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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,625 --> 00:00:03,285 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 2 00:00:03,375 --> 00:00:05,205 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 3 00:00:05,042 --> 00:00:06,752 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 4 00:00:06,833 --> 00:00:08,253 ♪ Ow!♪ 5 00:00:09,250 --> 00:00:11,000 ♪ Whoo-hoo-hoo ♪ 6 00:00:11,083 --> 00:00:12,383 ♪ Whoo-hoo ♪ 7 00:00:12,458 --> 00:00:13,878 ♪ Yeah, yeah ♪ 8 00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:17,213 Let's start the show. 9 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:22,330 [cheering and applauding] 10 00:00:22,417 --> 00:00:23,577 [announcer] Ladies and gentlemen, 11 00:00:23,667 --> 00:00:25,327 put your hands together 12 00:00:25,417 --> 00:00:28,627 for Dave Chappelle! 13 00:00:34,292 --> 00:00:35,252 Man... 14 00:00:36,542 --> 00:00:37,582 Thank you so much. 15 00:00:38,542 --> 00:00:40,042 Thanks for joining us, you guys. 16 00:00:40,125 --> 00:00:43,285 Welcome back to another episode of Chappelle's Show. 17 00:00:43,375 --> 00:00:45,665 Now, a lot of us go to the movies 18 00:00:45,750 --> 00:00:48,000 and they seem a little fake, don't they? 19 00:00:48,083 --> 00:00:51,713 And, certain moments, you can't suspend your disbelief. 20 00:00:51,792 --> 00:00:53,882 Crocodile Dundee, for example. 21 00:00:53,958 --> 00:00:55,128 Remember when the brother come up and, 22 00:00:55,208 --> 00:00:57,288 "Give me your money, Crocodile Dundee." 23 00:00:57,375 --> 00:00:58,875 [Australian accent] "Oh, that's not a knife. 24 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:03,075 This is a knife." 25 00:01:03,167 --> 00:01:04,207 Any Black dude in New York would have been like, 26 00:01:04,292 --> 00:01:05,292 "Well, then this is a gun." 27 00:01:07,083 --> 00:01:09,043 The point is, those movies are phony-baloney, 28 00:01:09,125 --> 00:01:12,035 so tonight I bring to you the real versions 29 00:01:12,125 --> 00:01:14,125 of some of my favorite movies. 30 00:01:14,208 --> 00:01:16,378 One of my favorite love movies, 31 00:01:16,458 --> 00:01:17,288 Ghost. 32 00:01:18,625 --> 00:01:20,575 Where you find that even the afterlife 33 00:01:20,667 --> 00:01:22,997 can't separate you from true love. 34 00:01:25,875 --> 00:01:26,995 [audience laughing] 35 00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:33,535 [crying] 36 00:01:37,458 --> 00:01:38,208 Molly... 37 00:01:39,292 --> 00:01:40,252 Molly, 38 00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:41,543 Molly. 39 00:01:41,625 --> 00:01:43,205 Hey, Molly, 40 00:01:43,292 --> 00:01:45,672 your husband's clothes fit funny, girl. 41 00:01:48,125 --> 00:01:50,415 Well, they look better on you than they ever did on him. 42 00:01:51,333 --> 00:01:52,423 Why don't you take 'em off? 43 00:01:53,667 --> 00:01:55,497 -Not a bad idea. -Mm-hmm. 44 00:01:55,583 --> 00:01:58,173 You ready to get some of this lovin'? 45 00:01:58,250 --> 00:01:59,960 [Molly] You bet your ass I am. 46 00:02:00,042 --> 00:02:03,082 It's my dumb-ass husband who's dead, not me. 47 00:02:06,167 --> 00:02:08,997 You ready to step into the jungle? 48 00:02:09,083 --> 00:02:10,213 [Molly] Ooh, yeah! 49 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,210 What do you say? 50 00:02:13,292 --> 00:02:15,582 [Dave] Oh, man! -Molly! 51 00:02:15,667 --> 00:02:17,497 Oh, nigga, you know I see you. 52 00:02:17,583 --> 00:02:19,833 You know... Yeah, I'm looking right at you. 53 00:02:19,917 --> 00:02:21,827 You, the ghost, nigga, I see you. 54 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,170 You're freaky, man. You like to watch? 55 00:02:24,000 --> 00:02:25,170 You wanna watch? 56 00:02:25,250 --> 00:02:27,130 How this make you feel? 57 00:02:27,208 --> 00:02:27,998 Whoo! 58 00:02:28,083 --> 00:02:30,293 [laughing] 59 00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:36,000 Hey, man, life's got to go on, right? 