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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:10,144 --> 00:00:12,446 - * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX * 2 00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:13,647 * SHAKE IT, DUDE 3 00:00:13,681 --> 00:00:21,589 * 4 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:38,672 * CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN 5 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:46,280 * 6 00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:50,151 * CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN 7 00:00:50,184 --> 00:00:53,621 * CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN 8 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,723 * CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN 9 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:57,391 * 10 00:00:59,460 --> 00:01:04,298 [drum roll] 11 00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:07,301 [dreamy music] 12 00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:15,243 * 13 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:25,186 [whip cracks] 14 00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:29,190 - * DO YOU THINK YOU COULD? 15 00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:30,591 [whip cracks] 16 00:01:30,624 --> 00:01:33,861 * HOW I WISH YOU WOULD 17 00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,130 * TAKE ME WITH YOU 18 00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:37,365 [whip cracks] 19 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:41,202 * 'CAUSE I BEEN GOOD 20 00:01:41,235 --> 00:01:42,903 * I STAYED WELL-DRESSED 21 00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:47,341 * AND KEPT MY BIG MOUTH SHUT * 22 00:01:47,375 --> 00:01:50,244 * AND ALL THE NIGHTS WE SHARED * 23 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:53,747 * YOU NEVER WANT TO KNOW WHERE * 24 00:01:53,781 --> 00:01:57,651 * I HAD MY SHARE 25 00:01:57,685 --> 00:02:02,390 * BUT NOW YOU'RE LEFT WITH ALL THE LUNATICS * 26 00:02:02,423 --> 00:02:06,126 * UP THERE 27 00:02:08,262 --> 00:02:10,564 [scattered cheers and applause] 28 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:13,201 - [whistling] 29 00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:21,275 [dance music] 30 00:02:21,309 --> 00:02:25,713 * 31 00:02:25,746 --> 00:02:27,415 - BUY YOU A DRINK? 32 00:02:27,448 --> 00:02:29,583 - GREY GOOSE AND ARSENIC. 33 00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:31,519 - HEY, THAT SHOULD BE TOMORROW NIGHT'S TWO-BUCK SPECIAL. 34 00:02:31,552 --> 00:02:34,322 WE'LL MAKE, OH... 35 00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:36,657 AT LEAST, UH, SIX BUCKS. 36 00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:39,660 - I BOUGHT A FULL-PAGE SPREAD IN OUT. 37 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:43,197 I PUT WINDOW-CARDS IN EVERY SHOP ON LIBERTY AVENUE. 38 00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,266 I EVEN HAD FUCKING GO-GO BOYS IN SPEEDOS 39 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:46,534 PASSING OUT FLYERS. 40 00:02:46,567 --> 00:02:47,935 - WITH PROMOTION LIKE THAT, 41 00:02:47,968 --> 00:02:49,537 THERE SHOULD BE LINES AROUND THE BLOCK. 42 00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:51,739 - OH, THERE ARE. AT POPPERZ. 43 00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,674 [whip cracks] 44 00:02:53,707 --> 00:02:55,676 - DRINKS ON THE HOUSE 45 00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:57,845 FOR WASTING OUR TIME AND OUR TALENT. 46 00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:02,883 - I DON'T GET WHY EVERYONE LEFT. 47 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,718 - THAT'S ONE OF THE GREAT MYSTERIES OF LIFE. 48 00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,687 HOW DOES A BUD KNOW WHEN TO OPEN? 49 00:03:06,720 --> 00:03:08,556 HOW DOES A BIRD KNOW HOW TO FLY? 50 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:14,262 - WHY DO QUEERS DESERT ONE CLUB FOR ANOTHER? 51 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:18,299 - [sighs] 52 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,967 OH, I KNOW. I'M LATE. 53 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,602 I'M SORRY. - DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. 54 00:03:21,635 --> 00:03:23,437 - OH, HOW'S MY SWEETIE? 55 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:25,506 - OUT LIKE A LIGHT. - YEAH. 56 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:28,709 HOW MUCH XANAX DID YOU GIVE HER? 57 00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:30,344 IT WAS A JOKE. 58 00:03:30,378 --> 00:03:31,479 - I WISH I COULD GET HER TO SLEEP 59 00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:32,880 INSTEAD OF CRYING ALL NIGHT. 60 00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:34,582 - WHAT DID JACOBS HAVE TO SAY? 61 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:36,450 - OH, MICHAEL DOESN'T HAVE A FUCKING CHANCE 62 00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:39,320 OF PROVING HE'D BE A BETTER CUSTODIAL PARENT THAN ME. 63 00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:41,489 AND THE JUDGE ALMOST ALWAYS FAVORS THE MOTHER. 64 00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,924 LOOK WHAT HAPPENED WITH HUNTER'S MOTHER, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE. 65 00:03:43,957 --> 00:03:45,526 - WELL, IN THIS CASE, THAT'S A RELIEF. 66 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:48,896 - YEAH. OH, BUT THERE IS ONE MORE THING. 67 00:03:48,929 --> 00:03:51,532 HE THINKS IT'S BEST IF I GO TO THE MEETING ALONE. 68 00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:53,000 - AND WHY IS THAT? 69 00:03:53,033 --> 00:03:55,336 - IT'D BE MORE PRUDENT, AND LESS COMPLICATED, 70 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,537 IF WE KEPT THINGS BETWEEN 71 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:57,938 THE BIRTH MOTHER AND THE BIRTH FATHER. 72 00:03:57,971 --> 00:03:59,907 - WELL, I DON'T THINK IT'S SO PRUDENT. 73 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,542 I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT TO BE THERE AS YOU DO. 74 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:03,043 - ACTUALLY, YOU DON'T, AND YOUR PRESENCE 75 00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:06,480 COULD PROVE DETRIMENTAL TO MY CASE. 76 00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:09,483 - "YOUR CASE"? 77 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:12,753 WE WERE LIFE PARTNERS FOR TEN YEARS. 78 00:04:12,786 --> 00:04:14,422 - AND NOW, WE'RE DIVORCING LESBIANS. 79 00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,056 NOT EVEN DIVORCING. DISSOLVING. 80 00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:18,292 LOOK, WHY MAKE MATTERS MORE COMPLICATED? 81 00:04:18,326 --> 00:04:19,360 - WELL, WHAT ABOUT ME? 82 00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:20,561 - YOU AND I WILL STILL HAVE 83 00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,063 THE SAME ARRANGEMENT WE HAVE NOW. 84 00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:24,898 WE'LL SPEND EQUAL TIME WITH JENNY REBECCA. 85 00:04:24,932 --> 00:04:28,035 SAME WITH GUS. THAT WON'T CHANGE. 86 00:04:28,068 --> 00:04:31,939 YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO TRUST ME. 87 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:36,910 - SHE SAID SHE AND HER LAWYER TALKED IT OVER 88 00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:39,647 AND DECIDED IT'D BE BEST FOR ME NOT TO BE THERE 89 00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:41,315 WHEN THEY MEET WITH MICHAEL AND HIS LAWYER. 90 00:04:41,349 --> 00:04:43,317 SHE SAYS THE FACT THAT WE'RE NOT TOGETHER 91 00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,785 WILL ONLY COMPLICATE THE CASE 92 00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,320 AND GIVE MICHAEL MORE AMMUNITION. 93 00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:47,655 BUT I THINK I HAVE AS MUCH RIGHT 94 00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:48,956 TO BE THERE AS THEY DO, 95 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,992 EVEN IF I'M NOT THE BIOLOGICAL PARENT. 96 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,830 - BLUE ROOSTER? 97 00:04:56,864 --> 00:05:00,368 THE CHICKEN CHAIN? 98 00:05:00,401 --> 00:05:01,702 THEY NEED A CAMPAIGN 99 00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,805 FOR THEIR NEW 16-OUNCE SANDWICH. 100 00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:06,073 HOW DO YOU LIKE, 101 00:05:06,106 --> 00:05:10,478 "WHEN YOU'RE HUNGRY FOR A BIG COCK"? 102 00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:15,583 YEAH, THEY DIDN'T LIKE IT EITHER. 103 00:05:15,616 --> 00:05:18,819 SO WHAT DID MELANIE SAY? 104 00:05:18,852 --> 00:05:20,754 - SHE SAID I SHOULD TRUST HER. 105 00:05:20,788 --> 00:05:22,423 - [scoffs] 106 00:05:22,456 --> 00:05:23,557 - AND ONCE EVERYTHING WAS SETTLED, 107 00:05:23,591 --> 00:05:26,460 SHE'D SHARE CUSTODY WITH ME. 108 00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:29,363 THAT WE HAVE A DEAL. 109 00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:32,866 - THE WAY SHE HAD A DEAL WITH MICHAEL? 110 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:37,571 - I WANT TO BELIEVE HER. I DO. 111 00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:41,709 WE TRIED TO BE FAIR WHERE THE KIDS ARE CONCERNED. 112 00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:44,111 BUT I'M THE ONE WITH THE MOST TO LOSE. 113 00:05:44,144 --> 00:05:47,781 - THEN STOP BITCHING AND MOANING AND DO SOMETHING. 114 00:05:47,815 --> 00:05:51,919 - I CAN ALWAYS COUNT ON YOU FOR THE COLD, HARD TRUTH. 115 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,826 - HERE. 116 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:01,929 - WHO'S HE? 117 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:03,931 - IT'S A LAWYER FRIEND OF MINE. 118 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,899 I'LL GIVE HIM A CALL FIRST. 