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1
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("Home Computer"
by Kraftwerk playing)
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* I program my home computer
3
00:00:08,809 --> 00:00:10,611
* Beam myself into the future.
4
00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:13,781
ADULT SHELDON: Power has
always been a deadly narcotic,
5
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:15,816
and in 1989,
6
00:00:15,849 --> 00:00:18,786
RadioShack's Tandy 1000 SL
7
00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:21,655
was my drug of choice.
8
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,292
With an Intel 8086
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00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:25,493
running at eight megahertz
10
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,661
and a five-and-a-quarter-inch
floppy drive,
11
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:29,530
there was nothing
12
00:00:29,563 --> 00:00:30,298
I couldn't do.
13
00:00:30,331 --> 00:00:32,200
From adding snazzy graphics
14
00:00:32,233 --> 00:00:34,268
to my homework...
15
00:00:34,302 --> 00:00:36,104
So snazzy.
16
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:37,538
...to easily alphabetizing
17
00:00:37,571 --> 00:00:40,574
my list of enemies
and their crimes.
18
00:00:42,576 --> 00:00:44,678
So easy.
19
00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:47,248
Sheldon, time to go.
20
00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:49,150
We really need
to get one of these.
21
00:00:49,183 --> 00:00:51,219
What on earth do we need
a computer for?
22
00:00:51,252 --> 00:00:53,154
Yeah, we got you
and your big head.
23
00:00:53,187 --> 00:00:54,222
But we can get
24
00:00:54,255 --> 00:00:55,389
so much accomplished.
25
00:00:55,423 --> 00:00:56,790
I could use
a spreadsheet program
26
00:00:56,824 --> 00:00:58,426
to keep track of your expenses.
27
00:00:58,459 --> 00:01:00,428
I do that in the back
of my checkbook.
28
00:01:00,461 --> 00:01:03,197
Yes, but does your checkbook
go "beep" when you open it?
29
00:01:03,231 --> 00:01:04,598
I don't think so.
30
00:01:04,632 --> 00:01:06,167
Plus, the computer
31
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,568
can organize your recipes.
32
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,603
But my recipes are organized.
33
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:10,838
On index cards.
34
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:12,373
Like a cave person.
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Cave Mom.
I'm gonna call you that.
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It doesn't matter, Sheldon.
37
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,778
We can't afford a computer.
38
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:20,314
Sure we can. It's only $998,
39
00:01:20,348 --> 00:01:22,716
and Dave says we can buy it
on easy monthly payments.
40
00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:23,851
That's true.
41
00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:24,885
Stay out of this, Dave.
42
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:26,254
Come on.
43
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We got to get home.
44
00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:28,356
But...
45
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:29,723
Sheldon, I said no.
46
00:01:29,757 --> 00:01:30,724
I can make you a good deal
47
00:01:30,758 --> 00:01:31,725
on the floor model,
48
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:32,693
Mrs. Cooper.
49
00:01:32,726 --> 00:01:34,628
Seriously, Dave,
you're getting on my nerves.
50
00:01:35,763 --> 00:01:36,730
It's not fair.
51
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,366
You bought Missy a Ring Pop.
52
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:39,567
For ten cents.
53
00:01:39,600 --> 00:01:42,203
And I'm worth every penny.
Let's go.
54
00:01:42,236 --> 00:01:43,271
Sorry, Dave.
55
00:01:43,304 --> 00:01:45,206
We're living
paycheck to paycheck.
56
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:46,440
Move!
57
00:01:50,311 --> 00:01:53,214
* Nobody else
is stronger than I am *
58
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* Yesterday I moved a mountain
59
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,486
* I bet I could be your hero
60
00:01:58,519 --> 00:02:00,721
* I am a mighty little man
61
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* I am a mighty little man. *
62
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,632
Ah, RadioShack.
Ah, RadioShack.
63
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:13,734
Here it is, the Tandy 1000 SL
computer system.
64
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:17,405
Sheldon was going on and on
about that thing today.
65
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:18,672
I've never seen one
so easy to use.
66
00:02:18,706 --> 00:02:21,375
FEMALE VOICE: Greetings. Need
directions back to your planet?
