Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,336 --> 00:00:04,472
* This little light of mine
2
00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,507
* I'm gonna let it shine
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:09,210
* Let it shine, let it shine
4
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:10,578
* Let it shine
5
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,416
* Everywhere I go
6
00:00:15,449 --> 00:00:17,785
* I'm gonna let it shine
7
00:00:17,818 --> 00:00:20,188
* Everywhere I go
8
00:00:20,221 --> 00:00:21,455
* I'm gonna let it shine...
9
00:00:21,489 --> 00:00:25,226
Well, I am happy to report
that my potato salad
10
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,096
is once again the
hit of the potluck.
11
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,730
That's great, honey.
I feel bad
12
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:30,598
for Pam Staples.
13
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,634
No one's touching
her potato salad.
14
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:36,537
If you feel bad,
then why are you smiling?
15
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:39,807
'Cause sometimes your
mommy's a big ol' hypocrite.
16
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,410
Howdy, Coopers!
How we doing today?
17
00:00:42,443 --> 00:00:44,378
Pastor Jeff.
Thank you, Pastor Jeff.
18
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:46,147
Y'all remember
my wife Selena.
19
00:00:46,180 --> 00:00:47,548
MEEMAW:
Hi, Selena.
Oh, yeah.
20
00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:48,749
¿Qué tal?
21
00:00:48,782 --> 00:00:49,850
You're married
to her?
22
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,719
Why, yes, I am.
23
00:00:51,752 --> 00:00:54,855
: You can think it--
you don't need to say it.
24
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,390
How are you liking Medford,
Selena?
25
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:59,160
:
¿Cómo te gusta Medford?
26
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,598
She likes it fine.
27
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:05,499
Oh.
28
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,737
She needs to use
the little girls' room.
29
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,140
Mary, could I talk to you
for a second?
30
00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:13,307
Sure.
31
00:01:13,341 --> 00:01:15,443
Don't worry.
I'll bring her right back.
32
00:01:15,476 --> 00:01:17,511
Wasn't worried, but okay.
33
00:01:17,545 --> 00:01:19,313
Okay.
34
00:01:19,347 --> 00:01:21,215
His Spanish is terrible.
35
00:01:21,249 --> 00:01:22,883
That's not what
she said at all.
36
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,152
Oh.
37
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:26,454
I don't know if you've heard,
38
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,222
but our church secretary,
39
00:01:28,256 --> 00:01:30,224
Elizabeth Sohinki,
is currently seeking treatment
40
00:01:30,258 --> 00:01:32,426
for a little problem
with-- shall we say--
41
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:34,328
under-the-counter medications.
42
00:01:34,362 --> 00:01:36,364
Oh. So that rumor's true.
43
00:01:36,397 --> 00:01:37,465
Mm-hmm.
Well, she did
44
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:39,467
always seem extremely alert.
45
00:01:39,500 --> 00:01:41,469
Alert, shaky, sweaty. Anyway,
46
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,704
we need someone to step in
and fill the position.
47
00:01:43,737 --> 00:01:45,773
I was wondering
if you might consider it.
48
00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:48,609
It's not just bookkeeping.
49
00:01:48,642 --> 00:01:51,645
I'd be in charge of handling the
maintenance issues-- you know,
50
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,581
plumbing, electric,
what have you.
51
00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:57,151
And I'd also head
the planning committee
52
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:58,352
for all the
social events,
53
00:01:58,386 --> 00:01:59,887
which, of course,
includes the big three:
54
00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,223
baptisms, weddings, funerals.
55
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:05,293
And here is the cherry on top.
56
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:09,363
The sign in front of the church
with all the clever sayings...
57
00:02:09,397 --> 00:02:11,165
"Be an organ donor,
give your heart to Jesus"?
58
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,366
Exactly.
59
00:02:12,400 --> 00:02:14,635
Guess whose job it would be
to write those.
60
00:02:14,668 --> 00:02:15,936
Yours.
61
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:18,172
Already working on a couple.
62
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:19,473
Listen to this.
63
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:27,281
"The best vitamin
for a Christian is B1."
64
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,517
What?
65
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:31,952
You know, be one.
