All language subtitles for Boston Legal [4x14]

I don't think it's working out.

- What isn't working out?
- Us.

Andrea Michele, the client.

Am I getting my ass whipped?

Not that I don't like that.

You need to tone it down.

Now I'm horny.

United states coast guard auxiliary-

- a volunteer component of the coast guard.
- Let's go.

I get seasick, but whatever.

oh, we're gonna be in the military.

Already my penis feels bigger.

Katie.

A court-appointed, indigent
client--check forgery.

I should be able to manage that.

Yes, manage it quickly, please,

so we can put you on a case that might
actually make this firm some money.

Hello.

"Dear Maureen, "being with you is being.

"Thinking about the
last time we madlove,

"I feel both a total sense of peace
and a voracious hunger.

When I am on you, I am. Meet me."

That's sweet, but I'm not Maureen.

I'm Maureen.

Guess who wrote this.

The suspense is simply
more than I can bear.

My pastor.

We had an affair.

And this is one of the letters
he wrote while we were together.

I loved him.

He dumped me.

I want to sue him.

- Clarence.
- Yes.

This is Maureen.

She loves her pastor.

Clarence will help you.
Pay no attention to his shifty eyes.

Hello.

- Who are you?
- Who are you?

Busy.

Andrea.

My friends call me the Beav.

Uh, oh, yes. I remember you.

You're the one that sued
over the nuclear power plant.

Well, what is it today, Beav?

Congratulations.

Who's the lucky troop ship?

Funny. Got a first name?

Extremely.

Extremely busy.

Hold on. I bring business.

This ring is a zirconium.

It's supposed to be my mother.

You're very tall, by the way.

I sent her ashes to a company that
takes out the carbon, heats it up,

smashes it down and turns
it into a memorial diamond.

But this, as I said, is not a diamond.

It's a cubic zirconium.

I've been defrauded.

I'm looking for a tall, distinguished yet
privately debauched attorney to satisfy the Beav,

and you're it.

Hello, mr. Morris. I'm Katie Lloyd.
I'll be representing you.

Leo.

Aries.

Now we've got that out of the way.

No, my name is Leo.

Oh, I beg your pardo um...

I see yore charged with felony forgery,
and there appears to be ample evidence.

Well, that's only because I did it.

Oh, I see. Do you--
do you have a reason?

I do. I'm dying.

You don't look it.

You got me.

I'm not, and therein lies the problem.

You seem confused.

I'd be glad to explain over dinner.

How about you do so now?

Okay.

Are you familiar with
viatical settlements?

A termally ill person signs over his
life insurance policy for up-front cash...

and when that person dies, the company
collects the policy's full death benefit.

Yes. Four years ago, I
was diagnosed with A.I.D.S.

Bad blood transfusion.

He adds to assure me he's straight.

Anyway, I-I didn't respond to
any of the medications, none.

My "t" cells plummeted,
my viral load soared.

I couldn't work. I had no savings.

I needed money to live on.

Well, to die on.

So you sold your life insurance policy?

Yeah, they gave $40,000 and agreed to cover my health
and life insurance benefits for the rest of my life,

which seemed to be a few months away.

But then these new
treatments came out--

they call them rescue drugsfor A.I.D.S. patients
who don't respond to normal medications--

and turned things around.

Great for me. I get to live.

Not so great for the viatical company which promised
to pay for my health insurance for the rest of my life.

And now they want out of the deal?

And I still need the deal.

Basically, if I don't get
the right treatment, I die.

So I took one of their checks, made counterfeits
and started paying the premiums that way.

Evidently that's a crime?

Well, I've been assigned by
the court to your case, so...

I'm in luck.

I told him to get rid
of it, but he didn't.

What do you expect me to do?

Backstop him.

Help make it go away.

She's suing her pastor for dumping her?

That's ridiculous.

Ah, of course it is.

This is the firm where ridiculous...

Excuse me.

Hello.

Need something?

What are you doing?

