All language subtitles for Boston Legal - 509 - Kill Baby Kill

Oh, I'm terribly sorry

I didn't see you there

How may I help you?

Uh, I'm looking for, uh, Carl Sack

I'm Carl Sack

You're Carl Sack?

At your service

Full service

Um, I've seen photographs of Mr Sack
and

I look shorter in person
and fatter and

Hello, Denny

I'm Carl Sack

He's got the mad cow

- I'm Jenny Pratt
- It makes him think he's Carl

Yes Um, let's go to my office

Okay

There were a dozen eyewitnesses,
and they all tell the same story

Dwayne Willis was brought in a little
before 9:00 p m

They strapped him down
on the table

and hooked up the
two IVs, one in each arm

The first drug is supposed to render
the condemned man unconscious

It didn't

It was now 10 past 9:00

The drugs had been going into him
for nearly ten minutes

That's when officer Holt started
getting worried More time goes by

Willis has been hooked up to the drip
for 20 minutes now

He's still conscious

An argument breaks out

The tech wants to pull the IVs out
and try again

Another guard says no,
just increase the dosage

Then Willis starts thrashing around

His chest is heaving ,He is
gasping, choking It's horrifying

And Holt says, "do something"
but nobody knows what to do

Willis has been hooked up
for a half-hour now

He's not even unconscious

He's gagging and thrashing,
and that's when Holt just snapped

I don't know!

He fired one round into Willis' head

Willis died instantly

He's charged with murder two,

but the DA is willing to knock it
down to manslaughter,

only Holt won't take the deal

- Ms Pratt
- Jenny

There must be many lawyers in Virginia
who could do this

Yeah, I need an advocate

who can speak forcefully against
the death penalty itself

Jenny, whatever one's feelings
are on the death penalty

For it

It's moot here

Your client

carried out a death sentence,
albeit in a unique fashion

But the legal issue is also unique

I mean, is it even possible
to murder a man who's being executed?

Double homicide Happens all the time

A double homicide is when two people
are killed, Denny

What's your point?

Listen, Jenny, I'm not s

Carl, Virginia is a swing state,
and I've always wanted to swing

- Denny
- Carl, we need to bond

Hell, man, this is our last season

If there's one thing I've learned in life,
it's never, ever say no to a road trip

I just couldn't watch him
suffer anymore

If I had to do it over again,
I'd do the same thing

You only fired the one shot?

Yes

We could go with defense of others,

but since you went into the room
to participate in executing the man,

- I don't think that
- I didn't go in to torture him

Another approach, uh, would be
a version of diminished capacity

You were overcome with compassion

In Virginia?

Moreover, your years of witnessing
executions could have taken a mental toll

I'm not arguing that

Um, how about

simple temporary insanity? You saw
a man suffering You snapped You w

No! I knew exactly what I did
while I was doing it

I'd do it again

We don't have a lot to go with here

I won't say I was insane

You want us to just cut him loose?

You make it sound as if he's strung
up somewhere

Let's not get ahead of ourselves

Mr Sack, uh, you're a stranger here

I knew it
They plan to play the stranger card

Aren't we all brothers, my friend?

- This is a very serious matter
- Yes, it is

So I thought perhaps we could
be serious for a second

You don't mean to tell a jury of your
fellow Virginians that shooting a man

the Commonwealth was in the process
of killing

was murder or manslaughter or in fact
any crime at all?

It was a crime, according to the law

Understood, but a DA has discretion
whether to charge, do they not?

- Good ones do
- Well, he looks good

- He looks great
- Best I've seen

Me, too

Look

I am not dismissing the charges

He is going on trial for murder

You're not my brother anymore,

which I believe leaves me free to have sex
with your sister

We try to make our cases fun

I can't thank you enough for seeing me,
Alan

Please

So I hear you've become quite
the busy man these days, huh?

Big lawyer

- A celebrity of sorts?
- Oh, well, no

Well, you look great

- Thank you
- Yeah

You know, I always figured you to age fat
and bald

Well, I was lucky enough to stave off
the evil that so ages men

Which is?

