Original subtitles

"That everyone who believes may have eternal life in him.

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son."

[WHISPERS]: Here we go.

[SIGHS] Yes, Sheldon?

When you said God gave his son to the world,

did you mean Earth or the universe?

Earth.

But if God created the universe,

wouldn't he want to save all of it?

Yes, uh, he would.

Then why did you say Earth?

"Earth" is a synonym for the universe.

[QUIETLY]: He's grabbing at straws now.

So if God's plan is to save all of the universe,

that means a race of octopus aliens light-years away

could only be saved by Jesus?

Sure.

Even though they never would've heard of him?

Yes.

Even though his appearance might be terrifying to them?

W-Why would his appearance be terrifying?

He has four limbs and they have eight.

- Okay, that's enough. - JEFF: No, no.

I prayed people would be more interested in my sermons.

I suppose I should've been more specific.

Sheldon, if these creatures

were born without sin, they don't need to be saved by Jesus.

What if an octopus Adam and Eve brought sin to their world?

Would they be saved by a human Jesus or an octopus Jesus?

[SIGHS]

[LAUGHS]

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --

And then I said octopus aliens didn't need to become Christian

because they're not affected by original sin.

You should've been there; Pastor Jeff almost started crying.

Oh, now I'm sorry I missed it.

That's your fault for having a hangover.

Or it's God's fault for putting Sunday morning

after Saturday night.

[PHONE RINGING]

- Meemaw, could you take me to Radio Shack? - MARY: Hello?

Sure, maybe later.

Later's a little vague.

Could you please be more specific?

When I'm good and ready. How's that?

Better, but I'd really like to nail this down.

Why don't you ask your father to take you?

- Dad? - What?

Can you please take me to Radio Shack?

I'm busy. Ask your meemaw.

I did. She said to ask you.

Well, ask her again.

Seems counterintuitive, but all right.

Meemaw?

Oh, Lord.

Everything okay?

No.

Stephanie Hanson's daughter was in a car accident last night.

She died.

Oh, no.

My God.

She was barely 16.

GEORGE SR.: That's horrible.

Is there anything we can do?

I don't know.

Um... ugh.

I need to call folks at the church.

[MARY SIGHS]

Any more thoughts on Radio Shack?

Sheldon, do you really think

this is the appropriate time to ask that question?

I did, but now I'm second-guessing myself.

How you holding up?

I'm okay.

[CLEARS THROAT]

16 years old.

It's just awful.

It's all part of God's plan.

[TV PLAYING QUIETLY]

How come we don't get to go to the funeral?

Why would you want to go to a funeral?

I've never been to one.

When you get to be my age, you get to go to plenty.

That's, like, a hundred years from now.

You make it hard to love you.

Do you really see a dead body?

Sometimes.

How close do you get to it?

Real close, if you want.

And the clothes they're wearing,

is that the clothes they become a ghost in?

Depends. In the movie Ghost,

Patrick Swayze has on the outfit that he dies in.

Casper runs around butt naked.

Maybe he died naked.

That's fun to think about.

And y'all wonder why you're not at the funeral.

Good morning, Peg.

Well, it will be once this cup of Sanka works its magic.

Is Pastor available?

Oh, he's on the phone with his wife.

- Oh, should I come back? - Nah.

He usually gets his groveling done pretty quick.

So... that little Hanson girl, that was horrible, huh?

Yeah.

Reminds you that...

life is precious.

[COUGHING LOUDLY]

You're up, slugger.

[COUGHING CONTINUES]

JEFF: Come in.

[WHOOPS]

I have the clothing drive flyers if you'd like to take a look.

Thank you.

You all right, Mare?

[SIGHS]

No, not really.

Um... I can't stop thinking about that little girl.

I understand.

That's why it's important in these times

to take comfort in our faith.

What if that's not doing the trick?

Events like this can certainly create doubt.

It happens to me more often than I'd like to admit.

What do you do?

I roll up my sleeves and I work even harder at serving our Lord.

Mary, we each have a relationship with God,

and relationships take work.

Get out there.

Help the needy, start a Bible study,

hug a stranger and tell 'em the Lord loves 'em. [CHUCKLES]

But not a child; that backfires on you, big-time.

Thank you, Pastor Jeff.

You are most welcome.

Oh, and tell Sheldon

I spoke to my seminary professor,

and the official ruling is:

God would appear to the octopus aliens in octopus alien form

and save their eight-legged souls.

Praise Jesus!

[CHUCKLES]

[PEG COUGHING]

[DOOR CLOSES]

I should put that in a sermon.

