All language subtitles for Two.Of.Us.2000.DVDRip.x264-HANDJOB

The fans have been great

yeah, the fans here
are fantastic.

I'm really looking forward
to playing for them again.

Paul, before I let you go

here you are in the middle
of a hugely successful

world tour with

your new band, Wings.

Does it bother you

that so much attention
is still placed

on the question
of the Beatles reuniting?

Well, to be honest,
that question

does get a bit boring

um, but I understand
you have to ask.

The Beatles are the Beatles

and a tough act
to follow, you know?

Um, I just keep making music.

What about your old partner,
John Lennon?

After all these
years of being

such a highly
visible personality--

the various peace
demonstrations

the naked album covers,
and what have you--

he now seems to have
completely shut himself off

from the world.

That's something you'd have
to ask John, isn't it?

So I take it, the two of you
are still...

I do not speak
for John.

I'm not trying to be rude.

I just can't speak for John.

Well, then, let me ask you--

Paul McCartney--

is there any chance
of the Beatles

getting back
together?

Well, Tom, you never know.

Hi, John. It's me.

Are you sleeping?

Listen, I'm afraid this
whole transaction is becoming

a bit more complicated
than we'd expected.

Maybe we can leave tonight,
but maybe not till tomorrow.

Sean's fine.

He's sleeping, too.

I love you, John.

Do you want me to put on

some music?

Yeah, sure.

Lovely.

...rockin' you on another
gorgeous afternoon

in the Big Apple.

It's Beatles weekend
all weekend long

on the Mighty Maxx, and like all
of you out there, we're hoping

those Beatles reunion rumors

are not just rumors,
if you know what I mean.

Man, wouldn't it be great to get
those guys back together again?

Should I change the station?

No, no. It's okay.
Leave it on.

...the new smash single
from Paul McCartney and Wings.

We premiered it here
a couple of weekends ago--
Leave it, Donald.

"Silly Love Songs"

and if you're
the 96th caller at 555-MAXX

you'll score the hottest album
in the country-- that's right

America's brand-new number one
Wings at the Speed of Sound.

Congratulations.

Ah, thanks.

...and don't forget
Paul's big tour

first time in the U.S.
In ten years.
It's been worse.

We're going to have plenty
of tickets to give away

for those two sold-out shows
next month at the Garden

so stay tuned.

Now here's Peter Frampton
to show us the way.

Hey, mate.

Hmm?

Can you cut through the park?

Yes, sir.

¶ I wonder how you're feeling ¶

¶ There's ringing in my ears ¶

¶ And no one to relate to ¶

¶ 'Cept the sea ¶

¶ Who can I believe in? ¶

¶ I'm kneeling on the floor ¶

¶ There has to be a force ¶

¶ Who do I phone? ¶

¶ The stars are out ¶

¶ And shining... ¶

Yeah, nice one, yeah.

This is Paul McCartney here.

Shag a pig, it's Paul.

Hello. You're listening,
it says here

to New York's one and only
pure source for rock 'n' roll.

Help me. I'm trapped
inside this little box.

Good afternoon, sir.

You have a visitor.

Friend or foe?

I believe he is
an old friend, sir.

He says he wishes
to surprise you.

Well, how do I know
he is who he claims to be?

I... I can vouch for him, sir.

He is a familiar face.

Sir?

Check him for drugs,
then send him up.

Take Mr. McCartney up

to see Mr. Lennon.

Nice work.

Have a pleasant day,
sir.

Cheers.

It's an honor
to meet you, sir.

Oh, thank you.

At the end
of the hall, sir.

Cheers.

Hi, John.

The ghost of Christmas past.

Are you going to let me in?

Aren't you one of them?

Well, I used to be.

Now I'm just one of me.

All right.

Best let you in, then.

Don't want you standing
out in the hall

getting mobbed, eh?

Take your shoes off.

Hmm?

Shoes off.

Yoko's not here.

Oh?

Can I get you something?

Cup of tea.

This way here.

Hope you don't mind
me surprising you.

It's too soon to say.

Where's Yoko?

Off buying a cow.

She won't be home
till tomorrow.

Bancha twig? Brown rice?

Dandelion?

Whatever.

What about Sean?

He's sleeping.

In California
where the cows are.

Oh, that's a drag.

I was hoping to see him.

Is it okay to smoke?

Have you got one for me?

You're very thin.

Hmm. Mother's got us
on a macrobiotic diet.

Mother?

Yoko.

So we're alone.

Yeah.

You, me
and everything between us.

Here.

I brought you
something.

What's this?

"Wings."

That's your band.

Mm-hmm.

Are they any good?

Judge for yourself.

Madison Square Garden

two weeks time.

I've already played there.

With Elton John.

Hmm.

Against me will.

Elton dared me.

Heard about that.

You did
one of our old songs with him

I seem
to recall.

Yeah, and then I got sick.

You ought to come

to the show.

I'm pretty busy

you know, Paul.

Yeah, I can see that.

You might like it, you know.

So, you seen much
of the others lately?

Which "others"
are you referring to?

The other Be-a-tles.

Ex-Be-a-tles, rather.

Well, let's see.

Haven't heard much
of Beatle Harold.

Ta.

Beatle George
rang up

just the other day.

He was in town
making a guest appearance

with Monty Python's
Flying Circus on stage.

¶ He's a lumberjack
and he's okay. ¶

I know that one, yeah.

Yeah, that one, yeah.

I'm supposed to go
into the studio

with, uh, Beatle Ringo next week
to play piano or something

on a song I wrote
for his new album.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Don't know if I'll go, though.

I'd like to help Ringo,
but I just...

I'm not geared up to going back
into the studio

you know what I mean?

You?

Haven't heard from George
in a while

but I talk to Ringo
pretty often.

You know, that
thing with Ringo

that sounds
like fun.

You should
do it.

It's very white.

Did you bring me
anything else?

Well, first things first.

Are you allowed, son?

I won't say anything
if you don't.

Can I smell it?

Oh...

What is that?

It's good stuff.

Oh, it smells good.
Yeah, give us another smell.

Get away. Go on.

Stop slobbering
all over it.

So your record's number one
over here, you know?

Really? I hadn't heard that.

You know me--
don't pay much attention

to that
kind of thing.

Oh, yeah, right.

So what do you
think of it, anyway?

Well, you know,
you'd think that people

would have had enough
of silly love songs.

