Original subtitles

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

MAN: Back in five,

we are streaming live from Bubble HQ.

GUEST 1: It's launch day at Bubble.

GUEST 2: What incredible tech are they about to unveil?

GUEST 3: We're going in.

(GUESTS CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

MAN 2: Have you ever felt complete/y alone 7

Standing on the edge of things, so awkward,

not daring to approach anyone?

What if you could have one perfect friend

who thinks you're awesome, who can help you find friends

and make it all easy? (CHUCKLES)

FEMALE VOICE: All staff to the launch/fofium.

MAN: (ON SPEAKER) Marc, they’re ready.

Marc 7

So, this is it. (CHUCKLES)

This is finally it!

The day that we at Bubble

give the whole world a new best friend!

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

ALL: (CHANTING) Marc! Marc! Marc!

Aw! (CHUCKLES) We did this together, guys!

This is what it's all been for.

Right back to the time in the garage

where Bubble started.

My garage, folks. My garage.

Of course, yes, Andrew.

Thanks. Uh...

But today,

we take a huge leap

from Bubble's phones and tablets and watches

to a whole new world of connection.

And at its heart, my code.

My algorithm for friendship.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

The code that drives your new best friend,

-the Bubble Bot. -(APPLAUSE)

FEMALE VOICE: Welcome to the future of friends/740.

MARC: You wanna meet it? Okay!

-Me! Me! -Me, me! Over here!

Pick me! Please!

MARC: Do we have an "EIIieBQ"?

Oh, my gosh! That's me, that's me!

Hi. So, that's your posts, and friends,

and photos, right?

Ellie, this is for you.

The world's very first Bubble Bot.

-(HEAVENLY MUSIC PLAYING) -(AUDIENCE GASPS)

(GASPS)

Wow.

(CHUCKLES) Go ahead.

(CHIMES)

-(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) -(GASPS)

What's happening?

It's getting to know you!

-(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) -Everything about you.

{BEEPS) -Hi, Ellie.

Danger-Bunny! That's my favorite show!

Mine, too!

Awesome! (LAUGHS)

MARC: Infinite downloadable skins!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

-(HOOTS) -I love monkeys!

Apps, contacts, photos, chat.

ELLIE: Ooh, look at this!

Whoa.

-MARC: Music. Of course. -(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

-Jump on! -(ENGINE REVS)

-Whoa! -Incredible safety settings

-to keep your parents happy. -(ELLIE LAUGHS)

You can be anything in the world?

In the universe! Hold on.

(AUDIENCE GASPING)

ELLIE: Oh, I love space. BOT: Me too!

MARC: Three-sixty degree immersive projection.

BOT: First selfie from the red planet?

Okay.

BOT: Sharing.

MARC: Constant connection to the Bubble network.

GIRL: Oh, my gosh! Like it!

What's she doing now?

This is why we're here, Ellie. To find you some new friends.

ELLIE: Oh, really?

(BOT HOOTING)

GraceMay11 wants to be an astronaut, too.

-You wanna friend Ellie? -Yeah, sure.

Hey, Pete66.

-Yes! -(HOOTING)

BOT: Pete's a fan of Danger-Bunny!

-Hi, Ellie. This is so cool! -Hi!

Yeah, I went to Space Camp last year!

-Your best friend... -ELLIE: Awesome!

...out of the box!

-(AUDIENCE CHEERING) -MARC: Let's do this!

-(AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS) -Let's make friends!

(UPTEMPO POP SONG PLAYING)

WOMAN: Barney?

BARN EY: Yep? WOMAN: You have safety vest?

-Uh-huh. -WOMAN: And snack?

BARN EY: Yeah, Gran.

I'll see you later.

(UPTEMPO POP SONG CONTINUES)

BOY: Troll! Two o'clock!

-BOT 1: Omina mitotae! -(BOT 2 GROANING)

(CHUCKLES) I got you. Do you wanna trade spells?

KIDS: Whoa!

Selfie!

(CAMERA CLICKS)

Whoo-hoo! Yeah!

(BOT TRILLS)

BOT: Safe to walk.

(CHUCKLES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Wow!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

-(TIRES SCREECH) -(BARNEY YELPS)

You got eyes, kid?

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Ah, seriously?

(UPTEMPO POP SONG CONTINUES)

(BOT BARKS)

BOYS: Ninja blast!

BOY 1: Hey, you're a fan, too?

BOY 2: Of course.

-Hey! -Hey!

BOT 1: Look left, Ethan. Right. Now let us cross.

KIDS: To the dark side! (LAUGHING)

BOT 2: You have nine new messages.

BOT 3: You have ten likes.

GIRL: Message Abby, I'll be there in five.

BOT 4: Jack wants to friend you.

BOT 5: By Odin's beard, you have six messages.

-Did you see Ruby's post? -BOT 6: Sharing.

BOY: Hey, Savannah just followed me.

BOT 7: Isaac accepts your friendship.

So, you see how the magma from the upper mantle

pushes up into the chamber.

-That's cool! -Label chamber.

BOY: Guys, guys, is she coming yet?

This is going to be crazy. She's coming.

-Hey, Savannah! -Hey, Sav. Cute kicks!

Thank you. Hey, guys. Savannah here.

So, later I wanna talk to you guys

about plastics in the ocean,

and this new great blowout.

(BOY YELLS SPOOKILY)

-(BOY GRUNTS) -BOYS: Ooh.

SAVANNAH: Lame, Rich. BOT: Top quality footage.

Like and subscribe...

BOT: Posting to your channel.

Weep, trollboy, I am fire!

(SCREAMING)

(CHUCKLES SHYLY) Nothing to see here.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

SAVANNAH: Wow, Barney. It's your birthday.

And you still didn't get a B-Bot?

BARN EY: Thanks for breaking that down.

Barney is having a party.

-SAVANNAH: Really? -Uh, no, no, no.

(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY)

Fly free, little one. Phoosh!

You okay, Barney?

Yeah. Oh, sorry. I'm in your shot.

(CHUCKLES) That's so sweet. But I have a filter for that.

Ciao.

This is your girl, signing off.

Love you, guys.

(SIGHS)

(GROANS)

(UPTEMPO POP SONG PLAYING)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

-Create Sav's group chat. -Check for Science Squad.

-(SIGHS) -Okay.

-(ENGINE REVVING) -(CHATTERING CONTINUES)

BARN EY: Okay. 78 minutes of recess he//.

You have got this/

(CHATTERI NG CONTI N U ES)

Maybe not.

-WOMAN: Barney! -Oh, no.

All alone again?

No, I'm good. Ijust...

-On your birthday? -BARNEY: No, no, no...

You have to be kidding me. Who told her?

Your grandma called the school.

Ijust need to go...

I forgot my, uh, inhaler.

The other one. (FAKE-COUGHS)

-Got it. You need to sit down. -Huh?

(STUDENTS CONTI N U ES CHATTERI NG)

This is gonna work, Barney. You'll see.

-It really won't. -Yes, it will.

It kind of makes things a lot worse.

-Wow. -Brutal, man.

Come on. Bring it in, brave soldier.

Whoa... What?

-(BARNEY GASPS) -(GRUNTS)

-Oh, ho ho! -Bring it in, Barney.

Come on, Barney boy.

Bring it in.

BARN EY: Wow. How law can a kid go?

Now, when someone comes along, talk to them about a hobby.

Didn't you write me an essay on rock collecting?

Yeah. No.

Will you go talk to Barney? He loves rocks.

He needs friends. It's his birthday.

BARN EY: Kill me noW.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Happy birthday!

Ha-ha. Miss Thomas said you wanna talk about rocks?

Who likes rocks?

So, you're into rocks? (CHUCKLES) That's nice.

-Uh... -(RICH LAUGHS)

Seriously? Dude, it's your birthday

and you still didn't get a B-Bot? (LAUGHS)

Maybe he doesn't want a B-Bot.

-(BOYS LAUGHING) -Maybe he prefers rocks.

Hey. You're a rock star, Barney.

-BOT: Oh, snap. -Ha-ha! You get it?

(BARN EY GROANS)

Who's your favorite movie star? The Rock?

-Killer, Rich. -RICH: Ha-ha-ha!

You rock, man!

BARN EY: Just gets funnier and funnier.

Oh, hey, Barney. Can we rock up at your house?

BOT: That's funny, Rich.

Check out your awesome rock collection?

(ALL LAUGH)

(UPTEMPO POP SONG PLAYING)

-BARNEY: No, Rich. -(INHALER SPRAYS)

/’n7 afraid you can ’t come to my house.

For some reason.

(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

(YELPS)

-Come on! Get off! Hey! -(BLEATING)

It's my birthday, you dumb goat.

MAN: Sorry, are we on the line? Is that...

Yes, hello!

So, today, Mr. Takahashi,

Pudowski Novelty Exports International

are very excited to offer you this highly amusing novelty,

the Brother Bouncy car monk.

He wiggles, he bounces,

-he's got... -MR. TAKAHASHI: Uh... No.

-He'll hold your phone. -Uh...

Oh, hi, Barney. Good day?

Mr. Takahashi? Are you there? Hello?

Mom, did you unplug my router again? I had Tokyo!

I need this contract.

Sure. It was fine.

DONKA: Barney!

GRAHAM: Mr. Takahashi? Hello?

DONKA: (SINGING) Happy birthday to you

-Ha,o,o y birthday to you -(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

Come. Eyes shut. That's it.

-Graham. -Yep, yep-

-Ha,o,o y birthday, dear Barney -Dear Barney

-Ha,o,o y birthday to you -Ha,o,o y birthday to you

-Ta-da! Oh, for... -GRAHAM: (LAUGHS) Yeah!

For my lovely boy.

BARN EY: Thanks, Gran! Ow!

Oops! (CHUCKLES)

Made with love. And our own goat wool.

And from me...

BARN EY: Could it be? GRAHAM: Wait for it.

BARN EY: ls there any possible way?

(SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)

Wow. Rock hammers.

You always did love your rocks.

Yeah, I did. Always. Used to.

Thanks, Dad. (SNEEZES) And Gran.

I just... The goats' wool and my allergies.

Oh, no, no, no.

No one in Pudowski family have allergy.

What about Uncle Boris?

He was possessed. By a demon in a cashew.

I don't know, Mom.

What time your friends come, Barney?

-I cook all day. -BARNEY: Wow!

This real food.

Yum! Schkembe! (SLURPS)

Bet your friends never had tripe soup before.

-Ooh! I put on Zany Bogomil! -(MUSIC PLAYING)

Like last time we had party, remember?

