:06,197 --> 00:09:08,809
19, but it feels like 30.
236
00:09:08,852 --> 00:09:11,072
Well,
y'all are a great couple.
237
00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:12,203
Eh.
238
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,857
I just wanted to thank you
239
00:09:13,901 --> 00:09:16,425
for being so patient and kind
to my daughter and her family
240
00:09:16,468 --> 00:09:17,948
since they moved in.
241
00:09:17,992 --> 00:09:19,776
It's nothing.
No,
242
00:09:19,820 --> 00:09:21,343
it needs to be said.
243
00:09:21,386 --> 00:09:24,259
You know, Mary has a tough job
raising those three kids,
244
00:09:24,302 --> 00:09:27,784
with one of them being,
you know, somewhat special.
245
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,481
I can see that.Yeah.
246
00:09:29,525 --> 00:09:33,094
And having a kind neighbor makes
all the difference in the world.
247
00:09:33,137 --> 00:09:34,356
Well, we try.
248
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:37,577
And I know you know
how stressful it is,
249
00:09:37,620 --> 00:09:39,404
seeing as how you have
your own child
250
00:09:39,448 --> 00:09:42,451
who is special in his own way.
251
00:09:42,494 --> 00:09:44,235
What's that supposed to mean?
252
00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:48,326
Well, I mean, hey, I know
Billy is a terrific little boy,
253
00:09:48,370 --> 00:09:51,460
but I am sure he has presented
you and Herschel
254
00:09:51,503 --> 00:09:53,331
with some challenges.
255
00:09:53,375 --> 00:09:55,203
If there's a weird kid
in the neighborhood,
256
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,987
it's your grandson.
257
00:09:57,031 --> 00:10:00,817
Now, hang on, I said
"special," not "weird."
258
00:10:00,861 --> 00:10:01,949
I heard you.
259
00:10:01,992 --> 00:10:03,167
I said "weird."
260
00:10:03,211 --> 00:10:05,126
Okay, see now, Brenda,
261
00:10:05,169 --> 00:10:07,128
you don't want to go calling
my grandson weird
262
00:10:07,171 --> 00:10:09,521
when I've just treated you
to a margarita grande.
263
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:12,002
Well, I'm sorry,
but you shouldn't be inferring
264
00:10:12,046 --> 00:10:14,004
there's something wrong
with my Billy.
265
00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,180
Darlin', there's no inferring.
266
00:10:16,224 --> 00:10:18,139
I've seen the boy
sitting in the dirt
267
00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:20,576
eating his own
belly button lint.
268
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:26,147
♪ That's the way
the girls are in Texas ♪
269
00:10:28,410 --> 00:10:30,847
Really, Mom? This is how
you put out the fire?
270
00:10:30,891 --> 00:10:33,284
Well, at least she got
the worst of it.
271
00:10:33,328 --> 00:10:34,546
How you figure that?
272
00:10:34,590 --> 00:10:37,158
I ripped a big patch of hair
out of her head.
273
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,378
This will be healed in a week.
274
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:43,164
She will be wearing a hat
till Labor Day.
275
00:10:44,469 --> 00:10:46,428
I want to be just like you
when I grow up.
276
00:10:46,471 --> 00:10:48,256
No, you don't.
Pick again.
277
00:10:58,962 --> 00:11:00,355
Excuse me, Ms. Hutchins?
278
00:11:00,398 --> 00:11:02,444
Hey, Sheldon.
279
00:11:02,487 --> 00:11:04,576
Can you recommend any books
on overcoming phobias?
280
00:11:04,620 --> 00:11:07,362
That's in the self-help section.
281
00:11:07,405 --> 00:11:10,365
Follow me, I have read them all.
282
00:11:10,408 --> 00:11:13,020
Any phobia
in particular?
Dogs.
283
00:11:13,063 --> 00:11:15,109
Ah, cynophobia.
That's a good one.
284
00:11:15,152 --> 00:11:17,720
Did you know there's
over 50 million dogs
285
00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,287
just in the United States alone?
286
00:11:19,330 --> 00:11:21,681
That's 50 million
too many.
287
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:24,466
Here. I read this one to help
with my haphephobia.
288
00:11:24,509 --> 00:11:28,513
Ah, fear of being touched.
I have that, too. Was it useful?