119 00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:10,804 AND STOP WORRYING ABOUT HOW MUCH IT'S GOING TO COST. 120 00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,906 - I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE. 121 00:06:12,940 --> 00:06:15,609 - I GUESS NOT. 122 00:06:15,643 --> 00:06:17,778 OH, THE QUEERS ARE ABOUT TO FIND OUT 123 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:21,148 WHAT THE BREEDERS HAVE KNOWN ALL ALONG: 124 00:06:21,181 --> 00:06:25,152 IN A MESSY DIVORCE... 125 00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:28,456 NOBODY STAYS CLEAN. 126 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,159 - WHEN I WAS IN L.A., 127 00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:34,094 THINKING I MIGHT COME BACK TO PITTSBURGH AND PAINT, 128 00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:36,063 I DIDN'T IMAGINE IT WOULD BE LIKE THIS. 129 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,931 - TELL YOU WHAT, YOU CAN SIGN THE WALL. 130 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,100 - WE REALLY APPRECIATE THE EXTRA HAND. 131 00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:41,569 HEY, SOMEDAY, WHEN YOU AND BRIAN GET A HOUSE, 132 00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:42,836 WE'LL RETURN THE FAVOR. 133 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,538 - DON'T RUN TO THE PAINT STORE. 134 00:06:44,572 --> 00:06:45,773 - OH, YOU NEVER KNOW. 135 00:06:45,806 --> 00:06:47,207 HEY, GUESS WHAT I NEVER DID? 136 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,109 - PUT RAT TRAPS IN THE ATTIC? 137 00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,911 - CARRIED YOU OVER THE THRESHOLD. 138 00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,513 THAT'S WHAT MARRIED PEOPLE DO, RIGHT, JUSTIN? 139 00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:54,047 - I WOULDN'T KNOW. 140 00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,783 - WELL, WHY DON'T I CARRY YOU OVER THE THRESHOLD? 141 00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:56,984 - OH, YOU WANT TO TRY, BIG GUY? 142 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:59,119 - [grunts] OH, MY GOD. 143 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,921 - [grunts] - OH, OH, JESUS, BEN! 144 00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,690 - COME ON, BABY, LET'S MAKE THIS OFFICIAL. 145 00:07:02,723 --> 00:07:04,792 - PUT ME DOWN. - HERE WE GO. 146 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,727 - HEY, YOU GUYS PLAYING A LITTLE ROUGHHOUSE 147 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,997 IN YOUR NEW HOUSE? 148 00:07:10,030 --> 00:07:11,532 - HEY, SUNSHINE. 149 00:07:11,565 --> 00:07:12,666 - HEY. 150 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:14,234 - I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU BOYS-- 151 00:07:14,267 --> 00:07:16,236 DAMN IT, YOU MEN-- COULD USE SOME LUNCH, 152 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,005 SO I BROUGHT SOME CHEESE STEAKS 153 00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,673 AND ONE VEGGIE HOAGIE FOR MY SON-IN-LAW. 154 00:07:19,707 --> 00:07:21,842 - OH, THANKS, DEB. 155 00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:24,878 - WOW, THIS PLACE IS REALLY SHAPING UP, HUH? 156 00:07:24,912 --> 00:07:26,246 - YEAH. 157 00:07:26,279 --> 00:07:27,581 - YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD LOOK GREAT ON THIS WALL? 158 00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:28,682 - WHAT, ANOTHER COAT OF PAINT? 159 00:07:28,716 --> 00:07:30,217 - MY VELVET CAT PAINTING. 160 00:07:30,250 --> 00:07:32,553 HUH? FROM MY LIVING ROOM. 161 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,722 I'VE BEEN SAVING IT FOR YOU, HONEY. 162 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:38,692 - I'LL TAKE THESE TO THE KITCHEN. 163 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:39,960 - WHAT'S UP HIS ASS? 164 00:07:39,993 --> 00:07:41,161 - WHY DON'T YOU FIND OUT? 165 00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:43,030 - I'LL LEAVE THAT TO YOU. 166 00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:45,566 I'D SURE LIKE TO KNOW WHY HE'S SO FUCKING PISSY! 167 00:07:45,599 --> 00:07:48,569 - [laughs] 168 00:07:48,602 --> 00:07:50,237 SO WHAT DO YOU SAY WE FINISH THE WALLS IN HERE 169 00:07:50,270 --> 00:07:51,705 AND THEN CHOW DOWN? 170 00:07:51,739 --> 00:07:53,106 - YEAH, I'M STARVING. 171 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:56,744 MY ARM'S ABOUT TO FALL OFF. 172 00:07:56,777 --> 00:07:58,245 - TAKE A LOAD OFF. 173 00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:01,882 - YOU MIGHT TRY THANKING ME FOR THE SANDWICHES. 174 00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:04,885 - THANKS. - YOU'RE WELCOME. 175 00:08:04,918 --> 00:08:07,287 AND WHY HAVEN'T I HEARD FROM YOU IN A WEEK? 176 00:08:07,320 --> 00:08:08,922 - I'VE BEEN KIND OF BUSY. 177 00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:11,158 - DON'T OPEN UP A MOUTH. 178 00:08:11,191 --> 00:08:15,796 I'M JUST ASKING. 179 00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,264 YOU NEED TO STOCK UP. 180 00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:18,866 WHY DON'T I GO TO THE GROCERY AND-- 181 00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,000 - BETTER YET, WHY DON'T YOU GO STOCK UP 182 00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,970 MELANIE'S REFRIGERATOR? 183 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,675 - WHY THE HELL WOULD I DO THAT? 184 00:08:27,708 --> 00:08:29,209 - YOU TOLD HER YOU AGREED WITH HER. 185 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:31,945 YOU'RE ON HER SIDE. MY OWN MOTHER. 186 00:08:31,979 --> 00:08:35,015 - WHAT I SAID WAS, I WAS NOT ON ANYONE'S SIDE, 187 00:08:35,048 --> 00:08:37,685 TO THINK OF ME LIKE SWITZERLAND. 188 00:08:37,718 --> 00:08:39,620 - WHAT, A HAVEN FOR NAZI GOLD? 189 00:08:39,653 --> 00:08:41,622 - NEUTRAL. 190 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,223 ALL I CARE ABOUT IS THAT KID. 191 00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:44,892 - SO DO I. 192 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:45,959 THAT'S WHY I WANT HER IN A LOVING HOME 193 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,194 WITH TWO PARENTS. 194 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:50,898 WHY IS THAT SO HARD TO COMPREHEND? 195 00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:52,332 - WHAT'S HARD TO COMPREHEND 196 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,167 IS HOW ANGRY YOU HAVE BEEN AT ME 197 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:57,170 ALL THESE YEARS FOR BEING A SINGLE MOM. 198 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,840 AND HERE I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE MADE IT THROUGH JUST FINE, 199 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:03,310 YOU AND ME, THE TWO MUSKETEERS. 200 00:09:03,343 --> 00:09:05,679 BUT APPARENTLY NOT. 201 00:09:05,713 --> 00:09:07,681 WELL, I'M SORRY I COULDN'T GIVE YOU 202 00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:10,350 EVERYTHING YOU WANTED. 203 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:13,954 BUT I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I COULD. 204 00:09:20,961 --> 00:09:23,330 - YOU ARE THE LUCKIEST FUCK IN PITTSBURGH. 205 00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:25,866 - AS IF THAT WERE REASON TO BARGE INTO MY OFFICE. 206 00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:27,000 - I FOUND YOU A BUYER. 207 00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:29,937 - HOORAY. 208 00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,104 WHAT AM I SELLING? 209 00:09:31,138 --> 00:09:33,006 - BABYLON. 210 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:35,375 YEAH. A CONSORTIUM WANTS TO BUILD A GALLERIA, 211 00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:36,944 AND THEY'RE WILLING TO BUY OUT YOUR LEASE 212 00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:40,948 AT A VERY GOOD PRICE. 213 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:44,151 WELL, AREN'T YOU EXCITED? RELIEVED? OVERJOYED? 214 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:45,619 I MEAN, IN ANOTHER COUPLE OF WEEKS, YOU WOULD'VE 215 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,887 HAD TO TAKE OUT LOANS AGAINST KINNETIK 216 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,388 TO PAY FOR THAT FERKAKTA CLUB. 217 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,990 - YEAH, UNLESS I TURN IT AROUND. 218 00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:52,292 - NOT EVEN RAGE COULD ACCOMPLISH THAT FEAT. 219 00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:55,095 OH, AND THE BEAUTY PART IS, WE'LL WRITE IT OFF. 220 00:09:55,128 --> 00:09:56,697 YOU CAN USE IT FOR A TAX DEDUCTION. 221 00:09:56,730 --> 00:10:00,133 - THAT SOUNDS LIKE GOOD, PRACTICAL ADVICE. 222 00:10:00,167 --> 00:10:04,137 JUST WALK AWAY, LEAVE IT TO THE DEVELOPERS. 223 00:10:05,272 --> 00:10:06,974 HUH. 224 00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,842 AND AFTER THEY FINISH TURNING BABYLON 225 00:10:08,876 --> 00:10:12,846 INTO THE MALL OF AMERICA, THEN WHAT? 226 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,381 MAKE WOODY'S INTO A WALMART? 227 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:16,750 TORSO INTO TARGET? - [sighs] 228 00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:19,386 - THE DINER INTO AN OLIVE GARDEN? 229 00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:21,254 I'M SORRY, THEODORE, 230 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,056 I'M SURE THERE ARE MILLIONS OF FAGGOTS 231 00:10:23,090 --> 00:10:24,391 WHO'D LIKE NOTHING MORE THAN TO WALK 232 00:10:24,424 --> 00:10:26,259 THE STRAIGHT AND NARROW. 233 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,395 BUT I'D SOONER DIE THAN SEE LIBERTY AVENUE 234 00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:33,233 HOMOGENIZED AND DE-HOMO-IZED. 235 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:36,403 - HI, HON. 236 00:10:36,436 --> 00:10:38,205 - HI, SWEETHEART. HOW WAS YOUR DAY? 237 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,740 - WELL, IF YOU CARE TO TAKE OFF YOUR COAT 238 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:40,908 AND STICK AROUND FOR A WHILE, 239 00:10:40,941 --> 00:10:42,275 I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT. 240 00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,410 - I'D LIKE TO TAKE OFF MORE THAN THAT, 241 00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:45,045 BUT I'M LATE FOR MY SHIFT. 