Marriage

What's up, Mar

Well, unfortunately,
I was fired from my job

- Aw
- Yeah

A very good job, I might add

I was district sales manager
for a software company,

in line to become regional sales manager

Now I know that this may be hard to prove,

but I think I got fired because I voted
for John McCain

My boss and I, we got into this big fight
over the election

And as soon as I told him who I voted for,

he just got this look of disgust
on his face, as

not entirely dissimilar to the expression
on your face at the moment

But anyway, uh, so he fired me

Did he, uh, give you a reason?

No No, they don't have to give a reason
anymore

They're advised by their labor lawyers
not to

But I know it was because I voted
for McCain

I can feel it in my bones, Alan

And the prisoner started gasping for
breath and moving around on the table

Is that uncommon?

It's happened before

No two lethal injections ever seem to go
exactly the same way

There was a lot of screaming and yelling

Officer Holt became very

upset

Then he suddenly pulled out his gun
and shot the prisoner in the head

Are you familiar with the case Emmett
v Johnson?

I've heard of it

Something like lethal injection is cruel
and barbaric

Something like

According to briefs filed in that case,

Virginia's method in particular carries
a greater risk of inflicting pain

than the method used in Kentucky,

which the Supreme Court approved

Our methods are substantially the same

The briefing includes evidence
that members of the death team,

including, I assume, you,
don't understand how the drugs work,

don't know how to properly administer
an IV

and don't know how to correctly observe
the inmate during the execution

to determine if anything is going wrong

That's that's an argument in a lawsuit

There's another argument on the other
side Why don't you read that?

Oh, I'm

are you aware that a prominent medical
society

has found Virginia's method of execution
unacceptable?

I know doctors have an issue with
the death penalty in general,

so it wouldn't surprise me if some
physicians' group said that

Neither would I,

except the group I'm referring to

happens to be the American Veterinary
Medical Association

Some vets have banned your lethal
injection protocol

because the method Virginia uses on humans

is considered too barbaric to be used
on cats and dogs

Objection

The AVMA has said that their report
was misinterpreted

Sustained

Mr Sack, this case is not about
the legitimacy of the death penalty

And if that's where you're coming from,

you can tuck in your little tail
and head on back to Massachusetts

Your honor, I'm very proud of my home
state

home of the Red Sox, the Patriots, Mitt

We take our laws here in Virginia
very seriously, sir

Do you take this case seriously?

Show of hands
Because, you know, it is a bit silly

- Objection
- There's a man on trial here

for trying to kill somebody the state
was already killing

If anything, my client accomplished the
death penalty

Mr Sack

the legitimacy of which I certainly
would never question,

particularly in Virginia

- Your honor!
- Mr Sack

Oh, how about torture? Are we for that?

- I'm warning you
- Because this man was being tortured

- That's why my client pulled the trigger
- Objection, your honor!

- Order Order! Order! Objection!
- To spare horrendous suffering!

Get control of the room, will you, judge?

Bailiff

Blank What's his problem?

How'd you even get the gun
in the courtroom?

Oh, please

Denny

- What are you doing?
- Will you relax?

Like I said, firstly, it was blank,
secondly

This is Virginia

My approval rating went up in that room
I'm a hero to those people

I couldn't be more popular if I got kids
to smoke cigarettes

Carl, don't leave me here
I can't swing in here

Alan's way more fun

I appreciate you making the time
to see me

Oh, sure Well, actually,
my lawyer told me not to see you,

but I never listen to him anyway

No, you certainly didn't bother to consult
with him before firing Martha

Nice try

Why did you fire her, Mr Feldcamp?

It wasn't working out

How so?

Oh, hard to say You know, as an employer,
you sometimes get a feel for an employee,

and with Martha hard worker, but
she was never gonna make the next step,

and in this company,
you either move up or you move out

Martha's of the impression that you
fired her

because she voted for John McCain
in the election

She's mistaken

Look, I voted for McCain, all right?

