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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 2 00:02:13,924 --> 00:02:18,670 I was sitting with my friend Arthur Kornblum in a restaurant. 3 00:02:18,917 --> 00:02:21,953 It was the Horn & Hardert Cafeteria. 4 00:02:22,056 --> 00:02:24,732 And this beautiful girl walked in, 5 00:02:24,819 --> 00:02:27,611 and I turned to Arthur, and I said, 6 00:02:27,666 --> 00:02:30,038 "Arthur, you see that girl? 7 00:02:30,086 --> 00:02:31,812 I'm going to marry her." 8 00:02:32,106 --> 00:02:34,567 And two weeks later, we were married. 9 00:02:34,765 --> 00:02:38,130 And it's over 50 years later... 10 00:02:38,194 --> 00:02:40,249 and we're still married. 11 00:02:54,836 --> 00:02:57,270 - I love you. - I love you. 12 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,343 Hmm... 13 00:03:31,213 --> 00:03:32,641 Oh, hi, Sally. 14 00:03:32,824 --> 00:03:36,260 Sally, this is Harry Burns. Harry, this is Sally Albright. 15 00:03:36,648 --> 00:03:37,841 Nice to meet you. 16 00:03:37,964 --> 00:03:41,491 - You want to drive the first shift? - No, you're there already. You can start. 17 00:03:41,631 --> 00:03:43,098 Back's open. 18 00:03:44,660 --> 00:03:47,257 - Call me. - I'll call you as soon as I get there. 19 00:03:47,450 --> 00:03:50,015 Oh, call me from the road. 20 00:03:50,459 --> 00:03:51,740 I'll call you before then. 21 00:03:51,921 --> 00:03:53,889 - I love you. - I love you. 22 00:03:59,237 --> 00:04:00,499 Sorry. 23 00:04:01,457 --> 00:04:04,174 - I miss you already. - I miss you. 24 00:04:04,275 --> 00:04:06,106 - Bye. - Bye. 25 00:04:23,554 --> 00:04:26,212 I have it all figured out. It's an 18-hour trip 26 00:04:26,329 --> 00:04:28,504 which breaks down into six shifts of three hours each, 27 00:04:28,551 --> 00:04:32,023 or alternatively we could break it down by mileage. 28 00:04:32,119 --> 00:04:35,962 There's a map on the visor 29 00:04:36,034 --> 00:04:39,842 that I've marked to show the locations where we can change shifts. 30 00:04:40,086 --> 00:04:41,721 Grape? 31 00:04:41,983 --> 00:04:44,754 No. I don't like to eat between meals. 32 00:04:48,925 --> 00:04:50,790 I'll roll down the window. 33 00:04:59,516 --> 00:05:01,550 Why don't you tell me the story of your life. 34 00:05:04,275 --> 00:05:08,359 - The story of my life? - We got 18 hours to kill before we hit New York. 35 00:05:08,653 --> 00:05:10,828 The story of my life isn't even gonna get us out of Chicago. 36 00:05:10,854 --> 00:05:12,587 I mean nothing's happened to me yet. 37 00:05:12,731 --> 00:05:13,978 That's why I'm going to New York. 38 00:05:14,004 --> 00:05:15,484 - So something'll happen to you? - Yes. 39 00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:16,380 Like what? 40 00:05:16,740 --> 00:05:19,436 Like I'm going to journalism school to become a reporter. 41 00:05:19,509 --> 00:05:22,410 So you can write about things that happen to other people. 42 00:05:23,403 --> 00:05:26,405 - That's one way to look at it. - Suppose nothing happens to you? 43 00:05:26,458 --> 00:05:28,571 Suppose you live there your whole life and nothing happens? 44 00:05:28,635 --> 00:05:30,579 You never meet anybody, You never become anything. 45 00:05:30,605 --> 00:05:32,392 And finally you die one of those New York deaths... 46 00:05:32,418 --> 00:05:36,053 where nobody notices for two weeks until the smell drifts into the hallway. 47 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,824 - Amanda mentioned you had a dark side. - That's what drew her to me. 48 00:05:41,906 --> 00:05:45,239 - Your dark side? - Sure. Why, don't you have a dark side? 49 00:05:45,600 --> 00:05:49,261 I know, you're probably one of those cheerful people who dots their "I's" with hearts. 50 00:05:49,339 --> 00:05:51,967 I have just as much of a dark side as the next person. 51 00:05:52,042 --> 00:05:53,047 Oh, really? 52 00:05:53,151 --> 00:05:55,654 When I buy a new book, I always read the last page first. 53 00:05:55,680 --> 00:05:58,337 That way, in case I die before I finish, I know how it ends. 54 00:05:58,480 --> 00:06:01,041 That, my friend, is a dark side. 55 00:06:01,451 --> 00:06:03,783 That doesn't mean you're deep or anything. I mean, 56 00:06:03,853 --> 00:06:06,452 - Yes, basically I'm a happy person. - So am I. 57 00:06:06,493 --> 00:06:08,513 And I don't see that there's anything wrong with that. 58 00:06:08,637 --> 00:06:11,952 Of course not. You're too busy being happy. You ever think about death? 59 00:06:12,040 --> 00:06:13,247 - Yes. - Sure you do. 60 00:06:13,289 --> 00:06:15,965 A fleeting thought that drifts in and out of the transom of your mind. 61 00:06:15,991 --> 00:06:17,741 I spend hours, I spend days (to think about death). 62 00:06:17,873 --> 00:06:19,651 And you think this makes you a better person? 63 00:06:19,849 --> 00:06:23,055 Look, when the shit comes down, I'm gonna be prepared, and you're not. 64 00:06:23,081 --> 00:06:23,873 That's all I'm saying. 65 00:06:23,899 --> 00:06:27,214 In the meantime, you're gonna ruin your whole life waiting for it. 66 00:06:35,385 --> 00:06:37,649 - You're wrong. - I'm not wrong. 67 00:06:37,675 --> 00:06:39,979 He wants her to leave. That's why he puts her on the plane. 68 00:06:40,005 --> 00:06:43,249 - I don't think she wants to stay. - Of course she wants to stay. 69 00:06:43,334 --> 00:06:46,083 Wouldn't you rather be with Humphrey Bogart than the other guy? 70 00:06:46,242 --> 00:06:49,489 I don't want to spend the rest of my life in Casablanca, 71 00:06:49,525 --> 00:06:51,572 married to a man who runs a bar. 72 00:06:51,739 --> 00:06:54,079 That probably sounds very snobbish to you, but I don't. 73 00:06:54,237 --> 00:06:57,894 - You'd rather be in a passionless marriage - And be the first lady of Czechoslovakia. 74 00:06:57,920 --> 00:07:00,743 ... than live with a man you've had the greatest sex of your life with, 75 00:07:00,769 --> 00:07:03,485 just because he owns a bar and that is all he does? 76 00:07:03,778 --> 00:07:04,605 Yes. 77 00:07:05,224 --> 00:07:07,347 And so would any woman in her right mind. 78 00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:09,942 Women are very practical, even Ingrid Bergman, 79 00:07:10,020 --> 00:07:13,750 which is why she gets on the plane at the end of the movie. 80 00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:18,253 I understand. 81 00:07:19,062 --> 00:07:20,723 What? What? 82 00:07:20,805 --> 00:07:22,773 - Nothing. - What? 83 00:07:23,015 --> 00:07:24,778 Forget about it. 84 00:07:25,021 --> 00:07:26,442 - Forget about what? - It's not important. 85 00:07:26,633 --> 00:07:28,399 No, just tell me. 86 00:07:29,341 --> 00:07:32,010 Obviously you haven't had great sex yet. 87 00:07:32,275 --> 00:07:34,607 - Two, please. - Right over there. 88 00:07:34,780 --> 00:07:36,703 - Yes, I have. - No, you haven't. 89 00:07:36,914 --> 00:07:40,850 It just so happens that I have had plenty of good sex. 90 00:07:59,069 --> 00:08:00,564 With whom? 91 00:08:01,438 --> 00:08:02,332 What? 92 00:08:02,659 --> 00:08:04,991 With whom did you have this great sex? 93 00:08:05,278 --> 00:08:07,309 I'm not gonna tell you that. 94 00:08:07,670 --> 00:08:09,262 Fine. Don't tell me. 95 00:08:14,797 --> 00:08:16,230 Shel Gordon. 96 00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,482 Shel? Sheldon? 97 00:08:18,673 --> 00:08:22,082 No. No, you did not have great sex with Sheldon. 98 00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:24,456 - I did too. - No, you didn't. 99 00:08:25,090 --> 00:08:27,156 Sheldon can do your income taxes. 100 00:08:27,230 --> 00:08:29,601 If you need a root canal, Sheldon's your man. 101 00:08:29,681 --> 00:08:31,997 But humping and pumping is not Sheldon's strong suit. 102 00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:33,961 It's the name. "Do it to me, Sheldon. 103 00:08:34,037 --> 00:08:35,501 You're an animal, Sheldon. 104 00:08:35,527 --> 00:08:37,589 Ride me, big Sheldon." 105 00:08:38,044 --> 00:08:39,191 It doesn't work. 106 00:08:39,277 --> 00:08:40,039 Hi. 107 00:08:40,777 --> 00:08:43,268 - What can I get you? - I'll have a number 3. 108 00:08:44,481 --> 00:08:47,041 I'd like the chef's salad, please, with the oil and vinegar on the side, 109 00:08:47,132 --> 00:08:48,622 and the apple pie ?la mode. 110 00:08:48,946 --> 00:08:52,151 Chef and apple ?la mode. 111 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:55,912 But I'd like the pie heated, and I dont' want the ice cream on top, I want it on the side. 112 00:08:55,951 --> 00:08:58,278 And I'd like strawberry instead of vanilla, if you have it. 113 00:08:58,304 --> 00:09:00,871 If not, then no ice cream, just whipped cream, but only if it's real. 114 00:09:00,912 --> 00:09:02,416 If it's out of a can, then nothing. 115 00:09:02,731 --> 00:09:03,720 Not even the pie? 116 00:09:03,885 --> 00:09:06,426 No, just the pie, but then not heated. 117 00:09:07,210 --> 00:09:07,957 Uh huh. 118 00:09:13,240 --> 00:09:14,000 What? 119 00:09:14,477 --> 00:09:16,342 Nothing, nothing. 120 00:09:18,211 --> 00:09:19,983 So how come you broke up with Sheldon? 121 00:09:20,157 --> 00:09:21,571 How do you know we broke up? 122 00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:24,021 Because if you didn't break up, you wouldn't be here with me. 123 00:09:24,087 --> 00:09:26,248 You'd be off with Sheldon, the Wonder Schlong. 124 00:09:27,473 --> 00:09:30,406 First of all, I am not "with" you. 125 00:09:30,639 --> 00:09:33,889 And second of all, it is none of your business why we broke up. 126 00:09:34,320 --> 00:09:36,811 You're right. I don't wanna know. 127 00:09:40,437 --> 00:09:43,133 Well if you must know, it was because he was very jealous, 128 00:09:43,206 --> 00:09:45,265 and I had these "Days of the Week" underpants. 129 00:09:46,342 --> 00:09:48,444 I'm sorry. I need a judge's ruling on this. 130 00:09:48,503 --> 00:09:50,168 "Days of the Week" underpants? 131 00:09:50,246 --> 00:09:52,628 Yes. They had the days of the week on them, 132 00:09:52,654 --> 00:09:54,503 and I thought they were sorta funny. 133 00:09:54,604 --> 00:09:58,295 And then, one day, Sheldon says to me, "You never wear Sunday." 134 00:09:58,388 --> 00:10:01,471 He's all suspicious. Where was Sunday? Where had I left Sunday? 135 00:10:01,582 --> 00:10:03,935 And I told him, and he didn't believe me. 136 00:10:04,214 --> 00:10:07,116 - What? - They don't make Sunday. 137 00:10:07,299 --> 00:10:10,799 - Why not? - Because of God. 138 00:10:14,820 --> 00:10:17,320 Okay, so 15 percent of my share 139 00:10:17,346 --> 00:10:19,253 is 90. 140 00:10:20,076 --> 00:10:21,610 6.90. 141 00:10:25,212 --> 00:10:26,645 Let's leave 7. 142 00:10:30,023 --> 00:10:31,285 What? 143 00:10:33,616 --> 00:10:35,899 Do I have something on my face? 144 00:10:36,875 --> 00:10:39,070 You're a very attractive person. 145 00:10:41,244 --> 00:10:42,328 Thank you. 146 00:10:42,396 --> 00:10:44,660 Amanda never said how attractive you were. 147 00:10:44,855 --> 00:10:47,028 Well, maybe she doesn't think I'm attractive. 148 00:10:47,601 --> 00:10:51,662 I don't think it's a matter of opinion. Empirically, you are attractive. 149 00:10:53,583 --> 00:10:55,607 Amanda is my friend. 150 00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,171 So? 151 00:10:57,678 --> 00:11:00,167 - So you're going with her. - So? 152 00:11:00,442 --> 00:11:02,740 So you're coming on to me. 153 00:11:03,215 --> 00:11:04,842 No, I wasn't. 154 00:11:06,271 --> 00:11:07,867 What? 155 00:11:08,560 --> 00:11:12,131 Can't a man say a woman is attractive without it being a come-on? 156 00:11:12,458 --> 00:11:13,880 All right, all right. 157 00:11:13,991 --> 00:11:18,681 Let's just say, just for the sake of argument, that it was a come-on. 158 00:11:18,759 --> 00:11:22,809 What do you want me to do about it? I take it back, okay? 159 00:11:22,958 --> 00:11:25,303 - You can't take it back. - Why not? 160 00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:27,157 Because it's already out there. 161 00:11:27,244 --> 00:11:30,993 Oh, Geez, what are we supposed to do? Call the cops. It's already out there. 162 00:11:31,045 --> 00:11:34,705 Just let it lie. Okay? 163 00:11:35,401 --> 00:11:36,753 Great. Let it lie. 164 00:11:37,067 --> 00:11:38,793 That's my policy. 165 00:11:38,985 --> 00:11:42,117 That's what I always say: Let it lie. 166 00:11:42,227 --> 00:11:44,095 Wanna spend the night in a motel? 167 00:11:44,121 --> 00:11:45,796 See what I did? I didn't let it lie. 168 00:11:45,835 --> 00:11:46,238 Harry. 169 00:11:46,264 --> 00:11:47,760 - I said I would, then I didn't. - Harry. 170 00:11:47,870 --> 00:11:48,858 - I went the other way. - Harry. 171 00:11:48,884 --> 00:11:49,381 What? 172 00:11:50,022 --> 00:11:52,661 We are just going to be friends, okay? 173 00:11:52,709 --> 00:11:55,300 Great. Friends. It's the best thing. 174 00:11:56,704 --> 00:11:59,366 You realize, of course, that we could never be friends. 175 00:11:59,674 --> 00:12:00,801 Why not? 176 00:12:00,983 --> 00:12:05,420 What I'm saying is, and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, 177 00:12:05,446 --> 00:12:10,140 is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. 178 00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:13,315 That's not true. 179 00:12:13,362 --> 00:12:16,480 I have a number of men friends, and there is no sex involved. 180 00:12:16,590 --> 00:12:17,792 - No, you don't. - Yes, I do. 181 00:12:17,844 --> 00:12:19,167 - No, you don't. - Yes, I do. 182 00:12:19,193 --> 00:12:20,447 You only think you do. 183 00:12:20,542 --> 00:12:22,801 You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? 184 00:12:22,841 --> 00:12:26,015 No. What I'm saying is, they all wanna have sex with you. 185 00:12:26,333 --> 00:12:27,975 - They do not. - Do too. 186 00:12:28,243 --> 00:12:29,485 - They do not. - Do too. 187 00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,338 How do you know? 188 00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:34,299 Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. 189 00:12:34,378 --> 00:12:36,534 He always wants to have sex with her. 190 00:12:37,430 --> 00:12:41,457 So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive. 191 00:12:41,716 --> 00:12:44,211 No. You pretty much wanna nail 'em too. 192 00:12:46,467 --> 00:12:48,532 What if they don't want to have sex with you? 193 00:12:48,633 --> 00:12:50,981 Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, 194 00:12:51,017 --> 00:12:54,043 so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story. 