60 00:02:36,083 --> 00:02:38,583 Life's got to go on, life's got to go on. 61 00:02:38,667 --> 00:02:41,207 Now, I don't want to pick on everybody else 62 00:02:41,042 --> 00:02:44,082 without, uh, making fun of myself, so... 63 00:02:44,167 --> 00:02:46,247 Let's take a look at the, uh, real version 64 00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,543 of a little movie called Half Baked, where... 65 00:02:48,625 --> 00:02:50,285 [audience applauding] 66 00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:55,995 I think we all know the story, 67 00:02:56,917 --> 00:02:58,077 friend gets locked in jail, 68 00:02:58,167 --> 00:03:00,827 then his three friends have to sell reefer to make the bail. 69 00:03:03,375 --> 00:03:04,995 -Yo, Thurgood. -Aah! 70 00:03:05,083 --> 00:03:06,293 Yo, wake up, man. 71 00:03:06,375 --> 00:03:07,995 Yo, Kenny didn't come home last night, B. 72 00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:10,133 We're really worried, man. 73 00:03:10,208 --> 00:03:11,918 Yo, he's in jail, yo. 74 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:13,250 -Jail? -Yeah. 75 00:03:14,792 --> 00:03:16,582 I got it. 76 00:03:16,667 --> 00:03:18,957 Why don't I break into the lab where I'm working? 77 00:03:19,042 --> 00:03:20,422 They got weed there, I'll steal it, 78 00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:22,080 we can sell it, and we'll make his bail. 79 00:03:22,167 --> 00:03:23,997 -[scoffs] -I don't want to do that. 80 00:03:24,083 --> 00:03:25,753 -No, man. -No. 81 00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:27,537 Alright. 82 00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:29,495 Y'all wanna smoke some weed? 83 00:03:29,583 --> 00:03:32,083 -Yeah! -Hell, yeah, B! 84 00:03:32,167 --> 00:03:33,037 Wassup? 85 00:03:33,125 --> 00:03:34,955 Kenny's on his own, then. 86 00:03:35,042 --> 00:03:36,002 We need a new roommate! 87 00:03:36,083 --> 00:03:37,963 Yo, fuck Kenny, B. 88 00:03:40,292 --> 00:03:42,252 I hope he gets fucked in his butt in jail! 89 00:03:43,833 --> 00:03:45,463 Booty-fuck Kenny, man. 90 00:03:45,542 --> 00:03:47,042 [applauding] 91 00:03:49,083 --> 00:03:50,253 Knock, knock. 92 00:03:50,333 --> 00:03:51,383 [audience] Who's there? 93 00:03:51,458 --> 00:03:52,628 Some skits, biatch! 94 00:03:54,375 --> 00:03:56,825 [narrator] The year was 1955, 95 00:03:56,917 --> 00:03:59,747 and Danny Corey had never had sex. 96 00:03:59,833 --> 00:04:03,083 In fact, he had never even kissed a girl. 97 00:04:03,167 --> 00:04:06,877 but all his rookie inexperience gave him one clear advantage, 98 00:04:06,958 --> 00:04:08,998 a total lack of fear. 99 00:04:09,083 --> 00:04:10,793 When you're that young and horny, 100 00:04:10,875 --> 00:04:12,205 you got nothing to lose. 101 00:04:12,042 --> 00:04:14,752 [narrator] During a screening of Rebel Without a Cause, 102 00:04:14,833 --> 00:04:16,883 Corey had a brilliant idea. 103 00:04:16,958 --> 00:04:18,828 Using his Boy Scout pocket knife, 104 00:04:18,917 --> 00:04:21,167 He quickly carved a hole in the popcorn tub, 105 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:23,540 to give his date more than just popcorn. 106 00:04:23,625 --> 00:04:25,955 This is a brilliant move. 107 00:04:26,042 --> 00:04:29,712 Notice that he bought the large tub of corn, 108 00:04:29,792 --> 00:04:31,082 he bought butter, 109 00:04:31,167 --> 00:04:34,127 he arranges it on his lap, smiles at her, 110 00:04:35,292 --> 00:04:37,832 and this is where it happens, 111 00:04:37,917 --> 00:04:40,457 right... here! 112 00:04:40,542 --> 00:04:44,132 She realizes what she's touching and continues. 113 00:04:44,208 --> 00:04:46,998 Brilliant... Just brilliant! 114 00:04:48,167 --> 00:04:50,037 The "Penis in the Popcorn" 115 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:52,630 is a classic 116 00:04:52,708 --> 00:04:54,378 That has set a new standard 117 00:04:54,458 --> 00:04:56,958 for reckless and desperate men everywhere. 118 00:04:59,042 --> 00:05:02,002 And we, including myself... 119 00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:05,080 because that's how I got this... 120 00:05:06,625 --> 00:05:10,415 Wish to thank Danny Corey. 