All language subtitles for The Greatest American Hero s02e01 The Two Hundred Mile

Look at what's happened to me

I can't believe it myself

Suddenly I'm up on top of the world

It should have been somebody else

Believe it or not I'm walking on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

Just like the light of a new day

It hit me from out of the blue

Breaking me out of the spell I was in

Making all of my wishes come true

Believe it or not I'm walking on air

I never thought I could feel so free

Flying away on a wing and a prayer

Believe it or not it's just me

Who could it be

Believe it or not it's just me

Here he comes.

Don't look like no
"rookie of the year" to me.

Hey, amigo.�Qu� pas�? Hey.

�Qu� onda? �Cu�nto dinero?

What's he sayin'?

He says he won't
throw no games.

Tell him if he fingers us, we're
gonna kill his family in Puerto Rico.

I play for my fans,
not for money.

Well, then let's take him out of the
major leagues for about six months.

It's in the bag. Ain't no way the Stars
are goin' to the pennant now. No way.

And these creeps are tryin' to tear down one
of the pillars of this country's moral fiber.

Don't give me a hard time.
I went to a lot of trouble to set this up.

I got my old friend Tommy the Greek down
from Vegas. He's gonna give us an intro.

Yeah, but those guys
are major leaguers, Bill.

How am I gonna strike out
a major-league hitter?

You're going to have the suit
on underneath the uniform.

Ralph, you'll smoke it in there.
They'll never see the ball.

I just have to know that
you got some kind of control...

to be able to get it anywhere
over the plate, that's all.Oh.

You know, I always wanted to
play Major League Baseball.

Even when I was a kid
in grade school.Oh. Nifty.

- Can we get on with this? We really don't have any time.
- How are you gonna do it?

Why would the California Stars want
to give me a tryout for their team?

In the past three weeks, their two hottest hitters
have been run off the road and beaten up.

Last night their star pitcher,
Manuel Cortez,

best pitcher in the league...
Beaten up.

Somebody doesn't want the California
Stars to win this pennant.

They're only two games away
from winning the pennant anyway.

I don't think those guys up
there gave me the suit...

so I could play Major League
Baseball, you know?

Ralph, this is a fix
of Major League Baseball.

Come on. I mean,
that's like trampling on the flag.

Whoever these guys are that
are beating up the players...

are gonna come after you
when they see your hummer.

And then when they try to run you off the
road, we bust 'em. You got it? Yes. I see.

Okay. You got the suit
under there? I do.

Okay. Hey, Bill? Let me try a slider.
I used to have a great slider.

No junk balls, kid.
Just give me the big one.

Let's have the fastball, baby.

Fire it in. Yeah! Hum-bah, hum-bah.
No stick on the batter here.

- There's no batter.
- Ralph, come on.

Okay, Bill. You're gonna
see the Hinkley fastball,

known at Redwood College
as the "Hinkley high smoker."

Okay. Fire it in.

No stick
on the batter here.

No call on the B-ball.

Bill! Bill,
are you all right? I'll be okay.

Oh, boy. Look at that.
Broke your hand again, didn't I?

Oh, boy, what a fastball! What a fastball.
I couldn't even see it.

I didn't know how hard to throw it. I
didn't even take a full windup or anything.

Did you see that? I told you I couldn't.

Come on. We gotta go. This is gonna
work better than I thought. Get that.

We gotta meet Tommy at the stadium.
The Stars are workin' out this afternoon.

Better get your hand x-rayed. You take care
of the pitchin'. I'll take care of the hand.

We got one shot at this, just one.
We gotta do it today.

Look at these guys.
Oh, boy. What a team.

Califano on third,
battin' .343.

Katon behind the plate,
firin' the old signals out to the mound.

The smell o' hot dogs,
the roar of the crowd.

Umpire yells...
"Play ball!"

Oh, I love
this game.

This game is...
America, like... Applesauce?

Apple pie, Ralph.
Try to have a little respect.

Now, that pretty lady over here with the
honey-colored hair, that's Deborah Dante.

She does not know very much about
baseball, unfortunately...

Not like her old man,
Colonel Dante, God rest his soul.

There was a team owner for ya...
trade your socks right off ya.

Gosh, these guys out here
are real major leaguers.

All I ever did was throw
a little bit in college.

Now, you gotta let me do all the talkin',
Ralph. I got our cover all wired up.

I'm gonna be your player's rep. What do
you know about baseball contracts, Bill?

You might as well ask
what I know about baseball.

Well, what do you know
about baseball? Ralph,

the pennant is gonna be won
or lost in two games anyway.

