All language subtitles for The Greatest American Hero s03e05 The Newlywed Game

Look at what's happened to me

I can't believe it myself

Suddenly I'm up on top of the world

It should have been somebody else

Believe it or not I'm walking on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

Just like the light of a new day

It hit me from out of the blue

Breaking me out of the spell I was in

Making all of my wishes come true

Believe it or not I'm walking on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

All I wanted was a nice little
ceremony, you know,

a few intimate moments
with Pam and myself.

By the time her mother finishes with this
whole thing, it's gonna be a media event.

Well, Ralph, that's what
mothers-in-law are for, you know?

To plan big weddings and tell you how
you're bringing your kids up lousy...

and give you weird stuff
for Christmas.

I just think I'm getting too
old for "Here Comes The Bride,"

and cans off the back
of the car and stag parties.

Wait a minute, Ralph.
Nobody's too old for a stag party.

Come on, Bill.
I mean, those are for 20-year-old kids.

I mean, it's the last chance
to get drunk and throw up...

before they have
to start acting responsible.

Maybe kids are into it
on that level, but, I mean,

grown-ups,
you know, I mean, uh,

over at Kosinski's party
last year?

We had a lovely buffet,
some very fine entertainment.

Yeah. A lovely buffet?
You served beer and sandwiches,

and you had some bimbo named
Trixie jumping out of the middle...

of a giant cream puff. That was just
because a couple of the...

I had nothing to do
with that, Ralph!

Two guys got out of line and
wanted to make a joke, that's all.

That's what I'm talking about, Bill.
I mean, I'm getting too old for that,

and I think it's all right for some
guys, but it's just not for me.

And don't get
any ideas. Who, me?

Oh, come on. You think I'm
into cheap shots like that?

Gee whiz, Ralph.

So who are these guys you're
supposed to meet out here?

I don't know. Guy on the phone only
said, uh, he had information...

on these two counterfeiters I've
been trying to get a lead on.

If I wanted it, I had to show up out here.

I figured you could, uh,
holograph off this guy and, uh,

pick up any information
he forgets to tell me.

What makes you think
he's gonna talk with me around?

- Well, he will if he can't see you, Ralph.
- Oh, I got you. Yeah.

Wait a minute.
What am I hiding for? I don't know, Ralph.

Coming from that hole
in the roof!

Ralph? Ralph, what's going on?

- What do you got in there?
- Stand back, Bill!

What's up?
What's happening? Nobody here.

- But there's a machine gun rigged up in the loft.
- With nobody... Whoa!

Ralph, that thing
is gonna trash my car!

I can't afford to lose another one.
You gotta do something!

What?

A rigged machine gun with a tracking
scanner and a truck on remote control?

What's going on here? What is this?
Can you vibe this thing,

get a picture
off it? I already did, Bill.

There's nobody here,
nothing.

I got to get back to Pam.
She's stuck at the house.

Well, um...

And let me sit beside thee

In thy eyes
see the vision

Of our paradise

Hearing God's message
while the organ rolls

It's mighty music
to our very souls

Oh, promise me
Oh, promise

Me

Oh, Eleanor,
that was just beautiful!

Oh, don't you think so, Pam?

Well, I don't think I've ever heard
it sung quite like that before.

- Oh, thank you.
- To be honest with you, Mrs. Pilburn,

I was looking for a bit
more contemporary music.

Oh, that's no problem.
I do all the pop hits.

I think I want to talk to
my fianc� about the music.

I think it's
very important, Mother,

for the groom to be in on
as many of the decisions...

- regarding the wedding as possible.
- Oh, yes!

But wh-what... what about Ralph?
When will he be here?

Soon. Would you excuse
me for a moment?

I think
the cat wants in.

Ralph, what are you doing crashing
in here like this, and in the suit?

Honey, don't break out in hives.
Nobody saw me.

My mother and Mrs.
Pilburn are in the house.

Couldn't Bill
have dropped you off?

Well, something really
weird happened to us.

And Bill wanted to get back to
the bureau as fast as he could.

Who's Miss Pilburn? She's the lady my
mother wants to have sing at the ceremony.

What? Singers, come on, honey.
You know how I hate that.

Couldn't we get
a band or something? I know. I know.