121 00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:13,330 [narrator] Danny Corey would go down as a hook-up legend, 122 00:05:13,417 --> 00:05:14,917 joining Harvey Randolph, 123 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,210 the inventor of the "We Are Out Of Gas" move, 124 00:05:17,292 --> 00:05:18,712 and Joey Newsom, 125 00:05:18,792 --> 00:05:21,292 the inventor of the seemingly platonic sleepover 126 00:05:21,375 --> 00:05:22,995 that ends in dry-humping 127 00:05:23,083 --> 00:05:24,793 and, eventually, insertion. 128 00:05:24,875 --> 00:05:27,995 All of them great men, all of them pioneers. 129 00:05:28,833 --> 00:05:29,923 This has been, 130 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,960 Great Moments in Hook-Up History. 131 00:05:33,625 --> 00:05:34,745 Alright, y'all, look, 132 00:05:34,833 --> 00:05:36,253 we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 133 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:40,633 We'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 134 00:05:43,958 --> 00:05:45,418 Man, I'm bored. 135 00:05:45,500 --> 00:05:47,250 I gotta go to the Chappelle's Show. 136 00:05:52,917 --> 00:05:54,997 Good evening, I'm Kent Wallace. 137 00:05:56,083 --> 00:05:57,133 Since its inception, 138 00:05:57,208 --> 00:05:59,168 Hollywood has often been accused of racism. 139 00:05:59,250 --> 00:06:01,630 but is it racist? 140 00:06:01,708 --> 00:06:04,288 And if so, who are the culprits? 141 00:06:04,375 --> 00:06:07,165 Frontline embarked on a journey to answer these questions 142 00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:09,130 and what we uncovered... 143 00:06:10,125 --> 00:06:11,535 may shock you. 144 00:06:11,625 --> 00:06:14,415 [Kent] For years, Rin Tin Tin was adored 145 00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:17,500 by countless Americans for his TV exploits. 146 00:06:17,583 --> 00:06:19,173 -Who stole the silver? -[barking] 147 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:21,040 Twelve of them? Good boy, Rin. 148 00:06:21,125 --> 00:06:24,125 [narrator] His acts of heroism and undying loyalty 149 00:06:24,208 --> 00:06:25,998 to his master were his trademarks. 150 00:06:26,083 --> 00:06:29,753 That is, until recent allegations surfaced. 151 00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:32,213 This is Justin Wilkes, 152 00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:35,002 a security guard in Montgomery, Alabama. 153 00:06:35,083 --> 00:06:36,673 For three decades, he has waged 154 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:39,210 a personal crusade against the canine star. 155 00:06:39,292 --> 00:06:41,882 That dog that you call "Rin Tin Tin", 156 00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:43,578 I call "Racist". 157 00:06:44,792 --> 00:06:46,672 I saw the show. I saw the dog. 158 00:06:46,750 --> 00:06:49,040 I said, "Where do I know this dog from?" 159 00:06:50,083 --> 00:06:50,883 And it hit me. 160 00:06:52,375 --> 00:06:55,415 Selma, Alabama, 1957 riots, 161 00:06:55,500 --> 00:06:57,170 in front of Woolworth! 162 00:06:57,000 --> 00:06:59,130 So, you're saying 163 00:06:59,208 --> 00:07:01,788 that's you in the classic civil rights footage. 164 00:07:01,875 --> 00:07:03,375 Okay, see, that's a discrepancy right there. 165 00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:06,038 What you calling "classic civil rights footage," 166 00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:08,785 I call "footage of me getting bit on my ass 167 00:07:09,583 --> 00:07:10,633 by a German Shepherd 168 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,290 from Dusseldorf, Germany." 