67
00:02:21,409 --> 00:02:23,311
This technology is more advanced
than we thought.
68
00:02:23,344 --> 00:02:24,245
GEORGE JR.:
You know that movie E.T.?
69
00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:26,680
The kid who finds him,
his name is Elliott,
70
00:02:26,714 --> 00:02:28,949
which starts with an "E"
and ends with a "T."
71
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:30,718
Coincidence?
72
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:31,752
I don't think so.
73
00:02:31,785 --> 00:02:34,522
You're gonna live
with us forever, aren't you?
74
00:02:34,555 --> 00:02:37,325
So, Sheldon wants
a computer?
75
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,526
Ever since he could talk.
76
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:39,460
But now more than ever.
77
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,462
Well, he should get a job
after school.
78
00:02:41,495 --> 00:02:42,530
Save up and buy one.
79
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:44,465
Get a job? He's nine.
80
00:02:44,498 --> 00:02:45,799
I mowed lawns
when I was his age.
81
00:02:45,833 --> 00:02:46,934
Made pretty good money.
82
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,702
You want Sheldon to mow lawns?
83
00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:50,871
He's so pale,
five minutes in the sun,
84
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,273
he'd burst into flames.
85
00:02:52,306 --> 00:02:54,208
I would pay to see that.
86
00:02:54,242 --> 00:02:55,209
Shut up, Georgie.
87
00:02:55,243 --> 00:02:56,277
I hope you told him
88
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:57,411
we can't afford it.
89
00:02:57,445 --> 00:02:59,213
Of course.
90
00:02:59,247 --> 00:03:00,214
I could buy it for him,
91
00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:03,384
and then y'all could pay
me back when you can.
92
00:03:03,417 --> 00:03:05,353
Okay, Connie, now you're
just insulting me.
93
00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,255
Well, that was not my intention,
94
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:08,822
but I'm glad to hear it.
95
00:03:08,856 --> 00:03:09,957
I can pay my own bills
96
00:03:09,990 --> 00:03:11,559
and take care of my family.
97
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,961
There are expenses
we could cut back on
98
00:03:13,994 --> 00:03:15,563
so we could afford a computer.
99
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:17,365
You mean like the money
you give to church?
100
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,500
No, I mean like
the money you give
101
00:03:19,533 --> 00:03:21,435
to the Lone Star Beer company.
102
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:22,570
Good one, Mom.
103
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:23,704
Shut up.
Shut up, pumpkin.
Shut up.
104
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,972
We're not getting a computer.
105
00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:26,974
We don't need your money.
106
00:03:27,007 --> 00:03:28,976
Where are you going?
107
00:03:29,009 --> 00:03:31,979
To get a... glass of milk.
108
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,514
He's lying. He's getting a beer.
109
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,915
Shut up, Georgie.
110
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,824
Mom?
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00:03:43,857 --> 00:03:46,394
Why are you still up?
112
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:49,397
Madame Curie is on the roof,
113
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:52,533
and she's not wearing her hat.
114
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,801
You're just dreaming, baby.
115
00:03:53,834 --> 00:03:57,505
But she'll be cold
without her hat.
116
00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:59,773
I'll give her mine.
Now you go to sleep.
117
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:01,275
Mm, thanks, Mom.
118
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,910
You're the best.
119
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,381
Oh, Lord.
120
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:24,298
I'm guessing we're not having
our once-a-week.
121
00:04:24,332 --> 00:04:28,068
Sorry, I only have relations
with gentlemen I like.
122
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,971
Oh, come on. You know how I feel
123
00:04:31,004 --> 00:04:33,006
about your mother meddlin'
in our finances.
124
00:04:33,040 --> 00:04:35,676
She wasn't meddlin',
she was offering to help.
125
00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,745
And that computer
is not some silly toy.
126
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,747
Sheldon could use it
for his schoolwork,
127
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,783
and I could use it to...
organize my recipes.
128
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,918
You already got 'em organized
on those little cards.
129
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,387
Yeah, like a cave person.
130
00:04:46,420 --> 00:04:47,921
Well, it doesn't matter.
