All language subtitles for Queer.as.Folk.US.S05E01.Move.and.Leave.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.x264-NTb_track3_eng

- * ONE, TWO, THREE,
FOUR, FIVE, SIX *

* SHAKE IT, DUDE

*

- * CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN

*

* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN

* CUE THE PULSE
TO BEGIN *

* CUE THE PULSE TO BEGIN

[dramatic music]

- IN A WORLD OF SHADOW,

WHERE THE UNDEAD
STALK THE NIGHT,

RAGE AND ZEPHYR
STRUGGLE TO ESCAPE

THE LAND OF THE CLONES.

[clones groaning]

*

- [laughs menacingly]

- * OUT OF TIME

* TIMELESS,
OUT OF TIME *

- YOU KNOW WHAT AMAZES ME?
- WHAT, DEAR?

- OUTSIDE, A CHILD IS BORN.

A MAN DIES.
A COUPLE GETS MARRIED.

- THE EVER CHANGING
KALEIDOSCOPE OF LIFE.

[sniffs]

- IN HERE, NOTHING CHANGES.

EVERYTHING'S THE SAME.

SAME HOT GUYS,

SAME THUMPA-THUMPA,

SAME SHAVED CHESTS.
- HMM. MM.

AND WHAT A COMFORT
IT IS TO KNOW.

- BUT IT'S ALL A LIE,
AN ILLUSION.

JUST...CHEAP THEATRICS.

- NEVERTHELESS,
LET'S KEEP DANCING.

*

- * WE SEE SO MUCH MORE
FROM WHERE WE STAND *

- I PROMISED BEN
I'D BE HOME BY MIDNIGHT.

- OH, PATHETIC.

WELL, BE SURE AND THANK
YOUR HUSBAND FOR ME

FOR ALLOWING YOU
TO COME OUT AND PLAY

WITH YOUR POOR, LONELY FRIEND.

- I NOTICE YOU LEFT OUT "OLD."

WELL, YOU'LL BE
A LOT LESS LONELY

WHEN YOU'RE REUNITED
WITH YOUR BELOVED.

- YEAH, AND YOU'D BETTER
NOT SAY ANYTHING.

- WHEN HAVE I EVER--

FINE. NEVER MIND.

I GIVE YOU MY WORD.

- SWEAR TO IT.

ON THE MEMORY
OF MARILYN MONROE.

- I SWEAR ON THE MEMORY
OF MARILYN MONROE

THAT I WILL NOT TELL JUSTIN

THAT YOU ARE FLYING TO L.A.
THIS WEEKEND

TO SURPRISE HIM
AND THAT YOU LOVE HIM

AND YOU MISS HIM MORE
THAN WORDS CAN EXPRESS.

- AH! WHO SAID ANYTHING
ABOUT THAT?

- LOOK, YOU DON'T FOOL ME,

MR. I-AM-A-ROCK,
I-AM-AN-ISLAND.

I KNOW HOW HARD
THIS HAS BEEN FOR YOU.

- HMM, YOU HAVE NO IDEA,
MIKEY, HOW HARD.

[both moaning]

- HEY, TODD.

HOW'S IT GOING?

- FINE.

[cell phone rings]

- HEY, DICKHEAD, TURN OFF
YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE.

- WHAT'S UP?

- JUST LYING HERE,
EATING A BAG OF DORITOS

READING
THE BROTHERS KARAMAZOV.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

- ANNA KARENINA AND PRINGLES.

- [chuckles]
I ALWAYS SAID

IT WAS OUR LOVE
OF RUSSIAN LITERATURE

AND SNACKS HIGH
IN SATURATED FAT

THAT BROUGHT US TOGETHER.

- [chuckles]
SO HOW'S WORK?

- UP TO MY ASS
IN STORYBOARDS,

BUT BRETT IS THRILLED.

HE SAYS HE NEVER
COULD'VE ENVISIONED

THE PROJECT WITHOUT ME.

HE'S EVEN TALKING
ABOUT A SEQUEL.

- MY SUPERHERO.

- ONLY TROUBLE IS,

PREPRODUCTION IS SLOWER
THAN WE EXPECTED.

SO I MIGHT HAVE TO STAY LONGER
THAN I THOUGHT.

- HOW MUCH LONGER?

- ANOTHER THREE MONTHS,
MAYBE FOUR.

THE STUDIO IS SCREAMING,
BUT BRETT SAYS NOT TO WORRY,

THAT IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.

YOU'RE NOT PISSED,
ARE YOU?

- WHY THE FUCK
WOULD I BE PISSED?

I TOLD YOU BEFORE
YOU WENT OUT THERE,

THE ONLY REASON I'D BE PISSED
IS IF YOU DIDN'T GO.

- SO WHEN ARE YOU
COMING OUT HERE?

YOU'D FUCKING LOVE IT.

- YOU NEVER KNOW
WHEN I JUST MIGHT DROP IN.

- WELL, YOU BETTER HURRY.

THE WAY THINGS ARE GOING,

I'LL BE DOING
SON OF RAGE.

I MISS YOU.

- [clears throat]

HEY, YOU TAKE CARE
OF YOURSELF.

YOU HEAR?

DO THE BEST WORK YOU CAN.

AND HAVE THE BEST TIME
YOU CAN.

THAT'S ALL THAT MATTERS.

- * BABY, BABY

[men laughing, moaning]

- [exhales]

- * BABY, BABY,
WHO'S YOUR BABY, BABY? *

* I'M YOUR BABY, BABY

* BABY, YOU'RE MY BABY

- [groans]

[indistinct chatter]

- [moans]

[exhales]

- SHE HAS
YOUR BIG, BUTTON EYES

AND YOUR DIMPLES,

AND YOUR ADORABLE NOSE.

- WELL, SHE'S GOT ONE THING
OF MEL'S THAT I DON'T HAVE.

- MM, WELL, SHE'S SO YOUNG.

IT'S HARD TO TELL EXACTLY
WHO SHE LOOKS LIKE.

- AT THIS POINT,
SHE'S JUST

A SLEEP, EAT,
AND POOP MACHINE.

- OH, YEAH,
BUT SHE'S

OUR LITTLE SLEEP, EAT,
AND POOP MACHINE.

SWEET DREAMS, HONEY BUN.

- "HONEY BUN"?

- THAT'S JUST WHAT MY MOTHER
USED TO CALL ME.

WHICH REMINDS ME,

SHE SAID TO TELL YOU
THAT SHE'S COMING BY

TOMORROW TO SEE THE BABY.

- OH. WOULD YOU HAVE HER
CALL FIRST?

- SHE'S NOT PESTERING YOU,
IS SHE?

'CAUSE IF SHE IS,
JUST TELL ME.

I HATE WHEN SHE PESTERS.

ARE YOU SURE YOU GUYS
DON'T NEED ANY GROCERIES?

GOT ENOUGH DIAPERS?
WHAT ABOUT TALCUM POWDER?

- WE'RE ALL SET.

- WE'VE GOT EVERYTHING
UNDER CONTROL.

- OF COURSE THEY DO.
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,

THEY'RE LIKE
A FINE-TUNED MACHINE.

I CAN'T WAIT TO BE
AN OLD MARRIED COUPLE.

- OH, DON'T RUSH IT.

IT'S NICE TO BE
NEWLYWEDS TOO.

- HMM, HOW MANY YEARS
HAS IT BEEN?

- 200.

- TEN.
THIS WEEK, ACTUALLY.

- TEN'S A BIGGIE.

DID YOU PLAN ANYTHING SPECIAL?

