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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,250 (MUSIC PLAYING) 2 00:00:42,835 --> 00:00:46,296 Oh 3 00:00:46,380 --> 00:00:49,424 A newlywed couple just moved to town 4 00:00:49,842 --> 00:00:53,011 A regular husband and wife 5 00:00:53,470 --> 00:00:58,559 Who left the big city To find a quiet life 6 00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:02,312 WandaVision! 7 00:01:05,607 --> 00:01:09,611 She's a magical gal In a small town locale 8 00:01:09,695 --> 00:01:13,282 He's a hubby who's part machine 9 00:01:15,367 --> 00:01:18,620 How will this duo fit in and fulfill all? 10 00:01:18,704 --> 00:01:23,917 By sharing a love like you've never seen 11 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:31,383 WandaVision! 12 00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,358 My wife and her flying saucers. 13 00:01:48,442 --> 00:01:51,945 My husband and his indestructible head. 14 00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,031 -Aren't we a fine pair? -(WANDA CHUCKLES) 15 00:01:56,241 --> 00:02:01,121 What do you say to silver dollar pancakes, crispy hash browns, bacon, eggs, 16 00:02:01,205 --> 00:02:03,373 freshly squeezed orange juice, and black coffee? 17 00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:05,542 I say, "Oh, I don't eat food." 18 00:02:06,502 --> 00:02:08,879 Well, that explains the empty refrigerator. 19 00:02:11,340 --> 00:02:12,382 -Wanda? -WANDA: Hmm? 20 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:15,052 Is there something special about today? 21 00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,638 Well, I know the apron is a bit much, dear, 22 00:02:17,721 --> 00:02:19,973 but I am doing my best to blend in. 23 00:02:20,057 --> 00:02:21,391 No, no, there on the calendar. 24 00:02:21,475 --> 00:02:25,062 Someone's drawn a little heart right above today's date. 25 00:02:26,313 --> 00:02:28,065 -Oh, yes, the heart. -Hmm... 26 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:31,276 Well, don't tell me you have forgotten, Vis. 27 00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:32,402 "Forgotten"? 28 00:02:32,486 --> 00:02:34,988 Oh, Wanda, I'm incapable of forgetfulness. I remember everything. 29 00:02:35,072 --> 00:02:38,659 That's not an exaggeration. In fact, I'm incapable of exaggeration. 30 00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:41,703 Well, then tell me what's so important about today's date. 31 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,040 What was the question again? 32 00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:47,334 Oh, well, perhaps, you've forgotten yourself. 33 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:50,212 Me? Heavens, no. I've been so looking forward to it. 34 00:02:50,295 --> 00:02:51,713 As have I. 35 00:02:51,797 --> 00:02:53,465 Today, we are celebrating... 36 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:55,384 You bet we are. 37 00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,720 -It's the first time we... -Mmm-hmm. 38 00:02:58,804 --> 00:03:01,557 ...have ever celebrated this occasion before. 39 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,225 It's a special day! 40 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,352 -Perhaps an evening... -Of great significance... 41 00:03:05,435 --> 00:03:06,520 -To us both! -Naturally. 42 00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:08,063 -Obviously. -Exactly. 43 00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:09,982 Well done, us. 44 00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:11,900 (EXHALES) All right. 45 00:03:12,401 --> 00:03:14,361 Well, that's me off to work, then. 46 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:16,113 Oh, don't forget! 47 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,156 I haven't. 48 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,242 Oh! (CHUCKLES) 49 00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,124 Have a good day, dear! 50 00:03:40,262 --> 00:03:43,515 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 51 00:03:49,021 --> 00:03:50,022 Oh! 52 00:03:50,105 --> 00:03:52,858 Hello, dear. I'm Agnes, your neighbor to the right. 53 00:03:52,983 --> 00:03:54,484 My right, not yours. 54 00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,487 Forgive me for not stopping by sooner to welcome you to the block. 55 00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,115 My mother-in-law was in town, so I wasn't. 56 00:04:00,199 --> 00:04:01,575 (CHUCKLES) 57 00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,827 So, what's your name? Where are you from? 58 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:06,455 And most importantly, how's your bridge game, hon? 59 00:04:08,373 --> 00:04:09,374 I'm Wanda. 60 00:04:09,791 --> 00:04:12,127 Wanda. Charmed. 61 00:04:13,212 --> 00:04:15,714 Golly, you settled in fast! 62 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,341 Did you use a moving company? 63 00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:21,345 I sure did. Those boxes don't move themselves. 64 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,471 (AGNES CHUCKLES) 65 00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:26,850 So what's a single gal like you doing rattling around this big house? 66 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:28,185 Oh, no, I'm not single. 67 00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,728 Oh, I don't see a ring. 68 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:32,147 Well, I assure you I'm married. 69 00:04:32,314 --> 00:04:34,691 To a man. A human one and tall. 70 00:04:34,775 --> 00:04:38,195 As a matter of fact, he'll be home later tonight for a special occasion. 71 00:04:38,278 --> 00:04:39,404 Just the two of us. 72 00:04:39,488 --> 00:04:40,864 Oh, is it somebody's birthday? 73 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,533 Not a birthday. 74 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,284 Well, today isn't a holiday, is it? 75 00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:46,703 No, it's not a holiday. 76 00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,205 An anniversary then? 77 00:04:48,288 --> 00:04:49,540 Ye... Yes! 78 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:52,376 Yes! It's our anniversary! 79 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:54,962 Oh, how marvelous! 80 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:56,380 How many years? 81 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:59,591 Well, it feels like we've always been together. 82 00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,093 Lucky gal. 83 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:04,054 The only way Ralph would remember our anniversary 84 00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:06,265 is if there was a beer named June 2nd. 85 00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,474 (CHUCKLES) 86 00:05:07,558 --> 00:05:10,060 -So, what do you have planned? -How do you mean? 87 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:11,687 For your special night. 88 00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:14,648 A young thing like you doesn't have to do much, 89 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:17,025 but it's still fun to set the scene. 90 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:21,780 Say, I was just reading a crackerjack magazine article 91 00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:25,909 called "How To Treat Your Husband To Keep Your Husband," 92 00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,579 and let me tell you, what Ralph could really use 93 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:32,416 is, "How To Goose Your Wife So You Don't Lose Your Wife." 94 00:05:33,959 --> 00:05:37,212 Hang on. I'll go grab it and we can start planning. 95 00:05:37,296 --> 00:05:39,631 Oh, this is gonna be a gas! 96 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:40,716 (GIGGLES) 97 00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,509 (GASPS) 98 00:05:42,593 --> 00:05:43,594 Oh... 99 00:05:45,554 --> 00:05:49,183 (SONG PLAYING THROUGH RADIO) Or you don't go out Friday night Yakety yak! 100 00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:52,352 You just put on your coat and hat 101 00:05:53,228 --> 00:05:57,774 Here are those computational forms that you requested, Norm. 102 00:05:58,525 --> 00:05:59,526 There you go. 103 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,613 Gee willikers, that was fast! 104 00:06:03,655 --> 00:06:05,574 Hey, the music isn't bothering you, is it, pal? 105 00:06:05,657 --> 00:06:07,201 In terms of distraction from work, 106 00:06:07,284 --> 00:06:09,620 or the largely nonsensical nature of the lyrics? 107 00:06:10,829 --> 00:06:13,290 -The first one. -Ah, no, thank you, Norm. 108 00:06:14,583 --> 00:06:17,085 Hey, is there somethin' I can help you with, buddy? 109 00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:19,463 Yes, as a matter of fact, there is. 110 00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:24,718 Would you be so good as to tell me what it is we do here exactly? 111 00:06:25,469 --> 00:06:27,179 Do we make something? 112 00:06:27,262 --> 00:06:28,555 -No. -Right. 113 00:06:28,639 --> 00:06:31,058 Do we buy or sell something? 114 00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,351 No and no. 115 00:06:32,434 --> 00:06:34,728 Then what is the purpose of this company? 116 00:06:35,312 --> 00:06:39,399 All I know is, since you've gotten here, productivity has gone up 300%. 117 00:06:39,525 --> 00:06:41,735 Yes, but what is it we're producing? 118 00:06:41,818 --> 00:06:43,195 Computational forms. 119 00:06:43,278 --> 00:06:45,697 And no one can process the data quite like you do, pal. 120 00:06:45,781 --> 00:06:47,491 You're like a walking computer. 121 00:06:47,574 --> 00:06:49,618 What? I most certainly am not. 122 00:06:49,701 --> 00:06:52,788 I'm a regular carbon-based employee made entirely of organic matter, 123 00:06:52,871 --> 00:06:54,831 much like yourself, Norm. 124 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,751 Hey! What's got your feathers all ruffled? 125 00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:00,838 Yes, I'm sorry, I'm a tad on edge. 126 00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,924 You see, it appears there's something special about today, 127 00:07:04,007 --> 00:07:05,634 special to Wanda, that's my wife, 128 00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:09,680 and gee, I can't, for the life of me, recall what it is. 129 00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,640 Mmm... Oh! 130 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:14,810 MR. HART: Good to see you. 131 00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:16,645 -Vision. -Yes? 132 00:07:16,728 --> 00:07:18,689 Wife and I are looking forward to this evening. 133 00:07:19,815 --> 00:07:21,775 Mr. Hart. Of course! 134 00:07:22,317 --> 00:07:25,195 Dinner with Mr. Hart and his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart. 135 00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,030 That's what I said. What's wrong with you? 136 00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:30,409 -Have you got a screw loose? -Oh, no, sir. Screws all tightened, sir. 137 00:07:30,492 --> 00:07:32,035 Yes, I should hope so. 138 00:07:32,578 --> 00:07:34,079 Employee dinners are a rite of passage 139 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,539 -for the new hires. -Ah. 140 00:07:35,622 --> 00:07:37,416 Jones over there failed miserably. 141 00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:38,750 Isn't that right, Jones? 142 00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,420 The wife thought five courses would be sufficient. 143 00:07:42,254 --> 00:07:44,381 And there was that paltry excuse for entertainment. 144 00:07:45,257 --> 00:07:46,466 A string quartet? 145 00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:50,262 And then you had that embarrassing display of beatnik enthusiasm. 146 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,722 I wore a turtleneck. 147 00:07:53,223 --> 00:07:55,851 Yes. Best of luck out there in the unemployment line, Jones. 148 00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,730 You know, I owe my success to being a keen judge of character. 149 00:08:00,230 --> 00:08:02,191 No skeletons in your closet, eh, Vision? 150 00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:05,110 I don't have a skeleton, sir. 151 00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:09,281 Glad to hear it. Your future in this company depends on it. 152 00:08:16,538 --> 00:08:17,748 AGNES: And you don't have a song? 153 00:08:17,831 --> 00:08:19,750 Nothing special you played at your wedding? 154 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,043 No, nothing special. 155 00:08:21,543 --> 00:08:23,253 I'll just loan you some records then. 156 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:28,383 So, we've got music covered, decor, wardrobe. Oh! 157 00:08:28,967 --> 00:08:30,802 What about seduction techniques? 158 00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,846 Oh, I have those. 159 00:08:32,930 --> 00:08:34,806 (CHUCKLES) Of course, you do. 160 00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,976 Just out of curiosity, what does it say? 161 00:08:38,560 --> 00:08:42,606 That you should stumble when you walk into a room so he can catch you. 162 00:08:43,023 --> 00:08:44,066 It's romantic. 163 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:45,734 Any other tricks? 164 00:08:45,817 --> 00:08:49,780 You could point out that the death rate of single men is twice that of married men. 165 00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:52,533 Now, that's romantic. 166 00:08:52,616 --> 00:08:54,576 (BOTH LAUGH) 167 00:08:54,660 --> 00:08:56,203 -(PHONE RINGING) -Oh! 168 00:08:58,455 --> 00:08:59,498 (SIGHS) 169 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:01,375 Vision residence. 170 00:09:01,458 --> 00:09:03,502 -Wanda, darling. -Vision, sweetheart. 171 00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:04,670 Listen, about tonight... 172 00:09:04,753 --> 00:09:08,131 Don't worry, dear. I have everything under control. 173 00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,675 Oh, well, that is a relief. 174 00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:12,261 I must confess, I'm really rather nervous. 175 00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:14,429 "Nervous"? Whatever for? 176 00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,015 Well, you know, darling, I still get a little tongue-tied. 177 00:09:17,808 --> 00:09:21,687 Vis, after all this time... 178 00:09:21,770 --> 00:09:23,772 There's an awful lot riding on this one, Wanda. 179 00:09:24,565 --> 00:09:28,652 If tonight doesn't go just so, I think this could be the end. 180 00:09:30,070 --> 00:09:32,906 Well, it's just one night. There's no need to get dramatic. 181 00:09:32,990 --> 00:09:35,826 Look, I think the best course of action is to impress the wife. 182 00:09:35,909 --> 00:09:39,997 And I think the best course of action is to impress the husband. 183 00:09:41,081 --> 00:09:42,124 VISION: Well, wonderful! 184 00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:44,042 Glad to know we're both on the same page. 185 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:45,627 Until tonight, then, my, darling. 186 00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:46,920 Until tonight. 187 00:09:47,588 --> 00:09:48,797 Oh... 188 00:09:54,678 --> 00:09:57,347 Is your husband tired of you burning his toast? 189 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:01,643 Try our new and improved ToastMate 2000. 190 00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:04,313 It's the go-to for clever housewives. 191 00:10:04,646 --> 00:10:07,691 Say, this machine has some shine. 