Pam? Coming, Mother.

Hurry.Okay. Okay.
Let's go.

Oh, Ralph, you're here!
Oh, Eleanor could have sung for you.

- I'm, uh, sorry I missed that.
- All right now, darling, I'm off.

Now, if Daddy calls,
will you please tell him...

that I have gone to put a deposit
down on the reception tables.

Reception tables? Well, uh,
I have some card tables in the garage.

How many do you need? Oh.

Well, uh, let's see.
There's four people at a table.

- And there are 200 guests and...
- Uh. Uh.

Two hundred guests?
I thought this was going to be intimate.

Pam, we were only gonna
invite our closest friends. Ralph.

You just cannot limit your guest
list to only a handful of people.

You run the risk of offending
some of your friends that way.

Well, excuse me, Mrs. Davidson, but I run
the risk of offending all of my friends.

- I only invited Bill, Ray and a couple of kids.
- Oh, dear.

Well, then, maybe you can
start phoning some of them.

Well, anyway, I'm off.
Now, darling,

will you please make a decision
quickly on Mrs. Pilburn?

Bye-bye! Good-bye.

Uh, excuse me, Pam,

but I thought this was going
to be a very intimate thing,

and now all of a sudden
it's getting all out of hand.

Ralph Hinkley? Yes.

I'm from Nuptial Video.
I can either leave the equipment here...

or take it
straight to the church.

What's the word, pal?

Showtime!

Now on this one, the bullets appear
to be bouncing off the chest.

A lot of work has been done to advance
the simple idea of a bulletproof vest,

and this may be an example
of the latest model.

What appears to be
incredible may not really be.

In a crisis situation,
a person's strength...

may increase
to a phenomenal level.

You say this Ralph Hinkley's a schoolteacher,
who's never been with the F.B.I.?

The bureau has no record of
him, strictly freelance.

Now, as far as we know, there is
no explanation for this phenomenon.

Also, this is the only function in which
the Agent Maxwell is never involved.

Now, you said you had
motion pictures of this man.

Okay, give me a minute!
I'll get it! I'll get it!

I'll get the door.

Okay, listen up, boys.
We got a little problem here.

My daughter
called off the wedding.

Uh, no, Mr. Davidson,
it's worse than that.

Ralph's gone
egghead on us again,

and he doesn't
want a stag party.

What?
What is that?

All right.
Don't go folding up the tents yet.

I mean, we're gonna give him
one whether he likes it or not.

It's just that, uh, it's got to be
a real special surprise, that's all.

Hey, we got Boom Boom La Belle. I mean,
what could be more special than that, huh?

Hey, man, I say we should
dump this hotel room action...

- and go someplace, like, you know, classy.
- Now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. This happens to be
mine and Mrs. Davidson's hotel room,

and it was classy until you people
took it over for this silly party.

Yo, what's going on
with Mr. H.?

First, he doesn't want us at his wedding.
Now, he doesn't, uh, want a stag party.

I mean,
that's practically anti-male.

Well, uh, you know,
Ralph's weird.

He thinks he's too old
to have any fun.

But, uh, the truth is, he's just a kid.

So, who cares what he thinks anyway?
He's got to loosen up.

Oh, boy. They don't make these
things the way they used to.

You know, maybe Mr. H.
Has got a point. You guys dig these?

Somebody writes "Help Me"
on the bottom of Mr. H.'s shoes.

I mean, what is that? That has got to
be the dumbest thing I've ever seen.

Trust me, I've had a lot
of luck with this gag.

Look. This is supposed to be
a surprise tonight, right?

How are we gonna get Ralph here
without him knowing about it,

- What if he's got plans tonight or something?
- Oh, don't worry about that.

I'll get him here all right. He's probably
just, uh, sitting around the house anyway...

with his head in the oven like
every groom the night before.

Hey, listen. I'm getting married tomorrow,
and I would like you to be there.

It's kind of late notice, but we had a bit of
a problem with the invitations, and, uh...

Well, actually, what happened is
they left my name off, so, uh...

Well, yeah. Well, listen.
If you can make it, I'd really like it.

If you can't, uh,
I certainly understand.

Okay. Bye-bye.