- WE'RE TAKING A PASS
THIS YEAR.

- TOO TIRED, TOO BUSY.

- HMM.

- JUST REMEMBER,
IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU NEED...

- [chuckles]

WHEN YOUR TITS
START LACTATING, CALL ME.

- BYE!
both: BYE.

- [sighs]

YOU WERE GOOD.

- SO WERE YOU.

- PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT.

- BUT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO TELL THEM EVENTUALLY.

THEY HAVE TO KNOW
I'M NOT LIVING HERE.

- OF COURSE
THEY NEED TO KNOW.

AND THEY WILL.

EVENTUALLY.

- I JUST WANT TO GRAB SOME
PANTYHOSE AND MY LASAGNA PAN.

- I DON'T THINK I CAN HELP YOU
WITH THE PANTYHOSE,

BUT DON'T I HAVE ENOUGH PANS
AT MY HOUSE?

- WHAT, THAT OLD COLLECTION
OF TV DINNER TINS?

- [chuckles]
- AND SPEAKING OF COLLECTIONS,

I GOT TO REMEMBER TO BRING
MY GLASS CLOWNS.

- WAIT. YOU JUST
BROUGHT OVER ALL THOSE OWLS

WITH ALL THOSE...EYES.

[sighs]

WITH ALL THE STUFF
YOU'VE BEEN HAULING OVER,

WE MIGHT
AS WELL BE LIVING HERE.

- CARL?

- WHAT?

- [exhales] SHIT.

I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO SAY THIS.

- YOU? NOT KNOW HOW
TO SAY SOMETHING?

- IT'S ABOUT YOUR PLACE.

- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH MY PLACE?

- NOTHING.
NO, NO.

NOTHING'S THE MATTER
WITH YOUR PLACE.

IT'S JUST...

IT'S NOT THIS PLACE.

- WE'VE HAD
ENDLESS DISCUSSIONS

ABOUT WHERE
WE WERE GOING TO LIVE.

YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO BE HERE.

THERE WERE
TOO MANY SAD MEMORIES.

- IT'S TRUE,
AND AT THE TIME,

ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT
WAS LOSING VIC.

BUT SINCE I'VE BEEN GONE,

ALL THE HAPPY MEMORIES ARE
STARTING TO COMING BACK,

AND THEY'RE EVEN BEATING
OUT THE SAD ONES.

I'VE LIVED IN THIS HOUSE
ALMOST 30 YEARS.

IT'S PRACTICALLY
ALL OF MICHAEL'S LIFE.

THERE WERE DAYS
WHEN WE COULD BARELY

MUSTER UP THE MORTGAGE AND...

AND DAYS WHEN WE PARTIED
ALL NIGHT LONG,

AND THAT DIDN'T EVEN COUNT
BIRTHDAYS AND HOLIDAYS.

[chuckles]

THIS HOUSE IS A PART OF ME.

AND I'VE NEVER BEEN AWAY
FROM IT UNTIL NOW.

THERE'S NOTHING,
NOTHING WRONG

WITH YOUR PLACE, SWEETHEART.

I'VE LOVED BEING THERE
WITH YOU.

BUT I WANT TO COME HOME.

- HONEY...

IT'S LIKE I SAID
FROM THE START.

IT'S UP TO YOU.

WHEREVER YOU ARE
IS HOME TO ME.

- REALLY?

REALLY?
[sniffles]

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
- [chuckles]

- OH, YEAH!
[grunts]

OH, FUCK ME LIKE YOU MEAN IT!
COME ON.

- [moans]

[glass shatters]

- WELCOME HOME.

- YOU KNOW, EVERY TIME
YOU SEE A STUFFED ANIMAL,

YOU DON'T HAVE TO BUY IT.

- I CAN'T HELP IT.

I WANT MY GIRL
TO HAVE EVERYTHING.

- EXCUSE US.

WHAT ARE THEY GIVING ME
A LOOK FOR?

THIS ISN'T
A FUCKING BACK ROOM.

- THAT PARTY HAS BEEN
GOING ON SINCE LAST NIGHT.

[dance music]

- MICHAEL.

- JUST CURIOUS.

FAGS PACKED TO THE RAFTERS.

ONE OF THEM LOOKS JUST LIKE--

- HEY, DUDES, YOU'RE HOME.

- WHY AREN'T YOU?

- JASON AND TROY ASKED ME

IF WE HAD
THE NEW CHRISTINA AGUILERA CD,

SO I LOANED THEM YOURS.

- THAT'LL BE THE LAST
WE SEE OF THAT,

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- YOU DON'T BELONG OVER THERE,

WITH GUYS WHO'VE BEEN
PARTYING ALL NIGHT.

- I WAS JUST TRYING
TO BE NEIGHBORLY

AND MAYBE COP A LITTLE WEED.

- YOU SHOULD BE STUDYING
FOR YOUR MIDTERMS.

- CRACK THOSE BOOKS, PAL.

- HERE, GIVE ME THE ICE CREAM.

I'LL PUT IT IN THE FREEZER.

DID THEY SEEM KIND OF CRANKY
TO YOU?

- WHO?
- MEL AND LINZ.

- NO MORE THAN USUAL.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,
THEY'RE BOTH PROBABLY EXHAUSTED.

- THEY MUST BE,
NOT TO WANT TO CELEBRATE

THEIR TENTH ANNIVERSARY.

- BETWEEN BREAST-FEEDING
AND CHANGING DIAPERS,

I'M SURE PLANNING
A CELEBRATION

IS THE LAST THOUGHT
ON THEIR MINDS.

- WELL, MAYBE WE SHOULD
THINK OF IT FOR THEM.

- I HOPE
ON OUR TENTH ANNIVERSARY

WE'RE NOT TOO TIRED
TO CELEBRATE.

- I SERIOUSLY DOUBT
THAT WOULD EVER HAPPEN.

- HEY.

I THOUGHT
WHEN YOU GOT MARRIED,

YOU FUCKED LESS.

- HMM.
- MM.

- THAT'S PERFECT.

YEAH, WE'LL GO WITH THAT ONE.

- ALL RIGHT,
I'LL CALL THE CLIENT.

[indistinct chatter]

- COUNTING DOWN
THE HOURS, BRI?

I'D BE TOO,
YOU LUCKY BASTARD.

ZOOMING OFF TO LOS ANGELES
FOR A LITTLE SUNSHINE.

WELL, MM,
BEFORE YOU FLY AWAY,

WE NEED TO GO OVER
SOME FIGURES.

- HOW MANY BEAR CLAWS
YOU'VE CONSUMED THIS MORNING?

- I'M WRITING DOWN A NUMBER.

- OH, I GET IT, I'M SUPPOSED
TO GUESS WHAT IT IS?

THEN WHAT, WE BECOME
THE NEW SIEGFRIED AND ROY?

- THAT'S HOW MUCH KINNETIK
MADE LAST QUARTER.

- IT'S NOT TOO SHABBY.
- NOT TOO SHABBY?

FOR BEING IN BUSINESS A YEAR,
IT'S OVER THE FUCKING MOON!

SO WHAT DO YOU PLAN
TO DO WITH IT?

- OH, IT'S ALL YOURS.

- I MEANT THE PROFITS.

OF COURSE,
YOU COULD ALWAYS PUMP IT

BACK INTO THE BUSINESS,

BUT I'D CAUTION YOU
AGAINST EXPANDING TOO QUICKLY.

- I MIGHT SAY
THE SAME THING TO YOU.