66
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:33,387
Like be a Christian.
67
00:02:33,421 --> 00:02:35,523
And also B1 the vitamin.
68
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:38,392
Well, now that you
explained it, it's funny.
69
00:02:38,426 --> 00:02:39,793
Yeah. Might be a thinker.
70
00:02:39,827 --> 00:02:42,630
But there's a lot more
where that came from.
71
00:02:43,564 --> 00:02:45,666
What about the twins?
72
00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:48,369
Well, I'll still get 'em off
to school every day.
73
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:49,803
And when they get home,
74
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,873
Mom can keep an eye on 'em
till I get back.
75
00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,508
Think she'll go for it?
76
00:02:54,542 --> 00:02:56,877
Are you kidding?
She loves 'em like crazy.
77
00:02:56,910 --> 00:02:57,978
Fat chance.
78
00:02:58,011 --> 00:02:59,813
Oh, come on.
79
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:02,716
You come on.
I'm in the prime of my life.
80
00:03:02,750 --> 00:03:05,953
I got my water aerobics
and my salsa dancing
81
00:03:05,986 --> 00:03:07,521
and my bowling league.
82
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,423
But you love your grandchildren.
83
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:11,725
I love ice cream, too,
but I don't want to eat it
84
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:14,262
from 3:00 to 6:00
five days a week.
85
00:03:14,295 --> 00:03:16,397
Well, I'm very disappointed.
86
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,565
And I'm fine with that.
87
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:18,932
Why don't you just
get a babysitter?
88
00:03:18,966 --> 00:03:21,902
Kinda defeats the purpose
of making extra money.
89
00:03:21,935 --> 00:03:22,670
Oh, yeah, right.
90
00:03:22,703 --> 00:03:24,338
All right, let's
think about it.
91
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:25,806
Georgie.
92
00:03:25,839 --> 00:03:27,007
Football practice.
93
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,709
And I don't trust him
when I'm home.
Oh.
94
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:32,346
Okay, now, what are we
talking about here?
95
00:03:32,380 --> 00:03:35,549
Sheldon is intelligent
and responsible,
96
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:39,320
and Missy...
is his sister.
97
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,854
I think they'll be
fine home alone
98
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,457
all by themselves for a couple
hours after school.
99
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,459
You think?
I do.
100
00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,995
As a matter of fact, I actually
think it'll be great for them.
101
00:03:48,028 --> 00:03:49,763
These kids today
are so coddled,
102
00:03:49,797 --> 00:03:51,665
I honestly think
y'all are raising
103
00:03:51,699 --> 00:03:54,001
a whole generation
of sissies.
104
00:03:54,034 --> 00:03:57,338
Is that the way you speak
about your grandchildren?
105
00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:01,342
Yes.
106
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:04,278
* Nobody else
is stronger than I am *
107
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:06,814
* Yesterday I moved a mountain
108
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:09,583
* I bet I could be your hero
109
00:04:09,617 --> 00:04:11,785
* I am a mighty little man
110
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:16,390
* I am a mighty little man. *
111
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,364
Hi.
112
00:04:23,397 --> 00:04:25,499
How'd it go
with your mom?
113
00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:26,667
She's not interested
in watching 'em.
114
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,769
Doesn't want to give up
her afternoons.
115
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:31,539
Of course. Sorry.
116
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,343
You know what, it's okay.
117
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,644
The timing wasn't right.
118
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:38,912
Maybe when the kids are older.
119
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:41,849
Okay.
120
00:04:44,552 --> 00:04:46,787
I guess
I'll go get dinner started.
121
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,532
How about this?
122
00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:00,934
Go ahead and take the job.
123
00:05:00,968 --> 00:05:02,636
Yeah, if it turns out
124
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,071
Sheldon and Missy can't
look out for themselves
125
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,906
for a couple hours
after school,
126
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:09,410
then... well, we'll cross
that bridge when we come to it.
127
00:05:09,443 --> 00:05:10,544
Are you sure about this?
128
00:05:10,578 --> 00:05:12,413
Yeah. Actually,
probably good for 'em.
129
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,548
Teach 'em a little
responsibility.
