All language subtitles for Chappelles Show s02e04 The Love Contract.eng

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,666 --> 00:00:14,096 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:14,166 --> 00:00:15,366 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:15,433 --> 00:00:16,673 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:16,733 --> 00:00:18,473 ♪ Oww ♪ 5 00:00:19,266 --> 00:00:21,096 ♪ Woo-hoo hoo ♪ 6 00:00:21,166 --> 00:00:22,466 ♪ Woo-hoo ♪ 7 00:00:22,533 --> 00:00:23,703 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:23,766 --> 00:00:26,126 ♪ 9 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,000 Let's start the show. 10 00:00:28,066 --> 00:00:31,126 [playing harmonica] 11 00:00:34,066 --> 00:00:36,366 [man] You've just met that special someone, 12 00:00:36,433 --> 00:00:38,233 and you're letting your desire for each other 13 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:39,770 take you to incredible heights. 14 00:00:39,833 --> 00:00:41,273 But these days, 15 00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,503 you can never be too sure they aren't going to dispute 16 00:00:43,566 --> 00:00:45,566 whether the sex was consensual. 17 00:00:45,633 --> 00:00:47,403 Mm, mm-- wait a minute. 18 00:00:47,466 --> 00:00:49,196 Wait a minute. Before we go any further... 19 00:00:49,266 --> 00:00:52,296 [man] Which is why this night calls for the love contract. 20 00:00:52,366 --> 00:00:54,226 -What's this? -Nothing. 21 00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:56,670 It's just a document saying that you're a willing participant 22 00:00:56,733 --> 00:00:59,933 in this sexual experience, baby. 23 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,370 Well, I am. 24 00:01:01,433 --> 00:01:03,133 Just sign here and here... 25 00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:08,666 And initial there for oral. 26 00:01:10,133 --> 00:01:12,033 -Oral? -I'ma do you too. 27 00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,470 Okay. 28 00:01:13,533 --> 00:01:16,033 And just initial there if you decline anal. 29 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:21,170 Unless, of course, you-- 30 00:01:21,233 --> 00:01:23,073 No, no, no, it's not going down. 31 00:01:23,133 --> 00:01:25,173 Pretty much standard. Okay. 32 00:01:25,233 --> 00:01:28,933 I don't know about you, but I'm still horny. 33 00:01:29,000 --> 00:01:29,970 Let's do this, girl. 34 00:01:30,033 --> 00:01:33,073 Oh... Oh, make me feel good! 35 00:01:33,133 --> 00:01:34,433 [man] The love contract. 36 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:35,830 Because you'd hate to catch a beef 37 00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:37,400 for something you know you didn't do. 38 00:01:37,466 --> 00:01:38,326 And now... 39 00:01:38,400 --> 00:01:39,670 Yow! 40 00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,303 [grunting] 41 00:01:41,366 --> 00:01:44,496 Ah... 42 00:01:44,566 --> 00:01:45,726 Oh... 43 00:01:45,800 --> 00:01:47,770 [sighs] 44 00:01:47,833 --> 00:01:49,573 Well, that didn't take too long. 45 00:01:50,666 --> 00:01:51,896 I know. 46 00:01:51,966 --> 00:01:54,526 Just do me a favor, okay? 47 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:56,700 Don't tell anybody about this. 48 00:01:56,766 --> 00:01:58,496 [man] From the makers of the love contract 49 00:01:58,566 --> 00:02:00,866 comes the confidentiality agreement. 50 00:02:01,933 --> 00:02:03,133 Don't worry. 51 00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,030 I'm not gonna tell anybody. 52 00:02:05,100 --> 00:02:06,670 I know you won't, 53 00:02:06,733 --> 00:02:08,133 or I'll sue your ass. 54 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:11,430 Kobe! 55 00:02:14,333 --> 00:02:16,303 [man] Available at all Walbog's. 56 00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:19,203 [man] Ladies and gentlemen, 57 00:02:19,266 --> 00:02:21,966 Dave Chappelle! 58 00:02:22,033 --> 00:02:24,573 Oh, boy! 59 00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:26,473 Hey, everybody. 60 00:02:26,533 --> 00:02:27,503 Hey, man. 61 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:30,170 Welcome to Chappelle's Show. 62 00:02:35,100 --> 00:02:36,670 How about that love contract? 63 00:02:37,833 --> 00:02:40,573 That might be a Hollywood joke, you know. 64 00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:42,173 Hollywood's a crazy place. 