289
00:11:28,557 --> 00:11:31,995
Well, when someone's
interested in touching me,
290
00:11:32,039 --> 00:11:33,475
we'll find out.
291
00:11:36,739 --> 00:11:38,132
ADULT SHELDON:
The basic premise
292
00:11:38,175 --> 00:11:39,960
of the book was that phobias
293
00:11:40,003 --> 00:11:42,136
were overcome by taking
incremental steps
294
00:11:42,179 --> 00:11:44,616
toward confronting
the phobia in question.
295
00:11:44,660 --> 00:11:47,663
In my case, that started
with watching a TV show
296
00:11:47,707 --> 00:11:50,361
that was adored by children
around the world,
297
00:11:50,405 --> 00:11:53,538
but for me,
was the stuff of nightmares.
298
00:11:53,582 --> 00:11:56,324
Scooby-Doo!
299
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:59,544
The next step
was to go face-to-face
300
00:11:59,588 --> 00:12:02,330
with real dogs.
301
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:05,028
Albeit through
a plate-glass window.
302
00:12:05,072 --> 00:12:06,464
Okay, that's enough.
303
00:12:06,508 --> 00:12:07,683
ADULT SHELDON:
And finally,
304
00:12:07,727 --> 00:12:10,425
a close encounter
of the third kind,
305
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:12,993
physical contact with a member
of the canine species.
306
00:12:13,036 --> 00:12:17,519
Hello, I'd like to speak
with the veterinarian.
307
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:19,739
Well, I was hoping
you might have one or two dogs
308
00:12:19,782 --> 00:12:23,003
under anesthesia that
I might come by and pet.
309
00:12:23,046 --> 00:12:24,569
Sure, I'll hold.
310
00:12:24,613 --> 00:12:26,571
Who are you talking to?
311
00:12:26,615 --> 00:12:28,748
The Medford Veterinary Clinic.
312
00:12:28,791 --> 00:12:30,488
Why?
313
00:12:30,532 --> 00:12:32,229
I'm trying to overcome
my fear of dogs
314
00:12:32,273 --> 00:12:34,623
before it affects
our family any further.
315
00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:37,234
Oh, honey, you don't have to
worry about how it affects us.
316
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:40,063
Meemaw got punched
in the face because of me.
317
00:12:40,107 --> 00:12:44,067
No, that wasn't because of you,
and for the record,
318
00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,243
your meemaw gets punched
in the face all the time.
319
00:12:46,287 --> 00:12:47,810
Well, I still think
I need to take
320
00:12:47,854 --> 00:12:49,551
some sort of positive action.
321
00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:51,118
WOMAN : Hello
322
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:52,728
Oh, that's too bad.
323
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:56,645
How about a small fluffy one
that's recently died of old age?
324
00:12:56,688 --> 00:12:58,386
Enough.
325
00:12:58,429 --> 00:13:00,780
Sorry.
326
00:13:08,178 --> 00:13:09,832
Now, it says here
in Mark 12:31
327
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,225
that you should
"Love your neighbor
328
00:13:11,268 --> 00:13:13,270
as yourself."
329
00:13:13,314 --> 00:13:16,273
Anybody like to take a guess
what that means
330
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:19,059
It means to be nice to
the people who live next door.
331
00:13:19,102 --> 00:13:20,190
That's right.
332
00:13:20,234 --> 00:13:22,497
But everybody else
can go to hell.
333
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:24,934
Okay, Missy, we don't use
that kind of language here.
334
00:13:26,109 --> 00:13:27,632
And if you think about it,
in this world,
335
00:13:27,676 --> 00:13:31,332
with all the ways we can travel,
everybody's your neighbor.
336
00:13:31,375 --> 00:13:32,942
Yes, Sheldon.
337
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:34,335
How do we love
our neighbors
338
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:36,293
when our moms hate each other?
339
00:13:36,337 --> 00:13:38,469
Who does your mom hate?Your mom.
340
00:13:38,513 --> 00:13:41,690
Hey, my mom hates your mom.
Small world.
341
00:13:41,733 --> 00:13:43,126
Okay, let's hang on a second.
342
00:13:43,170 --> 00:13:44,649
My mom also hates
their grandma.
343
00:13:44,693 --> 00:13:46,260
'Cause she lost a fight to her.
