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1
00:00:07,082 --> 00:00:08,804
Jump back, baby.
2
00:00:46,801 --> 00:00:51,075
Fritz, did you go down and
see the welfare people today?
3
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:54,084
Yeah. They told me to report
someplace tomorrow.
4
00:00:54,124 --> 00:00:56,097
I got it written down
on a piece of paper, I think.
5
00:00:56,139 --> 00:00:57,960
Listen, are you gonna go?
6
00:00:57,993 --> 00:00:59,781
I don't know. Let's fuck.
7
00:00:59,816 --> 00:01:03,294
Then will you go out and
look for a job like you said?
8
00:01:03,335 --> 00:01:05,308
What? Did I say that?
9
00:01:05,349 --> 00:01:08,282
Man, oh, man, am I stoned!
10
00:01:08,323 --> 00:01:11,704
How is it a grown man
can spend so much time...
11
00:01:11,745 --> 00:01:16,215
just dreaming about what
he's gonna do for his family?
12
00:01:17,693 --> 00:01:21,465
For Christ's sakes!
Will you come down to Earth?
13
00:01:21,499 --> 00:01:25,425
What we need is
the basic staff of life!
14
00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:26,772
Like grub!
15
00:01:26,808 --> 00:01:30,700
I never saw anybody walking
around more stoned than you.
16
00:01:30,741 --> 00:01:32,496
Always stoned!
17
00:01:32,531 --> 00:01:35,148
Where do you get the money
to buy that grass?
18
00:01:35,186 --> 00:01:36,396
Will you tell me?
19
00:01:36,433 --> 00:01:38,734
You and your Acapulco Gold.
20
00:01:38,768 --> 00:01:41,068
You know what that is?
That's shit!
21
00:01:41,103 --> 00:01:44,810
Which is what you are!
You are shit, Fritz!
22
00:01:44,845 --> 00:01:47,177
Here's something you don't know.
23
00:01:47,211 --> 00:01:50,689
Harvey and I made it.
What do you think of that?
24
00:01:50,728 --> 00:01:53,509
We made it, and he's better
in bed than you are.
25
00:01:53,542 --> 00:01:56,191
You know why?
He's hung like a horse.
26
00:01:56,229 --> 00:01:59,260
What about you?
You're nothing.
27
00:01:59,299 --> 00:02:00,891
You're nothing
in the living room.
28
00:02:00,930 --> 00:02:02,423
You're nothing
in the bathroom.
29
00:02:02,465 --> 00:02:03,926
You're nothing in bed.
30
00:02:03,968 --> 00:02:07,795
You don't even change the damn
roller on the toilet paper.
31
00:02:07,837 --> 00:02:09,811
I'm the one
that uses that mostly.
32
00:02:09,852 --> 00:02:10,964
And what about
putting the seat down?
33
00:02:11,004 --> 00:02:12,181
Why don't you ever do that?
34
00:02:12,219 --> 00:02:16,527
Why don't you take that
chicken-shit grin off your face?
35
00:02:16,568 --> 00:02:20,243
Fritz! You're a no-good!
36
00:02:20,278 --> 00:02:23,091
How much can a person take?
37
00:02:24,371 --> 00:02:26,704
And why don't you ever
put the goddamn seat down...
38
00:02:26,738 --> 00:02:28,679
when you're through peeing?
39
00:02:28,721 --> 00:02:30,345
You rotten putz, you!
40
00:02:30,384 --> 00:02:32,586
That's all you do is sit around.
41
00:02:32,622 --> 00:02:35,718
I never saw anything like it
in my entire life!
42
00:02:35,756 --> 00:02:37,609
You know what
I would like to do to you?
43
00:02:37,643 --> 00:02:39,780
I would like to take you
and shake you...
44
00:02:39,818 --> 00:02:43,328
until all your teeth
fall right onto the floor...
45
00:02:43,368 --> 00:02:44,676
and then you know what I'd do?
46
00:02:44,710 --> 00:02:46,400
I'd stamp on them,
all the teeth...
47
00:02:46,438 --> 00:02:47,746
and I'd make them
right into powder.
48
00:02:47,780 --> 00:02:49,884
And then I'd sprinkle the powder
right over your head.
49
00:02:49,923 --> 00:02:52,988
And then I would knock you
right in the goddamn face!
50
00:02:53,025 --> 00:02:54,617
I'd like to pulverize you!
51
00:02:54,656 --> 00:02:55,899
I'd take your nose...
52
00:02:55,936 --> 00:02:58,007
and I'd put it across
the room on the wall.
53
00:02:58,046 --> 00:03:01,306
I'd like to knock you
into next week sometimes!
54
00:03:01,340 --> 00:03:04,404
This is it, Fritz.
I'm really sore.
55
00:03:04,442 --> 00:03:06,807
Now, I'm really sore.
I am sick to death!
56
00:03:06,841 --> 00:03:08,847
I'm gonna tell you one time
and one time only...
57
00:03:08,887 --> 00:03:10,544
so you better listen to me...
58
00:03:10,583 --> 00:03:12,142
because if you don't
listen to me now...
59
00:03:12,181 --> 00:03:13,326
I ain't gonna say it again.
60
00:03:13,365 --> 00:03:15,535
I'll go out and get myself
a two by four...
61
00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:17,163
and beat your fucking head in!
62
00:03:17,202 --> 00:03:19,241
You are gonna pick up
after yourself.
63
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,221
From now on, I'm through
picking up after you.
64
00:03:21,263 --> 00:03:24,360
And you will put the seat down
on that goddamn toilet!
65
00:03:24,397 --> 00:03:26,698
I'm telling you one time
and one time only.
66
00:03:26,732 --> 00:03:29,698
You're a no-good bum,
and I've had it with you, Fritz!
67
00:03:29,738 --> 00:03:31,646
I have had it with you!
68
00:03:37,989 --> 00:03:39,744
And let me tell you
something else.
69
00:03:39,779 --> 00:03:41,600
I know you play around.
70
00:03:41,635 --> 00:03:44,535
Don't try to lie to me.
71
00:03:44,576 --> 00:03:46,779
You don't even have
a guilty look on your face.
72
00:03:46,815 --> 00:03:47,992
You really don't give a goddamn.
73
00:03:48,031 --> 00:03:50,451
I know that
you're playing around.
74
00:03:50,493 --> 00:03:51,801
Don't think I haven't seen you.
75
00:03:51,837 --> 00:03:53,777
I get telephone calls
from girls.
76
00:03:53,819 --> 00:03:56,206
They call me up.
God knows why they want you.
77
00:03:56,249 --> 00:03:59,596
Don't they know
how shitty you are in bed?!
78
00:04:03,125 --> 00:04:04,979
Hey, man, don't do that.
79
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,418
What? Do what?
80
00:04:06,451 --> 00:04:07,563
You know what I'm talking about.
81
00:04:07,602 --> 00:04:09,543
What the hell
are you laying on me, man?
82
00:04:09,585 --> 00:04:11,340
I ain't laying
nothing on you, man.
83
00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,514
It's what you laid on me.
No need to be crude.
84
00:04:13,551 --> 00:04:15,459
God damn it,
you freaking out or something?
85
00:04:15,501 --> 00:04:18,314
Look, Juan, if we can
just cash this welfare check...
86
00:04:18,348 --> 00:04:21,063
we can get us some Rip Bull
or maybe even some muscatel.
87
00:04:21,098 --> 00:04:23,006
Kiss off, dude!
That's your problem.
88
00:04:23,049 --> 00:04:25,153
You ain't got the guts
to admit when you're wrong.
89
00:04:25,191 --> 00:04:27,710
You just passed gas at me, man,
and that's uncool.
90
00:04:27,749 --> 00:04:28,992
Oh, wow.
91
00:04:29,029 --> 00:04:31,548
Don't have the guts to confess
you're a goddamn coward.
92
00:04:31,587 --> 00:04:33,473
You're just like my sister.
93
00:04:33,506 --> 00:04:36,024
Well, you P.R.s
are hypersensitive, you know?
94
00:04:36,065 --> 00:04:37,176
I thought you and me
were friends.
95
00:04:37,216 --> 00:04:38,971
A little wig out,
I'm a religion now, huh?
96
00:04:39,007 --> 00:04:40,250
A P.R., huh? Nice.
97
00:04:40,286 --> 00:04:41,746
Hey, about your sister,
Juan...
98
00:04:41,788 --> 00:04:43,413
does she have big tits?
99
00:04:45,978 --> 00:04:47,919
I wish you people
would learn to speak English.
100
00:04:47,961 --> 00:04:49,204
Christ knows we were here first.
101
00:04:49,240 --> 00:04:52,402
It's the only way I talk to
a man who has habits like a pig.
102
00:04:52,439 --> 00:04:53,583
Man, don't be that way.
103
00:04:53,621 --> 00:04:55,791
Let's get some wine
and go see your sister...
104
00:04:55,828 --> 00:04:57,321
and maybe we can get it on.
105
00:04:57,363 --> 00:05:00,176
Beats the hell out of
freezing our balls off, right?
106
00:05:00,210 --> 00:05:03,720
No deal, man.
I can't trust you no more.
107
00:05:03,759 --> 00:05:05,929
I can't let you
fuck my sister, you know?
108
00:05:05,966 --> 00:05:07,492
You got no class, man.
109
00:05:07,533 --> 00:05:09,158
You wouldn't let me
fuck your sister.
110
00:05:09,196 --> 00:05:10,657
Why should I let you
fuck mine?
111
00:05:10,699 --> 00:05:12,291
Listen, your sister
is some piece of ass.
112
00:05:12,330 --> 00:05:14,816
I know, man. Yeah.
113
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,262
My sister?
114
00:05:16,295 --> 00:05:18,116
Wow, man,
I can't believe that.
115
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:19,578
Yeah, man,
you better believe it.
116
00:05:19,621 --> 00:05:22,140
She was a female creature
of tender passion...
117
00:05:22,180 --> 00:05:24,513
of simple earthen charm,
you know?
118
00:05:24,546 --> 00:05:27,544
Wow, dude, that's good.
119
00:05:27,584 --> 00:05:29,786
Yeah, you could say that.
120
00:05:29,822 --> 00:05:32,155
Juan, you better get back
in the phone booth again.
121
00:05:32,189 --> 00:05:34,130
I feel a fart coming on.
122
00:05:45,749 --> 00:05:47,406
Check it out.
123
00:05:47,443 --> 00:05:50,409
We done came
all the way across town...
124
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:54,408
done caught busses and cars
and hitchhiked to get here...
125
00:05:54,447 --> 00:05:55,907
then put on
our best clothes...
126
00:05:55,950 --> 00:05:57,476
so we can walk
in this neighborhood...
127
00:05:57,517 --> 00:06:00,233
so we can get in one
of these white houses...
128
00:06:00,267 --> 00:06:02,786
to rip off one of them
$400 televisions...
129
00:06:02,826 --> 00:06:04,647
one of them $300 watches...
130
00:06:04,681 --> 00:06:06,752
one of them
Panasonic, rena-sonic...
131
00:06:06,791 --> 00:06:09,953
exto-sonic,
plesto-plastic stereos.
132
00:06:09,990 --> 00:06:12,127
With the quadro-flex,
modu-lextic...
133
00:06:12,164 --> 00:06:15,130
medu-modula needles
and shit...
134
00:06:15,170 --> 00:06:16,282
Big-time shit, man.
135
00:06:16,321 --> 00:06:17,597
I ain't never heard
of nothing like that.
136
00:06:17,632 --> 00:06:19,573
You ain't in
this community, blood!
137
00:06:19,615 --> 00:06:22,069
That's why we came here,
you know what I'm saying?
138
00:06:22,110 --> 00:06:23,702
You don't know
what you doing, man.