I feel so stupid calling my friends
like this, the day before my wedding.

I feel like
I'm taking out an ad.

I'll get it.

Hey, Mike. Ralph Hinkley.
How you been, pal?

Is he here?
Yeah.

You know, Bill, I'm not so
sure this is such a great idea.

I mean, I was thinking about
these buddies in college...

who threw a stag party for a friend
the night before the wedding.

They got him drunk and put
him on a plane to Hawaii.

Two hours before the wedding,
he's stuck in the Honolulu Airport.

What's going on here?
First, he doesn't want a stag party.

Now you don't want one.
Come on.

We wouldn't do that
to Ralph, anyway.

Who can afford, uh,
plane fare to Hawaii for a gag?

Come on. Denver, maybe.

Oh, yeah, Mike. Well, gee.
I mean, I certainly understand.

I wouldn't want to come to my wedding
if I had Stones tickets either.

Hey! Uh, all right.
Talk to you later.

Honey, I'm just kidding.
We'd both go to the concert. Oh!

We got a case here.
Let's get the suit and get going.

Bill, I helped you with a
case this morning! Come on!

It's the same case! I got a new lead on
the caller. We got to go shake him down.

Come on. Let's go!

Ralph, it'll do you some good to get
out of the house for a couple of hours.

It'll get your mind off the wedding
and everything. I'll get the suit.

- Bill, I got a lot of people I have to call!
- Oh, forget phone calls.

Nobody is going to come
to your wedding that you call...

at the last minute
on the telephone.

- Nobody.
- Here's the suit.

You know, this is very strange,
you giving me the suit.

Well, I've got a lot of things to do,
Ralph, and you'll only get in the way.

Now, you and Bill go
and take care of the case,

and I'll make the rest
of the calls for you.

See? Everything is hunky-dory.
No problem.

Now you have fun. I mean, uh, get those
bad guys, Ralph. Yeah, right. We will.

This is very weird. I mean it, Bill.
No Hawaii.

Uh, okay. And no Denver.

How about Kansas City? Bill.

Uh, Rodriguez,
that one's got alcohol in it.

Come on, Mr. Buck.
You know, this is a stag party.

- Yeah, uh, sorry.
- You're underage.

Which one did you say
had the, uh, stuff in it?

Here, take mine. Thank you.

Well I'll tell you,
Mr. Davidson, you know, uh,

it's really a big responsibility
working with these kids.

It takes a lot of patience and understanding
to get right down there on their level.

"On their level," I see. You know, Ralph's
really good at that.

At getting on their level.
I can believe that.

He really brought out a
lot of their maturity.

Maturity?

Come on!
It's a party!

Well, the party
better be over by 11:00,

because that's
when my wife gets home.

Right now, I'm going out
and get a little fresh air.

There's my man!

Boo-Boom Boom?

Bill, this isn't another
anonymous tip, is it?

No.
This one's legit.

Did you ever figure out what
that was all about this morning?

I gave the remote control unit to the lab for
analysis, fingerprints, stuff like that,

I'm going try
to trace it to the owner.

You know, Bill, this kinda looks like the
place that Pam's parents were staying at.

If I'm not mistaken...
I hope we don't run into them.

I mean, that's all
I need right now. Oh, no.

I think they're in the big
place over on Wilshire.

Uh, Ralph, cool it.

Just easy now. Real easy. Real... easy.

F.B.I., official business.

Uh, yeah. I'm really losing my
touch, all right.

What is going on?

Hey, where are you guys
taking us?

Shut up and get moving.

Surprise!

I don't
believe this!

Were you surprised? You didn't
expect anything? No! I had no idea.

Well, we figured since Maxwell
was throwing Ralph a stag party...

that we should
throw you one too.

And wait till you see
what the really big surprise is.

You mean,
this isn't it? Oh, no.

This one's gonna
knock your socks off, Pam.

You wait right there.
Wait right there.Janice.

Hello? Hello, Pam?

Yeah, it's, uh,
it's Ray Buck.

What's going on?
You sound like you're in a disco.

Uh, no, Ray.
It's just the stereo.

I like to play it loud.
What's up?

We were just wondering
what happened to Ralph and Bill.

- They haven't showed up yet.
- They left over an hour ago.