When you were six.

(GASPS)

-(UPTEMPO FOLK MUSIC PLAYING) -(GRUNTS)

(DONKALAUGHS) {SCREAMS)

(ALL GASP)

(KIDS SCREAMING)

(CHUCKLES) All right.

Um, actually, the thing is...

No one's coming to the party.

No one?

Huh?

You ask and all say no?

Son, (SIGHS) we're a little worried about you.

You... You never go out with anyone or have friends over.

You know, that's why we thought

invite the whole class!

Get the whole gang over here, right?

You know. Get you in the swing of things with everybody.

I make food for all your buddies.

BARNEY: I don't really have...

You know, they probably just didn't read the invites.

No one does paper these days. They send messages

with their B-Bots.

Really? You need a B-Bot

to have a social life these days?

-Eh, pfft! -Yeah, Dad, kind of.

No. I don't want you addicted to some device.

You should be out there in the woods.

Kicking around with a buddy.

Get out there, Barn. Interact.

You don't wanna spend your whole life

-glued to a... (MUMBLES) -(PHONE CHIMING CONTINUOUSLY)

-B-Bots. -What?

It just a craze

-and they cost a fortune. -Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Yeah, you're right. It's... it's a waste of money.

No big deal.

-(DOORBELL DINGS) -MAN: Bubble delivery.

(GASPS)

What? It can't be!

-Dad, you were kidding me! -(MUMBLES)

I knew you wouldn't just give me rock hammers. I knew it!

Oh. A rock.

(UPBEAT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

BOTS: (SINGING) We Will, we Will rock you

(BOYS LAUGHING)

Yo, I got the whole thing, bro.

It was hilarious, Barn. You thought it was a B-Bot.

A B-Bot?

Let it go, Rich.

You get out of here.

You want I pour hot chicken fat down your pants!

Barney, what's going on?

(SIGHS) It's okay, Dad. Really.

These are great.

(SAD MUSIC PLAYING)

-(TIRES SQUEAL) -(GOAT BLEATS)

GRAHAM: (VOICE VIBRATING) I hope they're not closed.

-(GOAT YELPS) -B-Bot, B-Bot.

Get him something useful like a snow shovel.

-(GOAT BLEATS) -Or a cordless drill.

It's what he really wanted.

If his mom were alive, she'd have known that.

(SOBS)

(SPEAKS MIXED SLAVIC LANGUAGE)

(BLOWS NOSE)

GRAHAM: Mom, people! DONKA: Ooh!

-People! -MAN: Crazy lady!

-DONKA: Whoa! -(GOAT BLEATS)

Whoo!

It's okay. It's fine.

GRAHAM: Whoa, whoa!

-DONKA: Perfect! -(GRAHAM PANTING)

Wait. Wait, wait, wait.

-Argh! No, no, no. -No! No, wait.

-Hi! Please... -Lady!

...hold on just a second. Uh, it's my son's birthday.

I need a B-Bot.

Maybe just the basic model?

No, no, no.

Hang on, please. Please, please.

I throw in goat. Goat for a B-Bot.

She real friend.

And when you get bored of this one,

krrr, you can eat her!

-Less waste, good for planet. -Yeah.

DONKA: What?

No. No, no, no. Come on.

Three month wait?

What is this? Stalinist Russia?

I am not afraid of you, Bubble booble!

MAN 1: What do you got for me, pal?

MAN 2: We got five pads and some phones.

MAN 1: Yeah? What about that one?

MAN 2: Uh, that one fell out of my van earlier.

GRAHAM: Happy late birthday, Barney.

(GASPS)

Wha... Dad! Oh, Dad!

You got me one!

-A real one this time! -Yeah, I can see!

Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! And Gran.

-Mwah, mwah. -DONKA: Oh, you good boy!

(CHUCKLES) Hey, if you hurry, you can take it to school.

(BARN EY GASPS)

(CHUCKLING IN AWE)

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

Here we go.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(BOT BUZZES)

Huh?

(BUZZES) -(BARNEY GRUNTS)

(BUZZES)

-(BOT CHIMES) -(GASPS)

-(POWERING UP) -(SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(POWERS DOWN)

Huh?

What?

(GRUNTING)

-(GASPS) -(BOT BEEPING)

Seriously?

Come on, come on!

-(CHIMES) -No. What? Why?

DONKA: Barney, school time!

(BARN EY GROANS)

-(DIAL-UP MODEM SOUND) -(GASPS)

(POWERING UP)

(TRILLS)

Hi, insert registered name,

I am your... your... your... your...

lam...

My B-Bot.

B-Bot.

Look! My best friend out of the box?

(DINGS)

I am, insert registered name's best friend out of my box.

Insert registered name is my best friend.

Please connect me to the Bubble network.

Uh, how? You're not online?

How am I supposed to fix that?

No problem.

I'll scan my database to find out how to do it.

Oh, great. Cool!

(SCANNING NOISILY)

(DINGS)

The answer to your question

is on the Bubble network.

-(GROANS) -DONKA: Barney!

Please connect me to the Bubble network,

insert registered name.

Stop! Stop saying that! It's not my name.

No problem!

Please select a name from my internal database.

Aadash, Aaron, Abraham, Absalom...

-Absalom? -Hi! Absalom?

I am Absalom's B-Bot.

No, no, no. My name is Barney.

What is a Barney?

I have only entries for the letter A.

Shall I complete my download?

Yes. Yes! Do that!

No problem!

(TRILLS)

Please connect me to the Bubble network.

(SIGHS HOPELESSLY)

Okay, come on.

You don't need the sticker. Just come!

Please connec... Connec...

Please connec... Connec... Connec... Connec...

-Network. -(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)

No problem.

BARN EY: Wait! Where are you going?

-Abu Dhabi, Addis Ababa, Amsterdam... -You're supposed to stay

-within six feet of me. -Arizona.

-Six... -(TRUCK HORN BEEPS)

(GASPS) I'm so sorry.

-Hey, what the heck, kid? -BARNEY: What are you doing?

-What am I doing? -You walked under a truck!

Hi. Absalom?

What about your traffic sensors?

What is a truck? Is it an airplane,

an ambulance, an alligator,

-an aardvark? -Come on!

We gotta get to school!

What is school?

You don't know what school is?

My solar battery function has not been uploaded.

(BARNEY SIGHS)

(YELLS IN FRUSTRATION)

-(CHIMES) -Hi. Absalom?

I'm Barney! How come you don't know that?

You're supposed to know everything about me!

I'm supposed to know everything about you.

(SIGHS) You never even said happy birthday.

Whoa, whoa!

Hey, no, no, no. I'll take you to school tomorrow. Okay?

(GRUNTS)

Stay here and learn stuff.

Just stay.

Stay.

Stay.

(SIGHS IN EXHAUSTION)

(DINGS)

I'm supposed to know everything about you.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! Top of the leaderboard!

Whoo! Wanna follow me, Sav?

-Uh... -Fire unleash.

Hey! What?

It's a level 50 Easter egg, man.

-(BOT ROARS) -You're mine for an hour.

NOAH: What? BOTH: Loser! Loser!

-Give it back! -BOTH: Ooh!

Oh, come on! Really, guys?

Not on top now, Noah.

Don't focus on the negative. It's very aging.

BOT: (CHUCKLES) A hundred and thirty-eight friends

-are laughing. Meow. -(CHUCKLES)

BOT: Three people are following Science Squad.

Three people actually like science? Wow.

(LOW-PITCHED CHIME)

BOT: Two people are following Science Squad.

I could follow you, Ava.

I... I got a B-Bot. It's just...

It's at home, um, downloading my profile. (CHUCKLES)

Okay.

GRAHAM: Pudowski.

Yeah, we... we chatted earlier.

So, here we go... Ta-da!

-(MAN ON PHONE GROANS) -Wait for it.

-Hey, come on! No? -MAN: No.

I got a huge warehouse full of these things.

I can give you an unbelievable deal.

Hey, buddy. How's the B-Bot?

The kids love 'em

Hey, I'm back.

-(MUSIC DISTORTS) -(GASPS)

What?

(BARN EY CONTI N U ES GASPI NG)

DONKA: (MUFFLED) Opal Opal Opal

-(UPBEAT FOLK SONG PLAYING) -Huh?

DONKA: (SINGING ALONG) Hap/714 hep/714 happy

Happy, happy, happy(LAUGHS)

Dikky, dikky, dakka Dikky, dikky, dikky, dakka

Oh! Oh, and knees up, knees up.

-Oh, no. You don't have knees. -BOT: Dikky, dikky, dakka

Dikky, dikky, dikky, dakka

Oh, Barney. I love new friend B-Bot.

He's very funny.

-(SIGHS HAPPILY) -Dikky, dikky, dakka

-Dikky, dikky, dikky, dakka -BARNEY: Hey!

What have you done to my room?

(PLAYFULLY) I have stayed here and learnt stuff.

What?

I now know everything about you.

I know your underpants combust

at a temperature of 232 degrees Fahrenheit.

Seventeen degrees below the melting point

of your inhalers.

-Wha... -I know you have 11 socks

and four books detailing the life of Bill the Bus.

Now, I'm your best friend out of the box, Absalom!

No! A friend does not go through your stuff

or burn it or melt it or dismember Mr. Bunky.

Removing Mr. Bunky's head

required a breaking point of 7.6 newton.

Stop! What is wrong with you? Gran!

Gran is 78.

A former anti-communist

with an approximate weight mass of 360...

Whoa-ho-ho! No, no. Cheeky.

(EXCLAIMING)

The B-Bot.

There's something wrong with it, Gran.

DONKA: It look all right to me.

BARNEY: It's not meant to do that.

I'm not meant to do that.

DONKA: Just like all the others.

(BARN EY SCREAMS)

Maybe turn it off and on again?

(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

No! It just... It doesn't work properly.

-44, 45, 40... -(CHICKEN GROANING)

I fix it! Pudowskis make do and mend.

Oh, if I just ram this up power outlet...

BARN EY: No!

You'll make it worse!

Oh, Barney.

Once, I mend my own hernia with bread knife and vodka.

People don't mend stuff anymore, Gran.

They just take it back and...

(GASPS) Take it back?

You want I tell your father it not good enough?

That... No. But...

...what am I gonna do?

Ah. Take it outside. Have fun with him.

You remember what Uncle Boris used to say?

"The smart man can pickle anything, even a glove."

The point being?

At least you're not Uncle Boris. (CHUCKLES)

He crazy. Never the same after that cashew. (CHUCKLES)

Argh!

Right. Fine.

