All language subtitles for No Smoking (2007) 1080p WEBRip AVC AAC ESub - り乇乇ｱｷ尺ﾑﾘり乇尺_track3_eng

Hello
- K!

Baba!

Where are you?

Here..

Curfew!
- What?

No idea

I'm on TV!
- On TV..

On what channel?

I don't know, some
strange language written here..

.. like on a bottle of Vodka..

Vodka?

My throat's parched..

.. cigarette.. cigarette..

.. you still smoking!

I need a cigarette!
- I'll call you later..

K!

What the hell is this place?

Cigarette!!!

Cigarette!!!

Bloody gibberish spouting bastard!!

Opened.

Bastard..

Matches..

K..

Open the door K..

open up!

K..

Ya..
- K.. open the door..

Ya..

K?
- You alright?

At least say something?

Ya! Hold on!

Bastard.

Witch.

Come out fast. We are
expecting guests anytime.

My dream.. What does it mean?

You're soooo!! addicted to nicotine!

You fear the day when
you won't get a Cigarette!

But what's that bathtub
doing in the middle of the snow!

I don't Know?

Next time try jumping
in the bathtub, instead!

It might lead you somewhere else?

The mirror will fall apart K..

Why the hell do you
smoke in the Bathroom!!

Why the hell do you
sleep in the bedroom!!

What's wrong now?

Nothing..

Went to Siberia again?

It's all because of
those cigarettes..

You will soon have the visa too..

Please.. don't blow smoke in here..

Why don't you go get dressed,

The guests should be here soon..

Nobody tells me what to do,

Nobody tells me what to do,

Nobody tells me..

.. what to do..

When some nut decides to
clamber up mount everest..

.. the world
stands up to cheer him..

What if he's doing it
for the first time..

.. his rope could snap..

He could get buried
under a mound of snow..

The world knows he..
he could bloody die..

.. but they still put
him on the front page..

Hundreds die in
accidents every day..

.. but we're still driving!!

Automobiles should be outlawed..

.. petrol should be banned..

.. why ban cigarettes alone..

.. because this tiny
little innocuous white thing..

.. can't speak for itself..

Have you ever seen him smoke?

In the kitchen..
- The bathroom..

The bedroom..
- In the bloody bed..

There are more ashtrays in
this house than spoons..

That's it..
- That's not it?

Even Vikas used to smoke..

I made him quit..

.. there's this Shaman
doctor baba Bengali..

But that isn't the only reason..
- So what else?

Religious differences..

He thinks he's God.

I think he's..

Bad! Huh!
- Really Bad!

My brother.. He's Asthmatic!

Not me!

I heard he's in a hospital..

They've removed his right lung..

.. it was infected..

And K still smokes around everyone..

Search me..

My parents divorced six
months into their marriage..

You're kidding me..

And then I arrived..

.. so they remarried..

two years into
their second marriage..

.. my dad found out
that I was born a year..

.. after the divorce..

.. so they divorced again..

That sucks, dude!

So when was your brother born?

In the second coming or..

After the second divorce..

So he's not exactly
your blood brother?

He is..

How..
- See..

They married..

Then divorced..

Then they had you..

Married again..

Divorced again..

Then they had him..

.. which means he can't
be your real brother..

Have you told him
you want to leave him..

Not yet..

Does he know you want to leave him?

If he was that sensitive..
Why would I leave him?

Hi..

Hi..
- Lets go..

Want to smoke, go outside

Its totally wrong.

Actually they should bloody close
down all the non smoking restaurants.

My self R. K. Dhingra,

Rajinder Kumar Dhingra.

You don't talk too much,

You seem to be the thinking type.

Even I think a lot..

Before you came that's
what I was doing, thinking..

Wondering, why do
people need to talk so much?

- K.. - Abbas!

Hi! What are you
doing standing out here?

Smoking! Brother!

Want one?

No way
- No I won't..

Cut the crap man here..

No! No! K! I swear I quit.

Trust me, so should you.

Don't be my wife, God
knows where you disappear!

Been ages since I saw you..
- Come on, lets share one!

No! K! I'm not gonna smoke!

- Come On!! Just a puff!- No! K! No!

- I Don't.. K! - What's wrong.

Take a drag my friend.. Nothing's
gonna blow except the smoke..

Look sir! Why don't you
mind your own business!

Your friend is offering you a drag..

You shouldn't refuse him..

Is he your friend? Who is this guy?

Friendships don't
blossom in a single meeting.

My friend.. takes time..

Just shut up.

Sir, it takes ages!

Shut up. Why don't
you go somewhere else?

Please!

Idiot man!
- Abbas!

Hi!
- Oh! Hi Anjali.

How are you?
- Hi!

How are you?
- I'm good

Why are you wearing those gloves..

Oh, just like that.

I lost my fingers in an accident.

What!

What nonsense are you talking!

Why didn't you tell me?

It's nothing much! Really

Oh my God!

And what's that
you've got in your ears?

Just..

I've a bit of a hearing problem.

You quit smoking?

Yeah, I have quit.

Very good.

What very good!

He's gonna smoke right now! Here..

K stop it!

K!

C'mon, all I'm asking you for is a
drag man! One drag! For my sake!

Or she'll hound me
to death with it..

K! I have said NO!
That's it! I won't smoke.

K!!
- K! I won't smoke!

K!
- Don't force him!!- Stop it!!

Go inside!

I said GO in!!

Come now! Quickly! Take a drag..

Otherwise I'll shove it in you!
- K! Stop it!

K!
- Stop it! K!

If I say you will! You will!
- K! I won't! That's it!

I love my wife! Ok!

What loves your wife
got to do with smoking?

Sir, if I was in his place I
wouldn't push you away like that.

You do what you're doing!

And keep your mouth shut!
You Asshole!

What'll you do, huh

You're mistaken. I'm
not that kind of a guy.

You're a big asshole kind of a guy..

Sir.. You.. You..

