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1
00:02:53,986 --> 00:02:55,953
Ooh, ooh, leave this.
Hollywood scoop.
2
00:02:55,955 --> 00:02:57,904
Newscaster: Looks like people magazine's
3
00:02:57,906 --> 00:02:59,556
sexiest man alive, Hayden field,
4
00:02:59,558 --> 00:03:01,459
seen here leaving
a hipster la eatery
5
00:03:01,461 --> 00:03:02,893
with girlfriend Lisa Mancini,
6
00:03:02,895 --> 00:03:04,662
was his usual gun-shy self
last night
7
00:03:04,664 --> 00:03:06,263
while probed by yours truly
8
00:03:06,265 --> 00:03:09,066
about mega-rumors concerning
his latest mega-budgeter's
9
00:03:09,068 --> 00:03:10,301
alleged mega problems.
10
00:03:12,855 --> 00:03:15,055
Uh, rumor has it that
crazy town's in crazy reshoots
11
00:03:15,057 --> 00:03:16,223
and crazy over-budget.
12
00:03:16,225 --> 00:03:19,493
Insiders smell a bomb.
What do you smell?
13
00:03:19,495 --> 00:03:22,462
Roses, dude. I'm a lucky guy.
14
00:03:23,632 --> 00:03:25,565
That Hayden field guy
had a rabbit in his ass.
15
00:03:25,567 --> 00:03:26,700
Bullshit.
16
00:03:26,702 --> 00:03:28,985
Ew, that is so grody.
17
00:03:28,987 --> 00:03:30,554
Disgusting, but it's true.
18
00:03:30,556 --> 00:03:32,523
You're thinking gerbil,
ass-wipe.
19
00:03:32,525 --> 00:03:33,991
You know how big a rabbit is?
20
00:03:33,993 --> 00:03:36,360
If they can take a hen
and make a midget hen,
21
00:03:36,362 --> 00:03:38,262
why can't they make
a midget rabbit?
22
00:03:38,264 --> 00:03:39,863
All right, say it was
a midget rabbit.
23
00:03:39,865 --> 00:03:41,965
Why would he have
a midget rabbit up his ass?
24
00:03:41,967 --> 00:03:43,818
Well, now we're talking
the same language.
25
00:03:43,820 --> 00:03:45,102
Aliens.
26
00:03:45,104 --> 00:03:47,487
Because aliens
are the biggest gaybos
27
00:03:47,489 --> 00:03:48,672
in the galaxy.
28
00:03:48,674 --> 00:03:50,974
They constantly abduct people,
29
00:03:50,976 --> 00:03:52,543
jam things up their asses.
30
00:03:52,545 --> 00:03:53,694
Usually it's probes.
31
00:03:53,696 --> 00:03:55,662
Maybe the aliens have gotten
so fucking bored
32
00:03:55,664 --> 00:03:57,114
that they're just like,
33
00:03:57,116 --> 00:04:00,100
"I know, let's jam a rabbit
in that dude's ass."
34
00:04:00,102 --> 00:04:02,286
Midget rabbits from outer space.
35
00:04:02,288 --> 00:04:03,954
It's about as likely
an explanation
36
00:04:03,956 --> 00:04:05,372
as you're gonna get.
37
00:04:06,642 --> 00:04:08,608
What about if we just
torched the steak house?
38
00:04:08,610 --> 00:04:10,845
You think your old man
would be all right with that?
39
00:04:10,847 --> 00:04:13,847
It's not closin', okay?
40
00:04:13,849 --> 00:04:15,933
I don't care what I have to do.
41
00:04:15,935 --> 00:04:18,185
Owen: Okay, boys, this
next one's a little hairy.
42
00:04:18,187 --> 00:04:20,453
I call it... the dragon.
43
00:04:25,878 --> 00:04:26,977
Owen!
44
00:04:29,499 --> 00:04:30,865
Hey! Hey, hey!
45
00:04:32,168 --> 00:04:33,400
Man: Oh, man. Oh.
46
00:04:36,138 --> 00:04:37,271
Great.
47
00:04:37,273 --> 00:04:39,173
Settin' our two best
customers on fire now?
48
00:04:39,175 --> 00:04:40,974
More like our only
two customers.
49
00:04:40,976 --> 00:04:42,509
Yeah, no thanks to you homos.
50
00:04:42,511 --> 00:04:44,578
And what's all
that crap outside?
51
00:04:44,580 --> 00:04:46,680
Please, tell me
I didn't pay for it.
52
00:04:46,682 --> 00:04:48,465
People see lights,
limos and girls,
53
00:04:48,467 --> 00:04:50,384
what's the first thing
they think of?
54
00:04:50,386 --> 00:04:53,020
The highlife, Vegas.
55
00:04:53,022 --> 00:04:56,857
I am this close to putting up
the 5.99-all-you-can-eat sign,
56
00:04:56,859 --> 00:04:59,459
and you're wasting money on...
On velvet rope?
57
00:04:59,461 --> 00:05:02,196
I gotta piss
like a racehorse, rusty.
58
00:05:02,198 --> 00:05:03,397
Can I go in?
59
00:05:03,399 --> 00:05:05,182
I don't see your name
on the list. Mm-hm.
60
00:05:05,184 --> 00:05:07,317
This is beat.
I'm putting my coat on.
61
00:05:07,319 --> 00:05:09,153
Hey, coats defeat
the purpose, Shelly.
62
00:05:09,155 --> 00:05:10,821
Hey, cock boy,
tell your boy Owen
63
00:05:10,823 --> 00:05:12,907
I got a wedding tomorrow,
like, early as fuck.
64
00:05:12,909 --> 00:05:14,741
Where's my 20 bucks at, asshole?
65
00:05:15,711 --> 00:05:18,812
How about this? Belly dancers.
66
00:05:18,814 --> 00:05:22,149
Food plus boobs
equals big profit.
67
00:05:22,151 --> 00:05:23,150
Look at Hooters.
68
00:05:23,152 --> 00:05:25,553
Look at my ass. No.
69
00:05:25,555 --> 00:05:26,820
No boobs.
70
00:05:29,025 --> 00:05:31,058
Owen: I'm goin' to Hollywood.
71
00:05:31,060 --> 00:05:32,493
Pop, I've got good news.
72
00:05:32,495 --> 00:05:35,796
What if I told you
I can get you $10,000?
73
00:05:35,798 --> 00:05:37,598
I'd say go get it.
74
00:05:37,600 --> 00:05:41,635
Saturday, king of the bar
championship in Los Angeles.
75
00:05:41,637 --> 00:05:43,821
Ten thousand dollars
to the winner.
76
00:05:43,823 --> 00:05:47,474
So I figure, plane fare,
hotel, rent-a-car.
77
00:05:47,476 --> 00:05:49,243
Two thousand dollars
ought to do it.
78
00:05:49,245 --> 00:05:51,178
Ought to do, my ass.
79
00:05:51,180 --> 00:05:53,847
Two grand is
your vo-tech-tuition money.
80
00:05:53,849 --> 00:05:55,365
That, I don't touch.
81
00:05:55,367 --> 00:05:56,584
I can win this, pop.
82
00:05:56,586 --> 00:05:58,869
What happens
if you don't win, huh?
83
00:05:58,871 --> 00:06:00,570
Your future goes
right down the drain.
84
00:06:00,572 --> 00:06:01,988
No. N-o. No.
85
00:06:05,578 --> 00:06:08,128
I ain't spendin'
a lot of money on a hotel.
86
00:06:08,130 --> 00:06:11,565
You go, you're stayin'
with your uncle Earl.
87
00:06:11,567 --> 00:06:12,566
That's right.
88
00:06:12,568 --> 00:06:14,167
Gay uncle Earl lives out there.
89
00:06:14,169 --> 00:06:15,636
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
90
00:06:15,638 --> 00:06:16,638
Who? Uncle Earl?
91
00:06:18,874 --> 00:06:19,873
Who...? Who's gay?
92
00:06:19,875 --> 00:06:21,274
Nobody
93
00:06:21,276 --> 00:06:22,392
pop.
94
00:06:22,394 --> 00:06:24,995
Come on, uncle Earl is gay.
Why fight it?
95
00:06:24,997 --> 00:06:27,564
He's a little colorful.
Is that a crime?
96
00:06:27,566 --> 00:06:29,633
It's all hearsay. Believe me.
97
00:06:29,635 --> 00:06:32,969
Your uncle Earl
is 100-percent not gay.
98
00:07:01,583 --> 00:07:02,816
Earl: Who is it?
99
00:07:02,818 --> 00:07:05,452
Owen: Uncle Earl, it's me, Owen.
100
00:07:05,904 --> 00:07:07,404
Owen?
101
00:07:08,874 --> 00:07:10,474
Just a minute.
102
00:07:11,944 --> 00:07:13,544
Be right there.
103
00:07:15,865 --> 00:07:17,230
Oh!
104
00:07:18,501 --> 00:07:20,133
I wasn't expecting you
till the 3rd.
105
00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:22,135
What day is it?
106
00:07:22,137 --> 00:07:23,169
Owen: It's the 3rd.
107
00:07:23,171 --> 00:07:24,371
Oh, so it is.
108
00:07:24,373 --> 00:07:26,340
How was your flight?
109
00:07:26,342 --> 00:07:27,874
Owen: Did I catch
you at a bad time?
110
00:07:27,876 --> 00:07:29,275
No, no.
111
00:07:30,879 --> 00:07:31,978
Aah!
112
00:07:46,979 --> 00:07:49,363
Welcome to Hollywood.
113
00:07:52,651 --> 00:07:54,485
Oh, you should've
seen your face.
114
00:07:55,654 --> 00:07:57,254
I wish I'd had my camera.
115
00:07:57,256 --> 00:08:01,325
I had you goin', boy.
I had you goin'.
116
00:08:02,227 --> 00:08:03,226
I had you, right?
117
00:08:03,228 --> 00:08:04,394
You had me.
118
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:06,095
I had you.
I was reelin' your ass in.
119
00:08:06,097 --> 00:08:07,347
Reelin' it in.
120
00:08:07,349 --> 00:08:09,233
I thought, you know,
"I'll fuck with Owen."
121
00:08:09,235 --> 00:08:11,501
Heh! Now tell the truth.
122
00:08:11,503 --> 00:08:15,389
There, for a second,
you were thinkin', "oh, shit."
123
00:08:15,391 --> 00:08:17,057
"Uncle Earl loves cock."
124
00:08:18,060 --> 00:08:20,126
Exactly. Exactly.
125
00:08:20,128 --> 00:08:23,030
I love cock!
126
00:08:23,032 --> 00:08:25,899
It's so ludicrous, you know.
127
00:08:25,901 --> 00:08:27,851
Look at you, Mr. Hollywood, huh?
128
00:08:27,853 --> 00:08:29,720
Anything you wanna do,
you just say so.
129
00:08:30,505 --> 00:08:31,688
Cruise down to the beach,
130
00:08:31,690 --> 00:08:33,056
check out the ocean.
131
00:08:33,058 --> 00:08:34,958
You've never seen
the ocean, have you?
132
00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:36,243
It's fuckin' huge.
133
00:08:36,245 --> 00:08:38,112
Honestly, uncle Earl,
I don't give a shit.
134
00:08:38,114 --> 00:08:40,513
I wanna win this bar thing,
and then I wanna get back home.
135
00:08:40,515 --> 00:08:42,699
Yeah, when is this
bar thing anyway?
136
00:08:42,701 --> 00:08:44,534
Tomorrow.
You're gonna go, right?
137
00:08:44,536 --> 00:08:47,604
Well, yeah. Am I gonna go?
Of course I'm gonna go.
138
00:08:47,606 --> 00:08:49,672
Wouldn't miss it.
I'll just call in sick.
139
00:08:49,674 --> 00:08:51,458
Those cocksuckers
can kiss my ass, right?
140
00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:53,910
You're still doing
that news-camera stuff?
141
00:08:53,912 --> 00:08:57,447
If you call j.Lo's
gigantic ass news.
142
00:08:57,449 --> 00:09:01,935
I'm over there now.
Hollywood scoop. Pip wingo.
143
00:09:01,937 --> 00:09:04,254
Ought to be my face on that bus.
144
00:09:04,256 --> 00:09:06,440
That dude's a real dipshit, huh?
I would say yes,
145
00:09:06,442 --> 00:09:08,558
but that would be
an insult to shit.
146
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,694
But speaking of that shithead,
that's what we'll do tonight.
147
00:09:11,696 --> 00:09:12,829
|'|| call pip up,
148
00:09:12,831 --> 00:09:14,631
get him to put us on
the list at club velour.
149
00:09:14,633 --> 00:09:16,332
That's the new
happening place in town.
150
00:09:16,334 --> 00:09:18,952
I'll show you Hollywood
uncle Earl style.
151
00:09:18,954 --> 00:09:23,089
J“ let this dance floor
rock tonight j“
152
00:09:23,091 --> 00:09:25,091
these damn heels are killin' me.
153
00:09:25,093 --> 00:09:27,293
Why'd you park so far away?
154
00:09:27,295 --> 00:09:28,829
Valet's for suckers.
155
00:09:28,831 --> 00:09:31,264
I park my own fuckin' car
like a real man.
156
00:09:31,266 --> 00:09:32,499
Heads up.
157
00:09:32,501 --> 00:09:34,701
Earl: Excuse me. Excuse
me. Pardon me. Pardon me.
158
00:09:34,703 --> 00:09:37,604
Celebrity coming through.
What are you wearing, dear?
159
00:09:37,606 --> 00:09:39,506
Excuse me.
160
00:09:44,947 --> 00:09:46,613
What am I? In-fucking-visible?
161
00:09:46,615 --> 00:09:48,532
Yo, chief.
162
00:09:48,534 --> 00:09:50,233
I'm on the list.
163
00:09:50,235 --> 00:09:51,468
Man: Poser.
164
00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:52,503
Name?
165
00:09:52,505 --> 00:09:55,539
Peadman... plus one.
166
00:09:55,541 --> 00:09:58,041
J“ it's your night j'
167
00:09:58,043 --> 00:10:01,612
j“ let yourself go
it's outta sight j“
168
00:10:01,614 --> 00:10:02,813
j“ if you wanna be... i“
169
00:10:02,815 --> 00:10:04,581
you're sure you're on the list?
170
00:10:04,583 --> 00:10:07,017
Yeah, stretch, I'm sure.
171
00:10:07,019 --> 00:10:10,454
I work with pip wingo,
Hollywood scoop.
172
00:10:10,456 --> 00:10:13,189
I'm sorry.
You're not on the list.
173
00:10:13,191 --> 00:10:14,858
Step back, please.
174
00:10:14,860 --> 00:10:17,461
Motherfucker! He fucked me.
175
00:10:17,463 --> 00:10:19,779
J“ let this dance floor
rock tonight j“
176
00:10:19,781 --> 00:10:21,181
bitches.
177
00:10:21,183 --> 00:10:22,682
Pip! Pip!
178
00:10:22,684 --> 00:10:23,783
Pip, it's Earl.
179
00:10:23,785 --> 00:10:25,018
Pip!
180
00:10:25,020 --> 00:10:26,186
What the fuck?
181
00:10:26,188 --> 00:10:27,921
He fucked me twice.
182
00:10:27,923 --> 00:10:30,156
That guy needs a talkin' to.
183
00:10:30,158 --> 00:10:33,927
Oh, he will rue the day.
184
00:10:33,929 --> 00:10:36,196
Fuck me once, shame on you.
185
00:10:36,198 --> 00:10:39,699
Fuck me twice, you get
the needle-nose pliers, bitch.
186
00:10:43,405 --> 00:10:44,821
Fuckin' leeches!
187
00:10:44,823 --> 00:10:45,889
Damn it!
188
00:10:46,925 --> 00:10:47,924
Holy shit.
189
00:10:47,926 --> 00:10:49,292
It's Hayden field.
190
00:10:50,195 --> 00:10:52,228
Earl: Hayden.
191
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:53,363
Who's Hayden field?
192
00:10:53,365 --> 00:10:54,948
Only the sexiest
man alive. Hello?
193
00:10:54,950 --> 00:10:56,582
Man: Out of the
way! Out of the way!
194
00:10:56,584 --> 00:10:57,650
Move, asshole!
195
00:10:57,652 --> 00:10:58,851
"Move, asshole"?
196
00:10:58,853 --> 00:10:59,853
Yeah.
197
00:11:01,957 --> 00:11:04,240
Who wants some? Who wants some?
198
00:11:24,146 --> 00:11:25,395
God!
199
00:11:25,397 --> 00:11:27,080
J“ oh, yeah j'
200
00:11:38,243 --> 00:11:39,243
Don't hold me.
201
00:11:40,879 --> 00:11:42,245
Oh, my god! Did you see that?
202
00:11:42,932 --> 00:11:44,531
Oh, yeah! Let go!
203
00:11:50,255 --> 00:11:51,321
Ha, ha!
204
00:11:51,323 --> 00:11:52,923
You see that? My nephew. Ha, ha.
205
00:11:52,925 --> 00:11:54,791
My brother's kid.
206
00:11:55,727 --> 00:11:57,261
Man: Hey, Isaac! Yeah!
207
00:11:57,263 --> 00:11:59,363
And the winner
208
00:11:59,365 --> 00:12:02,766
of the king of the bartending
championship is...
209
00:12:02,768 --> 00:12:04,234
Johnny "cocktail" dresden.
210
00:12:05,537 --> 00:12:07,437
You gotta be kiddin' me.
This thing's fixed.
211
00:12:07,439 --> 00:12:09,239
This thing's fixed!
What're you, crazy?
212
00:12:09,241 --> 00:12:11,408
Thank you. There you go.
213
00:12:12,578 --> 00:12:15,311
Earl: Fixed! Fixed!
You cocksucker!
214
00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:17,464
It's fixed!
This thing is rigged!
215
00:12:17,466 --> 00:12:19,282
Owen: What the fuck
am I gonna do now, man?
216
00:12:19,284 --> 00:12:21,735
I can't go back home without
the money. I promised my dad.
217
00:12:21,737 --> 00:12:23,286
Oh, yeah,
218
00:12:23,288 --> 00:12:25,989
you got fucked. Bigtime.
219
00:12:25,991 --> 00:12:27,123
Tell him, Tom.
220
00:12:27,125 --> 00:12:30,460
Well, it just so happens
that my ex-girlfriend
221
00:12:30,462 --> 00:12:32,295
does club promotions,
222
00:12:32,297 --> 00:12:33,463
and I am certain
223
00:12:33,465 --> 00:12:35,182
that two out of the three
224
00:12:35,184 --> 00:12:37,017
so-called judges
that were there today
225
00:12:37,019 --> 00:12:39,519
are investors in
that drakkar factory,
226
00:12:39,521 --> 00:12:41,438
club velour.
227
00:12:41,440 --> 00:12:43,006
What'd he say?
228
00:12:43,008 --> 00:12:44,441
He said you got fucked.
229
00:12:44,443 --> 00:12:46,610
Because I'm gonna
give you one guess
230
00:12:46,612 --> 00:12:48,745
which club
the winner bartends at.
231
00:12:51,116 --> 00:12:52,215
Yep.
232
00:12:53,652 --> 00:12:55,385
Earl: Cocksuckers, all of 'em.
233
00:12:55,387 --> 00:12:56,519
You give 'em an inch,
234
00:12:56,521 --> 00:12:57,888
they fuck you.
235
00:12:57,890 --> 00:13:00,423
You sneeze, they fuck you.
236
00:13:00,425 --> 00:13:03,594
Hollywood is...
Is a 10-story cock
237
00:13:03,596 --> 00:13:06,930
just fucking
everything in its path.
238
00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,466
Like Madonna.
239
00:13:23,332 --> 00:13:24,347
Hello?
240
00:13:24,349 --> 00:13:27,684
Ass-munch, it's rusty!
241
00:13:27,686 --> 00:13:29,586
No, dude, the other rusty.
242
00:13:29,588 --> 00:13:30,737
What's up?
243
00:13:30,739 --> 00:13:32,305
What's up with
the "what's up," man?
