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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Chappelle's Show ♪♪ Chappelle's Show ♪
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♪ Ow! ♪
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♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪
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♪ Whoo-hoo ♪
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♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
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Let's start the show.
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[Announcer] Dave Chappelle!
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Man.
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What's up, guys?
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And ladies, excuse me.
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Man, y'all,
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00:00:31,167 --> 00:00:33,997
my album collection
just keeps growing.
15
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I just got that 50 Cent.
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Damn!
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It's hot!
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He got the streets on fire.
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And it's them mix tapes, too,
that's how he came up,
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with them mix tapes.
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But you know what it is?
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Now that he came out
with them mix tapes
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and that DVD he had
and his album,
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now everybody's trying to do it.
So, it's like,
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00:00:52,833 --> 00:00:55,463
record labels is just signing
anybody from the streets
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thinking it's gonna be
the next 50 Cents.
27
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That's ridiculous.
28
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I got one DVD
in the mail from a...
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I don't even know
who sent it to me,
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but it was crazy.
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Let me see this.
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Yeah, it's going down,
you know how I get down.
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Funkmaster Flex and be clear,
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all the big dogs know
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that my man Fisticuff
rules the streets.
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And if you haven't heard
that joint,
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00:01:14,792 --> 00:01:16,712
"Turn My Headphones Up,"
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you need to get with it,
act like you want it.
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Watch out for your mind,
all this is hot.
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What!
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Ah!
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Turn my headphones up!
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I'm serious, nigga,
turn them shits up!
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Turn 'em up!
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Hold up...
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I'm serious, nigga,
I can't hear outta this ear,
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turn my headphones up.
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I stabbed
a brother in the neck
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with a butter knife
for Fisticuff.
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Just 'cause.
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It ain't goin' platinum,
it's goin' double-uranium, son.
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Uranium, ya heard?
53
00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:47,455
We poppin' bottles,
stabbin' people, killin' people.
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Ah, yeah...
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Hold up, nigga, I can't hear
out of my left headphone.
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This one, nigga,
this is my left, turn it up!
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Why you drop
the beat out, man?
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A'ight, here I go.
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You ready to rock it?
60
00:02:02,208 --> 00:02:04,418
You ready to see
how we do on the streets?
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alright, make that beat drop.
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Nigga, I said drop,
not drumroll.
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The ghetto,
it's understood what this is,
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holla at ya boy!
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I'm sayin', nigga,
you can't just put velvet
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in the shit
and think they nice headphones!
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Where's my snares?
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Where's my snares?
One, two, one, two.
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I'mma drop it like this,
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I'mma drop it like this,
hold up, y'all.
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I'mma drop it like this,
I'mma drop it like this.
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Ah, hold it.
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Turn my left headphone
up a little more.
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[man] If you don't knowabout Fisticuffs by now,
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something's wrong with you.
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00:02:34,417 --> 00:02:36,167
He's got the illest
joint out right now.
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He's crazy with it,
"Turn My Headphones Up."
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Nigga, I'm serious, I can't
hear out of my left headphone.
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Turn that shit up!
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Okay, now, let that beat
ride like that.
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That's right, here I come.
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I'm gettin' ready to drop it,
y'all ready?
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Oh, nigga,
just dropped the beat out.
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Oh, here we go,
here's the real deal.
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Ah... Ah!
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Pump up that bass,
pump up that bass!
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Pump it up, ah!
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-From the...
-[music stops over headphones]
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-What happened?
-[music starts over headphones]
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Oh...
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Well, is the beat gonna stop?
92
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His lyrics are so tight,
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they don't even have to rhyme.
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00:03:09,875 --> 00:03:11,665
And the word on the street
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is late night,
one night in the ghetto,
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00:03:14,583 --> 00:03:18,173
my man got shot in his ear,
like, eight times.
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What? Nigga, I can't hear,
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turn up my headphones!
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Turn 'em up,
turn them shits up!
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Put some treble in it.
101
00:03:25,125 --> 00:03:27,125
Put some treble in it,
that's my word.
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00:03:27,208 --> 00:03:28,538
Alright, here we go.
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00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,665
Hold up, nigga,
I need some water.
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My throat's dry.
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00:03:33,167 --> 00:03:35,077
Well, how the fuck
do you expect me to rhyme
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00:03:35,167 --> 00:03:37,627
if I can't talk, nigga?
I'm thirsty.
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What is this,
jail, motherfucker?
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Cop the album that you need,
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"Turn My Headphones Up,"
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00:03:42,417 --> 00:03:45,077
it's on"Headphone Records," baby.