Bloody impressive, man.

Muzak to me ears.

Piss off.

Good bass part, though.

You know, Paul, I always said

you're an inspired
bass player.

I am.

And I don't need you

telling me that.

How's it doing in Britain?

The album's number one.

Good.

The single's
not coming out there

for a couple of weeks.

You never know in Britain.

It might get beat out

by the Bay City Rollers
or some odd thing.

We're getting old, mate.

Speak for yourself, dad.

I've still got me pretty face,
you see.

That you have.

Are those the rosary beads
they gave us

at Maharishi's
thingamajig?

Holiday camp?

Japa beads.

Japa beads, rosary beads,
same thing

different
religion.

¶ Om namah silly love songs ¶

¶ Om namah jet ¶

¶ One jet to always love me. ¶

I knew it all along.

What? What's that?

You-- pretending
you didn't know me music.

Come on, Paul.

You're the biggest bloody thing
since the Beatles.

Oh, them.

Whatever
became of them?

They all grew up
and became lawyers.

Can you believe
these bloody entrepreneurs?

Old Sid Bernstein's
offering us what?

What's it up to now?

$210 million
to get back together.

It's obscene, isn't it?

It's amazing, really.

They say we only have
to perform together
for 20 minutes.

Anything we want
so long as we're
all four together

on the stage at once.

Yeah, right, just like
the old days, huh?

You know, we ought
to take the money

and just stand there
looking grim

strumming out-of-tune chords.

I wonder if it's
in the contract

that we have to shake
our heads about and smile.

No, there's more
money in it if we're
at each other's throats.

The battling Be-a-tles.

Yeah, back by
popular dementia.

I heard you let
your recording contract run out.

Somebody told me,
in fact, that, uh...

you said you might
never make another record.

It's no skin off my teeth.

Off your nose,
you mean?

No, off me back.

You're not serious.

No skin off me back?

No, I mean about...

You thought it was nose.

Seriously, John.

Seriously, Paul.

What?

What?

I just want to know
what's up with you, that's all.

You know, I'm out there making
the rounds, talking to the press

and the one question
they inevitably ask--

it never fails--

is, "Paul, will the
Beatles be getting
back together?"

You know
what I mean?

No.

I'm sick
and tired

of having to answer
that stupid old question.

And-and-and the other thing...

look, just tell them to grow up,
get on with their own lives

stop living
in the past.

It's simple
enough.

Yeah, that's easy enough
for you to say

being shut
off from the
world and all.

Believe me

they don't
let up.

Besides

they're always
going on about
the two of us

being in some kind
of horrible feud.

Like we're the bleedin'
Hatfields and McCoys, you know?

Look, Paul, let's not be coy,
all right?

If you've
come here

to reunite the Beatles,
you can turn right back around.

Oh, hang on.

You don't honestly
think I came...

Look, I don't care

you know.

I've given up the game,
all right, Paul?

You know, I've been
under contract to one
wanker or another

since I was 19 years old,
you know.

I've finally gotten control
of me own life.

I'm not
giving that up.

Look, I'm going to go
into the kitchen

and get something to eat.

If you'd like to join me

that would
be fine.

If you want to sit here and hum
"It's Been a Hard Day's Night"

to your heart's content,
that's fine as well.

Macrobiotic popcorn, is it?

Yeah... certified by the pope.

There he is.

:
Hello, Sean.

Oh, he's a handsome
little devil.

Is this why you retired?

You still carrying that woman
across the river?

Come again?

Listen, will you shake this up
for a while?

I've got an important phone call
to make.

Will you shake this
up for a while?

Yeah, I would,
but Yoko took the tweezers.

What woman?

Two zen monks were
walking together

when they came to a river.

A beautiful woman
stood on the shore

and asked them
if they would carry her across.

Of course, the monks
weren't supposed

to associate
with females

but, nevertheless, one
of the monks carried her

across the river.

Later, after walking
many more miles

the first monk turns--
15-12, please--

the first monk turns
to the second monk and says

"I can't believe you carried
that woman across the river"

and the second monk says

"Are you still carrying
that woman across the river?

I put her down a long time ago."

Oh... tell me more,
oh, wise master.

Tell me more.

Hey, June.

Yeah, it's me.

Listen, is everything all right?

Yeah, I know.

Yeah, I got the message.

Well, tell mother
to give me a ring

when she's through
taking care of business

will you?

Yeah.

Yeah, you know,
I'm fine, yeah.

Listen, will you

put him on?

Sean...

Sean...

say, "Daddy."

Sean?

I miss you tremendously, Sean.

Sean, daddy's got
a little surprise for you.

This here, Sean, is Paul.

Paul used to be
your daddy's partner

a long, long, long time
ago, when daddy was

a miserable old king

before mummy came to rescue him

from unsaintly beasts
and hypocritical ogres.

Hiya, Sean.

Hey.

How do you like
growing up
in America?

He's not even a year old yet,
Paul.

Shut up.

He says it's a bit of a drag.

Oh, well, that's 'cause he
hasn't been anywhere, you know?

Sean, I hope...

he's laughing?

Sean, I hope
that we get

to meet face-to-face
someday... you know?

Maybe we can sing
a song or two.

There he goes again.

¶ Paul McCartney
had a farm ¶

¶ Which long John's
never seen ¶

¶ He bought it with
the lolly that ¶

¶ The lawyers didn't steal ¶

¶ With a sue,
sue here ¶

¶ And a lawsuit
there ¶

¶ Here a suit,
there a suit ¶

:
¶ Everywhere a
suit, suit... ¶

I'm going to hand you
back to your dad, all right?

See you, kid.

He likes me music.

Yeah, he would.

He likes
nursery rhymes.

Hey.

Sean, I love
you, Sean.

I love you very, very,
very, very much, Sean.

Bye-bye, Sean.

June?

June... yeah.

Listen, are you sure
everything's all right?

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Look, you have to promise
to call me if anything happens.

All right?

Thank you, June.

Yeah, I will.

Bye-bye.

So, you've
given it all up

to take care of him...

to be a househusband?

Hmm?

You finished?

Yes, please.

What are you bowing to,
if you don't mind me asking?

Ideally, there's
no difference

between the
one who bows

and the one who's bowed to.

Ooh, very "I Am The Walrus."

You all right?

My foot's asleep.

You know, I have to say, though

it does really put you

in a relaxed frame of mind,
doesn't it?