192 00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,901 You said it. 193 00:10:08,984 --> 00:10:12,070 Set the dial and get the taste back into your toast. 194 00:10:17,367 --> 00:10:20,287 Top and bottom heating elements can handle anything 195 00:10:20,370 --> 00:10:24,541 from meatloaf, to cherry pie, to open-faced cheese sandwiches. 196 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,293 (TIMER TICKING) 197 00:10:32,382 --> 00:10:33,675 (TOASTER DINGS) 198 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:37,513 The all new ToastMate 2000 by Stark Industries. 199 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:40,516 Forget the past. This is your future. 200 00:10:45,229 --> 00:10:46,438 Here we are! 201 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:48,857 Oh! 202 00:10:49,733 --> 00:10:51,944 How very atmospheric! 203 00:10:52,027 --> 00:10:54,530 What's going on here, Vision? You blow a fuse? 204 00:10:54,613 --> 00:10:58,325 Pardon me while I just go and fetch the lady of the house. 205 00:11:04,665 --> 00:11:05,749 Guess who? 206 00:11:06,542 --> 00:11:07,543 Wanda! 207 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:09,169 Vision. (GASPS) 208 00:11:09,253 --> 00:11:10,587 Oh! Oh! 209 00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:12,214 Ah... 210 00:11:12,297 --> 00:11:13,632 What is the meaning of this? 211 00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,843 (STAMMERING) Well, what is... 212 00:11:15,926 --> 00:11:17,261 Yeah, what is the meaning of... 213 00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,387 Oh, the meaning of it! 214 00:11:18,470 --> 00:11:20,806 You want to know the meaning of it and the meaning of it 215 00:11:20,889 --> 00:11:26,311 is that this is the traditional Sokovian greeting of hospitality. 216 00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:29,189 -Guess who? -Is that my host behind me? 217 00:11:29,273 --> 00:11:30,399 It certainly is. 218 00:11:30,482 --> 00:11:32,860 -Lovely to make your acquaintance. -Yes! (CHUCKLES) 219 00:11:32,943 --> 00:11:35,362 See, I forgot to tell you my wife is from Europe. 220 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,240 Oh, how exotic! 221 00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,158 We don't break bread with Bolsheviks. 222 00:11:40,242 --> 00:11:41,660 Oh, hush, Arthur! 223 00:11:41,743 --> 00:11:44,288 Have you no culture at all? (CHUCKLES) 224 00:11:44,371 --> 00:11:45,497 And that dress! 225 00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:50,419 Yes! It's... It's so... Sokovian, is what it is! Yes! 226 00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:54,381 Can I just see you in the kitchen for a moment, sweetheart? 227 00:11:54,464 --> 00:11:55,465 Oh, yes! 228 00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:56,592 (BLOWS CANDLES) 229 00:11:58,093 --> 00:11:59,970 -Who are those people? -What are you wearing? 230 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,014 -Why are they here? -What are you wearing? 231 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:03,432 Well, it's our anniversary! 232 00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:04,766 Our anniversary of what? 233 00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:07,269 Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you! 234 00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:11,398 That... That man through there is my boss, Mr. Hart! 235 00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:13,233 And his dear lady wife, Mrs. Hart! 236 00:12:13,317 --> 00:12:16,069 The heart on the calendar was an abbreviation! 237 00:12:16,153 --> 00:12:19,323 You move at the speed of sound and I can make a pen float through the air. 238 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:20,824 Who needs to abbreviate? 239 00:12:20,908 --> 00:12:23,952 Darling, listen, it's all romantic to do the candles, the music, 240 00:12:24,036 --> 00:12:25,871 -that stunning outfit... -Well... 241 00:12:25,954 --> 00:12:28,248 I don't wanna be unappreciative, but right now... 242 00:12:28,332 --> 00:12:30,751 Your boss and his wife are expecting a home-cooked meal. 243 00:12:30,834 --> 00:12:31,835 -Exactly. -(SIGHS) 244 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:33,962 Any chance they'd settle 245 00:12:34,046 --> 00:12:36,673 for a single chocolate-covered strawberry split three ways? 246 00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:38,008 Uh... 247 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:39,593 I might have a better idea. 248 00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:43,305 Hmm. 249 00:12:43,555 --> 00:12:47,309 So I said, "If we orient the forms horizontally rather than vertically, 250 00:12:47,893 --> 00:12:51,188 "we can use twice the paper, we can bill twice the cost." 251 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:52,648 (LAUGHS) 252 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:54,650 You truly are a pioneer! 253 00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:57,361 But the larger purpose of the forms is... 254 00:12:57,486 --> 00:12:59,321 Was to analyze our input and our output. 255 00:12:59,404 --> 00:13:00,405 Huh. 256 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:03,242 You're awfully dense, aren't you, Vision? 257 00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,704 Oh, Agnes! You're a life-saver! 258 00:13:07,788 --> 00:13:09,331 What kind of housewife would I be 259 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:12,709 if I didn't have a gourmet meal for four just lying about the place? 260 00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:13,794 -(LAUGHS) -Well... 261 00:13:13,877 --> 00:13:16,421 Not that Ralph ever wants to eat anything but baked beans 262 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:19,424 which explains a lot about his personal appeal, mind you. 263 00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,802 -Oh, my! -Oh! Oh! 264 00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:23,846 Do you think Wanda needs help in the kitchen? 265 00:13:23,929 --> 00:13:26,640 We haven't any tidbits or tartlets out here, 266 00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:27,850 nary a pig in a blanket. 267 00:13:27,933 --> 00:13:29,142 No, that... (CHUCKLES) 268 00:13:29,518 --> 00:13:31,603 -No, that's so kind of you, Mrs. Hart. -(CLATTERING) 269 00:13:31,687 --> 00:13:33,856 But I'm sure she's absolutely fine in there! 270 00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:36,316 Oh, thank you, Agnes. I think I've got it covered from here. 271 00:13:36,441 --> 00:13:37,568 -Oh, are you sure, dear? -Hmm. 272 00:13:37,651 --> 00:13:40,904 Many hands make light work. And many mouths make good gossip. 273 00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,406 You're so naughty! (LAUGHS) 274 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:44,408 Oh, shall I just pre-heat the oven then, dear? 275 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,827 -That won't be necessary. -Oh, All right, then. 276 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:49,830 Well, I know you're in a pinch so this menu can be done in a snap. 277 00:13:49,913 --> 00:13:52,624 Lobster Thermidor with mini-minced meat turnovers to start. 278 00:13:52,708 --> 00:13:55,752 Chicken à la King with twice-cooked new potatoes for your second course, 279 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:58,213 and Steak Diane and mint jellies for your main. 280 00:13:58,922 --> 00:14:00,507 Do you set your own jellies, dear? 281 00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:02,593 -Yes. -Good girl. 282 00:14:02,676 --> 00:14:04,678 Recipe cards are on the counter there. 283 00:14:04,761 --> 00:14:06,013 Bon appétit! 284 00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:07,514 (CHUCKLES) Oh! 285 00:14:10,893 --> 00:14:12,019 Oh, oh. 286 00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:13,145 You men stay put. 287 00:14:13,228 --> 00:14:16,607 -I sense a domestic emergency, so... -Mrs. Hart, please don't. You can't. 288 00:14:16,690 --> 00:14:18,525 You... Please... 289 00:14:18,609 --> 00:14:22,654 Yeah, take out the papers and the trash 290 00:14:22,738 --> 00:14:25,073 Or you won't get no spending cash 291 00:14:26,491 --> 00:14:28,869 If you don't scrub the kitchen floor 292 00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,830 You ain't gonna rock and roll no more 293 00:14:31,914 --> 00:14:33,790 Yakety yak! Don't talk back 294 00:14:36,627 --> 00:14:37,628 (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 295 00:14:38,504 --> 00:14:42,508 Well, why don't we have a nice sing-a-long, all together then, shall we? 296 00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:47,054 (GASPS) Oh, no, too much! 297 00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:52,142 Oh, no, not enough! 298 00:14:53,018 --> 00:14:55,479 (SINGING) Old MacDonald had a farm 299 00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:57,314 Ee-I-Ee-I-O 300 00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,399 And on that farm he had a... 301 00:15:01,818 --> 00:15:02,819 had a... 302 00:15:03,445 --> 00:15:04,446 Pig. 303 00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:06,073 Ee-I-Ee-I-O 304 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,157 -With a... -Oink, oink... 305 00:15:07,241 --> 00:15:08,283 -Here and a... -Oink, oink... 306 00:15:08,367 --> 00:15:09,952 -There -Here an oink, there an oink 307 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:11,119 Everywhere an oink, oink 308 00:15:11,203 --> 00:15:13,330 Old MacDonald had a farm 309 00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:14,915 Ee-I-Ee-I-O 310 00:15:14,998 --> 00:15:17,668 Oh, what was I supposed to do next? Oh, what was the main course again? 311 00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,294 It was... Steak... 312 00:15:19,378 --> 00:15:20,754 No. Steak... 313 00:15:20,838 --> 00:15:22,589 Steak... Diane! 314 00:15:22,673 --> 00:15:23,715 Yes? 315 00:15:24,800 --> 00:15:27,135 Oh, I think that must be my wife summoning me. 316 00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:29,304 She calls you "Diane?" 317 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:33,058 Yes, it's her pet name for me. 318 00:15:33,141 --> 00:15:34,309 (SIGHS) 319 00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:37,229 I'm just coming, Fred. 320 00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,190 Excuse me a moment. 321 00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:45,237 (GASPS) Oh, no. 322 00:15:46,864 --> 00:15:48,323 How can I be of assistance? 323 00:15:48,407 --> 00:15:51,910 Well, the chicken is no longer a chicken and the lobsters just flew the coop 324 00:15:51,994 --> 00:15:53,620 so the steak is the last man standing. 325 00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:57,291 It says here I can cut down the prep time with a meat tenderizer. 326 00:15:57,374 --> 00:15:59,543 Excellent plan. Where's the tenderizer? 327 00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,336 -I'm looking at him. -Ah. 328 00:16:01,420 --> 00:16:02,462 Hoo-hoo in there! 329 00:16:02,546 --> 00:16:04,339 WANDA: (GASPS) Hoo-hoo back to you! 330 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:05,841 Okay. 331 00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:09,636 Finish the meat, find the lobsters. I'll be right back. 332 00:16:11,221 --> 00:16:12,556 I hope you're hungry. 333 00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:13,891 Starved, is more like it. 334 00:16:13,974 --> 00:16:16,393 My head is starting to feel woozy. 335 00:16:19,104 --> 00:16:20,439 Were either of you aware 336 00:16:20,522 --> 00:16:23,859 that married men are killing single men at an alarming rate? 337 00:16:24,526 --> 00:16:26,612 -What are you going on about? -(LOUD THUD) 338 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:27,905 And what's going on in there? 339 00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:30,532 Whoo-hoo! Ho-ho! (GASPS) 340 00:16:30,616 --> 00:16:32,159 (KNOCK AT DOOR) 341 00:16:33,327 --> 00:16:34,369 Who could that be? 342 00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,205 Coming! 343 00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:39,208 Oh, you didn't answer the back door. 344 00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:40,918 For your upside-down cake. 345 00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,920 Oh! Hi, I... 346 00:16:43,003 --> 00:16:44,004 Who was that? 347 00:16:44,087 --> 00:16:45,589 -A salesman! -Telegram! 348 00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:47,466 A man selling telegrams. 349 00:16:47,549 --> 00:16:49,635 Wouldn't you know it. Good news is more expensive. 350 00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:53,680 I couldn't find the lobsters and did you want the meat tender or pulverized? 351 00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:54,932 Oh, dear. 352 00:16:56,600 --> 00:16:59,603 Well. I think tonight's going swimmingly. 353 00:17:00,312 --> 00:17:02,523 Anyone for Parcheesi? 354 00:17:02,648 --> 00:17:05,567 -My head is spinning. -Oh, Mrs. Hart... 355 00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,028 Did you hear that? My wife's head is spinning. 356 00:17:08,111 --> 00:17:10,322 Generally speaking, I don't like her head to do that. 357 00:17:12,574 --> 00:17:13,742 Time to improvise. 358 00:17:15,285 --> 00:17:18,413 You know, I'm beginning to think you're not management material, Vision. 359 00:17:18,497 --> 00:17:20,123 You know, I had high hopes for you. 360 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:23,836 But from what I've seen here tonight, you can barely keep it together. 361 00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:26,922 I mean, look around. There's all this chaos going on in your household. 362 00:17:28,173 --> 00:17:29,383 Now, when are we gonna eat? 363 00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:31,051 Dinner is served. 364 00:17:32,427 --> 00:17:33,428 VISION: Ah! 365 00:17:34,680 --> 00:17:36,265 Breakfast for dinner? 366 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:38,767 How very... 367 00:17:38,851 --> 00:17:40,185 European. 368 00:17:41,270 --> 00:17:43,522 Ooh! Let's have a toast! 369 00:17:44,314 --> 00:17:47,484 To my lovely and talented wife. 370 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:49,862 To our esteemed guests. 371 00:17:49,945 --> 00:17:51,321 Yes. Cin cin. 372 00:17:51,405 --> 00:17:52,406 Cheers. 373 00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:56,535 Well, please eat before it gets cold. 374 00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:58,495 -MRS. HART: Hmm? -Oh, Mrs. Hart, allow me. 375 00:18:00,038 --> 00:18:02,416 So, where did you two move from? 376 00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:04,126 What brought you here? 377 00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:07,504 How long have you been married? And why don't you have children yet? 378 00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:16,722 I think what my wife means to say is that we moved from... 379 00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:18,515 Yes, we moved from... 380 00:18:19,933 --> 00:18:21,435 And we were married... 381 00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:24,229 Yes, yes, we were married in... 382 00:18:24,938 --> 00:18:28,358 Well? Moved from where? Married when? 383 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:29,484 Now, patience, Arthur. 384 00:18:29,568 --> 00:18:31,778 They're setting up their story. Let them tell it. 385 00:18:32,237 --> 00:18:33,363 We... 386 00:18:33,447 --> 00:18:35,240 Our story... (CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 387 00:18:36,491 --> 00:18:38,577 Yes, what exactly is your story? 388 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:40,537 Oh, just leave the poor kids alone. 389 00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:44,041 No, really, I mean, I think it's a perfectly simple question. 