And I know baseball. I'm a fan. I know
the heels, the wheels and the big deals.

I read Inside Sports every week.
Trust me here.

Bill, these are
the California Stars.

I'm gonna be throwin' the "Hinkley
high smoker" to the Stars.

That's right.

Boy, I wish Coach Matson
could see me. Huh?

He was my Little League coach.

Redwood City Cubbies.
Yes, sirree.

Little Shorty Steel on third,

Gritty Grimes on second, Shep Allen
on first, me fannin' the batters.

Boy, we were a tough, scrappy little team.
I tell you. Okay, Ralph. Let's go.

Ow! Aaah! Yeah. "Ah, ah" is what you say
in the doctor's office, Bill.

Round here,
you yell, "Play ball!"

Dugout humor. Thanks a lot, Ralph.

Bill Maxwell,
I'd like you to know Deborah Dante...

Miss Dante. How do you do? This is Russ
Decker. He's the team's business agent.

And of course,
Shorty Robinson.Mr. Robinson.

- What happened to your hand?
- Um, it was minor surgery. I had a wart taken off.

- They wrapped it in a towel?
- Yeah. We were wondering about that too.

So, uh,

I guess it's time for my boy Ralph
here to step upon the mound...

and fire a few B.B.'s
at your big bats.

- Are you the B.B. gun?
- Oh, yeah. 'Fraid so.

Uh, in his enthusiasm,
my agent forgot to introduce me.

- I'm Ralph Hinkley. How do you do?
- I'm Sorry.

- Whitney High School?
- Yeah. Uh, I'm a teacher.

Oh. All we need is five minutes
of your time...

and your best hitter for a
little pitching demonstration.

More likely
a batting demonstration.

Mr. Robinson, I think you're one of the
greatest baseball managers of all time, sir.

Well, I'm glad
somebody thinks so. And that's why...

I wanted you to have
the first look at Ralph.

I thought that maybe you... maybe
wanna put Califano in there,

because he's
your steadiest hitter.

And Ralph could fan him out
with, like, three fastballs.

Oh, I also have
a very nice slider. No junk.

Will you listen to me, kid?
Straight fastballs and that's it.

Three pitches, huh?

- Tell Califano to go out there.
- Califano?

I'm gonna pitch to Califano?
He's the best hitter in the league.

Ralph, I don't want
any arrogance.

Just show them how it
is done as a gentleman.

I would clock it... you
know, just for laughs.

- See how fast the kid can throw the old horsehide.
- Okay. Clock it.

The fastest clocked pitch was
Nolan Ryan's fastball, wasn't it...

A hundred point nine
miles an hour?

Let's get this over with. I got a team
to get ready. Everybody's in the bucket.

- I need to work on morale.
- Have you tried team prayer?

Uh, I mean,
you're lookin' at it.

Califano.

Get out there.
Knock this kid's brains out.

Come on, skinny bones.
Try to put one right there. Come on!

I-I hope, uh,
this afternoon's...

not too early to open up
a contract negotiation.

I thought you'd never ask.

Okay, Ralph, let me do
the talkin' here, because...

contract negotiations are real ticklish
unless you know what you're doin'.

How would you know?
Boy, I wish Pam was here.

Will you stop that?
We don't need her.

They're gonna have some Beverly Hills lawyer
with the gold chains hangin' off his neck...

and a... elephant hair bracelet and a Palm
Springs tan, and I'm gonna beat him up.

You just make nice with Miss Dante,
and I'll drop a net on the shyster.

Bill, just remember,
I teach class until 3:00,

and I can't pitch
during school hours. No sweat.

I'll take care of that. Let me do the
talking, 'cause this pitch is real easy.

Hello, there. My name is Maxwell and this is
Mr. Hinkley. I think you're expecting us.

Mr. Hinkley? Thank you very much.

Mr. Maxwell.
We met earlier at the stadium.

I'm Russ Decker, vice president,
business affairs and chief counsel.

Well, Russ, I hope you brought
your wallet with you today.

Why don't we meet
the rest of my people.

This is Charles Miller,
our insurance attorney.

Mike Fisher,
international contracts.

Dave Hoblens, escrow banking
and trust account attorney.

Mary Todd, commercial
contracts, loan out approval,

and Sam Foster handles
"E" and "O" for the club.

Where are the rest
of your guys?

Uh, well, um...

Ah. I didn't know you'd arrived. Hi. Why
don't you and I get to know one another?

The suits can take care of the business
end of things.Okay. Sounds good.

Bill, is that all right? Oh, yeah.
Sure, that's fine.

- Come on.Okay.
- Go get 'em.