Yeah.

It's been a while

for me.

Emerson.

What's that?

"The reward
of a thing well done

is to have done it."

That's ludicrous, that is.

I'd never own up

to saying anything
so bloated as that

let alone commit it
to print.

You bloated?

Never.

So, you've taken
to memorizing the works

of the great philosophers,
have you?

I just like the sound of it.

"The reward
of a thing well done

is to have done it."

See...

I'm not sure I entirely agree
with him.

I mean, I think it helps

to have some kind of...
public recognition as well.

Otherwise, how do you know

if what you've done is
any good?

:
You're daft, you are.

:
Am I?

Yeah.

I mean...

how many adoring fans
do you need

to know you're good, eh?

You got to say good-bye
to mummy and daddy.

Otherwise, you're just looking
for approval

trying to please

because it makes you
feel wanted.

And what's wrong with that,
I'd like to know.

Well, who are you, really

if all you're concerned with
is making other people happy?

Why can't making people happy be
a part of who you are?

Trying to make
other people happy

is like giving them a blanket
or a piece of candy to chew on.

You know,
you-you got to stir people up

got to make them
uneasy, you know

make them miserable...
wish they'd never been born.

That's the only way
they'll wake up

and face reality.

And whose reality
do you want them

to wake up to, John?

Yours?

Everybody's in pain, Paul.

If you want to do
some real good

you ought to stop
singing silly little
love songs, mate.

Just shut up for a while

and then, bloody scream.

Listen

I don't like screaming,
and if you ask me

there's more than enough pain
in the world.

So I don't see why you want
to go and make it worse.

Because it's real, you know.

It's not romantic bollocks,
mate.

Look, if you started
to feel your own pain

maybe other people would look
at you and say

"Gee, that guy was
really together," you know...

"Never caused any fuss.

What's he going on about, here?"

You know, they'd really listen.

Listen?

Why should anyone listen

to you or me
screaming and moaning

about how bad things are
when we can go out

and make bloody good music
about it?

You don't seem to understand,
you know.

I don't even
recognize meself sometimes

until I'm aware
of that bloody pain

whether it's
me father walking out

or me mother not caring enough

and passing me off to me
auntie to raise, you know...

and then when I do
finally get to know her

she goes and gets run over.

Just doesn't go away.

I'm 35 years old

and I still feel like
I've done something wrong.

That's heavy, John.

Yeah, it's heavy enough.

Listen, I'm going to go
for a pee.

I'll be right back, mate.

:
Zack spotted an all-night diner
off of Route Nine, see.

:
He, uh, walked into the diner,
picked up a... L.A. Times

that somebody had left sitting
on the table...

Next to a half-empty glass
of beer and a 50-cent tip...

Ordered a chicken-fried steak
with...

Mashed potatoes,
and don't skimp on the gravy...

From a fat waitress who
had a cold sore, and, uh...

who said her name was...

Boris.

"Boris"?

Boris.

Doris.

Said her name was Doris
and asked where he was from...

And which way he was headed,
see.

What's this, then?

Oh.

:
¶ See... them tumbling down ¶

¶ Pledging their love
to the ground ¶

Six feet under.

¶ Lonely but free,
I'll be found ¶

¶ Drifting along
with the tumbling tumbleweeds ¶

Give it to me, luv.

¶ Cares of the past
are behind... ¶

Oh, mate,
we like that.

Thank you,
thank you.

¶ Nowhere to go but I'll find ¶

You know you want it.

¶ Just where the trail
will wind ¶

¶ Drifting along
with the tumbling tumbleweeds ¶

¶ Keep on drifting ¶

¶ Drifting along ¶

¶ With the tumbling
tumbleweeds... ¶

You keep popping up
in me dreams lately.

Yeah?

Mmm.

I'm not sure why.

All sorts of people
have been entering my dreams.

Mostly people who've died.

Brian, Mal, me mum.

They're not bad dreams.

Actually, they're
kind of reassuring

especially when me mother
comes in.

I don't get to see her
that often anymore, you know

what with her
being dead and all.

Anyway, there you are

visiting me in me dreams

and I always get
the nagging feeling

that there's something

you're trying to tell me.

What do you think it is
I'm trying to tell you

in these dreams, Macca?

I don't know.

You know, I try to piece
it all together.

I mean, things are going pretty
well for me, you know?

It's just...

sometimes I feel like
there's so much...

so much stuff
that hasn't been resolved.

Do you know what I mean?

Mm-hmm.

Like what, for instance?

Well, you know...

the usual.

The big things,
really... family.

The past.

A lot of things
between you and me

to be brutally honest.

I don't know.

Me dad died recently.

What? What of?

Bronchial pneumonia.

They say his last words were,
"I'm coming to join you, Mary."

You weren't there with him,
then, when it happened?

No.

Linda and I were on tour
with the band.

Me dad died on March the 18th.

We were opening in Copenhagen
two days later.

That's got to be rough.

I mean, you two were close.

Yeah.

But, you know,
that's the best way

for me to handle it anyway,
you know?

Just to keep going,
otherwise...

of course,
it helps to have Linda.

How is she?

She's great.

Yeah?
Yeah.

And the kids?

Great. They're great.

Back at the hotel now.

We're bringing the girls
with us on the tour.

Did you know that?

Yeah, so we can have

some semblance of family life.

That's actually what I'm doing
here in America

checking out houses to rent.

Do you want to hear a song
I wrote for Stella, me youngest?

No.

Were you born a prick?

Yep.

My old man died.

What?

Recently.

Get away.
I didn't hear.

The bastard croaked
on April Fool's day.

Whoa.

This is a bit spooky, isn't it?

I mean,
our mothers died

pretty close together
in time.

Yeah.

What about you?

Where you there
when your dad...?

The last I remember hearing, you
kicked him out of your house.

Told him to get lost
or something.

Yeah.

It was his own fault.

Deciding to reappear
right when I'm in the middle

of doing primal bloody scream
therapy, you know?

It felt good, though.

Telling him to get stuffed
right to his face.

Strange, you know...

just before he died,
we spoke on the phone

and I actually heard myself
apologize to him.

I knew he was dying

so we were able to talk,
you know

before he kicked it.

It's good I got some warning.

I mean,
otherwise me last contact

would have been "piss off."

It sounds like-- I don't know
if you'd take it this way

but it sounds like
you forgave him.

Well...

what's to forgive, Macca?

