Original subtitles

Dear reader...

... this book is designed to explain everything you need to know...

... about the science of getting ahead in business.

Your first step is to memorize all the simple rules...

... in the chapters which follow.

If you have education, intelligence and ability, so much the better.

But remember that thousands have reached the top...

... without any of these qualities.

If you are anxious to rise quickly and easily to the top of the business world...

... the time is now.

Strike while the iron is hot. Are you ready?

I'm ready!

Good. You are about to begin your swift and daring rise to the top.

How to apply for a job

How to advance from the mailroom

How to sit down at a desk

How to dictate memorandums

How to develop executive style

How to commute in a three-button suit

With that weary executive smile

This book is all that I need How to

How to succeed

How to observe personnel

How to select whom to lunch with

How to avoid petty friends

How to begin making contacts How to

How to choose the right company.

Before applying for a job, make sure the company is a large one.

This is essential.

It should be at least large enough...

... so that nobody quite knows exactly what the other fellow is doing.

Here. Here, somebody.

Somebody. Here, here, you fellows. Denver has run out of wickets.

Call the World Wide Wicket Factory. Have it send 50,000 two-toned wickets.

- Wickets? - Don't argue with me!

Do you want me to have another nervous breakdown?

Who in the hell is that?

Where the hell is a factory?

What the hell is a wicket?

The right company.

This book is all that I need How to

How to succeed

- Are you all right? - Never mind, never mind.

Leave me alone, leave me alone. I'm all right.

- Everybody back to work. - Come on, back to work.

- Back to work. - Did you hear me?

I said, everybody back to work.

I'm sorry that I bumped into you, sir. But I'd like to apply for a job.

- A job. Do you know who I am? - No, sir, I don't.

I'm J.B. Biggley, the president of this company.

That's who I am. In fact, that's who the hell I am.

How dare you come to the president and ask for a job.

Why do you think I have a personnel man?

Why do you think I have a whole damned Personnel Department?

Son, you bumped into the wrong man.

Damn, damn, coal-burning, dithering, ding, ding, ding...

You just committed industrial suicide, boy.

That's the big fellow.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Did you hurt yourself when you fell? - No, no, I'm all right.

- Oh, I know how hard it is to... - What?

I said, I know how hard it is to find a job.

- I've been through that myself. - Thank you, you're very kind.

- Tell me where the personnel office is. - Personnel?

- Yes. - It's right there.

- Thank you. - Well, listen...

- What? - You mean you're not discouraged?

No, not at all. I'm prepared for this sort of thing.

My friend Smitty works in Personnel. Maybe she can help you.

- She's here somewhere. I'll find her. - No, look...

- Wait right there. - That's not necessary.

You don't have to go through all...

- Where are you going? - To see the personnel manager.

I'm the personnel manager. We're not hiring.

- I was just speaking to Mr. Biggley. - Biggley?

- Yes, sir. - J.B. Biggley?

Yes, sir. He told me to see you.

You were speaking to J.B. Biggley himself?

- Yes, sir. I just bumped into him. - He's a friend of yours?

Sir, I don't think a man should trade on friendship to get a job.

By George, I like a man who stands on his own two feet.

- My name is Bratt. You're? - Finch, sir. Pierrepont Finch.

Pierrepont. Come in, Pierrepont.

You know, maybe that ought to be "J. Pierrepont Finch."

As a matter of fact, sir, it is.

Good God, Rosemary, you could at least let me finish my Metrecal.

What's the big urgent urgency?

Oh, he has that woebegone look. A puppy dog.

Well, you can just tell he'll never get anywhere.

I just figured you could introduce him to...

- Where did he go? - Where the hell should I know?

Rosemary, what's got into you?

Why is this creep any different from all others?

He's not a creep.

Smitty, he has a sort of undaunted sort of noble courage...

...yet deep down you sense he's a helpless little muffin.

- The man in the manhole cover. - That's rich, a good one.

Well, it's all settled then. Nice to have you aboard, Finch.

I'm happy to ship out with you, really. You don't have a match?

Yes, yes. Let me do that for you.

- Is that the...? - The helpless little muffin.

My secretary will fill out the forms.

- Smitty? - Yes, Mr. Bratt?

- This is our new Mr. Finch. - Hello.

- My name is Rosemary Pilkington. - Hello.

- Hi. - Hi, I'm Lucille Krumholtz.

Mr. Finch will be starting in our mailroom. Glad you don't mind that.

In a big pond like this, everyone must begin as a little fish.

- Even a barracuda. - What did you say?

Bud, have you guys in the mailroom sent those new wicket catalogues yet?

I don't know, I'm going to the barbershop to get a scalp massage.

At this time of the morning? Why?

Because I'm the boss's nephew.

- Excuse me. - Oh, Bud.

Bud Frump, Mr. Biggley's nephew. Say hello to our new Mr. Finch.

He'll be working with you in the mailroom.

Oh, hello, Finch. I'm Bud Frump, Mr. Biggley's nephew.

- Hello, how do you do? - Smitty.

- Yes, Mr. Bratt? - Get Mr. Finch's vital statistics.

- Yes, Mr. Bratt. - Nice to have you on the team, Finch.

- Good to be playing with you, sir. - Are you ambitious, Finch?

- No, not necessarily. - Good. You just keep that in mind.

You just remember who I am and who you are, we'll get along fine.

- If not... - You'll go crying to your uncle.

I beg your pardon! I do not go crying to my uncle.

It just happens that my mother is Mrs. Biggley's sister.

If I feel that something's wrong, I phone my mother.

She phones Mrs. Biggley, and Mrs. Biggley phones Mr. Biggley.

That's the democratic way.

You don't have to worry about Bud Frump.

Every company has a couple of relatives floating around.

Smitty, you were going to get Mr. Finch's vital statistics.

Yes. Now, Mr. Finch, the first question...

- Are you married? - Married? No, I'm not.

- And I don't even have a girlfriend. - Good.

I mean it's very good you answered with the right answer.

- For the questionnaire. - Yes, it is.

- It's not very wise to have a girl. - No, it isn't.

Glad you understand, Miss Pilkington. Some women wouldn't see.

I feel that when a man wants to rise in the world of business...

...a girl or, well, let's say an emotional involvement...

...can only lead to getting involved emotionally.

- What the heck was that? - That's very intelligent, Mr. Finch.

- Are you quite finished with Mr. Finch? - For the moment.

- Irving. - What?

Take Finch to the mailroom and introduce him to Mr. Twimble.

You can fill in the personnel forms later.

- Come on, Finch. - Okay.

Oh, well, good luck, Mr. Finch.

Thank you, Miss?

Pilkington. Rosemary Pilkington.

Pilkington. Rosemary Pilkington.

Come on, Finch.

Poor baby. He looks so utterly vulnerable.

We'll eat him alive in this jungle.

- Coffee break! - Well, it's about time.

Don't argue with me. Just take care of the executive mail.

- That's all you've got to take care of. - Look, I'm doing the very best I can.

Don't argue with me. Just get the executive mail out.

- That's all you've got to worry about. - Yes, sir.

Lemon drops? Where did these lemon drops come from?

Oh, they're mine, Mr. Twimble.

I just thought I'd share them with our mailroom family.

- But lemon is my favourite drop. - Oh, well, I'll be darned.

- Finch? - Yes, sir.

I've been watching you this first morning here...

...and I'd like to say I'm very pleased with your work.

Thank you, sir. That's exceptionally kind of you.

You know, well, I try to fit in.

No, no, it's more than that, Finch.

You have an inborn gift for mailroomery.

Well, thank you very much... Excuse me, sir.

Hello, mailroom. Hold the line.

Mr. Twimble, it's for you. It's Mr. Bratt from Personnel.

This may be a very important call for some of us. Hello?

Good morning, Mr. Bratt.

- Oh, yes, yes. - What's the idea?

- What's the idea of what, Bud? - You.

Trying to butter up Mr. Twimble. Believe me, it won't do you good.

Just because I'm being nice to an older man...

I know what you're up to. If anybody...

Got you, Mr. Bratt. Thanks very much.

Well, boys, it looks as if they're finally gonna promote...

...old Twimble to the Shipping Department.

- Congratulations, sir. - Yeah, congratulations.

But who's gonna be new head of the mailroom?

Mr. Bratt is gonna leave the choice to me.

"Twimble," he said:

"The mailroom is the nerve centre of this mighty organization.

You've been an outstanding mailroom head.

We want you to choose your successor.

And we want you to choose him on merit.

On merit alone."

Now, that's not fair.

- I'm going out to have a smoke. - Smoke.

He's gonna call his mother. Well, it won't do him any good.

Bratt said I was gonna select the new head of this department.

- Mr. Twimble. - Yeah?

You've been with this company a long time, haven't you?

A long time. Last month, I became a quarter-of-a-century man.

- Beautiful. Quarter of a century. - Quarter of a century.

- How long have you been in mailroom? - Twenty-five years.

It's not easy to get this medal.

It takes a combination of skill, diplomacy and bold caution.

When I joined this firm As a brash young man

Well, I said to myself Now, brash young man

Don't get any ideas

Well, I stuck to that And I haven't had one in years

- You play it safe. - I play it the company way

Wherever the company puts me There I'll stay

- But what is your point of view? - I have no point of view

- Supposing the company thinks... - I think so too

- Well, now, what would you say if... - I wouldn't say, I wouldn't say.

Your face is a company face

It smiles at executives Then goes back in place

- The company furniture - Oh, it suits me fine

- The company letterhead - A valentine

- Is there anything you're against? - Unemployment.

When they want brilliant thinking From employees

That is no concern of mine

Suppose a man of genius Makes suggestions

Watch that genius Get suggested to resign

Oh, so you play it the company way

All company policy is by me okay

- You'll never rise up to the top - But there's one thing clear

Whoever the company fires I will still be here

- Oh, you certainly found a home. - It's cosy.