131
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:50,458
We can't afford it,
end of story.
132
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:52,926
Not exactly end of story.
133
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,127
What's that mean?
134
00:04:54,161 --> 00:04:56,464
I've been setting money aside
the last couple of years,
135
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,065
and this might be a good use
for it.
136
00:04:58,098 --> 00:05:00,501
Money from what?
137
00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:02,102
You know, here and there.
138
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:04,037
Bookkeeping for the church,
139
00:05:04,071 --> 00:05:05,939
some seamstress work,
140
00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,975
birthday money
from my Aunt Zelda.
141
00:05:08,008 --> 00:05:10,077
And just how much
of this "here and there" money
142
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:11,479
you got saved up?
143
00:05:11,512 --> 00:05:13,013
Well, seeing as it's my money,
144
00:05:13,046 --> 00:05:14,815
I don't think
that's any of your business.
145
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,517
:
None of my business?
146
00:05:16,550 --> 00:05:17,685
You see every nickel
147
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,620
I make,
and you got secret money?
148
00:05:19,653 --> 00:05:21,522
It's not secret.
I just told you.
149
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,123
Where you hiding it?
150
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,093
Well, now you're headed
into secret territory.
151
00:05:26,126 --> 00:05:27,961
Oh, okay.
152
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,564
Just so I'm clear,
my money's our money,
153
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,032
but your money's your money.
154
00:05:32,065 --> 00:05:32,966
That's right.
155
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,836
Oh, good to know.
156
00:05:35,869 --> 00:05:38,071
I'm glad we're not having
our once-a-week
157
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:40,774
'cause I am not in the mood.
158
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:43,076
Really?
159
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,878
That's too bad.
160
00:05:44,912 --> 00:05:46,847
Why
161
00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:47,981
No!
162
00:05:50,017 --> 00:05:52,453
That was uncalled for.
163
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,993
* Love can make you weep...
164
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:02,896
I forgot to tell you,
a girl called for you.
165
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:03,697
What girl?
166
00:06:03,731 --> 00:06:05,566
I don't know. A girl.
167
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:06,800
Well, what'd she say?
168
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:09,002
It's hard to remember.
This was months ago.
169
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:12,406
Hey.
170
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,807
Two cases?
171
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:15,443
You've got to be kidding me.
172
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,010
Don't worry,
I didn't use your money.
173
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,879
I used mine.
174
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:22,650
* Something so strong...
175
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:23,684
Finish your dinner
176
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,018
and then pack a bag.
177
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,454
We are going to Meemaw's.
178
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,955
Why?
179
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:30,824
Because your mom and dad
need a break from each other.
180
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:32,092
For how long?
181
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:34,094
I don't know. Just pack.
182
00:06:34,127 --> 00:06:35,929
Will I need earmuffs?
183
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:36,997
Sure, if you want.
184
00:06:37,030 --> 00:06:40,568
Although my almanac
does predict mild temperatures.
185
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,602
Then don't bring it.
186
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,637
I'll just bring my almanac.
187
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,038
You know what, I'll bring both.
188
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:47,941
Should I pack my toothbrush
189
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:50,511
or use the one
I keep at Meemaw's?
190
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:51,879
I got this one.
191
00:06:51,912 --> 00:06:53,681
Nobody cares.
192
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:55,783
I don't want
to go to Meemaw's house.
193
00:06:55,816 --> 00:06:57,485
What if that girl calls back?
194
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,619
Fine, then stay here
with your father.
195
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:01,622
Sheldon and Missy, we are out
of here in half an hour.
196
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:06,627
Not a lot of time
to pick a toothbrush.
197
00:07:18,005 --> 00:07:19,072
Come on in.
198
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:21,008
Mom and Dad need a break.
199
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,643
We don't know how long.
200
00:07:24,578 --> 00:07:25,946
What's he got in there?
201
00:07:25,979 --> 00:07:27,447
Everything.
202
00:07:31,184 --> 00:07:34,655
SPORTSCASTER:
First and ten in the closing
minutes of the fourth quarter...
203
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,224
I ain't never
getting married.
204
00:07:37,257 --> 00:07:39,059
That so?