65 00:02:42,233 --> 00:02:44,433 I don't know if you guys know people that work in Hollywood 66 00:02:44,500 --> 00:02:46,530 or talk to people-- There's a guy 67 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,830 that does sketches on our show, Charlie Murphy. 68 00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:51,500 He was, like, Tyree in The Mad Real World. 69 00:02:53,500 --> 00:02:54,530 That's Eddie Murphy's older brother. 70 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:56,030 A lot of people don't know that, 71 00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:59,330 but he used to just tell us stories at lunchtime 72 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,600 about being in Hollywood that were so crazy. 73 00:03:02,666 --> 00:03:06,126 And he told us one story that was so good 74 00:03:06,200 --> 00:03:08,270 we had to have him come here 75 00:03:08,333 --> 00:03:10,733 and tell it for you guys tonight. 76 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,930 Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise-- 77 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:15,230 Charlie Murphy's true Hollywood stories. 78 00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:18,170 [cheers and applause] 79 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,866 I get out the navy, my brother's famous. 80 00:03:22,933 --> 00:03:24,833 His fame is exploding. 81 00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:28,270 I'm real proud of that, you know what I mean? 82 00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:29,733 I'm getting to hang out with people 83 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,030 that I only read about in magazines 84 00:03:32,100 --> 00:03:34,330 and seen, you know, on the screen somewhere. 85 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,830 I'm, like, standing next to them 86 00:03:35,900 --> 00:03:37,700 and being at dinner tables with them 87 00:03:37,766 --> 00:03:39,296 and, you know, it was a bug-out, man. 88 00:03:39,366 --> 00:03:41,866 You know, I was a huge Rick James fan. 89 00:03:41,933 --> 00:03:43,433 That's the first person that I would say 90 00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:46,100 out of all the celebrities that I met 91 00:03:46,166 --> 00:03:48,126 that I was star-struck. 92 00:03:48,200 --> 00:03:49,700 We gonna hang out with Rick James tonight, 93 00:03:49,766 --> 00:03:50,966 you know what I'm saying? 94 00:03:51,033 --> 00:03:52,933 And here he comes out the room, when I look at him-- 95 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,370 and I'm not bullshitting you, man, 96 00:03:54,433 --> 00:03:55,433 I seen, like, 97 00:03:55,500 --> 00:03:58,170 like an orange-- his aura or whatever, 98 00:03:58,233 --> 00:03:59,733 I seen it. 99 00:03:59,800 --> 00:04:00,600 It was orange. 100 00:04:00,666 --> 00:04:01,996 ♪ Give it to me, baby ♪ 101 00:04:02,066 --> 00:04:04,926 ♪ Give it to me, baby ♪ 102 00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:06,900 He started kicking it. 103 00:04:06,966 --> 00:04:07,996 And he was mad niggerish, man, 104 00:04:08,066 --> 00:04:09,426 which was, you know, right up my alley. 105 00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,670 I'm one of the baddest motherfuckers of all time. 106 00:04:11,733 --> 00:04:13,073 I'm one of the best singers 107 00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:14,573 and one of the best-lookin' motherfuckers you've ever seen. 108 00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:15,973 Hold my drink, bitch. 109 00:04:16,033 --> 00:04:17,703 He'd walk up to any chick 110 00:04:17,766 --> 00:04:19,596 and lick the whole side of their face, man. 111 00:04:22,233 --> 00:04:23,833 I'm Rick James, bitch. 112 00:04:25,133 --> 00:04:26,473 Enjoy yourself. 113 00:04:26,533 --> 00:04:27,873 [chuckling] 114 00:04:27,933 --> 00:04:30,033 We got closer, started hanging out. 115 00:04:30,100 --> 00:04:33,230 My brother didn't do any of this shit. 116 00:04:33,300 --> 00:04:35,570 So at night, when Eddie would break out, 117 00:04:35,633 --> 00:04:38,333 we would all be getting crazy and wild. 118 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,270 And if I was hanging with Rick, 119 00:04:40,333 --> 00:04:41,533 he had this thing with me 120 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,900 where he used to always, like, fuck with me, man. 121 00:04:43,966 --> 00:04:46,366 I don't know what started it. 122 00:04:46,433 --> 00:04:48,433 Charlie, he was hanging out with the