242 00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,780 THERE'S SAUSAGE AND RIGATONI ON THE STOVE. 243 00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:49,783 BE CAREFUL 'CAUSE THE SAUSAGES ARE REAL GARLICKY. 244 00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:53,687 - WE'LL JUST HAVE TO PUT SOME BREATH MINTS BY THE BED. 245 00:10:55,188 --> 00:10:56,356 WHEN WILL YOU BE BACK? 246 00:10:56,389 --> 00:10:58,692 - AROUND 1:00. - PERFECT. 247 00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:02,329 I'LL BE ASLEEP AROUND 12:59. 248 00:11:02,362 --> 00:11:04,965 YOU KNOW, WHEN WE DECIDED TO LIVE TOGETHER, 249 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:07,768 I ACTUALLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE AT THE SAME TIME. 250 00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,871 - YOU KNOW IT ISN'T ALWAYS LIKE THIS. 251 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:17,711 - I DON'T WANT TO COME HOME TO SAUSAGE AND RIGATONI. 252 00:11:17,745 --> 00:11:21,181 I WANT TO COME HOME TO SAUSAGE AND RIGATONI AND YOU. 253 00:11:21,214 --> 00:11:23,050 - AS SOON AS BETTY'S BACK FROM HER SURGERY, 254 00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,317 I WON'T HAVE TO DO ANY MORE LATE SHIFTS. 255 00:11:24,351 --> 00:11:26,486 - WHY DO YOU HAVE TO DO ANY SHIFTS? 256 00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,121 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 257 00:11:28,155 --> 00:11:29,823 - YOU KILL YOURSELF DOWN AT THE DINER, 258 00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,258 ON YOUR FEET DAY AND NIGHT. WHY? 259 00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:32,926 - IT'S WHAT I DO. 260 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,461 IT'S WHAT I'VE ALWAYS DONE. 261 00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,396 - THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO KEEP ON DOING IT. 262 00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,265 - WHAT DO I DO FOR MONEY, PRINT IT? 263 00:11:38,298 --> 00:11:39,366 YOU'D ARREST ME. 264 00:11:39,399 --> 00:11:42,069 - I HAVE MONEY. 265 00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,738 - CARL, I'VE NEVER LIVED OFF ANYONE. 266 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,473 I'VE NEVER ASKED FOR SO MUCH AS A DIME. 267 00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,275 I DON'T INTEND TO START NOW. 268 00:11:48,308 --> 00:11:49,943 - YOU'RE NOT ASKING. 269 00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,345 I'M OFFERING. 270 00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:54,848 SWEETHEART, YOU'VE BEEN LOOKING AFTER OTHERS 271 00:11:54,882 --> 00:11:56,483 PRACTICALLY YOUR WHOLE LIFE. 272 00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:59,853 DON'T YOU DESERVE A LITTLE TIME FOR YOURSELF? 273 00:11:59,887 --> 00:12:01,989 FOR US? 274 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,492 - OKAY, EVERYONE, I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET EMMETT HONEYCUTT, 275 00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:06,760 OUR NEW QUEER GUY. 276 00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:08,228 - [laughs] 277 00:12:08,261 --> 00:12:10,363 I'M SO EXCITED TO BE HERE AND MEET YOU ALL. 278 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,099 HOPE I DON'T WET MYSELF. 279 00:12:12,132 --> 00:12:13,533 - JAKE ANDERS, OUR NEWS ANCHOR. 280 00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,535 - OH MY GOD, YOU'RE EVEN HOTTER IN PERSON, 281 00:12:15,568 --> 00:12:17,270 IF THAT'S POSSIBLE. 282 00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,006 EVERY GAY BOY'S DREAM. 283 00:12:19,039 --> 00:12:20,540 - MIRA YAMASUSHI, OUR CO-ANCHOR. 284 00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:22,542 - I LOVE YOUR HAIR. 285 00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:25,145 I-IT'S SO MUCH MORE FLATTERING THAN THE LUCY-RED CURLS 286 00:12:25,178 --> 00:12:26,880 YOU HAD DURING THE MONICA LEWINSKY SCANDAL. 287 00:12:26,914 --> 00:12:28,782 - BUD LOCKWOOD, SPORTS. 288 00:12:28,816 --> 00:12:30,150 - OH, UM, BETWEEN YOU AND ME, BUD, 289 00:12:30,183 --> 00:12:31,852 I USUALLY GO FOR A PEE WHEN SPORTS ARE UP. 290 00:12:31,885 --> 00:12:33,520 BUT IT'S A PLEASURE. 291 00:12:33,553 --> 00:12:36,323 - AND OUR WEATHERMAN... - JOHNNY MEMPHIS! 292 00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,125 [laughs] I SWEAR BY YOU. 293 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:39,392 WHEN YOU SAID IT WAS GOING TO RAIN THE DAY 294 00:12:39,426 --> 00:12:40,928 OF GAY PRIDE, ALL THOSE SILLY QUEENS 295 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,529 LAUGHED AT ME FOR BRINGING AN UMBRELLA, 296 00:12:42,562 --> 00:12:43,897 BUT GUESS WHOSE HAIR AND GOWN SURVIVED 297 00:12:43,931 --> 00:12:45,132 THAT 40-MILE-AN-HOUR COLD FRONT 298 00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,067 BLOWING IN FROM THE NORTH? 299 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,436 YEAH. 300 00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:51,538 WELL... [laughs] 301 00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:56,409 IT'S, UH, GREAT TO, UM-- TO BE PART OF THE TEAM. 302 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,311 YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE WAY THEY LOOKED AT ME, 303 00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:02,149 LIKE I WAS SOME ALIEN FROM URANUS. 304 00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,550 NO MATTER WHAT ANYONE SAYS, IT'S A RELIEF 305 00:13:03,583 --> 00:13:05,452 TO COME BACK TO OUR HOME SWEET HOMO. 306 00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:06,920 - YEAH, I USED TO FEEL THE SAME WAY 307 00:13:06,954 --> 00:13:08,555 AFTER A DAY AT WERTSHAFTERS. 308 00:13:08,588 --> 00:13:10,157 - YEAH, BUT YOU CAN PASS FOR STRAIGHT. 309 00:13:10,190 --> 00:13:11,558 MY FLAME'S ALWAYS BURNED TOO BIG 310 00:13:11,591 --> 00:13:12,826 AND TOO BRIGHT FOR THAT. 311 00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,561 - THEN CAN YOU HEAT UP MY SOUP? 312 00:13:14,594 --> 00:13:16,196 - YOU KNOW, WHENEVER I'VE TRIED TO PLAY ON A TEAM, 313 00:13:16,229 --> 00:13:19,299 I ALWAYS ENDED UP ON THE BENCH. 314 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:23,170 I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN THIS TIME. 315 00:13:23,203 --> 00:13:26,173 - FUCK! - WHAT'S WRONG, DEB? 316 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,441 - OH, IT'S THIS GODDAMN SIGN. 317 00:13:28,475 --> 00:13:30,177 I MEAN, MY "HELP" IS ALL RIGHT, 318 00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,379 BUT I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH ROOM HERE FOR "WANTED," 319 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:35,082 AND I HAVEN'T EVEN GOTTEN AROUND TO "INQUIRE WITHIN". 320 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:38,919 - HERE, LET ME. 321 00:13:38,952 --> 00:13:42,189 - IT SURE HELPS TO HAVE AN ARTIST IN THE FAMILY. 322 00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:46,193 - WHO'S LEAVING? BETTY? KIKI? 323 00:13:46,226 --> 00:13:48,095 - ME. 324 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:49,963 - YOU? 325 00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,932 - WHAT, IS THAT SO HARD TO BELIEVE? 326 00:13:51,965 --> 00:13:55,002 - YOU CAN'T LEAVE THE DINER, DEBBIE, YOU ARE THE DINER. 327 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,636 BESIDES, WHAT WOULD WE DO WITHOUT YOU? 328 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,939 - STILL COMPLAIN THAT YOUR HASH BROWNS AREN'T CRISP ENOUGH 329 00:13:58,972 --> 00:14:00,473 AND YOUR SOUP ISN'T HOT ENOUGH. 330 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,076 DON'T THINK I DIDN'T HEAR THAT. 331 00:14:03,110 --> 00:14:05,012 KEEP PRINTING. 332 00:14:05,045 --> 00:14:08,015 - THERE'S NOT SOMETHING WRONG, IS THERE? 333 00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,350 - HUH? 334 00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:13,653 OH. HELL, NO. 335 00:14:13,686 --> 00:14:15,555 IT'S JUST THAT I'VE SPENT THE LAST 25 YEARS 336 00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:20,360 LISTENING TO THESE BOYS COMPLAIN ABOUT NOT FINDING A MAN. 337 00:14:20,393 --> 00:14:23,897 WELL, I'VE FINALLY FOUND ONE. 338 00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:27,534 EXCEPT I'M NEVER HOME WITH HIM. I MEAN, HOW DUMB IS THAT? 339 00:14:27,567 --> 00:14:29,302 - BUT WHAT'LL YOU DO? 340 00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,972 - HMM, THERE'S ALWAYS SOME BRIGHT NEW CHALLENGE, 341 00:14:32,005 --> 00:14:35,008 SOME SHINING NEW ADVENTURE. 342 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,110 - LIKE YOU. YOU WENT OFF TO FUCKING HOLLYWOOD. 343 00:14:37,144 --> 00:14:41,148 - HUH. BUT I CAME BACK TO FUCKING PITTSBURGH. 344 00:14:41,181 --> 00:14:42,515 WHAT IF YOU WANT TO COME BACK BUT YOU CAN'T 345 00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:44,117 BECAUSE SOMEONE TOOK YOUR PLACE? 346 00:14:44,151 --> 00:14:46,920 - UH-UH, HONEY. WHEN I'M GONE, I'M GONE. 347 00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,421 I'M DONATING MY VEST AND MY T-SHIRTS 348 00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:51,424 TO THE SMITHSONIAN, AND IT IS SO LONG, LIBERTY DINER, 349 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:56,263 AND HELLO, LIBERTY. 350 00:14:56,296 --> 00:14:58,198 WOW. 351 00:14:58,231 --> 00:15:01,468 THAT'S NOT A SIGN. THAT'S A WORK OF ART. 352 00:15:08,175 --> 00:15:10,077 - [grunts] 353 00:15:16,049 --> 00:15:17,550 NOT BAD. 354 00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:19,486 - IT'S BRILLIANT. 355 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:22,022 - [laughs] 356 00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:24,958 - AN ARTIST CAN NEVER HAVE TOO HIGH AN OPINION OF HIMSELF. 