All language subtitles for The Greatest American Hero s03e06 Heaven Is in Your Genes

Look at what's happened to me

I can't believe it myself

Suddenly I'm up on top of the world

It should have been somebody else

Believe it or not I'm walking on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

Just like the light of a new day

It hit me from out of the blue

Breaking me out of the spell I was in

Making all of my wishes come true

Believe it or not I'm walking on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

...if I could go back to grad school.
Do it!

The going gets weird, and the weird
turn pro. What a bunch of whiners.

We're on Maxwell. He's going east on
89, heading out of town.

Fifty-six years old is a
perfect age to start a new life.

Yeah. A perfect age...
to take up bingo.

What's your story?

Okay, agent
in trouble here.

Uh, 89,
east of the Valley.

Uh, need help.
Repeat, need help!

We are not here to pay
our respects to just a man.

No, we are here
to spend...

one last moment
with a friend.

A friend who brought something
special to each of us.

A friend who was loved
by all who knew him.

But, uh, let us remember that
life is not a popularity contest.

- I'll say.
- Now, may this friend rest in peace.

This concludes
our graveside services.

Thank you very much.
It was lovely. You're welcome.

Wonder who
those people are.Yeah. At least they came.

Ralph, where are all Bill's
friends from the bureau?

This is pathetic. Anybody could
have come down... Carlisle, anybody.

Maybe feds are
afraid of rain.

Oh, come on, man. It's California.
It don't rain till January.

I'm gonna go say
hello to these people.Okay.

Thank you all
for coming.

Hello.
I'm Ralph Hinkley. Uh, George Lutz.

This is my daughter,
Linda, and my wife, Marge.

Uh, family?

Friends. Friends? Family.

Well, he was a heck of a guy, wasn't he?
He was more than that, Rick.

Uh, Ralph. He was a hell of a guy.

I mean, he was like a second
father to little Linda there.

Practically raised her.
Taught her how to play piano.

I mean, he was a...
A gentle, gentle man.

Yes, but he was, uh...

He was very outspoken, too,
when he wanted to be.

I mean, had his own mind.

Bill was a...
Was a great man.

Max. Bill Maxwell.

- Max Worthington.
- Uh, the Max Worthington internment...

is later at 3:00
down at the chapel.

- Oh.
- S-Sorry.

Uh, Marge? Linda?

Look. You know,
Bill's landlord said he left the key.

Why don't we swing by there later
and start going through his things?

You know, as much as Bill
used to make me crazy,

I'm sure gonna
miss the guy.

Yeah, me too.

You wore the suit, huh?

Bill would have
liked that.

What should we do
with this?

"M.O., barefoot mugger. Plaster cast.
Griffith Park, 1953.

Second collar,
10-point rookie award."

Maybe we should give this to the F.B.I.
hall of fame, huh?

Yeah, maybe we should start our own F.B.I.
hall of fame.

Ralph?

Bill must have been keeping notes
on our experiences with the suit.

Listen to this.

"I'm not very good at putting things
down on paper, but bear with me,

"'cause I took a ride
on a banana boat today.

I figure someone
better get it down."

"The super suit
ain't the half of it.

"Those green guys gave me
a new partner,

"some beach bum who could use
a hitch or two in the corps."

"Hangs out with
some skirt named Davidson."

"Says she's a mouthpiece."

"If I can keep pounding
the edges off of this kid,

"he'll be a half-good
fed yet.

"Second time he saved
my skin in a month.

"Davidson's standing up too. Just hope I
can keep feeding Carlisle marshmallows.

"I think he's catching on.
Got 'Bust of the Month' again.

But like the rest of them,
this one should go to the kid."

- Wait a minute, here. I got something.
- What?

This is very peculiar.

I-I had a sense of blue all
around, and then...

No, that's...

You don't think I...

I'm getting through to...

No.
That's too weird.

Ralph, you're probably
just very upset.

- And maybe it'd be a good idea if you'd take off the suit.
- No, wait a minute. I see it.

Where did you bums get this
pair of mail-order ladyfingers?

I can hear him. Right there.
I can hear him. Pamela, I hear him.

Honey, you're just upset. Bill? Bill? Bill!

Can't you afford
a decent pair of cuffs?

I'll tell you what. I'll make a
deal with you. You can use mine.

Hey, take it easy,
guy, all right?

You don't appreciate nothing.
These are cute.

That's what
I'm talking about.

Makes me feel like I ought to be carrying
a hair blower in my back pocket...

and, uh, wear
a bunch of keys.