Yeah.
205
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:41,929
Women are nothing but trouble.
206
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,564
I'll get it!
207
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:46,967
Hello, Georgie speaking.
208
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,670
Did you run to the phone?
Do you feel stupid?
209
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:53,541
Who was it?
210
00:07:53,574 --> 00:07:55,208
Nobody.
211
00:07:55,242 --> 00:07:56,844
This little tiff
212
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:58,546
between your mom and me
will blow over.
213
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,013
Don't make a big deal of it.
214
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:00,914
I'm not. I'm just saying
215
00:08:00,948 --> 00:08:02,850
I'm better suited
to the single life.
216
00:08:02,883 --> 00:08:04,785
And how do you picture that?
217
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,854
Okay, well, you know the buffet
at Golden Corral,
218
00:08:06,887 --> 00:08:07,988
where there's all kinds
of choices
219
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,923
and you can have
as much as you want?
220
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:10,858
Yeah.
221
00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:14,161
It'll be like that,
only with hot girls.
222
00:08:14,194 --> 00:08:16,196
Georgie, I'll bet you
a thousand dollars
223
00:08:16,229 --> 00:08:18,131
you're married before you're 25.
224
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,267
You got a bet.
225
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,702
I feel like
226
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:24,137
I'm stealing your money.
227
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:28,241
ADULT SHELDON: Georgie married
his first wife at 19.
228
00:08:28,275 --> 00:08:31,612
He never paid my father.
229
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:34,882
Well, I got to tell you
how happy I am
230
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:37,751
that y'all are spending
the night with me.
231
00:08:37,785 --> 00:08:40,053
Your house smells
like cigarettes.
232
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:40,854
So happy.
233
00:08:40,888 --> 00:08:43,056
Sheldon, we've
talked about this.
234
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:45,058
You don't need to announce
to people how things smell.
235
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:46,226
Hmm.
236
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,695
All right, you two, settle in.
237
00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,063
Are you and Dad
gonna get a divorce?
238
00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:51,599
Of course not.
239
00:08:51,632 --> 00:08:53,100
Are you sure?
Packing up your kids
240
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:55,068
in the middle of the night
and moving in with your mom
241
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:57,605
has all the earmarks
of a divorce.
242
00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:59,306
We're not getting a divorce.
243
00:08:59,339 --> 00:09:01,041
Okay, go to sleep.
244
00:09:01,074 --> 00:09:02,743
Sweet dreams.
245
00:09:10,117 --> 00:09:13,854
I can't believe Mom and Dad
had a fight over beer.
246
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,256
I don't think
the fight was about beer.
247
00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:17,925
I think there was
more subtext.
248
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,060
You're probably right.
249
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:24,064
Then again,
I don't know what subtext is.
250
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,602
I don't want to get
in your business,
251
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:29,937
but since you're
getting in my bed,
252
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:32,606
I'm getting in your business.
Go ahead.
253
00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:34,341
When you leaving?
254
00:09:34,374 --> 00:09:36,209
Very funny.
255
00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:37,845
That wasn't a joke.
256
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:39,813
I love you, and
I love the kids,
257
00:09:39,847 --> 00:09:41,882
but I love you better
living across the street.
258
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,885
Sorry the end of my marriage
is inconveniencing you.
259
00:09:44,918 --> 00:09:46,353
Oh, don't be so dramatic.
260
00:09:46,386 --> 00:09:47,655
It's a little spat.
261
00:09:47,688 --> 00:09:49,823
No, this was
a long time coming.
262
00:09:49,857 --> 00:09:52,760
This goes to the very core
of our relationship.
263
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:54,762
I see we're sticking
with dramatic.
264
00:09:54,795 --> 00:09:57,164
The minute he found out
I had money set aside,
265
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:59,099
he felt threatened.
And you know why?
266
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,769
'Cause it meant that I can
live independent of him.
267
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:03,671
Sleeping in your
mommy's bed?
268
00:10:03,704 --> 00:10:05,205
You know what I mean.
269
00:10:07,207 --> 00:10:09,309
You gonna buy Sheldon
that computer?