- AS FAR AS STOCKS AND BONDS,
YOU KNOW, TO GET A GOOD RATE,

YOU'D HAVE TO GO OUT TO
THE MIDDLE OF THE 24TH CENTURY.

- SO WHAT DO YOU SUGGEST?

- THE BEST INVESTMENT
THERE IS.

YOURSELF.
SPEND IT ON YOU.

YOU'VE WORKED
LIKE A SON OF A BITCH.

YOU WENT THROUGH HELL
AND BACK WITH YOUR, UH--

BUT THANK GOD
YOU'RE OKAY,

SO TREAT YOURSELF
TO SOMETHING SPECIAL.

GO BUY A NEW TOY.

- I'VE GOT DILDOS
UP THE ASS.

- I MEAN
THAT LITTLE EXTRAVAGANCE

YOU THOUGHT
YOU COULD NEVER AFFORD,

LIKE A SHINY RED FERRARI

OR PERHAPS A WARHOL
TO HANG IN THE LOFT

OR HOW ABOUT SOMETHING
FOR JUSTIN?

LIKE HIS OWN
PERSONAL LEARJET,

SO HE CAN WING BACK AND FORTH
FROM THE COAST TO VISIT YOU?

AH, I'M SURE YOU'LL COME UP
WITH SOMETHING...

- [clears throat]
- TO DELIGHT YOURSELF WITH.

MM...HMM.

- HE'S SO CUTE.

- I'M DEVON'S
BIOLOGICAL FATHER,

AND MONTY IS
ONDINE'S BIO DAD.

SAME MOM HOWEVER.

IT WAS IMPORTANT TO US
THAT THEY BE RELATED.

- FINALLY GOT THE KIDS DOWN.

I HAD TO SING UNDER THE SEA

SIX TIMES.
- [laughs] OH.

- YOU DO PERFORM IT
BRILLIANTLY.

- YOUR KIDS ARE SO ADORABLE.
- YEAH. THANKS.

ELI TELLS ME
YOU JUST HAD ONE OF YOUR OWN.

- JENNY REBECCA.
BUT WE CALL HER J.R.

- I LOVE THAT.

- BUT WE'RE NOT PARENTING
LIKE YOU.

- NO. MELANIE AND LINDSAY,
OUR LESBIAN FRIENDS,

ARE THE PRIMARY PARENTS.

- WELL, IF YOU EVER DO DECIDE

TO RAISE ONE OF YOUR OWN,

THIS IS THE PERFECT NEIGHBORHOOD
TO DO IT.

WE HAVE A HUGE BACKYARD.

- THERE'S A GYMBOREE
DOWN THE BLOCK.

- AND THEY'RE EVEN
PUTTING IN A BABY GAP.

- OH.
- IT'S FUNNY.

WHEN I WAS A KID,
WE WEREN'T EVEN ALLOWED

TO COME OVER HERE.

IT WAS TOO DANGEROUS.

- NOW THE ONLY DANGER IS
IF THEY RUN OUT

OF WASABI PEAS AT WHOLE FOODS.
[chuckles]

- YEAH, LEAVE IT TO THE QUEERS
TO TURN DROSS INTO GOLD.

- THAT'S NO FAIRY TALE.

EVER SINCE THE GAYS
MOVED IN,

STARTED FIXING THINGS UP,

REAL ESTATE PRICES
HAVE SOARED.

- YOU GUYS EVER THINK
ABOUT MOVING?

[horn honks]

[indistinct chatter]

- HI! OH, MY GOD.
YOU LOOK FABULOUS.

[indistinct chatter]

- IT'S LIKE A DIFFERENT WORLD,
ISN'T IT?

- BETWEEN HERE
AND WHERE ELI AND MONTY LIVE?

- HMM. YOU WANT TO STOP IN
FOR A DRINK?

- OH, I'VE GOT
A LECTURE TO PREPARE.

SO HOW'D YOU LIKE
THEIR HOUSE?

- THEY DID A GREAT JOB.
- YEAH.

- IT'S AMAZING HOW MUCH
THAT NEIGHBORHOOD HAS CHANGED.

- UGH, I WISH
THIS ONE WOULD.

- WHAT'S A USED CONDOM OR TWO?

- BESIDES, THE APARTMENT IS

TOO SMALL
FOR THE THREE OF US,

AND THAT BUILDING'S
LIKE A GAY DORM.

- IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
- WELL, NOT IF YOU'RE 24

AND WANT TO FUCK EVERYTHING
THAT MOVES, OR BRIAN.

HA, WE'RE PAST ALL THAT,
AREN'T WE?

- SURE.

- SO, UH...

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT GETTING
A PLACE OF OUR OWN?

- YOU REALLY WANT TO MOVE?

- WELL, I BET
BETWEEN THE TWO OF US,

WE COULD AFFORD IT.

- MAYBE SO,
BUT THIS IS WHERE WE LIVE,

WHERE I'VE LIVED
MY WHOLE LIFE.

I-I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT
TO PICK UP AND LEAVE,

JUST LIKE THAT.

- WELL, IT WAS
JUST A THOUGHT.

- "CHARMING,
SPACIOUS APARTMENT TO SHARE,

"OWN BEDROOM, PRIVATE BATH,
NO PETS,

BOTTOMS ONLY NEED APPLY."

PERFECT.

- SO WHO ASKED YOU TO LEAVE,
DEB OR HORVATH?

- NEITHER.
THEY DIDN'T HAVE TO.

- THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES
MUST HAVE BEEN PRICELESS

WHEN THEY FOUND
YOU ENTERTAINING.

- DEB WANTED TO WATCH
AND HAVE A Q&A AFTERWARDS.

- NO DOUBT.
WHAT ABOUT HORVATH?

- DID YOU EVER SEE THE BLOB?
- MM-HMM.

- REMEMBER THE LOOK
ON THE OLD FARMER'S FACE

JUST BEFORE IT DEVOURED HIM?

- "AAH!"

- MM-HMM.

SO I'VE DECIDED
TO SPARE EVERYONE

THE DISCOMFORT OF GOING THROUGH
ANOTHER EMBARRASSING SCENE,

QUIETLY FOLD MY TENT,
AND MOVE ON.

TEDDY, HOW MANY OF
THOSE POWER BARS HAVE YOU HAD?

- WHO'S COUNTING?
- I AM.

AND THAT'S YOUR FOURTH.

DO YOU KNOW THE NUMBER
OF CARBS IN THOSE THINGS,

NOT TO MENTION THE CALORIES?
- SO I'LL BURN THEM OFF.

- HONEY, YOU'D HAVE
TO GO UP IN FLAMES.

LOOK, I-I KNOW
YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR THIS,

SO PLEASE, PLEASE PROMISE ME

YOU WON'T TAKE IT
THE WRONG WAY.

BUT AS YOUR FRIEND,
I FEEL IT'S MY OBLIGATION

TO TELL YOU,
YOU'RE GETTING A LITTLE, UM...

- A LITTLE WHAT?

- A LITTLE...HEARTY.

I-I MEAN, UH,
RO-ROBUST.

I MEAN...
- FAT.

- FAT?
WHA--YOU THINK I'M FAT?

- WELL,
LET'S PUT IT THIS WAY.

IF YOU START SINGING,
IT'S ALL OVER.

- LOOK, I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW
I'M NOT FAT.

I'M JUST--I'M--
I'M BULKING UP.

YOU KNOW, I WAS A SHADOW
OF MY FORMER SELF

WHEN I WAS ON CRYSTAL,

AND I SHED
QUITE A FEW POUNDS

DURING THE LIBERTY RIDE.