357 00:15:24,992 --> 00:15:27,494 - THEY WERE GOING TO BE PART OF MY FINAL SCHOOL PROJECT. 358 00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:28,561 - THEY STILL CAN. 359 00:15:28,595 --> 00:15:30,330 - NO, IT'S TOO LATE. 360 00:15:30,363 --> 00:15:32,232 - AFTER HOLLYWOOD, 361 00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,167 IT WOULD FEEL LIKE A PREQUEL. 362 00:15:34,201 --> 00:15:37,971 - AND NOT A VERY GOOD ONE. 363 00:15:38,005 --> 00:15:40,107 I'M GOING TO TAKE MY TIME, LOOK AROUND, 364 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:43,176 FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO NEXT. 365 00:15:43,210 --> 00:15:44,511 - I'VE GOT IT. 366 00:15:44,544 --> 00:15:46,446 HOW ABOUT A FULL-TIME CAREER 367 00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:51,451 AT ONE OF PITTSBURGH'S TOP ADVERTISING AGENCIES? 368 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,320 - THANKS. 369 00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:57,224 IT'S TIME I MAKE MY OWN WAY IN THE WORLD. 370 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,330 - JUST AS WELL, SINCE I HEAR THE GUY WHO OWNS IT 371 00:16:03,363 --> 00:16:05,065 IS ABOUT TO LOSE HIS SHIRT. 372 00:16:05,098 --> 00:16:08,335 - I'M SURE HE'LL SURVIVE, AS HE ALWAYS DOES... 373 00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:11,104 BEAUTIFULLY. 374 00:16:14,107 --> 00:16:15,508 ARE YOU GOING SOMEWHERE? 375 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:19,246 - TO THE SOON-TO-BE-FORMER BABYLON. 376 00:16:19,279 --> 00:16:21,381 CAN'T LET THE SHIP GO DOWN WITHOUT THE CAPTAIN. 377 00:16:21,414 --> 00:16:23,483 - THIS CLUB BRETT TOOK ME TO IN L.A. 378 00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,352 REALLY KNEW HOW TO WORK IT. 379 00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:28,121 THERE'D BE FAGS LINED UP AROUND THE BLOCK, BEGGING TO GET IN. 380 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:30,490 - IT MUST HAVE BEEN A HELL OF A PLACE. 381 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:33,093 - IT WASN'T THAT DIFFERENT THAN HERE. 382 00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:36,263 THEY JUST MADE IT SEEM LIKE IT WAS. 383 00:16:42,302 --> 00:16:44,771 - SUNSHINE, HOW DID I EVER GET ALONG WITHOUT YOU? 384 00:16:44,804 --> 00:16:47,407 - YOU DIDN'T. 385 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,585 - I WAS AT THE MAISONETTE FOR 12 YEARS. 386 00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:02,055 THEN I DID A 10-YEAR STINT AT CHARLIE'S SMOKE-- 387 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:04,524 [hacking cough] 388 00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,527 SMOKEHOUSE. 389 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,697 UH, FOR THE PAST 19 YEARS, I'VE BEEN AT BUDDHA'S GARDEN, 390 00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:12,799 THE HEALTH FOOD RESTAURANT? 391 00:17:12,832 --> 00:17:15,268 - SO WHY'D YOU LEAVE? - OWNER DIED. 392 00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:18,738 I THINK HE OD'D ON TOFU BURGERS. 393 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,840 [laughs and coughs] 394 00:17:20,873 --> 00:17:22,542 - WELL... 395 00:17:22,575 --> 00:17:25,178 YOU CERTAINLY DO QUALIFY. SO, UM... 396 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,746 I'LL BE IN TOUCH. - THANKS. 397 00:17:26,779 --> 00:17:28,615 [coughs] 398 00:17:28,648 --> 00:17:30,550 OH, BY THE WAY, IS THERE A PLACE AROUND HERE 399 00:17:30,583 --> 00:17:32,685 I CAN GET SOME CIGARETTES? 400 00:17:32,719 --> 00:17:34,454 - YEAH. LIBERTY LIQUOR, RIGHT DOWN THE STREET. 401 00:17:34,487 --> 00:17:36,356 THANKS. [coughs] 402 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:38,091 - HEY, DEB, IT'S ALMOST TIME. 403 00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,692 - I'M COMING! 404 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,361 - READY FOR THE BIG PREMIERE? 405 00:17:41,394 --> 00:17:43,730 - IT SHOULD BE A GREAT WEEKEND FOR SPORTS. JAKE? 406 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,599 - THANKS, BUD. I KNOW I'LL BE WATCHING. 407 00:17:46,633 --> 00:17:50,303 WELL, UP NEXT, A GUY WHO'S NOT EXACTLY AN IRON MAN, 408 00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:53,373 BUT, UH, HOPEFULLY, HE CAN SCORE A FEW POINTS WITH OUR VIEWERS. 409 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:55,308 TONIGHT, WE INTRODUCE THE NEWEST MEMBER 410 00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:56,843 OF THE CHANNEL 5 NEWS TEAM. 411 00:17:56,876 --> 00:17:59,879 OFFERING LIFE FROM A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE, 412 00:17:59,912 --> 00:18:03,583 OUR VERY OWN QUEER GUY. 413 00:18:03,616 --> 00:18:06,586 - THANKS, JAKE. 414 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,856 I'M EMMETT HONEYCUTT, YOUR QUEER GUY, 415 00:18:09,889 --> 00:18:11,858 HERE TO GIVE YOU INSIGHTS AND TIPS 416 00:18:11,891 --> 00:18:14,861 ON HOW TO MAKE YOUR LIFE MORE FABUL-- 417 00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,463 BETTER. 418 00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:17,764 - YOU DIDN'T TELL ME HE WAS THE QUEER GUY 419 00:18:17,797 --> 00:18:19,866 FOR THE 700 CLUB. - SHUSH! 420 00:18:19,899 --> 00:18:21,534 - SO, GUYS-- [clears throat] 421 00:18:21,568 --> 00:18:23,370 I MEAN, MEN, 422 00:18:23,403 --> 00:18:27,274 SAY YOU'RE ABOUT TO LEAN IN A-AND KISS YOUR...GIRL. 423 00:18:27,307 --> 00:18:30,210 YOU'VE BRUSHED YOUR TEETH, COMBED YOUR HAIR, 424 00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:32,479 EVEN SPLASHED ON YOUR AFTERSHAVE. 425 00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:34,414 BUT DIDN'T YOU FORGET SOMETHING? 426 00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:35,815 THAT'S RIGHT. 427 00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:38,551 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THOSE PESKY NOSE HAIRS. 428 00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,421 NOTHING TURNS THE LADIES OFF MORE 429 00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:44,691 THAN A JUNGLE COMING OUT OF YOUR NOSTRILS. 430 00:18:44,724 --> 00:18:47,660 A HANDY PAIR OF SCISSORS WILL DO THE TRICK. 431 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:51,664 - NOSE HAIRS? THAT'S HIS BIG OPENING NUMBER? 432 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,366 I MEAN, WOULD WEST SIDE STORY OPEN 433 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:55,568 WITH THE SHARKS AND JETS CLIPPING AWAY? 434 00:18:55,602 --> 00:18:58,838 WOULD FIDDLER OPEN WITH TEVYA TRIMMING ON THE ROOF? 435 00:18:58,871 --> 00:19:00,273 WOULD PHANTOM OF THE OPERA OPEN WITH-- 436 00:19:00,307 --> 00:19:01,441 - GOT IT. 437 00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:02,675 - EXCUSE ME? 438 00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:03,943 - YEAH, HAVE A SEAT, HON. 439 00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,512 I'LL GET YOUR ORDER IN A MINUTE. 440 00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,648 - I'D LIKE TO APPLY FOR THE JOB. 441 00:19:08,681 --> 00:19:10,417 IN THE WINDOW? 442 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:15,788 IT SAYS, "INQUIRE WITHIN." SO I'M INQUIRING... 443 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:18,425 WITHIN. 444 00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:19,792 - WELL, IN THAT CASE... 445 00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,829 - SO, GUYS... - STEP INTO MY OFFICE. 446 00:19:22,862 --> 00:19:25,798 - NEXT DATE, DON'T FORGET TO GARGLE. 447 00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:28,468 DON'T FORGET TO SNIP. 448 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,803 BACK TO YOU, JAKE. 449 00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:34,274 - THANK YOU, QUEER GUY, FOR THAT QUEER ADVICE. 450 00:19:34,307 --> 00:19:37,344 UP NEXT, ARE UMBRELLAS IN OUR FUTURE? 451 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:40,447 JOHNNY MEMPHIS WILL BE HERE WITH THE FIVE-DAY FORECAST. 452 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,683 - MY NAME'S LORETTA PYE. WITH A "Y." 453 00:19:43,716 --> 00:19:47,354 - I'M DEBBIE. WITH AN "I-E". 454 00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:50,323 SO, LORETTA, Y-YOU DONE MUCH WAITRESSING? 455 00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,359 - WELL, DOES WAITING ON MY HUSBAND COUNT? 456 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:53,960 - IT DEPENDS ON THE TIPS. 457 00:19:53,993 --> 00:19:55,995 - NOT TOO GOOD. 458 00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,598 OTHER THAN THAT, I HAVEN'T HAD MUCH EXPERIENCE, 459 00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:03,403 BUT, UM-- BUT NOW, I NEED A JOB. 460 00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:09,442 - DID YOUR HUSBAND PASS ON? 461 00:20:09,476 --> 00:20:11,878 - OH, UM... 462 00:20:11,911 --> 00:20:14,514 HE'S VERY MUCH ALIVE. 463 00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:18,485 HE THREW ME OUT. 464 00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,320 HE CAME HOME UNEXPECTEDLY FROM WORK, 465 00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:23,256 AND HE CAUGHT ME KISSING MY FRIEND, SHERILYN. 466 00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:24,757 WE WERE MAKING CINNAMON BUNS. 467 00:20:24,791 --> 00:20:26,593 YOU KNOW, IT WAS A ONE-TIME THING. 468 00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:29,329 I MEAN, SHE'S MARRIED, SHE'S GOT THREE KIDS. 469 00:20:29,362 --> 00:20:31,631 IT WAS SPUR OF THE MOMENT. 470 00:20:31,664 --> 00:20:33,600 I MEAN, WE WERE LICKING THE ICING SPOON, 471 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:37,670 AND ONE LICK LED TO ANOTHER, AND-- 472 00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,473 I SHOULDN'T HAVE TOLD YOU ALL THAT. 473 00:20:40,507 --> 00:20:42,475 HE ALWAYS SAID I TALK TOO MUCH. 474 00:20:42,509 --> 00:20:44,744 - YOU CAN SAY WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT. 475 00:20:44,777 --> 00:20:49,416 HELL, YOU OUGHT TO HEAR ME. 476 00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,951 BUT, UM, LISTEN, WORKING HERE ISN'T EASY. 477 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,753 YOU KNOW, THERE'S-- THERE'S TAKING ORDERS, 478 00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:55,355 THERE'S BALANCING PLATES, THERE'S MAKING SURE 479 00:20:55,388 --> 00:20:58,625 THE CUSTOMERS KEEP THEIR PANTS ON, LITERALLY. 