130
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,917
That's exactly
what my mom said.
131
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:18,619
Really?
132
00:05:18,652 --> 00:05:20,354
Well, I still like
the idea.
133
00:05:20,388 --> 00:05:22,956
Mmm.
134
00:05:24,725 --> 00:05:26,860
MARY:
Thank you, God, for this food
135
00:05:26,894 --> 00:05:28,729
we're about to receive,
and for the nourishment
136
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:31,465
of our bodies, and bless
the hands that prepared it.
137
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:34,101
ALL:
Amen.
138
00:05:34,134 --> 00:05:35,569
So, kids,
139
00:05:35,603 --> 00:05:38,038
we have a little family
business to discuss.
140
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:39,673
You're pregnant?
No.
141
00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:41,675
We're getting a puppy?
No.
142
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,711
I'm not sure I care.
143
00:05:43,744 --> 00:05:46,580
Starting next Monday,
I'm gonna take
144
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,682
a full-time job
at the church.
145
00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,519
Well, who's going
to take care of us?
146
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,854
Well, nothing will change in the
morning-- I'll make breakfast,
147
00:05:53,887 --> 00:05:55,889
take you both to school.
Then, after school,
148
00:05:55,923 --> 00:05:57,791
you'll come home,
do your homework,
149
00:05:57,825 --> 00:05:59,593
watch TV,
play with your toys
150
00:05:59,627 --> 00:06:01,729
till I come home around 6:00.
151
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:03,997
Well, why can't Meemaw
take care of us?
152
00:06:04,031 --> 00:06:06,700
'Cause she's not the person
you think she is.
George...
153
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:08,869
You're really gonna leave
these two alone?
154
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:09,737
Yes.
155
00:06:09,770 --> 00:06:12,606
That's a brave choice.
156
00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:14,107
Look, this job is important
to your mother.
157
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,877
We expect you both to
step up and be responsible.
158
00:06:16,910 --> 00:06:18,746
I can do that.
159
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,080
Missy?
160
00:06:20,113 --> 00:06:22,483
I'm thinking about it.
161
00:06:22,516 --> 00:06:24,952
Very brave.
162
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:36,430
Okay, let's go over it
one more time.
163
00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:39,500
House key's under the
plastic owl by the front door.
164
00:06:39,533 --> 00:06:42,570
There's after-school snacks
in the fridge.
165
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,172
One for each of you.
166
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:48,476
Emergency numbers are
right there by the phone.
167
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:50,511
First aid kit is
in the hall closet.
168
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:53,046
And you won't be needing it,
169
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:56,784
but under the kitchen sink
is a fire extinguisher.
170
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,486
Ooh, that looks fun.
171
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:01,922
For fires only, and don't be
starting one just to use it.
172
00:07:01,955 --> 00:07:04,892
: It's like
she can read my mind.
173
00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:06,460
SHELDON:
Don't worry, Mom.
174
00:07:06,494 --> 00:07:07,861
We'll make you proud.
175
00:07:07,895 --> 00:07:09,930
I know you will, baby.
176
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,098
All set for your first day?
177
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:12,833
I believe I am.
Mm.
178
00:07:12,866 --> 00:07:14,001
Mwah.
Mwah.
179
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,002
Go get 'em.
180
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:17,237
Thanks for waking me up.
181
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,773
I woke you up
40 minutes ago.
182
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:22,242
Well, you didn't do
a very good job.
183
00:07:22,275 --> 00:07:24,578
Bye, y'all.
184
00:07:30,818 --> 00:07:33,787
Okay, yeah. Yeah.
185
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,222
Okay, later.
186
00:07:36,757 --> 00:07:39,693
Sorry to bother you, Peg,
is Pastor Jeff available?
187
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:42,796
Jeff! You available?!
188
00:07:42,830 --> 00:07:43,797
JEFF:
On the phone.
189
00:07:43,831 --> 00:07:45,899
He's on the phone.
190
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:59,713
You know, my mother's had some
luck cutting back on the smoking
191
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:00,948
by chewing that nicotine gum.
192
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:04,718
Got some right here.
193
00:08:04,752 --> 00:08:05,919
So you do.
