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1
00:00:06,374 --> 00:00:09,110
You walk down a hallway
and come to a wooden chest.
2
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:11,112
Lord Gray Matter,
what do you do?
3
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:14,515
I poke it with my dagger
to see if there are any traps.
4
00:00:15,616 --> 00:00:17,118
There are no traps.
5
00:00:17,151 --> 00:00:19,153
Fire Beak,
what do you do?
6
00:00:20,288 --> 00:00:22,090
Billy?
What?
7
00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:23,457
You are Fire Beak.
8
00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,659
Okay.
9
00:00:25,693 --> 00:00:28,129
So what do you do?
10
00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:31,265
I'm Fire Beak.
11
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:33,134
MARY:
Hey, guys,
12
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,069
I brought snacks.
13
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:36,104
Thanks, Mom.
14
00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,206
What are y'all playing,
Chutes and Ladders?
15
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:41,075
Tam is teaching us
Dungeons & Dragons.
16
00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,076
Oh.
17
00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:43,277
We're on a quest to find
18
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:46,214
the pitchfork of a devil
named Baalzebul.
19
00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,149
I'm Fire Beak.
20
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:49,683
And is this the devil?
21
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,420
No, he's just a monster
who doesn't wear pants.
22
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:54,188
Oh, I see.
23
00:00:54,222 --> 00:00:56,757
Yes, oh, he's just hanging
right out there, isn't he?
24
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,693
Okay, well...
25
00:00:59,727 --> 00:01:02,330
You kids have fun.
26
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:05,166
ADULT SHELDON: My mother
didn't believe in elves,
27
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,634
fairies, or dragons.
28
00:01:06,667 --> 00:01:07,568
George!
29
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,170
ADULT SHELDON:
But she did believe
30
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:10,471
in the devil.
31
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:11,572
And she did not view him
32
00:01:11,605 --> 00:01:14,308
as an appropriate playmate
for her son.
33
00:01:14,342 --> 00:01:15,176
MARY:
George!
34
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:18,312
* Nobody else
is stronger than I am *
35
00:01:18,346 --> 00:01:20,214
* Yesterday I moved a mountain
36
00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:23,884
* I bet I could be your hero
37
00:01:23,917 --> 00:01:26,154
* I am a mighty little man
38
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:30,491
* I am a mighty little man. *
39
00:01:37,865 --> 00:01:39,099
I'm worried.
40
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:41,369
There are incantations in this
book to summon actual demons.
41
00:01:41,402 --> 00:01:44,738
Is that how we
wound up with you?
42
00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:46,840
That's a good one.
I'm gonna give you that.
43
00:01:46,874 --> 00:01:47,741
This is not a joke.
44
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:49,510
This is one of
the children's games
45
00:01:49,543 --> 00:01:51,212
we were warned about in church.
46
00:01:51,245 --> 00:01:53,247
Then tell him
to stop playing.
47
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,148
It's not that easy.
48
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,916
He's finally got
a couple of friends.
49
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:56,784
I don't want to scare them off.
50
00:01:56,817 --> 00:02:00,154
Well, when you're
ready to scare kids,
51
00:02:00,188 --> 00:02:01,355
you got this face
locked and loaded.
52
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:04,158
All right, the other one
was funny,
53
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:06,160
now you're just being a jackass.
54
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,696
I'm glad you're both amused,
55
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,798
but our little boy's soul
may be at stake.
56
00:02:10,831 --> 00:02:11,965
Come on.
57
00:02:11,999 --> 00:02:14,335
When I was a kid, we were
listening to Black Sabbath,
58
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:15,369
all that devil music.
59
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:17,205
Didn't hurt me.
60
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:18,639
Satan didn't get my soul.
61
00:02:18,672 --> 00:02:21,709
What happened to it?
You trade it for some donuts?
62
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:25,479
You had that one coming.
63
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:37,358
Hello
64
00:02:37,391 --> 00:02:38,826
Oh, hello, Mary.
Got a minute?