139
00:06:23,740 --> 00:06:26,608
I also be doing this big-time
organizing and shit.
140
00:06:26,651 --> 00:06:30,904
You ripping off washing machines
and toilet paper.
141
00:06:30,936 --> 00:06:34,317
Unusual odd shit.
Now you know why we here.
142
00:06:34,358 --> 00:06:36,691
OK, now...
143
00:06:36,724 --> 00:06:39,210
we gonna crawl in this here
window, all right?
144
00:06:39,251 --> 00:06:43,078
You take the downstairs,
and I'll take the upstairs.
145
00:06:43,121 --> 00:06:45,541
Why is it that I always
got to take the downstairs?
146
00:06:45,583 --> 00:06:47,753
Beause you don't like
jumping out of windows, man.
147
00:06:47,789 --> 00:06:48,901
Shit!
148
00:06:48,940 --> 00:06:51,786
Now, will you
cut that out, Fritz?
149
00:06:51,819 --> 00:06:53,411
Hey!
150
00:06:55,017 --> 00:06:57,350
The beauty of cannabis.
151
00:06:57,383 --> 00:06:59,803
And then once we get inside,
get everything--
152
00:06:59,846 --> 00:07:02,364
don't get no washing machines--
then leave.
153
00:07:02,405 --> 00:07:03,614
Somebody's home!
154
00:07:03,652 --> 00:07:05,058
Doesn't it fill you with joy?
155
00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,366
Is that cat smoking?
156
00:07:06,401 --> 00:07:08,920
The unfettered exuberance,
the lust for life?
157
00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:10,366
It makes you...
158
00:07:10,399 --> 00:07:12,340
Look how
he's smoking weed.
159
00:07:12,382 --> 00:07:13,941
want to drop
your phony inhibitions...
160
00:07:13,981 --> 00:07:16,848
and love your fellow man?
161
00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:19,224
Look at that chick
with them titties!
162
00:07:19,258 --> 00:07:21,079
Or brother, maybe.
Doesn't it? Huh?
163
00:07:22,552 --> 00:07:23,958
It is Juan's sister.
164
00:07:23,991 --> 00:07:26,607
Don't you kind of see things
more clearly, huh?
165
00:07:32,050 --> 00:07:34,798
That's right.
Take a good, long drag, sis.
166
00:07:34,831 --> 00:07:36,652
Now breathe in the smoke.
Deep.
167
00:07:36,687 --> 00:07:39,052
It'll help clear your sinuses.
168
00:07:40,269 --> 00:07:42,853
Hey, I feel light-headed.
169
00:07:49,287 --> 00:07:51,009
That is Juan's sister, man!
170
00:07:51,045 --> 00:07:53,433
He's going to the store!
171
00:08:12,696 --> 00:08:14,670
Looks like a feature film,
you know what I mean?
172
00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:15,888
Right on.
173
00:08:38,759 --> 00:08:44,222
Will it really
expand my...awareness?
174
00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:46,266
Well, you know what they say...
175
00:08:46,307 --> 00:08:49,240
"Take tea and see."
176
00:08:49,281 --> 00:08:51,516
Doesn't clear my sinuses at all.
177
00:08:55,293 --> 00:08:58,607
Daddy says you're only good
for getting the papers.
178
00:09:00,698 --> 00:09:03,282
Is that all
you're good for, Fritz?
179
00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:05,555
That's some kick, huh?
180
00:09:07,509 --> 00:09:10,159
You know the most interesting
thing about smoking?
181
00:09:10,196 --> 00:09:11,983
It causes
excessive perspiration...
182
00:09:12,019 --> 00:09:13,960
and a person has to take
off all his clothes.
183
00:09:14,001 --> 00:09:16,040
Otherwise, he can drown
to death in his own juices.
184
00:09:24,747 --> 00:09:28,967
Now, this activity
is like artificial respiration.
185
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:31,103
Smoke some more of this shit.
Fuck them.
186
00:09:33,253 --> 00:09:36,034
If I get up in this pad,
I got the downstairs--
187
00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:38,335
-Hold it in.
-I'll knock it out.
188
00:09:38,370 --> 00:09:40,060
You'd knock it out, you'd what?
189
00:09:40,097 --> 00:09:45,757
I love my brother's friends.
190
00:09:45,789 --> 00:09:48,210
Man, he ought to put a bag
over that ugly bitch's head.
191
00:09:48,252 --> 00:09:50,323
Stick her head
in the couch, man.
192
00:09:50,362 --> 00:09:52,052
Before I stick
my thing in her...
193
00:09:52,089 --> 00:09:54,455
-Look at them fuck.
-Man, hold up.
194
00:09:55,608 --> 00:09:57,330
Makes me kind of horny, man.
195
00:09:57,366 --> 00:09:58,642
-Yeah.
-Let's rob.
196
00:09:58,678 --> 00:10:01,294
Duck, man. There's a car
coming up the driveway.
197
00:10:01,331 --> 00:10:03,599
I bet it's her old man.
198
00:10:06,320 --> 00:10:08,391
Is this good for the liver?
199
00:10:10,638 --> 00:10:13,636
Oh, Fritz. That's good!
200
00:10:13,676 --> 00:10:14,853
Chita!
201
00:10:14,891 --> 00:10:16,352
That's the ugliest motherfucker.
202
00:10:16,394 --> 00:10:17,506
Daddy!
203
00:10:17,545 --> 00:10:18,919
Look at
that snaggle-toothed...
204
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,056
big, greasy, fucking nasty pig.
205
00:10:21,095 --> 00:10:23,679
Gee, pops, maybe I should
go get the papers, huh?
206
00:10:23,718 --> 00:10:27,545
Papers?! Why, you, you!
Little son of a bitch.
207
00:10:27,587 --> 00:10:29,560
What do you want, pops,
News or the Times?
208
00:10:29,602 --> 00:10:31,804
Pink commie bastard!
209
00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:35,958
Shit.
210
00:10:35,998 --> 00:10:38,331
I guess you killed him,
right in the ass.
211
00:10:38,365 --> 00:10:40,632
I guess we can't
rob this pad today, huh?
212
00:10:40,667 --> 00:10:43,632
We'll come back tomorrow.
213
00:10:43,705 --> 00:10:46,125
My sister was once
in psychoanalysis.
214
00:10:46,167 --> 00:10:48,500
She says you're a boy
who would fuck his mother.
215
00:10:48,534 --> 00:10:50,191
And what have you
done for Ralphie?
216
00:10:50,229 --> 00:10:52,170
Other than to teach him
how to masturbate?
217
00:10:52,212 --> 00:10:54,512
And left-handed, no less.
218
00:11:47,793 --> 00:11:49,930
You must be new around here.
219
00:11:49,967 --> 00:11:53,129
I haven't seen your face before.
220
00:11:53,165 --> 00:11:54,986
My old lady kicked me
out of the house.
221
00:11:55,020 --> 00:11:57,866
I've had this streak
of bad luck lately...
222
00:11:57,899 --> 00:12:00,036
and she's been making noise
I should go find work.
223
00:12:04,678 --> 00:12:08,570
What'd you say,
something about work?
224
00:12:08,611 --> 00:12:11,195
Everybody knows
that's what kills a man.
225
00:12:14,272 --> 00:12:16,856
Starts out
with an eight-hour day...
226
00:12:16,894 --> 00:12:18,681
forty hours a week...
227
00:12:18,717 --> 00:12:21,584
and, hell, boy,
before you know it...
228
00:12:21,628 --> 00:12:25,586
you're married to some fine-ass
woman and buying a house.
229
00:12:29,622 --> 00:12:31,083
I'll help you.
230
00:12:33,332 --> 00:12:36,080
Yeah, that's terrible.
231
00:12:36,114 --> 00:12:37,869
Work is terrible.
232
00:12:37,905 --> 00:12:40,969
What the hell
do you get for it, anyway?
233
00:12:41,007 --> 00:12:42,500
Jeez, I don't know.
234
00:12:42,543 --> 00:12:44,963
It's just money is all.
It's evil.
235
00:12:45,005 --> 00:12:46,760
I tell you, it's evil.
236
00:12:46,795 --> 00:12:49,347
It all starts
from having to work.
237
00:12:49,386 --> 00:12:51,872
Now, if you
don't have to work...
238
00:12:51,912 --> 00:12:53,700
why, you don't get any money.
239
00:12:53,735 --> 00:12:55,589
You know what I mean?
It's that simple.
240
00:12:55,621 --> 00:12:58,205
Yeah. That's what
I try to tell my old lady.
241
00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:01,058
She sent my ass down
to the welfare office again...
242
00:13:01,090 --> 00:13:02,399
and those creeps
started to hit on me...
243
00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:05,498
about receiving public
assistance for over a year...
244
00:13:05,536 --> 00:13:09,843
and here was my last--
Are you OK?
245
00:13:09,885 --> 00:13:11,291
It's my last check and all...
246
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:12,534
and I had failed
to find employment again.
247
00:13:12,571 --> 00:13:15,287
It's just too much bullshit,
so I split.
248
00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:16,531
It doesn't pay
to hit the big time.
249
00:13:16,569 --> 00:13:19,055
-No.
-Yeah.
250
00:13:28,977 --> 00:13:30,405
Oh, wow.
251
00:13:34,446 --> 00:13:36,965
Well, you got any plans, son?
252
00:13:37,004 --> 00:13:39,141
Oh, yeah.
I figured I'd settle down here.
253
00:13:39,179 --> 00:13:41,185
Get away from
all the zipper-heads uptown.
254
00:13:41,225 --> 00:13:44,703
Not get involved with all
the extemporaneous bullshit.
255
00:13:44,743 --> 00:13:46,564
And, hey, by the way,
what's your name?
256
00:13:46,598 --> 00:13:49,727
Oh, I'm God.
257
00:13:49,764 --> 00:13:51,518
Wow, man, that is heavy.
258
00:13:51,555 --> 00:13:53,593
You're really God, huh?
No shit?
259
00:14:01,820 --> 00:14:03,412
You OK?
260
00:14:03,451 --> 00:14:07,191
I've been God for about
three and a half years now.
261
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:11,180
A lot of responsibility,
you know.
262
00:14:16,052 --> 00:14:17,611
I'll bet.
263
00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:20,267
Also, I'm black belt karate.
264
00:14:20,304 --> 00:14:22,953
No shit?
Wow, this really blows my mind.
265
00:14:22,991 --> 00:14:24,550
Me, I'm standing here
rapping with God.
266
00:14:24,590 --> 00:14:26,477
Far out!
267
00:14:26,509 --> 00:14:28,395
You want to be my assistant?
268
00:14:28,428 --> 00:14:29,736
Well...
269
00:14:29,771 --> 00:14:33,030
I might be forced
to give up my job.
270
00:14:35,399 --> 00:14:38,593
I can't keep busting my ass
this here way.
271
00:14:39,844 --> 00:14:43,289
Anyway, I've been into some
heavy gear in one of my lives.
272
00:14:43,330 --> 00:14:44,954
I got nine of them, pal.
273
00:14:44,993 --> 00:14:47,064
I got hung up with
the weirdest dude one time...
274
00:14:47,104 --> 00:14:49,045
you could ever imagine.
275
00:14:51,805 --> 00:14:53,527
This guy I'm thinking of
was really psycho...
276
00:14:53,564 --> 00:14:55,472
you wouldn't believe it.
277
00:15:00,151 --> 00:15:02,092
Jesus.
278
00:15:19,659 --> 00:15:22,919
Wow, God, you really do
some weird shit, you know?
279
00:15:30,564 --> 00:15:33,858
Make the fucking world in
seven days--try it sometime.
280
00:15:55,157 --> 00:15:56,683
Work your vanilla!