169 00:07:15,208 --> 00:07:17,038 If you would like to see, 170 00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:21,165 there's actually bite marks on my ass that can prove it. 171 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:23,420 [Kent] We hunted down the dental records 172 00:07:23,500 --> 00:07:26,040 of the dog who played Rin Tin Tin. 173 00:07:26,125 --> 00:07:27,875 A few days later, Mr. Wilkes returned, 174 00:07:27,958 --> 00:07:29,458 and a canine dental expert 175 00:07:29,542 --> 00:07:32,172 compared the records with his scar. 176 00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:34,170 This is, uh, most definitely 177 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,540 a match right here. 178 00:07:35,625 --> 00:07:36,785 What I say? 179 00:07:36,875 --> 00:07:38,035 Come on, what did I say? 180 00:07:38,125 --> 00:07:40,415 That opened the floodgates. 181 00:07:40,500 --> 00:07:42,790 In subsequent weeks, more African-Americans 182 00:07:42,875 --> 00:07:44,955 came forward with similar accusations 183 00:07:45,042 --> 00:07:46,922 against iconic animals, 184 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,000 breaking decades of silence. 185 00:07:49,083 --> 00:07:51,083 Mr. Ed. 186 00:07:51,167 --> 00:07:52,497 I worked with him 187 00:07:52,583 --> 00:07:55,383 for two years. 188 00:07:55,458 --> 00:07:58,208 That disgusting, bigot-ass horse! 189 00:07:58,292 --> 00:07:59,332 Mr. Ed, take four. 190 00:08:00,917 --> 00:08:03,377 Oh, I better get out of here. 191 00:08:03,458 --> 00:08:06,038 [Mr. Ed] Took ya l-l-long enough, n-n-nigger. 192 00:08:07,292 --> 00:08:10,172 I'll cut you, I'mma cut you, do you hear me? 193 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,250 [Mr. Ed] Boys, get her away from me! 194 00:08:11,333 --> 00:08:13,173 I know where you live, Mr. Ed. I'm gonna cut you. 195 00:08:13,250 --> 00:08:15,040 [Kent] There were also many rumors 196 00:08:15,125 --> 00:08:16,745 of his off-camera activities. 197 00:08:17,833 --> 00:08:19,673 Frontline was sent, anonymously... 198 00:08:19,750 --> 00:08:20,920 This picture 199 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,460 with this not-so-subtle note attached, 200 00:08:24,542 --> 00:08:27,462 "Dear Frontline, this is Mr. Ed." 201 00:08:27,542 --> 00:08:29,792 But worse than Mr. Ed, 202 00:08:29,875 --> 00:08:32,205 worse even than Rin Tin Tin, 203 00:08:32,292 --> 00:08:35,252 were the accusations lobbed at Flipper. 204 00:08:46,583 --> 00:08:49,833 It's James, the nigger-hating dolphin! 205 00:08:49,917 --> 00:08:51,037 Get out! 206 00:08:51,125 --> 00:08:52,785 [dolphin squeaking] 207 00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:55,793 Shocking. 208 00:08:55,875 --> 00:08:58,165 Unfortunately, none of the animals in question 209 00:08:58,250 --> 00:09:00,830 are alive to offer a rebuttal. 210 00:09:00,917 --> 00:09:05,127 However, the estate of Mr. Ed did issue this statement, 211 00:09:06,208 --> 00:09:07,668 "We deeply regret 212 00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:11,000 the way Mr. Ed was taken advantage of by the Klan. 213 00:09:11,083 --> 00:09:12,583 If it's any consolation, 214 00:09:12,667 --> 00:09:14,747 his best friend 215 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:16,213 was The Black Stallion." 216 00:09:17,250 --> 00:09:19,080 Next time on Frontline, we expose 217 00:09:19,167 --> 00:09:21,127 racist Hollywood automobiles, 218 00:09:21,208 --> 00:09:23,878 and hear disturbing audio 219 00:09:23,958 --> 00:09:26,378 from the hit TV show Knight Rider. 220 00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:29,038 [KITT] Puerto Ricans are lazy, Michael. 221 00:09:29,125 --> 00:09:31,075 I'm Kent Wallace. 222 00:09:31,167 --> 00:09:32,127 Good night. 223 00:09:34,042 --> 00:09:36,382 [cheering and applauding] 224 00:09:36,458 --> 00:09:38,828 Ever see that movie with Mel Gibson, 225 00:09:38,917 --> 00:09:41,167 uh, What Women Want, 226 00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,330 where he could read women's minds? 227 00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:44,577 See, that's the kind of movie 228 00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:47,537 you could only do with a guy like Mel Gibson. 229 00:09:47,625 --> 00:09:49,495 You couldn't do the opposite of that movie, 230 00:09:49,583 --> 00:09:52,383 What Men Want, 'cause it'd be too gross and disgusting. 