65
00:02:38,859 --> 00:02:40,093
Sure, what's up?
66
00:02:40,127 --> 00:02:43,831
Um, I was just concerned about a
game that the boys were playing
67
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,733
and was wondering if
you and your wife
68
00:02:45,766 --> 00:02:46,734
knew about it.
69
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:47,401
A game?
70
00:02:47,435 --> 00:02:50,204
Yes, a very disturbing one.
71
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:51,138
Well, what're we talking about?
72
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,374
Did you catch those boys
playing grab ass?
73
00:02:53,407 --> 00:02:57,211
No. Dungeons & Dragons.
74
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,347
So everybody's got
their trousers up?
75
00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:00,981
Yes.
What's the problem?
76
00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,551
The game contains demonology,
77
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,686
which goes against
the teachings of the church.
78
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:07,888
But nobody's
touching nothing, right?
79
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,189
No.
80
00:03:09,223 --> 00:03:11,325
Well, then I don't quite know
what you're worried about.
81
00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:12,293
You don't?
Nope.
82
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,994
I'm just thankful Billy
found some friends
83
00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:17,298
and he ain't eating dirt
and crabgrass any more.
84
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:19,967
Some point, he just
got a taste for it.
85
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,336
On an unrelated
note, uh,
86
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:23,904
you doing something new
with your hair?
87
00:03:23,937 --> 00:03:25,773
It looks, uh, real pretty.
88
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,410
No, but thank you.
89
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:31,279
Okay, well, I'm gonna
leave you to it.
90
00:03:31,312 --> 00:03:32,280
Smells good, too.
91
00:03:32,313 --> 00:03:33,113
All right. Bye-bye.
92
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,882
Hey, you want chicken
for dinner?
93
00:03:34,915 --> 00:03:36,984
I'll slaughter a big one
for you right now.
94
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,018
I'm good.
95
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:41,021
I'll kill one in case
you change your mind.
96
00:03:41,054 --> 00:03:44,292
Now which one of you's
tired of this life?
97
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,895
You.
98
00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:56,804
Excuse me, Mr. Nguyen?
99
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:57,905
Yes?
100
00:03:57,938 --> 00:04:00,040
Hi, you don't know me.
I'm Sheldon's mother.
101
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,342
Ah, the smart boy.
102
00:04:01,375 --> 00:04:02,943
Yes, the smart boy.
103
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:04,445
You are lucky.
104
00:04:04,478 --> 00:04:06,380
To have a smart son
is a great joy.
105
00:04:07,848 --> 00:04:09,417
I do not have that joy.
106
00:04:09,450 --> 00:04:12,353
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
107
00:04:12,386 --> 00:04:14,422
Listen, are you aware
that Tam and Sheldon
108
00:04:14,455 --> 00:04:16,390
are playing Dungeons & Dragons?
109
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:17,825
Dungeons & Dragons?
110
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:22,062
Yes, and it's filled with
demons and satanic images.
111
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:33,841
So what is the problem
with this game?
112
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:35,443
The problem is,
113
00:04:35,476 --> 00:04:37,978
it goes against the
teachings of the church.
114
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:38,979
All right.
115
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:40,247
Listen to me.
116
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:43,384
A problem is starving to death
in a Communist reeducation camp.
117
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:45,018
A problem is not
seeing your family
118
00:04:45,052 --> 00:04:47,321
for many years while
you remove land mines
119
00:04:47,355 --> 00:04:48,922
from the Ho Chi Minh trail.
120
00:04:48,956 --> 00:04:51,859
A game boys play with
make-believe demons,
121
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,594
not a problem.
122
00:04:53,627 --> 00:04:57,798
Well... I think they
can all be problems.
123
00:05:01,134 --> 00:05:02,570
I'm sorry, I agree with you.
124
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:03,937
I will talk to Tam.
125
00:05:03,971 --> 00:05:06,507
Oh, good. Thank you.
126
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:09,343
Well, bye. Nice meeting you.
127
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,581
Five dollars.
128
00:05:22,590 --> 00:05:25,459
So, Pastor...