Martha simply wasn't working out

There must be a reason you didn't
think she was working out

If I have to depose you to force
an answer, I can do so,

but you seem to be rather forthcoming,

so why not just tell me now?

Okay

She's stupid

And as for evidence of her stupidity?

Oh, god, I could cite many

Cite one

She voted for McCain

You said you voted for him

Mm-hmm Yeah, I did

I voted for him because I like his
policies on nuclear energy,

because I believed he'd make a better
commander in chief in times of war,

because I trusted his experience

But Martha voted for McCain
because she found Sarah Palin to be spunky

So you admit you fired her because
of who she voted for

No, I fired her because she is stupid

Look, I got a bad feeling about her,
you know?

It's plain and simple

I'm starting to get a bad feeling
about you

Well, then it's lucky for me
that you're not my boss

Look, are we done?

No, I'm afraid we're not done

Rather, it seems we're just beginning

Look, Mr Shore, I fire people all the
time, and some of them go on to sue me

This is an at-will employment here
It's my will

So if you want to file a lawsuit, join the club

Oh, I'm not a member of any club,
I assure you

I tend to stick out I don't mind
It makes me more memorable

You'll rember me, Mr Feldcamp

Yeah, don't let the door hit you on
the way out

First is sodium thiopental,
which is a barbiturate

Next comes pancuronium bromide,

a muscle relaxant that paralyzes the
diaphragm and thus stops breathing

Then potasum chloride is injected,
and that stops the heart

But that's not what happened here

Not exactly

What did happen?

Well, the technician who started

the IV on the prisoner missed the vein
in one arm,

and in the other arm,

he stuck the needle through the prisoner's
vein and into his muscle tissue

Do you know of other botched executions
using the lethal injection method?

There have been too many to list

This is something that should be done
by doctors,

but doctors refuse to do it on ethical
grounds

But, I mean, to be fair,

in most instances where lethal injection
is used,

the condemned man just sort of drifts
off to a legal sleep without incident

It's more likely that the paralytic agent

simply prevents prisoners
from communicating

In fact, they could be suffocating,

suffering excruciating pain during
the procedure

They're just unable to scream

How many of these so-called botched
executions occurred in Virginia?

One

And the supreme court has approved

the method of lethal injection used
in the Commonwealth of Virginia?

And we know they're such sticklers

Mr Sack, I will hold you in contempt

And the supreme court has not approved

prison guards shooting condemned
prisoners

Has anybody asked them?

Now look, we all know things went wrong
here

That's not the point

I will repeat, the question here is,

do we simply give prison guards the right
to just whip out their guns

and blast away?

Well, thank you, your honor,

for framing the issue in such a neutral
and impartial way

Why do you need my help?

Well, I don't probably
it's just Denny's out of town and

Will you give up, ever?

I have no one to share private thoughts
with tonight on the balcony

Shirley, this man Feldcamp
the unfettered, smug arrogance

he could almost make Rudy Giuliani
seem humble

Come on It'll be fun

He really fired her because
of how she voted?

Well, he's claiming it's stupidity,
but yes, I think he did

And what exactly would my role be?

Why do you say it with such distrust?