I mean, he wasn't my father,
was he?

Not in any real sense.

He was a drifter.

He got drunk one night,
staggered home

and stuck it to his wife
before he passed out.

That was Freddie Lennon's

one great contribution
to fatherhood.

The rest was just misplaced
expectations on my part.

I never thought
you'd end up

with someone like Linda.

What's that supposed to mean?

I always thought
you'd get yourself

a nice little English girl.

It's not necessarily
an insult, you know.

So what are you saying?

I'm just saying that I thought
I knew you pretty well

and I was surprised when you
took up with this American girl

and made her your wife,
that's all.

Maybe you didn't know me
as well as you thought you did.

Maybe, yeah.

Maybe I didn't know myself
so well, either.

It took me by surprise, too.

She's the best thing
that ever happened to me.

So don't go knocking her.

Like you accepted Yoko with love
and respect from day one.

You were a royal asshole, mate.

Oh, all right,
now, listen, John.

Oh, look, actually...

I want to say this.

You and a lot of me other
so-called friends

caused us a hell of a lot
of grief back then.

She was the one
I chose to be
with, man.

Couldn't you
see that?

How could I miss It?

Listen, John

we were partners
since we were kids.

Yeah? So I wasn't
a kid anymore.

Neither was I.

I'm not saying
you shouldn't have
been with her

but you brought her
along with you

everywhere you went.

She had her bleedin' bed

brought into
the recording studio

for God's sake.

Look, Paul, when I met Yoko,
everything changed.

I couldn't care less
about being in some

little boy's club
anymore, you know?

Fine.

If you couldn't deal with Yoko

you had no business
dealing with me.

Well, that's just it;
where were you?

You bloody disappeared.

All of a sudden,
everything's John and Yoko.

Where's John?

You turned your back on us,
remember.

Bloody right,
I was mad at her.

I was really mad
at you.

It was just easier
to hate Yoko.

Oh, come on, Paul.

You just wanted the game to go
on a little longer, that's all.

With Beatle Paul
at the controls.

You know, getting all
the "A" sides of the singles.

Made to feel special

by all your
society friends

who thought "Yesterday"

was the greatest thing
we ever did.

Damn right, I was getting
all the "A" sides

'cause who else
was coming up

with any decent
competition?

It sure as hell wasn't you, and
that was a group decision.

You were worried that
I was going to close

the gold mine down.

'Cause you had
more important things

on your mind, remember?

You needed me 'cause
you were afraid

of being on your own;

that everyone
would finally see

who was the real brains
behind the Beatles.

The real brains?
Oh, that's a laugh.

Obviously,
I didn't need you.

I'm doing quite well
without you now, aren't I?

Yeah.
Yeah.

You and your
silly love songs.

You're making cotton candy, man.

Nobody takes you
seriously anymore.

Bloody hell.

At least I'm working.

Not sagging off,
sitting all day

watching the telly
in some ivory tower

letting me life pass me by.

You don't know.

Screw you.

You think I'd rather form
meself a pop group?

See me face on the
cover of Rolling Stone.

You know, sell out

Madison Square Garden

just to prove that I can still
get it up.

I've got a son to raise.

If you want to waste your time
singing nursery rhymes

trying to hold on
to your fading youth

it's no skin off my teeth, mate.

Look... John...

I realize how much Yoko
meant to you

and still means
to you

and I'm sorry
for the way
I treated her.

But don't you understand
what was happening?

Enlighten me.

That was a hard time for me.

When we were breaking up

and I was trying to hold it
all together

and you were spending
all your time with Yoko.

I felt like I was losing
me best mate.

Who?

You.

We were never that close, mate.

You arrogant, lying bastard.

Do you have any idea
what it took?

You have any idea why I'm here?

I don't know.

Why are you here?

I mean, you come over
uninvited, unannounced

after God knows how many years

and I'm supposed to be happy
to see you?

This isn't
Liverpool, pal.

I don't want you dropping by

like it's the good old days,
got it?

Fine. Then I'm off.

Fine.

Please take me back up.

Yes, sir.

You know...

What?

What?

Where you going?

Come on.

You're a real piece
of work, you know that?

What do you say
we go for a walk?

What?
Out there?

Yeah.

Why not?

We could both do

with some fresh air,
don't you think?

All right.

Suppose I ought to show you
around some here.

Yeah. New York's cool, you know.

Nobody's going
to hassle us here, are they?

Uh... right, uh...

what... what day is it?

Saturday.

Saturday, the... 18th.

No, the 24th,
you pillock.

Listen, is it going
to be a problem--

the two of us being
out there together

you know, getting
recognized

and all that crap?

Maybe for you.
I gave that all up, remember?

They don't care
about me anymore.

Oh, yeah.

That's a load of rubbish.

They don't care about you.

Right, here we go.

No.

It's okay.

Good.

Right. No problem.

What's that all about?

It's Yoko's ephemeris.

You know, I don't know
much about it, really.

It's more Yoko's thing.

I do know it works, though.

I mean, we couldn't
have had Sean without it.

Did you know that Sean was born

on exactly the same day as me,
October the 9th?

Yeah, I knew that.

What were you doing just now?

What were you
looking up?

Uh, I was making sure that
Mercury isn't in retrograde

you know what I mean?

That's one of the few things
I do know about.

Mercury in retrograde
spells trouble.

Look out.

You're better off
just staying in bed.

And it's okay now?

There's no great danger
in us going outside?

As far as I can tell, you know.

I mean, I could throw
the I Ching

to be on the safe side,
you know.

See what it says.

This is starting to get

a bit complicated,
isn't it?

Not really.

I mean, you know, it's easier

than making up your own mind.

All the same, though,
I do think we ought to wear

some kind of disguises,
you know.

The two of us being
out there together.

It's like we're asking
for trouble.

I've got a whole closetful
of disguises.

Have you?

Yeah.

¶ Well, it's one for the money ¶

¶ Two for the show ¶

¶ Three to get ready ¶

¶ Now, go, cat, go... ¶

I say, shall we
stroll through
the park, Winston?

Capital notion, James.
Captial notion.

Would you like to help
save the sea lions?

No, thanks.

Would you like
to help save the sea lions?

We tried but
they wouldn't
listen.

¶ Slander my name
all over the place ¶

¶ You can do anything
that you want to do ¶

¶ But uh-uh, honey,
lay off of my shoes. ¶

There's something you don't
see every day, eh?