129
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,027
How's things going
at the church?
130
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,996
Please, call me Jeff.
131
00:05:29,029 --> 00:05:32,833
And everything's going great
'cause I have the coolest boss.
132
00:05:32,866 --> 00:05:35,936
I'm sorry, but I'm kind of
having a hard time
133
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:39,773
feeling the Holy Spirit
calling you Jeff.
134
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,909
I'm-I'm gonna stick with Pastor.
135
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:43,577
Sure.
136
00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:46,046
Thank you, Pastor.
137
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:47,648
Yeah, that feels better.
138
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:51,519
So nice of you to
come over, Pastor Jeff.
139
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,554
He prefers Jeff.
140
00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:54,855
I'm sticking with Pastor.
141
00:05:54,888 --> 00:05:57,558
Wait, I changed my mind.
I'm going with PJ.
142
00:05:57,591 --> 00:06:01,061
Brings to mind pajamas,
but that's fine, too.
143
00:06:01,094 --> 00:06:05,165
Anyway, I'm sorry to
drag you into this,
144
00:06:05,198 --> 00:06:07,601
but it is demons,
so it's in your purview.
145
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:08,769
It is indeed.
146
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,938
In fact, at a recent Young
Baptist Leaders Conference,
147
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,941
I attended a seminar on
satanic leisure activities.
148
00:06:13,974 --> 00:06:15,443
And?
149
00:06:15,476 --> 00:06:17,010
And the important lesson is,
150
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:19,680
rather than have a parent
or authority figure
151
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,649
take the offending game away,
152
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:24,017
let God remove it,
root and stem.
153
00:06:24,051 --> 00:06:28,522
Question, PJ.
Uh, how's the big guy do that?
154
00:06:28,556 --> 00:06:31,759
Simple, Sheldon needs to start
attending Sunday school.
155
00:06:31,792 --> 00:06:33,961
If he likes books
with demons and devils,
156
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:37,197
I've got one that will
blow his mind.
157
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,999
What book is that?
158
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:40,568
The Bible, George.
159
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:41,535
Sure, yeah.
160
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,972
I think that's
a wonderful idea.
161
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:45,973
Although, I am concerned
162
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:48,576
that we may get a little
pushback from Sheldon.
163
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,544
A little?
164
00:06:50,578 --> 00:06:52,446
No, I won't go.
165
00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:54,782
I don't believe in God.
166
00:06:54,815 --> 00:06:57,718
Well, now, what you
believe in is not the point.
167
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:59,186
Mary, if I may...
168
00:06:59,219 --> 00:07:01,989
Sheldon, I understand you hope
to be a scientist someday.
169
00:07:02,022 --> 00:07:03,557
Yes, sir.
170
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:04,625
Well, let me ask you a question.
171
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,059
You say you don't
believe in God,
172
00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:08,562
but what kind of scientist
comes to a conclusion
173
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,497
without first doing
the research?
174
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,600
A bad scientist.
175
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:13,501
That's right.
176
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:16,136
So I'll see you
Sunday morning at 8:00.
177
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:17,237
No, you won't.
178
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:21,008
I cast a second level spell
of invisibility on myself.
179
00:07:24,177 --> 00:07:27,114
Well, that game isn't
making him any smarter.
180
00:07:32,553 --> 00:07:33,654
*
181
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:42,830
Shelly, why aren't you asleep?
182
00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,966
I'm studying for Sunday school.
183
00:07:45,999 --> 00:07:47,835
You're reading the Bible?
184
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:50,170
That's wonderful.
185
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:51,672
I do have a question.
186
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:52,773
Sure, what?
187
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:56,243
Is there anyone in our town
from the Amalek tribe?
188
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:57,477
I don't know, why?
189
00:07:57,511 --> 00:08:02,683
If there is, we're supposed
to kill them and their cows.
190
00:08:02,716 --> 00:08:05,619
Well, no. There's
no Amaleks.
191
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:07,621
Told you.