Your brain is a company brain

The company washed it And now I can't complain

- The company magazine - Boy, what style, what punch

- The company restaurant - Every day, same lunch

Their haddock sandwich, it's delicious.

- I must try it. - Early in the week.

- Do you have any hobbies? - I've a hobby

- I play gin with Mr. Bratt - Mr. Bratt?

- Do you play it nicely? - Play it nicely

Still he blitzes me In every game like that

- Why? - Because I play it

- The company way, yes. - The company way

- Executive policy... - Executive policy is by me okay

- How can you get anywhere? - Junior, have no fear

Whoever the company fires I will still be here

You will still be here

Year after year after fiscal

- Never take a risk all year! - Never take a risk all year!

All right. I'll get this out as soon as I can.

Not as soon as you can. I want it by noon, Miss Pilkington.

Yes, sir.

Well, hi, do you work for Mr. Ovington, Miss?

- Pilkington. - Pilkington.

- You can call me Rosemary. - Okay. Hi, Rosemary.

- Hi. How's it going, Mr. Finch? - Oh, why don't you call me Ponty?

Okay, Ponty, I like that.

- How's it going? - Pretty good.

I'm delivering the executive mail. Sort of getting the feel of the place.

But everybody's so busy, they don't even notice me.

- They will, Ponty, you just be patient. - Patient?

Do you realize that I've been working here for about two full hours now?

I know, Ponty, I haven't forgotten...

- Oh, here. - What?

Happy two-hour anniversary.

Thank you. Well, at least you noticed me.

- Well, I wish I were an executive. I'd... - Mr. Andrews.

- Here comes the mother of us all. - What?

Miss Jones, Mr. Biggley's secretary.

Meeting may be delayed 10 minutes. I'll check with J.B.

Thank you very much.

- I'll see you later, Rosemary, all right? - Okay, bye-bye.

- Good morning. - Good morning, Ponty.

Pardon me, ma'am, but you should be wearing this.

It goes with your hair.

- Young man. - Yes?

You just want me to have this flower?

- Don't know who I am? - It doesn't matter.

What matters is the flower. It seemed to cry out to be worn by you.

- Young man. - Yes?

I'm Miss Jones, Mr. J.B. Biggley's secretary.

- Oh, no. No, you couldn't be. - Why not?

Well, from Bud Frump's description of you...

...I'd never have... I mean, well, you...

- You're not a frightening person. - Thank you.

And if it's not out of place for me to say so, Miss Jones...

...I think you're an attractive person...

...no matter what Bud Frump says.

- What did you say your name was? - Finch, F-l-N-C-H. Finch.

- Pierrepont Finch. - Why haven't I seen you around before?

I'm not supposed to deliver the executive mail.

That's his job. Bud Frump.

F-R-U-M-P.

Thank you for the flower. You're a very interesting young man.

- You're welcome. - Hey, Jonsie.

I'd like an appointment with the boss at 3.

I'll check his calendar, Milt.

Flowers. Got a new boyfriend, Jonsie?

This was given to me by a very nice young man.

- You should know him, Finch? - Yes, ma'am.

- Finch, this is Mr. Gatch. - How are you, son?

- How do you do? - Mr. Gatch is a good man.

- His department is very important. - I know all about Mr. Gatch.

He's the manager of executive personnel placement.

Wonderful memo that you put out this morning, sir...

...about that executive personnel placement service.

- You read the memos? - Well, now...

- Your name is? - Finch, F-l-N-C-H.

Yes, C-H. Say, Jonsie, this is a smart one.

We'll have to keep an eye on him.

That's a very fine man, Mr. Gatch.

I hear, he has a fine opening in his department.

Yes, but he hasn't been able to make up his mind.

Well, again, thanks for the flower, young man.

You're welcome.

- I caught you. Give me that. - What are you doing?

Fellow can't go out to smoke without getting stabbed in the back.

- That's the executive mail. - Executive mail's my job.

- Mr. Twimble told me... - If you have any ideas...

...about climbing the ladder, the view is gonna get awfully monotonous.

Every time you look up, you're gonna see the seat of my pants.

- Hiya, Jonsie. - Miss Jones to you, if you don't mind.

Mr. Biggley's office. One moment please.

- Yes, Miss Jones, what is it? - Your wife is on line two.

Tell her I'm busy, I'm in a meeting. Tell her I'm out.

Damn it. Put her on.

Hello, Gertrude, what's on your mind?

- Dear, I want to talk to you about Bud. - I'm busy.

- Now, Jasper, this is important. - What is it this time?

He heard there's an opening in mailroom management.

I can't help Bud there. The head should choose his successor.

- You're the head of the company. - I can't switch signals during a play.

- It'd upset the team. - You could.

- If I interfered, it'd be nepotism. - It would be what?

- Nepotism. - What's nepotism?

That's when your nephew is a damn poop.

- Now, look, Jasper... - All right, I'll do something.

Damn, damn, coal-burning, dithering, ding, ding.

- Miss Jones. - Yes, Mr. Biggley?

Talking to my wife upsets me.

- You said to put her on. - Never mind, I need to calm my nerves.

Where is my, you know?

I put it in the back of your right-hand drawer.

Oh, yes, yes, yes. Here it is.

Congratulations.

You have followed instructions...

... and have made it to the first rung of the ladder.

You are working in the mailroom.

One word of caution about the mailroom:

It is a place out of which you must get.

Well, Twimble, we've got great news for you.

- Yes, Mr. Bratt? - Boys, boys, gather around.

Boys, as of today, your boss is being promoted...

...to head of the Shipping Department.

All right, boys, back to work. Back to work.

- Now, let's talk about your successor. - Say, Mr. Bratt, Mr. Bratt.

- Have you heard from my uncle today? - No, Bud.

Your shoes are going to be hard to fill, but who have you picked to fill them?

Mr. Bratt, I've given it a good deal of thought, and I think this is our man.

- Congratulations, Finch. - I'm going out for a smoke.

- Thanks. No, I can't accept. - Are you turning this job down?

Yes, sir. I think there's a man who's better qualified.

A man who has been here longer than I have.

- I recommend Bud Frump for this job. - You're kidding.

- No, I'm not. - Bud Frump?

As long as he feels strongly about Bud, I'll go with the recommendation.

Oh, I've gotta call my mother. She'll be so happy.

- I don't understand. - Yes. Well, Mr. Twimble, let me explain.

Knowing you has taught me a lot about the corporate setup.

Hello, mailroom.

Oh, yes, J.B. This is Bratt.

That's the big boss.

My sister-in-law has been calling my wife.

- Giving me a bad time about Frump. - I understand your problem, J.B.

We had picked someone else, but it turned out fine.

The young fellow we picked turned the job over to Bud.

He thinks Bud's better qualified.

No, he doesn't seem to be out of his mind.

He was explaining it when you called. Go ahead.

Look, the great thing you've taught me...

...is no individual is as important as the whole company.

He says no individual is important.

The whole team is greater than any single player.

The whole team is greater.

The whole crew is greater than any one oarsman.

The whole crew is greater.

Whole salad is larger than one piece of lettuce.

Whole salad... You can hear him?

The whole omelette is larger than one egg.

Isn't that great, J. B? Sort of chokes you up, doesn't it?

- His name is Finch. - F-l-N-C-H.

F-l-N-C-H.

I was just going to say the very same thing, J.B.

We should keep an eye on that young lad.

Oh, yes, nice to chat with you, J.B. See you later.

Oh, Finch, you got me off the spot with Mr. Biggley.

- Well, I'm glad to be of help, sir. - Oh, that feels good.

Well, Twimble, good luck in the new job, sir.

- Thanks, Mr. Bratt. - Keep up the good work.

Mr. Twimble, don't I have to take this mail up to Mr. Gatch?

- Gatch? - Gatch.

- Gatch. - Gatch.

I just remembered something.

Gatch is looking for a bright young fellow...

...to fill a junior executive vacancy in his department.

- He is? - Finch...

...I'm going to talk to him about you.

You know, Finch, your generosity and thoughtfulness...

...may have proven a good thing for you.

Well, by George, ethical behaviour always pays, sir.

Boys and girls! Boys and girls!

I want you all to meet the new head of the mailroom, Bud Frump.

I still think my original choice was better.

Now, wait a minute, Mr. Twimble. Ponty okayed it.

Now, come on, everybody, it's a celebration.

We're all gonna go have lunch, and it's on me.

May I have your attention, please? I have an announcement to make.

Mr. Gatch is taking young Finch into his department as a junior executive.

Hey, wait a minute. Hey, just a minute.

The lunch is Dutch. In fact, it's cancelled.

Hey, wait. Oh, no! Put me down!

- Congratulations. - Thank you. Thank you.

Oh, Ponty, that's wonderful. See, I told you to be patient.

You sure were right, Rosemary.

Well, you should have someone around all the time...

...to help you think things out.

- Well, yeah, maybe I should. - Well, Ponty, I'm always available.

Listen, you sure are wonderful, Rosemary...

...and one of these days I really hope I can show my appreciation.

Lunch. I said lunch.

- What about lunch? - I'd love to.

- You'd love to what? - You said, "What about lunch?"

Thought you'd never ask. Let's see, where should we go?

There's a little tearoom. Very cute place called The Hungry Tea.

It's very reasonable. I'll get my things and meet you at the elevator.

Rosemary, look, I didn't mean what about lunch?

- I meant what about lunch? - Hey, there, Finch, come along.

- I'll show you to your new desk. - Lunch...

Finch, if you work hard, keep your nose to the grindstone...

...there's no telling how far you can go with this company.

By the way, this will be your desk right here.