281
00:16:00,337 --> 00:16:02,246
Oh, the Yanks are coming!
282
00:16:04,815 --> 00:16:08,522
And remember,
your fathers and mothers...
283
00:16:08,557 --> 00:16:11,490
and all of your Fatherland
will be watching you.
284
00:16:11,531 --> 00:16:14,344
Envying in the great glory...
285
00:16:14,376 --> 00:16:17,244
for which you
have been selected...
286
00:16:17,287 --> 00:16:21,507
you all have promised
to die for the Fuhrer.
287
00:16:21,540 --> 00:16:23,960
Who wants to be next?
288
00:16:24,003 --> 00:16:26,140
Ooh! Oh, Mama!
289
00:16:26,178 --> 00:16:28,794
Mama, was Papa
ever like this?
290
00:16:52,337 --> 00:16:55,499
Mein Fuhrer, the bombs have
just killed your orderly!
291
00:16:55,535 --> 00:16:58,794
Ah, another orderly gone.
292
00:16:58,829 --> 00:17:01,064
Get me another one!
293
00:17:01,099 --> 00:17:03,781
Order another orderly quickly!
294
00:17:03,817 --> 00:17:05,377
Another orderly quickly!
295
00:17:05,417 --> 00:17:06,910
Another orderly!
296
00:17:06,952 --> 00:17:09,535
Another orderly
for the Fuhrer!
297
00:17:09,574 --> 00:17:11,515
Put up
an "Out of Orderly" sign!
298
00:17:11,557 --> 00:17:16,061
-Harder!
-I get excited! Good!
299
00:17:16,098 --> 00:17:18,366
My Lenore!
300
00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:21,017
My liebchen!
301
00:17:25,436 --> 00:17:28,849
Ohh! Hans!
I mean, he was--ohh!
302
00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,612
Hans, I'm sorry. I--
303
00:17:30,649 --> 00:17:32,208
Stand aside!
304
00:17:32,248 --> 00:17:35,115
Oh, he was so wonderful!
Oh, Hans!
305
00:17:36,533 --> 00:17:38,288
I mean, he was--
306
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:40,145
My aching swastika!
307
00:17:40,179 --> 00:17:42,414
I thought being a Nazi
as all "Sieg, Sieg"...
308
00:17:42,449 --> 00:17:44,587
and "Sieg Heil!"
This is for shit!
309
00:17:44,624 --> 00:17:46,478
I better get my ass
the fuck out of here.
310
00:17:46,511 --> 00:17:47,754
War is hell!
311
00:18:03,012 --> 00:18:06,272
Mein Fuhrer, here are
the candidates for your orderly.
312
00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:11,453
Heil Hitler!
313
00:18:11,487 --> 00:18:13,874
Sieg heil!
314
00:18:13,918 --> 00:18:15,443
That one!
315
00:18:15,485 --> 00:18:16,662
I want that one!
316
00:18:16,700 --> 00:18:18,837
Him! That's him!
317
00:18:32,242 --> 00:18:35,688
Excuse me, Fuhrer.
I didn't mean to stare.
318
00:18:35,728 --> 00:18:38,890
What is it? You see
something missing maybe?
319
00:18:38,926 --> 00:18:41,030
No, no!
Everything's fine...
320
00:18:41,068 --> 00:18:43,139
but you've only
got one ball.
321
00:18:43,179 --> 00:18:46,689
Everybody in the Third Reich
has to do without something!
322
00:18:46,729 --> 00:18:48,135
I see.
323
00:18:48,168 --> 00:18:52,192
When the Fuhrer is naked,
everyone is naked!
324
00:18:52,229 --> 00:18:56,024
Well, here I am, aren't l?
Hi.
325
00:18:56,067 --> 00:18:59,163
Imbecile. Imbecile.
326
00:18:59,201 --> 00:19:03,028
Don't you know what is
expected of you now?
327
00:19:03,070 --> 00:19:05,524
What? I think
you dropped something.
328
00:19:05,565 --> 00:19:08,018
What? I dropped something?
329
00:19:08,060 --> 00:19:10,163
I put the soap
in your hand, you see...
330
00:19:10,202 --> 00:19:12,110
and you seem
to have let it go.
331
00:19:12,153 --> 00:19:13,941
Dropped it, like...
332
00:19:13,976 --> 00:19:17,040
almost like you weren't
interested in washing at all!
333
00:19:17,078 --> 00:19:19,345
I was not conscious of this.
334
00:19:19,380 --> 00:19:21,288
It is simple to see,
Mein Fuhrer.
335
00:19:21,331 --> 00:19:23,883
You're real motivations
are blocked here.
336
00:19:23,922 --> 00:19:27,236
Blocked?
What is blocked?
337
00:19:27,279 --> 00:19:28,707
It's a new word.
338
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:30,505
It means what's inside
can't get outside.
339
00:19:30,541 --> 00:19:31,882
Some kind of
Freudian horseshit.
340
00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:35,209
Oh, inside, can't get out...
341
00:19:35,242 --> 00:19:36,997
You're a nice boy.
342
00:19:39,591 --> 00:19:42,011
I'm going to make
a confession.
343
00:19:42,054 --> 00:19:45,913
Sometimes, I would like
to be a ballet dancer.
344
00:19:45,955 --> 00:19:47,383
Really? No kidding?
345
00:19:47,427 --> 00:19:49,629
I often see myself in the opera.
346
00:19:49,665 --> 00:19:50,842
Oh, wow.
347
00:19:50,881 --> 00:19:52,702
And the people
are applauding me!
348
00:19:52,735 --> 00:19:54,360
Well, sure they would.
349
00:20:04,024 --> 00:20:05,845
There you go! You see?
350
00:20:05,879 --> 00:20:07,634
That means this whole
number you're doing--
351
00:20:07,670 --> 00:20:09,676
this conquest
of the world thing...
352
00:20:09,717 --> 00:20:12,563
or whatever it is,
is just to get attention.
353
00:20:12,595 --> 00:20:15,179
Interesting
you should say that...
354
00:20:15,217 --> 00:20:17,321
but I am washing, see, now?
355
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,292
So why did I drop the soap?
356
00:20:20,334 --> 00:20:23,332
Well, that,
my dear Herr Hitler...
357
00:20:23,372 --> 00:20:25,443
is a question
you must ask yourself...
358
00:20:25,482 --> 00:20:28,164
when you wrestle with
the true identity, you know.
359
00:20:28,201 --> 00:20:30,621
I mean, in the dawning
of self-awareness...
360
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:32,931
between you
and your pillow, man...
361
00:20:32,966 --> 00:20:35,201
when after the labors
of sleepless nights...
362
00:20:35,236 --> 00:20:39,805
you gained the exalted heights
of the altar of truth!
363
00:20:39,842 --> 00:20:41,434
You have insight.
364
00:20:41,473 --> 00:20:44,635
When I see something
I want, I grab it.
365
00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:45,913
Sure, why not?
366
00:20:45,950 --> 00:20:50,387
And my stomach doesn't stop
to ask my head if it's hungry.
367
00:20:50,427 --> 00:20:51,571
No, that figures.
368
00:20:51,610 --> 00:20:55,732
By the way,
what is your name?
369
00:20:55,768 --> 00:20:57,654
Fritz.
370
00:20:57,687 --> 00:21:02,953
Well, Fritz, you say
you once had three balls?
371
00:21:02,995 --> 00:21:04,172
Yeah.
372
00:21:04,210 --> 00:21:07,241
Would you like to try for one?
373
00:21:07,281 --> 00:21:09,799
I don't--Sir!
374
00:21:09,839 --> 00:21:12,204
Listen--OK, OK!
375
00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,756
Now, look,
I'm gonna pick up the soap.
376
00:21:14,796 --> 00:21:16,518
I am. Just wait.
377
00:21:16,555 --> 00:21:19,716
I'm gonna bend over now.
Just...
378
00:21:19,753 --> 00:21:22,598
I'm gonna--
Hey, watch it, will ya?!
379
00:21:22,631 --> 00:21:24,834
Mein Fuhrer, wait!
380
00:21:24,869 --> 00:21:26,461
Oh, my God, wait!
381
00:21:27,491 --> 00:21:29,857
Ich bin der fuhrer!
382
00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:37,914
Gee, Fuhrer,
now you got no balls.
383
00:21:37,949 --> 00:21:39,922
Mein Fuhrer!
384
00:21:39,963 --> 00:21:44,717
Gentlemen,
we can no longer continue.
385
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:47,410
War is just
a question of balls.
386
00:21:47,447 --> 00:21:50,740
Ja, balls.
387
00:21:50,773 --> 00:21:53,586
Goebbels.
Goebbels, are you not...
388
00:21:53,619 --> 00:21:55,985
my most loyal
and truthful assistant?
389
00:21:56,017 --> 00:21:57,445
Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer.
390
00:21:57,488 --> 00:22:01,283
Did you not invent the slogan
which binds all us Nazis?
391
00:22:01,326 --> 00:22:02,667
Jawohl, Mein Fuhrer.
392
00:22:02,701 --> 00:22:04,162
And what is that slogan?
393
00:22:04,204 --> 00:22:05,349
Death before dishonor.
394
00:22:05,388 --> 00:22:08,168
What an asshole slogan.
395
00:22:08,202 --> 00:22:10,372
You can always
change the slogan.
396
00:22:18,308 --> 00:22:20,194
You must think
of Fraulein Braun.
397
00:22:20,226 --> 00:22:21,655
She needs you.
398
00:22:21,698 --> 00:22:23,671
Ja, think of Eva.
399
00:22:23,712 --> 00:22:25,882
How she would miss you, Adolf.
400
00:22:25,919 --> 00:22:28,121
That's right.
401
00:22:29,980 --> 00:22:33,274
After all,
who could take my place?
402
00:22:33,306 --> 00:22:35,029
Sieg heil!
403
00:23:42,895 --> 00:23:45,097
I got that Nazi rat bastard...
404
00:23:45,132 --> 00:23:47,019
right between
the crack in his ass!
405
00:23:47,051 --> 00:23:51,271
Now how do those sons of bitches
expect to win a war...
406
00:23:51,305 --> 00:23:53,540
when they're out of
goddamn uniform, huh?
407
00:23:57,030 --> 00:23:58,851
I don't have any time
to do anything for myself!
408
00:23:58,884 --> 00:24:01,370
I don't even have time
to get myself a new diaphragm!
409
00:24:01,411 --> 00:24:03,864
If you hold it up to the light,
you can see little pinholes.
410
00:24:03,905 --> 00:24:07,896
Fritz, I'm tired of
plugging it up with Chapstick!
411
00:24:15,418 --> 00:24:17,686
Out of my shop.
I won't cash your check...
412
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:19,824
and there's no such thing
as a refund on those things...
413
00:24:19,863 --> 00:24:21,869
just 'cause you say
it don't fit quite right.
414
00:24:21,910 --> 00:24:23,916
But it's never been used, Niki.
415
00:24:23,957 --> 00:24:25,418
I'll even take
a prorated refund.
416
00:24:25,460 --> 00:24:26,801
It was used!
417
00:24:30,992 --> 00:24:33,892
Well, only a little, a quickie.
418
00:24:33,934 --> 00:24:36,616
And I bet I know who this
was used on, too, huh?
419
00:24:36,652 --> 00:24:38,855
OK, Niki, you're on.
Try to guess who.
420
00:24:38,891 --> 00:24:41,889
Let's see now.
With your filthy taste...
421
00:24:41,930 --> 00:24:43,783
Iet's see,
it must be a fat one, right?
422
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:46,531
Yeah, right. Go on.
423
00:24:46,566 --> 00:24:50,241
And I just bet she sweat a lot,
and she smell like a goat, huh?