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00:03:45,167 --> 00:03:46,827
There's a lot of heatright here.
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Turn 'em up.
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Turn them shits up.
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Not for real, nigga,
I'm sayin' on the paper,
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I'm writin'!
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00:03:56,042 --> 00:03:57,922
Yo, Fisticuff, if you need
some new artistes, we down.
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I'm killin' people,
we drinkin' malt,
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We bangin' chicks
with no rubbers.
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-Left my bling-bling at home.
-We keepin' it gangsta.
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Fisticuffs!
121
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You heard, what?
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You heard!
123
00:04:09,792 --> 00:04:10,962
What?
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What?
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00:04:12,833 --> 00:04:14,463
[man] Go get the biggest album
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of the year, baby!
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00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,745
[cheering and applauding]
128
00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:23,878
We're gonna take a quick
commercial break, y'all.
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We'll be right back
with more Chappelle's Show.
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You heard?
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What?
132
00:04:28,542 --> 00:04:29,962
[cheering and applauding]
133
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What?
134
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:35,997
♪ This ain't Neo soulthis is De La Soul ♪
135
00:04:36,083 --> 00:04:38,133
♪ Three types of lightwithout the lime ♪
136
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♪ Giving you intelligent shitWith a fourth of grime ♪
137
00:04:41,125 --> 00:04:43,165
♪ Timely shitfrom time after time ♪
138
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,000
♪ Or like that Brooklyn niggasaid, "Igger-N I'm" ♪
139
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♪ L.I.'s finest with plug one,
two, and three ♪
140
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♪ Nigga, Dave Chap "P"
right behind us ♪
141
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Man, I'm bored.
142
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I gotta go
to the Chappelle's Show.
143
00:04:57,042 --> 00:04:58,002
Hey.
144
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:01,667
Welcome back.
145
00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:03,210
Welcome back
to Chappelle's Show.
146
00:05:05,750 --> 00:05:07,040
I gotta tell you,
I'm real grateful
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that I had an opportunity
to do this show.
148
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And one of the things
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00:05:10,708 --> 00:05:13,248
it's given me an opportunity
to do is give back.
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00:05:13,333 --> 00:05:16,133
I recently joined
the Make-A-Wish foundation.
151
00:05:16,208 --> 00:05:17,128
And I've had an opportunity
to meet
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some extraordinary young people.
153
00:05:19,042 --> 00:05:21,632
And, uh, well,
here's one of their stories.
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00:05:28,125 --> 00:05:30,205
Oh, good,
you're awake.
155
00:05:30,042 --> 00:05:31,002
Yeah.
156
00:05:31,083 --> 00:05:32,963
I have a surprise
for you, sweetie.
157
00:05:33,042 --> 00:05:34,212
More applesauce?
158
00:05:34,292 --> 00:05:35,542
No, this is a good one.
159
00:05:35,625 --> 00:05:38,375
You know how your favorite movie
is Half Baked ?
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00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:42,285
What if I told you
Dave Chappelle is here?
161
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:44,285
-Really? Where, mommy?
-Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
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00:05:44,375 --> 00:05:45,915
Come on in, Dave.
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[whispering] He's right here.
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00:05:48,083 --> 00:05:50,253
Hey,
your mom told me you were sick,
165
00:05:50,333 --> 00:05:52,923
so I figured I'd come by
and pay you a visit.
166
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,170
I'll leave you two alone.
167
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,040
Okay, thanks.
168
00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:59,165
So what you got here,
some PlayStation?
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00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:01,250
[Billy]
Street hoops, wanna play?
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00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:03,173
I'm warning you, though,
I'm pretty good.
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00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,210
I don't know if I can take
losing to a little guy like you.
172
00:06:06,042 --> 00:06:07,962
Come on,
it's just a game.
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00:06:09,292 --> 00:06:10,832
Alright, come on,
let's play.
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00:06:10,917 --> 00:06:12,167
-Really?
-Yeah, let's go.
175
00:06:12,250 --> 00:06:14,420
Alright, I'm player one,
you're player two.
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00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,080
Okay, I think
I've done this before.
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00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:17,957
[Dave] Oh...
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00:06:18,625 --> 00:06:20,785
Ah, 1-0, 1-0.
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That's two, that's me.
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00:06:25,958 --> 00:06:27,958
Two up...
Not for long.
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00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:30,287
[Dave] Oh... Okay.
182
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:32,130
Come on, Billy.
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Damn!
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00:06:34,125 --> 00:06:35,035
Hooray for me!
185
00:06:37,542 --> 00:06:38,792
"Hooray for me."
