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1
00:00:02,103 --> 00:00:05,005
[rumbling]
2
00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,584
[Man] I like a woman
who knows herself.
3
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,053
Confidence is beauty.
There's nothing sexier
4
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:21,622
than a woman who's
comfortable in her own skin.
5
00:00:21,655 --> 00:00:23,357
An independent woman
6
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:26,294
with a spry personality
and an old soul.
7
00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:29,463
That's the one for me.
I'm Troy.
8
00:00:29,497 --> 00:00:32,666
When I'm in the outdoors,
it's about freedom.
9
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:34,335
I read.
10
00:00:34,368 --> 00:00:36,304
Losing myself in the pages
of a good book
11
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:37,805
is pure Nirvana,
12
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:39,573
like an hour-long bubble bath
13
00:00:39,607 --> 00:00:41,809
with bath bombs from Bliss.
14
00:00:41,842 --> 00:00:44,445
My best friends
are Charlie Parker
and John Coltrane.
15
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,947
Without them, I am lost.
16
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:50,118
Simply put, their music is
the soundtrack of my life.
17
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,387
Yeah, I know
I'm good-looking,
18
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:54,855
but that's not worth
a hill of beans
19
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,224
unless you find
the right girl
20
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:57,958
to share life's
special moments with.
21
00:00:57,991 --> 00:01:00,794
And let me tell you,
in this town,
22
00:01:00,828 --> 00:01:03,464
it's been tough to find
that special someone.
23
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,999
If you're confident,
if you're independent,
24
00:01:06,033 --> 00:01:07,935
if you're open-minded,
passionate,
25
00:01:07,968 --> 00:01:10,971
genuine, creative, funny,
26
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,541
if you think you're her,
27
00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,177
and you think we'll click,
please--
28
00:01:16,210 --> 00:01:20,013
Contact me, DocTroy77.
29
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:26,387
Thank you, Dr. Troy.
30
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,290
Ladies,
all of our lines are open.
31
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:43,737
* I've got my eye on you
32
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:48,276
* I've got my eye on you
33
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,347
* And I'm hooked,
dear, too *
34
00:01:53,381 --> 00:01:55,916
* Your fooling around's
35
00:01:55,949 --> 00:01:58,686
* Getting blood
on my shoes, oh *
36
00:01:59,687 --> 00:02:02,823
* Whoa-oa, oh, oh
37
00:02:03,991 --> 00:02:05,659
* Whoa-oa
38
00:02:07,361 --> 00:02:10,598
* I've set my sights on you
39
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,735
* I've set my sights on you
40
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:19,440
* I've got an alibi, too
41
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,210
* So don't look around
42
00:02:22,243 --> 00:02:25,078
* I've got nothing to lose
43
00:02:25,112 --> 00:02:28,982
* Whoa-oa, oh, oh
44
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:34,154
* Whoa-oa, oh, oh
45
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,557
* Whoa-oa
46
00:02:38,326 --> 00:02:43,130
* Whoa-oa, oh, oh
47
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,432
* Whoa-oa
48
00:02:44,465 --> 00:02:46,133
[gunshot]
49
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:03,251
We all tell little white lies.
50
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:06,720
We lie about our height,
our weight,
51
00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:09,690
where we've been
and where we're going.
52
00:03:09,723 --> 00:03:11,359
And tonight,
53
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,294
video game developer
Kevin Freeman
54
00:03:13,327 --> 00:03:14,462
is about to discover
55
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:18,399
that when his fantasy
turns into reality,
56
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:22,035
honesty, in fact,
may be the best policy
57
00:03:22,069 --> 00:03:24,438
as his little white lies
58
00:03:24,472 --> 00:03:27,308
get him into
a world of trouble.
59
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,522
[typing]
60
00:03:41,555 --> 00:03:45,926
[computer voice]
You have 174 new messages.
61
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:48,396
Holy-- Yes!
62
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,164
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Freeman?
63
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:53,734
Emily, hi.
Come on in, darling.
64
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:57,405
The sales reports
from Planet of the Undead 2
you asked for.
65
00:03:57,438 --> 00:03:59,273
Oh, thank you.
66
00:04:01,141 --> 00:04:03,877
Hey, our numbers rocked it.
67
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:07,415
Yes! See?
It's just like I told you.
68
00:04:07,448 --> 00:04:10,784
Give a child a chainsaw
and 10,000 zombies to hack up,
69
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:12,653
and they're in first-person
shooter heaven.
70
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:14,355
Boo-yah!
71
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:17,391
Hey, you know what?
72
00:04:17,425 --> 00:04:19,427
Let's go out tonight
and celebrate.