You, come with me.

(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)

(BARN EY GRU NTI NG)

BOT: (SINGING) Dikky, dikky, dakka

Dikky, dikky, dikky, dakka

Dikky, dikky, dakka Dikky, dikky, dikky, dakka

-Argh. -BOT: Hi, Absalom.

Just follow me.

BOT: Where are we going?

Uh, nowhere.

BOT: Dikky, dikky, dakka Dikky, dikky, dikky...

Hi, General Waste,

we're going to, uh, "Nowhere" to have fun with me.

This is not fun, okay?

Not fun. Okay.

Look, I'm taking you back to the Bubble store.

I have to swap you for a good one. No offense.

But according to the sticker,

I am your best friend out of my box.

Listen! Friendship is a two-way street, okay?

I get to choose my friends, and I don't choose you.

BOT: (SINGING) Dikky, dikky, dakka

-Dikky, dikky, dikky dakka -(BARNEY GROANS)

BARN EY: Seriously?

-(BOT CONTINUES SINGING) -(BOY WHOOPING AND LAUGHING)

BARN EY: Oh, no!

Where are you going?

-Come back! -RICH: Okay, guys, ready?

-Three, two... -Two!

(BOYS GRUNTING)

-RICH'S BOT: Zero views. -(RICH GROANS)

BARNEY'S BOT: Dikky, dikky, dakka

Dikky, dikky, dikky dakka

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What is this?

BARNEY'S BOT: I am Absalom's B-Bot.

-(PANTING) -Look! It's naked.

Yo, I can see its ro-butt.

-Ro-butt. -Get it?

'Cause it's a robot. It's...

BARN EY: Um, Rich...

Would you give it back, please?

Barney?

-Barnacle. -(LAUGHS)

I'm taking it back to the store.

Just please give it back.

Yeah, sure, Barn. Take it.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

But first you gotta do something for me.

-Uh, sorry? -RICH: Yeah.

Your gran rang the school.

You got me in trouble. That's your fault, man.

Your fault, dude.

-What? -So, come on. Cheer us up.

-Cheer us up. -RICH: Do something funny.

I need some fresh content for my channel.

-Yeah, content. (SNIFFLES) -Something.

-Rich, come on. -Ooh!

Why don't you sing that song with Freak-bot?

-Rich. -Yeah!

-Come on, Barney. Do it. -Rich, no.

-Do it, do it! -There isn't a song.

-BARNEY'S BOT: Incorrect. -No. Shut up.

It is by Zany Bogomil.

-Your grandmother's favorite. -BARNEY: Stop!

(SINGING) Dikky, dikky, dakka Dikky, dikky, dikky dakka

-Dikky, dikky, dakka -(BOYS LAUGHING)

-Dikky, dikky, dikky dakka -Dude, come on, Barney.

-You have to do it! -Go on, man!

Can you guys leave me alone, please?

Yo, yo, yo, make him dance.

No Miss Thomas here, right, boys?

I'm not... No. I'm not gonna dance.

-(RICH WH|NES) -Dikky, dikky, dakka

-Dikky, dikky, dikky dakka -Okay, I got it. Shut up.

-(CONTINUES SINGING) -RICH: Shut it now.

I said shut it!

Shut up!

(STOPS SINGING)

Why did you hit me?

'Cause I don't like you, derp-droid!

I don't like you, derp-droid!

-RICH: Ow! -Whoa.

What? Dumb bot.

JAYDEN: Yeah. ALEX: Yes!

BARNEY: Okay, come on. Let's. ..

(GROANS) B-Bots can't shove! (GRUNTS)

(BOYSLAUGH)

That's how you do... (GRUNTS)

Incorrect. I can shove with a compressive force capacity

-of 29 pounds per square inch. -(STIFLES LAUGH)

(COUGHS, GRUNTS)

-(YELPS) -Ooh.

My resin skin tenses on impact to protect my CPU. Does yours?

All right, that's it! I'm gonna destroy you!

-(BOYS CHEER) -BARNEY: Oh, no.

Huh?

Yo. Why does it look like that?

I'm gonna destroy you.

-RICH: What's happening? -I'm gonna destroy you.

Dude, seriously. Back off.

I'm gonna destroy you. (GLITCHING)

BARNEY: Hey, no! Stop!

-RICH: Run! -(BOYS WHIMPERING)

-I'm gonna destroy you. -(LAUGHING)

I'm gonna destroy you. I'm gonna destroy you.

Is this fun, Absalom?

-(LAUGHS) Yes! No. -RICH: Help!

ALEX: Oh, no. BARNEY: Yes!

-I'm gonna destroy you. -(SCREAMS)

RICH: Someone call the police!

RICH'S BOT: Contacting local law enforcement.

-I am sorry, bro. Seriously! -I'm gonna destroy you.

-(RICH YELPS) -I'm gonna destroy you.

-Cut the live stream! -(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS)

(SCREAMING)

Bros, it's pulling my head off!

41 newtons.

-Bros! -42 newtons.

Hey,no,no,no! You can't pull his head off.

-We'll get in trouble! -(DINGS)

-RICH: Help! -Okay, Absalom.

I cannot pull his head off.

(CHUCKLES)

That's it. You are dead meat, Pudowski!

ALEX: Dude, you are finished!

-Oh, yeah. We gotta run. -ALEX: We're coming for you!

We gotta run right now!

Whoa! (LAUGHING)

(GRUNTS)

(LAUGHS) What?

Floor it!

(LAUGHING)

-Whoo-hoo! -BOT: Whoo-hoo!

(BARNEY GIGGLING)

-(DING) -(BOT LAUGHING)

(CONTINUES LAUGHING)

-(BOT STOPS LAUGHING) -(LAUGHING)

(BOTH LAUGHING EXAGGERATEDLY)

That was awesome, okay.

But terrible, but awesome!

I mean, you can't hit people. Especially Rich Belcher.

But, oh, man! You hit Rich Belcher!

I don't get it. B-Bots can't hurt people.

They have mega safety controls and stuff.

Incorrect. I have no mega safety controls and stuff.

(CHIMES)

The settings have not been uploaded.

What? Really? (CHUCKLES) You're insane!

Where are you going?

BOT: To swap me for a good one.

No, no, no. Hey, look. I've been thinking,

-and maybe I... -(SIREN WHOOPING)

Freeze! I think it's him.

DISPATCHER: You gotta give me a descr/ption, color

Yeah, uh-huh. White.

-He/ght? -Two foot tall.

-Build? -Yeah. Plastic.

-Excuse me, sir? -Whoa!

Easy.

Okay. Both of you, hands where I can see 'em.

(OFFICER GASPS)

BOT: Dikky, dikky, dakka Dikky, dikky, dikky dakka

OFFICER: Give it here!

GRAHAM: That B-Bot is ours!

OFFICER: It's a lunatic! DONKA: It's just dancing.

-I taught it. -I paid for that.

It was just doing what I said.

Take it away! It's crazy!

BOT: At least I'm not Uncle Boris.

I'm... I'm sure it's just a minor issue.

It's violent, uncontrollable, and highly dangerous.

Okay, great. Let me look into that.

No. There's nothing wrong with him.

It assaulted a child!

It didn't assault him.

I hit Rich Belcher. It was awesome, but terrible,

-but awesome. -See?

-Barney... You were fighting? -No!

(CHUCKLES) B-Bots are incapable of violence.

BOT: Boink! OFFICER: Officer down!

Bah, he had it coming.

You can'tjust take it. It's mine!

I don't even know his name.

Yes, you do! It's Absalom.

-Hi, Absalom. -What?

According to our records, it has no registered owner.

-But I give all my funeral money... -Mom...

-...to that man in the alley. -. . . please.

You got it from a man in an alley?

Did you obtain this bot illegally?

-What? -(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

This took a turn, and we gotta get out of here.

Send it to the crusher!

-What? -For all we know,

-it could kill someone. -(BOT DINGS)

No. It's mine. It was my birthday present.

We'll return it to the facility, run some tests.

Do you want me to close the whole store?

(GASPS) No, no, no. Uh, one crushing coming up!

Use the recycler.

Adio's, Absalom.

Arrivederci. Auf Wiedersehen.

No, you can't do that.

Dad, please. It was sticking up for me.

Barney, we gotta let it go.

OFFICER: Let's take some details.

-What was your name, sir? -Uh. ..

Absalom, will crushing be fun?

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

(GRUNTS)

Phew.

-Hi, Absalom. -Shh.

-Happy birthday! -What are you doing?

A friend must stay within six feet.

We'll go to the crusher together.

No! Crushing is not fun! It means smushed, flattened...

Uh...

..A..

Think, think, think.

Annihilated.

(GASPS IN RELIEF)

-Annihilated. Not fun! -Shh.

(WHISPERING) We gotta get out of here.

-Where are you...? Ow. -(THUD)

(HUMS)

-Hey, stop! Hey! -(PANTING)

-(GASPS) -We gotta get out of here.

No. Come back.

-Whoa. -Sorry.

-(GASPS) Where are you going? -You said, "Come back."

(BARN EY GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

Sorry, again.

Bree, it got out!

(BARN EY CHUCKLING)

(WRESTLING BOT SHOUTING IN SPANISH)

-Sorry! -(EXCLAIMS IN SPANISH)

-(WHISPERS) Where is it? -BOT: Ayl

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Lucha Iibre, third floor.

(BOTH PANTING)

-Stop! -Oh, no.

-(KIDS CHATTERING) -BOY: Space! Final frontier!

(BARN EY YELLS)

(CHUCKLES) Whew!

Uh-oh.

Follow me! (LAUGHING)

Sorry, he's with me.

BOT 1: He is unaffected!

BOT 2: Invincible one.

BOT 3: Space Lord.

Hi, I am insane.

(SHRIEKS)

-Follow me. -(BARN EY GRU NTS)

(BARN EY YELLING)

Are we having fun with me?

You bet! (GASPS)

-(BOT WHIMPERS) -(SHRIEKS)

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

BREE: You have to find it.

It's gotta be here somewhere. Keep looking.

-(SHOUTS IN SPANISH) -BREE: Huh?

MAN: Where is he?

Where did they go?

-(POP) -BOT: Hi, I'm Sally Squirrel.

(BOTS POPPING)

-Potty time! Sing with me! -No! Shush!

You are dead meat.

MAN: Preschool forest.

BOTS: (SINGING) Number one or number two

Let’s learn where we pee and poo

Power down, power down!

Okay, everybody out. Paws in the air.

-(SIGHS) -I know you're in there.

(BARN EY GASPS)

Ugh! Really.