And you talk too much!

Sir, You're

Shut up!

Shut up!

I know K can be an asshole sometimes

Most of the times

Yeah

Why do you want to know Anjali?

Abbas tell me!

K's not gonna quit!

Okay.. If you really want
Him to quit smoking then.

Take this..

The Laboratory. Their visiting card!
- It's a Rehabilitation program.

Okay
- They are professionals!

You don't feel the urge at all?

No. Never.

Thanks.

Anjali, I'm
actually meeting someone.

I'll go now.
- Yeah. Thanks.

Bye. Thanks.

Why don't you quit smoking?

I have quit a hundred times..

That's not what you call quitting..

Then what do you call quitting?

Like my dad and mum
quitting on each other?

I don't quit! Quitters are those
who can't see it through to the end!

What if you start hating it?

"Shut up, just shut up.."

"Shut up, just shut up.."

Anjali..

Yes..

You're asleep?

Yes..

Are you still upset..

.. turn this side

Not now K..

Come on..

K!

Come on..

K!
- Sorry

Can I sleep now..

Okay. Sleep.

Hi..

I'm K..

Just K..

What's this?

They're taking them to the
concentration camp and killing them..

This card..

It says Kalkatta carpets..

I got that from Abbas..

.. but you won't need it..

Is it his business card?

Selling carpets these days.. ?

It's a Rehabilitation program.

People don't have any
other better work to do.

They helped Abbas kick the habit..

He taught you to smoke right?

No one taught me to smoke.

No one taught me anything.

I smoke.

And that's it. The first time,
Abbas gave me a cigarette,

I took the matches out
from my own pocket..

Watch your TV

Anjali..

Yes..

Breakfast?

Yes sir..

I am sorry I forgot..

.. what do you want
for our anniversary?

Divorce..

I don't have that Kind of a budget..

"When the moon hits your eyes.. "

"Like a big piece of fire.. "

"When the world.. "

I am not being childish.

Its not my fault if
I look like a girl,

I am 28 for god sake..

I have made up my mind..

I will call you later, bye..

Inky pinky ponkey.

Father had a donkey

Donkey died father cried

Inky pinky

Ponkey..

Sorry K..

Take him to some higher altitude..

Get him to do some yoga

Some breathing exercises

You smoke too much..

It's not good for your brother.

Anyways its your choice

I'll save you the lecture

Good..

Why do you always
wear these dark glasses

Why do you always
wear those hearing aids?

There's this company.

Agency

Rehabilitation program..

The Laboratory!

Hey! You're aware then..

I wasn't aware..

remember we used to smoke together..

And you quit after
your defining deafness..

Why don't you try it..

It's a 100% smoke proof program

Cigarette.. alcohol..

allergies, addictions,
itches, ringworms, weaknesses,

Baba Bengali has a
cure for them all..

Just go check it out..

.. after that it's up to you..

I'll think about it..

Don't think, just tell me I
will take an appointment for you..

When can I take my brother?

Not yet..

Then when?

When everything's alright

Will you go?
- To where?

To the Laboratory.

Do inform me, just call..

Call me..
- And do tell me

If you want to go
to The Laboratory..

Please call..

Thank you..

Please..

Good morning, sir.

Will you please stop smoking?

Take the stairs

What!

Thank you.

Stupid..

Idiot..

Morning sir..

Good morning, sir.

One minute..

Where's Annie?

She'd called in to say that she
won't be coming to work today..

"Take me away from here.. "

"I am a fool to be
in love with you.. "

"You fill my lungs with
the pails of your smoke.. "

"A victim of your.. "

"Don't you forget.. "

".. It's just a cigarette.. "

"Oh, it's just a cigarette.. "

Anjali..

Anjali..

Hello..

Where are you?

Home..

You are not home..

.. where are you?

I'm at home

My Home!

Your home is where I am..

That's your home K..

Do what you want, smoke your
cigarettes, burn the mattresses..

.. turn the whole damn
house into one big ashtray..

.. do whatever the
fuck you want there..

You're leaving me..

I've left you..

How can you leave me..

Nobody leaves me

I am nobody K..

.. that's why I've left you.

Just a sec!
- Excuse me.

Don't you crave for it
whenever someone lights up?

No K! just check
it out for once man!

Even I'd gone to just see the place!

Came out kicking the habit

Do I have to take an appointment?

Tell me.. I'll take an
appointment for you..

When do you want to go?

Right now.

Right now?

To treat.

Great! You know the place..

I have the card

K!

You're doing the right thing ok..

I'll inform them right away, Bye.

Hello. Welcome to The Laboratory.
How can I help you?

Listen this is Abbas
Tyrewala speaking..

I want to send you another patient

Abbas what?

Tyrewala
- Yes sir..

His name is..

.. but before that,
what about my finger?

Well.. I guess you haven't
read your contract properly..

.. as soon as your referred
patient signs his contract..

.. you'll get your cut-back

No.. No.. No.. its ok

Write down your tracking number

Please hold for a minute..

Hey waiter! Come here!..

Take the Call.

He's going!

Hello!

I'm going to quit..

I swear..

Please come back..

Come back.

I'm trying really hard..

Hmm..
- What Hmmmm..

Hmmmm okay..

You're coming?
- Are you going?

I'm going

Then I'm coming

Thanks..

No change

Don't worry. I've change

So - Keep it. You
are going to need it..

Where is the laboratory?

There.

Hey uncle

You sell oil? Carpets?

Where's The Laboratory?

Wonderful.

What?

What you are looking for.

Down there?

If you don't want
to go, I'll shut it.

One second.

Where's this Laboratory?

Below..

Ma'am! Where's the Laboratory?

Down there..

Thank you.

Where's the Laboratory?

Down There

Is there another level
below it or does it ends here?

Go down further..

Why couldn't they get
the bloody elevators..

Hey.

This way or that way..

That way.

Where's this Laboratory?