Uh, maybe they had to stop
and get gasor something.

Uh, I'm sure
they'll be there.

Pam, are you sure
everything's okay?

Yes... Yes, everything is fine.
Great, uh...

- Look. Don't worry about them.
- They'll be there any minute.

I gotta go. I gotta go. Janice!

Well,
is he coming or not?

I think so.
I couldn't hear very good.

I didn't know Pam played
her stereo so loud.

Oh, my God!

Alice? Oh, you don't know... Alice, I wasn't
expecting you. Ralph was supposed to be...

Thanks for the dance.

Excuse me.
Nice...

Bill, would you tell these guys that I'm
getting married in a couple of hours?

Okay, boys, uh, my partner here is
getting married in about 18 hours.

We got to speed this thing up here.
Nobody's gonna believe this story...

if he shows up at the
church late or not at all.

Ralph, I'm still not
getting a reading here.

Give me this thing. We're getting out
of here as soon as I get the suit on.

Yeah, right.

Oh, great. What's the matter?

Bill,
this is not the suit. Wha...

Ralph,
that's not the suit! I just said that.

Well, what are you...

"Here's the suit I'll be
wearing on our wedding night.

"Hope you like it.
Happy stag party.

Love, Pam."

Oh, I get it! Bill, this whole thing
is a charade to get me down here.

You're gonna throw me
a stag party, huh? Nope.

I'll bet now any minute there's
gonna be some dancing girls...

come prancing
through this door.

I hope. Kid, I'm telling you, from
the second we hit that hotel,

this whole scenario has taken a
sharp left into the twilight zone.

Here I am in the
middle of nowhere...

the night
before my wedding.

I should be home having a nice
quiet evening with Pamela.

All right!
All right!

All right! Hi.

I'm Richard.
You wanna dance?

Of course, and there's Mean Chuck
Chapman who we nailed last year.

Remember him? He'd have enough
dough for a latch-up like this,

but I... I don't think
he's got the brains.

What about those counterfeiters we were after
this morning? Could they have done this?

Oh, boy, look at here!

Well, just come in,
uh, door number three.

You boys come back
to finish up on that little...

fun conversation we started before?
Don't antagonize the guys.

Mr. Hinkley. Mr. Maxwell.
Could you come with us, please?

Listen, pal.
I'm not going anywhere with you,

till you tell us what
this thing is all about.

And who's the...

Wha...

U.S. Marines?

What is this? Gentlemen!

Please, come in!

Welcome, gentlemen. I apologize
for the delay and the confusion.

I hope it hasn't
inconvenienced you.

Matthew Powers?
Ralph, this is Matthew Powers, secretary...

I mean, former
secretary of state.

- I can see that, Bill.
- And you're Agent William Maxwell.

And you, you must be
the famous Ralph Hinkley,

schoolteacher
extraordinaire.

I think we should have a drink
and toast the celebration.

You... You heard
about my wedding?

Yes, I did.
Congratulations.

Sorry you had to miss
your stag party.

But, uh, actually,
I was referring to our new alliance.

"Alliance"?
What new alliance is that, sir?

Between you,
Mr. Hinkley and me.

You see, we are aware of Mr. Hinkley
and his magical red suit.

Cheers, gentlemen.

And from now on,
Mr. Hinkley is a direct employee...

of the president
of the United States.

First of all, I should welcome
you to the Presidential Bunker,

the place where the White House staff
will come in case of nuclear attack.

Oh, we're in Utah, huh?
Well, well, Mr. Maxwell.

I guess Washington's best-kept
secret isn't a secret anymore.

Oh, well, sir, I don't think there's
necessarily anybody else that knows about it.

I just stumbled across it,
uh, last year when we were...

When Mr. Hinkley graciously
lent his services...

in order to prevent
World War III.

A belated thank you,
Mr. Hinkley.

Do you know about
the missiles and everything?

It was when I first
got the idea that perhaps...

we were experiencing something
more than just good luck.

The president and I decided that I
should retire from the administration...

and dedicate my time
to proving the theory.

The report of my failing
health was just a ruse.

And ever since last year, I've been
studying this remarkable phenomenon.

After this morning's
experiment at the farmhouse,

I decided it was time
to bring you in.