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00:06:38,875 --> 00:06:39,785
Alright,
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fine, you little bitch.
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00:06:41,125 --> 00:06:42,535
You ain't scorin'
no more, though.
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00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:44,245
Come on, ball up.
190
00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:47,213
Gonna steal it, comin' down.
191
00:06:47,042 --> 00:06:49,502
Billy, look at my game,
it must hurt.
192
00:06:49,583 --> 00:06:52,043
Oh! Oh, in your face!
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00:06:52,125 --> 00:06:54,165
Billy, I'm sorry, man,
I'm sorry, dude.
194
00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:55,130
It was good, though.
195
00:06:55,208 --> 00:06:56,128
It's all me, baby.
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00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,710
Here it come.
197
00:06:58,792 --> 00:07:01,082
A-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga!
Hooray for me!
198
00:07:01,167 --> 00:07:04,167
Hooray for me, Billy,
in your face!
199
00:07:04,000 --> 00:07:06,040
Children is our future, my ass!
200
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:08,205
I'm the future,
I'm the future.
201
00:07:08,042 --> 00:07:10,212
Oh! Ah, oh!
202
00:07:10,292 --> 00:07:11,832
You can't deny me, Billy!
203
00:07:11,917 --> 00:07:14,377
You can't deny me,
it's too real for you!
204
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:16,078
What'd I say,
you weren't gonna score no more.
205
00:07:16,167 --> 00:07:19,377
Tell your little friends
that dreams do come true.
206
00:07:19,458 --> 00:07:21,628
Dave Chappelle came
and saw you in the hospital
207
00:07:21,708 --> 00:07:23,828
and whupped your monkey-ass
208
00:07:23,917 --> 00:07:25,037
in some Street Hoops.
209
00:07:25,125 --> 00:07:26,495
You think it's my first time?
210
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:28,003
I got PlayStation,
I'm rich.
211
00:07:29,125 --> 00:07:30,035
I'm rich, bitch!
212
00:07:32,083 --> 00:07:34,963
Here it come,
wait... Oh!
213
00:07:35,042 --> 00:07:37,082
I don't wanna play anymore.
214
00:07:37,167 --> 00:07:38,787
You pick them
little sticks up, white boy,
215
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:39,995
and get to the game.
216
00:07:40,083 --> 00:07:42,083
I have an agenda
and it goes like this.
217
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:42,957
Oh!
218
00:07:43,042 --> 00:07:45,292
Dave, I don't feel good.
219
00:07:45,375 --> 00:07:47,325
Could you call
the nurse for me?
220
00:07:48,292 --> 00:07:51,082
Yeah, yeah,
are you alright?
221
00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,207
Hold... Hold on.
222
00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:56,330
Nurse, could you come in here,
please, quickly?
223
00:07:58,167 --> 00:07:59,037
Billy is getting
224
00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:01,325
his ass whupped
on Street Hoops,
225
00:08:01,417 --> 00:08:02,327
I need a witness.
226
00:08:02,417 --> 00:08:04,377
Ah! Oh, dah!
227
00:08:05,583 --> 00:08:06,753
It's so good.
228
00:08:06,833 --> 00:08:08,133
-[monitor flat-lining]
-Billy, it's so good.
229
00:08:08,750 --> 00:08:09,540
Billy?
230
00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:12,075
Billy?
231
00:08:12,167 --> 00:08:13,247
Oh, my god, Billy.
232
00:08:14,167 --> 00:08:15,627
Nurse!
233
00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:19,038
Billy, don't you die on me,
don't you die on me!
234
00:08:19,125 --> 00:08:20,125
Clear!
235
00:08:23,208 --> 00:08:24,828
[steady beeping on monitor]
236
00:08:25,750 --> 00:08:26,500
Billy?
237
00:08:27,292 --> 00:08:28,212
Billy?
238
00:08:30,958 --> 00:08:32,038
You alright, man?
239
00:08:32,875 --> 00:08:33,875
Huh?
240
00:08:34,917 --> 00:08:35,997
You okay,
241
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:37,833
-you alright?
-[groaning]
242
00:08:37,917 --> 00:08:40,037
Here, grab your sticks,
come on, let's go.
243
00:08:40,125 --> 00:08:43,165
Let's go, I'm whuppin'
that ass now, almost done.
244
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:44,880
I'm almost done.
245
00:08:44,958 --> 00:08:47,748
A-ga-ga-ga-ga-ga,
in your face!
246
00:08:47,833 --> 00:08:50,043
Oh, Billy, I shoulda
left you dead, baby,
247
00:08:50,125 --> 00:08:52,995
'cause that, that was a killer.