Because I can smell a dog on the sniff

Don't be ridiculous

You're almost old enough to be my mother
or one of my mother's friends

the one who used to sunbathe naked
by the pool

So you want to march into court tomorrow,

the two of us side by side,
and fight for a woman who

Who voted for John McCain

He all but admitted to me, your honor,

that he fired her because she voted
for John McCain

He made no such admission
The basis was her stupidity

Yes, and the evidence of that
was her vote

Look, they got into a big political
debate three days before

during which, the plaintiff further
displayed a complete lack of intellect,

which prompted my client

Because she didn't share your client's
political point of view

My client voted for McCain

Your honor, my client is a republican
who was happy with Ms

Headly's vote, but nonetheless,
could not ignore that she was

Well, dumb

- How dare you?
- Ms Headly

He just called me dumb and stupid

Ms Headly

Mr Davidson, as I read the affidavit,

it does seem like she was fired
for her political opinions

Free speech is not a right
in the workplace

People arer hired for their opinions and
perceived intellect

that's why we have interviews,

to determine whether we like
what comes out of their mouths

Listen, the fact is,
this woman did get hired,

and then she was discharged
for exactly as you say,

your honor, her political opinion

All right, I want to hear Ms Headly
on the stand,

and I want to hear exactly how this
went down

Let's go

It seemed like

I don't know, like

like it had gone past the point
of torture even

I- I just

I couldn't watch him suffer anymore

So I, um

I took him out

Did you stop to think, sir,
that you were breaking the law by

No, no, no, no, no

All I could see w- was a person suffering,
just way beyond the point of

it was inhumane

Somebody had to do something

I yelled at the others,
but they just stood there, so

it just wasn't right

You decided all by yourself
to take a human life

No, the the man was dying anyway
I made the decision to be humane about it

I see

I've prosecuted two doctors
who made the same decision

They had terminal patients in agony,
so they decided to hasten their deaths

In fact, I believe your family faced
a similar situation

You had an aunt who was dying
of ovarian cancer Am I right?

Yes

And there were those in your family

who wanted to put her on a morphine drip
to speed things up

because she was suffering so

Is that true?

Yes

What was your position there?

Do you remember?

I was against it

You thought it was murder, didn't you?

You told your mother and the doctor,

"only god gets to make that call "

Do you now amend that to god
and correctional officers?

We got into this huge argument
on nuclear energy

I'm against, and he's for it

Now that argument somehow got replaced
by some brough-ha-ha on the war

I'm against it, and he's for it

And that segued into taxes,

and he doesn't think he should have
to pay any,

- and I said to him that if he
- So you had a lot of political differences?

Yes Yes

Well, then the very next day,

after I did inform him that I voted
for McCain,

he called me a complete idiot

Uh, Mr Feldcamp called you an idiot?

A complete one

And then what happened?

Well, not long after that,

he walked into my office and he fired me

Have you ever had any yearly reviews

with respect to your employment
with Mr Feldcamp?

Yes

How'd they go?

Okay

He said I could perform better
and he said sales could be higher

But in this economy? Come on

You know that

It's bad everywhere

I mean, it's, like, the number one
problem in this country right now

So you consider the economy to be the
number one problem in the country?

Yes, I do

If I may ask, how does John McCains
economical policy differ from Barack Obama's?

Taxes

and, um

well I'm not exactly sure about it,
to be honest

Well, if you consider it to be the number
one problem in the country

Look, even despite how they all
say they'll be different,

they all do the same thing once
they get elected

Come on You know that

You were an ardent Hillary Clinton
supporter, were you not?

Yes, I was, proudly

And according to your coworkers,

you crossed over to McCain primarily
because of Sarah Palin

Yes

Because her policies were consistent
with Hillary's?

Because I was impressed with her

And because she strikes me
as a real american,

which is what this country needs

And you liked her spunk

And the country needs spunk, too, yes

I don't have a good feeling on this one,
Denny

Virginia is not being nice to me

A little constructive criticism?

Okay

You're not very good

Thanks for keeping it constructive

Well, you're making this a referendum
on the death penalty

You gotta get it through that liberal,
democrat skull

americans love the death penalty

We do?

Yeah, especially these parts

Hillary and Obama,

you know those pinko-heads couldn't
really be pro-death penalty,

but they claim they aren't

and in fact,

almost everyone who runs for president
miraculously is for the death penalty

Why?

'Cause this is the US of A

death penalty rules

Flip the switch, ready, aim, fire,
turn up the gas

it's who we are as a people

Hell, you you heard it at the republican convention

Kill, baby, kill

It's our mantra, Carl

I thought republicans were pro-life

That's for babies Criminals we kill

You're going about this ass backwards

The argument you want to make
to the jury is this

that, uh, uh, Willis guy,

he wasn't dying the way he
was supposed to

After receiving the injection,

the bastard refused to choke out

So our client finished him off

Job done, game over, bang

Preston Holt, american hero

Kill, baby, kill

Do you think

Martha and Sarah and Joe the

is he an electrician?