231 00:09:53,750 --> 00:09:55,000 I wonder what it'd look like? 232 00:09:55,083 --> 00:09:57,253 Well, let's take a look at what it'd look like. 233 00:10:00,375 --> 00:10:01,785 [elevator bell dings] 234 00:10:03,750 --> 00:10:05,380 [man] Man, if I could just slide a finger down 235 00:10:05,458 --> 00:10:06,748 the crack of that ass. 236 00:10:07,458 --> 00:10:08,538 [man 1] Oh, mama. 237 00:10:08,625 --> 00:10:09,955 [man 2] I wish my boys could see this. 238 00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:13,042 [man 3] Damn, look at the ass on that one. 239 00:10:13,125 --> 00:10:15,665 [man 4] I want to have doggy-style sex with her, ugh. 240 00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:17,957 [man 5] Damn! 241 00:10:18,042 --> 00:10:19,752 [man 1] Look at them nipples, man. 242 00:10:19,833 --> 00:10:20,833 [elevator bell dings] 243 00:10:28,042 --> 00:10:29,962 [boy] I would put a hurtin' on that bitch. 244 00:10:32,292 --> 00:10:34,002 Damn! 245 00:10:35,208 --> 00:10:36,378 [elevator bell dings] 246 00:10:43,458 --> 00:10:46,628 [laughing] 247 00:10:46,708 --> 00:10:49,668 And on that note, we're gonna take a quick commercial break. 248 00:10:49,750 --> 00:10:52,210 We'll be right back, everybody, with more Chappelle's Show. 249 00:10:52,042 --> 00:10:53,002 Stick around. 250 00:10:55,083 --> 00:10:56,333 Okay. 251 00:10:56,417 --> 00:10:57,917 ♪ Turn on your TV ♪ 252 00:10:58,792 --> 00:11:00,132 Oh, man, thanks. 253 00:11:01,667 --> 00:11:02,457 You know, 254 00:11:06,292 --> 00:11:08,002 way back on the second episode, 255 00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:11,963 I did this piece about a, uh, a crack addict 256 00:11:12,042 --> 00:11:14,962 coming to a drug-awareness week at a school. 257 00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:17,002 I got a lot of complaints about it. 258 00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:18,333 I got a lot of letters about it. 259 00:11:18,417 --> 00:11:20,827 A lot of people said I was insensitive, so... 260 00:11:20,917 --> 00:11:22,627 I brought him back again to the show. 261 00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:26,383 Make some noise. Tyrone Biggums. 262 00:11:26,458 --> 00:11:29,538 Okay, okay, remember now, we're not here to judge anybody, 263 00:11:29,625 --> 00:11:31,955 we want to handle this with love, right? 264 00:11:32,042 --> 00:11:34,002 You want to tell him how his drug abuse 265 00:11:34,083 --> 00:11:36,673 has hurt you, and he hurt himself, okay? 266 00:11:36,750 --> 00:11:38,500 Harold, what time did you tell him to be here? 267 00:11:38,583 --> 00:11:40,253 Five o'clock, but he always late. 268 00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:41,543 [woman] No, he'll be here... 269 00:11:43,042 --> 00:11:45,632 in three, two, one... 270 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:49,998 Is this the five o'clock free crack giveaway? 271 00:11:50,083 --> 00:11:53,003 ♪ He's been away for a while But he's back around... ♪ 272 00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:54,503 Y'all tell anybody, I'll kill ya! 273 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,043 I'll kill ya! 274 00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:58,245 ♪ The kookiest crackhead In the town... ♪ 275 00:11:58,333 --> 00:12:00,503 Peanut butter and crack sandwich. 276 00:12:00,583 --> 00:12:03,213 ♪ He kicked his habit Back in the joint... ♪ 277 00:12:03,292 --> 00:12:05,082 Look out, crack, here I come! 278 00:12:05,167 --> 00:12:06,537 [thudding] 279 00:12:06,625 --> 00:12:09,285 ♪ He's finally home, he's Tyrone ♪ 280 00:12:11,042 --> 00:12:14,002 [narrator] This week, Tyrone gets invited to an intervention. 281 00:12:14,083 --> 00:12:16,083 Oh, ya... Lock the door, good idea. 282 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:18,540 Hey. Okay, Tyrone, 283 00:12:19,917 --> 00:12:21,127 do you know why you're here? 284 00:12:21,208 --> 00:12:24,038 Mm-hmm, I'm here for same reasons you is, man, 285 00:12:24,125 --> 00:12:26,455 I want some crack. [chuckles] 286 00:12:26,542 --> 00:12:27,582 -Crack. -[counsellor] Okay, Tyrone, 287 00:12:27,667 --> 00:12:29,747 we are not giving crack away today. 