244
00:13:32,307 --> 00:13:34,374
Did you win the bar thing
or what? What happened?
245
00:13:34,376 --> 00:13:35,909
Yeah, yeah, I won.
246
00:13:35,911 --> 00:13:37,593
You won?
247
00:13:37,595 --> 00:13:39,663
Holy shit, man, that's awesome!
248
00:13:39,665 --> 00:13:41,431
Wait till I tell
fuckin' frank, dude.
249
00:13:41,433 --> 00:13:42,849
He's gonna shit himself.
250
00:13:42,851 --> 00:13:45,085
Hey, man, was that you
in the bar that I saw on TV
251
00:13:45,087 --> 00:13:46,852
hittin' the dude in the face?
252
00:13:46,854 --> 00:13:48,055
Did you hucklebuck him?
253
00:13:48,057 --> 00:13:49,372
That was you, wasn't it?
254
00:13:49,374 --> 00:13:50,373
What?
255
00:13:50,375 --> 00:13:51,407
Awesome.
256
00:13:51,409 --> 00:13:52,876
All right, dude, [gotta go.
257
00:13:52,878 --> 00:13:54,544
Somebody's gotta take
the garbage out
258
00:13:54,546 --> 00:13:55,645
'cause rusty won't do it,
259
00:13:55,647 --> 00:13:57,547
and frank's havin'
a heart attack.
260
00:13:57,549 --> 00:13:59,883
You be good, butt plug.
261
00:13:59,885 --> 00:14:02,452
Wingo: When Lisa attacks.
262
00:14:02,454 --> 00:14:04,287
This was the wild scene
Thursday night...
263
00:14:04,289 --> 00:14:05,288
I got an idea.
264
00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:07,324
At club velour in Hollywood,
265
00:14:07,326 --> 00:14:10,660
where girlfriend of actor
Hayden field, Lisa Mancini,
266
00:14:10,662 --> 00:14:12,228
suddenly and without warning,
267
00:14:12,230 --> 00:14:15,298
viciously accosted
unsuspecting paparazzi.
268
00:14:15,300 --> 00:14:17,117
Then, in a bizarre turn,
269
00:14:17,119 --> 00:14:18,585
Hayden field himself
270
00:14:18,587 --> 00:14:21,188
was almost accosted
by what some witnesses describe
271
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:24,758
as two rabid gayboy fans.
272
00:14:24,760 --> 00:14:26,659
Motherfucker.
273
00:14:26,661 --> 00:14:29,629
See? It never ends.
274
00:14:29,631 --> 00:14:32,365
Anyway, get dressed.
I got an idea.
275
00:14:33,401 --> 00:14:35,602
So you always take
the fuckin' stairs?
276
00:14:35,604 --> 00:14:36,837
Come on, it's good for you.
277
00:14:36,839 --> 00:14:38,738
Uh-huh.
278
00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:39,739
Well, I figure,
279
00:14:39,741 --> 00:14:41,341
why sit at home
playing with yourself
280
00:14:41,343 --> 00:14:43,610
when you can make money
working with your uncle Earl?
281
00:14:43,612 --> 00:14:45,779
It ain't 10 grand,
but life marches on, right?
282
00:14:45,781 --> 00:14:47,380
Hyah! Wah!
283
00:14:47,382 --> 00:14:49,616
Uh-huh. Go fuck yourselves.
284
00:14:49,618 --> 00:14:51,384
Oh, help!
285
00:14:51,386 --> 00:14:53,520
It's the two rabid gay fans.
286
00:14:53,522 --> 00:14:54,521
Ha, ha.
287
00:14:54,523 --> 00:14:55,956
Did you write that yourself?
288
00:14:55,958 --> 00:14:57,457
Well, I just read
what they give me.
289
00:14:57,459 --> 00:14:58,525
Mm-hm.
290
00:14:58,527 --> 00:15:00,026
Oh, who's your new friend, Earl?
291
00:15:00,028 --> 00:15:01,260
Seems a little old for you.
292
00:15:01,262 --> 00:15:02,596
It's my nephew, Owen.
293
00:15:02,598 --> 00:15:03,930
He's gonna be working here.
294
00:15:03,932 --> 00:15:05,699
Oh, welcome aboard, opie.
295
00:15:05,701 --> 00:15:07,266
Pip wingo.
296
00:15:07,268 --> 00:15:08,802
I had a gerbil named
pip wingo once.
297
00:15:10,405 --> 00:15:12,973
Oh, and poor, sweet Earl
is hung like a gerbil.
298
00:15:12,975 --> 00:15:14,674
Life's cruel ironies.
299
00:15:14,676 --> 00:15:16,710
Uh, by the way, pip,
300
00:15:16,712 --> 00:15:18,378
I wasn't on
the club velour list.
301
00:15:18,380 --> 00:15:19,513
Really?
302
00:15:19,515 --> 00:15:21,948
Well, that's strange,
'cause I called.
303
00:15:21,950 --> 00:15:23,750
Yeah. Well, I wasn't on it.
304
00:15:23,752 --> 00:15:25,018
You're better off.
305
00:15:25,020 --> 00:15:28,571
All right, all right.
Let me make it up to you.
306
00:15:30,892 --> 00:15:32,559
Tell you what.
307
00:15:32,561 --> 00:15:34,193
I'm gonna give you...
308
00:15:34,195 --> 00:15:35,362
Ooh.
309
00:15:35,364 --> 00:15:37,030
The Hayden field interview.
310
00:15:37,032 --> 00:15:38,865
Hayden field
doesn't do interviews.
311
00:15:39,868 --> 00:15:41,918
But his shit-wrangler does.
312
00:15:43,054 --> 00:15:44,888
"Cole brown.
313
00:15:44,890 --> 00:15:47,356
Fecal therapist“?
314
00:15:47,358 --> 00:15:48,842
You have got to be shittin' me.
315
00:15:48,844 --> 00:15:50,310
I shit you not.
316
00:15:50,312 --> 00:15:52,378
Turd reading, it's the new yoga.
317
00:15:52,380 --> 00:15:53,997
And our boy
is the number-two guru.
318
00:15:53,999 --> 00:15:56,633
A shit whisperer.
319
00:15:56,635 --> 00:15:58,634
Hayden field's shit whisperer.
320
00:16:00,055 --> 00:16:01,621
You can thank me later.
321
00:16:01,623 --> 00:16:03,306
Go get 'em, slugger.
322
00:16:04,609 --> 00:16:05,708
Tell you one thing,
323
00:16:05,710 --> 00:16:07,110
I ain't shaking his hand.
324
00:16:08,080 --> 00:16:10,714
J.lo, puff daddy, Demi Moore,
325
00:16:10,716 --> 00:16:11,881
Ashton kutcher.
326
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,583
I do... I do all
their stool work.
327
00:16:13,585 --> 00:16:16,419
Hm. Well, you heard
it here. J.Lo poops.
328
00:16:16,421 --> 00:16:18,822
Now, how about Hollywood
hottie Ben Affleck?
329
00:16:18,824 --> 00:16:21,324
Uh, well, can't say
I've had the pleasure.
330
00:16:23,328 --> 00:16:25,128
You crack me up.
Can we maybe, um...?
331
00:16:25,130 --> 00:16:26,730
Could we just stop?
332
00:16:26,732 --> 00:16:29,365
'Cause I have to...
I just have to take a...
333
00:16:29,367 --> 00:16:31,034
Earl: Cut.
334
00:16:31,586 --> 00:16:32,919
Stop it!
335
00:16:33,955 --> 00:16:36,189
Does this guy
ever stop shitting?
336
00:16:36,191 --> 00:16:39,526
Well, it is his job.
What's yours?
337
00:16:41,596 --> 00:16:43,729
Go fuck yourself, Earl.
338
00:16:43,731 --> 00:16:45,065
I gotta take a leak.
339
00:16:45,067 --> 00:16:47,750
Then go take it. Don't get lost.
340
00:16:49,922 --> 00:16:52,722
What are they shootin', pops?
Postman ll?
341
00:16:52,724 --> 00:16:54,791
Crazy town reshoot.
342
00:16:54,793 --> 00:16:55,826
What a stinker.
343
00:16:55,828 --> 00:16:56,828
Tell me about it.
344
00:16:59,597 --> 00:17:02,916
Woman: Did you see that extra
playing stab victim number five?
345
00:17:02,918 --> 00:17:03,950
He is so hot.
346
00:17:03,952 --> 00:17:05,718
Ew, yuck, I'd never
date an extra.
347
00:17:06,722 --> 00:17:08,121
Come on.
What if he was a nice guy?
348
00:17:08,123 --> 00:17:09,956
If he was nice, maybe.
349
00:17:09,958 --> 00:17:11,457
But he'd have to have a nice car
350
00:17:11,459 --> 00:17:12,809
and no body hair.
351
00:17:12,811 --> 00:17:14,544
My grandfather has a nice car
352
00:17:14,546 --> 00:17:15,778
and no body hair.
353
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:17,214
Yeah, I know. I fucked him.
354
00:17:19,968 --> 00:17:22,269
You guys are terrible.
355
00:17:22,271 --> 00:17:23,470
Well, I gotta go.
356
00:17:23,472 --> 00:17:25,772
I have to feed his majesty
his boring lunch.
357
00:17:25,774 --> 00:17:27,774
Oh, that is so sweet.
358
00:17:27,776 --> 00:17:30,243
His fecal therapist
is totally up my ass.
359
00:17:30,245 --> 00:17:32,646
Like I don't have
better things to do.
360
00:17:32,648 --> 00:17:33,880
Bye. Bye.
361
00:17:33,882 --> 00:17:35,048
Bye. Bye.
362
00:17:35,050 --> 00:17:37,283
Love you. Mean it.
363
00:17:39,738 --> 00:17:43,656
Woman: “Better things to do"?
Like spending daddy's money.
364
00:17:43,658 --> 00:17:45,825
Like how she'd spend it
on a boob job.
365
00:17:46,995 --> 00:17:49,362
Gee, you know, I wish
my daddy ran the studio.
366
00:17:49,364 --> 00:17:51,030
Then I can pretend
that Hayden field
367
00:17:51,032 --> 00:17:52,966
loved my cheesy,
perfumed ass too.
368
00:18:04,713 --> 00:18:06,546
Hey, watch it!
369
00:18:11,136 --> 00:18:13,169
Who's that supposed to be,
Abe Lincoln?
370
00:18:13,171 --> 00:18:17,173
Hayden field. Nice guy.
371
00:18:17,175 --> 00:18:19,041
He's working today too.
372
00:18:19,043 --> 00:18:20,443
Don't fuck with me, pops.
373
00:18:20,445 --> 00:18:22,378
I ain't fucking with you.
374
00:18:22,380 --> 00:18:25,181
He's shooting over at hangar 9.
375
00:18:25,183 --> 00:18:27,633
Penny, Hayden field,
first interview.
376
00:18:27,635 --> 00:18:29,235
I smell daytime Emmy.
Get the camera.
377
00:18:29,237 --> 00:18:31,003
Penny:
Screw poop boy. Grab the camera.
378
00:18:31,005 --> 00:18:32,005
Man: Coming through!
379
00:18:32,007 --> 00:18:33,006
Hey, yo, little girl,
380
00:18:33,008 --> 00:18:34,440
you want some candy?
381
00:18:34,442 --> 00:18:35,441
All right, all right.
382
00:18:35,443 --> 00:18:37,043
Appreciate that.
383
00:18:37,045 --> 00:18:39,812
Hey, yo, Johnny crazy.
Thought you was dead.
384
00:18:39,814 --> 00:18:41,614
Well, you thought wrong.
385
00:18:41,616 --> 00:18:42,715
School's out, punk.
386
00:18:43,818 --> 00:18:45,518
Don't hurt me, man.
Don't hit me.
387
00:18:45,520 --> 00:18:47,120
Cut, cut, cut, cut, cut, out!
388
00:18:47,122 --> 00:18:48,988
The boom! The boom!
389
00:18:52,527 --> 00:18:54,027
Reset.
390
00:18:57,098 --> 00:18:58,097
Whoa!
391
00:18:58,099 --> 00:18:59,115
You okay, man?
392
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,456
Hayden! Hayden, hi,
how do you do?
393
00:19:06,458 --> 00:19:08,124
Hollywood scoop.
How are you today?
394
00:19:08,126 --> 00:19:09,993
Excellent, I'm excellent.
I'm a lucky guy.
395
00:19:09,995 --> 00:19:11,461
I'm a lucky guy. That's great.
396
00:19:11,463 --> 00:19:13,430
So, what's going on
with you and Lisa Mancini?
397
00:19:13,432 --> 00:19:14,965
Hayden! I love you!
398
00:19:14,967 --> 00:19:17,167
Man: It's not happening
today, guys. Come on.
399
00:19:17,169 --> 00:19:19,535
Thank you.
400
00:19:19,537 --> 00:19:21,521
Asshole.
401
00:19:53,188 --> 00:19:55,688
Man: Me due/e la cabeza.
402
00:19:55,690 --> 00:19:57,790
Me due/e.
403
00:19:57,792 --> 00:19:58,941
Back to Mexico.
404
00:19:58,943 --> 00:20:00,576
Poor bastards.
405
00:20:00,578 --> 00:20:01,777
That's the girl.
406
00:20:01,779 --> 00:20:03,513
"That's the girl," what?
407
00:20:03,515 --> 00:20:05,348
That knocked over the statue?
408
00:20:05,350 --> 00:20:07,783
That's Lisa Mancini.
Her father runs this dump.
409
00:20:07,785 --> 00:20:10,202
She's pretty, huh?
410
00:20:10,204 --> 00:20:11,571
Uh, uh-huh.
411
00:20:12,741 --> 00:20:13,807
Earl: Yeah.
412
00:20:13,809 --> 00:20:15,241
We've been thrown off the lot.
413
00:20:15,243 --> 00:20:16,242
What?
414
00:20:16,244 --> 00:20:18,511
Your nephew here
caused the accident.
415
00:20:18,513 --> 00:20:21,113
What? That is bullshit.
416
00:20:21,115 --> 00:20:23,817
Well, according
to Lisa Mancini, you did.
417
00:20:23,819 --> 00:20:26,135
Pip says
you're both getting fired.
418
00:20:26,137 --> 00:20:28,704
Fired? Who says so?
That sack of shit?
419
00:20:28,706 --> 00:20:31,841
You tell pip to shove it
up his tootsie pop ass.
420
00:20:31,843 --> 00:20:35,478
Oh, well, why don't you
tell him yourself, bigmouth?
421
00:20:38,149 --> 00:20:39,132
Hello?
422
00:20:39,134 --> 00:20:40,633
Well, hello, Earl.
423
00:20:40,635 --> 00:20:41,767
You were saying?
424
00:20:41,769 --> 00:20:43,603
What's this I'm-fired shit?
425
00:20:43,605 --> 00:20:45,588
Earl. Baby.
426
00:20:45,590 --> 00:20:48,091
Now, listen. My hands
are tied on this one.
427
00:20:48,093 --> 00:20:50,810
Now, you and opie
cost the studio half-a-mil.
428
00:20:50,812 --> 00:20:52,645
You nearly killed
the boss' daughter
429
00:20:52,647 --> 00:20:54,414
and almost lost us lot access.
430
00:20:54,416 --> 00:20:56,382
Brother, the ax must fall.
431
00:20:56,384 --> 00:20:57,950
Oh, really?
432
00:20:57,952 --> 00:21:01,037
Well, how about this... pip?
433
00:21:01,039 --> 00:21:02,438
Go fuck yourself,
434
00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:05,375
you fucking ball-less,
fucking fuck-faced,
435
00:21:05,377 --> 00:21:07,143
backstabbing cocksucker.
436
00:21:07,145 --> 00:21:08,678
Buh-bye, Earl.
437
00:21:08,680 --> 00:21:10,246
This is pip wingo!
438
00:21:10,248 --> 00:21:12,332
And you're still fucking fired.
439
00:21:12,334 --> 00:21:15,034
Ah, not your fault.
440
00:21:15,036 --> 00:21:17,503
That dirty whore, Lisa Mancini.
441
00:21:17,505 --> 00:21:18,504
She seems nice.
442
00:21:18,506 --> 00:21:20,172
I think
if I could just talk to her,
443
00:21:20,174 --> 00:21:22,508
I could straighten
this whole thing out.
444
00:21:22,510 --> 00:21:24,377
This ain't Minnesota.
445
00:21:24,379 --> 00:21:26,479
You just show up
at somebody's house out here,
446
00:21:26,481 --> 00:21:28,481
a pit bull gnaws your dick off.
447
00:21:29,851 --> 00:21:32,485
Two-to-one though, she'll be
at club velour tonight.
448
00:21:32,487 --> 00:21:33,786
Well, let's go.
449
00:21:35,189 --> 00:21:36,856
And do what? We can't get in.
450
00:21:36,858 --> 00:21:38,658
What if we could?
451
00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:39,859
Well...
452
00:21:39,861 --> 00:21:41,728
We can't.
453
00:21:42,797 --> 00:21:43,813
Can we?
454
00:21:44,783 --> 00:21:45,832
What's in the closet?
455
00:21:48,035 --> 00:21:49,035
Nothin'.
456
00:21:51,156 --> 00:21:53,139
Costumes.
457
00:21:53,141 --> 00:21:54,773
Halloween costumes.
458
00:21:58,696 --> 00:21:59,695
Earl: Ready to rock?
459
00:21:59,697 --> 00:22:01,531
Owen: Oh, I'm ready to rock.
460
00:22:01,533 --> 00:22:04,234
Wish these fucking pants
weren't assless though.
461
00:22:04,236 --> 00:22:05,635
Wait till I get a hold
462
00:22:05,637 --> 00:22:08,271
of that damn
Halloween-costume-salesman prick
463
00:22:08,273 --> 00:22:10,373
for selling me defective pants.
464
00:22:10,375 --> 00:22:12,342
Come on. Excuse me.
465
00:22:12,344 --> 00:22:14,177
Ahem. Excuse me.
466
00:22:15,713 --> 00:22:16,713
Nice try.
467
00:22:18,049 --> 00:22:20,149
Sir.
468
00:22:20,151 --> 00:22:23,686
We ship out in 0800 hours
to parts unknown
469
00:22:23,688 --> 00:22:26,055
to protect maggots
like you from evildoers,
470
00:22:26,057 --> 00:22:28,024
you fucking pinko.
471
00:22:28,026 --> 00:22:31,127
Man: Baby killer!
Man 2: Fascist!
472
00:22:31,129 --> 00:22:33,362
Man 3: Warmonger!
Man 4: Baby killer!
473
00:22:33,364 --> 00:22:34,831
Man 5: Bite me!
474
00:22:36,568 --> 00:22:38,267
Man: Aw, cram it.
475
00:22:44,175 --> 00:22:47,911
Oh, look at him go,
look at him go.
476
00:22:49,781 --> 00:22:52,632
I'm gonna go cruise.
Uh, for chicks.
477
00:22:58,172 --> 00:23:00,105
Hey, Nick.
478
00:23:00,107 --> 00:23:01,407
Okay, so the game plan is,
479
00:23:01,409 --> 00:23:03,309
margot's gonna give
that Nick guy a blow job.
480
00:23:03,311 --> 00:23:04,910
So you fuck Jimmy,
and I'll fuck Erik.
481
00:23:04,912 --> 00:23:06,479
Well, I'd rather fuck
the black guy.
482
00:23:06,481 --> 00:23:07,813
Boots?
483
00:23:07,815 --> 00:23:09,983
Boots is, like, down here.
Jimmy's, like, up here.
484
00:23:09,985 --> 00:23:12,718
You fuck up the ladder,
stupid, not down.
485
00:23:12,720 --> 00:23:14,153
Whatever.
486
00:23:14,155 --> 00:23:16,623
Oh, did you hear
who Lisa Mancini fucked?
487
00:23:16,625 --> 00:23:17,907
Who? Jesus.
488
00:23:17,909 --> 00:23:20,293
The valet guy at white lotus.