195 00:12:54,956 --> 00:12:57,820 - Well, I guess we're not gonna be friends then. - Guess not. 196 00:12:57,898 --> 00:12:59,556 That's too bad. 197 00:12:59,960 --> 00:13:03,054 You were the only person that I knew in New York. 198 00:13:41,604 --> 00:13:45,115 - Thanks for the ride. - Yeah. It was interesting. 199 00:13:45,512 --> 00:13:47,878 - (It) was nice knowing you. - Yeah. 200 00:13:57,579 --> 00:13:59,342 Well, have a nice life. 201 00:14:00,018 --> 00:14:01,508 You too. 202 00:14:19,223 --> 00:14:20,878 We fell in love in high school. 203 00:14:20,989 --> 00:14:23,276 Yeah, we were high school sweethearts. 204 00:14:23,381 --> 00:14:26,402 But then after our junior year, his parents moved away. 205 00:14:26,577 --> 00:14:28,587 But I never forgot her. 206 00:14:29,090 --> 00:14:30,590 He never forgot me. 207 00:14:31,586 --> 00:14:34,166 Her face was burned on my brain. 208 00:14:34,468 --> 00:14:37,961 And it was 34 years later that I was walking down Broadway, 209 00:14:38,017 --> 00:14:40,321 and I saw her come out of Toffenetti's. 210 00:14:40,432 --> 00:14:42,112 We both looked at each other... 211 00:14:42,447 --> 00:14:46,830 and it was just as though not a single day had gone by. 212 00:14:47,007 --> 00:14:50,647 She was just as beautiful as she was at 16. 213 00:14:51,011 --> 00:14:53,044 He was just the same. 214 00:14:53,414 --> 00:14:55,678 He looked exactly the same. 215 00:15:28,422 --> 00:15:31,211 Joe! I thought it was you. I thought it was you. 216 00:15:31,285 --> 00:15:33,378 - Harry Burns. - Harry, how're you doin'? 217 00:15:33,461 --> 00:15:35,819 - Good. How (are) you doing? - Fine. I'm doing fine. 218 00:15:35,845 --> 00:15:36,441 Yeah, that's great. 219 00:15:36,467 --> 00:15:38,303 I was just walking by and I thought it was you. 220 00:15:38,367 --> 00:15:39,148 And here it is, it's you. 221 00:15:39,174 --> 00:15:40,718 Yeah, yeah, it was. 222 00:15:40,744 --> 00:15:41,851 You still with the D.A.'s office? 223 00:15:41,877 --> 00:15:45,065 No. I switched to the other side. What about you? 224 00:15:45,132 --> 00:15:47,351 I work with a small firm. We do political consulting. 225 00:15:47,391 --> 00:15:48,662 - Uh huh. - Yeah, it's great. 226 00:15:48,756 --> 00:15:49,327 Yeah. 227 00:15:50,739 --> 00:15:54,166 Oh, Harry, this is Sally Albright. Harry Burns. 228 00:15:54,555 --> 00:15:57,094 Harry and I, we used to... We lived in the same building. 229 00:16:01,009 --> 00:16:03,375 Well, listen, I got a plane to catch. It was really good to see you, Joe. 230 00:16:03,401 --> 00:16:04,868 - You too, Harry. - Bye. 231 00:16:11,793 --> 00:16:13,136 Thank God he couldn't place me. 232 00:16:13,162 --> 00:16:15,499 I drove from college to New York with him five years ago, 233 00:16:15,525 --> 00:16:18,459 and it was the longest night of my life. 234 00:16:20,305 --> 00:16:21,248 What happened? 235 00:16:21,288 --> 00:16:23,353 He made a pass at me, and when I said no, 236 00:16:23,379 --> 00:16:26,051 he was going with a girlfriend of mine. 237 00:16:27,325 --> 00:16:30,203 Oh, God, I can't remember her name. 238 00:16:30,581 --> 00:16:31,783 Don't get involved with me, Joe. 239 00:16:31,809 --> 00:16:35,762 I'm 26 years old, and I can't even remember the name of the girl I was such good friends with, 240 00:16:35,788 --> 00:16:37,883 I wouldn't get involved with her boyfriend. 241 00:16:38,645 --> 00:16:40,044 So what happened? 242 00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,884 - When? - When he made a pass at you, you said no? 243 00:16:42,910 --> 00:16:43,894 Oh, oh. 244 00:16:44,075 --> 00:16:46,145 I said we could just be friends. 245 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:51,197 And this part I remember. He said that men and women could never really be friends. 246 00:16:52,566 --> 00:16:54,227 Do you think that's true? 247 00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:56,433 No. 248 00:16:56,970 --> 00:16:59,803 Do you have any women friends? Just friends? 249 00:17:00,465 --> 00:17:01,338 No. 250 00:17:02,331 --> 00:17:04,931 But I will get one if it's important to you. 251 00:17:07,047 --> 00:17:09,019 Amanda Reese. 252 00:17:09,216 --> 00:17:11,650 That was her name. Thank God! 253 00:17:11,718 --> 00:17:13,310 I will miss you. 254 00:17:13,715 --> 00:17:15,344 I love you. 255 00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:17,254 You do? 256 00:17:18,025 --> 00:17:19,390 Yes. 257 00:17:20,627 --> 00:17:22,219 I love you. 258 00:17:45,991 --> 00:17:47,381 And what would you like to drink? 259 00:17:47,407 --> 00:17:50,022 - Nothing, thanks. - Do you have any Bloody Mary mix? 260 00:17:50,260 --> 00:17:53,243 - Yes. - No, wait. Here's what I want: 261 00:17:53,612 --> 00:17:56,004 Regular tomato juice, filled up about three quarters. 262 00:17:56,030 --> 00:17:58,692 Then add just a splash of Bloody Mary mix, just a splash, 263 00:17:58,718 --> 00:18:00,813 and a piece of lime, but on the side. 264 00:18:00,855 --> 00:18:02,882 The University of Chicago, right? 265 00:18:04,438 --> 00:18:05,255 Yes. 266 00:18:05,501 --> 00:18:07,672 Did you look this good at the University of Chicago? 267 00:18:08,092 --> 00:18:09,582 - No. - Did we ever... 268 00:18:10,764 --> 00:18:12,264 No, no. 269 00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:17,589 We drove from Chicago to New York together after graduation. 270 00:18:17,651 --> 00:18:18,874 Would you two like to sit together? 271 00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:21,090 - No. - Great! Thank you. 272 00:18:27,265 --> 00:18:29,563 You were a good friend of... 273 00:18:30,352 --> 00:18:31,203 Amanda's. 274 00:18:32,217 --> 00:18:34,007 I can't believe you can't remember her name. 275 00:18:34,116 --> 00:18:35,293 What do you mean? I can remember. 276 00:18:35,332 --> 00:18:36,744 Amanda, right? Amanda Rice. 277 00:18:36,771 --> 00:18:38,490 - Reese. - Reese, right. That's what I said. 278 00:18:38,578 --> 00:18:39,484 What ever happened to her? 279 00:18:39,577 --> 00:18:42,356 - I have no idea. - You have no idea? 280 00:18:42,464 --> 00:18:45,720 You were really good friends with her. We didn't make it because you were such good friends. 281 00:18:46,082 --> 00:18:47,990 - You went with her. - And was it worth it? 282 00:18:48,059 --> 00:18:50,573 The sacrifice for a friend that you don't even keep in touch with? 283 00:18:50,740 --> 00:18:52,972 Harry, you might not believe this, 284 00:18:52,998 --> 00:18:56,804 but I never considered not sleeping with you a sacrifice. 285 00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:00,428 Fair enough. Fair enough. 286 00:19:03,469 --> 00:19:05,207 - You were gonna be a gymnast. - A journalist. 287 00:19:05,239 --> 00:19:07,105 Right, that's what I said. And? 288 00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:09,373 I am a journalist. I work at The News. 289 00:19:09,543 --> 00:19:11,608 Great. And you're with Joe. 290 00:19:11,975 --> 00:19:13,650 Well, that's great. 291 00:19:13,805 --> 00:19:16,706 Great. You're together what, three weeks? 292 00:19:18,537 --> 00:19:20,549 A month. How did you know that? 293 00:19:20,625 --> 00:19:23,560 You take someone to the airport, it's clearly at the beginning of a relationship. 294 00:19:23,628 --> 00:19:25,688 That's why I've never taken anyone to the airport 295 00:19:25,722 --> 00:19:27,632 at the beginning of a relationship. 296 00:19:27,896 --> 00:19:28,670 Why? 297 00:19:29,014 --> 00:19:31,966 Because eventually things move on, and you don't take someone to the airport 298 00:19:32,003 --> 00:19:33,692 and I never wanted anyone to say to me, 299 00:19:33,718 --> 00:19:36,200 "How come you never take me to the airport anymore?" 300 00:19:37,520 --> 00:19:40,108 It's amazing. You look like a normal person, 301 00:19:40,134 --> 00:19:42,640 but actually you are the Angel of Death. 302 00:19:42,719 --> 00:19:44,681 Are you gonna marry him? 303 00:19:45,850 --> 00:19:47,669 We have only known each other for a month, 304 00:19:47,695 --> 00:19:50,467 and besides, neither one of us is looking to get married right now. 305 00:19:50,601 --> 00:19:53,361 - Hmm, I'm getting married. - You are? 306 00:19:53,434 --> 00:19:54,077 Mm hmm. 307 00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,815 - You are? - Yeah. 308 00:19:57,997 --> 00:19:59,128 Who is she? 309 00:19:59,259 --> 00:20:02,203 Helen Hillson. She's a lawyer. She's keeping her name. 310 00:20:03,569 --> 00:20:05,803 - You're getting married? - Yeah. 311 00:20:07,034 --> 00:20:08,934 What's so funny about that? 312 00:20:12,287 --> 00:20:14,473 It's just so optimistic of you, Harry. 313 00:20:14,511 --> 00:20:17,293 Well, you'd be amazed what falling madly in love can do for you. 314 00:20:17,485 --> 00:20:20,923 Well, it's wonderful. It's nice to see you embracing life in this manner. 315 00:20:21,131 --> 00:20:24,980 Yeah. Plus, you konw, you just get to a certain point where you get tired of the whole thing. 316 00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:28,453 - What whole thing? - The whole "life of a single guy" thing. 317 00:20:28,896 --> 00:20:30,688 You meet someone. You have the safe lunch. 318 00:20:30,736 --> 00:20:33,153 You decide you like each other enough to move on to dinner. 319 00:20:33,345 --> 00:20:36,397 You go dancing. You do the White Man's Overbite. 320 00:20:37,249 --> 00:20:39,738 Go back to her place, you have sex, and the minute you're finished, 321 00:20:39,764 --> 00:20:40,905 you know what goes through your mind? 322 00:20:41,309 --> 00:20:44,902 "How long do I have to lie here and hold her before I can get up and go home? 323 00:20:45,176 --> 00:20:46,609 Is 30 seconds enough?" 324 00:20:47,311 --> 00:20:50,041 That's what you're thinking? Is that true? 325 00:20:50,114 --> 00:20:52,241 Sure. All men think that. 326 00:20:52,744 --> 00:20:56,043 How long do you like to be held afterwards? All night, right? 327 00:20:56,374 --> 00:20:57,302 See? That's the problem. 328 00:20:57,405 --> 00:21:00,082 Somewhere between 30 seconds and all night is your problem. 329 00:21:00,558 --> 00:21:02,992 - I don't have a problem. - Yeah, you do. 330 00:21:18,309 --> 00:21:20,785 - Staying over? - Yes. 331 00:21:20,894 --> 00:21:24,386 Would you like to have dinner? Just friends. 332 00:21:24,625 --> 00:21:27,212 I thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends. 333 00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:29,284 - When did I say that? - On the ride to New York. 334 00:21:29,433 --> 00:21:32,095 No, no no no, I never said that. 335 00:21:32,360 --> 00:21:34,315 Yes, that's right. 336 00:21:34,593 --> 00:21:36,089 They can't be friends, s 337 00:21:36,434 --> 00:21:39,028 unless both of them are involved with other people. Then they can. 338 00:21:39,234 --> 00:21:41,030 This is an amendment to the earlier rule. 339 00:21:41,098 --> 00:21:42,690 If two people are in relationships 340 00:21:42,767 --> 00:21:45,819 the pressure of possible involvement is lifted. 341 00:21:46,616 --> 00:21:49,574 That doesn't work either, because what happens then is the person you're involved with 342 00:21:49,638 --> 00:21:52,460 can't understand why you need to be friends with the person you're just friends with, 343 00:21:52,535 --> 00:21:55,968 like it means something is missing from the relationship (and) you wanna get outside to get it. 344 00:21:56,061 --> 00:21:59,178 Then when you say, "No, no no, it's not ture. Nothing is missing from the relationship," 345 00:21:59,263 --> 00:22:01,331 the person you're involved with then accuses you 346 00:22:01,409 --> 00:22:03,962 of being secretly attracted to the person you're just friends with, 347 00:22:03,988 --> 00:22:07,043 which you probably are. I mean, come on! Who the hell are we kidding? Let's face it. 348 00:22:07,075 --> 00:22:09,219 Which brings us back to early the rule before the amendment, 349 00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:12,343 which is men and women can't be friends. So where's that leave us? 350 00:22:12,383 --> 00:22:13,712 - Harry? - What? 351 00:22:13,998 --> 00:22:15,488 Good bye. 352 00:22:24,696 --> 00:22:27,665 I'll just stop walking. I'll let you go ahead. 353 00:22:31,713 --> 00:22:33,798 We were married 40 years ago. 354 00:22:33,909 --> 00:22:35,938 We were married three years, we got a divorce. 355 00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:39,203 - Then I married Marjorie. - But first you lived with Barbara. 356 00:22:39,261 --> 00:22:40,178 Right. Barbara. 357 00:22:40,323 --> 00:22:42,879 But I didn't marry Barbara. I married Marjorie. 358 00:22:43,106 --> 00:22:46,322 - Then he got a divorce. - Right. Then I married Katie. 359 00:22:46,579 --> 00:22:47,732 Another divorce. 360 00:22:48,132 --> 00:22:50,854 Then a couple of years later at Eddie Collecio's funeral, 361 00:22:51,028 --> 00:22:52,747 I ran into her. 362 00:22:53,204 --> 00:22:55,743 I was with some girl I don't even remember. 363 00:22:56,132 --> 00:22:58,903 - Roberta. - Right. Roberta. 364 00:22:58,976 --> 00:23:01,186 But I couldn't take my eyes off you. 365 00:23:01,457 --> 00:23:03,999 I remember I snuck over to her and I said, 366 00:23:04,950 --> 00:23:06,308 What did I say? 367 00:23:06,534 --> 00:23:08,851 - You said, "What are you doing after?" - Right. 368 00:23:09,120 --> 00:23:12,817 So I ditched Roberta. We go for coffee. A month later, we're married. 369 00:23:12,890 --> 00:23:16,326 Thirty-five years to the day after our first marriage. 370 00:23:19,563 --> 00:23:22,779 - I went through his pockets, Okay? - Why would you wanna go through his pockets? 371 00:23:22,805 --> 00:23:23,812 You know what I found? 372 00:23:23,838 --> 00:23:24,514 No, what? 373 00:23:24,707 --> 00:23:26,384 They just bought a dining room table. 374 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,575 He and his wife just went out and spent $1,600 on a dining room table. 375 00:23:29,601 --> 00:23:32,675 - Where? - The point isn't where, Alice. 376 00:23:32,875 --> 00:23:34,954 The point is, he's never gonna leave her. 377 00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:37,392 So what else is new. You've known this for two years. 378 00:23:37,742 --> 00:23:40,061 You're right. You're right. I know you're right. 379 00:23:40,217 --> 00:23:41,579 Why can't you find someone single? 380 00:23:41,605 --> 00:23:44,142 When I was single, I knew lots of nice single men. 381 00:23:44,341 --> 00:23:45,691 There must be someone. 382 00:23:46,023 --> 00:23:49,109 - Sally found someone. - Well, Sally got the last good one. 383 00:23:49,725 --> 00:23:50,868 Joe and I broke up. 384 00:23:51,102 --> 00:23:51,610 What? 385 00:23:51,673 --> 00:23:53,120 - When? - Monday. 