288 00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:31,003 -Uh-uh... -No, no. 289 00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,583 -What time is it? -It's five o'clock. 290 00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:34,627 Did I miss the five o'clock free crack giveaway? 291 00:12:34,708 --> 00:12:36,128 Tyrone... Tyrone, these are your friends here, 292 00:12:36,208 --> 00:12:38,128 and they have something they'd like to say to you. 293 00:12:38,208 --> 00:12:39,078 I've been tricked! 294 00:12:39,167 --> 00:12:40,327 Okay, Tyrone, 295 00:12:40,417 --> 00:12:42,287 I'm what is known as an intervention counselor. 296 00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:43,415 -Oh! -Yeah. 297 00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,830 And these people would like to talk to you 298 00:12:44,917 --> 00:12:46,127 about your drug use. 299 00:12:46,208 --> 00:12:47,998 What are you talking about, man? I don't do drugs. 300 00:12:48,083 --> 00:12:49,753 What y'all tell him, huh? 301 00:12:49,833 --> 00:12:51,083 Come on, Benedict Arnolds! 302 00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:52,127 What y'all tell him? 303 00:12:52,208 --> 00:12:54,208 Okay, Rhonda, would you like to go first? 304 00:12:54,292 --> 00:12:55,212 [Tyrone] This is ridiculous! 305 00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:56,382 What is going on in here? 306 00:12:56,458 --> 00:12:57,878 Do we get crack at the end? 307 00:13:01,083 --> 00:13:01,923 Tyrone, 308 00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:04,170 you know I love you, 309 00:13:04,250 --> 00:13:06,080 but I feel like drugs is hurting you 310 00:13:06,167 --> 00:13:07,037 and they're hurting me. 311 00:13:08,500 --> 00:13:11,210 Tyrone, I was very hurt that you carjacked me that time. 312 00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:12,292 What you talking about, Rhonda? 313 00:13:12,375 --> 00:13:15,075 I would never carjack that ugly-ass car. 314 00:13:15,167 --> 00:13:16,497 [man] Get out the car! 315 00:13:16,583 --> 00:13:18,213 [Rhonda] Tyrone, what are you doing? 316 00:13:18,292 --> 00:13:19,962 Who's Tyrone, huh? 317 00:13:20,042 --> 00:13:21,042 I don't know Tyrone! 318 00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:22,785 No, it's you with your crusty-ass lips! 319 00:13:22,875 --> 00:13:25,495 Stop playin', Rhonda, get out the car! 320 00:13:25,583 --> 00:13:26,883 Get out the car! 321 00:13:26,958 --> 00:13:28,038 I don't know any Tyrone! 322 00:13:28,125 --> 00:13:30,665 Look, the police found you three hours later 323 00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:33,080 in my car, asleep, high on crack. 324 00:13:33,167 --> 00:13:34,787 That's impossible, Rhonda. 325 00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:37,575 How can you sleep if you're high on crack, hmm? 326 00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:38,917 It's a Chinese riddle for you. 327 00:13:39,000 --> 00:13:39,790 [counsellor] Okay, 328 00:13:39,875 --> 00:13:41,705 let's have, uh, Jenny and Rob. 329 00:13:41,792 --> 00:13:43,002 [Tyrone] I ain't do that, Rhonda. 330 00:13:44,417 --> 00:13:47,787 Tyrone, we opened our home to you. 331 00:13:47,875 --> 00:13:49,165 You let your addiction 332 00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:51,880 lead you to abuse our trust. 333 00:13:51,958 --> 00:13:55,208 Oh, Jenny, Rob, look, y'all, 334 00:13:55,292 --> 00:13:56,502 it's me you're talking to, 335 00:13:56,583 --> 00:13:58,293 I... I would never hurt you. 336 00:13:58,375 --> 00:14:01,205 Oh, don't play dumb with us, Tyrone. 337 00:14:01,042 --> 00:14:03,212 I remember the whole speech. 