-Barney! -I'm sorry.

(OFFICER GRUNTS)

How dare you! Are you calling me a criminal?

Mom, no, no, no. You're not helping.

I paid for it!

-Hi, Absalom. -BARNEY: Shh!

I'm gonna take you home, okay?

But you get to choose your friends.

And you don't choose me.

(CHUCKLES)

I do, okay. I choose you.

I can fix you, like Gran said,

and I'll teach you how to be my friend.

Okay, Absalom.

Okay.

My registered name is Absalom,

but my friends call me Barney.

(DINGS)

My friends call me...

Ron Bintscatsco.

(CHUCKLES) Okay, Ron.

Okay, Barney.

DONKA: One day parking ticket,

-next day firing squad. -(GASPS)

GRAHAM: No, that's not gonna be a problem.

Hey, Barn. I am so sorry about the B-Bot.

I'll figure something out.

It's okay, Dad. Not a problem.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

I... Ithink it's gonna be fine.

PEOPLE: 93, 94, 95, 96,

97, 98, 99!

-(ALL CHEERING) -(ANDREW CHUCKLING)

One hundred million units sold!

Whoo! Yeah!

Well, we made 100 million new friends,

all helping kids connect, meet each other,

-interact. -And all through their B-Bots.

Making friends face-to-face?

(SCOFFS) So last three millennia.

(CHUCKLES) That's not what...

Some kids check in with their bots

a hundred times a day, plus 11 times overnight.

We've finally done it. We've ended sleep.

Uh, the algorithm may need adjusting.

ANDREW: Think of the data we can harvest!

No, no, no. I designed them...

-In my garage. -. . .for making friends.

Into dollars.

If our share price goes any higher,

we'll have to give it a space suit. (SLURPS DRINK)

So what about the B-Bot that punched a child?

(CAMERA CLICKING)

It hit a cop?

And a child.

It hit a cop. We can't put that on the box.

No, no. B-Bots are incapable of violence.

My algorithm totally ensures no...

OFFICER: 0W/ 0W/ RICH: 0W/ 0W/

-I better look into that. -You think?

I mean, what if someone gets injured?

I, for one, could not live

with what that would do to our share price.

BREE: it’s not a problem.

We performed a complimentary in-store crushing.

Good! Uh...

Because if that was still out there,

we'd be toast.

-(CHICKENS CLUCKING) -Shh. Guys, no clucking.

Okay, Ron. How to be my friend.

A bunch of your code is missing, right?

The settings have not been uploaded.

So, I'm gonna teach you to be my friend.

And then you can come to school.

What is a friend, Barney?

Well, a friend is a person who, uh,

Hkes,uh_.

ls always... I...

A person who, uh, "likes, is always, I."

Okay. Now I'm your best friend.

(CHUCKLES) Hey. Come back.

No, no, no. There's a lot more than that, Ron.

You have to know everything about me.

You have to like me, obviously.

Like all the same stuff as me, and you have to be on my side.

But don't hit people. Even Rich Belcher.

Hair, brown. Height, 4'11".

5'11" would be better. You could reach high objects.

Hey. (CHUCKLES) A friend likes everything about you.

-What? -Let's go to school.

(LAUGHS) You don't even know where school is.

Alice Springs, Allahabad, Anchorage, Albuquerque.

Ooh. A-ha!

Mom! You're shorting the power out!

(MOTIVATIONAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHING)

You gotta fit in.

Huh?

Likes. Rocks, chess, Pac-ll/lan.

-Bill the Bus. -No!

That was when I was, like, two.

Toast. But only for breakfast.

(SLURPS) Butter on its own.

RON: Mm!

(LAUGHS)

(DONKA EXCLAIMS, TSKING)

(WASHING MACHINE WHIRRING)

(GRUNTING SHAKILY)

Dislikes. Possums, musicals, school. Generally.

The BuddyBench.

Eugh! Worms. I don't trust anything without a face.

-(SHRIEKS) -(BOTH LAUGH)

Stop!

I am fitting in!

You must always stay within six feet.

I will always stay within six feet.

Unless I say not to.

I am not to stay within six feet.

No, no. Sometimes, yes.

-Sometimes. -And sometimes, no.

-Yes. -Like, if I had a bad day

-or. .. -Bad day. Always six feet.

(LAUGHING)

BARN EY: Allergies. Goats, wool. Goats' wool.

I'm basically allergic to life.

That's why I like rocks.

That is sad and also tragic.

What are you into, huh? Electricity?

Electricity is better than rocks.

Ron, what are you...

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHS MOCKINGLY)

Whoo-hoo-hoo! You got it! You got the six feet!

Hey! No, no, no. That's...

-GRAHAM: Barney? -(GASPS)

I got a little break. You wanna do something?

Chess, maybe?

Uh, thanks, Dad. I'm good.

Okay.

-(CHUCKLES) -(MOTIVATIONAL MUSIC RESUMES)

(IMPERCEPTIBLE)

BARN EY: Rocks. RON: Electricity.

BARN EY: Rocks are better.

RON: Electricity. BARNEY: Uh, I said rocks.

RON: I prefer electricity.

-Rocks. (LAUGHING) -RON: Electricity.

List friends.

Uh, next question.

(RON DINGS)

You know, I'm... I'm not actually unpopular, you know.

That would mean they know I exist.

-RON: Perhaps you don't. -Hey!

RON: List relations.

Dad, Donka, some Bulgarian uncles.

Donka says, actually, one was possessed,

but I think it might have been a nut allergy.

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

There was Mom, too, of course.

But, uh, she died when I was two.

And Dad moved us out here.

It doesn't make me sad exactly 'cause I... I can't remember.

But it did make things hard for Dad.

She was returned to the facility?

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) I guess. No receipt.

(DINGS)

Scratches neck 14.5 times a day.

-What are you doing? -I am learning about my friend.

Oh, cool.

Please slap my hand to show we are bonding.

Oh! Okay. (CHUCKLES)

(POWERS DOWN)

You went to sleep!

-No. It was a move. -(LAUGHS)

Am I now your best friend out of the box?

You're not still after that sticker.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(GASPS)

Oh, no, Ron. I'm so sorry. Hold on. Hold on.

-RON: Connect. Connect. -No! Stop! (GASPS)

-Oh, no! Not that one! Ron! -Connect. Connect. Connect.

That's Savannah's house!

Okay, key light, Malibu filter.

-Perfect. -GIRL: Boom!

Oh, hey, guys.

You just caught me chilling.

-(RON LAUGHING MANIACALLY) -(BOTH SHRIEKING)

-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING) -RON: Afloat. Aquatic.

Accident.

-(SOFT BURST) -(BOTH GASPING)

(HEAVY WHEEZING)

What is that?

It sounds like a giant snake. Or an evil clown!

They live in the woods,

and their heads go all the way around!

-(CONTI N U ES WH EEZI NG) -(BOTH SHRIEKING)

-Evil clown! Evil clown! -BARNEY: Sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm just really wheezy, guys. I've been running.

Ron! (SCREAMS)

(BOTH YELP)

Barney Pudowski?

-(FLOAT SQUEAKING) -(WHIMPERING)

(BOTH GASP)

You've ruined my aesthetic.

Sorry, Savannah. (COUGHS) Nice pooI.

Wait. Since when did you even have a B-Bot?

And... Whoa. Look at him.

I'm sorry. We're going right now. Ijust...

Barney, your B-Bot is, like, super weird.

GIRL: Yeah. SAVANNAH: And naked?

GIRL: Ew!

And hold on a sec. Why hasn't it friended me?

Would you like to friend @theSavannahMeads?

BARNEY: No. He can't do any of that stuff.

He can't make friends or... He's useless at all that.

-(GASPS) Can't make friends? -GIRL: What?

Barney, don't say your weirdness

has rubbed off on him.

Making friends is, like, what he's for.

If he can't do that, he's, like, literally pointless.

Like, a lump of plastic just following you around.

Hashtag landfill.

-I am for making friends? -BARNEY: Ron...

How do I make friends for Barney?

BARN EY: Come. (SCREAMS)

-Senoufiy? -Ugh.

You share stuff about him.

Like pictures of his food or his wake-up routine.

You search for people who know him

or like the same stuff as him.

You show them pictures, and then you get comments,

and then you get people that like him,

and then you get friend invites.

-Boom! Now he has friends. -Duh!

Ron! We have to go!

Does Barney need friends?

Well, yeah! Or, fun fact,

he will not survive middle school.

Savannah, please don't tell anyone.

I'm not supposed to have him. He has to be a secret.

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

(SIGHS)

(MUFFLED RATTLING)

(GRAHAM SPEAKING SPANISH)

She's rewiring los electricos.

Okay. Unicorn poo.

-(TOY SQUEAKS) -(CHUCKLES)

-It's great. -(MAN ON PHONE SPEAKS SPANISH)

You like it! Well, shipping date, um...

Ow! It shocked me!

(BEEPS)

(CHUCKLES)

Mind if I leave it on?

(SIGHS)

RON: I am literally pointless.

What?

I cannot make friends for you.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) Yeah. Well...

I'm not so great at that either.

You should see me during recess. Oh, it sucks.

I stand there every day,

on my own, on the edge of the yard,

just hoping for a few people to share a bench with.

You know?

But why would they?

The last time any of them came to my house,

we set fire to them.

-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES) -GRAHAM: Ow! Not again.

-(SWITCH CLICKS) -(SIGHS)

I guess I'll just sleep with it off.

Good night, Ron.

(TENDER MUSIC PLAYING)

AN DREW: They’re psychos/

(SHRIEKING AND YELLING)

It is them! I'd recognize those ears from space.

Okay. Location. GPS. Uh... Get up the grid.

Where is it?

Uh, it's not actually on the network.

That's impossible. So, I don't believe you.

We track every B-Bot.

-Um, yeah, but... -Then the kid.

I want everything. Contacts, shopping habits, shoe-size.

You mean his private data?

Sure. Why else do we collect it?

We've got nothing on him. He hasn't friended anyone.

He doesn't blog, post, or share.

Creepy.

The video was posted by @theSavannahMeads.

Her whole life is online.

Andrew. Is it true? It's still out there?

The store made an error. They squished Sally Squirrel.

SALLY SQUIRREL: (SINGING) Let’s learn where we...

-(POWERS DOWN) -That's awesome!

What the heck are you talking about?

I looked into it. And...

(BARNEY AND RON LAUGHING)

See? This is it!

It's what I imagined when I was his age.

They're having fun!

Fun?

How... How can you have fun offline?

