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1
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? And I need you today
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? Oh, Mandy. ?
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This programme contains some strong
language and adult humour
4
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Hiya. I'm from Scrubbers,
I'm here to do your downstairs.
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Right, I'm just off out for a bit.
I'll leave you to it.OK, yeah.
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Is there any specific areas you want
me to clean? All over, really.
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Actually, you can start with
the front door.
8
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OK. Thank you.See you.
9
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MUSIC: The Sheik Cha Cha
by Enoch Light
10
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Alexa, how can I heat up
my steak bake?
11
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Alexa,
play Like A Virgin by Madonna.
12
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SHE TUTS
13
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Waste of money.
14
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Ooh, look, a hot tub.
15
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79 Pritchard Avenue, here we are.
16
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I have always wanted to do
Who Do You Think You Are?
17
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Oh, this is different. This is
Who Are You, Do You Think?
18
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A programme in no way affiliated
to the long-running
19
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and successful genealogy show,
Who Do You Think You Are?
20
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I'd quite like to be Irish.
I always think they seem nice.
21
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Is this the house? Yeah.
22
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Claire Ashbourne.
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So all you have to do is, you know,
say a few words about
24
00:02:34,140 --> 00:02:36,975
how moved you are to be tracing
your family tree,
25
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deeply humbled, blah blah blah,
and then knock on the door, OK?
26
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In your own time. And if you feel
like crying at any point,
27
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don't hold back, OK? Action.
28
00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:50,775
I suppose I've always
had an affinity with the north.
29
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They're simple folk,
a bit rough and tumble,
30
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:55,295
but with an honest kindness.
31
00:02:55,420 --> 00:02:59,815
So to discover I've got relatives
here is really exciting.
32
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A cousin I've never met lives right
here in this house, and she holds
33
00:03:04,780 --> 00:03:07,575
the clue to what I'll be doing next.
34
00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:09,500
So let's go and meet her.
35
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DOORBELL CHIMES
36
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Who the fucking hell's that?
37
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What do you want?
38
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Oh, hello, it's Deborah Meaden.
39
00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:29,855
Who? Deborah Meaden.
I'm with the BBC.
40
00:03:29,980 --> 00:03:31,615
Oh, I only watch ITV.
41
00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:34,300
It's Deborah Meaden. I'm a Dragon.
42
00:03:35,260 --> 00:03:37,895
You having a breakdown?
43
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We rang you up last week. Look.
44
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Happens all the time.
45
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:45,815
Oils the wheels.
46
00:03:45,940 --> 00:03:47,175
OK, let's go again, Deborah.
47
00:03:47,300 --> 00:03:50,600
And, remember, if you want to cry
at any point, just go for it, OK?
48
00:03:53,660 --> 00:03:56,975
Hello, it's Deborah Meaden.
I believe we're cousins.
49
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,020
All right,
you'd better come through.
50
00:04:02,220 --> 00:04:03,735
Yeah, go through.
51
00:04:03,860 --> 00:04:06,140
This is my house. I live here.
52
00:04:10,060 --> 00:04:11,575
What happened to your arm?
53
00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:14,175
Well, let's say never get involved
in an arm wrestling match
54
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:16,135
with Hilary Devey.
55
00:04:16,260 --> 00:04:19,295
So I gather we share a great
grandmother.Oh, right.
56
00:04:19,420 --> 00:04:21,735
Yeah. So I've never actually seen
a picture of her.
57
00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:24,335
So I was wondering if you had any
photos tucked away anywhere?
58
00:04:24,460 --> 00:04:26,095
No, no, not on me, no.
59
00:04:26,220 --> 00:04:28,215
Erm, when we spoke over the phone
last week, you said
60
00:04:28,340 --> 00:04:30,335
that you did have some photos,
so it'd be really good
61
00:04:30,460 --> 00:04:32,060
if you could find them.
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I'll go and have a look.
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00:04:36,820 --> 00:04:40,500
MUSIC: Filastrocca Per Cretini
by Ennio Morricone
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Shite on house.
65
00:04:46,060 --> 00:04:48,060
SHE COUGHS
66
00:05:18,620 --> 00:05:21,420
That's her. That's our nan.
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00:05:23,940 --> 00:05:26,255
I-I don't know what to say.Aw.