386 00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:55,558 - You waited three days to tell us? - You mean Joe's available? 387 00:23:55,657 --> 00:23:56,881 For God's sakes, Marie! 388 00:23:56,907 --> 00:23:59,880 Don't you have any feelings about this? She's obviously upset. 389 00:23:59,950 --> 00:24:02,953 I'm not that upset. We've been growing apart for quite a while. 390 00:24:03,089 --> 00:24:06,167 But you guys were a couple. You had someone to go places with. 391 00:24:06,251 --> 00:24:08,549 You had a date on national holidays! 392 00:24:08,748 --> 00:24:12,378 I said to myself, "You deserve more than this. You're 31 years old." 393 00:24:12,432 --> 00:24:13,621 And the clock is ticking. 394 00:24:13,665 --> 00:24:16,399 No, the clock doesn't really start to tick until you're 36. 395 00:24:16,913 --> 00:24:19,237 God, you're in such great shape. 396 00:24:19,390 --> 00:24:23,588 Well, I've had a few days to get used to it, and I feel okay. 397 00:24:23,661 --> 00:24:25,891 Good. Then you're ready. 398 00:24:27,567 --> 00:24:30,484 - Really, Marie! - Well, how else do you think you do it? 399 00:24:30,791 --> 00:24:31,767 I've got the perfect guy. 400 00:24:32,065 --> 00:24:34,363 I don't happen to find him attractive, but you might. 401 00:24:34,569 --> 00:24:36,518 She doesn't have a problem with chins. 402 00:24:36,742 --> 00:24:38,613 Marie, I'm not ready yet. 403 00:24:38,833 --> 00:24:40,533 but you just said you were over him. 404 00:24:40,668 --> 00:24:44,014 I am over him, but I'm in a mourning period. 405 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:47,616 Who is it? 406 00:24:47,685 --> 00:24:48,899 Alex Anderson. 407 00:24:50,445 --> 00:24:52,657 You fixed me up with him six years ago. 408 00:24:52,842 --> 00:24:53,853 Uh, sorry. 409 00:24:54,792 --> 00:24:56,921 God. All right. Wait. Here. 410 00:24:56,972 --> 00:24:59,255 Here we go. Ken Darman. 411 00:24:59,951 --> 00:25:01,953 He's been married for over a year. 412 00:25:02,099 --> 00:25:03,466 Really? 413 00:25:04,322 --> 00:25:05,882 Married. 414 00:25:06,637 --> 00:25:08,855 - Oh, wait. Wait. I got one. - Look, 415 00:25:08,910 --> 00:25:11,908 there is no point in my going out with someone I might really like, 416 00:25:11,976 --> 00:25:14,809 if I met him at the right time, but who right now has no chance 417 00:25:14,910 --> 00:25:17,167 of being anything to me but a transitional man. 418 00:25:17,317 --> 00:25:17,952 Okay. 419 00:25:18,194 --> 00:25:19,923 But don't wait too long. 420 00:25:20,084 --> 00:25:22,052 Remember what happened with David Warsaw? 421 00:25:22,272 --> 00:25:24,895 His wife left him, and everyone said, "Give him some time. 422 00:25:24,921 --> 00:25:26,713 Don't move in too fast." 423 00:25:27,057 --> 00:25:29,086 Six months later, he was dead. 424 00:25:29,832 --> 00:25:33,298 What? You're saying I should get married to someone right away in case he's about to die? 425 00:25:33,420 --> 00:25:35,547 At least you could say you were married. 426 00:25:36,015 --> 00:25:39,456 I'm saying that the right man for you might be out there right now. 427 00:25:39,518 --> 00:25:41,390 And if you don't grab him, someone else will. 428 00:25:41,453 --> 00:25:44,048 And you'll spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else 429 00:25:44,088 --> 00:25:46,006 is married to your husband. 430 00:25:50,501 --> 00:25:51,338 Ten! 431 00:25:51,981 --> 00:25:52,730 Hut! 432 00:26:07,170 --> 00:26:08,379 When did this happen? 433 00:26:08,574 --> 00:26:09,493 Friday. 434 00:26:10,132 --> 00:26:12,193 Helen comes home from work, and she says, 435 00:26:12,367 --> 00:26:14,575 "I don't know if I wanna be married anymore." 436 00:26:14,881 --> 00:26:17,315 Like it's the institution. You know, like it's nothing personal, 437 00:26:17,341 --> 00:26:20,347 just something she's been thinking about in a casual way. 438 00:26:20,544 --> 00:26:22,142 I'm calm. I say, 439 00:26:22,387 --> 00:26:25,220 "Why don't we take some time to think about it? You know, don't rush into anything." 440 00:26:25,289 --> 00:26:26,061 Yeah, right. 441 00:26:26,252 --> 00:26:30,314 Next day, she says she's thought about it and she wants a trial separation. 442 00:26:30,482 --> 00:26:33,336 She just wants to try it, she says, but we can still date. 443 00:26:33,538 --> 00:26:35,320 Like this is supposed to cushion the blow. 444 00:26:35,399 --> 00:26:37,261 I mean, I got married so I could stop dating. 445 00:26:37,352 --> 00:26:39,897 So I don't see where we can still date is any big incentive 446 00:26:39,930 --> 00:26:42,056 since the last thing you wanna do is date your wife 447 00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:44,405 who's supposed to love you, which is what I'm saying to her 448 00:26:44,439 --> 00:26:47,013 when it occurs to me that maybe she doesn't. 449 00:26:47,452 --> 00:26:50,285 So I say to her, "Don't you love me anymore?" 450 00:26:50,362 --> 00:26:53,564 Do you know what she says? "I don't know if I've ever loved you." 451 00:26:53,645 --> 00:26:54,958 Oooh! That's harsh. 452 00:26:56,394 --> 00:26:58,066 You don't bounce back from that right away. 453 00:26:58,132 --> 00:26:58,990 Thanks, Jess. 454 00:26:59,130 --> 00:27:02,827 No, I'm a writer. I know dialogue. And that's particularly harsh. 455 00:27:02,983 --> 00:27:06,392 Then she tells me that somebody in her office is going to South America, 456 00:27:06,424 --> 00:27:08,099 and she can sublet his apartment. 457 00:27:08,132 --> 00:27:10,668 I can't believe this. And the doorbell rings. 458 00:27:11,161 --> 00:27:12,334 "I can sublet his apartment." 459 00:27:12,368 --> 00:27:13,918 The words are still hanging in the air, 460 00:27:14,023 --> 00:27:15,906 You know, like in a balloon attached to a mouth... 461 00:27:15,932 --> 00:27:17,339 - Like in a cartoon. - Right. 462 00:27:17,415 --> 00:27:20,384 So I go to the door, and there are moving men there. 463 00:27:20,576 --> 00:27:22,215 Now I start to get suspicious. 464 00:27:22,588 --> 00:27:24,685 I say, "Helen, when did you call these movers?" 465 00:27:24,959 --> 00:27:26,455 And she doesn't say anything. 466 00:27:26,625 --> 00:27:29,301 So I ask the movers, "When did this woman book you for this gig?" 467 00:27:29,380 --> 00:27:31,411 And they're just standing there, three huge guys, 468 00:27:31,452 --> 00:27:34,529 one of them wearing a T-shirt that says, "Don't fuck with Mr. Zero." 469 00:27:34,707 --> 00:27:37,969 So I said, "Helen, when did you make this arrangement?" 470 00:27:38,603 --> 00:27:40,503 She says, "A week ago." 471 00:27:40,571 --> 00:27:43,398 I said, "You've known for a week, and you didn't tell me?" 472 00:27:43,572 --> 00:27:46,583 And she says, "I didn't want to ruin your birthday." 473 00:27:49,546 --> 00:27:52,785 You're saying Mr. Zero knew you were getting a divorce a week before you did? 474 00:27:52,811 --> 00:27:54,607 - Mr. Zero knew. - I can't believe this. 475 00:27:54,710 --> 00:27:58,479 - I haven't told you the bad part yet. - What could be worse than Mr. Zero knowing? 476 00:27:59,267 --> 00:28:00,930 It's all a lie. 477 00:28:01,926 --> 00:28:03,879 She's in love with somebody else. 478 00:28:04,028 --> 00:28:07,342 Some tax attorney. She moved in with him. 479 00:28:07,565 --> 00:28:09,489 How did you find out? 480 00:28:10,289 --> 00:28:12,299 I followed her. I stood outside the building. 481 00:28:12,594 --> 00:28:15,245 - So humiliating. - Tell me about it. 482 00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:17,166 And, you know, I knew. 483 00:28:17,278 --> 00:28:20,240 I knew the whole time that even though we were happy, (it) was just an illusion, 484 00:28:20,275 --> 00:28:22,381 and that one day she would kick the shit out of me. 485 00:28:22,914 --> 00:28:25,678 Marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. 486 00:28:25,907 --> 00:28:28,192 It's just a symptom that something else is wrong. 487 00:28:28,382 --> 00:28:31,675 Oh, really? Well, that symptom is fucking my wife. 488 00:28:35,850 --> 00:28:39,177 So I just happened to see his American Express bill. 489 00:28:40,246 --> 00:28:42,462 What do you mean you "just happened to see it"? 490 00:28:42,800 --> 00:28:46,541 Well, he was shaving, and there it was, in his briefcase. 491 00:28:46,789 --> 00:28:49,274 What if he came out and saw you looking through his briefcase? 492 00:28:49,319 --> 00:28:52,243 You're missing the point. I'm telling you what I found. 493 00:28:52,402 --> 00:28:57,237 He just spent $120 on a new nightgown for his wife. 494 00:28:58,821 --> 00:29:00,642 I don't think he's ever gonna leave her. 495 00:29:01,018 --> 00:29:03,549 No one thinks he's ever gonna leave her. 496 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:06,238 You're right. You're right. I know you're right. 497 00:29:21,953 --> 00:29:25,218 Someone is staring at you in Personal Growth. 498 00:29:28,246 --> 00:29:29,679 I know him. 499 00:29:29,814 --> 00:29:31,790 You'd like him. He's married. 500 00:29:32,658 --> 00:29:33,976 Who is he? 501 00:29:34,015 --> 00:29:36,442 Harry Burns. He's a political consultant. 502 00:29:36,994 --> 00:29:38,502 He's cute. 503 00:29:38,823 --> 00:29:41,770 - You think he's cute? - How do you know he's married? 504 00:29:42,204 --> 00:29:44,245 'Cause last time I saw him he was getting married. 505 00:29:44,359 --> 00:29:47,294 - When was that? - Six years ago. 506 00:29:47,705 --> 00:29:50,287 So he might not be married anymore. 507 00:29:50,835 --> 00:29:52,325 Also, he's obnoxious. 508 00:29:52,403 --> 00:29:54,828 Oh, this is just like in the movies, remeber? 509 00:29:54,859 --> 00:29:57,447 in "The Lady Vanishes" when she says to me, "You're the most obnoxious man..." 510 00:29:57,473 --> 00:29:58,500 "The most contemptible." 511 00:29:58,699 --> 00:30:00,376 Then they fall madly in love. 512 00:30:00,503 --> 00:30:03,102 - Also, he never remembers me. - Sally Albright. 513 00:30:05,822 --> 00:30:07,915 - Hi, Harry. - I thought it was you. 514 00:30:07,997 --> 00:30:10,727 It is. Yeah. This is Marie. 515 00:30:12,470 --> 00:30:15,019 - Was Marie. - How are you? 516 00:30:15,272 --> 00:30:17,098 - Fine. - How's Joe? 517 00:30:17,762 --> 00:30:20,526 Fine. I hear he's fine. 518 00:30:21,503 --> 00:30:23,061 You're not with Joe anymore? 519 00:30:23,590 --> 00:30:25,041 We just broke up. 520 00:30:26,514 --> 00:30:28,812 I'm sorry. That's too bad. 521 00:30:29,459 --> 00:30:31,606 Yeah. Well, you know. 522 00:30:32,267 --> 00:30:33,134 Yeah. 523 00:30:33,759 --> 00:30:36,626 So, what about you? 524 00:30:36,848 --> 00:30:39,214 - I'm fine. - How's married life? 525 00:30:41,115 --> 00:30:44,209 Not so good. I'm getting a divorce. 526 00:30:44,388 --> 00:30:45,906 Oh, I'm sorry. 527 00:30:46,557 --> 00:30:48,142 I'm really sorry. 528 00:30:48,732 --> 00:30:51,177 Yeah. Well, what are you gonna do? 529 00:30:51,880 --> 00:30:53,559 What happened with you guys? 530 00:30:53,818 --> 00:30:57,391 When Joe and I started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. 531 00:30:57,925 --> 00:31:00,300 We wanted to live together but we didn't wanna get married 532 00:31:00,332 --> 00:31:03,712 because every time anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. 533 00:31:03,816 --> 00:31:05,835 They practically never had sex again. 534 00:31:06,476 --> 00:31:07,576 It's true. 535 00:31:07,688 --> 00:31:10,095 It's one of the secrets that no one ever tells you. 536 00:31:10,414 --> 00:31:12,828 I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids, and... 537 00:31:13,360 --> 00:31:15,930 actually, my one girlfriend who has kids, Alice. 538 00:31:16,018 --> 00:31:19,825 And she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore. 539 00:31:20,372 --> 00:31:23,741 She didn't even complain about it now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-factly. 540 00:31:23,774 --> 00:31:27,310 She said they were up all night, they were both exhausted all the time, 541 00:31:27,336 --> 00:31:30,628 the kids just took every sexual impulse they had outta them. 542 00:31:32,948 --> 00:31:35,653 Joe and I used to talk about it and we'd say we're so lucky. 543 00:31:35,717 --> 00:31:37,771 We have this wonderful relationship. 544 00:31:37,797 --> 00:31:42,174 We can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in. 545 00:31:42,246 --> 00:31:45,357 We can fly off to Rome on a moment's notice. 546 00:31:47,106 --> 00:31:50,325 And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon, 547 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,274 because I promised to take her to the circus. 548 00:31:52,385 --> 00:31:55,919 And we were in the cab playing "I Spy." 549 00:31:55,994 --> 00:31:58,828 "I spy a mailbox. I spy a lamp post." 550 00:31:59,580 --> 00:32:03,148 And she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman, 551 00:32:03,174 --> 00:32:04,178 with these two little kids, 552 00:32:04,227 --> 00:32:07,125 and the man had one of the kids on his shoulders. 553 00:32:07,639 --> 00:32:11,166 And she said, "I spy a family." 554 00:32:12,303 --> 00:32:14,100 And I started to cry. 555 00:32:14,625 --> 00:32:16,718 You know, I just started crying. 556 00:32:17,982 --> 00:32:19,973 And I went home, and I said... 557 00:32:20,051 --> 00:32:24,010 "The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moment's notice." 558 00:32:24,344 --> 00:32:25,953 And the kitchen floor? 559 00:32:26,643 --> 00:32:27,718 Not once. 560 00:32:27,957 --> 00:32:31,449 It's this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile. 561 00:32:33,732 --> 00:32:37,035 Anyway, we talked about it for a long time, 562 00:32:37,083 --> 00:32:38,585 and I said, "This is what I want." 563 00:32:38,611 --> 00:32:40,433 And he said, "Well, I don't." 564 00:32:40,893 --> 00:32:44,415 And I said, "Well, I guess it's over." And he left. 565 00:32:47,143 --> 00:32:51,011 And the thing is, I feel really fine. 566 00:32:51,215 --> 00:32:54,412 I am over him. I mean, I really am over him. 567 00:32:54,485 --> 00:32:57,852 That was it for him. That was the most that he could give. 568 00:32:57,938 --> 00:33:02,375 And every time I think about it, I am more and more convinced that I did the right thing. 569 00:33:03,004 --> 00:33:04,915 Boy, you sound really healthy. 570 00:33:05,563 --> 00:33:06,930 Yeah. 571 00:33:07,654 --> 00:33:10,969 - At least I got the apartment. - That's what everybody says to me too. 572 00:33:11,127 --> 00:33:13,326 But, really, what's so hard about finding an apartment? 