Welcome

No!
- The Laboratory?

Mr. Abbas must have sent you!

Mind blowing!

Follow me

Come

Who were those people?

Hello! I'm asking you?

Greetings

Guruji sits there.

Guruji might be sitting there but
who were those people staring at me?

Nothing is made on one level here?

Greetings!

Please come.

Have a Seat..

What's going on inside?

Sit

Who's this Guruji?

Shri! Shri! Shri!

Greater than the Great..
Baba Bengali!

From Sialdah!

He is coming!!
- You please wait!!

Prologue please..

I.. my name is K..

And you feel the need to
relinquish the cigarette..

Yes..

Consider it done..

Actually just came to check it out..

Whoever steps in here not
only stubs his addiction

.. but completely buries it my son..

.. cigarettes,
bidis, paan, tobacco..

Baba Bengali can
cure you of them all.

How do you make them quit

Point a gun to the head!

Bandits and Kidnappers need weapons,

I don't.

Chaurasiya!
- Yes, sir?

Didn't you show the
noble man our contract..

Not yet..

Standing here won't
make you any taller!

Please! Show him the contract.

Yes, sir.

Do I have to read all this?

Yes!

If Hindi is going to be a problem.

We have the same in English too.

Guide for dummies!

It's rather thick!

If you feel the compulsion
to read an abridged version

.. we have that too! Our very own..

Pocket Edition

Please show him..
- Okay.

Please read..

I hereby agree to do whatever

I am asked to do in order to
successfully quit smoking..

I am getting into this program
knowingly exactly the risk my smoking

.. will pose to me
and my family. Thanks.

K!

Meaning you'll do
exactly as we tell you to do.

But what will you tell me to do?

First you'll have to sign.
Then I'll let you know!

What if I sign these papers..

.. and you put a gun on me.. then.

Sir!! Kindly sign it.

Why do you want to invite trouble?

And what if I don't?

Hey! What's happening?

Leave me!

Leave me!

What are you doing!

Leave!

Leave me!

Where are you taking me?

Leave me!

Let me go.

Let me go..

Hey fatso.. I am talking to you..

Leave me!

What're you doing?

Let me go..

You don't know who I am..

Leave me!

Hey! Let me go..

Welcome to the first stage of

.. our Quit Smoking Programme..

K

Wake up..

Wake up my son..

In this lab..

.. its our responsibility..

.. that your habit of smoking,
which is making you irresponsible..

.. finish that off completely.

If we fail to deliver..

.. and are
unsuccessful in treating you,

.. then we have no option left,

.. but to send you down the road
no sane person would walk on..

Would anybody like?

No..

Because my son, soul-full the
body is divine.. soul-less its dead

The end..

Soul..

The inner soul..

.. is often frivolous, debauch,
indulgent..

but with a strong mind
you can control it..

.. but if you are
inherently weak then my son..

.. the wandering soul has
to be released, let go..

The soul is pure,

When life comes into being..

.. then slowly, bit by
bit it starts to erode..

.. the body corrupts it,
by indulging it..

..and to rebuild that lost eroded
soul is why I have been appointed..

By whom?

By The Greater than the Greatest!

Gurudev Baba Bengali!

But!

Don't Argue!!

Democracy is up above the
ground you walk on! You die on!

You can "butt" into anything
with your but's, up there..

But here you have
descended from your material hell..

..into my lower depths..

Here my spoken word is
the gospel of the gods..

Now that you've
signed on the contract..

.. would you care to
repeat the honours..

This is my cheque book!

Yes sir.

21 lakhs 11
thousand 1 hundred and 10!

Fees for your own treatment!

2.1 million.

21 lakhs 11
thousand 1 hundred and 10

And an additional one rupee..

which is my fee

But that we take in cash

The fees for making me
quit smoking is 21 LAKH!

21 lakhs 11
thousand 1 hundred and 10

It's back-breaking work, you know.

You think I'm crazy?

You think I earn my money
only to dole it out as charity

21 Lakh!

Repeating it again &
again won't make it 20..

.. it will stay 21 only..

If a poor man
comes to you for help..

.. you charge him 21 lakhs too?

The "Poor" qualifies
for a government subsidy

This is robbery, you understand!

See, my fee is just a measly buck

That too a token
of your appreciation

I haven't started
this business for money.

Its all for charity

And just you watch!

The money you've parted with will
be utilized in your own treatment

Do you know that how
much of your money..

.. you've squandered away
due to this bloody habit..

Yes.. my lord..

K..

K!

K!

Here it is. K.

Touch of violence please!

Ok my lord..

The first time

Abbas stuck a cigarette between

.. your fingers just
so you could look at it

you procured the matches
from your own pocket..

.. a matchbox back then
set you back by 50 paise..

.. all the gas you burnt up commuting
to and from the cigarette shop..

.. the mouth
freshener that you purchased

.. to hide the
stench from your father..

.. then you graduated to pot..

.. and once after
smoking some spurious weed

.. you nearly went
up in smoke yourself!

A mere visit to
the hospital cost you

.. 1,50,000 to aspirate the
sludge from your stomach..

.. every ashtray..
matchbox, lighter, bidi..

.. and those fat ones

Cigars. Every wheeze, sputter
and cough caused by smoking..

.. every spoonful of glycodine,
phensydyl

.. every pill strepsil,
Erithromycin, Augmentin..

.. every illness brought
on by this habit of yours..

.. all those occasions when..

.. your partner requested you
to butt your cigarette out..

.. but you suspended the meeting
and strode out to finish your smoke..

.. the losses you
incurred because of that!

Your wife's illness.

You bear a thirty percent stake
in your brother's asthma trouble..

.. a silk Chinese tie
estimated at forty thousand burnt..

.. mattresses set afire on
four disparate occasions..

.. all because of a lit cigarette

Now excluding the
millions in losses..