big dogs, you know? 123 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:50,630 Charlie, he didn't know he was doing crazy things 124 00:04:50,700 --> 00:04:52,030 and I had to straighten him out. 125 00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:53,700 Sometimes I had to go upside his head. 126 00:04:53,766 --> 00:04:57,496 Things escalated to the point where, you know, 127 00:04:57,566 --> 00:04:59,426 my man got too familiar 128 00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,170 and I ended up having to whip his ass, man, 129 00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:02,403 you know, because, 130 00:05:02,466 --> 00:05:04,296 you know, he would step across the line. 131 00:05:05,166 --> 00:05:08,496 Habitually. He's a habitual line-stepper. 132 00:05:08,566 --> 00:05:09,766 The first time, you know, 133 00:05:09,833 --> 00:05:13,373 I had to end up whipping his ass, uh... 134 00:05:13,433 --> 00:05:15,633 We went to Studio 54. 135 00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:18,930 We walkin' up into the VIP section and, um, 136 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,830 I'm looking around to see who's there 137 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:22,270 and lookin' at the girls and everything. 138 00:05:22,333 --> 00:05:23,803 And all of a sudden I heard someone go... 139 00:05:23,866 --> 00:05:25,296 Charlie Murphy! 140 00:05:27,900 --> 00:05:30,970 That was... ♪ Cold-blooded ♪ 141 00:05:31,033 --> 00:05:34,503 [laughs] 142 00:05:34,566 --> 00:05:36,066 He had this ring on 143 00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:38,773 to commemorate this song he had put out called Unity. 144 00:05:38,833 --> 00:05:42,933 And this was imprinted in that black head of his 145 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:44,930 for at least a week. 146 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,330 ♪ Unity ♪ 147 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:49,600 Eddie and everybody else 148 00:05:49,666 --> 00:05:51,326 thought that that was the funniest shit. 149 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,500 And so that threw me in a weird space, 150 00:05:53,566 --> 00:05:55,696 'cause I'm like, yeah, this is Rick James. 151 00:05:55,766 --> 00:05:57,066 He's a star. 152 00:05:57,133 --> 00:06:00,203 I'm Rick James, bitch. [laughs] 153 00:06:00,266 --> 00:06:03,066 This is a celebration, bitch. [laughs] 154 00:06:03,133 --> 00:06:04,703 Maybe I'm overreacting. 155 00:06:04,766 --> 00:06:06,096 I actually went there, like, 156 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,366 "Maybe I shouldn't do nothing." 157 00:06:07,433 --> 00:06:09,203 But my ghetto side was goin', 158 00:06:09,266 --> 00:06:11,896 "Yo, stomp this motherfucker out right here. 159 00:06:11,966 --> 00:06:13,396 What the fuck is wrong with him?" 160 00:06:13,466 --> 00:06:14,796 I drunk some wine 161 00:06:14,866 --> 00:06:15,966 and I'm just getting started, bitches. 162 00:06:16,033 --> 00:06:17,273 [laughing] 163 00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:18,833 He totally just wrote me off. 164 00:06:18,900 --> 00:06:20,330 Like, I'm that nigga to steal on, 165 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:21,330 you know what I'm sayin'? 166 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,000 What, he's gonna slap me back? 167 00:06:23,066 --> 00:06:24,526 I'm Rick James. He's Charlie Murphy. 168 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:28,770 -I waited, 'cause I knew what hotel he was stayin' in. 169 00:06:28,833 --> 00:06:30,033 Eddie and them went home 170 00:06:30,100 --> 00:06:31,400 and I said, "Yo, I'll be right back." 171 00:06:31,466 --> 00:06:33,826 I shot over to the hotel, went up to his room, 172 00:06:33,900 --> 00:06:34,730 knocked on the door. 173 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:37,330 -So then he comes in there. 174 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:40,000 And I said, "Look, bitch, I'm Rick James." 175 00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:44,026 Smacked him. [chuckling] 176 00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:47,870 Oh, Charlie Murphy! 177 00:06:47,933 --> 00:06:50,503 -He had his head cocked to throw another right hand. 178 00:06:50,566 --> 00:06:53,296 When he was coming for it, I just came--blaow! 179 00:06:53,366 --> 00:06:54,866 I caught him with the front. 