270
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,645
Well, now I have to.
271
00:10:11,679 --> 00:10:14,014
Got it.
272
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:25,392
You do know I still have
an active love life.
273
00:10:25,425 --> 00:10:27,127
Just go to sleep.
274
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,134
On this very bed.
275
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:36,236
Oh, Mom.
276
00:10:41,742 --> 00:10:43,210
What's for breakfast?
277
00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:44,945
I don't know. Grab
a bowl of cereal.
278
00:10:44,978 --> 00:10:46,914
Mom usually makes us
eggs and toast
279
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:48,315
and the occasional meat.
280
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:49,850
Well, Mom isn't here, is she?
281
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:53,787
Whoa. Somebody woke up
on the wrong side of the bed.
282
00:10:53,821 --> 00:10:56,056
And you had a choice
'cause you had the whole bed.
283
00:10:56,089 --> 00:10:57,024
Georgie.
284
00:10:57,057 --> 00:10:59,026
Walking on thin ice.
285
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:02,429
Maybe you should go across
the street and apologize.
286
00:11:02,462 --> 00:11:04,164
I can't do that.
287
00:11:04,197 --> 00:11:05,032
Why not?
288
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:07,768
'Cause if I do,
it sets a bad precedent.
289
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,469
What's Nixon got to do with it?
290
00:11:09,502 --> 00:11:10,370
What?
291
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:13,707
You said "bad president,"
like Nixon.
292
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:15,843
You know, this guy.
293
00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,048
You going to apologize?
294
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:24,017
Dad!
295
00:11:24,051 --> 00:11:25,352
Dad!
296
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,354
If you are, bring back meat!
297
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:37,330
GEORGE JR.:
Hey.
298
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,432
I hope you're happy.
299
00:11:39,466 --> 00:11:42,202
Thank you, Georgie.
That's very kind.
300
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,937
Mom and Dad are fighting
because you want
301
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,272
to get a stupid computer.
302
00:11:45,305 --> 00:11:47,474
What are you talking about?
303
00:11:47,507 --> 00:11:48,508
Mom wanted
to buy it for you,
304
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:49,777
Dad said they couldn't
afford it,
305
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,078
Meemaw offered
to pay for it,
306
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:52,846
and now I'm eating
pineapple spears for lunch.
307
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,015
I hate making
my own lunch.
308
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,084
I'm sorry, Georgie,
I didn't know.
309
00:11:57,117 --> 00:11:58,418
Yeah, well, now you do.
310
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,486
What did you get?
311
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:02,189
A turkey sandwich Mom cut
in the shape of a heart,
312
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:03,957
a fruit cup, a brownie,
313
00:12:03,991 --> 00:12:07,094
and a note from Meemaw saying
how much she loves me.
314
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:09,797
I haven't read it yet,
but I bet it's a lot.
315
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:12,099
I don't even have
a can opener.
316
00:12:14,034 --> 00:12:17,370
Oh, Sugar Apple,
I love you so much.
317
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:20,908
Your affection for
inanimate objects frightens me.
318
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:22,776
I'm glad you're happy, Missy.
319
00:12:22,810 --> 00:12:25,779
I'm even happier that I got
a toy, and Sheldon got nothin'.
320
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:27,380
MARY:
Well, now, we're
not exactly
321
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,481
done shopping.
322
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,918
Sheldon, you still want
that computer?
323
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:33,086
I thought we couldn't
afford it.
324
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:34,521
Don't you worry about that.
325
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,289
Do you want it or not?
326
00:12:36,323 --> 00:12:38,291
More than anything.
327
00:12:38,325 --> 00:12:40,493
All right, then,
let's go get it.
328
00:12:40,527 --> 00:12:44,297
Wait. He gets a computer
and I get a lousy toy?
329
00:12:44,331 --> 00:12:46,099
I thought you liked it.
330
00:12:46,133 --> 00:12:48,301
Not anymore.
331
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,307
Where's the water come out of?
332
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,177
Well, seeing as that's
the dryer, nowhere.
333
00:12:57,210 --> 00:12:58,445
Hmm.
334
00:13:00,147 --> 00:13:01,214
So this one's the washer?