All right, men, your attention, please.

I'd like you to meet the newest member...

...of the junior-executive pool, J. Pierrepont Finch.

These are the fellows you'll be working with.

Hi.

Come, I'll buy you lunch in the executive dining room on the roof.

- Wanna have lunch, Rosemary? - No, thanks, I'm busy.

- Okay, see you later. - Okay.

Hey, Matt.

The most wonderful thing has happened.

Mr. Gatch is taking me to eat with him up in the executives' dining room.

Can we make our date some other time?

- Oh, well, sure Ponty, anytime. - Well, hey, how do I look?

- Well, you look fine, fine. - Oh, you look fine too.

Just fine. You have a good time, okay?

Oh, thank you.

Well, I know, but those wickets ought to be shipped.

Yeah, Rosemary, seeing you always brightens my day.

Please, Mr. Gatch!

I'll have to stop reading Playboy.

If you have followed the simple instructions exactly as outlined...

... you should by now be a junior executive.

Congratulations.

- Good Morning, Mr. Big Shot. - Hello, Mrs. Needleman.

- New suit, huh? - Yeah.

You have now occupied this position long enough.

The time has arrived for you to set your sights on your next escalation.

Be alert.

Oftentimes, it is someone remotely connected with your company...

... who may launch you into your next promotion.

Mr. Biggley's office.

He's busy on another line. Who's calling, please?

Yes, yes, but damn it, Gertrude...

...I haven't time for this nonsense about Bud.

Yes, I know that blood is thicker than water...

...but Bud Frump is thicker than anything.

I'll promote him when I'm ready.

Listen, the next time Bud complains to his mother...

...and she calls you and you call me, you're all fired.

Damn it.

- Yes, Miss Jones. What is it? - Young lady on line three, Mr. B.

She insists on speaking to you. Says it's personal.

What does she want? I can't talk to every silly woman who calls.

- What's her name? - She said you'll know.

Hello? Oh, you knew I wouldn't forget.

I'll take care of everything. Just a moment.

Miss Jones, get me Bratt in Personnel right away.

You see, it's all set. Come in anytime you like.

Ask for the personnel manager. His name is Bratt.

He'll take care of everything. Goodbye.

Bratt? This is J.B.

I'd like you to do me a favour.

I wonder if you could find a spot for a young lady.

She wants to be a secretary. She's an old friend of the family.

Her dad was a classmate of mine at Old Ivy.

She's a bright girl, got a good head on her shoulders.

Her name? LaRue.

Hedy LaRue.

May I help you, honey?

Screw.

Did you wish to see someone, miss?

Oh, how do you do? I'm supposed to see a Mr. Bratt.

- I'm a secretary. - I spotted that the minute she came in.

- Oh, Miss LaRue. - Yes?

I'm Bert Bratt... I'm Bert Bratt, Personnel.

- Sorry to have kept you waiting. - Oh, not at all, sir.

It is I whom am late.

Oh, no, not really.

Oh, yes. I was very naughty this morning.

I'm still not accustomed to early arisal.

Oh, I understand.

Well, why don't we move up to my office, Miss LaRue.

Excuse me.

I hope you didn't have trouble finding the building?

The taxi dropped me right off downstairs.

Miss LaRue, this is my secretary, Miss?

- Smith. - How are you, dear?

Oh, fine, dear.

Mr. Bratt, I have to go down to Accounting and get...

- Mr. Bratt. - Yes, Smitty?

I have to go down to Accounting and get some withholding blanks.

Yes, yes, yes, you do that, Smitty. Just through here, Miss LaRue.

- And we'll get all your vital statistics. - 39-22-38.

Oh, I win the pool.

Yeah, you always do. Look, Bert, I really need a new secretary.

Miss LaRue will be assigned according to office procedures...

...as soon as her qualifications have been determined.

- I'll determine them. - Count me in.

- Remember me, I'm your buddy. - Gentlemen!

A secretary is not a toy No, my boy

Not a toy To fondle and dandle

And to playfully handle In search of some puerile joy

No, a secretary is not

Definitely not a toy

You're absolutely right, Mr. Bratt.

We wouldn't have it any other way, Mr. Bratt.

It's the company rule, Mr. Bratt.

A secretary is not a toy No, my boy, not a toy

But do not go jumping for joy Boy, a secretary is not

A secretary is not

A secretary is not

A toy

A secretary is not to be Used for play therapy

Be good to the girl you employ

Boy, remember no matter what

Neurotic trouble you've got

A secretary is not a toy

A secretary is not

A toy

And when you put her to use

Observe when you put her to use

That you don't find The name Lionel

On her caboose

A secretary is not a thing Wound by key, pulled by string

Her pad is to write in

And not spend the night in

If that's what you plan to enjoy

No

The secretary you got Is definitely not

Employed to do a gavotte Or you know what

Before you jump for joy

Remember this, my boy

A secretary is not

A tinker toy

Be sure that I call Kimball at my Texas office...

...first thing Monday morning.

Push that board meeting up to 10:00.

Call Mrs. Biggley, tell her I won't be home for dinner.

Yes. You left your golf clubs in the office.

Tomorrow you're playing golf with the chairman of the board.

Yes, I'm staying in town.

I'll come pick up the clubs in the morning.

You asked to be reminded about your college alumni association.

Send them that same check.

I get a kick out of thinking of their faces when they get that check...

...from old "Least Likely To Succeed."

Oh, J.B., there's a phone call for you.

- Your wife. - My wife? Damn it.

I'll take the call in your office. That's all, have a good weekend.

- Thank you. Same to you, sir. - Hi, Miss Jones.

Hello, Ponty. How's the young junior executive?

Just fine, thanks to helpful advice that, well, I've been getting from you.

Glad our little talks have proved valuable.

They sure have. Good luck tonight. The bowling tournament.

I hear you're the best bowler on the company team.

How sweet of you to be interested in a little thing like that.

Oh, well, I'm fascinated by the hobbies of people that I like.

Would you like to come watch us bowl tonight?

Well, gee, I'd love that, but I should get to bed early.

See, I have to work tomorrow.

- On Saturday? - Yes.

Ponty, you're a very unusual boy. You'll go far.

Miss Jones, that means a lot, your saying that.

You're Mr. Biggley's secretary...

...and he's the man that I most want to emulate.

And he's so capable, and he's thoughtful.

I heard him remembering to send a check to his old school and all.

- Harvard, isn't it? - Harvard?

Don't ever let J.B. Hear you say that. He's a Groundhog.

But where did he go to college?

- Old Ivy. - Old Ivy.

- They're the Groundhogs. - Groundhogs.

- Good night, Ponty. See you Monday. - Groundhogs.

- With the pin curls. I can't believe her.

- Hello, stranger. - What?

- Oh, hi, Rosemary. - Hi, Ponty.

- Hello, Ponty. - Yes.

- Look, I was won... Maybe... - Good night, Rosemary.

Good night, Brenda. See you Monday.

- Well, it's been a long day, hasn't it? - Yes, it has. It's been a long day.

Haven't seen much of you since you got your new job.

Oh, yes, well, you know, I've been...

I've been punching pretty hard. It's a new job and all.

- Oh, sure. - Lot of new people to meet, you know.

- Good night, Rosemary. - Oh, good night.

- Good night, Smitty. - Good night.

- My... - What?

- It's been a long day. - Oh, yeah, really long.

Oh, it has been a long one.

- Say, Rosemary? - Yes?

Where are you having dinner tonight?

- I don't know, that depends. - On what?

On where I'm having dinner.

Oh, no.

Well, here it is 5 p.m.

The finish of a long day's work

And there they are, both of them

The secretary and the clerk

Not very well acquainted

Not very much to say

But I can hear those two little minds

Ticking away

- Now she's thinking: - I wonder if we take the same bus?

And he's thinking:

There could be quite a thing Between us

- Now she's thinking: - He really is a dear

- And he's thinking: - But what of my career?

Then she says:

And he says:

Well, it's been a long day

Well, it's been a long Been a long

Been a long Been a long day

Now she's thinking:

I wish that he were more of a flirt

And he's thinking:

I guess a little flirting won't hurt

And now she's thinking:

For dinner we could meet

And he's thinking:

We both have got to eat

Then she says: And he says:

- Gesundheit. - Thank you.

Well, it's been a long day

Well, it's been a long

Been a long Been a long

Been a long day

Hey, there's a yummy Friday special At Stouffer's

It's a $1. 90 vegetable plate

And at the bottom of the ad

Not bad

Service for two, 3. 58

To make a bargain Make a date

- Wonderful. - It's fate.

Now she's thinking:

What female kind of trap Could I spring

And he's thinking:

I might as well forget the whole thing

Now she's thinking:

Suppose I take his arm?

And he's thinking:

Well, really, what's the harm?

Then she says: You hungry?

And he says:

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Well, it's been a long day

Well, it's been a long Been a long

Been a long It's been a long day

Well, it's been a long Been a long

Been a long Been a long day

- J. B... - Blithering, blathering.

Calling your mother. She wants you promoted.

Well, why not? Other people are being promoted.

- I told your Aunt Gertrude... - Oh, there you...

- Good evening, Mr. Biggley. - Good evening, Miss LaRue.

Uncle Jasper, I want...

I told you never to call me that around here.

Haven't you something to do?

- I was gonna get my hat and go home. - Good, do it.

How do you like your new job, Miss LaRue.

- It's a big fat nothing. - Don't talk like that here.

I thought you're gonna help me be a big business woman...

...like Helena Rubinstein or Fannie Farmer.

So, what happens? I'm stuck in the lousy stenographic pool...

...with no one to fish me the hell out.

But these things take time. You have to learn.

Yes, in a large operation like World Wide Wickets...

...there are multiple facets which are very important.