73
00:04:19,460 --> 00:04:20,761
Oh--
Please?
74
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:21,895
Please, please?
75
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:23,731
I don't know.
Oh, come on.
76
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:25,265
That's what
you always say.
77
00:04:25,299 --> 00:04:26,600
When are you
going to say yes?
78
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,201
I'm sorry, Mr. Freeman.
79
00:04:28,235 --> 00:04:29,903
I just don't think
you're my type.
80
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:31,972
I'm not your type?
That doesn't even make sense.
81
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,241
I'm everybody's type.
Look at me.
82
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,143
Huh?
83
00:04:36,176 --> 00:04:38,646
I'm like that blood type
that everybody can use.
84
00:04:38,679 --> 00:04:40,914
I'm a universal donor.
85
00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,783
Is it my calves?
86
00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:45,085
You know,
I'm getting calf implants.
87
00:04:45,118 --> 00:04:47,721
Picture me
with Lance Armstrong's calves.
88
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:51,058
Picture it.
89
00:04:52,793 --> 00:04:54,795
Now what do you think?
90
00:05:10,711 --> 00:05:12,680
[Woman]
Hi, Troy. I'm Alexis.
91
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,147
I'm new on the Web site.
92
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,417
This is the first time
I've responded to anyone.
93
00:05:16,450 --> 00:05:19,520
You seem to be a very nice guy
who's really sure of himself.
94
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:21,655
I like that in a man.
95
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:25,959
Take me,
my Mandingo love machine.
96
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,529
The pleasure's
gonna be all yours.
97
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,835
Oh, Dr. Troy!
98
00:05:34,868 --> 00:05:37,037
Dr. Troy!
99
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:45,212
[Troy's voice]
Hey, Alexis, you sound great.
100
00:05:45,245 --> 00:05:47,214
Let's not waste time.
101
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:49,282
I believe in spontaneity.
102
00:05:49,316 --> 00:05:50,718
8:00 tonight,
103
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,953
Sunset Grill
on Wilder & Diamond.
104
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,747
Uh, Troy?
Yeah. Hi.
105
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,348
Hi. Alexis.
Right. Hey.
106
00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,983
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
107
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:26,353
Uh, you don't really look
much like your profile photos.
108
00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:28,556
Yeah. That photo's
a little dated.
109
00:06:28,589 --> 00:06:31,224
I was gonna update it
with a newer photo,
110
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,726
but I haven't.
111
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,696
And to be fair,
I love me some Krispy Kreme.
112
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:37,565
Is it obvious?
113
00:06:37,598 --> 00:06:40,701
Um, but I kind of blew up
my washboard abs there.
114
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,603
I'm getting back in the gym.
115
00:06:42,636 --> 00:06:44,972
You know, doing sit-ups.
116
00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:48,008
Like, 2,000 a day.
117
00:06:48,041 --> 00:06:51,011
This is the first bottle
in my six-pack.
118
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:54,482
So you're a cardiologist?
119
00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,717
Well, not professionally, no.
120
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,719
It's more of a hobby.
121
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,688
But you could say
122
00:07:00,721 --> 00:07:02,923
I'm an expert in all things
123
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:05,726
regarding the heart.
124
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,728
Listen, Troy,
125
00:07:07,761 --> 00:07:09,597
or whatever the hell
your name really is,
126
00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:11,732
I don't like liars.
127
00:07:11,765 --> 00:07:13,233
Oh, I'm not a liar
128
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:16,804
so much as
a creative embellisher.
129
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,307
Alexis,
130
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,912
we need to talk.
131
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,918
Is that your contact?
132
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:33,120
'Cause Raven's gonna
want to see him, too.
133
00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:36,223
I'm not talking to you
or to Raven.
134
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,458
[groaning]
Check, please!
135
00:07:38,492 --> 00:07:39,527
Get down!
136
00:07:43,764 --> 00:07:45,165
[grunts]
Let's go!
137
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:48,201
[patrons clamoring]
138
00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,706
[grunting]
139
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:54,875
[panting]
140
00:07:54,908 --> 00:07:57,177
Wow. That was
incredible, man,
141
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,547
when you grabbed that knife,
and you stabbed that guy
in the--
142
00:07:59,580 --> 00:08:01,281
Shut up.
143
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,550
You're right.
144
00:08:02,583 --> 00:08:03,917
Who needs words
145
00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:05,485
after everything
we've been through?
146
00:08:05,519 --> 00:08:07,154
Not what you meant.
All right.
147
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,656
My bad.
148
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,391
I'm a little slow
in picking up the social cues.
149
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:14,327
I'm--
An idiot and a liar.