480 00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,059 - I'M A REAL FAST LEARNER. 481 00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,495 ALL MY TEACHERS AT SCHOOL USED TO SAY SO. 482 00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,631 AND I PROMISE I'LL WORK HARD. 483 00:21:04,664 --> 00:21:06,299 - MAYBE SO, HONEY, IT'S JUST-- 484 00:21:06,333 --> 00:21:07,767 - OKAY, LOOK. 485 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:10,770 I KNOW I DON'T HAVE ANY QUALIFICATIONS. 486 00:21:10,803 --> 00:21:15,642 IT'S JUST THAT I ALSO KNOW I CAN'T GO HOME. 487 00:21:15,675 --> 00:21:19,979 SO IF YOU COULD JUST GIVE ME A CHANCE. 488 00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:29,288 FRESHEN YOUR CUP? 489 00:21:33,092 --> 00:21:35,928 - [laughs] 490 00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:37,464 - NOW, IT USED TO BE THE DEFINITION 491 00:21:37,497 --> 00:21:38,965 OF A MOTHER WAS SIMPLE. 492 00:21:38,998 --> 00:21:41,734 IT WAS THE DEAR LADY WHO GAVE BIRTH TO YOU. 493 00:21:41,768 --> 00:21:44,871 SHE WIPED YOUR NOSE, SHE BAKED YOU BROWNIES, AND WHO, 494 00:21:44,904 --> 00:21:46,806 ONCE A YEAR, YOU SENT AN ESPECIALLY TOUCHING 495 00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:48,408 HALLMARK GREETING TO, THANKING HER 496 00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:50,810 FOR HER ENDLESS SACRIFICES. - [chuckles] 497 00:21:50,843 --> 00:21:52,412 - BUT THESE DAYS, IT'S MORE COMPLICATED. 498 00:21:52,445 --> 00:21:54,881 IT'S BIOLOGICAL MOTHERS, SURROGATE MOTHERS, 499 00:21:54,914 --> 00:21:56,683 LESBIAN MOTHERS. 500 00:21:56,716 --> 00:21:58,818 SOON YOU'LL BE SENDING A CARD TO YOURSELF. 501 00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:01,688 "THANKS FOR CLONING ME." 502 00:22:01,721 --> 00:22:02,889 I DIGRESS. 503 00:22:02,922 --> 00:22:05,425 LET'S, UH, GET BACK TO YOUR CASE. 504 00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,760 - WELL, I'M NOT SURE I HAVE ONE. - I AM. 505 00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:09,696 OTHERWISE, I WOULDN'T BE WASTING MY TIME 506 00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:11,097 OR BRIAN'S MONEY. 507 00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:12,699 IN FACT, I'D SAY YOU HAVE A DAMN GOOD ONE, 508 00:22:12,732 --> 00:22:14,834 BASED ON WHAT YOU'VE TOLD ME. 509 00:22:14,867 --> 00:22:17,870 - YOU'RE NOT GOING TO USE WHAT I TOLD YOU? 510 00:22:17,904 --> 00:22:19,105 - EVERYTHING WE'VE DISCUSSED HERE IS, 511 00:22:19,138 --> 00:22:21,741 OF COURSE, CONFIDENTIAL. 512 00:22:21,774 --> 00:22:24,110 BUT I'D BE A FOOL AND A LOUSY LAWYER IF I DIDN'T. 513 00:22:24,143 --> 00:22:26,145 - YOU MUSTN'T. 514 00:22:26,178 --> 00:22:28,481 I SAID SUCH AWFUL THINGS ABOUT BOTH OF THEM. 515 00:22:28,515 --> 00:22:29,482 - WELL, THEY'RE TRUE, AREN'T THEY? 516 00:22:29,516 --> 00:22:30,650 - WELL, YES, BUT-- 517 00:22:30,683 --> 00:22:31,884 - THEN HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO PROVE 518 00:22:31,918 --> 00:22:33,486 YOU'RE JUST AS QUALIFIED 519 00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,788 TO BE JENNY REBECCA'S PARENT AS THEY ARE, 520 00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:38,858 AND TO SHARE IN THE CUSTODY? 521 00:22:38,891 --> 00:22:40,593 - BUT MELANIE'S MY PARTNER-- - WAS. 522 00:22:40,627 --> 00:22:42,128 - AND MICHAEL'S A DEAR, CLOSE FRIEND. 523 00:22:42,161 --> 00:22:44,631 WE CHOSE HIM TO BE OUR BABY'S FATHER. 524 00:22:44,664 --> 00:22:49,001 - ONLY THEY'VE BETRAYED YOU AND NOW YOU CAN'T TRUST THEM. 525 00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:51,971 WHICH IS WHY YOU'VE COME TO ME. 526 00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:58,878 - MR. GABRIEL, IF I SAY THESE THINGS, 527 00:22:58,911 --> 00:23:02,615 THE THINGS YOU WANT ME TO SAY, 528 00:23:02,649 --> 00:23:06,819 THEY'LL NEVER FORGIVE ME-- NEVER. 529 00:23:06,853 --> 00:23:10,022 - WELL, IT'S A LITTLE LATE TO WORRY ABOUT THAT. 530 00:23:10,056 --> 00:23:11,624 BESIDES, WE'RE NOT HERE TO MAKE FRIENDS. 531 00:23:11,658 --> 00:23:13,159 - BUT TO STOOP THAT LOW? 532 00:23:13,192 --> 00:23:15,928 - THAT'S WHY YOU GOT YOURSELF A LAWYER, 533 00:23:15,962 --> 00:23:19,131 SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO. 534 00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:29,041 - DID YOU SEE THAT? - WHAT? 535 00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:32,845 - I'M GETTING CRUISED BY EVERYBODY. 536 00:23:32,879 --> 00:23:34,514 - DID IT EVER OCCUR TO YOU THEY JUST MIGHT BE 537 00:23:34,547 --> 00:23:36,716 LOOKING AT ME? 538 00:23:36,749 --> 00:23:39,051 PROBABLY TO ASK IF I NEED HELP CROSSING THE STREET. 539 00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:40,953 - [scoffs] WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT? 540 00:23:40,987 --> 00:23:43,556 YOU LOOK GREAT FOR YOUR AGE. 541 00:23:43,590 --> 00:23:46,859 I MEAN, FOR ANY AGE. 542 00:23:46,893 --> 00:23:50,196 OH, I GUESS THEY MUST RECOGNIZE ME FROM THE NEWS. 543 00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:51,731 UNLESS ONE'S IN THE MEDIA, ONE DOESN'T REALIZE 544 00:23:51,764 --> 00:23:54,200 THE IMPACT TELEVISION HAS ON ONE. 545 00:23:54,233 --> 00:23:55,668 - ONE ALSO DOESN'T REALIZE HOW ANNOYING 546 00:23:55,702 --> 00:23:57,069 THE USE OF THE WORD "ONE" CAN BE WHEN ONE 547 00:23:57,103 --> 00:23:59,005 KEEPS REPEATING IT. 548 00:23:59,038 --> 00:24:01,741 - ALL RIGHT, MR. GRUMPY-PUSS. 549 00:24:01,774 --> 00:24:03,543 YOU'LL FEEL BETTER ONCE WE GET TO POPPERZ. 550 00:24:03,576 --> 00:24:05,244 - YOU MEAN YOU WILL. 551 00:24:05,277 --> 00:24:07,680 STANDING NEXT TO ME, YOU'LL LOOK AT LEAST TEN YEARS YOUNGER. 552 00:24:07,714 --> 00:24:10,950 - OH, GOD. 553 00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:13,820 HEY, POPPERZ IS THIS WAY. 554 00:24:13,853 --> 00:24:15,221 - AND BABYLON IS THIS WAY. 555 00:24:15,254 --> 00:24:17,990 - BUT WE DON'T WANT TO GO TO BABYLON. 556 00:24:18,024 --> 00:24:20,627 - I HAVE TO STOP BY AND GIVE BRIAN A BODY COUNT. 557 00:24:20,660 --> 00:24:23,630 - APT TERM FOR A MORGUE. 558 00:24:23,663 --> 00:24:25,097 ALL RIGHT, IT SHOULDN'T TAKE LONG. 559 00:24:25,131 --> 00:24:28,735 YOU'LL BE ABLE TO COUNT THEM ON ONE HAND. 560 00:24:28,768 --> 00:24:30,870 - WHAT'S GOING ON? 561 00:24:30,903 --> 00:24:33,840 - BRIAN'S PROBABLY GIVING BLOW JOBS TO GET CUSTOMERS. 562 00:24:33,873 --> 00:24:35,575 HONESTLY, HE HAS NO SHAME. 563 00:24:35,608 --> 00:24:37,577 - YOU. NOT YOU. 564 00:24:37,610 --> 00:24:39,145 NOT YOU. YOU. 565 00:24:39,178 --> 00:24:40,913 - HEY! WHY CAN'T I GET IN? 566 00:24:40,947 --> 00:24:44,584 - OH, LET HIM IN... ON TROLL TUESDAY. 567 00:24:44,617 --> 00:24:46,619 - HEY, CHECK IT OUT, IT'S THE QUEER GUY FROM THE NEWS. 568 00:24:46,653 --> 00:24:48,254 - WHERE DID ALL THESE GUYS COME FROM? 569 00:24:48,287 --> 00:24:51,591 - SEEMS LIKE BABYLON IS ONCE AGAIN THE PLACE TO BE. 570 00:24:51,624 --> 00:24:54,260 - YOU. NOT YOU. NOT YOU. 571 00:24:54,293 --> 00:24:55,728 YOU. 572 00:24:55,762 --> 00:24:57,764 - BRRR. 573 00:24:57,797 --> 00:25:00,266 IT'S CHILLY OUT HERE. 574 00:25:00,299 --> 00:25:03,603 SHALL WE GO IN? - LET'S. 575 00:25:03,636 --> 00:25:07,607 - WHOA, NOT YOU. 576 00:25:07,640 --> 00:25:09,008 - EXCUSE ME? 577 00:25:09,041 --> 00:25:11,878 DO YOU REALIZE WHO I AM? 578 00:25:11,911 --> 00:25:14,647 I HAPPEN TO BE THE CHANNEL 5 QUEER GUY, 579 00:25:14,681 --> 00:25:19,218 WHICH MAKES ME A VERY IMPORTANT HOMOSEXUAL PERSON. 580 00:25:19,251 --> 00:25:21,888 - EACH OF US, IN HIS OWN WAY, 581 00:25:21,921 --> 00:25:24,290 IS UNIQUE AND BEAUTIFUL AND SPECIAL. 582 00:25:24,323 --> 00:25:28,695 BUT THAT DIDN'T GET THEM IN EITHER. 583 00:25:28,728 --> 00:25:30,930 - [scoffs] 584 00:25:33,666 --> 00:25:35,935 - NOT YOU. NOT YOU. YOU. 585 00:25:35,968 --> 00:25:39,038 - THERE'S NOBODY HERE. 586 00:25:39,071 --> 00:25:41,340 - HERE YOU GO, BOYS. 587 00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:43,843 100 FOR YOU. - THANKS. 588 00:25:43,876 --> 00:25:45,778 - 100 FOR YOU. - THANKS. 589 00:25:45,812 --> 00:25:47,179 - 100 FOR YOU. - YEAH, THANKS. 590 00:25:47,213 --> 00:25:49,716 - AND 100 FOR YOU. - THANKS. 591 00:25:49,749 --> 00:25:51,217 - YOU HIRED THOSE GUYS? 592 00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:53,319 - THEY SEEM TO BE DRAWING A NICE CROWD. 593 00:25:53,352 --> 00:25:56,122 - ALL RIGHT, SEE, THE CONCEPT IS WE WANT PEOPLE TO COME IN. 594 00:25:56,155 --> 00:25:57,690 - WELL, WHAT'S THE RUSH? 595 00:25:57,724 --> 00:25:59,659 - IN L.A., THEY'D STAND IN LINE ALL NIGHT. 596 00:25:59,692 --> 00:26:02,328 - THIS ISN'T L.A. - THEODORE... 597 00:26:02,361 --> 00:26:04,931 PERMIT ME TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING. 598 00:26:04,964 --> 00:26:09,368 FAGS ARE NO DIFFERENT THAN PEOPLE. 599 00:26:09,401 --> 00:26:10,870 YOU TELL THEM THEY CAN'T HAVE SOMETHING, 600 00:26:10,903 --> 00:26:11,938 AND IT'S ALL THEY WANT. 601 00:26:11,971 --> 00:26:13,205 AND THEY WON'T GIVE UP 602 00:26:13,239 --> 00:26:15,307 UNTIL THEY GET IT. 603 00:26:19,378 --> 00:26:22,214 NOW, SHALL WE STEP OUTSIDE AND ALLOW 604 00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:26,719 A FEW MORE OF THE "BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE" IN? 605 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:36,128 - TWO PINK PLATE SPECIALS. 606 00:26:36,162 --> 00:26:39,365 - [mouths silently] - ENJOY IT. 607 00:26:39,398 --> 00:26:41,267 MY KNEES ARE SHAKING. I'M A NERVOUS WRECK. 