- Hedy, I promise you... - I give up a wonderful job.

Head cigarette girl at the Copa.

But I thought you hated all those men staring at you, making advances.

Well, it's no different here in big business.

At least at the Copa, when I got pinched, I got tipped.

Around here, a girl can't even bend down...

...to pick up a pencil with confidence.

Somebody has been bothering you? Who? Just let me know who he is?

Yes, in a large operation like World Wide Facets...

...there are multiple wickets... Who pinched you?

I don't care about that.

Look, you did not keep your part of my bargain.

But I meant every word. I'll tell you what, I'll meet you at your place.

- We'll talk everything over. - No.

But, angel... Yes, Miss LaRue, in a large operation like...

- Why don't you go home? - I'm waiting for the elevator.

- Why don't you walk down? - It's 30 floors.

- Why don't you jump? - Oh, J.B.

- A very attractive girl, Miss LaRue. - Yes, she is.

I was just trying to put her at ease.

- She's a very shy person. - Oh, yes.

Well, you just go ahead, J.B. I'm meeting mother for dinner.

Mother just loves having dinner with me.

I tell her everything that happens, all day, at the office.

Now he's thinking:

The kid could really put me Through hell

- And she's thinking: - The kid could even name the hotel

- Now he's thinking: - I wonder if he'd dare

- And she's thinking: - There's blackmail in the air

- And he says - It's a hold-up.

- And she says - Down.

Wait a minute.

Okay, you're promoted.

Well, it's been a long Been a long

Been a long Been a long day

Well, it's been a long Been a long

Been a long Been a long day

Really, I mean it.

You've got to see this. This is my older sister, Bernice.

- The one that got married at 17. - Great.

And that's Sam and his seven children.

- Yes, seven? - Too many?

- No, I didn't say... - Not enough?

- No, I didn't say anything about... - You don't like children?

Actually, Rosemary, I come from a rather large family myself.

I know, six.

How did you know that?

Smitty had your personnel file out, and she was checking off a few things...

Maybe we better order.

Maybe we better order.

Okay.

Actually, it's incumbent on big corporations to find bright young men.

- I suppose you're right. - But it's very difficult to do that.

- How'd you like those vegetables? - The vegetable plate? It's delicious.

I do my carrots in a bouillon with a dollop of Worcestershire.

And it's just great. I would really love you to come up and have it sometime.

What was I talking about before the dollop?

Well, you take the average young person today.

I mean, the trouble is, they're looking for instant poetry...

...instant psychoanalysis, instant mashed potatoes...

...and instant old-fashioned love.

I mean, they don't realize that it takes...

Takes time to establish a meaningful relationship.

- Don't you agree with that, Ponty? - Well, no.

I agree with some of that, Rosemary, but in the world of business l...

I see no reason why a person has to wait...

...years to become a success.

I don't know, in the world of business where older, more sophisticated...

- What's the matter? - This is where I live.

I've got my key in here someplace.

Here you go.

- There. - Thank you.

You'd better give me those. That has keys to my desk.

I've lost it twice, and for the last...

Oh, here, here, let me. Oh, let me get those for you.

Thank you. I love to curl up in bed with a good magazine, don't you?

Rosemary, this is the darnedest thing.

You're the first girl that I've met that I feel that I can trust.

I mean, anyone who can curl up in bed with Fortune and Business Week...

...well, that's substance.

- Thank you. - Listen, I wanna... Here.

I want to thank you for a very stimulating evening.

I've been enjoying myself so much with you...

...that I forgot that I was depressed. - Depressed about what?

I've been working so hard and trying to do my best at the company...

...and I don't even have my own office yet.

Oh, Ponty, you've only been working there two days.

Yes, but...

I feel I'm never gonna get anyplace.

Ponty, some men spend years trying to accomplish...

...what you've just done in two days.

Yes, but I'm 27 years old and I'm only a junior executive.

I'm not getting any younger.

- You've got a wonderful career ahead. - No.

I've lost the vision.

Well, I haven't.

Now, you listen to me, J. Pierrepont Finch.

You have the cool clear eyes

Of a seeker of wisdom and truth

Yet there's that upturned chin

And the grin of impetuous youth

Oh, I believe in you

I believe in you

I hear the sound

Of good solid judgment Whenever you talk

Yet there's the bold, brave spring

Of a tiger that quickens your walk

Oh, I believe in you

I believe in you

And when my faith in my fellow man

All but falls apart

I've but to feel your hand Grasping mine

And I take heart

I take heart

To see the cool, clear eyes

Of a seeker of wisdom and truth

Yet with the slam, bang, tang

Reminiscent of gin and vermouth

Oh, I believe in you

I believe in you

- Rosemary. - Yes?

You've given me a great idea.

Good night, Rosemary. I'll see you Monday at the office.

Good night.

Good morning.

Oh, my gosh.

Is it morning already, sir?

Good heavens, have you been working all night?

Yes, I just... I had some work I had to finish up.

- I shouldn't be here much longer, sir. - By George, your name escapes me.

- Finch. F-l-N-C-H. Finch. - Oh, yes, Finch.

I've been hearing good things about you.

Thank you very much, sir.

It's good to see a man today.

Makes me feel guilty. I just came in to pick up my golf clubs.

Have to play a couple rounds with Wally Womper.

He's chairman of the board.

I suppose we all have to do that sort of thing once in a while.

- I'll just get those clubs. - Right, sir.

What's that you're humming?

I didn't realize that I was humming, sir.

You were humming the Old Ivy fight song.

Did you go there? Were you a Groundhog?

- Well, sir... - Say you're proud of it.

- You're not ashamed of Old Ivy? - No, sir, not a bit.

That's the Groundhog spirit. I should have known you're Old Ivy.

- What year? - What?

- When did you graduate? - Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I was thinking about the game today. I'm sorry I have to miss it.

- We're playing the Chipmunks. - I know. I can't make it, either.

I hope those damn Chipmunks don't give us trouble.

No, I think we'll take them, sir.

Charnowsky's knee, you know... Now, it's, well, much better.

Yes, with Charnowsky back in there, the team's morale should pick up.

He's the dirtiest player we've got.

Yes, and even though we're not there in person...

...we'll be rooting for them, right? - Right.

- Groundhog! - Groundhog!

Stand Old Ivy

Stand firm and strong

Grand Old Ivy

Hear the cheering throng

- Stand Old Ivy - Stand Old Ivy

- And never yield - And never yield

- Rip, rip, rip - Rip, rip, rip

- Rip the Chipmunk off the field - Rip the Chipmunk off the field

- When you fall on the ball - When you're down there

- At the bottom of the heap - Down at the bottom of the heap

- Where the mud is so very, very deep - Down in the cruddy, muddy deep

- Don't forget, boy - That's why they call us

They call us Groundhog

- Groundhog - Groundhog

- Stand Old Ivy - Groundhog, Groundhog

- Stand firm and strong - Rip, rip the Chipmunk

- Grand Old Ivy - Grand Old Ivy

- Hear the cheering throng - Hear the cheering throng

- Stand Old Ivy - Groundhog, God bless you

- And never yield - And never yield

- Rip, rip, rip the Chipmunk - Rip, rip, rip the Chipmunk

- Off the field - Off the field

- I enjoyed that, sir. - So did I.

- I'll go along and get my clubs. - Yes, sir.

- Goodbye, Finch. - Have a nice day, sir.

- What's that you're doing? - Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

I just want to, you know, finish this row.

I guess this looks pretty silly...

...but, well, I find that knitting helps me think more clearly.

- Well, I'll be damned. - Yes.

- I knit too. - You knit? You do?

Yes, I've been doing it for years. I find it's good for my nerves.

- What's this going to be? - Oh, yes, well, I thought I'd...

Well, I thought I'd make...

...a birdcage cover.

- A birdcage cover? - Yes.

Never made one of those. How do you like this?

Goodness, that is gorgeous. Really, it's beautiful.

I did it all myself. I made the covers for the golf clubs, pom-pom stitch.

Isn't that...? What work. That's lovely. Oh, gosh.

You know, Mr. Biggley, I don't... You know...

I feel sorry for men who don't knit. They lead empty lives.

I like the way you thinch, Fink.

- No, it's "think, Finch." - Think, Finch. Think, Finch.

Where are you headed around here? What's your ambition in this outfit?

You must have it all figured out.

I don't know. I'd like to be where a man...

...could get his teeth into something where he could...

...do something real, solid, you know, down to earth.

I'd like the Advertising Department.

- Advertising? - Yes.

I wouldn't want that for a schoolmate. Too rough, too insecure.

Why, we've had 15 new advertising managers here in the past year alone.

The poor devils disappear about one a month.

- Why is that? - I fire them.

- Sir, if you had a man with ideas... - Ideas? That's what I look for.

I keep hiring a lot fellows who are supposed to have brilliant ideas...

...but not one of them will ever do what I tell him.

Stick to what you're doing. You'll do all right.

Damned fine department. Where are you?

Where am I? I'm... Where am I?

What is it? Mr. Gatch's department.

Damn fine man, Gatch. Knows what he's doing.

- Stick with him. I'll keep an eye on you. - Thank you. Have a wonderful day.

- I have to finish this before midnight. - Midnight?

- Midnight. - That's the Groundhog spirit.

- Groundhog. - Groundhog.

- Stand Old Ivy - Stand Old Ivy

- And never yield - And never yield

- Rip, rip, rip the Chipmunk - Rip, rip, rip the Chipmunk

- Off the field - Off the field

- Good morning. - Good morning. How do you feel?

A little fuzzy, but don't worry about me, I'll be fine, sir.

- Keep up the good work. - Thank you.

Stand Old Ivy

Stand firm and strong

Rip, rip, rip...