489
00:23:20,295 --> 00:23:21,827
Yeah, this guy
in my acting class,
490
00:23:21,829 --> 00:23:24,297
he's a barback, and he said
that's, like, the rumor.
491
00:23:24,299 --> 00:23:25,298
A valet guy?
492
00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:26,999
Barf! What a slut.
493
00:23:50,575 --> 00:23:52,525
You're name's Lisa, right?
494
00:23:52,527 --> 00:23:54,694
Hey, wait a minute. I know you.
495
00:23:54,696 --> 00:23:57,063
Yeah, I'm the guy from today.
The studio?
496
00:23:57,065 --> 00:23:58,197
Oh, right.
497
00:23:58,199 --> 00:23:59,198
You.
498
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:00,933
Look, I'm sorry about today.
499
00:24:00,935 --> 00:24:02,702
I was freaking out, and...
500
00:24:02,704 --> 00:24:04,254
Anyway, I apologize.
501
00:24:04,256 --> 00:24:06,422
Eh, it's no big deal.
See, the thing is...
502
00:24:06,424 --> 00:24:07,507
"Seamen dick"?
503
00:24:07,509 --> 00:24:08,908
What?
504
00:24:08,910 --> 00:24:11,310
Oh, this... my uncle Earl's gay.
It's a long story.
505
00:24:11,312 --> 00:24:13,879
Anyways, I think there's
a big misunderstanding.
506
00:24:13,881 --> 00:24:16,014
See, they think that
I caused the accident.
507
00:24:16,016 --> 00:24:18,000
Don't worry, you're not
liable or anything.
508
00:24:18,002 --> 00:24:20,269
Me and my uncle Earl got fired
because someone said
509
00:24:20,271 --> 00:24:22,137
that you said
that I caused the accident.
510
00:24:22,139 --> 00:24:23,840
Well, if you weren't
standing there,
511
00:24:23,842 --> 00:24:26,175
I wouldn't have had to
not almost hit you, right?
512
00:24:26,177 --> 00:24:28,127
All right, look, I'm not
gonna argue with you.
513
00:24:28,129 --> 00:24:29,328
All I want from you,
514
00:24:29,330 --> 00:24:31,130
is I want you to tell
whoever that you lied.
515
00:24:31,132 --> 00:24:32,131
Because you did.
516
00:24:32,133 --> 00:24:33,816
Okay, so what? I lied.
517
00:24:33,818 --> 00:24:36,686
Now, listen, seamen dick,
or whatever your name is,
518
00:24:36,688 --> 00:24:38,888
I'm sorry you
and your gay uncle got fired.
519
00:24:38,890 --> 00:24:40,122
I am.
520
00:24:40,124 --> 00:24:42,742
But my father
is the president of the studio.
521
00:24:42,744 --> 00:24:45,711
And crushing to death
illegal-immigrant movie extras
522
00:24:45,713 --> 00:24:47,646
is not good publicity.
523
00:24:47,648 --> 00:24:50,449
And more not-good publicity,
I don't need right now.
524
00:24:50,451 --> 00:24:51,667
Now, if you'll excuse me.
525
00:24:51,669 --> 00:24:52,735
No, I don't think so.
526
00:24:52,737 --> 00:24:54,437
Help, stalker!
527
00:24:54,439 --> 00:24:55,421
Owen: Yo!
528
00:24:55,423 --> 00:24:56,789
Yo, what's up?!
529
00:24:56,791 --> 00:24:59,292
Sir! Sirs!
530
00:25:01,095 --> 00:25:02,361
Man: Stay out.
531
00:25:02,363 --> 00:25:03,930
Stay out.
532
00:25:07,185 --> 00:25:09,251
I'll show you more
not-good publicity!
533
00:25:09,253 --> 00:25:10,435
Earl: Wait, wait!
534
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:30,440
Oh, my god, are you...?
535
00:25:31,392 --> 00:25:32,408
You!
536
00:25:32,410 --> 00:25:33,743
Fuck!
537
00:25:33,745 --> 00:25:34,811
Idiot!
538
00:25:36,914 --> 00:25:38,748
Oh, what the fuck?
539
00:25:41,702 --> 00:25:42,969
Yep.
540
00:25:42,971 --> 00:25:44,971
Dir-Ty whore.
541
00:25:46,441 --> 00:25:48,307
Man: So, Hayden, how
would you respond...?
542
00:25:48,309 --> 00:25:49,475
This guy a retard, or what?
543
00:25:49,477 --> 00:25:50,643
Oh, he's not just a retard.
544
00:25:50,645 --> 00:25:53,579
He's the sexiest retard alive.
545
00:25:54,782 --> 00:25:55,898
Look at 'em.
546
00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:58,033
Bunch ofjack-offs.
547
00:25:58,035 --> 00:25:59,568
Just iickin' away,
548
00:25:59,570 --> 00:26:00,903
waitin' for a bone.
549
00:26:00,905 --> 00:26:03,305
Without him, they'd be
tarrin' roofs in the valley.
550
00:26:03,307 --> 00:26:06,125
Her, him, all of 'em.
551
00:26:06,127 --> 00:26:08,627
They all need to be
taken down a peg.
552
00:26:08,629 --> 00:26:09,628
Let's do it.
553
00:26:09,630 --> 00:26:11,748
Do what? What can we do?
554
00:26:11,750 --> 00:26:13,132
I don't know, something.
555
00:26:13,134 --> 00:26:17,036
This is my problem.
You, you've got your problems.
556
00:26:17,038 --> 00:26:19,255
Fuck it. Let's go to Disneyland,
get you a mouse hat.
557
00:26:19,257 --> 00:26:20,239
Would you like that?
558
00:26:20,241 --> 00:26:21,507
No, fuck mouse hats.
559
00:26:21,509 --> 00:26:23,709
This is war, uncle Earl.
They have it comin'.
560
00:26:23,711 --> 00:26:25,578
Their ass is grass,
and I'm the lawnmower.
561
00:26:25,580 --> 00:26:26,579
You with me?
562
00:26:26,581 --> 00:26:27,680
With you?
563
00:26:27,682 --> 00:26:29,448
"Mowing ass" is my middle name.
564
00:26:30,451 --> 00:26:31,600
I mean, you know,
565
00:26:31,602 --> 00:26:33,135
mowing as in... as in kicking.
566
00:26:33,137 --> 00:26:36,171
“Kicking ass“
is, uh, my middle name.
567
00:26:37,174 --> 00:26:38,841
Okay, so...
568
00:26:38,843 --> 00:26:40,943
How do we kill two birds
with one stone?
569
00:26:40,945 --> 00:26:43,679
If we get Hayden field to talk,
that's worth money, right?
570
00:26:43,681 --> 00:26:45,865
Forget it.
He don't do interviews.
571
00:26:48,036 --> 00:26:49,652
Unless...
572
00:26:50,688 --> 00:26:51,671
That's it.
573
00:26:51,673 --> 00:26:53,005
Forget about the interview.
574
00:26:53,007 --> 00:26:54,841
The real money's in the dirt!
575
00:26:54,843 --> 00:26:56,792
An exposé. Atell-all.
576
00:26:56,794 --> 00:26:58,527
Real Donnie brasco shit.
577
00:26:58,529 --> 00:27:00,429
We infiltrate Hayden's
pussy posse,
578
00:27:00,431 --> 00:27:02,298
take some notes,
dig up some skeletons,
579
00:27:02,300 --> 00:27:04,050
you're lookin'
at a book deal, minimum!
580
00:27:04,052 --> 00:27:05,217
Then come the movie rights.
581
00:27:05,219 --> 00:27:07,336
J“ and then the Broadway play j'
582
00:27:07,338 --> 00:27:10,372
this could be a real monster,
but how?
583
00:27:10,374 --> 00:27:12,475
How do we infiltrate?
584
00:27:14,078 --> 00:27:15,228
Woman: We are here
585
00:27:15,230 --> 00:27:17,463
with celebrity designer
Lisa Mancini
586
00:27:17,465 --> 00:27:19,198
and her new trés chic boutique
587
00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:21,567
in Beverly Hills,
whose grand opening tomorrow
588
00:27:21,569 --> 00:27:25,003
promises to be
a star-studded event.
589
00:27:26,373 --> 00:27:28,407
Oh, did you hear
who Lisa Mancini fucked?
590
00:27:28,409 --> 00:27:30,125
Who? Jesus.
591
00:27:30,127 --> 00:27:31,644
The valet guy at white lotus.
592
00:27:32,630 --> 00:27:34,330
The valet guy at white lotus.
593
00:27:35,250 --> 00:27:36,466
The valet guy at white lotus.
594
00:27:38,002 --> 00:27:39,702
Thank you.
595
00:27:39,704 --> 00:27:41,203
Okay, I guess
without further ado,
596
00:27:41,205 --> 00:27:42,205
I give you...
597
00:27:49,530 --> 00:27:51,096
What's the name
of the store again?
598
00:27:51,098 --> 00:27:52,831
Cherry.
599
00:27:52,833 --> 00:27:54,650
Cherry, I give you cherry.
600
00:27:55,886 --> 00:27:57,186
Man: Yeah! Woman: All right!
601
00:27:58,189 --> 00:27:59,388
Man 2: Good work!
602
00:28:00,708 --> 00:28:02,741
Okay, I want you
out of here now.
603
00:28:02,743 --> 00:28:04,476
No wonder why he dumped you.
604
00:28:04,478 --> 00:28:06,578
Jesus, remember Lisa,
your girlfriend?
605
00:28:06,580 --> 00:28:07,713
Si. Si.
606
00:28:13,338 --> 00:28:14,754
What the hell is your problem?
607
00:28:14,756 --> 00:28:16,722
This is blackmail.
I'm gonna call the police.
608
00:28:16,724 --> 00:28:19,408
Call 'em, we'll get shots
with them too. Yo, scumbags!
609
00:28:19,410 --> 00:28:22,128
What do you want from me?
Your job back? Money?
610
00:28:22,130 --> 00:28:23,362
What is it?
611
00:28:23,364 --> 00:28:25,681
Hm, what do I want?
I wanna be popular.
612
00:28:25,683 --> 00:28:27,550
When you're voted
"most likely to blow you"
613
00:28:27,552 --> 00:28:29,418
in the jail yearbook,
then you can thank me.
614
00:28:29,420 --> 00:28:30,469
Mm, picture time.
615
00:28:30,471 --> 00:28:31,703
Jesus!
616
00:28:31,705 --> 00:28:34,023
Okay, you wanna be
popular. Now what?
617
00:28:34,025 --> 00:28:36,375
Now you introduce me to
your boyfriend and his friends.
618
00:28:37,378 --> 00:28:38,760
You're one of those creepy fans.
619
00:28:38,762 --> 00:28:40,196
No, I'm not.
620
00:28:40,198 --> 00:28:42,398
If you really wanna know,
I'm a lonely guy, okay?
621
00:28:42,400 --> 00:28:43,632
I never had any friends,
622
00:28:43,634 --> 00:28:45,651
and I never hung out
with the popular kids.
623
00:28:45,653 --> 00:28:47,586
I was a nerd.
I was a nerd's nerd.
624
00:28:47,588 --> 00:28:49,288
My nickname was "wedgie."
625
00:28:49,290 --> 00:28:51,490
Titty-twister and purple nurple
were my friends.
626
00:28:51,492 --> 00:28:53,993
Just once I'd like to hang out
with the in-crowd,
627
00:28:53,995 --> 00:28:55,077
you know, be the cool kid.
628
00:28:55,079 --> 00:28:56,796
Is that too much to ask, huh?
629
00:28:56,798 --> 00:28:59,165
Jeez, calm down,
all I'm saying is...
630
00:28:59,167 --> 00:29:00,399
I don't know why
631
00:29:00,401 --> 00:29:02,468
anyone would wanna hang out
with those morons.
632
00:29:02,470 --> 00:29:04,971
If that's what you want,
then fine.
633
00:29:04,973 --> 00:29:08,074
I'll introduce you,
but I'm not making any promises.
634
00:29:08,076 --> 00:29:09,458
Fine. Fine.
635
00:29:09,460 --> 00:29:10,593
Okay, then, let's go.
636
00:29:10,595 --> 00:29:11,978
You mean, like, right now?
637
00:29:11,980 --> 00:29:14,096
Yeah, I wanna be popular today,
hot pants.
638
00:29:14,098 --> 00:29:15,797
Come on, chop, chop,
get your stuff.
639
00:29:15,799 --> 00:29:17,099
You are pathetic.
640
00:29:17,101 --> 00:29:18,300
Mm, picture time.
641
00:29:18,302 --> 00:29:20,302
Jesus, boom-boom sefiorita?
642
00:29:20,304 --> 00:29:22,671
Okay.
Si, si. Boom boom sefiorita.
643
00:29:22,673 --> 00:29:24,240
Let's do it.
644
00:29:27,528 --> 00:29:29,812
Man: Can we get some
more coffee here, sweetheart?
645
00:29:31,165 --> 00:29:32,365
What's up?
646
00:29:32,367 --> 00:29:34,450
Man 2: Lisa in the hizzouse!
647
00:29:36,087 --> 00:29:37,703
What's up, babe? Wanna sit down?
648
00:29:37,705 --> 00:29:40,039
I can't, I'm busy,
I was just in the neighborhood
649
00:29:40,041 --> 00:29:41,407
and came to introduce you to...
650
00:29:41,409 --> 00:29:42,408
This is...
651
00:29:42,410 --> 00:29:43,409
I'm her cousin Owen,
652
00:29:43,411 --> 00:29:44,510
visiting from Minnesota.
653
00:29:44,512 --> 00:29:46,178
Minnesota.
654
00:29:46,180 --> 00:29:48,881
Yo, the shit's like
minus-motherfuckin'-50 and shit.
655
00:29:48,883 --> 00:29:51,050
Titty-bar weather, yo.
656
00:29:51,052 --> 00:29:52,518
And those frozen shorties,
657
00:29:52,520 --> 00:29:54,186
they got some big-ass titties.
658
00:29:54,188 --> 00:29:55,804
Ask your boy. Holler!
659
00:29:55,806 --> 00:29:58,007
Twin cities,
more like twin titties.
660
00:29:58,009 --> 00:29:59,009
Yeah!
661
00:30:01,145 --> 00:30:02,895
This motherfucker
feeling California,
662
00:30:02,897 --> 00:30:05,481
but looking Minnesota.
663
00:30:05,483 --> 00:30:07,650
Hey, ace, we gotta
hook your boy up
664
00:30:07,652 --> 00:30:09,518
with some Sean John Doe, yo.
665
00:30:09,520 --> 00:30:10,703
All: Bling!
666
00:30:10,705 --> 00:30:12,905
Hayden:
I dig him, man. He's cool.
667
00:30:12,907 --> 00:30:14,356
So, what do you do, man?
668
00:30:14,358 --> 00:30:16,042
I work for a paper.
I'm a writer.
669
00:30:16,044 --> 00:30:18,044
Hollywood scoop, yo.
670
00:30:18,046 --> 00:30:19,862
I knew I knew this nigga, b.
671
00:30:19,864 --> 00:30:21,347
He's the dude that was sweati"
672
00:30:21,349 --> 00:30:23,231
the paparazzo
outside the club that night.
673
00:30:23,233 --> 00:30:24,216
For real. Yeah.
674
00:30:24,218 --> 00:30:25,483
That was you, bro?
675
00:30:25,485 --> 00:30:27,887
What can I say, man,
don't fuck with Minnesota.
676
00:30:27,889 --> 00:30:29,005
All: Oh!
677
00:30:31,859 --> 00:30:33,859
Why no love then, ace, huh?
678
00:30:33,861 --> 00:30:35,361
You were there, we were there.
679
00:30:35,363 --> 00:30:37,696
He's pulled a Batman on us.
What's up with that?
680
00:30:37,698 --> 00:30:40,665
Yeah, I was there. I was outside
with all the other fuckheads.
681
00:30:40,667 --> 00:30:42,568
Just glad our Lisa's okay.
682
00:30:42,570 --> 00:30:44,103
Where you staying at, man?
683
00:30:44,105 --> 00:30:45,321
With a friend.
684
00:30:46,056 --> 00:30:47,406
So stay with Lisa, man.
685
00:30:47,408 --> 00:30:49,474
She's got this whole guesthouse
going to waste.
686
00:30:49,476 --> 00:30:51,377
Pool, jacuzzi, the works.
687
00:30:51,379 --> 00:30:52,578
Nah, I don't wanna impose.
688
00:30:52,580 --> 00:30:53,812
Oh, come on. Wrong, o man.
689
00:30:53,814 --> 00:30:55,698
Lisa, tell your cousin
he can stay with you.
690
00:30:57,168 --> 00:30:59,134
What's mine is yours.
691
00:30:59,136 --> 00:31:00,535
I'm double-parked.
692
00:31:02,339 --> 00:31:03,556
What's her problem?
693
00:31:05,442 --> 00:31:07,542
That wasn't part of any deal.
694
00:31:07,544 --> 00:31:09,211
Well, tough titties.
695
00:31:09,213 --> 00:31:12,881
Cousin. Idiots. We look
absolutely nothing alike.
696
00:31:12,883 --> 00:31:14,649
Don't sweat it.
If I grow a moustache,
697
00:31:14,651 --> 00:31:16,952
shove a stick up my ass,
nobody'll tell us apart.
698
00:31:16,954 --> 00:31:18,620
I don't have a moustache,
you asshole,
699
00:31:18,622 --> 00:31:20,255
and don't get any weird ideas.
700
00:31:20,257 --> 00:31:22,124
My house is alarmed
up the you-know-where,
701
00:31:22,126 --> 00:31:23,625
and I take muay Thai.
702
00:31:23,627 --> 00:31:26,095
No offense, but I'd rather
put lipstick on an easter hare.
703
00:31:32,053 --> 00:31:33,185
Yeah?
704
00:31:33,187 --> 00:31:35,154
What?
705
00:31:35,156 --> 00:31:36,688
Hayden field?
706
00:31:36,690 --> 00:31:38,523
Tonight?
I don't have anything to wear...
707
00:31:38,525 --> 00:31:40,359
Nothing to wear, nothing!
708
00:31:42,663 --> 00:31:44,063
Oh, I got anemia.
709
00:31:44,065 --> 00:31:45,697
Must have swallowed
an avon lady.
710
00:31:47,568 --> 00:31:48,800
Sure, tonight's good.
711
00:31:48,802 --> 00:31:50,735
Hayden...
712
00:32:04,502 --> 00:32:05,867
J“ here we go j'
713
00:32:13,977 --> 00:32:16,378
Here's the green stuff.
714
00:32:16,380 --> 00:32:17,479
You mean the intrigue?
715
00:32:17,481 --> 00:32:18,514
Yeah.
716
00:32:29,527 --> 00:32:31,460
Good. Gonna be my new drink.
717
00:32:47,261 --> 00:32:49,027
You're my favorite actor.
718
00:32:50,831 --> 00:32:52,631
Cool. Thanks, man.
719
00:32:54,568 --> 00:32:57,086
And can I say that...
720
00:32:57,088 --> 00:32:59,889
Your eyes are
an impossible shade of green.
721
00:33:01,159 --> 00:33:03,025
Or are they teal?
722
00:33:05,429 --> 00:33:06,561
I'm not gay, man.
723
00:33:10,134 --> 00:33:11,133
Okay.
724
00:33:11,135 --> 00:33:12,367
Wrong pipe.
725
00:33:13,137 --> 00:33:14,137
Cheers.
726
00:33:18,642 --> 00:33:20,943
J“ I did cocaine
with David Blaine j“
727
00:33:20,945 --> 00:33:23,746
j“ he made my blow
disappear, man j'
728
00:33:23,748 --> 00:33:26,098
j“ he pulled the string
off miss love Hewitt j“
729
00:33:26,100 --> 00:33:28,400
j“ she knows what I did
last summer I
730
00:33:32,389 --> 00:33:35,357
Earl: We are now in harm's way.
731
00:33:35,359 --> 00:33:36,492
Eyes open.
732
00:33:37,561 --> 00:33:38,894
Ears wide.
733
00:33:40,163 --> 00:33:41,497
Take it all in.