I get it now!

It was your guys that gave me the anonymous
phone tip. It's starting to make sense.

From now on, all of your assignments
will come directly from the White House.

You'll no longer be wasting
your time on routine drug busts,

bank robbers
or kidnappers.

Good! Well, all that stuff's
important too.

Because I-I... I think I can do a lot
of good for the Department of Interior.

I mean, we could work
on a smog solution... Uh, Ralph,

Come on. Take it easy. We'll get to
all that stuff. And, uh, ecology...

He's a real nice kid, sir.
You're gonna like him a lot.

But he's got funny ideas.
He wants to save trees and whales.

I have to move out of the fed office and get
an office in Washington, D.C., is that it?

That really won't be
necessary, Mr. Maxwell.

You can go back to doing whatever you
were doing before you met Mr. Hinkley.

Oh, well, I...

Uh, well, what do you... What do you mean?
I'm not in this?

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the suit
only works on Mr. Hinkley, does it not?

Uh-That's true.
Yes, but we...

See, we... we were there, and we got the
suit together, and, uh, w-well, uh-uh...

Well, Bill helps me iron out a lot
of problems. He's like a coach!

Yeah,
we're probably... We're a team.

Yeah, that's it. See, we are.

Well, now, wouldn't want to split
up a team that works now, would we?

So, with that out of the way,

why don't we get on
with our first assignment?

Where isthe suit,
Mr. Hinkley? Um, could we use a phone?

- Hello?
- Pamela?

- Uh, is that you?
- Uh-huh.

Oh, you sound kinda funny.
Are you all right?

- Who is this?
- Uh, it's Ralph.

Hinkley, your fianc�.
You sure you're all right?

Oh, hi, honey.

How was the party?
Were you surprised?

How did you like
my surprise?

Yes, yes.
It was very cute, very cute indeed.

Uh, listen, Pamela.
I need you to do me a favor.

Uh, and I'd like it
to be done right away.

Oh! They sent you
to Hawaii, didn't they?

Hawaii?
No, no. I-I'm in Utah.

Utah?

I am gonna kill Bill!

Pamela, I want you
to take the suit...

and bring it to the corner
of Wilshire and La Cienega.

And two guys in a black limousine
will take it from you. You got that?

Wilshire...

and La Cienega.

10-4, good buddy.

I am so drunk.

Shall I introduce you to
your first assignment?

Here we have the Arctic.

The United States has reason to
believe that the Soviet Union...

has started,
if not already completed,

building missile silos
at the North Pole.

If that's true, we're talking about
missile silos practically over our heads.

Wow. What we want you to do,
Mr. Hinkley,

is fly a reconnaissance
mission for us...

wearing this. Uh, what is that?

A special helmet-mounted camera,
much like the one skydivers use,

but with a much more
advanced camera.

With you flying right
over these silos,

you'll be able to get pictures that'll
provide us with pinpoint accuracy.

Our latest
surveillance reports...

indicate that the Russians
are getting restless...

Possibly an attack.

That's why we need
those pictures right away.

Well, what do you want me to do?
Uh, go along and, uh, talk him through it?

That's the way we usually
do it on most missions.

We have a special way of
communicating, It's all set.

It really won't be necessary.
Mr. Maxwell.

We'll give Mr. Hinkley a homing
device that'll get him back to base.

- The rest is up to him.
- Well, oh, okay.

Now, all that we need
is the suit.

Yeah, make this Jackson Sundown on the
third. He's a mudder. I don't know.

Wha... Pamela.
You all right?

Ooh, the light. Either, turn them
off, or put that hood back on.

Hi, honey. How are you doing, sweetie?
Why don't you sit down.

That's it? You got
the suit? Gimme.Yes.

What time is it?
I need a cup of coffee.

Boy,
you look terrible.

It's almost
5:00 a.m.

I suspect Miss Davidson is
suffering from wedding-day jitters.

Yeah. Sit up.
Here you go.

Thank you.

I bet
you hear this a lot.

But you look
just like Matthew Powers.

Cou... Counselor,
it isMatthew Powers.

Bill and I are working
right for the president.

Yeah, no more sneaking around.
They know about the suit and everything.

We're finally
a legitimate outfit here!