390 00:18:44,791 --> 00:18:45,959 Honestly. 391 00:18:46,043 --> 00:18:47,252 Why did you come here? 392 00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:49,963 Why? 393 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,550 Damn it, why? Why did you... 394 00:18:55,093 --> 00:18:56,261 (CHOKING) 395 00:18:58,472 --> 00:18:59,973 Oh, Arthur, stop it. 396 00:19:03,185 --> 00:19:05,354 Stop it. (CHUCKLES) 397 00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:07,231 Stop it. 398 00:19:07,314 --> 00:19:08,315 (CHOKING) 399 00:19:09,233 --> 00:19:12,319 -MRS. HART: Stop it. Stop it. -(MR. HART CONTINUES CHOKING) 400 00:19:13,779 --> 00:19:15,739 Stop it. (CHUCKLES) 401 00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,199 Stop it. 402 00:19:19,117 --> 00:19:20,118 Stop it. 403 00:19:20,202 --> 00:19:21,245 Stop it. 404 00:19:21,453 --> 00:19:22,538 (GROANS) 405 00:19:23,497 --> 00:19:25,541 Stop it. Stop it. 406 00:19:25,624 --> 00:19:26,667 Stop it. 407 00:19:27,835 --> 00:19:28,836 Stop it. 408 00:19:28,919 --> 00:19:29,962 Vision, help him. 409 00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:39,888 (COUGHING) 410 00:19:44,977 --> 00:19:45,978 Let me help you up. 411 00:19:46,478 --> 00:19:47,479 Give me your hand. 412 00:19:49,231 --> 00:19:50,566 All right, steady on, sir. 413 00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:53,735 (GASPING) 414 00:19:55,279 --> 00:19:58,240 Well, would you look at the time? (CHUCKLES) 415 00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:00,784 Yes. We'd better be going. 416 00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,162 Well... Are you both all right? 417 00:20:04,663 --> 00:20:07,332 We had such a lovely time. 418 00:20:08,250 --> 00:20:11,086 This guest is leaving your home. 419 00:20:11,170 --> 00:20:12,671 (LAUGHS) 420 00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,923 Yes, thank you for coming. (CHUCKLES) 421 00:20:15,591 --> 00:20:17,009 (SIGHS) 422 00:20:17,092 --> 00:20:18,552 You made me proud tonight, son. 423 00:20:18,635 --> 00:20:21,430 First thing Monday morning, you and me are gonna have a little chat. 424 00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:24,641 We'll see about that promotion. 425 00:20:24,725 --> 00:20:25,893 Yes, sir! Thank you, sir! 426 00:20:28,562 --> 00:20:29,563 MR. HART: Thank you. 427 00:20:33,192 --> 00:20:34,318 Oh... 428 00:20:35,777 --> 00:20:37,905 What a charming door knocker. 429 00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:40,449 Good night! 430 00:20:45,162 --> 00:20:46,371 (BOTH EXHALE IN RELIEF) 431 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:48,707 (SIGHS) 432 00:20:51,877 --> 00:20:53,962 We are an unusual couple, ya know? 433 00:20:54,046 --> 00:20:55,923 Oh, I don't think that was ever in question. 434 00:20:56,423 --> 00:21:00,761 Well, what I mean is... We don't have an anniversary. 435 00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:02,554 -Huh. -Or a song. 436 00:21:03,222 --> 00:21:04,681 Or even wedding rings. 437 00:21:04,765 --> 00:21:06,141 Well, we could remedy that. 438 00:21:06,808 --> 00:21:08,310 Today could be our anniversary. 439 00:21:08,393 --> 00:21:10,979 Of what? Surviving our first dinner party? 440 00:21:11,063 --> 00:21:13,524 Precisely. And our song could be? 441 00:21:13,607 --> 00:21:14,900 Yakety Yak, naturally. 442 00:21:14,983 --> 00:21:15,984 -Naturally. -Hmm. 443 00:21:17,653 --> 00:21:18,654 And the rings? 444 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,532 Well, couldn't you make some for us? 445 00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:30,707 I do. 446 00:21:31,792 --> 00:21:32,793 Do you? 447 00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:36,213 Yes. I do. 448 00:21:38,006 --> 00:21:39,883 And they lived happily ever after. 449 00:22:18,738 --> 00:22:19,906 -(THUDDING) -(GASPS) 450 00:22:20,490 --> 00:22:22,367 -What was that? -(THUDDING CONTINUES) 451 00:22:31,084 --> 00:22:32,085 Wanda? 452 00:22:32,168 --> 00:22:33,169 Yes, dear? 453 00:22:33,253 --> 00:22:35,839 Are you using your powers to turn on the light? 454 00:22:35,922 --> 00:22:37,298 -(THUDDING) -Yes, dear. 455 00:22:37,382 --> 00:22:39,133 Allow me, sweetheart. 456 00:22:44,764 --> 00:22:45,765 WANDA: What do you see? 457 00:22:46,933 --> 00:22:48,476 Only your lovely rose bushes. 458 00:22:49,269 --> 00:22:50,520 That's all? 459 00:22:50,603 --> 00:22:52,897 Are you using your night vision, Vision? 460 00:22:52,981 --> 00:22:55,149 I assure you, my love, I see nothing amiss. 461 00:22:55,233 --> 00:22:57,485 You have absolutely no reason to be frightened... (YELPS) 462 00:23:02,240 --> 00:23:03,408 You were saying? 463 00:23:04,200 --> 00:23:06,452 Actually, I did overhear a couple of lads at work 464 00:23:06,536 --> 00:23:09,622 remarking on a few unsavory characters settling in the neighborhood. 465 00:23:09,706 --> 00:23:12,667 Now, who knows what those ne'er-do-wells might be up to? 466 00:23:12,750 --> 00:23:14,919 Robbing houses, vandalizing property. 467 00:23:15,003 --> 00:23:17,672 Walking through walls, moving objects without touching them. 468 00:23:17,755 --> 00:23:21,301 Wanda, darling, you can't be suggesting my colleagues were referring to us. 469 00:23:21,384 --> 00:23:22,594 -(THUD) -(WANDA GASPS) 470 00:23:25,138 --> 00:23:28,308 One of us should really determine the source of that sound. 471 00:23:28,391 --> 00:23:31,144 Yes, one of us should. 472 00:23:31,227 --> 00:23:32,312 -(THUD) -(BOTH GASP) 473 00:23:32,395 --> 00:23:34,147 Oh, this is getting ridiculous. 474 00:23:35,315 --> 00:23:36,649 I'm going to take a look. 475 00:23:36,733 --> 00:23:38,484 -Oh, God! Darling! -(THUD) 476 00:23:38,568 --> 00:23:39,944 (THUDDING) 477 00:23:44,324 --> 00:23:45,867 Well, I think we handled that well. 478 00:23:45,950 --> 00:23:48,077 Yes, I must say I'm rather proud of myself. 479 00:23:48,161 --> 00:23:52,207 And look how you seized on the opportunity to redecorate. 480 00:23:52,290 --> 00:23:54,876 -This is better, isn't it? -Mmm. 481 00:23:57,629 --> 00:23:58,963 Wanda, darling? 482 00:23:59,047 --> 00:24:00,215 Yes, dear? 483 00:24:00,298 --> 00:24:01,925 Get the light. 484 00:24:07,013 --> 00:24:09,057 (OPENING THEME MUSIC PLAYING) 485 00:24:20,318 --> 00:24:21,736 WandaVision! 486 00:24:31,704 --> 00:24:32,830 WandaVision! 487 00:24:44,634 --> 00:24:47,762 WandaVision Wa-WandaVision 488 00:24:47,846 --> 00:24:50,306 WandaVision Wa-WandaVision 489 00:24:50,390 --> 00:24:53,351 WandaVision Wa-WandaVision 490 00:24:54,394 --> 00:24:56,062 WandaVision! 491 00:24:59,023 --> 00:25:02,569 Ladies and gentlemen, for my final trick, 492 00:25:02,652 --> 00:25:06,948 I bring you the Cabinet of Mysteries. 493 00:25:09,492 --> 00:25:12,370 -Darling, that's your cue. -WANDA: You said, "Cabinet of Mysteries?" 494 00:25:12,453 --> 00:25:15,957 I said, "The Cabinet of Mysteries." 495 00:25:16,541 --> 00:25:18,751 WANDA: Oh, that's my cue. Ooh! 496 00:25:18,835 --> 00:25:21,171 Holy Toledo! 497 00:25:21,254 --> 00:25:24,716 Darling, do all the other acts in the talent show 498 00:25:24,799 --> 00:25:27,010 have such elaborate props? 499 00:25:27,969 --> 00:25:29,220 Are you kidding? 500 00:25:29,304 --> 00:25:30,889 Fred and Linda are building a moat 501 00:25:30,972 --> 00:25:33,808 and a fully-functioning portcullis and no one even knows why. 502 00:25:33,892 --> 00:25:34,976 Let's keep going. 503 00:25:35,059 --> 00:25:37,020 Yes, yes. Where was I? Um... 504 00:25:37,103 --> 00:25:40,732 Watch closely as I, Illusion, Master of Enigma, 505 00:25:40,815 --> 00:25:44,444 make my captivating assistant, Glamour, disappear. 506 00:25:44,903 --> 00:25:45,904 (WANDA GASPS) 507 00:25:48,406 --> 00:25:50,116 You really are very dashing. 508 00:25:50,200 --> 00:25:51,784 Mmm, thank you, darling. 509 00:25:51,868 --> 00:25:53,870 Fear not, Glamour. 510 00:25:53,953 --> 00:25:58,500 For I, Illusion, vow to bring you back exactly as you are. 511 00:25:58,583 --> 00:25:59,792 (SHUDDERS) 512 00:25:59,876 --> 00:26:02,253 Abracadabra! 513 00:26:04,672 --> 00:26:07,050 Ta-ta... 514 00:26:10,345 --> 00:26:14,349 Yes, um, Wanda, you're not at all worried 515 00:26:14,432 --> 00:26:18,394 that the audience might just see through this little charade? 516 00:26:18,478 --> 00:26:20,063 Well, that's the whole point. 517 00:26:20,188 --> 00:26:22,524 In a real magic act, everything is fake. 518 00:26:23,983 --> 00:26:28,196 Darling, the talent show fundraiser is the most important event of the season 519 00:26:28,279 --> 00:26:31,074 and it's our neighborly duty to participate. 520 00:26:31,157 --> 00:26:34,661 Plus, it's our chance to appear as normal as possible while doing so. 521 00:26:34,744 --> 00:26:37,121 Well, I don't think that should be a problem. 522 00:26:38,289 --> 00:26:39,374 This is our home now. 523 00:26:40,750 --> 00:26:42,877 I want us to fit in. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 524 00:26:43,586 --> 00:26:46,506 Oh, darling, we do. We shall. 525 00:26:47,465 --> 00:26:49,843 And we're gonna knock their socks off, 526 00:26:49,926 --> 00:26:54,138 especially with you wearing this. 527 00:26:54,222 --> 00:26:56,349 Oh, that's actually the rest of your costume. 528 00:26:56,432 --> 00:26:57,433 Oh! 529 00:26:59,644 --> 00:27:00,728 Well, I better get going 530 00:27:00,812 --> 00:27:02,939 If I'm gonna make the planning committee meeting. 531 00:27:03,022 --> 00:27:04,607 That's me off as well, actually. 532 00:27:05,149 --> 00:27:06,651 There's a gathering of the neighborhood watch 533 00:27:06,734 --> 00:27:08,319 at the public library. 534 00:27:08,403 --> 00:27:10,613 And after last night's excitement, 535 00:27:10,697 --> 00:27:14,033 I want to make sure this town's security is up to snuff. 536 00:27:14,117 --> 00:27:15,743 That's a swell idea. 537 00:27:16,703 --> 00:27:19,914 You tell those tree branches who's boss. 538 00:27:21,291 --> 00:27:22,625 Would you look at us? 539 00:27:22,709 --> 00:27:25,587 Wanda and Vision, Westview fitter-inners. 540 00:27:25,670 --> 00:27:26,796 (CHUCKLING) 541 00:27:28,089 --> 00:27:29,549 I'll see you at curtain call. 542 00:27:40,977 --> 00:27:42,770 (THUDDING) 543 00:28:39,661 --> 00:28:43,498 Look, it's the star o' the show. (CHUCKLES) 544 00:28:43,581 --> 00:28:44,666 Agnes. 545 00:28:46,042 --> 00:28:47,627 I'm sorry. What did you say? 546 00:28:47,710 --> 00:28:50,797 Oh, I brought my pet rabbit. For your magic act. 547 00:28:50,880 --> 00:28:55,093 Yes, of course! Thank you, Agnes. 548 00:28:55,176 --> 00:28:57,971 We will take good care of him. 549 00:28:58,054 --> 00:29:00,723 Señor Scratchy just loves the stage. 550 00:29:00,807 --> 00:29:04,060 He played baby Jesus in last year's Christmas pageant. 551 00:29:04,769 --> 00:29:05,770 Oh. 552 00:29:08,356 --> 00:29:09,774 Oh, morning, Dennis. 553 00:29:09,858 --> 00:29:11,276 Morning, Agnes. 554 00:29:11,359 --> 00:29:12,443 Stick 'em up. 555 00:29:13,820 --> 00:29:15,655 Don't shoot. I'm just a messenger. 556 00:29:15,738 --> 00:29:17,407 (CHUCKLING) Pew-pew! 557 00:29:18,825 --> 00:29:19,868 Mmm. 558 00:29:22,161 --> 00:29:24,122 -Shall we? -Oh, we shall. 559 00:29:29,127 --> 00:29:33,131 So, are you ready to meet Queen Cul de Sac and her Merry Homemakers? 560 00:29:33,214 --> 00:29:35,425 (CHUCKLES) Agnes, Dottie can't be as bad as you say. 561 00:29:35,508 --> 00:29:39,637 Hmm, well, you'll notice her roses bloom under penalty of death. 562 00:29:39,721 --> 00:29:40,722 (SCOFFS) 563 00:29:41,806 --> 00:29:46,060 Wanda, can I give you a bit of friendly advice? 564 00:29:46,144 --> 00:29:47,854 Is it about the way how I'm dressed? 565 00:29:47,937 --> 00:29:49,898 Yes, but it's too late for that. 566 00:29:51,357 --> 00:29:54,110 Dottie is the key to everything in this town. 567 00:29:54,194 --> 00:29:57,614 Country club memberships, parties, school admissions... 568 00:29:57,697 --> 00:29:59,908 Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. (CHUCKLES) 569 00:29:59,991 --> 00:30:03,578 You get in with Dottie and it'll be smooth sailing from here on out. 570 00:30:03,661 --> 00:30:07,248 Just mind your P's and Q's and you're gonna do just fine. 571 00:30:07,332 --> 00:30:10,418 Or maybe I could just be myself? More or less? 572 00:30:12,962 --> 00:30:15,465 (LAUGHING) 573 00:30:15,548 --> 00:30:18,259 Oh, Wanda, that's good. 574 00:30:18,343 --> 00:30:20,512 -(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) -(LAUGHING) 575 00:30:20,595 --> 00:30:23,139 Everybody, hurry up please. 576 00:30:24,140 --> 00:30:26,935 Hiya, Dottie! Your roses are divine. 577 00:30:27,852 --> 00:30:29,354 Well, thank you. 578 00:30:31,231 --> 00:30:33,983 -(SIGHS) -(EXHALES) 579 00:30:37,946 --> 00:30:41,324 The Rotary Club is finishing the stage set-up as we speak. 580 00:30:41,407 --> 00:30:43,701 They've given the gazebo a fresh coat of paint 581 00:30:43,785 --> 00:30:47,622 and will be installing the final decorations all through the town square. 582 00:30:47,705 --> 00:30:49,582 And if you recognize the antique footlights, 583 00:30:49,666 --> 00:30:51,793 it's because they're from my store. 584 00:30:51,876 --> 00:30:53,378 And the chairs? 585 00:30:55,755 --> 00:30:58,591 I'm sorry, Dottie. I didn't ask about the chairs. 586 00:30:58,675 --> 00:31:02,637 So you better not ask me if you can chair any committees in the future. 587 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:05,473 (WOMEN LAUGHING) 588 00:31:06,224 --> 00:31:08,142 The devil's in the details, Bev. 589 00:31:08,226 --> 00:31:10,603 That's not the only place he is. 590 00:31:10,687 --> 00:31:12,814 DOTTIE: As you all know, the talent show 591 00:31:12,897 --> 00:31:15,733 is the sole fundraiser for Westview Elementary. 592 00:31:15,817 --> 00:31:16,860 This might help. 593 00:31:16,943 --> 00:31:19,571 DOTTIE: In the eight years since I founded our little club, 594 00:31:19,654 --> 00:31:22,907 this event has gotten bigger and better every season. 595 00:31:22,991 --> 00:31:25,785 Say, those pants are peachy keen. 596 00:31:25,869 --> 00:31:27,412 Do you really think so? 597 00:31:27,495 --> 00:31:29,747 The other ladies are in skirts. I was worried. 598 00:31:29,831 --> 00:31:31,833 We only have a few hours until show time, 599 00:31:31,916 --> 00:31:35,086 so a little less cross chatter and a little more focus. 600 00:31:35,837 --> 00:31:37,088 Okay. 601 00:31:37,172 --> 00:31:40,133 DOTTIE: Those little boys and girls are counting on us. 602 00:31:40,216 --> 00:31:43,011 All of this is for the children. 603 00:31:43,094 --> 00:31:44,429 WOMEN: "For the children." 604 00:31:45,555 --> 00:31:47,056 "For the children." 605 00:31:49,350 --> 00:31:50,351 (CLEARS THROAT) 606 00:31:50,435 --> 00:31:54,480 So, I want you all to give yourselves a big hand... 607 00:31:57,192 --> 00:32:00,111 ...at the appropriate time, of course. 608 00:32:00,195 --> 00:32:03,656 But first let's review event etiquette. 609 00:32:03,740 --> 00:32:06,618 Dress code is upscale garden party... 610 00:32:06,701 --> 00:32:09,787 The only reason I didn't clap is because I'm afraid to move. 611 00:32:09,871 --> 00:32:10,955 Yeah. 612 00:32:11,539 --> 00:32:13,291 I actually don't know what I'm doing here. 613 00:32:13,374 --> 00:32:16,586 I'm starting to feel that way myself. I'm Wanda. 614 00:32:16,669 --> 00:32:20,924 -I'm, uh... Geraldine. -Hi. 615 00:32:21,007 --> 00:32:22,967 And I'm irritated. 616 00:32:25,678 --> 00:32:28,765 Tickets for tonight are completely sold out. 617 00:32:28,848 --> 00:32:30,683 Now, you can clap. 618 00:32:32,435 --> 00:32:33,937 And stop. 619 00:32:35,104 --> 00:32:38,024 Really, how is anybody doing this sober? 620 00:32:48,576 --> 00:32:49,911 -Let's say green. -NORM: Yeah. 621 00:32:49,994 --> 00:32:51,746 I mean, the other side could be dirt. 622 00:32:51,829 --> 00:32:54,541 Pardon me. Is this the neighborhood watch meeting? 623 00:32:55,625 --> 00:32:58,086 NORM: Oh, hiya, Vision. 624 00:32:58,169 --> 00:33:00,213 Didn't expect to see you here. 625 00:33:01,506 --> 00:33:05,426 This is sort of a "members only" type deal. 626 00:33:05,510 --> 00:33:08,304 Ah! Certainly. Right. Well... 627 00:33:09,055 --> 00:33:11,516 I'll just stay here and be as quiet as a church mouse 628 00:33:11,599 --> 00:33:13,726 till you open up the floor for new business. 