608 00:26:41,300 --> 00:26:42,735 - YOU'RE DOING FINE. 609 00:26:42,769 --> 00:26:43,870 - WHERE'S OUR FOOD? 610 00:26:43,903 --> 00:26:45,137 WE ORDERED IT A YEAR AGO. 611 00:26:45,171 --> 00:26:46,138 - LORETTA. [bell dings] 612 00:26:46,172 --> 00:26:47,139 - IT'S UP NOW. 613 00:26:47,173 --> 00:26:49,742 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 614 00:26:49,776 --> 00:26:52,912 OH, GOD, WHICH IS WHICH? THEY ALL LOOK THE SAME. 615 00:26:52,945 --> 00:26:54,146 - YOU'D LOOK LIKE THIS TOO 616 00:26:54,180 --> 00:26:55,982 IF YOU HAD MELTED CHEESE ALL OVER YOU. 617 00:26:56,015 --> 00:26:58,384 THAT'S A TUNA MELT, THAT'S A CHICKEN MELT, 618 00:26:58,417 --> 00:26:59,385 THAT'S A VEGGIE MELT. 619 00:26:59,418 --> 00:27:00,987 TUNA, CHICKEN, 620 00:27:01,020 --> 00:27:02,121 both: VEGGIE. 621 00:27:02,154 --> 00:27:03,122 THANK YOU. 622 00:27:03,155 --> 00:27:06,392 [mouthing silently] 623 00:27:06,425 --> 00:27:10,863 VEGGIE, CHICKEN, AND TUNA. ENJOY. 624 00:27:10,897 --> 00:27:13,132 - HEY, I DON'T WANT FRIES. 625 00:27:13,165 --> 00:27:14,400 I'M WATCHING MY CARBS. 626 00:27:14,433 --> 00:27:16,035 BRING ME SOME SLAW. 627 00:27:16,068 --> 00:27:18,037 - OOH. 628 00:27:20,439 --> 00:27:23,009 - I GUESS YOU'LL BE DOING EXTRA CRUNCHES AT THE GYM, 629 00:27:23,042 --> 00:27:25,144 'CAUSE WE DON'T SUBSTITUTE UNLESS THERE'S A "PLEASE" 630 00:27:25,177 --> 00:27:26,746 WITH THE REQUEST. 631 00:27:26,779 --> 00:27:29,816 ENJOY. 632 00:27:29,849 --> 00:27:31,183 MOST OF THESE BOYS ARE PRINCES. 633 00:27:31,217 --> 00:27:32,451 ONCE IN A WHILE, YOU GET A QUEEN, 634 00:27:32,484 --> 00:27:34,754 AND WHEN YOU DO, YOU JUST GOT TO TELL HIM 635 00:27:34,787 --> 00:27:37,156 WHERE TO STICK HIS SCEPTER. 636 00:27:37,189 --> 00:27:38,290 - I DON'T KNOW IF I COULD DO THAT. 637 00:27:38,324 --> 00:27:39,692 - WAITRESS! 638 00:27:39,726 --> 00:27:41,027 - THIS IS A DINER, HONEY. 639 00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:42,962 IT'S KILL OR BE KILLED. 640 00:27:42,995 --> 00:27:44,363 - WAITRESS! [snaps fingers] 641 00:27:44,396 --> 00:27:46,332 CHRIST, IS SOMEBODY GOING TO WAIT ON ME, 642 00:27:46,365 --> 00:27:51,070 OR DO I HAVE TO SIT HERE FOR THREE DAYS, LIKE THE LEMON BARS? 643 00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:52,905 - "KILL OR BE KILLED." 644 00:27:52,939 --> 00:27:54,440 - WELL? 645 00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:55,775 ARE YOU GOING TO STAND THERE AND POSE 646 00:27:55,808 --> 00:27:56,909 OR ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE MY ORDER? 647 00:27:56,943 --> 00:27:58,911 - THAT'LL BE A MILKSHAKE 648 00:27:58,945 --> 00:28:01,313 AND A BOWL OF CHICKEN BROTH. 649 00:28:01,347 --> 00:28:02,949 - WHY WOULD I WANT THAT? 650 00:28:02,982 --> 00:28:04,917 - BECAUSE THE NEXT TIME YOU SNAP YOUR FINGERS AT ME, 651 00:28:04,951 --> 00:28:06,853 THE ONLY WAY YOU'RE GOING TO BE ABLE TO SUCK ANYTHING 652 00:28:06,886 --> 00:28:09,822 IS THROUGH A STRAW! 653 00:28:13,960 --> 00:28:16,328 - BY GEORGE, SHE'S FUCKING GOT IT. 654 00:28:16,362 --> 00:28:18,865 YES! 655 00:28:18,898 --> 00:28:20,332 - [whispers] THANK YOU. 656 00:28:20,366 --> 00:28:24,937 [mixed chatter] 657 00:28:24,971 --> 00:28:28,374 - DON? DON, GOT A MINUTE? 658 00:28:30,242 --> 00:28:32,845 I'VE AN IDEA FOR MY NEXT SEGMENT I'D LIKE TO RUN BY YOU. 659 00:28:32,879 --> 00:28:35,214 [chuckles] HEY, BUDDY. 660 00:28:35,247 --> 00:28:37,950 ALREADY STARTING TO FEEL LIKE A MEMBER OF THE TEAM. 661 00:28:37,984 --> 00:28:40,386 UH, NOW THEN, I'D LIKE TO EXPLORE 662 00:28:40,419 --> 00:28:42,088 A SELDOM-SPOKEN-OF CONDITION THAT PLAGUES 663 00:28:42,121 --> 00:28:43,489 OVER 40% OF ALL STRAIGHT MEN. 664 00:28:43,522 --> 00:28:45,024 - AN ENLARGED PROSTATE? 665 00:28:45,057 --> 00:28:47,159 - WEARING BROWN SHOES WITH BLACK SLACKS. 666 00:28:47,193 --> 00:28:49,228 A COMMON FASHION FAUX PAS THAT, 667 00:28:49,261 --> 00:28:51,831 HUMILIATING AS IT MAY BE, CAN BE EASILY CORRECTED. 668 00:28:51,864 --> 00:28:54,801 - HUMILIATING, HUH? 669 00:28:56,202 --> 00:28:59,505 - W--EXCEPT ON SOME MEN, SUCH AS YOURSELF, 670 00:28:59,538 --> 00:29:02,241 WHO HAVE THE SELF-CONFIDENCE TO CARRY IT OFF. 671 00:29:02,274 --> 00:29:03,976 - LOOK, EMMETT, I'M SORRY, 672 00:29:04,010 --> 00:29:06,846 BUT AFTER TOMORROW, THE QUEER GUY'S CANCELLED. 673 00:29:06,879 --> 00:29:09,882 - YOU--CANCELLED? - YEP. 674 00:29:09,916 --> 00:29:11,851 - BUT I-I-I'VE ONLY BEEN ON ONCE. 675 00:29:11,884 --> 00:29:13,853 - THAT WAS ENOUGH. THE AUDIENCE DIDN'T BUY IT 676 00:29:13,886 --> 00:29:15,521 AND NEITHER DID MANAGEMENT. 677 00:29:15,554 --> 00:29:17,523 LOOK, WE WANTED A QUEER GUY, 678 00:29:17,556 --> 00:29:21,894 AND FRANKLY, YOU'RE JUST NOT QUEER ENOUGH. 679 00:29:28,167 --> 00:29:30,002 - MY CLIENT WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION 680 00:29:30,036 --> 00:29:33,039 THAT MS. PETERSON HAD AGREED TO WORK OUT A CUSTODY AGREEMENT 681 00:29:33,072 --> 00:29:35,574 OF THEIR OWN, AFTER MATTERS BETWEEN MS. MARCUS 682 00:29:35,607 --> 00:29:37,810 AND MR. NOVOTNY WERE SETTLED. 683 00:29:37,844 --> 00:29:39,345 - AND WHY SHOULD MY CLIENT TRUST MS. MARCUS 684 00:29:39,378 --> 00:29:41,147 TO CONSIDER HER INTERESTS 685 00:29:41,180 --> 00:29:43,883 WHEN SHE ENLISTED YOUR SERVICES WITHOUT HER KNOWLEDGE? 686 00:29:43,916 --> 00:29:45,151 - AND CONSIDERING THEY'RE IN THE MIDST 687 00:29:45,184 --> 00:29:47,019 OF WHAT WE COULD LABEL A DIVORCE, 688 00:29:47,053 --> 00:29:48,587 MS. PETERSON HAS EVERY REASON AND RIGHT 689 00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:50,289 TO ENGAGE HER OWN LEGAL COUNSEL. 690 00:29:50,322 --> 00:29:52,291 - ALL RIGHT, TOM, I THINK WE CAN ACCEPT 691 00:29:52,324 --> 00:29:53,559 THE FACT THAT YOU'RE HERE 692 00:29:53,592 --> 00:29:55,427 AND HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF LEAVING. 693 00:29:55,461 --> 00:29:57,296 HOWEVER, I WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT 694 00:29:57,329 --> 00:30:00,232 THAT YOUR CLIENT HAS NO LEGAL CLAIMS TO THIS CHILD 695 00:30:00,266 --> 00:30:02,168 SINCE SHE'S NEITHER THE BIOLOGICAL 696 00:30:02,201 --> 00:30:04,170 NOR THE ADOPTIVE MOTHER. 697 00:30:04,203 --> 00:30:05,972 - COME ON, BOBBI. 698 00:30:06,005 --> 00:30:07,907 SHE LIVED IN A COMMON LAW ARRANGEMENT WITH YOUR CLIENT 699 00:30:07,940 --> 00:30:09,108 FOR TEN YEARS. 700 00:30:09,141 --> 00:30:10,843 THEY HAD A COMMITMENT CEREMONY. 701 00:30:10,877 --> 00:30:13,312 SHE WAS THE PRIMARY CAREGIVER OF THEIR FIRST CHILD. 702 00:30:13,345 --> 00:30:15,514 SHE INSEMINATED YOUR CLIENT WITH MR. NOVOTNY'S SPERM, 703 00:30:15,547 --> 00:30:17,116 SUPPORTED HER THROUGH HER PREGNANCY. 704 00:30:17,149 --> 00:30:18,918 - WHILE SHE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR. 705 00:30:18,951 --> 00:30:20,586 - IT'S A SINGLE SEXUAL ENCOUNTER. 706 00:30:20,619 --> 00:30:22,855 - OH, I-I DIDN'T REALIZE JUST ONE TIME DOESN'T COUNT. 707 00:30:22,889 --> 00:30:25,057 - FOR WHICH I HAVE APOLOGIZED AD NAUSEAM. 708 00:30:25,091 --> 00:30:26,859 - I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT MS. MARCUS 709 00:30:26,893 --> 00:30:28,460 HAS ENGAGED IN HER OWN INFIDELITIES. 710 00:30:28,494 --> 00:30:30,062 - THAT WAS BEFORE WE WERE MARRIED. 711 00:30:30,096 --> 00:30:32,064 - EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT THE HELL HAS AN AFFAIR 712 00:30:32,098 --> 00:30:34,533 GOT TO DO WITH BEING A GOOD PARENT? 713 00:30:34,566 --> 00:30:36,235 - MORE TO THE POINT. 714 00:30:36,268 --> 00:30:39,471 MS. MARCUS, ON MORE THAN ONE OCCASION, 715 00:30:39,505 --> 00:30:41,941 HAS ENDANGERED THE LIFE OF HER UNBORN CHILD... 716 00:30:41,974 --> 00:30:44,977 BY REFUSING TO LISTEN TO HER OWN DOCTOR'S ORDERS, 717 00:30:45,011 --> 00:30:46,345 OVER-WORKING TO THE POINT OF EXHAUSTION, 718 00:30:46,378 --> 00:30:47,479 ALMOST CAUSING A MISCARRIAGE. 719 00:30:47,513 --> 00:30:50,616 - IS THAT WHAT YOU SAID? 720 00:30:50,649 --> 00:30:52,118 THAT'S A GODDAMN EXAGGERATION. 721 00:30:52,151 --> 00:30:53,953 - MEL. - NO, I WAS FINE. 722 00:30:53,986 --> 00:30:55,154 - YOU WERE NOT FINE. 723 00:30:55,187 --> 00:30:56,422 - WHICH HARDLY QUALIFIES HER 724 00:30:56,455 --> 00:30:57,656 AS A BETTER MOTHER THAN MS. PETERSON, 725 00:30:57,689 --> 00:31:00,126 BIOLOGICAL OR OTHERWISE. 726 00:31:00,159 --> 00:31:02,428 IN FACT, AS BIOLOGICAL MOTHER OF THEIR FIRST CHILD, 727 00:31:02,461 --> 00:31:04,163 I'D SAY MY CLIENT WAS MORE QUALIFIED 728 00:31:04,196 --> 00:31:06,298 THAN EITHER MS. MARCUS OR MR. NOVOTNY. 729 00:31:06,332 --> 00:31:09,101 - EXPERIENCE IS NOT A QUALIFICATION FOR PARENTHOOD. 730 00:31:09,135 --> 00:31:11,971 WHAT FIRST-TIME PARENT HAS EXPERIENCE? 731 00:31:12,004 --> 00:31:13,439 YOU LEARN ON THE JOB. 732 00:31:13,472 --> 00:31:16,508 THE FACT REMAINS THAT YOUR CLIENT HAS NO CLAIMS, 733 00:31:16,542 --> 00:31:18,978 BIOLOGICAL OR LEGAL. 734 00:31:19,011 --> 00:31:20,246 - WHAT SHE HAS IS A MORAL CLAIM. 735 00:31:20,279 --> 00:31:22,314 IT'S FAR MORE THAN MR. NOVOTNY. 736 00:31:22,348 --> 00:31:25,117 WELL, LET'S FACE IT, HE'S A SPERM DONOR 737 00:31:25,151 --> 00:31:27,119 WITH AN OVER-INFLATED SENSE OF HIS OWN CONTRIBUTION-- 738 00:31:27,153 --> 00:31:28,320 - HEY! 739 00:31:28,354 --> 00:31:29,321 - AS WELL AS BEING MORALLY UNFIT. 740 00:31:29,355 --> 00:31:31,123 - WHAT ARE YOU IMPLYING? 741 00:31:31,157 --> 00:31:32,992 - HE LIVES WITH TWO HIV-POSITIVE MEN, 742 00:31:33,025 --> 00:31:35,394 ONE OF WHOM IS A MALE PROSTITUTE. 743 00:31:35,427 --> 00:31:37,896 - IS THAT WHAT YOU TOLD HIM? 744 00:31:40,032 --> 00:31:44,403 HE'S A FORMER PROSTITUTE WHO WAS ABUSED BY HIS MOTHER! 745 00:31:44,436 --> 00:31:47,073 - MR. NOVOTNY ALSO HAS A HISTORY OF RECREATIONAL DRUG USE, 746 00:31:47,106 --> 00:31:49,475 ATTENDING KNOWN GAY SEXUAL ESTABLISHMENTS, 747 00:31:49,508 --> 00:31:51,543 WHO MAKES HIS LIVING BY WRITING A VIOLENT, 748 00:31:51,577 --> 00:31:53,479 PORNOGRAPHIC COMIC BOOK. 749 00:31:53,512 --> 00:31:55,481 I BELIEVE IT WOULD TAKE A LOT TO CONVINCE A JUDGE 750 00:31:55,514 --> 00:31:59,918 THAT HE HAS MORE RIGHTS TO THIS BABY THAN MS. PETERSON. 751 00:32:05,591 --> 00:32:09,028 - THANKS A LOT, LINDSAY. 752 00:32:09,061 --> 00:32:11,697 - SO, WE HAVE TWO CHOICES. 753 00:32:11,730 --> 00:32:13,699 WE CAN EITHER WORK OUT AN EQUITABLE AGREEMENT 754 00:32:13,732 --> 00:32:18,437 BETWEEN JENNY REBECCA'S THREE PARENTS... 755 00:32:18,470 --> 00:32:21,707 OR WE CAN GO TO COURT AND LET A JUDGE RESOLVE THIS. 756 00:32:21,740 --> 00:32:24,676 IT'S YOUR DECISION. 