Plumber, unlicensed

Are are they the real americans?

Not necessarily

I think that's what this election
just proved,

that real americans aren't just rural
and white

The portrait of real americans
has been redrawn in this election

Real americans are of all ages, races,
ethnicities

they live in cities and apartments
as well as

Farms I

We have a president-elect who fits into
no

category or demographic whatsoever
other than he's an american

God, I wept that night

Did you?

No, I just

watched and watched and

didn't want the night to end

I already miss Sarah Palin, though

She was fun while she lasted

I hope they let her keep the wardrobe

I still have to say though as heartened as
I am by the election and by America

What?

Martha's a little bit of an idiot

Shirley, almost 47% of this country
didn't vote for Obama,

perhaps because they disagreed with him
on the issues, which is fine

But some, no doubt,

because they thought he was muslim
with terrorists on his speed dial,

and others because th-they were convinced
he was not only socialist,

but even worse, a bad bowler,

and others still because they simply

loved those cream-colored jackets Sarah
may have to give back

But there's one thing all those idiots
have in common

What?

They still get to vote

What?

Sorry

Just looking at you under a gently
lit sky with

sharing the same oral fixation Denny
and I

Is it a little game, Alan, or or
are you really sexually attracted to me?

I'm sexually attracted to you

I'm in my 60s

Well, first of all, you're beautiful

And second, your intellect is

dazzling

And third, I've seen the naked pictures
of you

- Oh, right
- Let's not discuss the cheerleader outfit

Oh

So if I

if I wanted to go there, you'd go there?

In a second

Oh, if only Obama had picked you
as vice president

what a world we'd have then

Look

I can see the defendant's point

The man was dying anyway

What's the big deal?

Well

what about the doctor or the hospice
worker

who wants to speed the death of that
cancer patient dying in agony?

Or what about the nurses who opt to
withhold treatment

from those severely retarded infants
who only face a lifetime of misery?

We don't go down that path

We don't start measuring the quality
of people's lives

to decide whether or not they live

The defendant took the law into his
own hands

and murdered somebody

Nobody gets the right to do that

Whether the person is on death row,

whether a person has a day left to live,
an hour or even a minute

you don't get to shoot somebody

That's the law

That's the law

because of a presumed sanctity
of human life?

That sanctity was off the table here

The life was being executed by the state

Uh, forgive me,

but you know what I think is really
going on

is this man doesn't like capital
punishment,

and he's trying to bring scrutiny upon it

It's the only possible explanation

If he can get you to say this execution
was wrong,

well, that's one step from saying,

"gee, maybe executions are wrong "

That's ridiculous

More ridiculous than accusing a man of
murdering someone who was being executed?

Let's not kid ourselves

There are those out there trying
to get rid of capital punishment

and I would suspect they have to be tricky

because they know we the people
are overwhelmingly for it

We the people know the death penalty
is one of the things that makes America

well, America

Not many countries have it, you know?

We're we're the only westernized
country left

And it's not easy being in the company
of Iraq,

China, Saudi Arabia, Pakistan, Sudan

And I'll admit,

the reasons for abolishing capital
punishment are compelling

It costs us hundreds of millions
of dollars,

up to six times more than life
imprisonment

It doesn't seem to deter crime

Murder rates are actually lower
in non-death-penalty states

It's well-known

Canada's homicide rate fell 40%
after they abolished the death penalty

We botch executions a lot

Medical evidence now shows that even
when they go off without a hitch,

the executed suffer perhaps excruciating
pain

There are many reasons to do away
with capital punishment

but we don't because, let's face it,
the death penalty?

