Original subtitles

From Here on Out – Nudity Required (101)

(heavy breathing, orgasmic sounds)

Ohh!

Man, I don't even know your name.

It's a little late for that.

Yes, I guess.

(Frightening music) Ahh! Ahh! Ah!

Ahhhhh!

You see.

That's what I want.

Just like we did in Dante's Cove.

and the Lair. Naked guys

doin' that stuff.

- Okay. - Well.

Naked guys stuff is riveting!

But when I was writing Guy Dubai

International Gay Spy

I was thinking maybe a little

less skin, and a little more

PLOT

ish.

97% of all homosexual men

who tune in to gay programming

come because they want to see

wait for it

♪click♪

Mister Pinky.

Mister Pinky? Okay.

Who's Mister Pinky?

You know it's, uh, it's it's it's

Mister

Him.

Uhmmm Mister Pinky is a - Penis.

Oh, right! Of course!

Mister Penis-Pinky

and I have met.

But it's been a while.

So, let's give the audience

what they want. Mister Pinky.

And then what do we do?

We give 'em more! The crowd roars!

Roar.

Roar. Uh, but, yanno, I'm just wondering

if having Pinky requirements

might be a teeny bit

restrictive in the creative

department ish

Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy

I have been in this business

for a couple months.

I know what I'm doing.

Where's the thingie?

♪kiss, clap♪

So, you have submitted 21 scripts

to Here TV for new

television pilots in the past seven years?

Oh, hen, right, yeah.

Three a year, aheh. I like to spread

my rejection out in even intervals.

So I have time to heal in between.

Well. This time Guy Dubai: International Gay Spy

(suspenseful music) is a go.

Okay! Well,

You know, at least I'm getting closer.

Our first meeting! Heh!

Yay! - No. No, no, no, no.

No! I said it's a go.

We want to do Guy Dubai.

You do?

You wanna make it?

Oh, my God! (inspirational music)

Oh, my God!!! – Okay.

You're a hugger, woah.

Ohhh! Ahaha.

I dunno who you are, but I'm, I'm hugging you too.

Oh! Oh, that's just

my assistant, Brad. Hugs are wasted on him. – Oh!

Take a seat! Let's discuss figures. – Right!

So. Right now, we are ready

to commit to two seasons.

What! Seriously? – Absolutely.

Each season will consist of a full

one episode. – Oh.

After that, it's out of my hands and up to New York.

Oh. Okay.

As you may have heard, we don't have a lot

of money, so

we need to get the biggest bang for our buck.

We want you to not only write,

but also produce.

Oh! This is so amazing!

Anyway, uh, here is our budget.

Okay.

Seventeen Dollars

Thirty-eight cents.

That's a receipt for your sinus drops.

Oh! Right! Uh no, no, no, no.

Oh, it's this one.

Right. That's funny.

Ahahha, okay!

Oh! Uh, well, that is

a wee bit better.

This is for what?

This is uh

per day of production? – No.

That's our total per episode.

Oh, well.

Okay, well, that's uh that's um

Challenging ish.

But I'm still super excited!

Ahahaha. – Well. Wonderful.

There's just one iron clad rule.

We have got to have

an openly gay actor in the lead role.

The editors at The Advocate and Out

are gonna be plastering this guy's face all over

the place. They are sick of metrosexual men

playing gay, they want the real deal.

Gay actor.

Or no Gay Spy show, got it?

Got it!

(music) (Lyrics: From here on out

There is no more second best, oh-woah-oh

Erase all doubt!

I'm better than the rest!

I used to stand aside,

While others plowed ahead

But now I'm taking charge,

My wings are gonna spread.

Don't underestimate me

So listen, here's the deal.

To those who think I'm broken

Look out! I'm at the wheel

From here on out

Everybody cheer! scream and shout!

Get used to it. I'm here!)

(excited music)

Somebody just greenlighted

his first television series!

Well, that's just about the best news

Nan Dotty's ever heard in her whole life!

My little baby's making a TV show!

Ohh! I know who deserves a cookie! – Oh! mmm.

MMM! Yummy!

By the way, Jimmy,

did you meet our receptionist Dotty Cooper?

Just for a minute on the way in, it's nice to officially

meet you. – You can have a cookie too.

Oh, I'll just Okay.

Thank you!