180 00:06:54,933 --> 00:06:56,103 He'll tell it like he gave me 181 00:06:56,166 --> 00:06:58,766 some kind of Bruce Lee crosskick or somethin'. 182 00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:00,803 I kicked the shit out of him, man. 183 00:07:00,866 --> 00:07:02,096 [screams] 184 00:07:04,300 --> 00:07:06,500 [screams in slow motion] 185 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:10,770 The wind is knocked out of him. 186 00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:13,533 And then he screams out... 187 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:15,500 Security! 188 00:07:15,566 --> 00:07:17,826 -The one in the front, he had crooked eyes and shit. 189 00:07:17,900 --> 00:07:19,500 His one eye was lookin' at me. 190 00:07:19,566 --> 00:07:21,466 The other one was looking at Rick. 191 00:07:21,533 --> 00:07:24,303 Rick had edged over by the window. 192 00:07:24,900 --> 00:07:27,630 Now, darkness, the tables are turned. 193 00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:29,200 Do with him whatever you like. 194 00:07:29,266 --> 00:07:31,296 You motherfuckers take one more step, 195 00:07:31,366 --> 00:07:33,826 I'm kickin' this nigga out the motherfuckin' window. 196 00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,170 Bobby, freeze! 197 00:07:35,233 --> 00:07:37,503 You know you was wrong for what you did to me earlier. 198 00:07:37,566 --> 00:07:39,426 Look what you did to my face. 199 00:07:41,966 --> 00:07:43,626 I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy. It was an accident. 200 00:07:43,700 --> 00:07:45,300 I was having too much fun. 201 00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,603 I'll offer you a truce. 202 00:07:48,500 --> 00:07:50,070 The stickiest of the icky. 203 00:07:50,133 --> 00:07:51,873 You want to smoke with the old boy, Rick James? 204 00:07:51,933 --> 00:07:55,133 Yo, man, my forehead is bumpin', man. 205 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,670 Now that you mention it, 206 00:07:56,733 --> 00:07:59,803 I think I'm bleeding inside my chest. 207 00:07:59,866 --> 00:08:01,496 But I got the medicine. 208 00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:03,770 Bitch, come over here 209 00:08:03,833 --> 00:08:05,173 and have sex with Charlie Murphy. 210 00:08:05,233 --> 00:08:06,903 I'm Rick James, bitch. 211 00:08:07,866 --> 00:08:10,726 That was how that particular incident ended, 212 00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:13,170 but it wasn't the last time I had to whip his ass... 213 00:08:13,233 --> 00:08:15,103 Whip his ass... Whip his ass. 214 00:08:15,166 --> 00:08:16,626 Don't you think Charlie's a little old 215 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:18,330 to be taking Karate? 216 00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:20,600 He probably takin' it with the little kids. 217 00:08:20,666 --> 00:08:22,566 Yeah, Charlie whipped my ass in his dreams. 218 00:08:22,633 --> 00:08:23,733 I told you, Charlie had 219 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,230 delusions of grandeur in his head. 220 00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:26,670 I'm telling you what was happening. 221 00:08:26,733 --> 00:08:28,603 I'm Rick James, bitch. 222 00:08:29,966 --> 00:08:31,926 You guys at home, stay comfortable, 223 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:34,330 because the whole episode's gonna be just like this. 224 00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:36,870 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show... 225 00:08:36,933 --> 00:08:38,803 [cheers and applause] 226 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,430 ♪ I'm going to The Dave Chappelle show ♪ 227 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,000 How's this? 228 00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:47,366 [cheers and applause] 229 00:08:47,433 --> 00:08:50,173 We're back with more Chappelle's Show... 230 00:08:50,233 --> 00:08:52,173 You know, folks, 231 00:08:54,166 --> 00:08:55,696 I don't know if you guys are just joining us, 232 00:08:55,766 --> 00:08:58,196 but if you missed the first act, 233 00:08:58,266 --> 00:09:02,326 Charlie and Rick James are in the midst of a conflict. 234 00:09:02,400 --> 00:09:04,030 Let's see how the ongoing 235 00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:07,500 Charlie and Rick James feud develops. 236 00:09:07,566 --> 00:09:10,596 The Studio 54 thing, you know, that blew over, 237 00:09:10,666 --> 00:09:12,466 you know what I'm saying? 