150
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:16,163
That's one opinion.
151
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:18,766
Would you mind telling me
who those guys were?
152
00:08:18,799 --> 00:08:20,267
I can't tell you.
153
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,269
Why, because
you'd have to kill me?
154
00:08:22,302 --> 00:08:24,104
Ooh, that's such a cliché!
155
00:08:24,137 --> 00:08:26,640
You know what?
If you don't mind, I'm
gonna be heading home now.
156
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:28,942
Yeah. That'll be the first
place they look for you.
157
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,912
Who are they,
and why would they
be looking for me?
158
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,914
If you want to keep breathing,
you need to stay with me
159
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:36,049
until I can figure out
why Raven wants me dead.
160
00:08:36,083 --> 00:08:38,385
Who the hell is Raven?
[scoffs]
I wish I knew.
161
00:08:38,418 --> 00:08:39,987
So this Raven guy
wants you dead,
162
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:42,155
but you don't know
who he is?
163
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:43,924
You wouldn't understand.
164
00:08:43,957 --> 00:08:45,058
Try me!
165
00:08:45,092 --> 00:08:46,627
[sighs]
166
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:49,096
I work for Raven,
but I have never met him.
167
00:08:49,129 --> 00:08:51,398
So what, you're
some sort of assassin,
168
00:08:51,431 --> 00:08:54,234
and then Raven is some sort
of mysterious boss
169
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,869
that you have, and that--
170
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,638
Oh, no shit. Really?
171
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,372
Look, these are
dangerous people.
172
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,175
I'm a dangerous person,
and people like you
are collateral damage.
173
00:09:02,209 --> 00:09:04,111
So you-- when I say jump,
you jump.
174
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,513
Got me,
Dr. Troy Jackson?
175
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,282
My name is Kevin,
Kevin Freeman,
176
00:09:09,316 --> 00:09:11,418
and I design video games!
177
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:14,521
Was there anything
in your online profile
that was real?
178
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:15,789
Sure! Lots of stuff!
179
00:09:15,823 --> 00:09:18,759
Like?
I'm black.
180
00:09:18,792 --> 00:09:19,960
[siren wailing]
181
00:09:19,993 --> 00:09:21,428
[scoffs]
182
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:26,667
[Kevin]
Oh, my God.
This is insane.
183
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,468
The knife and the thing
and the running...
184
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:31,438
How'd you even get started
in this business?
185
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:33,306
I was recruited
186
00:09:33,340 --> 00:09:35,776
from a Third World orphanage
at the age of ten
187
00:09:35,809 --> 00:09:37,645
and spirited away
to a monastery
188
00:09:37,678 --> 00:09:39,947
in the Himalayas,
where I was--
Whoa. Back up.
189
00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:43,516
Did you just say you were
spirited away to a monastery?
190
00:09:45,118 --> 00:09:48,856
Because...I was thinking
how cool that would be.
191
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,624
Please continue.
192
00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,125
Where I was trained
193
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:53,593
by the world's
most lethal monks
194
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:55,262
in the art of killing.
195
00:09:55,295 --> 00:09:56,830
I've assassinated
heads of state,
196
00:09:56,864 --> 00:09:58,498
captains of industry,
arms dealers,
197
00:09:58,531 --> 00:10:00,701
drug cartel kingpins,
corrupt politicians,
198
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:03,270
and dozens of Eurotrash
super-criminals.
199
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:06,807
Man, those monks don't quit.
200
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:09,309
So what do they want with me?
I mean, I'm a nobody.
201
00:10:09,342 --> 00:10:11,078
I'm a civilian.
Not anymore.
202
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,446
How they gonna find me?
They don't even know who I am.
203
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,884
They already sent
a team to the restaurant
pretending to be FBI.
204
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,451
They have
your dinner reservations,
205
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:20,287
descriptions from the staff,
206
00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:22,489
lifted fingerprints
from that cheap
bottle of wine you ordered.
207
00:10:22,522 --> 00:10:24,091
That was not cheap wine!
208
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:25,859
They've hacked into
the security camera footage
209
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,360
from the street and the lobby.
210
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:30,563
There's only one problem
with your theory, Sherlock--
211
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:33,867
they have Dr. Troy Jackson's
name, not mine.
212
00:10:33,901 --> 00:10:36,469
They ran the DNS from
Troy Jackson's email account
213
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,405
and data-mined you.
214
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,140
Your life is theirs now.
215
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,475
And until we find Raven
and straighten things out,
216
00:10:42,509 --> 00:10:44,511
we're both in mortal danger.
217
00:10:46,446 --> 00:10:48,148
I'm sorry, sir.