Does Brad want a cookie? – mm-hmm!

Maybe you should earn one.

Well. I have to go tell New York

it's a go. – Don't forget

to take your anti-acid, Taylor, you're very

over-excited and you need something

in your tummy before lunch. – Okaaaay.

Oh, hold up a minute, Bradley.

I think there's a leak in the air

conditioning in that corner.

So, um, are you Taylor's Grandmother?

Oh! That bitch? Not bloody likely.

A bit more to your left, Brad!

(squirt gun sounds)

(mischievous music)

Oh, dear, look at that,

it's dripped all over your shirt.

Oh, I hope it isn't ruined.

It's just water. It'll blow-dry.

Like shooting fish in a barrel.

mm-hmm! – Now where we are?

Oh yes. I was hired

as Taylor's nanny the day that he was born.

And he's a big boy now.

So, he doesn't need a nanny anymore.

So I made receptionist.

How sweet is that?

It's Randell, isn't it?

Oh, well, that's my last name.

Call me Jimmy. – Randell,

you do whatever it takes

to make this little show of yours

work or I'll F you up big time. Got it?

Uh-huh!

My name's Sean.

Uh, Sean Phillips.

Uh no! Uh, no!

You don't need to take your pants off.

Oh!

I've never auditioned with clothes on before.

Heh, cool!

What do you want me to do?

Heh

Just, you know, just do the scene.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Um.

I'm Guy Dubai,

International Gay Spy.

Put your hands

where I can see them.

But I can't get my hands past this

big buldge. Wait is that a

Yes!

A pistol in my underpants

and it's about to go off.

Bang!

Bang, bang.

Bang!

I'm just gonna stop you right there, aheh.

I added the bang part.

Yeah, I noticed. You can (unintelligible, uncomfortable noise)

oh, hehe ew

Zip! Heh, okay.

Uh, would you turn around for me?

Yeah, well, no you can

uh keep on goin'.

Okay. Ahaha, I, I noticed

that you check the nudity box.

Are you willing to nudity even without a speaking line?

Oh yeah, yeah Wait.

Wait. Uh.

My agent says

I have a three word minimum.

Moans

Don't count.

Oh! Well, I'll just make a note of that,

and we'll keep in touch.

Oh, oh! Oh! Okay.

Yeah, hehe.

Cool. Hehe.

Shirt. Heheh.

- Bye! – Bye

Throw 'em away?

I know I should but he's sort of adorable

uh, can't act but so cute

nobody cares pile.

Want me to get the next guy?

I'll just ask Dotty to send him in.

I I wouldn't do that.

Why? She's sitting right there!

♪dialing numbers♪

♪ring♪

Yes?

Miss Cooper, could you please

send the next actor in?

You don't sign my paychecks, Baldy,

so let's not get in the habit of asking me for crap. Capish?

Rico Ramirez, you're up!

(knocking) Come in!

Hello, my name is Rico

Ramirez *clears throat*

Meryl Streep! Ung!

I am Divina Dubai.

Put your fingers so I can see!!!

Uh, excuse me, are you ?

You bet that's a pistol under my apron!

And it's about to go crazy.

Oh okay I'm sorry,

there's been some kind of a mistake.

Who is the guy in the picture?

Oh, the pool boy.

Oh. Well. We'll start a new pile for him.

And so, who are you?

I am Divina Sunghe.

Debina Sushi?

No! You dyslexic

retard or something? DEVINA

with a V!

Devina Sunghe.

It means divine, divine,

beautiful. Its Korean.

Except for Devina.

Because one time this Philippino lady

give my mother a rooster!

I dunno why she have her a WHOLE rooster

Maybe she's a lesbian!

Fascinating.

But this audition.

I am a maid slash actress

and I can playing lead in your TV show.

We'll just change name to Divina Dubai.

Well, we may need a few more tweaks than that.

But thank you for coming in.

Then, I accept small role.

I admire your self esteem, but

we gotta get back to auditions.

I'm not going anywhere until you read

the note on back of photo!

I'm sorry, but we're very - READ!!!!

Um, Brad?

Uh, will you step out for a moment, please?

You're bribing me with a free place to film

in exchange for a roll in the show?

How do you know we even need a place to shoot?

Who works for your mother on Tuesdays?

Maria. I don't understand Maria just

comes and cleans! – Exactly.