757 00:32:29,081 --> 00:32:30,582 - LIPO. 758 00:32:30,616 --> 00:32:31,650 LIPO. 759 00:32:31,683 --> 00:32:34,453 BUTT LIFT. 760 00:32:34,486 --> 00:32:36,188 LIPO AND BROW LIFT. 761 00:32:36,222 --> 00:32:38,457 - HEY, WHY DON'T YOU TRY DOING A LITTLE WORK 762 00:32:38,490 --> 00:32:40,259 INSTEAD OF COUNTING WHO'S HAD WORK DONE? 763 00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:42,528 - AND THE POINT OF THAT WOULD BE? 764 00:32:42,561 --> 00:32:45,731 - TO KEEP YOUR BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT HEALTHY AND IN SHAPE. 765 00:32:45,764 --> 00:32:47,366 - [scoffs] 766 00:32:47,399 --> 00:32:49,135 - OF COURSE, I, PERSONALLY, DON'T NEED IT. 767 00:32:49,168 --> 00:32:51,470 I ONLY DO THIS SO GUYS CAN CHECK OUT MY ASS. 768 00:32:51,503 --> 00:32:52,738 [grunts] 769 00:32:52,771 --> 00:32:55,207 - [laughs] 770 00:32:55,241 --> 00:32:57,676 - YEAH, WELL, CHECK BACK WITH ME WHEN YOU'RE 38--5, 771 00:32:57,709 --> 00:33:01,547 AND THE SUN HAS BEGUN TO SET ON YOUR ENDLESS SUMMER. 772 00:33:01,580 --> 00:33:04,083 - I MEAN, I'VE BEEN COMING TO THE GYM THREE TIMES A WEEK 773 00:33:04,116 --> 00:33:05,551 FOR 18 YEARS. 774 00:33:05,584 --> 00:33:08,420 SO THAT'S, LET'S SEE, UH... 775 00:33:08,454 --> 00:33:11,390 12 TIMES A MONTH TIMES 18... 776 00:33:11,423 --> 00:33:14,626 2,116 HOURS SPENT IN THE GYM. 777 00:33:14,660 --> 00:33:16,228 AND LOOK AT ME. 778 00:33:16,262 --> 00:33:17,763 I'M EXACTLY THE SAME. I TAKE THAT BACK. 779 00:33:17,796 --> 00:33:20,132 ACTUALLY, THERE'S MORE OF ME INSTEAD OF LESS OF ME. 780 00:33:20,166 --> 00:33:22,501 AND NOT WHERE I WANT IT TO BE. 781 00:33:22,534 --> 00:33:23,802 SO WHY NOT JUST HAVE A LITTLE SNIP-AND-CLIP 782 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:25,804 AND BE DONE WITH IT? 783 00:33:29,675 --> 00:33:32,111 - I'VE BEEN CANCELLED! 784 00:33:32,144 --> 00:33:34,513 AFTER TODAY, THE QUEER GUY'S GONE. 785 00:33:34,546 --> 00:33:36,248 AND DO YOU KNOW WHY? 786 00:33:36,282 --> 00:33:39,651 BECAUSE THEY THOUGHT I WASN'T QUEER ENOUGH. ME! 787 00:33:39,685 --> 00:33:41,453 I MEAN, I'VE BEEN CALLED MANY, MANY THINGS, 788 00:33:41,487 --> 00:33:45,557 BUT NEVER "NOT QUEER ENOUGH." 789 00:33:45,591 --> 00:33:48,794 - IT'S NOT ONLY UNCONSCIONABLE, IT'S UNFATHOMABLE. 790 00:33:48,827 --> 00:33:50,529 - I MEAN, YOU SAW ME. 791 00:33:50,562 --> 00:33:52,698 WAS I NOT THE QUEEREST THING ON GOD'S EARTH? 792 00:33:52,731 --> 00:33:54,533 - ACTUALLY, YOU SEEMED A LITTLE BIT-- 793 00:33:54,566 --> 00:33:56,735 - RESERVED. 794 00:33:56,768 --> 00:33:58,537 - RESERVED? 795 00:33:58,570 --> 00:34:02,341 WELL, UH, YOU KNOW, JUST NOT YOUR USUAL FLAMBOYANT SELF. 796 00:34:02,374 --> 00:34:05,144 - WELL, I'M A NEWSMAN NOW. 797 00:34:05,177 --> 00:34:08,680 I-I HAD TO LOWER THE FLAME A BIT. 798 00:34:08,714 --> 00:34:10,582 I-I MEAN, I FIGURED IF I WAS TOO FLAMBOYANT, 799 00:34:10,616 --> 00:34:12,151 I MIGHT TURN PEOPLE OFF. 800 00:34:12,184 --> 00:34:14,720 - YEAH, WELL, INSTEAD, THEY TURNED YOU OFF. 801 00:34:14,753 --> 00:34:18,190 I BELIEVE THERE'S A PROFOUND LIFE LESSON IN THIS. 802 00:34:18,224 --> 00:34:19,691 - THEY HIRED YOU BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T WANT 803 00:34:19,725 --> 00:34:21,427 SOME STIFF STRAIGHT GUY WHO LOOKS LIKE 804 00:34:21,460 --> 00:34:22,828 HE HAS A POKER UP HIS ASS. 805 00:34:22,861 --> 00:34:24,496 - THEY WANTED SOME GAY GUY WHO LOOKED LIKE 806 00:34:24,530 --> 00:34:25,864 HE HAD A FIST UP HIS ASS. 807 00:34:25,897 --> 00:34:28,700 - THEY WANTED YOU, EMMETT HONEYCUTT. 808 00:34:28,734 --> 00:34:32,238 - THE QUEEREST, NELLIEST HO-HO-HOMO 809 00:34:32,271 --> 00:34:36,408 IN THE HO-HO-WHOLE WIDE WORLD. 810 00:34:42,248 --> 00:34:44,316 - YOU HAVEN'T TOUCHED YOUR DRINK. 811 00:34:44,350 --> 00:34:46,318 - I DIDN'T BUY IT TO DRINK. 812 00:34:46,352 --> 00:34:49,255 I BOUGHT IT TO STARE INTO, DEJECTEDLY. 813 00:34:49,288 --> 00:34:51,723 - YOU'RE DOING A HELL OF A JOB. 814 00:34:51,757 --> 00:34:54,626 - NOT HALF THE JOB THAT LINDSAY'S LAWYER DID ON ME. 815 00:34:54,660 --> 00:34:58,730 HE MADE ME SOUND LIKE SOME KIND OF DEPRAVED DRUG USER, 816 00:34:58,764 --> 00:35:01,600 A PORNOGRAPHER, A SEX FIEND. 817 00:35:01,633 --> 00:35:03,469 - DON'T CHANGE YOUR HAIR FOR ME, 818 00:35:03,502 --> 00:35:04,503 NOT IF YOU CARE FOR ME. 819 00:35:04,536 --> 00:35:06,638 - FUCK OFF! 820 00:35:06,672 --> 00:35:08,807 - NICE TO SEE YOU TOO. 821 00:35:08,840 --> 00:35:10,742 OUT ENJOYING YOURSELVES. 822 00:35:10,776 --> 00:35:13,479 ALTHOUGH, NOW THAT YOU'VE SETTLED INTO DOMESTIC BLISS, 823 00:35:13,512 --> 00:35:14,746 I ASSUMED YOU NO LONGER FREQUENTED 824 00:35:14,780 --> 00:35:16,682 SUCH DUBIOUS ESTABLISHMENTS. 825 00:35:16,715 --> 00:35:18,884 - NOTHING WRONG WITH HAVING A DRINK WITH OUR FRIENDS. 826 00:35:18,917 --> 00:35:23,622 - YEAH, NOTICE, KEYWORD: "FRIENDS." 827 00:35:23,655 --> 00:35:28,227 YOU HIRED THAT LAWYER FOR LINDSAY, DIDN'T YOU? 828 00:35:28,260 --> 00:35:29,895 NEVER MIND, IT'S OBVIOUS. HOW ELSE COULD SHE AFFORD HIM? 829 00:35:29,928 --> 00:35:31,530 SHE CAN BARELY AFFORD HER APARTMENT. 830 00:35:31,563 --> 00:35:33,532 - IF BRIAN WANTS TO PAY FOR LINDSAY'S LAWYER, 831 00:35:33,565 --> 00:35:35,767 IT'S HIS MONEY AND NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 832 00:35:35,801 --> 00:35:37,303 - WELL SAID, PROFESSOR. 833 00:35:37,336 --> 00:35:38,770 - THE HELL IT'S NOT! 834 00:35:38,804 --> 00:35:41,507 YOU'RE MY FRIEND. I THOUGHT, MY BEST FRIEND. 835 00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:43,775 - I AM. - THEN WHY ARE YOU HELPING HER? 836 00:35:43,809 --> 00:35:45,444 - I WOULD'VE DONE THE SAME FOR YOU. 837 00:35:45,477 --> 00:35:47,179 - WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR ME IS STAY THE HELL OUT OF IT. 838 00:35:47,213 --> 00:35:48,847 THANKS TO YOUR UNBIASED GENEROSITY, 839 00:35:48,880 --> 00:35:52,251 WE'RE NOW SPLITTING JENNY REBECCA THREE WAYS. 840 00:35:52,284 --> 00:35:54,386 - ALL THESE GAYS HAVING KIDS. 841 00:35:54,420 --> 00:35:57,823 NOW, I ASK YOU, WHAT'S THE WORLD COMING TO? 842 00:35:57,856 --> 00:36:00,526 LINDSAY'S HER PARENT TOO. 843 00:36:00,559 --> 00:36:02,461 SHE HAS AS MUCH RIGHT TO SHARE CUSTODY 844 00:36:02,494 --> 00:36:05,364 AS YOU AND MEL. 845 00:36:11,637 --> 00:36:12,971 - YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES, I SWEAR, 846 00:36:13,004 --> 00:36:14,273 IT'S LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW 847 00:36:14,306 --> 00:36:16,675 WHO THE FUCK HE IS ANY MORE. 848 00:36:16,708 --> 00:36:21,613 [mixed chatter] 849 00:36:26,618 --> 00:36:28,320 - BE SURE TO SCHEDULE THOSE QUEER GUYS FOR TOMORROW. 850 00:36:28,354 --> 00:36:30,556 OKAY? 851 00:36:30,589 --> 00:36:33,225 OKAY, EVERYBODY. [claps] 852 00:36:33,259 --> 00:36:34,693 - PLACES, EVERYONE. 853 00:36:34,726 --> 00:36:36,428 AND WE'RE BACK FROM COMMERCIAL 854 00:36:36,462 --> 00:36:39,431 IN FIVE, FOUR, 855 00:36:39,465 --> 00:36:41,833 THREE, TWO, 856 00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:44,903 ONE. 857 00:36:44,936 --> 00:36:48,006 HI, I'M EMMETT HONEYCUTT, YOUR QUEER GUY, 858 00:36:48,039 --> 00:36:50,709 AND CERTIFIED MEMBER OF THE 4 "F" CLUB. 859 00:36:50,742 --> 00:36:54,012 THAT'S FASHION, FOOD, FURNISHINGS AND, UH... 860 00:36:54,045 --> 00:36:55,747 WE'LL SAVE THE LAST "F" FOR CABLE. 861 00:36:55,781 --> 00:36:57,849 NOW, FOR MY FINAL SEGMENT, 862 00:36:57,883 --> 00:37:00,652 I'M GOING TO SHOW YOU HOW A LITTLE FAIRY DUST 863 00:37:00,686 --> 00:37:05,324 CAN TRANSFORM EVEN THE MOST HOPELESS OF HETEROS. 864 00:37:05,357 --> 00:37:08,527 OH, HERE'S A SORRY SPECIMEN. 865 00:37:08,560 --> 00:37:09,595 AND, UH, YOU ARE? 866 00:37:09,628 --> 00:37:11,597 - UH, CLEM. - CLEM? 867 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:12,798 IS THAT SHORT FOR CLEMENTINE? 868 00:37:12,831 --> 00:37:16,001 [laughs] I DIDN'T THINK SO. 869 00:37:16,034 --> 00:37:18,870 NOW, CLEM, MY DISCERNING QUEER GUY EYE TELLS ME 870 00:37:18,904 --> 00:37:22,341 THAT YOU COULD USE SOME DIVINE INTERVENTION. 871 00:37:22,374 --> 00:37:24,276 UNFORTUNATELY, SHE'S DEAD. 872 00:37:24,310 --> 00:37:25,877 BUT DON'T WORRY... [grunts] 873 00:37:25,911 --> 00:37:28,914 THE QUEER GUY CAN HELP, STARTING... 874 00:37:28,947 --> 00:37:30,516 WITH THE HAIR. 875 00:37:30,549 --> 00:37:31,917 A LITTLE PRODUCT. 876 00:37:31,950 --> 00:37:36,021 [humming] 877 00:37:36,054 --> 00:37:38,757 WORK IT IN, WORK IT IN. WORK IT UP FROM THE ROOTS. 878 00:37:38,790 --> 00:37:41,026 UH, VERY COOL. 879 00:37:41,059 --> 00:37:43,962 NOW, WHAT'S WITH THE SHMATTE YOU'RE WEARING? 880 00:37:43,995 --> 00:37:48,834 FORTUNATELY, I ALWAYS TRAVEL... WITH A SPARE. 881 00:37:48,867 --> 00:37:50,035 THERE YOU GO. 882 00:37:50,068 --> 00:37:51,503 THAT'S A HELPFUL LITTLE TIP 883 00:37:51,537 --> 00:37:53,372 FOR ALL YOU HOT, SWEATY MEN. 884 00:37:53,405 --> 00:37:54,373 - [laughs] 885 00:37:54,406 --> 00:37:55,674 - NOT EVERYONE CAN CARRY OFF 886 00:37:55,707 --> 00:37:57,042 COTTON-CANDY PINK. 887 00:37:57,075 --> 00:37:58,076 YEAH. HUH. 888 00:37:58,109 --> 00:38:00,812 ONE MORE THING. 889 00:38:00,846 --> 00:38:03,649 THE GOOD LORD GAVE US TWO EYEBROWS 890 00:38:03,682 --> 00:38:07,052 FOR A REASON: TO SEPARATE US FROM THE APES. 891 00:38:07,085 --> 00:38:09,388 [razor whirs] 892 00:38:09,421 --> 00:38:11,523 ALL RIGHT. 893 00:38:11,557 --> 00:38:14,493 AND... 894 00:38:15,727 --> 00:38:18,530 [blows] THERE! 895 00:38:18,564 --> 00:38:20,732 WELCOME TO CIVILIZATION. 896 00:38:20,766 --> 00:38:22,934 WOW, CLEM, WHO, UH, KNEW YOU'D TURN OUT 897 00:38:22,968 --> 00:38:24,069 TO BE SUCH A HOTTIE? 898 00:38:24,102 --> 00:38:25,737 [chuckling] 899 00:38:25,771 --> 00:38:27,072 I'M EMMETT HONEYCUTT, 900 00:38:27,105 --> 00:38:29,541 AND THAT'S YOUR QUEER GUY MINUTE. 901 00:38:29,575 --> 00:38:31,843 - AND WE'RE OUT. 902 00:38:31,877 --> 00:38:36,848 [applause] 903 00:38:41,853 --> 00:38:43,422 - HI, MOMMY. 904 00:38:43,455 --> 00:38:47,593 - HEY, LOOK WHO'S HERE! 905 00:38:47,626 --> 00:38:50,862 - OKAY, GUS, HOW ABOUT WE GET A NICE APPLE? 906 00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:54,700 - MWAH. 907 00:38:54,733 --> 00:38:56,835 LOOK WHAT I MADE YOU. 908 00:38:56,868 --> 00:39:00,439 - HMM. JUST WHAT HE NEEDS, SUGAR. 909 00:39:00,472 --> 00:39:03,775 - ONE'S NOT GOING TO KILL HIM. 910 00:39:05,043 --> 00:39:06,445 - YOU CAN SCRAPE HIM 911 00:39:06,478 --> 00:39:07,979 OFF THE CEILING AT 2:00 IN THE MORNING. 