344
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:49,306
Nuh-uh, she won. She said so.
345
00:13:49,350 --> 00:13:51,134
All right, stop. Let's stop.
346
00:13:51,178 --> 00:13:53,354
Now this might be hard
to understand,
347
00:13:53,397 --> 00:13:55,356
but living a loving,
Christian life
348
00:13:55,399 --> 00:13:58,011
isn't always
the easiest thing to do.
349
00:13:59,186 --> 00:14:00,274
Yes, Billy.
350
00:14:00,317 --> 00:14:03,103
My mom's not crazy
about you either.
351
00:14:05,322 --> 00:14:08,717
Just love your neighbor, 'kay?
352
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,459
JEFF: Now, I am more than
willing to look the other way
353
00:14:11,502 --> 00:14:13,417
when my parishioners don't
get along with each other.
354
00:14:13,461 --> 00:14:16,159
That sort of thing happens,
but when it becomes a problem
355
00:14:16,203 --> 00:14:18,727
for the children,
then I have to intervene.
356
00:14:18,770 --> 00:14:21,164
There's no
problem here,
357
00:14:21,208 --> 00:14:23,427
other than these two thinking
that they're better than me.
358
00:14:23,471 --> 00:14:24,776
I don't think it, I know it.
359
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:26,300
I gave your mother
a good smacking.
360
00:14:26,343 --> 00:14:27,605
I can give you one, too.
361
00:14:27,649 --> 00:14:29,781
That's big talk from somebody
with a comb-over.
362
00:14:29,825 --> 00:14:31,174
JEFF:
Ladies.
363
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:33,307
Do I need to remind you
that we are Christians?
364
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,570
In all our behavior,
in all our actions,
365
00:14:35,613 --> 00:14:39,052
we must constantly
ask ourselves the question,
366
00:14:39,095 --> 00:14:40,792
"What would Jesus do?"
367
00:14:40,836 --> 00:14:42,055
Can I say something?
368
00:14:42,098 --> 00:14:43,447
Would Jesus say it?
369
00:14:43,491 --> 00:14:45,362
Never mind.
370
00:14:47,495 --> 00:14:48,975
ADULT SHELDON:
In my life,
371
00:14:49,018 --> 00:14:52,587
I've often been accused
of being a physical coward,
372
00:14:52,630 --> 00:14:55,851
and for the most part,
those accusations are correct.
373
00:14:57,679 --> 00:15:01,639
But there have been times
when I've shown great courage.
374
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:04,686
This was one of them.
375
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:07,384
Hello, Bucky.
376
00:15:07,428 --> 00:15:11,780
Are you a good dog?
377
00:15:14,478 --> 00:15:17,090
Please be a good dog.
378
00:15:17,133 --> 00:15:19,353
Please.
379
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:22,225
Now oftentimes,
when we don't like someone,
380
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,445
what's happening is
we see something in them
381
00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:26,229
that we don't like in ourselves.
382
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:27,622
What are you saying?
383
00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,798
Really? That was
over your head?
384
00:15:30,886 --> 00:15:32,192
I'm saying,
385
00:15:32,235 --> 00:15:34,498
y'all might have more in common
than you think.
386
00:15:34,542 --> 00:15:36,805
Well, don't say
both their kids are "special."
387
00:15:36,848 --> 00:15:39,416
She does not
like that.
388
00:15:41,288 --> 00:15:42,811
SHELDON:
Okay.
389
00:15:42,854 --> 00:15:45,596
Here we go.
390
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:49,861
Petting... the dog.
391
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:07,923
I'm doing it.
392
00:16:07,967 --> 00:16:10,665
I'm petting a dog.
393
00:16:10,708 --> 00:16:13,711
I've conquered my phobia.
394
00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:17,367
You're a good boy.
Yes, you are.
395
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:22,372
I'm sorry for the unkind things
I said to you.
396
00:16:24,374 --> 00:16:25,941
Me, too.
397
00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:28,378
Connie?
398
00:16:28,422 --> 00:16:30,206
What?
399
00:16:30,250 --> 00:16:32,339
Anything you'd like to say?
400
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,906
Not particularly.
401
00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:36,647
Mom.
402
00:16:36,691 --> 00:16:37,953
Okay.