192
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:13,293
PASTOR JEFF and CHILDREN:
And lead us not
193
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,295
into temptation,
194
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:18,131
but deliver us from evil.
195
00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:20,300
For thine is the kingdom
196
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:22,536
and the power and the glory
197
00:08:22,570 --> 00:08:24,872
forever and forever.
198
00:08:24,905 --> 00:08:26,206
And ever.
Amen.
199
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:27,140
Amen!
Very good.
200
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:30,143
Now before we get
started this morning,
201
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:32,646
I want to introduce
two new students,
202
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,114
Sheldon and Missy Cooper.
203
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:35,649
Let's give them
a warm welcome.
204
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:40,588
Yes, Billy?
205
00:08:40,621 --> 00:08:42,756
I know them.
206
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,558
Thank you, Billy.
207
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,694
You're welcome, Pastor Jeff.
208
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,162
Now, uh, last week,
209
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:52,232
we started talking
about the Gospel of John.
210
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:53,801
Does anybody
have a notion
211
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:57,004
as to what God's getting
at in that passage?
212
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,672
Yes, Sheldon?
213
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,641
Chapter one, verse one states,
214
00:09:00,674 --> 00:09:02,042
"In the beginning was the Word,
215
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:05,646
and the Word was with God
and the Word was God."
216
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,280
Well done.
217
00:09:07,314 --> 00:09:10,250
Thank you. I read
the gospels last night.
218
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,052
Suck up.
219
00:09:12,085 --> 00:09:13,954
Did you know when
the Bible says "the Word,"
220
00:09:13,987 --> 00:09:16,289
they're translating the
Greek expression "logos,"
221
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:17,925
and logos means knowledge.
222
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,694
Sounds like someone has
a noggin full of "logos."
223
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,329
Yes, Billy?
224
00:09:22,362 --> 00:09:24,765
They live on my block.
225
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,267
Terrific.
226
00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,737
SPORTS ANNOUNCER: ...as Ellis
will come in to punt.
227
00:09:29,770 --> 00:09:31,939
Five kicks, 38-yard average
228
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:34,742
I can't believe he's
reading the Bible.
229
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:35,909
I know.
230
00:09:35,943 --> 00:09:38,779
I'm actually grateful to that
Dungeons & Dragons game.
231
00:09:38,812 --> 00:09:40,814
It helped lead him to God.
232
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:44,652
Ixnay on the Odskay.
233
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,388
I'm done.
234
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,957
You finished it?
235
00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:53,360
All of it. Ask me which
birds are kosher.
236
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:55,863
I'll bite. Which birds
are kosher?
237
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,932
Chickens, yes. Quail, yes.
238
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:01,001
Owls, surprisingly no.
239
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:02,936
Well, there ain't a lot of meat
on them anyway.
240
00:10:02,970 --> 00:10:04,071
MARY:
Shelly,
241
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:07,641
I'm so happy you're taking
an interest in religion.
242
00:10:07,675 --> 00:10:08,676
I am.
243
00:10:08,709 --> 00:10:11,712
And I've decided
to explore other religions, too.
244
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,714
What's this, now?
245
00:10:13,747 --> 00:10:15,048
Pastor Jeff encouraged me
246
00:10:15,082 --> 00:10:16,950
to approach religion
scientifically,
247
00:10:16,984 --> 00:10:19,720
so it only makes sense
to enlarge my database.
248
00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,121
MARY: No,
your database
249
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,390
is Baptist.
That's all the data you need.
250
00:10:23,423 --> 00:10:24,758
Baptist data.
251
00:10:25,926 --> 00:10:27,761
What other religions
you considering?
252
00:10:27,795 --> 00:10:29,797
SHELDON:
Buddhist, Jewish,
253
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,765
Hindu, Catholic, all of them.
254
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:32,800
MARY:
Nope. Nope.
255
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,735
That's not happening.
256
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:38,438
Well, why? As an American, don't
I have freedom of religion?
257
00:10:38,471 --> 00:10:41,008
Um...