68
00:05:26,380 --> 00:05:28,575
Makes you think, doesn't it.
69
00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:30,935
Ooh, does this mean
we'll be filming in India?
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00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:32,495
Oh, no, I'm afraid not.
71
00:05:32,620 --> 00:05:36,295
We already blew the travel budget
flying Sheena Easton to Sri Lanka.
72
00:05:36,420 --> 00:05:39,215
Sheena Easton? Bloody Sheena Easton.
73
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,935
But, look, erm, the two of you,
what you've got here, I mean,
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00:05:42,060 --> 00:05:43,855
it's really good. It's lovely stuff.
75
00:05:43,980 --> 00:05:46,815
Erm, have you got anything else
of your nan's?
76
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No.
77
00:05:49,540 --> 00:05:50,860
Are you sure?
78
00:05:53,860 --> 00:05:55,380
I'll go and have a look.
79
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:01,695
Are we going to be able
to use any of this?
80
00:06:01,820 --> 00:06:03,815
I mean, she's so...
81
00:06:03,940 --> 00:06:05,975
..normal. Oh, Deborah,
she's fantastic.
82
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:07,735
I mean, the viewers
are going to love her.
83
00:06:07,860 --> 00:06:09,975
I'm just wondering, actually,
if it might be an idea
84
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,935
to take her with us for the rest
of the journey. Really?
85
00:06:13,060 --> 00:06:15,855
Yeah. I mean, the two of you work
really well together.
86
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Be a shame to leave it like this.
87
00:06:17,340 --> 00:06:18,735
I'm not sure.
88
00:06:18,860 --> 00:06:20,255
I mean, you've seen what she's like.
89
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,895
Yeah, no, she's fantastic,
isn't she?
90
00:06:22,020 --> 00:06:23,055
She's TV gold.
91
00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:26,415
OK, let's just crack on
and get this over and done with.
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00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:29,660
MUSIC: Filastrocca Per Cretini
by Ennio Morricone
93
00:06:52,700 --> 00:06:54,735
Is that what I think it is?
94
00:06:54,860 --> 00:06:56,060
Her earthly remains.
95
00:06:58,300 --> 00:07:02,935
And cut there. Erm, er, basically,
we were wondering
96
00:07:03,060 --> 00:07:06,815
if you'd like to join us
for the rest of Deborah's journey.
97
00:07:06,940 --> 00:07:08,695
Where are you going? Oldham.
98
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:11,015
We've got some information there
on a relative of yours.
99
00:07:11,140 --> 00:07:14,415
Christ, I hope it's not
a Nazi sympathiser.
100
00:07:14,540 --> 00:07:16,655
No, it's a...it's a local historian.
101
00:07:16,780 --> 00:07:18,975
You'll be meeting with him
in a records office.
102
00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:23,015
Oh, right. Local historian.
I suppose all historians are local
103
00:07:23,140 --> 00:07:24,695
when you think about it.
104
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:27,575
They say you're never more than
three feet from a local historian.
105
00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:28,775
Or is that rats?
106
00:07:28,900 --> 00:07:30,460
DEBORAH AND MANDY LAUGH
107
00:07:31,580 --> 00:07:33,455
Er, so, erm, are you up for it?
108
00:07:33,580 --> 00:07:35,780
Yeah. Just let me put
some knickers on.
109
00:07:38,780 --> 00:07:40,255
And action.
110
00:07:40,380 --> 00:07:43,215
So, Jeffery, you're a local
historian and you've got some
111
00:07:43,340 --> 00:07:47,375
information on a relative who used
to work in a cotton factory?
112
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:52,055
Er, Lizzie Haworth, your great great
grandmother, used to work here
113
00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:55,575
as a cotton piercer, repairing
broken lengths of cotton.
114
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:58,535
A very dangerous job,
and many people had accidents.
115
00:07:58,660 --> 00:08:02,535
And, unfortunately, your great great
grandmother was one of them.
116
00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:04,935
Her fingers got caught up
in the machinery
117
00:08:05,060 --> 00:08:06,815
and she lost six of her fingers.
118
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:09,335
So she'd have been unable to work.
119
00:08:09,460 --> 00:08:10,700
That's right.Result!
120
00:08:12,060 --> 00:08:16,895
Actually, in those days, of course,
there was no benefit system, so not
121
00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:19,975
working meant life could be very
difficult indeed, especially
122
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:22,975
if you didn't have any well-off
relatives to help you out.