Mouth-to-mouth.

Coast guard training.

We need to know C.P.R.

No tongue.

I've saved you some time.

I've called the president of the
company that makes these rings,

and he's agreed to come
here and meet with you.

You should be on your knees thanking me.

Win us the case, and
I'll get down on mine.

Well, had she
been drinking or--

no, no.It was a school day.

She had been up the prior
night studying for a test.

Earlier that week, she had pulled
an all-nighter to finish a paper.

They think she fell asleep at the wheel.

How can I be of help, mrs. Joseph?

I believe that my daughter
was hugely sleep deprived

as a result of both stress and workload.

I partly blame myself for even letting her
drive because I knew how tired she was, but...

she wouldn't be dead
if it weren't for the...

I want to sue her high school.

You can't use a snorkel, man.

Why not?

Well, they won't let you.

We're supposed to be
able to save people.

You look like you need to be rescued.

Denny, I'm afraid of the water.

Don't say that to the coast guard!

They won't let you in, man.

what's his problem now?

I have no idea.

They'll drop the charges,
just like that?

No, not just like that.

It took a phenomenal bit
of lawyering on my part.

And it's conditioned on the viatical
company agreeing not to press charges.

I have a settlement conference
scheduled for tomorrow at 10:00.

Well, what's your cause of action?

Emotional distress.

For a break up?

Well, this was her ptor.

There may be a special duty
of care, like with a therapist.

I don't know, Clarence.

Well, I might as well tr what's to lose?

Honestly?

Your career.

I don't mean to be harsh, but
if you want to advance here,

taking cases that waste the firm's time and
resources isn't the best way to accomplish that.

Carl's not happy you ran with this.

He'll be happy if we get something.

You okay?

So talk to me. What's the matter?

It's not a new discussion.

The cases we...

I've got Clarence and Lorraine handling a
woman who's suing because her pastor dumped her.

Katie is taking care of
a court-appointed matter.

Denny and Alan are very busy
trying to join the coast guard.

Your friend Andrea wants
me to sue some crematorium

for turning her mother
into a cubic zirconium.

I-it seems like
every case we do--

Carl. Sorry.

I just took a client.

Her daughter was killed in a car wreck,

and she wants to sue her high
school for wrongful death,

claiming they made
her kid sleep deprived.

I just couldn't say no to the woman.

Sorry.

That's who we ar Carl.

would you like to lighten
the mood by talking about us?

Sure.

Have you really been that unhappy?

I think...

when people become parents, their personal
lives get pushed to the back burner,

where they sit dormant for years.

Husbands and wives become...

ancillary to each other,
'causing many a marriage to fail.

Mine did, as did the
dozen or so of yours.

Funny.

You and I are very compatible, Shirley.

We like the same movies,
we go to museums together.

We just make splendid company when we're
not off independently doing our own things.

And we make excuses for the lack of...

let's call it heat.

We're not that old, Shirley.

And sexually, yoare still a
beautiful, passionate woman.

I'm still capable of passion,
without medication even.

I mean, these are the years when our
personal lives should be very much

on the front burner again.

And with you and I, together...

they're not.

Which brings me back to you
deserve more, and so do I.

Does that make sense?

A little too much, actually.

Shirley, I've represented you.

I now need you to represent me.

Why?

It's possible I might be disqualified from
the coast guard cause I'm afraid of water.

I want to sue under the
americans with disabilities act.

I think not.

an egregious wrong by your client has resulted
in a great spiritual loss to miss janely.

They banged, he bailed, she bruised.

We're prepared to go forward with this.

But we're willing to
entertain a settlement offer.

Would we be here if he'd
kept on slapping her sheets?

It wasn't cheap and ugly.

It was a profound love.

Tell her.

I was...

intoxicate I was powerless.

Did you love me?

No.

bu.

it was lust.

What we were doing s
a sin and had to stop.

And I couldn't leave my wife
and marry you just for the lust.

That would just be sinning
against you even more.