218
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:50,183
Your credit card's
been declined.
219
00:10:54,521 --> 00:10:55,789
Hey!
220
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,657
Hey, what are you doing?
221
00:10:57,691 --> 00:10:59,092
They traced
your credit cards.
222
00:10:59,126 --> 00:11:00,560
Agents will be here
in seven minutes.
223
00:11:00,593 --> 00:11:02,529
Why didn't you say something?
224
00:11:05,098 --> 00:11:07,567
That's way too big of a tip
considering we didn't get
225
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,936
any of those
world-famous bread sticks.
226
00:11:08,969 --> 00:11:11,138
I want Raven's men
to come for us.
227
00:11:11,171 --> 00:11:13,406
That will buy us some time,
because you will tell them
228
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,909
that you overheard us talking
about taking a Greyhound
to Santa Mira.
229
00:11:15,943 --> 00:11:17,878
Got it?
For this kind of tip,
230
00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,913
I'll tell them
you went to the moon.
231
00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:22,750
I'm reporting you
to the Web site.
232
00:11:22,783 --> 00:11:25,552
This is a direct violation
of their terms of service.
233
00:11:25,585 --> 00:11:27,054
And I'm not going anywhere.
234
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,990
They will find you
wherever you go.
235
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,293
Leave now and live
or stay and die.
236
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:36,196
I will leave now and live.
237
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,031
Good answer.
238
00:11:44,271 --> 00:11:46,473
What are we doing here?
239
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:50,210
My knees hurt,
and my ass is cold.
240
00:11:50,243 --> 00:11:52,212
This is where
Archie Becker lives.
241
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:53,713
Who's Archie Becker?
242
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,483
The accountant.
Accountant?
243
00:11:56,516 --> 00:11:57,851
The organization I work for
244
00:11:57,885 --> 00:11:59,787
is a global operation
that needs funding.
245
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:02,255
Like Woodward and Bernstein
once said, "Follow the money."
246
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:03,924
Now I'm totally confused.
247
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:06,293
I would think that you'd
be used to that by now,
248
00:12:06,326 --> 00:12:08,295
confusion being
your natural state.
249
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:11,731
Not about
the whole secret agent
La Femme Nikita thing.
250
00:12:11,765 --> 00:12:13,934
Look, I've seen
all the Bond films,
251
00:12:13,967 --> 00:12:15,869
except for A View To a Kill,
252
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,338
which I hear
was double-oh-crap.
253
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:19,572
What I'm confused about is
254
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:21,708
what were you doing
on an Internet dating site?
255
00:12:22,776 --> 00:12:25,512
It's difficult
to explain.
256
00:12:25,545 --> 00:12:27,647
Try me.
257
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:31,284
I never got a chance
to grow up
and live a normal life.
258
00:12:31,318 --> 00:12:34,687
I wanted out
of the organization,
so I left.
259
00:12:34,721 --> 00:12:37,190
Let me guess.
It's not the kind
of organization you just leave.
260
00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,093
I've been trained
to do what I do
since I was 10 years old.
261
00:12:40,127 --> 00:12:42,562
I missed out on a lot of things
that you take for granted.
262
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:46,399
What, taxes,
Bar Mitzvah parties,
Jersey Shore?
263
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,101
You didn't miss much.
264
00:12:48,135 --> 00:12:50,037
When you were playing
in the Little League,
265
00:12:50,070 --> 00:12:51,538
I learned to use a Glock.
266
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:54,474
When you went to prom,
I made my first mark.
267
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:56,543
I didn't go to prom.
268
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:59,712
Patti Ledo blew me off
and went with Kenny Glazier.
269
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:02,282
If Patti could see me now,
she would totally go with me.
270
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:05,853
When you said
make your first mark,
271
00:13:05,886 --> 00:13:07,888
did you mean kill people?
272
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:39,586
[Man groaning]
273
00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:41,521
[coughing]
274
00:13:49,096 --> 00:13:51,498
So now
you're a retired assassin
275
00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:53,200
that's Internet dating?
276
00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:55,135
I thought it was something
normal girls do.
277
00:13:55,168 --> 00:13:56,803
Normal girls
that look like you
278
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,972
don't have to online date,
trust me.
279
00:13:59,006 --> 00:14:00,473
But then
I would've never met
280
00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:02,542
the wonderful and talented
Dr. Troy Jackson.
281
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,544
Keep it up.
282
00:14:04,577 --> 00:14:07,547
Your profile
was phonier than mine.
283
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:11,851
"Likes warm, quiet evenings
in front of a fire," my ass.
284
00:14:11,885 --> 00:14:14,121
Come on. We gotta move.