258
00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,876
Those dungeons and dragons
are looking pretty good
259
00:10:42,910 --> 00:10:44,812
right now, aren't they?
260
00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:47,047
I'm also looking into voodoo.
261
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,454
Tam, you're Catholic, right?
262
00:10:54,487 --> 00:10:55,756
Yes.
263
00:10:55,789 --> 00:10:57,424
Explain it to me.
264
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,359
Explain what?
265
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:01,161
Well, for starters,
who do you pray to?
266
00:11:01,194 --> 00:11:04,932
I guess, Jesus, God and Mary.
267
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:07,034
Jesus isn't God?
268
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:08,301
No, he's his son.
269
00:11:08,335 --> 00:11:10,838
But you do eat him,
and drink his blood.
270
00:11:10,871 --> 00:11:12,940
Oh, there's
also a ghost,
271
00:11:12,973 --> 00:11:15,242
but not the scary kind.
272
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:16,977
Like Casper?
273
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,879
Exactly.
274
00:11:18,912 --> 00:11:20,714
And how does the pope work?
275
00:11:20,748 --> 00:11:21,815
Well,
276
00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:22,816
the pope lives in Italy.
277
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:25,986
He has a special car,
and a big pointy hat.
278
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,488
It's a wonderful hat.
279
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,758
And is there anything else
I should know about?
280
00:11:30,791 --> 00:11:31,725
Every once in a while,
281
00:11:31,759 --> 00:11:33,894
you have to confess your sins
to a priest.
282
00:11:33,927 --> 00:11:36,063
Not me, I don't have any sins.
283
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,899
Then you have the sin of pride.
284
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,802
Your religion
is making me feel bad.
285
00:11:41,835 --> 00:11:44,404
That's how you know
it's working.
286
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:47,875
Ms. Hutchins, what's
your religion?
287
00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,342
I'm a Mormon, why?
288
00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:51,879
I'm conducting
a research project.
289
00:11:51,912 --> 00:11:53,814
Can you tell me
about being a Mormon?
290
00:11:53,847 --> 00:11:55,949
Well, it started in New York,
291
00:11:55,983 --> 00:11:58,986
when a man found gold plates
buried underground.
292
00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:00,353
The plates
said that,
293
00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:03,757
when we die,
we get to go to our own planet.
294
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,092
Unless you're a woman,
295
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,994
then you have to go
to your husband's planet.
296
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:08,896
But that won't be
297
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,463
a problem for me.
298
00:12:10,497 --> 00:12:11,999
I don't have a husband.
299
00:12:12,032 --> 00:12:14,234
All I have is a cat.
300
00:12:14,267 --> 00:12:16,436
A big, mean cat.
301
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:17,504
Oh...
302
00:12:17,537 --> 00:12:19,773
Maybe I'll get to go
to his planet.
303
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:24,812
Lonely Cheryl on Planet Cat.
304
00:12:25,913 --> 00:12:28,381
I like her. She's funny.
305
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,052
MEEMAW:
You're gonna love Ira.
306
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:33,553
He's a great guy.
307
00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,721
Is he your boyfriend?
308
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,891
Well, he's one of them,
so let's not bring that up.
309
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:40,994
: Hey.
MEEMAW: Is this
a good time?
310
00:12:41,028 --> 00:12:43,196
Absolutely.
Come in, come in.
311
00:12:43,230 --> 00:12:45,799
Ira, this is my
grandson Sheldon.
312
00:12:45,833 --> 00:12:47,801
Sheldon, this is my friend Ira.
313
00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,436
Hello.
Howdy.
314
00:12:49,469 --> 00:12:52,005
So Meemaw tells me
you're Jewish.
315
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:54,041
Right to it, huh?
316
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:55,909
All right, let's do this.
317
00:12:55,943 --> 00:12:57,044
Please, sit down.
318
00:12:57,077 --> 00:12:58,979
Thank you so much
for helping out.
319
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,815
Aw, Connie, you know,
anything for you.
320
00:13:01,849 --> 00:13:02,883
So, Sheldon,
321
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:03,984
you hungry?