Nice.
Very nice.

And this shipment is currently on board
a vessel off the Costa Rican coast?

Yeah. We were under the impression
that these weapons were stolen.

Now we find out that you have made
arrangements to purchase them.

And it concerns us how you will
make arrangements for the money...

to purchase $10 million worth
of military ordinance.

Mr. Sloane and I are committed
to this revolution.

Where we get the money
is our problem.

I am severely compromised.
If I fail, I will be killed.

And let me tell you this:
I will not die alone.

Hello.

No. No, we're not
granting interviews.

No, I can't reveal his name.
We're currently in negotiations.

I don't know
how fast the ball was.

We think there must have been something
wrong with the clock. That's right.

Sure. Good-bye.
The leak is out on you already.

Mike Douglas of The Mike Douglas Show
called,

and I think it would be a
great idea... if we make a deal,

we could announce it
on the show.

I'm gonna be
on The Mike Douglas Show?

I don't believe it.

Well, they've been calling
all afternoon.

Listen. Uh, can you take
a bit of advice...

from a girl who lived in Mandeville Canyon
and used to grow organic vegetables?

Well, sure. Go ahead.
Whatever you want.

Don't let them turn your head around.
It can happen really easily.

Hey, I won't. I won't.
Believe me, I won't.

I mean, I don't take all this seriously.
I mean, it's just a game, right?

Ah. It is much more than that.
It's a national mania.

I've seen the sturdiest ones
fold under the pressure.

Mike Douglas called... for me?
I mean, really? Mike himself?

Well, it was actually his
producer, but they're very excited.

Um, you know, this has been
very, very strange for me,

and I think probably
the best thing for me to do...

would be to take off
and, uh, get home...

and work on a study plan
for my kids for tomorrow.

Oh. I, um... I was hoping maybe we
could get to know each other a little.

Um...

What's her name? Pam Davidson.

Well, watch out for flying
objects, Ralph, and...

welcome to
the California Stars.

Thank you.Okay.

Thank you.Good-bye.

The sum is placed in escrow
for two years,

and is credited back against the
insurance contract at 10 1/2% per annum.

There's also some leverage you can pick
up if you sell that insurance contract...

back to our bank
and discount the paper.

Mike has that payment schedule,
if you'd like to take a look.

Well, I, uh... Uh, yeah. Yeah. Uh-huh.
'Cause insurance is important.

I have quite a lot myself.
Of course you do.

If the Stars win, we lose our
bet, and we can't buy the guns.

What we gotta do is make
sure that ball team loses,

and then
we're in business.

I think we oughta take care
of that guy Hinkley.

Word I get is he throws so
fast, they can't clock it.

All right. All right.
Let's take care of it.

A message
from the major leagues:

Stay away
from the California Stars.

You don't throw no pitches
for that club. You got it? Yeah.

This is a warning. You only get
one, then we start breakin' bones.

Snaps. Snaps!
For cryin' out loud.

Haven't you guys
heard about Velcro?

Aaah!

Aaah!

- Who are you?
- Don't ask.

I just can't understand how you let 'em
go, Ralph. Well, it happens, Bill.

What do you want me to say? Give me a break,
all right? They'll be back. I promise.

What do you
got there? Uh, well,

while you're fumblin' around, losin'
the bad guys, I'm negotiating, Ralph.

What this is is the finest player's
contract in the history of baseball.

And if I may say so without any
modesty whatsoever, I did it...

without a dozen wing-tipped idiots with
law degrees hangin' over my shoulder.

Did you get that clause in there about not
pitching before 3:00 or during school hours?

Well, Ralph, that was a real...
a real battleground there,

that clause, and I hung in
to the very end, but... But what?

Well... Oh, boy.

Some things are always lost
in... in compromise.

That's the nature of, uh,
negotiation, Ralph,

um, and frankly, I thought that the rest
of the package was, uh, more important.

I'm not pitchin' during school hours, Bill.
Now, that's that. I told you.

Well, then, in that case, you're gonna
be, um, in default of this agreement,

and you'll be stewed
and sued and tattooed.

Now, before you get
really steamed, Ralph,

would you please...
just take a look at this?

That's a contract.
How much am I getting paid per game?

Oh, boy. Well, I'm glad
I didn't let you handle this.

You don't get paid by the game, Ralph.
You get paid by the year.

Without the frills, it's, um,
three million dollars.

Would you
be serious? Oh, I'm dead serious.

Three million
dollars?

Is that sounding and looking
a little better to you, Ralph?

Three million
dollars?

Uh-huh.
Per year. To you.