It's who we are as a people

We're an eye-for-an-eye kind of nation,
and we don't have to apologize for it

Listen, if somebody killed my son

we believe in executing murderers

it's justice

The only thing my client did here
was carry out the state's mission

It makes no sense to be prosecuting him

The only conceivable explanation is that

this man is insidiously trying to bring
scrutiny on the death penalty

because he secretly is against it

No, look, as I said to her lawyer over
there, I like Martha Headly

Nice lady

But my god, sales is about selling,
it's about relating to people

She doesn't even read the newspaper

Well, George Bush doesn't read the paper

I'd never hire George Bush

Would anybody?

And yet you voted for John McCain,
who supports

No, no, no, no, no
this is not about politics

This is about being smart or not smart,
and she is the latter

But, Mr Feldcamp, to be fair,

you're basing your conclusion
on her political opinion

No, what I'm saying is that whatever
your opinion is about anything,

at least be able to defend it,

and failing that,

articulate it

Martha's never been the brightest bulb
in the tanning booth,

but when she talks politics,
I, you know, I just cringe

I go, "how can I have a person
like that working for me?"

Well, guess what My company

I don't have to

Do you make all your employees defend
their political beliefs?

Not all my employees launch into them

But had she defended hers better,
she might

Look, look, look, for 16 months,

she just went prancing around talking
Hillary, Hillary, Hillary, Hillary,

and then she railed against Obama's
inexperience all throughout the primaries,

and then out comes some moose hunter
from Alaska

she knows nothing about Sarah Palin
or about John McCain

What does that say about her?

- Sarah?
- No

Hillary?

Her!

What does it say about a person
who can be so arbitrary, so fice?

And this is about stuff she actually
felt strongly about

I'll tell you what it says

She is an idiot

You know, let somebody else hire her

I don't think it'll be you

How dare you let him go off on me
like that in a courtroom

- I didn't let him go off I was
- Yes, you did

He was bellowing that I was an idiot,

and you just sat there,

and so did you

Of all people

Now wait What's that supposed to mean?

It means that it was blatant sexism

And I expected more from a person
of your caliber

Now hold on here

Is that the kind of lawyer you are?

Is that the kind of woman?

Honey, the sexist in all this is you

- Me?
- Yeah

You claim to be a staunch Hillary
Clinton supporter

You you walked into that booth and voted
against everything Hillary stands for,

and why?

Because the republicans added to their
ticket someone they referred

to at the convention as "the hot chick "

Oh

So you just sit quiet and let me get
brutalized on the stand

I sat there for two reasons

First, there was no valid objection
to be made

And second?

You are an idiot

At-will employment means exactly that,
your honor

At the employer's will

Certainly, we can't fire anybody for race
or ethnicity

But, well, intellect or a person's lack
of it?

Bosses fire people all the time for that

But, Mr Davidson,

to fire someone for their political opinion
is still

Your honor, if I may,

that's one way to look at this

The other way

are we saying that stupidity
can never be grounds for discharge

when it's cloaked in political content?

He's the boss

It's his company

So as long as he stays within the law,

he gets to hire and fire who he wants

The unassailable right to vote
is the core principle of any democracy

And people have the right to cast their
ballot for whomever they want

for good reasons or for bad reasons
or for no reason at all

Let's face it, your honor,

we as a nation are horribly uninformed
when it comes to politics

Approximately one-third of the people
in this country, people of voting age,

couldn't tell you the name of our current
Vice President

Now admittedly,
some of us like to block it out,

but even so, only two in five adult americans
know we have three branches of government

and Mr Feldcamp expects his employees

to actually know the political issues
of the day?