You don't think you're
looking into heaven, do you?

I don't know, Pamela, but if it is,
we're gonna be real disappointed.

They got vinyl booths
and Formica counters.

This thing ate
my last penny.

No, this can't be heaven.

That gumball machine
just stole Bill's penny.

What's this?
Dead bird and tomatoes?

I hate tomatoes.
Ugh!

Yes, I believe I'll have the,
uh... I'll have the beef Wellington,

well done, lots of charcoal,
and a side of fries.

Pam, Bill is not dead.
He can't be dead.

I wasn't looking into heaven.
It was a diner at Rio Cava.

Wait a second. This is crazy.
If Bill isn't dead, what's going on?

I don't know,
but I'm sure gonna find out.

Meet me at the Airport Caf�
and call the police.

Well, it ain't F.B.I. anymore, boys.

This is international.
That's Treasury and C.I.A.

You want those guys on your case?
That's entirely up to you.

But I wouldn't be in
your shoes for all the...

Oh, no. Not again.

Got news for you, pal.
They already had your funeral.

Real nice.

Hello. I'm looking for a friend of
mine, but, uh, I guess he's not here.

I know he was here.
Have you been here long?

Were there a bunch of guys here?
Do you know where they are right now?

Come on, lady. Who is this guy?

I'm getting ready
to call in some backup.

Look, Officer. We can
explain all of this.

Okay, Tinkerbell. Why don't you just
tell the nice man what you're doing here?

- Not gonna hurt you.
- All right, Officer.

If you wouldn't be so patronizing,
I would explain the whole situation.

- Right? We can explain.
- Sure. We can explain everything.

- Then let's hear it, kid.
- I'm gonna tell you if you'll be quiet for a minute.

Now, what happened is that we went to a funeral
of a very good friend of ours today...

I'm sorry to hear that. Well... Yes, it was
a great shock to us.

He was a dear friend, Bill Maxwell.
He was an F.B.I. agent.

He was killed in a car crash
on Thursday.

I heard about that.
Uh, burned up or something.

Well, see, the thing of it is,
he wasn't, because I just saw him.

Well, you see, at first
we thought he was in heaven.

But then we realized that,
um, in heaven, they...

In heaven they don't have, uh,
vinyl chairs and Formica counters, see?

Dispatch, this is Jenko. Why don't
you send the M-2 squad over here?

Bring along a couple
of, uh, wraparound jackets. Do something!

Well, I don't know
what to do. I...

Wait a minute.
Bill must have touched this,

because I'm picking up
some vibes here.

This is Jenko.
You'd better hurry on those jackets!

Very, very good! I am very pleased.
This is working out very well.

I am Dr. Sheila Simmons,
police psychologist from downtown.

You see, this is all part of
an in-the-field stress test.

Uh, in-the-field stress is a major
contributing factor to officer fatigue.

Pam, Bill's alive!
We gotta go.

Uh, you're not going anywhere. Just, uh, put
your hands on the counter and spread 'em.

You're going on
a lifelong vacation...

to the quiet little Mexican
village of Casa Maria.

Two guys got him in a plane. They're headed
toward Mexico, to a place called Casa Maria.

All right.
This is what I want you to do.

Go home, get clothes for me, jump on a
commercial airliner, and I'll meet you there.

Uh, do you have
any money? Spread 'em!

- Can't you reach him on the communicator?
- No.

- He's too far out of range.
- Where will I find you?

Um... Well, judging by this,
I guess in the cheapest place I can find.

Come on. Let's go.

Limousines and planes
and helicopters,

and your backup is waiting
800 miles downwind?

In another country?
That's pretty slick.

Save it, Maxwell.
Nobody's listening.

Nobody knows we're going to the
island, right? Correct. Nobody knows.

Good.
We're taking off then.Adios.

The island?

Oh, uh, palm trees
and dancing girls, huh?

I'm looking forward to it,
but couldn't we talk about this, please?

'Cause my tour was booked
into the mountains this year.

Uh, trout fishing...
That's my game.

You mind if I, uh, get
a little water from you?

Thank you very much.
Uh, by the way, how far is Casa Maria?

Do you speak English? Oh, uh, three,

maybe 400 miles.

Thank you very much.

Duck-hunting club?

You don't have
any ducks down here.

Sure, we do.
We have you.

I'm sorry about
the treatment, Mr. Maxwell.

We couldn't take chances
with a man of your reputation.

My... Bradley,

show Mr. Maxwell
to his quarters.