248
00:08:53,083 --> 00:08:56,003
Dave, can't you see
I'm dying of cancer?
249
00:08:58,208 --> 00:08:59,168
Look, Billy...
250
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:02,460
I'm sorry, man.
251
00:09:03,750 --> 00:09:06,420
Look, I wasn't trying
to make you feel bad,
252
00:09:06,500 --> 00:09:09,920
I just... I'm just trying
to teach you a lesson.
253
00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,580
You can beat cancer
but if you wanna beat it,
254
00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:15,037
you gotta be tough, okay?
255
00:09:15,917 --> 00:09:17,917
And I see it in you, Billy,
256
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,130
you're gonna make it.
257
00:09:21,292 --> 00:09:22,132
Really?
258
00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:25,248
Hell no, nigga,
you play like a bitch!
259
00:09:27,250 --> 00:09:28,790
Hold up. Game!
260
00:09:30,625 --> 00:09:33,665
In your face,
in your face, Billy!
261
00:09:36,583 --> 00:09:37,423
Feel better.
262
00:09:41,375 --> 00:09:43,455
Half Baked sucked, anyway.
263
00:09:46,583 --> 00:09:48,793
We're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
264
00:09:48,875 --> 00:09:51,495
We'll be right back with more
Chappelle's Show. [chuckles]
265
00:09:54,667 --> 00:09:56,287
Oh, that kid is fine,
come on, he was acting.
266
00:09:57,958 --> 00:09:59,378
No, you know when we thought
of that sketch,
267
00:09:59,458 --> 00:10:01,378
we was on the tour bus
268
00:10:01,458 --> 00:10:02,788
playing a basketball game
269
00:10:02,875 --> 00:10:04,285
and that shit get so emotional,
270
00:10:04,375 --> 00:10:07,165
and I said, "If I was dying
of cancer, nigga,
271
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,500
you would still
not let me win at it."
272
00:10:09,958 --> 00:10:10,998
Then I said, "Hey..."
273
00:10:11,083 --> 00:10:12,173
[laughing]
274
00:10:15,958 --> 00:10:17,248
Ha-ha, go ahead!
275
00:10:29,208 --> 00:10:32,828
Good afternoon, young man,
can I help you?
276
00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:34,877
Yeah, I was trying
to buy a gremlin?
277
00:10:34,958 --> 00:10:36,208
-Eh?
-[chuckling]
278
00:10:36,292 --> 00:10:37,462
I'm just playin' with you.
279
00:10:37,542 --> 00:10:39,002
Actually, I'm answering
your ad in the paper.
280
00:10:39,083 --> 00:10:42,543
Ah, yes, the ca-me-ra.
281
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:43,915
The ca-me-ra.
282
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:44,960
Ah, here it is.
283
00:10:45,958 --> 00:10:48,038
How much did I say it was?
284
00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:50,575
Well, your ad says $300.
285
00:10:50,667 --> 00:10:52,247
Ah, for you,
286
00:10:52,333 --> 00:10:54,213
I give it to you for 100.
287
00:10:54,292 --> 00:10:56,132
Why, what's wrong with it?
288
00:10:56,208 --> 00:10:58,128
It has special powers.
289
00:10:58,208 --> 00:11:00,038
It will show you things
290
00:11:00,125 --> 00:11:04,325
some would pay not to see.
291
00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:06,457
Oh, snap,
it gets Comic View ?
292
00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:10,672
It will reveal
the inner hearts of mankind.
293
00:11:10,750 --> 00:11:12,960
If you press this button,
294
00:11:13,042 --> 00:11:14,882
it will reveal their true self.
295
00:11:15,833 --> 00:11:17,923
If you flip that switch,
296
00:11:18,000 --> 00:11:20,290
it will record
their innermost thoughts.
297
00:11:20,375 --> 00:11:22,705
Flip it one more time,
298
00:11:22,792 --> 00:11:25,252
and you can see the last person
299
00:11:25,333 --> 00:11:26,253
they had sex with.
300
00:11:26,333 --> 00:11:28,633
And with this last switch,
301
00:11:28,708 --> 00:11:30,458
it will show you
302
00:11:30,542 --> 00:11:33,502
where they will be in ten years.
303
00:11:33,583 --> 00:11:35,673
Damn, man, Sony ain't playin',
let me see that.
304
00:11:35,750 --> 00:11:36,500
No!
305
00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:39,170
You must buy it as is
306
00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:41,670
and once you purchase it,
307
00:11:41,750 --> 00:11:44,130
You may never return
308
00:11:44,208 --> 00:11:45,708
to this store again.