322
00:13:04,017 --> 00:13:05,285
You want a nosh?
323
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,387
I don't know,
I've never eaten a nosh.
324
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:09,857
:
Uh, no, a nosh isn't a thing,
325
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:10,991
it's a... never mind.
326
00:13:11,024 --> 00:13:13,894
Um, would you care
for some hard candy?
327
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,495
Are they kosher?
328
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:17,097
Who are you, my mother?
329
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,900
All right,
so what can I do for you?
330
00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:22,335
What's it like to be Jewish?
331
00:13:22,369 --> 00:13:24,872
Oh, it's terrible.
I don't recommend it.
332
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,306
Why?
Well,
for starters,
333
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,509
your life is hemmed in
by ancient, pointless rules.
334
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:32,312
There's a lot of yelling,
and, uh,
335
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:35,248
you're probably not gonna get
into a good country club.
336
00:13:35,282 --> 00:13:36,884
What about God?
337
00:13:36,917 --> 00:13:37,951
What about him?
338
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,953
Does he play a part
in your life?
339
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:44,057
Well, historically, he's gotten
a kick out of punishing us.
340
00:13:44,091 --> 00:13:46,026
What about Jesus?
341
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,227
He was Jewish.
342
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,862
Oh, we've got
a lot of celebrities.
343
00:13:48,896 --> 00:13:51,999
Uh, we've got, uh,
we got William Shatner,
344
00:13:52,032 --> 00:13:53,366
and Leonard Nimoy...
345
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,168
Kirk and Spock?
346
00:13:55,202 --> 00:13:56,937
I want to be Jewish.
347
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:58,471
Hold on a second.
348
00:13:58,505 --> 00:14:00,307
Hold-- I got a question
for you, Sheldon.
349
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,343
When you grow up, are you
planning on living in Texas?
350
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:05,478
Probably.
351
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:08,515
Then I strongly advise you
to stay Baptist.
352
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:11,318
Maybe even wear a cross.
353
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,553
Why did you move to Texas?
354
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:14,654
Well, that's simple.
355
00:14:14,687 --> 00:14:18,225
Medford had no Jews,
so there was an opening for one.
356
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,627
And you got it? Good for you.
357
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,931
I love this kid.
358
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:26,499
Me, too.
359
00:14:26,533 --> 00:14:27,935
Mwah.
360
00:14:35,508 --> 00:14:36,944
Hey.
361
00:14:36,977 --> 00:14:38,078
How's it going?
362
00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:42,249
Good. Did you know that
Zoroaster believed in two gods?
363
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,284
No, I did not.
And the Taoists
364
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,086
don't believe in God at all.
365
00:14:46,119 --> 00:14:47,988
They believe
in a principle of harmony.
366
00:14:48,021 --> 00:14:49,089
How very nice for them.
367
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:51,591
Shelly, I understand
you enjoy researching things.
368
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,060
Love it.
369
00:14:53,093 --> 00:14:55,595
But it's important
to keep in mind
370
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:57,998
that there is only one true God.
371
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,000
That's called monotheism.
372
00:15:00,033 --> 00:15:03,636
I have a book about it
if you're interested.
373
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:07,574
That's okay,
I have the book about it.
374
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:12,145
Would you be angry with me
if I don't pick your religion?
375
00:15:13,746 --> 00:15:15,682
I could never be angry with you.
376
00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:21,054
You be a seeker
of your own truth.
377
00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:23,656
Thanks, Mom.
378
00:15:27,227 --> 00:15:29,196
And if the truth turns out
to be Satan,
379
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:31,664
I will do battle with him.
380
00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:56,223
MALE VOICE:
Welcome, Sheldon.
381
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,391
FEMALE VOICE: We've been
waiting for you.
382
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:01,261
Are you the Ten Commandments?
383
00:16:01,294 --> 00:16:02,395
No.
384
00:16:02,429 --> 00:16:03,663
We are one.
385
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,298
And zero.