338 00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,922 I just need $200, 339 00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:06,380 I take these real estate classes, 340 00:14:06,458 --> 00:14:08,288 and I'm back on my feet, baby. 341 00:14:08,375 --> 00:14:09,625 I'm serious, Rob, 342 00:14:09,708 --> 00:14:11,168 it's me, baby, it's Tyrone. 343 00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:13,417 I'm cleaning up my act. 344 00:14:13,500 --> 00:14:15,040 -Okay. -Tyrone! 345 00:14:15,125 --> 00:14:17,625 Rob, Jenny, y'all ain't gonna be sorry about this. 346 00:14:19,208 --> 00:14:20,418 Oh! 347 00:14:20,500 --> 00:14:22,500 [Tyrone] I studied my ass off for that real estate test. 348 00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:24,880 [screaming] 349 00:14:27,375 --> 00:14:28,705 We're off to my mother's. 350 00:14:28,792 --> 00:14:30,042 We'll be back Sunday evening. 351 00:14:30,125 --> 00:14:32,165 The number's on the fridge if you need anything. 352 00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,500 Okay, bye, Jenny. Bye, Rob. 353 00:14:34,583 --> 00:14:35,833 [Tyrone] I passed my test 354 00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,577 and was a certified real estate agent. 355 00:14:39,333 --> 00:14:41,133 Good for you, Tyrone. 356 00:14:41,208 --> 00:14:44,418 Yeah, damn right, good for him. 357 00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,750 [Rob] He sold our house and kept the money. 358 00:14:46,833 --> 00:14:50,333 $450,000! 359 00:14:50,417 --> 00:14:52,577 Where's the money, Tyrone? 360 00:14:52,667 --> 00:14:54,287 He spent it on a party. 361 00:14:55,958 --> 00:14:57,078 Took out an ad for it in the paper. 362 00:14:58,875 --> 00:15:00,535 [Tyrone] You didn't get your invitation for that party? 363 00:15:01,708 --> 00:15:02,748 oh, Rob, you should have seen it, 364 00:15:02,833 --> 00:15:04,793 we had a pile of crack this high. 365 00:15:04,875 --> 00:15:06,785 -I had a heart attack. -Heart attack, yeah. 366 00:15:06,875 --> 00:15:07,875 I'll give you a heart attack! 367 00:15:07,958 --> 00:15:09,078 -Rob, Rob, Rob! -[Tyrone] Rob! 368 00:15:09,167 --> 00:15:10,877 Come on, come on, come on. 369 00:15:10,958 --> 00:15:13,248 I'm getting a restraining order against you, Rob. 370 00:15:13,333 --> 00:15:15,213 Harold, why don't you go next? 371 00:15:15,042 --> 00:15:16,042 Alright. 372 00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,003 Tyrone, 373 00:15:18,083 --> 00:15:20,633 I'm here because I love you. 374 00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:22,538 Well, if you love me so much, Harold, 375 00:15:22,625 --> 00:15:24,875 why'd you get me fired from the post office, huh? 376 00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:26,328 Do you know how many people on your route 377 00:15:26,417 --> 00:15:28,207 complained of receiving open mail? 378 00:15:29,333 --> 00:15:30,383 Seven? 379 00:15:30,458 --> 00:15:33,378 Hundred and thirty-six, Tyrone. 380 00:15:33,458 --> 00:15:35,668 And then there was the incident with the powder. 381 00:15:36,167 --> 00:15:37,997 [sniffing] 382 00:15:41,125 --> 00:15:42,035 Oh! 383 00:15:56,000 --> 00:15:57,830 Attention, everybody, 384 00:15:57,917 --> 00:16:00,167 Be on the lookout for any envelopes marked 385 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:02,920 "Senator Tom Daschle" or "Tom Brokaw". 386 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,420 It might contain anthrax. 387 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:06,330 For your information, that's a little white powder. 388 00:16:06,417 --> 00:16:07,327 Harold, 389 00:16:08,833 --> 00:16:10,463 is anthrax bad? 390 00:16:11,167 --> 00:16:13,077 -Yes, Tyrone. -Oh. 391 00:16:13,167 --> 00:16:15,127 And if it fell into the wrong hands, 392 00:16:15,208 --> 00:16:16,878 it could be big trouble. 393 00:16:16,958 --> 00:16:19,208 I got that anthrax and it's the bomb, baby. 394 00:16:19,292 --> 00:16:20,382 Sixty bucks! 395 00:16:20,458 --> 00:16:21,878 If that man hadn't turned you in, 396 00:16:21,958 --> 00:16:23,248 it would've been a disaster. 