335
00:13:01,248 --> 00:13:02,349
No foolin' you.
336
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:03,951
What are you doing?
337
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:06,253
Separating the whites
from the colors.
338
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:07,855
Whoa, that's racist.
339
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:10,858
How did I get a rocket scientist
for one son
340
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:13,060
and a rodeo clown
for the other?
Oh, man.
341
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,829
I'd give anything
to be a rodeo clown.
342
00:13:15,863 --> 00:13:17,330
They make
people happy,
343
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:19,532
and they see the rodeo for free.
344
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:22,970
Mmm.
345
00:13:25,072 --> 00:13:28,075
("Home Computer"
by Kraftwerk playing)
346
00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:31,044
ADULT SHELDON:
The home computer
I had long coveted
347
00:13:31,078 --> 00:13:34,147
was finally in my possession,
348
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:37,450
but it was also destroying
my home.
349
00:13:37,484 --> 00:13:39,853
Thankfully, it came pre-loaded
350
00:13:39,887 --> 00:13:42,189
with a program to help solve
personal problems.
351
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:45,258
FEMALE ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Hello, I am Eliza.
352
00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:48,495
My... parents...
353
00:13:48,528 --> 00:13:52,332
are... fighting...
354
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:54,935
a lot.
355
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:57,971
I see.
Can you elaborate on that?
356
00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,140
My mother...
357
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:04,244
bought... me...
358
00:14:04,277 --> 00:14:06,413
this...
359
00:14:06,446 --> 00:14:09,282
computer...
360
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,584
but...
361
00:14:11,618 --> 00:14:15,956
my dad... says... we can't...
362
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:18,625
afford it.
363
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:22,129
Do you have issues
with your mother?
364
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:24,531
Mmm...
No.
365
00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:28,101
She... makes me...
366
00:14:28,135 --> 00:14:31,204
spaghetti...
367
00:14:31,238 --> 00:14:33,240
with hot dogs...
368
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,342
cut up in it.
369
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:38,178
Can you elaborate on that?
370
00:14:39,546 --> 00:14:41,514
Are you...
371
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:44,151
going to help me or not?
372
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:49,656
Hello, I am Eliza.
373
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:52,926
The future might be overrated.
374
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:56,529
Okay, water's
definitely on.
375
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,530
Try it now.
376
00:14:57,564 --> 00:14:59,166
We want delicate
or regular?
377
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:01,668
It doesn't matter,
just turn it on.
378
00:15:01,701 --> 00:15:04,371
Let's go with
delicate to be safe.
379
00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,975
Nothin'.
380
00:15:08,008 --> 00:15:08,942
Damn it.
381
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:11,011
Wait, I know what to do.
382
00:15:11,044 --> 00:15:11,945
What?
383
00:15:11,979 --> 00:15:14,047
Go across the street
and apologize to Mom.
384
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:16,616
I got nothin' to apologize for.
385
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,119
You don't have to mean it.
I never do.
386
00:15:19,152 --> 00:15:20,353
Georgie, just mind
your business.
387
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:21,388
Okay, sorry.
388
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:22,689
In case you
were wondering,
389
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,557
I didn't mean that.
390
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,559
See how easy it is?
391
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,998
These home computers
are amazing.
392
00:15:31,031 --> 00:15:33,100
I could start a real
bookkeeping business
393
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:34,067
with that thing.
394
00:15:34,101 --> 00:15:36,069
And that would go a
long way to giving you
395
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:38,138
the financial independence
you're looking for.
396
00:15:38,171 --> 00:15:40,273
Darn tootin'.
397
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:43,110
Just for your information,
398
00:15:43,143 --> 00:15:45,478
Sheldon is using the
computer right now
399
00:15:45,512 --> 00:15:47,380
to try and fix your marriage.
400
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:49,149
Really?
401
00:15:49,182 --> 00:15:50,417
What did it say?
402
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:52,319
It said...
403
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:54,721
:
"Get out of your
mother's house."
404
00:15:54,754 --> 00:15:56,223
Mom.
I'm serious.