Why don 't we have lunch someday, Finch?

Off the field

- Good morning, J.B. - Damn it, Bratt.

What are we running, a sweatshop?

- A sweatshop? - We're working that boy too hard.

- Who? - Who? Finch, F-l-N-C-H.

- Finch... - He worked here all weekend.

- All weekend? - I ought to know.

I was with him working side by side.

- I had no idea. - The lad needs help.

But first, I want him to have an office of his own.

- An office? - He deserves the best.

- I'll get on it. - Nothing fancy.

- Don't want him getting any ideas. - No.

J.B., I'd like to talk to you about...

So long. I'll never forget this junior executive pool.

I've spent some of the happiest minutes of my life here.

Where's Mr. Finch?

Ponty, you've got your first office, and it's just beautiful.

- Thank you. - Here.

Oh, that's sweet. Oh, here. Please, please, sit, sit.

- Oh, thank you. - What do you think?

I mean, it's not bad, considering.

You know, I did want my name on the office door...

...but I decided not to ask because there's no door.

- Well, it's beautiful and it's yours. - Oh, yes.

Listen, Ponty, I just came by to tell you...

...that I had a real good time the other night.

Oh, me too. Listen, I enjoyed the conversation.

- I guess I talked too much. - Well, I liked it.

- But just one thing sort of bothers me. - What?

About what happened later. I mean, when we said good night.

I know it was our first date...

...and I don't want you to get the wrong impression of me, but...

Well, I guess it's only natural for a fellow...

...to try to get a little fresh with a girl and make a pass at her...

...but you didn't do anything.

Well, I had to get up early.

Sir? Miss?

I'm Miss LaRue, honey.

Yes, well, I don't... What can I do for you?

A secretary was ordered to be assigned to you.

I'm your assignation.

You didn't tell me you were getting a secretary.

I just found out myself. I don't know...

- Rosemary. - Well, happy dictation, Ponty.

Bye.

Rose...

- Won't you sit down, Miss LaRue? - Thank you.

Yes.

- Yes, now, Miss LaRue... - Oh, just call me Hedy.

Well, yes, but I think that, perhaps, you know, in a business relationship...

- You're cute. - Excuse me a moment.

Choosing the secretary can be fraught with peril.

Take a good look at the young lady who has been assigned to you.

If she is so attractive that you feel things are too good to be true...

... be very careful.

It may be that one of the big men in the company...

... is interested in her career.

There's a simple test for this.

Check on her secretarial skill.

The smaller her abilities, the bigger her protector.

Yes.

Miss LaRue, let's try some dictation. Take a letter for me.

- Shoot. - Yes. This is to Mr. Gatch.

Dear Mr. Gatch...

Pursuant...

...to our discussion of... - Wait, you're trying to catch a train?

Miss La... Hedy, what...?

- What are you taking this down in? - Longhand. It's safer.

- I make up for it when I type. - Oh, I see. You type fast?

Like a jackrabbit. Twelve words a minute.

Hedy, tell me something. I'd like to know, what, now...?

What was your last position?

- I was in the tobacco business. - Tobacco.

- Then Mr. Biggley... - Biggley?

- Got me interested in wickets, so I matriculated myself...

...into business school, and here I am.

- Yes, you are. Yes. - Go ahead, dictate some more.

- I'm gonna like this job. - Miss LaRue... Hedy.

Put the letter aside for a moment. I want you to do me a favour.

- I have a very important job for you. - Good.

I want you to take this into Mr. Gatch, right?

- Mr. Gatch... - Now, Mr. Gatch, he's my boss.

- Yeah. - Wait a minute.

I want you to give it to Mr. Gatch himself.

All right, Hedy? Did you get that? Fine.

Hedy.

- Personally. - Okay, Charlie.

- Mr. Gatch. - Yes?

I'm Mr. Finch's secretary. He asked me to give you...

...this.

Miss, miss, miss.

Hey, what are you doing tonight?

I've got a date with my gentleman friend.

No, come on, you're in the big time now.

Don't fool around with small fries.

Hello, Mr. Finch's office.

It's Production Department.

Hello, Finch.

No, I'm running Executive Personnel Placement Department now.

Oh, you wanna speak to Mr. Gatch?

Well, no, he's been transferred to one of our out-of-town offices.

Venezuela.

Very well then, it is time now to look to your next step up the ladder.

This is an important step.

Weigh carefully the next position you want to obtain.

- Take a memo for me. - Just straightening up your desk.

That'll wait. This is a memo to all departments.

"We are reassigning Mr. J. Pierrepont Finch...

...to the Advertising Department.

Signed, Manager, Executive Personnel Placement."

Who put through this assignment? I didn't order any help.

- Who are you anyway? - Finch, sir. J. Pierrepont Finch.

I decide if this department needs replacement personnel.

If I need them, I pick them. Me, personally.

Some silly boob sends you a memo and just dumps you into my lap...

- Watch it, will you? - Excuse me. Hi, Rosemary.

What are you playing? Musical Offices?

I can't explain now, but I can't have lunch with you...

Finch! Are you listening?

Yes, sir, Mr. Ovington. I heard every word you said.

Who the hell transferred you here?

The manager of executive personnel placement.

- Who's he? What's his name? - No, he's not there anymore.

- He's been transferred to... - Damn system.

- Damn corporate procedures. - I agree with you, Mr. Ovington.

It's criminal the way they shift personnel without checking.

But I just want to say, sir, since they've made...

...this dreadful reassignment, I promise you...

I promise I'll do my best to make you happy with me, sir.

Oh, really.

It is planned so that it will take in all countries in Europe and Near East.

Here we have Cairo and Gambia...

Hedy.

- Personally. - Okay, Charlie.

- Hello there. - Who sent you with this?

- What happened? - He wants to see you personally.

- Sit down, Finch. - Oh, thank you, sir.

Yes?

Finch, I've been watching you for these last two days.

- Like to know my appraisal of you? - Well, yes, I would, sir.

Finch, you remind me of myself when I was a young man.

- Well, thank you very much. - But before you try to take my job...

...I'm firing you.

Firing me?

I've put the papers through and notified Personnel.

You'll get the normal two weeks' severance pay and the party.

I've scheduled your farewell party for tomorrow on the rooftop garden.

I think that's everything, Finch.

Spend the rest of the afternoon cleaning out your personal belongings.

Goodbye, Finch.

- Don't you feel...? - Goodbye, Finch.

Ponty, I'm terribly sorry. I really don't know what to say.

He just fired me. Just like that.

Everyone is just shocked. Absolutely stunned.

You were advancing so nicely. I don't understand it.

He was so dispassionate and cold. He's...

He's the only one that I could never get an angle on.

Look... Look, you're his secretary.

You must know one weakness that he has.

One... Some little angle that I could work on. Some...

Ponty, I swear to you, we hardly know him.

No one knows anything about him. He's the mystery man.

Yes, but what about his personal phone calls?

No, he has a private telephone he keeps locked up in a cabinet...

...and his personal calls never go to me or the switchboard.

You'd have to be a fly on the windowsill to learn anything about him.

But I want you to know that I'd do anything in the world to help.

Say that again.

I said, I'd do anything in the world to help you.

No, before that, what did you say?

I said, you'd have to be a fly on the windowsill.

Yeah.

It should be de-accentuated. I am very disappointed in you.

- He missed the whole point. - He always does.

- Here's a new approach. - Well, that is more...

Would you leave me alone for a few moments?

- Yes. - We'll be outside.

We'll be outside, sir, if you need us.

Hello, yes?

I've been waiting for your call.

Yes, tonight. I'll see you right after work.

Toodle-oo.

All together now!

Chipmunks! Chipmunks! Rah-rah-rah!

Chipmunks! Chipmunks! Sis-boom-bah!

Chipmunk! Munk! Chipmunk! Chipmunk!

Ovington, I'm not a bigot. I've hired men from all colleges.

Tigers, Bulldogs, Trojans, Bears, Gophers, Badgers.

But never, never a Chipmunk!

You may call the shots around here.

But the important thing is we Chipmunks...

...murdered you Groundhogs in last Saturday's big game.

- Easy. - Get him out of here!

- Easy J.B. - Chipmunk, rah! Chipmunk, rah!

Chip, chip, chip, chip, Chipmunk!

- Get... - That's all right, take it easy, J.B.

That was a narrow squeak.

Imagine, a Chipmunk working here in the building.

It was a big shock to me when I found out.

Good thing you're on the ball when it comes to advertising.

What are we gonna do for a new advertising manager?

It could be fate you discovered this before Ovington fired you.

- Why, sir? - You've always wanted this job.

- You think you could handle it? - I don't know. I've never had...

One thing I admire on a man, it is humility.

I'm making you vice president, in charge of advertising.

- Vice president? - Easy, J.B. I don't wanna question you.

Finch is bright, but he's had no experience.

- I like him! - I like him!

We like him!

Listen, listen, listen. The farewell party is ready, J.B.

Up on the roof everybody. Well, hurry, before the ice melts.

See you up there, Ponty.

You're right.

- Why is Finch smiling? - Haven't you heard?

- No, I don't wanna hear. - To hell with you.

- Ovington's out, Finch is in. - I knew I didn't wanna hear.

I knew I didn't want to.

Boys and girls, your attention please.

Most of you know that this was to have been...

...a farewell party for Mr. Finch.

I'm happy to inform you that Mr. Finch is still with us.

Not only still with us, but he is the new vice president...

...in charge of advertising.

Let the fun and merriment continue. On with the dance.

I told you, that's my boy!

Who wants to dance with Hedy LaRue?

I don't think she's feeling too well. Have Bud take her home in the car.

- Hey, buddy Bud, let's dance. - No, no, no, Hedy, no.

J.B. Says you're to take Miss LaRue home.