285
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,059
[gunshot]
[glass shatters]
286
00:14:19,092 --> 00:14:21,728
Now, that's a dramatic way
to open a door lock.
287
00:14:21,761 --> 00:14:23,830
Shut up.
Find something and put it on.
288
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:25,498
I still don't know
what we're doing here.
289
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,034
We are going
to a costume party.
290
00:14:27,067 --> 00:14:28,969
We have to fit in.
291
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:31,238
Did you RSVP "plus one"
on the e-vite?
292
00:14:34,574 --> 00:14:37,244
Try to find something
that makes you look good.
293
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:38,278
I'll try.
294
00:14:59,199 --> 00:15:00,667
Best date ever.
295
00:15:00,700 --> 00:15:01,768
What?
296
00:15:01,801 --> 00:15:03,703
Nothing.
297
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:19,119
Does this car
have an ejector seat?
298
00:15:21,488 --> 00:15:24,857
There's one little thing
I forgot to tell you.
299
00:15:24,891 --> 00:15:27,460
We have to make Archie think
that Raven wants him dead.
300
00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:30,530
That's not a little thing,
that's a big thing!
301
00:15:30,563 --> 00:15:32,199
If he thinks Raven's
got a hit on him,
302
00:15:32,232 --> 00:15:33,800
he's going to need
somebody to protect him,
303
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,135
and that somebody's
gonna be me.
304
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,669
Okay, how are we
going to convince him
305
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:38,271
that Raven wants him dead?
306
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:40,273
Because Raven
sent you to do it.
307
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,075
Raven sent me?
308
00:15:42,109 --> 00:15:44,077
Why would Raven send me?
309
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,578
I'm not a killer.
310
00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:47,914
I can't even squish
those big cockroach bugs.
311
00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:50,017
What kind of assassin
do you make
312
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,885
if you have to hire
an exterminator
to come and kill a bug?
313
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:54,621
Let's go.
314
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:01,594
Do you remember
everything I told you?
315
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,230
Who are you?
316
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:06,566
I am the international
assassin known as The Owl,
317
00:16:06,599 --> 00:16:10,437
the baddest badass
contract killer west of Berlin.
318
00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,107
Won't they know
I'm not him?
319
00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:16,343
The Owl mysteriously
vanished two years ago.
320
00:16:16,376 --> 00:16:18,411
Even when he was around,
anybody who knew
321
00:16:18,445 --> 00:16:21,848
what he really looked like
never lived to tell about it.
322
00:16:21,881 --> 00:16:24,917
That's cold.
I like it.
323
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,889
I'm The Owl.
324
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,858
Hoo!
325
00:16:31,891 --> 00:16:33,926
Hoo!
326
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:44,003
[chattering]
327
00:17:18,638 --> 00:17:21,141
[Kevin]
Good call on the costumes.
328
00:17:21,174 --> 00:17:24,411
We're gonna fit right in.
329
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,446
You know what to do.
330
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,931
What's new, pussycat?
331
00:17:44,964 --> 00:17:46,366
Sorry. Wrong room.
332
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:48,335
Oh, hey.
333
00:17:48,368 --> 00:17:51,171
Where do you think you're
going, my little kitty?
334
00:17:51,204 --> 00:17:54,073
I was looking
to get some milk.
335
00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:57,009
Are you a waiter?
336
00:17:57,043 --> 00:17:59,446
No, no.
This is my party.
337
00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:00,813
Archie Becker.
338
00:18:06,353 --> 00:18:08,421
[guests moaning]
339
00:18:29,709 --> 00:18:32,111
You know, I'm sure
I can find you some milk,
340
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,181
and we can
lap it up together--
341
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:36,183
privately, of course.
342
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:38,185
Mmm, tempting.
343
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:41,488
But I'm sure
you can do better
than just milk.
344
00:18:41,521 --> 00:18:43,723
Well, the night is young.
345
00:18:43,756 --> 00:18:45,758
Enjoy the show.
346
00:19:10,016 --> 00:19:12,419
[moaning continues]
347
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,255
Ooh, I love Michael Jackson.
348
00:19:17,424 --> 00:19:20,593
Show me how you beat it.
349
00:19:20,627 --> 00:19:23,230
[whip cracking]
350
00:19:28,268 --> 00:19:31,404
** ["Thriller" instrumental]
351
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,048
[chuckles]
352
00:19:43,816 --> 00:19:45,785
[guests chuckling]
353
00:19:50,189 --> 00:19:53,192
** [continues]
354
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:57,797
You are so naughty.
355
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:17,149
[moaning]
356
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:23,823
[crack]
357
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:42,442
Emily?