405
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:57,524
I want a cigarette,
and I'm tired
406
00:15:57,557 --> 00:15:59,059
of hiding behind
the garage.
407
00:15:59,092 --> 00:16:00,593
You think I should apologize
to George?
408
00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:03,530
Well, of course not. That would
set a terrible precedent.
409
00:16:03,563 --> 00:16:05,032
I think you should
go back over there
410
00:16:05,065 --> 00:16:06,499
to pick up some
clothes for the kids
411
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,035
and be all cold
and distant,
412
00:16:08,068 --> 00:16:09,602
so he has to
apologize to you.
413
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:12,139
Oh, that's not bad.
414
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,273
Do it.
415
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:15,208
I will.
416
00:16:15,242 --> 00:16:16,443
Why you drinking tea?
417
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,079
:
Get out.
418
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,623
*
419
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,203
Oh, hello.
420
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,672
Hey.
421
00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,074
Were you coming back, or... ?
422
00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:49,576
Just to get some clothes
for the kids.
423
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,146
Oh.
424
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:56,549
Were you coming to talk to me?
425
00:16:56,583 --> 00:17:00,453
Well... yeah.
426
00:17:00,487 --> 00:17:02,289
I, um...
427
00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:07,760
...wanted to apologize.
428
00:17:09,496 --> 00:17:11,664
Really?
429
00:17:11,698 --> 00:17:13,300
*
430
00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:17,370
Want to go for a walk?
431
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:18,571
Talk a little?
432
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:21,341
Sure.
433
00:17:27,414 --> 00:17:30,617
Hey, kids, come here.
434
00:17:30,650 --> 00:17:32,552
Look at that.
435
00:17:32,585 --> 00:17:36,856
It looks like your mom and dad
are gonna be all right.
436
00:17:36,889 --> 00:17:39,426
Does this mean
we're going home?
437
00:17:39,459 --> 00:17:41,294
It appears so.
438
00:17:41,328 --> 00:17:44,731
I didn't even get to wear
my earmuffs yet.
439
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:50,770
And this program will allow us
to track our family finances,
440
00:17:50,803 --> 00:17:53,806
create a budget, and
prepare tax documents.
441
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:55,108
That's impressive.
Mmm.
442
00:17:55,142 --> 00:17:56,676
Would you like to know
how much money
443
00:17:56,709 --> 00:17:58,145
you spend on beer annually?
444
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,747
No.
I would.
445
00:18:01,681 --> 00:18:04,451
$936.
446
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:05,752
George.
447
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:08,521
If you switched
to Hawaiian Punch,
448
00:18:08,555 --> 00:18:10,623
we could live in a bigger house.
449
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:13,560
ELIZA:
Hello, I am Eliza.
450
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,794
* I study nuclear science
451
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,729
Eliza...
452
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,365
* I got a crazy teacher
453
00:18:18,398 --> 00:18:22,469
Are... you...
454
00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,605
hot?
455
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:27,674
In your fantasies, am I hot?
456
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:31,411
Oh... yes.
457
00:18:31,444 --> 00:18:33,246
You realize you're not
talking to a real person.
458
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,682
Hey, get out of here.
I'm about to score.
459
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:40,420
MARY:
Missy! Turn off the computer.
460
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,588
Time to go to bed.
461
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,757
I got to finish my homework!
462
00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:46,893
Big money, big money.
463
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:48,628
* Things are going great
464
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,763
Yes!
465
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:52,632
*
466
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,567
* I'm doing all right
467
00:18:54,601 --> 00:18:56,236
* Getting good grades
468
00:18:56,269 --> 00:18:58,471
* The future's so bright
469
00:18:58,505 --> 00:18:59,639
* I gotta wear shades
470
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,574
Hello?
471
00:19:01,608 --> 00:19:03,410
* I gotta wear shades
472
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:04,577
Hello?
473
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:07,280
* I gotta wear shades.
474
00:19:18,691 --> 00:19:20,693
Oh.
475
00:19:20,727 --> 00:19:21,961
What?
476
00:19:21,994 --> 00:19:23,930
What? Nothin'.
477
00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:32,239
Button you pull, that's stupid.
31860
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