734
00:33:42,432 --> 00:33:44,733
Then throw it all away.
735
00:33:44,735 --> 00:33:46,201
I gotta drain the dragon.
736
00:33:54,245 --> 00:33:55,511
What up?
737
00:33:55,513 --> 00:33:57,612
What up, bro? What up, son?
738
00:34:01,085 --> 00:34:02,935
Owen:
He's so important? That guy?
739
00:34:02,937 --> 00:34:05,971
Oh, that nigga be man tits bill.
He's my dog's agent.
740
00:34:05,973 --> 00:34:08,473
Uber-nigga. Discovered
my man and everything.
741
00:34:08,475 --> 00:34:11,093
That nigga make you,
and he can break you.
742
00:34:11,095 --> 00:34:14,663
Fo' real. Hear about playa?
Suck my man's dick.
743
00:34:16,033 --> 00:34:17,632
Got a wb show, though.
744
00:34:17,634 --> 00:34:18,934
Start suckin', bitch.
745
00:34:22,173 --> 00:34:23,572
Whoo!
746
00:34:25,443 --> 00:34:26,741
Holler. Hey.
747
00:34:26,743 --> 00:34:28,343
Last one in's a rotten egg.
748
00:34:28,345 --> 00:34:31,346
Oh, I'll show you
a rotten egg, b-i-itch.
749
00:34:31,348 --> 00:34:33,282
Oh. I smell titties, titties.
750
00:34:34,518 --> 00:34:36,818
Titties, titties, ass,
titties, ass, titties, ass.
751
00:34:36,820 --> 00:34:40,256
Titties, titties, ass,
titties, ass, titties, ass.
752
00:34:41,892 --> 00:34:42,924
What's up, man?
753
00:34:42,926 --> 00:34:44,260
Having a good time?
754
00:34:44,262 --> 00:34:46,595
This place is not too shabby.
755
00:34:46,597 --> 00:34:49,815
Somebody hold my tits.
You intrigue me.
756
00:34:49,817 --> 00:34:52,384
And who might this young man be?
757
00:34:52,386 --> 00:34:54,386
Relax, teabag,
I'm not gonna blow you.
758
00:34:59,193 --> 00:35:00,459
J“ it's a dirty game j“
759
00:35:00,461 --> 00:35:01,927
j“ ease the pleasure
work the pain j'
760
00:35:01,929 --> 00:35:04,029
j“ come on, maintain
in this dirty game I
761
00:35:04,031 --> 00:35:06,048
j“ what's his name?
It's a dirty game j“
762
00:35:06,050 --> 00:35:07,816
j“ is the pleasure
worth the pain? J'
763
00:35:07,818 --> 00:35:10,352
boots told me
that I'm Hayden's type.
764
00:35:10,354 --> 00:35:11,686
Am I? Oh, yeah?
765
00:35:11,688 --> 00:35:13,956
Jimmy says
turn the fuck over, okay?
766
00:35:13,958 --> 00:35:15,257
Come on, let's go.
767
00:35:16,260 --> 00:35:17,559
You wanna hit that shit bro?
768
00:35:17,561 --> 00:35:19,494
You... you and your homeboy?
769
00:35:19,496 --> 00:35:20,763
Count me in.
770
00:35:20,765 --> 00:35:23,031
They don't call me
sloppy-thirds Earl for nothing.
771
00:35:23,033 --> 00:35:25,267
You gonna toot that baby,
or powder its ass?
772
00:35:39,667 --> 00:35:41,900
The end of the world is near.
773
00:35:41,902 --> 00:35:44,236
Hope you're taking notes.
774
00:35:44,238 --> 00:35:45,904
Hey, baby.
775
00:35:45,906 --> 00:35:47,439
Yeah! You the man!
776
00:35:47,441 --> 00:35:48,506
Right on.
777
00:35:52,830 --> 00:35:55,664
Dude, that skankjust blew,
like, five dudes, yo.
778
00:35:55,666 --> 00:35:58,533
Yo, she was iookin' to just give
everybody a free oil change.
779
00:35:58,535 --> 00:35:59,535
It's like:
780
00:36:01,672 --> 00:36:03,739
How's my dick taste, nigga?
781
00:36:03,741 --> 00:36:04,740
Soup of the day:
782
00:36:04,742 --> 00:36:06,274
Both: Manchowder.
783
00:36:07,678 --> 00:36:10,211
Charles manson, where are you
when we need you most?
784
00:36:10,213 --> 00:36:11,847
Papa needs his medicine.
785
00:36:13,851 --> 00:36:14,950
Owen: That's fucked up.
786
00:36:17,655 --> 00:36:20,622
Enjoying your popularity?
787
00:36:20,624 --> 00:36:22,123
Where's Hayden?
788
00:36:22,125 --> 00:36:25,026
Snoozin'. Yo' nigga
taking a wee nap.
789
00:36:28,165 --> 00:36:31,132
You know, you really should stop
saying "nigger" all the time.
790
00:36:31,134 --> 00:36:32,434
You sound ignorant.
791
00:36:34,871 --> 00:36:36,238
Did she just call me a nigga?
792
00:36:36,240 --> 00:36:37,739
I got tourette's, bitch!
793
00:36:37,741 --> 00:36:41,076
Shit. Balls. V-V-V... vagina.
794
00:37:00,463 --> 00:37:02,330
Boring party, huh?
795
00:37:02,332 --> 00:37:03,598
Really?
796
00:37:03,600 --> 00:37:05,466
Oh, you're joking.
797
00:37:05,468 --> 00:37:07,035
I don't know, I'm not from here.
798
00:37:07,037 --> 00:37:08,970
Thank god. Where are you from?
799
00:37:08,972 --> 00:37:10,305
Ohio.
800
00:37:10,307 --> 00:37:12,124
I just moved out here
three weeks ago.
801
00:37:12,126 --> 00:37:13,758
Wow, and you're still here?
802
00:37:15,362 --> 00:37:18,130
That was a joke. I get much
funnier after a couple drinks.
803
00:37:21,251 --> 00:37:22,918
So, what brings you out here?
804
00:37:23,721 --> 00:37:26,021
Acting. I'm an actress.
805
00:37:26,023 --> 00:37:27,389
Well, trying to be.
806
00:37:27,391 --> 00:37:28,690
That's the problem.
807
00:37:28,692 --> 00:37:31,093
You already look like
a movie star, I wouldn't worry.
808
00:37:31,095 --> 00:37:33,795
I was in a play once, 8th grade.
809
00:37:33,797 --> 00:37:34,996
I played a log.
810
00:37:36,317 --> 00:37:39,935
Play sucked,
but everyone loved my log.
811
00:37:43,190 --> 00:37:45,273
Your mind is in the gutter,
Ohio.
812
00:37:45,275 --> 00:37:47,142
I didn't say anything.
813
00:37:48,228 --> 00:37:49,945
So is there a boyfriend
I have to beat up,
814
00:37:49,947 --> 00:37:51,446
or did you come alone?
815
00:37:51,448 --> 00:37:53,916
No. I mean, yeah.
816
00:37:53,918 --> 00:37:57,319
I work at this club, velour
place. Some guy invited me.
817
00:37:57,321 --> 00:37:58,620
Jimmy, I think his name was.
818
00:37:58,622 --> 00:37:59,788
Gay Jimmy?
819
00:37:59,790 --> 00:38:02,374
Oh. Jimmy's very gay.
820
00:38:02,376 --> 00:38:03,842
He loves...
821
00:38:05,913 --> 00:38:07,629
Anyway, by the way, I'm Owen.
822
00:38:07,631 --> 00:38:11,733
Jimmy: There you are, been
looking all over for you, kitty-cat.
823
00:38:11,735 --> 00:38:13,635
You ready to go meet
Hayden field or what?
824
00:38:13,637 --> 00:38:15,804
Girl: I guess. Jimmy: Yeah?
825
00:38:15,806 --> 00:38:16,905
All right, after you.
826
00:38:18,208 --> 00:38:19,892
Thanks for keeping her warm, eh?
827
00:38:19,894 --> 00:38:21,059
Later.
828
00:38:26,917 --> 00:38:29,284
Paper champion.
829
00:38:29,286 --> 00:38:30,652
That's all you are.
830
00:38:30,654 --> 00:38:34,123
Why don't you go back
to the valley, quaker oats,
831
00:38:34,125 --> 00:38:35,824
before you get clowned?
832
00:38:35,826 --> 00:38:37,993
Oh, you wanna get it on,
pretty boy?
833
00:38:37,995 --> 00:38:39,294
I'll rock you
834
00:38:39,296 --> 00:38:41,062
like a fuckin' hurricane.
835
00:38:41,064 --> 00:38:42,998
What's goin' on, uncle Earl?
836
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:46,718
Lil' Johnny chickenshit here
wants to call his mommy.
837
00:38:46,720 --> 00:38:48,820
How about it, cheeto dick?
Mano a mano.
838
00:38:48,822 --> 00:38:50,888
You versus my man here.
839
00:38:50,890 --> 00:38:52,324
Who? Hayseed here?
840
00:38:52,326 --> 00:38:54,509
I've taken shits
with more talent.
841
00:38:54,511 --> 00:38:55,643
Oh, yeah? Where are they?
842
00:38:55,645 --> 00:38:57,446
Shits ain't gonna
help you out of this one.
843
00:38:57,448 --> 00:38:58,680
Just you and me.
844
00:38:58,682 --> 00:39:00,882
Let's rock 'n' roll,
chumpenstein.
845
00:39:02,052 --> 00:39:03,618
Man: Do 'em up, bro, do 'em up!
846
00:39:24,607 --> 00:39:25,607
Yeah!
847
00:39:28,378 --> 00:39:29,394
Unh!
848
00:39:32,332 --> 00:39:33,599
Piss off, fad man.
849
00:39:33,601 --> 00:39:37,135
It puts the lotion on its skin,
850
00:39:37,137 --> 00:39:39,671
or it gets the hose again.
851
00:39:40,540 --> 00:39:42,941
I'm a gigantic jackass!
852
00:39:57,624 --> 00:40:00,292
Who is that dude passed out
on my pool table?
853
00:40:00,294 --> 00:40:03,795
Man, I just won you $50,000
on goldenpalace.Com.
854
00:40:03,797 --> 00:40:05,730
Can we split it? Hey, Hayden.
855
00:40:05,732 --> 00:40:09,066
Yo, I got an idea
to make some major bread, dog.
856
00:40:09,068 --> 00:40:11,636
Goldenpalace.com.
857
00:40:11,638 --> 00:40:13,738
I'm gonna box the bitch
on pay-per-view, right?
858
00:40:13,740 --> 00:40:15,106
And I ain't gotta throw a swing,
859
00:40:15,108 --> 00:40:16,508
'cause when she throws a punch,
860
00:40:16,510 --> 00:40:18,543
one of them big-ass titties
pop up in her face
861
00:40:18,545 --> 00:40:19,744
and give her a black eye.
862
00:40:19,746 --> 00:40:21,045
Are you down or what?
863
00:40:21,047 --> 00:40:23,381
Dude, it's 10:00 in the morning.
864
00:40:25,269 --> 00:40:27,536
Don't trip. He's down.
Can you get me a sandwich?
865
00:40:27,538 --> 00:40:28,537
Comin' right up, babe.
866
00:40:28,539 --> 00:40:29,538
Yeah.
867
00:40:29,540 --> 00:40:30,540
Whoo!
868
00:40:35,078 --> 00:40:37,362
I don't know how they do it.
869
00:40:37,364 --> 00:40:38,864
Just watching these a-holes
870
00:40:38,866 --> 00:40:41,432
suck ass all day and night...
871
00:40:41,434 --> 00:40:42,633
It's exhausting.
872
00:40:49,376 --> 00:40:50,976
Jimmy: Excuse us. Sorry.
873
00:40:59,303 --> 00:41:00,869
All: Oh!
874
00:41:00,871 --> 00:41:03,555
Dog, you gonna have your
own section at blockbuster.
875
00:41:03,557 --> 00:41:05,089
Three chicks, one rubber.
876
00:41:05,091 --> 00:41:06,558
Get out of here. Oh, yeah.
877
00:41:06,560 --> 00:41:10,028
American psycho,
that shit is wrong, yo.
878
00:41:10,030 --> 00:41:11,346
Get this sucker going.
879
00:41:11,348 --> 00:41:12,480
Earl: Yeah.
880
00:41:12,482 --> 00:41:14,283
Way to go, Satan.
881
00:41:15,619 --> 00:41:16,685
Who's that?
882
00:41:18,438 --> 00:41:21,290
Hayden: Hey, Owen, you wanna
read some scripts for me today?
883
00:41:22,559 --> 00:41:23,575
Owen: Any good ones?
884
00:41:23,577 --> 00:41:25,527
Hayden: Probably not. Yo, y'all,
885
00:41:25,529 --> 00:41:27,462
I'm gonna go down the hill,
get some java.
886
00:41:27,464 --> 00:41:28,512
You should come, man.
887
00:41:30,116 --> 00:41:33,668
Look at you, teacher's pet.
888
00:41:33,670 --> 00:41:37,222
Just remember,
evil never sleeps.
889
00:41:37,224 --> 00:41:39,274
Keep your dick in your pants.
890
00:41:39,276 --> 00:41:40,375
I'm outta here.
891
00:41:40,377 --> 00:41:41,810
You're on your own.
892
00:41:44,214 --> 00:41:45,613
What're you lookin' at?
893
00:41:45,615 --> 00:41:48,249
Take it easy, man. It's cool.
894
00:41:48,251 --> 00:41:49,551
Doesn't that bother you, man?
895
00:41:49,553 --> 00:41:51,352
People just starin' at you
all the time?
896
00:41:51,354 --> 00:41:53,621
Whatever, man.
I'm just a dude who got lucky.
897
00:41:53,623 --> 00:41:55,724
Put my pants on
like all these other fools.
898
00:41:55,726 --> 00:41:58,193
Yeah, but the difference is,
when you take your pants off,
899
00:41:58,195 --> 00:42:01,413
you got playboy bunnies iickin'
the bosco off your fat boy.
900
00:42:01,415 --> 00:42:03,531
You're a funny dude, man.
901
00:42:03,533 --> 00:42:06,401
Who's joking? I'd love to be
your dick for a day or two.
902
00:42:09,706 --> 00:42:11,540
Only a fool believes
what he reads.
903
00:42:11,542 --> 00:42:15,093
But is he a fool because of,
or in spite of?
904
00:42:15,095 --> 00:42:18,180
It's a quagmire, man,
because most times it's true.
905
00:42:19,316 --> 00:42:22,717
So, what's Lisa up to?
Causing trouble?
906
00:42:22,719 --> 00:42:25,753
Oh, she's down
at the... you-know-what today.
907
00:42:25,755 --> 00:42:27,656
You should go down there
and surprise her.
908
00:42:27,658 --> 00:42:29,057
I should. Yeah.
909
00:42:29,059 --> 00:42:32,093
Where's the you-know-what again?
Ixnay, man.
910
00:42:32,095 --> 00:42:34,062
The dome of silence
on that. Here.
911
00:42:35,065 --> 00:42:36,731
Oh, my god! One, three, four.
912
00:42:36,733 --> 00:42:38,984
Oh, my god, you're Hayden field.
Don't scream, man.
913
00:42:38,986 --> 00:42:40,585
It's fine.
914
00:42:40,587 --> 00:42:41,870
Oh, my god.
915
00:42:46,392 --> 00:42:47,792
Waitress: What in the world?
916
00:42:47,794 --> 00:42:50,061
I'm just the cheese, man.
I'm just the cheese.
917
00:42:50,063 --> 00:42:51,413
Beats digging ditches though.
918
00:42:51,415 --> 00:42:53,615
Hayden:
I don't know, sometimes, man.
919
00:42:53,617 --> 00:42:55,917
There's something zen-like
about digging ditches.
920
00:42:55,919 --> 00:42:58,520
That's because
you're not doing it.
921
00:42:58,522 --> 00:42:59,954
Point taken.
922
00:42:59,956 --> 00:43:02,690
But I could be tomorrow.
Dig that.
923
00:43:02,692 --> 00:43:04,225
Doubt it.
924
00:43:05,395 --> 00:43:06,812
Cheese gets moldy, man.
925
00:43:06,814 --> 00:43:08,980
But that's kool & the gang.
I'll just go surf.
926
00:43:10,951 --> 00:43:12,684
Taking notes there, ace? What?
927
00:43:12,686 --> 00:43:14,186
What? What?
928
00:43:14,188 --> 00:43:16,621
Better watch out for Lisa, man.
She's cagey.
929
00:43:16,623 --> 00:43:18,456
She got you spyin' on us.
930
00:43:20,160 --> 00:43:21,626
I'm fuckin' with you, man.
931
00:43:22,629 --> 00:43:23,795
Relax, bro.
932
00:43:23,797 --> 00:43:26,497
Oh, that girl from last night,
what-was-her-name?
933
00:43:26,499 --> 00:43:28,116
Oh, Dorothy. Yeah, that's right.
934
00:43:28,118 --> 00:43:30,218
She said she kind of liked you.
935
00:43:30,220 --> 00:43:32,954
I just thought you might
wanna know that, ace.
936
00:43:32,956 --> 00:43:34,088
Man: Lick balls!
937
00:43:34,090 --> 00:43:35,657
Waitress:
Yeah, here's your check.
938
00:43:36,894 --> 00:43:38,527
Yeah, Jimmy's just uptight, man.
939
00:43:38,529 --> 00:43:40,094
Jimmy's a fuckin' asshole.
940
00:43:40,096 --> 00:43:42,597
He's lucky I don't knock
his fucking teeth off, jerk-off.
941
00:43:42,599 --> 00:43:44,533
All right,
no more coffee for you, man.
942
00:43:45,602 --> 00:43:47,018
Oh, man.
943
00:43:54,428 --> 00:43:57,161
J“ mountain high I
944
00:43:57,163 --> 00:44:00,232
j“ valley low j'
945
00:44:00,234 --> 00:44:02,484
j“ troubles of life j“
946
00:44:02,486 --> 00:44:06,154
j“ washing over my soul j'
947
00:44:06,156 --> 00:44:08,940
j“ wrapped up in darkness I
948
00:44:08,942 --> 00:44:12,310
j“ [long to be free I
949
00:44:12,312 --> 00:44:17,215
j“ life's been tough
and love's got a hold on me j“
950
00:44:17,217 --> 00:44:20,118
j“ lsaid, love j“
j“ love, love j“
951
00:44:20,120 --> 00:44:21,919
j“ got a hold on me... j'
952
00:44:21,921 --> 00:44:23,505
nice hairnet. Is it Gucci?
953
00:44:23,507 --> 00:44:25,974
What are you doing here?
954
00:44:29,713 --> 00:44:31,112
Why don't you two just go on
955
00:44:31,114 --> 00:44:33,315
get married already,
so I can eat my lunch?
956
00:44:35,736 --> 00:44:37,301
Woman: Okay. Man: Yeah, okay.
957
00:44:37,303 --> 00:44:39,403
Woman: Salads...
Man 2: How many you need?
958
00:44:39,405 --> 00:44:41,539
I hope you don't think
this means anything more
959
00:44:41,541 --> 00:44:44,375
than me giving you a chance
to explain yourself.
960
00:44:44,377 --> 00:44:46,444
Well, excuse me, miss Mancini.
961
00:44:46,446 --> 00:44:49,180
Oh, I'm sorry,
miss Jesus Mancini.
962
00:44:49,182 --> 00:44:51,883
Now, you listen to me,
you little shit.
963
00:44:51,885 --> 00:44:54,753
Not that it's any
of your business,
964
00:44:54,755 --> 00:44:56,520
but that was ages ago.
965
00:44:56,522 --> 00:44:58,689
Before Hayden.
966
00:44:58,691 --> 00:45:01,626
And not that it's any
of your business, once again,
967
00:45:01,628 --> 00:45:05,163
but Jesus is a very nice,
very sweet person
968
00:45:05,165 --> 00:45:06,931
and very smart.