Hold on, hold on. Thank you, God,

for this food we are about to receive and for the nourishment

of our bodies, and bless the hands that prepared it. Amen.

We're doing this at breakfast now?

Yes, I think it's a nice idea.

She's eating Count Chocula.

Doesn't he play for the other side?

I'm so glad God blessed you with a sense of humor, George.

Mom, have you received any distressing phone calls today?

No. Why?

Just wondering if it's an appropriate time

to ask if you could take me to Radio Shack.

Sorry, sweetheart, I can't today.

I have to bring this food over to the Hanson family.

Then I have my new prayer group.

And after that, I'm gonna get started

on a faith garden in the backyard.

A faith garden? What the hell is that?

Language.

It's an outdoorsy place for me to speak to God.

Don't you already speak to him indoorsy?

Yes, but in the backyard,

I can enjoy the beautiful world he gave us.

You can also smell the Sparks' chicken coop.

Well, I think it sounds nice.

Thank you. I'm gonna need your truck

to get all the dirt and flowers and tools that I need.

- Sure. - Oh, oh, almost forgot.

Can you keep an eye out for a rock big enough

to paint a Psalm on?

I can do that.

Wish me luck!

Luck!

Mm-hmm! [CHUCKLES]

Is Mom okay?

How the heck should I know?

She left. You can say "hell."

♪ MARY: ...our hearts and stir us to action.

ADULT SHELDON: If my mother's faith was

the Starship Enterprise, over the next week,

she achieved warp factor 9.

I can't hear you!

GROUP: Amen!

Let 'em hear ya in heaven!

- Heck yeah! - Amen!

[LAUGHTER]

Despite his concerns over her sanity,

my dad found a rock worthy of her faith garden.

Ooh, right over there.

- [GRUNTS] Here? - Mm-hmm.

Gently!

[PANTING]: Honey, it's a rock.

I know, but still.

♪ Spirit in the sky ♪

♪ Prepare yourself, you know it's a must ♪

♪ Gotta have a friend in Jesus ♪

♪ So you know that when you die ♪

♪ He's gonna recommend you to the spirit in the sky... ♪

MARY: I pray that you protect Sheldon in all that he does.

What are you doing?

I'm praying for you.

She needs it more than I do.

You think I didn't start with her?

[SNORING]

♪ Oh, set me up with the spirit in the sky ♪

♪ That's where I'm gonna go when I die ♪

♪ When I die and they lay me to rest... ♪

[SIGHS]

Lord, thank you for inspiring me

to build this faith garden and for your eternal love.

Also, please look after the Hanson family

to find strength... [SIGHS]

in their time of grief.

[VOICE BREAKING]: And I thank you for the years they had

with their beautiful daughter.

[SOBS SOFTLY]

[SNIFFLES]

[SIGHS]

♪ I eat cannibals... ♪

So when you gonna take me to get my learner's permit?

Georgie, you've heard us talking to Sheldon

about asking questions at inappropriate times, right?

Yeah, so?

So, given what's happened this week,

do you think it's an appropriate time

to be talking about driving?

Why? 'Cause that girl died?

[SIGHS] Yes, that.

For your information, I'd be an excellent driver.

[CHUCKLES]: I wouldn't trust you to push a shopping cart.

Would you feel more confident if I told you

I already know how to drive?

- Video games don't count. - I'll have you know

I've driven Meemaw's car.

I also drove your truck one night while you were sleeping.

Are you crazy?!

I parked it and everything, you had no idea.

Okay, let...

let me get this straight...

You're trying to prove to me that you're a responsible person

by admitting you stole my truck.

I said I was responsible, never said I was smart.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Hey.

Let's go out.

- Go out where? - I don't know,

Dairy Queen, shooting range, line dancing?

Have you been drinking?

I might've had a wine cooler or two.

Sweetheart, that ain't drinking.

♪ ♪

The bartender asked to see my I.D.

Honey, he does that to get tips.

He asked me for mine, too.

Well, I like to think we're both young attractive ladies.

[LAUGHS]: To that old fart? Yeah.

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Mmm. - Whoa.

Whoa, pace yourself, cowgirl.

I'm fine.

Are we gonna shoot pool or not?

You bet.

Hmm!

Did you know George and I used to come here

when we first started dating?

Is that so?

He kissed me right over there in that booth.

Why, was there some barbecue sauce on your face?

It's a fat joke.

- I got it, Mom. - [POOL BALLS SCATTER]

Come on. Come on.

Why are you putting us to bed?

'Cause your mother's out.

