All language subtitles for Ghosts.2021.S01E12.1080p.WEB.h264-GOSSIP-NHI

Wow. I can't believe

you sleep in a bed every night.

Ooh, a girl could really get
used to this pillow business.

Yep, I could've used one.

God, hey, would you mind

rubbing this knot
in my shoulder, Nancy?

Hey, hey, hey.

You know the rules.

This is a fake relationship,

so I am not rubbing
any of your man parts.

I mean, technically,
everyone has shoulders.

Ooh, now how about
we head downstairs

and get that living butler
to make us something to smell

for breakfast?

You mean Sam?

She's actually a writer

and a small business owner,
she's not our butler.

Oh, okay, okay.

Too good to be a butler.

You know, when I was alive,
women couldn't even be a butler.

You could be a wench,
a midwife or a whore.

Oh, well, that's not something

I feel particularly
compelled to follow up on.

♪

Oh, that's Bela.
She'll be here in an hour.

And now you'll probably explain
to a room full of ghosts

who Bela is.

I mean, was curious, yes.

Bela's Jay's sister.

She lives in Boston,
she's coming to visit.

Oh.
Oh, must be nice.

All my sisters died
before the age of two.

Damn, Isaac, we ain't even
smelled our morning coffee yet.

Bela's boyfriend
broke up with her last week,

so she's coming to stay
to clear her head.

How is she doing now, Jay?

I talked to her a few days ago,
and she's still really down.

Oh, that's great.
Excuse me?

No, I mean, it's awful.

It's just, you know,

I excel in helping girlfriends
get over breakups.

I hope she really likes
the Legally Blonde franchise,

'cause that is gonna be
a big part of her next 48 hours.

Okay, let's just try
not to act too excited.

Sorry, sorry.

It's just, I thought
this could be a chance

for she and I to finally bond.

Look, I don't have
siblings,

so when you and I got married,
I thought Bela and I

could become sisters,
but that hasn't happened.

Excuse me,

but in what room will
this Bela be sleeping?

Oh, right.
Well, I guess one of you guys

will have to give up
your room for the weekend.

Sorry.
Okay.

I have plan.

Thor, we can't kill Bela.

It's not what I was

going to say, but, uh,

give Thor a moment to think
of what I was going to say.

Not kill.

Troops,

Samantha has informed us that
one of us will be required

to forfeit our rooms.

Can't the sister just
take the empty bedroom?

We offered that,

but Samantha is aware
of the mold and the draft.

You got to sell the view.
When I was pushing penny stocks,

you think I emphasized the risk?

No, you shine that turd.

I call not it.

Is unbreakable oath.

Oh, please, that is how
children make decisions.

But also, not it.

Trevor is the most recently
dead, let him take it.

Ooh, that's how we divvied
things up in the first place.

This time we do it
in reserve order of seniority.

Thor not like this. This
is bad outcome for Thor.

The sanctity of my room
will not be...

Hey! Hey! Guys!

I can't stand
to watch you fight.

I will take the room.
Oh.

You sure, Pete?
Yeah. You know,

a little mold
never hurt anybody.

It'll
be like camping.

Then it's settled.
Thank you, Pete,

for your sacrifice,
and for your sake,

I hope that the rain holds out

so you don't have to deal
with that pesky leak.

Uh? Oh, sorry,

the-the-- there's a leak
in there now?

Be even more like camping.

True.
Nature.

Nature. Yay!

Okay, that must be her.

Let the girl bonding begin.

LL Uncool Jay.

'Cause that never gets old.

Hey.

Hey.
- Hey, Sam.

Hi. Oh, I don't need a nickname,

but Manhattan Sam Chowder
could be something

if you're looking for one.

What? You mean New England?

Manhattan is a soup, as well.

It's also where I lived,
so it's tomato-based.

This is painful.

Yeah, I can't watch this.

Oh, this place is epic.

Okay.

It is so good to see you guys.

It's good to see you, too.

I wish it could have been
under better circumstances.

Oh, but don't worry. I have
the perfect night planned

to help you get over that jerk.

Oh, guys, it's cool.
I'm so over him.

What's that?

I met someone new.
Already?

Wow.
So you don't need, like,

any cheering up at all, huh?

That's great.

There goes that plan.

Yeah, I set my
dating profile

to the Hudson Valley
a couple days ago,

'cause I knew I was gonna be
up here, and then boom,

I matched
with this insanely hot guy.

We've been
messaging,

and we're really vibing.

Do you want to see him?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, dang. I got to stop
leaving my house on 17%.

Well, I'm gonna drop my bags
and grab a charge.

I'll show you the way.

Sorry Jay's sister's
not devastated, Sam.

Yes, we are here for you.

Thanks, guys.

So, you just gave away
our pillow palace

to some rando's sister?

It's not some rando. It's Jay.

Who the hell's Jay?

Sam's husband?
Huh?

The living butler's husband?

Oh, face it, Pete.
You're a pushover.

Because I gave in
on one little thing

in the interest
of house harmony?

You didn't give in on one thing.
You give in on everything.

You told me yourself

you never get to pick the movie
on movie night.

Well, that's true.
And you're

always the caboose
in the massage train.

I mean, someone's got to be.
Why can't it be a circle, huh?

That way, everyone gets
their man parts rubbed.

Again, shoulders
are not specific to men.
You start

standing up for yourself

and get our room back,

or I will tell everyone
our relationship is fake

and that you have a huge crush
on Alberta.

You know,
there's a certain irony

to you strong-arming me
into being less of a pushover.

That did not escape me, Pete.

Housekeeping.

And we are charged. Do
you want to see the guy?
Oh.

Yes, please.
Okay, now,

he's not my normal type.
He comes off

as this, like,
douchey finance bro.

And he is a little,

but he's also,
like, really sensitive.

Damn, Bela!

Get it, girl. This dude is hot.
Right?

Oh, my God.

He's really something.

I can explain.

Look, I don't see what's wrong.
I mean, that guy seems great.

Not to mention, so dreamy.

Wow. That's so kind.
No.

I don't want another word out
of you unless it's explaining

why my sister-in-law
was chatting

to a guy
with your profile picture.

Whose picture?
The guy in the photo,

it was Trevor.
Trevor?

No pants? The one who
keeps hitting on you?

How come you never told me
about those cheekbones?
Okay,

starting to warm up to this guy.
You.

Just out with it.
What the hell is going on?

I may have made myself
a dating profile.
What?

How?
Well, it all started
a few months back.

I was minding my own business,
hoping I might get lucky

and see a painter
fall off his ladder.

When you've been dead 20 years,
it's the little things

that really keep you going.

Please get to the point.
Right. Anyway,

he took a break, and nothing
prepared me for what I saw next.

So many women.

So many varieties.

Short women. Tall women.
Platinum blondes.

Dirty blondes.
Strawberry blondes.
This is painful.

The humble craftsman

had shown me a brave new world,

and I knew right away
that I wanted in.

So, for the next month,
I studied.

I learned how to download apps.
I asked all the right questions.

Oh, what a cute
little stinker.

How exactly did
you save that?

In detail.
Oh, it's easy.

You just press down, and
the menu pops up, and...

Interesting.

And eventually
I was ready to put my plan

into action.

He used the kitchen iPad.

I knew we needed
a better password than 1234.

You're right. I should
have anticipated

a ghost catfishing my sister.
Wait,

how did you get a picture
of yourself?

It took weeks of sneaking down

night after night,
working letter by letter.

Sam, I was like Andy Dufresne
chiseling

through to a new life
with a little rock hammer.

Andy Dufresne? Who's that?

Seriously? Shawshank. Shawshank.

Come on, babe.

Finally,
after all that toiling...

...it was done.

The perfect profile.

And then, one fateful night,
I started getting matches.

And then two days ago,
I matched with Jay's sister.

And then a couple days ago,
he matched with Bela.

They feel pain when
we pass through them, right?
Jay.

Is he seri...
Come here! Oh!

Where are you?

Ooh. Aah!

Oh!
Did I get him?

Yeah, really good.

I'm sorry.

The only thing that hurts more

than knowing that I died
before finding true love

is knowing that I died before
I could crush it on these apps.

What was your endgame, Trevor?

I just wanted the validation,
I guess.

But then Bela showed up
at the house,

and I realized those are
real people on those apps.

Or maybe they're other
super motivated ghosts like me,

but that seems less likely.

Do you have any idea
what you've done?

I'm sorry.

It's really lonely
being a ghost.

I miss having that connection
with someone new,

that hope
that she might be the one.

I'm never gonna get that again.

Aw.

No! I'm still mad.

Ooh, Sam,
this is really, really bad.

Bela was so upset when
Gabe broke up with her.

Her emoji use was unhinged.

If she finds out
she was catfished now...

Well, you wanted a reason
to cheer her up.
No.

I actually wanted to help her

through a normal
but difficult situation.

I didn't want her destroyed
by some dead frat bro.

Oh, we are going
to have to play this

very delicately.

I got it.

Trevor has to "move."

Yes.

To somewhere far away

and unappealing. Because
she's my sister. I love her.

But she's very thirsty,
and she could follow him.

I mean, I saw that jawline.
It's like granite.

Love this guy.

Howdy, folks.

This will just take a minute.
Wh-What is this?

Isaac and I were in the middle
of a riveting debate on scarves.

You got this, Pete.
Just like we practiced.

Listen up, ghosts.

I have spent the
last 40 years

bending over backwards
to compromise

for the sake of
house harmony,

but I'm here to
tell you I'm done.

I've had it up to my arrow
with all of your applesauce.

It's time for Pete

to finally get
what he wants.

And he wants

a mold-free room,
so one of you

is making way
for Pete and his girl.

If that's amenable
to everyone.

Or even if it's not.

Yeah.
Also,

I will no longer
be the caboose

on the massage train.

I lead it now.
I'm the engine.

You hear that?

Let's go.
All right.

Well, the moment we all feared
has arrived.

Pete's developed a spine.
This is

an unfortunate turn of events.

What are y'all
talking about?

Pete's finally sticking
up for himself,

and you think
that's a bad thing?

Need I remind you
what it was like

before that saint of a man

was felled by a
little girl's arrow?

No one compromised on
anything around here.

Isaac is right.

Pete's spinelessness is

the grease that keeps the wheels
of our little world turning.

We had people like Pete
in Viking society.

We sacrificed them,

then gave their blood to please
our gods and prevent famine.

They were respected.
Dead but respected.

Well,

I like this new Pete.

He's got gumption.

And maybe the answer isn't him
going back to the way he was.

Maybe the answer is all of us

actually learning
to compromise for once.

There's got to be a better way.
That's not happening.

Hey,

Bela, what's wrong?

Turns out Trevor's
a lying piece of trash.

He told me
he's moving to Newfoundland,

which sounds made-up.

I told you, we should
have gone with Mykonos.

It could be real.
Mm, yeah.
He could've moved there.

Although, obviously,

it's too far and cold
to visit or follow someone to.

Mm, something's off.

I'm looking this asshat up.

See if he's even
who he says he is.

You don't know his last name.
How could you even do that?

Oh, I just do
a reverse image search

with his profile photo.
Oh.

That's so cool
that you can do that.

This picture's from an obituary,

and the guy died 20 years ago.

It's the only picture
of me on the Internet.
Oh, my God.

Do you know what this means?

I got catfished.

No.
What?

This is messed-up.

He is not getting away
with this.

"Hey, doucher,
I know you're not real.

And BT dubs,
catfishing is so ten years ago."

"Who are you?

Some thousand-year-old virgin?"

Bela, wait.

Why does that sound keep
coming from your iPad?

Great question.
Why don't you hand it over,

and I'll take it
to the Genius Bar.

Unlock the iPad, Jay.

I would, but I-I forgot
the passcode.
Well, luckily,

it's been the same
since junior high. 1234.

You're Trevor?

Okay, I am freaking out
right now.

Bela,
it's not what it looks like.

We just invited you up
to the house

because we wanted
to cheer you up.

You thought creating Trevor
would cheer me up?

Ew. No.
Oh, no.

You didn't think
I could find a real man again,

so you created a fake one
to flirt with me

and compliment my smile.
I really meant that.

And you made up a
guy that is exactly

everything I'm looking for.

Someone who loves clubbing

and the Hamptons

and jam bands
from the late '90s.

We're freaking meant
for each other.

That's not what happened.

Then what did happen?
I...

don't have a good explanation.

You guys are sick.

I'm packing my bags and leaving.

I mean, we sexted.

Ugh!

I didn't know it had a name.

That's Hetty,
Alberta, oh, and me.

Three against one, Thor,
you must give up your room

to Pete and the filthy one.

Mm-mm. Thor not moving.

But we voted.

Thor not believe in democracy.
Oh,

how convenient.
Fine. I change my vote to Isaac.

Me, too.
Weasels!

All of you.

They're hurting
each other's feelings.

I have to put a stop to this.

Oh, here we go.
Out of my room!

Spineless Pete worming his
way back to the surface.

Do you want to know
why I compromise, Nancy?

Yeah.
I'm modeling

for these people. Yes,

it's been 40 years, and, yes,
they're not exactly picking up

what I'm laying down,
but I believe in them.

They have good in them.

And eventually
they're gonna get there.

And until that time,

I'm gonna keep
setting an example.

That's BS. You're just scared
of someone not liking you.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, you wimp.

That is enough!

...powder off your wig.

I cannot take one more
minute of your bullying!

You want me to stand up
for myself and have a spine?

Well, here we go!
It is over between us.

I am done listening to you.

So if you have something
you want to say to everyone,

you just go ahead and say it.
Fine!

I'm going back down
to the basement

'cause I just broke up

with my very real boyfriend

and, also, 'cause
you all suck,

and I'd rather be with the
cholera pit people. Huh.

Proud of you, Petey.

Now, you listen up good.

I'm taking the moldy room,

and I don't want to hear
another word about it.

Yeah. That's what I thought.

Does that mean
she's single now?

Bela.

I have nothing
to say to you two.

No, no, you have to trust

that we weren't trying
to hurt you.

It doesn't matter
what you were trying to do.

You thought I was so pathetic
that the best way

to help me
was to concoct some giant lie.

I don't think I'll ever be able
to forgive you.

It was a ghost.
What?

Babe, are you sure about this?
Look, I know

that this is
gonna sound crazy,

but if it has any chance of
salvaging this relationship,

I have to come clean.

A few months ago, I
fell down the stairs

and I went into a coma. Thank
you for the flowers, by the way.

And when I woke up,
I could see ghosts.

Trevor died in this
house 20 years ago.

And he doesn't wear pants,
which may not seem relevant,

but it's something I have
to know, and now you do, too.

Anyhow, somehow,

he managed to create
a dating profile,

and th-the important part of
the story is, I see ghosts.

And besides Jay,

you're the only person
I've ever told.

I know this must be

difficult to believe, but
I sincerely hope you do.

Honestly, Sam,

get help.

Bela.

Bela, hold up.

Look, I'm not crazy,

or-or at least
I'm not lying.

And I can prove it.
Thor, lights.

Sam, chair!

No, get the lights.

Oh, right, yes.

What was that?

Alberta, hum us a tune.

Oh, finally.

Okay, that's a trick.
Secret switches, speakers.

Isaac?
Hmm? What?
Oh, uh, you know what?

No, I'll pass. Thank you.
Isaac,

please.
Fine.

Oh! That is nasty.

Okay, it's no picnic
for me, either.
Okay,

what is happening?

You just met
some of the ghosts.

I can tell you
what's in your bag. Pete.

We got a pair of hiking boots.
A pair

of hiking boots. A beanie.

Three unread back issues

of The New Yorker.
Three unread back issues

of The New Yorker.
And-- I'm just saying this

to prove a point--
a personal massager.

Oh, why you got to tell me that?

How many fingers
am I holding up?

Three.

Holy crap.

You can see ghosts?

What is personal massager?

So, ghosts don't eat,

but they sleep?

And they don't go
to the bathroom?

Then what about... you know?

Yeah, surprisingly,
that one's a yes.

Wow. And, like,

could a ghost do it
with a human?

No. You know what?
I'm not there yet.

Please don't tell anyone
about this, Bela.

Your secret's safe with me.

Hey,

am I really the only one
you've told besides Jay?

Yeah.
Wow,

I can't believe that.
That really means a lot.

Kind of makes me feel really
close to you.

Is that stupid?

No, I don't think that's stupid.

You know, I always
kind of wanted a sister.

Instead, all I got
was this dork.

She made me wear a
dress till I was five.

Did you say "sister"?

Yeah,
don't be an idiot about it.

Don't you be an idiot about it.
Okay.

Jay, I'm doing
sister banter.

Nice work, babe.

I'd like to say goodbye

to Bela if I could.

I don't think anybody wants
to hear from you.

What?
Oh, it's a ghost thing.

You'll get used
to it pretty fast.

Trevor's here.
He wants a word.

It's okay.
I'm willing to hear him out.

Really?

Fine.

Okay, this is gonna be
awkward for me,

so I'm gonna leave the
three of you to it.

Or however many
of you there are.

Okay, Trevor, this
better be good.

Bela, I'm sorry I lied to you.

"Bela, I'm sorry I lied to you."

But the connection that we had,
that wasn't a lie.

I meant every word that I said.

"I do love your eyes

and your smile."

And your boobs.

You forgot the boobs.
Nope.

Just keep going.

I talk a big game,

but the truth is,

I really did want to find
someone to spend my life with,

and I didn't.

Life is way too short.

I used to think that was

a dumb thing that people said,
but it's really true.

Go find yourself someone
who's as incredible as you.

Because that's what you deserve.

"Because that's
what you deserve."

Thank you, Trevor.

Also, please send nudes.

And we're done.