I'll inform Dr. Streigel
we've arrived.

Well, it, uh,

looks like they've
brought us another one.

Look, uh, Kris.
This thing's gotten way out of hand.

Now, I mean,
illegal research is one thing,

but I'm not up for
kidnapping, not murder.

Take it easy, Tom.

No one has
been murdered.

No. No, no, no.
No, at least not yet.

But Streigel is
out of control.

Now, he's playing God,
and I want no more to do with it.

All right, Tom.

Then why don't you just
tell him what you think?

I'm sure he can find a position
for you back at the university.

Of course, there are some
charges for you to face.

But a man of your... Why
don't you just lay off?

All right.
All right. Look.

Can't you see anything
beyond the project?

Kris, you can call Dr. Streigel a pioneer.
You can call him what you want.

But what he has created over in
Building "A" is irresponsible!

Y-You can't just
take life and twist it...

into some scientific
experiment.

We're not ready for that.

The world is not ready.

It's not just Dr. Streigel.

It's all of us.

And what has been produced
here is a miracle.

Oh... And you can't get miracles
unless you take risks.

Look. You talk as if we're just
taking risks with some, uh...

With some kind of yeast culture growing
on the windowsill here in the science lab.

Now, we are talking
about human life.

Yes. Yes, and over in Building
"A," there is a life...

that has been distorted
into something horrible!

Something brilliant.

And if you want out,

I'm sure that your passage back
to the States can be arranged.

Uh, thank you very much for the use
of the bathroom in there, and, uh...

Oh! Oh, no, no
no no no no.

I had some.

Mr. Maxwell.
Come in, please.

And make yourself comfortable.
The doctor will be with you shortly.

Can I get you something?
Coffee, a drink?

Oh, yeah. You can
get me out of here.

Then you and me can sit down real cozy and you
can tell me all about your funny farm here.

Dr. Streigel will tell you all of that.
You're our guest.

Lady, I'm a prisoner or a hostage
or something, but I ain't no guest.

On the contrary, Mr. Maxwell.
You are part of the family.

Oh, now we got the real
used-car salesman here.

What, do you carry a puppy
or wear a funny hat?

Yes, I'm Dr. Streigel.
Won't you sit down?

Well, Mr. Maxwell,
this is a pleasure.

Every field operative from here to
Taiwan has got a bead on me by now.

I rather doubt that.
You see, no one looks for a dead man.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
Heard about this little media event here.

You expect me to buy this?
You can have this stuff printed...

in any junk shop
in the United States.

"New York Welcomes your Mother-in-law,"
"Fans Riot." Gimme a break.

"Fiery crash" and, uh, "service
station goes up." You got that part.

But there's no body,
so this is a fake.

Well, it was a nice touch.
We had planned to stage an accident...

A drowning,
something simple.

Lost at sea.
That sort of thing.

Where did you get a body?

As you've come to find out,

bodies are easy to come by.

Please, may I
fix you a drink?

In a strange sort of way,
this whole complex is at your service,

so please, feel free to ask
any sort of questions you like.

Oh. Well, I did
have a couple...

in the $64,000 category.

Yeah, like, uh,
what do you want with me?

I want to know
all about you.

Well, if you wanted to do
a column for the fan mags,

we could have
made it a phoner.

I'm a scientist.
And like all scientists,

I find the study of unique specimens
of a common species fascinating.

And you... Well, you're
as unique as they come.

"Agent William Maxwell,

"Federal Bureau of Investigation,
Los Angeles, California.

"Solve-and-find
completion percentage: 98.7.

"Estimated deductive reasoning
capacity: Above genius.

"Follow-through, focus, aggressiveness,
field service, self-defense,

all well above the norm of any law enforcement
or military personnel in the world."

That's classified data, pal.

Who'd you pay
to get a hold of it?

We live in a computer age,
Mr. Maxwell.

- I ain't gonna give you spit.
- That's one of the things that's so fascinating about you.

You see, Mr. Maxwell, you are the finest
in the world at the things you do.

And through today's technology,
I am going to discover why.

Huh? Dr. Mengele.

He literally built the foundation
for today's genetic discoveries.

And now
we can do things...

once only reserved
for the gods.

More to the point,
Mr. Maxwell...

I am talking about the scientific
manufacturing of human beings.

Oh? Oh! Yeah, right.
Okay. Well...

Yeah.
I got it now.

Yeah, sure.
You're nuts, that's all.

You had me going there for a
minute, but it's real simple.