309
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:48,962
Hold on, let me just think about
that for a second, please.
310
00:11:51,375 --> 00:11:52,455
[camera beeps]
311
00:11:53,625 --> 00:11:55,075
[Dave] What kind of policyis this?
312
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:57,787
I can't come back in? Fine.
313
00:11:57,875 --> 00:11:59,415
You can't come outside'cause if it don't work,
314
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:02,830
I'mma be out thereand whup your monkey-ass.
315
00:12:02,917 --> 00:12:04,997
Kick my ass, huh?
316
00:12:05,083 --> 00:12:07,133
Camera works, $100.
317
00:12:08,125 --> 00:12:09,125
One hundred.
318
00:12:11,292 --> 00:12:12,502
Can I get a receipt?
319
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:15,253
[chuckles] I'm just playin'.
Alright, man.
320
00:12:16,417 --> 00:12:18,827
Thank you, good luck.
321
00:12:18,917 --> 00:12:19,747
Good luck?
322
00:12:28,042 --> 00:12:29,382
-Hey!
-Hey, what's up, Dave?
323
00:12:29,458 --> 00:12:31,208
-Alright, dude, what's up, man?
-How you doin'?
324
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:32,132
Man, I'm just messin'
325
00:12:32,208 --> 00:12:32,958
-with this camera.
-Oh, yeah?
326
00:12:33,042 --> 00:12:34,422
-You mind if I, uh?
-Nah.
327
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:35,420
Alright, cool, man.
328
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:37,880
-What up, Carson Daly?
-[camera beeps]
329
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:38,788
What's up, Dave?
330
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,290
[cheering and applauding]
331
00:12:48,958 --> 00:12:49,788
Hey, folks,
332
00:12:49,875 --> 00:12:51,575
we're on in 2013.
333
00:12:51,667 --> 00:12:53,167
TRL, Carson Daly.
334
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,960
Will you little fuckers shut up?
335
00:12:57,125 --> 00:12:58,785
How excited can you really be
336
00:12:58,875 --> 00:12:59,995
for a video you've seen
337
00:13:00,083 --> 00:13:01,543
fifty-eight times in a row?
338
00:13:02,958 --> 00:13:03,748
Fuck!
339
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,130
-Alright?
-Yeah.
340
00:13:07,208 --> 00:13:08,078
Alright, man,
good to see ya.
341
00:13:08,167 --> 00:13:09,997
Alright, you too,
man, take care.
342
00:13:10,083 --> 00:13:11,923
-See you later.
-Hey, save your money, dude.
343
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:12,920
Alright.
344
00:13:27,083 --> 00:13:28,883
[camera beeps]
345
00:13:28,958 --> 00:13:31,248
[man] Man, I look likethat 7Up guy.
346
00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:33,043
Them white girlsgonna come flockin'.
347
00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:34,575
Damn!
348
00:13:34,667 --> 00:13:38,077
[woman] I've been waitingout herefor 45 minutes.
349
00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:40,327
Oh, I knew I should have broughta prettier friend.
350
00:13:41,583 --> 00:13:43,253
God, get surgery, bitch,
351
00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:44,883
you're so ugly.
352
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:45,998
[man 1] Whoa,
353
00:13:46,083 --> 00:13:48,383
I think this ecstasyisstarting to kick in.
354
00:13:49,625 --> 00:13:50,915
Am I freaking out?
355
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:52,210
No... Yeah.
356
00:13:52,292 --> 00:13:54,882
Man, this bitch nextto me needs surgery.
357
00:13:56,417 --> 00:13:57,167
What's your name, big man?
358
00:13:57,250 --> 00:13:59,250
-Oh, uh...
-[camera beeps]
359
00:13:59,333 --> 00:14:01,173
I said, what's your name,
big man?
360
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:04,080
Uh, Dave Chappelle, I'm here
for Ann's birthday party.
361
00:14:04,167 --> 00:14:06,127
Also, I have a show
on Comedy Central,
362
00:14:06,208 --> 00:14:07,288
Wednesdays, 10:30.
363
00:14:10,958 --> 00:14:12,788
[upbeat music]
364
00:14:19,583 --> 00:14:20,583
[man] Yo, Dave,
365
00:14:20,667 --> 00:14:21,827
-what's up, man?
-Hey, hey.
366
00:14:21,917 --> 00:14:23,827
Thanks for coming
to my girl's birthday party.
367
00:14:23,917 --> 00:14:26,327
And you brought your camera,
that's perfect!