358
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:47,213
Mr. Freeman?
359
00:20:47,246 --> 00:20:48,415
What are you doing here?
360
00:20:48,448 --> 00:20:50,550
What are you doing here,
Mr. F?
361
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,885
I like to party.
I like to disco.
362
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:55,054
There's a lot of stuff
you don't know about me.
363
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:56,723
This is a new look for you.
364
00:20:56,756 --> 00:20:58,658
It's actually not new.
365
00:20:58,691 --> 00:21:00,860
I've been an elite-level
domino mistress
366
00:21:00,893 --> 00:21:02,295
for seven years.
367
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,697
These are my submissives.
368
00:21:06,399 --> 00:21:08,368
Wow.
369
00:21:08,401 --> 00:21:10,570
Um, is there a class
you took
370
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,572
to be the domino?
371
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:16,042
So are you in a union
of some sort?
372
00:21:16,075 --> 00:21:17,377
Go like that.
373
00:21:17,410 --> 00:21:20,179
You won't tell anyone
at the office?
374
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:22,114
No, absolutely not.
375
00:21:22,148 --> 00:21:24,651
Good, because if you did,
376
00:21:24,684 --> 00:21:27,019
I'd cut off your scrotum
and feed it to you
377
00:21:27,053 --> 00:21:29,356
with some ranch dressing
and chipotle salsa.
378
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:30,390
Mmm.
379
00:21:31,691 --> 00:21:34,594
So want to make out
with me?
380
00:21:36,796 --> 00:21:39,466
[moaning]
381
00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:45,405
You're a dirty girl.
382
00:21:45,438 --> 00:21:48,040
Don't you want to play
with these little kitties?
383
00:21:48,074 --> 00:21:51,243
Sorry. Not my thing.
384
00:21:51,277 --> 00:21:54,681
Well, that's too bad.
385
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:57,049
Maybe it's time
to say good night, then.
386
00:21:57,083 --> 00:22:00,353
You give up easily,
don't you?
387
00:22:00,387 --> 00:22:01,954
You want me to say please?
388
00:22:01,988 --> 00:22:05,558
No. I want you
to turn on some music.
389
00:22:05,592 --> 00:22:08,395
Hmm.
390
00:22:10,530 --> 00:22:12,599
** [rock, slow tempo]
391
00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:14,901
Much better.
392
00:22:35,822 --> 00:22:38,257
** [continues]
393
00:22:41,628 --> 00:22:43,663
[sniffs]
394
00:22:45,231 --> 00:22:46,365
[sniffs]
395
00:23:13,493 --> 00:23:14,961
Alexis?
396
00:23:14,994 --> 00:23:17,263
I heard you were dead.
397
00:23:28,340 --> 00:23:31,010
Are you gonna be
a good boy?
398
00:23:32,178 --> 00:23:34,447
If you're a good boy,
399
00:23:34,481 --> 00:23:37,016
I'll let you kiss it.
400
00:23:39,786 --> 00:23:41,754
Kiss it.
401
00:23:43,656 --> 00:23:45,625
[phone beeping]
402
00:23:46,626 --> 00:23:47,627
[beeps]
403
00:23:50,697 --> 00:23:52,331
I gotta go.
404
00:23:52,364 --> 00:23:53,866
Are you kidding me?
405
00:23:53,900 --> 00:23:55,835
I gotta go.
406
00:23:59,405 --> 00:24:02,775
I can keep you safe
from Raven, kitty-cat,
407
00:24:02,809 --> 00:24:04,877
for a very small pri--
408
00:24:06,345 --> 00:24:08,615
I've been waiting
a very long time
for this, Alexis.
409
00:24:08,648 --> 00:24:10,483
Raven's trying
to kill you, too.
410
00:24:10,517 --> 00:24:12,151
He put a hit
on both of us.
411
00:24:12,184 --> 00:24:14,153
What?
That's not possible.
412
00:24:14,186 --> 00:24:16,523
You need me to protect you,
Archie.
413
00:24:17,890 --> 00:24:19,626
Get the fuck outta here.
414
00:24:19,659 --> 00:24:22,461
I'm the international assassin
known as The Owl.
415
00:24:22,495 --> 00:24:24,463
Who?
Exactly.
416
00:24:24,497 --> 00:24:26,733
What the hell do you want?
You.
417
00:24:26,766 --> 00:24:29,001
Raven's hired me
to ice your ass.
418
00:24:29,035 --> 00:24:30,970
What? Come on.
Raven would never do that.
419
00:24:31,003 --> 00:24:34,473
You're stealing money from him.
Now he wants you dead.