My 20% commission comes off the
top, as your agent.

I think I may give that to the,
uh, Federal Agents Hospital Fund.

Three million dollars?

Then again, I may not.
I don't know yet.

Where does it say that
about three million dollars?

Do you think that you might
be able to bring yourself... ah...

To pitch during school hours
for "three million dollars"?

Uh...

Gee, I don't know. Um...

They'd have to get
a substitute...

And, uh...

Oh, my. Whoo! Ha, ha!
You did it, Bill.

- Did Grant take Richmond?
- Bill.

Did MacArthur take the Philippines?
Did Patton run across Germany?

Now, Ralph, you know me.
You know I hate to blow my own horn,

but I gotta tell ya,
I killed 'em.

- I ate 'em alive!
- They never knew what hit 'em.

I was so guilty. I felt I was
takin' candy away from little kids.

I was robbin' blind newsies... a whole
convention of 'em. It was wonderful.

- No, it wasn't wonderful.
- It was terrible. But still, I...

Listen. You gotta calm down, Ralph,
because you're really gettin' out of hand.

Now, um,
let's see, uh... Uh...

Yeah. Tomorrow. Tomorrow at noon
you have to report to the ballpark.

And if you're there a couple of minutes later...
earlier, you sign the rest of the contracts.

You have to get
some sleep, because...

I'm tellin' you right now,
they're liable to put you in tomorrow.

Ralph,
you're a bonus baby.

And you're all mine.

Hey, Bill, thanks!
Thanks, Bill!

Three million dollars.

Whoo!

So, the French Revolution began and
the French ruling class tumbled.

Royalty were all placed in a
prison on the outskirts of Paris.

Who can tell me
the name of that prison?

Rodriguez?

Uh, wasn't that called
the, uh, Paris County Jail?

That's so funny.
"Paris County Jail."

- The Bastille.
- Oh. Bastille. I was just gonna say that.

What?

I bet you were.

Hey, hey, hey! Before you guys leave,
I have an announcement to make.

Some of you know that I used to pitch a
little baseball when I was in college.

No kiddin'.
Neato.

Hey, you're probably gonna be
reading about it in the paper.

I thought it would be nice if
you heard it from me first.

I was signed to a pitching contract,
uh, yesterday with the California Stars,

and I might be pitching against
the Oakland Mets this afternoon.

And I thought, if any of you wanna check
out the game, I'd leave passes at the gate.

Come on, Mr. H. Knock it off.
What are you tellin' us this for?

Come on, Mr. H. Be real.
Cut the bull.

I'm tellin' you the truth. I wouldn't
lie to ya. Aw, come on. Where's the joke?

I mean, besides here.

You think I'm such a jerk?
You think I can't do anything? Is that it?

No. That's not it. It's just that, you
know, you never blew smoke at us before.

It's kinda hard
to deal with.Yeah. Try impossible.

Just because I'm your teacher, Tony, doesn't
mean I can't, uh, function out there, you know?

Gimme a break, man.

I'm tellin' you
the truth.

You wanna come down there and check it out
for yourself, I'll leave passes at the gate.

"Paris County Jail."

When are you guys gonna
give mea break, huh?

And the score is the Stars,
seven, the Mets, six,

and Califano at the plate,
and you know he can always be dangerous.

The count, 2-2.
Here's the 2-2 pitch.

Strike three.
Califano is out.

And we go to the bottom
of the ninth inning.

And with a one-run lead,
anything can happen.

I read the contract you negotiated.

Yeah. Well...

I really hadn't intended
to take such advantage of Ralph.

Well, I don't think that, uh,
three million dollars a year...

is takin' too much
advantage, actually.

It's not cash.

Well, um, no,

but, uh...

No, but, you know, the, uh...
What do you mean, exactly?

Well, basically, the deal you
negotiated is an insurance policy.

- Ralph has to die to collect.
- Uh, would you run that past me one more time?

Yeah. In lieu of a salary, the California
Stars buy Ralph an insurance policy,

which pays off in the amount of three
million dollars when Ralph dies.

No, come on.
What are you talkin' about?

Listen. Um...

You show me where
it says that in here.

All right. Paragraph 50,
subsection six, right there.

"Said compensation to be
deferred and held in trust.

"Per annum salary to be
dis... assigned to trustor...

at his discretion in holding account referenced
in subsection six of this agreement."

Subsection six...
That's the insurance policy. Wha...

Who are you really, Mr. Maxwell? 'Cause you
don't know beans about contracts. Uh, uh...

J-Just give me
a second now. Uh...

Huh. Um... Here's the 1-0 pitch.