I think
I'm gonna be sick.

Okay.

Okay, this is your takeoff
and landing spot.

Put this on.Okay.

There's your eyepiece.

And here's
your homing device.

Okay.

We'll be waiting for you
when you get back.

Good luck.

Uh, extra weight...

throws my center
of gravity forward.

I had this same problem in the beginning,
but I think I got it under control now.

See ya.

This world of ours is one in a million

Stars above us shine like
a billion candles burning

Just for you and I

I'll make a wish to last forever

Just one wish will do

That everything you dream

Comes true

This love of ours comes
once in a lifetime

Clear and bright and
warm as the sunshine

Waking up a world that waits below

And morning breaks a day begins

And all the world seems new

And everything you dream

Comes true

Yes, everything you dream

Comes true

Done!

Congratulations,
Mr. Hinkley.

You've served
your country well...

Both you
and Mr. Maxwell.

The president
will be pleased...

when I tell him that
the mission was a success.

Do you think that there's
ever chance that we could...

get to say
hi to... Ronnie?

I'm afraid
he's not here at the bunker.

And, uh,
unless I'm mistaken,

you and Miss Davidson have
a rather important function...

to attend
at 7:00 tonight.

What, you mean, we just march out of here?
That's all there is to it?

Aren't you gonna relocate us
or give us funny new names?

Why would we do that,
Mr. Maxwell?

It would only create unnecessary
suspicion and attention.

When we need you and Mr. Hinkley,
we'll be able to find you.

And we'd hope that you'd
all keep this a top secret...

That you'd tell no one... or
the mission will be scratched.

Oh, if there's one thing we're good
at, it's keeping the suit a secret.

I hope you'll forgive me,
but I still have to blindfold you...

for the return trip,
since this is a top secret installation.

The president
prefers it that way.Oh. Well.

Well, I guess if the president wants
it, it's uh, his scenario.

Thank you for your understanding,
and, most of all, for your help.

Good day,
and happy wedding.

The mission was a success.

We'll begin developing
the pictures immediately.

Never mind
how I got the pictures.

I got them,
and that was the deal.

You'll receive them around 2:00 a.m.,
Moscow time, so alert the Kremlin.

Good-bye.

You know, it's not like
I don't feel honored.

I mean, working for the president
is a really big deal, but...

do you realize the problems I'm
gonna have with my personal life?

I mean, I'm already having
a hard time dealing with you.

- Yeah.
- Hello, uh...

You've been awfully quiet.
You got something on your mind?

I don't know what it is.
Uh, I can't put my finger on it.

What time is it?

Uhh,
it's 2:30 almost.

Ohhh. That means that
I only have four hours...

to get ready
for my wedding.

You know, when you think about what
we all went through in just one night.

I mean, we all went to Utah and
back, and I went to the North Pole.

Wait a second! That's it!
That's what's bothering me! It's the time!

What? Yeah, I didn't
think about it before.

When the guys took us out,
I didn't know where we were going,

but, then, when the counselor
showed up, it didn't ring right!

- There's no way we were in Utah.
- You oughta know, honey.

You were out there.
Were we in Utah?

I don't know,
I, uh,

I think so. I mean,
they told us that we were,

and I had, uh,
no reason to doubt them.

And besides, I was using a homing device, and
I wasn't paying attention to the ground.

It all looks the same to me. All right,
help me with the timing.

How far is it
from L.A. to the Utah border?

Well, let's see. It takes about 45
minutes, uh, to get up to Las Vegas,

and then at least another hour
to get up across the border.

Yeah, that's right, and that's by commercial
jet. Only we were in a helicopter.

- What about you, Davidson?
- Helicopter.

Okay, that's it.
There's no way we were in Utah.

Which means there's no way we
were in the Presidential Bunker.

But, Bill,
why would they hood us then?

Uh, why would Powers
do any of that stuff?

I don't know, kid. I don't know.
All I know is...

you took some photographs of
something at the North Pole,

and I sure wish I could
get my hands on those snapshots.

I don't want to talk about it anymore!

Alice, Boom Boom was
just a gag for Ralph. Ha!

She was just sitting
there, nothing to do!

I decided to be a good host, and I asked
her to dance until Ralph got there.