It's not too complicated.
You're nuts. It happens.

You know, you fall off the reality
wagon, lose a little traction...

and you wind up in Mexico
playing Frankenstein.

I don't play, Mr. Maxwell!

I create.

Take the finest characteristics of
any number of outstanding humans,

marry them
with genetic slicings,

and breed a race
of superhumans.

Think of it... a hundred and
fifty thousand giant soldiers...

willing to obey any orders genetically
fixed in their personalities.

- Bull.
- We have...

Or I should say, I have
the technology to do it today.

Terrific.
I think it's a great idea.

Should, uh, drive the odds right up
there on nailing creeps like you.

I'm sure you'll be most interested to
meet what I've got in Building "A."

Now take Mr. Maxwell
to his quarters.

Make sure that
he is comfortable.

Inform Dr. Peterson that I
would like a primary workup...

of Maxwell's
gene samplings...

and cellular body count.

Hair, skin
and muscle specimens.

And a complete internal
examination.

�Hola?

Hello?

Oh. Buenos noches.

Tardes. Tardes.Yes.

Uh, I would like to get a room,
if it's at all possible. With water?

Uh, if it's bottled, yeah.

Ten dollar.
American.

Ten dollars.

Uh, for you,
eight dollar.

Um, say...

Uh, I'm looking
for a couple guys...

that got off a twin-engine
plane earlier today.

I'm supposed to meet a friend of
mine, uh, for a little fishing trip.

Mister, you don't ask
about any man on any plane,

or you're in trouble.

Trouble too big for you.
�S�?

No, I don't "see."

I'm looking for a friend of
mine, and I want to find him.

Try the cantina. Maybe you can get
some answers with a bottle of tequila.

Gracias.

Comfortable, Mr. Maxwell? Yeah, I was
until a minute ago.

Uh, what are you doing
with the scissors?

It'll be quite painless,
I assure you, Mr. Maxwell.

Well, you're not sticking anything into
me or taking anything out of me, right?

I mean, that's...
That's, uh...

That's, uh, lethal!

What are you gonna do with
that that isn't painful?

Hmm.
Hold still.

Mealtime.

So,

it's the American
with the questions.

You'll get
no answers from us.

Uh, can I get a soda?

This is a bar for men.

What do you mean,
Gardner's gone?

We can't find him anywhere.
Security's your department, Rutter.

If Gardner gets to the authorities and exposes
our work here, you will be a dead man.

I assure you,
we'll find him.

Maxwell
will find Gardner.

After all,
it's what he does best.

To el Americanowho
likes to drink like a man,

with men,
in his red pajamas.

Men? I don't see
any men here.

You guys act like little children
when I start asking questions.

I'm looking for my friend.

He flew in on a plane today. He's in
trouble, and I think I can help him.

Is anyone man enough here
who can tell me where he is?

If you are man enough,
I will take you.

Oh, yeah?

Oh, now, don't hurt me. �Listo?

Your friend is on an island...

six miles off the coast.

I will take you there
myself tomorrow.

That's all right.

I don't need any help
to get there.

I'll get there on my own.

Whoo!

I might need this.

'Cause I've got
to fly around.

!�Est� loco!

Americano!

In his red pajamas!

Whoo!

This is a prime opportunity to
test your rather unusual skills.

Surely one with a 98.7
search-and-find record...

will have no difficulty
finding a mere doctor.

You creep. I wouldn't help you
find your mommy in the obits.

I'm sure this will
persuade you to help us.

Wait a minute. Hold it. Wait a second.
Wait a minute, I'll find...

I'll help you.
I'll find him, whatever it is.

- We must be sure of your return.
- I'm allergic to horse serum!

What is in that, anyway? A rather unique
viral bacteria...

we discovered during
our genetic engineering.

You have approximately
24 hours to find Dr. Gardner.

If you don't, you will die...

of a somewhat violent viral reaction.

Return the doctor,
and you will receive the antidote.

Quite simple, really.

Ralph, get in here.

Ralph?

Ralph!
Honey. Ralph!

Go away, Mom. It's Saturday.

Ralph! You all right?
Ralph!

Oh, oh, oh!
Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Oh, boy. These beds are
really high down here.

I had to get off.
It was moving too fast.

Ralph, you're drunk! No, I'm not.

I'm just miserable.

Oh, help me up. Come on. Get up.

Oh, honey, would you
get me some water? Water...

I wouldn't drink this.Never.

What happened? Oh, I tell you.
It's a long story.