.. you have spent a total of

43 lakhs 88 thousand

5 hundered 56 rupees and 75 paise

If you don't step on the
brakes now you'll be spending

.. as much more in
the next seven years

To help you shake off
the yoke of this burden..

.. the treatment is in your hands

Give him a pen

Yes sir

43 lakh or 21 lakh.

And what if I don't sign it?

If you don't do it now
then you have to do it later

What if I don't do it?

Answer to your what is
a complicated process

.. my son.. you can't
expect me to be prompt.

I am going

Guruji..

But you have signed a contract

I haven't! You forced me to!

Do you know who I am?

Why K? Where K? That I don't know.

But who K! That I surely do know!

I am going.

Your wish, I treat
patient's and not torment them.

What's the way out from here?

That's why I keep repeating son,

Sign on it and..

All the doors will open up for you.

Otherwise I will be forced
to do what I don't want to do.

The only problem with such a quick
second trip to that black hole is..

.. you may not last the third.

That's why just sign for now

You can stop payment later

Did you sign?

Give him a pen, please!

Now my one rupee please
which I take in cash?..

Don't have it

Ok.

Next time.

Does it look like I'm coming back?

It's good if you don't come!

But son, everyone comes back.

In my experience each one returns..

Unfortunately smoking is
such a pathetic habit..

Now come over here..

You come here!

Come on son.

Your treatment has begun. Come

And if I don't?

If you don't come?

Then how will you go?

From this moment
onwards you will not smoke..

Not even going to touch it..

And if you do

then for the first
one that you light..

.. we'll have your brother..

.. pay us a little visit
from his hospital bed..

.. do you know what this is ?

Once upon a time lived
a man called Hitler..

He had a teeny weenie moustache
like that Charlie of Chaplin..

See that.

My good friend,

Hitler

This was his stroke of genius

the Gas Chamber

And the lady there, she
is your doctor's mother..

.. and the smoke..

.. its the cigarette smoke..

..all the thousands of cigarettes..

..you must have smoked up
until now all that smoke in this..

..little room for your brother to
breathe in for all of five minutes.

Enough to make the
healthiest of lungs burst..

.. and I believe your
brother is just one lung-ed.

And if your resolve still doesn't
hold up and you light up again!

Please sir, just
listen to me, I swear

I swear to god almighty I'll never

He scripts with just one finger now

Salam Namaste, M.B.B.S.

Listen Maqbool, I am there for you.

And if you light a third one..

.. son before you
smoke it make sure..

.. you take one last long
loving look at your wife..

.. because in all likelihood
you'll never see her again..

.. and if your itch drives you
to light up a fourth time then..

.. it's the gas
chamber for your brother..

.. if he survives
the last onslaught..

.. and if he doesn't
then your mother..

remember to give her a warm farewell
hug before you light that one..

.. and despite all of the above if..

.. you still intend to
be as obstinate as a mule.

Then the mightiest of kings
have been rendered helpless..

.. before the
stubbornness of a child.

Smoke the fifth with all
the lungpower you've got.

No one will get in the way

No! Nope!

Nobody will stop you

Because son Soul-Full, the body
is divine.. Soul- Less, its dead.

You can go to the police station

You can try to fight us.

You can do whatever you want to..

.. but you can't smoke. Have fun..

Time to go

Let's go

You're absolutely insane.

I didn't come here
to sign any contract

I don't want to quit smoking

What will you do?

You can't do this to me!

Come with me

Where?

You can't do this to me

Let's go

Go where?
- Who are you?

What's your name?

This is illegal!

I can complain about you

I don't want to quit smoking!

What will you do?

If you don't want to
come along, can I leave?

Why are you wearing a veil?

Show me your face!

Show me your face!

Look..

Water

It's time for my prayer

Have to shut the shop

Your carpets loaded onto your car.

Here's the bill.

Hello

I went there..

Where?
- The Laboratory

I saw what they did to your mother

Why didn't you tell me?

How will they know if I smoke

Please K. Don't do that.

Whatever you do. Don't do that.

How the hell will they know?

How can one watch
you 24 hours a day..

If you don't want to watch your
family die before you do, one by one.

Don't touch the damn thing.

Just listen to me, don't touch it.

I won't just touch it
I'll frigging suck on one.

What if I go to the police?

Ok! Tell me..

Did someone take an appointment
for you to go to the Laboratory

Yeah

I had told you I'll take
the appointment for you!!

Had told you!!

I'll get the appointment for you!!

My mother..

My mum here she.. .

I think you're losing it, doctor.

My mother..

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow your age up.. "

"Blow it up in air.. "

"Throw the garment
made with breaths.. "

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow it up.. "

"Blow it up.. "

Didn't I tell you not to do it!

You'll be fine by tomorrow

Well, you should be
fine by tomorrow..

I've had this lighter
for the last two months

I had a match.

The ship matches..

.. and that too on a ship!

They slapped me with Prevention Of
Terrorism Act. Served eight months.

What's your name?

Boss!

What's your name?

Ram.

Bring the carpet to the office

Morning sir
- Good morning

Ram and Shyam.

I've never seen you before

I've been Working here
for the last two months sir

Where's the driver?

- Sir, he want to the
toilet - What? - Toilet sir!

Send him up?
- Right away, sir.

Why do you have shades on?

Conjunctivitis.

Take them off

Where the hell is that driver?

Can't find him

Will check again & send him up

Do you have a brother?

We are nine siblings

Except for my sister and myself
the rest are back home in my village

Call the bloody driver!

Sir what has happened?

What?
- Have I done something wrong?

Send the driver upstairs!

Sir!

And you also come with him

Yes sir

.. Balram.

Is this a joke?

What?

Why're you tailing me?

Tailing, Sir?

What's with the shades then?

Take them off

Baba Bengali has
sent you! Hasn't he?

Baba Bengali?
- Who's that?

Look here

I don't like playing the
stupid game you're playing..

I don't dig this
merry-go-round of yours one bit

But what did I do! I've
just come here for a job

Sir! Any problems?