- Why? - She doesn't feel well.

- Okay. Come on, Hedy, come on. - I feel fine.

No, you feel terrible.

- Finch. - Oh, yes, sir?

- How's it feel to be a vice president? - Well, sir...

It's one of the biggest challenges that I've ever had.

We've hit on something here. This boy is loaded with ideas.

Ideas? Tell us about them, Finch.

- What have you got, Finch? - Yes, let's hear your ideas.

- Yes, speak up, son. - Where are all those ideas?

- Well, sir, l... - Put up or shut up.

Get on the ball or you're out.

Well, when I present my ideas to you, sir...

...I want to present a whole clear-cut campaign...

...not just, you know, one little silly little idea, sir.

- Well thought out, Finch. - The board meeting is set for Monday.

Finch could present his whole clear-cut campaign at that time.

- By Monday? - I'll give you 48 hours...

...to come up with your advertising presentation.

Better get going, Finch.

You are now vice president in full charge of advertising.

Frankly, up to now, I'm pretty dissatisfied with your work.

- Oh, I love this floor. - Hedy, no, it's the wrong floor.

Come on, Buddy, let's play a game. Catch me if you can.

I don't think this is very funny.

There's a cab waiting downstairs. I've got to take you home.

Look, a telephone. Upsy-daisy.

Hello, I'd like a double martini, please, with two olive...

J.B. Says you have to go home.

No, no, no, I'm not going home.

I'm going to J.B.'s office...

...because he has a private shower, and I'll take a nice cool shower...

...and then I'll feel fine, and I'll come back to the party.

- Cha-cha-cha. - A shower. A shower.

Yeah. Hey, why don't you do that?

You go take a nice shower in J.B.'s office, huh?

Oh, thanks, buddy Bud. You know, you're cute.

You're not as cute as Finch, but you're cute.

Cha-cha-cha.

That's the most murderous thing I ever heard.

Come on, girls. I'll buy you another drink.

J.B. Wants you to go down to his office in two minutes.

I was just with J.B. He didn't say anything.

There's something big in the wind. He doesn't want to talk about it here.

Now, he said it's very important.

Well, I've never seen J.B.'s office anyway.

Well, thanks, Bud.

Guess who.

- Mr. Biggley. - Surprise.

Hedy, what, what...? What are you doing down here?

I came down to take a shower because I got a little drunkie up there.

- I'd better get back... - What's your hurry?

- It is much more fun down here. - Look, I think I should get back...

Don't you wanna stay down here with me?

- J.B.'s coming... - Cha-cha-cha.

Cha-cha-cha. Listen, please, he's gonna walk in that door.

- I've been watching you. - I'm sure you've been watching...

- You're a cutie pie. - Yes, Hedy...

If you want my opinion, you're going places.

Well...

Yeah, Venezuela. Hedy, please, listen...

Wouldn't J.B. Die if he came in and found you kissing me?

- I'd rather he didn't... - Come on, let's try it.

- Hedy, no kisses! He's gonna walk... - You don't kiss me, I'll tell J.B. You did.

Okay, look, just once and then...

Rosemary

Listen, listen. Can't you hear it?

Rosemary

- Rosemary? - That kiss!

- What about that kiss? - I don't know. Rosemary.

Finchie, thinking of two broads in the middle of one kiss is dirty.

I'm sorry, Hedy, something must have happened.

I don't know. I can't explain.

Finch, you are in love!

Yes, you're right. You're right, Finch is in love.

It's like music all around me. It's like a symphony.

I must've been in love with her all along.

You found out you're in love with Rosemary by kissing me?

Yes. Yes.

It is a far, far better thing I do than I have ever did before.

Suddenly there is music

In the sound of your name

Rosemary

Rosemary

Was the melody Locked inside me

Till at last out it came?

Rosemary

Rosemary

Just imagine

If we kissed

What a crescendo

Not to be missed

As for the rest Of my lifetime program

Give me more of the same

Rosemary

Rosemary

There is wonderful music

In the very sound

Of your name

Ponty?

I heard Bud talking at the party. Where is she?

Rosemary, the most wonderful thing has happened.

- What are you talking about? - Can't you hear it?

- I don't hear a thing. - It's all around me.

- It's like a beautiful pink sky. - Look, Finch, have you lost your...?

Rosemary, darling, will you please marry J. Pierrepont Finch?

Now, I hear it. I hear it.

Gee, I've been so wrapped up and, I know, just trying to get ahead...

I just never realized. It's as though I'm seeing you for the first time.

Hi, Rosemary.

What's the matter?

- Rosemary. - Don't let me keep you. Go on!

Go back to making love to her! Take her home for the weekend!

All right, now what will I do?

Let's do what she said.

- Hedy, will you please stop... - You, get back to the shower, hurry!

- Get back in there. - I have nothing to hide!

Oh, yes, you have, and you keep it hidden.

- You snake! Kiss me! - Let me explain...

- Kiss me! - What are you talking about?

I beg your pardon. I thought I was looking...

- Bud Frump saw... - It's all my fault, Mr. Biggley.

I insisted that Mr. Finch show me your office.

I see. Actually, I just came in to...

To wash up.

Excuse me.

- Finch, I guess I owe you an apology. - You do, sir? For what?

Never mind, but I want you to know I don't approve of what you were doing.

I don't care for that between an executive and a secretary.

But Miss Pilkington won't be my secretary until Monday.

That's a good point.

- You can come out now, girls. - Hedy, really...

Rosemary, I want to thank you so...

I wanna thank you for... Rosemary, where are you going?

- I never wanna see you again. - Listen, don't you understand?

- You're going to be my secretary. - I wouldn't.

If wild horses dragged me, I wouldn't be your secretary.

- I'll take the job. - Hedy, I would love that.

I really would...

...but Rosemary is going to be my secretary.

Now, listen to me, hey...

...I can explain everything about Hedy, about everything.

Don't you understand, I've just been made vice president...

...in charge of advertising.

You know what a tough job that is.

Now, hey... And I can only do it if I have your help.

Rosemary, I need you.

Well, when you put it that way.

I guess I'll wait for that pigeon until after he's married.

- Sure a lot of whispering going on. - It's the merchandise mafia at work.

Since Finch became vice president, they're all scared out of their wits.

Human nature. They can't wait for him to lay an egg.

- What time is the big meeting? - Four-thirty.

So you are now a vice president.

You have climbed the ladder of success rung by painful rung...

... until you've almost scaled the top.

You have done beautifully...

... unless you are vice president in charge of advertising.

In that case, you are in terrible trouble.

There is one thing that can save you.

You must get a brilliant idea.

Now, the quickest way to get a brilliant idea...

... is to steal someone else's.

- Hi, Ponty. I had to talk to you. - Hi, Bud.

Hey, first time I've seen your new office.

Quite a layout.

My favourite style, Chinese Provincial.

- I want you and me to be friends. - Bud, now, come on.

- You know, smoke a peace pipe? - Look, will you...

- You never liked me. - Bud, now, don't...

Don't deny it, it's true, and I don't blame you.

- I've been a no-good, back-biting fink. - Bud, I think that puts it a bit strong.

How would you put it?

- I guess your way is best. - I wanna change all that.

- I know you're stuck for an idea so... - I'm not stuck for an idea.

- I know you're stuck. - I'm not.

- I know you're stuck. - I don't need...

- Giveaway shows are back in vogue... - I don't need anyone else's...

What did you say about a giveaway show?

I have this dandy idea for a giveaway program.

- Giveaway program? - Yeah.

It's called the World Wide Wicket Treasure Hunt.

Treasure hunt?

We hide a thousand-dollar savings bond somewhere.

And each week on television, we give clues to where it's hidden.

- Like you say, you don't need an idea. - I really don't.

Let me leave it with you. When you get a chance, look it over.

Because the meeting is in a few little while.

I mean, it's soon.

What did your uncle say when you told it to him?

I haven't told it to J.B. He wouldn't listen.

That's why I brought it to you.

- You never mentioned it to your uncle? - No, Ponty.

Bud, how can I believe that?

If you're not interested, that's one thing...

No, all right, I'll...

Well, I'll give it a bit of a think-think, you know.

- Mull it around a bit. - Feel free to use it.

Treasure hunt.

- Are you pregnant or something? - Hedy, I told you never to come to...

I did not intend to embarrass you.

- I just came for a business purpose. - Business?

I wish to tender you with my resignation.

Resignation? I can't believe it. Why would you do this?

- Hedy, you can't do this to me. - J. B! J. B!

- I'm sorry. - What the hell do you want?

You remember the television idea I told you about? The treasure hunt?

I told you what I thought of that stupid idea!

- Just reminding you that you hate it. - Out!

- You do hate it. - I said, out!

I'm going! I'm going! I'm going!

What is this resignation nonsense? Where are you going?

I don't know. All I know is I am clearing out of here.

I am beginning to rot in that secretarial pool.

Not one person will use me as his secretary.

They stay away from me like I had an extremely tropical disease.

Be patient. I promise we'll find a spot for you.

Promises, promises, promises. But no action!

No, no, no. I am fed up with that secretarial pool.

I'll give you 24 hours. After that, it's goodbye, wickets...

...hello, somebody who can do me something for real!

Hedy, on my word of honour as a gentleman...

...I promise you'll be out of that secretarial pool by tomorrow.

You better, or else.

Executive washroom. Yeah, we're all down here.

The meeting is at 4:30.

Come on down, we'll make plans.

- Big meeting's today, huh? - Yeah.

- Hear anything about Finch's plan? - J.B. Set the board meeting.

He must have come up with something. I'm getting a little afraid of Finch.

Me too. If we don't stop him pretty soon...

He'll have us all working in the mailroom.

- Good luck to us. - Hi, men.