A really ugly one.
You wouldn't want to hear it.

Aw, try me. Well...

I flew into town yesterday,

and I couldn't get anybody to
tell me about where Bill was.

And don't think I didn't look,
because I did.

But I finally got some answers out of a
couple of locals with a cocktail or two.

Or three?

I don't have any tattoos
on me, do I?

I don't know. I'll check you out later.
Pull yourself together.

What'd you find out about Bill?
What happened?

Well, I was very diplomatic
about the whole thing.

I hung in there
till the very end.

And... I found out
that they are holding him...

on an island just off the coast of here.
Who's holding him?

Uh, who?
I don't know.

All right. Come on. You need a cold shower.
I need a cold shower.

Yes, you need
a cold shower. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

You're gettin' kind of rusty at this part.

You've been relyin' on the
kid in the suit too much.

Too easy
to get them holographs.

Okay.

Now, tracker Cochise, we're looking for,
uh, mashed grass and, uh, dead fires...

and... prints
and cigarette butts and...

Gardner!

Doctor?

Gardner!
You creep.

Oh, come on, Ralph.
Get in here.

Ralph,

can I ask you
a question?

Sure, honey.

Have you ever done this
with anybody else before?

No.

You sure?

Promise. Honey.
I've never done it with anyone before.

I thought about it,
but I've never done it.

You mean...
that I'm the first?

You're the first, honey.

Ralph? Yeah?

Not even Bill?

Not even Bill.

Gardner?

Oh, Ralph.

Does it feel like this
every time you crash?

No, it usually hurts.Hmm.

I know Bill's
around here somewhere.

I used to be in Indian Guides,
but I flunked basic tracking.

I wish I had something I
could get some vibes off of.

Uh-huh. I had a hunch.

Oh, honey, you're incredible.
Thank you very much.

Let me see if I can get
something here.

Okay. Got ya, Doc.

I got something.
Let's go this way.

He must be the same height as me.
Got the same stride.

Looks like
the same shoes.

Oh, no! Either that, or I'm going
around in circles! I hate this!

Bill! Hey, kid! Oh, boy, am I glad
to see you. Get over here.

Bill, are you all right? Huh?
Oh, yeah. I'm fine.

I just love to hang around in the rain.
Ralph, please, get me down.

- Oh, yeah.
- Gee, what happened to you guys?

I mean, I almost gave up on you.
We almost gave up on you.

Bill, we went to your funeral.
We thought you were dead!

I heard about that. Come on.
Hurry up, please, Ralph.

I got to run this scenario
by you in a hurry,

because I'm running
out of time.

See, this whole island is like an
outpost for genetic research...

run by a guy named, uh, Dr. Streigel.

Uh, I think he wants to open up
the old Maxwell noodle, you know,

and see what makes me
the best at what I do.

Oops.

So, in other words,
he doesn't know about me.

No, of course not.

One of his researchers went over the wall
last night. I'm on orders to find him.

And if I don't,
I can kiss it all good-bye.

The guy pumped me full of some kind of
poisoned virus or something, and, uh,

if I don't get this guy that went
AWOL, I don't get the antidote either.

Oh, boy. Look at this. It's starting to happen
already. I can't even stand up straight.

Wait a second.
I'm getting something here.

The guy you're looking for is up
on that hill, right over there.

He must have set this trap, because
I'm getting a holograph off this rope.

Is he a good guy
or a bad guy? Who knows?

This whole joint
is one big rubber room.

Okay, well, uh, you and Pam,
uh, take off that way,

and I'm gonna pop in on him
from behind.

Honey, I might need this.Yeah.

What are you gonna do?

Come on. All right.

Dr. Gardner, I presume?

My God! Well, I knew Dr. Streigel
was into some new experiments,

but I... I never
heard about you.

- Kid? You got him?
- I got him, Bill.

Okay, this is Maxwell.

I got your man.

If you want him, bring the antidote and
get it over here fast. I'll talk you in.

He's here.
Southwest hilltop,

Go get him.
And give Maxwell the antidote.

He's running
out of time.

I met Dr. Streigel
when I was an undergraduate...

in genetic research
at the university.

Our work was in muscle
and bulk enlargement.

Strength characteristics,
that sort of thing.

Streigel was using some of the members
of the football squad as guinea pigs.

Well, one of them died, and his whole research
squad was washed out, myself included.

Yes, I remember.

The boy's parents sued,
and the university settled out of court.

Yes, yes, and then Streigel
lost his research.