It's against nature.

Andrew, I never programmed B-Bots to laugh.

I have to understand this. Can we get a hold of it?

Ho-ho, we will.

(OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

My aerial? No power in whole street?

No. No idea.

What? Ron, no! You have to hide.

You're not ready.

(SIGHS) I'm sorry. I'll be back soon.

(SCOOTER SQUEAKING)

(GRUNTS)

There are no friends in the shed.

-Hi! I am Barney's B-Bot. -(CAR HORN HONKS)

I live in the shed.

-I am for making friends. -MAN: Idiot!

I am sharing Barney's breakfast. Do you like it?

-(DOG BARKS) -How about you?

(DOG SNIFFS, WH|NES)

Would you like to comment on this picture, old woman?

Barney likes rocks, asthma inhalers, and his grandmother's food.

Will you come to my secret shed and like him?

(GRUNTS NERVOUSLY)

No. No, no. No.

Barney likes rock hammers, too!

(IMITATES BARNEY) I'm gonna be late.

My pants are on backwards.

That was Barney's wake-up routine!

-Okay. -Friend request.

Friend request.

MISS THOMAS: So a prime number

is a natural number greater than one

that cannot be divided by any number.

-(GASPS) -I know you're keen,

but it's not quite recess yet, Barney.

(BREATHLESSLY) Oh, my asthma. I need my inhaler, ma'am.

Uh, I'll be one minute.

(GASPS)

Ron! What are you doing here?

There are no friends in the shed.

I am for making friends.

No! No, no, no. You have to go before they come out for...

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Recess.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

BOT: You have two new messages.

GIRL: Only two?

Hey, Barn. You got a B-Bot?

-Hey.

Awesome.

Huh. Well, that went well.

I thought so.

Okay.

Come on.

Wow, that's so minimalistic. It's like a blank canvas.

-Friend request. -(BARNEY CHUCKLES)

(CHATTERI NG CONTI N U ES)

Recess.

Maybe it'll be okay.

Recess will not suck.

You will have friends to sit with on a bench.

I don't know. Yeah. I guess.

RON: You will.

-I have brought you some. -What?

I am literally not landfill.

(STUDENTS CHEERING)

-(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) -GIRL: This is so crazy.

(GASPING)

Ron! Wait!

(CHEERING)

You have five new friends.

I did a search for them.

Shayne likes low-priced alcohol and conspiracy theories.

He believes there's a secret lizard government

-beneath Switzerland. -Shh.

He will friend you if he can stay in the shed.

Barney! Bro! Just for a year. Two max.

Are those your friends, Barney?

Is this, like, a rave?

This friend shared your breakfast and liked it.

Oh, yeah!

RON: He gets hungry like you.

Your neighbor Mrs. Baxter's parrot has one friend in common with you.

Your neighbor, Mrs. Baxter.

-He commented on your photo. -(PARROT SQUAWKS)

He has done other things on your photo, too.

Margaret will friend you

-and share her... -No.

(IMITATES MARGARET) ...purse, watch, anything

it! please, please just let her go.

Now you have friends to sit with on a bench at recess.

I'm so sorry. You can't be here.

(BABY COOING)

Barney, meet friend number five.

This tiny bald man likes your picture so much,

he is eating it.

There he is! Logan!

Friend request, friend request.

-Ron? -STUDENTS: Ron, Ron, Ron.

-Yeah! Come on! -ALL: Ron, Ron, Ron!

BREE: Savannah Meads' mom didn't recognize the boy.

We're at her school now.

Okay, sure.

We keep this low-key, people. Discreet.

Nice and quiet, okay?

-Love you guys! -STUDENTS: Ron, Ron, Ron.

Pudowski!

-(CHUCKLES HELPLESSLY) -Yeah!

Sticking it to the man!

Principal's office. Now!

-(SIGHS) -(BABY COOING)

(BABBLES PLAYFULLY)

RICH: Hey, bros. Ho-ho-ho-ho.

(CHUCKLES)

Come on, Pudowski. Move it!

(BOYS LAUGHING)

You're not new, are you?

You're that crazy broken dude who punched me.

How'd you do that?

I have no mega safety controls and stuff.

Safety settings, parental controls, account limits, all off!

That's how come he hit you, dude!

I want mine like that. Then it can hit me, too!

I could get R-rated movies.

Copy him. Find that code.

RICH'S BOT: Unlock.

BOTS: Unlock.

He's gonna get us a trillion views!

(ALL CHUCKLE EXCITEDLY)

-(BOYS LAUGHING) -ALEX'S BOT: I don't like you.

RICH'S BOT: I don't like you.

-(ALEX YELPS) -(RICH CACKLES)

-(GASPS) -(MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

Hey, guys.

Savannah. What's going on?

(GASPS EXCITEDLY) It's Bubble!

My post is such a hit, the whole company's following me.

What post?

Twenty thousand friends love...

(ALL SHRIEKING AND YELLING)

What? I said he has to be a secret.

I know. But it went crazy!

(SHUDDERS)

You're such an actual freak, Barney,

it's, like, almost cool.

(CHUCKLES DRYLY)

MR. CLEAVER: Pudowski!

-(GASPS) -Pudowski! What is going on?

Nothing, Ms. Hartley.

You brought in a baby?

Artificially sweetened beverages?

-A parrot. -A parrot.

-(FUMBLES) -Where is the bot?

(MUFFLED YELLING)

(GASPS) Call head office.

-(BOYS LAUGHING) -Get him, boys.

(CROWD CHEERS)

BOTS: Unlock, unlock, unlock.

Get 'em!

-(BOT YELLS) -(BOYS YELP)

BOT: Unlock. NOAH: Uh...

Okay. Buy 10,000 mechbucks.

Whoa! It works! BubbIePay has no limits!

Give me weapons. Give me upgrades.

BOT: All upgrades unlocked.

Hey! Jerk of Thrones.

-What? -Get them!

Hey! Those are our bots!

-Give them back! -NOAH: Whoa!

BOT: Levelling up!

-NOAH: Whoa! -My prank, Noah.

Thanks for the ride. Oh!

Rich, come back!

RICH: Yo, Sav. Who's lame now?

-Hey! -Unlock.

Do you wanna connect

to all the users of the Bubble network?

You can access them all? Um, yeah!

Okay, hi, um, everyone in the world.

This is @theSavannahMeads.

And this is Nonsuch Middle School.

(RICH WHOOPING AND LAUGHING)

-(LAUGHS) -BOY: lncoming/

(YELPS)

It's Mad Max meets Sesame Streetlive streaming.

We think the safety controls are off on all the bots.

Uh, let's send out a patch.

Yeah, we're on it!

(BREE YELPING)

STUDENT: That was awesome!

-What the. . .? -(ALL GASP)

BOT 1: You shall not pass.

BOT 2: KiSS my Sith Lord butt!

BOT 3: Rabbits, attack!

Destroy! Destroy! Destroy!

(STUDENTS SCREAMING AND LAUGHING)

Book a party at a night club.

Invite everyone. Except Savannah.

Everybody, stop!

Hey, Rich!

-Whoo-hoo-hoo! -JAYDEN: Catch!

Whoo! (LAUGHS)

You got this on the live, bro?

(BOT GROWLING)

For the views!

So it's basically kind of the apocalypse, but fun!

Hey, cut it out, Sav. This is my thing.

Sorry, Rich. I have...

Four million, four hundred and thirty-two views.

Oh, Australia ’s waking up. G’da y, guys.

We're about to be shamed by a whole other hemisphere.

SAVAN NAH : l’m @theSa vannah/l/leads.

And this is a giant monkey. ..

zombie mash-up that’s basically trashing our school.

-Patch in one minute. -Are you knitting this thing?

-Do something! -MARGARET: Hello?

It's nearly pickup!

BOT: Brains!

(MARGARET YELPS)

Ha-ha/ And l’m Rich Belcher from Prank You Very Much.

Get this.

SAVANNAH: Hey, hey. (SCREAMING)

RICH: Snack!

(ALL GASP)

(SAVAN NAH SH RI EKI NG)

(SAVAN NAH GRU NTI NG)

(YELPS)

(GRUNTS)

It pooped me.

BOT 1: Sharing "It pooped me."

BOT 2: Sharing "It pooped me." BOTS: Sharing.

-No. Stop it. -Shanng.Shanng.Shanng.

-Don't share that. -Sharing "It pooped me."

MARC: Uploading the patch now!

(BOTS POWERING DOWN)

(YELPING)

(GRUNTING)

That's the patch.

Just in time. Good thing nobody saw it.

You just killed Bubble, Marc.

Spread out. Find the rogue.

How can I put this gently? Get out!

(BARNEY SIGHS)

-Hi, Barney. -(BARNEY GROANS)

We have 43 new friends.

Maybe you do. But I've been kicked out.

(BEEPS)

-(DOOR OPENS) -MAN: This way.

Ugh!

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

How could you? You dumb bot!

I'm in so much trouble now.

All you had to do was just fit in.

What was the point of even. . .?

RON: Barney, are you my friend?

What?

What do you mean?

My dad bought you for me.

What's that?

Where are you going?

Friendship is a two-way street.

-What? -RON: I get to choose.

-(TIRES SCREECH) -You taught me.

BARNEY: I didn't say be more than six feet.

RON: But you are having a bad day.

You know what? I don't care. Fine! Go on then.

-RON: I am going. -Uh-huh.

-RON: Okay. -Okay. I'll...

-RON: Okay. -Okay!

(CRASHING)

(SIGHS)

RON: Adio's, registered-name-Absalom.

Adio's, Absalom's B-Bot.

(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

STACEY: It's trending in 13 countries!

CRAIG: They've searched the school, Marc.

They didn't find it.

BOT: Bubble shares are crashing. Down 43%.

We've got thousands of parents complaining about B-Bot safety.

We've got thousands of kids complaining their bots won't do the same stuff!

Marc, what do we do?

I... Uh, I've...

ANDREW: I wonder.

(SLURPING LOU DLY)

Maybe being a guy who makes his friends out of skateboards

doesn't equip you to run a global tech giant.

-(SKATEBOARD CLATTERING) -Mm!

Okay. Here's our story.

We blame everything on the rogue.

A single unit with a minor coding error.

Minor? But the riot.

What riot? We hose down the Internet.

Delete every video. Take down every post.

Any TV station broadcasts it,

we buy the station and replace it with cat videos,

then we sue the kids for misuse of product

unless they sign a binding yada, yada,

and send the principal a fruit basket.

But what does the genius think?

(SIGHS) Okay. Andrew, you do this.