368
00:14:26,417 --> 00:14:27,627
I want you
to tape something, alright?
369
00:14:28,458 --> 00:14:29,708
Yeah.
370
00:14:31,042 --> 00:14:33,502
Excuse me, everybody.
Excuse me, everybody.
371
00:14:33,583 --> 00:14:34,503
If I could have
your attention.
372
00:14:36,500 --> 00:14:38,830
Ann, I have loved you
373
00:14:38,917 --> 00:14:40,537
from the moment
that I met you.
374
00:14:41,625 --> 00:14:43,075
Baby, will you marry me?
375
00:14:43,167 --> 00:14:44,997
-Yes!
-Oh, pumpkin!
376
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,000
[camera beeps]
377
00:14:54,375 --> 00:14:56,875
Dave, I want you to meet
my co-worker, Mike.
378
00:14:57,833 --> 00:15:00,003
Yo, what's up, son...
379
00:15:00,083 --> 00:15:01,003
Yo,
380
00:15:01,083 --> 00:15:04,293
you a funny dude, man,
you funny.
381
00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:05,325
Look, I'm gonna
be right back.
382
00:15:05,417 --> 00:15:06,627
I'm going to the dance floor.
383
00:15:06,708 --> 00:15:07,788
Let's dance.
384
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:13,077
[camera beeps]
385
00:15:14,708 --> 00:15:16,498
[Mike] Don't you want me, son?
386
00:15:20,792 --> 00:15:23,542
[man] And one and two,and one and two.
387
00:15:23,625 --> 00:15:24,915
Resume, look cool,
388
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:27,080
and make my facelook na-tur-al.
389
00:15:30,042 --> 00:15:31,382
Hey, you know what, y'all?
390
00:15:31,458 --> 00:15:34,038
I'm gonna just...
I'm gonna get some rest.
391
00:15:34,125 --> 00:15:35,625
Good night.
392
00:15:35,708 --> 00:15:37,248
Congratulations, uh...
393
00:15:38,875 --> 00:15:40,075
Charlie's girlfriend.
394
00:15:47,292 --> 00:15:48,422
[Dave] Man, I don't know
395
00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:49,670
if I should messwith this camera thing.
396
00:15:50,875 --> 00:15:52,665
I should just turnthis thing off
397
00:15:52,750 --> 00:15:55,210
and masturbate on the internetlike I planned to.
398
00:15:56,542 --> 00:15:58,422
No, no, fuck it,I'mma go through with this.
399
00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,040
I gotta be a man,I'mma go through with this.
400
00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:03,793
[camera beeps]
401
00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:09,285
[Dave] Hey, hey...
402
00:16:09,375 --> 00:16:11,035
Hey, man.
403
00:16:15,833 --> 00:16:16,883
[camera beeps]
404
00:16:19,417 --> 00:16:21,827
Would you like
some more pickles?
405
00:16:22,917 --> 00:16:24,127
I gotta stop drinking.
406
00:16:24,208 --> 00:16:25,038
Oh!
407
00:16:29,042 --> 00:16:29,832
[camera beeps]
408
00:16:30,750 --> 00:16:32,040
How excited can you really be
409
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,165
for a video you've seen
410
00:16:33,250 --> 00:16:35,080
fifty-eight times in a row?
411
00:16:36,208 --> 00:16:36,998
Fuck!
412
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:39,133
What do you want?
413
00:16:39,208 --> 00:16:41,498
I just want to make
a Total Request Live
414
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:43,043
from my man, Justin Timberlake.
415
00:16:43,125 --> 00:16:44,875
Justin, it's me, Dave Chappelle.
416
00:16:44,958 --> 00:16:47,208
Star Search, 1992,
I was with you, man,
417
00:16:47,042 --> 00:16:48,212
I was with you.
418
00:16:48,292 --> 00:16:50,422
"Champion Dave Chappelle
receives 3 1/4 stars,"
419
00:16:50,500 --> 00:16:51,500
remember that, Ed McMahon?
420
00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:53,043
God rest his soul, I'm out.
421
00:16:53,125 --> 00:16:54,205
[screams]
422
00:16:54,042 --> 00:16:55,042
Oh!
423
00:16:56,042 --> 00:16:57,082
Fuck this camera!
424
00:17:02,208 --> 00:17:03,208
[glass shattering]
425
00:17:10,125 --> 00:17:11,495
Oh, oh...
426
00:17:11,583 --> 00:17:13,133
Oh, a camera!
427
00:17:13,208 --> 00:17:14,628
Ooh-wee!