424
00:24:50,276 --> 00:24:51,485
Right.
425
00:24:52,450 --> 00:24:55,263
And she's got bad breath,
no teeth?
426
00:24:55,297 --> 00:24:57,564
Yes! Go on!
You're getting warmer!
427
00:24:57,599 --> 00:25:00,499
And she's got big, hairy...
428
00:25:00,541 --> 00:25:03,954
goddamn moustache
on the top lip!
429
00:25:03,996 --> 00:25:06,928
Oh, you got me, Niki.
You got me nailed, man.
430
00:25:06,970 --> 00:25:08,213
And I'll bet...
431
00:25:08,248 --> 00:25:11,443
that fucking whore been with
every guy on this block, right?
432
00:25:11,478 --> 00:25:12,623
Right!
433
00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:16,233
Niki, you're a genius!
434
00:25:17,331 --> 00:25:20,941
Niki, you only left out
one thing.
435
00:25:20,976 --> 00:25:22,950
What did I leave out, Fritz?
436
00:25:22,991 --> 00:25:25,836
You know what?
She's got the clap!
437
00:25:27,948 --> 00:25:30,794
That's right!
438
00:25:30,826 --> 00:25:33,214
How could I skip that?
That's a nice one.
439
00:25:33,257 --> 00:25:34,816
She got to have the clap, right?
440
00:25:34,856 --> 00:25:36,743
She has to.
441
00:25:36,775 --> 00:25:38,912
-Hey, Fritz.
-Shit.
442
00:25:38,949 --> 00:25:41,533
Fritz, I'll tell you something.
You're not so bad, you know?
443
00:25:41,572 --> 00:25:44,865
Maybe I'll cash your check
after all.
444
00:25:44,898 --> 00:25:47,514
Hey, Fritz, tell me...
445
00:25:47,552 --> 00:25:49,460
what's this fat
whore pig's name, huh?
446
00:25:49,502 --> 00:25:52,283
-What's the broad's name?
-Gina.
447
00:25:52,317 --> 00:25:53,494
-Hey, Fritz.
-What?
448
00:25:53,532 --> 00:25:55,157
That's a-my wife's name.
449
00:25:55,195 --> 00:25:57,812
Gina is my wife's name.
She don't have the clap.
450
00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:01,557
She does now.
451
00:26:01,591 --> 00:26:03,150
Why, you--
452
00:26:03,190 --> 00:26:05,163
You fucking cat,
I rip your balls off!
453
00:26:05,204 --> 00:26:06,730
Get the fuck out of my shop!
454
00:26:06,771 --> 00:26:09,388
Fuck off! You fucking cat!
455
00:26:09,426 --> 00:26:11,880
I kill you!
I fuck you in the ass!
456
00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:13,959
Fritz, man, what's
all this noise about, man?
457
00:26:13,999 --> 00:26:16,070
I can hear all the way
from the alley.
458
00:26:17,070 --> 00:26:18,923
Don't even come here!
459
00:26:18,956 --> 00:26:20,962
Aw, nothing.
Niki can't take a joke.
460
00:26:21,003 --> 00:26:22,464
He takes things too seriously.
461
00:26:22,506 --> 00:26:24,098
It's hard not to around here.
462
00:26:24,137 --> 00:26:25,991
Gets pretty fucking
deadly sometimes.
463
00:26:26,023 --> 00:26:29,599
I heard it was better years ago,
you know what I mean?
464
00:26:29,638 --> 00:26:32,157
But, Lenny, things have
always been, more or less...
465
00:26:32,196 --> 00:26:33,504
up-and-down situation.
466
00:26:33,539 --> 00:26:35,871
This street wasn't always
a shit-house, let me tell ya.
467
00:26:35,905 --> 00:26:37,366
And even as far back
as the thirties...
468
00:26:37,409 --> 00:26:38,935
there were those who gave
and those that took.
469
00:26:38,976 --> 00:26:42,203
Aw, Fritz, but what do I do
with this here thing?
470
00:26:42,237 --> 00:26:44,375
You can have it.
I'm done with it anyway.
471
00:26:44,412 --> 00:26:46,004
When I was
back in the thirties...
472
00:26:46,043 --> 00:26:48,595
I was one very sharp
continental-type stud.
473
00:27:08,397 --> 00:27:12,169
The only thing we have
to fear is...
474
00:27:12,203 --> 00:27:13,664
fear itself.
475
00:27:40,153 --> 00:27:42,421
People must have faith.
476
00:27:45,302 --> 00:27:48,267
Together...we cannot fail.
477
00:28:04,650 --> 00:28:09,381
And it is up to you...
to support...and make it work.
478
00:32:55,986 --> 00:32:57,414
Hey, putz!
479
00:32:57,457 --> 00:32:59,561
Your idea of helping out
with the gas shortage...
480
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:01,835
was to stop eating pizza...
481
00:33:01,871 --> 00:33:03,757
and bring home
four of your hooker friends...
482
00:33:03,789 --> 00:33:06,471
to sleep with us at night
to stimulate heat.
483
00:33:07,787 --> 00:33:09,444
Look, I don't know
how you can own a business...
484
00:33:09,482 --> 00:33:10,975
and not be able to cash...
485
00:33:11,017 --> 00:33:13,437
this miserable pittance
of a welfare check is all.
486
00:33:13,479 --> 00:33:15,202
If I give you all my money...
487
00:33:15,238 --> 00:33:17,603
I'll have nothing left
to buy with.
488
00:33:17,637 --> 00:33:19,872
Oh, Christ,
then you are in luck, Morris.
489
00:33:19,907 --> 00:33:22,045
Look at this. Knowing of
your love for the unusual...
490
00:33:22,082 --> 00:33:24,800
I've brought you something
you won't be able to resist.
491
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:25,912
-I know it.
-Resist?
492
00:33:25,951 --> 00:33:27,379
Believe me, I could resist.
493
00:33:27,423 --> 00:33:30,769
Just look at it, Morris--
the design, the gentle contours.
494
00:33:30,813 --> 00:33:33,015
Why, it's almost Louis Quinze
for Christ's sake.
495
00:33:33,051 --> 00:33:35,798
It's disgusting,
for Christ's sake.
496
00:33:35,833 --> 00:33:37,970
It's the type of item
that will sell so fast...
497
00:33:38,008 --> 00:33:40,821
you'll be pleading for more
inside of a week, believe me.
498
00:33:43,348 --> 00:33:45,713
It's been used. I can tell.
499
00:33:45,747 --> 00:33:47,568
What? Used?
By a little old lady.
500
00:33:47,602 --> 00:33:49,837
A one-owner shitter--
and genteel.
501
00:33:49,872 --> 00:33:52,107
That's gentile,
you stupid bastard.
502
00:33:52,143 --> 00:33:53,320
Don't get hosteel.
503
00:33:53,358 --> 00:33:54,535
That's "hostile."
504
00:33:54,573 --> 00:33:56,066
You're taking
the wrong approach, Morris.
505
00:33:56,109 --> 00:33:58,279
Now, some of my best friends
are Jewish.
506
00:33:58,315 --> 00:34:00,801
Do I look like
the Chase Manhattan Bank?
507
00:34:00,841 --> 00:34:03,709
You come in here with
out-of-money look in your face.
508
00:34:03,751 --> 00:34:06,117
Look like you got hit in
the head with a foul pitch...
509
00:34:06,150 --> 00:34:08,091
and you want to sell me this.
510
00:34:08,133 --> 00:34:10,685
But with inflation, the value
of a dollar going down...
511
00:34:10,723 --> 00:34:12,544
my expenses skyrocketing...
512
00:34:12,577 --> 00:34:16,056
Why, even this week, the price
of a decent circumcision...
513
00:34:16,096 --> 00:34:18,004
something I shudder
to think about.
514
00:34:18,046 --> 00:34:19,572
I agree with you there...
515
00:34:19,613 --> 00:34:22,907
but what's that got to do
with my toilet seat?
516
00:34:25,306 --> 00:34:28,303
That's the point, my friend.
517
00:34:28,344 --> 00:34:30,731
My old seder
used to say to me...
518
00:34:30,774 --> 00:34:34,634
"Morris, take a pickle.
It's made for eating."
519
00:34:34,676 --> 00:34:37,609
The thing you're holding
is made for shitting.
520
00:34:37,650 --> 00:34:39,307
It's simple logic.
521
00:34:39,345 --> 00:34:40,937
You could even be a Rockefeller.
522
00:34:40,976 --> 00:34:44,356
It's tough to find
a good pickle.
523
00:34:46,476 --> 00:34:50,467
Socioeconomically speaking,
you're absolutely correct, but--
524
00:34:50,506 --> 00:34:52,392
Look, Fritz...
525
00:34:52,424 --> 00:34:54,398
the pickles are beginning
to get to me.
526
00:34:54,439 --> 00:34:57,950
And these days, a soft stool
is too important to me...
527
00:34:57,989 --> 00:35:00,857
for something to quibble,
so I'll make you a deal.
528
00:35:00,900 --> 00:35:02,459
Tell you what I'm going to do.
529
00:35:02,499 --> 00:35:05,595
You give me the seat,
I'll trade for you a bargain.
530
00:35:09,694 --> 00:35:12,561
Where did you get this thing?
531
00:35:13,564 --> 00:35:16,944
Questions--youth,
all the time, questions.
532
00:35:16,985 --> 00:35:19,057
Nowadays people
don't know an opportunity...
533
00:35:19,096 --> 00:35:20,982
when it smacks them
upside of the face.
534
00:35:21,015 --> 00:35:22,836
I think I've been screwed.
535
00:35:22,869 --> 00:35:25,355
With that, you could be
the next man on the moon.
536
00:35:25,396 --> 00:35:27,467
Fuck the moon.
I been further than that once.
537
00:35:27,507 --> 00:35:29,644
That's no big deal.
I'd rather take a shit.
538
00:35:29,682 --> 00:35:31,110
So would l.
Give me the seat.
539
00:35:31,152 --> 00:35:32,526
I'm going to hit you
on the top of the head.
540
00:35:32,560 --> 00:35:35,592
This should cure you.
Here we go. I say heal!
541
00:35:35,630 --> 00:35:37,603
Heal, Mr. Cobbs, heal!
542
00:35:37,645 --> 00:35:40,010
Through the power vested
in me by God, Jesus Christ...
543
00:35:40,043 --> 00:35:41,449
I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb.
544
00:35:41,546 --> 00:35:43,138
Hello, world.
545
00:35:43,177 --> 00:35:46,208
This is the event
mankind has been waiting for--
546
00:35:46,247 --> 00:35:49,060
the first man launched to Mars.
547
00:35:49,093 --> 00:35:52,703
Fritz, I got to tell you
something right out in front.
548
00:35:52,739 --> 00:35:54,745
If it wouldn't be
for this fucking cold...
549
00:35:54,785 --> 00:35:57,653
I'd be going
all the way to Mars with you.
550
00:35:57,696 --> 00:36:00,345
39 million miles--a drop kick.
551
00:36:00,383 --> 00:36:02,901
But the doc says
I can't fly with this cold.
552
00:36:02,941 --> 00:36:04,369
It's bad for the ears.
553
00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:06,549
He said something about me
popping a drum or something...
554
00:36:06,586 --> 00:36:09,334
I don't know.
555
00:36:10,903 --> 00:36:12,560
Jeez, I got to get
some more Binaca.
556
00:36:12,599 --> 00:36:15,019
Put that in my bring-ups,
will you?
557
00:36:15,061 --> 00:36:16,489
Fritz, you know
how I hate to bother you...
558
00:36:16,532 --> 00:36:17,993
when you're
getting near the pad...
559
00:36:18,035 --> 00:36:21,000
but we got to make a decision
on the Poli-Grip account.