397 00:16:23,333 --> 00:16:26,003 Y'all act like crack is so bad! 398 00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:27,883 Well, like the Good Book says, 399 00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:30,578 "Let he who is without sin, 400 00:16:30,667 --> 00:16:32,577 throwe-th the first rock 401 00:16:32,667 --> 00:16:35,327 and I shal-t smoke-th it." 402 00:16:37,500 --> 00:16:38,880 Basically, Tyrone, 403 00:16:38,958 --> 00:16:41,418 we would like you to check into rehabilitation immediately. 404 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:42,540 Oh! 405 00:16:45,167 --> 00:16:46,707 Alright, okay. 406 00:16:46,792 --> 00:16:48,002 Fine, fine. 407 00:16:48,083 --> 00:16:49,043 You know what? 408 00:16:49,125 --> 00:16:51,375 I need to get better, y'all are right. 409 00:16:51,458 --> 00:16:55,128 But first step is first, I need to go to the bathroom, 410 00:16:55,208 --> 00:16:58,128 And then I'm on my way to recovery, Rhonda. 411 00:16:58,208 --> 00:16:59,578 I got the key. 412 00:16:59,667 --> 00:17:00,997 And that wasn't me, Rhonda! 413 00:17:01,083 --> 00:17:02,333 Go to the bathroom! 414 00:17:02,417 --> 00:17:03,497 [Tyrone] Okay, thank... 415 00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:05,463 I've got it from here, thank you. 416 00:17:05,542 --> 00:17:06,382 I'll be right out. 417 00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:10,575 Oh! 418 00:17:10,667 --> 00:17:12,877 Oh, why didn't they say there ain't no windows in here? 419 00:17:13,917 --> 00:17:14,827 Oh! 420 00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:22,997 Here goes nothin'! 421 00:17:24,542 --> 00:17:26,172 [toilet flushing] 422 00:17:26,250 --> 00:17:27,250 Drugs have... 423 00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:30,245 ruined my life! 424 00:17:32,833 --> 00:17:35,503 ♪ He's finally home, He's Tyrone ♪ 425 00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:39,128 We're gonna take a quick commercial break, 426 00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:40,208 but don't worry, 427 00:17:40,292 --> 00:17:42,752 we'll be right back with more Chappelle's Show. 428 00:17:47,375 --> 00:17:48,915 ♪ Chappelle's Show ♪ 429 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:50,080 ♪ Ow! ♪ 430 00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:52,917 I'd like to thank my studio audience for hangin' out, 431 00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:55,040 and, of course, I'd like to thank you at home. 432 00:17:55,125 --> 00:17:57,205 God bless ya. And I'll see ya next week. 433 00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,172 God bless America! 434 00:17:59,250 --> 00:18:01,750 [cheering and applauding] 435 00:18:01,833 --> 00:18:04,083 -[Dave] I'm rich, biatch! -[horn honking] 436 00:18:04,167 --> 00:18:05,707 [woman] Hi, thank you. 437 00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:12,673 We're really worried about him, Thurgood. 438 00:18:12,750 --> 00:18:13,960 What happened to him? 439 00:18:14,042 --> 00:18:15,212 Yo, he's in jail, yo. 440 00:18:16,167 --> 00:18:18,627 Oh, my God, jail. 441 00:18:18,708 --> 00:18:21,378 Hey, hey, why don't we break into that lab where I work? 442 00:18:21,458 --> 00:18:22,878 They got weed there. 443 00:18:22,958 --> 00:18:24,918 We'll sell the weed and make his bail. 444 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,670 -No. -No, man. 445 00:18:26,750 --> 00:18:29,130 Yo, why don't we sell crack, yo? 446 00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:30,458 -Yeah. -Right? 447 00:18:30,542 --> 00:18:32,172 That's a lot more lucrative. 448 00:18:32,250 --> 00:18:34,000 Hell, yeah, baby. 449 00:18:34,083 --> 00:18:35,543 We can grab some booty. 450 00:18:35,625 --> 00:18:36,745 We're gonna sell some crack. 451 00:18:36,833 --> 00:18:38,083 Crack, it is! 452 00:18:38,167 --> 00:18:39,917 We're crack dealers, man! 453 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:40,920 Yo, let's be crackheads, yo. 454 00:18:40,970 --> 00:18:45,520 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32950

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