W-w-well, what
do I do now?

If I don't have you, what do I do?

She was taking four A.P.Courses.

She was involved in
at least 15 activities.

This was by her choice.

Well, it was and it wasn't.

She saw everybody else doing it,
and she didn't want to lag behind.

I-it--it just seems
there's this frenzy,

be it S.A.T.Scores or
getting into the best college,

and the kids, even the ones who get a's
like samantha, feel they can ways do more.

And you blame the school?

Well, I-I realize that some
of it comes from the parents.

We all want our kids to succeed, but...

but most of the pressure
comes from their peers.

And certainly the schools
can see the stress.

It's widespread.

Do the parents see the stress?

Yes, and I did.

But how do you get your kid to
decompress when she feels that

if she doesn't take four A.P.Courses,

if she doesn't succeed in sports, if
she isn't involved in school government,

then she can forget about
going to a selective college?

After all of her activities, she would
come home from school at 9:00 or 10:00,

only then to start her homework.

Now these schools need to
set limits, and they don't.

Did you?

- I tried, but I- - ever
lean on h to do better?

Sometimes.

And I regret it.

If I had her back, I would say,

"honey, let's go to the beach or take
a hayride or build a snowman or"...

my god, these kids don't even
go on spring break these days.

They use the time to visit
colleges or take S.A.T.Courses.

I'm sorry, judge.

I know that you don't want tears,
but--but we put too much on these kids.

They don't sleep.

And my baby's dead because of it.

Good morning.

My name's Katie Lloyd.

I represent Leonardo Morris.

Yes, we've actually met before.

How are you, Leo?

Alive.

I can be such a killjoy.

And I'm bob winthrop, the
C.E.O.Of living securities.

- Katie Lloyd.
- Pleasure.

First, let me say, mr. Morris,
we are happy for your recovery.

I've met with the district attorney.

I suspect she'd agree not to prosecute on the
check forging if you agree not to press charges.

Done.

- Really?
- Of course.

And I assume you'll agree
not to pursue us civilly.

I can't do that.

You entered into a contract
to pay for my health insurance.

You breached it.

That contract presumes
a meeting of the minds.

Clearly there wasn't here.

- How do you figure?
- Leo.

She asks.

Well, uh, I don't want to sound like ghoul, but that
contract presumes you'd be dead within six months.

As it turns out, you could live forever.

That was you not wanting
to sound like a ghoul?

Look, everybody knows
what viatical companies do.

We buy life insurance
policies from dying people.

He presented himself as a dying man.

He didn't die.

What did you do with my mother?

Well, as I was explaining
to mr. Sack, uh,

despite our best efforts to provide
you with a carbon, cremain-based gem--

yeah, wheris she?

We encountered a glitch.

If you'll refer to the contract, "in the
event of a material processing complication,

"life-jewel guaranteesa-a substitute
of equal or greater value."

Cubic zionium is of
greater value than ashes.

what, are you kidding me?

I'll gladly provide you a full refund.

- I want you to refund me my mother, her ashes.
- Plus...

$25,00

well, we'll see you in court.

- Wait. Now let's just hold on a second.
- Of course we're not going to accepthat insulting offer.

- Andrea, look-
- Kere's a guarantee, mr. Parkes--

call your lawyer.
We will see you in court.

Go on. Go.

What?

You're upset with me.

I'm upset with myself
for being manipulated.

Look, uh, may I call you "extremely,"
though it's a funny first name?

Call me Carl, Beav.

You know, you need
to loosen up a little.

Now how often does it happen that an oversexed
woman barges in with a cubic zirconium,

complaining that it's not her mother?

W-what do you mean, I have no case?

Well, Maureen, courts don't
intervene in failed romances.

To give another person one's
love, that's everything, isn't it?

It is, but when one enters into a love affair,
he or she assumes the risk of a broken heart.

Can't you do anything?

Because of what he did, I no
longer even believe in god.

this just isn't fair.

You no longer believe in god?