560
00:36:21,041 --> 00:36:22,949
I can see you with
a package of five spots...
561
00:36:22,992 --> 00:36:25,292
for the Japanese
and Taiwan market.
562
00:36:25,327 --> 00:36:28,042
Incidentally,
the residuals will be unreal.
563
00:36:28,077 --> 00:36:30,661
It's eight million yen
for every thirteen-week cycle...
564
00:36:30,699 --> 00:36:32,040
and you don't
have to declare it.
565
00:36:32,074 --> 00:36:34,113
You know,
there's a whole cult...
566
00:36:34,153 --> 00:36:36,007
of denture-adhesive freaks
out there...
567
00:36:36,039 --> 00:36:37,380
just waiting for a leader.
568
00:36:37,415 --> 00:36:39,552
Some of them
still got their own teeth.
569
00:36:39,589 --> 00:36:42,043
Am I bothering you
with all this, Fritz?
570
00:36:42,084 --> 00:36:43,905
My God, Fritz,
I got to get some air in here.
571
00:36:43,939 --> 00:36:46,457
I feel myself slipping away.
572
00:36:46,497 --> 00:36:47,772
Now, I know
you're against charities...
573
00:36:47,808 --> 00:36:49,236
and benefits and freebies...
574
00:36:49,279 --> 00:36:51,350
but hear me out
on this one, Fritzie.
575
00:36:51,390 --> 00:36:53,755
There's a nationwide
charity telethon coming up...
576
00:36:53,789 --> 00:36:55,543
the first of next month...
577
00:36:55,579 --> 00:36:57,879
for the further development
of all-vegetable...
578
00:36:57,914 --> 00:37:01,686
organically-grown
polyunsaturated Preparation H--
579
00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:02,897
with suntan oil.
580
00:37:02,935 --> 00:37:05,519
Jerry Lewis is going
to be there--everybody.
581
00:37:05,557 --> 00:37:07,890
And before you shut me off,
I got to tell you...
582
00:37:07,924 --> 00:37:10,769
the exposure will be
sensational for you.
583
00:37:10,802 --> 00:37:12,077
And we might even have
a spin-off...
584
00:37:12,113 --> 00:37:13,454
on a new movie
that's coming out...
585
00:37:13,488 --> 00:37:16,301
with Frankie Avalon
and Annette Funicello...
586
00:37:16,334 --> 00:37:18,089
called "Beach Ball Piles."
587
00:37:18,125 --> 00:37:21,255
Well, Fritz, I see
we arrived at the pad...
588
00:37:21,291 --> 00:37:22,784
so this will give you
some things to think about...
589
00:37:22,826 --> 00:37:24,767
on a 39-million mile trip.
590
00:37:24,809 --> 00:37:27,525
And remember, Fritz, sweetheart,
I'd be with you all the way...
591
00:37:27,559 --> 00:37:29,892
it wouldn't be
for this fucking cold.
592
00:37:32,324 --> 00:37:34,843
Hot damn.
That chick wouldn't look bad...
593
00:37:34,883 --> 00:37:36,856
holding up a Hershey's bar,
would she?
594
00:37:38,177 --> 00:37:39,605
With nuts.
595
00:37:43,453 --> 00:37:46,353
Ah, freedom of the press.
596
00:37:46,395 --> 00:37:48,565
Jeez, I feel sorry
for the poor slob.
597
00:37:48,602 --> 00:37:50,542
I wouldn't make that trip
with him with six points.
598
00:37:50,585 --> 00:37:53,201
Hey, Fritz, baby,
want to talk to Walter?
599
00:37:53,239 --> 00:37:54,798
Sure. Why not?
600
00:37:54,838 --> 00:37:58,131
Fritz, does being the first
to set foot on Mars--
601
00:37:58,164 --> 00:38:00,301
golly--kind of give you
goose bumps?
602
00:38:00,339 --> 00:38:03,239
Ahem. Gentlemen,
I've been up and down...
603
00:38:03,281 --> 00:38:05,189
the four corners
of this big old world...
604
00:38:05,231 --> 00:38:07,619
and I've seen it all,
and I've done it all.
605
00:38:07,662 --> 00:38:11,108
I've fought many a good man
and laid many a good woman.
606
00:38:11,148 --> 00:38:13,961
And I've had riches, fame,
and adventure, too.
607
00:38:13,993 --> 00:38:16,447
Yes. I've stood
eyeball-to-eyeball with death...
608
00:38:16,488 --> 00:38:20,676
countless times
and never, never once squinted.
609
00:38:20,709 --> 00:38:22,912
Oh, I've tasted life
to the fullest...
610
00:38:22,948 --> 00:38:25,848
and still my tortured soul
cries out--more!
611
00:38:25,891 --> 00:38:31,070
More! Oh, shit!
God, can there be any more?
612
00:38:31,104 --> 00:38:33,371
How do it feel, Fritz?
613
00:38:33,406 --> 00:38:36,022
I mean,
Mars ain't around the corner.
614
00:38:36,060 --> 00:38:37,814
You're so right.
615
00:38:37,851 --> 00:38:40,697
Hey, would you like
to discuss this in private?
616
00:38:40,729 --> 00:38:43,313
Gee, you got
a lovely pair of eyes.
617
00:38:43,351 --> 00:38:44,725
In private?
618
00:38:44,758 --> 00:38:45,870
Sure. Listen, doll...
619
00:38:45,909 --> 00:38:47,469
I'd kind of like
to give you a break.
620
00:38:47,509 --> 00:38:49,297
You know,
kind of help pay back...
621
00:38:49,332 --> 00:38:51,338
for what my people
did to your people.
622
00:38:51,378 --> 00:38:53,352
Yeah? What kind of a break?
623
00:38:53,393 --> 00:38:56,969
Well, you know, an exclusive--
an inside story.
624
00:38:57,007 --> 00:39:00,485
Fritz, wait a second!
Wait! Come on, what about us?
625
00:39:00,525 --> 00:39:04,319
What about a statement?
Give us a break, man, come on.
626
00:39:46,544 --> 00:39:48,452
Baby.
627
00:39:56,490 --> 00:39:58,943
We interrupt this telecast
of the first flight to Mars...
628
00:39:58,984 --> 00:40:00,957
for a message
of real importance.
629
00:40:00,998 --> 00:40:04,444
As chairman of the board
of the Golf Oil company...
630
00:40:04,484 --> 00:40:07,995
with its 13,000 dealers
from coast-to-coast...
631
00:40:08,034 --> 00:40:11,992
I want to welcome you all
to this momentous event.
632
00:40:12,032 --> 00:40:15,608
When you drive into
one of our Golf stations...
633
00:40:15,645 --> 00:40:19,123
say howdy to the man
who polishes your window...
634
00:40:19,164 --> 00:40:23,252
and we'll say howdy
right back at you.
635
00:40:25,272 --> 00:40:26,416
At this very minute...
636
00:40:26,454 --> 00:40:29,300
you can look at one
of our own Golf refineries...
637
00:40:29,333 --> 00:40:33,607
pumping away seven days a week,
twenty-four hours a day...
638
00:40:33,650 --> 00:40:36,551
filling your tanks
with gasoline.
639
00:40:36,592 --> 00:40:40,102
We at Golf Oil are
bringing you this telecast...
640
00:40:40,142 --> 00:40:43,882
in appreciation of the millions
of happy Golf customers...
641
00:40:43,915 --> 00:40:46,564
when they say, "Fill 'er up."
642
00:40:46,602 --> 00:40:47,975
What's that I hear?
643
00:40:51,079 --> 00:40:54,655
Jeez, look at the money
they put in that rocket.
644
00:40:54,693 --> 00:40:56,121
You could buy time
on "The Waltons"...
645
00:40:56,164 --> 00:40:58,105
for a year
with that kind of bread.
646
00:41:00,801 --> 00:41:02,742
I wonder how you put a deal
like that together.
647
00:41:02,784 --> 00:41:04,692
That's fascinating.
648
00:41:09,148 --> 00:41:10,805
We have ignition.
649
00:41:13,945 --> 00:41:15,471
Me, too!
650
00:41:15,512 --> 00:41:16,973
Baby!
651
00:41:22,579 --> 00:41:24,237
So unbelievable.
652
00:41:24,274 --> 00:41:26,574
My brother-in-law would like
a rocket like that.
653
00:41:30,702 --> 00:41:32,130
Shit.
654
00:41:43,654 --> 00:41:45,147
That's fascinating.
655
00:41:52,704 --> 00:41:54,045
Gee, look at that.
656
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:55,540
Well, there he goes.
657
00:41:55,582 --> 00:41:57,588
When he gets back,
we'll make millions.
658
00:42:17,617 --> 00:42:20,397
Jeez, I hope they got
that explosion on tape.
659
00:42:20,431 --> 00:42:23,811
It'd be perfect
for our forest lawn spots.
660
00:42:45,375 --> 00:42:47,065
Mr. Cobb. Heal, Mr. Cobb.
661
00:42:47,102 --> 00:42:48,563
Yeah. Heal.
662
00:42:48,605 --> 00:42:50,905
Through the power vested
in me by God, Jesus Christ...
663
00:42:50,940 --> 00:42:53,556
I'm going to heal you, Mr. Cobb.
664
00:43:35,328 --> 00:43:37,944
Let me make one thing
very clear--
665
00:43:37,982 --> 00:43:40,315
I am not a crook.
666
00:43:40,381 --> 00:43:41,907
Why don't you climb up
off your ass?
667
00:43:41,948 --> 00:43:43,376
Remember I was telling you
you should get to be...
668
00:43:43,418 --> 00:43:45,239
a contestant
on "Let's Make a Deal"?
669
00:43:45,274 --> 00:43:47,214
I'll tell you what.
You dress up like a frog.
670
00:43:47,256 --> 00:43:49,294
You look good in green.
And wear a yarmulke.
671
00:43:49,334 --> 00:43:50,860
I think he likes Jewish people.
672
00:43:57,394 --> 00:44:01,450
Man, am I hung up,
strung out, and uptight.
673
00:44:03,406 --> 00:44:06,601
Hey. God damn it,
I know that laugh.
674
00:44:12,041 --> 00:44:15,235
Man, it couldn't be.
675
00:44:16,645 --> 00:44:19,229
Hey, man. You in a bag.
676
00:44:19,268 --> 00:44:22,747
Hey, Duke, is it really you?
677
00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:23,898
No shit.
678
00:44:23,937 --> 00:44:26,074
But I thought you were dead.
I thought they got you.
679
00:44:27,135 --> 00:44:29,752
Fritz, you ain't changed a bit.
680
00:44:29,789 --> 00:44:32,602
You still don't know
where it's at.
681
00:44:32,636 --> 00:44:34,642
What are you doing
down here, anyway?
682
00:44:34,682 --> 00:44:37,975
I'm looking for the true meaning
of my existence, as usual.
683
00:44:38,008 --> 00:44:39,861
I got tired of
the pseudointellectuals...
684
00:44:39,895 --> 00:44:42,741
and the super-hype bullshitters
running the world...
685
00:44:42,773 --> 00:44:44,943
determining my destiny.
686
00:44:44,979 --> 00:44:47,792
You dig it?
And crushing my creative juices?
687
00:44:50,448 --> 00:44:52,008
Now lay the straight line on me.
688
00:44:52,047 --> 00:44:54,184
My old lady kicked my ass out.
689
00:44:54,222 --> 00:44:55,682
That's what I figured.
690
00:44:55,725 --> 00:44:56,969
But you know, Duke...
691
00:44:57,004 --> 00:45:01,060
it's going to be better
for all of us, really.
692
00:45:01,097 --> 00:45:02,341
No shit.