AND I HAPPEN TO THINK
I LOOK PRETTY DAMN GOOD.

AND OBVIOUSLY...

SO DOES HE.

HMM.

- WHO KNEW YOU COULD
CATCH TWINKIES

BY STUFFING THEM
IN YOUR MOUTH?

- HI.
- HEY.

- HOW ARE YOU?

- ALL RIGHT,
I'M OFF TO FIND NEW DIGS.

TA!

- HEY.

SHALL WE TAKE A PEEK
IN THE STEAM ROOM

AND SEE WHAT'S
LURKING IN THE MIST?

- CAN'T.
BRETT'S CALLING FROM L.A.

WANTS MY INPUT
ON A COUPLE OF STORY POINTS

FOR THE SCREENPLAY.

YOU KNOW,
STUFF RAGE MIGHT SAY.

- HMM, LIKE, "ZOWIE, ZEPHYR,

CHECK OUT THAT SUPER COCK"?

- SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
- [chuckles]

- BESIDES, I-I THOUGHT
YOU HAD A PLANE TO CATCH.

JUSTIN'S GONNA BE SO EXCITED
WHEN YOU SHOW UP.

- I'M NOT GOING.
TRIP'S CANCELED.

- BUT I THOUGHT YOU HAD

ALL THESE PLANS
TO SURPRISE HIM.

- WELL,
I GUESS THE SURPRISE IS,

THERE'S NOT GONNA BE ONE.

- REVEREND SWINEHART,

RAGE'S NEMESIS AND SWORN ENEMY
OF QUEERS EVERYWHERE,

PREACHES HIS MESSAGE
OF HATE FROM HIS PULPIT,

WHILE DEEP IN THE CATACOMBS
OF THE CHURCH,

RAGE HANGS SUSPENDED
ABOVE THE FLAMES,

HIS HANDS BOUND IN
REALLY HOT LEATHER RESTRAINTS.

MEANWHILE, J.T. RACES
TO THE RESCUE.

- MR. KELLER SAYS
THEY NEED THE STORYBOARDS

FOR THE CATACOMB SEQUENCE
NOW, NOW, NOW.

- TELL HIM I'M HURRYING
AS FAST AS I CAN, CAN, CAN.

AND PRAY MY HAND HOLDS OUT.

[indistinct chatter]

- YOU LOOK ALL OUT OF BREATH.
- [chuckles]

I'M JUST TRYING TO FINISH
THESE STORYBOARDS

FOR A CERTAIN
DEMANDING TYRANT.

- OH, THOSE? FORGET IT.
I'VE GOT INCREDIBLE NEWS.

AND OTHER THAN A LEGION
OF STUDIO EXECUTIVES,

AGENTS, PUBLICISTS, MANAGERS,

AND BOTH TRADE PAPERS,

YOU ARE
THE VERY FIRST TO HEAR IT.

WE JUST SIGNED SOMEONE
TO PLAY RAGE.

- WHO? WHO?

- THIS IS THE MOVIES.

INSTEAD OF TELLING YOU,
I'LL SHOW YOU.

- CONNOR.

- HEY, MAN.
- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

- OH, HE'S JUST BACK
FROM DOING

A KABUKI VERSION
OF MUCH ADO

OFF-OFF-OFF-
OFF BROADWAY.

- WHAT A CHANGE FROM WORKING
WITH THOSE HOLLYWOOD HACKS

WHO ASPIRE TO NOTHING
MORE THAN MEDIOCRITY.

- STILL, YOU DON'T
HAVE ANY PROBLEM

PICKING UP THAT PAYCHECK,
DO YOU?

WELL, GET READY TO DO
SOME SERIOUS ACTING.

WE START FLYING LESSONS
ON MONDAY.

- I THOUGHT
YOU TURNED DOWN THE PART.

- OH, THE DIRECTOR
CONVINCED ME

IT'D BE GOOD
FOR MY CAREER.

SHOW EVERYONE
I'M A STRAIGHT GUY

WHO HAS NO PROBLEMS
PLAYING GAY FOR PAY.

- [chuckles]

- ALL RIGHT,
STUFFED EGGPLANT,

CAPRESE SALAD, HUMMUS,
AND THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE--

FRIED CHICKEN, WHICH IS
NOT REALLY FRIED BUT BAKED,

BUT IT'S BAKED TO TASTE
LIKE FRIED,

SO NOBODY FEELS GUILTY.

- MEL AND LINZ
ARE GONNA GO OUT

OF THEIR MINDS
WHEN WE SHOW UP.

I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH
FOR ALL THIS, EM.

- MY PLEASURE, SWEETIE.

WHAT'S THIS?

- OH, A CASSEROLE
I MADE TO TAKE ALONG.

MILLET, LEEKS,
AND SOY CHEESE.

- ARE YOU SURE
YOU'RE NOT A LESBIAN?

OOPSIE.
[giggles]

- KITCHEN'S SO TINY,

YOU CAN BARELY TURN AROUND.

- CARE TO DANCE?
- [laughs]

- WHICH ISN'T TOO MUCH
OF A STRETCH

CONSIDERING BABY BABYLON
BLASTING ACROSS THE WAY.

- TELL ME ABOUT IT.

- WHY ARE HIS FIRM,
MANLY TITS IN A TWIST?

- HE THINKS THE BUILDING'S

TURNING INTO A DEN
OF INIQUITY:

SEX, DRUGS, CRUISING.

- OKAY, SO THOSE ARE
THE ADVANTAGES.

WHAT ARE THE LIABILITIES?

- THAT BASICALLY
WE'VE OUTGROWN THIS PLACE.

- WELL, LET'S FACE IT,
HONEY, YOU ARE...

"SADIE, SADIE, MARRIED LADY"

WITH A HUBBY
AND PIGLETS TO PROVE IT.

I, ON THE OTHER HAND,
REMAIN WANTONLY SINGLE.

SO IF YOU'RE MOVING OUT,
MAYBE I SHOULD MOVE BACK IN.

- WE'RE NOT MOVING.

[dance music,
indistinct shouting]

- WOULD YOU LOOK AT THIS?

IT'S LIKE HOMO CENTRAL.

- BITE ME.
- CALM DOWN.

THEY'RE JUST YOUNG
AND HAVING FUN.

WE WERE THAT AGE ONCE,
REMEMBER?

- YEAH, THAT'S
EXACTLY THE POINT.

WE'RE NOT THAT AGE ANYMORE.

IT'S TIME TO MOVE TO A HOUSE

ON A STREET
LIKE ELI AND MONTY.

- BUYING A HOUSE IS NOT
LIKE BUYING

A CD OR A SWEATER.

EVEN IF WE DID
DECIDE TO DO IT,

FIRST, WE'D HAVE TO REVIEW
OUR FINANCES,

CHECK OUT THE NUMBERS.
RIGHT, EM?

- OH, I'D SAY CHECKING OUT
THE NUMBERS IS ESSENTIAL.

- HEY, THERE, SEXY.

- WELL, TRYING TO DISPOSE
OF A LARGE SUM

OF EXPENDABLE INCOME
IS MORE EXHAUSTING

THAN ONE MIGHT THINK.

- WHO EVER SAID
THE WORLD WAS FAIR?

NEXT TIME YOU'LL THINK TWICE

BEFORE BECOMING A SUCCESS.
- OH.

YOU'RE NOT DOING
SO BAD YOURSELF.

- BEN WANTS US TO BUY
A HOUSE IN THAT NEW AREA

WHERE ALL THE GAY COUPLES
ARE MOVING.

- OH, AND BECOME
STEPFORD FAGS?