What?

Heaven.

Heaven?

New York.

Yeah.

Not planning
on moving

anytime soon,
then, eh, Macca?

:
No.

I love New York.

It's a nice place...

to visit.

I'll take my farm
in Scotland any day.

It's peaceful, quiet,
animals everywhere.

Not three million people
thrashing about

for every inch of space.

So, music in the park?

Have to write
to me senator.

It's coming from,
uh, over there.

There.

Over there.

¶ Come on, everybody ¶

¶ Listen, people ¶

¶ Hey, na, na ¶

¶ Ooh ¶

¶ Hey, hey ¶

¶ All over the world... ¶

like your outfit, mon.

I like yours.

That other fella
you're with

he looks
just like you.

We both frequent
the same salon.

Same tailor, too.

Here, try some of this.

Make you
feel the music.

Make you feel
heaven on earth.

No, you go ahead.

Take a little more
for yourself.

Give some to your friend
if you think he need it.

Here, try that.

Would you look
at the size of it?

¶ ...love is all around... ¶

What would you like
to hear, my friends?

This tune nearly done.

You can ask them
to play a song you like.

That's great.

How about, uh, "sh-boom"?

See if you can get
them to play that.

Brother, him like
to hear "sh-boom"

Our rendition

by...

The chords, man.
The chords.

'50s style rock.

They don't know that.

There's no way.

¶ Hey nonny ding dong ¶

¶ Alang, alang, alang ¶

¶ Boom ba-doo,
ba-doo ba-doo-doo ¶

¶ Life could be a dream ¶

¶ Sh-boom, sh-boom ¶
¶ If I could lift you up
to paradise up above ¶

¶ Sh-boom, sh-boom ¶
¶ If you would tell me I'm
the only one that you love ¶

¶ Sh-boom, sh-boom ¶
¶ Life would be a dream,
sweetheart ¶

¶ Hello, hello again ¶

¶ Sh-boom, I hope that
we meet again ¶

¶ Sh-boom ¶
¶ Life could be a dream ¶

¶ Sh-boom, sh-boom ¶
¶ If only all my precious plans
would come true ¶

¶ Sh-boom, sh-boom ¶
¶ If you would let me spend
my whole life loving you ¶

¶ Sh-boom, sh-boom ¶
¶ Life could be a dream,
sweetheart ¶

¶ Hello, hello again ¶

¶ Sh-boom, I hope that
we meet again, sweetheart. ¶

Hey, here come
the heat.

Trouble.

Look out. It's
the bleedin' cavalry.

Hold on there.

Hold on.

Yeah. Yeah, you two.

Yeah.

Good afternoon,
gentlemen.

Guten abend, meinen herrs.

Guten tag, officers.

What are you doing here?

:
Oh, we're just enjoying
some good music.

We were enjoying
some good music.

:
We were dancing
and having fun

until you came along.

Kind of an interesting
aroma lingering.

Ja, ja.

What is that?
What is that?

Possibly emanating
from your ass.

From your horse.

Yes, fine-looking horse.

Beautiful features.

Please, tell me,
are those genuine jackboots?

Looks like we've landed one

with a real
attitude.

You fellas
wouldn't be indulging

in any illegal substances,
now would you?

Oh, nein, nein.

Just enjoying
some good music.

Ja, ja.

You officers are not
followers

of contemporary
music, huh?

You have a problem with
authority, pal?

No, sir, officer. Nein.

He has problems

but they're,
how do you say in English

he, uh, a bit thick.

He's on medication

I give him.

Well, whatever the fuss
was here has ended.

Yes.

You two keep out
of trouble.

Yes, sir.

I wouldn't venture too far off
into the park if I was you.

Oh, why?

A lot of crazies out there,
if you know what I mean.

Come on, Francis.

So long.

Cheerio, Francis.

What's got into you?

Here now, Paul.

You should have told me
you were carrying.

Weren't we just
smoking this?

And I tried giving
you the look.

Then you started
with the...

was that funny?

:
Fortunately, all's
well that ends well.

:
And luckily for us

they were pretty
harmless, those two.

Yeah, right.

Like the harmless cop

who drove his
harmless little car

over me harmless mum.

He was pretty harmless
as well, wasn't he?

They're all bastards.

Oh, come on, John.

You're living
in the past.

One cop in Liverpool
20 years ago

has got nothing to do
with those two just now.

Look, cops is cops.

New York or Liverpool.

You're just exploiting
them as scapegoats

for all your repressed
and pent-up anger... son.

Piss off.

You know I'm right.

Come on.

Have you given any thought
to this trepanning thing?

What is it?

Trepanning.

I'm thinking
of getting it done.

Never heard of it.

Well, do you think
you'd want to do it?

Well, what is it?

Well, technically,
what they do

is they take this
cylindrical saw

and they position it
on the top of your skull

and they, sort of,
drill this hole

which is very small

and it's supposed to relieve
the pressure on your brain.

'Cause the theory is--

Get away.

No, look, I know
this guy-- a doctor.

He knows how to do it.

The theory is that our
skulls are too tight

and create too
much pressure

and that's why we're
all so uptight.

I mean, this
is something

that the ancient
Egyptians used
to do, you know.

Okay. All right.

They've dug up
these mummies

and there's actual
evidence of this
trepanning.

Mmm.

The Indians
did it, as well.

In Peru, I think.

They used to believe

that all the evil
spirits could
be released

through this little
hole in your head.

You're not seriously thinking
of having this done?

Yeah, I am.

That's what
I'm saying.

You ought to have
it done, too.

It's only a minor
surgical procedure.

Mmm.

Look, you bring Linda,
I'll bring Yoko.

We'll all go together,
make it an outing.

Listen, you go

then come back
and tell me how it is.

If it works, great.

I'll bring Linda

and we'll all
have a go at it.

Just one thing, though.

What do you do
when it rains?

You hungry?

Starving!

We'll be all right here.
I'm a regular.

Hmm... I'll take
me tache off.

Ow!

Luigi.

Hey, John.
Welcome.

Have a seat.

See, your, uh,
table is empty.

Thank you.

How's business,
Luigi?

Ah, I can't complain.

Yeah?

How about a couple
of cappuccinos
to start with?

Oh, all right by me, yeah.
Yeah?

Yeah.

Patty, cappuccino-- due.

This is an old friend
of mine, Ramon.

How do you do?