573 00:33:13,719 --> 00:33:15,821 What you do is you read the obituary column. 574 00:33:16,303 --> 00:33:19,452 You find out who died, go to the building and then you tip the doorman. 575 00:33:19,764 --> 00:33:22,194 What they could do to make it easier is combine the obituaries 576 00:33:22,249 --> 00:33:23,574 with the real estate section. 577 00:33:23,856 --> 00:33:27,195 Say then you have, "Mr. Klein died today, leaving a wife, two children, 578 00:33:27,268 --> 00:33:31,260 and a spacious three-bedroom apartment with a wood-burning fireplace." See? 579 00:33:34,818 --> 00:33:37,651 You know, the first time we met, I really didn't like you that much. 580 00:33:37,852 --> 00:33:39,618 - I didn't like you. - Yeah, you did. 581 00:33:39,688 --> 00:33:42,534 You were just so uptight then. You're much softer now. 582 00:33:43,296 --> 00:33:44,894 You know, I hate that kind of remark. 583 00:33:44,981 --> 00:33:47,415 It sounds like a compliment, but really it's an insult. 584 00:33:47,572 --> 00:33:49,586 Okay, you're still as hard as nails. 585 00:33:49,851 --> 00:33:52,217 I just didn't want to sleep with you, and you had to write it off 586 00:33:52,249 --> 00:33:54,755 as a character flaw instead of dealing with the possibility 587 00:33:54,781 --> 00:33:57,356 that it might have something to do with you. 588 00:33:58,956 --> 00:34:01,982 What's the statute of limitations on apologies? 589 00:34:03,746 --> 00:34:07,341 - Ten years. - Ooh, I can just get it in under the wire. 590 00:34:12,073 --> 00:34:14,524 Would you like to have dinner with me sometime? 591 00:34:15,407 --> 00:34:17,467 Are we becoming friends now? 592 00:34:19,228 --> 00:34:20,661 Well... 593 00:34:22,182 --> 00:34:23,349 yeah. 594 00:34:25,156 --> 00:34:27,765 Great. A woman friend. 595 00:34:29,034 --> 00:34:30,715 You know, you may be the first attractive woman 596 00:34:30,741 --> 00:34:33,616 I've not wanted to sleep with in my entire life. 597 00:34:34,106 --> 00:34:35,869 That's wonderful, Harry. 598 00:34:37,904 --> 00:34:40,970 - We were both born in the same hospital. - In 1921. 599 00:34:41,153 --> 00:34:43,624 - Seven days apart. - In the same hospital. 600 00:34:43,735 --> 00:34:46,895 -We both grew up one block away from each other. - We both lived in tenements. 601 00:34:46,980 --> 00:34:49,744 - On the Lower East Side. - On Delancey Street. 602 00:34:49,944 --> 00:34:53,167 - My family moved to the Bronx when I was ten. - He lived on Fordham Road. 603 00:34:53,199 --> 00:34:56,355 - Hers moved when she was 11. - I lived on 183rd Street. 604 00:34:56,423 --> 00:35:01,458 - For 6 years, She worked on the 15th floor, as a nurse, - I worked for a very prominent neurologist, 605 00:35:01,506 --> 00:35:05,484 - where I had a practice on the 14th floor of the very same building. - Dr. Permelman. 606 00:35:05,555 --> 00:35:07,329 - We never met. - Never met. 607 00:35:07,485 --> 00:35:08,992 Can you imagine that? 608 00:35:09,069 --> 00:35:10,448 You know where we met? 609 00:35:10,615 --> 00:35:12,343 - In an elevator - I was visiting family. 610 00:35:12,369 --> 00:35:15,739 - In the Ambassador Hotel in Chicago. - He was on the third floor. 611 00:35:15,809 --> 00:35:16,924 I was on the 12th. 612 00:35:16,951 --> 00:35:20,605 I rode up nine extra floors just to keep talking to her. 613 00:35:20,814 --> 00:35:22,805 Nine extra floors. 614 00:35:33,393 --> 00:35:35,881 - Hello. - You sleeping? 615 00:35:36,217 --> 00:35:37,925 No, I was watching Casablanca. 616 00:35:37,951 --> 00:35:38,898 Channel, please. 617 00:35:39,020 --> 00:35:39,546 Eleven. 618 00:35:39,599 --> 00:35:41,760 Thank you. Got it. 619 00:35:42,295 --> 00:35:45,939 ... that you're telling me you would be happier with Victor Laszlo than with Humphrey Bogart? 620 00:35:46,110 --> 00:35:48,269 - When did I say that? - When we drove to New York. 621 00:35:49,342 --> 00:35:51,469 I never said that. I would never have said that. 622 00:35:51,544 --> 00:35:53,774 All right, fine. Have it your way. 623 00:35:55,746 --> 00:35:57,708 - Have you been sleeping? - Why? 624 00:35:57,859 --> 00:35:59,615 'Cause I haven't been sleeping. 625 00:36:00,138 --> 00:36:02,046 I really miss Helen. 626 00:36:03,265 --> 00:36:04,810 Maybe I'm coming down with something. 627 00:36:04,897 --> 00:36:08,526 Last night I was up at 4 in the morning, watching "Leave It To Beaver" in Spanish. 628 00:36:12,776 --> 00:36:13,831 I'm not well. 629 00:36:13,956 --> 00:36:17,836 Well, I went to bed at 7:30 last night. I haven't done that since the 3rd grade. 630 00:36:17,930 --> 00:36:20,605 Well, that's the good thing about depression - (you) get your rest. 631 00:36:27,962 --> 00:36:21,169 That's the good thing about depression. You get your rest. 632 00:36:21,306 --> 00:36:24,301 - I'm not depressed. - Okay, fine. 633 00:36:24,731 --> 00:36:27,174 Do you still sleep on the same side of the bed? 634 00:36:27,269 --> 00:36:30,059 I did for a while, but now I'm pretty much using the whole bed. 635 00:36:30,154 --> 00:36:31,978 God, that's great. 636 00:36:32,051 --> 00:36:35,111 I feel weird when just my leg wanders over. 637 00:36:35,772 --> 00:36:37,530 I miss her. 638 00:36:38,249 --> 00:36:41,719 - I don't miss him. I really don't. - Not even a little? 639 00:36:41,795 --> 00:36:43,763 You know what I miss? 640 00:36:44,060 --> 00:36:46,551 I miss the idea of him. 641 00:36:48,056 --> 00:36:50,937 Maybe I only miss the idea of Helen. 642 00:36:51,322 --> 00:36:53,313 No, I miss the whole Helen. 643 00:36:57,126 --> 00:36:58,821 Last scene. 644 00:37:02,015 --> 00:37:05,542 Goodbye, Rick. I will miss you. 645 00:37:05,618 --> 00:37:07,210 Ooh, Ingrid Bergman. 646 00:37:07,287 --> 00:37:09,812 - Now, she's low maintenance. - Low maintenance? 647 00:37:10,153 --> 00:37:13,416 There are two kinds of women, high maintenance and low maintenance. 648 00:37:13,579 --> 00:37:16,053 And Ingrid Bergman is low maintenance? 649 00:37:16,129 --> 00:37:17,892 An LM, definitely. 650 00:37:18,150 --> 00:37:20,225 - Which one am I? - You're the worst kind. 651 00:37:20,257 --> 00:37:23,028 You're high maintenance, but you think you're low maintenance. 652 00:37:23,194 --> 00:37:25,409 - I don't see that. - You don't see that? 653 00:37:25,536 --> 00:37:28,639 "Waiter, I'll begin with the house salad but I don't want the regular dressing. 654 00:37:28,708 --> 00:37:31,233 I'll have the Balsamic vinegar and oil but on the side. 655 00:37:31,311 --> 00:37:34,678 And then the salmon with the mustard sauce, but I want the sauce on the side." 656 00:37:34,821 --> 00:37:36,618 "On the side" is a very big thing for you. 657 00:37:36,874 --> 00:37:38,635 Well, I just want it the way I want it. 658 00:37:38,807 --> 00:37:40,513 I know, high maintenance. 659 00:37:44,856 --> 00:37:40,779 - Oh, I just want it the way I want it. - I know. High maintenance. 660 00:37:41,215 --> 00:37:44,119 That 10,000 francs should pay our expenses. 661 00:37:44,190 --> 00:37:46,215 - "Our" expenses? - Mm hmm. 662 00:37:46,292 --> 00:37:50,820 Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship. 663 00:37:52,378 --> 00:37:55,779 Best last line of a movie ever. 664 00:37:58,292 --> 00:38:00,502 I'm definitely coming down with something. 665 00:38:00,573 --> 00:38:03,007 Probably a 24-hour tumor. They're going around. 666 00:38:03,076 --> 00:38:04,919 - You don't have a tumor. - How do you know? 667 00:38:05,078 --> 00:38:07,220 If you're so worried, go see a doctor. 668 00:38:07,513 --> 00:38:10,107 No, he'll just tell me it's nothing. 669 00:38:10,400 --> 00:38:12,999 - Will you be able to sleep? - If not, I'll be okay. 670 00:38:13,102 --> 00:38:16,206 - What'll you do? - I'll stay up and moan. 671 00:38:16,422 --> 00:38:18,356 Maybe I should practice now. 672 00:38:24,597 --> 00:38:26,189 Good night, Harry. 673 00:38:27,351 --> 00:38:28,875 Good night. 674 00:39:05,104 --> 00:39:09,268 Had my dream again where I'm making love and the Olympic judges are watching. 675 00:39:09,342 --> 00:39:12,106 I'd nailed the compulsories. So this is it, the finals. 676 00:39:12,178 --> 00:39:15,773 I got a 9.8 from the Canadian, a perfect 10 from the American... 677 00:39:15,848 --> 00:39:19,375 and my mother, disguised as an East German judge, gave me a 5.6. 678 00:39:19,452 --> 00:39:21,818 Must have been the dismount. 679 00:39:22,192 --> 00:39:25,221 Basically, it's the same one I've been having since I was 12. 680 00:39:25,291 --> 00:39:28,158 - What happens? - No, it's... it's too embarrassing. 681 00:39:28,227 --> 00:39:30,718 - Don't tell me. - Okay, there's this guy. 682 00:39:30,797 --> 00:39:32,822 - What's he look like? - I don't know. 683 00:39:32,899 --> 00:39:36,164 - He's just kind of faceless. - Faceless guy. Ok. Then what? 684 00:39:37,935 --> 00:39:39,965 He rips off my clothes. 685 00:39:40,039 --> 00:39:41,904 Then what happens? 686 00:39:42,093 --> 00:39:43,583 That's it. 687 00:39:44,912 --> 00:39:46,010 That's it? 688 00:39:46,470 --> 00:39:48,047 A faceless guy rips off your clothes, 689 00:39:48,114 --> 00:39:50,742 and that's the sex fantasy you've been having since you were 12? 690 00:39:51,055 --> 00:39:52,250 Exactly the same? 691 00:39:52,318 --> 00:39:54,773 Well, sometimes I vary it a little. 692 00:39:55,154 --> 00:39:57,679 - Which part? - What I'm wearing. 693 00:40:02,862 --> 00:40:04,762 - What? - Nothing. 694 00:40:07,233 --> 00:40:10,646 I have decided that for the rest of the day, 695 00:40:10,694 --> 00:40:13,336 we are going to talk like this. 696 00:40:13,610 --> 00:40:14,839 - Like this? - No. 697 00:40:14,907 --> 00:40:16,898 Please to repeat after me. 698 00:40:16,976 --> 00:40:18,671 - Pepper. - Pepper. 699 00:40:21,191 --> 00:40:25,321 Waiter, there is too much pepper on my paprikash. 700 00:40:26,019 --> 00:40:27,953 Waiter, there is too much pepper 701 00:40:28,021 --> 00:40:30,319 on my paprikash. 702 00:40:30,548 --> 00:40:33,517 But I would be proud to partake of your pecan pie. 703 00:40:35,102 --> 00:40:35,637 Oh, no! 704 00:40:35,731 --> 00:40:37,028 But I would be proud... 705 00:40:37,112 --> 00:40:37,901 But I would be proud 706 00:40:38,042 --> 00:40:39,030 to partake 707 00:40:39,098 --> 00:40:42,226 of your pecan pie. 708 00:40:42,301 --> 00:40:43,962 Pecan pie. 709 00:40:47,960 --> 00:40:51,674 Would you like to go to the movies with me tonight? 710 00:40:51,787 --> 00:40:53,878 Not to repeat. Please, to answer. 711 00:40:54,057 --> 00:40:57,493 Would you like to go to the movies with me tonight? 712 00:40:57,692 --> 00:40:59,271 Oh, Oh. 713 00:40:59,719 --> 00:41:01,653 Well, I'd love to, Harry, but I can't. 714 00:41:01,921 --> 00:41:05,049 What, do you have a hot date? 715 00:41:05,124 --> 00:41:06,979 Well, yeah. Yeah. 716 00:41:07,053 --> 00:41:08,062 - Really? - Yeah. 717 00:41:08,164 --> 00:41:12,088 I was gonna tell you about it, but I don't know, I just, I felt strange about it. 718 00:41:12,147 --> 00:41:14,655 - Why? - Well, because we've been spending so much time together. 719 00:41:14,734 --> 00:41:17,114 Oh, I think it's great that you have a date. 720 00:41:17,460 --> 00:41:19,288 - You do? - Yeah. 721 00:41:26,131 --> 00:41:28,565 - Is that what you're gonna wear? - Yeah. 722 00:41:29,021 --> 00:41:32,115 Well, I don't know. Why? 723 00:41:32,671 --> 00:41:36,221 I think you should wear skirts more. You look really good in skirts. 724 00:41:36,574 --> 00:41:38,328 - I do? - Yeah. 725 00:41:40,575 --> 00:41:42,116 You know, I have a theory that hieroglyphics 726 00:41:42,142 --> 00:41:45,571 are really an ancient comic strip about a character named Sphinxy. 727 00:41:45,793 --> 00:41:47,765 You know, Harry, I think you should get out there too. 728 00:41:47,833 --> 00:41:50,597 - Oh, I'm not ready. - You should. 729 00:41:50,769 --> 00:41:53,230 I would not be good for anybody right now. 730 00:41:53,306 --> 00:41:54,713 It's time. 731 00:41:55,174 --> 00:41:58,507 It was the most uncomfortable night of my life. 732 00:41:58,577 --> 00:42:01,141 See, now, it has to go this way. 733 00:42:01,850 --> 00:42:04,694 The first date back is always the toughest, Harry. 734 00:42:04,797 --> 00:42:06,715 You only had one date. 735 00:42:06,894 --> 00:42:09,072 How do you know it's not gonna get worse? 736 00:42:09,169 --> 00:42:11,461 How much worse can it get than finishing dinner, 737 00:42:11,495 --> 00:42:15,810 having him reach over, pull a hair out of my head and start flossing with it at the table? 738 00:42:16,033 --> 00:42:18,851 We're talking dream date compared to my horror. 739 00:42:18,946 --> 00:42:22,601 It started out fine. She's a very nice person. 740 00:42:22,677 --> 00:42:26,382 And we're sitting, and we're at this Ethiopian restaurant that she wanted to go to. 741 00:42:26,546 --> 00:42:30,146 And I was making jokes, you know, like "Hey, I didn't know that they had food in Ethiopia. 742 00:42:30,231 --> 00:42:33,870 This'll be a quick meal. I'll order two empty plates and we can leave." 743 00:42:33,896 --> 00:42:36,310 Yeah. Nothing from her, not even a smile. 744 00:42:36,366 --> 00:42:39,416 I downshift into small talk, and I ask her where she went to school. 745 00:42:39,493 --> 00:42:41,256 And she says Michigan State, 746 00:42:41,328 --> 00:42:43,197 and this reminds me of Helen. 747 00:42:43,252 --> 00:42:46,424 All of a sudden I'm in the middle of this massive anxiety attack. 748 00:42:46,500 --> 00:42:49,435 My heart's beating like a wild man, and I start sweating like a pig. 749 00:42:49,597 --> 00:42:50,940 Helen went to Michigan State? 750 00:42:50,966 --> 00:42:54,938 No, she went to Northwestern, but they're both Big Ten schools. 751 00:42:55,102 --> 00:42:57,656 I got so upset, I had to leave the restaurant. 752 00:43:00,264 --> 00:43:02,562 Harry, I think this takes a long time. 753 00:43:02,641 --> 00:43:06,977 It might be months before we're actually able to enjoy going out with someone new. 754 00:43:07,144 --> 00:43:07,959 Yeah. 755 00:43:08,038 --> 00:43:11,537 And maybe longer before we're actually able to go to bed with someone new. 756 00:43:11,563 --> 00:43:13,483 Oh, I went to bed with her. 757 00:43:15,408 --> 00:43:17,842 - You went to bed with her? - Sure. 758 00:43:19,149 --> 00:43:19,935 Oh. 759 00:43:24,192 --> 00:43:26,087 I don't understand this relationship. 760 00:43:26,243 --> 00:43:27,106 What do you mean? 761 00:43:27,186 --> 00:43:28,933 - You enjoy being with her? - Yeah. 762 00:43:29,013 --> 00:43:31,111 - You find her attractive? - Yeah. 763 00:43:31,179 --> 00:43:33,291 - And you're not sleeping with her? - No. 764 00:43:33,354 --> 00:43:35,712 You're afraid to let yourself be happy. 