All language subtitles for The Larkins - 01x05 - In Which Mas Sister Bertha Comes to Visit.AMZN.SDCC.English.HI.edit.Addic7ed.com

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,480 VACUUMING 2 00:00:18,759 --> 00:00:20,199 I can still see dust! 3 00:00:20,240 --> 00:00:21,800 Well, nobody else can. 4 00:00:21,839 --> 00:00:24,280 You all right, Mum? Yes. Do more cleaning. 5 00:00:25,879 --> 00:00:29,079 Oh! What's this? My eyes! Stop the polishing! 6 00:00:30,440 --> 00:00:32,960 Is the Queen coming today, is she? Yes, Queen Bertha of Bromley. 7 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:35,280 I thought it might be good for your sister to see some dirt. 8 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,000 She will NOT see any dirt! 9 00:00:39,520 --> 00:00:41,079 Why are you worrying? Ooh! 10 00:00:41,119 --> 00:00:43,280 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Come on, love. 11 00:00:43,320 --> 00:00:45,320 I... Come on. 12 00:00:45,359 --> 00:00:46,600 Oh... 13 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,399 BELL TRINGS, HE WHISTLES 14 00:00:52,439 --> 00:00:55,359 HE LAUGHS Childish, Pop. Very childish. 15 00:00:55,399 --> 00:00:57,960 Ooh, Edith, yes! 16 00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,799 You're on the parish council. Yes. 17 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,840 Do you want to join us? You'd be such an asset. 18 00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:04,679 Or the playing fields committee? I'm on that, too. Do join us. 19 00:01:04,719 --> 00:01:06,520 Or the Knitting For Poor, Cold Children club? 20 00:01:06,560 --> 00:01:08,039 Edith, Edith... Forgive me. 21 00:01:08,079 --> 00:01:10,240 You bring out the poxy in me. Oh, right. 22 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,120 I've been told Tom Fisher wants to extend his hotel 23 00:01:13,159 --> 00:01:14,879 and do away with Spreading Linda. 24 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:18,079 Oh, no, Spreading Linda? Our beautiful tree? 25 00:01:18,120 --> 00:01:19,920 I was in and out of her many a summer back 26 00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:21,560 when I felt able to do that sort of thing. 27 00:01:21,599 --> 00:01:24,079 D'you know if he's submitted any plans? No. 28 00:01:25,239 --> 00:01:27,519 Would you like me to trigger the consultation process 29 00:01:27,560 --> 00:01:30,599 via Rule 29B and call a meeting? 30 00:01:32,879 --> 00:01:34,760 There you go. Thanks. 31 00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:39,400 Have you seen Charley? I think he's avoiding me. 32 00:01:39,439 --> 00:01:42,040 Because you're spending time with Tom. Less than with him. 33 00:01:42,079 --> 00:01:45,840 Tom's just more pushy. And... smooth as a baby's arse. 34 00:01:45,879 --> 00:01:48,439 GIGGLING Did I hear "arse"? 35 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:51,239 Anyway, I'm off to my job in Paris in a few weeks... 36 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:54,079 And Charley's an angel. I don't wanna hurt him. 37 00:01:54,120 --> 00:01:56,560 I told him he should have swept you off your feet by now. 38 00:01:56,599 --> 00:01:59,400 Well, if he has to be told, then there's not much point, is there? 39 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,120 Right... ladies! 40 00:02:03,159 --> 00:02:06,120 Let's get picking! THEY LAUGH 41 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:07,519 OK. Whoo! 42 00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:09,719 Down by your strawberry beds, anyone? 43 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:11,879 Let's pick this field naked! 44 00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:14,079 Whooooo! MARIETTE SCREAMS 45 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:18,520 I've just been so full of life down here on the Larkins' farm, Mum! 46 00:02:18,560 --> 00:02:20,800 'Because of this girl?' Yes! No. 47 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:25,240 Abso... No. Mum, it's... everyone. Everything. 48 00:02:25,280 --> 00:02:27,280 'And are you still happy?' Er... 49 00:02:31,680 --> 00:02:34,120 Actually... no. 50 00:02:37,120 --> 00:02:39,599 WHISTLING 51 00:02:47,759 --> 00:02:50,520 Mr Larkin! Tom. 52 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,120 What, do you wanna come in? Oh, no, Tom. 53 00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:56,080 I've got some mad in-laws to get home to. 54 00:02:56,120 --> 00:02:58,719 You know... Anyway, look, word is that, 55 00:02:58,759 --> 00:03:01,960 besides turning Bluff Court into a big hotel... 56 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,360 you're gonna be knocking down our most famous tree! 57 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,120 Well... that's all speculative at this stage. 58 00:03:07,159 --> 00:03:08,439 No, it's not. You mean business, 59 00:03:08,479 --> 00:03:10,879 and you should be sharing that with the village, 60 00:03:10,919 --> 00:03:12,120 so we can all discuss it. 61 00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:14,000 Do you share all YOUR business plans? 62 00:03:14,039 --> 00:03:16,719 Well, of course! If it affects everyone. 63 00:03:16,759 --> 00:03:17,800 So! 64 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,639 See you at the village hall. 65 00:03:28,479 --> 00:03:30,439 All right, Charley? 66 00:03:30,479 --> 00:03:33,599 Mm-hm. Yeah, just ringing my parents. 67 00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:37,840 Though it is odd, being called "Cedric". I kept correcting them. 68 00:03:37,879 --> 00:03:40,439 Yeah, they're shocked that I've thrown in my job at the tax office. 69 00:03:40,479 --> 00:03:41,719 Well, what did you tell them? 70 00:03:41,759 --> 00:03:43,719 That I'd found a better way of living. 71 00:03:43,759 --> 00:03:45,479 Amongst inspirational people. 72 00:03:46,599 --> 00:03:48,120 Yeah, they told me I'm an imbecile. 73 00:03:48,159 --> 00:03:50,319 SHE CHUCKLES 74 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:52,960 Oh, yeah, how's, er... I-Is it Tim? 75 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:56,159 SHE SIGHS No, it's Tom. I dunno. Ask him. 76 00:03:56,199 --> 00:03:58,199 Don't be disingenuous. You know what I mean. 77 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:00,199 Charley, I was brought up to say what's on my mind. 78 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,400 I just did, and you seem a little defensive. 79 00:04:02,439 --> 00:04:03,719 No, I'm due to go to France, 80 00:04:03,759 --> 00:04:05,280 we've got the family lunatics staying 81 00:04:05,319 --> 00:04:07,120 and I'm behind on my French. J'envie donc. 82 00:04:07,159 --> 00:04:08,919 Calmes-toi, je t'en prie! 83 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,280 What is it with you men and being able to speak French? 84 00:04:11,319 --> 00:04:13,120 Oh, for... So he can speak French as well? 85 00:04:13,159 --> 00:04:16,000 Goodness me, is there anything the smarmy hustler can't do?! 86 00:04:16,039 --> 00:04:19,439 Jealousy is so boring. Worry about yourself more than him. 87 00:04:19,479 --> 00:04:22,840 Oh! All right, so I'm boring and self-deluded? 88 00:04:22,879 --> 00:04:25,199 Well, you should've just said so before, Mariette. 89 00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,120 HE SIGHS 90 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,199 APPLAUSE Mr Charlton? 91 00:04:36,240 --> 00:04:37,279 Mr Charlton, sir! 92 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:43,920 Hello, Brigadier. You're looking very cheesed off. 93 00:04:43,959 --> 00:04:46,680 How can we put the cheese back on your face? 94 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,439 Or take it off, whichever it is. 95 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:51,439 Er... You can't, but thank you. 96 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:54,199 Ooh, I'd better, er... No, no, stay. 97 00:04:54,240 --> 00:04:55,800 They can play around you. PLAYER GRUNTS 98 00:04:55,839 --> 00:04:57,519 MAN: Don't drop it! To me, mate! 99 00:04:57,560 --> 00:04:59,879 APPLAUSE 100 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,480 Oh! Good throw. Most impressive. 