194
00:08:05,953 --> 00:08:06,987
JEFF:
Come on in.
195
00:08:07,020 --> 00:08:08,556
Go on, you heard him.
196
00:08:09,623 --> 00:08:11,925
Thank you.
197
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,594
Hey, hey.
198
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:15,663
Hey, Mare.
199
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,598
Uh, you finding everything
you need?
200
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:18,899
Oh, you bet.
201
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,669
So, I've been going
over the books,
202
00:08:21,702 --> 00:08:24,104
and I think we have
enough money in our budget
203
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,306
to purchase
a personal computer
204
00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:28,742
to handle all
the church business.
205
00:08:28,776 --> 00:08:30,678
Okay.
206
00:08:30,711 --> 00:08:32,546
Well, uh, why don't you
leave the paperwork here,
207
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:33,747
and I'll-I'll take
a look at it.
208
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:34,748
Of course.
209
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:36,850
That's for your perusal.
210
00:08:40,788 --> 00:08:42,222
Everything okay?
211
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,857
What?
212
00:08:43,891 --> 00:08:45,759
Yeah. Right as rain.
213
00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:46,860
All righty.
214
00:08:46,894 --> 00:08:48,862
Hey, if you have a minute,
215
00:08:48,896 --> 00:08:51,932
I would love to talk to you
about the sign out front.
216
00:08:51,965 --> 00:08:54,067
Yeah, sure.
217
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,682
So far so good.
218
00:09:27,835 --> 00:09:29,837
SHELDON:
Hello?
219
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,972
Anybody?
220
00:09:34,708 --> 00:09:36,710
They weren't kidding.
221
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:45,018
Maybe I'll just have
one little peek.
222
00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:49,322
How come you're not
eating your snack?
223
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:53,694
I prefer my snack to be a
reward for homework well done.
224
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,929
You're like an old person.
225
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:57,665
Thank you.
226
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,008
What's your homework?
227
00:10:08,041 --> 00:10:09,176
Non-Euclidean geometry.
228
00:10:09,209 --> 00:10:10,644
How about you?
229
00:10:10,678 --> 00:10:13,013
"Symonyms."
230
00:10:13,046 --> 00:10:14,948
You mean synonyms.
231
00:10:14,982 --> 00:10:17,250
I'm pretty sure
she said "symonyms."
232
00:10:19,887 --> 00:10:21,755
Did you see that?
233
00:10:21,789 --> 00:10:23,724
Someone's out there.
234
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:26,994
Oh, no. They're
in the backyard.
235
00:10:27,027 --> 00:10:28,628
What do we do?
236
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:32,065
Aah!
237
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:48,281
Would one of you please
get me a towel?
238
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,790
Why were you sneaking
around out there?
239
00:10:56,824 --> 00:10:58,191
Yeah, you scared us.
240
00:10:58,225 --> 00:11:00,460
I was checking up on you two.
241
00:11:00,493 --> 00:11:03,764
And in case you're wondering,
you scared me back.
242
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:04,998
Well, why didn't you knock?
243
00:11:05,032 --> 00:11:09,069
Because you two are supposed
to be doing this on your own.
244
00:11:09,102 --> 00:11:11,004
And you don't
think we can.
245
00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,039
Of course I do.
246
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,140
I'm the one who told your mother
247
00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,408
that you were fine by yourselves
in the first place.
248
00:11:15,442 --> 00:11:17,978
Then why were you
checking up on us?
249
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:20,147
That's called being two-faced.
250
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,448
We'll be okay on our own.
251
00:11:21,481 --> 00:11:23,483
Yeah, we need to prove
we can do this.
252
00:11:23,516 --> 00:11:25,853
All right.
253
00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:27,788
I respect that.
254
00:11:27,821 --> 00:11:32,459
And I'm happy to keep this
little incident a secret.
255
00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,227
Really? I'm
telling everyone.
256
00:11:34,261 --> 00:11:36,229
It was hilarious.
257
00:11:36,263 --> 00:11:39,332
I'm going bowling.
258
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:45,773
When we first started dating,
everything was wonderful.
259
00:11:45,806 --> 00:11:47,474
That's when
it i wonderful.