693
00:45:06,534 --> 00:45:08,704
Ain't I heard that
somewhere before?
694
00:45:08,741 --> 00:45:10,333
That's no bullshit.
695
00:45:10,371 --> 00:45:12,704
There's better days ahead,
I kid you not.
696
00:45:12,739 --> 00:45:15,868
We brothers got some great times
rolling our way, man.
697
00:45:17,439 --> 00:45:20,055
-Now you brothers, huh?
-Right on.
698
00:45:20,094 --> 00:45:21,947
Shit. No telling
how black we'll be...
699
00:45:21,981 --> 00:45:23,671
by the time
this little chat ends.
700
00:45:23,707 --> 00:45:25,528
Take my word for it. I know.
701
00:45:25,563 --> 00:45:28,016
Hey, Duke, you ever
hear of New Jersey?
702
00:45:29,016 --> 00:45:31,153
Sure.
703
00:45:31,191 --> 00:45:32,651
You ever heard
of Ray Charles?
704
00:45:32,693 --> 00:45:34,863
Yeah. Hey, and I'll tell you...
705
00:45:34,901 --> 00:45:37,004
you crows are finally
going to come into your own.
706
00:45:37,043 --> 00:45:38,286
You wait and see.
707
00:45:38,322 --> 00:45:41,452
Jive sucker come into
the ghetto, talking some stuff.
708
00:45:41,488 --> 00:45:44,356
Ought to cut the jive mother.
709
00:45:54,888 --> 00:45:56,131
Twenty-five.
710
00:45:56,167 --> 00:45:59,362
Ready, aim, fire!
711
00:46:00,324 --> 00:46:02,657
Twenty-six.
712
00:46:18,393 --> 00:46:21,391
Hey, man, your number's up.
713
00:46:21,431 --> 00:46:23,252
Come on, let's get to this.
714
00:46:23,285 --> 00:46:25,967
But--look, please, sir...
715
00:46:26,005 --> 00:46:28,588
you got the wrong guy, see?
716
00:46:28,627 --> 00:46:31,625
Don't push!
717
00:46:31,665 --> 00:46:34,533
At least let me tell you
the way it happened, fella, huh?
718
00:46:37,773 --> 00:46:39,594
Go over to the White House
and pick up a package.
719
00:46:39,628 --> 00:46:41,252
Yes, sir.
720
00:46:45,256 --> 00:46:46,564
Mr. President.
721
00:46:46,599 --> 00:46:47,940
You've got to do something.
722
00:46:47,975 --> 00:46:53,056
Believe me, there's
nothing to worry about.
723
00:46:53,091 --> 00:46:55,097
Nothing to worry about?
724
00:46:55,138 --> 00:46:57,657
This--what's his name...
725
00:46:57,696 --> 00:46:58,808
Imaku.
726
00:46:58,847 --> 00:47:00,123
Whatever--is suggesting...
727
00:47:00,158 --> 00:47:02,874
that New Africa make
a federation with Cuba...
728
00:47:02,909 --> 00:47:05,624
China, Africa,
and Northern lreland.
729
00:47:05,659 --> 00:47:07,381
I never did trust a nigger.
730
00:47:07,418 --> 00:47:09,805
But you voted in favor
of giving them New Jersey.
731
00:47:09,848 --> 00:47:11,887
The final solution
to the schwartzen problem...
732
00:47:11,927 --> 00:47:13,071
you said.
733
00:47:13,111 --> 00:47:14,833
And we get rid
of the Puerto Ricans...
734
00:47:14,869 --> 00:47:16,461
and you can't get
a decent shoeshine...
735
00:47:16,501 --> 00:47:17,809
in the whole of America.
736
00:47:17,844 --> 00:47:21,703
I haven't seen a decent
football game in ten years.
737
00:47:21,745 --> 00:47:23,686
Honduras beat us
in the Olympics.
738
00:47:23,727 --> 00:47:25,417
You know what that means?
739
00:47:25,454 --> 00:47:27,395
We have a whole country
full of niggers--
740
00:47:27,437 --> 00:47:30,283
angry niggers, right across
the river from New York.
741
00:47:30,316 --> 00:47:32,322
They could fart
and destroy Washington.
742
00:47:36,072 --> 00:47:38,591
All we have to do...
743
00:47:38,630 --> 00:47:42,043
is keep President
Supreme Jackson in office.
744
00:47:44,067 --> 00:47:45,179
Come in.
745
00:47:45,218 --> 00:47:47,388
Mr. President,
I'm from the messenger service.
746
00:47:47,425 --> 00:47:48,537
It's about time.
747
00:47:48,576 --> 00:47:50,266
Now, deliver this
to President Supreme Jackson.
748
00:47:50,303 --> 00:47:53,116
In New Jersey?
I mean, New Africa?
749
00:47:53,149 --> 00:47:54,425
Well, that's where he is.
750
00:47:54,461 --> 00:47:58,681
But I heard these crows don't
let whites in their country.
751
00:47:58,714 --> 00:48:00,535
How long have you been...
752
00:48:00,569 --> 00:48:02,095
with the Red Arrow
delivery service?
753
00:48:02,136 --> 00:48:04,981
Today's my first day.
I used to be on welfare.
754
00:48:09,651 --> 00:48:12,519
Go to the motor pool
and get a car and a pass.
755
00:48:12,561 --> 00:48:13,673
Yes, sir.
756
00:48:13,713 --> 00:48:15,751
Remember, this is important...
757
00:48:15,791 --> 00:48:17,350
to our national security,
so don't fail.
758
00:48:17,390 --> 00:48:18,600
I won't fail, sir.
759
00:48:18,637 --> 00:48:20,643
Please.
Stop kissing my hand.
760
00:48:20,683 --> 00:48:23,551
-Yes, sir.
-And touching my palms.
761
00:48:25,769 --> 00:48:26,881
Can I help you?
762
00:48:26,920 --> 00:48:28,806
I want to see
the man in charge.
763
00:48:28,839 --> 00:48:30,082
I'm in charge here.
764
00:48:30,118 --> 00:48:33,150
I came to get a car
and a pass into New Africa.
765
00:48:33,188 --> 00:48:36,350
OK, I'll get you a car
and a pass to Niggerville.
766
00:48:37,953 --> 00:48:40,504
This is a rotary engine Mazda.
767
00:48:40,543 --> 00:48:42,713
Them niggers will steal
anything they can.
768
00:48:42,750 --> 00:48:45,911
No sense in risking a new car
to go over there.
769
00:48:45,948 --> 00:48:47,638
We ain't got anybody
to wash 'em up no more.
770
00:48:47,675 --> 00:48:49,103
Here you go.
771
00:48:50,137 --> 00:48:52,307
Thanks.
772
00:48:52,344 --> 00:48:54,033
Come here.
773
00:48:54,071 --> 00:48:58,410
If you're going to New Africa...
774
00:48:58,453 --> 00:49:02,127
I got a wife and kid over there.
775
00:49:02,162 --> 00:49:03,721
They had to go
with their people...
776
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:05,450
when they gave the blacks
New Jersey.
777
00:49:05,488 --> 00:49:07,974
-No shit?
-Could you kind of--
778
00:49:08,014 --> 00:49:09,224
Well, there's a lot of blacks.
779
00:49:09,261 --> 00:49:10,853
You were married
to a colored woman?
780
00:49:10,892 --> 00:49:13,095
Shit. That's ten years
in the slammer.
781
00:49:13,131 --> 00:49:15,977
Yeah. Look, I don't expect you
to look for 'em...
782
00:49:16,009 --> 00:49:18,528
but if you should
happen to see 'em...
783
00:49:18,567 --> 00:49:20,127
will you tell 'em l--
784
00:49:20,166 --> 00:49:21,987
tell 'em I said hi.
785
00:49:31,231 --> 00:49:35,538
I wonder if they're
still over there?
786
00:49:37,499 --> 00:49:39,767
OK. Your pass is good. Go on.
787
00:49:39,803 --> 00:49:42,964
Oh, hey, how do I find
President Supreme Jackson?
788
00:49:43,000 --> 00:49:45,845
Wave a dollar bill.
789
00:49:45,878 --> 00:49:47,786
Yeah. Thanks.
790
00:49:47,829 --> 00:49:49,683
Yeah. Black is beautiful.
791
00:49:49,716 --> 00:49:51,340
Like they say, huh?
792
00:50:14,341 --> 00:50:17,056
I hears de gentle voices
793
00:50:21,280 --> 00:50:22,621
Hey, man.
794
00:50:22,655 --> 00:50:24,825
-Roscoe, dere, dere.
-What?
795
00:50:24,862 --> 00:50:27,194
That broad, man.
That ugly broad.
796
00:50:27,228 --> 00:50:28,852
Hey, man.
797
00:50:28,891 --> 00:50:30,384
Ain't you going to say
hello to your old lady?
798
00:50:30,426 --> 00:50:32,312
-Watch out, now.
-That bitch is too ugly...
799
00:50:32,345 --> 00:50:35,093
for you to say hello to
in public.
800
00:50:35,127 --> 00:50:36,981
Shoot. I'd go with her
a lot quicker...
801
00:50:37,015 --> 00:50:39,250
than I'd go with your mama.
802
00:50:39,285 --> 00:50:40,397
Shoot. She's so ugly...
803
00:50:40,436 --> 00:50:43,118
your daddy don't even
want to go with her.
804
00:50:43,154 --> 00:50:45,389
Shit! Look who's talking.
805
00:50:45,425 --> 00:50:47,911
Shit, if ugliness
was electricity...
806
00:50:47,951 --> 00:50:49,892
your mama would be
walking in a powerhouse.
807
00:50:49,934 --> 00:50:52,486
Oh, man, dig that.
That's light shit.
808
00:50:52,524 --> 00:50:55,784
Your mama look like
ten miles of bad road, nigger.
809
00:50:55,818 --> 00:50:57,126
Your mama got a face...
810
00:50:57,162 --> 00:50:58,949
that look like
it been run over by a bus...
811
00:50:58,984 --> 00:51:02,364
and everybody kept telling
how good she looking till you.
812
00:51:02,406 --> 00:51:05,568
And then--so she's been jumping
in front of buses ever since.
813
00:51:09,410 --> 00:51:12,757
Man, I don't want to hear that.
814
00:51:16,606 --> 00:51:19,473
Oh, hey, look at that.
815
00:51:22,362 --> 00:51:25,459
Boy, some pair
of gazongas there.
816
00:51:25,495 --> 00:51:27,436
That isn't bad.
A little young.
817
00:51:27,478 --> 00:51:29,452
But, then, what the hell.
818
00:51:29,493 --> 00:51:31,946
These chicks know where it's at
by the time they're 1 1 anyway.
819
00:52:07,837 --> 00:52:09,592
How do I get to the Black House?
820
00:52:09,627 --> 00:52:11,731
You take the number twenty bus
on the corner.
821
00:52:11,770 --> 00:52:14,671
You do know what a corner is,
don't you, honky?
822
00:52:37,802 --> 00:52:39,459
Somebody help.
823
00:52:39,497 --> 00:52:40,925
Help!
824
00:52:42,663 --> 00:52:45,563
Hey, man. Come on,
help me, man, please.
825
00:52:45,605 --> 00:52:48,919
Oh, man. What's the matter?
826
00:52:48,963 --> 00:52:50,423
Well, a gang, man.
827
00:52:50,466 --> 00:52:51,992
They robbed--
828
00:52:52,033 --> 00:52:54,421
-Oh, Jesus.
-Help me, man.
829
00:52:56,606 --> 00:52:58,492
Hey, help!
There's a man hurt in the alley.
830
00:52:58,525 --> 00:53:00,084
Help me, somebody!
831
00:53:01,819 --> 00:53:04,600
-Where?
-Back here.