A line drive hit to the alley in right
center field. There's nobody there.

It's gonna go to the wall. Lassen around
first, on his way to second base. The throw.

- The headlong dive.
- He's there with a double.

Boo! Boo! Get the pitcher
outta there.

Oh, man!

I don't see Mr. H.
On the mound yet.

I think Mr. H. Deserves the
benefit of the doubt, you know?

You know Mr. H. Ain't pitchin'
for the Stars, and that's it.

- Man, forget you.
- "Forget me." What do you know of baseball?

More than you. What do I know?

With two outs, the Mets
are beginning to get to Warren.

Shorty's gonna have
to keep a close eye on him.

This might be all. He might have to go
get him pretty soon. We'll wait and see.

Put Hinkley in. Look, Miss Dante.
I run this ball club.

And I own it, Shorty.
I want the new pitcher in there right now.

There's a bunt down the third baseline.
A perfect bunt.

Warren over, up with it.
He won't have a play.

We're gonna lose this game if we don't
get the last out right now. Put him in.

- Put him in or you're fired.
- It's your team.

Here comes Shorty
out of the dugout,

and it appears that that
might be all for Warren.

Your attention, please.

Now pitching for the Stars,
number one, Ralph Hinkley.

Everybody has a dream when everyone
is young - Look. It's him. It's Mr. H.!

Lookin' back, we wondered about

The things we could have
done Any instructions, Coach?

The chances that we didn't take Yeah.

Do whatever you want.
I've got very little to say...

about this ball club.
Oh, play me, Coach I'll bring 'em home

Just put me in the game

And it's one two, three strikes
and you're gone

But the game oh, the game

The game goes o-o-on

The game goes o-o-on

He just didn't get
the message.

If he wins it,
we're down to one game.

So Hinkley, ready to go.
The tying run at third base.

- And into the windup. Here's the first pitch.
- One!

Strike one. And that's his fastball.
I couldn't see it.

Did you
see that?

Gimme another glove.
Hurry up.

All right,
let's play.

Hinkley, once again ready to go.
Here's the one-strike pitch.

Two!

Strike two called.
And the fans are going crazy.

I've never seen anything like it.
We're trying to clock it.

That ball has gotta be going
over 200 miles an hour.

- Hinkley, ready to go again.
- I sure would like to throw a slider right now.

I sure would like to throw it.
Just a slider, maybe sacrifice...

thirty miles an hour,
and get it there at 170.

- That would do it.
- That would do it.

- Yes, I will.
- Three. You're out!

A swing and a miss. Strike three.

And the Stars win it, 7-6.

Baseball has just found
a new legend.

With three pitches,
this unknown named Ralph Hinkley...

has possibly changed
this sport forever.

I don't believe it.

You know, this has to be one of baseball's
most incredible overnight success stories.

You're teaching high school, and then
one day a scout sees you pitching,

and all of a sudden you're on the mound
pitchin' for the California Stars.

Yeah, yeah. Um, it's... it's been
pretty quick. I tell you that.

How does it feel? It's like a kid's
overnight dream, what you're experiencing.

Well, um, it's kinda hard to put into words,
Mr. Douglas. It's, um... It's only...

I've only thrown three pitches, actually.
It's been kind of a quick record.

Yeah, but we get word that that pitch
is so fast, they can't even clock it.

Well, um, Mr. Douglas,
I think that's kind of silly.

I mean, I-I have a good hummer, you know, but
it isn't so fast that you can't clock it.

Is this something you learned?
Ralph, is that you? That's you on TV.

What's going on? I got your message last night,
but I was in court, and now you're on TV.

Yeah. We taped it last night.
Isn't that unbelievable, Pam?

I got six news trucks outside.
The phone's been ringing like crazy.

It's been a madhouse
around here.

I'm getting offers
for TV commercials.

There's a guy...
He's a movie producer, he says...

He wants to star me in a picture
called The Pirates of Six Rivers.

And the best part of all... Sit down. Ready
for this? Bill got me a player contract...

worth three million dollars
a year.

Oh, honey, Bill wouldn't know a
contract from a pound of blue cheese.

Yeah, that's what I thought too,
but Pam, there it is right in print,

under "compensation"...
Three million dollars.

Oh, I hope he didn't get bluffed by
some phony-baloney insurance clause.

You know, they can hide it
to make it look like salary.

- They can?
- Uh-huh.

It doesn't really matter,
because...

we're only there to find the
guys who beat up Manuel Cortez.

Bill says it's some kind
of a betting scam or something.

Pam, you wouldn't believe
what happened to me yesterday.