969
00:45:06,933 --> 00:45:08,332
He's an aspiring writer
970
00:45:08,334 --> 00:45:10,769
who just happens to work
as a parking attendant
971
00:45:10,771 --> 00:45:14,139
which I didn't know when
we met in the line at book soup.
972
00:45:14,141 --> 00:45:16,775
They sell books there.
Those things you read.
973
00:45:16,777 --> 00:45:17,976
So, what you're saying is,
974
00:45:17,978 --> 00:45:20,344
you're too good
to go out with a valet guy.
975
00:45:20,346 --> 00:45:23,381
No, I'm not saying that.
You are.
976
00:45:23,383 --> 00:45:25,150
So then why not share
your forbidden love
977
00:45:25,152 --> 00:45:26,517
with the world?
978
00:45:26,519 --> 00:45:29,720
Because we're not in
butthole, Minnesota, that's why.
979
00:45:29,722 --> 00:45:33,124
Didn't your mother ever tell you
nobody likes a wiseass?
980
00:45:33,126 --> 00:45:34,626
My mother ran off
with the butcher.
981
00:45:34,628 --> 00:45:36,027
You happy now, miss fancy pants?
982
00:45:36,029 --> 00:45:37,912
That answers my question.
983
00:45:37,914 --> 00:45:39,313
You know, the funny thing is,
984
00:45:39,315 --> 00:45:40,815
my mom runs off
with the butcher,
985
00:45:40,817 --> 00:45:42,167
and my dad opens a steak house.
986
00:45:42,169 --> 00:45:43,668
Pretty funny, right?
987
00:45:43,670 --> 00:45:45,403
Oh, yeah, it's a riot.
988
00:45:45,405 --> 00:45:46,421
Well, you know,
989
00:45:46,423 --> 00:45:47,789
all good things come to an end,
990
00:45:47,791 --> 00:45:49,891
and so do all bad things,
so it evens out.
991
00:45:49,893 --> 00:45:52,627
And that, class,
is why god invented alcohol.
992
00:45:52,629 --> 00:45:54,829
Enough about me,
what's your story?
993
00:45:54,831 --> 00:45:55,864
My story?
994
00:45:55,866 --> 00:45:57,499
My father's a prick with ears,
995
00:45:57,501 --> 00:45:59,200
and my mother's
a playboy centerfold.
996
00:45:59,202 --> 00:46:00,402
Whoa, what'd you just say?
997
00:46:02,773 --> 00:46:05,106
Haven't you ever heard
that expression?
998
00:46:05,108 --> 00:46:07,475
My friends and I back home
would say it all the time.
999
00:46:07,477 --> 00:46:08,860
"So-and-so's a prick with ears."
1000
00:46:08,862 --> 00:46:11,062
Owen's a prick with ears.
1001
00:46:11,064 --> 00:46:14,432
Wow, you remember my name.
So you're from Idaho.
1002
00:46:14,434 --> 00:46:15,900
Yeah, I'm from Idaho.
1003
00:46:15,902 --> 00:46:18,936
I moved out here,
like, three years ago to...
1004
00:46:18,938 --> 00:46:20,839
I don't know,
see what the big deal was.
1005
00:46:20,841 --> 00:46:22,022
Make my father happy.
1006
00:46:23,043 --> 00:46:24,475
My mom lives there.
1007
00:46:24,477 --> 00:46:25,994
Your mom,
the hustler centerfold?
1008
00:46:25,996 --> 00:46:29,931
No, playboy.
Miss September 1971.
1009
00:46:29,933 --> 00:46:31,466
Wow, well, that explains it.
1010
00:46:31,468 --> 00:46:33,001
That explains what exactly?
1011
00:46:33,003 --> 00:46:36,638
Explains why you're
so damn sexy, pain-in-the-ass.
1012
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:37,973
Shut up.
1013
00:46:37,975 --> 00:46:39,808
Wow, look who's fallin' in love.
1014
00:46:41,311 --> 00:46:43,678
You wish.
1015
00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,913
Anyway, I moved out here
three years ago, and...
1016
00:46:45,915 --> 00:46:48,149
Now, here I am, here with...
1017
00:46:48,151 --> 00:46:49,450
You.
1018
00:46:49,452 --> 00:46:50,652
You're welcome.
1019
00:46:50,654 --> 00:46:52,237
You hate it out here, don't you?
1020
00:46:52,239 --> 00:46:53,705
Yeah, I hate it.
1021
00:46:53,707 --> 00:46:56,908
I hate the nonsense.
I hate the traffic.
1022
00:46:56,910 --> 00:46:59,878
I hate the parties.
The endless, boring parties.
1023
00:46:59,880 --> 00:47:01,463
I'd rather stay home
and read a book.
1024
00:47:02,532 --> 00:47:03,998
You're a nerd. Yeah, I guess so.
1025
00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:06,233
I just want
what everybody else wants.
1026
00:47:06,235 --> 00:47:08,136
Get married, have kids.
1027
00:47:08,138 --> 00:47:11,056
Little house, big smelly dog.
1028
00:47:11,058 --> 00:47:13,291
You got a problem with that?
1029
00:47:13,293 --> 00:47:16,061
Because everybody else
out here seems to.
1030
00:47:16,063 --> 00:47:18,563
When did it become
a sin to be normal?
1031
00:47:18,565 --> 00:47:20,165
Well, I'm not from out here.
1032
00:47:22,469 --> 00:47:24,135
So the wishing well shelter.
1033
00:47:24,137 --> 00:47:26,471
Seriously, you can't tell
anybody about this place.
1034
00:47:26,473 --> 00:47:28,473
Oh, god forbid
people think you're nice.
1035
00:47:28,475 --> 00:47:31,776
No, it's not that, I just...
The wishing well is my secret.
1036
00:47:31,778 --> 00:47:33,778
I run it, I fund it.
1037
00:47:33,780 --> 00:47:36,147
Well, a.J., my father,
he funds it.
1038
00:47:36,149 --> 00:47:38,216
He just doesn't know
he funds it.
1039
00:47:38,218 --> 00:47:40,284
See, he gives me the money
for my so-called
1040
00:47:40,286 --> 00:47:43,221
designer clothing-line store,
cherry.
1041
00:47:43,223 --> 00:47:44,222
Whatever.
1042
00:47:44,224 --> 00:47:45,889
To make a long story short,
1043
00:47:45,891 --> 00:47:48,192
I funnel all the money he gives
me here into the shelter.
1044
00:47:48,194 --> 00:47:49,193
That's it.
1045
00:47:49,195 --> 00:47:50,795
Wait, am I missing something?
1046
00:47:50,797 --> 00:47:52,730
It's not like
you're funneling the money
1047
00:47:52,732 --> 00:47:54,465
through an all-night
crack house.
1048
00:47:54,467 --> 00:47:56,901
He'd like that better.
I'd be making money.
1049
00:47:56,903 --> 00:47:58,535
Trust me,
he's a prick with ears.
1050
00:48:00,907 --> 00:48:03,558
Well, I gotta tell you,
Jesus is a lucky man.
1051
00:48:05,028 --> 00:48:07,295
How do you even know about that?
1052
00:48:07,297 --> 00:48:08,696
Who are you?
1053
00:48:08,698 --> 00:48:11,533
This whole
"I wanna be popular" crap,
1054
00:48:11,535 --> 00:48:13,101
what is that about? Seriously.
1055
00:48:13,103 --> 00:48:16,154
It's not like you're lacking
in self-confidence or anything.
1056
00:48:16,156 --> 00:48:18,322
I like French-fried potaters.
1057
00:48:19,159 --> 00:48:20,958
You're an ass.
1058
00:48:35,575 --> 00:48:37,241
Holy shit, we made it.
1059
00:48:37,243 --> 00:48:39,109
Hey, I tell you,
I was a little worried.
1060
00:48:39,111 --> 00:48:40,778
I've seen your driving,
and, uh...
1061
00:48:40,780 --> 00:48:41,912
It's a little scary.
1062
00:48:41,914 --> 00:48:43,765
But we made it
and we're safe and...
1063
00:48:43,767 --> 00:48:45,767
Shut up.
Listen, I'd invite you in,
1064
00:48:45,769 --> 00:48:47,168
but, um...
1065
00:48:47,170 --> 00:48:49,303
We both know
what would happen then.
1066
00:48:49,305 --> 00:48:50,304
Oh, really?
1067
00:48:50,306 --> 00:48:51,672
What would happen?
1068
00:48:51,674 --> 00:48:53,858
I'd make grilled cheese,
1069
00:48:53,860 --> 00:48:55,259
maybe give you
a little foot rub,
1070
00:48:55,261 --> 00:48:56,260
we'd watch wrestling.
1071
00:48:56,262 --> 00:48:57,278
What else?
1072
00:48:58,081 --> 00:48:59,380
Why, what did you think?
1073
00:49:02,119 --> 00:49:03,785
Yeah, what did you think?
1074
00:49:03,787 --> 00:49:07,155
I know what you thought.
You thought naughty, huh?
1075
00:49:07,157 --> 00:49:09,123
No. I'm not like that.
1076
00:49:09,125 --> 00:49:10,625
I'm a gentleman and scholar.
1077
00:49:10,627 --> 00:49:13,845
Okay, I would never...
Well, yes, I would.
1078
00:49:13,847 --> 00:49:16,780
Well, we would,
but anyway, um...
1079
00:49:16,782 --> 00:49:18,449
Why don't I...?
Why don't you come in?
1080
00:49:18,451 --> 00:49:20,284
I'll rub some butter
on the toes. No?
1081
00:49:20,286 --> 00:49:22,220
No! No.
Come on. It's... it's nice.
1082
00:49:24,991 --> 00:49:27,025
Pilates, anyone?
1083
00:49:27,027 --> 00:49:29,127
Hey, check out the guns.
1084
00:49:30,696 --> 00:49:32,397
I'm about the same size
as Hayden field,
1085
00:49:32,399 --> 00:49:33,399
don't you think?
1086
00:49:34,234 --> 00:49:36,267
Oh, your friend rusty called.
1087
00:49:36,269 --> 00:49:37,502
Just said call him back.
1088
00:49:46,546 --> 00:49:47,829
What's up, bro?
1089
00:49:47,831 --> 00:49:49,798
Is Owen around?
1090
00:49:49,800 --> 00:49:50,999
Hi...
1091
00:49:51,001 --> 00:49:53,334
Yes, he is...
1092
00:49:54,537 --> 00:49:56,337
Hayden field.
1093
00:49:56,339 --> 00:49:57,738
Hey, bro, what's up?
1094
00:49:57,740 --> 00:49:59,808
I was just up at Lisa's.
She said you'd be here.
1095
00:49:59,810 --> 00:50:01,309
Igota...
1096
00:50:01,311 --> 00:50:02,376
I got a surprise for you.
1097
00:50:03,313 --> 00:50:04,562
Oh, yeah? What?
1098
00:50:04,564 --> 00:50:06,330
A surprise, man.
1099
00:50:06,332 --> 00:50:08,032
Let's take a ride.
1100
00:50:08,034 --> 00:50:11,135
Okay. Be back in a little bit.
1101
00:50:23,466 --> 00:50:25,032
Hayden:
Lisa's, like, cousin, man.
1102
00:50:25,034 --> 00:50:27,568
Snapping on that paparazzo dude,
the coffee-shop scene?
1103
00:50:27,570 --> 00:50:28,836
I owe you, man.
1104
00:50:28,838 --> 00:50:30,705
Yo, I don't know how to act.
1105
00:50:30,707 --> 00:50:31,839
It's easy, man.
1106
00:50:31,841 --> 00:50:33,541
Flipper's a dolphin, he can act.
1107
00:50:33,543 --> 00:50:36,477
Plus, it'll be cool for
your bros back in Minnesota.
1108
00:50:36,479 --> 00:50:38,412
Dude, I forgot my line.
1109
00:50:38,414 --> 00:50:41,315
It's all right here, all right?
1110
00:50:41,317 --> 00:50:44,318
Man:
Crazy town reshoots, take one.
1111
00:50:48,558 --> 00:50:49,590
Line.
1112
00:50:49,592 --> 00:50:51,892
Ah, cut! Ah!
1113
00:50:51,894 --> 00:50:53,894
Man: Actor wanted...
There goes Oscar.
1114
00:50:53,896 --> 00:50:55,596
Ah, shit!
1115
00:51:01,254 --> 00:51:02,920
It's fuckin' hot in here.
1116
00:51:02,922 --> 00:51:05,423
I thought you said
we were gonna go work out.
1117
00:51:05,425 --> 00:51:06,658
We are, man.
1118
00:51:06,660 --> 00:51:09,760
This... is the executive workout.
1119
00:51:09,762 --> 00:51:10,845
And dig this...
1120
00:51:10,847 --> 00:51:11,862
Man: Oh, that's right.
1121
00:51:11,864 --> 00:51:12,880
Dude.
1122
00:51:12,882 --> 00:51:14,165
That one right there.
1123
00:51:14,167 --> 00:51:15,966
Do you know who I am?
1124
00:51:15,968 --> 00:51:17,451
Mister, I don't know who I am.
1125
00:51:19,238 --> 00:51:20,871
In here,
I'm just another Joe, man.
1126
00:51:20,873 --> 00:51:22,473
It's like being
on the fucking moon.
1127
00:51:22,475 --> 00:51:23,958
The moon ain't this fucking hot.
1128
00:51:23,960 --> 00:51:25,910
Well, you got
that Minnesota blood.
1129
00:51:25,912 --> 00:51:27,361
You ain't used to the heat.
1130
00:51:27,363 --> 00:51:29,263
We should go surfing.
1131
00:51:29,265 --> 00:51:31,999
Mm. I left my surfboard
in Minnesota.
1132
00:51:32,001 --> 00:51:34,035
Not a problem. I got like 50.
1133
00:51:34,037 --> 00:51:35,586
You have 50 surfboards?
1134
00:51:35,588 --> 00:51:36,604
Yeah.
1135
00:51:36,606 --> 00:51:38,640
I got like 50 of everything.
1136
00:51:38,642 --> 00:51:40,424
It's crazy.
People just give me shit.
1137
00:51:40,426 --> 00:51:43,794
Cars, clothes, it's crazy.
1138
00:51:43,796 --> 00:51:47,014
All that shit in my ride?
All that Reebok stuff? Freebies.
1139
00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:48,115
Freebies?
1140
00:51:48,117 --> 00:51:49,617
Freebies.
1141
00:51:49,619 --> 00:51:52,687
If I was you,
I think I'd be an asshole.
1142
00:51:52,689 --> 00:51:54,355
Yeah, it's a trip being me.
1143
00:51:54,357 --> 00:51:57,558
My old man's a plumber,
works his ass off.
1144
00:51:57,560 --> 00:51:59,610
Only free shit
he ever got was, like,
1145
00:51:59,612 --> 00:52:00,878
a tallboy, you know,
1146
00:52:00,880 --> 00:52:02,780
after he snaked some dude's
busted crapper.
1147
00:52:02,782 --> 00:52:04,848
Dude, my dad worked
at a porta-John plant.
1148
00:52:04,850 --> 00:52:06,100
No way. Similar.
1149
00:52:06,102 --> 00:52:07,101
Small world.
1150
00:52:07,103 --> 00:52:08,636
All dealing with shit.
1151
00:52:08,638 --> 00:52:10,638
Now he has a steak house.
1152
00:52:10,640 --> 00:52:12,824
Well, he sort of does. It's...
1153
00:52:12,826 --> 00:52:14,442
Ah, you know, money problems
1154
00:52:14,444 --> 00:52:16,210
and all that shit. So we're...
1155
00:52:17,513 --> 00:52:18,979
Oh, that's a bummer, man.
1156
00:52:18,981 --> 00:52:20,331
Yeah.
1157
00:52:22,035 --> 00:52:24,502
Don't worry about, it though.
I got some stuff working up.
1158
00:52:25,538 --> 00:52:26,970
I like you, man.
1159
00:52:26,972 --> 00:52:28,990
You're a good dude.
You're all right.
1160
00:52:35,248 --> 00:52:37,515
All right. Peace, bro.
1161
00:52:42,088 --> 00:52:44,055
What am I supposed to do
with all this?
1162
00:52:44,057 --> 00:52:45,339
Give them to your bros, man.
1163
00:52:45,341 --> 00:52:46,440
Whatever.
1164
00:52:46,442 --> 00:52:48,376
Take as many as you can grab.
1165
00:52:54,384 --> 00:52:56,517
Oh, yo, I know
you don't dig the dude,
1166
00:52:56,519 --> 00:53:00,371
but Jimmy's having
a Jimmy-got—a-gig party tonight.
1167
00:53:00,373 --> 00:53:02,407
You should cruise by.
1168
00:53:02,409 --> 00:53:04,942
All right, call me.
All right, later. I will.
1169
00:53:06,078 --> 00:53:07,344
J“ it's a dirty game j“
1170
00:53:07,346 --> 00:53:08,946
j“ is the pleasure
worth the pain? J'
1171
00:53:08,948 --> 00:53:11,282
j“ I'm tryin' to maintain
in this dirty game I
1172
00:53:11,284 --> 00:53:12,733
j“ hey, it's a dirty game j“
1173
00:53:12,735 --> 00:53:14,335
j“ is the pleasure
worth the pain? J'
1174
00:53:14,337 --> 00:53:17,004
j“ I'm tryin' to maintain
in this dirty game I
1175
00:53:17,006 --> 00:53:18,406
j“ it's a dirty game j“
1176
00:53:18,408 --> 00:53:20,007
j“ is the pleasure
worth the pain? J'
1177
00:53:20,009 --> 00:53:22,176
j“ I'm tryin' to maintain
in this dirty game I
1178
00:53:22,178 --> 00:53:23,578
j“ hey, it's a dirty game j“
1179
00:53:29,502 --> 00:53:32,102
Hey, Otis, what's goin' on here?
1180
00:53:32,104 --> 00:53:35,172
It's your boyfriend,
miss Mancini.
1181
00:53:40,030 --> 00:53:41,929
Owen: How's that, cinderella?
1182
00:53:41,931 --> 00:53:43,631
Woman: Mighty fine.
1183
00:53:45,702 --> 00:53:47,835
Lisa, what's wrong?
1184
00:53:47,837 --> 00:53:49,303
This.
1185
00:53:49,305 --> 00:53:51,372
Everything. I'm just...
I'm sick of this.
1186
00:53:51,374 --> 00:53:53,173
Every week: “Too fat, too thin.
1187
00:53:53,175 --> 00:53:54,459
Too this, too that."
1188
00:53:54,461 --> 00:53:57,462
“Hayden dumps fatty"?
I weigh 113.
1189
00:53:57,464 --> 00:53:59,881
Stalker? I'm your fucking
blackmailer.
1190
00:53:59,883 --> 00:54:01,466
Get it straight, fuckheads.
1191
00:54:01,468 --> 00:54:03,033
We're not even...
1192
00:54:03,035 --> 00:54:05,235
Not even what?
1193
00:54:05,237 --> 00:54:07,404
Sex pistols notwithstanding,
1194
00:54:07,406 --> 00:54:08,973
punk rock was a media event.
1195
00:54:10,076 --> 00:54:11,392
And that...
1196
00:54:11,394 --> 00:54:12,894
Is not my ass.
1197
00:54:12,896 --> 00:54:15,480
I don't know whose ass it is,
but it's not mine.
1198
00:54:15,482 --> 00:54:17,515
Listen, who cares?
It's just the paper anyway.
1199
00:54:17,517 --> 00:54:19,049
It's not just the paper, it's...
1200
00:54:19,051 --> 00:54:22,437
This. This is real.
This is you, not that crap.
1201
00:54:31,296 --> 00:54:33,430
What's up? Go get her, nigga.
1202
00:54:47,230 --> 00:54:49,029
Now, what was that for?
1203
00:54:49,031 --> 00:54:50,598
For being so smart.
1204
00:54:50,600 --> 00:54:53,033
I have a confession to make:
I'm not that smart.
1205
00:54:53,035 --> 00:54:54,635
I know.
1206
00:54:54,637 --> 00:54:57,070
That was a nice thing you did.
Thank you.