No. How could I?

Look, kids are raised
with the mind-set now...

forget about love of learning,
it's get into the trophy college.

All I ever hear about is how our kids don't
learn, how r education system is failing.

It is.

Getting the grade is
not the same as learning.

In fact, sometimes
they're mutually exclusive.

The kids have mastered test taking.

It's memorization.

They forget it as soon
as the exam's over.

Moreover, the competition has
created a culture of cheating.

It's all about getting the advantage.

And it's every bit as bad
as mrs. Joseph suggests.

What do we do about it?

Well, in my thinking, it
does start with the parents.

They see dad-- now mom and
dad-- competing in the workplace,

maximizing career opportunities,
exploiting any edge they can get.

We live in a society
that likes to keep score.

It happens in life.

It's going on in the home, and--and we
can't stop it from happening in the schools.

How about not offering the A.P.Courses?

We do that, and the kids leave in droves
and find someplace that does offer them.

Stress-management classes?

We've got them.

The kids don't have
time to schedule them in.

Limiting the amount of
extracurricular activities?

Well, it sounds good.

Problem is, when it comes time apply to college,
our kids compete with kids from other schools.

What you're suggesting is we take
away their ability to compete fairly.

How do we do that?We
put a big sign saying,

"if you want to go to
harvard, don't enroll here"?

Yes. It doesn't have to be harvard.

Tell that to the parents.

Well, somebody's got
to take the lead here.

How?

Should we say, "don't aim for the top"?

How about let's
redefine what the top is?

But it's the kids who define it.

Does getting into a select college mean they have
a better chance of achieving success or happiness?

- No.
- Well...

maybe you should start
by telling them that.

Even assuming you really are
willing to go to jail on the fgery--

if I can't afford my medications,
my lifespan gets pretty short.

Prison doesn't really scare me.

You'd be dead long before this could ever get to
trial, so why should we be scared of a lawsuit?

His estate can sue for wrongful death.

Oh, come on.

Look, we make it possible for terminal
people to enjoy some quality of life.

By betting on their death.

You don't know my business, counsel.

I will make it a point, sir, for
the jury to know your business.

They will learn that your
industry is rife with corruption,

that it's largely
unregulated by the S.E.C.

That a grand jury indeed found that up to 50% of
viatical agreements may indeed have be procured by fraud.

- Look, you don't have-- - and while
you entice investors by convincing them

they're making a humanitarian
investment that will turn a huge profit,

you currently have no fewer than 11 lawsuits
filed against you by these investors,

who've yet to see any of the
giant returns you guaranteed.

My investors have done
just fine, thank you.

In the '80s perhaps, when
A.I.D.S. victims paid off by dying quickly.

You bought my client's policy
when he was circling the drain.

You made what you thoughtwas a sure bet, and
now that it's turned out otherwise, you renege.

You've breached a
contract, mr. Winthrop,

and in so doing, have me it impossible
for my client to afford his medication.

You very well may hasten
his death, but hey,

I'm sure the jury will
find you quite sympathetic.

Okay, that was good.

Thank you.

So where do we go from here?

Well, hopefully they'll
make us an offer.

I mean you and me.

You got me all excited about
living another 40 years or so.

Did I?

If only I'd known getting
arrested could have such an upside.

All the crimes I could have committed.

Leo, I-I represent you, so it would
be extremely unethical to-- for me to--

to kiss you.

So now you're in trouble.

Big trouble.

I better go.

Uh, you'll call?

What's wrong with you calling?

No, I meant if we get an offer.

I'll definitely be calling.

Night, Leo.

Night.

Thank you for coming back.

Reverend joyner, I just
want to extend my apologies.

It was wrong for my client to sue you.

I must confess I hadn't properly
reviewed the facts, but now that I have,

we'll be withdrawing
our claim forthwith.

What?

Is this a trick?

No, it's not a trick, ms. Path I quite properly
realized it shouldn't be Kurt who Maureen sues,

but rather the church.