Well, today our news programs consist
solely

of sensational headlines and sound bites

People forego newspapers for the internet,

where instead of relying on credentialed
journalists,

they turn to these bloggers
sort of entry-level life-forms

that intellectually have yet to emerge
from the primordial ooze

This is how we've gotten
the elected officials we've gotten

We've never really cared about issues

Come on

We're more concerned with how Hillary
looks in a pantsuit or whether Barack can bowl

We don't always go for the best
or the brightest

We elect the guy we'd most like to have
a beer with or the gal we'd most like

to feel up in the back of the car

Now I certainly wouldn't pick my airline
pilot that way or my accountant or doctor,

but for my President, so often, it's,

"give me the blue-collar, lunch-bucket,

good ol' boy who fits in best
at the pancake breakfast "

The problem with Mr Feldcamp,

and forgive me,

I hesitate to say this about anybody,
but he's an elitist

Objection

I realize that's much worse than being
called stupid

Mr Shore,

Let's stay on message

The message is, we vote for who we like

It's as simple as that
We don't need to have a reason

It's as simple as that

The founding fathers did not
form a meritocracy

This is a democracy
We can be as stupid as we choose

We're americans We're as simple as that

All right Look

I don't like it

But just as we don't get into
why a person voted the way he or she did,

nor do we get into why a boss terminates
somebody in an at-will

Whoa, whoa, wait
It sounds like I'm losing

Your motion for an injunctive relief is denied

If she wants to sue for lost wages,
I can't stop her

But we're done here We are adjourned

I'm sorry, Martha

You didn't try hard enough

That's what happened

I'll be suing you next

I never liked you

She seemed much more fun in high school

Oh, well

Shirley, in anticipation of winning,

I booked a little celebration dinner
at the Ritz

The restaurant that comes equipped
with private rooms

should we have too much celebratory wine

Shirley, one's life is a sum of his
or her experiences

Okay, Alan

Oh

With Denny's permission

- What? Why do you need
- Because I do

Till then

I'll be waiting

Has the jury reached a verdict?

We have your honor

How say you?

"In the matter of the Commonwealth
of Virginia "vs Preston Holt

"on the charge of murder in the
second degree,

"we find the defendant not guilty "

The court thanks you for your service

The defendant is free to go
We are adjourned

Thank you, Mr Sack

Uh, you're welcome

I wasn't exactly sure of your strategy
there, but

not to worry Neither was I

Thank you, Mr Crane

You're welcome, son

Do you think it's odd that
when running for office,

having an ivy league education
is considered a liability?

No You don't?

No, a Harvard grad took us into Vietnam,

a Yale grad bought us Iraq
We've learned our lesson

Denny

between you and me, do we really think
he made it through Yale?

With a little help

Denny, there's

something a little

well, delicate I've been meaning
to discuss

What?

Well, they say as a man

ages,

he eventually sits alone with nothing
but his memories

I'm concerned that

well, with the

mad cow,

y- you could possibly be robbed
of your memories in the end

And what a horrible thing,

not being able to even recollect
the things

that brought you your most profound joy

Making love to Shirley

how sad if one day

you weren't able to remember all the

wonders of Shirley, how she

smelled, how she tasted, how

I was thinking

if that day ever came,
and you no longer

it would be great if I could tell you
about it to help you remember

Maybe I should make love with Shirley
once, just so I'd know

You're pathetic

Exploiting my mad cow

just so you could get in the sack
with Shirley?

All right

I can't believe you just did that

Waltzing me down mad cow lane where
there's no memory lane just so you

All right

Here's where your logic failed, Alan

First of all, I'll never be alone because
I got you

Secondly, I could never forget
what it was like to be with Shirley

because there was a magic there that
no man could never forget

In fact, there's a chance

that it'll be the last memory
I'll have in the end

It could be the only thing I'll talk
about in the end

All day long

every day

I'll tell you about it

I'll tell you

how we moved together as one
one night on the beach in Nantucket

how her breasts were as soft
and as pure as a baby's behind

- You really are cruel
- Yes, I am

Cruel enough to shoot you if you
so much as look at Shirley

I need a new woman to objectify

What do you think of Sarah Palin?

Oh, those pouty lips

and the those down-to-earth,
slutty good looks

I've got two things to say about Sarah
Palin

right here

right now

You're an angry sexist

Why do you ask then?

Just wondering aloud

What about Shirley and Sarah

together?

Who wouldn't for for that