428
00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:17,127
What these buttons do?
429
00:17:17,208 --> 00:17:18,168
[camera beeps]
430
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:19,420
[Tyrone] I want some crack.
431
00:17:25,458 --> 00:17:27,078
[cheering and applauding]
432
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,957
Alright, we're gonna take
a quick commercial break.
433
00:17:33,042 --> 00:17:34,082
but don't go nowhere,
434
00:17:34,167 --> 00:17:37,077
'cause we got
jokes and jokes and jokes.
435
00:17:37,167 --> 00:17:37,877
Be right back.
436
00:17:41,792 --> 00:17:43,462
Going to
the Dave Chappelle show.
437
00:17:43,542 --> 00:17:44,422
How's this?
438
00:17:44,500 --> 00:17:45,290
Ho!
439
00:17:51,250 --> 00:17:52,040
Hey.
440
00:17:53,875 --> 00:17:56,745
Folks, this next
musical act
441
00:17:56,833 --> 00:17:58,003
is, like, good friends of mine.
442
00:17:58,083 --> 00:18:00,753
One of my favorite groups
ever in hip-hop history.
443
00:18:00,833 --> 00:18:05,133
Please make some noise
for my brothers, De La Soul.
444
00:18:05,208 --> 00:18:08,078
♪ H-h-here we go again ♪
445
00:18:08,167 --> 00:18:10,747
♪ Go again, go again, go again ♪
446
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:21,127
♪ Yo, it's been instilled in meSince in-fin-ite, y'all ♪
447
00:18:21,208 --> 00:18:23,328
♪ Usin' these minutesLike I value the call ♪
448
00:18:23,417 --> 00:18:25,167
♪ Put your money in the bank ♪
449
00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,500
♪ And hold rank over friends ♪
450
00:18:26,583 --> 00:18:28,173
♪ Who ain't gotleadership skills ♪
451
00:18:28,250 --> 00:18:31,000
♪ I got the sheep in my eyeSo I can't sleep ♪
452
00:18:31,083 --> 00:18:33,753
♪ We like to land and layThe Brando way ♪
453
00:18:33,833 --> 00:18:36,383
♪ Grand operate the scandal way,El la shikes ♪
454
00:18:36,458 --> 00:18:38,998
♪ I play the XboxInstead offucking with dice ♪
455
00:18:39,083 --> 00:18:42,133
♪ I hate losin' to thoseWho walk away with my dough ♪
456
00:18:42,208 --> 00:18:42,998
♪ 'Cause I dozed ♪
457
00:18:43,083 --> 00:18:44,543
♪ Tracey broke me ♪
458
00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:46,875
♪ And now she wanna seeThe resident provokin' me ♪
459
00:18:46,958 --> 00:18:49,708
♪ To pop wheelies on my bicycleWatch her eyes twinkle ♪
460
00:18:49,792 --> 00:18:51,882
♪ One house,Two houses, third house ♪
461
00:18:51,958 --> 00:18:53,538
♪ House rules,So house take the bank ♪
462
00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:55,035
♪ Watch Dave bank ♪
463
00:18:55,125 --> 00:18:57,995
♪ Batter had him on the hawkSince Atlanta extravaganza ♪
464
00:18:58,083 --> 00:19:00,133
♪ Gamma ray rapperMake the Hulk snap ♪
465
00:19:00,208 --> 00:19:01,828
♪ Jump back like James Brown,hey now ♪
466
00:19:01,917 --> 00:19:03,077
♪ Hey, now ♪
467
00:19:03,167 --> 00:19:04,377
♪ When the liquor over,we smokin' the ♪
468
00:19:04,458 --> 00:19:06,038
♪ Hey, now ♪
469
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:08,625
♪ Delegate numero dos,
I holler out to Sal and Los ♪
470
00:19:08,708 --> 00:19:10,458
♪ And keep the islandclose to me ♪
471
00:19:10,542 --> 00:19:13,042
♪ And Dave Chappelle, the host,You see, yo ♪
472
00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:15,035
♪ Much more is what we got ♪
473
00:19:15,125 --> 00:19:16,375
♪ Much more ♪
474
00:19:16,458 --> 00:19:18,248
♪ Just believe me ♪
475
00:19:18,333 --> 00:19:20,963
♪ Than they could ever see ♪
476
00:19:21,042 --> 00:19:24,132
♪ Much more than they could seeIs how it'll always be ♪
477
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:25,628
♪ Believe me ♪
478
00:19:25,708 --> 00:19:28,078
♪ Ya gotta believe me ♪
479
00:19:28,167 --> 00:19:30,247