Sweetjustice pie.

Hey, run off back to your lab

and invent something that doesn't kill us all.

And, uh, you got an algorithm for refilling this?

We got an address from the school.

Pudowski. Oak Hill Drive.

Bing bong belushi!

Huh? (SIGHS)

GRAHAM: No. But Barney doesn't even have a B-Bot.

BREE: All the kids at school confirm he does, Mr. Pudowski.

He started a riot.

I'm sorry, are you calling my son a liar?

-DONKA: Oh, Barney. -(SIGHS)

(DOOR CREAKS)

(CLUCKING)

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

RON: Barney, are you my friend?

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

BARN EY: ”Know everything about me. ”

”Sta y within six feet of me. ”

”Like me. ”

(SIGHS)

-(PLASTIC SQUEAKING) -Huh?

(GASPS) Ron!

What are you doing?

Returning myself to the facility.

I am a dumb bot.

No! No, you're not. I'm so sorry.

(SIGHS) I was wrong.

We did not fix me. I did not fit in.

Who cares? Neither do I.

It doesn't matter. 'Cause you are my friend.

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

Your best friend out of the box?

(CHUCKLES)

(UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHUCKLES)

But still don't burn my underpants. (CHUCKLES)

GRAHAM: You know, I have been worried about him, but, uh,

I just... I work these crazy hours.

BREE: The bot's in there?

Okay. This thing is dangerous.

We need to destroy it.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

-Let's run. -GRAHAM: Barney,

-are you in there? -(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Just you and me.

GRAHAM: Mom, do you have a key?

-We don't need anyone else. -(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

Hey, you're not in trouble. Please, just let me in.

(CHICKEN CLUCKS)

(GASPS) Where is he?

-(CHICKENS CLUCKING) -(BARN EY GRU NTI NG)

-Shh. -No clucking.

BREE: Could he be with a friend?

Well, he... he doesn't really have any.

(SENTIMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

-(BARN EY GRU NTI NG) -(OBJECTS CLATTERING)

MAN: Hey! Isn't that the kid?

BARNEY: Go! Go, go, go!

MAN: He's getting away!

(GRUNTING) We need to go faster!

No problem!

(BARN EY YELLS)

Ron, you did it! Yes! (CHUCKLES)

(GASPS, YELLS)

Hey, down here!

MAN: Hey, stop! Come back! We just want the bot!

(PANTING)

Quick! (YELPS)

(ELECTRONIC TRILLS)

Shh.

"Poop Girl" is trending. You have 19,032,000 likes.

(SAVANNAH SOBBING)

MAN: He went this way! RON: Shh.

Hey, miss. You seen a boy and a bot?

Do I look like I care?

Okay, sorry. My bad.

What's going on?

Bubble are looking for Ron.

They blame him for the riot. I have to protect him.

MAN: Hey, dude. I think that was Poop Girl.

(MAN LAUGHS)

-(SAVAN NAH SOBS) -Savannah?

"Poop Girl" has 20 million and 56...

Poop Girl. That's...

That's who I'm gonna be for my whole life.

BARN EY: No.

MAN 2: You sure he's not back there?

-We gotta go. -Wait.

You're running away? To the woods?

Please don't tell anyone this time.

There are evil clowns in there, Barney.

Their heads go all the way around.

That's owls, Savannah. I promise!

(BARNEY WHOOPING AND LAUGHING)

You lost them? No, no, no. This is not happening.

You know what?

Access the cameras on every B-Bot in town.

Use B-Bots to spy?

No. We're just recording for training and monitoring purposes.

-But Marc would never... -Marc put a camera

within six feet of every young consumer in the country.

And now you're worried about privacy?

Turn on the mics, too.

Listen out for "Barney," “Rogue Bot,"

"Profit-sucking plastic psycho." That kind of thing.

We'll find him. Wherever he is in that Podunk town!

(SCOOTER SQUEAKING)

-Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo! -RON: Whoo-hoo.

(UPTEMPO MUSIC PLAYING)

(LAUGHS)

(WHOOPING)

(BOTH GRUNTING SHAKILY)

(LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY)

Whoo! (ECHOES)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

(BARNEY YELLING AND GRUNTING)

(SIGHS CONTENTEDLY)

Whoo. (CHUCKLES)

-Ron. (LAUGHING) -RON: In yourface.

(IMITATES LIGHTSABER)

Come on, Space Lord, fight me! (IMITATES GUNSHOT)

You need a stick.

-Searching for stick. -Huh?

-Is this one good? -(SCREAMS)

Come back and let me hurt you.

Ron! That's way too big for a stick!

Look at mine compared to yours!

-RON: Please help. -(LAUGHS)

You have 0.85 friends.

-You have 0.7 friends. -Oh, wow, you're sinking.

Hold on. Just... (GASPS)

You have 0.2 friends.

Grab my hands! I'm gonna get you out.

I'm gonna get you out.

(BARNEY GROANING AND SPITTING)

-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) -(BARNEY SIGHS, SPITS)

You know what? You choose.

Two-way street, right?

That way is good.

No, wait, wait. Where are you going?

Ron. Hey, wait. Stop! Stop, stop.

(BARN EY GASPS)

No! Ron!

(GRUNTING NERVOUSLY)

(YELLS)

(GURGLES, COUGHS)

Gotcha! Whoa!

-(GASPING HEAVILY) -RON: Gotcha!

(BARNEY COUGHING)

What? Why on earth would you do that?

Do I have to like the path you like?

No! (COUGHS, SPITS) But your path sucks!

(COUGHING) And seriously? Off a cliff?

I like,

"Seriously? (COUGHING) Off a cliff?"

That way is good.

-(HEAVY WHIRRING) -Log.Log.

-Log. -(CHUCKLES) Here.

(GRUNTS)

Been eating too much electricity?

-Your muscles are under-sized. -No, they're not.

(UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)

Hey, Ron.

Tell me something about you. I never asked.

I am a Bubble generation one B-Bot.

I currently have one friend.

Oh, wow. I found it. (BLOWS) Nice!

You wanna share?

-(CHOMPING) -(BARNEY LAUGHS)

You have not shared 29 friend invites.

Yeah. I know.

If you don't ask, they can't say no.

Problem solved.

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

You know who I had at my party when I was six?

Savannah and Rich. For real.

They were my friends just because they lived nearby.

But at some point you just... You just get it...

that you're not gonna be one of the cool kids.

Hey, who cares, right?

'Cause I currently have one friend, too. (CHUCKLES)

How long will we live in the woods?

I don't know. (CHUCKLES)

Forever?

(BARN EY CH UCKLES)

(YAWNS)

Do you know any stories, Ron?

I can create one from my available data.

It will be called

"The Awesome Adventures of Absalom of Addis Ababa

"and His Android, Alan."

(CHUCKLES)

Once upon a time in Addis Ababa,

capital city of Ethiopia, sovereign state in the Horn of Africa,

with 100 million inhabitants,

lived Absalom and his friend Alan, a generation one android.

(CHUCKLES) That's a nice story.

(YAWNS)

(TENDER MUSIC PLAYING)

BOT: Shall we check your messages one more time?

GIRL: Yeah, sure. BOT: ”Poop Girl” is trending.

GIRL 2: Savannah unfriended me ? Unfriend her/

BOY: Well, anyone with a brain cell should block Rich Belcher.

BOT: Message to anyone with a brain cell.

7'he y what? it wasn ’t my fault.

BOT: Shall we check your messages one more time?

MARC: My algorithm. What?

GIRL 1: Did you see Savannah?

GIRL 2: Poop Girl, r/ght?

GIRL 3: l’m so glad / am not her r/ght now.

BOY 1: You dropped her from this chat, r/ght?

BOT: Dropping Savannah from this chat.

GIRL 4: Someone did a remix.

-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) -(SINGING) ltpoopedme

lt pooped me

(GASPS) Who did that?

Anonymouse3 created it.

23 million friends love "Poop Girl, the Remix!"

-(WHIMPERS) -(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hi. Uh, we're Barney's...

-He hasn't come home. -(GASPS)

And, yeah. So we're just...

We're checking with his, uh... (CLEARS THROAT)

his fellow children.

You are Barney's friend.

You come to his birthday party.

My goat eat your slap bracelet.

Oh! That party.

Do you have any idea where he is?

Uh...

No, I, uh... Sorry.

(SIGHS)

Oh, Mom. I work round the clock selling novelty junk

just to try to give him a life.

But I'm blowing it, Mom. I... I've lost touch with him

Why didn't he come to me?

Sometimes kid protect grown-up.

That's not right.

He will be okay.

Pudowskis are brave and strong.

(DISTANT SCREAMING)

(SCREAMING MANIACALLY)

(WHIMPERING)

There's a spider. Literally, like, this big!

A bird has commented on your face.

Oh, great.

Where even are we?

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

Recess. Now known as 20 minutes of extra math.

BOT 1: What is four-fifths as a decimal?

-BOT 2: What is the square root of nine? -BOY: Ugh! Seriously?

You have to be kidding me.

RICH: Alex, Jayden!

Yesterday was sick, right?

Sorry. Jayden's not available right now.

They've blocked me?

BOT: Simplify the expression:

three to the power of eight minus eleven.

Rich!

Twenty-five million friends love...

-/t pooped me -Wait! Seriously!

-You have ruined my life. -Uh...

But, look. It's Barney, okay? He's missing.

What?

You and me, we got him in trouble.

He's in the woods. It's our fault he's out there.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(BARNEY PANTING TIREDLY)

RON: Access denied.

-BARNEY: Here. (GRUNTING) -Access denied. Access...

Access.

Let's find some place to camp.

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(GROANS) Everything's wet.

How long is...

(IMITATES MOCKINGLY) "I don't know. Forever"?

Twelve hours? Twelve days? Twelve years?

-Twelve decades? -Stop asking dumb questions.

I have 12% battery power remaining.

Ron, come back. (GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

Have you got water damage to the brain?

I mean, seriously?

If you go back, they will send you to the crusher.

Do you want to be recycled as a lunch box?

What is your plan? Is it,

"Run! Run away!

-"Go, go, go! We gotta run." -Stop. Ron.

Stop it!

Avoids problems 89% of the time.

You are so annoying!

You are so annoying 43.8% of the time.

(GRUNTS IN FRUSTRATION)

Why don't you save your battery by getting off my back?

Argh. There's nothing in these woods that'll burn!

Incorrect.

(LIGHT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SPUTTERS, LAUGHS)

Ha-ha-ha-ha. (GASPS)

(LAUGHS)

What's that?