629 00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:16,813 Well, in truth, we were just getting to new business. 630 00:33:16,896 --> 00:33:19,858 Oh, splendid! Could you tell me how often you rotate security patrols? 631 00:33:19,941 --> 00:33:22,360 Do you interface directly with local law enforcement? 632 00:33:22,443 --> 00:33:24,696 What are your protocols for threats such as burglary, 633 00:33:24,779 --> 00:33:26,114 graffiti, and reckless driving? 634 00:33:26,197 --> 00:33:29,200 -No, Vision. -I know these are indeed grave matters. 635 00:33:29,284 --> 00:33:32,662 "New business" actually means another round of Danish. 636 00:33:33,413 --> 00:33:36,207 Raspberry or cheese-filled? 637 00:33:36,291 --> 00:33:38,626 Oh, neither for me, thank you. I don't eat food. 638 00:33:44,716 --> 00:33:48,887 What I mean to say is that I don't eat food in between meals but at mealtimes. 639 00:33:49,512 --> 00:33:51,556 I'm a regular eating machine. 640 00:33:52,390 --> 00:33:53,391 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 641 00:33:54,559 --> 00:33:56,978 Hey, fellas. Vision here has got a point. 642 00:33:57,061 --> 00:34:00,940 Now, listen up. I got some top secret intelligence for you. 643 00:34:01,024 --> 00:34:02,066 Oh, excellent. 644 00:34:02,817 --> 00:34:04,569 Now, you know how Johnson's been braggin' 645 00:34:04,652 --> 00:34:06,446 about that treehouse he built for his kids? 646 00:34:06,529 --> 00:34:07,655 Yeah. 647 00:34:08,406 --> 00:34:09,741 It's a prefab job. 648 00:34:09,824 --> 00:34:10,950 (ALL SCOFFING) 649 00:34:11,034 --> 00:34:13,328 That blockhead can't even swing a hammer. 650 00:34:14,204 --> 00:34:15,288 I can do you one better. 651 00:34:15,371 --> 00:34:17,790 You know those bowling trophies Arthur's always polishing? 652 00:34:19,167 --> 00:34:22,003 He bought 'em all at a yard sale in Hackensack. 653 00:34:22,086 --> 00:34:25,006 I knew it. I've never once seen him down at the lanes. 654 00:34:26,799 --> 00:34:30,136 I too have some top secret gossip to share. 655 00:34:33,431 --> 00:34:34,766 Norm here's a Communist. 656 00:34:37,936 --> 00:34:39,604 (ALL LAUGHING) 657 00:34:45,610 --> 00:34:46,819 Vision, you're a real cut-up. 658 00:34:46,903 --> 00:34:49,197 You know, I always thought you were kind of a square. 659 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:52,742 -Me? No, I'm as round as they come. -(ALL LAUGHING) 660 00:34:52,825 --> 00:34:55,745 Hey, care for a stick o' Big Red? 661 00:34:55,828 --> 00:34:57,497 Well, hold on there a second. 662 00:34:57,580 --> 00:34:59,874 Didn't you hear the man? He doesn't eat food. 663 00:34:59,958 --> 00:35:01,501 Is gum food? 664 00:35:01,584 --> 00:35:04,212 Well, my understanding is that it's purely for mastication. 665 00:35:05,463 --> 00:35:06,631 No, I don't do that. 666 00:35:07,423 --> 00:35:10,552 Well, when in Westview... Cheers. 667 00:35:11,928 --> 00:35:13,972 Who knew you were such a funny guy? 668 00:35:14,055 --> 00:35:18,560 And to think you came here all hot and bothered about protocols and nonsense. 669 00:35:18,643 --> 00:35:20,603 We actually thought you were serious. 670 00:35:28,111 --> 00:35:32,699 He's funny. All right, so, back to this barbeque. 671 00:35:34,951 --> 00:35:36,703 (SONG PLAYING THROUGH RADIO) 672 00:35:37,871 --> 00:35:39,038 (GRUNTS) 673 00:35:39,122 --> 00:35:42,876 That is why you never do a seating chart on an empty stomach. 674 00:35:42,959 --> 00:35:46,004 Golly, you're a whiz at all this committee stuff, Dottie. 675 00:35:46,087 --> 00:35:50,258 Thank you for choosing me to help you clean up today. I feel so lucky. 676 00:35:50,341 --> 00:35:51,885 You are. 677 00:35:56,598 --> 00:35:58,433 I can't help but wonder if you and I 678 00:35:58,516 --> 00:36:00,852 haven't gotten off on the wrong foot, Dottie. 679 00:36:00,935 --> 00:36:04,355 And I would like to correct that if I can. 680 00:36:04,439 --> 00:36:06,149 And how would you do that? 681 00:36:07,275 --> 00:36:08,276 (CHUCKLES) 682 00:36:09,736 --> 00:36:11,738 I've heard things about you. 683 00:36:14,157 --> 00:36:15,867 You and your husband. 684 00:36:16,951 --> 00:36:19,913 Well, I don't know what you've been told, 685 00:36:21,998 --> 00:36:26,336 but I assure you I don't mean anyone any harm. 686 00:36:28,171 --> 00:36:29,923 I don't believe you. 687 00:36:35,094 --> 00:36:38,973 MAN: (THROUGH RADIO) Wanda. Wanda, can you read me, over? 688 00:36:40,141 --> 00:36:42,101 -Wanda? -Who is that? 689 00:36:42,185 --> 00:36:43,394 Wanda? 690 00:36:47,982 --> 00:36:49,275 Who are you? 691 00:36:49,359 --> 00:36:51,819 Wanda? 692 00:36:51,903 --> 00:36:53,863 Wanda. 693 00:36:53,947 --> 00:36:56,533 Who is doing this to you, Wanda? 694 00:36:56,616 --> 00:37:00,203 Wanda? Wanda? Wan... 695 00:37:01,037 --> 00:37:02,956 (BOTH GASP) 696 00:37:04,541 --> 00:37:05,625 WANDA: Dottie! 697 00:37:06,334 --> 00:37:07,335 (STUTTERS) 698 00:37:09,420 --> 00:37:11,714 You... Oh! 699 00:37:12,757 --> 00:37:15,009 (SONG PLAYING THROUGH RADIO) 700 00:37:18,429 --> 00:37:19,889 Pop quiz, Wanda. 701 00:37:21,516 --> 00:37:24,352 How does a housewife get a bloodstain out of white linen? 702 00:37:26,688 --> 00:37:28,189 By doing it herself. 703 00:37:36,781 --> 00:37:41,953 MAN: They say a man is never fully-dressed without two important accessories. 704 00:37:42,036 --> 00:37:43,705 His special lady... 705 00:37:46,207 --> 00:37:48,376 and his Strücker. 706 00:37:53,923 --> 00:37:57,427 Strücker. He'll make time for you. 707 00:38:05,226 --> 00:38:07,645 -(TAP DANCING) -(PIANO PLAYING) 708 00:38:14,444 --> 00:38:17,280 (GIGGLES) Glad I don't have to follow this guy. 709 00:38:17,363 --> 00:38:18,907 Huh? What? 710 00:38:19,574 --> 00:38:21,034 Oh, but you're gonna be great. 711 00:38:21,701 --> 00:38:22,702 (SHUDDERING) 712 00:38:23,786 --> 00:38:24,954 What time is it now? 713 00:38:25,038 --> 00:38:27,248 Mmm, two minutes after the last time you asked. 714 00:38:27,332 --> 00:38:28,416 (WANDA GROANING) 715 00:38:28,500 --> 00:38:30,126 I don't know where he could be. 716 00:38:34,422 --> 00:38:36,883 -Oh, is that him? -(GASPS) 717 00:38:36,966 --> 00:38:40,220 Well, it looks like he's got a little hitch in his giddy-up. 718 00:38:40,303 --> 00:38:41,596 Whoa! 719 00:38:45,975 --> 00:38:49,312 Wanda, my little cabbage, you look smashing! 720 00:38:49,395 --> 00:38:50,813 -(VISION GRUNTS) -Whoa! 721 00:38:54,359 --> 00:38:55,443 -WANDA: Vis. -Hmm. 722 00:38:55,527 --> 00:38:56,861 -Where have you been? -Oh. 723 00:38:56,945 --> 00:38:59,405 Uh, well, me and the boys were playing 724 00:38:59,489 --> 00:39:02,283 a rather thrilling game of horses with shoes. 725 00:39:02,367 --> 00:39:03,535 No, that's not it. 726 00:39:03,618 --> 00:39:05,495 Shoe horses! No. (GRUNTS) 727 00:39:05,578 --> 00:39:07,455 Ah! Horse's shoes. 728 00:39:07,539 --> 00:39:11,668 Listen, something strange happened with Dottie. 729 00:39:11,751 --> 00:39:16,631 Well, something strange happened before that, too. It's hard to explain. 730 00:39:16,714 --> 00:39:19,217 I was just playing with his shoes. 731 00:39:19,300 --> 00:39:20,927 What is going on? 732 00:39:21,010 --> 00:39:22,095 You are! 733 00:39:22,178 --> 00:39:23,388 Huh? (GASPS) 734 00:39:24,639 --> 00:39:26,891 I want to thank you all for coming out 735 00:39:26,975 --> 00:39:31,271 to support Westview Elementary, "For the children." 736 00:39:31,354 --> 00:39:33,565 ALL: "For the children." 737 00:39:33,648 --> 00:39:34,858 And for our final act... 738 00:39:34,941 --> 00:39:38,862 I give you, Wanda and Vision. 739 00:39:38,945 --> 00:39:40,238 (APPLAUSE) 740 00:39:42,574 --> 00:39:43,616 (SIGHS) 741 00:39:56,421 --> 00:39:57,964 Hey! Hey! You're up, Cowboy! 742 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:00,175 What? 743 00:40:01,176 --> 00:40:03,136 Oh! Yeah! I've to go! 744 00:40:04,095 --> 00:40:07,348 Hello, Westview! Good afternoon. 745 00:40:07,432 --> 00:40:08,766 It's so lovely to be... 746 00:40:08,850 --> 00:40:11,311 I'm so sorry. Excuse me. 747 00:40:11,394 --> 00:40:14,606 I am Glamour and this is my delightful assistant, Illusion. 748 00:40:14,689 --> 00:40:18,985 I am Glamour and he's Illusion. 749 00:40:20,570 --> 00:40:22,071 Yeah, what she said. 750 00:40:22,155 --> 00:40:28,286 Today, we will lie to you and yet you will believe our little deceptions 751 00:40:28,369 --> 00:40:30,205 because human beings are easily fooled 752 00:40:30,288 --> 00:40:34,334 due to their limited understanding of the inner workings of the universe. 753 00:40:34,417 --> 00:40:35,793 Flourish! 754 00:40:35,877 --> 00:40:37,921 You just do it, you don't say it out loud, honey. 755 00:40:38,004 --> 00:40:39,130 (SCOFFS) 756 00:40:39,214 --> 00:40:43,051 And now my wife and I will delight 757 00:40:43,134 --> 00:40:45,762 in your dumbstruck little faces. 758 00:40:47,180 --> 00:40:48,431 Flourish! 759 00:40:50,892 --> 00:40:51,976 (ALL GASPING) 760 00:41:01,069 --> 00:41:02,362 (VISION STAMMERING) 761 00:41:03,071 --> 00:41:05,657 Ha! See there? He's using a rope. 762 00:41:05,740 --> 00:41:09,994 Wanda, what's... Oh, no! Oh! No! Wanda, please! 763 00:41:10,078 --> 00:41:12,830 -Darling, let me down! -Oh! 764 00:41:12,914 --> 00:41:16,668 -I'm feeling pukey! -(LAUGHING) 765 00:41:16,751 --> 00:41:18,086 VISION: Ooh! 766 00:41:19,838 --> 00:41:21,798 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING) 767 00:41:21,881 --> 00:41:23,258 Uh, what's next? 768 00:41:23,341 --> 00:41:26,594 Oh! Yeah, this is... This is gonna be great! 769 00:41:27,554 --> 00:41:29,764 A staggering feat of strength. 770 00:41:31,140 --> 00:41:33,226 (AUDIENCE GASPING) 771 00:41:36,312 --> 00:41:38,731 -Ah? -Illusion... Uh... Uh... 772 00:41:39,858 --> 00:41:44,529 -Illusion, Master of Enigma, allow me. -Yeah? 773 00:41:44,612 --> 00:41:46,948 -What? -(WANDA GRUNTS) 774 00:41:47,031 --> 00:41:49,409 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -Oh! 775 00:41:50,785 --> 00:41:53,955 Whoops! You weren't supposed to see how we did that trick. 776 00:41:54,038 --> 00:41:55,665 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING AND APPLAUDING) 777 00:41:55,748 --> 00:41:57,959 That was my grandmother's piano. 778 00:41:58,585 --> 00:42:03,006 Oh, Sherbert! Yeah, this is my old mate, Sherbert. 779 00:42:03,089 --> 00:42:05,425 Stand up, Sherbert. Say hello to the crowd. 780 00:42:05,508 --> 00:42:07,093 It's Herbert, Herb. 781 00:42:07,177 --> 00:42:11,181 Pipe down, Sherbie, and pick a card. Any card. 782 00:42:11,264 --> 00:42:13,725 Yeah, put it back in the deck. 783 00:42:13,808 --> 00:42:16,895 I'm not looking. All right. Watch this. 784 00:42:19,522 --> 00:42:20,648 Is this your card? 785 00:42:21,441 --> 00:42:23,193 Uh, no. 786 00:42:24,027 --> 00:42:25,403 I beg to differ. 787 00:42:25,486 --> 00:42:26,571 Mmm-mmm. 788 00:42:26,654 --> 00:42:29,324 Really? Is this your card? 789 00:42:29,407 --> 00:42:31,534 -Vision... -Mmm-mmm. 790 00:42:31,618 --> 00:42:32,619 (GROANS IN ANGER) 791 00:42:32,702 --> 00:42:35,914 Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? 792 00:42:35,997 --> 00:42:39,125 -Is this your card? -Mmm-mmm. 793 00:42:39,209 --> 00:42:41,169 Argh! Is this your card? Is this your card? 794 00:42:41,252 --> 00:42:42,462 -No. No. No. No. -Is this your card? 795 00:42:42,545 --> 00:42:45,590 Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? Is this your card? 796 00:42:45,673 --> 00:42:46,883 Is this your card? 797 00:42:46,966 --> 00:42:48,176 Oh, it is! 798 00:42:48,259 --> 00:42:49,344 It is what? 799 00:42:49,427 --> 00:42:50,595 It's my card. 800 00:42:51,221 --> 00:42:54,015 Well, pardon me, Herb. Have it back. 801 00:42:55,266 --> 00:42:56,601 Oh, no, you did the trick right. 802 00:42:56,684 --> 00:42:59,229 Well, of course I did the trick right! I'm Illusion! 803 00:42:59,312 --> 00:43:01,231 Flourish! 804 00:43:01,314 --> 00:43:04,609 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND LAUGHING) 805 00:43:04,692 --> 00:43:06,569 And now, for my next trick... 806 00:43:06,653 --> 00:43:08,279 Oh, goodness me. 807 00:43:09,072 --> 00:43:10,615 Who stole my hat? 808 00:43:10,698 --> 00:43:12,617 Oh! Oh, stop that rabbit! 809 00:43:12,700 --> 00:43:14,994 I gotta need to pull a hat out of it. 810 00:43:16,287 --> 00:43:19,624 Señor Scratchy's got real star quality, don't you think? 811 00:43:19,707 --> 00:43:23,169 Maybe we leave the poor bunny out this one, shall we? 812 00:43:23,253 --> 00:43:25,964 Well then, I will just have to pull this hat... 813 00:43:27,257 --> 00:43:29,050 ...out of myself. 814 00:43:29,551 --> 00:43:30,844 (AUDIENCE GASPING) 815 00:43:31,553 --> 00:43:32,679 Vision, no. 816 00:43:32,762 --> 00:43:34,138 I'm doin' it. 817 00:43:36,474 --> 00:43:38,268 Ah-ha! 818 00:43:38,977 --> 00:43:40,228 (CHUCKLING) 819 00:43:41,396 --> 00:43:45,024 -If only you all knew our secret. -(VISION CHUCKLING) 820 00:43:45,984 --> 00:43:48,528 -Oh! -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 821 00:43:48,611 --> 00:43:50,488 Is that how mirrors work? 822 00:43:50,572 --> 00:43:51,823 Shut up, Bev. 823 00:43:53,324 --> 00:43:57,370 And now, ladies and gentlemen, for our grand finale. 824 00:43:58,121 --> 00:44:02,500 I bring you, The Magnet of Crysteries! 825 00:44:02,584 --> 00:44:03,960 The Cabinet of Mysteries! 826 00:44:04,043 --> 00:44:06,379 VISION: Yeah, yeah. What she said. 827 00:44:07,964 --> 00:44:10,091 I will now make my wife... 828 00:44:11,926 --> 00:44:13,136 ...disappear. 829 00:44:15,263 --> 00:44:20,143 Are you sure you don't want an audience volunteer named "My husband Ralph?" 830 00:44:20,226 --> 00:44:21,936 -(CHUCKLES) -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) 831 00:44:22,020 --> 00:44:24,147 (LAUGHING) 832 00:44:25,690 --> 00:44:27,650 No. Abracadabra! 833 00:44:30,403 --> 00:44:32,989 -Uh, sweetheart? -Yeah? 834 00:44:34,073 --> 00:44:35,825 -Hi. -Oh. 835 00:44:38,369 --> 00:44:39,746 What's in the box? 836 00:44:39,829 --> 00:44:43,416 What's in the box? What's in the box? What's in the box? 837 00:44:43,500 --> 00:44:45,335 Yeah, what's in the box? 838 00:44:45,418 --> 00:44:47,587 What's in the box? What's in the box? 839 00:44:47,670 --> 00:44:50,798 What's in the box? What's in the box? 840 00:44:52,967 --> 00:44:54,802 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) 841 00:44:56,262 --> 00:44:57,514 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) 842 00:44:57,597 --> 00:44:58,640 Oh! 843 00:44:59,641 --> 00:45:00,850 Oh, yes! 844 00:45:00,934 --> 00:45:02,018 Flourish. 845 00:45:09,359 --> 00:45:10,860 Let's get outta here. 846 00:45:11,694 --> 00:45:13,404 Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. 847 00:45:13,488 --> 00:45:15,240 -I'm so stupid. -Vis? Vis, it's all right. 848 00:45:15,323 --> 00:45:17,033 It's all right. It's all right. It's all right. 849 00:45:17,116 --> 00:45:18,451 But what is going on with you? 850 00:45:18,535 --> 00:45:22,580 I have no idea. I've been feeling weirdy all day. 851 00:45:22,664 --> 00:45:24,332 Okay. Okay. Okay. 852 00:45:25,083 --> 00:45:27,502 -(GRUNTS) -Oh! 853 00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,004 (VISION GRUNTING) 854 00:45:36,636 --> 00:45:39,055 Would you look at that? 855 00:45:39,138 --> 00:45:41,307 That really gummed up my works, didn't it? 856 00:45:41,391 --> 00:45:43,017 -WANDA: Hmm. -(CHUCKLING) 857 00:45:44,686 --> 00:45:47,188 I'm not as funny without it, am I? 858 00:45:47,272 --> 00:45:49,941 Well, you're back to yourself and that's all I care about. 859 00:45:50,024 --> 00:45:52,068 Now, let's get out of here before Dottie 860 00:45:52,151 --> 00:45:55,613 and the planning committee string us up for ruining the show. 861 00:46:03,955 --> 00:46:06,583 You two, stop right there. 862 00:46:09,210 --> 00:46:10,378 (SIGHS) 863 00:46:10,461 --> 00:46:13,756 Nothing like what you two just did up here 864 00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:17,552 has ever happened in the history of our talent show. 865 00:46:18,678 --> 00:46:22,140 Dottie, we are so... 866 00:46:22,223 --> 00:46:23,349 Hilarious. 867 00:46:26,352 --> 00:46:29,772 That was the most hilarious act we've ever seen. 868 00:46:29,856 --> 00:46:31,107 Wouldn't you all agree? 869 00:46:31,858 --> 00:46:33,026 Yeah. 870 00:46:35,195 --> 00:46:36,988 Oh, yes. 871 00:46:37,655 --> 00:46:39,449 You two, come on up. Come on. 872 00:46:42,076 --> 00:46:44,829 On behalf of the planning committee, 873 00:46:44,913 --> 00:46:46,122 I would like to award you 874 00:46:46,206 --> 00:46:50,210 with the inaugural Comedy Performance of the Year. 875 00:46:50,293 --> 00:46:51,711 Oh, thank you. 876 00:46:57,217 --> 00:46:58,510 (CHUCKLING) 877 00:47:07,727 --> 00:47:09,270 -I have to ask. -VISION: Hmm. 878 00:47:09,354 --> 00:47:13,691 One second, I'm backstage and in the next, I'm in a dark cubby hole. 879 00:47:13,775 --> 00:47:15,068 How'd you do it? 880 00:47:15,151 --> 00:47:17,195 Oh, a magician never reveals his secrets. 881 00:47:17,278 --> 00:47:18,988 He leaves that to his assistant. 882 00:47:19,072 --> 00:47:20,657 And she's not talking. 883 00:47:21,908 --> 00:47:24,827 -I had a feeling you'd say that. -(WANDA AND GERALDINE CHUCKLING) 884 00:47:28,832 --> 00:47:29,916 "For the children!" 885 00:47:29,999 --> 00:47:32,210 AUDIENCE: "For the children!" 886 00:47:38,424 --> 00:47:40,593 You were tremendous, Glamour. 887 00:47:40,677 --> 00:47:43,304 As were you, Illusion. (CHUCKLES) 888 00:47:45,056 --> 00:47:46,140 (SIGHS IN RELIEF) 889 00:47:46,224 --> 00:47:48,560 I don't know what I was so worried about. 890 00:47:48,643 --> 00:47:52,063 It wasn't so hard to fit in after all. 891 00:47:52,146 --> 00:47:55,066 And all we had to do was be ourselves. 892 00:47:55,149 --> 00:47:57,527 Well, with a few modifications. 893 00:47:58,152 --> 00:48:01,364 -And it was all for the children. -For the children. 894 00:48:02,198 --> 00:48:04,659 Well, I think the children might need some popcorn. 895 00:48:06,035 --> 00:48:07,120 Wanda. 896 00:48:07,203 --> 00:48:08,371 Hmm, what? 897 00:48:10,456 --> 00:48:11,541 (GASPS) 898 00:48:13,084 --> 00:48:16,462 Vision... Is this really happening? 899 00:48:19,591 --> 00:48:21,134 Yes, my love. 900 00:48:21,217 --> 00:48:22,927 It's really happening. 901 00:48:23,011 --> 00:48:24,304 (THUDDING) 902 00:48:25,263 --> 00:48:30,393 If it's that damn tree again, I am going to rip it out by the roots! 903 00:48:37,734 --> 00:48:39,360 I don't see anything. 904 00:48:51,581 --> 00:48:52,790 What is that? 905 00:49:00,298 --> 00:49:01,883 Wanda. 906 00:49:07,555 --> 00:49:09,015 (BEES BUZZING) 907 00:49:16,606 --> 00:49:17,857 No. 908 00:49:26,866 --> 00:49:31,371 Vision... Is this really happening? 909 00:49:33,081 --> 00:49:34,541 Yes, my love. 910 00:49:36,042 --> 00:49:37,669 It's really happening. 911 00:49:50,932 --> 00:49:51,933 Vision... 912 00:50:13,496 --> 00:50:14,664 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 913 00:50:25,341 --> 00:50:28,553 MAN: (THROUGH RADIO) Wanda? Who's doing this to you, Wanda? 914 00:50:29,262 --> 00:50:30,305 Wanda? 915 00:50:31,130 --> 00:50:33,132 (MUSIC PLAYING) 916 00:50:33,966 --> 00:50:35,134 WandaVision 917 00:50:37,094 --> 00:50:38,763 WandaVision 918 00:50:38,846 --> 00:50:40,598 We got something cooking 919 00:50:40,681 --> 00:50:44,769 And it's looking good 920 00:50:44,852 --> 00:50:47,563 We've got something cooking 921 00:50:47,647 --> 00:50:51,484 And who knew we could 922 00:50:51,567 --> 00:50:58,282 All great expectations Lead to complications 923 00:50:58,407 --> 00:51:00,201 But it's groovy and fun 924 00:51:00,284 --> 00:51:03,579 It's me and it's you 925 00:51:03,663 --> 00:51:06,666 Together, one plus one 926 00:51:06,749 --> 00:51:09,794 Is more than two 927 00:51:09,877 --> 00:51:11,212 WandaVision 928 00:51:13,089 --> 00:51:14,131 WandaVision 929 00:51:15,049 --> 00:51:17,802 Some sudden surprises 930 00:51:17,885 --> 00:51:21,389 Come in all shapes and sizes 931 00:51:21,472 --> 00:51:23,474 But it's rainbows and sun 932 00:51:23,557 --> 00:51:26,435 It's you and it's me 933 00:51:26,519 --> 00:51:31,274 Together, one plus one is family 934 00:51:31,357 --> 00:51:33,568 WandaVision 935 00:51:40,783 --> 00:51:41,784 Hmm. 936 00:51:44,787 --> 00:51:45,788 Hmm. 937 00:51:48,040 --> 00:51:51,127 -Yep! Definitely pregnant. -(WANDA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 938 00:51:52,003 --> 00:51:54,005 Well, that much we figured. 939 00:51:54,088 --> 00:51:56,048 It's just kinda taken us by surprise. 940 00:51:56,132 --> 00:51:58,342 It's just kinda suddenly. Quite suddenly, wasn't it? 941 00:51:58,426 --> 00:52:01,846 I mean, practically overnight. I mean... (HESITATES) How did this happen? 942 00:52:02,638 --> 00:52:05,766 You see, when a man and a woman 943 00:52:06,434 --> 00:52:08,436 love each other very much... 944 00:52:09,937 --> 00:52:14,233 Well, we're just tickled pink, or blue. 945 00:52:14,317 --> 00:52:16,903 You're at about four months now. Is that right? 946 00:52:19,655 --> 00:52:21,324 I thought as much. 947 00:52:21,407 --> 00:52:25,286 We let the little ladies keep tabs on their growing babies with fruit. 948 00:52:25,953 --> 00:52:27,204 Makes it simple for them. 949 00:52:27,955 --> 00:52:30,791 At four months, the fetus is about as big as a pear. 950 00:52:30,875 --> 00:52:33,210 At five months, a papaya. Six, grapefruit. 951 00:52:33,294 --> 00:52:37,882 -Seven, pineapple. Eight, honeydew. -(WANDA CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 952 00:52:37,965 --> 00:52:39,300 Hypothetically speaking, 953 00:52:39,383 --> 00:52:42,470 what size fruit would it be at, say, hmm, 12 hours? 954 00:52:43,179 --> 00:52:44,430 Uh, pardon? 12 hours? 955 00:52:44,513 --> 00:52:47,058 Well, I think this line of questioning is fruitless. (CHUCKLES) 956 00:52:47,141 --> 00:52:50,478 Well, hypothetically speaking, should we be concerned? 957 00:52:51,812 --> 00:52:56,525 Hypothetically speaking, every new father-to-be gets nervous. 958 00:52:56,609 --> 00:53:00,029 Well, I have nerves of steel, so there goes your theory, Mr. Doctor... 959 00:53:00,112 --> 00:53:02,323 Vision, why don't you see the doctor out? 960 00:53:02,406 --> 00:53:03,950 Good idea. Yes. 961 00:53:04,033 --> 00:53:07,954 Thank you so much for dropping by, Dr. Nielson. 962 00:53:08,663 --> 00:53:11,040 Well, I'm just glad you caught me in time. 963 00:53:11,123 --> 00:53:13,751 I'm taking the wife on vacation this afternoon. 964 00:53:13,834 --> 00:53:15,753 Oh! Have a nice holiday! Hey, Herb! 965 00:53:15,836 --> 00:53:17,213 Hey, buddy! 966 00:53:17,296 --> 00:53:19,590 Listen, you can keep the news of Wanda's... (MUMBLES) 967 00:53:19,674 --> 00:53:21,842 You know, just between us because, uh, 968 00:53:21,926 --> 00:53:24,011 I don't know, everything's happening so quickly. 969 00:53:24,095 --> 00:53:26,931 We'd like to keep the news just in the family for right now. 970 00:53:27,014 --> 00:53:29,100 Of course. Mum's the word. 971 00:53:29,183 --> 00:53:30,309 (CHUCKLES) 972 00:53:30,393 --> 00:53:32,478 I'm off. Bermuda, baby! 973 00:53:32,562 --> 00:53:33,646 Yes. 974 00:53:34,564 --> 00:53:35,856 (MACHINERY WHIRRING) 975 00:53:38,776 --> 00:53:40,152 Hey, Herb! 976 00:53:40,236 --> 00:53:42,071 Think you might've taken the hedge-trimming 977 00:53:42,154 --> 00:53:44,115 a little too far there, old chum. 978 00:53:44,198 --> 00:53:45,658 So, I have. 979 00:53:46,534 --> 00:53:47,660 Thanks, buddy. 980 00:53:49,954 --> 00:53:52,373 Yeah. Don't mention it. 981 00:53:55,876 --> 00:53:56,877 Huh. 982 00:53:57,587 --> 00:53:59,547 Strangest thing just happened outside with... 983 00:54:00,423 --> 00:54:02,883 Whoa, Nelly! Have you gotten bigger? 984 00:54:02,967 --> 00:54:06,679 Have I? I can't tell from this angle. 985 00:54:07,555 --> 00:54:13,102 I can't wait... (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) ...to be a proud papaya. 986 00:54:24,405 --> 00:54:27,992 "Nesting, the overwhelming urge during pregnancy to clean, 987 00:54:28,075 --> 00:54:30,328 "organize, and prepare the home for the new baby." 988 00:54:30,411 --> 00:54:33,247 See? You're an expert already. We've got nothing to worry about. 989 00:54:33,331 --> 00:54:35,541 Nothing to worry about outside of morning sickness, 990 00:54:35,625 --> 00:54:37,251 mood swings, aching back and... 991 00:54:37,335 --> 00:54:39,253 Feet. Darling, you should probably sit down. 992 00:54:39,337 --> 00:54:43,382 Don't be silly. All I feel is excitement, happiness, and... (GASPS) Oh! 993 00:54:43,466 --> 00:54:45,927 Kicking? Already? 994 00:54:46,010 --> 00:54:48,012 -Wow! -Oh, it's such a strange sensation. 995 00:54:48,095 --> 00:54:50,306 It's kind of fluttery. (GIGGLES) 996 00:54:51,474 --> 00:54:54,101 (GASPS) Oh, did I do that? I didn't mean to. 997 00:54:54,185 --> 00:54:56,229 -Oh. Uh, darling. -Oh. 998 00:54:56,896 --> 00:54:58,606 -Hello, little fella. -(CHUCKLES) 999 00:55:00,483 --> 00:55:02,276 Well, if that was the first kick, 1000 00:55:02,360 --> 00:55:06,113 that puts you at about six months! 1001 00:55:06,197 --> 00:55:08,241 Boy, oh, boy, I thought I had super speed. 1002 00:55:08,324 --> 00:55:10,952 I can't keep up. Please don't misinterpret. 1003 00:55:11,035 --> 00:55:14,080 I can't wait to meet you, little Billy. (KISSES) 1004 00:55:14,163 --> 00:55:15,206 -Billy? -Yeah. 1005 00:55:15,289 --> 00:55:16,832 Well, I was thinking Tommy. 1006 00:55:16,916 --> 00:55:19,627 Just a nice, classic, all-American name. 1007 00:55:19,710 --> 00:55:22,421 Hmm, Tommy. Hmm, yeah. Yeah. Then there's Billy, isn't there? 1008 00:55:22,505 --> 00:55:23,923 Named after William Shakespeare. 1009 00:55:24,006 --> 00:55:26,926 "All the world's a stage. All the men and women, merely players." 1010 00:55:27,009 --> 00:55:29,553 Well, I guess there's only one solution to this debate. 1011 00:55:30,221 --> 00:55:31,305 Hope for a girl. 1012 00:55:36,602 --> 00:55:38,521 -(GIGGLES) -Well, we ought to decide soon. 1013 00:55:38,604 --> 00:55:40,064 I estimate the baby's due... 1014 00:55:40,147 --> 00:55:43,109 It's not a constant progression, assumingly logarithmic, 1015 00:55:43,192 --> 00:55:46,487 but were I to graph the fetal development thus far... 1016 00:55:46,571 --> 00:55:48,489 He's gonna be here before you figure it out. 1017 00:55:48,614 --> 00:55:50,658 -Nearest I can conclude is that Billy... -Tommy. 1018 00:55:50,741 --> 00:55:51,742 Hmm. 1019 00:55:53,452 --> 00:55:54,870 ...is due Friday afternoon. 1020 00:55:54,954 --> 00:55:56,205 In three days? 1021 00:55:56,289 --> 00:55:58,624 (GASPS) Maybe I should sit down. 1022 00:56:04,839 --> 00:56:06,507 I think we have an understanding. 1023 00:56:07,717 --> 00:56:08,926 Start the clock. 1024 00:56:10,678 --> 00:56:12,054 Time. 1025 00:56:12,138 --> 00:56:13,723 -Your personal best. -Yes! 1026 00:56:14,348 --> 00:56:16,142 We are nothing if not prepared. 1027 00:56:16,225 --> 00:56:17,727 Oh! 1028 00:56:17,810 --> 00:56:19,270 -Darling? -Ooh! 1029 00:56:20,146 --> 00:56:22,023 Do any of your books talk about this? 1030 00:56:22,106 --> 00:56:25,776 It's not painful, but it's strange. 1031 00:56:25,860 --> 00:56:27,945 -A tightening sensation? -Yep, that's it. 1032 00:56:28,029 --> 00:56:29,822 Yes. Where was it, where was it? 1033 00:56:30,740 --> 00:56:34,201 "Braxton Hicks contractions, also known as false labor, 1034 00:56:34,285 --> 00:56:36,621 "usually starts in the third trimester. 1035 00:56:36,704 --> 00:56:39,582 "Named after John Braxton Hicks in 1875." 1036 00:56:39,665 --> 00:56:41,167 Honey. 1037 00:56:41,250 --> 00:56:45,087 Sorry. Yes. Yes. Ooh! Excellent! 1038 00:56:45,171 --> 00:56:47,632 Gives us a chance to work on our breathing exercises. 1039 00:56:48,215 --> 00:56:49,675 It should go like this. 1040 00:56:49,759 --> 00:56:51,302 (BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY) 1041 00:56:55,264 --> 00:56:57,099 Yeah, it's not working. I can still feel it. 1042 00:56:57,183 --> 00:56:58,392 I'm sorry. 1043 00:56:58,476 --> 00:56:59,727 -(GROANS) -(FAUCET STARTS RUNNING) 1044 00:57:00,478 --> 00:57:01,479 (SCREAMS) 1045 00:57:01,562 --> 00:57:03,689 -What the... What the Dickens? -What's happening now? 1046 00:57:03,773 --> 00:57:06,901 -Let's abandon the kitchen. -(SCREAMING) 1047 00:57:09,195 --> 00:57:10,196 (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) 1048 00:57:14,659 --> 00:57:16,160 It stopped. 1049 00:57:16,244 --> 00:57:17,328 Yes. 1050 00:57:18,496 --> 00:57:19,830 I'll go check on the neighbors. 1051 00:57:19,914 --> 00:57:20,915 Yes. 1052 00:57:24,502 --> 00:57:25,586 Phil? 1053 00:57:26,379 --> 00:57:28,506 Do these earrings make me look fat? 1054 00:57:30,716 --> 00:57:31,926 Oh, thank God. 1055 00:57:34,345 --> 00:57:36,305 It appears that the whole block is out. 1056 00:57:36,973 --> 00:57:39,016 Oh, and that was just a fake contraction. 1057 00:57:39,100 --> 00:57:42,144 Who knows what will happen when the real thing starts. 1058 00:57:42,770 --> 00:57:44,897 Do you think they know it's my fault? 1059 00:57:44,981 --> 00:57:46,107 Our neighbors? 1060 00:57:46,190 --> 00:57:48,943 Well, yes, with all the close calls we've been having, 1061 00:57:49,026 --> 00:57:53,322 it seems the people of Westview are always on the verge of discovering our secret. 1062 00:57:55,700 --> 00:57:57,201 Yes, I know what you mean. 1063 00:58:00,288 --> 00:58:02,164 But it's more than that, isn't it? 1064 00:58:05,084 --> 00:58:07,753 Mr. and Mrs. Hart, dinner. 1065 00:58:09,505 --> 00:58:10,673 Outside with Herb. 1066 00:58:14,844 --> 00:58:16,804 I think something's wrong here, Wanda. 1067 00:58:22,143 --> 00:58:23,477 Yes, I know what you mean. 1068 00:58:25,354 --> 00:58:29,358 The truth is, we are in unchartered waters 1069 00:58:30,401 --> 00:58:31,986 and you know what? 1070 00:58:32,069 --> 00:58:33,654 I'm anxious, too. 1071 00:58:33,738 --> 00:58:35,907 We just don't know what to expect. 1072 00:58:36,032 --> 00:58:37,283 Nope. 1073 00:58:37,366 --> 00:58:41,329 Will the baby be human or Synthezoid? 1074 00:58:41,412 --> 00:58:42,663 A bit of both? 1075 00:58:43,289 --> 00:58:47,335 If he's anything like his ma, Billy will be perfect. 1076 00:58:48,377 --> 00:58:49,420 You mean Tommy. 1077 00:58:50,296 --> 00:58:51,380 -Mmm... -(CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 1078 00:58:51,464 --> 00:58:53,633 -(GASPS) -Oh, no, darling, are you all right? 1079 00:58:53,716 --> 00:58:55,635 -This is a real one! -What? 1080 00:58:55,718 --> 00:58:57,637 I thought you said Friday afternoon! 1081 00:58:57,720 --> 00:58:59,639 Well, I didn't consider that the timings 1082 00:58:59,722 --> 00:59:02,600 between developmental benchmarks could be quite random! 1083 00:59:02,683 --> 00:59:05,561 -(WHIMPERS) -(BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY) 1084 00:59:07,563 --> 00:59:09,190 (BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY) 1085 00:59:21,327 --> 00:59:22,328 (BOTH SIGH) 1086 00:59:23,496 --> 00:59:24,664 Better. 1087 00:59:24,747 --> 00:59:26,916 Yes, darling, thank you, it's passing. 1088 00:59:26,999 --> 00:59:28,000 (THUNDER RUMBLES) 1089 00:59:28,668 --> 00:59:29,669 (RAIN FALLING) 1090 00:59:30,878 --> 00:59:32,129 Vis... 1091 00:59:32,213 --> 00:59:33,464 Yes, dear? 1092 00:59:33,547 --> 00:59:35,091 I think my water just broke. 1093 00:59:35,675 --> 00:59:36,717 Yes, dear. 1094 00:59:41,806 --> 00:59:42,807 (GASPS) 1095 00:59:43,349 --> 00:59:44,600 No, no, no, no, no! 1096 00:59:44,684 --> 00:59:46,686 -Sorry, Mom. -Oh. 1097 00:59:47,270 --> 00:59:48,271 (BLENDER WHIRRING) 1098 00:59:52,108 --> 00:59:53,734 MAN: Do you need a break? 1099 00:59:53,818 --> 00:59:55,027 You read my mind. 1100 00:59:55,111 --> 00:59:56,279 MAN: Come with me. 1101 00:59:58,990 --> 01:00:01,951 Escape to a world all your own, 1102 01:00:02,034 --> 01:00:04,620 where your problems float away. 1103 01:00:05,538 --> 01:00:09,292 When you wanna get away, but you don't wanna go anywhere. 1104 01:00:12,128 --> 01:00:15,840 Hydra Soak, find the goddess within. 1105 01:00:17,425 --> 01:00:20,720 Well, I was just reading about the advantages of water birth. 1106 01:00:20,803 --> 01:00:22,847 (SIGHS) 1107 01:00:25,600 --> 01:00:26,809 Oh, thank goodness. 1108 01:00:26,893 --> 01:00:29,520 -(GROANING) -Let me help you up, dear. There you go. 1109 01:00:31,480 --> 01:00:32,773 What a mess. 1110 01:00:35,568 --> 01:00:37,069 (WIND BLOWING) 1111 01:00:39,947 --> 01:00:41,949 -(GRUNTS) -Oh, that's better. 1112 01:00:42,033 --> 01:00:44,035 (GASPS AND GROANS) 1113 01:00:44,118 --> 01:00:45,786 Darling, do you think it's time to... 1114 01:00:45,912 --> 01:00:47,079 -Call the doctor? -Yeah. (GROANS) 1115 01:00:47,163 --> 01:00:48,497 Yes, I do, dear. 1116 01:00:48,581 --> 01:00:50,875 -(GROANS) -Damn, the phones are down, too. 1117 01:00:50,958 --> 01:00:52,209 I better run. 1118 01:00:52,293 --> 01:00:54,545 Except, he might have already left for vacation. 1119 01:00:54,629 --> 01:00:57,006 Where? At a time like this? 1120 01:00:57,089 --> 01:01:00,593 Well, in fairness, darling, the baby is approximately nine months early. 1121 01:01:01,385 --> 01:01:02,428 I better leg it. 1122 01:01:02,511 --> 01:01:03,846 -You'll be all right here? -Hmm. 1123 01:01:03,930 --> 01:01:04,931 (KISSES) 1124 01:01:07,266 --> 01:01:08,309 Okay. 1125 01:01:08,392 --> 01:01:09,393 (GASPS) 1126 01:01:11,187 --> 01:01:12,813 (BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY) 1127 01:01:16,359 --> 01:01:17,652 -(GASPS) -(BIRDS CHIRPING) 1128 01:01:30,539 --> 01:01:31,791 -(DOORBELL RINGS) -(GASPS) 1129 01:01:32,667 --> 01:01:33,793 Oh, shoot. 1130 01:01:33,876 --> 01:01:34,877 Uh... Oh! 1131 01:01:41,717 --> 01:01:43,469 Wanda, what's up? 1132 01:01:44,512 --> 01:01:46,347 It's 75 degrees out. 1133 01:01:46,430 --> 01:01:48,266 You're making a fashion statement? 1134 01:01:48,349 --> 01:01:51,686 Hi, Geraldine. You know, now is not really a good time. 1135 01:01:51,769 --> 01:01:53,145 No, no, no, it's foxy. 1136 01:01:53,229 --> 01:01:54,981 You'll have to let me borrow it sometime. 1137 01:01:55,064 --> 01:01:56,899 But first, I gotta borrow a bucket. 1138 01:01:56,983 --> 01:01:58,943 Not to wear, to use. 1139 01:01:59,026 --> 01:02:01,404 Somehow, all the pipes in my ceiling 1140 01:02:01,487 --> 01:02:03,573 burst at once and I gotta bail myself out. 1141 01:02:03,656 --> 01:02:05,199 All right, sure. 1142 01:02:05,324 --> 01:02:06,951 Just stay right there. 1143 01:02:07,034 --> 01:02:09,287 I think I might have a bucket in the kitchen. 1144 01:02:09,370 --> 01:02:10,830 Okay, then. 1145 01:02:12,206 --> 01:02:15,626 I think it's just here under the sink! (SCREAMS) 1146 01:02:16,752 --> 01:02:17,753 (GASPS) 1147 01:02:18,671 --> 01:02:20,464 Are you all right in there? 1148 01:02:21,632 --> 01:02:23,301 Yes, I am just looking. 1149 01:02:23,384 --> 01:02:24,385 (GROANS) 1150 01:02:25,928 --> 01:02:26,929 Oh! 1151 01:02:27,805 --> 01:02:28,889 GERALDINE: I'll come help. 1152 01:02:28,973 --> 01:02:32,059 No! I mean, no thank you. 1153 01:02:36,188 --> 01:02:37,231 Bingo. 1154 01:02:38,149 --> 01:02:39,191 Would you look at that? 1155 01:02:39,275 --> 01:02:40,526 What? 1156 01:02:40,610 --> 01:02:43,863 Fruit. Wanda! Thank you. 1157 01:02:45,531 --> 01:02:46,866 Yummy. 1158 01:02:48,159 --> 01:02:49,994 Well, good luck with the leak. 1159 01:02:50,077 --> 01:02:55,291 Oh, that... Oh! Say, Wanda, I've got a question for you. 1160 01:02:55,374 --> 01:02:57,835 You know how I've been working that temp job, right? 1161 01:02:57,919 --> 01:03:02,256 Well, my boss, Mr. Haddox, he was going crazy yesterday... 1162 01:03:04,050 --> 01:03:08,512 Oh, look at me going on and on like you got all the time in the world. 1163 01:03:08,596 --> 01:03:10,640 -Let me go on and get out... -(LOUDLY) Wait. No. 1164 01:03:10,723 --> 01:03:13,643 -Tell me about the temp job. -Oh, that's my girl. 1165 01:03:13,726 --> 01:03:16,896 So, yesterday my boss, Mr. Haddox, 1166 01:03:16,979 --> 01:03:20,650 was going crazy working on the slogan for a new breakfast cereal. 1167 01:03:20,733 --> 01:03:23,569 You know, the one with the little marshmallow Moonmen? 1168 01:03:24,862 --> 01:03:27,365 -Oh. -Yeah, yeah, yeah, those. 1169 01:03:27,448 --> 01:03:30,952 So, it's 10 minutes before the big presentation, 1170 01:03:31,035 --> 01:03:33,663 and Mr. Haddox has got nothin'. 1171 01:03:33,788 --> 01:03:39,502 Nothin', that is, except the worst case of hiccups I ever did see. 1172 01:03:39,585 --> 01:03:43,214 (CHUCKLING) Oh, Wanda. He couldn't get out one word, 1173 01:03:43,297 --> 01:03:45,383 -let alone a whole pitch. -(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 1174 01:03:45,466 --> 01:03:49,887 GERALDINE: So I'm tryin' every trick in the book to help this poor man. 1175 01:03:50,513 --> 01:03:52,765 I'm hidin' behind filing cabinets 1176 01:03:52,848 --> 01:03:55,601 and jumpin' out when he least expects it, like, boom! 1177 01:03:55,685 --> 01:03:57,311 -(BOTH SCREAM) -(STORK SQUAWKS) 1178 01:03:57,395 --> 01:03:58,604 -Wanda. -(STORK CLACKING) 1179 01:03:59,647 --> 01:04:00,690 What was that? 1180 01:04:02,733 --> 01:04:04,902 -Did you hear that? -No. 1181 01:04:04,986 --> 01:04:08,239 It was like a chattering sound, like... 1182 01:04:08,322 --> 01:04:09,574 Oh! Like a... 1183 01:04:09,657 --> 01:04:11,325 (MIMICKING ICE MAKER) 1184 01:04:11,409 --> 01:04:12,410 Yeah. 1185 01:04:12,493 --> 01:04:15,913 That's my new ice maker built right into the fridge. 1186 01:04:19,959 --> 01:04:21,502 -Oh! -(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) 1187 01:04:21,627 --> 01:04:25,047 You're fancy. (GIGGLES) So now, at this point, 1188 01:04:25,131 --> 01:04:29,594 I am helping Mr. Haddox do a handstand under the water cooler... 1189 01:04:29,677 --> 01:04:32,096 -(BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY) -...because, you know, why not try 1190 01:04:32,179 --> 01:04:34,849 a little upside down, drink those hiccups away. 1191 01:04:34,932 --> 01:04:38,895 And wouldn't you know it, in that moment, in walks the client. 1192 01:04:38,978 --> 01:04:40,062 Oh, no. 1193 01:04:40,146 --> 01:04:42,315 Oh, yes. Oh, yes. But you know me, Wanda, 1194 01:04:42,398 --> 01:04:45,151 I keeps my cool, no matter what's goin' down. 1195 01:04:45,234 --> 01:04:46,903 I look at the client, 1196 01:04:46,986 --> 01:04:51,240 and I look at Mr. Haddox's feet floating in the air next to me, 1197 01:04:51,324 --> 01:04:53,534 and I look back at the client, and I say, 1198 01:04:53,659 --> 01:04:58,080 "Gravity Os, launch into your day, the right way." 1199 01:04:58,164 --> 01:04:59,165 (GERALDINE LAUGHS) 1200 01:05:02,293 --> 01:05:03,461 (CHUCKLING SOFTLY) Thank you. 1201 01:05:03,544 --> 01:05:06,047 Yes, and that's exactly what Mr. Haddox said 1202 01:05:06,130 --> 01:05:08,633 right before he told me to clean out my desk. 1203 01:05:08,716 --> 01:05:10,718 (GASPS) Oh, no, Geraldine. 1204 01:05:11,344 --> 01:05:12,345 He didn't fire you. 1205 01:05:12,428 --> 01:05:13,846 Oh, sugar. 1206 01:05:14,639 --> 01:05:16,098 He hired me. 1207 01:05:16,182 --> 01:05:17,183 Oh! 1208 01:05:17,850 --> 01:05:19,977 -Oh, Wanda! I landed a promotion. -(BREATHING HEAVILY) 1209 01:05:20,061 --> 01:05:23,773 And now that I've gone all corporate, I need some office supplies. 1210 01:05:23,856 --> 01:05:25,316 Which brings me to my question. 1211 01:05:25,399 --> 01:05:27,526 Do y'all still keep those in your spare room? 1212 01:05:27,610 --> 01:05:29,987 Because I was hoping you wouldn't mind 1213 01:05:30,071 --> 01:05:32,531 -sharing with your good friend. -WANDA: Wait. Wait. 1214 01:05:34,742 --> 01:05:36,077 Is that what I think it is? 1215 01:05:36,160 --> 01:05:38,120 Oh, a stork, yes, I can explain. (GIGGLES NERVOUSLY) 1216 01:05:38,204 --> 01:05:40,957 No! The crib. 1217 01:05:41,040 --> 01:05:43,584 (GRUNTS AND BREATHES HEAVILY) 1218 01:05:43,709 --> 01:05:45,795 It's coming. Oh. The baby's coming. 1219 01:05:45,878 --> 01:05:47,296 You're pregnant? 1220 01:05:48,714 --> 01:05:49,715 (GROANS) Ow. 1221 01:05:50,716 --> 01:05:53,344 Bermuda awaits and my car 1222 01:05:53,427 --> 01:05:56,847 decides to poop out right at this moment. 1223 01:05:58,557 --> 01:06:02,019 Whoa. Mr. Vision? What, is everything okay with the wife? 1224 01:06:02,103 --> 01:06:04,438 Yes. So long as we hurry. 1225 01:06:07,775 --> 01:06:09,193 But, Stan! 1226 01:06:09,277 --> 01:06:12,196 What about my brand-new two-piece? 1227 01:06:12,280 --> 01:06:13,281 Okay, Wanda. 1228 01:06:13,406 --> 01:06:15,575 -(BREATHING HEAVILY) -Now, let's get you comfortable. Okay? 1229 01:06:15,658 --> 01:06:17,785 (GROANS) I think I'm gonna lay down right here. 1230 01:06:17,910 --> 01:06:19,912 -Okay. -Vision ran to get the doctor. 1231 01:06:19,996 --> 01:06:21,038 He'll be back soon. 1232 01:06:21,122 --> 01:06:22,915 No, no, there's not enough time for that. 1233 01:06:22,999 --> 01:06:24,542 -Relax. Relax. -(GROANS) 1234 01:06:25,668 --> 01:06:28,087 -You know your breathing, right? -(BREATHING HEAVILY) 1235 01:06:28,170 --> 01:06:29,505 Wanda, I can't hear you. 1236 01:06:29,589 --> 01:06:30,590 (GROANING) 1237 01:06:34,218 --> 01:06:35,219 (GASPS) 1238 01:06:37,805 --> 01:06:39,640 I may be late to the party, 1239 01:06:39,724 --> 01:06:42,143 but I imagine there is a logical explanation for this. 1240 01:06:42,226 --> 01:06:44,437 It's all perfectly natural! (SCREAMS) 1241 01:06:44,520 --> 01:06:46,314 -Hey, you're doing great. -(BREATHING HEAVILY) 1242 01:06:46,397 --> 01:06:48,232 You're doing great. Look at me. Look at me. 1243 01:06:48,316 --> 01:06:49,942 -(BOTH BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY) -Come on. 1244 01:06:51,694 --> 01:06:52,904 (WHISPERS) I can't do this. 1245 01:06:52,987 --> 01:06:54,071 Yes, you can. 1246 01:06:54,155 --> 01:06:55,781 (WHIMPERING) I can't. I can't. 1247 01:06:55,907 --> 01:06:57,074 You can do this. 1248 01:06:57,158 --> 01:06:59,869 Yes, you can. You can do this. 1249 01:07:01,454 --> 01:07:03,080 -It's time to start pushing. -Oh. 1250 01:07:03,164 --> 01:07:05,207 You ready? You're ready. You're ready. 1251 01:07:05,291 --> 01:07:08,461 Push. Push, Wanda. Push! 1252 01:07:08,544 --> 01:07:09,545 (SCREAMS) 1253 01:07:10,504 --> 01:07:12,256 Push! That a girl. 1254 01:07:12,340 --> 01:07:13,382 (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) 1255 01:07:13,466 --> 01:07:14,467 (CONTINUES SCREAMING) 1256 01:07:17,970 --> 01:07:19,305 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1257 01:07:20,264 --> 01:07:21,515 (PANTING) 1258 01:07:22,308 --> 01:07:23,309 (BABY CRYING) 1259 01:07:25,186 --> 01:07:26,479 It's a boy. 1260 01:07:27,188 --> 01:07:28,189 (SIGHS) 1261 01:07:28,648 --> 01:07:29,649 (LAUGHS) 1262 01:07:30,691 --> 01:07:31,692 (BABY COOS) 1263 01:07:33,110 --> 01:07:34,403 Hi. 1264 01:07:34,987 --> 01:07:36,113 Hi. 1265 01:07:37,281 --> 01:07:38,407 Oh, he's perfect. 1266 01:07:38,491 --> 01:07:39,492 (DOOR OPENS) 1267 01:07:39,951 --> 01:07:41,160 -(VISION GRUNTS) -(BABY COOING) 1268 01:07:42,495 --> 01:07:43,996 Oh, no. I missed it. 1269 01:07:48,918 --> 01:07:53,089 Hey, Doc, why don't you help me out in the kitchen there? 1270 01:07:53,172 --> 01:07:56,759 We went so fast, it was like we were flying. 1271 01:07:59,637 --> 01:08:00,930 Well done, Wanda. 1272 01:08:06,435 --> 01:08:09,021 Well, don't you wanna meet your son as yourself? 1273 01:08:09,105 --> 01:08:10,106 (BABY COOING) 1274 01:08:18,114 --> 01:08:20,866 Ooh. You're strong. 1275 01:08:21,867 --> 01:08:24,161 Hello there, little Tommy. 1276 01:08:27,748 --> 01:08:28,916 Tommy? 1277 01:08:31,002 --> 01:08:32,128 Yes, Tommy. 1278 01:08:34,505 --> 01:08:36,549 (BOTH SCREAMING) 1279 01:08:37,341 --> 01:08:38,509 -What? -(GROANS) 1280 01:08:38,593 --> 01:08:39,635 Good heavens! 1281 01:08:40,177 --> 01:08:41,429 (SCREAMS) 1282 01:08:42,138 --> 01:08:43,306 There's another baby coming. 1283 01:08:43,389 --> 01:08:44,640 Billy? 1284 01:08:44,724 --> 01:08:47,226 -(BREATHING HEAVILY) -Wanda, push! Push! 1285 01:08:47,310 --> 01:08:48,311 (SCREAMS) 1286 01:08:53,316 --> 01:08:56,360 Twenty fingers and 20 toes. 1287 01:08:56,444 --> 01:09:00,197 You've got two healthy baby boys on your hands. 1288 01:09:00,323 --> 01:09:01,532 -Thank you, Doctor. -Yeah. 1289 01:09:01,616 --> 01:09:02,950 All in a day's work. 1290 01:09:03,075 --> 01:09:06,829 And thank you for your assistance, young lady. 1291 01:09:06,913 --> 01:09:09,832 I think you might have what it takes to be a nurse. 1292 01:09:11,292 --> 01:09:13,210 VISION: Allow me to walk you out, Doctor. 1293 01:09:13,294 --> 01:09:18,299 Oh, all right. As long as we actually walk this time. 1294 01:09:18,382 --> 01:09:19,592 VISION: Come. 1295 01:09:22,386 --> 01:09:26,974 -(SIGHS) I do owe you a debt of gratitude. -(CHUCKLES) 1296 01:09:27,058 --> 01:09:28,935 Well, Dr. Nielson, 1297 01:09:29,894 --> 01:09:31,979 I hope you're still able to make your trip. 1298 01:09:32,063 --> 01:09:34,023 Ah, yes, my trip. 1299 01:09:34,690 --> 01:09:37,485 I don't think we'll get away after all. 1300 01:09:37,610 --> 01:09:41,072 Small towns, you know. So hard to... 1301 01:09:42,531 --> 01:09:43,532 Escape. 1302 01:09:48,913 --> 01:09:49,956 Yeah. 1303 01:09:51,332 --> 01:09:52,959 AGNES: (WHISPERS) What is she doing in there? 1304 01:09:53,042 --> 01:09:54,043 -I don't know. -Howdy! 1305 01:09:54,126 --> 01:09:55,127 HERB: Hey! AGNES: Howdy! 1306 01:09:56,420 --> 01:09:57,964 Did you see her go inside? 1307 01:09:58,047 --> 01:09:59,507 HERB: (WHISPERS) She went right in. 1308 01:10:00,007 --> 01:10:02,468 AGNES: (WHISPERS) And her tummy was... Did Geraldine... 1309 01:10:02,551 --> 01:10:04,637 Remarkable day we're having, no? 1310 01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:07,181 -AGNES: (WHISPERS) That's fine. -Did you lose power, too? 1311 01:10:07,265 --> 01:10:08,724 Oh, sure did. 1312 01:10:08,808 --> 01:10:11,477 But Ralph looks better in the dark, so I'm not complaining. 1313 01:10:11,561 --> 01:10:12,562 (VISION AND AGNES CHUCKLE) 1314 01:10:12,645 --> 01:10:13,646 Hi, Herb. 1315 01:10:14,313 --> 01:10:15,398 Hey, buddy. 1316 01:10:17,191 --> 01:10:18,693 AGNES: (SIGHS) Okay. 1317 01:10:18,901 --> 01:10:21,237 Well, I'll get back to Wanda. 1318 01:10:22,530 --> 01:10:23,573 AGNES: Vision. 1319 01:10:25,908 --> 01:10:28,452 Is Geraldine inside with Wanda? 1320 01:10:30,037 --> 01:10:31,163 Yes. Why? 1321 01:10:31,247 --> 01:10:32,665 GERALDINE: You're such a strong lady. 1322 01:10:32,748 --> 01:10:33,749 Oh. 1323 01:10:34,667 --> 01:10:38,421 -Can you believe it? Twins! -(CHUCKLES) 1324 01:10:38,504 --> 01:10:40,881 -(BABIES COOING) -Hi. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 1325 01:10:43,759 --> 01:10:44,844 I'm a twin. 1326 01:10:44,927 --> 01:10:45,928 (BABIES COOING) 1327 01:10:47,430 --> 01:10:48,764 I had a brother. 1328 01:10:50,808 --> 01:10:52,852 His name was Pietro. 1329 01:10:54,645 --> 01:10:55,646 (BABIES COOING) 1330 01:10:58,149 --> 01:11:00,234 (SINGING IN SOKOVIAN) 1331 01:11:22,381 --> 01:11:26,802 He was killed by Ultron, wasn't he? 1332 01:11:31,349 --> 01:11:32,683 What did you say? 1333 01:11:32,767 --> 01:11:34,852 HERB: She's new to town. Brand-new. 1334 01:11:35,603 --> 01:11:37,230 There's no family. 1335 01:11:38,856 --> 01:11:39,899 No husband. 1336 01:11:39,982 --> 01:11:41,817 Well, there's nothing wrong with that. 1337 01:11:41,901 --> 01:11:42,902 Hmm. 1338 01:11:45,905 --> 01:11:47,281 No home. 1339 01:11:49,200 --> 01:11:50,201 What? 1340 01:11:54,872 --> 01:11:58,376 What did you say just now? 1341 01:12:00,920 --> 01:12:04,465 I said, Wanda, 1342 01:12:05,716 --> 01:12:07,426 you're such a strong lady. 1343 01:12:07,510 --> 01:12:10,554 Should I say it one more time for good measure? 1344 01:12:10,638 --> 01:12:11,722 No. 1345 01:12:14,100 --> 01:12:16,143 What did you say about Pietro? 1346 01:12:16,727 --> 01:12:17,770 Pietro? 1347 01:12:20,398 --> 01:12:21,399 Uh... 1348 01:12:22,984 --> 01:12:25,111 Hey, I'll take a shift rocking the babies. 1349 01:12:25,194 --> 01:12:26,487 No, I think you should leave. 1350 01:12:26,571 --> 01:12:28,406 Oh, Wanda, don't be like that. 1351 01:12:30,950 --> 01:12:32,660 What do you mean, she has no home? 1352 01:12:33,411 --> 01:12:35,288 She came here because... 1353 01:12:37,373 --> 01:12:38,916 She came here because... 1354 01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:40,001 (SIGHS) 1355 01:12:42,253 --> 01:12:43,713 She came here because we're all... 1356 01:12:44,463 --> 01:12:46,090 She came here because we're all what? 1357 01:12:46,173 --> 01:12:47,466 What're you trying to tell me? 1358 01:12:47,550 --> 01:12:49,552 -WANDA: What is that? -What? 1359 01:12:49,635 --> 01:12:50,886 WANDA: That. 1360 01:12:54,390 --> 01:12:56,017 That symbol. 1361 01:12:57,852 --> 01:12:59,645 I, uh... I... 1362 01:12:59,729 --> 01:13:01,480 Who are you? 1363 01:13:01,564 --> 01:13:02,982 (BABIES CRYING) 1364 01:13:03,065 --> 01:13:04,358 I don't... 1365 01:13:04,442 --> 01:13:05,902 She came here because we're all... 1366 01:13:05,985 --> 01:13:07,069 Stop it! 1367 01:13:09,739 --> 01:13:11,616 Who are you? 1368 01:13:13,868 --> 01:13:15,286 Wanda... 1369 01:13:15,369 --> 01:13:16,370 (BABIES COOING) 1370 01:13:18,080 --> 01:13:19,165 I... (BREATH TREMBLING) 1371 01:13:21,792 --> 01:13:22,877 I... 1372 01:13:23,586 --> 01:13:24,837 Wanda. 1373 01:13:28,132 --> 01:13:30,176 Well, I better get going. 1374 01:13:31,344 --> 01:13:33,638 That macramé's not gonna hitch itself. 1375 01:13:33,721 --> 01:13:35,264 -(BICYCLE BELL RINGS) -(CHUCKLES) 1376 01:13:38,851 --> 01:13:39,894 Herb? 1377 01:13:40,686 --> 01:13:41,687 (CHUCKLES SOFTLY) 1378 01:13:43,397 --> 01:13:45,191 Catch you on the flip side, Vision. 1379 01:13:53,908 --> 01:13:55,034 Wanda? 1380 01:13:56,911 --> 01:13:57,912 (BABIES COOING) 1381 01:13:59,121 --> 01:14:00,373 Where's Geraldine? 1382 01:14:01,707 --> 01:14:05,419 Oh, she left, honey. She had to rush home. 1383 01:14:05,503 --> 01:14:06,504 (BABIES COOING) 1384 01:14:10,675 --> 01:14:11,676 Hmm. 1385 01:14:25,147 --> 01:14:26,148 (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) 1386 01:14:26,649 --> 01:14:27,733 (GERALDINE SCREAMING) 1387 01:14:34,699 --> 01:14:35,700 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1388 01:14:41,497 --> 01:14:43,165 (MUSIC PLAYING) 1389 01:15:02,623 --> 01:15:05,376 MARIA: No, I can't. I can't leave Monica. YOUNG MONICA: Mom? 1390 01:15:05,460 --> 01:15:07,211 It's okay, I can stay with Grandma and... 1391 01:15:08,129 --> 01:15:10,006 MARIA: I can't leave. 1392 01:15:10,089 --> 01:15:11,632 YOUNG MONICA: Maybe I'll build a spaceship. 1393 01:15:11,716 --> 01:15:13,259 I wanna be an aircraft pilot. 1394 01:15:13,342 --> 01:15:16,679 CAPTAIN MARVEL: When they were handing out kids they gave her the toughest one. 1395 01:15:16,763 --> 01:15:18,222 Lieutenant Trouble. 1396 01:15:19,932 --> 01:15:23,519 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1397 01:15:29,233 --> 01:15:30,693 (OBJECTS CRASHING) 1398 01:15:30,777 --> 01:15:31,819 (PEOPLE SCREAMING) 1399 01:15:31,903 --> 01:15:33,696 WOMAN: Somebody help! 1400 01:15:37,116 --> 01:15:39,243 (ALARM BLARING) 1401 01:15:39,327 --> 01:15:41,079 -MONICA: Excuse me... -They're all coming back. 1402 01:15:41,162 --> 01:15:42,705 We don't have the capacity. 1403 01:15:45,792 --> 01:15:47,919 Excuse me. I'm looking for a patient. In room 104... 1404 01:15:48,002 --> 01:15:50,129 -Who, my wife? Do you have a phone? -MONICA: No. 1405 01:15:50,213 --> 01:15:51,506 I have to call my wife. 1406 01:15:52,298 --> 01:15:53,299 MAN: Watch out! 1407 01:15:55,134 --> 01:15:56,761 (BOTH GRUNTING) 1408 01:15:56,844 --> 01:15:57,929 NURSE: Let me help you. 1409 01:15:58,012 --> 01:16:00,807 -Are you okay? You okay? Take it... -I got him. I got him 1410 01:16:00,932 --> 01:16:02,558 MONICA: Are you okay? (GROANS) 1411 01:16:02,642 --> 01:16:05,144 I'm looking for a patient in room number 104. 1412 01:16:05,228 --> 01:16:06,854 I don't know what to tell you. 1413 01:16:13,986 --> 01:16:15,613 -Monica? -Oh, Dr. Harley, thank God! 1414 01:16:15,696 --> 01:16:16,948 I can't believe it. 1415 01:16:17,031 --> 01:16:19,075 -(STUTTERS) Uh, I was... -Where did you go? 1416 01:16:19,158 --> 01:16:21,536 Well, in her room since she came back from the surgery. 1417 01:16:21,619 --> 01:16:24,997 I mean, I might've have fallen asleep, but no longer than 20 minutes. 1418 01:16:25,498 --> 01:16:26,999 Dr. Harley, where's my mom? 1419 01:16:27,917 --> 01:16:30,586 Your mom, she died, honey. 1420 01:16:32,296 --> 01:16:33,297 What? 1421 01:16:34,090 --> 01:16:38,928 No. No, no, no, no, you're mistaken. My mother... The procedure went well. 1422 01:16:39,011 --> 01:16:42,140 You said so yourself. Clean margins. You're discharging her today. 1423 01:16:42,765 --> 01:16:44,183 The cancer came back. 1424 01:16:44,267 --> 01:16:48,396 Okay, stop, stop. No, you're... My mom is Maria Rambeau. 1425 01:16:48,479 --> 01:16:49,564 Look it up. I mean... 1426 01:16:49,647 --> 01:16:51,441 -Look it up. "Maria Rambeau." -Monica, 1427 01:16:51,524 --> 01:16:54,277 I don't understand what's happening, but you need to listen to me. 1428 01:16:54,360 --> 01:16:56,654 Maria died three years ago. 1429 01:16:57,780 --> 01:17:01,367 -Three? No. No. No, no... -Which was two years after you... 1430 01:17:03,036 --> 01:17:04,245 After I what? 1431 01:17:05,788 --> 01:17:07,373 After I what? 1432 01:17:08,166 --> 01:17:09,333 After you disappeared. 1433 01:17:31,546 --> 01:17:33,882 (DOOR BEEPS) 1434 01:17:33,966 --> 01:17:35,801 Ma'am? Over here, please. 1435 01:17:37,302 --> 01:17:39,846 Hi, good morning. I work here, and... 1436 01:17:39,930 --> 01:17:41,682 If you did, your badge would work. 1437 01:17:42,391 --> 01:17:44,184 Right. Um... 1438 01:17:44,268 --> 01:17:46,520 -I have a meeting with... -You know who this is? 1439 01:17:46,603 --> 01:17:48,021 ...this guy. 1440 01:17:48,105 --> 01:17:49,731 Captain Monica Rambeau. 1441 01:17:49,815 --> 01:17:51,567 Director Tyler Hayward. 1442 01:17:51,650 --> 01:17:54,486 Acting Director. You haven't aged a day. 1443 01:17:54,570 --> 01:17:56,280 And you look old as hell. 1444 01:17:56,363 --> 01:17:57,656 (CHUCKLES) 1445 01:17:57,739 --> 01:17:59,324 Come on, let's catch you up. 1446 01:18:05,956 --> 01:18:08,584 It's been three weeks and you're the first to report. 1447 01:18:09,251 --> 01:18:11,086 Can't say I'm surprised, Captain. 1448 01:18:11,169 --> 01:18:13,589 How are the numbers for the astronaut training program? 1449 01:18:13,672 --> 01:18:16,258 Dismal. Lost half my personnel in The Blip 1450 01:18:16,341 --> 01:18:18,885 and half of those remaining have lost their nerve. 1451 01:18:19,720 --> 01:18:22,598 The program hasn't been the same since you've been up there, Rambeau. 1452 01:18:22,681 --> 01:18:27,352 Shifted away from manned missions and refocused on robotics, nanotech, AI. 1453 01:18:28,186 --> 01:18:30,188 Sentient Weapons, like it says on the door. 1454 01:18:30,272 --> 01:18:32,649 MONICA: It also says "Observation and Response" 1455 01:18:32,733 --> 01:18:34,985 on that door, not "Creation." 1456 01:18:35,652 --> 01:18:37,988 HAYWARD: World's not the same as you left it. 1457 01:18:38,071 --> 01:18:40,782 Space is now full of unexpected threats. 1458 01:18:40,866 --> 01:18:44,703 Always was full of threats. And allies. 1459 01:18:48,457 --> 01:18:52,336 Listen, Monica, I just wanna acknowledge the awkwardness of the situation. 1460 01:18:53,545 --> 01:18:55,047 I know S.W.O.R.D.'s your home. 1461 01:18:55,130 --> 01:18:57,007 Your mom built this place from the ground up. 1462 01:18:57,591 --> 01:18:58,634 You grew up here. 1463 01:18:59,092 --> 01:19:01,386 You should've been here to help name the replacement. 1464 01:19:01,470 --> 01:19:03,472 You were the obvious choice. 1465 01:19:03,555 --> 01:19:06,141 -I was the only choice. -I wasn't gonna say it. 1466 01:19:06,808 --> 01:19:10,812 Look, Tyler, you know the job you have to do. I'm here to do mine. 1467 01:19:12,105 --> 01:19:13,482 Let's get you back out there. 1468 01:19:14,358 --> 01:19:15,359 (DOOR LOCK BEEPS) 1469 01:19:18,195 --> 01:19:20,155 The FBI is in a tizzy 1470 01:19:20,239 --> 01:19:22,699 over a missing persons case up in Jersey... 1471 01:19:22,783 --> 01:19:25,327 -"Missing persons"? -I know. But they have requested use 1472 01:19:25,410 --> 01:19:29,665 of one of our imaging drones, and I need a chaperone. 1473 01:19:29,748 --> 01:19:32,292 Tyler, drones usually chaperone me. 1474 01:19:32,376 --> 01:19:34,503 -I get it. -Look, if this is because of... 1475 01:19:35,671 --> 01:19:38,507 You don't have to worry about me. I'm good. 1476 01:19:39,258 --> 01:19:42,803 There's no easy way to say this, but you're grounded. 1477 01:19:43,595 --> 01:19:45,889 -I'm sorry, what? -Terrestrial missions only. 1478 01:19:45,973 --> 01:19:47,307 (CHUCKLES) You're kidding. 1479 01:19:47,933 --> 01:19:50,560 For how long? (STUTTERS) Whose protocol is this? 1480 01:19:51,270 --> 01:19:52,271 Your mother's. 1481 01:19:53,146 --> 01:19:57,651 She implemented guidelines in the event vanished personnel ever returned. 1482 01:19:59,027 --> 01:20:02,698 Look, I know it's a raw deal, but there is one positive takeaway. 1483 01:20:02,781 --> 01:20:05,867 -(SMACKS LIPS) What's that? -She believed you'd come back. 1484 01:20:07,869 --> 01:20:10,330 You'd be doing me a big favor with this FBI thing, 1485 01:20:10,414 --> 01:20:12,249 -but if you need more time... -No. 1486 01:20:13,333 --> 01:20:16,378 -No. I'm good to go. -Excellent. 1487 01:20:18,714 --> 01:20:19,965 Keep me updated, Captain. 1488 01:20:50,078 --> 01:20:52,122 WOO: Okay. No problem. 1489 01:20:56,543 --> 01:20:58,879 James E. Woo, FBI. 1490 01:21:00,589 --> 01:21:02,424 Monica Rambeau, S.W.O.R.D. 1491 01:21:03,091 --> 01:21:04,927 What's the story here, Agent Woo? 1492 01:21:05,010 --> 01:21:07,262 I've got a witness set up down the road in Westview, 1493 01:21:07,346 --> 01:21:09,389 and this morning, it looked like he flew the coop. 1494 01:21:09,473 --> 01:21:12,935 Your missing person is in the Witness Protection Program? 1495 01:21:13,018 --> 01:21:15,479 I have contacted known associates, relatives... 1496 01:21:15,562 --> 01:21:17,814 And let me guess, none of them have seen him either? 1497 01:21:17,898 --> 01:21:21,068 No. None of them have ever heard of him. 1498 01:21:22,444 --> 01:21:25,614 Something seemed hanky to me, so I took the first flight out of Oakland 1499 01:21:25,697 --> 01:21:30,035 to interface with local law enforcement, which is when I encountered a new wrinkle. 1500 01:21:30,494 --> 01:21:31,495 What is that? 1501 01:21:34,206 --> 01:21:35,958 -(INDISTINCT CHATTER OVER RADIO) -Here we go. 1502 01:21:36,041 --> 01:21:37,084 Pardon me, Sheriff. 1503 01:21:37,167 --> 01:21:40,545 Would you mind repeating your claim about Westview to my colleague here? 1504 01:21:41,088 --> 01:21:42,631 No such place. 1505 01:21:43,757 --> 01:21:49,554 You're saying the town of Westview, New Jersey, doesn't exist? 1506 01:21:49,638 --> 01:21:52,808 It's what I keep telling your G-Man here, but he won't listen. 1507 01:21:53,684 --> 01:21:57,813 I see. And, um, I'm sorry, what town are you from? 1508 01:21:57,896 --> 01:21:59,106 Eastview. 1509 01:22:01,441 --> 01:22:04,736 Thank you, Sheriff. I'll reach out if we need any further assistance. 1510 01:22:06,655 --> 01:22:08,865 I, uh, pulled phone numbers for all the residents. 1511 01:22:08,949 --> 01:22:11,702 I'm only through the Ds, but so far I got Diddly Squat. 1512 01:22:12,536 --> 01:22:14,371 So you can't reach anyone inside 1513 01:22:14,454 --> 01:22:18,125 and everyone on the outside has some sort of selective amnesia? 1514 01:22:18,208 --> 01:22:21,962 This isn't a missing person's case, Captain Rambeau, it's a missing town. 1515 01:22:22,838 --> 01:22:25,465 Population 3,892. 1516 01:22:26,508 --> 01:22:28,468 Why haven't you gone inside to investigate? 1517 01:22:29,303 --> 01:22:30,804 'Cause it doesn't want me to. 1518 01:22:32,681 --> 01:22:34,266 You can feel it too, can't you? 1519 01:22:36,768 --> 01:22:38,437 Nobody's supposed to go in. 1520 01:22:56,705 --> 01:22:57,956 (MONICA SIGHS) 1521 01:22:59,041 --> 01:23:01,543 -What about you? -Me? 1522 01:23:01,627 --> 01:23:04,546 (CHUCKLES) Well, I'm from Bakersfield, originally. 1523 01:23:04,630 --> 01:23:07,883 Growin' up, other kids had Michael Jordan posters on their walls, 1524 01:23:07,966 --> 01:23:09,092 but I had Eliot Ness. 1525 01:23:09,676 --> 01:23:14,431 No, no, no, no. I mean, why is it that you have an awareness of Westview? 1526 01:23:15,432 --> 01:23:17,142 Or me, for that matter? 1527 01:23:18,060 --> 01:23:20,520 Is it because we are outside of a certain radius, 1528 01:23:20,604 --> 01:23:23,899 or maybe because we don't have a personal connection? 1529 01:23:23,982 --> 01:23:25,025 Hmm... 1530 01:23:29,071 --> 01:23:31,615 -MONICA: Wait, where'd it go? -It was right there. 1531 01:23:45,254 --> 01:23:46,797 (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) 1532 01:23:46,880 --> 01:23:48,090 Whoa... 1533 01:23:49,758 --> 01:23:51,009 What is it? 1534 01:23:54,263 --> 01:23:58,267 Some sort of energy field. 1535 01:23:59,476 --> 01:24:00,978 WOO: Careful, Rambeau. 1536 01:24:03,855 --> 01:24:04,898 Captain Rambeau! 1537 01:24:05,607 --> 01:24:07,025 Watch it. 1538 01:24:07,693 --> 01:24:08,902 Rambeau! 1539 01:24:10,946 --> 01:24:12,155 Captain Rambeau! 1540 01:24:13,657 --> 01:24:15,033 Captain Rambeau! 1541 01:24:36,513 --> 01:24:37,514 Hey. 1542 01:24:38,807 --> 01:24:41,810 -What's your field? -We're not supposed to talk to each other. 1543 01:24:41,893 --> 01:24:45,439 Hmm? Boy Scout leader. Got it. (SMACKS LIPS) And you? 1544 01:24:46,690 --> 01:24:47,858 Nuclear Biology. 1545 01:24:48,525 --> 01:24:50,068 Artificial Intelligence. 1546 01:24:50,777 --> 01:24:52,154 Astrophysics. 1547 01:24:52,237 --> 01:24:54,573 (SMACKS LIPS) We got the full clown car. 1548 01:24:54,656 --> 01:24:56,199 It means whatever the threat is, 1549 01:24:56,283 --> 01:24:59,036 S.W.O.R.D. clearly has no idea what they're dealing with. 1550 01:25:00,203 --> 01:25:02,372 -I'm a chemical engineer. -No one cares. 1551 01:25:03,206 --> 01:25:04,583 DRIVER: All right, grab your gear. 1552 01:25:12,090 --> 01:25:14,092 HAYWARD: All right. So, uh... 1553 01:25:14,176 --> 01:25:15,677 In the meantime, 1554 01:25:15,761 --> 01:25:17,596 one of you guys check in on Hutch, 1555 01:25:17,679 --> 01:25:20,641 make sure he's ready to get those drones up in the air. Okay? 1556 01:25:20,724 --> 01:25:22,017 Give him a hand. Thanks. 1557 01:25:29,983 --> 01:25:30,984 AGENT: Ms. Lewis? 1558 01:25:32,277 --> 01:25:33,487 Dr. Lewis. 1559 01:25:33,570 --> 01:25:35,197 We have your gear set up inside. 1560 01:25:56,093 --> 01:25:59,763 Those drones you're sending in, what kinda data are you getting? 1561 01:25:59,846 --> 01:26:01,431 I'm afraid that's highly classified. 1562 01:26:02,140 --> 01:26:03,392 You can't see anything? 1563 01:26:06,353 --> 01:26:10,857 FBI, Army. I saw the Air Force Office of Special Investigations out there. 1564 01:26:12,067 --> 01:26:14,987 Research Lab, Space Command, too. 1565 01:26:15,070 --> 01:26:17,906 A bona fide, joint, multi-service response. 1566 01:26:17,990 --> 01:26:19,992 Looking forward to commemorative T-shirt. 1567 01:26:20,826 --> 01:26:24,162 Is there somewhere a lady could get a cup of coffee? 1568 01:26:24,746 --> 01:26:28,000 You guys look like you might get down with those little pod things. 1569 01:26:28,083 --> 01:26:31,420 -Horrendous for the environment... -Make your assessment, please. 1570 01:26:36,341 --> 01:26:37,676 Whoa... 1571 01:26:38,802 --> 01:26:40,679 I mean, whoa... 1572 01:26:41,555 --> 01:26:42,764 What're you getting? 1573 01:26:44,349 --> 01:26:47,561 A colossal amount of CMBR. 1574 01:26:48,186 --> 01:26:50,772 -CM... -Cosmic Microwave Background Radiation. 1575 01:26:51,440 --> 01:26:54,234 We've been told the radiation is within a safe limit. 1576 01:26:54,318 --> 01:26:55,861 Uh, it is... For now. 1577 01:26:55,944 --> 01:26:58,113 -Wait, what do you mean... -(SHUSHES) 1578 01:26:59,364 --> 01:27:02,492 There are longer wavelengths superimposed over the noise here. 1579 01:27:05,829 --> 01:27:07,039 (GROANS) 1580 01:27:08,999 --> 01:27:10,125 (CLATTERING) 1581 01:27:10,208 --> 01:27:11,251 I got it. 1582 01:27:25,641 --> 01:27:30,562 I need a TV. An old one. Like, not flat. 1583 01:27:33,815 --> 01:27:35,943 (THUNDER RUMBLING) 1584 01:27:36,026 --> 01:27:37,152 (RAIN PATTERING) 1585 01:27:42,032 --> 01:27:43,492 -You good to go? -FRANKLIN: Yes, sir. 1586 01:27:43,575 --> 01:27:46,286 These sewers will take you straight into town. 1587 01:27:46,370 --> 01:27:49,498 -Try to find anything you can on Rambeau. -FRANKLIN: Copy that. 1588 01:28:00,342 --> 01:28:03,512 MAN: Agent Franklin. We will keep this channel open for you. 1589 01:28:03,595 --> 01:28:04,638 FRANKLIN: Copy. 1590 01:28:07,975 --> 01:28:09,309 Keep me updated. 1591 01:28:12,938 --> 01:28:14,231 Director Hayward, 1592 01:28:14,314 --> 01:28:17,901 between you, me, and the bedpost, I am not confident about this mission. 1593 01:28:17,985 --> 01:28:22,447 Thanks for the feedback, Jimmy. If only my drones were as forthcoming. 1594 01:28:23,282 --> 01:28:26,868 There's no reason to suspect the perimeter doesn't extend subterraneously. 1595 01:28:26,952 --> 01:28:28,954 There's no reason to suspect it does. 1596 01:28:29,037 --> 01:28:31,957 (SIGHS) We don't know about the nature of the threat to send another agent 1597 01:28:32,040 --> 01:28:35,502 -when the first is yet to return. -Someone must miss you back in Quantico. 1598 01:28:35,586 --> 01:28:38,463 No, sir. Softball season's over, sir. 1599 01:28:39,715 --> 01:28:41,049 What do we have up? 1600 01:28:41,133 --> 01:28:44,261 Radar, lidar, sodar, infrared. 1601 01:28:44,344 --> 01:28:45,345 HAYWARD: Cycle through. 1602 01:28:53,353 --> 01:28:56,273 Will someone get me a useful visual, damn it? 1603 01:28:56,356 --> 01:28:59,484 -(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHING OVER TV) -HAYWARD: What is that? 1604 01:28:59,568 --> 01:29:00,611 WANDA: Can I see you 1605 01:29:00,694 --> 01:29:02,821 -in the kitchen, sweetheart? -HAYWARD: Who's doing that? 1606 01:29:04,156 --> 01:29:06,450 WANDA: Who are those people? VISION: What are you wearing? 1607 01:29:06,533 --> 01:29:08,660 WANDA: Why are they here? VISION: What are you wearing? 1608 01:29:08,744 --> 01:29:11,204 WANDA: Well, it's our anniversary! VISION: Our anniversary of what? 1609 01:29:11,288 --> 01:29:13,790 WANDA: Well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you! 1610 01:29:13,874 --> 01:29:16,168 -Is that... -Yeah, it looks like her. 1611 01:29:16,251 --> 01:29:19,212 You move at the speed of sound, I can make a pen float. 1612 01:29:19,296 --> 01:29:20,714 Who needs to abbreviate? 1613 01:29:21,882 --> 01:29:26,553 Look, I know it's been a crazy few years on this planet, but he's dead, right? 1614 01:29:26,637 --> 01:29:29,097 Not blipped, dead. 1615 01:29:29,181 --> 01:29:31,350 Excellent plan. Where's the tenderizer? 1616 01:29:31,433 --> 01:29:32,643 What am I looking at? 1617 01:29:33,310 --> 01:29:35,979 You? What is this? Where's this coming from? 1618 01:29:36,063 --> 01:29:37,105 Out there. 1619 01:29:37,189 --> 01:29:40,192 You didn't answer the back door. For your upside-down cake. 1620 01:29:40,275 --> 01:29:42,236 Oh! Hi, I... 1621 01:29:42,319 --> 01:29:45,113 -Is it authentic? -I'm not sure how to answer that. 1622 01:29:45,197 --> 01:29:47,699 Is it happening in real time? Is it recorded, fabricated? 1623 01:29:47,783 --> 01:29:50,619 I don't know. I don't know. And I don't know. 1624 01:29:50,702 --> 01:29:52,204 What do you know? 1625 01:29:52,287 --> 01:29:55,958 My equipment registered an extremely high level of CMBR. That's... 1626 01:29:56,041 --> 01:29:58,085 Relic radiation dating back to the Big Bang. 1627 01:29:58,168 --> 01:30:01,004 Yeah, entwined was a broadcast frequency. 1628 01:30:01,088 --> 01:30:03,757 So I had your goons pick me up a sweet vintage TV. 1629 01:30:03,840 --> 01:30:07,386 And when I plug this bad boy in, voilà, sound and picture. 1630 01:30:07,469 --> 01:30:09,304 Dinner is served. 1631 01:30:12,432 --> 01:30:16,520 So you're saying the universe created a sitcom starring two Avengers? 1632 01:30:16,603 --> 01:30:17,980 MRS. HART: (ON TV) European. 1633 01:30:18,063 --> 01:30:19,231 It's a working theory. 1634 01:30:19,314 --> 01:30:21,733 Get me a transport back to headquarters now. 1635 01:30:22,943 --> 01:30:24,820 -Are we recording this? -Never stopped. 1636 01:30:24,903 --> 01:30:29,324 I need immediate analysis. Now, people. Let's go! 1637 01:30:30,826 --> 01:30:31,910 He's a charmer. 1638 01:30:32,869 --> 01:30:34,538 -Great work. -Hey, thanks! 1639 01:30:35,122 --> 01:30:36,623 (STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGHING OVER TV) 1640 01:30:36,707 --> 01:30:38,667 Maybe I could get that coffee now? 1641 01:30:40,502 --> 01:30:42,713 Or not. That's cool. 1642 01:30:42,796 --> 01:30:44,506 AUDIENCE: Aw! 1643 01:30:44,590 --> 01:30:47,342 -(MUSIC PLAYING) -Aw. 1644 01:30:54,933 --> 01:30:56,935 WOO: First and foremost, our main objective 1645 01:30:57,019 --> 01:30:58,979 is to get any intel on Captain Rambeau, 1646 01:30:59,062 --> 01:31:03,025 but originally, this case was a missing person, so we're going to start there. 1647 01:31:03,108 --> 01:31:06,778 We've successfully identified two individuals inside the Westview anomaly. 1648 01:31:09,781 --> 01:31:10,866 Let's keep going. 1649 01:31:11,408 --> 01:31:14,411 This guest is leaving your home. 1650 01:31:15,787 --> 01:31:17,915 WANDA: Yes, thank you for coming. 1651 01:31:24,296 --> 01:31:28,008 Mr. and Mrs. Hart. Played by Todd and Sharon Davis. 1652 01:31:32,012 --> 01:31:34,598 Computational forms. And no one can process the data 1653 01:31:34,681 --> 01:31:36,516 -quite like you do, pal. -Agent Woo. 1654 01:31:36,600 --> 01:31:38,018 NORM: You're like a walking computer. 1655 01:31:38,810 --> 01:31:40,562 Abhilash Tandon is Norm. 1656 01:31:43,899 --> 01:31:45,901 (INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TV) 1657 01:31:48,487 --> 01:31:50,239 DARCY: Harold Copter is Jones. 1658 01:31:50,322 --> 01:31:53,325 We got Isabel Matsueida cast as Beverly. 1659 01:31:54,493 --> 01:31:56,245 DARCY: John Collins as Herb. 1660 01:32:05,170 --> 01:32:06,505 (GASPS) 1661 01:32:11,051 --> 01:32:12,844 -Really? -DARCY: Does she seem okay to you? 1662 01:32:13,679 --> 01:32:16,098 Well, she doesn't appear to be harmed in any way, 1663 01:32:16,181 --> 01:32:20,394 but that is definitely not the boss lady I met yesterday. 1664 01:32:20,477 --> 01:32:23,772 So what, deep cover? Monica has to play along? 1665 01:32:23,855 --> 01:32:25,691 With whom? Or else, what? 1666 01:32:25,774 --> 01:32:28,277 All right. Brass tacks, Dr. Lewis. 1667 01:32:28,360 --> 01:32:31,446 What are we lookin' at here? Is it an alternate reality? 1668 01:32:31,530 --> 01:32:34,408 Time travel? Some cockamamie social experiment? 1669 01:32:34,491 --> 01:32:37,452 It's a sitcom. A 1950s sitcom. 1670 01:32:37,536 --> 01:32:38,537 But why? 1671 01:32:38,620 --> 01:32:41,582 Hey, man, we're working with the same scarcity of intel. 1672 01:32:43,542 --> 01:32:45,502 But, listen, I do have an idea. 1673 01:32:47,045 --> 01:32:50,257 DARCY: So, you've seen that radio in Wanda's kitchen counter, right? 1674 01:32:50,340 --> 01:32:52,009 The next time she's washing dishes, 1675 01:32:52,092 --> 01:32:55,345 which, by my count, happens about once an episode, barf, 1676 01:32:55,429 --> 01:32:57,264 we'll shoot a signal to that little guy. 1677 01:32:58,056 --> 01:33:00,726 This transmitter will mimic the frequency of the broadcast, 1678 01:33:00,809 --> 01:33:04,938 and if my theory is right, allow us to speak directly to her. 1679 01:33:05,564 --> 01:33:07,983 This is totally gonna work. Don't touch that. 1680 01:33:08,942 --> 01:33:09,943 AGENT: Agent Woo. 1681 01:33:13,780 --> 01:33:15,449 Is this from the current episode? 1682 01:33:15,532 --> 01:33:17,784 -Aired about two minutes ago. -What is it? 1683 01:33:18,285 --> 01:33:19,828 What does it look like to you? 1684 01:33:20,621 --> 01:33:22,748 Like a retro version of a sword S.W.O.R.D. Drone? 1685 01:33:22,831 --> 01:33:25,459 -Bingo. -But how did it change and why? 1686 01:33:25,542 --> 01:33:27,461 Uh, to go with the production design? 1687 01:33:28,211 --> 01:33:29,421 Or render it useless. 1688 01:33:30,714 --> 01:33:32,674 -Why'd you colorize it? -I didn't. 1689 01:33:34,551 --> 01:33:36,178 Let's get this show on the road. 1690 01:33:48,065 --> 01:33:49,316 Jimmy, you ready? 1691 01:33:50,234 --> 01:33:51,401 WOO: Ready. 1692 01:33:54,321 --> 01:33:56,615 DOTTIE: ...bigger and better every season. 1693 01:33:56,698 --> 01:34:00,202 Uh, Jimmy, Monica is talking to Wanda. She's got a speaking part now. 1694 01:34:00,285 --> 01:34:01,286 What is she saying? 1695 01:34:01,370 --> 01:34:03,747 Those pants are peachy keen. 1696 01:34:03,830 --> 01:34:05,582 She likes Wanda's pants. 1697 01:34:06,124 --> 01:34:08,001 DOTTIE: We only have a few hours... 1698 01:34:08,085 --> 01:34:11,338 Wanda's at some sort of swim club. We've never been here before. 1699 01:34:11,421 --> 01:34:12,798 Is it the '60s still? 1700 01:34:12,881 --> 01:34:15,384 DARCY: Uh, uh, Wanda's with another character. 1701 01:34:15,467 --> 01:34:16,510 Real person? 1702 01:34:16,593 --> 01:34:18,720 I can't help but wonder if you and I haven't gotten off... 1703 01:34:18,804 --> 01:34:21,390 Ooh, uh, radio on the side table. Start talking. 1704 01:34:23,433 --> 01:34:26,561 Wanda. Wanda, can you read me, over? 1705 01:34:28,063 --> 01:34:29,189 I don't... 1706 01:34:29,273 --> 01:34:32,401 -Can she hear me? -I don't think so. Keep trying. 1707 01:34:33,402 --> 01:34:34,486 Wanda? 1708 01:34:34,945 --> 01:34:36,863 (RADIO DISTORTION) 1709 01:34:36,947 --> 01:34:38,073 Wanda? 1710 01:34:38,156 --> 01:34:40,617 (RADIO DISTORTION CONTINUES) 1711 01:34:40,701 --> 01:34:43,453 Wanda. Who is doing this to you, Wanda? 1712 01:34:44,079 --> 01:34:46,999 Wanda? Can you hear me? I'm here to help you. 1713 01:34:47,082 --> 01:34:48,792 -(BREATHING HEAVILY) -Please give us a... 1714 01:34:48,875 --> 01:34:50,669 Pop quiz, Wanda. 1715 01:34:51,670 --> 01:34:54,172 How does a housewife get a bloodstain out of white linen? 1716 01:34:54,256 --> 01:34:55,299 Wait. 1717 01:34:55,382 --> 01:34:57,009 -WOO: What? -I don't know. 1718 01:34:57,092 --> 01:34:59,094 By doing it herself. 1719 01:34:59,177 --> 01:35:01,847 -DARCY: That was weird. -What was? 1720 01:35:04,766 --> 01:35:07,853 MAN: They say a man is never fully-dressed without two important... 1721 01:35:07,936 --> 01:35:09,021 Nothing. 1722 01:35:09,104 --> 01:35:10,147 (SIGHS) 1723 01:35:10,230 --> 01:35:11,940 It's over. Mission failure. 1724 01:35:12,649 --> 01:35:15,319 It was worth a try. Good effort, Doctor. 1725 01:35:16,069 --> 01:35:17,195 DARCY: Yeah, come on in. 1726 01:35:20,115 --> 01:35:21,283 (SIGHS) 1727 01:35:29,666 --> 01:35:31,126 MAN: (OVER RADIO) Agent Franklin, 1728 01:35:31,209 --> 01:35:33,420 we have you five meters outside of the perimeter. 1729 01:35:41,553 --> 01:35:43,847 (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) 1730 01:35:47,601 --> 01:35:49,394 (BEES BUZZING) 1731 01:35:56,652 --> 01:35:57,945 Agent Franklin? 1732 01:36:20,217 --> 01:36:21,843 (BEES BUZZING) 1733 01:36:26,223 --> 01:36:27,224 VISON: Wanda. 1734 01:36:29,142 --> 01:36:30,143 WANDA: No. 1735 01:36:34,815 --> 01:36:37,651 (MUSIC PLAYING OVER TV) 1736 01:36:41,238 --> 01:36:43,156 -(GRUNTS) -WANDA: Oh, that's better. 1737 01:36:43,240 --> 01:36:45,200 (WANDA GASPS AND GROANS) 1738 01:36:45,284 --> 01:36:47,202 Darling, do you think it's time to... 1739 01:36:47,286 --> 01:36:48,745 -Call the doctor? -Yeah. (GROANS) 1740 01:36:48,829 --> 01:36:49,997 VISION: Yes, I do, dear. 1741 01:36:50,080 --> 01:36:53,125 1950s, 1960s, and now the '70s. 1742 01:36:53,667 --> 01:36:57,337 Why does it keep switching time periods? It can't be purely for my enjoyment. 1743 01:36:57,879 --> 01:37:00,299 And I can't believe Wanda and Vision are having a baby. 1744 01:37:00,382 --> 01:37:02,092 -You want any? -(CHUCKLES) 1745 01:37:02,175 --> 01:37:03,802 Heck, I thought about it for sure. 1746 01:37:03,885 --> 01:37:05,387 A little Jimmy Woo. (CHUCKLES) 1747 01:37:05,470 --> 01:37:09,516 Get him a tiny little FBI badge. Oh, you... Chip? Sure. 1748 01:37:09,641 --> 01:37:10,934 GERALDINE: You're doing great. 1749 01:37:11,018 --> 01:37:13,270 You're doing great. Look at me. Look at me. 1750 01:37:13,353 --> 01:37:14,438 (BREATHING RHYTHMICALLY) 1751 01:37:16,481 --> 01:37:18,275 The jig is up. 1752 01:37:18,358 --> 01:37:20,944 -It's time to start pushing. You ready? -WANDA: Oh! 1753 01:37:21,028 --> 01:37:23,614 -MONICA: Push, Wanda. Push! -(SCREAMS) 1754 01:37:28,911 --> 01:37:30,746 (BABY CRYING) 1755 01:37:30,829 --> 01:37:32,164 Hi. 1756 01:37:33,332 --> 01:37:35,417 Oh, he's perfect. 1757 01:37:36,627 --> 01:37:38,462 -Twins. -(BABY COOING) 1758 01:37:39,129 --> 01:37:40,255 What a twist. 1759 01:37:42,007 --> 01:37:43,425 What? I'm invested. 1760 01:37:43,508 --> 01:37:44,509 (SNIFFLES) 1761 01:37:44,593 --> 01:37:46,178 MONICA: He was killed by Ultron, wasn't he? 1762 01:37:46,261 --> 01:37:47,804 Did she just say the name Ultron? 1763 01:37:47,888 --> 01:37:50,098 Has that happened before? A reference to our reality. 1764 01:37:50,182 --> 01:37:51,183 No. Never. 1765 01:37:51,266 --> 01:37:55,020 -I'll take a shift rocking the babies. -No, I think you should leave. 1766 01:37:55,103 --> 01:37:56,647 Oh, Wanda, don't be like that. 1767 01:37:56,730 --> 01:37:57,814 Who are you? 1768 01:37:58,815 --> 01:38:00,359 (SIGHS) Wanda... 1769 01:38:01,860 --> 01:38:03,403 DARCY: Wow, this is different. 1770 01:38:04,988 --> 01:38:07,241 WOO: What happened? Where'd she go? DARCY: God, not again. 1771 01:38:11,078 --> 01:38:13,288 -WANDA: Who are you? -(SIGHS) Wanda... 1772 01:38:18,085 --> 01:38:19,211 There's nothing here. 1773 01:38:19,962 --> 01:38:23,340 One second, Monica is standing right there, and the next, she isn't. 1774 01:38:24,341 --> 01:38:27,177 -Someone is censoring the broadcast. -But where's Rambeau? 1775 01:38:27,261 --> 01:38:28,262 (ALARM BLARING) 1776 01:38:28,345 --> 01:38:30,722 MAN: (OVER PA) Alert! Boundary has been breached! 1777 01:38:30,806 --> 01:38:32,891 Alert! Boundary has been breached! 1778 01:38:33,600 --> 01:38:35,310 Alert! Boundary has been breached! 1779 01:38:38,480 --> 01:38:39,773 WANDA: Who are you? 1780 01:38:40,524 --> 01:38:41,525 I don't... 1781 01:38:43,402 --> 01:38:45,654 (ELECTRICAL BUZZING) 1782 01:38:45,737 --> 01:38:48,448 Who are you? 1783 01:38:50,367 --> 01:38:52,786 Wanda, I'm just your neighbor. 1784 01:38:52,869 --> 01:38:54,705 Then how did you know about Ultron? 1785 01:38:58,458 --> 01:38:59,751 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1786 01:39:00,335 --> 01:39:01,878 You're not my neighbor. 1787 01:39:03,630 --> 01:39:05,799 And you're definitely not my friend. 1788 01:39:06,592 --> 01:39:10,512 You are a stranger and an outsider. 1789 01:39:11,680 --> 01:39:14,182 And right now, you are trespassing here. 1790 01:39:15,475 --> 01:39:19,646 And I want you to leave. 1791 01:39:22,524 --> 01:39:23,609 (YELLING) 1792 01:39:24,026 --> 01:39:26,737 (ELECTRICAL BUZZING) 1793 01:39:37,039 --> 01:39:39,917 (GULPS) I... I... 1794 01:39:57,976 --> 01:39:59,227 )BABIES COOING) 1795 01:40:06,235 --> 01:40:07,402 (DOOR OPENS) 1796 01:40:07,486 --> 01:40:08,487 VISON: Wanda? 1797 01:40:10,906 --> 01:40:12,950 (BABIES COOING) 1798 01:40:15,535 --> 01:40:16,745 VISION: Where is Geraldine? 1799 01:40:17,579 --> 01:40:20,332 (ALARM BLARING) 1800 01:40:22,542 --> 01:40:23,919 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 1801 01:40:32,469 --> 01:40:35,472 Oh, she left, honey. She had to rush home. 1802 01:40:38,392 --> 01:40:39,393 (GASPS) 1803 01:40:39,851 --> 01:40:40,852 What? 1804 01:40:42,062 --> 01:40:43,313 What is it? What's wrong? 1805 01:40:48,610 --> 01:40:49,736 Uh... 1806 01:40:51,488 --> 01:40:53,407 We don't have to stay here. 1807 01:40:55,117 --> 01:40:56,994 We could go wherever we want. 1808 01:40:58,203 --> 01:40:59,705 No, we can't. 1809 01:41:03,083 --> 01:41:04,293 This is our home. 1810 01:41:07,004 --> 01:41:08,171 Are you sure? 1811 01:41:08,255 --> 01:41:12,593 Oh, don't worry, darling. I have everything under control. 1812 01:41:14,428 --> 01:41:15,804 (BREATHING HEAVILY) 1813 01:41:16,847 --> 01:41:17,848 (INDISTINCT) 1814 01:41:18,557 --> 01:41:21,184 Monica, are you okay? 1815 01:41:22,227 --> 01:41:23,353 It's Wanda. 1816 01:41:25,230 --> 01:41:27,941 It's all Wanda. 1817 01:41:29,860 --> 01:41:31,778 -(BABY COOING) -WANDA: Oh, hi. 1818 01:41:35,115 --> 01:41:37,117 Well, what should we watch tonight? 1819 01:41:37,200 --> 01:41:38,994 (MUSIC PLAYING) 132029

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