Who's this man?

Ok. Who are you?

I came here for an interview..

.. got a call from your office

I was supposed to meet some Mr.

Some A.. B..

Some alphabet..

Sir

What have you got in your ears?

Hearing aids

You seem stressed..

I'm going crazy

Oh poor baby!

I'll find it!

Find it Sir.

Phone..

I have to take it

Hello
- Hello

What the hell did you get me into?

You had called?

You knew. Rascal.

You lost your fingers,
sent me to lose mine..

.. what the HELL do
you think you're doing!

What's so funny?

Nothing buddy!

I just did

What they told me to?

What did they tell you to do?

Laugh?

K!.. K!.. Buddy stop it!

I can't talk

My friend..

And you shouldn't talk either..

That Shri Shri Shri
whatever Baba Bengali

He's a crazed lunatic and

he's capable of anything

You'll pay hell for this!

I won't let it go so easy!

K! What happened?

Sorry. K!

You alright?

K
- I'm fine!

Those were the days my friend..

.. when we could smoke whatever,
wherever..

Hmmm..

And you took mine away,
you bastard..

Remember that day
we were smoking in..

.. my dad's
bathroom and he found us..

"Those were the days, my friend.

" We thought they'd never end."

"Sing and dance forever and today."

"We had a life to choose, we
thought we would never lose"

Abbas!

What are you doing
in there? Open up!

Abbas! Open the door!

Abbas!!

Abbas!! Open the door!

Abbas! Open the door!

What's he doing?

Abbas!!

What were you doing?

Nothing Dad

Look son

I know you boys are growing up

You are curious..

.. son.. but you know..

Sex is something..

Aah.. between a man and a woman

But uncle!

You shut up!

We were smoking, dad!

You were smoking?

I knew it

I knew my son could do no wrong.

And my son's friend too!

Come

Those were the days, man!

Great times!

No one to stop you!

I'm starting to feel sorry for you..

What?

Just look at yourself..

The Abbas then and the Abbas now..

You are like a flat tyre.

You've changed post marriage..

"Stranger.. "

"Stranger.. "

I'm going to smoke..

What?

Come what may..

K, have you lost it?

Let's see what can he do..

K!!!

Just watch me!

I'm gonna smoke..

K!!
- K!!

Don't do it K.

Annie!
- What are you doing?

On the net

Was about to sleep..

You have my
e-banking password, right?

Yes
- Log in

I had issued a cheque today

Rs.21,11,110

It has cleared

In a day!

It's showing a withdrawl

What happened, Sir?

Goodnight.

Where are you going, Sir?

I don't have a clue.

Why are you going, Sir?

Do you smoke after sex?

Oh shit..

I'm sorry. I never looked.

Do you smoke?

I sweat!

Book me on every flight that
goes from here to wherever it goes

From every destination
to every destination.

Am I clear?

What do I do with the other tickets?

Throw them!
- Okay!

Thrown them!

Like from here to here.

And if there are any
flights from those ..

.. destinations to
further destinations book..

.. me on all of those too..

From every destination
to every destination

All separate tickets
from a destination..

.. in separate boxes
packed separately!

For example all the
tickets from here..

.. go in this box labeled as..

And there should be a man
there waiting for me with the box..

Am I clear, Annie?

Meaning?

I mean that if I don't
have a clue where I'm headed..

.. there's no way in hell
that descendant of Hitler would?

"Kalkatta Carpets"

I forbade you, didn't I?

Where is my brother?

Let him go!

Let him go..

Look at me..

Let him go..

Or else..

Hey fatso.. move aside..

Hey!

What are you doing?

Leave my brother..

Let him go..

I don't want to go in there!

Please listen to me!

I don't want to go in there, dude!

Please.. Leave me!

Leave !
- Leave me! - Leave !

Your brother is still breathing..

Let him go

You've got to pay for that..

What price?

21 Lakh!!

11 thousand 1 hundred and 10!

Again!

Penalty

What is was that?

Punishment

And what about my Brother?

Hello!

Hello

K! We've found your brother

He is having trouble breathing.

We've put him on a ventilator..

How are feeling, J?

Go Away !

What's happened to him?

Lets go

Lets go

And don't ever try doing it again..

I know the little girl..

Yeah, It happens!

It happened to me too! Lets go!

"On 1st April 2000, this
Ventilator Room was ..

.. started with the
help of Kalkatta Carpets"

"Inaugarated by the gracious hands
of Shri Baba Bengali from Sialdah"

From today this office
is a no smoking zone.

Plaster the whole damn
place with "No Smoking" signs.

Get rid of every last ashtray..

The balcony will be a
strict no smoking zone..

.. so the lunch area,
- So the bathroom,

.. not inside nor outside.

And if someone wants to smoke?

Then he can leave the job..

But why sir?

Because I can't smoke

So you won't let anyone else either?

Nope!

Bad sign, I am with you.

"Hey, I want to tell
you about this thing.. "

"This stick called the cigarette.. "

"Yes, it is a thirst.. "

"It is a thirst.. "

"No reason to burn"

"It is a thirst.. "

"The evening's bled"

"The evening's bled"

"In a haze of red"

"In a haze of red"

"Every time a
cigarette is lit, I burn" Yeah.

"Smoking.. "

"I walk on fire, turn
into smoke and yearn"

"Every time a
cigarette is lit, I burn"

Darling, I am going to the bathroom.

"Hear someone scratch"

"A lonely match"

"Hear someone scratch"

"A lonely match"

"The sky is ablaze"

"In a twilight daze"

"Embers inside me churn"

"I turn into smoke and slowly burn"

"Threads of smoke"

"Threads of smoke
now stitch my breath"

"The smoke slowly coils,
A snake on the wind"

"The evening's bled"

"The evening's bled"

"In a haze of red"

"In a haze of red"

Let it be, I know you don't like me.

"Smoking.. "

Don't touch me.