238 00:09:12,533 --> 00:09:14,673 But then, you know, here we go again. 239 00:09:14,733 --> 00:09:16,903 Cocaine is a hell of a drug. 240 00:09:16,966 --> 00:09:18,666 [chuckles] 241 00:09:18,733 --> 00:09:20,173 Rick is encouraging me. 242 00:09:20,233 --> 00:09:24,773 You know, he shows up at my brother's house fucked up. 243 00:09:24,833 --> 00:09:27,703 Nice place, nigga. 244 00:09:27,766 --> 00:09:31,396 So he had these dirty cowboy boots on. 245 00:09:31,466 --> 00:09:33,496 Pushing us out of the way, barged in the house. 246 00:09:33,566 --> 00:09:35,296 My brother had these brand-new couches. 247 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:37,166 They were suede, right? 248 00:09:37,233 --> 00:09:38,703 And he gets on the couch and says... 249 00:09:38,766 --> 00:09:40,096 Why don't I stretch out? 250 00:09:40,166 --> 00:09:41,696 [laughs] 251 00:09:41,766 --> 00:09:44,726 -And just started grinding mud all into the couch, man. 252 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,200 Yeah, I remember grinding my feet 253 00:09:46,266 --> 00:09:47,866 into Eddie's couch. 254 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,466 -You remember why you did it? 255 00:09:50,533 --> 00:09:52,033 Because Eddie could buy another one. 256 00:09:52,566 --> 00:09:54,196 Fuck your couch, nigga. 257 00:09:54,266 --> 00:09:56,326 Buy another one, you rich motherfucker. 258 00:09:56,400 --> 00:09:58,000 Fuck yo' couch, nigga! 259 00:09:58,066 --> 00:09:59,696 Fuck yo' couch! 260 00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:01,696 Darkness's, darknesse's... 261 00:10:01,766 --> 00:10:03,966 'Cause of my complexion he used to call me darkness. 262 00:10:04,033 --> 00:10:05,533 He calls me and my brother darkness. 263 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:07,300 He always says, "Darkness brothers." 264 00:10:07,366 --> 00:10:09,466 See, this is long before Wesley Snipes. 265 00:10:09,533 --> 00:10:12,473 Back then, we was the blackest niggas on the planet 266 00:10:12,533 --> 00:10:13,903 according to Rick James. 267 00:10:13,966 --> 00:10:16,426 Eddie--both of them were brother darkness. 268 00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,200 Twin brother darkness. 269 00:10:18,266 --> 00:10:19,896 -And we standing there, looking at him, 270 00:10:19,966 --> 00:10:21,896 and he's looking right in our eyes 271 00:10:21,966 --> 00:10:23,626 as he grinds his mud. 272 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:25,830 See, I never just did things just to do them. 273 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:27,330 Come on, I mean, what am I gonna do? 274 00:10:27,400 --> 00:10:28,730 Just, all of a sudden, 275 00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,270 just jump up and grind my feet on somebody's couch 276 00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:32,803 like it's, you know, something to do? 277 00:10:32,866 --> 00:10:34,896 Come on, I got a little more sense than that. 278 00:10:34,966 --> 00:10:38,596 Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch. 279 00:10:38,666 --> 00:10:41,526 [tape rewinding] 280 00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:43,770 see, I never just did things just to do them. 281 00:10:43,833 --> 00:10:45,103 Come on, I mean, what am I gonna do? 282 00:10:45,166 --> 00:10:46,496 Just, all of a sudden, 283 00:10:46,566 --> 00:10:48,426 just jump up and grind my feet on somebody's couch 284 00:10:48,500 --> 00:10:50,400 like it's something to do? 285 00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,526 Come on, I got a little more sense than that. 286 00:10:52,600 --> 00:10:56,100 Yeah, I remember grinding my feet on Eddie's couch. 287 00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:57,826 But then it was like, 288 00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,500 "You know what? Let's handle this." 289 00:10:59,566 --> 00:11:00,526 We went over there... 290 00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,700 Hey, Charlie Murphy! 291 00:11:02,766 --> 00:11:04,626 -And we held him down, 292 00:11:04,700 --> 00:11:07,270 and we just wailed on his legs. 293 00:11:07,333 --> 00:11:08,973 Aah! 294 00:11:09,033 --> 00:11:10,133 Aah, you darkness... 295 00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,300 You black, midnight evil motherfucker! 296 00:11:13,366 --> 00:11:15,566 Black magic, darkness! 297 00:11:15,633 --> 00:11:17,603 You're all darkness! 298 00:11:17,666 --> 00:11:21,726 You're fuckin'... Delirious motherfucker... 