But he never got there!

Look. If your idea
of prancing around...

with some bimbo
named Boom Boom...

is an idea of having a good time,
then I'm not going to interfere.

Alice.

Who is the guy in the bathing suit
standing there with you? Who is that?

Oh, good,
here they are!

Ah!

Ralph? Pam?

Bill, just forget about it.
We'll straighten it out after the wedding.

Darling,
where have you been?

Well, I'm gonna be toddling along.
Uh, lot of stuff to do.

- As the fellow says, "I'll see you in church."
- Maxwell, no later than 6:00.

6:00. Got it.

Does anybody know
who this guy is?

Uh, now, you didn't just run
off and get married, did you?

Oh, Mom, of course not.
Bill just took us out...

for a little brunch... A drink.
Uh, champagne brunch.

Well, Boom Boom certainly
missed you last night, Ralph.

Who's Boom Boom? What I want to know is,

who is the guy
in the picture?

Well, let's just forget
about what we did last night.

Let's worry about
the wedding, all right? What a good idea.

Come along, dear. Uh, Will.

Who isBoom Boom? I don't know.

Pamela, I swear.
I don't know.

Who is this guy in the picture that you
and your mom are standing here posed with?

I don't know.

Yeah, well, I'm, uh,
calling in our mutual marker here.

It's seesaw time.
Is it your turn already?

Afraid so.
I need a little information here...

about these, uh, missile silos
the Russians are building...

in the Arctic Circle,
North Pole. Where did you hear that?

A little bird told me.
Come on! From whom?

I'm asking this stuff, and you want some news.
You got to dish a little back this way.

Maxwell,
this is top secret "informaciono."

You've got to tell me where you heard it.
Because if it's true,

- we're in big trouble.
- What do you mean, "if it's true"?

Oh, this is awful.
This is just awful.

You don't have clearance
to know this.

Bill, we've got silos
in the North Pole.

Uh-Uhh...

W-We?
You mean, us,

Project Polar Cap, top secret project
that started about a year ago.

Now, please, Bill.
Who did you hear this rumor from?

Matthew Powers.

We have problems. What kind
of problems?

Maxwell. I was on a routine phone tap into
his office and picked up one of his calls.

Buddy of his
at the Pentagon.

He found out those silos
belong to the U.S.

Not only that, he named you. Damn it!
I wonder what tipped him?

I was sure a flag-waver like
Maxwell would have fallen for it.

Well, why did we bring him in?
Why didn't we just get Hinkley?

Oh, I tried. I didn't want
to make them suspicious.

I wanted them to feel they were
actually working for the United States.

Do we bring them
back in?.That's not exactly easy.

We've got to get them when Hinkley isn't
wearing that suit, or we haven't got a chance.

The wedding! Pardon me?

Hinkley's getting
married at 7:00 tonight.

I doubt if he'd wear the suit underneath
his tuxedo. We could get all three of them.

Find out which church, and you and
Campbell get out there immediately.

I don't know if Campbell's
out of the laboratory yet.

And finish developing the pictures after
you bring back Hinkley and the others.

Now, get going!
And whatever you do,

don't miss
that wedding.

I don't want
to panic you, Ralph,

but your wedding
is 10 minutes away,

and your best man
isn't here yet.

Oh, great. Great.

Pam told him
no later than 6:00.

I better
go look for him.

Oh, great, Bill.
You did it again.

Really, Pam, where did you
and Ralph go this morning?

- I told you, Janice.
- We went to brunch.

I'm sorry, lady,
I don't mean to interrupt or anything...

Counselor,
I didn't know you in that.

Hey, where's Ralph?
Where's the groom?

Bill, where have you been?
I told you no later than 6:00!

You re not even dressed! Listen.
If I don't find Ralph,

we got
big problems here!

If I don't get him back
on the case immediately,

we can wind up spending
your honeymoon at Leavenworth. What?

Uh, Janice, my bouquet...
I forgot my bouquet.

Would you go
get it for me? Oh, yeah.

Thank you. Now,
what are you talking about, Bill?

Ralph! You're not supposed to
see the bride before the wedding!

Honey, what's 30 seconds?
Bill, you're not even dressed!

Come on. The wedding
is about to start! Ralph, we blew it.

