Original subtitles

Bye, Mrs Stubbs.

Thank you, Mrs Stubbs, it will keep me glued together for a week.

-Oh! -Mr Herriot!

Sorry. Sorry.

Would you like a hand, Mr Herriot?

No, I can manage, thanks. Here, oh, let me let you get past.

Here we go.

Ah, you ought to be careful to get those mortises square.

What?

Untold trouble later if you don't.

The whole thing will wobble.

They're dovetails, actually, Tris.

When have you ever made anything?

Wouldn't presume to, James. Go to the professionals, that's my advice.

Well, thank you very much, Tris.

Now, if you've got nothing better to do.

You are making this for Helen's birthday, aren't you?

Yes.

-March, the 14th. -Yes.

-This year? -Yes!

Get her a backup present just in case.

-It will be finished on time. -Hmm...

For her to pick up her pension.

Mr Edwards on Market Street is an excellent joiner.

Good morning, Mrs A.

Is someone in the waiting room?

Just making sure we're not at war with anyone.

Oh, I'm deadly serious, Mrs A.

It's vital, we vets keep abreast of the times.

Do you realise that for some of our more remote clients

we provide a truly social service?

An opportunity to indulge in intelligent, social intercourse

denied them by their isolation.

I think you mean you'd rather talk than work, Mr Tristan.

Page 15.

It's my Dilly, Mr Herriot.

Your what?

-(PHONE RINGS) -Oh, phone.

There we go.

He's fallen out, behind.

Yes.

-Can you hang on just a tick. -You've been bit!

Hit. Hammered actually.

Let's have a look, Mr Herriot.

No, it's quite all right, honestly.

You can't be too careful. Let me look.

-I've done first aid, you know. -Have you?

Now, what we need is some antiseptic.

Right.

Here we are.

Dear, what... Isn't that meant for the animals, Mr Herriot?

We are animals too, Miss Worrall.

I suppose it will be all right then.

Now, it would be easier...

Could you just sit down?

Yes. I don't think it's too serious. See?

You can never tell.

Ooh!

The poison spreads to your system, you could very ill.

What?

James, have you seen the ministry regulations on brucellosis?

I was mugging them up this morning.

I must have put them down somewhere.

-No, sorry. -Oh!

Ah! Miss Worrall, how delightful to see you.

-You too, Mr Farnon. -Thanks.

It's my Dilly, Mr Farnon.

I'm very worried about him.

He's very poorly.

You can make him well, can't you?

Well, alas, dear Miss Worrall,

I must be halfway across the county within the hour.

Mr Herriot will attend to your every need in a trice.

Mr Herriot's not well. His thumb's in a bad way.

Mr Herriot is a veterinary surgeon of the greatest resource.

I'm sure he'll contrive a way to manage.

He has had such a good teacher.

No.

It's my brother's surgery, this morning.

I'll see that he attends to you at once.

Whatever you think is best, Mr Farnon.

Sooner your drake is restored to full health,

the better I shall be pleased, Miss Worrall.

Thank you so much, Mr Farnon.

It's entirely my pleasure.

Oh, James!

(CHUCKLES) Oh, sorry.

SIEGFRIED: I'm going to get it.

-Are you ill? -I beg your pardon.

Excused boots?

I'm perfectly well, Siegfried.

Then why are you not at your post

ministering to the flock of clients like a good shepherd?

There wasn't a soul in there just now.

Well, just now, one of your apparently invisible souls

was administering first aid to James in the surgery.

Do you know what you are?

You're an idler. A lounge lizard.

Were you out late again last night?

-I had a couple of pints at The Drover's, that's all. -I knew it.

That's why you're draped all over the sofa like a rank starlet.

Have you ever seen

a liver in the final stages of cirrhosis?

A couple of pints?

Don't delude yourself, my dear boy.

What flows in your veins is approximately 20% proof.

I suppose it wouldn't interest you at all

that our first client is a young woman.

-Page 15. -What's that?

The Doncaster results.

(DOOR CLOSES)

Ah! So, you're the young lady.

Mr Farnon mentioned me, did he?

He does often, Miss Worrall.

Speaks very highly of you indeed.

"One of our most valued clients", he's very fond of saying.

Oh!

Now, what seems to be the problem?

What? Oh!

-Well, it's my Dilly. -(PHONE RINGING)

-He... -I'll be with you in one moment.

Nailed.

Tristan, I've only got one pair of hands.

(PHONE CONTINUES RINGING)

Admit defeat gracefully. Go to Mr Edwards.

JAMES: All right, I'll go now, if you answer that wretched telephone.

TRISTAN: Siegfried can do it. He's only reading the paper.

I'll leave Sally to you then.

I'll answer the telephone.

(PHONE RINGING)

Darrowby 385!

Yes!

Could you just wait there and I'll ask Mr Farnon?

What did you say your name was again?

Sir George Rowland.

Thank you, Miss Worrall.

See we're all so busy.

You've done splendidly.

Farnon the elder here. Sir George, what may I do for you?

-Bye, Tris. -TRISTAN: Goodbye, James.

No, no, not at all, Sir George. No disruption.

One cannot be too careful with these pedigrees.

-Ah! James, the very man. -What?

I'll tell you what, I'll give William III the once over,

and I'll report to you at, uh, noon.

Oh, luncheon. How, how, very, very kind of you.

I'll see you then.

-James... -I can't.

Very important client, James.

It's the Sir Georges of the Dales

are the sort of people we simply must cling on to.

It's vital that I go.

So, I fear I shall not be able to complete the strain-19 brucellosis vaccinations.

-On the Prendergast herd? -Precisely.

Ah, but it is absolutely crucial. I'm sorry, James.

It won't take you long.

Does it have to be today?

I'm afraid so, James.

The vaccine's in the cupboard.

Um, could you get my bag for me?

Thank you, James. You saved the day yet again.

I'll see if I can't catch us a bottle of his claret.

Magnificent cellar.

Looks like the poor devil's been subject to a spot of vent pecking, Miss Worrall.

Oh, it's the hens.

-They won't leave him alone. -Can't you keep him away from them?

I couldn't do that. It would be so cruel!

Cruel?

He was brought up with them.

One of them hatched him.

He still thinks she's his mother.

I think, he's old enough to leave home now.

Good Lord.

Well there, it's in but I don't hold out much hope.

Oh, Mr Farnon said you'd be able to save him.

Yes, well, I've done my best but he is very ill.

Oh, but he's all right now his vent's closed.

In the normal way, I would have recommended putting him down...

(GASPS)

...but since I know my brother would have done everything in his power to save your Dilly,

I've done the same.

Well, actually, Miss Worrall, the vent's almost certain to be infected.

Ducks do have such complicated reproductive organs.

He's much more than a duck, Mr Herriot.

Yes, yes, of course, he is.

When will Mr Farnon be back?

Oh, not till late this afternoon. Probably, even later.

But he is taking surgery tomorrow.

I'm sure he'd be delighted to see you then.

I haven't finished your thumb, Mr Herriot.

No, don't worry, Miss Worrall.

This Mr Farnon is a dab hand with a bandage.

I am sorry.

What you did was perfect. Thank you very much.

Oh, good.

-Goodbye, then. -Goodbye.

Bye, Miss Worrall.

I thought you were off to see Mr Edwards.

Well, I can't now, can I?

The Prendergast herd need their strain-19 today.

I thought Siegfried was...

I know, of course, Sir George.

Well, poor old you.

Nat Briggs isn't the easiest of farm managers, is he?

No.

Tristan, actually, you could do it.

Me? Well, no, I can't.

Why not?

Well, surgery, I'm on surgery.

-And then there are my calls. -What calls?

Well, whatever comes in.

I would be grateful, Tris. It was your idea I went to see Mr Edwards.

I'm sorry, James.

All right, good luck with Sally.

Sally?

Well, she'll be back in two minutes, won't she?

How long have you ever known a prolapse to stay in?

And the ministry pay a penny a shot to the chap who gives the jabs.

-Oh, really? -Yeah.

Bye, Tris.

Wait!

How could I let my fellow man down in his hour of need?

Quite.

Thanks, Tris. Careful. Remember they are alive.

Oh, and, uh, not a word to Siegfried, eh?

-Pardon? -About the dresser.

You know what he's like with surprises.

Oh, no. Of course not.

Huh! Thanks a lot, Tris.

-Bye. -Bye.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(COWS MOOING)

-Morning! -Morning.

MAN 1: Go on! On your way! MAN 2: Get on!

MAN 3: Go on.

Mr Edwards?

Mr Herriot, the veterinary.

Right, on both counts.

You're too late, lad.

I buried Clara months since.

Over there.

-JAMES: You must miss her. -Aye, I do.

You could always get another dog.

Yeah, I will, when I have a mind to.

I bet you've not come here to sell me a hound now, is it?

I've come for a bit of advice actually.

(CHUCKLES) Come in, lad.

Thanks.

(COWS MOOING)

Give it a shot, then, shall we, Nat?

That's what you're here for, ain't it?

Hold her nice and steady.

Excellent. Send her along then, please, Nathaniel.

Call the next one, please, Ray.

EDWARDS: Touch it, go on.

(LAUGHS) You're not stroking wife's cheek.

Very smooth, isn't it?

Solid within.

There. That will not let you down.

(CHUCKLES)

I've been looking for that all over.

Mr Edwards, that's very impressive.

Think I can do anything as complicated as that?

Of course you can.

Man with your education and skill with your hands.

It's just a matter of knowing how to do it.

Oh!

Let's get on with job, shall we?

That's what he says to his Barbara after cocoa.

Barbara?

-His missus. -Got wed in October.

Hasn't cheered him up much.

Well, it did at the start.

He was dead excited about carrying on the family name.

But nowt has happened.

-In six months. -He's right worried about it.

I say he's not doing job right.

-Needs lessons, I reckon. -(ALL LAUGHING)

He hates that.

Drives the beggar wild.

Aye!

If you want to see a volcano,

ask him if his Barbara's in family way.

Oh, thank you.

(ALL CHUCKLING)

Oh, come on, let's be having...

That's what he says next.

NAT: What's so funny, Farnon?

Nothing.

Nothing at all.

Let's get on with the job then, shall we?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Proper joint work. That's the secret.

Joints that will stand up to job.

Yes, quite.

-Goodbye, Mr Edwards. -Hey, come here.

Look at this.

Over here, lad.

On the knees. Never mind the shame. Let's get this set down here.

Look at them joints.

Oh, yes.

Try and pull them apart. Go on.

(LAUGHING)

Proper dovetails.

No glue.

Strong as steel where you need it,

yet you can pull them apart like lifting carrots.

There's more to joinery than you thought, eh, lad?

Certainly is.

Right.

-Bye, Mr Edwards. Thanks a lot. -Don't forget.

You'll need a sliding bevel and a proper rule.

Right.

Start by marking in the joints and then cutting it inwards.

Ta!

Right.

Thanks for all the advice, Mr Edwards.

Eh, don't worry, lad.

It's just a matter of knowing how to do it.

(COWS MOOING)

Come on, Farnon, I want to be home for me dinner.

There we go, Nat.

The paso doble!

If we jam two in together they won't be able to swing about all over the shop.

In two's, Nat, like Noah.

-There's no room for two. -Yes, there is.

It would be faster too. Don't want your dinner to go cold.

It might save a few minutes, I suppose.

TRISTAN: Damn near half the time. NAT: If it works.

Go on, then. Make a fool of this, then.

In you go!

(COW MOOING)

(VOCALISING)

Tight fit.

Snug I'd say.

Steady with number one, there.

Now, I inject.

Ah! There we are. I put this back.

And number two!

Ah, just move forward now.

There we go. On they go on, Nathaniel.

Hand the next two please.

Go on.

Go on.

HELEN: James!

Hello, darling.

James?

James?

Hello, darling. How was the electricity man?

Did he manage to find the fault?

And most important, is it gonna cost me a fortune? (CHUCKLES)

-Are you all right? -Why, never felt better.

The electricity man seemed well.

He had a cold a few weeks ago,

but swore by an infusion of lemon balm and chamomile.

And yes, he traced the fault to a bare wire in the cupboard under the stairs.

-What was the third question? -Oh, I don't know.

-What's for lunch? -Casserole.

-In the oven. -Splendid.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello, Darrowby 385.

Yes, Miss Worrall.

No, I'm sorry, Mr Farnon Sr hasn't returned yet.

Mr Herriot's here though.

(WHISPERS) I think you're bit of a disappointment.

Here is Mr Herriot.

Miss Worrall?

You want me to have another go?

Yes, of course, I'll come out as soon as I can.

-Bye. -Should I serve up, then?

Uh, yes, please, darling.

I may need another implement.

Mrs Alton, did, uh, Mr Herriot say where he could be reached this morning?

Let me see.

He did say I could get him at...

Mr Edwards'.

Ah, yes. Mr Edwards'.

(SINGING) All set?

Oops! Close. (CHUCKLING)

There we go. And on to number two.

-(SCREAMS) Oh, God! -(ALL LAUGHING)

You daft bugger, Farnon. What the bloody hell have you done?

It's all right, Nat. You didn't get any vaccine. Look.

You stupid bloody fool!

Oh, now, come on, Nat.

You bent right onto the needle.

You what?

You came right at me and stuck the bloody thing right in my arse.

(LAUGHING) It's only a scratch.

Don't give me that.

I felt it go right in.

All right, Ray, give us a hand.

-What? -Come on, Nat, get your breeches down

-I wanna have a look. -Not on your bloody nelly, Farnon.

You, get on and get these beasts done.

And you do them one at a time, now!

I put it back in twice.

It's enlarged and flaccid now.

Too big for the vent.

Damned hens were pecking at it.

They thought it was a worm, I expect.

Cannibalism.

I know it sounds daft but they all do it.

He's such a good friend, Mr Herriot.

JAMES: In you go, come on. In you go.

Yes. Yes.

We've done all we can, Miss Worrall.

It will stay in this time.

It's very engorged and it's very infected.

May be too late.

Mr Farnon would save him. I know he would.

Well, let's see what happens, eh?

I know how fond you are of him.

He's a good vet, that's all.

I meant Dilly.

Poor old chap, I bet he's in a lot of pain.

Why did you have to go courting the hens?

I'd have got you a wife if I'd known.

Miss Worrall, if he gets worse...

I know what to do.

I'll help him on his way.

Well, I've been culling hens since I was a nipper.

But have you ever killed a duck?

It's the same thing, ain't it?

Their necks are thicker. Much stronger, you see.

Far more difficult to stretch.

It won't come to that.

-He's all right now. -(QUACKING)

Look.

Well, if you need me...

Oh, Dilly.

It swelled up something rotten, it has. It hurts too.

-Like it's on fire. -The missus will give thy a cushion where thy needs it.

I can laugh. But what's going to happen now, eh?

It was only a scratch, Nat.

I've had a dose of that abortion stuff.

What's it going to do to me, eh?

You're not a calf, are you, lad?

NAT: It's not funny!

If you feel your calf slipping out you just tell me.

I'll see that it gets milk, Nat.

Well, that stuff's mucky. Live vaccine, ain't it?

Put our family plans right out, that will.

Nat, the vaccine can't possibly harm your chances of becoming a father.

-Yeah, so you say. -You may be a bit sore but there's no damage done.

My arse says different.

-Nat, I'm terribly sorry. -I'm a family man, Farnon.

You hear me?

You're in no danger there, honestly.

Time will tell, Farnon.

(SNICKERS)

You can judge a man by his wine cellar, James.

Ah! That puts me in my place.

How so?

Our wine cellar, Siegfried, consists of two bottles of last year's elderberry wine

and a five year old bottle of sloe gin.

Eclectic and eccentric, James.

Two English characteristics that I hope will never disappear from among us.

Master Tristan, your presence is awaited.

This is a particularly fine bottle of claret, is it, Siegfried?

Oh, well, the '37 Saint-Emilions were a pretty good bunch, yes, indeed.

What's left of them, yes, yes...

I look forward to tasting it.

Ah, hail, the conquering hero.

Energetic day up at the Prendergast herd?

Yes, and you?

I...

Well, I saved an invaluable racehorse from certain death.

I met an enchanting Hereford bull.

I devoured an excellent lunch in delightful company.

And I administered antibiotics to an ailing tup.

And I returned with this prize for...

our mutual delectation.

Have you ever seen a liver in the final stages of cirrhosis, Siegfried?

This is wine. Just a...

One's liver is perfectly safe in the hands of the great viticulturists of the Gironde.

Yes. Well, thanks but I'll settle for The Drover's

where I know I shall have a good honest pint of Yorkshire ale.

Oh, dear! Oh, dear! Poor boy.

Wasted on him anyway. He can't tell a Burgundy from a Bordeaux.

And the... The Drovers, James,

it's really only one step up from an opium den.

That lad's gonna turn into an alcoholic.

Oh, I think this has stood there long enough

to be decently... James, you're not gonna let me down?

-Certainly not, Siegfried. -Mmm-hmm.

One glass before I go, eh?

-There you are, James. -Thank you.

(SIGHS)

À votre santé, James.

Et tu, Siegfried?

Oh!

Very, um, full bodied.

One sip, I'm Aphrodite's slave

and this is Mount Olympus.

If that's done any damage to my tackle,

I'll pay for it, Veterinary.

You've got nothing to worry about, Nat.

-Trust me. -Trust thee?

I wouldn't trust thee to carve Sunday joint, you cack-handed beggar.

-Let me buy you a drink, Nat. -I'd rather have rat poison.

All right, I'll get you a pint of that then.

Don't be funny with me, Farnon.

Flash tongue, flash clothes,

flash vetting.

Too flash by half ain't that?

I ought to lay thee out.

By 'eck, if we've not had some good news by summer,

I'll be back for thee.

By heck I will!

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION)

-Oh, James. -What, darling?

It's perfect.

-It certainly is lovely. -(CLOCK CHIMES)

-Um, darling, don't you think we ought to... -It's beautiful!

Well, it's not bad.

Well, it matches the table exactly. They could've been made for each other.

No, no, no. It's the wrong colour. It's darker.

No, no. It's near enough. I mean no one looks that closely, do they?

-Well, I think it's too big. -Ah, well, let's see, shall we?

Uh, darling, what time are we picking up the kids?

-Oh, not until 5:00. -Uh-huh.

-You're not gonna believe this. -Aren't I?

It's made to measure.

-Really? -Exactly 46 inches.

-Oh, it's wonderful. -James, it's fate.

It was meant for us.

Yes, it would be wonderful.

-What do you mean "would"? -Well, if we could afford it, darling.

What? We haven't spent that much, lately. How much is it, anyway?

(EXHALES SHARPLY) Oh, no idea. It's bound to be terribly expensive.

-James. -Good Lord.

-James, it's in the sale. -Darling, it's nearly £3.

Oh, yes. That's incredibly cheap.

-Helen... -James, it's ideal.

Next month, eh?

-James. -What?

Well, we can afford it.

-What's the matter with you? -Nothing. Look,

-we've paid the electric, we've paid the insurance, -(SIGHS)

the mortgage is due any minute.

And the practice has done excellent business this month.

No, we can't rely on that money filtering through

for at least a month, can we?

Somebody else would have bought it by then.

The children,

they need new shoes, darling.

And we've always said we must put their needs first.

-Don't you like it, James? -I love it

-but we must be prudent. -(SIGHS)

James,

I've got a birthday coming up soon, remember?

We are living well beyond our means, you know.

-James! -And it's gotta stop somewhere.

Anything I can do for you?

-No. -(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

Could you close the door on your way out?

Spot of reading?

Improving my mind.

Ah!

That's a very laudable exercise, my dear brother.

Casino Royale, good grief.

Have you read it?

Mr Bond's misadventures, I would have thought,

are hardly calculated to improve one's mind.

You have finished that Somerset Maugham I lent you?

It's boring.

"Boring"?

"Boring"?

Boring.

Sometimes I cannot believe we're out of the same flesh.

"Boring"?

Boring, Siegfried.

I...thought I might pop into The Drover's on my way home.

-Good idea. -(JANGLING COINS)

Do you care to accompany me?

And partake of the demon drink? No, thank you.

Are you quite well, Tristan?

Never better.

I'm paying.

(SIEGFRIED JANGLING COINS)

I'm reading.

"Boring"?

(SIGHS)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(DOG BARKING)

(DOOR OPENS)

James, morning.

Up with the lark, eh?

Yes, nothing like it, Siegfried.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

-James. -Yes?

Could you spare me a word?

Yes.

It's, uh... It's Tristan.

Oh, God. What's he done now?

I mean, is everything all right between you two?

Yes, why?

It's probably nothing.

Do you think he's...

What?

No, nothing, James.

Well, is he ill?

Do you think he is, James?

Well, he has been a bit...

Not quite himself this last day or two precisely.

Quieter I suppose.

Hushed as a church mouse. Saintly as a choirboy.

What the devil's the matter with him, James?

Perhaps he's maturing.

A man who reads Ian Fleming in preference to Somerset Maugham?

Come on.

(MAN SPEAKING ON RADIO)

Hello, Tristan.

Morning, Siegfried.

-James. -Morning, Tristan.

(SIGHS) All right, I confess, I had a glass about two days ago.

(SHUSHING) One tumbler does not an empty decanter make.

-Well, perhaps Tristan? -Maybe, perhaps, yes.

-He might have had a glass or two. -He might indeed.

I've always been terrified it would come to this, James.

-Siegfried, I've gotta go. -Well, where?

Mr Edwards.

Odd time of the year, isn't it?

Busy?

Yes, the darkest part just before the dawn of spring.

Just busy for us.

Feeling the strain, are you, Helen?

(SIGHS) Well, James has been working very hard lately.

Overworking perhaps?

Well, he just seems odd,

irritable, secretive.

Do you know, he forgot to wish Rosie good luck for her exam yesterday?

Oh, dear. Poor old Rosie. Oh, dear. (CHUCKLES)

Positively rabid over the price of a Welsh dresser in Pickerings.

-Expensive, are they? -No, it was in the sale.

And it was ideal. Ideal for Rowan Garth.

Well, that's it.

It's money, that's what on his mind.

You ask him, Helen.

We're not speaking.

What?

(CLUCKING IN DISAPPOINTMENT)

You must talk to one another, Helen.

Silence is divine, yet also brutish and dead.

Speech is human. It's what separates us from the animals.

Leave that aside, you're left with only with base responses.

Yes, yes. I know, I know. You're right.

But has he seemed a bit strange here, too?

Well, perhaps a little bit less than his usual perky self but...

Well, that's a relief, anyway.

And I'm glad that's settled, anyway.

Um, time to entertain the clients.

Um, Helen...

You haven't noticed anything

odd about Tristan as well, have you?

Tristan?

Well, I mean his habits, general behaviour.

No, why?

Oh, it's probably nothing.

It's probably just my imagination running riot.

Siegfried.

You don't happen to know where James is now, do you?

Oh, James, um...

I think he murmured something about going to see Mr Edwards

as he headed out half an hour ago.

Now, then.

Ah, Steven, isn't it?

Aye. And he's Tigger.

Uh-huh.

I know. Your father telephoned.

I understand Tigger came off second best

in a confrontation with a horseless carriage, is that it?

Nay, nay. He was run over by a car.

Ah, yes.

Is that G. Edwards?

-Is there another? -No.

SIEGFRIED: Yeah, little fella's had quite a morning, hasn't he?

Collie cross, I think you'll find, Helen.

Yes, that's it.

Treated her myself many times.

She died a month ago.

You're absolutely right, Helen.

Heart failure.

Or was it poison?

-Poison? -Hmm?

Do all your animals die?

Well, in the end, Steven, yes.

Well, Tigger's a right good cat.

We don't want to lose him.

Well, he's had a nasty shock

but I don't believe there's anything broken

but we'll take an X-ray just to make sure.

Will it all cost more than 6 shilling?

Well, we shan't know that until we see the result of the X-ray.

We'll give him a thorough examination

while he's under the anaesthetic.

If it's more than 6 shilling we'll not waste any more of your time.

Plenty more cats to be had.

Well, I tell you what, Steven.

You leave Tigger here with us

and come back, say, at 6:00 this evening to collect him, all right?

-All right. -Helen, would you mind having a word with Tigger?

We'll give him our 5 and 11-penny special, what do you say to that?

STEVEN: Aye.

All right. See you then.

I know one shouldn't run a practice as a charity.

Let's just say I'm a sentimental old fool, that's it and all about it.

Now, then.

The rib cage is very sensitive.

Do you know Mr Edwards hasn't got any animals any more?

James has gone rushing off to see a man without an animal.

Shoulder muscles are probably torn.

Well, perhaps he's replaced the dog.

But why isn't it in the files?

Oh, paperwork, Helen,

it's the bane of our lives.

It's a nasty contusion around the eye.

But I believe he'll recover.

I'll just clean out this gravel rash

and I'll need some antibiotics, Helen.

All right.

-Thank you, Siegfried. -What?

-For listening. -(LAUGHS)

Always here with an ear, my dear Helen.

You know, I think I better have a word with that husband of yours.

I believe it's high time

that he took you out to dinner somewhere really rather special.

(DOOR OPENS)

(SOBBING) Oh, Mr Farnon.

-SIEGFRIED: Miss Worrall. -Mr Farnon.

Dilly's dead.

His prolapse kept on coming out

and he was in such pains. So, I...

Mr Herriot put him out of his misery for you, did he?

I did it.

I killed him meself.

Well done you. I am so sorry, Miss Worrall.

I thought to telephone

but I know how busy you are.

I'm never too busy to help valued clients, Miss Worrall.

I dug his grave

but I couldn't bear to just cover him in earth with worms.

I thought you might want him.

For lunch?

I want to feel

that his death isn't in vain, Mr Farnon.

Dear Miss Worrall, did he not give you pleasure while he lived?

Perhaps you could give him a post-mortem,

find out what killed him,

and to help other ducks to live.

JAMES: Oh, I see...

With the grain. (CHUCKLES)

Well, it's easy when you know how.

Aye.

Just take your time and take care.

Ah, she needs a walk, does Ellie? Don't you, love?

Ah, she's a beauty, aren't ya?

-You give me a call if there's any problems, will you? -Aye, I will that.

Thanks a lot, Mr Edwards. Bye.

And don't forget,

it's not just skill, it's knowing how to do it.

I want you to be particularly kind to Mrs Alton.

-Why? -She's got a lot on her mind at the moment.

-Oh, I see. -Family problems, you know.

The worst.

-Yeah, she's very worried about her niece. -Is she?

Yeah, in fact, the whole family's most concerned.

-I'll treat her with care, Siegfried. -Good.

You see, this, this niece of hers

is most desperately keen to start a family

but so far nothing.

-What's her name, Siegfried? -Who?

Mrs Alton's niece who can't conceive.

Uh... Betty.

No, no, uh, Barbara... Briggs. Barbara Briggs.

She's married to Nat Briggs,

the cowman you unfortunately

injected with strain-19 vaccine, apparently.

(SIGHING) Yes, they blame me, Siegfried.

-What? -It's ridiculous.

But that's absurd.

Anyone would think I castrated him.

What did you say to Mrs Alton?

I told her there could be no possible connection

between your unfortunate mishap

and Nat Briggs' inability to impregnate Mrs Briggs.

(SIGHING) I just wish there was something I could do.

You've done quite enough already.

-Do you want a drink? -Uh, no, no, thank you.

Why not?

TRISTAN: Nat drinks here.

-Here? -Usually.

Well, I call that monstrous.

We must get some sense into this fella...

I refuse to have my own brother

forced to spend his evenings a prisoner in Skeldale just because of a damned lie.

Come on, Tristan, gird thy loins up.

You and I will confront Nathaniel Briggs together.

Oh, no, no, Siegfried, I...

I haven't finished the Somerset Maugham book you, you lent me.

Haven't you?

Well, perhaps, discretion is the better part of valour in your case.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

Well, perhaps you should try and take things easier, James.

I'm not overworked just now.

Try telling that to Jimmy. He hasn't seen you hardly at all this last week.

I've been busy. Odd hours, you know.

-Doing what? -Nothing.

Well, nothing out of the ordinary.

Here's good health to you all.

-It's not my health I want, Farnon. -(SIGHS) Here we go.

-(MOCKING) Me manhood's been ruined forever. -It's true, it has.

-Has it? -(MOCKING) I'll never be a dad.

Aye.

-I won't. -Never?

-(MIMICKING) I'm impotent. -I am.

And that brother of yons cause of it. He's to blame.

Cobble is naught.

He just don't know how to do it properly, Mr Farnon. (CHUCKLES)

James, maybe... Maybe you could take a couple of days off.

-I'm fine. -No, you're not, James.

You've been very strange lately.

-Excuse me, Mr Herriot. -Yes.

A telephone call, sir.

-Oh, sorry, love. -A Mr Edwards.

-Is it urgent? -"As soon as possible", he said.

I'll bring the bill, sir.

Right, thanks.

I have to go, darling.

What animal are you treating for Mr Edwards, James?

-I'm waiting. -Dog.

He hasn't got a dog.

Yes, he has. Brand new puppy.

She's called Ellie.

Beautiful collie, just arrived.

-I wish you could come with me, darling. -Well, I could.

You did promise the babysitter that we'd be in by 10:00

and heaven knows what time I'll get away.

What's wrong with the dog?

Well, I won't know till I see it.

Surely you must have by now.

After all you spend more time with Mr Edwards

than you do at home with your own family.

Just help me get him to my car. I'll take him home.

Rode up on me bike. I've got me bike.

Don't worry about your bike. Pick it up there tomorrow.

Now, then,

you remember what I told you, Nat?

-I must try harder. -That's it.

That's right.

Good night.

-Dear Mrs Briggs. -Nat Briggs!

You disgusting...

Come here.

Dear Mrs Briggs, I must apologise for the

-pickle your husband's in tonight. -(SIGHS)

We've had a few beers, Barbara...

(SARCASTICALLY) I'd never have known.

But I have to say I do feel partly responsible.

You are completely responsible, Mr Farnon.

You and your vaccinations.

No, Barbara, we...

Up those stairs.

And I (STAMMERS) beg you to believe, Mrs Briggs,

that the vaccination is entirely harmless.

So you say but I know different.

I assure you...

You can assure all you like, Mr Farnon, but outside. Good night.

No, you...

Right. That's it!

The final straw.

I'm going to a solicitor in the morning.

I'll bring that beggar to book once and for all.

Keep going, Nat.

You've not finished for the night yet.

JAMES: Got it.

Big lump for a little dog.

Hope it's not one of my failed joints.

Nay, Mr Herriot.

I'm always meaning to sweep up more than I do.

He'll be a bit sore for a couple of days.

-There's nothing to worry about. -Hey,

you brought her back from the dead, Mr Herriot.

Well, it's a very simple procedure, Mr Edwards.

It's just a matter of

knowing how to do it.

(CHUCKLES)

Letter for you, Mr Farnon.

-Oh, really? Thank you. -By hand.

Gracious me.

Nat?

Nat, ah! Um...

Yes, oh, the news is not...

very good.

I'm afraid you must regard The Drover's

out of bounds for the foreseeable...

Great Scott.

-You're in trouble, my boy. -What?

You could end up penniless under a railway arch in Sheffield.

And nothing but the sporting life between you and the cold night air.

-Well, what is it? -You've brought this practice into disrepute. (THUMPING)

Lower than even you have ever brought it before.

Siegfried, explain.

God, man, how could you do it?

A simple injection which the merest student could manage with both his eyes shut.

You, you incompetent buffoon,

end up jamming the implement straight into the man's backside.

You are being sued.

Strictly, Siegfried,

you are being sued.

SIEGFRIED: What?

S. Farnon, I believe.

(MUTTERING) Unbelievable. Where do they get these girls?

There's quite a gap on the typewriter,

isn't that between the "S" and the "T"?

Sheffield was it, Siegfried, your railway bridge?

Wait a minute, Prendergast, James is due up there today.

Good luck to him.

We are going together, my dear brother.

Together we'll confront Mr Nathaniel Briggs

and see just how brave he is

without this behind him.

Thank you.

(CLEARS THROAT)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Oh, Nat, there you are. Have you been avoiding us?

Nay.

But I've been advised to say nowt about the solicitor's letter.

Oh, that's very wise.

I take it she's off her grub, is she?

Well, she's eating nowt.

Any of your other stags affected?

What are you getting at, Farnon?

She's sick. I want to find out why she's sick.

There's no reason I know.

Yes, very high. She's got pneumonia.

She's going to need antibiotics, I'm afraid.

Well, I'm not having him do it.

Very well. I will administer the injection myself.

Thank you, Tristan.

Oh, dear.

There's a little lesson for you to remember

until you're absolutely ready for the injection.

Keep the needle well out of the way.

(SCREAMS)

That's done it again, you beggar!

Just tried to kill me.

(MEN LAUGHING)

NAT: I'll get bloody pneumonia now.

Oh! Hasn't that done enough damage already?

(LAUGHING) To this side this time, Nats.

(LAUGHING) Just levelling up, weren't you, Veterinary?

-One on each cheek. -(MEN LAUGHING)

-SIEGFRIED: Nat... -Just stay away from me, Farnon.

-Nat, it won't hurt you. -It hurts already.

Now, just get away!

Siegfried.

Siegfried!

NAT: I'll do...double the damages.

I'll break thee.

(LAUGHING)

Discretion, Siegfried, is the better part of...

You better give me the car keys.

In you get, Siegfried.

Quickly!

A toast to La belle Helene.

-La belle Helene. -Thank you.

-Helen. -Mrs Herriot.

Happy birthday, darling.

-Now, I want you to meet Mr Edwards. -Oh, yes.

Mmm, come on.

SIEGFRIED: Come on, Mrs Herriot.

All right, darling, eyes tight shut.

JAMES: To your left, gently.

-It's a bit to your right. Tiny bit, that's it. -Oh, James.

Oh, careful. Turn around.

Stop. Open them.

-(LAUGHS) -James!

And this is Mr Edwards.

-JAMES: Mr Edwards. -How do you do, Mrs Herriot?

-How do you do, Mr Edwards? -Many happy returns.

Thank you. How's Ellie?

Oh, champion!

I'm delighted to hear it.

Oh, Mr Edwards, you've made it beautifully.

It's nothing to do with me.

Mr Herriot, he was the labourer.

Come on, Mr Edwards.

I couldn't have done any of it without his advice morning, noon and night.

James.

-You clever old thing. It's perfect. -Oh, thanks.

And thank you, Mr Edwards.

It's just a matter of...

-BOTH: ...knowing how to do it. -(LAUGHING)

-(KNOCK ON DOOR) -Lovely.

-What about that? I didn't guess for a minute. -What do you think, Siegfried?

-JAMES: I know. -(HELEN LAUGHING)

That's great, isn't it?

JAMES: Hello.

Mrs Briggs. Nat.

I'm sorry, Auntie. Have we called at a bad time?

Oh, I'm sure you'll be very welcome, won't they, Mr Farnon?

Well, naturally. Would you like...

Nat, Mrs Briggs, I'd like to take this opportunity...

-NAT: No, wait on. -...on behalf of my brother...

Hold on, I've got something to say.

We've come to apologise.

-I have an announcement to make. -We have.

NAT: We, aye.

Oh, go on, slow coach.

Well, the fact is

we're expecting.

A baby?

-Twins. -(GASPS) Twins?

SIEGFRIED: I don't believe it.

Tristan, get some glasses at once.

-Unexpected thing. Now, there. -Yes, it's lovely.

Raise your glasses. I'm sorry they aren't quite the right kind of glasses

but if you don't mind, it's best... There.

-To the twins. -ALL: To the twins.

Ah, well, that second shot you gave me

must have been the antidote, eh, Mr Farnon?

You took your blood time, though, didn't you?

(LAUGHS) Sorry about that.

Twins? I mean, they're worth waiting for, aren't they?

NAT: Done my work, mind.

You'll not take all the credit for this.

No, we had our part to play, too.

Aye, that we did.

Well, Barbara, it's just a matter of knowing how to do it, isn't it?