- A little kid asked me for my autograph.
- Oh, boy.

You know, we win this game today,
we win the National League pennant?

- And if you lose?
- Hey, come on. With me on the mound?

Hello?
Pam, that's a joke.

I hope so.

You know, it's not really you,
Ralph. It's the suit.

Yeah, well, mostly it's the suit, but,
you know, I used to pitch in college.

Is this the same guy
they called "Easy-Hit Hinkley"?

Hey, come on.
I wasn't a half-bad pitcher.

And, all right, so I got the suit on, but
I still gotta get the ball over the plate.

You know, I gotta hit
the strike zone, Pam.

Ralph?

All right. I gotta go. Coming! I gotta go.
Bill's at the door. Listen.

Watch me on TV. It's gonna be carried
nationally, all right? I love ya.

- Be careful, hon.
- Bye.

Ralph, let me in.

Man, those reporters will eat you alive out
there. Come on. We gotta get to the park.

Hey, listen, Bill. I got a civics class
at 10:00. I couldn't get a substitute.

You what? "Civics" is a Japanese
automobile, isn't it? Come on, Ralph.

Hey, yeah. You know, Pam was kinda worried.
She said, uh...

Uh, she didn't want you
to get sandbagged...

by an insurance policy or
something that's in the contract.

What insurance? What are you
talkin' about, insurance?

She says that they can word it
so it sounds like an income,

but in actuality it's just
a life insurance policy.

Well, there's a little insurance in there, sure.
There's gotta be a little. I fought for that.

My golly, I can't...
Okay.

Would you please get it back, here?
Let Mr. Hinkley get to his car.

Here, please. Gil Mason, Morning Star.

We understand your fastball's
as good as Nolan Ryan's?

Um, well, um, actually
it's a little faster.

You know what impresses me
most about you, Ralph?

Your humility. You don't seem
to take yourself seriously.

Well, Mike, I think that I'm just, um, a
guy who got lucky, that's all. No big deal.

Don't forget to look
at chapters nine through 12.

There's a quiz on Friday,
and you're all invited.

Rodriguez, Tony, Cyler, Rhonda, would
you please stay after for a few minutes?

Take a seat.

Uh, you know, you guys, I feel like
I'm leading a school prayer here today.

You know, at least look up at me once
in a while when I'm talkin', you know?

We're really happy for you, Mr. H., and, uh,
we think you deserve it and everything...

I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, okay,

you're gonna go out there,
do your deodorant commercials,

pose in your underwear in Sports
Illustrated and all that stuff.

Fine.Hey. Hold on
a minute here, okay?

Let's get something
straight between us.

You guys think, what... that I'm,
uh... I'm gonna change? Is that it?

You know, Mr. H., you're like the
first person that we ever met...

who treated us
like Homo sapiens...

and not like just some kinda
meat that you had to sit on.

Yeah, and you got interested in what we
were doin' and, uh, what we think and...

And you cared about us, and you cared if
we weren't doin' our homework and stuff.

I still am, Rhonda,
and I still do.

- And you guys still don't, by the way.
- Well, that's not the point.

See, the point is
is that it's...

It's pretty nice to have somebody
around here who cares about us.

- I'm not gonna change, okay?
- How you gonna be a big-time athlete...

posin' in your underwear in Sports
Illustrated and still be the same old guy?

In the first place,
I am not, I repeat,

I am not going to pose in my
underwear for Sports Illustrated.

And in the second place,
I don't see why I can't be both things.

Have you guys ever had a dream... something you
really wanted, but you knew you could never have?

Yeah.
Yeah, I got dreams.

You mean, like a pearl-gray...

Porsche 911 Targa
with a whale tail?

Yeah, something
like that.

See, baseball has always been
like that for me, and I just, um...

I always wanted to pitch
in the major leagues,

and I gotta have
this chance.

Now, I'm not
gonna desert you.

And if I start to change,
then you guys,

you tell me about it and you straighten me
out, because that's what friends are for.

Okay?
Is that fair enough?

Say, Mr. H., where do you
get off pitchin' so good...

200 miles an hour, breakin' a
guy's hand... I mean, what is that?

Well, Tony, I... I don't think the
ball really travels that fast.

- And frankly, I think I just hit the guy's mitt wrong.
- As fast as Nolan Ryan, I bet.

Well, actually it's, um...

- I mean, I think, maybe it's a... little...
- A little faster, huh?

- Well, I think so. Yeah.
- Check out Jim, will ya?

"Ain't gonna change."
You're already full of hot air.

What?
What, what, what?

What?