123
00:08:23,100 --> 00:08:27,060
And I found this in the local paper
from the time.
124
00:08:28,180 --> 00:08:30,815
So February the 8th, 1902.
125
00:08:30,940 --> 00:08:33,495
Miss Lizzie Haworth
has been taken to court
126
00:08:33,620 --> 00:08:35,375
and charged with soliciting.
127
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:36,895
She was a prostitute!
128
00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:40,135
Wasn't there some other kind
of work she could have done?
129
00:08:40,260 --> 00:08:43,975
Well, she could have taken
in washing, as other women did,
130
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:46,895
but that was long hours
for very little money. Mm.
131
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:49,820
And whacking off some chap
would only take a few minutes.
132
00:08:51,260 --> 00:08:54,020
Harder work, though,
with less fingers, so.
133
00:08:55,780 --> 00:08:57,095
And cut.
134
00:08:57,220 --> 00:09:00,055
Thanks, Jeffery, that was wonderful.
Exactly what we're looking for.
135
00:09:00,180 --> 00:09:03,055
Don't you want to see some
of the old factory records?
136
00:09:03,180 --> 00:09:06,230
Er, no, that's great. We've got
everything we need. Thank you.
137
00:09:11,540 --> 00:09:14,375
Do you have any other relatives
who might be able
138
00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:16,420
to bring Deborah's story to life?
139
00:09:17,540 --> 00:09:20,660
Ooh, there's my Uncle Charlie,
but he's a bit...
140
00:09:21,740 --> 00:09:23,335
He's a bit what?
141
00:09:23,460 --> 00:09:25,340
Well, you'll see.
142
00:09:33,180 --> 00:09:35,495
Nature breedin' 'ell.
143
00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:36,655
What do you want?
144
00:09:36,780 --> 00:09:37,975
Th-this is Deborah.
145
00:09:38,100 --> 00:09:39,695
She works at the BBC.
146
00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:42,455
She reckons she's related to us.
147
00:09:42,580 --> 00:09:46,495
Deborah. Deborah, my little
flowerpot petal face.
148
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,735
Me baby!
149
00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:50,140
HE CRIES LOUDLY
150
00:09:53,780 --> 00:09:55,135
Come in, sparrow.
151
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:56,300
Come in, cock.
152
00:09:58,220 --> 00:10:01,455
Deborah, this is our Uncle Charlie.
153
00:10:01,580 --> 00:10:03,535
He were a stonemason.
154
00:10:03,660 --> 00:10:07,775
I'm not a mason, but I know a good
bit of stonework when I see it.
155
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:11,780
He went to jail for killing
a man stone dead.
156
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:14,855
These are your cousins.
157
00:10:14,980 --> 00:10:16,415
They're both grown up now.
158
00:10:16,540 --> 00:10:19,775
Han Solo's a roofer,
and Obi-Wan's a barrister.
159
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,335
A barrister.
160
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:22,935
What does he specialise in?
161
00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:24,420
Oat-milk lattes, I think.
162
00:10:25,740 --> 00:10:27,655
That's Mick the fitter.
163
00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:29,455
He fits kitchens.
164
00:10:29,580 --> 00:10:32,615
When he were 15 years old,
he had a wood round
165
00:10:32,740 --> 00:10:35,895
and he used to sell chips for
half a crown and logs for two bob
166
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:38,095
and take 'em round on pram wheels.
167
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:42,415
He had a try-out with Manchester
City, but they didn't take him on.
168
00:10:42,540 --> 00:10:43,940
And how's he related to us?
169
00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:46,140
He's not.
170
00:10:55,260 --> 00:10:59,135
It's, er, finally time to scatter
your grandmother's ashes.
171
00:10:59,260 --> 00:11:02,735
Er, so just say a few words, have
a little cry if you want to, OK?
172
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:05,015
Erm, in your own time. Action.
173
00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:06,455
CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
174
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:09,175
So it's...it's strange,
because in many ways
175
00:11:09,300 --> 00:11:10,655
I feel like I've come home,
176
00:11:10,780 --> 00:11:14,335
but, then, in other ways,
I can't wait to get back to London.