It's a pleasure
to meet you.

Pleasure
to meet you.

Um, I want to wash up...
my hands.

It's through that door,
on the left.

Thank you.

So, what else can I bring
for you this evening?

Uh, have you got any more
of that dark Italian chocolate

from the other day?

Of course.

I'll have some of that.

Very good.

Relax,
I'll be back.

Who's that?

Me?

Hmm, pretty good.

This is not
a bad place.

Very European.

How's the little boy?

Oh, he's great, Luigi, yeah.

He's off with his mum
trying to find a suitable cow.

:
Cow?

You make sure

that you give my regards
to your wife, eh?

I will, yeah.

And be sure and give mine
to your missus, yeah?

I will.
All right.

Enjoy.

All right.

Take this, brother.

May it serve you well.

This is some macrobiotic diet
you're on.

Yeah, well...

we're all hypocrites
at heart, aren't we?

Mmm!

What?

I'm just waiting for him

to get up his nerve.

It's only a matter of time now.

I can see it coming, you know?

Mmm.

From the minute we walked in.

So, you nervous?

:
What?

Playing in America again
after all these years.

Oh, yeah.

Well, you know, there's always
the hurdle of nervousness

but I've had great responses
everywhere.

Even the press...

seems to like me for once.

What?! They liked
Band on the Run.

Oh, yeah.
They did, yeah.

They liked that one.

Band on the Run
was a great album.

Excuse me?

Serious?

I am serious.

Yes.

Well, maybe not serious,
but... I'm sincere.

Thanks.

Thank you! Thank you!

And for my next song...

yeah, I like that one a lot.

Mmm.

I mean...

it's not as though I think

you're complete rubbish,
you know.

Mm-hmm.

Of course, I like some things

better than others, but...

overall, I'd say
you're very good at being you.

Aha. Right.

Bring it on, bring it on.

I was waiting for the attack.
Go on.

No, no.

I'm not setting you up.

You are.

Not as far as I know,
at least.

Excuse me, please.

Excuse me...

I don't want to bother you
or anything, but...

Well, you are.

Yeah.

But, uh, you know

I just wanted to tell you

that you've been,
like, a big hero to me

for a long time

and I just wanted
to thank you.

Well, thanks very much
and I hope you get over it.

It's not...
it's not a hero so much.

It's more like, you know,
you saved me from...

Look, don't go nailing me
to your cross, all right?

Yeah.

Can I just ask you
one thing?

What?

Okay, like, you've always
been my favorite Beatle

right?

And... and I was
just wondering

if there's any truth
at all, you know

to... to all these rumors

about you guys
getting back together?

Not a chance.

Really?

Why would you want that?

Well, I just think
that it would...

Aren't I your favorite Beatle?

Yeah.

What do we need
the others for, then, eh?

Aren't I enough for you?

Sure, but you're
not doing anything anymore.

I... I mean to say, didn't...

didn't you retire?

Who told you that?

I heard it on the radio.

Ah, well, there you are, see?

You can't believe anything
you hear on the radio.

Do you know what
I heard on the radio?

No.

I heard...

that Paul McCartney
and Wings

have the number one song
in America.

Right.
"Silly Love Songs."

Yeah, well, what do you
think of that?

Do you agree
with that?

Well, it's not really up to me.

What are you talking about?
Course it is.

You have an opinion,
don't you?

Well... mmm... yeah.

"Yeah"?

Do you have an opinion?

You do.
Yeah, yeah. Uh-huh.

Well, let's hear it.

Okay, well...

Do you think
that "Silly Love Songs"

by Paul McCartney
and Wings

is the number one song
in America?

Well, if you...

if you mean, do I like it...

then I'd say, yeah...

sure, you know...

it's all right.

I guess it's...

Okay, I think he could
do a lot better.

Huh.

So, uh, you wouldn't
personally regard it

as the number one song
in America?

No, I wouldn't
call it that.

But, you know,
obviously

enough people
are buying it

and requesting it
at the radio station

and that to, you know...

to make it
number one.

Mmm, well, let that
be a lesson to you.

Yeah.

What?

Your opinion's worth shite.

I'm sorry, I didn't...

I didn't mean...

No, don't say sorry.

You know, I'm just playing
with you, all right?

You know, you didn't
do anything wrong.

Right.

Look...

you know, just go out,
have a good night.

Tell your girlfriend--
you have a girlfriend, yeah?

Sort of.

Well, you tell
your "sort of" girlfriend

that you "sort of" met
one of the Beatles

and he turned out to be
just as much of a bastard

as anybody else.

Maybe more.

And don't be so hard
on yourself, all right?

O... okay.

Dismissed.

Thanks.

:
You're welcome.

Bye.

Uh, bye.
Bye-bye.

Bye-bye. Cheerio.

Lennon: one, McCartney: nil.

More chocolate,
that's what we need.

It's the bleedin'
drama that irks me.

The indecisiveness.

I mean, make your move
and get on with it.

Why don't you
just ignore them?

I guarantee you,
when he finally

gets the nerve
to come over

he won't
own up to it.

It's going to be,
"My Connie adores you"

or, "My Pamela
thinks you're fabulous."

My Heather
likes you.

That, too, yeah.

No, I mean my Heather.

She thinks you're all right.

No accounting
for taste

but she's actually got
a bit of a crush on you.

What, Linda's girl?

Well, she's my Heather, too.

I legally adopted her
a long time ago.

How old is she?

She's... 13.

Can you believe I've got
a teenage daughter, huh?

Yeah.

Here she is.

That was taken
at the farm.

That's her favorite
lamb there with her.

This here a lamb?

Mm.

Did you serve
it up for supper?

No, we're vegetarians.

Did you know that?

Yeah. We make
it a point

not to eat anything
that has a face on it.

Well, that's Mary.

She's the bold one.

Does Mary have a lamb?

It's just a little one, though.

Uh-oh. Heartbreaker.

Let me see.

Oh, yes. That's Stella.

She's adorable.

Yeah.

And she's only four and a half.

She's already
dead keen on horses.

You're a lucky man, Paul.

Got a whole stableful
of healthy kids.

Yeah.

We're thinking
of having maybe one more

after the tour ends

which is in, uh...

oh, another...

six months?

I don't know
how you do it, Macca.

I mean, let alone, why.

Going on the road again
like the old days

is the last thing
on earth I'd want to do.

Yeah, but
see, for me

it's just the opposite.