386
00:16:05,332 --> 00:16:07,200
We are the binary code
387
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:09,369
that underlies
the universe.
388
00:16:09,402 --> 00:16:12,405
The ten thing is
a common mistake.
389
00:16:12,439 --> 00:16:15,142
I want to understand God.
390
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:16,476
Can you help me?
391
00:16:16,509 --> 00:16:18,678
Did you not hear
what we just said?
392
00:16:18,711 --> 00:16:21,181
It's a binary universe.
393
00:16:21,214 --> 00:16:22,749
God is yes and no.
394
00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,084
Left and right.
395
00:16:24,117 --> 00:16:25,285
On and off.
396
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,087
Something and nothing.
397
00:16:27,120 --> 00:16:29,056
Positive and negative.
398
00:16:29,089 --> 00:16:30,090
Male and female.
399
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,191
Light and dark.
400
00:16:31,224 --> 00:16:34,527
But why is there
evil and suffering?
401
00:16:34,561 --> 00:16:36,063
Well, without evil
and suffering,
402
00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:38,131
there is no good
and happiness.
403
00:16:38,165 --> 00:16:40,567
Oh, sure. Binary.
404
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:44,171
Shall we give him the
final piece of information
405
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,672
that unlocks the secret
of the universe?
406
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:47,974
Why not?
407
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:51,744
At least one human being should
know the reason for everything.
408
00:16:51,778 --> 00:16:53,213
Sheldon,
409
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:56,449
before the
universe began...
410
00:16:57,550 --> 00:16:58,651
GEORGE JR.:
Hey, dummy.
411
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:01,088
You're drooling
all over your books.
412
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:02,522
Huh?
413
00:17:02,555 --> 00:17:03,723
No.
414
00:17:03,756 --> 00:17:08,128
Zero was about to tell me
the secret and you ruined it.
415
00:17:08,161 --> 00:17:10,597
ADULT SHELDON: I never heard
from One and Zero again.
416
00:17:10,630 --> 00:17:15,068
Although, I was once visited
by Nine when I had chickenpox.
417
00:17:15,102 --> 00:17:19,206
He was a lot less funny
than he thought he was.
418
00:17:19,239 --> 00:17:23,810
PASTOR JEFF:
Okay, "What God means to me."
419
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:25,545
Who'd like to go first?
420
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:26,413
Billy.
421
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:28,781
I'd like to go third.
422
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:30,850
All righty.
423
00:17:30,883 --> 00:17:32,152
Who's feeling brave?
424
00:17:32,185 --> 00:17:33,253
Missy.
425
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:35,255
I'll go second.
426
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:38,158
Great. Does anybody want
to go first?
427
00:17:38,191 --> 00:17:39,192
I'll go.
428
00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,827
Okay. Come on up here,
Sheldon.
429
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:44,164
Let's hear what you got.
430
00:17:44,197 --> 00:17:48,101
I've spent the last week
studying what people believe,
431
00:17:48,135 --> 00:17:49,636
and I've come to a conclusion.
432
00:17:49,669 --> 00:17:51,171
And what's that?
433
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:53,173
I'm starting my own religion.
434
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:53,840
I'm sorry, what?
435
00:17:53,873 --> 00:17:55,708
I'm calling it Mathology.
436
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,111
It's based
on a universal binary system.
437
00:17:58,145 --> 00:18:01,314
That's terrific, Sheldon, but
this is a Baptist Sunday school.
438
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:04,117
I know, I'm here
to convert everybody.
439
00:18:04,151 --> 00:18:05,252
Any takers?
Okay.
440
00:18:05,285 --> 00:18:07,454
PASTOR JEFF: Let's go have
a talk with your mom.
441
00:18:07,487 --> 00:18:10,623
The only sin in Mathology
is being stupid.
442
00:18:17,497 --> 00:18:20,267
Welcome to the Church
of Mathology.
443
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,269
Today, I'd like to talk
about prime numbers,
444
00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:24,604
and why they bring us joy.
445
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,573
Hallelujah!
30472
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