1207
00:54:57,072 --> 00:54:59,524
What can I say?
I have a thing for nerds.
1208
00:54:59,526 --> 00:55:02,593
I have this premiere thing
tomorrow night. Go with me.
1209
00:55:02,595 --> 00:55:05,012
I mean, if you wanna go with me.
1210
00:55:05,014 --> 00:55:06,714
What about Hayden?
1211
00:55:06,716 --> 00:55:08,516
What about Hayden?
1212
00:55:08,518 --> 00:55:10,852
I better get back inside,
but this is a thing.
1213
00:55:10,854 --> 00:55:12,987
It's tomorrow night, 8:00.
1214
00:55:12,989 --> 00:55:14,856
I have to meet you there, okay?
1215
00:55:14,858 --> 00:55:19,026
And you better not stand me up.
1216
00:55:19,028 --> 00:55:21,012
Hey, big
Earl, it's Hayden field.
1217
00:55:21,014 --> 00:55:22,613
Just calling to let
your boy Owen know
1218
00:55:22,615 --> 00:55:23,615
that there's a party...
1219
00:55:24,784 --> 00:55:26,250
Hey, big Earl,
it's Hayden field.
1220
00:55:26,252 --> 00:55:27,751
Just calling
to let your boy Owen...
1221
00:55:28,988 --> 00:55:30,554
Hey, big Earl,
it's Hayden field.
1222
00:55:30,556 --> 00:55:32,156
Just calling to let
your boy Owen know
1223
00:55:32,158 --> 00:55:33,357
there's a party happening...
1224
00:55:34,360 --> 00:55:36,527
Hey, big Earl... oh, hey.
1225
00:55:36,529 --> 00:55:39,630
There's a... message for you.
1226
00:55:39,632 --> 00:55:41,665
Hey, big Earl,
it's Hayden field.
1227
00:55:41,667 --> 00:55:43,267
Just calling to let
your boy Owen know
1228
00:55:43,269 --> 00:55:45,803
that there's a party
happening tonight, and, uh...
1229
00:55:45,805 --> 00:55:47,871
And that I need to speak to him
about something.
1230
00:55:47,873 --> 00:55:49,773
All right, peace.
1231
00:55:49,775 --> 00:55:51,475
"Big Earl."
1232
00:55:51,477 --> 00:55:53,744
Wait'll those queens
down at the gym here this.
1233
00:55:53,746 --> 00:55:55,746
Oh, and your buddy rusty called.
1234
00:55:55,748 --> 00:55:57,048
What's your problem?
1235
00:55:57,050 --> 00:56:00,067
I kissed Lisa Mancini.
1236
00:56:00,069 --> 00:56:03,804
All right.
Let's all just calm down.
1237
00:56:03,806 --> 00:56:05,906
You forced yourself on her,
and then what?
1238
00:56:05,908 --> 00:56:08,475
She kissed me. I'm going out
with her tomorrow night.
1239
00:56:08,477 --> 00:56:10,477
You think he knows about it?
1240
00:56:10,479 --> 00:56:11,479
Okay.
1241
00:56:12,481 --> 00:56:14,715
Let's slow down.
1242
00:56:14,717 --> 00:56:17,017
First off, no.
1243
00:56:17,019 --> 00:56:19,320
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
1244
00:56:19,322 --> 00:56:21,389
Badidea.
1245
00:56:21,391 --> 00:56:23,457
We do not shit where we eat,
1246
00:56:23,459 --> 00:56:25,193
and we keep our dick
in our pants.
1247
00:56:25,195 --> 00:56:26,677
We discussed this.
1248
00:56:26,679 --> 00:56:28,980
Second off,
you hillbilly bastard,
1249
00:56:28,982 --> 00:56:31,816
you can't kiss her,
she's your cousin!
1250
00:56:31,818 --> 00:56:34,035
Unless he told her I'm not.
1251
00:56:34,037 --> 00:56:36,237
Maybe it doesn't matter even.
1252
00:56:36,239 --> 00:56:38,572
Punk rock was a media event.
1253
00:56:38,574 --> 00:56:41,341
Either way, he's gonna find out
about us sooner or later.
1254
00:56:43,196 --> 00:56:44,494
Punk rock?
1255
00:56:44,496 --> 00:56:47,364
Have you gone in-fucking-sane?
1256
00:56:47,366 --> 00:56:50,201
Open your eyes,
we're this close.
1257
00:56:50,203 --> 00:56:52,002
Don't let them
suck you into their...
1258
00:56:52,004 --> 00:56:54,371
Their flunky hell.
1259
00:56:54,373 --> 00:56:56,040
We got interested parties
lined up,
1260
00:56:56,042 --> 00:56:57,441
and they all say one thing,
1261
00:56:57,443 --> 00:56:59,343
“juicy."
1262
00:56:59,345 --> 00:57:02,512
Juicy sells soap...
1263
00:57:02,514 --> 00:57:04,414
Whores...
1264
00:57:04,416 --> 00:57:05,883
Addictions...
1265
00:57:05,885 --> 00:57:07,117
Porn.
1266
00:57:07,119 --> 00:57:10,153
We need juicy.
1267
00:57:10,155 --> 00:57:11,588
You iistenin' to me?
1268
00:57:11,590 --> 00:57:14,024
Juicy. I heard you.
1269
00:57:20,299 --> 00:57:22,717
Hey, big Earl, it's Hayden
field. Just calling...
1270
00:57:26,706 --> 00:57:28,338
So, what's this party for?
1271
00:57:28,340 --> 00:57:30,824
My nigga goi" prime time, yo.
1272
00:57:30,826 --> 00:57:32,092
Shoot, man tits bill, yo.
1273
00:57:32,094 --> 00:57:33,511
Nigga picks up the phone,
1274
00:57:33,513 --> 00:57:35,679
boom, shitjust blows up, son.
1275
00:57:35,681 --> 00:57:38,132
Yeah, shit blows up all right.
1276
00:57:38,735 --> 00:57:39,734
Keep it up, ace,
1277
00:57:39,736 --> 00:57:41,269
I'll get you in under five.
1278
00:57:41,271 --> 00:57:42,720
Yeah, just like your dick.
1279
00:57:42,722 --> 00:57:44,088
Oh, is this yours?
1280
00:57:44,090 --> 00:57:45,889
Whoops.
1281
00:57:45,891 --> 00:57:49,392
Sorry about that, ace.
Girls, let's go. Come on.
1282
00:57:52,164 --> 00:57:55,165
And then I took this photo
with my cell phone.
1283
00:57:56,869 --> 00:57:58,936
Yo, come here.
1284
00:57:58,938 --> 00:58:02,039
Yo, I been dying to share this
with somebody.
1285
00:58:02,041 --> 00:58:03,941
Charlie sheen
gave me this bong, man.
1286
00:58:03,943 --> 00:58:06,860
Tonight is its maiden voyage.
1287
00:58:06,862 --> 00:58:08,996
Well, I feel like
Neil Armstrong.
1288
00:58:16,673 --> 00:58:18,272
Yeah.
1289
00:58:19,559 --> 00:58:21,692
Oh, yeah.
1290
00:58:21,694 --> 00:58:23,193
One small step for weed.
1291
00:58:24,196 --> 00:58:25,295
Whoo.
1292
00:58:25,297 --> 00:58:26,496
Yeah.
1293
00:58:26,498 --> 00:58:28,331
So did you, uh...?
1294
00:58:29,669 --> 00:58:30,851
Did you hear the news, man?
1295
00:58:31,954 --> 00:58:33,454
No, what?
1296
00:58:33,456 --> 00:58:34,788
Lisa and me, man.
1297
00:58:34,790 --> 00:58:36,390
She broke up with me.
1298
00:58:37,242 --> 00:58:39,560
No. Really? Yeah.
1299
00:58:39,562 --> 00:58:42,162
I'm bummed, you know,
but we're cool. It's...
1300
00:58:42,164 --> 00:58:44,081
Honestly, my agent's
more bummed than I am.
1301
00:58:44,083 --> 00:58:45,966
Was that what you wanted
to talk to me about?
1302
00:58:47,703 --> 00:58:50,237
I wanted to talk to you
about you now.
1303
00:58:50,239 --> 00:58:52,089
I wanna help you out.
1304
00:58:52,091 --> 00:58:54,575
So, like, round it off.
How much...?
1305
00:58:54,577 --> 00:58:57,378
How much would it take to pull
your old man out of the hole?
1306
00:58:58,247 --> 00:59:00,247
I don't know, 15, 20 grand.
1307
00:59:00,249 --> 00:59:02,466
Interview me.
1308
00:59:03,386 --> 00:59:04,385
Interview me.
1309
00:59:04,387 --> 00:59:05,386
Interview you.
1310
00:59:05,388 --> 00:59:07,654
Interview me. Right?
1311
00:59:07,656 --> 00:59:10,924
You're a writer, right?
Ask me some questions.
1312
00:59:10,926 --> 00:59:12,693
I'll give you some answers.
1313
00:59:12,695 --> 00:59:14,261
Presto, 20 grand.
1314
00:59:17,700 --> 00:59:19,533
Only in Hollywood. Cool?
1315
00:59:19,535 --> 00:59:21,101
Fuck, yeah,
if it's cool with you.
1316
00:59:21,103 --> 00:59:22,370
All right, excellent.
1317
00:59:22,372 --> 00:59:23,771
Interview away.
1318
00:59:23,773 --> 00:59:26,741
All right, um...
1319
00:59:26,743 --> 00:59:28,776
All right. Hayden,
how you doing?
1320
00:59:30,946 --> 00:59:32,613
Good question.
1321
00:59:32,615 --> 00:59:35,916
I'm good, man. I'm, uh...
I'm real good.
1322
00:59:38,053 --> 00:59:39,753
Where the hell is Hayden?
1323
00:59:39,755 --> 00:59:40,888
I don't know.
1324
00:59:40,890 --> 00:59:42,723
I don't know.
1325
00:59:43,959 --> 00:59:44,958
Pshht.
1326
00:59:44,960 --> 00:59:46,760
No. Do it.
1327
00:59:46,762 --> 00:59:49,129
All right, now,
how do I put this? Um...
1328
00:59:49,131 --> 00:59:51,331
Have you ever pulled a rabbit
out of your ass?
1329
00:59:52,768 --> 00:59:54,067
Whoa. Okay.
1330
00:59:54,069 --> 00:59:56,603
You don't pull no punches,
man, do you?
1331
00:59:56,605 --> 00:59:58,271
Hey, we're gonna take
a road trip, man.
1332
00:59:58,273 --> 00:59:59,773
You gonna come or what?
1333
00:59:59,775 --> 01:00:01,975
No, I'm good.
1334
01:00:01,977 --> 01:00:03,544
Get that shit
out of my fucking face.
1335
01:00:03,546 --> 01:00:04,862
What's going on here?
1336
01:00:04,864 --> 01:00:06,664
Hayden: I'm on Oprah, man.
1337
01:00:06,666 --> 01:00:09,316
Oprah... Oprah weedfrey.
1338
01:00:09,318 --> 01:00:10,985
I don't think man tits
1339
01:00:10,987 --> 01:00:12,369
is gonna like that
too much, bro.
1340
01:00:12,371 --> 01:00:15,506
Whatever, man, it's cool.
Go do your thing.
1341
01:00:17,209 --> 01:00:18,742
Yep.
1342
01:00:21,096 --> 01:00:23,631
Oh, uh, yo, Jimmy,
pick up two double-doubles
1343
01:00:23,633 --> 01:00:25,866
animal style, please.
1344
01:00:28,003 --> 01:00:29,486
Whatever.
1345
01:00:31,423 --> 01:00:32,940
So, what were you saying?
1346
01:00:32,942 --> 01:00:36,727
What's up...? What's up
with the man tits thing, man?
1347
01:00:36,729 --> 01:00:39,563
Bill, like, discovered me.
1348
01:00:39,565 --> 01:00:43,066
Yeah. I was
living in my car, man.
1349
01:00:43,068 --> 01:00:44,151
No shit.
1350
01:00:46,088 --> 01:00:48,789
And, uh...
1351
01:00:48,791 --> 01:00:52,660
And then I did this thing...
All right.
1352
01:00:52,662 --> 01:00:56,029
Between you and me, all right?
1353
01:00:56,031 --> 01:00:58,966
I, uh... I made this tape,
you know?
1354
01:00:58,968 --> 01:01:00,217
Like, a jerk-off tape.
1355
01:01:00,219 --> 01:01:02,619
All right? So my agent
bill was, like,
1356
01:01:02,621 --> 01:01:04,037
half a fag to begin with.
1357
01:01:04,039 --> 01:01:06,072
Turns out he knows some cat
1358
01:01:06,074 --> 01:01:07,475
who knows a dude
that made a tape.
1359
01:01:07,477 --> 01:01:08,909
So he turns bill on to me.
1360
01:01:08,911 --> 01:01:10,394
Next thing you know...
1361
01:01:10,396 --> 01:01:13,230
I'm a fucking movie star.
1362
01:01:13,232 --> 01:01:14,548
Fucking great, right?
1363
01:01:14,550 --> 01:01:15,716
You made a porn tape?
1364
01:01:15,718 --> 01:01:17,051
No, no, no, it's stupid.
1365
01:01:17,053 --> 01:01:19,286
It's just me standing there...
1366
01:01:19,288 --> 01:01:20,905
Punching the clown.
1367
01:01:20,907 --> 01:01:22,572
Choking the bishop.
1368
01:01:22,574 --> 01:01:25,675
The guy had me
in a straw hat and shit
1369
01:01:25,677 --> 01:01:30,731
with a mullet wig and overalls.
1370
01:01:30,733 --> 01:01:33,567
Abe-Lincoln-type beard.
1371
01:01:33,569 --> 01:01:36,904
Yeah, that was it.
That was my first starring role.
1372
01:01:36,906 --> 01:01:38,705
I'm not kidding you.
1373
01:01:38,707 --> 01:01:42,075
You know, I mean, that's
the real rabbit story, man.
1374
01:01:42,077 --> 01:01:43,977
You know how shit
gets changed around.
1375
01:01:43,979 --> 01:01:46,179
One dude says something
to another dude.
1376
01:01:46,181 --> 01:01:48,048
You know,
this, that, the other thing.
1377
01:01:48,050 --> 01:01:50,751
Before you know it, I'm pulling
a rabbit out of my ass.
1378
01:01:50,753 --> 01:01:52,753
Why? I don't know,
1379
01:01:52,755 --> 01:01:54,955
I guess that's what people
are into. Fuck it! Know.
1380
01:01:59,261 --> 01:02:01,461
Johnny:
What do you think of my hair?
1381
01:02:01,463 --> 01:02:02,930
Do you like it? Earl: Drugs,
1382
01:02:02,932 --> 01:02:06,166
bongs, porn.
What'd you think of that, baby?
1383
01:02:06,168 --> 01:02:09,403
You're turning into John Holmes.
1384
01:02:09,405 --> 01:02:10,604
Look at you.
1385
01:02:10,606 --> 01:02:12,272
You're a junkie.
1386
01:02:12,274 --> 01:02:13,657
Your father's gonna kill me.
1387
01:02:13,659 --> 01:02:16,794
And call your fucking friend
rusty already. He called again.
1388
01:02:21,384 --> 01:02:23,951
Hayden: Do I frighten you?
1389
01:02:23,953 --> 01:02:25,552
Owen: Yeah.
1390
01:02:27,189 --> 01:02:30,224
You junkie bastard.
1391
01:02:30,226 --> 01:02:31,892
Where did you get this?
1392
01:02:31,894 --> 01:02:35,346
It's... it's machiavellian.
1393
01:02:35,348 --> 01:02:38,148
The tinseltown trifecta.
1394
01:02:38,150 --> 01:02:41,051
Superstar, super-stupid,
1395
01:02:41,053 --> 01:02:43,971
super-stoned, Blackjack.
1396
01:02:43,973 --> 01:02:45,406
Our troubles are over.
1397
01:02:45,408 --> 01:02:46,957
I don't know
if I dreamt this or what,
1398
01:02:46,959 --> 01:02:49,042
but you know that rabbit story?
1399
01:02:49,044 --> 01:02:50,878
Owen: Pulled a
rabbit out of your ass?
1400
01:02:55,167 --> 01:02:56,500
What do you want, assbag?
1401
01:02:56,502 --> 01:02:59,536
Hayden changed his mind.
He wants his tape back.
1402
01:02:59,538 --> 01:03:01,538
I'm here to collect it.
1403
01:03:01,540 --> 01:03:03,507
This is bullshit,
it was his idea.
1404
01:03:03,509 --> 01:03:05,876
Yeah, well, he wants
his fucking tape back.
1405
01:03:05,878 --> 01:03:08,479
Okay? So give me
the fucking tape. Thanks.
1406
01:03:09,515 --> 01:03:10,714
Here's your fucking tape.
1407
01:03:10,716 --> 01:03:11,982
Thanks, faggot.
1408
01:03:14,336 --> 01:03:15,603
Shit.
1409
01:03:15,605 --> 01:03:16,737
Shit, my ass.
1410
01:03:16,739 --> 01:03:18,222
Voila, fucker.
1411
01:03:18,224 --> 01:03:20,390
What did you give him?
1412
01:03:20,392 --> 01:03:22,175
Not this.
1413
01:03:22,177 --> 01:03:24,911
Don't fuck with an ex-marine,
motherfucker.
1414
01:03:26,381 --> 01:03:29,582
By the way,
Hayden just fucked you.
1415
01:03:29,584 --> 01:03:31,685
The cocksucker.
1416
01:03:31,687 --> 01:03:32,686
See?
1417
01:03:32,688 --> 01:03:36,089
So... what does this one do?
1418
01:03:36,091 --> 01:03:37,374
He a busboy?
1419
01:03:37,376 --> 01:03:39,943
He's a stalker. Can't you read?
1420
01:03:39,945 --> 01:03:41,462
You're just like your mother.
1421
01:03:41,464 --> 01:03:43,864
You wanna eat the steak, but
you don't wanna kill the cow.
1422
01:03:43,866 --> 01:03:45,365
I don't want steak.
1423
01:03:45,367 --> 01:03:47,468
I don't love Hayden. It's over.
1424
01:03:47,470 --> 01:03:51,371
I don't get it, man. He was all
buddy-buddy with me last night.
1425
01:03:51,373 --> 01:03:52,639
Know what he told me?
1426
01:03:52,641 --> 01:03:55,042
The one and only Hayden field.
1427
01:03:55,044 --> 01:03:56,343
Welcome, Hayden.
1428
01:03:56,345 --> 01:03:58,112
Now, is it true what I read,
1429
01:03:58,114 --> 01:04:00,280
that this is
your very first interview?
1430
01:04:00,282 --> 01:04:01,715
Yeah, yeah.
1431
01:04:01,717 --> 01:04:03,633
Buddy-buddy, huh?
1432
01:04:03,635 --> 01:04:06,503
I'm just so excited
about my new movie, crazy town.
1433
01:04:06,505 --> 01:04:07,938
You couldn't stop me from...
1434
01:04:07,940 --> 01:04:09,740
Well, you know what? Good.
1435
01:04:09,742 --> 01:04:13,410
Good. Just gives us
more ammo for the expose.
1436
01:04:13,412 --> 01:04:17,247
Now we get down and dirty.
We just need one thing.
1437
01:04:17,249 --> 01:04:21,902
Just one juicy thing,
and rabbit boy's going down.
1438
01:04:21,904 --> 01:04:23,386
He made a porno.
1439
01:04:24,756 --> 01:04:26,089
What did you just say?
1440
01:04:26,091 --> 01:04:28,742
That's what he told me
last night, unless I dreamt it.
1441
01:04:28,744 --> 01:04:30,977
Said he made a jerk-off tape
or something.
1442
01:04:30,979 --> 01:04:32,979
Do they make those?
1443
01:04:33,982 --> 01:04:36,583
I wouldn't know. What else?
1444
01:04:36,585 --> 01:04:39,269
And that's where
the rabbit story came from.
1445
01:04:39,271 --> 01:04:43,090
They had him wearing
a straw hat and overalls.