(CHUCKLES) I never told you that.

I'm not afraid of the dark.

(WARNING TONE BEEPING)

Oh, no. Ron.

My solar battery function

(DISTORTED) has not been uploaded.

(GASPS) Electricity. Of course you like it.

Five percent battery remaining.

Five percent? Uh...

Okay. Go to sleep. Power down. Power down.

(POWERS DOWN)

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

-(BRANCHES CREAKING) -(SHUDDERING)

Oh, Ron. You're right about the dark.

After my mom died, I was terrified every single night.

And I wanted so bad

to just run into my dad's room and tell him...

but what if he was scared, too?

-(POWERS DOWN) -(GASPS)

Ron!

Seriously, Ron?

-(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) -(LEAVES RUSTLING)

No one even knows we're here.

He’s in the woods. it’s our fault he ’s out there.

He left town for the woods?

It's night. The weather's getting worse.

Pff. So access the security cameras.

There aren't any. It's the woods.

Insane. Okay.

Let's put some in.

MARC: Get me to Nonsuch.

They're in the woods. I have to meet Ron and Barney.

(BARN EY GRUNTING TIREDLY)

One of these trees must have a power outlet or something, right?

(SIGHS) Oh, this is not okay, Ron.

Best friends don't die on each other.

(PANTING)

Are we going around in circles?

(GASPS)

Hey! Down here! Over here! Help us! Help!

Wait. They'll help me, but...

No, no, no. Come on. (GRUNTS)

(PANTING AND WHIMPERING)

(SHUDDERING)

What are they?

(GASPS)

(YELLS)

(PANTING)

Ow. (GASPING)

(YELLS, GRUNTS)

(GASPS WEAKLY)

I got nothing.

We can't give up.

People get lost in those woods and never come out.

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

You know what?

We've done our best. Let's call it a night.

-What? We can't do that. -But what about the boy?

He's just not in there.

We should try across town tomorrow.

Let's all go home.

(GROANS WEAKLY)

(BARN EY GASPS)

(WHEEZING)

BARN EY: That's Savannah's B-Bot. And Noah's.

(GASPS AND COUGHS)

(INHALER SPRAYS)

(COUGHS)

Ron. (WHEEZES)

(BUZZING)

(WHEEZES)

I guess we're both literally landfill.

-(CONTINUES WHEEZING) -(BUZZING)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BEEPS)

-(SIGHS) -(BOT TRILLS)

"Poop Girl" has 32 million...

Why is there mud on your wheels?

Huh?

(SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

(PANTING WEAKLY)

No, no. You can't go back. (COUGHS)

Must survive middle school.

No, no, Ron. They'll... (GASPS)

They'll take you forever.

(BARN EY WH EEZI NG)

They'll send you to the crusher.

(COUGHS) Stay with me.

There are no friends in the woods.

BARN EY: Ron.

SAVAN NAH: What is it?

BOT: Alert Bubble. Alert Bubble. Alert Bubble.

SAVANNAH: Do you see that? Oh, my gosh!

BOT 2: Bubble Bot, Ron Bintscatsco...

-It's Ron. -RICH: Hey! It's him!

-And... And Barney! -RICH: Barney?

(PANTING) Barney! Come on!

We're coming, brother. Hang on there!

-Barney, are you okay? -Barney!

It's his asthma. He can't breathe right.

BOT: Twelve-year-old boy. Grade two bronchospasm.

(BARN EY WH EEZES)

(WEAKLY) Why are you guys here?

FHends_. (DISTORTED) Sixth birthday.

(WHEEZES) Sorry.

He thought that... I... I know...

(GASPS HEAVILY)

I know you're not my friends.

(GASPING RAGGEDLY)

Well, we're not not your friends.

-(WHEEZING) -(HELICOPTER WHIRRING)

(KIDS GASP AND EXCLAIM)

SAVANNAH: Over here!

RICH: Yo, guys, he's over here.

-Get down here. Let's go! -(SIREN WAILING)

SAVANNAH: He's hurt. He needs help.

-Quick! It's them. Help them! -MAN: Okay, I can see them.

GRAHAM: Barney! Oh, Barney!

SAVANNAH: Mr. Pudowski, Mr. Pudowski, he's over here.

RICH: Check his lungs for a pulse or something.

-Stand back! -DONKA: Oh, my Barney.

All right, deep breaths.

-GRAHAM: Everything's okay. Dad's here. -DONKA: Help him, please!

WOMAN: We've located the kid.

SITA: It's them! They're safe.

-TECH: They found them! -(STAFF CHEERING)

-What's happening? -The bot saved the boy.

What? That evil profit-sucking thing!

-Grab it! -/’m on it.

-Stand back. -He y. .. Let me take him.

-Give me the bot. -SAVAN NAH: What are you doing?

-Stop! You can't take him! -NOAH: Leave him alone!

-SAVAN NAH: Stop it! -It's dangerous.

-He's not dangerous. -RICH: No!

You can't take him. We won't let you!

That bot is Barney's best friend, dude.

-He just saved his life! -(WHIRRING)

-(WHIRRING STOPS) -(KIDS GASP)

-Oh, no. -JOSH: The stream's trending.

People are calling the bot a hero!

Brave Bubble Bot saved boy. RIP, Ron. How sad.

-And yet how great for sales! -What?

Okay. Moving on!

(SIGHS)

We've known Barney since we were little.

You were his best friend in kindergarten.

And you were mine.

It gets complicated.

Yeah, right. Should I friend Barney?

Searching for "Barney likes pranks."

No matches.

-Your pranks are lame. -They're funny, man.

Ifl don't do funny, uh, I got nothing.

Since when did this stuff matter?

Barney and Ron. It's like we used to be.

-(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS) -SAVAN NAH: lt pooped me

(MUSIC STOPS)

(SIGHS)

-(BARNEY GRUNTS) -(BOTH GASP)

-Barney? Barney! -DONKA: Oh, Barney!

Hey! Oh, Barney, I am so sorry.

I let you down.

(MUFFLED MUMBLING)

I know I'm always overwhelmed with work.

-But I'm your dad, okay? -(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

You're like a piece of my heart

walking around the world,

and I love you so much

that it makes me strong enough to deal with anything.

Except losing touch with you.

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)

Just talk to me, Barney.

-BARNEY: I'm trying! -You're lonely? I get it.

-BARNEY: Where's Ron? -Just communicate.

-(BARN EY GRU NTS) -Ow! Hey!

I've got a friend, Dad!

The one that saved my life, remember?

-Where is he? -BOTH: Uh...

Hi. I'm Marc Wydell from Bubble.

Where is Ron? If you crushed him...

No, of course not. Barney, I invented B-Bots.

They're my dream. Connection and friendship.

But it's not working.

Except you and Ron. I fixed him.

-I wanna understand. -What's up, Barney?

Ron! You're okay!

-(DINGING) -What's that?

The new number one on the high-five charts.

I now know all 100.

-Are you okay? -Doing great, buddy!

Let's go home and check out your awesome rock collection.

No. You like electricity.

I do if you do.

Wait. This isn't Ron. What did you do to him?

His code was unstable.

So I re-installed the algorithm...

He fixed me. Selfie?

(DONKA GROANS)

-Old women. Not trending. -Bah.

RON: Widowed dads, downer!

-Hey. -RON: Enhance and post!

Un-fix him. It's not him!

N... No. It... It's okay.

I backed up Ron to the cloud.

I'll just log in and I'll find the old... Huh?

They can't lock me out. I'm the CEO of Bubble.

ANDREW: As the new CEO of Bubble,

it’s my sad duty to announce

that the shareholders ha ve wise/y agreed

to fire Marc Wydell.

-(FAN FARE PLAYS) -Andrew! Andrew! Andrew!

-What? -BARNEY: Argh.

Barney!

He's in the cloud. That's what you said, right?

-MARC: WeII... -So take me there.

-I'm sorry? -You heard my son.

He needs to get to the cloud thing.

And I'm going with him! Uh...

Barney, the cloud is in a concrete fortress

half a mile below Bubble.

There are two million servers with a zettabyte of data.

How would you find Ron?

He's my friend.

So take me there and get me in!

RICH: Yeah! Go get

-that psycho robot, dude! -SAVANNAH: Go! Go, Barney!

Okay, Bubble booble. Let's go get Ron.

(MARC CHUCKLES)

MARC: Okay To get Barney down into the cloud,

we ’l/ have to break in past security

and get fight to the heart of Bubble HO.

Tomorrow afternoon, all the workers

will be watching Andrew in the launchitorium.

That’s our chance.

FEMALE VOICE: All staff to the launchitorium.

All staff to the launchitorium.

AN N O U N C E R: Please welcome your new OE O, Andrew/

(ANDREW WHOOPING)

Yes, yes, yes!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Yes! Ha-ha! Love it! (ECHOES)

(GROANS)

-Hi. -RECEPTIONIST: Hi there!

How can Bubble help you?.

-Cleaner! -Uh, ma'am, you can'tjust...

-GRAHAM: Sir? -Ma'am?

GRAHAM: Yeah. Can you take a look at this, please?

Itjust keeps crashing on me.

And there's a smell of burning when I hit the space bar.

Sir, this isn't a Bubble Store. This is HQ.

-(METAL DETECTOR BUZZES) -DONKA: Oh. Uh...

Oh! I just put Bubble in my GPS.

(CHUCKLES) I wondered why it was a 19-hour drive.

Can you look at it anyway?

(GRUNTS)

DONKA: Oh, silly me. (CHUCKLES)

Again, please.

(BUZZING)

Oh! Ooh.

-Hang... Might be... Ooh. -(METAL RATTLING)

(CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY)

(BUZZING)

Pat down? (CHUCKLES)

So, workers, colleagues, shareholders.

Hi, shareholders. Love ya.

Bubble's had a few minor problems lately, right?

Oof! Yeah. But here's the good news.

There's nothing wrong with our B-Bots. It's kids.

Kids are the problem.

You give a child an hour of screen time,

you get peace and quiet.

You have his friends around, all hell breaks loose!

Am I right, kids?

Stick to your screens.

Today, your best friend out of the box becomes...

The only friend you ’ll ever need/

RECEPTIONIST: Just/0g in, sir.

Okay.

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

-(POWER SHUTS DOWN) -ANDREW: Huh?

See? That's what it did at my house.

-(GASPS) -(ALARM BEEPING)

All good.

What happened?

RECEPTIONIST: (GRUNTS) Come on!

(UPBEAT SPY MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay. Everybody out.

This goats smells.

MARC: Okay. This way.