It's the top of the third.
The score is 2-0, Mets,

and Stafford will be the hitter.

- I want Ralph in the game.
- But the kid is green, Miss Dante.

We're already down by two runs.
Put Hinkley in. That's an order.

Yeah.

- Either she's out, or he's in. Take your pick.
- Done.

No!
Get her.

Come on.
Let's get outta here.

Bill? You read me? We got problems.
Miss Dante's been taken.

Where are ya? I'm in her booth right now.

Okay. Tune in on 'em
if you can. I'm on the way.

Here, pal.
Popcorn.

Nothing.

Bill, I'm not getting anything. She must be
unconscious. That's twice you've lost them.

Hey, wait. Once in traffic, now in a closed
building. Now, what's going on?

Wait a second.

That's disgusting. What are you doin'? I'll
buy you a hot dog. Wait a minute. I'm...

I'm getting something. So am I...
Nauseous!

They have her. She is unconscious. It is...

1615 Stadium Road.

Some hot dog.

Wait a minute.
I'm not that hungry. Come on.

Found your hat. What are you gonna do
about your clothes?

I'll get 'em later.
I can't go back in there now.

Hey, check this guy out.

No, no. There's nothin'
to worry about.

Just remember that when you, uh, come in
with the hang glider, buzz center field.

Uh, be sure it's the bottom of the
seventh, the seventh inning stretch, okay?

Terrific, kid. Go ahead.
Take it home.

Hang gliding. Colorful now.

Why don't you people go about your
business? Who cares what you think anyway?

Oh, no. Aaah!

Okay, Ralph. Way to clean house.
One of these guys slinked away, Bill.

I'm gonna check on Miss Dante.

The Stars are down by three runs
going into the ninth inning,

and we haven't seen the rookie
sensation Ralph Hinkley yet.

One can only wonder about Shorty's
strategy in not using him.

A loss here is the whole season,
and the Stars are just three outs away...

as they come up for their last at bat.

She gonna be okay? Yeah, she'll
be fine, Bill.

Well, you boys are really
lookin' down a gun barrel:

Among other things,
kidnapping, great bodily harm.

It's really over for you.
So let's have the whole scam.

Who's in it
with ya? Huh?

Come on. You got big bucks
down on the Mets to win.

You got a fix on the game.
That's obvious.

Who's involved?
Who are the other stars?

Who is he?

I'm, uh...
I'm his clothing designer. Ralph...

In the interest of time, which we don't have
much of, why don't I take this guy on a ride?

Oh, I think that's
a terrific idea. Yeah.

All right. Alley-oop, big fella.
Hey, what are you doin'?

No, no. Put me down.
What are you doin'? Don't go away.

Have a seat.
You're gonna love this.

Greatest interrogation
technique ever devised.

Ralph, use the kitchen door.

Sorry about that.

Come on.

I gotta work on
those landings, you know? Yeah.

Hey, Bill,
this is more than a gambling scam.

These guys owe 10 million
bucks to a gun runner.

They have a freighter off the beach
of Costa Rica with enough weapons...

to overthrow every single pro-American
government in South America.

- That stinks.
- The Stars lose this game today,

their partner gets paid off
and those guns go into action.

You gotta get back there.
You gotta get in that game and win it.

By the way, Shorty Robinson is the inside
man. You might wanna take care of him.

My pleasure. Get goin', kid.
This is for all the marbles. I'm on my way.

I don't believe any of this.

Here's the stretch and the pitch.

Stafford hits a line drive down the left field
line. That is gonna go for extra bases.

It'll go to the wall.
McMillan around second on his way to third.

Stafford to second base
with a stand-up double.

And here's a strange move. The pitcher's
spot is up, and we have two outs,

and Shorty is leaving Miller
in there to hit for himself.

Now, Miller hasn't had a
hit in a carload of at-bats.

Here's the windup and the pitch to Miller.

And can you believe that?
Miller hit by the pitch.

Miller will go to first base.
They've got the bases loaded,

and now let's see who Shorty sends
to the plate. Miss Dante? Come on.

Miss Dante, wake up. You saved my life.
What happened?

- I can't explain everything now.
- There isn't much time.

Your manager is trying to throw this game.
Now, you have to replace him right now.

- Bottom of the ninth.
- How long have I been out?

- I want you to fire Shorty and put me in.
- Coach Garcia.

- Put Shorty on.
- Shorty.

Shorty won't come
to the phone.

Tell him he's fired. Manny,
you're in charge now. Put Hinkley in.

Don't let Kelly play.
He can't hit the ground with both feet.

- Hinkley left the park. We don't know where he is.
- He'll be right down.