1446
01:04:43,092 --> 01:04:46,142
I don't know, I think there
was something in that weed.
1447
01:04:46,144 --> 01:04:47,561
Straw hat, overalls.
1448
01:04:58,724 --> 01:05:00,574
There's something
you should know.
1449
01:05:02,194 --> 01:05:04,344
I'm gay.
1450
01:05:06,731 --> 01:05:08,898
Yeah, and...?
1451
01:05:28,670 --> 01:05:31,504
Man: Tell me about
your magic chicken, Billy.
1452
01:05:31,506 --> 01:05:35,242
Uh, his name's Carl.
You wanna see him?
1453
01:05:47,656 --> 01:05:50,640
How can something so wrong
feel so right?
1454
01:05:52,494 --> 01:05:55,245
Say hello to my little friend.
1455
01:05:55,247 --> 01:05:58,948
Ladies and
gentlemen, we have a winner.
1456
01:05:58,950 --> 01:06:01,818
We're rich! I'm a Richie.
1457
01:06:02,921 --> 01:06:04,988
J' who's laughing now? I
1458
01:06:04,990 --> 01:06:06,456
your uncle Earl, that's who.
1459
01:06:06,458 --> 01:06:09,359
And to think, I only paid
two bucks for it at a yard sale.
1460
01:06:09,361 --> 01:06:11,528
Come on, let's boogie.
Time is mother.
1461
01:06:11,530 --> 01:06:14,347
I think maybe we should
hold off on this for now.
1462
01:06:14,349 --> 01:06:16,233
I have stuff to do today anyway.
1463
01:06:16,235 --> 01:06:19,853
Besides wiping your ass
with 203? I think fucking not.
1464
01:06:19,855 --> 01:06:22,155
I told you I have that thing
with Lisa Mancini.
1465
01:06:22,157 --> 01:06:24,090
I gotta get shoes,
I gotta get flowers.
1466
01:06:24,092 --> 01:06:25,358
Flowers?
1467
01:06:25,360 --> 01:06:27,294
We're sitting
on a golden goose here,
1468
01:06:27,296 --> 01:06:28,545
and you're picking flowers?
1469
01:06:28,547 --> 01:06:30,013
This is it.
1470
01:06:30,015 --> 01:06:32,249
This is the... the juicy jackpot.
1471
01:06:32,251 --> 01:06:33,917
The guy's jerkin'
his magic chicken!
1472
01:06:33,919 --> 01:06:35,919
Owen: It's dirty
money, uncle Earl.
1473
01:06:35,921 --> 01:06:38,121
I wouldn't feel right.
He's a nice dude.
1474
01:06:38,123 --> 01:06:40,740
Don't forget why we did
all this in the first place:
1475
01:06:40,742 --> 01:06:42,242
To save
your old man's steak house.
1476
01:06:42,244 --> 01:06:43,710
There's other ways
to make money.
1477
01:06:43,712 --> 01:06:45,695
Don't think I don't see
what's happening here.
1478
01:06:45,697 --> 01:06:48,648
The little head's running
the show, isn't he? Huh?
1479
01:06:48,650 --> 01:06:51,018
Yeah. That spoiled
little daddy's girl
1480
01:06:51,020 --> 01:06:53,386
has got you all fucked up.
1481
01:06:53,388 --> 01:06:56,223
She is using you
to get back at daddy.
1482
01:06:56,225 --> 01:06:57,390
She's not like that.
1483
01:06:57,392 --> 01:06:59,259
She's a whore!
1484
01:06:59,261 --> 01:07:02,362
A Hollywood whore.
The worst kind.
1485
01:07:02,364 --> 01:07:03,647
They've written books.
1486
01:07:03,649 --> 01:07:05,799
You don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.
1487
01:07:05,801 --> 01:07:07,301
You don't know anything
about her.
1488
01:07:07,303 --> 01:07:09,336
All right? I know
what I'm doing. I gotta go.
1489
01:07:13,342 --> 01:07:15,242
I just saw
your boyfriend's movie.
1490
01:07:15,244 --> 01:07:18,679
It's a piece of shit,
3 $90-million piece of shit
1491
01:07:18,681 --> 01:07:21,014
with my name in big letters,
1492
01:07:21,016 --> 01:07:24,084
a.j. Mancini, producer of shit
1493
01:07:24,086 --> 01:07:25,952
and you don't love him?
1494
01:07:25,954 --> 01:07:27,287
If we don't make money
1495
01:07:27,289 --> 01:07:29,272
on this steaming pile of crap
in the first week,
1496
01:07:29,274 --> 01:07:30,941
there is no second week.
1497
01:07:30,943 --> 01:07:34,261
I got this guy doing
the morning show as we speak.
1498
01:07:34,263 --> 01:07:36,396
I got him saving
a black baby at noon.
1499
01:07:36,398 --> 01:07:38,765
Tomorrow I am tying
his ass to a tree.
1500
01:07:38,767 --> 01:07:41,535
And on Friday, he's taking one
of Jerry's kids to Disneyland.
1501
01:07:41,537 --> 01:07:44,437
So you breaking up with him,
not good.
1502
01:07:44,439 --> 01:07:45,838
Well, me going out with him
1503
01:07:45,840 --> 01:07:47,774
is not gonna make
the movie better either.
1504
01:07:47,776 --> 01:07:50,944
You force my hand.
You remember monty Jacobs?
1505
01:07:50,946 --> 01:07:53,113
Former literary head
at William Morris?
1506
01:07:53,115 --> 01:07:55,582
He's a bum now.
Lives on skid row.
1507
01:07:55,584 --> 01:07:58,318
He calls me the other day
from a shelter,
1508
01:07:58,320 --> 01:08:00,453
the wishing well shelter.
1509
01:08:00,455 --> 01:08:02,122
And who do you think
monty says he sees
1510
01:08:02,124 --> 01:08:04,024
at the wishing well shelter?
1511
01:08:04,026 --> 01:08:05,258
Now, I'm not gonna get cute,
1512
01:08:05,260 --> 01:08:07,144
I've known about it
for some time.
1513
01:08:07,146 --> 01:08:09,963
And honestly, I think it's great
what you do for the bums.
1514
01:08:09,965 --> 01:08:11,764
And to be frank, it's been
1515
01:08:11,766 --> 01:08:14,301
quite the little honey
of a tax write off.
1516
01:08:14,303 --> 01:08:17,487
But bottom line is,
you go back with Hayden,
1517
01:08:17,489 --> 01:08:18,588
or I cut the funding.
1518
01:08:18,590 --> 01:08:19,806
No more cherry,
1519
01:08:19,808 --> 01:08:21,308
no more trust fund,
1520
01:08:21,310 --> 01:08:22,809
no more shelter.
1521
01:08:22,811 --> 01:08:24,828
Love? Shit.
1522
01:08:38,644 --> 01:08:39,643
Man: Who are you?
1523
01:08:39,645 --> 01:08:42,278
Lead Mexican numberfive.
1524
01:08:47,920 --> 01:08:50,386
What's up? Good to see you.
1525
01:08:50,388 --> 01:08:52,822
Hey there, how are ya?
1526
01:08:52,824 --> 01:08:55,258
Hey. Hey.
1527
01:08:55,260 --> 01:08:57,427
What's happening?
Good seeing you.
1528
01:08:59,848 --> 01:09:01,865
Good to see you. All right.
1529
01:09:02,868 --> 01:09:05,301
Hey, Harvey.
1530
01:09:07,939 --> 01:09:09,356
What's goin' on?
1531
01:09:09,358 --> 01:09:11,858
Owen, this was a mistake.
1532
01:09:11,860 --> 01:09:13,327
I'm sorry you got
the wrong idea.
1533
01:09:17,366 --> 01:09:20,116
It's him! It's the stalker!
1534
01:09:20,118 --> 01:09:23,186
Stalker! Stalker! Stalker!
1535
01:09:23,188 --> 01:09:26,690
Crowd:
Stalker! Stalker! Stalker!
1536
01:09:53,234 --> 01:09:54,234
Hello?
1537
01:09:54,236 --> 01:09:56,403
Rusty, it's Owen.
1538
01:09:56,405 --> 01:09:58,088
What time is it?
1539
01:09:58,090 --> 01:09:59,789
Were you sleeping?
1540
01:09:59,791 --> 01:10:01,691
What's goin' on?
1541
01:10:01,693 --> 01:10:03,010
Oh, fuck, dude,
1542
01:10:03,012 --> 01:10:04,844
the sheriff's comin' tomorrow.
1543
01:10:04,846 --> 01:10:06,463
What? What are you
talkin' about?
1544
01:10:06,465 --> 01:10:08,064
It's frank, man.
1545
01:10:08,066 --> 01:10:09,582
He didn't get the loan, bro.
1546
01:10:09,584 --> 01:10:10,917
And he didn't get the money
1547
01:10:10,919 --> 01:10:12,836
you said you were
sending either.
1548
01:10:12,838 --> 01:10:15,005
I've been calling,
but you don't call back.
1549
01:10:15,007 --> 01:10:16,506
Rusty's been calling you too.
1550
01:10:16,508 --> 01:10:17,623
What's up?
1551
01:10:17,625 --> 01:10:19,108
Yo, tell him
I'm getting the money.
1552
01:10:19,110 --> 01:10:20,276
There's just some red tape.
1553
01:10:20,278 --> 01:10:21,711
I'm getting the money.
1554
01:10:21,713 --> 01:10:23,814
It's fuckin' too late,
they're comin' tomorrow.
1555
01:10:23,816 --> 01:10:25,581
It's just too late, man.
1556
01:11:23,242 --> 01:11:25,825
So... good party?
1557
01:11:25,827 --> 01:11:29,612
You were right, uncle Earl.
Hollywood sucks.
1558
01:11:29,614 --> 01:11:32,348
Well, I'm not one
to sit and gloat,
1559
01:11:32,350 --> 01:11:36,002
so I'll stand and tell you this.
1560
01:11:36,004 --> 01:11:37,804
If there's one thing
I've learned
1561
01:11:37,806 --> 01:11:39,806
by getting stepped on by the man
1562
01:11:39,808 --> 01:11:42,342
till his boot feels good
on the back of my neck,
1563
01:11:42,344 --> 01:11:43,409
it's this:
1564
01:11:45,280 --> 01:11:51,518
Revenge is a dish
best served cold, my friend.
1565
01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:55,188
Tonight, uncle Earl,
we bring Hollywood to its knees.
1566
01:11:55,190 --> 01:11:57,707
Exactly where it belongs.
1567
01:11:57,709 --> 01:11:58,941
Cocksuckers.
1568
01:11:58,943 --> 01:12:00,410
Wingo: Thisjust in.
1569
01:12:00,412 --> 01:12:03,313
Actor Hayden field
has tied himself to a tree
1570
01:12:03,315 --> 01:12:06,716
to protest, in part,
what he calls,
1571
01:12:06,718 --> 01:12:10,553
"the senseless, like,
cutting down of trees."
1572
01:12:10,555 --> 01:12:13,156
God made little
green apples, man,
1573
01:12:13,158 --> 01:12:14,808
not little green chainsaws.
1574
01:12:14,810 --> 01:12:16,409
Reminds me of my birthday.
1575
01:12:17,563 --> 01:12:21,314
What happened to that tape,
I wonder.
1576
01:12:21,316 --> 01:12:22,315
Yeah!
1577
01:12:22,317 --> 01:12:24,517
Oh, yeah!
1578
01:12:24,519 --> 01:12:26,452
Ooh, shake it.
1579
01:12:27,622 --> 01:12:29,555
Yeah.
1580
01:12:29,557 --> 01:12:31,591
What the hell is this?
1581
01:12:31,593 --> 01:12:33,375
Man: You are out of my mind.
1582
01:12:33,377 --> 01:12:37,047
Need I remind you,
Hayden suffers, you suffer.
1583
01:12:38,383 --> 01:12:40,016
Come on, I wanna
see you all red!
1584
01:12:40,018 --> 01:12:41,251
Oh!
1585
01:12:41,253 --> 01:12:43,753
Just lucky that tape
is worthless.
1586
01:12:44,622 --> 01:12:46,422
It is worthless, right?
1587
01:12:46,424 --> 01:12:48,224
Bad man.
1588
01:12:48,226 --> 01:12:50,460
Can I sign the contract first?
1589
01:12:50,462 --> 01:12:51,944
Again, again. Me next.
1590
01:12:51,946 --> 01:12:53,280
Slap it harder.
1591
01:12:56,334 --> 01:12:59,436
Look at that, look at that.
Yeah, I love that.
1592
01:12:59,438 --> 01:13:01,271
Look at that. How much?
1593
01:13:01,273 --> 01:13:03,439
One hundred thousand.
1594
01:13:04,276 --> 01:13:05,275
Okay.
1595
01:13:05,277 --> 01:13:07,076
An inch, dick-breath.
1596
01:13:07,078 --> 01:13:08,778
An inch? What, are you mad?
1597
01:13:08,780 --> 01:13:10,163
Who's gonna measure it? You?
1598
01:13:10,165 --> 01:13:11,764
We're talkin' the average penis.
1599
01:13:11,766 --> 01:13:12,899
Say, 600?
1600
01:13:12,901 --> 01:13:13,950
Oh, bullshit.
1601
01:13:13,952 --> 01:13:15,117
Bust out the change, man.
1602
01:13:15,119 --> 01:13:16,719
Because that whang
is five inches Max
1603
01:13:16,721 --> 01:13:18,054
on a good day.
1604
01:13:18,056 --> 01:13:19,656
Fine, we'll go to fox.
1605
01:13:19,658 --> 01:13:21,157
Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait, wait.
1606
01:13:24,629 --> 01:13:27,214
All right, 400.
1607
01:13:27,216 --> 01:13:30,133
Five hundred thousand,
going once.
1608
01:13:30,135 --> 01:13:32,636
Five hundred thousand,
going twice.
1609
01:13:32,638 --> 01:13:35,222
Pfft! Sh...!
1610
01:13:35,224 --> 01:13:37,490
This ain't your nambla dues,
dickhead.
1611
01:13:37,492 --> 01:13:39,359
Cash, fork it over.
1612
01:13:39,361 --> 01:13:41,010
Great, bitch.
1613
01:13:41,012 --> 01:13:42,211
I got plenty.
1614
01:13:42,213 --> 01:13:44,064
So much I lost count.
1615
01:13:47,085 --> 01:13:49,519
Pardon my French.
1616
01:13:49,521 --> 01:13:50,920
Nose work, zippy.
1617
01:13:50,922 --> 01:13:52,522
Can't smell a thing.
1618
01:13:52,524 --> 01:13:55,158
Well, you don't know
what you're missing.
1619
01:13:58,997 --> 01:14:01,430
He's pullin' his pork.
What, am I speakin' Chinese?
1620
01:14:01,432 --> 01:14:02,899
Just do it, penny.
1621
01:14:02,901 --> 01:14:04,200
Always a pleasure, Earl.
1622
01:14:04,202 --> 01:14:06,135
Have fun drinking yourself
to death.
1623
01:14:12,176 --> 01:14:13,376
Buy you a drink?
1624
01:14:13,378 --> 01:14:15,444
Corvette? Two corvettes.
One for each nut.
1625
01:14:16,548 --> 01:14:18,048
I'm penny dhue
1626
01:14:18,050 --> 01:14:19,615
with breaking
news from Hollywood.
1627
01:14:19,617 --> 01:14:21,551
A shocking,
and what some are describing
1628
01:14:21,553 --> 01:14:24,320
as disturbingly gay, porn tape
1629
01:14:24,322 --> 01:14:26,322
reportedly showcasing
the genitals
1630
01:14:26,324 --> 01:14:28,491
of teen heartthrob Hayden field
1631
01:14:28,493 --> 01:14:30,460
has, at this hour,
been discovered
1632
01:14:30,462 --> 01:14:33,063
by our very own pip wingo.
1633
01:14:33,065 --> 01:14:35,899
The actor best known
for his roles in such films as
1634
01:14:35,901 --> 01:14:38,902
blood in my eye
and dead men don't bleed
1635
01:14:38,904 --> 01:14:40,770
appears to be much younger
in the tape,
1636
01:14:40,772 --> 01:14:42,939
and in the words
of one eyewitness,
1637
01:14:42,941 --> 01:14:45,542
"masturbating furiously."
1638
01:14:51,232 --> 01:14:52,549
Wingo: Fyi,
1639
01:14:52,551 --> 01:14:54,984
this tape is the property
of pip wingo enterprises.
1640
01:14:54,986 --> 01:14:57,921
Any use of the images, pictures
or accounts of this tape
1641
01:14:57,923 --> 01:15:00,489
without my permission
is prohibited.
1642
01:15:00,491 --> 01:15:03,226
As I will be buying a house
on motherfuckin' Maui
1643
01:15:03,228 --> 01:15:04,860
with the DVD sales alone.
1644
01:15:05,647 --> 01:15:06,930
Gentlemen.
1645
01:15:06,932 --> 01:15:11,367
Feast your eyes on
Billy Joe jerks his chicken.
1646
01:15:14,539 --> 01:15:16,906
What's this? Who's that?
1647
01:15:18,009 --> 01:15:19,775
It's there, I-I know it's there.
1648
01:15:19,777 --> 01:15:21,260
Where's the chickens, pip?
1649
01:15:22,380 --> 01:15:23,913
I don't know what this is,
1650
01:15:23,915 --> 01:15:26,482
but when you tell the people
"live at 5,"
1651
01:15:26,484 --> 01:15:30,570
it means live at 5,
you bigmouth, bucktooth jackass!
1652
01:15:35,444 --> 01:15:37,577
Pardon my French.
1653
01:15:43,585 --> 01:15:44,585
Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
1654
01:15:47,155 --> 01:15:49,055
Me, me, me.
1655
01:15:51,059 --> 01:15:53,443
Hello. Dad.
1656
01:15:53,445 --> 01:15:55,362
Hey, you sittin' down?
1657
01:15:55,364 --> 01:15:56,980
You sittin' down?
1658
01:15:56,982 --> 01:16:00,183
Got the piles, can't sit down.
1659
01:16:00,185 --> 01:16:03,770
But, uh, listen, some
big-shot lawyer calls, says he's
1660
01:16:03,772 --> 01:16:07,707
wiring $25,000 to my account,
courtesy of a, uh,
1661
01:16:07,709 --> 01:16:13,246
Billy Joe chicken-jerker
or some crazy shit.
1662
01:16:13,248 --> 01:16:14,831
You know anything about this?
1663
01:16:14,833 --> 01:16:17,300
Yeah, I think I do, dad.
1664
01:16:17,302 --> 01:16:18,301
How did I know that?
1665
01:16:18,303 --> 01:16:20,804
Hey, go run
your restaurant, dad.
1666
01:16:20,806 --> 01:16:21,806
Right.
1667
01:16:24,242 --> 01:16:25,341
What?
1668
01:16:31,850 --> 01:16:33,316
Our top story tonight,
1669
01:16:33,318 --> 01:16:36,518
the shocking gay porn
that's rocked Hollywood.
1670
01:16:36,520 --> 01:16:39,638
Here with more
is our very own pip wingo.
1671
01:16:39,640 --> 01:16:40,657
Pip?
1672
01:16:40,659 --> 01:16:43,626
Thank you, penny.
1673
01:16:46,264 --> 01:16:47,563
"Shocking"
1674
01:16:47,565 --> 01:16:49,331
i-is the word
being used to describe
1675
01:16:49,333 --> 01:16:51,467
the sex-tape scandal
1676
01:16:51,469 --> 01:16:54,403
involving hunky young actor
Hayden field...
1677
01:16:54,405 --> 01:16:57,840
Um, Jimmy desnappio.
1678
01:16:57,842 --> 01:17:00,442
A friend and onetime lackey
of Mr. Field's
1679
01:17:00,444 --> 01:17:03,847
and star of the wb's,
in-the-works dramedy Pete's pond
1680
01:17:03,849 --> 01:17:08,685
was caught red-handed
1681
01:17:08,687 --> 01:17:12,288
displaying his talents
to a young fan.
1682
01:17:12,290 --> 01:17:16,025
A young but disappointed fan
apparently.
1683
01:17:16,027 --> 01:17:17,960
Man: I'm Jimmy
desnappio, damn it.
1684
01:17:17,962 --> 01:17:19,896
This doesn't happen
to Jimmy desnappio.
1685
01:17:19,898 --> 01:17:21,698
Woman: It's okay,
Jimmy desnappio.
1686
01:17:21,700 --> 01:17:24,801
Whiskey dick is common
after a scrotum lift.
1687
01:17:24,803 --> 01:17:25,803
Man: Scrotum tuck.
1688
01:17:28,356 --> 01:17:29,588
Is that why they call you
1689
01:17:29,590 --> 01:17:32,208
Jimmy "eggplant up his butt"
desnappio?
1690
01:17:32,210 --> 01:17:33,576
Eggplant. Yeah.
1691
01:17:33,578 --> 01:17:35,544
All: Yeah.
1692
01:17:35,546 --> 01:17:37,080
Yeah!
1693
01:17:37,082 --> 01:17:39,548
There's nothing
Jimmy desnappio likes more
1694
01:17:39,550 --> 01:17:41,284
than produce up his butt.
1695
01:17:41,286 --> 01:17:43,752
Now stick this eggplant up
Jimmy desnappio's butt.
1696
01:17:46,891 --> 01:17:48,007
Shit.
1697
01:17:51,045 --> 01:17:53,779
We'll be back after these words
from jimbo:
1698
01:17:53,781 --> 01:17:55,648
Soap on a rope.
1699
01:18:15,253 --> 01:18:16,419
You're fired.
1700
01:18:26,882 --> 01:18:28,264
Man: Thar she blows.
1701
01:18:28,266 --> 01:18:30,700
The Hayden field actioner
crazy town
1702
01:18:30,702 --> 01:18:33,535
was tops at the box office
for the second week in a row,
1703
01:18:33,537 --> 01:18:35,437
pulling in
an estimated 90 million
1704
01:18:35,439 --> 01:18:38,207
in ticket sales
this weekend alone.
1705
01:18:39,160 --> 01:18:40,593
And in related news,
1706
01:18:40,595 --> 01:18:43,062
the top-selling videos
this week are:
1707
01:18:43,064 --> 01:18:44,430
Pretty woman 2,
1708
01:18:44,432 --> 01:18:45,932
bad boys 3,
1709
01:18:45,934 --> 01:18:49,269
and topping the charts
for the second big week,
1710
01:18:49,271 --> 01:18:50,919
Billy Joe jerks his chicken.
1711
01:18:56,995 --> 01:19:00,396
Hey, it's that
eggplant-up-the-butt guy.
1712
01:19:00,398 --> 01:19:03,499
Man: Hey, can I get
an eggplant sandwich?
1713
01:19:03,501 --> 01:19:05,501
Jerk-off.
1714
01:19:12,209 --> 01:19:15,044
I'm Earl peadman, and that's
the scoop from Hollywood.
1715
01:19:15,046 --> 01:19:16,045
Cheerio.
1716
01:19:16,047 --> 01:19:17,047
Goodnight, everyone.
1717
01:19:19,050 --> 01:19:20,049
Good job, Earl.
1718
01:19:20,051 --> 01:19:21,950
I love this so much.
1719
01:19:36,634 --> 01:19:38,368
Yo, what's up, man? Is that you?
1720
01:19:38,370 --> 01:19:40,203
Do you have a minute?
1721
01:19:40,205 --> 01:19:42,305
Yeah, what's up? Yo.
1722
01:19:42,307 --> 01:19:43,556
Check this out.
1723
01:19:44,459 --> 01:19:46,726
My next movie, valet whore.
1724
01:19:46,728 --> 01:19:49,428
Written by some dude named...
1725
01:19:49,430 --> 01:19:50,729
Named Jesus.
1726
01:19:51,566 --> 01:19:52,798
Can you believe that shit?
1727
01:19:52,800 --> 01:19:54,100
The dude named Jesus
1728
01:19:54,102 --> 01:19:56,569
wrote a movie named valet whore.
1729
01:19:56,571 --> 01:19:58,237
Oh, that's heavy, man. Anyway.
1730
01:19:58,239 --> 01:19:59,222
What's up with you?
1731
01:19:59,224 --> 01:20:00,523
Why are you so blue?
1732
01:20:00,525 --> 01:20:02,725
I'm just going back to Minnesota
in a couple days,
1733
01:20:02,727 --> 01:20:04,293
and I wanted to come by
and thank you
1734
01:20:04,295 --> 01:20:06,211
for sending my dad that money.
1735
01:20:06,213 --> 01:20:07,747
You didn't have to do that.
1736
01:20:07,749 --> 01:20:09,181
Contrary, man.
1737
01:20:09,183 --> 01:20:11,116
You were sent to me.
1738
01:20:11,118 --> 01:20:12,485
I should be thankin' you.
1739
01:20:12,487 --> 01:20:13,753
Thankin' me, man?
1740
01:20:13,755 --> 01:20:15,888
The whole thing was a lie.
I'm not a writer.
1741
01:20:15,890 --> 01:20:16,956
I'm not Lisa's cousin,
1742
01:20:16,958 --> 01:20:19,075
I blackmailed her
to say that shit.
1743
01:20:19,077 --> 01:20:22,078
My dad, the restaurant...
1744
01:20:22,080 --> 01:20:23,279
I was desperate, man.
1745
01:20:23,281 --> 01:20:25,181
I was desperate and...
1746
01:20:25,183 --> 01:20:27,616
I did some things
I'm not proud of.
1747
01:20:27,618 --> 01:20:31,320
Dude, I pulled my ham
in a mullet wig, all right?
1748
01:20:31,322 --> 01:20:32,955
Touche about that, man.
1749
01:20:32,957 --> 01:20:34,022
I'm really sorry,
1750
01:20:34,024 --> 01:20:36,192
I didn't mean for that
to get out.
1751
01:20:36,194 --> 01:20:38,377
Yeah. I'm gonna blow your mind.
1752
01:20:38,379 --> 01:20:42,348
Because sub-like-consciously,
I did.
1753
01:20:42,350 --> 01:20:43,950
Yeah, that's what my yogi said.
1754
01:20:43,952 --> 01:20:45,217
He said, through you,
1755
01:20:45,219 --> 01:20:48,271
I sought to exorcise my demons.
1756
01:20:48,273 --> 01:20:51,073
Yeah, that's why
I told you, man.
1757
01:20:51,075 --> 01:20:52,708
That's why you were sent to me.
1758
01:20:52,710 --> 01:20:54,060
To slay the rabbit.
1759
01:20:54,879 --> 01:20:57,596
Wow, that is one smart yogi.
1760
01:20:59,083 --> 01:21:00,917
Did you talk to Lisa, man?
1761
01:21:00,919 --> 01:21:02,718
No, why'd she say something?
1762
01:21:02,720 --> 01:21:04,586
No, I'm just sayin', man.
1763
01:21:04,588 --> 01:21:06,422
I mean, you like her, right?
1764
01:21:06,424 --> 01:21:08,424
She's a cool chick, man.
1765
01:21:08,426 --> 01:21:10,126
It's her old man
that's not cool.
1766
01:21:10,128 --> 01:21:11,594
Guy's a douchebag.
1767
01:21:11,596 --> 01:21:14,597
Tellin' her what
and what not to do and whatnot.
1768
01:21:14,599 --> 01:21:17,233
Like, tellin' her she's gotta go
to the premiere with me
1769
01:21:17,235 --> 01:21:19,102
because he says so or else.
1770
01:21:19,104 --> 01:21:20,103
She said that?
1771
01:21:20,105 --> 01:21:21,771
Yeah, man.
1772
01:21:21,773 --> 01:21:23,205
She moved out.
1773
01:21:23,207 --> 01:21:25,274
She left him, you know?
1774
01:21:25,276 --> 01:21:26,608
Good for her.
1775
01:21:26,610 --> 01:21:28,828
She's out there workin',
makin' her own bread.
1776
01:21:29,731 --> 01:21:30,896
She'll be all right.
1777
01:21:30,898 --> 01:21:32,448
And what about the shelter?
1778
01:21:32,450 --> 01:21:34,783
It's all on her now, man.
1779
01:21:36,620 --> 01:21:38,504
I'll tell her
you say goodbye, man.
1780
01:21:59,143 --> 01:22:00,176
Let it go.
1781
01:22:01,345 --> 01:22:03,011
Excuse me, sir.
1782
01:22:03,013 --> 01:22:04,280
What's goin' on here?
1783
01:22:04,282 --> 01:22:06,415
Si, crazy town.
1784
01:22:06,417 --> 01:22:08,684
Movie star.
1785
01:22:08,686 --> 01:22:09,985
Hayden? Haydeno?
1786
01:22:09,987 --> 01:22:10,987
No, no, no.
1787
01:22:10,989 --> 01:22:12,989
Pepito.
1788
01:22:12,991 --> 01:22:15,108
Mexican number five.
1789
01:22:19,197 --> 01:22:20,980
Woman:
Everybody can come out now.
1790
01:22:20,982 --> 01:22:21,981
We 're free.
1791
01:22:21,983 --> 01:22:23,599
Man: The town has been saved.
1792
01:22:23,601 --> 01:22:25,067
Is anybody sitting here?
1793
01:22:25,069 --> 01:22:27,503
Shh. It's the best part.
1794
01:22:27,505 --> 01:22:31,374
God bless you, Johnny crazy!
God bless you!
1795
01:22:31,376 --> 01:22:33,442
Let's dance!
1796
01:22:40,334 --> 01:22:42,367
De niro who?
1797
01:22:42,369 --> 01:22:44,003
I think I'm gonna cry.
1798
01:22:44,005 --> 01:22:46,872
I have that effect on women.
1799
01:22:46,874 --> 01:22:48,040
Earl told me you'd be here.
1800
01:22:48,042 --> 01:22:50,625
Just in case you thought
I was stalking you.
1801
01:22:50,627 --> 01:22:53,345
Get in line, toots.
1802
01:22:54,198 --> 01:22:56,415
Did you Rob a bank?
1803
01:22:56,417 --> 01:22:59,535
I'll take that as a thank you,
and you're welcome.
1804
01:23:03,374 --> 01:23:04,974
I'm sorry about what I did.
1805
01:23:07,061 --> 01:23:09,895
Say you forgive me.
1806
01:23:09,897 --> 01:23:11,864
I don't know.
1807
01:23:11,866 --> 01:23:13,732
All right, I forgive you.
1808
01:23:13,734 --> 01:23:16,535
Good,
because I don't forgive you.
1809
01:23:16,537 --> 01:23:18,938
You lied to me,
you blackmailed me.
1810
01:23:19,773 --> 01:23:21,406
What am I forgetting?
1811
01:23:21,408 --> 01:23:23,075
All right,
I need to ask you something.
1812
01:23:23,077 --> 01:23:24,743
It's very important.
1813
01:23:24,745 --> 01:23:25,744
What?
1814
01:23:25,746 --> 01:23:28,214
Do you like steak?
1815
01:23:29,150 --> 01:23:30,449
I love steak.
1816
01:23:30,451 --> 01:23:32,118
Guess what.
You're my new girlfriend.
1817
01:23:32,120 --> 01:23:33,336
Congratulations.
1818
01:23:33,338 --> 01:23:34,870
What can I say?
1819
01:23:34,872 --> 01:23:36,539
I have a thing for nerds.
1820
01:23:36,541 --> 01:23:38,557
J“ got my heart burnin' j“
1821
01:23:38,559 --> 01:23:41,326
j“ faster than the speed j“
1822
01:23:41,328 --> 01:23:44,029
j“ faster than the speed j“
1823
01:23:44,031 --> 01:23:48,067
j“ faster than the speed
of sound j'
1824
01:23:49,454 --> 01:23:51,971
j“ tomboy j'
1825
01:23:51,973 --> 01:23:54,774
j“ tomboy j'
1826
01:23:54,776 --> 01:23:57,176
j“ tomboy j'
1827
01:24:11,959 --> 01:24:14,459
J“ hyah! J”
1828
01:24:18,616 --> 01:24:25,454
J“ maybe you think I'm coming
on too fast j'
1829
01:24:25,456 --> 01:24:31,193
j“ you've been waiting
for love to last j“
1830
01:24:31,195 --> 01:24:35,297
j“ sometimes a little bad
is good j“
1831
01:24:36,884 --> 01:24:40,936
j“ sometimes a little bad
is good j“
1832
01:24:40,938 --> 01:24:42,838
huh? Huh?
1833
01:24:43,807 --> 01:24:45,040
Here we go.
1834
01:24:45,042 --> 01:24:47,009
J“ don't do what you should j'
1835
01:24:48,312 --> 01:24:53,282
J“ sometimes a little bad
is good j“
1836
01:24:57,455 --> 01:25:00,122
Stop! Come on.
Come on, give it to me.
1837
01:25:04,895 --> 01:25:08,480
You. I kicked your ass
in high school, remember?
1838
01:25:09,450 --> 01:25:10,516
Thank you. Thank you.
1839
01:25:16,841 --> 01:25:22,177
J“ sometimes a little bad
is good j“
1840
01:25:22,179 --> 01:25:23,779
j“ now, you can tell him j'
1841
01:25:23,781 --> 01:25:28,584
j“ you resisted me
as long as you could I
1842
01:25:28,586 --> 01:25:31,787
j“ but sometimes a little bad j”
1843
01:25:31,789 --> 01:25:34,690
j“ sometimes a little bad I
1844
01:25:34,692 --> 01:25:39,111
j“ sometimes a little bad
is good j“
1845
01:25:39,113 --> 01:25:43,249
j“ a little bad is good j'
1846
01:26:01,686 --> 01:26:02,685
J“ tomboy j'
1847
01:26:02,687 --> 01:26:04,437
j“ heads down the highway j'
1848
01:26:04,439 --> 01:26:05,421
j“ tomboy j'
1849
01:26:05,423 --> 01:26:06,439
j“ she's comin' my way j'
1850
01:26:06,441 --> 01:26:07,989
j“ tomboy j'
1851
01:26:07,991 --> 01:26:09,592
j“ got my heart burnin' j“
1852
01:26:09,594 --> 01:26:11,727
j“ I can't keep up with... j“
1853
01:26:11,729 --> 01:26:13,596
snow.
1854
01:26:13,598 --> 01:26:15,030
Snow.
1855
01:26:15,032 --> 01:26:18,567
Back to you, running deer.
1856
01:26:18,569 --> 01:26:19,885
J“ got my wheels turnin' j'
1857
01:26:19,887 --> 01:26:23,772
j“ faster than the speed
of sound j'
1858
01:26:25,742 --> 01:26:28,410
j“ I feel
the strange attraction j'
1859
01:26:28,412 --> 01:26:31,113
j“ I've never seen this action I
1860
01:26:31,115 --> 01:26:33,014
j“ come give me satisfaction I
1861
01:26:33,016 --> 01:26:36,185
j“ I can't wait to touch you j“
1862
01:26:36,187 --> 01:26:38,954
j“ I feel sweet sensation j“
1863
01:26:38,956 --> 01:26:41,623
j“ there's such
a strong vibration j'
1864
01:26:41,625 --> 01:26:43,658
j“ you are the one temptation j“
1865
01:26:43,660 --> 01:26:46,328
j“ pullin' me j“
1866
01:26:46,330 --> 01:26:48,997
j“ holdin' me I
1867
01:26:48,999 --> 01:26:49,998
j“ tomboy j'
1868
01:26:50,000 --> 01:26:51,567
j“ heads down the highway j'
1869
01:26:51,569 --> 01:26:52,601
j“ tomboy j'
1870
01:26:52,603 --> 01:26:54,203
j“ she's coming my way I
1871
01:26:54,205 --> 01:26:55,370
j“ tomboy j'
1872
01:26:55,372 --> 01:26:56,938
j“ got my heart burning j“
1873
01:26:56,940 --> 01:26:59,475
j“ I can't keep up with that j'
1874
01:26:59,477 --> 01:27:00,709
j“ tomboy j'
1875
01:27:00,711 --> 01:27:02,211
j“ she's a roadrunner!“
1876
01:27:02,213 --> 01:27:03,278
j“ tomboy j'
1877
01:27:03,280 --> 01:27:04,713
j“ she's a tailgunner j'
1878
01:27:04,715 --> 01:27:05,981
j“ tomboy j'
1879
01:27:05,983 --> 01:27:07,282
j“ got my wheels turnin' j'
1880
01:27:07,284 --> 01:27:11,186
j“ faster than the speed
of sound j'
1881
01:27:13,157 --> 01:27:15,857
j' something inside is growin' j“
1882
01:27:15,859 --> 01:27:18,494
j“ deep in my eyes it's showin' j“
1883
01:27:18,496 --> 01:27:20,562
j“ can't stop it overflowin' j'
1884
01:27:20,564 --> 01:27:23,732
j“ I can't wait I need her j“
1885
01:27:23,734 --> 01:27:26,301
j“ I know my heart's in danger j“
1886
01:27:26,303 --> 01:27:28,970
j“ this love couldn't be
much stranger j“
1887
01:27:28,972 --> 01:27:31,206
j“ I wouldn't wanna change her!“
1888
01:27:31,208 --> 01:27:33,742
j” come with me j”
1889
01:27:33,744 --> 01:27:36,411
j” it's holding me oh j”
1890
01:27:36,413 --> 01:27:37,446
j” tomboy j”
1891
01:27:37,448 --> 01:27:38,980
j” heads down the highway j”
1892
01:27:38,982 --> 01:27:40,115
j” tomboy j”
1893
01:27:40,117 --> 01:27:41,583
j” she's coming my way j”
1894
01:27:41,585 --> 01:27:42,784
j” tomboy j”
1895
01:27:42,786 --> 01:27:44,253
j” got my heart burning j”
1896
01:27:44,255 --> 01:27:46,888
j” I can't keep up with that j”
1897
01:27:46,890 --> 01:27:48,056
j” tomboy j”
1898
01:27:48,058 --> 01:27:49,458
j” she's a roadrunnerj”
1899
01:27:49,460 --> 01:27:50,626
j” tomboy j”
1900
01:27:50,628 --> 01:27:52,194
j” she's a tailgunner j”
1901
01:27:52,196 --> 01:27:53,362
j” tomboy j”
1902
01:27:53,364 --> 01:27:54,763
j” got my wheels turning j”
1903
01:27:54,765 --> 01:27:58,600
j” faster than the speed
of sound j”
1904
01:28:10,013 --> 01:28:11,613
J” oh j” j” tomboy j”
1905
01:28:11,615 --> 01:28:13,282
j” heads down the highway j”
1906
01:28:13,284 --> 01:28:14,383
j” tomboy j”
1907
01:28:14,385 --> 01:28:15,884
j” ooh, she's comin' my way j”
1908
01:28:15,886 --> 01:28:16,951
j” tomboy j”
1909
01:28:16,953 --> 01:28:18,487
j” got my heart burnin' j”
1910
01:28:18,489 --> 01:28:21,122
j” I can't keep up with that j”
1911
01:28:21,124 --> 01:28:22,291
j” tomboy j”
1912
01:28:22,293 --> 01:28:23,692
j” she's a roadrunnerj”
1913
01:28:23,694 --> 01:28:24,826
j” tomboy j”
1914
01:28:24,828 --> 01:28:26,361
j” she's a tailgunner j”
1915
01:28:26,363 --> 01:28:27,462
j” tomboy j”
1916
01:28:27,464 --> 01:28:29,097
j” got my wheels turning j”
1917
01:28:29,099 --> 01:28:31,700
j” faster than the speed j”
1918
01:28:31,702 --> 01:28:34,303
j” faster than the speed j”
1919
01:28:34,305 --> 01:28:38,407
j” faster than the speed
of sound j”
1920
01:28:39,710 --> 01:28:41,210
j” tomboy j”
1921
01:28:42,379 --> 01:28:44,112
j” tomboy j”
1922
01:28:44,915 --> 01:28:46,848
j” tomboy j”
124962
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