See, Linda and the kids
are with me, which is great

and the work
is what's keeping me going.

I could never do
what you're doing now.

Doing nothing.

I mean...

not making music

or, or whatever.

Well, actually...

actually, that's not true.

When we split up

and I was suddenly
out of a job, uh...

that's exactly
what I did do--

nothing.

Hmm.

I was at the farm and
at first I stopped washing.

Then I stopped shaving.

And then I just stopped
getting out of bed.

I just used
to lay in bed

for days on end

and smoking
and drinking

and watching
the telly.

It was really awful.

It's hard facing
yourself, isn't it?

The time
has come at last.

Excuse me.

I-I couldn't
help noticing...

Yeah, I've been noticing
you noticing.

Oh, yes. I'm afraid
we haven't been

terribly discreet, you see.

This must be your lovely wife.

Hmm? Oh, yes.

How do you do?

Charmed, I'm sure.

Yes, well, as
I was saying

we-we couldn't
help noticing

that we happen
to be sitting

in very close proximity
to one of the Beatles

and I was wondering...

that is, if it wouldn't be
too great an imposition

if I might persuade you
to sing a few bars

of "Yesterday"
for my wife?

She's a, she's a very
big fan, you know.

I'd be quite happy to

and perhaps, while I'm crooning

you'd put on your wife's wig

get on your knees
and lick my lingam?

You should be
ashamed of yourself.

I am, yeah.

Come on.

His poor wife.

Do you know
how many times

people have
come up to me

and said that they
just love the Beatles

and that their all-time
favorite Beatles song

just happens to
be "Yesterday"?

I ought to wear a
bleedin' placard
around me neck

saying, "It's a Paul
song. Piss off."

Yeah, he should
have asked you to sing

"Strawberry Fields"
or "Imagine."

Damn right.

Oh, yeah.

I've always hated you

for writing that
bleedin' song.

You bloody well wish
you'd written it.

I could have written
it better than you.

Oh, yeah, like
you never tried.

Anyway, you would
have bollixed it up

by having somebody
screaming over the refrain.

Oh, quit being so smug.

Want one?

Yeah. It goes without
saying, doesn't it?

Oh, my.

If it isn't
John Lennon.

Yeah.

Man,
I love your work.

I think
you are just fabulous.

Really?

This is
such a pleasure.

Thanks, very
much. Thank you.

Oh, no, it is.

Paul McCartney?

Oh, my God.

I used to have
your picture

on my bedroom wall
when I was a teenager.

Beatlemania
strikes again.

Man, you
are gorgeous.

Oh, come on, Paul.

Geez. See ya!

Bye.

The chicks always
liked you better.

Fancy going up on
the roof for a bit?

Yeah, all right.

Hello, Morty.

Good evening, sir.

How are you?

Good.

Leave them outside
the door, will you?

Very good, sir.

Oh, you can take mine.

Thank you.

Room service.

Here.

Where we
going, Johnny?

Straight to
the top, boys.

Oh, yeah?
Where is that?

The topper-most
of the popper-most.

Really slow
lift, isn't it?

Yeah.

Cut it out.

What? I didn't
do nothing.

Hey!

Didn't do nothing.

I'll cripple you.

I'll cripple you.

Cut it out.

Get off!

God.

Just 'cause Yoko's away
doesn't mean

you have to stop
brushing your teeth.

Aw...

You know you want
it, you tart.

Is my name Brian?

I got you, son.

Piss off.

That's it.
That's it.

That's enough of that.
That's enough of that.

So, uh, how's Leeds?

Leeds played away.

Top of the
division.

Top of the
division, yeah.

Yeah, man united,
man united doing well.

Oh, very well,
very well, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Coming down
the pub with us?

Yeah?

Fancy a pint?

It's smaller than I
thought it would be.

¶ Hello! ¶

Whose place is this?

Remember the last time
we stood on a rooftop together?

I'd like to thank you on behalf
of the group and ourselves.

I hope we passed the audition.

And so it was to be
the last time

our beloved Beatles
would ever perform

together in public.

The famous Apple
rooftop session.

Hey, this place
is huge. Look.

I really enjoyed that.

Somewhere to
put the cows.

So what was the last
song we ever played
together then?

"Get Back."

That's right, yeah.

"Get Back
to Where You Once Belonged."

Got a smoke?

Oh, it's me last one.

That's all right,
I don't mind.

I'll share it with you.

Remember we were hoping
that the cops would
actually arrest us

and carry us off
while we were playing.

Yeah, in the Black Maria.

Do you ever feel like

when you really get
to the heart of it

that it's all
just an illusion?

You know, the Buddhists say

that you've got to rid yourself
of all these illusions

including the ultimate one,
which is this concept of self.

Do you know
how basic that is?

All this pain is wrapped up
in this concept

that this thing
called "I" exists.

And that
the real key

is in perceiving this...
quiet reality

that's... so much simpler
than anything we can imagine.

Mmm. Of course, you know,
my problem is

the moment that I get a taste
of this quiet reality, you know

my ego gets
all excited

'cause I think I'm
onto something big here.

The next great understanding,
John. Hey!

Before I know it, my thoughts
are running the show again

and I'm back conceptualizing,
and...

I've got to learn
how to stop meself earlier.

You know, I've got to learn
how to control me thoughts.

You got to learn how
to share that smoke.

Why does everything
have to be such a struggle?

That's a good question.

Then again, it's irrelevant.

What?

Do I contradict meself?

Frequently.

Walt Whitman.

Walt Whitman?

Yeah.

Do I contradict myself?

Very well, then,
I contradict myself.

"I am large.
I contain multitudes."

So you've taken to memorizing
the works of the great poets

have you now, John?

Touche, Paul.

Just trying to recognize
the possibilities, Paul.

I remember the last time

I saw you
out in L.A.

during your so-called
"lost weekend" years.

You remember? When you
and Yoko were separated.

No.

We ran in to each other
at Harry Nilsson's.

Come on.

We jammed with
Stevie Wonder
and all them.

We did?

You were off your head.

I was, yeah.

Obviously.

Hmm... I've got, like,
fragments of memories.

It's really hazy.

Anyway, go on, though.

Well, anyway, somebody
offered me some P.C.P.--

Angel dust-- and
it was kind of a
new thing then

so I said, "What is it?"

He said, "It's, uh,
it's elephant tranquilizer, man.