- MAYBE YOU SHOULD
GET A NEW PLACE,

A HOUSE IN THE COUNTRY.

- I HATE THE FUCKING COUNTRY.
- A YACHT?

- RIGHT, PITTSBURGH,
THE NEW SAINT-TROPEZ.

- A RIDE ON THE SPACE SHUTTLE?

- I'M A TAD SHY
OF 20 MILL.

- THEN HOW
ABOUT A BOTTLE OF WINE

FOR MEL AND LINZ'S
ANNIVERSARY BASH?

- WHO SAYS I'LL BE THERE?

- WELL, I FIGURED
SINCE YOU CANCELED YOUR TRIP--

- THAT DOESN'T MEAN
I'M GONNA BE RAISING A GLASS

TO THEIR MARATHON
MUFFATHON.

THAT...IS
A DISTINCT POSSIBILITY.

- HMM.

- CAN YOU IMAGINE
EATING PUSSY,

THE SAME PUSSY,
FOR TEN YEARS?

- NO, BUT I DON'T SUPPOSE
THEY COULD FATHOM

SUCKING THE SAME COCK.

- THAT MAKES THREE OF US.

- UNLESS IT'S JUSTIN'S.

IT'S A SHAME
YOU COULDN'T GO TO L.A.

- I'M BUSY, HE'S BUSY.

- WE'RE ALL BUSY.

I JUST HOPE HE GETS BACK SOON,

SO WE CAN FINISH
THE NEXT ISSUE OF RAGE.

- HE'S NOT COMING BACK.

- WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
HE'S NOT COMING BACK?

DID HE TELL YOU THAT?
- HE DIDN'T HAVE TO.

- WHEN I SPOKE TO HIM,
ALL HE SAID WAS THAT

HE WAS GONNA TO HAVE
TO BE THERE LONGER THAN HE--

- LISTEN, MIKEY.
ARE YOU LISTENING?

- YES, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE,
I'M LISTENING!

- JUST FIGURE IT OUT
FOR YOURSELF.

I MEAN, FIRST,
IT'S THREE MONTHS.

THEN IT'S SIX MONTHS.

ONE PROJECT TURNS
INTO ANOTHER AND ANOTHER.

BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,

HE'S THERE A YEAR,

FIVE YEARS.

- [gasps]

- THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES.

I MEAN, I DON'T BLAME HIM.

HE'S HAVING
THE TIME OF HIS LIFE,

WORKING IN THE MOVIES,

HE'S FUCKING MOVIE STARS.

- WELL, THAT DOESN'T MEAN
HE'S NEVER COMING HOME.

- WHO THE HELL WOULD COME BACK
TO PITTSBURGH AFTER L.A.?

I MEAN, IF IT WAS ME,
I'D NEVER COME BACK.

[sirens wail]

- HE'S NOT YOU.

- WELL...

IT'S TIME
HE GOT ON WITH HIS LIFE.

IT'S TIME
I GOT ON WITH MINE.

- I CAN'T BELIEVE
HOW SOMEONE SO LITTLE

COULD HAVE
SO MUCH POOP IN THEM.

YOU MIGHT JUST GROW UP
TO BE A LAWYER.

[knock on door]

- HEY, MEL.

- HEY, MICHAEL.
- WHAT YOU UP TO?

- CHANGING YOU-KNOW-WHOSE
YOU-KNOW-WHAT

FOR THE BILLIONTH TIME TODAY.

- IS THAT HOW
YOU'RE GOING TO SPEND

YOUR TENTH ANNIVERSARY?

- YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA?

- AS A MATTER OF FACT...

all: SURPRISE!

[laughter]

- SURPRISE.

OH,
HOW'S MY GRANDDAUGHTER?

I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
FOREVER.

- OH, YEAH,
NOT SINCE THIS MORNING.

- HI, THERE, SWEETHEART.

- WIPE
THE "DYKE IN THE HEADLIGHTS"

LOOK OFF YOUR FACE.

YOU'RE HAVING A SURPRISE PARTY,

COURTESY OF AUNTIE EM'S
SPECIAL OCCASIONS.

- AND YOU DON'T HAVE
TO LIFT A FINGER.

EVERYTHING'S BEEN
TAKEN CARE OF.

- HEY, HAPPY TENTH, MEL.

- FOOD IN THE DINING ROOM,
PLEASE.

- WHERE'S LINZ?

- UH...

SHE WENT TO
THE GROCERY STORE...

WITH GUS.

- WELL, WE WANT
TO SURPRISE HER TOO.

- OH, SHE'LL BE SURPRISED.

WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME
FOR A SECOND?

- MM-HMM.

[phone beeps]

[sighs]

- HELLO?
- HEY, IT'S ME.

- IS SOMETHING WRONG?

- YEAH, FUCKING RIGHT
SOMETHING'S WRONG.

- THE BABY?

- NO, UH, NO,
IT'S NOT WITH THE BABY.

IT'S JUST--GET YOUR ASS
OVER HERE, QUICK.

- WHY?

- THEY'RE GIVING US
A FUCKING SURPRISE PARTY.

- WELL,
EMMETT'S DONE IT AGAIN.

THIS FOOD IS GREAT.

SHE MUST REALLY BE
STOCKING UP.

- MMM.
- REALLY? FOR ME?

- YOU KNOW,
DOUBLE COUPONS.

- MMM.
- HMM?

- MMM, THAT'S GOOD.
- WOW!

- IS TEDDY GETTING TUBBY?

- HMM, CONSIDERING
THE ADORABLENESS

OF HIS NEW BEAU,

I'D SAY FAT'S THE NEW THIN.

- SO WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
KEEPING YOURSELF?

I'VE BARELY SEEN YOU
SINCE I MOVED BACK.

- ACTUALLY, I'VE BEEN OUT
LOOKING FOR A PLACE.

- A PLACE FOR WHAT?

- TO LIVE.

- WHY THE HELL
WOULD YOU DO THAT?

IT'S NOT
'CAUSE WE WALKED IN

AND FOUND YOU
FUCKING SOME GUY, IS IT?

- WELL...

- THAT WAS JUST A CASE
OF BAD TIMING,

THAT'S ALL.

I MEAN,
IT'S KIND OF FUNNY,

ACTUALLY,
WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

- I'M NOT SURE
THAT CARL FOUND IT

TO BE THE LAUGH RIOT
YOU DID.

- OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT CARL.
HE'LL GET USED TO IT.

- HE SHOULDN'T HAVE TO.

THE HOUSE SHOULD BE
THE TWO OF YOURS, DEB,

NOT THE THREE
OF OURS.

- BUT HE'LL NEVER BE BLANCHE
WHEN I'M PLAYING BABY JANE.

HE DOESN'T HAVE THE SHOULDERS
OR THE EYEBROWS.

COME ON, YOU THINK
HE'S GONNA TAKE ME

TO SING-A-LONG: WIZARD OF OZ

OR GET DISHY WITH ME
DURING THE AWARDS SHOWS

OR PULL MY FACE BACK
AND TELL ME

HOW MUCH WORK I NEED?

IN OTHER WORDS...

EM...

YOU'RE IRREPLACEABLE.

- WE BOTH HAVE
TO FACE IT, DEB,

LIFE WITH YOUR DETECTIVE
DOES NOT INCLUDE ME.

- WHAT THE HELL TOOK YOU
SO LONG?

- HI, MOMMY.

- I HAD TO WAKE UP GUS,
GET HIM DRESSED.

- HERE SHE IS.

- OH, HEY!
all: SURPRISE!