420
00:24:35,742 --> 00:24:38,911
Look, I haven't, okay?
Come on. That's crazy.
421
00:24:38,945 --> 00:24:41,848
Look, please, man, just don't--
don't kill me, okay?
422
00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:47,687
You knocked me out?
423
00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:49,689
That wasn't
a part of the plan.
424
00:24:49,722 --> 00:24:52,625
If I had told you,
would you have gone
along with it?
425
00:24:52,659 --> 00:24:55,695
No, but you would have
felt better afterwards
for asking.
426
00:24:55,728 --> 00:24:57,764
That's why.
I needed to save Archie
427
00:24:57,797 --> 00:24:59,265
from The Owl
to gain his trust.
428
00:24:59,298 --> 00:25:00,266
Did it work?
429
00:25:00,299 --> 00:25:01,901
Yes.
He told me everything...
430
00:25:01,934 --> 00:25:03,102
before he died.
431
00:25:03,135 --> 00:25:06,372
He died?
How did he die?
432
00:25:06,405 --> 00:25:08,474
[gasps]
433
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:09,976
You killed him!
434
00:25:10,009 --> 00:25:11,978
You can't go around
killing people.
435
00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:13,312
That's not right.
436
00:25:13,345 --> 00:25:14,814
He told me where Raven is.
437
00:25:14,847 --> 00:25:17,116
Well, that's good work.
438
00:25:17,149 --> 00:25:18,450
Thank you.
439
00:25:18,484 --> 00:25:20,753
[engine starts]
440
00:25:20,787 --> 00:25:22,188
[tires screeching]
441
00:25:25,257 --> 00:25:27,894
** [classical]
442
00:25:41,073 --> 00:25:43,743
[Alexis]
Raven.
443
00:25:43,776 --> 00:25:46,646
Alexis.
I figured you'd find me.
444
00:25:46,679 --> 00:25:48,180
You were always my best.
445
00:25:51,283 --> 00:25:54,420
Roasted duck
with a truffle-scented broth
and a mushroom ragout.
446
00:25:54,453 --> 00:25:56,555
You know, that does
smell delicious.
447
00:25:56,589 --> 00:25:58,925
Shut up.
448
00:25:58,958 --> 00:26:01,227
I wasted a lot of time
and money on you tonight
449
00:26:01,260 --> 00:26:02,962
that I could have put
to much better use.
450
00:26:02,995 --> 00:26:04,964
I don't want
to waste anymore.
451
00:26:04,997 --> 00:26:07,433
I want to know why
you flipped and to whom.
452
00:26:07,466 --> 00:26:09,836
I didn't flip, I quit.
453
00:26:09,869 --> 00:26:12,839
Don't you get it?
454
00:26:12,872 --> 00:26:14,573
You took my life!
I want it back!
455
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:16,175
[laughing]
456
00:26:16,208 --> 00:26:17,744
What is so funny?
457
00:26:17,777 --> 00:26:19,245
I believe you.
458
00:26:19,278 --> 00:26:21,247
Great.
459
00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:22,548
Whoo!
460
00:26:22,581 --> 00:26:25,051
Now that that's over,
can we get outta here?
461
00:26:27,519 --> 00:26:29,521
I'm still gonna
kill you, Alexis.
462
00:26:29,555 --> 00:26:32,291
I can't take any chances
that I'm wrong.
463
00:26:32,324 --> 00:26:34,526
No one has ever left
the organization alive.
464
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:36,128
No one.
465
00:26:36,162 --> 00:26:39,098
So if it's any consolation,
I'm sorry.
466
00:26:39,131 --> 00:26:40,532
So am I.
467
00:26:43,703 --> 00:26:45,604
[Kevin]
Wait a minute. Hold on.
468
00:26:45,638 --> 00:26:47,874
Let me tell you something,
Mr. Raven,
469
00:26:47,907 --> 00:26:50,643
Mr. I'm So Cool I Got
A Black Chick's Name.
470
00:26:50,677 --> 00:26:52,578
You know where
I met your girl?
471
00:26:52,611 --> 00:26:54,914
On a date.
An Internet date.
472
00:26:56,582 --> 00:26:57,950
You've got her so crazy--
473
00:26:57,984 --> 00:27:00,319
assassinating people
and HALO jumping into stuff--
474
00:27:00,352 --> 00:27:02,321
she doesn't know
what's going on.
475
00:27:02,354 --> 00:27:06,192
She thinks she's gotta
go online to meet dudes,
476
00:27:06,225 --> 00:27:08,027
as fine as she is.
477
00:27:08,060 --> 00:27:09,929
You think she's
gonna rat on you?