Sorry.

"Smoking it baby.. "

"This pungent
smoke I inhale, return"

Annie in the restroom..

"I turn into smoke and slowly burn"

Anjali too is in the bathroom.

Oh, my God.

"Every time a
cigarette is lit, I burn"

"I walk on fire, turn
into smoke and yearn"

"Light a stick baby.. ".

"Every time a
cigarette is lit, I burn"

"No smoking.. "

Hello..
- Hey K! Yeah!

Alex?

Many greetings? My love..

Where are you calling from?

Mumbai..
- I am back!

Back with a bang!

Sorry!
- Bong!

Smoke?

I've quit.

Don't joke with me!!

Come On! Smoke!

Nope..

You are trying to humor me..

Do I look like I can?

You've changed!

But don't worry!

Coz I'm back.

And do you know why I am back?

Sarah, Why am I back?

What?

Sarah, why am I back?
- What?

Whore! Go back to Cuba!

From Havana.

Import from there..

Sell it here

In-fidel.

Castrated!

In-fidel.

Castrated!!

Back there when I ran away to
Sir Castro's beautiful Cuba!

Once there I booked myself in
a room in a three star hotel.

"How lucky can one guy be.. "

"I kissed her, she kissed me.. "

First day, I lay down on my bed.

"Everything all set.. "

The hotel was a three star..

.. two of which were
shining through my roof..

I stood up on the bed.

And stuck a finger
each in both the holes

My fingers weren't thick enough

I looked down.

Saw two cigars in an ashtray

I picked them up and
shoved them into the holes..

Then I got into the cigar business!

But soon enough, Smoking was banned!

What do I do now? I
was wondering when..

Sarah said "Let's go to India!"

But I was lost!

What would I do in India?

I swear

I had no idea my
fate matched Newton's

The cigar from one of
the holes fell on my head

And I thought..

What I used to do in Cuba..

Why not do that in India!

Now every Indian can have
the opportunity to blow on..

.. a In-fidel.. that's castrated..

With the spelling mistake.

And now ladies and
gentleman and friends!

There is a man

The man that made me smell
my first cigar. - Let's go!

K! Ladies & Gentlemen!

My dear friend, K!

Just K!

K for klinton guys!

The true blue cigar aficionado!

Hey K!
- Great!

Come On! Let's have K!

Come On!

Come K!

I'll only unwrap it.

Not light it

I don't smoke anymore.

Why?
- Why!

Search me..

Will only unwrap it.

Hey! Come on! Let's have it!

Ladies and gentlemen..

In-fidel castrated!

With a correct spelling!

Here
- Just touch it to your lips!

No man!

Don't light it. Just
put it in your mouth.

I'm telling you.. NO!

Come on!
- K! Come on!

Come On! Let's have a smoke!

What are you doing Alex!!

Come On! Let's have a smoke!

Heh! Let's have a smoke!

Hhaapppy biirrthhhday ttooo yyouu!!

Hhaapppy biirrthhhday ttooo yyouu!!

Hhaapppy biirrthhhday ttooo yyouu!!

I didn't do it!

Didn't do what?

I didn't do it!

Exactly what did you not do?

Who is speaking?
- What did you not do?

Who is speaking?

ACP Birsa Das Gupta

From your residence

Your wife called us

When we got here
everything was tossed about..

.. the walls are splattered with
blood and your wife is missing!

My wife is with me

Anjali is right here.

Why would she call you over?

Are you in the right house?

Your wife is with you?

Anjali is with me.

Can I speak to her?

"No shawl. No pillow.
The wind is to cold."

Sir!
- I am looking for her!

Anjali!

Anjali!

I am coming home

Relax!
- Relax!

Mr.. ?
- K!

K what?
- Just K

What happened here?

That's what we're
trying to find out!

Your wife?

She's disappeared?
- She was with you?

Yes, she was with me and now
she is not, she is disappeared.

There are too many strange things
going on around me, do you know?

Can I see what is
going on, upstairs?

This is my home, You know!

You continue.

Do you have anything to say?

Yes!

I know who has done it?
- Who?

Baba Bengali!

Who Baba Bengali?

That rascal omnipresent Baba Bengali

Sewer Rat! Hitler's bastard child!

That genetic mistake..

.. who runs The Laboratory!
- Laboratory?

Why are you smoking a cigar?

Coz I like it!

Who sent you here?

What is this Laboratory?

I'll call him.

Hello. Welcome to The Laboratory

How can I help you?

Get Baba Bengali on the line.

You would be Mr.. ?

K.. from Bombay..
- Yes sir!

Greetings!

Madam was just
brought in a while ago..

She's with Guruji in the Morgue..

I'll get him on the line

Guruji! Its K

Yeah K

Why did you pick Anjali up?

You're forgetting the rules son..

What rules?

I didn't even puff at it..

Now what qualifies as a
puff and what doesn't..

.. aren't we the
ones to decide that?

First things first..
- I did not smoke!

Alex forced that
thing into my mouth!

You shouldn't have
gone to the party.. and..

.. if in your eyes that
amounts to smoking it..

.. then you should have
taken my fingers not my wife.. .

.. when I smoke my third cigarette..

Your fingers were
being held by someone else.

Exactly!

I was forced to put it in my mouth..

It was shoved into my mouth!

But I spat it out before it was lit!

After it was lit!

Before it was lit!

After it was lit

Subsequent to it being lit!

Call the third umpire!

I am the sole umpire in this game

Be it the first or the second!

Either way, I'm the one who
gets to raise the finger..

Check it again

Ok. No harm in checking.

What is going on?

They are checking

What are they checking?

It's complicated!

Forward it

Idiot! A little more!

That's it! Stop.

Guruji!

What's the result?

He's telling the truth!

What!

The cigar had left his mouth when..

Heard you the first time!
I'm not deaf!!

His telling the truth means

We made the mistake?

Take him away!

Guruji! Please! Forgive me!