832
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:08,148
He hurt bad?
833
00:53:08,183 --> 00:53:10,800
Look, man,
there's a phone down the block.
834
00:53:10,837 --> 00:53:13,224
Go and call an ambulance.
835
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:32,705
Hello?
836
00:53:32,743 --> 00:53:34,400
Operator, give me the hospital.
837
00:53:34,439 --> 00:53:35,682
Give you what?
838
00:53:35,718 --> 00:53:38,531
A hospital--sick, doctor,
pain, hurt, you know.
839
00:53:38,564 --> 00:53:40,286
Just a minute, mister.
840
00:53:40,322 --> 00:53:42,263
You looking for a Dr. Sax?
841
00:53:42,305 --> 00:53:43,515
Information number 30-70.
842
00:53:43,552 --> 00:53:47,325
Is that 13-17,
or is that 30-70?
843
00:53:47,358 --> 00:53:50,902
-You making fun of me?
-No, I just wanted to get--
844
00:53:50,940 --> 00:53:53,077
Sound like you white.
You white?
845
00:53:53,115 --> 00:53:55,186
What's that got to do
with anything?
846
00:53:55,225 --> 00:53:58,736
Honky, what you doing talking
on a New African phone?
847
00:53:58,775 --> 00:54:00,661
Trying to get a hospital.
848
00:54:00,694 --> 00:54:03,507
You're going to need one the way
you making fun of people.
849
00:54:03,541 --> 00:54:04,718
Look, all I want to know...
850
00:54:04,755 --> 00:54:08,713
is if the number is
13-17 or 30-70 or what.
851
00:54:08,753 --> 00:54:11,751
You such a smart ass,
you figure it out.
852
00:54:14,509 --> 00:54:17,125
My opponent is accusing me
of dodging the issues.
853
00:54:17,164 --> 00:54:19,050
Let me say this about that.
854
00:54:19,083 --> 00:54:22,910
Issues is the only thing
I'm not dodging.
855
00:54:24,263 --> 00:54:27,425
Hey, two more of the same.
856
00:54:27,461 --> 00:54:30,525
What am I going to do, man?
I mean, I work.
857
00:54:30,563 --> 00:54:34,357
I think I look good.
I'm still young.
858
00:54:34,400 --> 00:54:37,268
You know, I might have
about five children.
859
00:54:37,311 --> 00:54:38,870
And when I saw Jimi Hendrix...
860
00:54:38,910 --> 00:54:41,494
I'd never saw anybody
play guitar, play like--
861
00:54:41,532 --> 00:54:43,124
He took a guitar
one time and took--
862
00:54:43,163 --> 00:54:44,755
he had it round his neck, right?
863
00:54:44,795 --> 00:54:46,616
And there was a girl
in the audience...
864
00:54:46,649 --> 00:54:47,892
that he was
dedicating the song to...
865
00:54:47,928 --> 00:54:49,520
and he took it, spun it
around his neck, right?
866
00:54:49,559 --> 00:54:50,671
He's got it on his neck, right?
867
00:54:50,710 --> 00:54:52,236
Just going around.
Then he takes it...
868
00:54:52,277 --> 00:54:54,283
throws it down between
his legs and jerks it off.
869
00:54:54,324 --> 00:54:57,486
He jerks it off, man.
I couldn't believe it.
870
00:54:57,522 --> 00:54:59,430
And then threw her
right back around his--
871
00:54:59,473 --> 00:55:00,934
and then started playing
with his teeth.
872
00:55:00,976 --> 00:55:02,153
That's right. That's him.
873
00:55:02,191 --> 00:55:03,434
And then--after he played it
with his teeth...
874
00:55:03,471 --> 00:55:04,680
he dropped it
down on the ground...
875
00:55:04,718 --> 00:55:05,993
took some lighter fluid...
876
00:55:07,180 --> 00:55:08,804
You see it on the album cover.
877
00:55:08,843 --> 00:55:12,485
I decided that I just wanted
to be a prostitute.
878
00:55:12,520 --> 00:55:14,374
Oh, honey.
Wait a minute, baby.
879
00:55:14,407 --> 00:55:15,813
I just want
to do my thing, baby.
880
00:55:15,847 --> 00:55:18,431
They tell me I can
get me some furs.
881
00:55:18,469 --> 00:55:20,159
How you doing?
882
00:55:20,195 --> 00:55:21,601
Hey, pal...
883
00:55:21,635 --> 00:55:23,521
Nigger, you stepped on my shine!
884
00:55:23,554 --> 00:55:24,895
What's wrong with you?
885
00:55:24,929 --> 00:55:26,619
You better get
the fuck outta my face.
886
00:55:26,655 --> 00:55:31,060
-What you talking about?
-I'll cut you. Shoot you.
887
00:55:31,101 --> 00:55:33,041
Man, nigger, step outside!
888
00:55:33,084 --> 00:55:35,221
Listen, nigger,
you better back off!
889
00:55:35,258 --> 00:55:36,751
I'll cut you
from here to tomorrow!
890
00:55:36,794 --> 00:55:38,734
Back up?
Ooh, that's right!
891
00:55:38,776 --> 00:55:42,189
I'll cut you so goddamn fast
you won't bleed till tomorrow.
892
00:55:42,230 --> 00:55:43,342
Too easy.
893
00:55:43,381 --> 00:55:45,616
Have you got change
for a dollar?
894
00:55:46,739 --> 00:55:49,869
Well, now, looky here!
895
00:55:49,905 --> 00:55:52,108
A real live white!
896
00:55:54,862 --> 00:55:56,421
Isn't anybody gonna
break up that fight?
897
00:55:56,461 --> 00:55:58,183
Them niggers
don't fight, sucker.
898
00:55:58,220 --> 00:56:00,738
Shit! They just roughin'.
899
00:56:00,779 --> 00:56:02,338
What's a whitey
doing in this joint?
900
00:56:02,377 --> 00:56:04,547
-Here you go.
-Thanks. You got a phone?
901
00:56:04,584 --> 00:56:06,012
It got ripped off.
902
00:56:06,055 --> 00:56:07,647
There's one down the street.
903
00:56:18,655 --> 00:56:22,036
Help! Somebody! Police!
904
00:56:30,776 --> 00:56:34,221
I got five dollars say
you ain't gonna buy that number.
905
00:56:34,262 --> 00:56:36,878
In fact,
I put my gold teeth on it...
906
00:56:36,915 --> 00:56:39,565
you can't make that number
with a pencil and a sheet of--
907
00:56:39,602 --> 00:56:41,128
Who goes there?
908
00:56:41,169 --> 00:56:43,623
-Excuse me.
-Don't bother me. I'm hot.
909
00:56:43,663 --> 00:56:46,443
Can you tell me where to find
President Supreme Jackson?
910
00:56:46,478 --> 00:56:48,484
This jive motherfu--
911
00:56:48,524 --> 00:56:50,628
He's right inside.
912
00:56:50,667 --> 00:56:52,357
Go ahead.
You can't make that money.
913
00:56:52,394 --> 00:56:54,117
Come on seven.
Bet five.
914
00:56:57,766 --> 00:56:58,878
Now what is it?
915
00:56:58,917 --> 00:57:01,599
Message from the White House.
The honky prez.
916
00:57:01,635 --> 00:57:04,950
-The White House?
-Gimme the message.
917
00:57:04,994 --> 00:57:06,880
What does it say?
918
00:57:06,913 --> 00:57:10,456
It says that we attempt
an assassination...
919
00:57:10,494 --> 00:57:13,492
and blame it on lmaku, man.
920
00:57:13,533 --> 00:57:16,149
Attempt to assassinate who?
921
00:57:16,186 --> 00:57:17,647
You, fool!
922
00:57:17,690 --> 00:57:18,999
Don't worry, man.
923
00:57:19,033 --> 00:57:21,552
We'll get an expert shot, man,
and all he'll do is wound you.
924
00:57:21,591 --> 00:57:22,703
Wound me?
925
00:57:22,742 --> 00:57:24,465
We got to make it look real.
926
00:57:24,502 --> 00:57:27,599
Fuck that shit. I ain't
gonna let nobody shoot me.
927
00:57:27,636 --> 00:57:28,846
The answer is no.
928
00:57:28,883 --> 00:57:31,729
Man, I ain't gonna
lose this election.
929
00:57:31,761 --> 00:57:33,832
If I got to get shot you are!
930
00:57:53,028 --> 00:57:54,521
Not necessarily.
931
00:57:54,562 --> 00:57:58,073
Fritz? General Jones
wants to talk to you!
932
00:57:58,112 --> 00:57:59,966
OK, thanks.
933
00:58:01,694 --> 00:58:02,937
I'm from--
934
00:58:02,974 --> 00:58:05,427
I know where the hell you from--
935
00:58:05,467 --> 00:58:07,605
-Don't anybody move!
-What's this?
936
00:58:07,642 --> 00:58:09,016
We found you was
bugging our conference...
937
00:58:09,049 --> 00:58:10,706
spying on the movements,
tapping the telephones...
938
00:58:10,745 --> 00:58:13,906
and telling the papers
I use hair straightener!
939
00:58:13,943 --> 00:58:15,186
How dare you.
940
00:58:15,221 --> 00:58:16,879
-Where's Jackson?
-He's dead.
941
00:58:16,917 --> 00:58:18,029
Don't you bullshit me!
942
00:58:18,068 --> 00:58:21,415
I'm not.
Killed by an American spy.
943
00:58:21,458 --> 00:58:24,423
What? I didn't kill anybody.
944
00:58:24,464 --> 00:58:25,707
Why would they kill Jackson?
945
00:58:25,743 --> 00:58:28,011
'Cause Jackson
was a real brother.
946
00:58:28,045 --> 00:58:31,556
Ain't gonna let
this murder go unavenged!
947
00:58:31,595 --> 00:58:33,601
The council
has just declared war...
948
00:58:33,642 --> 00:58:36,640
on the United States,
and dig that!
949
01:01:33,305 --> 01:01:37,393
I thought you said we were going
to lose in two or three days.
950
01:01:37,431 --> 01:01:39,949
It's been two weeks.
951
01:01:39,989 --> 01:01:42,256
Where's all that
war reparations money...
952
01:01:42,291 --> 01:01:43,468
we was supposed to get?
953
01:01:43,506 --> 01:01:45,709
All them PXs and
black market cigarettes?
954
01:01:45,745 --> 01:01:48,678
Now, give me a chance
to get my head together, man.
955
01:01:48,719 --> 01:01:50,441
Now what is it?
956
01:01:50,478 --> 01:01:52,997
The President
of the United States.
957
01:02:02,438 --> 01:02:05,884
Mr. Speaker,
Mr. Vice President...
958
01:02:05,924 --> 01:02:09,719
Iadies and gentlemen,
as Commander in Chief...
959
01:02:09,762 --> 01:02:12,346
of all the United States
military forces...
960
01:02:12,384 --> 01:02:14,804
I surrender.
961
01:02:17,405 --> 01:02:18,779
What? Surrender?
962
01:02:18,812 --> 01:02:20,305
What the hell you mean,
surrender?!
963
01:02:20,348 --> 01:02:22,801
You better get back to fighting.
964
01:02:22,841 --> 01:02:24,728
You folks ain't
never lost a war.
965
01:02:24,760 --> 01:02:27,792
-Shit, you can win!
-We getting them whiteys back?
966
01:02:29,557 --> 01:02:32,305
Unconditional surrender.
967
01:02:32,340 --> 01:02:35,207
That's your ass, Jones.
968
01:02:37,744 --> 01:02:39,882
For crimes against the Sovereign
Republic of New Africa...
969
01:02:39,919 --> 01:02:41,031
and the assassination...