177
00:11:14,460 --> 00:11:19,135
But it's so moving to be scattering
the ashes of a member of the family
178
00:11:19,260 --> 00:11:23,740
who I'd never met, but in so many
ways feel very connected to.
179
00:11:43,340 --> 00:11:45,790
She would have been so chuffed
to be on the telly.
180
00:11:50,660 --> 00:11:54,255
Well, it's been lovely, but I really
do need to get back to London.
181
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:57,295
Maybe we can watch the show
together when it goes out.
182
00:11:57,420 --> 00:11:59,055
That'd be lovely.
183
00:11:59,180 --> 00:12:02,420
You will let us know when it's on,
won't you?
184
00:12:03,780 --> 00:12:06,455
Of course, Deborah.Great.
185
00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:08,415
You must pop round sometime.
186
00:12:08,540 --> 00:12:10,495
Yeah, well, thanks.
187
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:13,780
MUSIC: Filastrocca Per Cretini
by Ennio Morricone
188
00:12:16,860 --> 00:12:17,940
Ooh.
189
00:12:19,740 --> 00:12:21,620
Mind if I unplug your phone?
190
00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:27,220
I just need to plug
my slow cooker in.
191
00:12:33,860 --> 00:12:35,380
That'll be done by Reading.
192
00:12:38,220 --> 00:12:40,135
DOOR BELL CHIMES
193
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,935
Oh, it's you.
194
00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:43,575
Our show's on today.
195
00:12:43,700 --> 00:12:46,695
You said we could watch it together,
but they never told me it was on.
196
00:12:46,820 --> 00:12:49,775
Yeah, but...Just come through.
197
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:51,940
Ooh, look, you've got a chandelier.
198
00:12:53,060 --> 00:12:57,615
It's been a really moving
and sometimes baffling experience,
199
00:12:57,740 --> 00:13:01,335
but I think I can safely
say that I now know
200
00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:03,380
who I think I am.
201
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:08,295
Not as good as Danny Dyer's,
but still all right.
202
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:09,535
Well, thanks, Claire,
203
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:12,735
I have to say I genuinely couldn't
have done it without you.
204
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:14,175
Claire? Who's Claire?
205
00:13:14,300 --> 00:13:15,215
I'm Mandy.
206
00:13:15,340 --> 00:13:17,175
Mandy? You're not Claire Ashbourne?
207
00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:19,335
No. So we're not related?
208
00:13:19,460 --> 00:13:21,255
This whole show's been a lie.
209
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,855
I thought it were weird.
210
00:13:22,980 --> 00:13:25,815
You didn't think to question
why a TV producer was talking about
211
00:13:25,940 --> 00:13:27,890
all the telephone calls
he had with you?
212
00:13:28,740 --> 00:13:30,215
Well, no matter, who's to know.
213
00:13:30,340 --> 00:13:32,980
As long as I get invited
on Taskmaster, I don't care.
214
00:13:34,340 --> 00:13:36,255
PHONE RINGTONE
215
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,620
Ooh, that might be Taskmaster now.
216
00:13:40,180 --> 00:13:43,220
What? 37 missed calls
from Meera Syal.
217
00:13:44,260 --> 00:13:45,935
Do you want some stew, Deborah?
218
00:13:46,060 --> 00:13:47,975
Oh, Mandy...
219
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:49,015
..I'm out.
220
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:50,660
I'll have some.
221
00:13:55,620 --> 00:13:57,455
Is it beef?
222
00:13:57,580 --> 00:13:58,495
? Oh!
223
00:13:58,620 --> 00:14:00,295
? Papa loves mambo
224
00:14:00,420 --> 00:14:01,415
? Papa loves mambo
225
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:02,815
? Mama loves mambo
226
00:14:02,940 --> 00:14:04,295
? Mama loves mambo
227
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:05,655
? Papa does great with it
228
00:14:05,780 --> 00:14:07,215
? Swings like a gate with it
229
00:14:07,340 --> 00:14:09,095
? Evens his weight with it, now
230
00:14:09,220 --> 00:14:11,260
? He goes to
231
00:14:12,380 --> 00:14:14,100
? She goes fro
232
00:14:15,260 --> 00:14:17,575
? He goes fast
233
00:14:17,700 --> 00:14:19,180
? She goes slow. ?
234
00:14:19,230 --> 00:14:23,780
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