We're in deep,
deep trouble!

What is that noise? It's Miss Pilburn.
It means the wedding's gonna start.

What do you mean,
we've blown it?

The missile sites that you took pictures
of were not Russian missile sites.

They were ours...
U.S. sites.

Oh! What would Matthew Powers want
with pictures of our silos?

Because Matthew Powers
is not on our side anymore.

That's the whole point.
He did not quit the administration.

He was canned.
They fired him.

There was a whole
big inside scam going on.

They let him go
if he would go out quietly,

but he's a sellout
to the highest bidder.

That means the Russians in this case.
That makes us traitors.

Only we got to get back to that, uh,
bunker before those guys get to us!

Pamela? Oh, Pamela, my darling, there
you are! Oh! Is-Is everything all right?

Yes, Mother,
everything's fine. Oh, come on, darling.

They're just about to seat me!
Oh, we're going to start!

Come on, darling. Where are you going?
We got a crisis here!

You have a crisis, Bill.
I have a wedding!

Oh, boy.

Come on, Bill. We'll solve it after the
wedding. You're not even dressed! Come on!

Love you, baby.

I love you too,
Daddy.

Dearly beloved,
we are gathered here today...

to join this man and this
woman in holy matrimony.

Two people who love each other,
who want to confirm that love...

in front of you, their friends, and God.

May I have the rings, please?

What's the matter? Huh?
Uh, oh!

Powers's hit squad just showed up.
They're in the back.

- Mr. Maxwell, the ring?
- Oh! Uh!

There you go, sir.

- Okay. Okay.
- Take care of it.

Repeat after me.

I, Ralph Hinkley,
take thee, Pamela Davidson...

I, Ralph Hinkley,
take thee, Pam Davidson...

They're coming around the back carrying the
mail. They're gonna try to do something, Ralph!

To be my lawful wedded wife,
in sickness and in health,

for richer, for poorer,
till death do us part.

- I, Pamela Davidson, take thee, Ralph Hinkley...
- Ditto for her.

- What?
- Oh, that's good! You got the rings on? Okay!

Well, everything's cooking
then, right? Uh...

We have to speed this up
a little bit, sir.

Uh, folks, you've already seen
this a million times in the movies,

and, uh, it's, uh, he does and
she does till death do us part.

Thanks, Chaplain!
We really appreciate it!

Come on, kids.
Let's hit the silk. Bill!

We've got to get these goons away
from here before somebody gets hurt!

Now, come on! Ralph!

I now pronounce you
man and wife!

Okay, can we... can we... Please,
we can do this in the car! Come on!

- Let's go.
- Okay, thanks. Uh, is there music?

We got to get some music here.

Ha-ha. Wait a minute now.
Hold it. Hold it now. Hold it.

Wait a second.
Keep moving backwards.

What a mess. Hey, whoa!

Hey, buddy?
Hey, you!

Who are those guys?
Those are the guys in the back!

All right,
where's Powers?

Where's the bunker? Tell him!
I'm choking!

Thirty-five miles east
of Mojave, in the mountain. All right.

- Bill, save me some cake!
- You guys do this a hundred times!

I only get married once!

What am I gonna
tell my daddy?

Counselor.

Everybody has their little
disappointments, right, boys?

You think this is funny.
I don't even think I'm married!

This is Powers.
Emergency situation.

Stand by
for photo transmission.

You ever have one of those days
when nothing goes right?

I am so exhausted,
and my arms hurt from all that flying.

Yeah, how about poor Mrs. Pilburn?

She got an arthritis attack from having
to play the wedding recessional so fast.

Too bad she just
didn't lose her voice.

No, Ralph. She tries.

I can't wait to see the videotape
of the ceremony. Oh. Yeah.

We're probably the only couple in
America whose wedding photos...

will look like a fire drill. Yeah, but then
you're probably the only groom in America...

who saved the world between the
wedding ceremony and the reception.

Yes, and I get tired just...

Thinking about it.

You know, honey. When I was a little girl,

I used to fantasize about my wedding.

I never dreamed it would be like this.

But then, I never dreamed I'd
ever meet someone like you.

I love you, Ralph.

Ralph?

Mmm, my hero.

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