478
00:27:09,962 --> 00:27:12,098
Look at her.
She's clueless.
479
00:27:12,131 --> 00:27:14,867
Why don't you give her
a chance at a normal life?
480
00:27:14,901 --> 00:27:17,336
She won't let you down.
I promise.
481
00:27:17,369 --> 00:27:19,772
Who the fuck are you?
[laughs]
482
00:27:19,806 --> 00:27:21,808
I'm Kevin Freeman,
483
00:27:21,841 --> 00:27:23,743
video game designer.
484
00:27:23,776 --> 00:27:26,612
Ever see
Planet of the Undead?
485
00:27:26,645 --> 00:27:29,281
That was me, darling.
I invented that.
486
00:27:29,315 --> 00:27:31,250
Number 3, Dead & Undeader,
487
00:27:31,283 --> 00:27:34,687
is coming out next month
on Xbox, baby.
488
00:27:34,721 --> 00:27:38,124
Gig magazine's
pick of the month, baby.
489
00:27:38,157 --> 00:27:41,127
Now get--
Please don't kill me.
490
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:43,896
Did you say
Planet of the Undead?
491
00:27:47,433 --> 00:27:49,401
I fucking love that game.
492
00:27:49,435 --> 00:27:51,070
See? Right?
493
00:27:51,103 --> 00:27:53,105
I play that with my kids
all the time.
494
00:27:53,139 --> 00:27:56,843
Whose family doesn't enjoy
smashing up on zombies?
495
00:27:56,876 --> 00:27:58,911
Look, Mr. Raven,
496
00:27:58,945 --> 00:28:02,314
Alexis here has given you
her entire life.
497
00:28:02,348 --> 00:28:04,817
When you gonna
give it back to her?
498
00:28:04,851 --> 00:28:07,286
[exhales forcefully]
499
00:28:07,319 --> 00:28:08,988
Well,
500
00:28:16,829 --> 00:28:19,565
I do have two extra spots
at the dinner table.
501
00:28:22,134 --> 00:28:24,670
Sweet. We're staying
for dinner.
502
00:28:24,703 --> 00:28:26,172
Thank you, sir.
503
00:28:26,205 --> 00:28:27,874
I've worked up
quite an appetite,
504
00:28:27,907 --> 00:28:28,941
what with getting shot at
505
00:28:28,975 --> 00:28:30,810
and crashing in
on swingers' parties
506
00:28:30,843 --> 00:28:32,478
and running around
all night long...
507
00:28:32,511 --> 00:28:33,913
Planet of the Undead.
508
00:28:33,946 --> 00:28:34,981
Wonderful.
509
00:28:35,982 --> 00:28:38,550
I love dinner parties.
510
00:28:38,584 --> 00:28:41,087
So,
511
00:28:41,120 --> 00:28:43,022
pretty nice
first date, huh?
512
00:28:43,055 --> 00:28:44,223
[scoffs]
513
00:28:44,256 --> 00:28:46,258
Think there'll be
a second?
514
00:28:46,292 --> 00:28:48,227
We'll see.
515
00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:50,963
So how do you know
he's not gonna poison you?
516
00:28:50,997 --> 00:28:52,832
Because you're going
to eat it first.
517
00:28:57,136 --> 00:29:00,406
Closed-Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA
518
00:29:00,439 --> 00:29:02,809
* She's got long black hair
519
00:29:03,810 --> 00:29:06,913
* And a laser eye
520
00:29:06,946 --> 00:29:10,182
* She's got a laser
gun-un-un *
521
00:29:10,216 --> 00:29:12,284
* On one of her thighs
522
00:29:15,654 --> 00:29:18,891
* She can rock a tractor
523
00:29:18,925 --> 00:29:21,794
* She will Glock
your world *
524
00:29:21,828 --> 00:29:25,297
* She is happiest
when she is a *
525
00:29:25,331 --> 00:29:28,267
* Independent spectacle
526
00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:31,537
* Felt like
I was gone forever *
527
00:29:31,570 --> 00:29:34,540
* I knew that she
would wait for me *
528
00:29:34,573 --> 00:29:37,643
* Settle down
into submission *
529
00:29:37,676 --> 00:29:40,079
* The two of us
were meant to be *
530
00:29:40,112 --> 00:29:42,214
* And I'm back
531
00:29:42,248 --> 00:29:44,350
[Kevin]
Hoo! Hoo!
532
00:29:48,354 --> 00:29:49,721
[electricity arcing]
533
00:29:49,755 --> 00:29:51,723
[Man]
Kill, Ubu, kill.
534
00:29:51,757 --> 00:29:54,360
Good fish.
37177