970
01:02:41,070 --> 01:02:43,272
of our beloved
President Supreme Jackson...
971
01:02:43,309 --> 01:02:45,795
you've been ordered
executed this day.
972
01:02:45,835 --> 01:02:47,427
You got a last request?
973
01:02:47,467 --> 01:02:50,051
Yes. Please don't shoot me.
974
01:02:51,208 --> 01:02:54,305
Ready...aim...fire!
975
01:02:54,374 --> 01:02:55,999
I bet you voted for Nixon!
976
01:02:56,037 --> 01:02:58,883
Did you by any chance,
Mr. Smart Ass...
977
01:02:58,915 --> 01:03:00,954
pop some of
my birth control pills?
978
01:03:00,994 --> 01:03:02,619
Oh, shit!
979
01:03:02,657 --> 01:03:04,630
Ralphie just peed on my shoes!
980
01:03:08,669 --> 01:03:12,050
Christ, is it refreshing
to get away...
981
01:03:12,091 --> 01:03:14,064
from the pressures
of the street.
982
01:03:15,768 --> 01:03:19,661
There's much to be said for
the advantages of isolation.
983
01:03:19,702 --> 01:03:23,311
It allows one total freedom
to pick and choose...
984
01:03:23,348 --> 01:03:28,200
without the forces
of society to wear you down.
985
01:03:30,671 --> 01:03:32,557
Take the example
of the influence...
986
01:03:32,590 --> 01:03:34,149
of our present-day culture.
987
01:03:34,189 --> 01:03:39,074
It typifies humanity's lack
of personal concern for others.
988
01:03:48,579 --> 01:03:51,644
Hey, fuck you,
you inconsiderate bastards!
989
01:03:51,682 --> 01:03:53,503
You just sit there
on your fat asses...
990
01:03:53,536 --> 01:03:56,382
and dump on life
indiscriminately.
991
01:04:02,267 --> 01:04:04,469
I suppose I should
learn to accept...
992
01:04:04,506 --> 01:04:06,871
the miniscule distractions
of life, though.
993
01:04:10,838 --> 01:04:12,844
Oh, shit!
994
01:04:15,635 --> 01:04:18,830
The sacred horn of Vishnu
wakes you up.
995
01:04:18,865 --> 01:04:20,490
Do wake up, please,
young Caucasian...
996
01:04:20,528 --> 01:04:22,315
'cause I've come
to save your very soul.
997
01:04:22,351 --> 01:04:24,259
What? You sure you want me?
998
01:04:25,517 --> 01:04:28,679
It is not possible
that I could be in error.
999
01:04:28,714 --> 01:04:32,389
You see, my good book here,
it guides me as I wander...
1000
01:04:32,424 --> 01:04:35,106
through the vast cosmic universe
of my experience...
1001
01:04:35,142 --> 01:04:38,718
with astral flash
and good vibes as my bedfellows.
1002
01:04:38,757 --> 01:04:41,024
Wait a minute.
I can't get behind that really.
1003
01:04:41,059 --> 01:04:42,781
Aren't those the yellow pages?
1004
01:04:44,769 --> 01:04:46,939
Oh, man.
Could you not do that?
1005
01:04:46,975 --> 01:04:50,137
Please to wash my feet.
Wash my feet, Caucasian one.
1006
01:04:50,173 --> 01:04:51,798
Especially the left one.
1007
01:04:51,836 --> 01:04:56,209
Only this morning,
I stepped in sacred cow shit.
1008
01:04:56,249 --> 01:04:58,931
Wow, man. Hold on now.
1009
01:04:58,967 --> 01:05:02,096
I'm not really into washing
cow shit off anybody's feet.
1010
01:05:02,134 --> 01:05:04,205
This is truly a bad omen.
1011
01:05:04,244 --> 01:05:06,698
I, Javral Ben Roderiga...
1012
01:05:06,738 --> 01:05:09,638
son of the most ample
Javral Ben Roderiga Sr...
1013
01:05:09,681 --> 01:05:11,534
have been truly affronted.
1014
01:05:11,568 --> 01:05:13,901
Look, I didn't mean
to offend you, man.
1015
01:05:13,934 --> 01:05:16,899
Silence.
There is no need to explain.
1016
01:05:18,475 --> 01:05:21,441
Oh, yeah, this is nice.
Very nice.
1017
01:05:21,481 --> 01:05:23,367
The brass horn
of Vishnu announces...
1018
01:05:23,400 --> 01:05:26,594
that I am the second
of two sent from the East.
1019
01:05:26,630 --> 01:05:28,418
Two also were sent
from the West.
1020
01:05:28,452 --> 01:05:29,793
No matter.
1021
01:05:29,828 --> 01:05:32,826
It was to cure those,
those poor unfortunates...
1022
01:05:32,866 --> 01:05:34,294
afflicted with the leprosy.
1023
01:05:34,337 --> 01:05:36,540
Jeez, that's really a shame,
because I've seen...
1024
01:05:36,576 --> 01:05:39,422
a lot of disease down here,
but no leprosy--so far.
1025
01:05:39,454 --> 01:05:40,980
No leprosy?
No running sores?
1026
01:05:41,021 --> 01:05:42,930
Nothing like that.
1027
01:05:42,972 --> 01:05:47,028
This is most disturbing news.
But chronic backache?
1028
01:05:47,065 --> 01:05:49,431
None of my friends have that,
either, I don't think.
1029
01:05:49,463 --> 01:05:52,112
Well, then perhaps
the dreaded dandruff...
1030
01:05:52,150 --> 01:05:54,091
or the very heartbreak
of psoriasis?
1031
01:05:54,133 --> 01:05:56,782
No. I'll tell you the truth.
I think you're a little late.
1032
01:05:56,819 --> 01:05:58,444
See, I think that went down
a long time ago.
1033
01:05:58,482 --> 01:06:00,008
I could tell you a story,
if you'd care to--
1034
01:06:00,049 --> 01:06:01,674
If you could possibly
make it short...
1035
01:06:01,712 --> 01:06:04,296
because there is
a strong possibility...
1036
01:06:04,334 --> 01:06:06,243
that I should be
in Philadelphia.
1037
01:06:17,670 --> 01:06:20,538
Jesus, this stuff is dynamite.
1038
01:06:20,580 --> 01:06:24,440
The eyes of my own soul
staring back at me.
1039
01:06:24,482 --> 01:06:27,993
God knows I've lived
the best lives I was capable of.
1040
01:06:28,032 --> 01:06:32,601
My minor infractions of
society's rules were only due--
1041
01:06:32,636 --> 01:06:35,002
Oh, please, Lucifer,
don't take me!
1042
01:06:35,035 --> 01:06:36,343
I'm not ready! I'll change!
1043
01:06:36,378 --> 01:06:39,027
I'm already changing.
Look at me change.
1044
01:06:39,064 --> 01:06:41,136
Oh, my God,
what a way to go.
1045
01:06:44,149 --> 01:06:46,831
Excuse me, certainly.
Hello?
1046
01:06:46,867 --> 01:06:48,240
Yoo-hoo down there.
1047
01:06:48,275 --> 01:06:51,786
Excuse me.
Did anyone find an earring?
1048
01:06:51,824 --> 01:06:54,506
I dropped my earring in
the trash. You'd recognize it.
1049
01:06:54,542 --> 01:06:56,297
It opens on one side.
Kind of a jade color.
1050
01:06:56,334 --> 01:06:59,812
It's got a picture of Errol
Flynn and Alan Hale naked--
1051
01:06:59,851 --> 01:07:01,922
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Lucifer's a faggot!
1052
01:07:03,657 --> 01:07:06,241
Jesus Christ, my life is shit!
1053
01:07:06,279 --> 01:07:10,554
I had to get knocked up.
I could've had an abortion.
1054
01:07:10,597 --> 01:07:14,621
No. Mr. Good-Time Charlie
over there.
1055
01:07:14,658 --> 01:07:17,144
"No," he says.
"Have the baby.
1056
01:07:17,184 --> 01:07:20,117
"We'll get married.
I'll take care of you."
1057
01:07:20,158 --> 01:07:22,132
What'll you take care of?
1058
01:07:22,173 --> 01:07:24,277
It's a good thing
we got Ralphie.
1059
01:07:24,316 --> 01:07:27,031
Otherwise,
we don't even get welfare.
1060
01:07:27,066 --> 01:07:29,999
Will you tell me one thing
you ever did for my Ralphie?
1061
01:07:30,040 --> 01:07:31,762
Do you ever play with him?
1062
01:07:31,800 --> 01:07:34,481
Do you ever take him
to the ballgame?
1063
01:07:34,518 --> 01:07:36,971
Do you ever take him fishing?
How about fishing?
1064
01:07:37,012 --> 01:07:39,879
Why don't you take
your own son fishing?
1065
01:07:39,922 --> 01:07:42,441
You don't even change
his kitty litter!
1066
01:07:42,480 --> 01:07:45,675
Did you know that Dr. Spock...
1067
01:07:45,710 --> 01:07:48,840
has stated very clearly
in his book...
1068
01:07:48,876 --> 01:07:51,809
that fathers
who are never there...
1069
01:07:51,851 --> 01:07:55,045
usually makes a fag kid?
1070
01:07:55,081 --> 01:07:57,152
Do you know what he does most
of the time around the house?
1071
01:07:57,191 --> 01:08:00,353
If he's not picking his nose,
he's jerking off.
1072
01:08:00,389 --> 01:08:03,234
How's that gonna look
when he starts kindergarten?
1073
01:08:03,267 --> 01:08:05,469
Suck my dick, huh?
1074
01:08:05,506 --> 01:08:07,228
You get outta here!
1075
01:08:07,265 --> 01:08:09,597
Pack your things and get out!
1076
01:08:12,062 --> 01:08:14,297
I said get out, and I mean it!
1077
01:08:14,332 --> 01:08:15,673
While I'm still young enough...
1078
01:08:15,707 --> 01:08:18,423
to find a decent father
for my child, you bum.
1079
01:08:18,458 --> 01:08:19,864
All you do is lay around.
1080
01:08:19,897 --> 01:08:21,521
Listen, I'm sick
of cleaning up after you.
1081
01:08:21,560 --> 01:08:24,176
And don't think I don't know
that you fool around.
1082
01:08:24,215 --> 01:08:26,799
I know it.
You junkie, you hophead, you.
1083
01:08:26,837 --> 01:08:28,080
Are you kidding?
1084
01:08:28,115 --> 01:08:29,675
No, I'm not.
I'm sick of seeing you...
1085
01:08:29,715 --> 01:08:31,340
sitting around here
doing nothing.
1086
01:08:31,378 --> 01:08:32,686
Get serious!
1087
01:08:32,721 --> 01:08:35,436
Don't come back here
until you're ready to shape up!
1088
01:08:48,455 --> 01:08:51,770
Too much. I thought
she was putting me on.
1089
01:08:51,813 --> 01:08:54,942
Hey, she actually did it.
That blows my mind.
1090
01:08:54,979 --> 01:08:58,293
Hey, I don't have to go
to the welfare office tomorrow.
1091
01:08:58,337 --> 01:09:01,630
Jesus! Wow!
1092
01:09:04,509 --> 01:09:05,850
Know what that is?
That's shit!
1093
01:09:08,091 --> 01:09:09,432
You are shit!
1094
01:09:38,567 --> 01:09:40,476
Know what? Know what?
1095
01:09:40,518 --> 01:09:42,175
She's got the clap!
1096
01:09:42,213 --> 01:09:44,601
Some of my best friends...
1097
01:09:44,644 --> 01:09:46,552
When he gets back to Earth.
1098
01:10:30,759 --> 01:10:33,376
This is about
the worst life I ever had.
1099
01:10:34,376 --> 01:10:44,376
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