101 00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:05,199 Pick a team. Oh, er, thank you, 102 00:05:05,240 --> 00:05:07,360 but I'm leaving the village. 103 00:05:07,399 --> 00:05:08,879 I can't stay with the Larkins any more. 104 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,519 It's not my place to ask why. 105 00:05:12,759 --> 00:05:14,439 So, you might want to tell me? 106 00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:18,839 Oh, sorry. Erm... I just felt it was time to, er... 107 00:05:20,759 --> 00:05:23,680 No. No, it's Mariette. 108 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:25,240 She... SIGHS 109 00:05:25,279 --> 00:05:26,439 ..is unsettling. 110 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,639 Then bill it with us. We love guests. 111 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,800 Oh, er... are you sure? 112 00:05:30,839 --> 00:05:34,079 CHUCKLING: Your, er... your sister doesn't seem hugely sociable. 113 00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:37,839 Oh, she is. But she seldom tells her face. 114 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:40,399 THEY SHOUT 115 00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,839 GROANING AND LAUGHTER 116 00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:51,560 How can we get Mariette together with Charley? 117 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,000 Oh, it's just bad timing. 118 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,199 You can't make someone love who they don't want to. 119 00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:57,480 No, otherwise, I'd be fighting of Rock Hudson, 120 00:05:57,519 --> 00:05:59,680 and he'd be shacked up in the woods with Lauren Bacall. 121 00:05:59,720 --> 00:06:01,160 Mariette should know better. 122 00:06:01,199 --> 00:06:02,600 I tell you what, then. 123 00:06:02,639 --> 00:06:04,839 Why don't you let us choose your boyfriends? 124 00:06:04,879 --> 00:06:07,720 What about that? I mean, I like that Rom Pummel in her class, don't you? 125 00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:10,079 Ooh! He's a charmer. Mm. 126 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:14,639 Mariette is just distracted by France and Tom. 127 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,360 How can she trust Tom 128 00:06:16,399 --> 00:06:18,879 when we know he wants to pull up that lovely old tree? 129 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,079 Actually, she's right. That is a bit sly. 130 00:06:21,120 --> 00:06:23,319 Especially after I'd made a massive cash offer 131 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,040 for that big old pile of bricks. Shh! 132 00:06:25,079 --> 00:06:27,600 There's something... What? What? 133 00:06:27,639 --> 00:06:29,959 I can hear them. Hey? 134 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,639 CAR APPROACHING 135 00:06:50,759 --> 00:06:52,160 Jemima! 136 00:06:52,199 --> 00:06:55,439 Bertha, sweetheart. MA CHUCKLES 137 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:57,160 Florence. 138 00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:02,720 Hello, Pop. Howard, how are you? 139 00:07:02,759 --> 00:07:04,720 Let me look at you. 140 00:07:04,759 --> 00:07:06,480 BERTHA CHUCKLES 141 00:07:07,639 --> 00:07:09,600 And let me look at you. 142 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,160 Jemima... 143 00:07:14,319 --> 00:07:17,160 So, er... what do you think? 144 00:07:17,199 --> 00:07:19,600 Oh, well, look at that sky. I mean... 145 00:07:19,639 --> 00:07:22,319 Although the veg will need a bit of rain, mind, you know. No, no. 146 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:25,560 I mean our new 3.4L Jaguar. 147 00:07:25,600 --> 00:07:28,199 Oh. Yeah, very nice. Very nice, yes. HOWARD CHUCKLES 148 00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:32,639 Now, think about car dealers is you've got to bargain with them. 149 00:07:32,680 --> 00:07:35,519 Now, I told him, I said, "I am not paying the full price 150 00:07:35,560 --> 00:07:37,360 "unless you throw in those mud flaps." 151 00:07:37,399 --> 00:07:39,240 Right. 152 00:07:39,279 --> 00:07:40,680 So he did. Oh. 153 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:42,639 Brilliant. Well, I can't wait to, erm... 154 00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:44,920 tap into your extensive knowledge, Howard. 155 00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:47,800 I'll give you a hand with them. STRAINING: Right. 156 00:07:47,839 --> 00:07:50,240 We do like a nice car. 157 00:07:50,279 --> 00:07:52,439 We like nice things generally, don't we, Howard? 158 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,680 Oh, yes. That's just us. 159 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,480 SHE CHUCKLES 160 00:07:56,519 --> 00:07:58,000 We have a Rolls-Royce. 161 00:08:03,160 --> 00:08:05,600 Ooh... 162 00:08:05,639 --> 00:08:07,079 It's quite an old one. 163 00:08:09,240 --> 00:08:11,199 You know what? I'm going to go to the village, 164 00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:12,519 get some castration pliers. 165 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:14,079 Good luck, everyone. 166 00:08:16,160 --> 00:08:18,160 Let me take that from you, pumpkin. 167 00:08:19,319 --> 00:08:20,399 Shall we? 168 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:26,160 We've got lots of animals on the farm, Jemima. 169 00:08:26,199 --> 00:08:28,920 Which is your favourite? She hates all animals. 170 00:08:28,959 --> 00:08:30,959 They've usually got mud on them. 171 00:08:37,120 --> 00:08:39,759 It's so silly, both of us living in the same county 172 00:08:39,799 --> 00:08:41,080 and hardly ever meeting. 173 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:42,720 It is. 174 00:08:42,759 --> 00:08:45,879 But we are addicted to Bromley. Mm. 175 00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:51,200 The interesting thing about Kent is it's not only rural, 176 00:08:51,240 --> 00:08:52,960 but also suburban, 177 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:56,480 with lots of commuters going into London by train. 178 00:08:58,799 --> 00:09:00,000 BERTHA CHUCKLES 179 00:09:01,159 --> 00:09:04,879 You must be desperate for a ride in our new 3.4L Jaguar. 180 00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,159 Oh... yes. 181 00:09:07,559 --> 00:09:09,720 What do you fancy doing tomorrow, Jemima? 182 00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:11,200 Staying clean. 183 00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:14,600 "Staying clean"? Are you serious? 184 00:09:14,639 --> 00:09:17,840 She's spotted a fair bit of mud and dirt. Hm... 185 00:09:17,879 --> 00:09:21,360 She likes her tarmac. Don't you, 'Mima? 186 00:09:21,399 --> 00:09:23,080 Kunzle Showboat. 187 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,000 WHISTLING 188 00:09:32,039 --> 00:09:33,799 'Ey up, Charley. Ooh. 189 00:09:33,840 --> 00:09:36,039 Are you all right? Yeah. 190 00:09:36,080 --> 00:09:38,279 Oh... You're not leaving, are you? 191 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,559 Oh, please don't think me ungrateful. 192 00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:43,360 I just... didn't want to disturb the household. 193 00:09:43,399 --> 00:09:45,720 No, not at all! The out-laws, they'll be gone in a day or two. 194 00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,639 No, no, no, I mustn't impose on you any longer. 195 00:09:48,679 --> 00:09:50,159 I'll saying with the Brigadier. 196 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,200 OK, well, good. That's not far. 197 00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,799 No, no. We'll miss you. 198 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:55,039 Especially Mariette. 199 00:09:56,279 --> 00:09:57,759 Well... 200 00:09:57,799 --> 00:09:59,720 Bye. OK. 201 00:10:23,759 --> 00:10:25,759 HORN BEEPS TWICE 202 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:27,960 You all right, Tom? Mornin'. 203 00:10:28,000 --> 00:10:29,879 Nice. 204 00:10:31,784 --> 00:10:33,544 Fancy a spin in the country? 205 00:10:33,656 --> 00:10:35,895 Any particular reason? Well... 206 00:10:35,920 --> 00:10:38,879 It's a chance to understand me better. 