But, see, when the university dumped him,
he kind of, I don't know, just freaked out.

And the work we're doing
down here is madness.

I'm afraid Streigel has given
birth to... something,

and I don't quite know
what it is.

Sounds like something that
belongs on the late show.

Yes, but this is still some type of
human, and it's locked up in Building "A."

I have never seen anything like it.

I mean, as a scientist,
I'm intrigued...

and-and-and fascinated.

But as a human being,
I'm aghast.

Look. I just want to get it out
and away from Streigel...

before he destroys it altogether.

Ralph, Davidson, out.

Go on.

Yeah, okay, I got you.
Come on in. Dead on the run.

Okay, now whatever happens,
I got you covered. Just stick with me.

Well done, Mr. Maxwell.

I want to see that
same little bottle.

Oh, it's the same little bottle.
You're too valuable.

Ooh-hoo-hoo, boy.
Okay.

Let's go see
the doctor.

North end of the island
there's a boat dock.

You wait for Bill
and me there. I've got to walk?

I'll give you a lift.
Come on.

Uh, no. I'll walk.

Bye.

It's got a little umlaut over it.
Is that... If they'd just...

Why can't they just do it in
English like everybody else?

I mean, this... Agua...

I'm never gonna get used
to that Ralph. Never.

You ready?

Born ready, kid.
They're out there.

Come on.Okay.

What do you want?

Thanks for
volunteering, Tom.

I'm sure you'll be a most
interesting study specimen.

Okay, boys and girls.
Freeze it.

You're all going stateside on kidnapping,
attempted murder, whatever else we can dream up.

Doc, come here.

Keep your eye on Jekyll and Hyde here. Ralph
and I will take care of the rest of them.

Please, if you run into the
aberration, try to remember...

It's still human.

Lady, you don't make anything easy, do you?

Come on! We're going
to "A" Building.

- What, are you gonna shoot it with a tranquilizer?
- Not until I have to.

But first, I'm gonna
turn it loose.

Turn it loose? I said, come on!

If Gardner wants the
monster, now he can have him!

Whoa!
Ralph, that's Building "A."

Bill, don't panic.
Let me just talk to the guy, all right?

Uh, hello. My name is Ralph Hinkley, and I can
certainly understand how you must feel...

Alienated in society...

Uh, Ralph, don't try to get him a date.
Punch him and let's get out of here.

Bill, I can't!
The guy's a... person!

Person, Ralph.
Right!

Um... Uh...

He's out, isn't he? In so many words, yes.

Please, try to remember... I know.
He's human.

Wha... Ralph, what did he do
to your knees? Oh, boy.

What did you do to my...
Now, listen to me.

You listen.

Okay, see? Ralph,
he's right behind you.

Now, just relax.
Uh, it takes a second.

Down, Bowser.
Whoa-oa-oa!

Ralph! Ralph! Ralph!

- Bill, you all right?
- Better than that. How's he?

He's out.
What do we do with him?

Well, they, uh, shipped
King Kong home in a tanker.

- How do I get out of this tree?
- Jump.

Would you look at this?
Look at this.

I may be the best fed
in the whole wide world...

Okay, outside of you...
And I get three lines here...

underneath some
old lady who, uh,

willed her, uh,
trailer to her cat.

I mean, this should have been the
best, biggest...

dead fed spread
since old J. Edgar died.

"Dead fed spread"?"In lieu of flowers,

please send donations
to F.B.I. vacation fund"?

Gee, whiz! They sure don't
waste any ink, do they?

Well, look at it this way, Bill. Not too
many guys get to read their own obituaries.

Yeah.
Wish I'd of been there...

to see Carlisle's face when they
were shoving me under the sod.

Tears in his eyes.
All choked up.

Well, it's nothing compared
to the look on his face...

when he sees you walk into
the office tomorrow morning.

Burger alert.
Burger alert.

Yeah, well, it's about time. Did you
bring the biscuits? I'm about out here.

No, I did not bring the biscuits,
but here's a week's worth of mail.

Oh, yeah. Well,
this is all those apologies and stuff...

that folks all over the world
that couldn't get to the funeral.

They write...

What is this?
This is a bill from Co...

Cory Brothers
Mortuary Funeral Home.

1,647 bucks?
Wait a second!

Since when do you have to pay
for your own funeral?

Let me see that.

Uh, this is not
for your funeral, Bill.

This is for
Max Worthington's funeral.

Max Worthing...
Who is Max Worthington?

Oh, he was a heck
of a guy, guy.

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