260
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:49,777
All the problems started
once we got married.
261
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:52,345
Well, marriage will do that
to a relationship.
262
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,781
I-I got Selena
a credit card
263
00:11:53,814 --> 00:11:56,349
to make small purchases
for the house.
264
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,352
You know...
...coffee maker, DustBuster.
265
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,121
You know what she did?
266
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,956
She went to that
Sharper Image store
267
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:04,357
and she bought a massage chair.
268
00:12:04,391 --> 00:12:06,827
Oh, I sat in one of those
at the mall.
269
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:07,961
It was terrific.
270
00:12:07,995 --> 00:12:09,162
It's $2,000.
271
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:12,766
Oh. Well, seeing as I know
how much you make,
272
00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:13,967
you can't afford that.
273
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:16,369
I... uh-uh.
274
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:18,405
ADULT SHELDON:
Of all the afflictions
275
00:12:18,438 --> 00:12:21,909
that can befall a child,
one reigns supreme.
276
00:12:21,942 --> 00:12:24,912
Beyond scraped knees
and paper cuts,
277
00:12:24,945 --> 00:12:29,382
nothing strikes fear into the
hearts of kids around the world
278
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,852
like a splinter.
279
00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:36,189
:
No!
280
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:39,192
Tell me why you were pretending
to have amnesia.
281
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,994
I've got a splinter!
282
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:42,395
So?
283
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,864
So, it's an emergency!
284
00:12:43,897 --> 00:12:44,898
Call Meemaw!
285
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:45,799
Oh, calm down.
286
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:48,401
We can take care of this.
No, we can't!
287
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:51,304
Sheldon, if we can't handle
a little splinter,
288
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:53,807
they're never gonna leave us
alone again.
289
00:12:53,841 --> 00:12:55,408
You're right.
290
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:56,910
So, what do we do?
291
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,778
Let me see it.
292
00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,851
Oh, boy.
That's a deep one.
293
00:13:03,884 --> 00:13:06,253
Hey, it's throbbing
really bad.
294
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,255
Mom would take it out
with tweezers.
295
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,323
Well, where would
we find tweezers?
296
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:12,125
Let's see what we got.
297
00:13:12,159 --> 00:13:13,226
Band-Aids...
298
00:13:13,260 --> 00:13:15,228
cotton balls.
299
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,997
What's "gowz"?
300
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:19,366
It's gauze, and the fact
that you don't know that
301
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,268
is not filling
me with hope.
302
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,872
Where would Mom
keep the tweezers?
303
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:27,340
Sometimes she uses
a needle on splinters.
No.
304
00:13:27,374 --> 00:13:29,977
No needles. Anything
but needles.
305
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:32,880
Wait, she has tweezers
in her makeup bag.
306
00:13:32,913 --> 00:13:34,514
She plucks her eyebrows
with them.
307
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:37,350
And sometimes her mustache.
308
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:44,524
Anything?
309
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:45,859
Nope.
310
00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:47,294
Wait.
311
00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:48,896
Maybe they're
in her room.
312
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:51,331
We're not allowed to go
in Mom and Dad's room.
313
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,901
Want me to get the needle?
314
00:13:55,602 --> 00:13:58,071
:
Let's make this quick.
315
00:13:58,105 --> 00:13:59,572
Why are you whispering?
316
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:02,175
That's how people speak
when they're being naughty.
317
00:14:02,209 --> 00:14:03,210
I wouldn't know.
318
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,045
I'm naughty all the time.
319
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,055
You're really not coming in?
320
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,324
No. But you're doing great.
321
00:14:22,395 --> 00:14:24,264
What's wrong?
322
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:26,299
This really is naughty.
323
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,068
I told you.
324
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,074
I don't see anything.
325
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,642
There's just a Bible
and a flashlight.
326
00:14:38,345 --> 00:14:39,512
What do I do?
327
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:42,015
Answer it but sound calm.
328
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:46,453
Hello.
329
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:47,520
Hey, it's Dad.
330
00:14:47,554 --> 00:14:48,989
How you guys doing?
331
00:14:49,022 --> 00:14:50,090
We're great.