765 00:43:35,901 --> 00:43:39,275 Why can't you give me credit for this? This is a big thing for me. 766 00:43:39,608 --> 00:43:42,316 I've never had a relationship with a woman that didn't involve sex. 767 00:43:42,467 --> 00:43:44,824 - (I) feel like I'm growing. - Are you finished? 768 00:43:45,176 --> 00:43:47,326 Hey, I got a whole stack of quarters and I was here first. 769 00:43:47,395 --> 00:43:50,060 - Were not! - Was too! 770 00:43:50,276 --> 00:43:52,096 - Big jerk. - Little creep. 771 00:43:52,966 --> 00:43:54,850 - Where was I? - You were growing. 772 00:43:55,169 --> 00:43:56,602 Yeah. 773 00:43:56,870 --> 00:43:58,497 It's very freeing. 774 00:43:58,572 --> 00:44:00,506 I can say anything to her. 775 00:44:00,671 --> 00:44:03,543 Are you saying you can say things to her you can't say to me? 776 00:44:04,012 --> 00:44:06,691 No, it's just different. It's a whole different perspective. 777 00:44:06,881 --> 00:44:08,968 I get the woman's point of view on things. 778 00:44:09,218 --> 00:44:12,845 She tells me about the men that she goes out with, and I can talk to her about the women I see. 779 00:44:12,920 --> 00:44:15,093 - You tell her about other women? - Yeah. 780 00:44:15,204 --> 00:44:18,957 Like the other night, I made love to this woman, and it was so incredible, 781 00:44:19,053 --> 00:44:20,793 I took her to a place that wasn't human. 782 00:44:20,861 --> 00:44:22,274 She actually meowed. 783 00:44:22,890 --> 00:44:24,731 - You made a woman meow? - Yeah. 784 00:44:24,772 --> 00:44:27,563 That's the point. I can say these things to her. 785 00:44:27,635 --> 00:44:29,660 And the great thing is, I don't have to lie 786 00:44:29,737 --> 00:44:32,001 because I'm not always thinking about how to get her into bed. 787 00:44:32,072 --> 00:44:33,630 I can just be myself. 788 00:44:34,173 --> 00:44:36,801 You made a woman meow? 789 00:44:37,538 --> 00:44:40,455 What do you do with these women? You just get up out of bed and leave? 790 00:44:40,481 --> 00:44:41,032 Sure. 791 00:44:41,486 --> 00:44:43,925 Well, explain to me how you do it. What do you say? 792 00:44:43,951 --> 00:44:46,579 I say I have an early meeting, early haircut, early squash game. 793 00:44:46,654 --> 00:44:49,908 - You don't play squash. - They don't know that. They just met me. 794 00:44:51,141 --> 00:44:53,585 - That's disgusting. - I know. I feel terrible. 795 00:44:54,003 --> 00:44:56,411 You know, I'm so glad I never got involved with you. 796 00:44:56,597 --> 00:44:58,184 I just would have ended up being some woman 797 00:44:58,210 --> 00:45:02,121 you had to get up out of bed and leave at 3:00 a.m. and go clean your andirons. 798 00:45:02,319 --> 00:45:05,302 And you don't even have a fireplace. Not that I would know this. 799 00:45:05,372 --> 00:45:07,759 Why are you getting so upset? This is not about you. 800 00:45:07,878 --> 00:45:08,952 Yes, it is. 801 00:45:09,008 --> 00:45:12,051 You are a human affront to all women, and I am a woman. 802 00:45:12,202 --> 00:45:15,080 Hey, I don't feel great about this, but I don't hear anyone complaining. 803 00:45:15,287 --> 00:45:17,640 Of course not. You're out the door too fast. 804 00:45:18,134 --> 00:45:20,057 I think they have an okay time. 805 00:45:20,390 --> 00:45:21,705 How do you know? 806 00:45:22,189 --> 00:45:23,874 What d'ya mean how do I know? I know. 807 00:45:24,448 --> 00:45:25,915 Because they... 808 00:45:26,157 --> 00:45:28,484 Yes, because they... 809 00:45:29,039 --> 00:45:31,063 How do you know that they're really... 810 00:45:31,327 --> 00:45:34,207 What are you saying? That they fake orgasm? 811 00:45:34,580 --> 00:45:36,918 - It's possible. - Get outta here. 812 00:45:36,956 --> 00:45:40,245 Why? Most women, at one time or another, have faked it. 813 00:45:40,567 --> 00:45:43,572 - Well, They haven't faked it with me. - How do you know? 814 00:45:44,745 --> 00:45:46,372 Because I know. 815 00:45:47,855 --> 00:45:48,720 Oh. 816 00:45:49,416 --> 00:45:51,111 Right. That's right. 817 00:45:51,185 --> 00:45:53,585 I forgot. You're a man. 818 00:45:53,654 --> 00:45:55,735 - What is that supposed to mean? - Nothing. 819 00:45:55,878 --> 00:45:59,875 It's just that all men are sure it never happened to them, and most women at one time or another have done it. 820 00:45:59,901 --> 00:46:01,126 So you do the math. 821 00:46:02,076 --> 00:46:04,130 You don't think that I can tell the difference? 822 00:46:04,839 --> 00:46:05,539 No. 823 00:46:05,599 --> 00:46:07,624 Get outta here. 824 00:46:13,797 --> 00:46:15,202 Ooh. 825 00:46:16,563 --> 00:46:18,063 Oh. 826 00:46:19,448 --> 00:46:20,805 Ooh. 827 00:46:22,070 --> 00:46:23,594 Are you okay? 828 00:46:23,881 --> 00:46:25,730 Oh~ 829 00:46:27,721 --> 00:46:29,712 Oh, God. 830 00:46:30,561 --> 00:46:32,857 Ooh~ Oh, God! 831 00:46:33,394 --> 00:46:34,513 Ohh~ 832 00:46:35,642 --> 00:46:37,031 Ah~ 833 00:46:37,678 --> 00:46:39,321 Ohhh~ 834 00:46:39,870 --> 00:46:41,815 Oh, God~ 835 00:46:42,636 --> 00:46:44,251 Oh, yeah, right there. 836 00:46:44,526 --> 00:46:45,233 Oh~ 837 00:46:46,599 --> 00:46:48,138 Ohh~ 838 00:46:48,243 --> 00:46:49,536 Ahh~ 839 00:46:49,642 --> 00:46:50,833 Ohh~ 840 00:46:50,972 --> 00:46:52,337 Oh, God~ 841 00:46:52,523 --> 00:46:53,311 Ohh~ 842 00:46:53,446 --> 00:46:54,342 Yes! 843 00:46:54,440 --> 00:46:55,377 Yes! 844 00:46:55,501 --> 00:46:56,430 Yes! 845 00:46:59,265 --> 00:47:00,114 Ah~ 846 00:47:00,289 --> 00:47:01,163 Aoh! 847 00:47:01,546 --> 00:47:02,831 Aoh, yes! 848 00:47:15,566 --> 00:47:17,074 Oh, God! 849 00:47:17,745 --> 00:47:19,150 Ohh! 850 00:47:27,419 --> 00:47:29,512 I'll have what she's having. 851 00:47:31,328 --> 00:47:33,284 ♪ Sleigh bells ring 852 00:47:33,456 --> 00:47:35,163 ♪ Are you listening? 853 00:47:35,842 --> 00:47:39,572 ♪ In the lane snow is glistening 854 00:47:40,419 --> 00:47:42,499 ♪ A beautiful sight 855 00:47:42,658 --> 00:47:44,805 ♪ We're happy tonight 856 00:47:44,848 --> 00:47:48,029 ♪ Walking in a winter wonderland 857 00:47:48,401 --> 00:47:52,084 ♪ Gone away is the bluebird 858 00:47:52,744 --> 00:47:56,515 ♪ Here to stay is a new bird 859 00:47:57,855 --> 00:48:01,625 ♪ He sings a love song as we go along 860 00:48:02,299 --> 00:48:05,450 ♪ Walking in a winter wonderland 861 00:48:06,203 --> 00:48:10,033 ♪ In the meadow we can build a snowman 862 00:48:10,695 --> 00:48:14,373 ♪ And pretend that he is Parson Brown 863 00:48:15,074 --> 00:48:16,660 ♪ He'll say "Are you married?" 864 00:48:16,686 --> 00:48:19,199 ♪ We'll say "No, man" 865 00:48:19,281 --> 00:48:23,218 ♪ "But you can do the job when you're in town, brother" 866 00:48:23,389 --> 00:48:27,599 ♪ Later on, we'll conspire 867 00:48:28,610 --> 00:48:31,622 ♪ As we dream by the fire 868 00:48:32,577 --> 00:48:36,575 ♪ To face unafraid the plans that we made 869 00:48:37,072 --> 00:48:40,279 ♪ Walking in a winter wonderland 870 00:48:41,264 --> 00:48:44,485 ♪ If they asked me 871 00:48:44,621 --> 00:48:47,572 ♪ I could write a book 872 00:48:48,867 --> 00:48:53,504 ♪ About the way you walk and whisper and ... 873 00:48:53,615 --> 00:48:55,654 I like you without your beard. You can see your face. 874 00:48:55,710 --> 00:48:57,683 Yeah, it is my face. 875 00:48:58,469 --> 00:49:00,300 Wow, (I'm) dipping you. 876 00:49:03,722 --> 00:49:05,860 I really want to thank you for taking me out tonight. 877 00:49:05,886 --> 00:49:06,958 Oh, don't be silly. 878 00:49:06,984 --> 00:49:09,585 The next New Year's Eve, if neither one of us is with anybody, 879 00:49:09,611 --> 00:49:10,957 you got a date. 880 00:49:11,039 --> 00:49:12,529 Deal. 881 00:49:14,121 --> 00:49:16,326 See? Now we can dance cheek to cheek. 882 00:49:19,847 --> 00:49:22,310 ♪ Is just to tell them 883 00:49:22,547 --> 00:49:25,842 ♪ That I love you a lot 884 00:49:27,254 --> 00:49:32,033 ♪ Then the world discovers 885 00:49:32,160 --> 00:49:35,839 ♪ As my book ends 886 00:49:36,033 --> 00:49:40,104 ♪ How to make two lovers 887 00:49:40,412 --> 00:49:41,967 ♪ Of friends 888 00:49:42,449 --> 00:49:46,317 Hey, everybody, ten seconds to New Year! 889 00:49:46,386 --> 00:49:48,752 - Ten, nine, eight... - Wanna get some air? 890 00:49:48,822 --> 00:49:50,449 - Yeah. - Seven, six... 891 00:49:50,524 --> 00:49:52,219 five, four... 892 00:49:52,292 --> 00:49:54,527 three, two, one! 893 00:49:54,615 --> 00:49:56,105 Happy New Year! 894 00:49:59,839 --> 00:50:01,466 Happy New Year! 895 00:50:04,562 --> 00:50:09,014 Should old acquaintance be forgot 896 00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:13,869 And never brought to mind 897 00:50:14,530 --> 00:50:19,041 Should old acquaintance be forgot 898 00:50:19,815 --> 00:50:25,047 And days of auld lang syne 899 00:50:27,687 --> 00:50:30,130 Well, he was the head counselor at the boys' camp, 900 00:50:30,228 --> 00:50:32,925 and I was the head counselor at the girls' camp. 901 00:50:33,131 --> 00:50:36,859 And they had a social one night, and he walked across the room. 902 00:50:37,069 --> 00:50:40,095 I thought he was coming to talk to my friend Maxine, 903 00:50:40,172 --> 00:50:43,877 'cause people were always crossing rooms to talk to Maxine. 904 00:50:44,142 --> 00:50:47,009 But he was coming to talk to me, and he said, 905 00:50:47,079 --> 00:50:50,071 "I'm Ben Small of the Coney Island Smalls." 906 00:50:50,148 --> 00:50:51,784 At that moment, I knew. 907 00:50:51,887 --> 00:50:54,781 I knew the way you know about a good melon. 908 00:50:56,680 --> 00:50:59,274 You sent flowers to yourself? 909 00:50:59,697 --> 00:51:02,881 Sixty dollars I spent on this big, stupid arrangement of flowers 910 00:51:02,907 --> 00:51:05,043 and I wrote a card that I planned to leave on the front table 911 00:51:05,069 --> 00:51:07,394 where Arthur would just happen to see it. 912 00:51:07,466 --> 00:51:09,606 What did the card say? 913 00:51:09,968 --> 00:51:12,577 "Please say yes. Love, Jonathan." 914 00:51:12,767 --> 00:51:15,127 - Did it work? - He never even came over. 915 00:51:15,153 --> 00:51:17,971 He forgot this charity thing that his wife is the chairman of. 916 00:51:17,997 --> 00:51:20,238 - He's never gonna leave her! - Of course he isn't. 917 00:51:20,264 --> 00:51:23,810 You're right. I know you're right. Where is this place? 918 00:51:23,943 --> 00:51:25,660 Somewhere in the next block. 919 00:51:25,704 --> 00:51:28,383 Uh! I can't believe I'm doing this. 920 00:51:28,558 --> 00:51:32,150 Look, Harry is one of my best friends, and you are one of my best friends. 921 00:51:32,326 --> 00:51:35,291 If by some chance you two hit it off, then we can all still be friends, 922 00:51:35,330 --> 00:51:36,993 instead of drifting apart 923 00:51:37,052 --> 00:51:39,537 (like) the way you do when you get involved with someone who doesn't know your friends. 924 00:51:39,619 --> 00:51:42,666 You and I haven't drifted apart since I started seeing Arthur. 925 00:51:44,002 --> 00:51:47,772 If Arthur ever left his wife and I actually met him, 926 00:51:47,798 --> 00:51:51,045 I am sure that you and I would drift apart. 927 00:51:51,243 --> 00:51:53,336 He's never gonna leave her. 928 00:51:53,617 --> 00:51:55,575 Of course he isn't. 929 00:51:55,814 --> 00:51:58,011 You're right. You're right. I know you're right. 930 00:51:58,483 --> 00:52:00,608 - I don't know about this. - It's just a dinner. 931 00:52:00,686 --> 00:52:02,631 You know, I've finally got to a little place in my life. 932 00:52:02,695 --> 00:52:05,789 where I'm comfortable with the fact that it's just me and my work. 933 00:52:06,131 --> 00:52:07,751 (If) she's so great, why aren't you taking her out? 934 00:52:07,777 --> 00:52:10,134 How many times do I have to tell you? We're just friends. 935 00:52:10,160 --> 00:52:13,126 - So you're saying she's not that attractive? - No, I told you she is attractive. 936 00:52:13,152 --> 00:52:14,995 Yeah, but you also said she had a good personality. 937 00:52:15,021 --> 00:52:17,134 She has a good personality. 938 00:52:19,405 --> 00:52:20,621 What? 939 00:52:20,906 --> 00:52:22,640 When someone's not that attractive, 940 00:52:22,708 --> 00:52:25,416 they're always described as having a good personality. 941 00:52:25,479 --> 00:52:27,383 Look, if you would asked me, "What does she look like?" 942 00:52:27,409 --> 00:52:30,810 and I said, "She has a good personality," that means she's not attractive. 943 00:52:30,882 --> 00:52:33,646 But just because I happened to mention that she has a good personality, 944 00:52:33,719 --> 00:52:34,819 she could be either. 945 00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:36,512 She could be attractive with a good personality, 946 00:52:36,588 --> 00:52:38,453 or not attractive with a good personality. 947 00:52:38,524 --> 00:52:40,515 - So which one is she? - Attractive. 948 00:52:40,830 --> 00:52:42,764 But not beautiful, right? 949 00:52:45,686 --> 00:52:47,763 It's like whenever I read Jimmy Breslin, 950 00:52:47,975 --> 00:52:51,174 it's as if he's leaving some kind of a wake-up call 951 00:52:51,200 --> 00:52:53,300 for the City of New York, you know. 952 00:52:53,372 --> 00:52:55,495 I'm sorry. What do you mean by a wake-up call? 953 00:52:55,521 --> 00:52:58,175 Oh, he's saying we've actually got people in the city... 954 00:53:00,068 --> 00:53:00,790 An art director. 955 00:53:00,871 --> 00:53:02,868 Would I have seen any of your windows? 956 00:53:02,894 --> 00:53:07,244 Did you see this Barney's stand a couple of weeks ago. I did a thing with hostages. 957 00:53:07,591 --> 00:53:09,412 - Uh, The people in blindfolds. - Yeah. 958 00:53:09,488 --> 00:53:11,922 - It's... - I thought it was like late '80s. 959 00:53:12,272 --> 00:53:13,026 Uh huh. 960 00:53:13,079 --> 00:53:15,249 - It's macho. I don't think... - That's interesting. 961 00:53:15,361 --> 00:53:18,542 Uh, Let's just say I'm really just not a big fan of Jimmy Breslin. 962 00:53:18,582 --> 00:53:22,259 Well, He's the reason I became a writer, but that's not important. 963 00:53:36,028 --> 00:53:39,547 Harry, you and Marie are both from New Jersey. 964 00:53:39,618 --> 00:53:41,210 - Really? - Where are you from? 965 00:53:41,286 --> 00:53:42,878 - South Orange. - Haddenfield. 966 00:53:42,947 --> 00:53:44,280 Oh~ 967 00:53:50,913 --> 00:53:52,427 So, what are we gonna order? 968 00:53:52,839 --> 00:53:55,159 Well, I'm gonna start with the grilled radicchio. 969 00:53:55,281 --> 00:53:56,749 Jess, Sally is a great orderer. 970 00:53:56,835 --> 00:53:58,803 Not only does she always pick the best thing on the menu, 971 00:53:58,829 --> 00:54:01,964 but she orders it in a way that even the chef didn't know how good it could be. 972 00:54:02,344 --> 00:54:04,311 I think Restaurants have become too important. 973 00:54:04,378 --> 00:54:05,508 Oh, I agree. 974 00:54:05,754 --> 00:54:09,776 "Restaurants are to people in the '80s what theater was to people in the '60s." 975 00:54:10,076 --> 00:54:11,782 I read that in a magazine. 976 00:54:12,713 --> 00:54:14,512 I wrote that. 977 00:54:14,886 --> 00:54:17,717 - Get outta here. - No, I did. I wrote that. 978 00:54:17,802 --> 00:54:20,442 I've never quoted anything from a magazine in my life. 979 00:54:20,468 --> 00:54:21,244 That's amazing. 980 00:54:21,270 --> 00:54:23,851 Don't you think that's amazing? And you wrote it? 981 00:54:24,830 --> 00:54:27,424 I also wrote, "Pesto is the quiche of the '80s." 982 00:54:27,499 --> 00:54:30,263 - Get over yourself! - I did! 983 00:54:30,635 --> 00:54:32,952 - Where did I read that? - New York magazine. 984 00:54:33,079 --> 00:54:34,871 Sally writes for New York magazine. 985 00:54:35,640 --> 00:54:39,966 You know, that piece had a real impact on me. I don't know that much about writing, but... 986 00:54:40,021 --> 00:54:42,335 Well, it spoke to you, and that pleases me. 987 00:54:42,361 --> 00:54:46,227 I mean, I really, you have to admire people who can be that articulate... 988 00:54:46,277 --> 00:54:50,511 Nobody has ever quoted me back to me before. 989 00:54:59,295 --> 00:55:02,610 Oh, I've been looking for a red suede pump. 990 00:55:05,133 --> 00:55:07,108 What do you think of Jess? 991 00:55:08,468 --> 00:55:11,460 - Well, ur... - Do you think you could go out with him? 992 00:55:12,704 --> 00:55:16,279 - I don't know. - 'Cause I feel really comfortable with him. 993 00:55:16,624 --> 00:55:20,006 - You wanna go out with Jess. - If it would be all right with you. 994 00:55:20,041 --> 00:55:21,500 Sure, sure. 995 00:55:21,853 --> 00:55:24,447 I'm just worried about Harry. He's very sensitive. 996 00:55:24,473 --> 00:55:28,422 He's going through a rough period. I just don't want you to reject him right now. 997 00:55:28,448 --> 00:55:30,653 - I wouldn't. I totally understand. - Ok. 998 00:55:30,969 --> 00:55:34,146 If you don't think you're gonna call Marie, do you mind if I call her? 999 00:55:34,366 --> 00:55:36,061 - No. - Good, good, good. 1000 00:55:36,134 --> 00:55:40,230 But for tonight you shouldn't. I mean, Sally's very vulnerable right now. 1001 00:55:40,339 --> 00:55:43,352 Well, you can call Marie, it's fine, but just like wait a week or so, you know? 1002 00:55:43,458 --> 00:55:45,572 - Don't make any moves tonight. - Fine. No problem. 1003 00:55:45,598 --> 00:55:47,635 I wasn't even thinking about tonight. 1004 00:55:48,947 --> 00:55:52,542 Well, I don't really feel much like walking anymore. I think I'll get a cab. 1005 00:55:52,596 --> 00:55:54,056 - I'll go with you. - Great! 1006 00:55:54,096 --> 00:55:55,709 Taxi! 1007 00:56:07,366 --> 00:56:09,761 A man came to me and said, 1008 00:56:09,834 --> 00:56:12,997 "I found nice girl for you. 1009 00:56:13,071 --> 00:56:17,337 She lives in the next village... 1010 00:56:17,544 --> 00:56:20,638 and she is ready for marriage." 1011 00:56:21,913 --> 00:56:25,836 We were not supposed to meet until the wedding, 1012 00:56:26,284 --> 00:56:28,214 but I wanted to make sure. 1013 00:56:28,520 --> 00:56:30,886 So I sneak into her village, 1014 00:56:31,027 --> 00:56:32,833 hid behind a tree, 1015 00:56:32,991 --> 00:56:35,887 watch her washing the clothes. 1016 00:56:36,580 --> 00:56:40,421 I think if I don't like the way she looks, 1017 00:56:40,540 --> 00:56:42,193 I don't marry her. 1018 00:56:42,542 --> 00:56:45,253 But she looked really nice to me. 1019 00:56:45,437 --> 00:56:48,544 So I said, "Okay," to the man. 1020 00:56:49,274 --> 00:56:50,969 We get married. 1021 00:56:51,042 --> 00:56:54,651 We're married for 55 years. 1022 00:57:01,506 --> 00:57:04,923 - I have to get this. - Harry, we're here for Jess and Marie. 1023 00:57:04,964 --> 00:57:07,527 I know. We'll find them something. There's great stuff here. 1024 00:57:07,553 --> 00:57:10,300 - We should've gone to the plant store. - Here, perfect for them. 1025 00:57:10,457 --> 00:57:11,653 What's that? 1026 00:57:12,376 --> 00:57:14,901 Battery-operated pith helmet, with fan. 1027 00:57:15,257 --> 00:57:17,442 Why is this necessary in life? 1028 00:57:17,547 --> 00:57:21,003 I don't know. Look, look at this. (It) also makes great fries. 1029 00:57:21,184 --> 00:57:25,333 Oh, uh-oh. Good. Call off the dogs. The hunt is over. 1030 00:57:25,428 --> 00:57:27,897 Sally, this is the greatest. 1031 00:57:28,358 --> 00:57:30,709 Sally, please report to me. 1032 00:57:30,860 --> 00:57:33,418 Look at this. This is the greatest. You're gonna love this. 1033 00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:35,251 This is a singing machine. 1034 00:57:35,307 --> 00:57:39,266 Look, you sing the lead, and this has the backup and everything. 1035 00:57:39,292 --> 00:57:41,279 This is from Oklahoma. Here's the lyrics right here. 1036 00:57:41,305 --> 00:57:43,745 - "Surrey With the Fringe on Top." - Yes. Perfect. 1037 00:57:44,103 --> 00:57:45,087 Ooh! 1038 00:57:46,910 --> 00:57:49,708 Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry 1039 00:57:49,780 --> 00:57:52,749 When I take you out in my surrey 1040 00:57:52,837 --> 00:57:55,337 When I take you out in my surrey 1041 00:57:55,452 --> 00:57:58,290 With the fringe on top Now you. 1042 00:57:58,367 --> 00:58:01,182 Watch that fringe and see how it flutters 1043 00:58:01,258 --> 00:58:03,971 When I drive them high-steppin'strutters 1044 00:58:04,050 --> 00:58:06,599 Nosy pokes will peek through the shutters 1045 00:58:06,625 --> 00:58:08,895 And their eyes will pop 1046 00:58:08,965 --> 00:58:11,957 The wheels are yellow the upholstery's brown 1047 00:58:11,987 --> 00:58:14,288 The dashboard's genuine leather 1048 00:58:14,448 --> 00:58:17,369 With isinglass curtains that will roll... 1049 00:58:17,641 --> 00:58:18,805 What? 1050 00:58:19,379 --> 00:58:22,667 It's my voice, isn't it? You hate my voice. 1051 00:58:22,762 --> 00:58:25,612 - I know. It's terrible. Joe hated it. - It's Helen. 1052 00:58:26,282 --> 00:58:27,779 Helen? 1053 00:58:28,331 --> 00:58:30,265 She's coming right towards me. 1054 00:58:38,683 --> 00:58:40,207 How are you, Harry? 1055 00:58:40,880 --> 00:58:42,772 Fine. I'm fine. 1056 00:58:44,061 --> 00:58:46,896 This is Ira Stone. Harry Burns. 1057 00:58:53,132 --> 00:58:54,803 I'm sorry. This is Sally Albright. 1058 00:58:54,835 --> 00:58:58,203 Helen Hillson and Ira. 1059 00:59:00,384 --> 00:59:02,784 - Nice to meet you. - Hi. 1060 00:59:05,973 --> 00:59:06,791 Well... 1061 00:59:08,475 --> 00:59:09,455 see you. 1062 00:59:09,526 --> 00:59:11,386 Yeah. Bye. 1063 00:59:13,196 --> 00:59:15,687 Nice to meet you, Ira. 1064 00:59:20,765 --> 00:59:21,981 You okay? 1065 00:59:24,040 --> 00:59:25,879 Yeah, I'm perfect. 1066 00:59:26,707 --> 00:59:29,053 She looked weird, didn't she? She looked really weird. 1067 00:59:29,079 --> 00:59:31,274 - She looked very weird. - I've never seen her before. 1068 00:59:31,348 --> 00:59:33,816 Trust me. She looked weird. Her legs looked heavy. 1069 00:59:34,034 --> 00:59:35,940 - Really. She must be retaining water. - Harry! 1070 00:59:35,980 --> 00:59:38,386 Believe me, the woman saved everything. 1071 00:59:41,950 --> 00:59:43,517 You sure you're okay? 1072 00:59:44,163 --> 00:59:47,193 Oh, I'm fine. Look, it had to happen at some point. 1073 00:59:47,219 --> 00:59:49,826 In a city of eight million people, you're bound to run into your ex-wife. 1074 00:59:49,852 --> 00:59:52,291 So, boom, it happened. And now I'm fine. 1075 00:59:56,444 --> 00:59:59,413 I like it. It works. It says home to me. 1076 00:59:59,496 --> 01:00:02,556 All right. We'll let Harry and Sally be the judge. 1077 01:00:03,847 --> 01:00:05,324 What do you think? 1078 01:00:06,535 --> 01:00:08,257 - It's nice. - Case closed. 1079 01:00:08,318 --> 01:00:10,719 Of course he likes it. He's a guy. 1080 01:00:11,062 --> 01:00:11,920 Sally? 1081 01:00:14,720 --> 01:00:16,191 What's so awful about it? 1082 01:00:16,295 --> 01:00:20,594 It's so awful, there's no way to even begin to explain what's so awful about it. 1083 01:00:20,630 --> 01:00:22,984 Honey, I don't object to any of your things. 1084 01:00:23,018 --> 01:00:25,401 If we had an extra room, you could put all your things in it, 1085 01:00:25,427 --> 01:00:30,292 - including your bar stools... - Honey, wait, wait, honey. You don't like my bar stools? 1086 01:00:31,427 --> 01:00:33,962 Harry, come on. Someone has to be on my side. 1087 01:00:34,033 --> 01:00:37,103 I'm on your side. I'm just trynna help you have a good taste. 1088 01:00:37,129 --> 01:00:39,354 I have good taste! 1089 01:00:39,616 --> 01:00:42,309 Everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor, 1090 01:00:42,335 --> 01:00:44,826 but they couldn't possibly all have good taste. 1091 01:00:44,852 --> 01:00:48,589 You know, it's funny. We started out like this, Helen and I. 1092 01:00:48,644 --> 01:00:52,150 We had blank walls. We hung things. We picked out tiles together. 1093 01:00:52,244 --> 01:00:55,236 Then you know what happens? Six years later, you find yourself singing 1094 01:00:55,298 --> 01:00:58,507 "Surrey With a Fringe on Top" in front of Ira! 1095 01:00:58,935 --> 01:01:00,869 Do we have to talk about this right now? 1096 01:01:00,937 --> 01:01:03,963 Yes, I think right now actually is the perfect time to talk about this 1097 01:01:04,055 --> 01:01:07,786 because I want our friends to benefit from the wisdom of my experience. 1098 01:01:07,914 --> 01:01:11,595 Right now everything is great. Everyone is happy. Everyone is in love. 1099 01:01:11,674 --> 01:01:15,022 And that's wonderful. But you gotta know that sooner or later, 1100 01:01:15,054 --> 01:01:18,149 you're gonna be screaming at each other about who's gonna get this dish. 1101 01:01:18,221 --> 01:01:21,418 This eight-dollar dish will cost you a thousand dollars in phone calls 1102 01:01:21,491 --> 01:01:23,452 to the legal firm of "That's Mine, This is Yours." 1103 01:01:23,478 --> 01:01:24,034 Harry. 1104 01:01:24,060 --> 01:01:24,987 Please. 1105 01:01:25,723 --> 01:01:26,747 Jess, Marie. 1106 01:01:27,192 --> 01:01:28,998 Do me a favor for your own good. 1107 01:01:29,065 --> 01:01:31,281 Put your name in your books right now, 1108 01:01:31,448 --> 01:01:33,397 before they get mixed up and you don't know whose is whose. 1109 01:01:33,470 --> 01:01:35,335 Because someday, believe it or not, 1110 01:01:35,405 --> 01:01:38,499 you'll go 15 rounds over who's gonna get this coffee table. 1111 01:01:38,773 --> 01:01:41,169 This stupid, wagon wheel, 1112 01:01:41,195 --> 01:01:44,111 Roy Rogers, garage sale coffee table! 1113 01:01:45,975 --> 01:01:47,478 I thought you liked it. 1114 01:01:47,655 --> 01:01:49,937 I was being nice! 1115 01:01:54,092 --> 01:01:56,720 He just bumped into Helen. 1116 01:02:03,683 --> 01:02:06,592 I want you to know 1117 01:02:06,711 --> 01:02:10,845 that I will never want that wagon wheel coffee table. 1118 01:02:19,695 --> 01:02:22,226 I know. I know. I shouldn't have done that. 1119 01:02:22,997 --> 01:02:26,870 Harry, you're gonna have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling 1120 01:02:26,947 --> 01:02:29,721 that you have every moment that you have them. 1121 01:02:29,800 --> 01:02:32,441 - Oh, really? - Yes. 1122 01:02:32,606 --> 01:02:35,510 There are times and places for things. 1123 01:02:35,973 --> 01:02:39,731 Well, the next time you're giving a lecture series on social graces, Would you let me know 1124 01:02:39,803 --> 01:02:41,236 'cause I'll sign up. 1125 01:02:41,304 --> 01:02:45,001 Hey! You don't have to take your anger out on me. 1126 01:02:45,114 --> 01:02:47,344 Oh, I think I'm entitled to throw a little anger your way, 1127 01:02:47,377 --> 01:02:51,245 especially when I'm being told how to live my life by Miss Hospital Corners. 1128 01:02:51,694 --> 01:02:55,148 - What's that supposed to mean? - I mean nothing bothers you. 1129 01:02:55,210 --> 01:02:57,278 You never get upset about anything! 1130 01:02:57,420 --> 01:02:58,840 Don't be ridiculous. 1131 01:02:59,055 --> 01:03:02,081 What? You never get upset about Joe. 1132 01:03:02,110 --> 01:03:04,994 I never see that back up on you. How is that possible? 1133 01:03:05,020 --> 01:03:07,386 Don't you experience any feelings of loss? 1134 01:03:07,554 --> 01:03:09,593 I don't have to take this crap from you. 1135 01:03:09,626 --> 01:03:11,931 If you're so over Joe, why aren't you seeing anyone? 1136 01:03:11,957 --> 01:03:13,894 - I see people! - See people. 1137 01:03:14,003 --> 01:03:16,664 Have you slept with one person since you broke up with Joe? 1138 01:03:16,740 --> 01:03:19,585 What the hell does that have to do with anything? 1139 01:03:19,672 --> 01:03:23,467 That will prove I'm over Joe because I fuck somebody? 1140 01:03:23,713 --> 01:03:25,666 You're gonna have to move back to New Jersey, 1141 01:03:25,707 --> 01:03:27,506 because you slept with everybody in New York, 1142 01:03:27,550 --> 01:03:30,781 and I don't see that turning Helen into a faint memory for you. 1143 01:03:31,473 --> 01:03:34,591 Besides, I will make love to somebody when it is making love, 1144 01:03:34,670 --> 01:03:38,057 not the way you do it, like you're out for revenge or something. 1145 01:03:39,120 --> 01:03:40,644 Are you finished now? 1146 01:03:41,965 --> 01:03:43,004 Yes. 1147 01:03:43,645 --> 01:03:45,413 Can I say something? 1148 01:03:46,125 --> 01:03:47,372 Yes. 1149 01:03:50,373 --> 01:03:52,898 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 1150 01:04:04,220 --> 01:04:06,154 Don't say a word. 1151 01:04:10,293 --> 01:04:13,228 It's a monkey. Monkey see, monkey do. 1152 01:04:13,296 --> 01:04:16,080 - It's an ape. Going ape. - It's a baby! 1153 01:04:16,966 --> 01:04:19,230 - Planet of the Apes. - She just said it's a baby. 1154 01:04:19,302 --> 01:04:21,725 - How 'bout planet of the dopes? - It doesn't look like a baby. 1155 01:04:21,812 --> 01:04:24,297 Bigmouth baby. Mick Jagger as a baby! 1156 01:04:24,337 --> 01:04:27,073 - Baby ape! Baby ape! - Stop with the apes, would you please? 1157 01:04:27,143 --> 01:04:30,306 - Baby's breath! - Rosemary's Baby's mouth. 1158 01:04:30,380 --> 01:04:32,905 - Won't you come home, Bill Baby? - Kiss the baby. 1159 01:04:32,982 --> 01:04:37,578 - Melancholy Baby's mouth. - Baby fish mouth! Baby fish mouth! 1160 01:04:38,321 --> 01:04:41,051 - Fifteen seconds. - Baby Boom! 1161 01:04:41,213 --> 01:04:44,870 - Baby... - Draw something resembling anything. 1162 01:04:44,921 --> 01:04:49,024 - Baby... Ur, crying baby. Kiss the baby. - Baby spitting up. Exorcist baby! 1163 01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:53,130 - Yes, sir, that's my baby! - No, sir, don't mean maybe. 1164 01:04:53,203 --> 01:04:54,659 That's it. Time's up. 1165 01:04:54,685 --> 01:04:55,923 Baby talk. 1166 01:04:56,121 --> 01:04:57,586 Baby talk? What's that? That's not a saying. 1167 01:04:57,586 --> 01:04:59,611 Baby talk? What's that? That's not a saying. 1168 01:04:59,689 --> 01:05:02,954 Oh, but "baby fish mouth" is sweeping the nation. I hear them talking. 1169 01:05:03,772 --> 01:05:08,402 Final score. Our team, 110. You guys, 60. 1170 01:05:11,468 --> 01:05:12,341 Well. 1171 01:05:12,367 --> 01:05:13,227 I can't draw. 1172 01:05:13,291 --> 01:05:17,071 No. That's a baby, and it's clearly talking. 1173 01:05:17,388 --> 01:05:19,073 You're wonderful. 1174 01:05:19,484 --> 01:05:21,075 All right, who wants coffee? 1175 01:05:21,200 --> 01:05:23,015 - I do, and I love you. - Do you have any tea? 1176 01:05:23,174 --> 01:05:25,013 - One tea. - Industrial strength. 1177 01:05:25,357 --> 01:05:28,745 - I'll help you. Decaf? - Yeah. 1178 01:05:29,506 --> 01:05:30,906 - Three. - Yes, please. 1179 01:05:31,005 --> 01:05:31,558 Cream? 1180 01:05:31,584 --> 01:05:34,280 - Where's the bathroom? - Through that door, down the hall. 1181 01:05:41,789 --> 01:05:43,532 Never looked like a baby to me. 1182 01:05:43,599 --> 01:05:45,147 - Which part? - All of it. 1183 01:05:45,201 --> 01:05:47,117 Hey, Jess. You were gonna show me the cover off your book. 1184 01:05:47,174 --> 01:05:48,711 Oh, yeah, yeah. It's in the den. 1185 01:05:48,737 --> 01:05:52,835 Look, Good. Julian, help yourself. Have more wine, whatever you like, Ok? 1186 01:05:53,275 --> 01:05:55,705 I like saying, "It's in the den." It's got a nice ring to it. 1187 01:05:55,978 --> 01:05:58,917 Emily is a little young for Harry, don't you think? 1188 01:05:59,147 --> 01:06:01,746 Well, she's young, but look what she's done. 1189 01:06:01,917 --> 01:06:04,409 What has she done? She makes desserts. 1190 01:06:04,486 --> 01:06:06,420 Does Julian seem a little stuffy to you? 1191 01:06:06,488 --> 01:06:08,956 He's a good guy. You should talk to him, get to know him. 1192 01:06:09,024 --> 01:06:10,423 He's too tall to talk to. 1193 01:06:10,492 --> 01:06:13,689 She makes 3,500 chocolate mousse pies a week. 1194 01:06:15,154 --> 01:06:17,171 Emily is "Aunt Emily"? 1195 01:06:17,322 --> 01:06:19,891 He took us all to a Met game last week. It was great. 1196 01:06:19,969 --> 01:06:24,497 - You all went to a Met game together? - Yeah, but, it was a last-minute thing. 1197 01:06:24,573 --> 01:06:26,040 But Sally hates baseball. 1198 01:06:26,108 --> 01:06:30,741 - Harry doesn't even like sweets. - Julian is great. 1199 01:06:31,226 --> 01:06:33,205 I know. He's a grown-up. 1200 01:06:33,282 --> 01:06:35,409 - Emily is terrific. - Yeah. 1201 01:06:35,730 --> 01:06:37,918 Of course when I asked her where she was when Kennedy was shot, 1202 01:06:37,987 --> 01:06:39,767 she said, "Ted Kennedy was shot?" 1203 01:06:52,568 --> 01:06:54,627 - Hello. - Are you alone? 1204 01:06:54,737 --> 01:06:58,298 - Yeah, I was just finishing a book. - Could you come over? 1205 01:06:58,645 --> 01:07:01,605 - What's the matter? - He's getting married. 1206 01:07:01,937 --> 01:07:02,852 Who? 1207 01:07:03,502 --> 01:07:05,103 Joe. 1208 01:07:05,678 --> 01:07:07,612 I'll be right there. 1209 01:07:11,539 --> 01:07:12,460 Hi. 1210 01:07:13,202 --> 01:07:15,067 Are you all right? 1211 01:07:16,992 --> 01:07:18,926 Come on in. 1212 01:07:21,868 --> 01:07:24,803 - I'm sorry to call you so late. - It's all right. 1213 01:07:26,490 --> 01:07:28,686 - I need a Kleenex. - Okay. 1214 01:07:30,878 --> 01:07:33,572 He just called me up, "wanted to see how you were." 1215 01:07:33,699 --> 01:07:36,176 "Fine. How are you?" "Fine." 1216 01:07:36,245 --> 01:07:40,045 His secretary is on vacation, everything's all backed up, 1217 01:07:40,115 --> 01:07:44,286 he's got a big case in Newark, blah, blah, blah. 1218 01:07:44,977 --> 01:07:47,201 And I'm sitting on the phone thinking 1219 01:07:47,227 --> 01:07:49,399 "I'm over him. I really am over him. 1220 01:07:49,425 --> 01:07:53,020 I can't believe I was ever remotely interested in any of this." 1221 01:07:54,496 --> 01:07:57,897 And then he said, "I have some news." 1222 01:08:01,671 --> 01:08:05,903 She works in his office. She's a paralegal. Her name is Kimberly. 1223 01:08:07,795 --> 01:08:09,729 He just met her. 1224 01:08:09,998 --> 01:08:12,780 She's supposed to be his transitional person. 1225 01:08:12,848 --> 01:08:15,510 She's not supposed to be the one. 1226 01:08:20,956 --> 01:08:25,723 All this time, I've been saying that he didn't wanna get married. 1227 01:08:27,272 --> 01:08:32,098 But the truth is, he didn't wanna marry me. 1228 01:08:35,427 --> 01:08:37,361 He didn't love me. 1229 01:08:41,710 --> 01:08:44,201 If you could take him back right now, would you? 1230 01:08:46,081 --> 01:08:47,740 No! 1231 01:08:48,391 --> 01:08:51,311 But why didn't he wanna marry me? 1232 01:08:51,854 --> 01:08:54,561 - What's the matter with me? - Nothing. 1233 01:08:54,957 --> 01:08:57,034 - I'm difficult. - You're challenging. 1234 01:08:57,169 --> 01:09:00,118 I'm too structured. I'm completely closed off. 1235 01:09:00,203 --> 01:09:01,612 But in a good way. 1236 01:09:02,093 --> 01:09:05,529 No. No, I drove him away. 1237 01:09:07,577 --> 01:09:09,943 And I'm gonna be 40. 1238 01:09:11,006 --> 01:09:12,099 When? 1239 01:09:12,641 --> 01:09:15,141 - Someday. - In eight years. 1240 01:09:15,497 --> 01:09:17,051 But it's there. 1241 01:09:17,112 --> 01:09:21,079 It's just sitting there like this big dead end. 1242 01:09:21,701 --> 01:09:23,913 And it's not the same for men. 1243 01:09:24,171 --> 01:09:27,371 Charlie Chaplin had babies when he was 73. 1244 01:09:27,467 --> 01:09:29,697 Yeah, but he was too old to pick 'em up. 1245 01:09:35,800 --> 01:09:37,962 Oh, come here. Come here. 1246 01:09:38,033 --> 01:09:40,001 It's gonna be okay. 1247 01:09:40,179 --> 01:09:42,226 It's gonna be fine. You'll see. 1248 01:09:43,739 --> 01:09:46,071 Oh, go ahead. It's not one of my favorites anyway. 1249 01:09:48,744 --> 01:09:51,367 It's gonna be okay. Hmm? 1250 01:09:57,253 --> 01:09:58,817 Hmm? Ok? 1251 01:09:59,213 --> 01:10:00,176 You're Ok. 1252 01:10:00,869 --> 01:10:01,917 Hmm. 1253 01:10:04,226 --> 01:10:05,162 I'll make some tea. 1254 01:10:05,217 --> 01:10:08,278 Harry. Could you just hold me a little longer? 1255 01:10:08,319 --> 01:10:10,098 Oh, sure. 1256 01:10:10,420 --> 01:10:11,324 Uh. 1257 01:10:50,372 --> 01:10:52,058 Are you comfortable? 1258 01:10:52,409 --> 01:10:53,557 Sure. 1259 01:10:59,214 --> 01:11:01,444 Do you want something to drink or something? 1260 01:11:01,660 --> 01:11:03,184 No, I'm okay. 1261 01:11:04,408 --> 01:11:08,078 Well, I'm gonna get up for some water, so it's really no trouble. 1262 01:11:08,274 --> 01:11:10,367 Okay, water. 1263 01:12:05,838 --> 01:12:09,339 You have all your videotapes alphabetized and on index cards? 1264 01:12:10,719 --> 01:12:13,813 - Thank you. - Do you wanna watch something? 1265 01:12:14,198 --> 01:12:18,601 - No, not unless you do. - No. That's okay. 1266 01:12:32,663 --> 01:12:34,806 Do you wanna go to sleep? 1267 01:12:35,083 --> 01:12:36,516 Okay. 1268 01:13:10,427 --> 01:13:12,201 Where are you going? 1269 01:13:13,096 --> 01:13:14,842 I gotta go. 1270 01:13:16,594 --> 01:13:19,888 Gotta go home, I gotta change my clothes, then I have to go to work. And so do you. 1271 01:13:19,939 --> 01:13:22,207 But after work I'd like to take you out to dinner if you're free. 1272 01:13:22,381 --> 01:13:24,834 - Are you free? - Yes. 1273 01:13:25,044 --> 01:13:26,375 Fine. I'll call you later. 1274 01:13:27,046 --> 01:13:29,973 - Fine. - Fine. 1275 01:13:48,341 --> 01:13:49,527 Yours. 1276 01:13:50,227 --> 01:13:52,161 - Hello. - I'm sorry to call so early. 1277 01:13:52,284 --> 01:13:54,377 - Are you all right? - No one I know would call at this hour. 1278 01:13:54,437 --> 01:13:56,667 - I did something terrible. - What did you do? 1279 01:13:56,740 --> 01:13:58,708 - No one I know would call at this hour. - It's so awful. 1280 01:13:58,775 --> 01:14:00,096 - I need to talk. - What happened? 1281 01:14:00,160 --> 01:14:01,743 - What's the matter? - Harry came over last night. 1282 01:14:01,795 --> 01:14:04,648 - I went to Sally's last night. - Because I was upset Joe was getting married. 1283 01:14:04,674 --> 01:14:06,840 - And one thing led to another. - Before I knew it we were kissing. 1284 01:14:06,904 --> 01:14:09,085 - To make a long story short, we did it. - We did it. 1285 01:14:09,334 --> 01:14:11,712 - They did it. - That's great, Sally. 1286 01:14:11,788 --> 01:14:14,140 - We've been praying for you. - You should've done it in the first place. 1287 01:14:14,212 --> 01:14:16,587 - For months, we've been saying you should do it. - You guys belong together. 1288 01:14:16,627 --> 01:14:20,085 - It's like killing two birds with one stone. - It's like two wrongs make a right. 1289 01:14:20,234 --> 01:14:21,824 - How was it? - The during part was good. 1290 01:14:21,850 --> 01:14:23,490 - I thought it was good. - But then I felt suffocated. 1291 01:14:23,516 --> 01:14:25,945 - But then I guess it wasn't. - Jesus, I'm sorry. - The worst. 1292 01:14:25,971 --> 01:14:27,526 - I had to get out of there. - He just disappeared. 1293 01:14:27,556 --> 01:14:29,410 - I feel so bad. - I'm so embarrassed. 1294 01:14:29,436 --> 01:14:30,738 - I don't blame you. - That's horrible. 1295 01:14:30,771 --> 01:14:32,837 - I think I'm coming down with something. - I'm catching a cold. 1296 01:14:32,911 --> 01:14:35,071 Look, it would've been great if it worked out, but it didn't. 1297 01:14:35,097 --> 01:14:36,478 You should never go to bed with anyone 1298 01:14:36,546 --> 01:14:38,462 when you've found out your last boyfriend is getting married. 1299 01:14:38,526 --> 01:14:39,692 - Who's that talking? - Who? 1300 01:14:39,747 --> 01:14:41,844 - Is that Jess on the phone? - It's Jane Fonda on the VCR. 1301 01:14:41,918 --> 01:14:44,580 - It's Bryant Gumbel. - You wanna come over for breakfast? 1302 01:14:44,683 --> 01:14:47,088 - No, I'm not up to it. - No, I feel too awful. 1303 01:14:47,157 --> 01:14:50,388 - Good. I mean it's so early. - But call me later if you want. 1304 01:14:50,460 --> 01:14:52,428 - I'll call you later, okay? - Okay, bye. 1305 01:14:52,473 --> 01:14:54,224 - Bye. - Bye. 1306 01:14:56,342 --> 01:14:59,038 - God! - I know. 1307 01:15:00,136 --> 01:15:03,299 Tell me I'll never have to be out there again. 1308 01:15:06,539 --> 01:15:08,973 You will never have to be out there again. 1309 01:15:12,729 --> 01:15:15,129 I'll just say we made a mistake. 1310 01:15:15,899 --> 01:15:19,300 Sally, it was a mistake. 1311 01:15:21,038 --> 01:15:23,632 I just hope I get to say it first. 1312 01:15:24,427 --> 01:15:27,089 I hope she says it before I do. 1313 01:15:30,040 --> 01:15:31,323 It was a mistake. 1314 01:15:31,401 --> 01:15:33,835 I am so relieved that you think so too. 1315 01:15:35,570 --> 01:15:37,697 I'm not saying last night wasn't great. 1316 01:15:38,463 --> 01:15:41,523 - It was. - Yes, it was. 1317 01:15:42,574 --> 01:15:46,004 - We just never should have done it. - I couldn't agree more. 1318 01:15:46,422 --> 01:15:49,760 - I'm so relieved. - Great. 1319 01:15:49,824 --> 01:15:50,700 Yeah. 1320 01:15:54,093 --> 01:15:56,027 Two mixed green salads. 1321 01:16:25,696 --> 01:16:30,531 It is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk. Hmm? 1322 01:16:34,538 --> 01:16:37,176 It's just like, most of the time you go to bed with someone, 1323 01:16:37,251 --> 01:16:41,209 then she tells you all her stories, you tell her your stories. 1324 01:16:41,399 --> 01:16:45,098 With Sally and me, we'd already heard each other's stories. 1325 01:16:45,358 --> 01:16:49,133 So once we went to bed, we didn't know what we were supposed to do. You know? 1326 01:16:49,212 --> 01:16:51,458 Sure, Harry. 1327 01:16:52,373 --> 01:16:53,840 I don't know. 1328 01:16:54,098 --> 01:16:55,865 Maybe you get to a certain point in a relationship 1329 01:16:55,913 --> 01:16:58,019 where it's just too late to have sex. 1330 01:16:58,087 --> 01:16:59,303 You know? 1331 01:17:09,532 --> 01:17:11,709 Is Harry bringing anyone to the wedding? 1332 01:17:12,035 --> 01:17:13,900 I don't think so. 1333 01:17:15,398 --> 01:17:16,905 Is he seeing anyone? 1334 01:17:17,175 --> 01:17:21,000 He was seeing this anthropologist, but... 1335 01:17:21,870 --> 01:17:26,034 - What did she look like? - Thin. Pretty. Big tits. 1336 01:17:26,228 --> 01:17:27,718 Your basic nightmare. 1337 01:17:32,466 --> 01:17:33,899 What do you think? 1338 01:17:35,755 --> 01:17:38,087 Oh, Marie. 1339 01:17:38,697 --> 01:17:40,562 You tell the truth. 1340 01:17:41,982 --> 01:17:44,075 It's just beautiful. 1341 01:18:16,065 --> 01:18:17,774 We are gathered here today 1342 01:18:17,815 --> 01:18:22,058 to celebrate the marriage of Marie and Jess 1343 01:18:22,635 --> 01:18:25,658 and to consecrate their vows of matrimony. 1344 01:18:26,009 --> 01:18:29,385 The vows they will take join their lives. 1345 01:18:29,612 --> 01:18:34,502 The wine they will share binds all their hopes together. 1346 01:18:34,860 --> 01:18:39,092 And by the rings they will wear, they will be known to all 1347 01:18:39,188 --> 01:18:42,145 as husband and wife. 1348 01:18:52,568 --> 01:18:56,504 I've never seen her so happy. She's a totally different person. 1349 01:18:56,579 --> 01:19:01,278 Oh, yeah, she is, girl. It's great, but what are we gonna do about you? 1350 01:19:01,344 --> 01:19:03,676 - Me? - Honey, you wanna dance? 1351 01:19:03,746 --> 01:19:05,451 Oh, yeah. Yeah, I do. 1352 01:19:05,530 --> 01:19:07,014 Excuse us. 1353 01:19:09,765 --> 01:19:10,623 Hi. 1354 01:19:10,817 --> 01:19:11,881 Hello. 1355 01:19:16,095 --> 01:19:18,791 - Nice ceremony. - Beautiful. 1356 01:19:21,794 --> 01:19:24,021 Boy, the holidays are rough. Every year I just try to 1357 01:19:24,047 --> 01:19:27,009 get from the day before Thanksgiving to the day after New Year's. 1358 01:19:27,074 --> 01:19:29,042 A lot of suicides. 1359 01:19:30,673 --> 01:19:32,531 Would you like a pea pod with a shrimp? 1360 01:19:32,578 --> 01:19:33,938 Thank you. 1361 01:19:35,041 --> 01:19:36,973 - How've you been? - Fine. 1362 01:19:38,078 --> 01:19:39,160 Are you seeing anybody? 1363 01:19:39,385 --> 01:19:40,385 - Harry. - What? 1364 01:19:40,411 --> 01:19:42,289 - I don't want to talk about this. - Why not? 1365 01:19:42,335 --> 01:19:45,255 I don't want to talk about it. 1366 01:19:45,544 --> 01:19:47,392 Why can't we get past this? 1367 01:19:47,463 --> 01:19:49,866 I mean, are we gonna carry this thing around forever? 1368 01:19:49,919 --> 01:19:54,065 - Forever? It just happened. - It happened three weeks ago. 1369 01:19:54,590 --> 01:19:57,457 You know how a year to a person is like seven years to a dog? 1370 01:19:58,531 --> 01:20:00,396 Yes. 1371 01:20:02,603 --> 01:20:05,715 Is one of us supposed to be a dog in this scenario? 1372 01:20:05,903 --> 01:20:08,437 - Yes. - Who is the dog? 1373 01:20:08,554 --> 01:20:10,479 - You are. - I am? 1374 01:20:10,838 --> 01:20:11,699 - I am the dog? - Mm hmm. 1375 01:20:11,763 --> 01:20:13,882 I am the dog? I ... 1376 01:20:20,396 --> 01:20:23,372 I don't see that, Harry. If anybody is the dog, you are the dog. 1377 01:20:23,404 --> 01:20:25,484 You wanna act like what happened didn't mean anything. 1378 01:20:25,534 --> 01:20:26,953 I'm not saying it didn't mean anything. 1379 01:20:26,994 --> 01:20:28,819 I'm saying, why does it have to mean everything? 1380 01:20:28,868 --> 01:20:32,038 Because it does. And you should know that better than anybody, 1381 01:20:32,072 --> 01:20:34,370 because the minute that it happened, you walked right out the door. 1382 01:20:34,435 --> 01:20:37,256 - I didn't walk out. - No. Sprinted is more like it. 1383 01:20:37,445 --> 01:20:41,002 - We both agreed it was a mistake. - The worst mistake I ever made. 1384 01:20:42,774 --> 01:20:45,022 - What do you want from me? - I don't want anything from you! 1385 01:20:45,070 --> 01:20:47,048 Fine! Fine. But let's get one thing straight. 1386 01:20:47,102 --> 01:20:49,159 I did not go over there that night to make love to you. 1387 01:20:49,229 --> 01:20:50,775 That is not why I went there. 1388 01:20:50,857 --> 01:20:53,860 But you looked up at me with these big, weepy eyes. "Don't go home tonight, Harry. 1389 01:20:53,908 --> 01:20:56,457 Hold me a little longer, Harry." What was I supposed to do? 1390 01:20:56,719 --> 01:20:59,072 What are you saying? You took pity on me? 1391 01:20:59,128 --> 01:21:01,229 - No, I was... - Fuck you! 1392 01:21:05,137 --> 01:21:08,259 Hey, everybody, could I have your attention, please? 1393 01:21:08,379 --> 01:21:12,622 I'd like to propose a toast to Harry and Sally. 1394 01:21:12,909 --> 01:21:14,624 To Harry and Sally. 1395 01:21:14,720 --> 01:21:19,272 If Marie or I had found either of them remotely attractive, 1396 01:21:19,345 --> 01:21:21,279 we would not be here today. 1397 01:21:31,429 --> 01:21:36,432 ♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas 1398 01:21:37,236 --> 01:21:39,968 ♪ Let yourself be light 1399 01:21:41,562 --> 01:21:47,401 ♪ From now on our troubles will be out of sight 1400 01:21:51,888 --> 01:21:56,205 ♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas 1401 01:21:57,168 --> 01:22:00,382 ♪ Make the yuletide gay 1402 01:22:01,590 --> 01:22:07,746 ♪ From now on our troubles will be miles away 1403 01:22:09,217 --> 01:22:10,520 Hi. It's me. 1404 01:22:10,694 --> 01:22:12,957 It's the holiday season and I thought I'd remind you 1405 01:22:12,997 --> 01:22:15,416 that this is the season of charity and forgiveness. 1406 01:22:15,573 --> 01:22:17,723 And, although it is not widely known, 1407 01:22:17,793 --> 01:22:20,091 it is also the season of groveling. 1408 01:22:20,402 --> 01:22:22,982 So if you felt like calling me back, 1409 01:22:23,044 --> 01:22:27,078 I'd be more than happy to do the traditional Christmas grovel. 1410 01:22:27,175 --> 01:22:28,395 Give me a call. 1411 01:22:45,138 --> 01:22:47,995 Hi. I'm not home right now. I'll call you right back. 1412 01:22:48,130 --> 01:22:51,125 If you're there, pick up the phone. I really wanna talk to you. 1413 01:22:54,823 --> 01:22:57,615 The fact that you're not answering leads me to believe you're either, 1414 01:22:57,678 --> 01:22:59,433 A, not at home, 1415 01:22:59,501 --> 01:23:02,021 B, home, but don't wanna talk to me, 1416 01:23:02,108 --> 01:23:07,191 or C, home, desperately wanna talk to me, but trapped under something heavy. 1417 01:23:07,705 --> 01:23:10,435 If it's either A or C, please call me back. 1418 01:23:13,105 --> 01:23:14,831 Obviously, she doesn't wanna talk to me. 1419 01:23:15,030 --> 01:23:17,157 What do I have to do, be hit over the head? 1420 01:23:17,243 --> 01:23:18,949 She wants to call me, she'll call me. 1421 01:23:19,371 --> 01:23:21,182 I am through making a schmuck out of myself. 1422 01:23:21,651 --> 01:23:25,049 If you're feeling sad and lonely 1423 01:23:25,161 --> 01:23:28,310 There's a service I can render 1424 01:23:28,417 --> 01:23:31,422 Tell the one who digs you only 1425 01:23:31,518 --> 01:23:34,899 I can be so warm and tender 1426 01:23:35,045 --> 01:23:36,329 Call me 1427 01:23:36,598 --> 01:23:40,142 Maybe it's late to just call me 1428 01:23:40,275 --> 01:23:43,921 Don't be afraid to just phone moi. 1429 01:23:44,017 --> 01:23:47,841 Call me and I'll be around 1430 01:23:48,187 --> 01:23:50,441 - Give me a call. - Hi, Harry. 1431 01:23:50,602 --> 01:23:54,922 Hello. Hi. I didn't know that you were there. 1432 01:23:55,170 --> 01:23:57,857 - What are you doing? - I was just on my way out. 1433 01:23:58,178 --> 01:23:59,794 Where are you going? 1434 01:24:00,796 --> 01:24:03,458 - What do you want, Harry? - Nothing. Nothing. 1435 01:24:03,532 --> 01:24:06,899 I just called to say I'm sorry. 1436 01:24:08,632 --> 01:24:10,065 Okay. 1437 01:24:17,527 --> 01:24:18,703 I gotta go. 1438 01:24:18,729 --> 01:24:20,855 Wait a second. Wait a second. 1439 01:24:21,316 --> 01:24:22,508 What are you doing for New Year's? 1440 01:24:22,719 --> 01:24:24,073 Are you going to the Tylers' party? 1441 01:24:24,099 --> 01:24:26,613 'Cause I don't have a date. And if you don't have a date, 1442 01:24:26,663 --> 01:24:28,973 we always said that if neither one of us had a date, 1443 01:24:29,027 --> 01:24:31,865 we could be together for New Year's and .... 1444 01:24:31,976 --> 01:24:35,571 I can't do this anymore. I am not your consolation prize. 1445 01:24:35,850 --> 01:24:36,749 Goodbye. 1446 01:24:46,645 --> 01:24:48,775 And here we are, once again, 1447 01:24:48,844 --> 01:24:51,966 the 16th annual New Year's Rockin' Eve, 1448 01:24:52,053 --> 01:24:54,076 coming to you live from the ... 1449 01:24:54,246 --> 01:24:55,675 What's so bad about this? 1450 01:24:55,751 --> 01:24:57,742 You got Dick Clark. That's tradition. 1451 01:24:57,893 --> 01:25:00,507 You got Malomars, the greatest cookie of all time. 1452 01:25:00,675 --> 01:25:05,188 And you're about to give the Knicks their first championship since 1973. 1453 01:25:23,211 --> 01:25:25,736 I don't know why I let you drag me to this. 1454 01:25:29,850 --> 01:25:34,480 This is much better. Fresh air. I've the streets all to myself. 1455 01:25:34,640 --> 01:25:38,424 Who needs to be at a big crowded party pretending to have a good time? 1456 01:25:38,672 --> 01:25:42,293 Plus this is the perfect time to catch up on my window shopping. 1457 01:25:42,697 --> 01:25:44,631 This is good. 1458 01:25:55,994 --> 01:25:58,895 So the guy says, "Read the card." 1459 01:26:09,043 --> 01:26:11,671 - I'm going home. - You'll never get a taxi. 1460 01:26:13,308 --> 01:26:14,366 Oh, God! 1461 01:26:42,157 --> 01:26:44,549 You realize, of course, that we could never be friends. 1462 01:26:44,826 --> 01:26:46,057 Why not? 1463 01:26:46,142 --> 01:26:48,851 What I'm saying, is that men and women can't be friends, 1464 01:26:48,899 --> 01:26:51,006 because the sex part always gets in the way. 1465 01:26:51,348 --> 01:26:52,566 That's not true. 1466 01:26:52,634 --> 01:26:55,068 No man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive. 1467 01:26:55,246 --> 01:26:57,071 He always wants to have sex with her. 1468 01:26:57,422 --> 01:26:59,455 What if they don't wanna have sex with you? 1469 01:26:59,519 --> 01:27:01,808 Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there, 1470 01:27:01,861 --> 01:27:05,556 so the friendship is ultimately doomed, and that is the end of the story. 1471 01:27:06,004 --> 01:27:08,130 Well, I guess we're not gonna be friends then. 1472 01:27:08,175 --> 01:27:09,073 Guess not. 1473 01:27:09,106 --> 01:27:10,752 It's too bad, 1474 01:27:10,778 --> 01:27:14,008 'cause you were the only person that I knew in New York. 1475 01:27:17,737 --> 01:27:22,405 ♪ It had to be you 1476 01:27:26,720 --> 01:27:30,449 ♪ It had to be you 1477 01:27:34,079 --> 01:27:36,912 ♪ I wandered around 1478 01:27:37,128 --> 01:27:40,805 ♪ And I finally found 1479 01:27:41,296 --> 01:27:44,320 ♪ The somebody who 1480 01:27:48,392 --> 01:27:53,632 ♪ Could make me be true 1481 01:27:54,648 --> 01:27:59,995 ♪ And could make me be blue 1482 01:28:00,535 --> 01:28:02,018 I'm going. 1483 01:28:02,303 --> 01:28:03,620 It's almost midnight. 1484 01:28:04,188 --> 01:28:08,249 - Well, the thought of not kissing somebody is just... - I'll kiss you. 1485 01:28:08,910 --> 01:28:11,003 Hey, taxi! Taxi! 1486 01:28:16,357 --> 01:28:18,499 Come on. Stay. Please. 1487 01:28:18,763 --> 01:28:20,802 Thanks, Jess. I'll just... I have to go. 1488 01:28:20,914 --> 01:28:23,582 - Oh, wait two minutes. - I'll call you tomorrow. 1489 01:28:23,760 --> 01:28:27,949 ♪ Might never be mean 1490 01:28:31,331 --> 01:28:34,769 ♪ Might never be cross 1491 01:28:35,168 --> 01:28:38,359 ♪ Or try to be boss 1492 01:28:39,215 --> 01:28:43,935 ♪ But they wouldn't do 1493 01:28:46,121 --> 01:28:49,375 ♪ For nobody else 1494 01:28:50,383 --> 01:28:53,242 ♪ Gave me a thrill 1495 01:28:54,883 --> 01:28:57,432 ♪ With all your faults 1496 01:28:57,504 --> 01:29:00,543 ♪ I love you still 1497 01:29:00,735 --> 01:29:03,447 ♪ It had to be you... 1498 01:29:03,527 --> 01:29:07,077 I've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, I love you. 1499 01:29:07,732 --> 01:29:09,911 - What? - I love you. 1500 01:29:10,913 --> 01:29:13,246 How do you expect me to respond to this? 1501 01:29:13,457 --> 01:29:15,418 How about you love me too? 1502 01:29:15,712 --> 01:29:17,292 How about "I'm leaving"? 1503 01:29:17,381 --> 01:29:19,589 Doesn't what I said mean anything to you? 1504 01:29:19,746 --> 01:29:22,574 I'm sorry, Harry. I know it's New Year's Eve. 1505 01:29:22,650 --> 01:29:25,835 I know you're feeling lonely, but you just can't show up here, 1506 01:29:25,923 --> 01:29:28,907 tell me you love me and expect that to make everything all right. 1507 01:29:29,051 --> 01:29:31,013 - Three, two, one! - It doesn't work this way. 1508 01:29:31,142 --> 01:29:32,569 Well, how does it work? 1509 01:29:32,834 --> 01:29:35,153 I don't know, but not this way. 1510 01:29:35,447 --> 01:29:36,851 How about this way? 1511 01:29:36,962 --> 01:29:39,590 I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. 1512 01:29:39,737 --> 01:29:42,365 I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. 1513 01:29:42,502 --> 01:29:44,416 I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose 1514 01:29:44,484 --> 01:29:45,938 when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. 1515 01:29:46,004 --> 01:29:49,838 I love after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. 1516 01:29:49,941 --> 01:29:54,643 And I love that you are the last person I wanna talk to before I go to sleep at night. 1517 01:29:54,785 --> 01:29:58,563 And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. 1518 01:29:58,659 --> 01:30:00,687 I came here tonight, because when you realize 1519 01:30:00,721 --> 01:30:02,948 you wanna spend the rest of your life with somebody, 1520 01:30:03,012 --> 01:30:06,560 you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 1521 01:30:10,033 --> 01:30:11,466 You see? 1522 01:30:12,531 --> 01:30:14,687 That is just like you, Harry. 1523 01:30:14,751 --> 01:30:19,381 You say things like that and you make it impossible for me to hate you. 1524 01:30:20,241 --> 01:30:23,074 And I hate you, Harry. 1525 01:30:24,181 --> 01:30:26,615 I really hate you. 1526 01:30:30,268 --> 01:30:31,929 I hate you. 1527 01:30:38,829 --> 01:30:45,646 We'll take a cup of kindness yet 1528 01:30:45,822 --> 01:30:49,553 For auld lang syne 1529 01:30:49,579 --> 01:30:52,923 What does this song mean? My whole life I don't know what this song means. 1530 01:30:52,969 --> 01:30:55,071 I mean, "Should old acquaintance be forgot." 1531 01:30:55,127 --> 01:30:56,902 Does that mean that we should forget old acquaintances, 1532 01:30:56,957 --> 01:30:59,252 or does it mean if we happen to forget them, we should remember them, 1533 01:30:59,291 --> 01:31:01,601 which is not possible because we already forgot 'em. 1534 01:31:01,920 --> 01:31:06,588 Well, maybe it just means that we should remember that we forgot them, or something. 1535 01:31:09,178 --> 01:31:12,147 Anyway, it's about old friends. 1536 01:31:14,346 --> 01:31:19,040 In days of auld lang syne 1537 01:31:19,115 --> 01:31:21,304 The first time we met, we hated each other. 1538 01:31:21,553 --> 01:31:24,029 No, you didn't hate me. I hated you. 1539 01:31:24,274 --> 01:31:26,574 The second time we met, you didn't even remember me. 1540 01:31:26,710 --> 01:31:28,834 I did too. I remembered you. 1541 01:31:29,079 --> 01:31:31,596 The third time we met, we became friends. 1542 01:31:31,676 --> 01:31:35,156 - We were friends for a long time. - And then we weren't. 1543 01:31:35,337 --> 01:31:37,492 And then we fell in love. 1544 01:31:38,050 --> 01:31:41,179 - Three months later, we got married. - And it only took three months. 1545 01:31:41,826 --> 01:31:45,728 - Twelve years and three months. - We had this really wonderful wedding. 1546 01:31:45,884 --> 01:31:48,284 - It really was a beautiful wedding. - It was great. 1547 01:31:48,397 --> 01:31:50,272 We had this enormous coconut cake. 1548 01:31:50,518 --> 01:31:52,832 A huge coconut cake with the tiers 1549 01:31:52,903 --> 01:31:55,971 and there was this very rich chocolate sauce on the side. 1550 01:31:56,018 --> 01:31:59,640 Right. 'Cause not everybody likes it on the cake 'cause it makes it very soggy. 1551 01:31:59,726 --> 01:32:02,362 Particularly the coconut, soaks up a lot of that sauce, you really... 1552 01:32:02,413 --> 01:32:04,582 - it's important to keep it on the side. - Right. 1553 01:35:21,178 --> 01:35:24,204 Done by (c) dCd / January 2007 1553 01:35:25,305 --> 01:35:31,902 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from OpenSubtitles.org124728

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