299 00:11:21,800 --> 00:11:23,030 Aah! 300 00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:24,430 You are cold as ice. 301 00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,300 -But still, Rick James, 302 00:11:27,366 --> 00:11:29,466 even after taking a beating like that... 303 00:11:29,533 --> 00:11:31,373 Fuck yo' couch, nigga. 304 00:11:31,433 --> 00:11:33,133 This motherfucker's goin' out. 305 00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,630 His legs is like, like, linguine. 306 00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:39,400 I've been kicked out of better homes than this! 307 00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:41,626 I'll be back, you black motherfuckers! 308 00:11:41,700 --> 00:11:45,970 Wide-nose-havin' motherfuckers! 309 00:11:46,033 --> 00:11:48,933 They should've never gave you niggas money! 310 00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:50,670 You don't know how to appreciate shit! 311 00:11:50,733 --> 00:11:52,603 You know you can get another couch! 312 00:11:52,666 --> 00:11:56,396 What am I gonna do about my legs, Eddie Murphy! 313 00:11:56,466 --> 00:11:58,096 My brother, you know, 314 00:11:58,166 --> 00:12:01,766 he's a lot more compassionate than I am. 315 00:12:01,833 --> 00:12:03,933 He's looking and the Limo's drivin' off, and he said, 316 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,630 "Wow, man, Rick really needs help." 317 00:12:07,700 --> 00:12:10,200 And I was like, "Yo, we just gave him some help. 318 00:12:10,266 --> 00:12:11,926 Bust his fuckin' ass and shit. 319 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,330 I bet you he won't come over here 320 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,870 and disrespect like that again." 321 00:12:14,933 --> 00:12:17,103 Wrong. Wrong. 322 00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:19,226 We're talkin' about Rick James, man. 323 00:12:19,300 --> 00:12:21,770 Cocaine's a hell of a drug. 324 00:12:21,833 --> 00:12:24,433 [chuckles] 325 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:26,370 I'm Rick James, bitch. 326 00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:29,200 Don't go nowhere. 327 00:12:29,266 --> 00:12:30,196 We'll be right back 328 00:12:31,566 --> 00:12:34,596 with more of Charlie Murphy's true Hollywood stories. 329 00:12:37,233 --> 00:12:39,233 ♪ Chappelle's Show. ♪ 330 00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:41,870 Better not bring your kids! 331 00:12:41,933 --> 00:12:43,573 [cheers and applause] 332 00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:44,933 Alright. 333 00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:49,273 And now, ladies and gentlemen, 334 00:12:49,333 --> 00:12:52,433 it is time for the dramatic conclusion 335 00:12:52,500 --> 00:12:55,700 of Charlie Murphy's true Hollywood stories. 336 00:12:55,766 --> 00:12:58,566 I had to fuck him up at 54. 337 00:12:58,633 --> 00:13:00,873 You know, for what he did at 54, 338 00:13:00,933 --> 00:13:03,473 I had to go to his hotel room and kick the shit out of him. 339 00:13:03,533 --> 00:13:05,973 Then he came over to my brother's house, 340 00:13:06,033 --> 00:13:07,933 and I had to whip his legs 341 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,770 because of what he did on the couch. 342 00:13:09,833 --> 00:13:11,133 I heard him tell a story 343 00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,230 that he came into the China Club one time 344 00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:14,870 and I was behind the bar. 345 00:13:14,933 --> 00:13:16,203 Now, this is true. 346 00:13:16,266 --> 00:13:17,426 -This particular night, 347 00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:18,800 I go over to the China Club, 348 00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:22,966 and, um, I walk in, and I'll never forget-- 349 00:13:23,033 --> 00:13:25,003 the first thing I seen was OJ Simpson. 350 00:13:25,066 --> 00:13:26,426 I remember thinking to myself, 351 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:28,000 "Wow, that's OJ Simpson! 352 00:13:28,066 --> 00:13:29,866 He has a big fuckin' head, man." 353 00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:33,633 And I walk from there, I went in the other section, 354 00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:36,300 and there's Rick behind the bar. 355 00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:40,730 Drink up! Be merry! 