What? Why?

Well, your relationship
began with you as her pastor.

You were acting as an
agent of the church.

Nice try.

You can't sue a church
for a broken heart, twiggy.

The claim would be loss of faith.

The reverend has caused my
client to lose her faith in god.

That's ridiculous.

Is it now?

I suspect not to Kurt.

I had opportunity to read
several of his sermons,

many of which eloquently convey
how love and faith are inextricably,

indelibly woven together.

"Whoever does not love does not
know god because god is love."

That's beautiful.

Yes, we quite rightly will
be pursuing the church now.

They're a much deeper
pocket, by the way.

Oh, and thank you for
categorizing your feelings as lust.

It will help with liability, though I'm not se your
congregation will be pleased to learn their pastor is a sinner.

Look, maybe we can just settle this.

No, we can't.

Emma...

I can't have the church
dragged into this.

She's extorting you, Kurt.

She's just trying to scare
you so youl quit fighting.

Is god a quitter?

No.

I need more conviction, Kurt.

Is god a quitter?

No.

What would Jesus do, Kurt?

He'd fight back.

Jesus wasn't a baby, was he, Kurt?

No.

Jesus would get her.

That's what he'd do.

He'd get her.

We're not settling.

What kind of preposterous
nonsense is this?

That's the kind of nonsense
we specialize in, judge.

But as preposterous as it is,
these companies actually exist.

They convert the remains
of people into diamonds.

This firm, however, lost the
ashes of my clients mother,

and instead proffered a cubic zirconium.

It isn't right.

I don't really care.

Why should a court take up its
valuable time with something so...

because it matters, judge.

Cases likehis really do matter.

Are you going to make me tell you why?

Yes.

Okay.

I'm a great believer in capitalism.

It fuels our competitive edge,
it's the lifeblood of our economy.

But it also can bring out some
of our most disgusting tendencies.

And nowhere are we more
exploitative, more disgusting,

more soulless than we
are in the death business.

Get them when they're grieving.

Whether it's the solid mahogany coffin,
the choicest plot, the marble tombstone--

if you truly loved a lost one, you
should pay through the nose to show it.

And they come up with ingenious, creative new
ways profit off grief, like these diamond rings.

It's so easy to bilk people in
their weakest emotional states.

They'll pay a higher price, they'll sign a misleading
contract, they won't scrutinize the fine print.

My god, who first came up with,
"let burn the bodies and sell urns"?

The truth is, we are so desperate to hold
on to our loved ones, we'll do anything.

My client sought to hold on
to her mother with a ring.

They lost the ashes, they breached the contract,
then tried to defraud her with a cubic zirconium.

And with that, I think our time
has come to take advantage of them.

$750,000?

I think we have to take it.

And they'll waive the forgery charges?

They will. You'll
have a check this week.

What can I say? Marry me.

Then half the money
would be mine, I suppose.

You know, once this case is
over, I won't be a client anymore.

N-no, you won't.

You'll be free to do...

whatever.

I suppose I will.

BuT... you shouldn't do it here.

We've all heard the moans of the
modern-day high school teacher--

"my kids aren't motivated,
they don't want to learn."

A-anthat's real, but
we got another epidemic,

especially in the middle-class,
upper-class and affluent schools.

It's called teenage depression.

A recent study at the centers
for disease contro found that

17% of kids in grades 9 through 12
have seriously considered suicide.

What? 17%?

It is now the third leading
cause of death for teenagers.

Some experts say drowsy driving
is as deadly as drunk driving.

80% of teenagers today
are sleep deprived.

This now, when we're learning that losing
sleep causes a multitude of medical issues,

not just depression, but anxiety,
weakening of the immune system, A.D.H.D.

High-stress teens are twice as
likely to smoke, drink, use drugs.

What the hell is going on?

Our kids are overstressed, overscheduled

because it's all about getting the
gre, getting into a good college.

Oh, they're arriving at
college, by the way--fried.

Princeton is now considering recommending
a gap year between high school and college

because freshmen are showing up
burned out, in no condition to learn.

Why in god's name do we have to
teach A.P.Courses in high school?

These are college courses.

What ever happened to wting for college?

And the answer can't be, "we have to
offer them 'cause other schools are."

And for all the work those
stressed-out kids are doing,

there's no correlation between happiness,
success and getting into the right school.

None.

Meanwhile, they're missing out
on fun, downtime, beina teenager.

It's taking a physical
and emotional toll.

The neuroscience on multitasking
shows it hurts the brain.

It dumbs us down.

All this stuff our kids are doing
to get ahead is setting them back.

Samantha joseph ended up dead.

This is a much bigger
picture than high school.

It's our nation's power culture today.

Do everything it takes to get ahead.

The athletes take steroids,
the students pop adderall,

our elected officials
engage in dirty politics--

it's all about winning.

And parents?

they want their kids to win.

There may be no correlation
between success and harvard,

but they want their kids to
wear the crimson just the same.

They look at their friends'
kids, their neighbors' kids,

and they want their own kids to be better
than because we are a nation of winners.

Samantha joseph perhaps died in
part because she was doing too much,

trying to succeed in
a competitive world.

And yet ask any parent
what they want most,

it's "prepare my teen to
succeed in a competitive world."

People today with A.I.D.S.Can
live a-a long time, but...

many more die quickly,
and it is not a fun death.

Is death supposed to bfun?

Love is.

Have you considered, if this worked out,

you couldn't have a biological child with him
without risking A.I.D.S.To both yourself and the baby?

Might you let us have a single date
before counseling me on marriage?

Relationships start with a single date.

I'm not your mother,

but since your parents are in england
and I'm the one that hired you,

I would ask you to think
very carefully about this.

Common sense can be an ugly
beast sometimes, can't it?

Judas Priest.

Too patriotic?

What a suck up.

There's my little litigator man.

- Scute.
- Andrea.

I couldn't stop thinking abo
yoand your big speech and--

Andrea, by some miracle, the judge
ruled in our favor, which means,

oh, joy, we get to keep
handling this megacase.

Speaking of trials of the century.

Clarence, Lorraine, please tell me
you got a settlement from the pastor.

We're working on it.

"Working on it."

Here she comes.

I have truly wonderful news.

after Kurt's disgusting behavior
yesterday, I confronted him.

We got into a big fight, all
kinds of emotions poured out.

Sum total-- he
still loves me.

we're back together.

I'm dropng the suit.

Thank you all so, so much.

Oh, great!

We came out of it with a thank-you.

Golly gee.

okay, here's the deal--
you need serious help.

That was a good thing that
just happened out there.

Two people in love got back
together--that's a victory.

The fact that you can't see past
the bottom line to appreciate that--

you got a problem.

I appreciate it when I fall in love.

- As for Maureen's bliss--
- oh, wait. When was the last time that happened?

That would be none of your business.

Yes, it is my business, because
I want to go out with you.

I'm barely just getting
out of a relationship.

Oh, a faux relationship.

We both know that. Even Shirley does.

Aside from all of the sexually transmitted
diseases I'd be exposing myself to--

oh, that's funny.

My sex is safe, partner.

Oh, there I go, calling
you "partner" already.

Okay, here's the deal-- when I am not in a
relationship, I am prone to a few hollow thrills.

But when I'm in one, I am
totally, unflinchingly monogamous.

You need somebody
like me. You know youO.

And you like me.

Why else would you have
taken my stupid case?

I think you need to leave now.

I'm not leaving.

- I'll call security.
- Go ahead.Tell 'em to bring backup.

I read a book called "doing
school" by denise pope.

I found it spot-on.

Every parent should read it.

Kids "do" school today.

It's not about learninG.

It's piling up achievements that
look good on the college A.P.

And it's gotten way, way out of hand.

And you know what as a
society get out of it?

A nation of test takers, club
presidents and volleyball captains.

But we're losing the
innovators, the free thinkers,

the dreamers.

we lose our values--
honesty, integrity, aracter.

A bunch of outcome-oriented kids are
being led by outcome-oriented teachers

who are pushed by goal-driven parents.

And 20% of today's teenagers
experience depression,

and a large percentage of them,
like ms. Rome says, attempt suicide.

We need to get it together, fast.

I feel the high school is more
likely in a better position

to remedy this than the parents.

I'm going to allow
this case to go forward.

We're adjourned.

Well, thank you.

This is just the start, carolyn.

It figures to be a very long journey.

Yes, yes, and I'm prepared to take it.

Are you with me?

I am.

Okay, next up-- Alan Shore,
you'll be rescuing mr. Crane.

Oh, god help me.

Okay, we ready?

Maybe I could rescue him by
persuading him not to jump in.

Go!

try not to drown me.

Okay, mr. Shore, go.

Not everybody can get in the water.
Somebody's got to drive the boat.

I don't see why I couldn't
just drive the boat.

- Go!
- Oh, dear.

get 'em out.

we'll never get in now.

Oh, shut up.

where's my money?

I was in the
neighborhood and thought--

well, actually, I wasn't
in the neighborhood.

I had to fight like hell
through traffic to get here.

But now that I am here...

what?

I spent a rather long
night of the practical soul.

I don't fare very
well against practical.

I don't think it would be a great idea
for me to fall in love with you, Leo.

And I fear if I were to spend
time with you, I'd have no choice.

I realize I'm guilty of a bigotry.

But as bigotries go, one
of the more reasonable ones.

You're an incredible man.

I just...

don't think I can go where
this would inevitably lead.

Yeah, it was pretty selfish
of me to expect otherwise.

- No, it's
just- - Katie...

I get it.

Um, Andrea was in my
office not long ago.

She got down on one knee and
asked for permission to marry you.

she'd be good for you, Carl.

hasn't even been a day yet,
and you're pimping me out.

I'm jealous actually.

But part of being
grown-up, I suppose--

we just broke up, for god sake.

Nobody's that much a grown-up.

I guess not, but...

I agree with what you said, and I actually
do think Andrea would be great for you.

And believe it or not, I
really do want you to be happy.

She thinks I'm cute.

You are cute, Carl.

You are incredibly cute.

I can still taste the
chlorine in my lungs.

Oh, you're being a baby.

It's gonna be on our military
record forever, you ow?

- We can retake the test.
- I have never been so embarrassed in my life.

oh, shut up.

- What's the big deal, anyway?
- It's a big deal.

If you don't finish at
the top of your class,

you don't make the short list for
officer material.You don't make officer--

well, aren't you just one
fat microcosm of society?

Get ahead. 's just like Whitney's case.

- All these high school kids- - how
do you know about Whitney's case?

I know because I take time
out to talk to my neighbors.

Maybe you should try that during
one of your sexual solicitations.

go night for a jump. You first.

o shut up.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I screwed up the...

swim test.

I don't like to fail.

I won't even try something if I
think there's a risk of failure.

- That's absur
- No, it isn't.

We're americans. We're winners.
That's our culture.

Weeclare victory even if
we losE. That's who we are.

Well, maybe we all need
to be a little more humble.

I don't like fighting.

Neither do i.

It's not healthy to go
to bed angry at somebody.

Especially when it's your best friend.

Why don't we just get it over with?

I feel better.

So do I.

Sleepover?

I knew it.

forget it, Denny.

One hug, right into the sack.

I said forget it.

It's not that I don't like them,
but they need to be special.

If you have them all the time,
they lose their specialness.

Ey're always special to me.

next time I'll eat something spicy.

The gas will make me buoyant.

they had to pull us to Shore.

- You were gurgling.
- I wasn't.

I heard it.

It was like two beached whales.

oh, we're pathetic.

I thought you were
giving me the heimlich.

Oh, stop it.