[laughter]

- ISN'T THAT GREAT?

OUR FRIENDS THROWING US
A SURPRISE PARTY

FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY?

- WHERE ARE THE GROCERIES?

- THE GROCERIES?

OH, THEY'RE BEING DELIVERED
TOMORROW.

- OH.
- MM.

- DOES EVERYONE
HAVE CHAMPAGNE?

OH, YOU CAN'T TOAST
WITHOUT A GLASS.

- WE KNOW HOW EXHAUSTED
YOU TWO ARE,

BUT WE COULDN'T LET
THIS LANDMARK GO BY

WITHOUT A LITTLE CELEBRATION.

- TEN YEARS IS
QUITE AN ACHIEVEMENT.

- I'LL SAY.

- NOW, MORE THAN EVER,
IT'S IMPORTANT

PEOPLE KNOW
THAT A GAY COUPLE CAN BE

JUST AS COMMITTED
AS ANY STRAIGHT COUPLE.

- TO MEL AND LINZ.

all: TO MEL AND LINZ.

- A SPEECH
FROM THE OLD MARRIED COUPLE.

COME ON.

- THERE IS SOMETHING
WE'D LIKE TO SAY.

- NO, THERE ISN'T.

NOW IS NOT
THE RIGHT TIME.

- WHEN IS THE RIGHT TIME?

- RIGHT TIME FOR WHAT?

- I THINK YOU ALL
SHOULD KNOW...

- HOW MUCH WE
APPRECIATE THIS.

- WOULD YOU STOP?

WE CAN'T HIDE IT ANYMORE.
IT ISN'T FAIR.

THANK YOU
FOR ALL YOUR GOOD WISHES.

BUT YOU SEE, MELANIE AND I
ARE HAVING SOME PROBLEMS.

- I WASN'T HAVING
ANY PROBLEMS.

I-I WAS TRYING TO HAVE A BABY.
- ALL RIGHT, I'M THE ONE.

I'M THE ONE RESPONSIBLE
FOR ALL THE PROBLEMS.

- DAMN RIGHT YOU ARE!

- FOR WHICH
I HAVE APOLOGIZED ENDLESSLY.

BUT YOU STILL REFUSE
TO ACCEPT THE FACT--

- THAT FUCKING SAM AUERBACH

HAD NOTHING
TO DO WITH SEX?

IT WAS ALL ABOUT ART.

ALL THE HUMPING WAS
ABOUT FORM AND FUNCTION?

[scoffs]

- THE TRUTH IS
WE HAVEN'T BEEN LIVING TOGETHER

SINCE OUR DAUGHTER
WAS BORN.

[dance music]

[indistinct chatter]

- [panting]

- WHO TURNED ON
THE LIGHTS?

- WHAT THE FUCK
IS GOING ON?

- TURN THEM OFF.

- TURN THE FUCKING LIGHTS
BACK OFF.

- JESUS CHRIST.
- IT'S NOT FUNNY.

- GENTLEMEN!
MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?

- AW, MAN.

- THIS CLUB IS
OFFICIALLY CLOSED.

SO PULL UP YOUR PANTS,
AND GO HOME.

- LET'S GO.
COME ON. COME ON.

- THAT'S MY SHIRT.
- LET'S GO, EVERYBODY.

PARTY'S OVER.
LET'S GO.

- THAT INCLUDES YOU.

- JUST WAIT A SEC.
[panting]

- DON'T GIVE ME
ANY OF YOUR LIP.

- GRAB MY SHIRT.
JUST GRAB THE T-SHIRT.

- LET'S GO.

- [moans]

THANKS, OFFICER.

I'LL DO THE SAME FOR YOU
ONE DAY.

[indistinct radio chatter]

- I COME HERE EVERY DAY
TO BE WITH THE BABY.

- SO I CAN BE WITH GUS.

- THEN GUS AND I GO BACK
TO THE APARTMENT.

- YOU HAVE AN APARTMENT?

- YEAH. A SMALL ONE-BEDROOM
I'VE BEEN RENTING.

- WE'VE BEEN RENTING,

ALTHOUGH WE CAN BARELY AFFORD
THIS PLACE.

- WELL, GUS AND I
HAVE TO LIVE SOMEWHERE,

OR WOULD YOU RATHER
WE SLEEP ON THE STREET?

- DID I SAY THAT?

- WE'RE JUST A LITTLE THROWN.

YOU GOT TO ADMIT,
IT'S A SHOCK.

- I WANTED IT
ALL OUT IN THE OPEN.

- WELL, I DIDN'T.

I'M THE ONE
WHO HAD THE BABY.

I HAD ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH,

WITHOUT HAVING TO EXPLAIN
TO EVERYONE.

- LOOK, YOU'VE BEEN HAVING
PERSONAL PROBLEMS,

WE UNDERSTAND.

- NO, WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

HOW YOU COULD NOT SAY
A WORD ALL THIS TIME?

SO WHEN WERE YOU
GOING TO TELL ME,

AFTER SHE GREW UP
AND WENT TO COLLEGE

AND GOT MARRIED
AND HAD CHILDREN OF HER OWN?

I HAVE SEEN YOU PRACTICALLY
EVERY DAY

SINCE JENNY WAS BORN,
AND IT'S ALWAYS BEEN SO SWEET,

SO ADORABLE,
THE TWO DOTING MOTHERS.

WELL, WHO WOULD'VE GUESSED
IT WAS A BIG FUCKING LIE?

- WE MADE A WRONG DECISION
BY NOT TELLING YOU...

FOR WHICH
WE ARE TRULY SORRY.

BUT WE'VE BEEN
UNDER A LOT OF STRESS.

- AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW DECEIT
CAN RAISE YOUR BLOOD PRESSURE.

- WHEN I AGREED TO BE
THE BABY'S FATHER,

IT WAS BECAUSE I KNEW
SHE WOULD BE RAISED

IN A LOVING HOME,
WITH TWO LOVING PARENTS,

NOT IN SOME SORT
OF TIME-SHARING ARRANGEMENT

WITH COMPLIMENTARY SNIPING.

NOW, YOU CAN MAKE
ALL THE EXCUSES YOU WANT,

BUT IF THIS IS HOW YOU
PLAN ON RAISING OUR DAUGHTER,

THEN WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE
HAD HER IN THE FIRST PLACE.

[door opens, slams]

[TV chatter]

- [chuckles]

GOD, I LOVE THIS PART.

- FRANKLY,
I'VE NEVER BEEN TOO KEEN

ABOUT THE GRUMPY OLD MEN
MOVIES.

- I LOVE THE CLASSICS.

- [chuckles]
CLASSICS.

- HERE, HAVE ANOTHER.

- NO, NO, NO. I COULDN'T.
- COME ON.

- NO, SIX IS
MY ABSOLUTE LIMIT.

- COME ON.
- NO. NO!

[growls]

- [laughs]

YOU KNOW, AT THIS RATE,

I'M GONNA TURN
INTO THAT GUY I SAW ON TV

WHO WAS SO FAT,
THEY HAD TO REMOVE A WALL

TO GET HIM
OUT OF THE HOUSE.

- FINE BY ME.

- [chuckles]

- THERE IS SOMETHING
ABOUT THE SCENT

OF AN OLD GUY...

- AH!

[laughs]

- MAKES ME SO HOT.
- OH.

- THE LOVELY GRAY FLECKS
TURNING INTO WHITE.

THE BABY-BOTTOM PINK SCALP

PEEKING THROUGH THE LITTLE HAIRS
ON TOP...

LIKE WILD GRASS
ON THE BEACH.