I messed up! I'm sorry

Listen K..

It was a tough call! After all

Chaurasia is a little bit of a man

Such people always
make little mistakes..

But the benefit of doubt in
all likelihood must come to me

You can't do this!

One can't escape the inevitable

Let Anjali go!

She's gone! I've sent her away!

The body has already been examined..

The Postmortem is finished!

The End
- But..

.. you still owe me that one rupee!

She is killed by you, but
the cops are here to arrest me!

I've lost everything!

But all you fucking want
is your bloody rupee..

Say whatever you will,
I've wronged you

Explain it to them..

Hello

Hello!

What is wrong?

Who were you talking to?
- Guruji!

Alex!

Not Alex

Guruji!

Where'd he go?

I spoke to him in front of you.

What are you looking at?

I called him in front of you!

I'll dial again

Please check the
number you've dialed.

How can it be?

That Hitler spawned
son of a bitch, Guruji!

It's ok Mr. Just K.

You will have to come with us

Do I look like I have a
morbid sense of humour?

Come with us

Wait, I can prove it!

I can prove it!

I love that, my friend.

Hello.
- Abbas!

Where are you? - Got the bad
news friend - My condolences!

What news!

How did you know?

From the bulletin. He's
sitting right across..

Please can you come over!
- Tell them!

Nobody here believes me!

You want me to come over?

Alright! I am coming..

He is coming!
- Who is coming?

My friend..

He had even lost his two
fingers after he went to Guruji..

Who is this guru-ji?

You know

I used to smoke a lot

And you feel the need to
relinquish the cigarette.

Yes.

Consider it done

Thank you for coming Abbas..

Tell them about The Laboratory!

What?
- Tell them!

Tell them what?

About Baba Bengali?

Who Baba Bengali?

Abbas!

I don't know what
you're talking about

You got me into this mess!

You got me into this bloody mess!

Show me the gloves!

What gloves?

Show me your fingers?

K.. What are you doing?
- K.. K stop it..

You are sick.

Show me your fingers?
- K.. K stop it..

K.. K stop it..

Here!! Have a good long look. ok!!!

Here!

Ok!!

What are you doing to me?

What am I doing?

What am I doing? K ?

What am I doing? K?

Keep your mouth shut,

Don't utter a single word.

Or your life will turn into hell.

You won't be able to
understand what is going on.

Take care, K!

Take care of yourself!

Ok!

Bye!

"Kalkatta Carpets"

Please STOP him Sir!

I'm telling you
there's nothing down there!

I've been working
here the past 20 years!

I am telling you, there is a
stairway right below this..

.. that opens out into
some Dharavi type slum

Right inside a veiled woman's house.

Awake?

You are the one who've passed out..

You want proof?

Where is my phone?

And a cigarette

Why don't I get a
Black Label along with it!

This is the only way

I am still in the program.

I'll light up and
that phone will ring.

I'll light this
cigarette and my phone will ring.

And someone will say that
my brother's disappeared.

"Take that drag"

"Take that drag"

"Take that drag"

"Take that drag"

"Take that drag"

"Take that drag"

"Take that drag"

"Take that drag of life"

"Blow away your strife"

"This world don't seem like much"

"Like a bubble to the touch"

"Why tip-toe on a bubble frail"

"On flowing water, flowing sail"

"Take that drag"

"Solitude's a choked fire"

"Prodded, poked, sleepless, stoked"

"Flickers invoke desire"

"Bunches red, of embers near-dead"

"Lit like fireflies
in the darkest cracks"

"Like burning eyes
placed on cinder stacks"

"It's a two-bit blaze
for a world of smoking'"

"Its two worlds' smoke
for a life unspoken"

"This world don't seem like much"

"Like a bubble to the touch"

"Why tip-toe on a bubble frail"

"On flowing water, flowing sail"

"Take that drag"

Hello?

What happened?

Your brother just killed himself..

He was murdered..

.. and it's all your fault

You are a co-accused

We are sorry

No. No.

Don't just be sorry!

You didn't believe me!

He committed suicide
because I smoked a cigarette.

And you were the one who forced
me to smoke a cigarette. - Hello.

Bye.

Your brother left a note..

In which he holds you

responsible for
his non-existent lung

He blames you and your smoking..

He blames me..

He can't even write a word of Hindi

He lived in Germany.

He speaks German! He writes German!

How do you communicate with him?

Rather did?
- What?

How did you communicate with him ?

What!
- How did you talk to him?

My mother worked in the
Embassy as an Interpreter..

Still does..

I must say..

He's fooling around !

Let's take him into custody

He'll be singing loud and
clear in four hours flat..

Okay.

Let's go.

This place is full of water.

If it won't flood in
Bombay where would it flood..

Rajasthan!!!

Hello!

This place is flooded!

You swim?

Hello!

Can you hear me?

Somebody get me out of here!

Is anybody here?

Keep your mouth shut,

he'll turn your life
into a living nightmare..

You won't know the difference..

.. between when you are
living and when you are dreaming?

"In this jaundiced jungle,
flows a river of smoke"

"In this jaundiced jungle,
flows a river of smoke"

The last minute of
the passing year and..

.. the next minute
of the coming year..

.. is called as the 0 minute.

And each year for the people
under the program is a designated..

place where you can smoke depending
on which country you are in.

"Everything is smoky."

"The leaves are all numb."

"I'm becoming
restless every second."

"I'm surviving on those leaves."

"My eyes that spoke, now wisps of
smoke, the light gives way to dark"

"There is nobody around.
I am very depressed.. "

"There is a bit pain left.
Now it is habitual.. "

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke your life,
smoke away your senses"

"Smoke the weave of your
breath-laced offenses"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"Smoke, stoke, smoke it"

"This heady high, and
the whole world sways"

"This tongue-less
lie will speak anyways"

"Smoke the word that
scorches your lip"

"Smoke the ash of night to its tip"

"Smoke away the dark,
the night is smoke"

10.. 9..