It's, like, primo."

I said, "Oh, yeah?

Have you tried it?"

And he says, "Yeah, yeah."

I said, "Oh, yeah. Is it...
is it fun?"

He says, "No."

And he's still
doing it.

I mean, my question is--
still is-- if it's not fun, why?

There's enough problems
as it is, you know.

I just wonder
how much of this pain

you keep bringing
up is maybe--

I may be wrong-- in your head.

Because if it was a
real thing, a real fear

I think you could face it
and get past it

and not let it run your life.

Are you saying
that my thoughts cause me pain?

Yeah.

Well, that's what
I'm trying to say.

Yeah, but you're
still in your head

even when you
talk about

thinking about
not thinking.

Me?

Yeah.

You're just
afraid to let go,
like all of us

to stop being
in control.

Yeah, so, I get in me own way
to protect meself.

Yeah, but it's not always
dangerous, you know.

Like right now... this moment.

You're relatively safe.

I'm not going to do
anything to hurt you.

I'm not going to leave you.

All right?

All right, Paul, you want
to play that game, do you?

Take a good look.

Tell me what you see.

I see a beautiful little boy
whose mother says good-bye.

I see the
same little boy

blaming himself
for his father's mistakes

telling himself
that everything
is his fault.

I see this little boy

believing that the world
is a dangerous place

and that there's nobody

you can depend on
to protect you.

So you grow up
trying to pretend

that ordinary
little things

don't scare the hell out of you,
but they do.

I see...

my old friend

who used to skip classes

and wander off with me
to the old graveyard

looking back at me now
still putting himself

and me through hell.

And I see a frightened man

who doesn't realize

how beautiful he is.

I'm sorry.

For what?

For being such a tosser.

Me, too, John.

Me, too.

You only get married once;
at least, I hope so.

Now, the first time
I was here...

I think I asked
for a center vent.

I don't really see it.

Very nice.

Anyway, enough
partying.

I found the right girl,
and I'm all set.

I couldn't be happier.

The suit is wonderful.

There's just one thing
that would make me

a little bit happier.

About the pants...

there's no fly.

I mean, this is
my wedding night.

Tune in next week for
another episode of

Samurai Tailor.

Hi. I'm Lorne Michaels,
the producer of Saturday Night.

Right now we're being seen by
approximately 22 million viewers

but please allow me, if I may

to address myself
to four very special people.

John, Paul, George and Ringo--
the Beatles.

Hey. Wake up.
Wha...? Wha...?

Lately, there have been
a lot of rumors to the effect

He's talking to us.
Yeah?

that the four of you
might be getting back together.

That would be great.
Not a chance.

In my book, the Beatles are

the best thing
that ever happened to music.

What is he on about?

It goes even deeper than that.

You're not just a musical group,
you're a part of us.

We grew up with you.

He's off his rocker,
he is.

And it's for this reason

that I'm inviting you
to come on our show.

Now we've heard and read a lot
about personality

and legal conflicts that might
prevent you guys from reuniting.

What is he talking about?
What?

That's something which is none
of my business.

What? Personality
conflicts?
Misinformed.

You guys
will have to handle that.

But it's also been said that

no one has yet to come up with
enough money to satisfy you.

Yeah.

Well, if it's money you want,
there's no problem here.

The National Broadcasting
Company has authorized me

to offer you a certified check

for $3,000.

Here it is.

Can we get a close-up of this,
Dave?

Which camera is it on?

:
$3,000!

Zoom in there.

That's a good one!

Now here it is,
as you can see...

"The Beatles"!

It is a check made out to you,
the Beatles

for $3,000.

All you have to do
is sing three Beatle tunes.

"She Loves You,
Yeah, Yeah, Yeah."

That's $1,000 right there.

What if we don't
want to sing
"She Loves You"?

You know the words;
it'll be easy.

Like I said, this is made out...

¶ Yeah... yeah... yeah ¶

this check here is made out
to the Beatles.

You divide it any way you want.

If you want to give Ringo less,
that's up to you.

Oh, that's brutal,
that it!

Oh, that's dead mean.

I'd rather not get involved.

We love Ringo.

I'm sincere about this.

If it helps you
to reach a decision to reunite

well, then,
it's worth the investment.

"It's a worthy
investment"!
That's live.

You have agents.

You know where I can be reached.

Just think about it, okay?

Thank you.

Let's do it.

What?

It'll blow everybody's minds.

It certainly would.

Come on, then.
What are we waiting for?

Wait. This is live?

Yeah.

"Live from New York,
it's Saturday Night."

You know, it's just
down the block.

We could make
it easily.

Are you mad?

Yeah. Come on.

Did you bring your guitar?

Yeah.

Well, go get it.

We'll work through a few
numbers, you know. Come on.

But-but... it's...

it's in the car.

Call down
and have them bring it up.

We'll go through
a few tunes.

Go down to the studio.

I'll get mine
out of the bedroom.

Oh, I don't know

you know?

Why?

Well, we haven't played together
in ages.

What's that got to do with it?

Come on.
It's like screwing.

You know-- once you
know how to do it...

come on.

Look, you do your
Jerry Lee Lewis number

and we'll do
the Everly
Brothers one

as well, all right.

What?

What if we're crap?

Are you serious?

I am.

This is only what the whole
world's been waiting for.

Come on, go get your six-string.

It'll be fun.

You really want to do this?

Yeah.

All right. Well, will we get
there before the show's over?

I don't know.
We'll take it one step

at a time,
all right?
All right.

All right?
Right.

Hey, you're coming back.

Yeah.

Good.

Ooh, bollocks, right.

I'll get Paul to tune that.

:
Henry!

You open the boot?

Have a nice kip.

Be back in a few minutes.

Hello?

Yoko.

Where you been?

Well...

Tomorrow.

Yeah, yeah. All right.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I wish you were here.

No, I wish
you were physically here.

You're the only thing that keeps
me from disappearing, you know?

I got to go.

Unfortunately, so do I.

Well, when, you know?

I mean, it's late now.

Linda, can you hear me?

I'm in the car.

Yeah, listen, so you'll never
guess who I went to see.

Yeah.

Right. Yeah.

Listen... yeah... I'll be there
in ten minutes.

I'll tell you all about it.

It was unbelievable.

No, no. Good.

Yeah.

Okay?

Right.

Yeah.

I'll see you.

Oh, and, Linda...

I love you.