Shorty, I was told from upstairs,
you better pack your suitcase and go.

Get away from me, Manny!
As far as this ball club is concerned...

There's a rhubarb goin' on.
It appears that Manny Garcia and Shorty...

are almost comin' to blows
down there in the dugout.

And here comes Ralph Hinkley
running down the aisle.

This is some finish to a crazy ball game.

You know, if Kelly checks in at the
plate, there's no replacing him.

Just let me take that
off your hands, Mike.

Nothing! Nothing! What's the matter
with you? That's right... nothing.

It's from upstairs, you know?
Thank you. Thank you. The hat?

Well, Hinkley got there in time,
and he'll be at bat for the Stars.

We know he can pitch, but can he hit?
The Stars sure hope so.

All right.
Let's play ball!

Hit it out there,
Hinkley! Come on, Mr. H.

Hit it on out.
Mr. H.! Come on, Mr. H.!

Come on. Come on. Lookin' tough, up there.
Lookin' tough. Hey, man, he istough.

- That's my man.
- All right!

Well, Hinkley the hitter, he stands
in, and here's the first pitch.

Strike!

Strike one called over the outside corner.
Good curve ball.

- Two!
- All right. Don't worry about it.

No problem. No problem.
Come on, batter!

How's the gun runnin'
business, Shorty?

I'm not runnin' anything.
What did you say your name was again?

The name is Maxwell,
as in F.B.I.

You're busted, Shorty...
for treason and gun running...

and spittin'
on baseball.

This is ridiculous.
I never...

How could you do it...
You of all people...

How could you do it to
the great American pastime?

This is a tense moment,
ladies and gentlemen.

Everything on the line,
right here.

The count is full.

- Come on.
- Protect the plate.

Here's the windup.

It's a high drive hit
to straightaway center field.

This ball hit well. It is going,
going... It is gone into the upper deck.

No. Wait. The ball is
flying out of the ballpark.

It's goin' into
the parking lot.

I never saw a ball
hit that far before.

Hinkley knocked the cover
off of the ball.

The Stars win the National League
pennant, and they go to the World Series.

- Way to go, Mr. H.!
-

That's the way to take 'em!

I'm tellin' you, Ralph.
It is not long enough.

You were only on the
scene for two days.

Three months
is all it's been, Bill.

And you gotta admit, I mean,
I was pretty wonderful, you know?

I won the pennant for those guys,
and through your brilliant negotiating,

I got enough life insurance
for an Arab sailor.Yeah.

Yeah. Well, anyway,
the public's memory is very short, Ralph,

and I'm gonna prove it to you,
'cause I know about that stuff.

Sports is
a fickle business.

Oh, yeah.
I've been meaning to ask you.

Now, I know they got that Libyan freighter full
of the guns, but what ever happened to Sloane?

Well, as a matter of fact he
popped up a few weeks ago.

What do you mean,
"he popped up"... like in a lake?

Lobster trap
off San Pedro.

That's the joint right there.

Ah, you're tough, Al. You're real tough.

Come on. Let's hear it. But I'm gonna
get the beer. You ready? Here we go.

Played third base for the Mets
during the '60s, and wrote poetry.

Ed Charles.
Batting average .116.Mmm.

Everybody hits .116
by you. All right.

Who was the second
baseman for the Phi...

For the Cardinals in that
16-inning game with the Phillies?

That's easy. That's easy.
Uh, it was, um... Draw two, please.

Two. Two. It was, um... Come on.
You don't know.

Wait a minute.
Hold it. Come on. I gotcha.

It was, um... I'm gettin' it.
I'm gettin' it. Um...

Time's up. It was Fred Meece.
He hit .228. Gimme a beer.

I got one for ya, Al.

Who hit the winning run
for the Stars last season?

That's no problem.
That's easy.

That's easy.
Uh, let's see, um... Stars?

Ah, yeah. Yeah. This blond kid,
he was up just for a couple of days.

Uh, went right back to the farm
club right after that, um...

At least,
he disappeared anyway.

Yeah. What's his name?

Uh, Ralph something.
Uh, Ralph, uh, Hunkle!

- Uh-uh. Hinkle. Ralph Hinkle.
- Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

- Hold it. Hold it.
- Wait a second. Um...

Hinkley. That's it.
Hinkley.

Now, you see?
What did I tell ya?

They're already
startin' to forget.

But I never will.
I never will, Bill.

- Nope. I never will.
- Two, three strikes and you're gone

But the game oh, the game

The game goes o-o-on

The game goes o-o-on

The game goes o-o-on

The game goes o-o-on

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