Hi, Bud. Did you hear anything?

- Chaps, our worries are over. - What do you mean?

I'm so happy I could cry. Finch is going ahead with...

- What? - Believe me, he's dead, dead, dead.

- I'm glad to hear that. - I don't know.

Finch has a way of bouncing.

I wouldn't believe he was dead if I read his obituary.

- You may be right. - Ordinarily, I'd agree with you.

Finch is very smart.

But let's not forget that he's now in advertising...

...and that does something to men's brains.

Fred. Fred, I'll see you at the bus stop.

Has anybody seen my Wildroot Cream-Oil?

Hi, men.

- Hello. Hi. - Hi, Finch.

- All set for the big meeting? - Well, could be. Wish me luck.

- Good luck. - Go get them, baby.

- Good luck. - All the best.

Lots of luck.

Gotta stop that man

I gotta stop that man

Cold Or he'll stop me

Big deal Big rocket

Thinks he has the world In his pocket

Gotta stop, gotta stop

Gotta stop that man

That man

Now, there you are

Yes, there's that face

That face that somehow I trust

It may embarrass you To hear me say it

But say it I must

Say it I must

You have the cool, clear eyes

Of a seeker of wisdom and truth

Yet there's that upturned chin

And the grin of impetuous youth

Oh, I believe in you

I believe in you

I hear the sound Of good solid judgment

Whenever you talk

Yet there's the bold, brave Spring of the tiger

That quickens your walk

Oh, I believe in you

I believe in you

And when my faith In my fellow man

All but falls apart

I've but to feel your hand Grasping mine

And I take heart

I take heart

To see the cool, clear eyes

Of a seeker of wisdom and truth

Yet with the slam, bang, tang

Reminiscent of gin and vermouth

Oh, I believe in you

I believe in you

Gotta stop that man

Gotta stop that man

Or he'll stop me

Big wheel, big beaver

Boiling hot with front-office fever

Gotta stop, gotta stop Gotta stop that man

Oh, I believe in you

Don't let him be such a hero

- I believe in you - Stop that man

- Gotta stop him - You

Stop that man Gotta stop him

- Stop that man - You

- Gotta stop that man - You

Gotta stop that man

I've gotta stop that man

Cold Or he'll stop me

I believe in you

I believe in you

Right in here, boys. Put the projection on the rack here.

Follow him. Good afternoon. Gentlemen... Oh, thank you.

Gentlemen, I'd like to present my new approach to Wicket Advertising...

...which in my humble opinion... I think it's brilliant.

- Sounds promising. Proceed, Finch. - Thank you, sir.

What the hell is that?

That is a picture of Mount Vesuvius in eruption...

...which gives you an idea of the impact our new television show is gonna have.

Now, J.B., the type of national publicity...

...that you and, well, you alone can look forward to:

- The cover of TIME magazine - Oh, yes.

- And cover of Newsweek. - Delightful!

And finally, J.B., the golfer of the year.

- You've done it again. - Thank you.

Now, gentlemen, this is a map of the potential Wicket market.

It's divided into social, geographic and ethnic groups.

- Ethnic? - Ethnic.

It shows how you'll make deep penetration overwhelming saturation...

...into those areas which have long remained peakiest.

- I like this thinking. - Now, this is a sales chart.

This is a sales chart of the past fiscal year...

...which reflects the disastrous effect of our former advertising policy...

...in terms of per capita consumption of wickets.

Now, note, gentlemen, the sharp decline...

...from normal regularity. Down, down, down.

But this is what's going to happen to our sales...

...after my new television program seeps into the public mind.

Up! Up! Up!

Up! Up!

Up, and there you have it.

- I think you've done it, very good. - Well, thank you, sir.

- Yes, yes, yes? - Can I ask a question, J. B?

Not "Can I?" damn it, "May I?" You went to college.

- May I ask a question? - You may.

- What's his idea? - You heard.

It's a television show, to give us penetration and peak reaction.

Don't you ever listen? Sounds great, Finch, great. Doesn't it, men?

But what is his idea for the show?

I don't see why you have to be so damned negative.

The only things you ever come up with are lousy ideas like treasure hunts.

All right, Finch, what is the idea for the show?

- I don't think I'm going to tell it to you. - What do you mean?

You know, J.B., look, I've always thought of you...

...as a man of perspicacity and vision. I mean, open to new ideas.

- But now, I don't know, I'm thrown. - By what?

The way you talked to Bud.

About his idea for a treasure hunt. You dismissed it.

Now, there are treasure hunts and treasure hunts...

...and at first, I thought Bud's idea was a rotten idea myself.

But, gentlemen, in the field of medicine there were men like Hippocrates...

...Louis Pasteur, Sigmund Freud, Jonas Salk.

Gentlemen, they all had brilliant ideas...

...but it took modern technology to take all these ideas...

...and develop them into a great television program...

...like Dr. Kildare.

The public always loves a show where someone wins a lot of money...

...and the first one who comes up with a new...

...an unrigged, an unfixed way to give away something for nothing...

...is going to sweep the airways.

- It can't be done, J.B. - It can't be done.

But if it could, wouldn't it create tremendous excitement?

- It can't be done. - But if it could?

- It can't. - But if it could.

Look, J.B., just for a moment, say it could be done.

- Now, what is your answer? - I forgot the question.

I hate giveaway shows. They lack dignity.

Please, be patient.

Gentlemen, the World Wide Wicket Treasure Girl.

- What is this? - This is the secret ingredient.

It can't miss. I'm combining greed with sex.

Go ahead, Hedy.

Hello there. I'm your World Wide Wicket Treasure Girl.

- Each week, I'm going to give you a... - Clue.

Clue to where the World Wide Treasure has been stashed.

- Buried. Buried treasure. - Oh, yeah, buried.

This eye-patch gets me mixed up.

Yes, J.B., Miss LaRue is... Well, she's just helping me with the idea.

She will not be our regular Treasure Girl.

You see, actually, when we go on the air...

...we're going to need, you know... We'll need a big name personality.

Someone like Elizabeth Taylor.

- Get Queen Elizabeth. - This is an American program.

- This is insanity! - Wait a minute.

Tell him off and get on with our regular business.

I'll handle this. Will you gentlemen and Miss LaRue...

...leave me with Mr. Finch?

Sir, I can explain this, J.B.

- Wait a minute, that's not true at all. - Not at all.

But, gentlemen...

Sir...

Giveaway show? I'll have to mull this over.

Where's the treasure gonna be hidden?

Sir, this is a completely honest show.

Not even the Treasure Girl is going to know, you see...

...where the treasure is hidden. I mean, whoever she may be.

I'm the only one who'll know, sir.

Don't you think I should know?

Yes. Well, I'm gonna hide 5000 shares of stock...

...in 10 World Wide Wicket buildings throughout the world.

Now... Well, now you know, sir.

But it just must be a secret between you and me.

Finch, you're a brilliant young man, but I'm afraid you've let us down.

You've missed the boat. Haven't thought this out properly.

Why, sir, I don't...?

Tell me, why does this Treasure Girl have to be a big-name personality?

Right this way, sir.

First of all, I know you're very confused.

The dress rehearsal went exceedingly well.

Quiet, please. Five seconds to air.

I think you'll be able to see it all from here, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen...

... the World Wide Wicket master of ceremonies...

... Mr. George Fenneman.

Ladies and gentlemen, the World Wide Wicket Company...

...whose slogan for over 100 years of service to your community...

...has been "A day without a wicket is like a day without sunshine"...

...brings you now, in living colour, The World Wide Wicket Treasure Hunt.

Here with us tonight to ensure absolute integrity to our giveaway show...

...we welcome the distinguished Supreme Court justice...

...Leland Anthony Howsmeyer...

...United States senator Wellington Washburn...

...and Dr. Stanton J. Noble...

...of the American University Advisory Committee.

And your job, gentlemen...

...to ensure an absolutely unrigged, unfixed giveaway of money tonight.

Good touch. Nice tone of dignity and distinction.

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for.

The World Wide Wicket Treasure Girl!

Hello there! I'm your World Wide Wicket Treasure Girl!

Hello!

I'm here to give you the first clue...

...to where 50,000 shares of stock are hidden.

Say, I'm beginning to wonder where the treasure is.

Yeah, Ponty, where is it hidden?

No, nobody in the whole world knows but J.B. And myself.

- Right, J. B? - Right, Finch.

All right, Treasure Girl.

May we have the first clue, please?

- The first clue! - The first clue!

- The first clue is... - One moment, Miss Treasure Girl.

This man is carrying a Bible.

Will you place your right hand on the Bible, please?

No, your other right hand.

Do you swear there has been no fixing or rigging...

...in connection with this show?

- What's the matter with her? - She looks surprised.

Yes, she is. Hedy didn't know about this.

I wanted this part to be completely spontaneous and sort of unrehearsed.

That can be very dangerous.

Do you swear that you yourself...

...do not know where the treasure is actually hidden?

Is this a real Bible?

Yes, this is a real Bible.

You see, we're going to get into trouble.

Why, J.B., look, you and I are the only ones...

...who know where the treasure is hidden.

I mean, look, she doesn't know, does she?

- Time is slipping by. - Does she?

Treasure Girl, the entire nation is waiting.

- I'll repeat the question. - Look, nobody told me about this.

- Miss Treasure Girl... - I do not wish to take a bum rap.

Miss Treasure Girl...

My mommy and daddy told me never to swear false witness against perjury.

I do know where the treasure is hidden.

I found out last night.

There is treasure hidden...

...in all the World Wide Wicket buildings right now.

Stop that. Everyone take his seat.

- Stop that. What are you doing? - It's another treasure hunter.

This creep tried to sneak past me three times.

Take your hands off him. Oh, I'm terribly sorry, sir.