403
00:16:39,955 --> 00:16:42,175
I'm sorry for the things I said,
404
00:16:42,218 --> 00:16:45,787
and, you know, what happened
at the bowling alley.
405
00:16:47,354 --> 00:16:49,486
As am I.
406
00:16:50,922 --> 00:16:52,359
Here.
407
00:16:52,402 --> 00:16:54,404
I think this came out
of your head.
408
00:16:58,321 --> 00:17:00,758
He licked me! He licked me!
409
00:17:00,802 --> 00:17:02,499
The dog licked
my tongue!
410
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:04,371
I can still taste it!
411
00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:07,591
Call 911!
412
00:17:07,635 --> 00:17:10,725
I think Jesus
might go check that out.
413
00:17:15,338 --> 00:17:17,253
How's it going in there, baby?
414
00:17:17,297 --> 00:17:20,865
SHELDON: Okay, but we're
gonna need more Listerine.
415
00:17:23,999 --> 00:17:27,307
I'm proud of him for trying to
overcome that damn dog phobia.
416
00:17:27,350 --> 00:17:28,830
You should tell him that.
417
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:31,659
Well, if he ever leaves
that bathroom, I will.
418
00:17:31,702 --> 00:17:35,315
What I can't figure out is why
that dog is so drawn to Sheldon.
419
00:17:35,358 --> 00:17:36,707
Beats me.
420
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:38,927
You say his owner's
in the slammer?Yeah.
421
00:17:38,970 --> 00:17:41,495
Wonder what kind of fella he is.
422
00:18:04,779 --> 00:18:07,521
It's a mystery.
423
00:18:07,564 --> 00:18:10,393
I guess we'll
never know.
424
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:16,834
MEEMAW:
Hey, Moonpie.
425
00:18:16,878 --> 00:18:19,794
I got you a little something
to help you
426
00:18:19,837 --> 00:18:21,926
get over your fear of animals.
427
00:18:21,970 --> 00:18:23,885
A tranquilizer gun?
428
00:18:23,928 --> 00:18:26,496
A pet fish.
429
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:32,372
Why?
430
00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:35,070
Well, I thought you could start
small and then work your way up.
431
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:38,508
Look, he's
kind of cute.
432
00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:43,034
He doesn't even care
that I'm here. I like him.
433
00:18:43,078 --> 00:18:45,080
What are you
gonna name him?
434
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:46,777
Fish.
435
00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:47,996
Fish?
436
00:18:48,039 --> 00:18:50,433
I'm not ready to get attached.
437
00:18:51,826 --> 00:18:53,523
Fish are kind of boring.
438
00:18:53,567 --> 00:18:55,743
I know, isn't it great?
439
00:18:55,786 --> 00:18:57,092
But you can't
even pet 'em.
440
00:18:57,136 --> 00:19:00,400
Maybe we can.
441
00:19:01,879 --> 00:19:03,054
Baby, what's wrong?
442
00:19:03,098 --> 00:19:06,710
I tried to pet Fish!
Ah, he was so slimy!
443
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:08,973
Well, yeah, he's a fish.
444
00:19:09,017 --> 00:19:12,586
I put my finger in the top
of the tank, then I touched him,
445
00:19:12,629 --> 00:19:13,630
and he bit me!
446
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:15,502
Oh, I'm sure he didn't bite you.
447
00:19:15,545 --> 00:19:16,764
SHELDON:
I can't breathe.
448
00:19:16,807 --> 00:19:20,463
His fish blood is mixing
with my human blood.
449
00:19:20,507 --> 00:19:23,074
Maybe he was just trying
to give you a kiss.
No.
450
00:19:23,118 --> 00:19:25,729
He hates me. I never
want to see him again.
451
00:19:25,773 --> 00:19:27,078
Oh, Sheldon,
you're being silly.
452
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,906
Fish like this don't bite.
453
00:19:30,081 --> 00:19:32,475
Look. See?
He's harmless.
454
00:19:32,519 --> 00:19:34,521
Son of a bitch!
455
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:35,913
Dad killed my fish!
456
00:19:35,957 --> 00:19:37,001
George!
457
00:19:37,045 --> 00:19:39,003
He'll be fine.
458
00:19:39,047 --> 00:19:41,049
Just got to put him
back in the bowl.
459
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:46,054
Oh, George.
32146
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