912 00:39:08,013 --> 00:39:09,715 - WHEN HE'S WITH YOU, YOU FEED HIM WHAT YOU WANT. 913 00:39:09,748 --> 00:39:11,617 WHEN HE'S WITH ME, I'LL FEED HIM WHAT I WANT. 914 00:39:11,650 --> 00:39:12,984 UNLESS YOU PLAN TO TELL YOUR LAWYER 915 00:39:13,018 --> 00:39:14,586 I'M ABUSING HIM BY FEEDING HIM A BROWNIE. 916 00:39:14,620 --> 00:39:16,388 - I WAS ONLY LOOKING AFTER MY OWN INTERESTS. 917 00:39:16,422 --> 00:39:18,590 - YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN. - SAME AS YOU. 918 00:39:18,624 --> 00:39:19,758 - I TOLD YOU I'D TAKE CARE OF IT, 919 00:39:19,791 --> 00:39:21,393 BUT THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. 920 00:39:21,427 --> 00:39:22,994 SO YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED BY DISCREDITING ME, 921 00:39:23,028 --> 00:39:25,130 BY MAKING IT SEEM AS IF I WAS A LOUSY MOTHER. 922 00:39:25,163 --> 00:39:27,399 - I DIDN'T START THIS CUSTODY BATTLE, 923 00:39:27,433 --> 00:39:28,867 BUT I'LL BE DAMNED IF I WAS GOING TO LOSE JENNY REBECCA 924 00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:32,471 BECAUSE I DIDN'T STAND UP FOR MYSELF. 925 00:39:32,504 --> 00:39:33,939 - SO WHEN DO YOU PLAN TO TAKE OUR DAUGHTER? 926 00:39:33,972 --> 00:39:36,542 - THE LAWYERS WILL SET UP A SCHEDULE. 927 00:39:36,575 --> 00:39:38,043 THEN WE CAN FIGHT OVER WHO GETS TUESDAYS 928 00:39:38,076 --> 00:39:41,046 AND WHO GETS THURSDAYS. 929 00:39:43,449 --> 00:39:45,150 - YOU SURPRISED ME. 930 00:39:45,183 --> 00:39:48,654 I HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE SUCH A KILLER. 931 00:39:48,687 --> 00:39:51,657 - I LEARNED FROM THE MASTER. 932 00:39:53,859 --> 00:39:55,827 [door slams] 933 00:39:59,531 --> 00:40:02,033 WELL, PETE, THAT'S IT. 934 00:40:02,067 --> 00:40:06,705 I JUST DELIVERED MY LAST PINK PLATE SPECIAL. 935 00:40:06,738 --> 00:40:08,574 - WE'RE GOING TO MISS YOU, DEB. 936 00:40:08,607 --> 00:40:10,909 - NAH, I'LL WALK OUT THE FRONT DOOR. 937 00:40:10,942 --> 00:40:13,044 THEY'LL BE SO BUSY CHOWING DOWN, THEY WON'T EVEN NOTICE. 938 00:40:13,078 --> 00:40:15,046 - DEB! 939 00:40:15,080 --> 00:40:16,848 WE GOT A DISASTER AT TABLE THREE. 940 00:40:16,882 --> 00:40:18,049 - LORETTA, HONEY, I'M SURE WHATEVER IT IS, 941 00:40:18,083 --> 00:40:19,084 YOU CAN HANDLE IT. 942 00:40:19,117 --> 00:40:20,085 - NOTHING IN BOOT CAMP 943 00:40:20,118 --> 00:40:21,219 PREPARED ME FOR THIS. 944 00:40:21,252 --> 00:40:22,788 PLEASE! 945 00:40:22,821 --> 00:40:25,090 - ALL RIGHT, I'M COMING. 946 00:40:27,626 --> 00:40:30,061 I CAN'T IMAGINE WHAT'S SO FUCKING IMPORTANT THAT YOU-- 947 00:40:30,095 --> 00:40:32,731 all: * FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD HOMO * 948 00:40:32,764 --> 00:40:35,000 * FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD HOMO * 949 00:40:35,033 --> 00:40:39,738 * FOR SHE'S A JOLLY GOOD HOMO * 950 00:40:39,771 --> 00:40:43,241 * WHICH NOBODY CAN DENY 951 00:40:43,274 --> 00:40:47,078 [cheers and applause] 952 00:40:47,112 --> 00:40:50,682 - TAKE IT OFF! 953 00:40:50,716 --> 00:40:52,584 [cheers and applause] 954 00:40:52,618 --> 00:40:55,587 - I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 955 00:40:55,621 --> 00:40:58,256 EXCEPT NOW I KNOW WHY WE DON'T HAVE A GAY MEN'S CHORUS. 956 00:40:58,289 --> 00:41:00,959 [laughter] - HEY! 957 00:41:00,992 --> 00:41:04,229 - BUT IT'S THE SENTIMENT THAT COUNTS, 958 00:41:04,262 --> 00:41:07,699 AND IN THAT DEPARTMENT, YOU ARE ALL-STARS. 959 00:41:07,733 --> 00:41:10,869 YOU WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART... 960 00:41:12,771 --> 00:41:16,542 JUST LIKE THIS PLACE, ALWAYS. 961 00:41:18,877 --> 00:41:20,879 AND YOU'RE IN GOOD HANDS HERE WITH LORETTA. 962 00:41:20,912 --> 00:41:22,848 ALL RIGHT, SHE'S ACES. DON'T GIVE HER ANY SHIT. 963 00:41:22,881 --> 00:41:27,586 SHE WAS TRAINED BY ME, AND SHE CAN GIVE IT RIGHT BACK. 964 00:41:27,619 --> 00:41:29,020 REMEMBER TO ORDER A VEGETABLE ONCE IN A WHILE. 965 00:41:29,054 --> 00:41:30,922 IT'S NOT GOING TO KILL YOU. 966 00:41:30,956 --> 00:41:33,725 AND PUT A QUARTER OR A BILL THERE IN THE JAR UP FRONT. 967 00:41:33,759 --> 00:41:35,527 IT'S FOR THE VIC GRASSI HOUSE, 968 00:41:35,561 --> 00:41:40,532 A CAUSE THAT IS NEAR AND DEAR TO ME... 969 00:41:40,566 --> 00:41:42,868 LIKE ALL OF YOU. 970 00:41:42,901 --> 00:41:46,137 [applause] 971 00:41:46,171 --> 00:41:49,775 - WE LOVE YOU, DEB. 972 00:41:51,910 --> 00:41:54,512 - THANKS FOR EVERYTHING, DEB. 973 00:41:57,248 --> 00:41:59,551 THANK YOU. 974 00:41:59,585 --> 00:42:03,822 - YEAH, MOM, THANKS FOR EVERYTHING. 975 00:42:03,855 --> 00:42:05,891 - WELL, I'M SURPRISED TO SEE YOU HERE. 976 00:42:05,924 --> 00:42:08,660 - I'VE BEEN COMING HERE ALL MY LIFE. 977 00:42:08,694 --> 00:42:10,028 I REMEMBER SITTING IN THAT BOOTH, 978 00:42:10,061 --> 00:42:11,963 RIGHT OVER THERE, EVERY DAY AFTER SCHOOL. 979 00:42:11,997 --> 00:42:13,832 IT WAS MY SEAT. 980 00:42:13,865 --> 00:42:17,035 AND YOU'D BRING ME-- - A BUTTER-CRUNCH SUNDAE. 981 00:42:17,068 --> 00:42:20,672 - WHILE I DID MY HOMEWORK. 982 00:42:20,706 --> 00:42:22,708 AND ALL THE KIDS WERE SO JEALOUS. 983 00:42:22,741 --> 00:42:24,643 AND THEN WHEN MY BIRTHDAY ROLLED AROUND, 984 00:42:24,676 --> 00:42:27,245 YOU'D COME TO CLASS WITH CUPCAKES AND MILKSHAKES 985 00:42:27,278 --> 00:42:30,181 AND SERVE ALL THE KIDS IN YOUR UNIFORM. 986 00:42:30,215 --> 00:42:33,919 AND SOME OF YOUR LITTLE CLASSMATES EVEN GAVE ME TIPS. 987 00:42:33,952 --> 00:42:38,056 THEY ALL THOUGHT I WAS PRETTY LUCKY. 988 00:42:38,089 --> 00:42:40,592 I WAS PRETTY LUCKY. 989 00:42:40,626 --> 00:42:43,094 - YOU DIDN'T FEEL THAT WAY THE OTHER DAY. 990 00:42:43,128 --> 00:42:45,797 - I KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS FOR YOU... 991 00:42:45,831 --> 00:42:48,700 RAISING ME ALONE. 992 00:42:50,101 --> 00:42:53,238 AND YOU DID MORE THAN MAKE THE BEST OF IT. 993 00:42:53,271 --> 00:42:56,241 YOU WERE THE BEST. 994 00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:13,759 - YOU'RE SUCH A SILLY BOY. - [chuckles] 995 00:43:13,792 --> 00:43:16,762 [dance music] 996 00:43:16,795 --> 00:43:21,266 * 997 00:43:21,299 --> 00:43:24,369 - TO BABYLON. 998 00:43:24,402 --> 00:43:27,372 STILL HERE AND STILL QUEER, 999 00:43:27,405 --> 00:43:30,108 EVEN THOUGH IT WOULD'VE MADE A HELL OF A STARBUCKS. 1000 00:43:30,141 --> 00:43:33,211 - I'LL HAVE A TALL VODKA LATTE, PLEASE. 1001 00:43:39,685 --> 00:43:40,786 - AHH. 1002 00:43:40,819 --> 00:43:48,760 * 1003 00:43:57,703 --> 00:44:00,305 OKAY, LET THEM IN. 1004 00:44:00,338 --> 00:44:03,174 - THAT IS, IF THERE'S ANYONE TO LET IN. 1005 00:44:03,208 --> 00:44:09,080 [mixed chatter] 1006 00:44:16,054 --> 00:44:17,222 HOLY SHIT! 1007 00:44:17,255 --> 00:44:18,890 WOULD YOU LOOK HOW LONG THAT LINE IS? 1008 00:44:18,924 --> 00:44:20,759 - IT'S LONG BUT IS IT REAL? 1009 00:44:20,792 --> 00:44:22,794 - AS THE IMMORTAL JEFF STRYKER ONCE SAID, 1010 00:44:22,828 --> 00:44:24,062 "YOU BET YOUR ASS IT IS." 1011 00:44:24,095 --> 00:44:25,764 - CAN YOU BELIEVE WE GOT IN? 1012 00:44:25,797 --> 00:44:30,168 - WHO CARES IF IT'S TWICE AS MUCH AS POPPERZ? 1013 00:44:30,201 --> 00:44:32,437 - HEY, YOU GOT IN! - IT WASN'T EASY. 1014 00:44:32,470 --> 00:44:35,206 I HAD TO BRIBE THE DOORMAN 20 BUCKS. 1015 00:44:35,240 --> 00:44:36,842 - OH, MY GOD, IT'S THE QUEER GUY. 1016 00:44:36,875 --> 00:44:40,245 I SAW YOU ON TV. YOU'RE FABULOUS. 1017 00:44:40,278 --> 00:44:43,481 - WELL, WHEN ONE HAS THE EYE... 1018 00:44:43,514 --> 00:44:45,851 - MAY I HAVE A DANCE WITH THE QUEER GUY? 1019 00:44:45,884 --> 00:44:48,353 - YOU COULD USE SOME TIPS ON HOW TO SHAKE YOUR TUSH. 1020 00:44:48,386 --> 00:44:50,722 - OKAY, YOU. NOT YOU. NOT YOU. 1021 00:44:50,756 --> 00:44:52,791 * 1022 00:44:52,824 --> 00:44:54,125 - [laughs] 1023 00:44:54,159 --> 00:44:55,927 WELL, I GUARANTEE YOU'LL NEVER FIND 1024 00:44:55,961 --> 00:44:59,230 ANYTHING LIKE THIS AT POTTERY BARN. 1025 00:44:59,264 --> 00:45:01,332 - UH-HUH. 1026 00:45:01,366 --> 00:45:03,401 AND I'LL REFRAIN FROM MENTIONING 1027 00:45:03,434 --> 00:45:07,372 YOU WILL NOT SEE BANANAS LIKE THIS AT BANANA REPUBLIC. 1028 00:45:09,975 --> 00:45:12,811 - [sniffs] 1029 00:45:12,844 --> 00:45:15,080 SO, YOU UP FOR A LITTLE CELEBRATING? 1030 00:45:15,113 --> 00:45:17,415 - [laughs] 1031 00:45:17,448 --> 00:45:22,821 * 1032 00:45:22,854 --> 00:45:26,524 - * YOU'VE GOTTA LIVE OUT LOUD * 1033 00:45:26,557 --> 00:45:30,361 * GOTTA LIVE OUT LOUD 1034 00:45:30,395 --> 00:45:34,099 * GOTTA LIVE OUT LOUD 1035 00:45:34,132 --> 00:45:36,501 * 1036 00:45:36,534 --> 00:45:40,105 * LIFE AIN'T A GAME 1037 00:45:40,138 --> 00:45:43,909 * LIFE AIN'T A GAME, OHH 1038 00:45:43,942 --> 00:45:48,880 * LIFE AIN'T A GAME 1039 00:45:48,914 --> 00:45:52,784 * WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN' 1040 00:45:52,818 --> 00:45:56,387 * WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN' 1041 00:45:56,421 --> 00:45:59,991 * WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN' 1042 00:46:00,025 --> 00:46:04,863 * LET 'EM HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN' * 1043 00:46:04,896 --> 00:46:06,865 * 1044 00:46:06,898 --> 00:46:10,568 * LET 'EM HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN', YEAH * 1045 00:46:10,601 --> 00:46:14,205 * LET 'EM HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN', YEAH * 1046 00:46:14,239 --> 00:46:18,944 * LET 'EM HEAR WHAT YOU'RE SAYIN', YEAH * 1047 00:46:18,977 --> 00:46:23,314 * 1048 00:46:23,348 --> 00:46:27,085 * OOH OOH OOH 1049 00:46:27,118 --> 00:46:30,889 * OOH OOH OOH 1050 00:46:30,922 --> 00:46:38,864 * 1051 00:46:45,336 --> 00:46:49,908 * YOU'VE GOTTA LIVE OUT LOUD 1052 00:46:49,941 --> 00:46:52,577 * YOU'VE GOT TO 1053 00:46:52,610 --> 00:46:56,848 * YOU'VE GOTTA LIVE OUT LOUD 1054 00:46:56,882 --> 00:46:59,384 * 1055 00:46:59,417 --> 00:47:01,352 * YOU'VE GOT TO, YOU'VE GOT TO * 1056 00:47:01,386 --> 00:47:04,089 * YOU'VE GOT TO 1057 00:47:04,122 --> 00:47:08,927 * YOU'VE GOTTA LIVE OUT LOUD 1058 00:47:08,960 --> 00:47:10,862 * YOU'VE GOT TO, YOU'VE GOT TO * 1059 00:47:10,896 --> 00:47:12,497 * YOU'VE GOT TO 1060 00:47:12,530 --> 00:47:15,333 * YOU'VE GOT TO 1061 00:47:15,366 --> 00:47:19,070 * YOU'VE GOT TO, YOU'VE GOT TO * 1062 00:47:19,104 --> 00:47:22,140 * YOU'VE GOTTA LIVE OUT LOUD 76012

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