356 00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:43,230 Welcome to the China Club. 357 00:13:43,300 --> 00:13:46,330 A China chung-chang, a China chung-chung chang. 358 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:47,500 [laughs] 359 00:13:47,566 --> 00:13:49,366 Rick's, you know, being Rick. 360 00:13:49,433 --> 00:13:50,833 - Come on, baby, show me your titties. 361 00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:51,770 I'm Rick James. Do something! 362 00:13:52,566 --> 00:13:54,196 Mmm... Mmm... 363 00:13:55,166 --> 00:13:56,726 I wish I had more hands 364 00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,500 so I could give those titties four thumbs down. 365 00:13:59,566 --> 00:14:02,496 [laughing] 366 00:14:02,566 --> 00:14:03,466 I ain't realize how high he was. 367 00:14:03,533 --> 00:14:04,733 Next thing you know, he's like... 368 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:07,200 Charlie Murphy! 369 00:14:07,266 --> 00:14:08,796 What's up, partner? 370 00:14:08,866 --> 00:14:10,496 Darkness, everybody, darkness! 371 00:14:10,566 --> 00:14:13,066 Everyone, darkness is spreading! 372 00:14:13,133 --> 00:14:14,273 Come over here, Charlie. 373 00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:15,773 I'm behind the bar and I'm serving drinks, 374 00:14:15,833 --> 00:14:16,833 and Charlie bends over. 375 00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:18,130 I call out, "Charlie, come here." 376 00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,300 Charlie, there's a new joke going around. 377 00:14:20,366 --> 00:14:22,366 Have you heard it? 378 00:14:22,433 --> 00:14:25,703 What did the five fingers say to the face? 379 00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,533 What? 380 00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:28,500 Slap! 381 00:14:30,733 --> 00:14:32,803 ♪ Cold-blooded ♪ 382 00:14:32,866 --> 00:14:34,796 [laughing] 383 00:14:34,866 --> 00:14:37,096 Bang, bang! 384 00:14:37,166 --> 00:14:38,596 I'm Rick James, bitch! 385 00:14:38,666 --> 00:14:42,726 Everybody, King Kong ain't got shit on me! 386 00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:44,996 -I'm standing there. I'm thinking, 387 00:14:45,066 --> 00:14:47,396 this nigga really has lost his fuckin' mind. 388 00:14:47,466 --> 00:14:50,166 First of all, you don't slap a man. 389 00:14:50,233 --> 00:14:52,903 [in slow motion] Slap! 390 00:14:52,966 --> 00:14:54,196 Okay? 391 00:14:54,266 --> 00:14:57,196 I mean, even when slapping was fashionable, you know, 392 00:14:57,266 --> 00:14:59,096 they did it in Paris, the guy would come up, 393 00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:01,296 whap-whap-- "I challenge you to a duel!" 394 00:15:01,366 --> 00:15:02,866 They would have a gun fight after that. 395 00:15:02,933 --> 00:15:04,303 Somebody had to go! 396 00:15:05,533 --> 00:15:06,573 -I just was bugging out. 397 00:15:06,633 --> 00:15:09,233 Anyway, I waited for about five minutes, 398 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,630 something like that. 399 00:15:10,700 --> 00:15:11,670 That's right, bitch. 400 00:15:11,733 --> 00:15:13,473 That's right, bitch. [laughs] 401 00:15:13,533 --> 00:15:16,533 Ahh, darkness! 402 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:17,770 What's up, man? 403 00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:18,803 Darkness! 404 00:15:18,866 --> 00:15:20,396 Check it out. Check it out. 405 00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:21,766 I want to tell you somethin'. Come here. 406 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:23,233 Oh, what's goin' on? 407 00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:24,800 Ow! 408 00:15:24,866 --> 00:15:27,296 -I slapped the shit out of him. 409 00:15:27,366 --> 00:15:28,366 Goddamn! 410 00:15:28,433 --> 00:15:30,503 I came down on it like this. 411 00:15:30,566 --> 00:15:34,126 [in slow motion] Ow! 412 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,800 Ah! Goddamn. 413 00:15:35,866 --> 00:15:38,296 His extensions was flyin' all over the place. 414 00:15:38,366 --> 00:15:39,196 That is absurd! 415 00:15:39,266 --> 00:15:40,866 And he stepped back 416 00:15:40,933 --> 00:15:42,173 and his eyes welled up with water 417 00:15:42,233 --> 00:15:43,773 like he was getting ready to cry, and he said... 418 00:15:43,833 --> 00:15:46,703 Why you hit me like that, Charlie? 419 00:15:46,766 --> 00:15:48,566 'Cause you hit me, man! 420 00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:50,403 That was weeks ago, motherfucker. 