8..
- 7..

6.. 5..

4.. 3..

2.. 1..

And..

'You have just
gone into space-time.'

You are no longer
confined to physical objects..

.. aspects or surfaces
that contain within them.

You'll now experience the
power to identify a change.

It is a magic sensory
feeling that influences..

.. a minor
consequences of your charity.

You are now in the
limits of multiphase.

But not beyond space,

A bit strange!

"When the high has broken,
it's shards fall near and far"

"We pick the bits, collect our
wits, what smoky fools we are"

Hello?
- K!

Anjali?

Where are you ?

You're alive!
- What do you mean alive?

I'm dreaming again..

Why did you ask me if I was alive?

K!

Why you doubt i am alive..

Do you remember that
recurring dream I used to have,

every time I fell asleep in the
bathtub! I found myself in the..

What are you talking about?

My dream!

My dream.

Where are you?
- How did you call me here?

I got the number from your office

How?
- K!

I'm your wife!

I'm your secretary!

Remember !

You didn't want anyone at the office
to know that I was your wife too

You liked that
they gossiped about us

What nonsense!

My secretary got married!

To you K!

K please!
- What's happened to you?

I think I'm having a nightmare

I need a cigarette!

I can't take this anymore

I would rather that Guruji kill me..

If I smoke..

he'll kill me.

He'll kill me if I
so much as light it

I'll call you back!

Cigarette?

No!
- Close it!

Open it, rascal.

Shoot me..

Shoot me..

Shoot me..

Or give me a cigarette..

Give me a cigarette..

Give me a cigarette.. ..

Give me a cigarette, I wanna smoke..

Where are you taking me?

Please kill me, you fatso!

Kill me!

And what's the bathtub doing in
the middle of the snow desert..

I don't know..

Next time try
jumping in it, instead..

you might find another way..

Stop!

Hey! I'm telling you! Stop!

Stop! I'll shoot

Whaaaaat..

I was supposed to wake up in
my bathtub. Why am I here?

He emerged from a cupboard.

And he from a elmira..

I always emerge from under the bed

They said they'd bathe us today

C'mon, let's go.. It's
not him.. Let's go..

Your body..

He can't see you..

If you want, you can
speak to him over the phone

All you need is a one rupee coin..

You forgot to give them
the rupee, didn't you ?

So did I?

K!

He says there's no problem now

Everything is fine!

It'll all come back to you slowly

I felt as though someone
was calling out to me.

That was your voice..

your inner self,

Your soul.

Soul!

Smoke?

Soul..

The inner soul..

.. is often frivolous, debauch,
indulgent..

.. but with a strong
mind you can control it..

.. but if you are
inherently weak then my son,

.. the wandering soul has
to be released, let go..

Time for the bath.

The new guy. - What's the matter?

In the black coat!

Even he is going to be ruined.

Who are these people?

Why are they staring at me?

Come with me.

Hello!

I'm asking you!

Move away from the windows!

Away from the windows!

Those who have made the full
payment need not take the bath.

The rest please stand in a queue.

This bed..

Don't know where it came from?

This is my bed.

This is my table. - So, it is obvious
that this chair belongs to you.

No, only the table.

Yes.

I was here.

That's my name!

Yeah. Even I didn't
get it the first time!

I always came out of the bathtub..

Me too!

Don't stop. Keep moving.

What do we do?

What do we do?

He's fooling around with us..

Let's take him into custody.

He'll be singing
in four hours flat..

Ok.

This is the same cop!

Soul-full, the body is divine..
Soul-less, its dead..

Means what?

Lets go!

"With the burnt out
stubs of a thousand days"

In this lab..

.. its our responsibility..

to make you kick your extreme..

.. .craving for the cancer stick..

"With the burnt out
stubs of a thousand days"

.. and if we fail to deliver..

.. then we have no option left..

.. but to send you
down the road no..

.. Sane person would walk on..

Because my son,
Soul-full the body is divine..

.. Soul-less its dead..

The end.

To all present, kindly reach the
common bath in the next two minutes.

The doors are about to open.

"This ashtray's slowly filling"

"Crimson little bits of desire"

"Slowly spark, relight the fire"

"This ashtray's slowly filling"

"Slowly filling.. "

"The smoke slowly coils"

"Smoke.. "

"The smoke slowly coils,
a snake on the wind"

You owe me..

One rupee?

That's my fee in cash!

One rupee?

Give him!

No!

I can only accept it from him

This is also belongs to him!

Will a fiver do?

No that's fine..

This debt will lay a
heavy burden on your soul !

Make him bathe..

"This ashtray's slowly filling"

"With the burnt out
stubs of a thousand days"

"With the burnt out
stubs of a thousand days"

"Watch, don't touch it."

"Those moments scorched
by time still smolder"

"Those moments scorched
by time still smolder"

"You'll burn your fingers"

"For at last this ashtray's full"

It's a fool proof program!

Believe me!

They made me quit..

Even Abbas

At least check it out!

I can take an
appointment for you if you want..

What inconvenience, man!

That's what friends are for!

"We are in a game. I see a party."

"I want to gate crash but
it is not always easy.. "

"They never seem to be
looking in your eyes.. "

".. you want to cry, you want to
die, but you can't even get by.. "

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

s"Smoke your life.. "

"Smoke away your senses.. "

"Smoke the weave of your
breath-laced offenses"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"This heady high, and
the whole world sways"

"This tongue-less
lie will speak anyways"

"Smoke the word that
scorches your lip"

"Smoke the ash of night to its tip"

"Smoke away the dark,
the night is smoke"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"When the high has broken,
it's shards fall near and far"

"We pick the bits, collect our
wits, what smoky fools we are"

"Sip by sip, I scald my lip,
I drink the dew of bark"

"My eyes that spoke,
now wisps of smoke"

"Now wisps of smoke"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"

"Puff it, blow it, smoke it"