This creep is the chairman of the board.

Chairman of the board? They all look alike to me.

I'm very sorry, Mr. Womper.

If you'll come with me, Mr. Biggley's waiting in his office.

- Miss Jones, have you seen Ponty? - No. Everybody's looking for him.

- Oh, poor baby. I've gotta find him. - He was a nice boy.

But somebody's head has to roll.

How to handle a disaster.

In every businessman's career...

... there are times when everything goes wrong.

This is a time for maintaining a cool head...

... and following the one simple rule: Put the blame on somebody else.

Oh, Ponty, I've been worried to death.

Are you all right? Where have you been?

I've been just walking the streets. I've just been thinking, thinking, well...

- Oh, you've got a bruise on your head. - I know. I know, I got it last night.

They... Well, they threw me out of a saloon.

Well, why'd they do that?

I didn't buy anything.

The brutes. Ponty, you're all right. I was so worried.

- Everyone's looking for you. - Yes, I'm gonna be all right.

But before they find me, I have to read up on how to handle this disaster.

- Read up? Well, what do you mean? - Well, I might as well tell you.

See, before I came to this company, I was...

- What were you? - I was a window-washer.

Then I came across this book.

"How to Succeed in Business."

It just must explain how to put the blame on someone else.

Ponty, you wouldn't. That's dishonest.

I mean, it was your idea. Go in there and face the music.

You don't understand what's it's like in big business.

They'd fire me. I'd have to go back to washing windows.

Ponty, I couldn't love a man who wasn't honest.

If you don't make a clean breast of everything...

...I'll never have any respect for you.

Rosemary, look, it's no life for you being married to a window-washer.

Ponty...

...are you gonna go in there and face them honestly or not?

Goodbye, Ponty.

Rosemary, wait!

Rosemary, wait. Rosemary!

- Finch, you're wanted in J.B.'s office. - I thought I'd wash up first.

- They want you now. - That's what I figured.

Now, let me tell you, I realize that I'm the president of this company...

...the man responsible for everything here.

So I'd like to state now that anything that happened is not my fault.

There's one bright side to this thing. We've someone we can pin it on.

You'll soon see where the responsibility for this lies.

When Finch gets here, I'll do all the talking.

This is a very slick youngster, Wally.

Here he is now.

- Mr. Biggley... - I'll do the talking.

By the way, you haven't met Mr. Womper.

- This is the chairman of the board. - How do you do, Mr. Womper?

No speeches. It's settled.

Sign a letter of resignation...

...in which you accept the blame for what happened.

- Rosemary. - What?

All right, Mr. Biggley, I'll...

I'll be glad to sign the resignation.

- Is this one of your tricks? - No.

Look, I 'm through with all that.

This firm has been pretty good to me, and I'm just gonna resign...

...and take the blame, and go back to what I did before l...

- Before I came here. - What did you do, Finch?

I was a window-washer.

No kidding?

I started as a window-washer myself.

You were a window-washer?

What the hell did you think I was, a rail-splitter?

College man.

- So you were a window-washer? - Yes.

- Call me Wally. - Okay, Wally.

- Look, why don't you call me Ponty? - Okay, Ponty.

It's been a long time since I had anybody I could talk to.

- How'd you go into this business? - See, I had a book.

- Yeah, me too. - Well...

It was a book on how to succeed in business.

My book was more useful. I booked bets for all the other window-washers.

Cleaned up a bundle. Should've stood in that business.

Eight buildings are wrecked, our stock is down five points.

We're the laughingstock of the industry.

Oh, I know, Wally. It's ghastly.

Ponty, how did this happen?

I could understand a college man pulling a boner like this...

...but not no window-washer.

- Your idea about a treasure hunt... - Hold it, Wally.

Look, if there's one thing that I won't do...

...is take credit for another man's idea.

Especially when he's the boss's nephew.

You never told me you hired your nephew.

Nephew? Nephew?

He's not really my nephew, he's my wife's nephew.

I've never showed him any favouritism. In fact, I hate him.

- But you love his ideas. - No.

When he told me the idea, I thought it was lousy.

When Finch brought it to me, I said it was lousy.

In fact, I told him it was a lousy idea.

- Why'd you buy it? - It seemed like a good idea.

- Treasure hunt. Treasure girl. - Finch dressed it all up.

He can't deny that the idea of the Treasure Girl was his.

Right, J.B.

- Wally, that was my idea. - And not a bad one, Ponty.

But who the hell picked that bubble-headed tomato?

Don't get any wrong ideas, Wally, she's a fine girl.

You should have a talk with her.

I intend to.

Well, I think I got the whole picture.

Now, the question is what to do and who to do it to.

Wally, before you make any hasty decisions...

...I'd like to say a few words. - About what?

About... Well, about humanity.

No, look, even though we're all part of the cold corporate setup...

...deep down under our skins there's flesh and blood. We're all brothers.

But some of us are uncles.

Now you may join the Elks, my friend

And I may join the Shriners

And other men may carry cards As members of the diners

Still others wear a golden key Or small Greek-letter pin

But I have learned There's one great club

That all of us are in

There is a brotherhood of man

A benevolent brotherhood of man

A noble tie that binds All human hearts and minds

Into one brotherhood of man

Your lifelong membership

Is free

Keep a-giving each brother All you can

Oh, aren't you proud to be

In that fraternity?

The great big brotherhood of man

Wally, I want you to remember that before you consider firing Mr. Biggley.

Who's considering that? Get him out of here!

I know what's on your mind. You'd like to clear out the place.

I mean, from top to bottom.

It's the obvious move, but stop and think.

One man may seem incompetent Another not make sense

While others look like quite a waste Of company expense

They need a brother's leadership So please don't do them in

Remember mediocrity Is not a mortal sin

- They're - We're

- In the - In the

Brotherhood of man

Dedicated to giving all

We can

Oh, aren't you proud to be

In that fraternity?

The great big brotherhood of man

- What'd I do? - No kidding?

- Is there really a brotherhood? - Yes, you're a brother

Of man

- You are a brother - On the level, a brotherhood of man

Oh, yes, oh, yes.

A noble tie that binds All human hearts and minds

Into one brotherhood of man

Oh, yes, your lifelong membership

Is free

Keep a-giving each brother All you can

- Oh, aren't you proud to be - You got me

- In that fraternity? - I got you

That great big brotherhood of man

Oh, that noble feeling

Feels like bells are pealing

Down with double-dealing

Oh, brother

You, you got me

Me, I got you

You

Oh, that noble feeling

Feels like bells are pealing

Down with double-dealing

Oh, brother

You, you got me

Me, I got you

You

Oh, that noble feeling

Feels like bells are pealing

Down with double-dealing

Oh, brother

You, you got me

Me, I got you

You

Your lifelong membership is free

Keep a-giving each brother All you can

Oh, aren't you proud to be In that fraternity?

The great big brotherhood of man

- Oh, Matt. - Matt, any word?

Something big is brewing. Oh, Miss Jones, what's up?

- There are gonna be some changes. - You hear that? Changes.

Boys and girls, boys and girls. May I have your attention, please?

Gather around, gather around. I have an announcement to make.

As you know, there have been a few changes made at World Wide Wicket.

I'm speaking to you now in my new capacity as vice president...

...in charge of employee morale and psychological adjustment.

Mr. Tackaberry here is now in charge of personnel.

And now, I'd like to have you hear a few words...

...from our hard-driving, hard-working president.

Thank you. Boys and girls, I have very good news for you.

I can truthfully state...

...that World Wide Wickets is now stronger than ever.

Much of the credit for this should go to a loyal and able young man.

Come here, Finch.

You're aware this youngster's rise has been spectacularly rapid.

As a matter of fact, for a while, I thought he was after my job.

Luckily for me, he didn't want it.

No, no, J.B., your job... Much too tough for me.

But if any credit is due, it goes to a great man...

...and a great humanitarian.

I mean the chairman of the board, Mr. Wally Womper.

- Hear, hear. - Incidentally...

...Mr. Womper has his charming new wife with him here today.

And let's get them both out here, Mr. And Mrs. Womper.

Thank you. Thank you, boys and girls. Thank you.

And now, I have an announcement to make.

After 30 long years of service...

After 30 long years of service to this company...

...as chairman of the board, I've decided to retire.

And my wife and I are taking a long honeymoon trip around the world.

Sweetie, what a surprise. You didn't tell me.

I didn't know myself until Finch handed me the tickets.

Well, what the hell.

It's not a bad idea. With that I'll concentrate on you.

Who's gonna be the new chairman of the board, as if I didn't know?

- I'll kill myself. - Ponty, it's your baby now.

- Take good care of it. - I don't know if...

- Congratulations. - I'll accept.

- Take Mr. Finch to his new office. - Right this way, Ponty.

Have any of you girls heard from Rosemary?

She packed up her things at the apartment.

- She left without a word. - We thought you'd heard.

Right through here, Ponty.

- Well, Ponty, what do you think? - Large.

Smitty, you don't think that Rosemary went home to her mother.

I mean, she just has to be here. I mean, it's just no good without her.

I'll call her family's place. Maybe they've heard from her.

And let me know, you know, if you hear.

Twenty.

Twenty, Rosemary.

Rosemary, make up your mind, in or out.

I have other clients, you know.

I just couldn't leave you. I'm stuck with you, I guess.

I adore you.

That reminds me...

...they wanna make me chairman of the board.

Look, is it all right with you?

Darling, I don't care if you work in the mailroom...

...or you're chairman of the board...

...or you're the president of the United States.

I love you.

- Say that again. - I love you.

No, before that. About...

Good morning, Mr. President.

We'll play it the company way

Executive policy is by us okay

We'll never be president But there's one thing clear

Whoever the company fires

We will still be here