332
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,391
Glad to hear it.
333
00:14:51,424 --> 00:14:52,459
I'm watching TV,
334
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:55,128
and Sheldon's reading quietly.
335
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,264
I knew you could handle this.
336
00:14:57,297 --> 00:14:58,565
I'm proud of you.
You know what?
337
00:14:58,598 --> 00:15:00,467
I'm proud of us, too.
338
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,269
Uh... :
Okay, baby doll,
339
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:03,536
I'll be home in a couple hours.
340
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,505
Stay out all night.
We got this.
341
00:15:05,538 --> 00:15:08,208
Wha... Love you, too.
342
00:15:10,377 --> 00:15:12,012
That was intense.
343
00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:15,148
I don't think I'm cut out
for this latchkey life.
344
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,385
You answer it this time.
345
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,553
I can't; I'm supposed to be
reading quietly.
346
00:15:20,587 --> 00:15:22,222
Answer it, Sheldon.
347
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:25,025
Well, I'm not going in there.
348
00:15:25,058 --> 00:15:27,227
Hello. Cooper residence.
349
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:28,962
Sheldon speaking.
350
00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,163
Hey, Shelly.
351
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:31,298
Oh, hello, Mom.
352
00:15:31,331 --> 00:15:33,033
How's your day going?
353
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,205
Shelly?
354
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:42,309
Shelly You there?
355
00:15:42,342 --> 00:15:44,177
Yes, I'm here.
356
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,213
She wants to know
how my day's going.
357
00:15:46,246 --> 00:15:47,314
Say it's going good.
358
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:48,315
I can't say that.
359
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:49,182
Why not?
360
00:15:49,216 --> 00:15:50,150
It's bad grammar.
361
00:15:50,183 --> 00:15:51,351
How are you supposed to say it?
362
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:52,719
"It's going well."
363
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:53,420
Oh, that's nice.
364
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,522
I've got to get back to work,
365
00:15:55,555 --> 00:15:59,359
but I love you
and miss you very much.
366
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,194
Okay.
367
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:04,297
I handled that really well.
368
00:16:07,334 --> 00:16:08,368
Got a minute?
369
00:16:08,401 --> 00:16:10,337
Sure, come on in.
370
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:12,405
I just wanted to apologize.
371
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:16,009
I-It was wrong of me to unload
my personal business on you.
372
00:16:16,043 --> 00:16:18,011
Here it is,
your first day and all.
373
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:18,711
Oh, that's fine.
374
00:16:18,745 --> 00:16:20,213
Always happy to lend an ear.
375
00:16:20,247 --> 00:16:22,415
Great, 'cause I didn't
tell you everything.
376
00:16:22,449 --> 00:16:25,452
Really?
'Cause you told me a lot.
377
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,553
This morning,
while Selena was in the shower,
378
00:16:26,586 --> 00:16:29,356
I went through her purse
and I took the credit card.
379
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:31,091
Oh, my.
Now,
380
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:34,094
do you think that's stealing,
or is it doing the right thing?
381
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:36,763
You know, saving us
from bankruptcy and whatnot?
382
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:40,633
Wow. Um, yeah,
that's complicated.
383
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:43,636
Um... going through her purse--
probably wrong,
384
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:46,005
but on the other hand...
385
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,275
...well, there is no other hand.
386
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:50,177
You can't be
doing things like that
387
00:16:50,210 --> 00:16:51,344
and have a healthy marriage.
388
00:16:51,378 --> 00:16:52,645
Why don't you just talk to her?
389
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,714
Explain
your financial situation?
390
00:16:54,747 --> 00:16:56,683
That...
391
00:16:58,551 --> 00:17:00,587
Oh, we're closing
the door now, okay.
392
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:03,656
That's not so easy.
393
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:06,126
Because of the language barrier?
394
00:17:06,159 --> 00:17:09,229
That, and I implied,
when we were dating,
395
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:12,199
that I was... well-to-do.
396
00:17:12,232 --> 00:17:15,368
Oh, Pastor Jeff,
why would you do that?
397
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:16,669
You saw her.