421 00:15:50,466 --> 00:15:52,726 -I was partying! - No, that was tonight! 422 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:55,700 -And I see that he really forgot. 423 00:15:55,766 --> 00:15:58,066 I hit you tonight? 424 00:15:58,133 --> 00:16:00,573 Cocaine's a hell of a drug. 425 00:16:00,633 --> 00:16:03,133 [chuckles] 426 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,070 I'm sorry, Charlie Murphy. 427 00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,203 Come here, darkness. 428 00:16:10,233 --> 00:16:12,033 Ha! 429 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:14,070 [laughs] 430 00:16:14,133 --> 00:16:16,103 It's a celebration! 431 00:16:16,166 --> 00:16:18,966 Bitches! Come here. 432 00:16:19,033 --> 00:16:21,333 It's a celebration, bitches. 433 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,270 Show Charlie Murphy your titties. 434 00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:25,973 I'm Rick James. 435 00:16:26,033 --> 00:16:29,533 [laughs] The milk's gone bad, Murphy. 436 00:16:31,333 --> 00:16:32,773 That was the ebb and flow. 437 00:16:32,833 --> 00:16:35,773 It was, you know-- he would go over the top, 438 00:16:35,833 --> 00:16:39,073 and then I would, you know, check him. 439 00:16:39,133 --> 00:16:42,133 And then we would have fun after that. 440 00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:44,200 We're still friends, as a matter of fact. 441 00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:45,966 I love Charlie Murphy. 442 00:16:46,033 --> 00:16:48,803 But we'd have it out, smacking each other upside the heads, 443 00:16:48,866 --> 00:16:50,966 smacking each other in the face, 444 00:16:51,033 --> 00:16:53,133 punching each other in the chest, 445 00:16:53,200 --> 00:16:54,770 kick each other. 446 00:16:54,833 --> 00:16:56,733 [in slow motion] Fuck yo' couch, nigga! 447 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:58,500 Fuck yo' couch! 448 00:16:58,566 --> 00:17:01,266 Ow! 449 00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:05,033 They should've never gave you niggas money! 450 00:17:05,866 --> 00:17:09,096 Can you imagine two grown men doing this? 451 00:17:09,166 --> 00:17:11,396 Cocaine's a hell of a drug. 452 00:17:11,466 --> 00:17:14,566 [chuckles] 453 00:17:14,633 --> 00:17:16,903 I must be losing my mind. 454 00:17:16,966 --> 00:17:20,526 Reminiscing about Charlie Murphy come kicking my ass. 455 00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:23,370 Ain't that a "b"? 456 00:17:23,433 --> 00:17:25,403 I'm Rick James, bitch. 457 00:17:25,466 --> 00:17:28,966 [cheers and applause] 458 00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:31,173 I would like to thank Charlie Murphy, 459 00:17:31,233 --> 00:17:32,933 I would like to thank Rick James, 460 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:34,270 and I would like to thank cocaine 461 00:17:34,333 --> 00:17:36,333 for bringing us such a crazy story. 462 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:37,970 I'm Dave Chappelle. 463 00:17:38,033 --> 00:17:39,633 You're the best audience in the world. 464 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:40,600 I'm out! 465 00:17:41,066 --> 00:17:43,566 [cheers and applause] 466 00:17:46,100 --> 00:17:50,030 How does Rick James pick up girls in the '80s? 467 00:17:50,100 --> 00:17:52,300 How did I pick up girls in the '80s? 468 00:17:52,366 --> 00:17:54,326 I didn't have to say much. 469 00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:56,570 Charlie had to go through this whole thing. 470 00:17:56,633 --> 00:18:00,733 "Uh, can I buy you a drink? Uh...uh... 471 00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:03,270 "What sign are you? 472 00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:06,073 This is my friend Rick James. We goin' to Rick James' house." 473 00:18:06,133 --> 00:18:07,833 That's how Charlie picked up girls after the drinking. 474 00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:09,730 "We goin' over to Rick's house after the club. 475 00:18:09,800 --> 00:18:11,100 You want to come?" 476 00:18:11,166 --> 00:18:12,626 ♪ Now, tell me, brother ♪ 477 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:13,830 [laughs] 478 00:18:13,900 --> 00:18:15,800 Charlie used my name to pick up girls. 479 00:18:15,850 --> 00:18:20,400 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33607

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.