You tell your mother you need place to film

a gay TV show, she tells Maria, Maria

wants to help, so she put it up on Maidslist.

What's not to understand? – Maidslist?

Oh! It's like a craigslist, but for things

only maids know. I check entertainment category

every day, because I'm very serious actress. You interested?

Or what? – I'm interested.

You got any pictures?

Oh, yeah.

This place is gorgeous!

- Oh! - First episode takes place in Russia,

but I could tweak. Maybe Hawaii.

And the owners won't mind if we're there?

Never home, always travelling!

Who needs to know?

And we can shoot here for free?

For as long as you give me part in every show.

I want to guest star.

- Featured extra. - Co-star.

- Under five. - Deal!

Hahahahahaha!!!!

Next.

(sexy music)

Hi. I'm Sam Decker.

Hi, Sam, um.

I'm uh

I'm Jimmy Randell, uh,

creator of the show, and uh

you'll be reading

with Brad, um, any questions?

Yes. I get the feeling that

Guy Dubai is excellent at his job

but underneath is a sad soul

wanting to find true love.

Am I on the right track?

YES! Yes! DO THAT!

That would be great!

Okay, yeah, whenever you're ready

♪clears throat♪

I'm Guy Dubai

International Gay Spy

Put your hands where I can see them!

(suspenseful music)

Brad.

♪clears throat♪

Sorry.

But I can't get my hands past this big buldge.

Wait! is that a

Yeah. A pistol in my underpants

and it's about to go off.

Maybe I can help you with that.

Maybe later. First I need to tell

the C.I. Gay that you murdered Russians'

Czar Nickolas's homosexual great-great nephew Prince

Agatoff.

Um, this roll requires nudity.

Please, tell me you're okay with nudity?

Yeah, as long as it's going

with the plot, and it's done tastefully.

I guess I would. – Great! Take off your shirt.

(dreamy music)

- Wow. – Brad!

This is a professional work environments.

Drop your pants.

But I'm supposed to leave the underwear on, right?

Maybe. But let's try not.

(dreamy music)

Well. That seems inspirational.

Uh-huh.

Don't go anywhere.

(dramatic, rushed music)

I found our Guy Dubai.

Kinda busy.

Taylor! This is the lead actor

on your first TV show, come take a look!

I gave you the recipe for the perfect stew,

I do VOT need to see every carrot

and potato you throw in the pot!

Just save me a nice guest star roll.

I will throw around some clout and get us a celeb.

You're not curious to see him?

It's called delegating.

I don't care who you cast as long

as he is handsome, cheap,

willing to do three sex scenes

an episode and openly gay. If so,

hire him. – Awesome!

Die, die, die.

No! No, no, no!

Ahh! Gah!

♪camera sound♪

Brad! That is so unprofessional, out!

Email them to me.

Handsome.

Check!

um, do you have any problem working for

ultra low budget scale with no chance

of ever getting a raise ever?

Ultra low budget's my middle name.

Check!

And, uh, simulated sex scenes?

Like I said, as long as it's done tastefully

and not gratuitous

Course. Check!

Okay, and now, as you know,

this is Here TV.

So, this is a gay show,

with gay situations. – Got it.

And we want an openly gay actor as our lead.

Are you openly gay?

Are you legally allowed to ask that?

Uh, let's pretend like I am,

because without a gay actor there's

no gay spy show. – Then no problem

being openly gay. – CHECK!

You're hired!

Seriously?

You're my Guy Dubai!

AWESOME!

Haha!

Can I put my pants on now?

There might be a part for you in my TV show.

I'm very, very shy.

Rico!

The impact of the fall must have knocked off his swimsuit.

I'm straight! - What!

We have got to make a pact.

You are GAY!

Everyone's buying that you and I are a couple.

Congratulations on dating Sam.

It's unbelievable.

I am cutting your budget by 10%.

That table costs 12 thousand dollars!

What!

Wow-wow!

From here on out

There is no more second best

Erase all doubt

I'm better than the rest!

I used to stand aside,

While others plowed ahead,

But now I'm taking charge

My wings are gonna spread.

Don't underestimate me

So listen, here's the deal.

To those who think I'm broken

Look out! I'm at the wheel

From here on out

Everybody cheer! scream and shout!

Get used to it. I'm here!