AND TO GRAB ON
TO THOSE LOVE HANDLES

WHILE I'M SHOOTING
ALL OVER THAT BIG, FULL BELLY.

COME ON, LOVER...

EAT.

- [chuckles nervously]

- [clears throat]

- SHAWN, HONEY,

I TOLD YOU TO STAY
IN MY ROOM.

- I'M NOT "SHAWN, HONEY."

- NO.
[chuckles]

CLEARLY.

- HAND ME
THE CRANBERRY JUICE.

- YEAH, YEAH.

- [clears throat]

I'VE BEEN MEANING
FOR US TO HAVE A...

[clears throat]
POW-WOW.

ALTHOUGH I NEVER
IMAGINED IT TO BE...

- AU NATUREL?

WELL, YOU HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT.

MY LUST BUNNY
IS LOCKED AWAY IN MY ROOM.

I EVEN PUT A GAG
IN HIS MOUTH.

OF COURSE,
IT WAS LEATHER,

AND HE BEGGED ME
TO DO IT.

ANYWAYS,
STARTING SUNDAY,

YOU AND DEB WILL HAVE
THIS PLACE ALL TO YOURSELVES.

UM, UH,
BUFFALO WINGS?

- DEB IS VERY UPSET
YOU'RE LEAVING.

- UP TO YOU NOW
TO STOP HER

FROM BUYING
EVERYTHING ON QVC.

- TRUTH IS, I'M A LITTLE SORRY
TO SEE YOU GO MYSELF.

- YOU ARE?

- IS THAT SUCH A SURPRISE?

- FRANKLY, YES.

MOST STRAIGHT MEN
TAKE ONE LOOK AT ME

AND HEAD FOR THE HILLS.

EXCEPT FOR MY FATHER.

HE RAN ME OUT ON A RAIL.

- WELL, THAT'S HIS LOSS.
YOU'RE A GOOD MAN.

IN FACT, CONSIDERING
THE NUMBER OF HOURS I WORK,

SOMETIMES ALL NIGHT...

I'D BE A HELL
OF A LOT HAPPIER

IF I KNEW DEB WASN'T
IN THE HOUSE ALONE.

- CARL HORVATH,

ARE YOU ASKING ME TO STAY?

- [chuckles]

DOESN'T TAKE A DETECTIVE
TO FIGURE THAT OUT.

BUT IT'S UP TO YOU.

- WHAT ABOUT MY SEX--
MY LOVE LIFE?

- I BOUGHT A SOUND MACHINE.

ALL I HEAR NOW IS
RAINDROPS FALLING,

RIVERS FLOWING,
BIRDS CHIRPING.

- MAYBE I SHOULD
GET ONE OF THOSE.

PRETEND I'M FUCKING
IN A RAIN FOREST.

- [laughs]

- OH, I'D BETTER
GET BACK TO...

- SHAWN, HONEY.

- YOU KNOW, IF, UM,
IF YOU WERE GAY,

YOU'D MAKE
ONE HELL OF A BEAR.

- I TOLD MELANIE.

SHE WAS SITTING
RIGHT OVER THERE.

I SAID, "IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHAT'S GOING ON

"BETWEEN YOU AND LINDSAY,

YOUR FIRST RESPONSIBILITY
IS THAT BABY."

- DEB, COULD I GET
A PIECE OF THE KEY LIME?

- WHEN YOU FINISH
YOUR MEAT LOAF.

BUT DID THEY LISTEN?

- OBVIOUSLY NOT.

- INSTEAD THEY GO AND DESTROY
A FAMILY.

THEY TURNED A HAPPY HOME
INTO A BROKEN ONE.

- WITHOUT EVEN TELLING US.

[bell rings]
- COFFEE TO GO, DEB.

- YOU WANT ANYTHING
WITH IT?

- HOW COULD YOU EAT
AFTER WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

- YOU'RE TELLING ME.

STEAM'S STILL COMING
OUT OF MY EARS.

- HEY, DEB.
[bell rings]

- IF I HEAR THAT FUCKING THING
ONE MORE TIME,

YOU'RE GONNA
BE HEARING BELLS.

- MY HEART'S BROKEN.

MY SOUL, CRUSHED.

- HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?

- THE INSENSITIVITY.

YOU KNOW, IT'S IMMORAL,
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

- YOU'RE TELLING ME.

- HOW COULD THEY DO THIS?

- YOU WERE RIGHT.
NEVER TRUST MUNCHERS.

- MUNCHERS?

- MEL AND LINZ.

- WHAT THE HELL HAVE THEY GOT
TO DO WITH IT?

- WHO DO YOU THINK
IS RESPONSIBLE?

- FOR CLOSING BABYLON?

- IS THAT ALL
YOU CARE ABOUT?

WHO GIVES A SHIT IF THE COPS
CLOSED DOWN BABYLON?

- I, FOR ONE,
GIVE A VERY BIG SHIT

THAT THAT CUM STAIN,
SAPPERSTEIN,

WAS DEFRAUDING
THE INTERNAL REVENUE SERVICE

BY HIDING THOUSANDS,

PERHAPS EVEN HUNDREDS
OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

UP IN HIS OFFICE
IN PILLOW CASES,

WHICH, KNOWING HIM,
YOU CAN BE SURE

WERE NOT
THE HIGHEST THREAD COUNT.

- AND NOW, BECAUSE
OF HIS ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES,

BABYLON IS GONE.

KAPUT. FINITO.

- AND THAT CONCERNS YOU
MORE THAN THE FACT

THAT MEL AND LINZ
WERE LYING TO US?

THAT NOW MY DAUGHTER
AND YOUR SON

ARE THE PRODUCTS
OF A BROKEN HOME?

- CHRIST,
THE THREE OF YOU.

NEVER SAW
SUCH DRAMA QUEENS.

FIRST, LINDSAY WAS WAILING
TO ME ON THE PHONE

THE NIGHT
SHE AND MELANIE SPLIT,

NOW YOU.
- WAIT A MINUTE.

ARE YOU TELLING ME
YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS,

AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?

- SHE ASKED ME NOT TO.

- SO YOUR LOYALTY TO HER

WAS MORE IMPORTANT
THAN OUR FRIENDSHIP?

- DON'T MAKE THIS ABOUT US,
MICHAEL.

BECAUSE IT'S NOT.

THE EVER CHANGING
KALEIDOSCOPE OF LIFE.

- J.T. FLOATS,

LOST AMONG THE STARS,

WONDERING IF HE'LL EVER
SEE RAGE AGAIN.

- THANK YOU.

[indistinct chatter]

[tapping buttons]

- I PROMISED
I'D COME FOR YOU, J.T.

EVEN IF I HAD TO GO
TO THE END OF THE UNIVERSE.

I JUST DID A TEST
IN FRONT OF THE GREEN SCREEN.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

- IT'S HOT.
- YEAH, AND ITCHY.

CHECK OUT THIS PACKAGE.

- THAT'S GONNA WIN
AN OSCAR FOR SPECIAL EFFECTS.

- DIDN'T HEAR YOU COMPLAINING.
- [grunts]

- OKAY, SUPERHERO,
TURN IN YOUR TIGHTS.

FENDERMAN JUST
PULLED THE PLUG.

- WHAT?
- HE CAN'T DO THAT.

- HE CAN, AND HE DID.

HE JUST REAMED MY ASS,

AND NOT LIKE IN SCENE 32
WHERE RAGE GIVES J.T.

THE RIMMING
OF A LIFETIME.

THE PICTURE'S OVER BUDGET,
OVER SCHEDULE.