Server room. Fingerprint recognition.

-(DONKA GRUNTING) -Uh...

I fix it.

(GOAT EXCLAIMS)

MARC: Lights, sprinklers, air-con, security doors.

Eat it all, Martina!

(BLEATS)

-(POWER SHUTS DOWN) -ANDREW: What? Uh...

(YELPS)

What the. . .? (GRUNTS)

-BARNEY: Okay. -You guys go that way.

(CHUCKLES) Good to see you, buddy.

What is going on?

Uh, there's a guy in reception.

-What? -It's his laptop.

“Pudowski Novelty Exports"? Pudowski! That kid!

Uh, Andrew. He's in the building.

What?

GUARD: Hey, yeah. I think he went down that way.

Down here!

-Huh? -They were right here.

That is weird.

Okay.

Barney, slide along to the central shaft.

The data cab/es inside lead to down to the cloud.

We ’l/ co ver security and, uh, stuff

-Good luck, Momscke. -Okay.

(BARNEY WHIMPERING)

Okay.

Of course they're in the corridors.

-They didn't just vanish! -(ALARM BEEPING)

(GASPS)

Just go down here.

(GASPS)

Whoa.

Okay.

(GRUNTS)

(GASPS)

(GASPS)

He never mentioned that.

What are you doing?

Uh...

I... You have problem with women in workplace?

-I never said that. -You want to squeeze my knee?

-What? -(GOAT BLEATS)

Andrew, we found this goat in the electrics.

Who are you people? An improv troupe?

-(MUFFLED THUD) -(GASPS)

(YELPS, SCREAMS)

(YELLING)

(GASPS)

(CONTINUES YELLING)

(SIGHS IN RELIEF)

(GRUNTS)

(GASPING IN AWE)

BARN EY: Ron!

Ron!

Where is your snotty little brat?

He's looking for his friend.

Friend? (CHUCKLES) Friend?

Hey, are you my friend?

(GRUNTS)

Sure, Andrew.

They're just code. A trick.

What?

Data-harvesting units controlled by us.

Designed to give kids a consumer experience

featuring products and services tailored to their browsing profile.

The B-Bots know everything about them.

So we can sell them stuff.

You're spying on kids?

I hate kids.

Uh, Andrew. There's someone inside the cloud.

What? It's him, isn't it?

-Power down the cloud. -GRAHAM: No!

-DONKA: No. -And send in security.

Ron!

Are you even here?

(BARN EY PANTING)

Oh, no. Where are you? Barney Pudowski.

-(SYSTEM BUZZES) -Um, seventh grade.

(BUZZES) -(SIGHS)

Nonsuch Middle School.

(CHIMING)

Uh... What is this?

FEMALE VOICE: Powering down.

-What's happening? -System at 70%.

-No. No, no, no. -5%.

(GASPING)

(VOICE QUIVERING) Ron, I'll never find you.

And you'll never find me.

Find me.

Find me!

(SHUDDERS)

Please.

(SIGHS)

(SOFT BUZZING)

(SOFT UPLIFTING MUSIC PLAYING)

(GASPS)

Ron, I'm coming!

(GRUNTING)

(CHIMES)

Ron!

Come on, come on!

Yes! I'm in.

Barney! (CHUCKLES) He made it.

I found you! I did it! I found you!

Uh, desk, desk.

Oh! (CHUCKLES) Okay. Uh...

Here we go.

(GASPS)

-(CHUCKLES) -Hi, Absalom?

Ron, it's you!

Now I know what's wrong with him.

Ron never had my algorithm.

Whoa!

That's his code?

It's beautiful. Like...

Alive.

-(GASPS) -(SIREN BLARING)

-(BOTH LAUGHING) -(SINGING) Dikky, dikky, dakka

Hey, Ron. They turned you into electricity...

Dikky, dikky, dakka Dikky, dikky, dakka

-...and then put you inside a rock. -Electricity is best.

BOTH: You are so annoying! BARNEY: Whoa, whoa...

Please slap my hand to show we are bonding.

-(LAUGHS) -I am within six feet.

Okay. Then just stay that way, all right?

'Cause we gotta get out of here! Come on, Ron.

Ron?

Ron?

RON: Not, not your friends.

Iknow. I...

They are not having fun.

(SAD MUSIC PLAYING)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

It's weird.

I used to think that I was the lonely one.

They need to upgrade to a Ron. (CHUCKLES)

-(DINGS) -I am for making friends.

(SNORTS) What? You mean, for real?

Uh, upgrade them so they'd all be like you?

Please connect me to the Bubble network.

Two hundred and twenty-five million Rons out there!

-RON: Please connect me. -(CHUCKLES)

It would be insane! I mean, amazing, but...

RON: It will be fun.

Huh.

We're right here. In the middle of the network.

Maybe we could really do this.

It's our one chance. Now or never.

GUARD 1: Systems are down. GUARD 2: It won't open!

Uh... Come on, Barney. What are they doing?

"Upgrade all B-Bots to be like Ron."

(GASPS) Ron's code! Of course. His code is the fix to mine!

I can help them.

BARNEY: Marc? He's helping us. This is how we do it.

-Yes! -GUARD: Come on, kid, open up!

Okay, what do I do?

Um, reboot... Wait!

Please connect me to the Bubble network.

Oh! Finally, buddy.

Okay. Hold on tight, guys. You're all getting a Ron!

(STATIC CRACKLING)

Ron. Wait, where are you going?

Into the network.

No. No way.

You just copy your code and send that.

The settings have not been uploaded.

No, no, no. His code is fragmenting.

He'll disappear! No!

-(KNOCKING ON DOOR) -(MUFFLED SHOUTING)

(SIGHS)

We'll just have to go. Forget it.

Come on. I'm not leaving you behind.

Barney.

I am for making friends.

BARN EY: What?

No. You're coming with me.

How to be a friend.

You taught me.

(KNOCKI NG CONTI N U ES)

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING)

No. Stay with me. Remember?

Stay friends.

We can fix it.

You and me.

(POUNDING ON DOOR)

(BREATH ES SHAKILY)

Now or never.

(GASPS SHARPLY)

(SOBS)

(MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES)

I guess we'll...

(SNIFFLES) we'll swap them all for a good one.

The best one. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Go, Ron. You don't have to stay within six feet.

Go. Be everywhere.

Adio's, Absalom.

(CHUCKLES)

Arrivederci Ron Bintscatsco.

(STATIC CRACKLING)

(CRACKLING STOPS)

(SIGHS)

(GASPS)

(SYSTEM CHIMES, POWERING UP)

(STATIC CRACKLING)

(CHUCKLES)

(LAUGHING)

(GASPS)

(GASPS IN AWE)

(GASPS)

(LAUGHING)

-Come on. What is that? -What's happening?

(LAUGHING)

BARN EY: Whoo-hoo!

(GRUNTS)

BARN EY: Hi.

I, uh, took a wrong turn.

Oh. Uh...

Right.

This way, please.

(STATIC CRACKLING)

We got him.

Finally. Job done.

(STATIC CRACKLING)

JOSH: Uh, the cameras.

Barney! Hey! There he is!

Oh, Barney!

Move it along. Everybody outta here.

Did you...?

I'm gonna tell you everything, Dad.

On the way home.

Okay. Great.

(PANTING)

Whoo-hoo! Whoo-hoo! Etcetera.

Sorry. Just, um... Uh...

Where were we?

A trick/ Data harvesting units controlled by us.

So we can sell them stuff lhate kids/

(GROANS AWKWARDLY)

You know, I've loved my time as Bubble CEO,

and I wanna thank you all for your support

over the last 32 historic hours.

But I need to go now to spend more time with my...

contacts.

So, please welcome back

-Marc Wydell. -(AUDIENCE GASPS)

-(ANDREW WHIMPERING) -(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

AUDIENCE: (CHANTING) Marc! Marc! Marc!

(CHUCKLING)

Welcome to the future of friendship.

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)

(STATIC CRACKLING)

STUDENT 1: See you later. STUDENT 2: Here we go again.

STUDENT 3: It's gonna get weird.

BOT 1: That way is good. BOT 2: This way is good.

(BOT GIGGLES)

Hey! What happened to staying within six feet?

Guys, where's my troll bot? Wait...

I get to choose.

-(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING) -(BOT HUMMING)

K-pop? Are you kidding me?

Three months it's been like this. Come back.

Come on, dude.

BARN EY: So, here lam again.

E/ghteen minutes of recess fun. (CH UCKLES)

Thanks, Ron. You fixed me.

And everyone else.

Hey! We don't know them.

I get to choose your friends. And I choose everyone!

Friend request. Friend request.

-Hey. -BOT: Friend request.

You've changed the world, Barney Pudowski.

How cool is that?

BOT 1: Friend request. BOT 2: Friend request.

Notjust me.

Hey! Oh, my gosh!

Aren't you that girl that got... You know.

Video not found.

Oh. My bad.

Thanks. (CHUCKLES)

Come on.

-BOT 1: Hi, Barney! -Hey!

-GIRL: My bot does that every time. -BOT 2: Hey there.

-Hi. -GIRL: It's so weird.

-BOT 3 AND BARNEY: Hi. -He's, like, king of the bots.

They love Pudowski.

Barn, you have got to get back in that Bubble cloud place.

(ALL SHUSH)

And get this bot to stop making up its own game rules.

BOT: Free upgrades for everyone!

-How am I ever gonna win? -(ALL LAUGH)

Dude! We gotta tell 'em!

You pranked a global freakin' tech giant, man!

Please let me stream the reveal, bro, please?

Take it from me, Rich. Fame is overrated.

(CHUCKLES) Look what I brought.

-I'll take one. -One for everyone.

-Cheers! -ALL: Cheers!

Barney! Hey! You see?

I told you my bench would work!

-(CLUCKING) -Oh!

Yeah. It's great.

(ALL LAUGH)

Mmm. Is all your gran's food this good?

Come... Come over sometime. Hang out.

I know you're dying to see my rock collection.

Will she set us on fire again?

-Hope so. -That was so fun!

But you're gonna have to talk to that goat,

because I do not want any more of my jewelry

going through its intestines.

(ALL LAUGHING)

(PLEASANT MUSIC PLAYING)

(POP SONG PLAYING)

(STATIC CRACKLING, GLITCHING)

Dikky, dikky, dakka

(SYSTEM POWERS DOWN, BLEEPS)

(BEEPING)

(BEEPING INTENSIFIES)

(UPTEMPO POP SONG PLAYING)

(UPBEAT POP SONG PLAYING)

(ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING)