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♪ Chappelle's show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's show ♪
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♪ Oww ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo-hoo ♪
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♪ Woo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
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[cheers and applause]
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[man] Ladies and gentlemen,
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Dave Chappelle!
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[applause]
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Thank you all.
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Thank you, folks.
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Tonight you tuned in on a very special night.
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You know, now that the show is becoming successful,
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people are writing about it in the papers,
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the only thing more spectacular than our success
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is our failures.
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Tonight I will show you some of the craziest things
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we have tried to get away with and didn't succeed.
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[laughing] [Dave chuckles]
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These are all sketches we actually went out,
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we shot the sketches-- I didn't make this idea up.
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This is a crazy, uh...
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Well, you'll see as we go along.
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But this is the good thing about black people.
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We are just the best at taking lemons and making lemonade.
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This is a skill that black people have been endowed.
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They gave us the worst part of pigs,
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we said we're gonna call 'em chitlins,
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put some hot sauce on the nigga,
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and we will like 'em, we will like them!
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We'll eat the snout, if we have to.
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If we have to, I will eat the snout.
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Tonight we are gonna eat all snout.
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This whole episode is just straight up snout.
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[audience laughing]
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[Dave chuckles]
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Now this first sketch
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had our first celebrity cameo
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The Chappelle Show ever had that nobody ever saw.
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It was a very good cameo.
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Why don't you show 'em the beginning.
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[applause]
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Welcome back.
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Today, of course, we are dealing with kids
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who are b-a-d, bad.
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Do you see, Sally?
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This is what I have to deal with.
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Ronald is just out of control. So trifling.
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Aw, ma, shut up.
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[farts]
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Alright, it's time to straighten you up.
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Guess where you are going.
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Boot camp.
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Yeah, boot camp. That's right.
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With the hardest CO you have ever met.
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This is where the sketch goes completely wrong.
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That's right, Nelson Mandela.
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[whistle blowing]
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Alright, children, shut your mouth.
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All of you kids disgust me.
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Notice how shitty the wig is.
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Not only do I not look anything like Nelson Mandela,
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but the sketch just gets progressively crazier.
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Mandela proceeds to just beat the hell out of these kids
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for the next, like, eight to nine minutes, alright?
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He's just berating 'em and beating 'em.
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Here, just show them some of the beat-downs.
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This is the full Nelson. Bitch, it's a pun.
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You. Cry "Freedom."
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Cry "The Beloved Country."
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If I wanted to be mean,
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I would tell this kid how fat he is, huh?
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I would tell him that I would squeeze his breasts together
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and make love to his bosom, if I wanted to.
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Pretty bad, huh?
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Well, it gets weirder than that.
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Do you think Mandela doesn't know what this is?
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Do you think Mandela doesn't know
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what's popping on the streets?
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[All] ♪ In the jungle The mighty jungle ♪
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Yo, I'm not sure,
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but I think Mr. Mandela smoked my drugs.
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[All] ♪ A-whee ♪
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♪ Whee-o-whee-o Whee-o-wumbawe ♪
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♪ A-whee ♪
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♪ Whee-o-whee-o Whee-o-wumbawe ♪
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[cheers and applause]
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Pretty bad, huh?
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Alright, now here's another stinker.
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This one
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was supposed to be like The Def Poetry Jam .
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[chuckles]
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It was called--
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It was a funny premise-- It was called
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The Def Comedy Poetry Jam,
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where we basically have people I knew from Def Comedy Jam
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come and do, like, the corniest joke premises
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in poetry style.
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It's kind of hard to explain, but it was funny.
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Like, Mos Def came out, act a fool.
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Go ahead and show them the beginning.
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[screaming]
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Are you ready for some poetry, motherfuckers?
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Uh!
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Mm, mm, uh!
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Alright, so then Shucky Ducky comes out
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and Hamburg and all these guys come out
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and do Hacky black poems.
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And I even did one myself, which is pretty hilarious,
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I'll show it to you in its entirety.
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Here's the one I did.
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[drumming]
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White people do this.
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Black people-- black people do that.
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[audience laughing]
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When White people's power goes off they panic.
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When black people's power goes off they plan it.
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We'll take a quick commercial break,
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but don't go anywhere.
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We have more of our greatest misses coming up.
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Whoo.
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Hey, gang, welcome back.
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Now, let's see, how can I describe this sketch?
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It was a Frontline piece,
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much like we did the Clayton Bigsby piece,
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we wrote this one when they had opened the first public school
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for all-gay students,
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and we were like, okay, America's freaking out now,
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like, about the gay thing, like,
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so we thought what if it was, like,
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so segregated that there became two Americas.
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It was a Gay America and a Straight America.
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And that was the premise of the sketch.
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Cities like San Francisco
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even offer special municipal services,
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like this gay department of motor vehicles.
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Honey, with those cheekbones, you're a natural!
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Now, just stand there. That's right.
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Put your head back a little bit.
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Let's get that great big smile.
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Let's see those pearly whites.
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Hold it, hold it.
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[camera shutter clicking]
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Congratulations. Your license plate is so ready.
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[audience laughing]
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[chuckles]
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It was funny.
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I mean, we were just messing around.
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You know, just having fun.
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Right.
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But it gets worse, like, we keep going on like this.
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Okay, so there's a gay DMV,
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what else can we just make, like, a gay version of?
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And then we just went to town with, like,
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the gay versions of things.
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For instance...
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Every aspect of American life
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is being affected by the culture.
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There are gay butchers.
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Gay landscapers.
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♪ Ass, titties, Ass and titties ♪
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♪ Ass, ass, Titties, titties ♪
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[chuckles]
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Just for fun, can we see that guy again?
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That shit was very funny to me.
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♪ Ass, titties, Ass and titties ♪
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♪ Ass ass, Titties, titties-- ♪
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Here's where we start spinning out of control.
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Alright, this next one was offensive,
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not only to gay people but black people.
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And if you're a gay black person
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then you'll get doubly mad,
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but it was all in the spirit of fun.
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I thought-- I still think it's funny.
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Alright, go ahead and show the clip.
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Here in Hartsfield, Alabama, amazingly,
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they have started a gay chapter of the Ku Klux Klan.
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Oh, it's hot like the dickens.
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As I was saying at brunch,
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and we hate, too, okay?
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But we do it a special way. We do it with compassion.
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Good morning, I'm with the K.K.K.
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We had a meeting and we were talking
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and we'd be more comfortable
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if you guys left the neighborhood.
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Have you considered going back to Africa?
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Alright.
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Now, this next piece was the piece that started
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the whole she-bang-a-bang.
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This was the first premise that led
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to this Gay America sketch.
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This actually was Charlie Murphy's idea.
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He called and was like "I got this funny idea
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for a sketch, man."
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And he told me, he told Neal, and we just ran with it.
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This is the most splendiferous,
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spectacious monumental event in the history of the world.
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Professional boxing with all-gay fighters.
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I call it "Friday Night Sissy Fights"
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and it's on none other than HBO.
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On my right,
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"The Bathhouse Brawler",
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none other than sweet puss Rogers.
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Look at that footwork.
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His dad was a schoolgirl.
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Man, he's gay.
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And to my left, "The Tyrannical Tea-Bagger"
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none other than Reggie Blazer.
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He's weighing himself in as we speak.
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Uh-uh, uh-uh, this scale is broke.
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Cheetah, didn't I tell you to fix this scale.
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And what you looking at
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with your ashy-ass lips?
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Whatever, fat-ass.
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I love it!
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[squeals]
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On that note, we're actually gonna take a commercial break,
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but don't go nowhere.
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We'll be right back with more of our greatest misses.
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Man, I'm bored
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I got to go to The Chappelle Show.
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Alright, welcome back, welcome back.
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Alright.
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This next one might be my favorite failure of all time.
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Now, last season we did this sketch called
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"The player hater's ball."
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Wasn't our most popular sketch,
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but it was just one of my favorites.
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It was just very silly.
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So we said let's bring 'em back,
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but let's try to do something different.
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Up the ante a little bit.
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So it starts out that the player haters
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are having a science fair.
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Alright, go ahead, go ahead.
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Furthermore, my wave machine can create enough energy
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to power most medium-sized homes with ease.
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Thank you, bitches.
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When you said wave machine,
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I thought you was talking about something that could
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repair that catastrophe you call a hairstyle.
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Buck Nasty, you are so dark
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when you touch yourself, it's like black-on-black crime.
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Ah.
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Right, so, so far so good.
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It has all the elements of the old sketch that we loved.
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There's Jheri Curl juice snapping, going back and forth.
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Alright, here's where it starts getting a little weird.
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[gong ringing] -Attention.
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I brought to you, bitches,
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my great invention yet.
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The time machine.
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[gong ringing]
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-So now the premise is that they travel through time
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and hate on people.
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Now, that's-- that's not a bad premise,
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but somehow
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it just didn't come together right.
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Let's see what happens.
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First, they go back and I think they fuck up Hitler.
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[slow distorted voices]
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Hitler momma got one big titty and one little titty,
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and they call the bitch Biggie Smalls.
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Alright, so the crowd's still kind of with us.
265
00:11:56,733 --> 00:11:59,403
And now we take 'em to the 1840s.
266
00:11:59,466 --> 00:12:01,396
Let's see how that hate works out.
267
00:12:01,466 --> 00:12:03,596
Good God!
268
00:12:03,666 --> 00:12:06,196
Incarcerated African-Americans.
269
00:12:06,266 --> 00:12:08,326
Slavery, if you will.
270
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,230
These men here
271
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:13,600
work for the minimumest of wages,
272
00:12:13,666 --> 00:12:17,096
grits and tattered clothes.
273
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,966
Lookey here, man.
274
00:12:19,033 --> 00:12:22,103
Them lames ain't even got no shoes on, Jack.
275
00:12:22,166 --> 00:12:24,896
I could never go out like that.
276
00:12:24,966 --> 00:12:27,396
Buck Nasty, have some respect.
277
00:12:27,466 --> 00:12:30,696
One of these men could be your great-granddaddy.
278
00:12:33,300 --> 00:12:37,870
[audience laughing]
279
00:12:42,766 --> 00:12:45,126
[chuckles]
280
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,970
Alright, Charlie was definitely funny,
281
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:48,803
'cause every time we do Buck Nasty, right,
282
00:12:48,866 --> 00:12:50,966
like, he'll be sittin' in the back of the time machine
283
00:12:51,033 --> 00:12:54,073
and as soon as they say, "Okay, roll sound,"
284
00:12:54,133 --> 00:12:55,903
Charlie'd get to shaking like this.
285
00:12:55,966 --> 00:12:57,896
He'd start...
286
00:12:57,966 --> 00:12:59,466
Alright, just show 'em, like--
287
00:12:59,533 --> 00:13:02,073
Just give 'em an example of what it's like to shoot this.
288
00:13:03,133 --> 00:13:04,073
From doctors?
289
00:13:04,133 --> 00:13:05,103
Yeah.
290
00:13:05,166 --> 00:13:06,326
Alright, ready?
291
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:08,370
Roll sound.
292
00:13:09,933 --> 00:13:14,873
[audience laughing]
293
00:13:22,833 --> 00:13:24,073
It was killing me.
294
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:25,433
Alright, but I'm getting off the point now.
295
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,830
Let's keep going.
296
00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:30,070
Now, so the now time haters, they're in slavery times, right?
297
00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:33,533
And stuff is still kind of going good in the sketch.
298
00:13:33,600 --> 00:13:36,330
Okay, okay, keep, just, keep--
299
00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:37,400
let it play out.
300
00:13:37,466 --> 00:13:38,566
Let's see what's happening.
301
00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:42,203
Uh-oh, fellas, looks as though we have company.
302
00:13:42,266 --> 00:13:45,026
And what the hell are you niggras doin' out here?
303
00:13:45,100 --> 00:13:46,800
We are the time haters.
304
00:13:46,866 --> 00:13:49,496
We traveled all the way back through time...
305
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,970
To call you a cracker.
306
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:55,003
You better watch your mouth.
307
00:13:55,066 --> 00:13:57,726
Actually, you better watch your mouth, White boy,
308
00:13:57,800 --> 00:13:59,530
before I put these gators up your ass
309
00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:01,670
and show your insides some style.
310
00:14:03,000 --> 00:14:03,970
That's enough!
311
00:14:04,966 --> 00:14:07,296
I can't be no slave, Silky.
312
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:12,570
Oh, Good God.
313
00:14:12,633 --> 00:14:13,873
Look, Silky,
314
00:14:13,933 --> 00:14:15,833
he done pulled out a whip.
315
00:14:15,900 --> 00:14:17,900
Nice whip.
316
00:14:17,966 --> 00:14:20,666
This here is a pistol.
317
00:14:20,733 --> 00:14:22,833
Reach for the sky, honky.
318
00:14:22,900 --> 00:14:25,570
Honky? Honky?
319
00:14:25,633 --> 00:14:30,303
Honky is a racial epithet used for White people.
320
00:14:30,366 --> 00:14:32,966
Was made popular by a man named George Jefferson
321
00:14:33,033 --> 00:14:35,273
in the 1970s.
322
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,533
You see, he and his wife, Weezy,
323
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:37,970
had a dry cleaning business,
324
00:14:38,033 --> 00:14:40,203
so they moved on up to the east side,
325
00:14:40,266 --> 00:14:42,966
to a deluxe apartment in the sky.
326
00:14:43,033 --> 00:14:45,633
They finally got a piece of the pie.
327
00:14:47,633 --> 00:14:49,773
Convoluted story, I'll admit,
328
00:14:49,833 --> 00:14:51,133
but the point is this,
329
00:14:51,200 --> 00:14:55,830
that in the future, all black people will be free.
330
00:14:55,900 --> 00:14:57,630
In a second, alright,
331
00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:59,630
this is what stopped the whole show.
332
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,300
This stopped-- I mean, literally,
333
00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:04,696
the whole episode came to a screeching halt right here.
334
00:15:04,766 --> 00:15:07,666
As a matter of fact, I can predict this episode
335
00:15:07,733 --> 00:15:09,733
coming to a screeching halt right now.
336
00:15:09,800 --> 00:15:11,370
But I'll show it.
337
00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:13,833
When's we gonna be free?
338
00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:15,870
That is a good question, my man.
339
00:15:17,333 --> 00:15:18,873
How about now-ish?
340
00:15:18,933 --> 00:15:20,503
[gunshot] [grunts]
341
00:15:20,566 --> 00:15:22,126
[gunshot] [grunts]
342
00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:23,770
[gunshot] [grunts]
343
00:15:23,833 --> 00:15:25,503
[gunshot] [grunts]
344
00:15:29,933 --> 00:15:31,503
Apparently, shooting a slave master
345
00:15:31,566 --> 00:15:34,226
isn't funny to anybody but me and Neal.
346
00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:38,773
If I could, I'd do it every episode.
347
00:15:39,966 --> 00:15:41,426
So that was that one.
348
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:45,770
Now, this next one, the premise, again,
349
00:15:45,833 --> 00:15:48,703
funny premise, it's about a dating service
350
00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:50,596
where you tell 'em what kind of girls you like,
351
00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:53,366
and they'll send dudes to just go out to malls and stuff
352
00:15:53,433 --> 00:15:55,203
and holler at bitches for you.
353
00:15:55,266 --> 00:15:58,226
Now... [chuckles]
354
00:15:58,300 --> 00:15:59,430
not so bad, right?
355
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:01,170
Go ahead, just show 'em the set up.
356
00:16:01,233 --> 00:16:03,933
In a matter of seconds, we'll beam your information
357
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,730
to one of our skilled field technicians.
358
00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,130
Hey, hey, hey. Can I holler?
359
00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:09,400
Can I holler at you? Can I holler at you?
360
00:16:09,466 --> 00:16:10,696
Can I holler, holler, holler, holler, holler, holler
361
00:16:10,766 --> 00:16:13,526
holler, holler, holler, holler, holler, holler at you?
362
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,070
What's wrong with ya?
363
00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:16,273
That dude is hilarious to us.
364
00:16:16,333 --> 00:16:17,603
His name's Anthony Barry,
365
00:16:17,666 --> 00:16:20,396
and, I mean, everything he says is funny.
366
00:16:20,466 --> 00:16:22,166
And in the course of shooting this sketch,
367
00:16:22,233 --> 00:16:23,473
we figured out he could do this.
368
00:16:23,533 --> 00:16:24,733
So we were like, "just do that."
369
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,030
And we just filmed him doing it.
370
00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:28,770
This is what he did that had us cracking up in editing.
371
00:16:28,833 --> 00:16:30,973
Holler, holler, holler... Holler, holler, holler...
372
00:16:31,033 --> 00:16:33,133
Holler, holler, holler... Holler, holler, holler...
373
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,270
Holler, holler, holler, holler, holler, holler...
374
00:16:35,333 --> 00:16:38,003
Holler, holler, holler... Holler, holler, holler...
375
00:16:38,066 --> 00:16:39,626
Let me holler at you. Let me holler at you.
376
00:16:39,700 --> 00:16:41,230
Let me holler at you, let me holler at you.
377
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,330
Holler, holler, holler, holler, holler, holler...
378
00:16:43,400 --> 00:16:45,400
Holler, holler, holler, holler, holler, holler...
379
00:16:45,466 --> 00:16:47,566
Holler, holler, holler... Holler, holler, holler...
380
00:16:47,633 --> 00:16:49,073
[laughs]
381
00:16:51,066 --> 00:16:52,826
I'm hollerin' at you, bitch. Don't you hear me?
382
00:16:52,900 --> 00:16:54,170
Bitch, let me holler.
383
00:16:54,233 --> 00:16:55,573
Holler, holler, holler... Holler, holler, holler...
384
00:16:55,633 --> 00:16:57,333
I'd like to thank each and every one of y'all
385
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,230
for being here.
386
00:16:59,300 --> 00:17:01,330
I'd like to thank you at home for watching.
387
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:04,100
I'll see you next week. Good night.
388
00:17:04,166 --> 00:17:06,926
[cheers and applause]
389
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:10,700
I'm rich, bitch.
390
00:17:10,766 --> 00:17:11,696
[horn honking]
391
00:17:11,766 --> 00:17:13,096
Hi, thank you.
392
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:18,070
Like BET, the network will also air sitcoms
393
00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:20,433
such as "Gay Sanford and Son."
394
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,370
I gave that money back to the church.
395
00:17:22,433 --> 00:17:24,233
It was the right thing to do.
396
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:28,870
Lamont, you big, gay dummy.
397
00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:30,433
Oh, gay pop.
398
00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:32,700
Come on, gay Julio.
399
00:17:35,033 --> 00:17:37,633
Adios, Mr. Sanford.
400
00:17:39,033 --> 00:17:41,173
This is the big, gay one.
401
00:17:41,233 --> 00:17:44,203
Why they dick so small?
402
00:17:44,253 --> 00:17:48,803
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