♪ I got verb, skills, babies,and bills ♪
480
00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:31,753
♪ Your brotherwho smoked crills ♪
481
00:19:31,833 --> 00:19:33,793
♪ Is still tryin' to get himselftogether from it ♪
482
00:19:33,875 --> 00:19:35,665
♪ No one can quite run itlike me ♪
483
00:19:35,750 --> 00:19:39,040
♪ I'm on the cutting edgeOf what's alleged to be hot ♪
484
00:19:39,125 --> 00:19:41,825
♪ And when you rock,It's just impersonations of me ♪
485
00:19:41,917 --> 00:19:42,957
♪ The rightest MC ♪
486
00:19:43,042 --> 00:19:44,712
♪ MP with the "V"in the middle ♪
487
00:19:44,792 --> 00:19:47,132
♪ I belittle your plancourtesy ♪
488
00:19:47,208 --> 00:19:48,958
♪ Of the N-Y dirty "C," my man ♪
489
00:19:49,042 --> 00:19:50,672
♪ My base of fansIs made up of many ♪
490
00:19:50,750 --> 00:19:52,210
♪ We gets allergic to belts ♪
491
00:19:52,042 --> 00:19:53,922
♪ Lettin' their mind meltFrom drinkin' the Henny ♪
492
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:56,330
♪ And my straightened-out typesWho be waitin' to hear ♪
493
00:19:56,417 --> 00:19:58,417
♪ Them drums saythe revolution is near ♪
494
00:19:58,500 --> 00:19:59,750
♪ Are you listening? ♪
495
00:19:59,833 --> 00:20:02,333
♪ Are your eardrumsOpen for christening? ♪
496
00:20:02,417 --> 00:20:04,247
♪ We got by the MCswith these tools ♪
497
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:05,713
♪ While some others play God ♪
498
00:20:05,792 --> 00:20:07,712
♪ They just goddamn foolswith it ♪
499
00:20:07,792 --> 00:20:09,832
♪ I don't cut mics,I rough mics up ♪
500
00:20:09,917 --> 00:20:11,997
♪ Rough and rugged,Yet the girls still love it ♪
501
00:20:12,083 --> 00:20:14,293
♪ Still in all,Five-Ocame to my mic check ♪
502
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:17,625
♪ Tellin' me I left lacerationsAround my mic's neck ♪
503
00:20:17,708 --> 00:20:20,128
♪ Domestically disputedAnd you just might get ♪
504
00:20:20,208 --> 00:20:22,998
♪ The undisputed, underdog
Serving y'all threat ♪
505
00:20:23,083 --> 00:20:25,833
♪ Much more iswhat we got in store... ♪
506
00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:28,077
Much more.
507
00:20:28,167 --> 00:20:32,457
♪ It's much moreThan they could ever see ♪
508
00:20:36,167 --> 00:20:39,327
Folks, I'd like to thank
my guest, De La Soul.
509
00:20:39,417 --> 00:20:41,077
I'd like to thank
each and every one of you
510
00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:44,037
for being here with me tonight.
511
00:20:44,125 --> 00:20:46,325
And I'd like to thank you
at home for watching.
512
00:20:46,417 --> 00:20:48,327
God bless y'all, I'm out.
513
00:20:49,250 --> 00:20:51,830
[cheering and applauding]
514
00:20:51,917 --> 00:20:54,127
-[Dave] I'm rich, biatch!
-[horn honking]
515
00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:56,038
[woman] Hi, thank you.
516
00:21:01,208 --> 00:21:02,788
[hip-hop music]
517
00:21:02,875 --> 00:21:03,875
It's Fisticuffs.
518
00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:07,038
This is Fisticuffs,
2003, bitch!
519
00:21:07,125 --> 00:21:08,165
Turn 'em up!
520
00:21:08,042 --> 00:21:10,792
Turn your
motherfuckin' stereo up, what?
521
00:21:11,542 --> 00:21:13,132
Turn it up, I'm serious!
522
00:21:14,458 --> 00:21:16,538
You not gonna hear
the intricacies of the beat
523
00:21:16,625 --> 00:21:19,125
if the volume's so low,
turn it up!
524
00:21:20,250 --> 00:21:21,330
And that, nigga,
525
00:21:21,417 --> 00:21:24,077
that's how you
make a hit, bitch!
526
00:21:24,958 --> 00:21:26,078
I am the man!
527
00:21:28,333 --> 00:21:29,213
That's right,
528
00:21:30,083 --> 00:21:31,003
turn 'em up!
529
00:21:31,053 --> 00:21:35,603
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