Where is she?

She's with your grandmother.

- Where'd they go? - I don't know.

- Why don't you know? - Because I'm here with you!

[CLEARS THROAT]

Good night. Sweet dreams.

Mom gives us kisses.

Fine.

Mm, your beard is scratchy.

Too bad. Sheldon?

I respectfully pass.

Mom also does the good night dance.

Now you're just screwing with me.

Night.

You should've gone with "sings us a lullaby."

Yeah, I got cocky.

Slow down there, sister, you got church in the morning.

Who says I'm going?

What is happening with you?

Do you really want to know?

So, the other day I was making a casserole

to bring over to the Hansons,

and I wanted to include a sympathy card.

So I started to write,

"Your daughter's in a better place."

[VOICE BREAKING]: And I had to stop.

Because how could that possibly be true?

How could a better place be anywhere

than at home safe with her family?

She was just a little kid.

That could've...

been Georgie behind the wheel.

How could that possibly be God's plan?

Looks like you could use a shoulder to cry on.

[SIGHS]

No, she does not need a shoulder to cry on,

but I do need a place to store my pool stick.

Maybe I'd like that. [LAUGHS]

Get.

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

What the hell?

Your problem now.

Ooh. Watch it.

- Here. - [CLEARS THROAT]

What am I supposed to do with her?

I don't know. But be careful.

Last time she was this drunk,

you ended up with your first son.

Night.

He's not that fat, Mom!

Now you're cooking breakfast for us?

Your mom's not feeling well.

- Is she contagious? - No.

Just tired.

Did you check her for ticks?

Soon as she wakes up.

You can check her while she's asleep.

Sit down!

Do you even know how to cook?

Believe it or not, I am capable of making breakfast.

Sorry. It's not like we see you do much around here.

How 'bout, "Thanks for cooking, Dad"?

Chocolate chips? Thanks for cooking, Dad.

Is Mom going to church?

I don't think she's up to it.

But she never misses church.

Are you feeling better?

Yes, baby, I'm fine.

GEORGE SR.: All right, here we go.

Chocolate chips for breakfast and pizza for dinner?

I'm loving Dad.

Where were you last night?

Out with your grandmother.

But where'd you go?

- Enough questions. - Y'all ask me questions

when I come home late.

Oh, I can explain that... you're an idiot and we don't trust you.

[SIGHS]

Mom, you didn't say grace.

Don't worry about it.

Come on, y'all.

[SIGHS]

Can I sit with you?

I think Mommy needs to be alone right now.

All right.

[SIGHS]

Mom, I'm scared.

Why?

You didn't go to church, you stopped saying grace.

I don't understand what's going on.

[SIGHS]

It's kind of hard to explain.

Is it me?

Did I do something wrong?

Of course not.

[PATS SEAT] Come here.

[SIGHS]

Sheldon... [SIGHS]

faith means believing in something

you can't know for sure is real.

[SIGHS]

And right now, I am struggling with that.

So you don't believe in God anymore?

That isn't something for you to worry about.

I need to figure this out myself.

Can I help? Maybe I could provide a fresh perspective.

I don't think so, baby.

SHELDON: Did you know that if gravity

were slightly more powerful,

the universe would collapse into a ball?

I did not.

Also, if gravity were slightly less powerful,

the universe would fly apart

and there would be no stars or planets.

Where you going with this, Sheldon?

It's just that gravity is precisely as strong

as it needs to be.

And if the ratio of the electromagnetic force

to the strong force wasn't one percent,

life wouldn't exist.

What are the odds that would happen all by itself?

Why are you trying to convince me to believe in God?

You don't believe in God.

I don't, but the precision of the universe

at least makes it logical to conclude there's a creator.

[SIGHS]

Baby, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but...

logic is here.

And my problem is here.

Well, there are 5 billion people on this planet

and you're the perfect mom for me.

What are the odds of that?

Oh.

Thank you, Lord, for this little boy.

- I knew I could fix it. - [LAUGHS]

Maybe it was you and the Lord.

ADULT SHELDON: I don't like sharing credit,

but I knew in that moment it wasn't the appropriate time

to say it.

And Jacob said: "For I have seen God face to face,

and my life is preserved."

[WHISPERING]: Is this an appropriate time to mention

that John 1:18 says,

"No man hath seen God

at any time." Who's right?

Jacob or John?

Let's talk about it in the car.

JEFF: ...the Lord.

Yes, Connie?

My grandson has a question.

[SIGHS]

Let 'er rip, kid.

- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans - -- www.Addic7ed.com --