- YOU SAID THEY SAY THAT
ABOUT EVERY PICTURE.

- THEY DO.
- THEN WHAT'S THE REAL REASON?

- HE'S AFRAID,

OF THE TIMES,
THE POLITICAL CLIMATE.

- WELL, HE'S WRONG.

TELL HIM THERE ARE MILLIONS
OF QUEERS OUT THERE,

WITH BILLIONS OF DOLLARS.
- I DID.

HE'S MORE CONCERNED ABOUT
ALIENATING THE FAMILY AUDIENCE,

PISSING OFF
THE PARENT CORPORATION,

DISPLEASING SOMEONE
IN WASHINGTON

WHO CAN MAKE THAT TAX BREAK
VERY HARD TO COME BY.

- WHAT, SO IT'S OVER?

JUST LIKE THAT?

- HE'S GREEN-LIGHTING
THE PASSION OF MOSES.

GAY'S OUT.
GOD'S IN.

- OH, OOH, OOH, OOH.
[door closes]

- MM, HEY.

[Gus sneezes]

- OH, SWEETIE,
DO YOU HAVE A COLD?

- YEAH, I THINK
HE CAUGHT ONE LAST NIGHT.

- I WOULDN'T BE SURPRISED,

DRAGGING HIM OVER HERE,
SO WE COULD PLAY

"ONE BIG HAPPY FAMILY."

- I DIDN'T DRAG HIM.

AND YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO CALLED,

WHO INSISTED WE KEEP UP
THIS RIDICULOUS CHARADE.

- AND YOU SAW WHY I DID,
DIDN'T YOU?

NOW WE HAVE TO DEAL
WITH ALL THEIR SHIT

AS WELL AS OUR OWN.

OH, SPEAKING OF SHIT...

DID YOU BRING
HIS MEDICATION?

- "DELICIOUS CHERRY FLAVOR
YOUR KIDS'LL LOVE"?

HE HATES IT.

HERE, WHY DON'T
YOU LET ME...

- CHRIST, I CAN DO IT!

WOULD YOU JUST GO TO WORK
ALREADY?

GOD.

- IT HAD TO BE DONE.

WE HAD TO TELL THEM.

- IT'S JUST THAT...

- WHAT?

- TELLING THEM...

SEEING THEIR FACES...

KNOWING THEY KNOW...

[Jenny fusses]

SOMEHOW MAKES IT REAL.

[Jenny crying]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[Jenny fussing]

- YEAH?

- [babbles]

- WE'RE HAVING
SOME OF THE NEIGHBORS

OVER SUNDAY FOR A BARBECUE.

- I'VE ASKED
A COUPLE OF MEMBERS

OF OUR ILLUSTRIOUS
ENGLISH DEPARTMENT,

KELLEY, BRAVERMAN.

- WHY DON'T YOU GUYS
COME TOO?

- THAT SOUNDS GREAT.

- AND BE SURE
TO BRING HUNTER.

- HI.
- HEY.

- OH, HOW'S IT GOING?

- THEY JUST MOVED IN
ACROSS THE STREET.

THEY'VE GOT TWINS.

- SEEMS LIKE EVERYBODY
AROUND HERE'S GOT KIDS.

- WON'T BE LONG
BEFORE YOU'LL BE OUT STROLLING

WITH YOUR OWN BAMBINO TOO.

- THIS ONE JUST WENT
ON THE MARKET.

- NICE YARD,
BUT IT COULD USE A MAKEOVER.

- COULDN'T WE ALL?

I WONDER
WHAT THEY'RE ASKING.

- IN THAT CONDITION,
IT'S PROBABLY A BARGAIN.

SURE YOU GUYS
AREN'T INTERESTED?

- OH, WE--
WE'VE TALKED IT OVER,

AND WE'VE DECIDED
TO STAY PUT FOR NOW.

- HOW SOON
COULD WE SEE IT?

LIKE YOU SAID,
WE'RE ON TOP

OF EACH OTHER
IN THE APARTMENT.

HUNTER NEEDS
HIS OWN SPACE.

JENNY REBECCA'S GONNA
NEED HER OWN ROOM,

A YARD TO PLAY IN.

- WE'LL WRITE DOWN
THE REALTOR'S NUMBER,

AND YOU CAN GIVE HIM
A CALL.

- I THOUGHT YOU WANTED
TO STAY ON LIBERTY AVENUE.

- MAYBE IT'S TIME
FOR A CHANGE.

[door opens]

- BRIAN?

SO WHY THE URGENT MESSAGE?

"MEET ME AT BABYLON.
NOW."

- I FOUND
THAT LITTLE SOMETHING

YOU TOLD ME
TO TREAT MYSELF TO.

- WHAT?

- YOU'RE STANDING IN IT.

[liquid pours]

- BABYLON?

I SAID THE TOY,
NOT THE PLAYROOM.

- I WANT IT.

- OH, "YOU WANT IT."
WHAT FOR?

- WELL, I GOTTA KEEP THE BOYS
OFF THE STREET AT NIGHT.

I'VE GOT TO PROVIDE THEM

WITH A WARM,
FRIENDLY ENVIRONMENT

IN WHICH TO USE
ILLEGAL SUBSTANCES

AND HAVE PROMISCUOUS SEX.

SAFELY, OF COURSE.

- A NOBLE SENTIMENT.

BUT INVESTMENT-WISE,
NOT VERY PRACTICAL.

- AND WHAT WOULD BE PRACTICAL,
THEODORE?

TO GET MARRIED?

AND MOVE TO THE SUBURBS?
- [sighs]

- AND BECOME A HOME-LOVING,

CHILD-RAISING, GOD-FEARING
IMITATION HETEROSEXUAL?

[scoffs]

AND FOR WHAT?

SO THAT I CAN BECOME
ANOTHER DEAD SOUL,

GOING TO THE MALL

AND DROPPING MY KIDS
OFF AT SCHOOL

AND HAVING BARBECUES
IN THE BACKYARD?

[scoffs]

THAT'S THEIR DEATH.

NOT MINE.

I'M A COCKSUCKER!

I'M QUEER!

AND TO ANYONE
WHO TAKES PITY OR OFFENSE...

I SAY, "JUDGE YOURSELF."

THIS IS WHERE I LIVE.

THIS IS WHO I AM.

[dramatic music]

- AND AS RAGE STANDS

AT THE PRECIPICE
OF A NEW WORLD...

*

- * SEE THE NEW HORIZON

* AND THE PAST
WILL ALL BE GONE *

* SEE A NEW MOON RISING

* ACROSS THE SKY
BEFORE THE DAWN *

*

* IT MAY SEEM
THAT YOU WON'T MAKE IT *

* AND EVERYTHING GOES WRONG

* BUT YOU KNOW
THAT LOVE CAN KEEP YOU *

* WHEN ALL YOUR HOPE IS GONE

* SEE THE NEW HORIZON

* AND THE PAST
WILL ALL BE GONE *

* SEE A NEW MOON RISING

* ACROSS THE SKY
BEFORE THE DAWN *

*

* NOW I KNOW THE DARKEST HOUR

* SWEAR THE CHANGE WILL COME

* THAT'S WHEN I FEEL
I'VE GOT THE POWER *

* GROWING LIKE THE SUN

* SEE THE NEW HORIZON

* AND THE PAST
WILL ALL BE GONE *

* SEE A NEW MOON RISING

* ACROSS THE SKY
BEFORE THE DAWN *

* SEE THE NEW HORIZON

*

* SEE THE NEW HORIZON

*