207 00:10:41,320 --> 00:10:43,040 Hello, horrors. 208 00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,740 Well, you're young and... small. 209 00:10:45,788 --> 00:10:47,468 That's not what you say to kids. 210 00:10:47,500 --> 00:10:50,701 Well... I break all the rules, don't I? 211 00:10:50,740 --> 00:10:53,541 Erm... What do you think of my nice car? 212 00:10:53,581 --> 00:10:56,341 Don't YOU start. Oh! 213 00:10:56,380 --> 00:10:58,140 What an expected pleasure. 214 00:10:58,188 --> 00:11:00,348 I love to give the people what they want. 215 00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:03,941 Especially you, Mrs Larkin. When Kentish eyes are smiling, hey? 216 00:11:03,980 --> 00:11:06,581 SHE CHUCKLES LOWERS VOICE: How old are you, Tom? 217 00:11:06,780 --> 00:11:08,140 32. 218 00:11:08,180 --> 00:11:12,060 Mm! Quite a big age gap between you and our Mariette, isn't there? 219 00:11:12,101 --> 00:11:13,900 So you would prefer a 20-year-old 220 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,581 driving around your precious daughter? 221 00:11:15,621 --> 00:11:18,741 Touchy! I think you mean touche. 222 00:11:18,780 --> 00:11:20,519 No, I don't. 223 00:11:20,520 --> 00:11:23,415 She can look after herself, but don't go mucking her about. 224 00:11:23,440 --> 00:11:27,401 I treat all women with reverence. Even when they're mucking me about. 225 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,601 Ooh, I hope you haven't got any nasty secrets - 226 00:11:29,641 --> 00:11:31,800 no dead wife in the woodshed! 227 00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:34,280 SHE LAUGHS Sorry. 228 00:11:34,320 --> 00:11:38,320 I'm just trying to crack you open. You seem too good to be true. 229 00:11:38,361 --> 00:11:40,040 We love the village, but... 230 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:44,320 it has more of its fair share of gargoyles and muggins. 231 00:11:44,361 --> 00:11:47,121 Well, I love it here, too. It's home now. 232 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:50,280 Oh, credit to you. We need new blood. 233 00:11:54,521 --> 00:11:57,241 Right, come on. Out of the way. CHILDREN PROTEST 234 00:11:58,560 --> 00:11:59,841 Thank you. 235 00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:09,160 How can I persuade you that I have your - and the village's - 236 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,481 best interests at heart? 237 00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:11,960 Stop throwing your weight around? 238 00:12:12,001 --> 00:12:14,320 If you mean me restoring a broken old mansion, 239 00:12:14,361 --> 00:12:15,680 and, yes, enlarging it 240 00:12:15,721 --> 00:12:18,040 and sadly losing one of several thousand trees, then... 241 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:20,800 Beware men, especially businessmen, bearing gifts. 242 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:23,960 Your dad may be making money, but most people around here need work. 243 00:12:24,001 --> 00:12:26,761 Opportunity, income. Imagine if you were staying here. 244 00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:28,361 I'm not! But if you were. 245 00:12:28,401 --> 00:12:30,800 Do you really wanna work for your parents forever? 246 00:12:33,241 --> 00:12:34,960 CYCLIST: Morning! Morning. 247 00:12:35,001 --> 00:12:37,280 BELL TRINGS 248 00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:38,881 Hey up, Libby. What's all this, then? 249 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,401 A public meeting's been called. Uh-huh? 250 00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:45,121 About Tom Fisher's plans to build an extension on his exciting 'otel. 251 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:46,521 Really? Who'd have thought? 252 00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:48,721 You're normally the first to know, Larkin. 253 00:12:48,761 --> 00:12:51,560 Best thing to happen here for years. Something in it for you, is there? 254 00:12:51,601 --> 00:12:53,761 First an oversized hotel, 255 00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,401 then he plans to chop down one of Kent's legendary trees. 256 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:57,761 We can't let this happen! 257 00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:01,200 No, I agree. We can't. Let's see who wins, shall we? 258 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:07,001 Do you know anything about cars? Yes. 259 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:09,401 I know that, when they go wrong, you get a bloke into fix it. 260 00:13:09,440 --> 00:13:13,800 Oh. My little sister, Victoria, can build a car from the wheels up. 261 00:13:13,841 --> 00:13:14,960 Really? Mm-hm. 262 00:13:15,001 --> 00:13:16,881 Should've taken her out, rather than you. 263 00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,601 Mm, might be a bit weird. She talks mainly in grunts. 264 00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:23,320 Ugh... I'm afraid this feels like just deserts. 265 00:13:23,361 --> 00:13:27,641 I shouldn't be here. Why not? Why deprive yourself? 266 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:30,721 My friend Charley's moved out cos he doesn't think I should trust you. 267 00:13:30,761 --> 00:13:32,401 And do you trust him? 268 00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:35,241 It took him years to realise that being a taxman is boring. 269 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:37,800 Hm! It's a good and honest job. HE SIGHS 270 00:13:37,841 --> 00:13:40,241 And being here's really opened his eyes. 271 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,401 Are you your own person or his? 272 00:13:42,440 --> 00:13:45,841 I'm infinitely complicated. Me, too! 273 00:13:45,881 --> 00:13:49,800 Let's be "infinitely complicated" together. Or... 274 00:13:49,841 --> 00:13:54,680 shall we embrace our more basic instinct... 275 00:13:54,721 --> 00:13:57,680 At least we're only a few miles away from home. Here comes a car. 276 00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,920 SHE LAUGHS 277 00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:04,280 Traffic policeman meets bull-fighter? Could be disastrous. 278 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,440 I don't know. 'Ello, 'Ello. Ole! 279 00:14:07,481 --> 00:14:09,721 I'll do this. You'll scare them off. 280 00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:16,881 Erm... Chance of a lift to a call box? 281 00:14:16,920 --> 00:14:18,361 Yes. 282 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,601 You keep this hood up. OK, my dear? 283 00:14:24,601 --> 00:14:28,440 I think she might be a bit hot. Clean and safe. 284 00:14:28,481 --> 00:14:31,080 If you see an animal, poppet, just scream 285 00:14:31,121 --> 00:14:33,680 and your cousins will throw themselves in front of it. 286 00:14:33,721 --> 00:14:36,001 Don't be scared of mud. It's normal. And dung. 287 00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:38,241 Normal. Pigs mating? Normal. 288 00:14:38,280 --> 00:14:40,601 Enough. We won't make you watch pigs mating, sweetheart. 289 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:46,001 Jemima? Don't panic if you see birds. 290 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:48,521 Don't be scared any more. Come on! It's fine. 291 00:14:49,841 --> 00:14:52,841 POP: What a shame. There'll be other times. 292 00:14:52,881 --> 00:14:55,200 You sure it weren't Charley sabotaging your motor? 293 00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:56,841 No, course he didn't. 294 00:14:56,881 --> 00:14:59,320 He's not clever, but not with his hands, as far as I know. 295 00:15:00,361 --> 00:15:03,280 Ha! Anyway, Tommy, should you really be swanning around? 296 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,481 Haven't you got to face the village about your plans 297 00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,080 to eventually turn it into Birmingham? 298 00:15:07,121 --> 00:15:10,320 Ha-ha (!) You should take your comedy on stage. 299 00:15:10,361 --> 00:15:14,080 Well, that big cedar'll have to go for kick-off, 'ey? 300 00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,560 Or what about there, big car park? Road? Car park? 301 00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:19,401 Dad, don't tease. 302 00:15:21,761 --> 00:15:23,241 Ooooh! 303 00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:25,001 THEY LAUGH Hey! 304 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:29,320 That's more like it, Jem. Oh! 305 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:31,601 Berries! 306 00:15:33,361 --> 00:15:34,481 HE SIGHS 307 00:15:35,521 --> 00:15:37,481 Come on. 308 00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:44,641 Come on, let's go. THEY CHEER 309 00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:47,560 20 minutes, and we're in London by train. 310 00:15:47,601 --> 00:15:49,001 Oh, that's handy. 311 00:15:49,040 --> 00:15:51,401 Pop helped save our railway only last week. 312 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:54,800 And we don't fancy that and we're, er... we're bored with Bromley... 313 00:15:54,841 --> 00:15:57,361 Unlikely! Unlikely. 314 00:15:57,401 --> 00:16:00,721 ..we've got all the joys of Croydon just a short hop away. 315 00:16:00,761 --> 00:16:02,440 Erm, top-up, anyone? 316 00:16:02,481 --> 00:16:05,680 You know what? I'd love an advocaat. 317 00:16:07,361 --> 00:16:10,841 You'd think you'd through checking the only drink we haven't got. 318 00:16:10,881 --> 00:16:12,320 Where's Mariette gone? 319 00:16:12,361 --> 00:16:14,881 Toilet. That's a long toilet. 320 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:18,121 You know what? I've got to go check on the, erm... 321 00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,040 How's-your-father. 322 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,200 ..geese. Geese. 323 00:16:25,680 --> 00:16:28,960 So, Mariette's friend's car broke down, did it? 324 00:16:29,001 --> 00:16:31,200 Wouldn't happen to our new 3.4L Jaguar. 325 00:16:31,241 --> 00:16:33,401 It only broke down because Victoria sabotaged it. 326 00:16:35,881 --> 00:16:37,761 We prefer Charley to Tom. Mm! 327 00:16:38,960 --> 00:16:42,121 On geese... Little-known fact. 328 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:45,320 A group of case is called a gaggle. 329 00:16:45,361 --> 00:16:48,601 Or a wedge if they're in flight. Or a plump in tight formation. 330 00:16:48,641 --> 00:16:50,881 A gaggle. Yeah. 331 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:53,680 Interesting little titbit for you. 332 00:16:53,721 --> 00:16:55,721 Excuse me, I need an aspirin. 333 00:17:04,361 --> 00:17:06,761 SHE SIGHS 334 00:17:06,800 --> 00:17:08,680 What are you doing? Get back in there! 335 00:17:08,721 --> 00:17:10,641 You go back! It's my turn. 336 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:12,841 Oh, oh... HE SIGHS 337 00:17:18,881 --> 00:17:21,000 They'll be back when they're hungry. 338 00:17:23,081 --> 00:17:25,321 IN HINDI: 339 00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,881 Er, wh... what are you talking about? 340 00:17:32,920 --> 00:17:34,561 Er... Recipes. 341 00:17:34,601 --> 00:17:36,361 You, er... You must teach me some Hindi. 342 00:17:36,401 --> 00:17:39,121 You won't be staying long enough. Right. 343 00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,801 So, what are your plans? 344 00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:46,520 I don't have any. Oh... 345 00:17:49,281 --> 00:17:51,561 So, you must have taught all of the Larkins. 346 00:17:51,601 --> 00:17:53,321 What was Mariette like at school? 347 00:17:53,361 --> 00:17:56,641 Headstrong, always fighting off boys, often arrived on a horse. 348 00:17:56,680 --> 00:18:00,401 Oh. Right. Nothing's changed. CHUCKLES 349 00:18:00,440 --> 00:18:01,561 You have admirers, too. 350 00:18:01,601 --> 00:18:04,041 Pauline at the inn said there'll always be a welcome 351 00:18:04,081 --> 00:18:05,240 in her hillside for you. 352 00:18:06,881 --> 00:18:09,480 Oh, d'you know what? I have had my offers. 353 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:12,081 Haven't we all? She hasn't. 354 00:18:12,121 --> 00:18:14,520 God, how have I become so spineless? 355 00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:18,440 Don't know, not interested. We're off to the village hall. 356 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:20,200 Come with us. 357 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:22,561 Tom Fisher's defending his building plans. 358 00:18:22,601 --> 00:18:24,081 I predict a punch-up! 359 00:18:26,041 --> 00:18:27,641 VILLAGERS CHATTING, GAVEL BANGS 360 00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,081 A country-house hotel will create jobs 361 00:18:30,121 --> 00:18:34,801 and boost every local business - farms, shops, services. 362 00:18:34,841 --> 00:18:37,641 The extension is needed for staff accommodation. 363 00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:40,440 We'd rather keep our very old tree! MURMURS OF AGREEANCE 364 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:43,841 Small sacrifices must be made, sadly. 365 00:18:43,881 --> 00:18:47,561 Look, change is coming to our village, whether we like it or not, 366 00:18:47,601 --> 00:18:51,081 but I will manage it better than most because I live here. 367 00:18:51,121 --> 00:18:54,480 And everything I want is here. 368 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:56,720 Thank you. CROWD MUTTERS DISAPPROVINGLY 369 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:59,000 Thank you, Tom. Stunning. 370 00:18:59,041 --> 00:19:01,760 As chairman of your parish council... 371 00:19:01,801 --> 00:19:03,680 Here, here. Thank you, Norma. 372 00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:05,641 Get on with it, you creep. Here, here. 373 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:08,240 Rest assured, we will be listening to all views 374 00:19:08,281 --> 00:19:10,641 before voting at the end of the week. 375 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:13,160 But you'd be a halfwit to object to this development 376 00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:14,561 or to cutting down a lump of wood. 377 00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:16,240 We need a swimming pool! 378 00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:20,281 Shut it, Mr Binns. Put me down for a swimming pool. 379 00:19:20,321 --> 00:19:23,321 Sorry, Mr Fisher claims to be a resident, 380 00:19:23,361 --> 00:19:25,321 but how long has he actually lived here? 381 00:19:25,361 --> 00:19:27,520 Longer than you. True. 382 00:19:27,561 --> 00:19:29,720 But I'm not trying to quietly concrete over paradise 383 00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:30,760 just to make a profit. 384 00:19:30,801 --> 00:19:33,361 Yeah. We don't mind a hotel... 385 00:19:33,401 --> 00:19:35,601 or maybe losing a tree we've all loved for centuries. 386 00:19:35,641 --> 00:19:37,520 WOMAN: Yeah! But it won't stop there, will it? 387 00:19:37,561 --> 00:19:38,841 Of course it will. 388 00:19:38,881 --> 00:19:41,281 You wanted to buy Bluff Court, didn't you? Yes, I did. 389 00:19:41,321 --> 00:19:44,321 And your plan was to knock it down and sell it off for scrap. 390 00:19:44,361 --> 00:19:48,041 And open the land for... It is a splendid manor house, 391 00:19:48,081 --> 00:19:51,601 which you wanted to destroy to make a profit! 392 00:19:51,641 --> 00:19:54,160 So much for "preserving the village", huh? 393 00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:56,401 CROWD MURMURS 394 00:20:01,361 --> 00:20:03,561 Charley, boy! I've missed ya. 395 00:20:03,601 --> 00:20:05,041 Oh! HE LAUGHS 396 00:20:05,081 --> 00:20:06,920 That was a fun one. Ha... 397 00:20:06,960 --> 00:20:10,081 Oh, well, I've missed you. How are you all? 398 00:20:10,121 --> 00:20:13,440 How's Primrose? I'm disappointed in you, Charley. 399 00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:15,641 You're letting Tom stamp all over you. 400 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:18,121 MAN: Come on, then! MAN: Right, you... 401 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,760 I'll put one on you! WHISTLE BLOWS 402 00:20:19,801 --> 00:20:21,641 I'd advise you not to... Oh! Yeah! Take that. 403 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,321 All right, all right, all right! Don't make me use my judo. 404 00:20:24,361 --> 00:20:26,240 Just pack it up, pack it up. Come on. 405 00:20:26,281 --> 00:20:28,440 Leave him alone! Get her off me! 406 00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,281 Time's running out. 407 00:20:30,321 --> 00:20:33,440 Either Mariette's off to France or Tom will have her. 408 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:34,920 Oh, don't worry. 409 00:20:34,960 --> 00:20:39,000 Yeah, I lost confidence for a while, but... now the dragon is stirred. 410 00:20:39,041 --> 00:20:40,160 APPROVINGLY: Hmm. 411 00:20:48,281 --> 00:20:52,480 Oh... It seems they don't like us OR the countryside. 412 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:57,401 So why have they come? Because she is your beloved sister. 413 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,401 It's like they've only come to niggle. 414 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:00,841 And to show off the new car! 415 00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:03,041 Have they got a new car? They have. 416 00:21:03,081 --> 00:21:05,601 MOCKING: They've got a new 3.4L Jaguar. 417 00:21:05,641 --> 00:21:08,760 Is it? MOCKING: Is it a new 3.4L Jaguar? 418 00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:10,920 THEY CHUCKLE 419 00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:15,200 Yeah... Well, they just have trouble enjoying themselves. 420 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,041 A lot of folk do. Mm... 421 00:21:17,081 --> 00:21:19,000 I want to love my own flesh and blood, 422 00:21:19,041 --> 00:21:21,041 not run it over in its own car. HE CHUCKLES 423 00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,680 I'm sorry. Hm? 424 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:28,000 You've got a village to preserve. Yeah... 425 00:21:32,401 --> 00:21:35,041 I'm just not used to the likes of Tom. 426 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:39,200 You and me, we're canny, Ma, but so's he. 427 00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:43,361 And it seems like he's the future. 428 00:21:43,401 --> 00:21:46,121 Well, there's nine on the committee. Mm. 429 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:49,041 Looks like four for Tom and four against. 430 00:21:53,281 --> 00:21:55,440 Get the vicar and we've won! Nobble the vicar. 431 00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:56,720 CHUCKLING: Yeah. 432 00:22:12,121 --> 00:22:14,321 Larkin! Get in that church. 433 00:22:14,361 --> 00:22:15,720 Why? What's happening? 434 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:19,121 Eternal salvation's happening, what else, you heathen lowlife? 435 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:20,361 Hm, I might give that a go. 436 00:22:20,401 --> 00:22:22,321 Meanwhile, which way will you be voting? 437 00:22:23,561 --> 00:22:26,041 I'm waiting for a sign from God. 438 00:22:26,081 --> 00:22:28,760 I doubt that. 439 00:22:28,801 --> 00:22:30,160 Why? What are you offering? 440 00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,200 You'd vote to damage the village? 441 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,720 Two sides of every coin. And indeed, every banknote. 442 00:22:36,760 --> 00:22:39,520 REVVING 443 00:22:39,561 --> 00:22:42,160 Rural dean. I'm on a last warning. 444 00:22:42,200 --> 00:22:45,680 And in at number ten, thou shalt not covet thou neighbour's wife, 445 00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:50,200 staff, ox or indeed ass, so please don't do it. 446 00:22:50,240 --> 00:22:52,121 Dean! 447 00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:03,920 SOUND FROM TELEVISION 448 00:23:03,960 --> 00:23:08,281 Fancy a walk at all? We don't walk, really. 449 00:23:08,321 --> 00:23:10,240 Except to the car. 450 00:23:10,281 --> 00:23:12,881 And inside shops. 451 00:23:12,920 --> 00:23:17,160 Modern man is built biologically to sit. 452 00:23:17,200 --> 00:23:20,281 Hence us not being on all fours. 453 00:23:20,321 --> 00:23:24,760 Except on special occasions, and hence us not having a tail, 454 00:23:24,801 --> 00:23:28,520 which otherwise would get in the way... on the chair. 455 00:23:28,561 --> 00:23:31,361 That is nonsense, Uncle Howard. 456 00:23:31,401 --> 00:23:33,801 Why are you always telling us things 457 00:23:33,841 --> 00:23:36,920 that are either wrong or we know them already? 458 00:23:36,960 --> 00:23:38,041 GROWLS 459 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,240 I expect she'll want to apologise to us later. 460 00:23:42,281 --> 00:23:47,240 It's true, Howard, you do sometimes, erm... 461 00:23:47,281 --> 00:23:49,401 Well, you guess, really, don't you? 462 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:51,561 Well, he can't be THAT stupid, 463 00:23:51,601 --> 00:23:54,240 or he couldn't have bought us a new 3.4L Jaguar. 464 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,240 Oof! 465 00:24:06,281 --> 00:24:07,801 Hoo! 466 00:24:07,841 --> 00:24:08,960 All right... 467 00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,801 Oh, left a bit. Cowpat. 468 00:24:14,841 --> 00:24:17,000 CHILDREN GIGGLE 469 00:24:18,697 --> 00:24:20,217 Monty! 470 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,240 You can do it, Jemima. 471 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,041 What are you scared of? Most things. 472 00:24:34,081 --> 00:24:35,641 Why? Don't be. 473 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:37,641 Just try jumping, you really want to. 474 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:48,240 Oh! 475 00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:53,000 Oh! 476 00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:57,440 We've got your vote, Mrs Fothergill, 477 00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:58,561 and that's the main thing. 478 00:24:58,601 --> 00:25:01,121 You will have to shout, I'm on a horse. 479 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,480 SHOUTS: We've got your vote? Oh, absolutely. 480 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:08,801 Mummy believes our ancient way of life must be protected at all costs. 481 00:25:08,841 --> 00:25:10,401 Wait, we're not saying that, actually. 482 00:25:10,440 --> 00:25:12,601 Steady. Steady. 483 00:25:19,883 --> 00:25:22,999 Miss Chand, always a deep joy to be near you. 484 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:25,720 Don't waste your moth-eaten charm on me, I'm not voting your way. 485 00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:26,760 Why not? 486 00:25:26,801 --> 00:25:29,321 Any development will mean an influx of people, 487 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:30,559 which will mean a bigger school, 488 00:25:30,560 --> 00:25:32,160 so we can demolish the tired, old one. 489 00:25:32,199 --> 00:25:34,880 Demolish the school? It made me what I am today. 490 00:25:34,919 --> 00:25:36,519 My point exactly. 491 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:38,560 No, you can't, you got the memories, you see? 492 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:42,880 We did the nativity every year. Using real shepherds, and... Alec! 493 00:25:42,919 --> 00:25:46,800 Come on, what are you getting out of all this business, eh? 494 00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:49,640 A nice hotel management job, Tom's little reward, is it? 495 00:25:49,679 --> 00:25:53,400 Oh, I think you're underestimating Mr Fisher's ambitions. 496 00:25:53,454 --> 00:25:54,895 You have no idea. 497 00:25:59,080 --> 00:26:01,439 He's gonna pay off the vicar, I'm gonna be right behind him. 498 00:26:01,682 --> 00:26:04,603 What time's the planning break, Dad? Four o'clock, why? 499 00:26:19,276 --> 00:26:23,076 Beautiful, dangerous Mariette. Mr big-shot developer. 500 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,600 I found out why my car broke down. God telling me you're dodgy? 501 00:26:27,640 --> 00:26:29,759 Your Victoria tinkered with it. 502 00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:32,320 No! Mm! She just admitted it. 503 00:26:32,360 --> 00:26:34,479 Good mechanic, terrible liar. 504 00:26:34,519 --> 00:26:37,640 Oh, sorry. But you are... controversial. 505 00:26:37,687 --> 00:26:42,687 Mm. Tom Dracula here, sucking the blood from the village. 506 00:26:42,719 --> 00:26:45,360 Well, you'll just have to try harder to prove we can trust you. 507 00:26:45,400 --> 00:26:46,600 Good luck. 508 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,800 I'm off, anyhow. No, you're not. 509 00:26:50,439 --> 00:26:54,640 How's your French coming along? Commey ci, commey ca. 510 00:26:55,600 --> 00:26:57,880 This'll cheer you up. 511 00:26:57,919 --> 00:26:59,279 Voila! 512 00:27:04,719 --> 00:27:06,719 Manager of my new hotel. 513 00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:10,199 The job's yours. You'd be brilliant. 514 00:27:10,239 --> 00:27:11,519 You're ambitious. 515 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,679 Why d'you wanna be a lonely au pair when you'd be here with me, 516 00:27:14,719 --> 00:27:16,919 making a difference and having fun? 517 00:27:18,400 --> 00:27:19,840 You pig! 518 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:21,479 HE SNIGGERS 519 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,640 What'd he offer you? 520 00:27:42,679 --> 00:27:45,400 This is to restore my organ. I bet it is. 521 00:27:45,439 --> 00:27:47,600 Come on, Vic, don't be shy because this is important, 522 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:48,959 I'll up his offer for your vote. 523 00:27:48,999 --> 00:27:52,759 £100. I'll do it in guineas. 524 00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:53,840 How much is that in pounds? 525 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:55,400 A guinea's one pound and one shilling. 526 00:27:55,439 --> 00:27:57,679 Call it 120 quid. 105. 527 00:27:59,959 --> 00:28:01,239 HUFFS 528 00:28:01,279 --> 00:28:03,800 Right, you're on board, no funny business. 529 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:05,959 Of course not. 530 00:28:05,999 --> 00:28:07,400 Isn't there something in the Bible 531 00:28:07,439 --> 00:28:09,719 about Jesus throwing the money men out of the temple? 532 00:28:09,759 --> 00:28:12,800 Don't worry about that. That was a long time ago. 533 00:28:24,759 --> 00:28:26,519 Jemima? 534 00:28:26,560 --> 00:28:28,400 She's so weedy! 535 00:28:28,439 --> 00:28:30,600 I'm not carrying her across that stream again. 536 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:33,360 You have to understand, we come from different backgrounds. 537 00:28:33,400 --> 00:28:36,239 You wouldn't be so sure of yourselves in the city. 538 00:28:37,919 --> 00:28:42,679 Just need to show a little bit of patience. And... 539 00:28:42,719 --> 00:28:44,999 JAGUAR ROARS 540 00:28:48,120 --> 00:28:51,199 Just taking the new Jaguar out for a spin. 541 00:28:51,239 --> 00:28:53,840 I'm afraid we'd leave your old car for dust. 542 00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,120 Right. That's it. 543 00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,400 That's it, Bertha. 544 00:28:58,439 --> 00:29:01,239 I have heard enough crap about your car. 545 00:29:01,279 --> 00:29:02,840 We have a Rolls-Royce! 546 00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:05,400 And do you hear us boasting about it? 547 00:29:05,439 --> 00:29:06,479 CHILDREN GIGGLE 548 00:29:06,519 --> 00:29:10,919 I'm not cross about your disrespect, Florence... 549 00:29:10,959 --> 00:29:13,160 I'm just intrigued. 550 00:29:13,199 --> 00:29:16,040 Oh, don't give me that toot. 551 00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:18,279 I'll race you around the farm. 552 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:22,160 Ooh, ah, no, no, I don't that's a very good idea... 553 00:29:22,199 --> 00:29:23,199 Oh, shut up, you. 554 00:29:23,239 --> 00:29:27,239 If your car is so amazing, then you'll romp home. 555 00:29:27,279 --> 00:29:28,999 And I'll give you a head start. 556 00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:30,999 If that's what you want. 557 00:29:36,519 --> 00:29:40,160 Keys, Howard. In the ignition, Bertha. 558 00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:44,679 Right! 559 00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:48,719 CHEERY WHISTLING 560 00:29:48,759 --> 00:29:51,519 Working hard, son? You look chipper, Dad. 561 00:29:51,560 --> 00:29:52,719 That's because Tom Fisher 562 00:29:52,759 --> 00:29:55,360 can't get enough votes to get his building plans through. 563 00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:56,800 What about that? 564 00:29:56,840 --> 00:29:58,479 ENGINES ROAR What's going on? 565 00:30:00,320 --> 00:30:02,439 Come on, keep up! 566 00:30:02,479 --> 00:30:04,600 Stop that, you two, no! Grow up! 567 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:07,840 Is that the best you can do? Go on, the wife! 568 00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,719 MEEKLY: Hello. 569 00:30:21,759 --> 00:30:23,160 I'm a Littlechurch resident 570 00:30:23,199 --> 00:30:25,320 and I believe I'm entitled to see 571 00:30:25,360 --> 00:30:28,239 all planning applications filed with you? 572 00:30:28,279 --> 00:30:31,120 How old are you? I beg your pardon? 573 00:30:40,239 --> 00:30:42,239 Right. Right, OK. 574 00:30:43,919 --> 00:30:45,439 Ooh! 575 00:30:45,479 --> 00:30:46,840 No! 576 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,640 Oh, oh, ow, ow! 577 00:30:52,279 --> 00:30:53,800 Right. 578 00:31:00,479 --> 00:31:02,400 OK. Oh, gosh. 579 00:31:02,439 --> 00:31:04,880 Hoo! SIGHS 580 00:31:04,919 --> 00:31:07,080 HUMMING 581 00:31:07,120 --> 00:31:09,999 SINGS: Oh, Mariette... REVVING, TYRES SCREECH 582 00:31:11,519 --> 00:31:14,040 Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 583 00:31:14,080 --> 00:31:17,479 Oh... Oh... Ow! Argh! Argh! 584 00:31:17,519 --> 00:31:19,400 CAR HORN 585 00:31:19,439 --> 00:31:22,560 CHARLEY YELLS 586 00:31:28,160 --> 00:31:30,640 Not like this! 587 00:31:30,679 --> 00:31:32,560 No, no. Oh... 588 00:31:41,560 --> 00:31:42,640 Charley? 589 00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:50,959 Obviously, I'd like you to keep 590 00:31:50,999 --> 00:31:53,279 your change of heart quiet until the vote. 591 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,479 Of course we will, we're not morons. 592 00:31:56,439 --> 00:31:58,080 Now, to be fair, she is. 593 00:31:58,120 --> 00:31:59,719 I've only reconsidered 594 00:31:59,759 --> 00:32:02,279 because I've realised that change 595 00:32:02,320 --> 00:32:04,640 is the lifeblood of a vibrant community. 596 00:32:04,679 --> 00:32:06,360 So it's not this? 597 00:32:06,400 --> 00:32:09,999 Look, we are all human, I know I am. 598 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:12,600 OK, off you trot and vote. 599 00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:22,320 This plan's for a housing estate. Shops, major roads... 600 00:32:22,360 --> 00:32:24,320 In our little village! 601 00:32:24,360 --> 00:32:26,479 And a massive roundabout! 602 00:32:26,519 --> 00:32:30,239 No, that's a coffee mug ring. Oh, yes... 603 00:32:30,279 --> 00:32:31,800 But these are just ideas, aren't they? 604 00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:32,919 It won't actually happen? 605 00:32:32,959 --> 00:32:34,959 I think it will if it gets through phase one. 606 00:32:34,999 --> 00:32:37,999 Mr Fisher seems very well connected with our planners. 607 00:32:39,919 --> 00:32:43,439 So he has to just get it through Parish Council, then he can do this? 608 00:32:44,999 --> 00:32:47,239 I must take these immediately to show... 609 00:32:47,279 --> 00:32:48,640 No, you can't take them with you. 610 00:32:55,840 --> 00:32:58,120 ENGINES ROAR, TYRES SQUEAL 611 00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:18,040 Oh, bless her. Oh! 612 00:33:19,239 --> 00:33:20,719 TUTS 613 00:33:20,759 --> 00:33:24,160 Ha-ha! 614 00:33:24,199 --> 00:33:27,320 Don't look so worried, man. I'm praying she doesn't crash. 615 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,719 Bertha'll be all right, she's cut from the same tough old tree as Ma. 616 00:33:30,759 --> 00:33:32,919 That's why they give the odd bark! POP CHUCKLES 617 00:33:32,959 --> 00:33:35,080 The car's not actually paid for. 618 00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,120 Phil, come and watch the big pitch, come on. 619 00:33:45,479 --> 00:33:46,679 Here they come! 620 00:33:46,719 --> 00:33:49,360 Whoo-hoo! 621 00:33:49,400 --> 00:33:51,040 Whoo! 622 00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,239 BRAKES SCREECH, CHURNS CLATTER 623 00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:00,400 All right, Ma? 624 00:34:00,439 --> 00:34:03,919 Right, couple of lessons from this. Later, Howard. 625 00:34:03,959 --> 00:34:07,640 It's only a stupid car. Hey, Howard, come here. 626 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:10,719 Come on. 627 00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:14,279 Well done, Bertha. 628 00:34:14,320 --> 00:34:17,239 And I'm sorry we haven't been getting on. 629 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:18,720 Me too. 630 00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,080 What's wrong with us? I know we're different, but... 631 00:34:21,120 --> 00:34:23,720 We're jealous, me and Howard. 632 00:34:23,760 --> 00:34:27,240 Of what? You. This. Everything. 633 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:30,561 Oh, but you love your life. Yes, but... 634 00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:32,961 ..you lot are so happy. 635 00:34:33,001 --> 00:34:36,561 And your kids... are what children should be like. 636 00:34:36,600 --> 00:34:38,800 Oh, God forbid that's true! 637 00:34:40,041 --> 00:34:42,001 Jemima's a bundle of nerves. 638 00:34:43,680 --> 00:34:45,041 I wanted to bring her here 639 00:34:45,088 --> 00:34:47,648 so your kids' confidence could rub off on her. 640 00:34:47,680 --> 00:34:50,160 Oh, Bertha. 641 00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,521 Pop and I worry about ours just like you do. 642 00:34:53,561 --> 00:34:56,401 Whether you're ten like Jemima or 20 like Mariette, 643 00:34:56,448 --> 00:34:58,928 we'll still worry about them when they're 50, God willing. 644 00:34:58,961 --> 00:35:00,441 I know. 645 00:35:00,481 --> 00:35:03,240 We want our kids to be strong and independent, 646 00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,401 but we want them to need us too. 647 00:35:06,800 --> 00:35:10,841 I've been on edge lately. And there's a reason why. 648 00:35:10,881 --> 00:35:13,680 Mariette leaving? No, it's... 649 00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:14,921 Here you go, girls. 650 00:35:14,961 --> 00:35:18,640 Hey, now, look, all mended now? 651 00:35:18,680 --> 00:35:20,441 Yes. Yeah, good, good. 652 00:35:20,481 --> 00:35:24,120 Amazing what racing round a farm like a couple of goons can do. 653 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,521 Am I going loopy, or did I see Charley in the wood with a... 654 00:35:27,561 --> 00:35:30,561 Indiany musical instrument? 655 00:35:30,600 --> 00:35:33,720 Yeah, interesting fact about India... 656 00:35:33,760 --> 00:35:37,080 Ah... Oh... Sorry... 657 00:35:37,120 --> 00:35:38,600 That's boring. 658 00:35:38,640 --> 00:35:40,041 Oh! 659 00:35:44,041 --> 00:35:45,240 What have I done? 660 00:35:47,321 --> 00:35:49,760 Where's Jemima? Don't worry about Jemima. 661 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:51,600 Our lot'll look after her, won't they, Ma? 662 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,521 Course. Cheers. 663 00:35:54,561 --> 00:35:58,120 ALL: Cheers! All right. 664 00:36:05,240 --> 00:36:06,640 Let's leave her to it. 665 00:36:06,680 --> 00:36:08,841 Yeah, there's no chance she'll make it. 666 00:36:08,881 --> 00:36:10,800 It took me years of falling in. 667 00:36:16,080 --> 00:36:17,561 Argh! 668 00:36:47,041 --> 00:36:50,600 Ooh! Hello, Tom. 669 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:53,481 You look like you think you're gonna lose the vote. 670 00:36:53,521 --> 00:36:56,561 Yeah, well, it was always gonna be difficult taking on passionate 671 00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:58,401 and persuasive locals like you. 672 00:36:58,441 --> 00:37:00,240 Yeah, well, we'll find out later, won't we? 673 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,001 Yeah. Anyway, I'm here to do my bit 674 00:37:03,041 --> 00:37:05,720 to stop Mariette skipping off to France. 675 00:37:05,760 --> 00:37:08,280 Oh, so you won't get a shred of pleasure out of her staying, then? 676 00:37:09,401 --> 00:37:11,321 Listen, I never get involved in my kids' lives, 677 00:37:11,361 --> 00:37:13,881 I really, really, don't, my mum and dad, Lord love 'em, 678 00:37:13,921 --> 00:37:16,321 they let me learn by my mistakes, and I made some big-uns, 679 00:37:16,361 --> 00:37:18,521 including trying to cut me own hair with a lawn mower. 680 00:37:18,561 --> 00:37:20,680 Ha... Look... 681 00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:23,921 Getting the development approved could help Mariette stay. 682 00:37:23,961 --> 00:37:28,160 You really wanna throw her out because of a... Lazy Susan? 683 00:37:28,200 --> 00:37:30,720 Spreading Linda, Tom. 684 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:34,200 Yeah, I can see it in your eyes. 685 00:37:34,240 --> 00:37:36,640 You're a townie, son. You've come here to build a town. 686 00:37:36,680 --> 00:37:38,800 Here's a piece of advice. 687 00:37:38,841 --> 00:37:42,321 Take a flask and a pie 688 00:37:42,361 --> 00:37:44,961 and climb high up into that tree, 689 00:37:45,001 --> 00:37:49,441 and then just look down at the unspoilt glories beneath you. 690 00:37:49,481 --> 00:37:52,120 And just sit there, Tom. And enjoy them. 691 00:37:52,160 --> 00:37:55,841 Where do you think your six children are gonna live when they grow up? 692 00:37:55,881 --> 00:37:58,080 In magic houses built in Neverland? 693 00:37:58,120 --> 00:38:01,640 There are plenty of folk who prefer towns, Tom. 694 00:38:01,680 --> 00:38:03,361 My in-laws, for instance, 695 00:38:03,401 --> 00:38:07,120 they get queasy at the sight of grass, you know? 696 00:38:07,160 --> 00:38:10,680 Look, let's have London, let's have New York, 697 00:38:10,720 --> 00:38:13,401 but let's not have 10,000 ugly dormitories 698 00:38:13,441 --> 00:38:15,441 on our beautiful countryside. 699 00:38:15,481 --> 00:38:18,120 Eh? So... 700 00:38:18,160 --> 00:38:19,800 No hard feelings when all this is over? 701 00:38:19,856 --> 00:38:22,815 Goodness, no. Good, good, yeah. 702 00:38:22,841 --> 00:38:28,120 Well, as for Mariette, she's, er, gone off for the day. 703 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,401 Oh. Hm. 704 00:38:32,881 --> 00:38:34,481 Thanks. You're welcome. 705 00:38:35,961 --> 00:38:40,160 Have a good day, Tom. Yeah. You too. 706 00:38:44,200 --> 00:38:47,120 I wonder who you've nobbled, you wily toe-rag. 707 00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:49,841 We knew you could do it, Jemima. 708 00:38:49,881 --> 00:38:53,720 See, Jem, you'd've seen them cows and run off screaming. 709 00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:56,329 That's no cow! What is it? 710 00:38:56,354 --> 00:39:00,555 Don't worry, it's just a male cow. So it's a bull? 711 00:39:01,841 --> 00:39:03,561 Run! 712 00:39:03,600 --> 00:39:05,720 Run, run, run! 713 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:07,001 Faster! 714 00:39:07,041 --> 00:39:09,561 Oh, quick! Argh! 715 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,441 THEY ALL SIGH 716 00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,561 LAUGHTER 717 00:39:19,600 --> 00:39:22,760 Has that ever happened before? Yeah. Most weeks. 718 00:39:24,200 --> 00:39:27,800 Welcome to this special meeting of the Parish Planning Committee. 719 00:39:27,841 --> 00:39:29,120 Over the last few days, 720 00:39:29,160 --> 00:39:33,080 we've listened to local opinion on this major decision. Hear, hear. 721 00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:35,080 Can we not do the hear sodding hears? 722 00:39:35,120 --> 00:39:39,160 So we can go straight to a vote on approving this exciting project 723 00:39:39,200 --> 00:39:41,361 with all its heart-stopping benefits. 724 00:39:41,401 --> 00:39:42,401 DOOR CLATTERS 725 00:39:42,441 --> 00:39:43,961 Stop the proceedings! 726 00:39:47,600 --> 00:39:50,240 BREATHLESSLY: I'm sorry, I've just run from the pick-up. 727 00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:52,001 I need to bring up an important issue. 728 00:39:52,041 --> 00:39:54,041 Overruled. Right, those in favour... 729 00:39:54,080 --> 00:39:56,240 I support Mr Larkin on this issue. What is the issue? 730 00:39:56,280 --> 00:39:58,200 Er, we need to delay the vote. 731 00:39:58,240 --> 00:40:01,800 Because, erm, I don't wanna use the word "bribery", but... 732 00:40:01,841 --> 00:40:04,881 There's nothing wrong with gifts. That's how local government works. 733 00:40:04,921 --> 00:40:06,881 Larkin is aware of that, live by the sword, 734 00:40:06,921 --> 00:40:08,600 the skill is being on the winning team. 735 00:40:08,640 --> 00:40:11,800 The skill is living a good life in a place you wanna love and look after. 736 00:40:11,841 --> 00:40:14,521 And that's exactly what we're voting on now. 737 00:40:14,561 --> 00:40:16,481 Those in favour of Mr Fisher's 738 00:40:16,521 --> 00:40:19,080 development of Bluff Court and grounds... 739 00:40:19,120 --> 00:40:20,881 I don't feel very well! THUDS 740 00:40:20,921 --> 00:40:22,921 GASPS 741 00:40:22,961 --> 00:40:26,041 Those in favour? No, no, she's fainted. Stop the vote! 742 00:40:26,080 --> 00:40:28,361 It's a rouse, we're carrying on. Those in favour... 743 00:40:28,401 --> 00:40:30,881 DOOR CLATTERS 744 00:40:30,921 --> 00:40:32,841 Oh! How many more of them are out there? 745 00:40:32,881 --> 00:40:34,760 I stole them from the District Council, 746 00:40:34,800 --> 00:40:36,280 so I'll probably go to prison. 747 00:40:36,321 --> 00:40:38,881 I told you Tom wouldn't stop there. 748 00:40:38,921 --> 00:40:41,481 He's a disgrace! I'll rip his pips off! 749 00:40:41,521 --> 00:40:42,760 Easy, General. 750 00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,600 The road slices through our garden. 751 00:40:44,640 --> 00:40:46,640 Less weeding... 752 00:40:46,680 --> 00:40:48,361 I'm being humorous. 753 00:40:48,401 --> 00:40:51,361 And a bloody great roundabout around my church. Atheist scum! 754 00:40:51,401 --> 00:40:54,841 No, that's a coffee mug ring. Oh, rightio. Thank you. 755 00:40:54,881 --> 00:40:56,640 Well, I'm voting against now. 756 00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:00,041 No! Me too. What was I thinking? 757 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,321 Forgive me, Vicar, for I have sinned. 758 00:41:02,361 --> 00:41:04,361 Why are you telling ME? I agree. 759 00:41:04,401 --> 00:41:07,961 I can't vote for this. Norma! Have you lost your mind? 760 00:41:08,001 --> 00:41:10,120 Oh, Alec, it's going wrong, innit? 761 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:12,600 Good, vote rejected. BANGS GAVEL 762 00:41:12,640 --> 00:41:14,240 Primrose, you're an angel. 763 00:41:14,280 --> 00:41:18,240 Oh, come on, we can do better than that. 764 00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,080 Come on! POP CHUCKLES 765 00:41:29,240 --> 00:41:32,640 I don't think the countryside's only animals and muck, 766 00:41:32,680 --> 00:41:36,321 and we have a lovely library and, ooh, next time, 767 00:41:36,361 --> 00:41:38,800 I'll show you the Roman Museum in Canterbury. 768 00:41:38,841 --> 00:41:40,240 No, thanks. 769 00:41:40,280 --> 00:41:42,041 You can't leave now that we've remembered 770 00:41:42,080 --> 00:41:45,841 how to talk to one another. Oh, don't worry, we'll be back. 771 00:41:45,881 --> 00:41:48,240 But you must visit us in Bromley. 772 00:41:48,280 --> 00:41:51,160 That fabulous new shopping centre I talked about. 773 00:41:51,200 --> 00:41:52,961 With a real foun-tain! 774 00:41:53,001 --> 00:41:57,401 Oh, I'm afraid we're gonna be too busy with the farming jobs, dammit. 775 00:41:57,441 --> 00:41:59,120 Oh, yeah, yeah. 776 00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:02,481 Oh, well, what about November? No, no... November... 777 00:42:02,521 --> 00:42:03,600 November's the, erm... 778 00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:05,521 All the leaves, Ma, you know, the leaves. Yeah. 779 00:42:09,720 --> 00:42:12,321 Pop and I just don't wanna come to Bromley. 780 00:42:13,401 --> 00:42:15,921 I'm sorry. Oh. 781 00:42:15,961 --> 00:42:20,481 Well, we ARE quite different, aren't we? 782 00:42:20,521 --> 00:42:23,441 CHUCKLING: We are. 783 00:42:24,640 --> 00:42:26,001 Let's celebrate that. 784 00:42:26,041 --> 00:42:29,200 CAR STARTS 785 00:42:29,240 --> 00:42:32,961 Hear that? Velvety. 786 00:42:33,001 --> 00:42:37,240 So, Pop, I don't know what your poison is route-wise, 787 00:42:37,280 --> 00:42:41,200 but we are going A20, cutting through Sidcup, 788 00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:43,001 depending on the traffic flow, of course. 789 00:42:43,041 --> 00:42:44,361 And then, we're... 790 00:42:45,680 --> 00:42:48,401 Is the handbrake off? No... 791 00:42:48,441 --> 00:42:50,120 They're backing away. 792 00:42:51,280 --> 00:42:52,680 Drive on, Howard! 793 00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:57,080 REVVING 794 00:43:00,841 --> 00:43:04,240 Kids, promise me you will never fall out or grow apart. 795 00:43:04,280 --> 00:43:06,441 We hate each other already. 796 00:43:06,481 --> 00:43:07,800 I'm gonna live in the lighthouse! 797 00:43:07,841 --> 00:43:10,600 I need my own bedroom. Zinnia stinks. 798 00:43:10,640 --> 00:43:12,760 Well, it was a nice idea, wasn't it? 799 00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:14,800 THEY ALL CHUCKLE 800 00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:28,120 So, you've been caught trying to pull a massive fast one. 801 00:43:28,160 --> 00:43:29,561 Yeah, it's called enterprise. 802 00:43:29,600 --> 00:43:31,760 Your little village just wasn't ready for me. 803 00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,280 No, it was you who wasn't ready for us. 804 00:43:34,321 --> 00:43:38,080 Your horizons are wider, Mariette. You know you wanna be with me. 805 00:43:38,120 --> 00:43:40,961 Yeah, but I'd always be competing for your love, wouldn't I? 806 00:43:41,001 --> 00:43:43,200 Who with? Yourself. 807 00:43:45,841 --> 00:43:47,760 You could learn from Charley, you know? 808 00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,561 Oh, well, you are talking like a mad woman. 809 00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,361 I'd learn more from that horse's backside. 810 00:43:52,401 --> 00:43:55,521 Oh, yeah? Who's been humiliated today, him or you? 811 00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:58,401 You're never gonna leave here. 812 00:44:01,080 --> 00:44:02,240 Give us a kiss. 813 00:44:02,280 --> 00:44:04,841 It's the only bit of excitement you're gonna get around here. 814 00:44:09,120 --> 00:44:10,760 Shut your eyes, you rude man. 815 00:44:26,481 --> 00:44:28,120 JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS There you go, go on. 816 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,280 Get in! 817 00:44:30,321 --> 00:44:32,800 Lovely jubbly! 818 00:44:32,841 --> 00:44:35,080 CHEERING 819 00:44:39,760 --> 00:44:41,441 I don't believe it! 820 00:44:41,481 --> 00:44:43,640 You've set that up quite nicely for me, Pop. 821 00:44:43,680 --> 00:44:46,720 Go on, Ma. Go on, go on. 822 00:44:46,760 --> 00:44:48,561 THEY CHUCKLE 823 00:44:48,600 --> 00:44:50,760 Cheers, Ma. Ah, cheers, darling. 824 00:44:50,800 --> 00:44:51,921 KNOCK ON DOOR 825 00:44:53,280 --> 00:44:56,200 He's back! Hello, Charley! 826 00:44:56,240 --> 00:45:00,160 Was that you earlier near the woods? Ooh, erm... 827 00:45:00,200 --> 00:45:03,441 Yeah, that might have been me. Can I speak to Mariette, please? 828 00:45:03,481 --> 00:45:06,401 SHOUTS: Mariette, sweetheart? Charley wants to speak to you! 829 00:45:06,441 --> 00:45:07,561 Oh, sorry. 830 00:45:09,041 --> 00:45:12,240 Sorry about the spittle. We all still miss ya. 831 00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:13,561 Yeah, come back and stay with us. 832 00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,921 Please, I need to speak to Mariette. 833 00:45:16,961 --> 00:45:20,841 She is the gatekeeper to my soul and my future. 834 00:45:20,881 --> 00:45:23,481 Oh, why don't you talk to me like that? 835 00:45:23,521 --> 00:45:25,800 Yeah, it's time I told her how I really feel. 836 00:45:25,841 --> 00:45:27,640 I think she's left! 837 00:45:27,680 --> 00:45:30,760 What's that? Her suitcase and passport are gone! 838 00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,800 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com 62946

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