398
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:18,138
Uh, she is the kind of woman
399
00:17:18,171 --> 00:17:21,141
that can make a man do
bad things.
400
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:27,114
Well, I... I don't know
what to say to that.
401
00:17:27,147 --> 00:17:29,482
Maybe you ought to pray on it.
402
00:17:29,516 --> 00:17:31,251
You're right.
403
00:17:31,284 --> 00:17:32,552
You're absolutely right.
404
00:17:34,154 --> 00:17:35,222
I'll do that now.
405
00:17:35,255 --> 00:17:36,389
I'll do the same.
406
00:17:36,423 --> 00:17:37,490
Thank you.
407
00:17:43,696 --> 00:17:45,832
God, please give me the strength
408
00:17:45,865 --> 00:17:49,302
to not spread this juicy gossip
about Pastor Jeff.
409
00:17:49,336 --> 00:17:50,503
:
Amen.
410
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,772
What are you doing?
411
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:56,509
I'm reading quietly, so I don't
have to lie about it later.
412
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,379
Found 'em.
413
00:17:59,412 --> 00:18:00,680
The tweezers?
414
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:03,283
Mom's needles
and her magnifying glass.
415
00:18:03,316 --> 00:18:04,617
Absolutely not.
416
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:06,419
Let me at least try.
417
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:07,454
No.
418
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:09,122
You're being a baby.
419
00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,491
Nothing you can say
will change my mind.
420
00:18:11,524 --> 00:18:13,326
What if it gets infected
and turns green
421
00:18:13,360 --> 00:18:15,762
and they have to cut it off?
422
00:18:16,663 --> 00:18:19,332
I think it's numb.
423
00:18:19,366 --> 00:18:20,300
Great, put your hand out.
424
00:18:22,669 --> 00:18:25,605
Wait, how do you plan
on sterilizing the needle?
425
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,807
Mom uses a lit match.
426
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,776
We're not allowed
to play with matches.
427
00:18:29,809 --> 00:18:31,378
What else would work?
428
00:18:31,411 --> 00:18:33,313
Alcohol.
429
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:43,290
Stick your finger in there.
430
00:18:43,323 --> 00:18:44,391
I'll do the needle.
431
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,794
Okay. I hope I don't get drunk.
432
00:18:47,827 --> 00:18:49,229
How long till you're sterile?
433
00:18:49,262 --> 00:18:49,896
I don't know,
434
00:18:49,929 --> 00:18:51,664
but I'm getting lightheaded.
435
00:18:54,267 --> 00:18:57,604
No matter what happens,
hold still.
436
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:06,813
I can't do it.
437
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:08,681
Yes, you can.
No, I can't.
438
00:19:08,715 --> 00:19:09,849
Just let me get it.
439
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,684
What if you slip
and stab me in the eye?
440
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,386
I'm not gonna slip.
441
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,455
Who always wins when we play...
442
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,889
Be right back.
443
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:24,831
ADULT SHELDON: In 1989
the Milton Bradley Company
444
00:19:24,864 --> 00:19:28,768
had dozens of board games
on the market,
445
00:19:28,801 --> 00:19:33,873
but only one
where you were the doctor.
446
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:38,645
Operation came complete
447
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,447
with a red light-up nose,
448
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,816
13 plastic body parts
for players to remove
449
00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:48,755
and, most importantly,
one pair of genuine tweezers.
450
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:57,697
My sister performed
a medical procedure using
451
00:19:57,730 --> 00:19:59,699
a children's board game,
452
00:19:59,732 --> 00:20:02,802
while I bravely sat very still.
453
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:18,418
I guess you could say
there were two heroes that day.
454
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:26,659
Gee, how do you suppose
that happened?
455
00:20:26,693 --> 00:20:29,329
Hello?
MISSY:
In here.
456
00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:32,465
Why does the kitchen smell
like whiskey?
457
00:20:32,499 --> 00:20:34,601
Ask her.
458
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:36,336
Oh, dear Lord!
459
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:40,573
Wait till you hear
what I did to Meemaw.
460
00:20:40,607 --> 00:20:43,776
Our show came at number one.
461
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:44,911
I did it! I did it!
31415
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Tamil
Tatar
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof