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1
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:13,113
(Frank) 'Nobody's saying the Chatsworth
Estate is the Garden of Eden.
2
00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,509
'At least I don't think they are.
3
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,878
'But it's been a good home to us,
to me, Frank Gallagher,
4
00:00:19,960 --> 00:00:22,155
'and me kids, who I'm proud of,
5
00:00:22,240 --> 00:00:26,358
'cos every single one of them
reminds me a little of me.
6
00:00:28,040 --> 00:00:32,318
'They can all think for themselves,
which they've me to thank for.
7
00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:36,433
'Fiona, who's a big help, a massive help.
8
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:41,435
'Lip, who's a bit of a gobshite, which is
why nobody calls him Phillip any more.
9
00:00:41,520 --> 00:00:46,116
'lan, a lot like his mam, which is handy
for the others, cos she's disappeared,
10
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:47,633
'and good luck to her.
11
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:50,837
'And Carl. We daren't let him
grow his hair for two reasons -
12
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:54,515
'one, it stands on end and makes him
look like Toyah, two, nits love him.
13
00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,752
'Debbie. Sent by God. Total angel.
14
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:03,118
'You have to check your change
but she'll always do you a favour.
15
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:06,431
'Plus Liam! Little rock'n'roller!
16
00:01:06,520 --> 00:01:10,672
'Gonna be a star...
once we've got the fits under control.
17
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:15,072
'Three things, see,
are vital to a half-decent community.
18
00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:20,439
'Space. You need wide-open spaces
where everyone goes mental.
19
00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:24,911
'And neighbourliness.
Fantastic neighbours.
20
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:26,035
(Fireworks whizz)
21
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,999
'Kev and Veronica.
Lend you anything. Well, not anything.
22
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:34,039
'But all of them, to a man,
know first and foremost
23
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:37,430
'one of the most vital necessities
in this life
24
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:41,149
'is they know how to throw a party.'
25
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,356
(Sirens)
26
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,469
Hiya. I said I'd help your Karen
with her homework.
27
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:27,439
OK. Take your shoes off.
28
00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:30,478
- Fair enough.
- I'll get you a carrier bag.
29
00:02:38,640 --> 00:02:41,950
She's got this thing about people
bringing soil into the house.
30
00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,838
- Right.
- She's not as mad as she seems.
31
00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:48,390
- Agoraphobia.
- Oh, right.
32
00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,677
- So how come you know all this?
- It's just something I do.
33
00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,876
- What, like a hobby?
- No.
34
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,757
- The plans.
- What, physics?
35
00:02:55,840 --> 00:03:01,153
All sorts. Look. I've got a great 'un
for Newton's First. Watch.
36
00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:09,352
Every body continues in a state of rest
or uniform motion
37
00:03:09,440 --> 00:03:12,193
unless acted upon by an external...
38
00:03:12,280 --> 00:03:14,589
- (Zip unzips)
- ..force.
39
00:03:16,200 --> 00:03:18,156
- Karen!
- Hello.
40
00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,310
Don't do... Look, Karen!
41
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,436
To be honest, I could do with the money.
42
00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:25,751
- What money?
- I charge for homework.
43
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,070
I'm skint.
44
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,872
OK.
45
00:03:34,520 --> 00:03:36,238
(Whispers) Fuck!
46
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:47,310
- Have you got any deodorant?
- Erm...
47
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:49,470
I'm using lan's.
48
00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:54,031
If I stick this lot in the washer before
I go out, will you keep an eye on it?
49
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,839
- Do it tomorrow.
- God, it stinks in here.
50
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,912
- It's the T-shirt I'm in.
- That's why it stinks.
51
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,468
- You three are like chimps.
- (Veronica) Fiona!
52
00:04:02,560 --> 00:04:04,471
We need to go if we're gonna get a lift.
53
00:04:04,560 --> 00:04:07,472
(Fiona) Give us five minutes, Veronica.
54
00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,917
(Door slams)
55
00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:40,994
Hiya.
56
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,912
(Techno music)
57
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,636
Oi!
58
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:11,119
Excuse me!
59
00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:14,033
- He's got me bag!
- Excuse me.
60
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,873
- Move!
- Oi! He's got me bag!
61
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:19,839
Move, move, move!
62
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:29,835
Bastard!
63
00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:32,472
(Tyres squeal)
64
00:05:32,560 --> 00:05:34,312
Look, I'm sorry.
65
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,154
I know you missed
but that were top fucking notch.
66
00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:41,232
Steve. I was gonna offer
to buy you a drink anyway.
67
00:05:42,280 --> 00:05:44,999
- Were you now?
- Yeah, I was, actually.
68
00:05:46,080 --> 00:05:49,470
- What do you reckon, Veronica?
- I don't know. Do I get one?
69
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,915
Yeah, I think you will.
70
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:55,879
- Snake bites all round, yeah?
- Maybe.
71
00:05:55,960 --> 00:05:59,157
No, no, no.
You're not getting back in like that.
72
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,151
- What?
- Look at the state of him.
73
00:06:01,240 --> 00:06:04,550
State of you. If you were doing your job,
he wouldn't have had to.
74
00:06:04,640 --> 00:06:07,518
- You fat twat.
- You're barred.
75
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:09,670
- What for?
- Er...drugs.
76
00:06:11,440 --> 00:06:14,796
- He let them get away.
- Watch your mouth, spunk face.
77
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:17,314
- Don't talk to her like that.
- Or what?
78
00:06:17,400 --> 00:06:19,470
Forget it. Let's get a taxi.
79
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:24,072
- Thanks.
- Thanks anyway.
80
00:06:27,800 --> 00:06:29,552
(Both scream)
81
00:06:33,440 --> 00:06:36,955
- Come on!
- You fat wanker!
82
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,034
(Lip) I got a blowjob today.
83
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:50,794
What have you been told
about encouraging pets?
84
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:55,635
- Karen Jackson.
- Yeah, right, Lip.
85
00:06:55,720 --> 00:06:59,156
She's desperate to get physics.
I didn't ask.
86
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,834
I didn't even know
until she yanked it out.
87
00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:10,909
You'd have told me straightaway
if you would have been noshed.
88
00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:13,719
You ever had yours sucked?
89
00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,633
Well...once or twice.
90
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,676
Didn't hear you telling me.
91
00:07:19,760 --> 00:07:24,311
How come, lan? A breakthrough like that,
if we tell each other everything...
92
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,710
Unless you got it sucked by a bloke.
93
00:07:47,720 --> 00:07:50,996
(Sobs)
94
00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:54,629
What was it he called you?
A spunky monkey or something.
95
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:58,918
It wasn't me he called spunk face.
It was her. I'm more of a juice face.
96
00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:01,753
- Not in front of the kids, mate.
- They've heard worse.
97
00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:06,356
- I get it off them.
- (Steve) Here's the spunky monkey.
98
00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:11,673
I nearly wet meself when
you whacked that guy. Well, I did a bit.
99
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,194
He'll kill you if ever he sees you, Steve.
100
00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,157
Yeah?
101
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,677
- How many people live here?
- I'm next door but one.
102
00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:23,991
But next door's dead
so I'm, erm...next door.
103
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:26,753
- Yeah? Are you a nurse, Veronica?
- Er...part time.
104
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:29,195
- (Fiona) You lying cow.
- She's a cleaner.
105
00:08:29,280 --> 00:08:32,590
(Veronica) They asked me
to train twice, at least.
106
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:35,558
(Fiona) Just before they sacked you
for thieving.
107
00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,598
If you're using stolen goods,
I'm on the blower.
108
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:41,069
Will you shut up!
You don't even know him!
109
00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:43,037
Sit still.
110
00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,112
I would do if you stopped nudging me
with your knockers.
111
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,469
- Argh, Jesus!
- Sit still!
112
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:51,790
I'm Steve, by the way.
113
00:08:51,880 --> 00:08:54,189
Debbie.
114
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:56,952
- Lip.
- Carl.
115
00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:59,474
- And that's lan.
- Hi, lan.
116
00:08:59,560 --> 00:09:01,596
Hey, Debbie, why do they call him Lip?
117
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,433
A- you stink,
B- you're not as funny as you think,
118
00:09:04,520 --> 00:09:07,512
C- you whacked a bouncer
so you'll be dead soon.
119
00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:10,797
- (Debbie) Stuff like that.
- Yeah, boy meets death wish.
120
00:09:10,880 --> 00:09:13,678
We-hey! I thought you were fetching
an Indian home.
121
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,115
I couldn't be arsed so I found a tax payer.
122
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:20,031
- What's going on?
- We got turfed out.
123
00:09:20,120 --> 00:09:23,351
Steve stuck up for us. Decked a bouncer.
124
00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:26,796
- Which bouncer?
- Jimmy Clifton.
125
00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:28,233
Fuck me.
126
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,276
(Fiona) Come on, you lot. Off to bed.
127
00:09:32,120 --> 00:09:34,714
- Bed.
- (Steve) Night, kids. See you later.
128
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,950
- Bye!
- See you, love.
129
00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:47,916
- That's his?
- Yeah. Well, work's.
130
00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:51,709
- What kind of work?
- Car sales.
131
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:54,758
- Where?
- I don't know. Didn't ask.
132
00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:56,671
I'm not as nosy as you.
133
00:09:56,760 --> 00:09:59,991
Oh, right. But you didn't mind
watching him take his shirt off.
134
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,914
No. And if you hadn't walked in I'd have
tripped him up and dived under.
135
00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,956
Phwoargh! (Giggles)
136
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:28,475
Right, straight answer.
137
00:10:28,560 --> 00:10:32,712
If I hadn't busted my skull for you,
would you have looked twice?
138
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,439
Who's saying I looked twice?
139
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,310
You did then.
140
00:10:46,560 --> 00:10:48,596
I can't.
141
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:58,875
99% of this world's problems are caused
by little words that come in pairs.
142
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:04,312
We're healthy and we're happy
143
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:08,916
and yet when anybody asks us,
we say, "Not bad."
144
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:17,278
When I saw you for the first time,
dancing, about a month ago, by the way,
145
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,193
I was desperate to buy you a drink.
146
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:27,118
But you know what I said to myself?
"I can't. She won't. We wouldn't."
147
00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:33,271
And then you're there again tonight
and me getting a second chance
148
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,396
to make a good impression.
149
00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:39,029
So you say stop and I'll stop.
150
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:56,716
Slower.
151
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,797
Oh, yeah! Nearly! Nearly!
152
00:12:42,120 --> 00:12:44,315
- (Knocking)
- Shit!
153
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,118
Shit!
154
00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:07,150
- Fiona in?
- Yeah. Er...yeah, she's upstairs.
155
00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:12,590
I'll just go get her.
156
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:20,838
- Police.
- I know. I'll sort it.
157
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,837
(Shouting) Go away!
158
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,798
(Girl) Come here, Liam. Back to bed.
159
00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:42,279
I wouldn't put him anywhere near
a carpet until his kecks dry off a bit.
160
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,718
(Steve) What the fuck's that?
(Fiona) It's me dad.
161
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,035
Thanks, Tony. I appreciate it.
162
00:13:57,120 --> 00:14:00,556
Cheers, Fiona. Night.
163
00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:11,071
- Hey, do you want a hand?
- No, you're all right.
164
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:28,192
Do you, erm...
do you leave him there all night?
165
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:30,999
He's never there when I get up.
166
00:14:33,680 --> 00:14:35,955
Who's the little 'un? Liam?
167
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,156
Brother.
168
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,199
(Knock at door,
washing machine spinning)
169
00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,430
(Steve) Hiya.
170
00:16:13,520 --> 00:16:17,308
Listen, erm... I'm wondering
how you're fixed for Friday.
171
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,555
- Party.
- Great.
172
00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,313
- You wouldn't get invited.
- Is it a hen do?
173
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,789
It's just not that kind of party.
174
00:16:25,880 --> 00:16:28,872
Look, Steve, you're not that desperate.
175
00:16:28,960 --> 00:16:32,669
- Wanting to see you again is desperate?
- Feeling like you have to.
176
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:36,549
You could get laid anywhere.
177
00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,632
So I'm only here for a fuck?
178
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:41,711
Never crossed your mind?
179
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,429
This is all a bit Hans Christian Andersen.
180
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:51,029
You see, you think
you find your dream girl,
181
00:16:51,120 --> 00:16:53,793
then her incontinent alcoholic father
wrecks it.
182
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,270
- Don't take the piss.
- Don't pretend you don't even know me.
183
00:16:57,360 --> 00:16:59,430
You weren't that drunk.
184
00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:05,477
If the only reason last night happened
was because it happened,
185
00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:07,755
don't knock it, all right?
186
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,910
At least something did.
187
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,909
It did for me.
188
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,798
- Hey, it's the smart arse.
- Hey, it's the loser.
189
00:17:16,880 --> 00:17:19,838
- No school today?
- Two teeth out this morning.
190
00:17:19,920 --> 00:17:22,434
If you're chewing,
don't just do it on one side.
191
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:26,035
That can bugger your jaw
and that'll change the way you walk.
192
00:17:26,120 --> 00:17:28,350
- Is that a fact?
- It's a skeletal fact.
193
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:32,592
If you talk out of your arse, you'll need
a bigger toothbrush. Anal fact.
194
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,636
Cheers.
195
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,317
Lip.
196
00:17:43,040 --> 00:17:45,474
(Machine restarts)
197
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,789
Look...
198
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:52,995
Thanks about the bag.
199
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:57,750
- And stuff.
- (Steve laughs)
200
00:17:57,840 --> 00:18:01,833
- Stuff?
- I'm just not looking, Steve.
201
00:18:07,160 --> 00:18:09,435
I'm not having this.
202
00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:13,798
Look, just once, for me, then I swear
I'll shut up about everything.
203
00:18:13,880 --> 00:18:16,872
Swear though, Lip, then.
204
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:19,394
Just try it. You might like it.
205
00:18:22,480 --> 00:18:24,357
Oh, she's thrilled with you.
206
00:18:24,440 --> 00:18:26,874
She got an A for her physics.
207
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:29,758
Karen, it's your little helper!
208
00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,798
I'll get you carrier bags.
209
00:18:42,760 --> 00:18:44,318
(Man) Right, I'm off.
210
00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:49,359
Oh, hiya, lads. Where's our Karen?
211
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:53,194
Out looking for a felt tip.
212
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,039
Guess.
213
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:03,395
- Tuna.
- Nope.
214
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:05,630
- Corned beef.
- Nope.
215
00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:07,915
Kiss and I'll tell.
216
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,878
I'll find out what I've got
when I eat 'em, won't I?
217
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:15,999
Right, Karen, I'm late so I'm off.
See you in the morning, sweetheart.
218
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,517
What are you hiding for?
219
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:41,789
What's she hiding for?
220
00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:48,591
Oh, Jesus Christ, no.
221
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,671
No!
222
00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:52,591
(Screaming)
223
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,436
- What?
- He's gonna kill him!
224
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,076
- He's gonna kill him!
- Who?
225
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,435
- (Crash and thud)
- He's killed him.
226
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:15,394
Come back here, you little animals!
227
00:20:19,040 --> 00:20:22,715
Round to ours. Top of the freezer.
Two ice collars.
228
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,995
- Don't drop 'em. They can split.
- Right.
229
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:27,992
Second cupboard above the sink -
liquid ibuprofen.
230
00:20:28,080 --> 00:20:30,548
freeze spray
and microthermal bandages.
231
00:20:30,640 --> 00:20:32,915
- Shouldn't he get it X-rayed?
- Grow up.
232
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,356
He'll be there till midnight.
"Submetatarsal haematoma."
233
00:20:36,440 --> 00:20:39,432
"Yeah, cheers, we knew that
five hours back." Fuck off.
234
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:43,877
Microthermal bandages sizes eight
and ten. Could need either so bring both.
235
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,713
- Right.
- And front bedroom, top of the video...
236
00:20:46,800 --> 00:20:49,360
- Yeah?
- ..fags and lighter.
237
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:55,351
- (Knocking)
- I'm not here!
238
00:20:55,440 --> 00:20:57,351
Argh!
239
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,954
Just say we're out
or you've never heard of us.
240
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:02,156
What have you done?
241
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:11,831
Get back up the stairs.
242
00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:18,709
Can I get through here?
243
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,836
- Hey?
- Washer-dryer.
244
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,717
Not me.
245
00:21:23,560 --> 00:21:27,235
- Gallagher, number 2?
- Yeah. But it's not ours.
246
00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,549
Where the fuck are you going with them?
247
00:21:46,640 --> 00:21:50,792
- Veronica wants them.
- Chuck us one over here.
248
00:22:08,520 --> 00:22:11,114
(Radio alarm)
249
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,679
(Makes trumpet sound)
250
00:22:22,360 --> 00:22:24,396
Right.
251
00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:32,589
- I thought you'd no money.
- We haven't.
252
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:34,716
These were inside it.
253
00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:39,956
"Steve."
254
00:22:40,040 --> 00:22:41,758
- No!
- Yeah.
255
00:22:41,840 --> 00:22:44,354
- Who's Steve?
- Other night.
256
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,396
- Never!
- I know!
257
00:22:47,120 --> 00:22:49,076
- You haven't got a vase.
- No.
258
00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,958
- Can I have them for doing Lip's leg?
- No.
259
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:55,669
Just button it and follow me, will you?
260
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:58,433
- I am! Fucking hell.
- Stop pulling it back.
261
00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:02,115
- I'm not pulling it back!
- I'm taking the strain on it, aren't I?
262
00:23:02,200 --> 00:23:06,079
(Debbie) Lip! Watch how many I can do.
Look. Look!
263
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:10,711
15 years, I've done everything
in my power to... What did I tell you?
264
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,918
Sow and thou shalt reap. Well, she didn't
reap that from me, did she?
265
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:18,276
Reap what? What are you reaping now?
266
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,789
Eddie, what if I try? Really try?
267
00:23:22,880 --> 00:23:25,110
Mum, don't beg him!
268
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,509
If the bastard can do this,
he's not worth it.
269
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:29,909
- You watch your mouth.
- Get fucked!
270
00:23:32,000 --> 00:23:34,355
Don't try blaming me for this!
271
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:37,273
You're your own worst enemies,
you two.
272
00:23:37,360 --> 00:23:41,273
They say bad things come in threes.
They don't. Twos. You twos.
273
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:44,079
Now let me in or I'll tear this door off.
274
00:23:44,160 --> 00:23:46,151
(Karen) Sod off!
275
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,915
(Mobile phone)
276
00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,195
(Fiona) 'How much have you paid for it?'
277
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,078
Erm...l'm not gonna tell you that.
278
00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:05,516
'lt was a present
so you'd remember my phone number.'
279
00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:08,239
Which obviously worked.
280
00:24:08,320 --> 00:24:12,074
Your washer-dryer's in the back yard.
We don't want it, I don't need it.
281
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:15,152
- So pick it up before it rots.
- 'ls it?'
282
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,710
- Well, no.
- Did the guy connect it?
283
00:24:20,800 --> 00:24:22,597
Yes.
284
00:24:23,520 --> 00:24:27,149
- 'So it's working?'
- Yes.
285
00:24:29,280 --> 00:24:31,191
So you've tried it.
286
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,510
- Smell your breath.
- Fuck off.
287
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,436
- Pork scratchings.
- No, it's not.
288
00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,356
They were mine.
289
00:24:52,440 --> 00:24:55,716
See? I wouldn't mind
but scratchings aren't scratchings
290
00:24:55,800 --> 00:24:57,916
and they've never seen no pork.
291
00:24:58,000 --> 00:25:00,116
lan, I pay your wages.
292
00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:04,079
If you catch him letting me down,
you'd better be straight on the mobile.
293
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,037
Message received.
294
00:25:06,120 --> 00:25:08,588
If you're not at that mosque
by midnight,
295
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,875
you'll be in deep shit with your dad.
296
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:15,397
- See you later, light of my life.
- I mean it. We're all watching you.
297
00:25:15,480 --> 00:25:17,516
See you at home.
298
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,437
Can you earn your money
while you're taking the piss?
299
00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:54,199
Now you know what I feel like.
300
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,109
Quit whingeing.
301
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:02,069
Drink more.
302
00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:04,674
(Laughs)
303
00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:21,313
Mum, we've got to wear our shoes.
There's bits of glass you can't see.
304
00:26:27,360 --> 00:26:29,999
- (Lip) Cheers.
- Maybe Lip could do with a drink.
305
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:35,508
Yes, sorry, Lip. It's been a bit of
an off day today, hasn't it, Karen?
306
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,558
So. Vodka, some tonic.
307
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,154
Plenty of rum
but we're out of blackcurrant.
308
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:44,276
- And gin.
- Just coffee, Mum.
309
00:26:44,360 --> 00:26:47,830
- (Tearfully) And a few lagers.
- Lager would be great. Cheers.
310
00:26:55,000 --> 00:26:58,231
- What if your dad comes back?
- He won't.
311
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:06,515
- That's my fault.
- He's been looking for an excuse.
312
00:27:08,720 --> 00:27:10,790
Thanks.
313
00:27:13,240 --> 00:27:17,074
So, erm...what kind of impression
did you get of lan?
314
00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,435
He seems nice.
315
00:27:19,520 --> 00:27:22,557
- Hard?
- Couldn't tell. He didn't say much.
316
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,551
No, I mean...
317
00:27:26,360 --> 00:27:29,875
- Did he get a hard-on?
- No.
318
00:27:52,080 --> 00:27:54,036
(Panting and moaning)
319
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:57,276
(Man) Shh! Shh! Shh!
320
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:05,872
Count the crisps again, lan,
and this time do it proper.
321
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:09,350
And I'll do the peanuts, all right?
Jeez! Lip.
322
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:13,069
Just, er... Cheers for the tools, Kash.
323
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,720
Any time, eh? So long as I get 'em back.
324
00:28:15,800 --> 00:28:18,917
- So orange juice. Let's count...
- Two bottles.
325
00:28:19,000 --> 00:28:21,389
(Lip) Jesus Christ.
326
00:28:21,480 --> 00:28:23,948
Tell me you are taking the piss.
327
00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,759
You're fucking him?
328
00:28:30,840 --> 00:28:32,910
Him?!
329
00:28:36,320 --> 00:28:38,788
(Lip) Kash bought you the trainers,
didn't he?
330
00:28:46,640 --> 00:28:49,473
He's married. With kids.
331
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:54,354
- What else does he buy you?
- Just stuff now and again.
332
00:28:57,440 --> 00:28:59,908
And you're happy with that?
333
00:29:00,880 --> 00:29:02,711
Eh?
334
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,749
What does that make you?
335
00:29:06,840 --> 00:29:08,717
A fucking rent boy at best.
336
00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:12,349
Listen to me, bollock brains.
You crack on you know everything.
337
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:16,479
And you know what? Ask me what
I've bought him. Go on. Ask me.
338
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,791
Two Man United shirts, home and away,
339
00:29:19,880 --> 00:29:22,872
limited edition Beckham shin pads
for Christmas.
340
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:26,236
So what does that make you, Lip, eh?
What does that make you?
341
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:30,029
Wrong, that's what,
you smart arse, short arse fuck.
342
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:34,193
So go round there now and promise
Kash you'll keep your mouth shut.
343
00:29:34,280 --> 00:29:37,875
Cos he's shitting himself
and he's done nothing - understand? -
344
00:29:37,960 --> 00:29:40,235
absolutely fuck all to be sorry for.
345
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,312
Fake Muslim cheats
on white fundamentalist wife
346
00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:47,311
with gutless gay boy.
347
00:29:48,200 --> 00:29:51,715
Says more about United fans
than it does about the rest of us.
348
00:29:57,800 --> 00:30:00,473
(Music drowns out conversation)
349
00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:48,075
- Tell me you haven't got a girl pregnant.
- No danger.
350
00:30:48,160 --> 00:30:51,118
Not if that's all you end up being
to your kids.
351
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:58,471
- Did he give you your dinner money?
- No, I'll pay it myself.
352
00:30:58,560 --> 00:31:00,551
No, you won't.
353
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,711
There you go.
354
00:31:19,840 --> 00:31:22,991
You must be sick
of having to think for everybody.
355
00:31:25,560 --> 00:31:28,472
At least I can,
so it makes me feel wanted.
356
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,553
If the best you're aiming for
is wanting to be wanted,
357
00:31:33,640 --> 00:31:37,315
you've a job for life with that clown,
Fiona.
358
00:31:40,400 --> 00:31:42,311
Night.
359
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,352
(Mobile phone)
360
00:32:12,040 --> 00:32:13,996
(Mobile phone continuing)
361
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:21,794
- Hello.
- What was I wearing?
362
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:24,952
- 'Wearing?'
- The first time you saw me.
363
00:32:27,040 --> 00:32:31,670
'You were wearing a pink top
and black trousers.
364
00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:34,396
'Cropped black trousers.
365
00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:39,235
'And you had dangling earrings.
Just one earring.
366
00:32:39,320 --> 00:32:41,595
'lt was a long, thin dazzler.
367
00:32:41,680 --> 00:32:47,596
'And you had your hair up in
these little clips. These rosy clip things.
368
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:51,468
'And you were dancing next to
a red-haired girl in a green dress.'
369
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,950
Gemma.
Who's a lot better looking than I am.
370
00:32:55,040 --> 00:32:57,873
- 'You reckon?'
- So why weren't you looking at her?
371
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,757
Because you think like that
and Gemma doesn't.
372
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:07,118
Gemma's dancing for an audience and
you're dancing like there's nobody there.
373
00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:13,079
Your life's not straightforward
and a bit of that travels with you
374
00:33:13,160 --> 00:33:15,674
but you don't stop it showing.
375
00:33:15,760 --> 00:33:18,513
'You're not fake. You're not vain.
376
00:33:18,600 --> 00:33:20,875
'You're not lost
so you don't need finding.
377
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,713
'You're not trapped
so you don't need springing.
378
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:27,752
'This town belongs to
the fucking Gemmas of this world
379
00:33:27,840 --> 00:33:31,196
'and I'm sick
of the fucking sight of them.'
380
00:33:31,280 --> 00:33:35,592
'I swear to God, Fiona, you're just...
You make me want to enjoy my life.'
381
00:33:37,360 --> 00:33:39,749
I've lost mates because I talk too much.
382
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:44,550
But every time I try the opposite
I get accused of sulking so...
383
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:47,632
Are you still there? Hello? Hello?
384
00:33:47,720 --> 00:33:49,870
Hello?
385
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:12,712
(Steve) I knew you'd come.
386
00:34:12,800 --> 00:34:15,553
People like you are used to
getting your own way.
387
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:17,790
Who are people like me?
388
00:34:18,760 --> 00:34:21,479
All right, agree or disagree.
389
00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:26,833
- He thinks the sun shines out his arse.
- Agree.
390
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:30,071
- He's overgenerous and that bugs me.
- Agree.
391
00:34:30,160 --> 00:34:33,436
Because I'm not used to being spoiled.
392
00:34:33,520 --> 00:34:35,351
Agree.
393
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:40,512
Nevertheless, he's overeducated
and he's got more money than sense.
394
00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,273
- Your words, not mine.
- But they fit.
395
00:34:44,040 --> 00:34:45,109
Agree.
396
00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,272
- He's had an easy life.
- Definitely.
397
00:34:48,360 --> 00:34:50,828
And I prefer a bloke
who's been around a bit.
398
00:34:50,920 --> 00:34:52,512
Maybe.
399
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:56,070
- I can't help my upbringing.
- I'm not apologising for mine.
400
00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:58,674
Was I asking you to?
401
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,320
- (Waitress) Finished?
- No.
402
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,079
No, we're working on it.
403
00:35:06,320 --> 00:35:07,878
Please.
404
00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:10,838
Do you want to wait outside
while I take care of the bill?
405
00:35:10,920 --> 00:35:13,195
You can smoke there.
406
00:35:14,400 --> 00:35:15,594
Sure.
407
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,311
Can I borrow your lighter?
408
00:35:26,880 --> 00:35:29,519
- Time to get your jacket, sir?
- Mm.
409
00:35:31,040 --> 00:35:32,632
Yeah, it is.
410
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,513
(Classical music)
411
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,999
Mr and Mrs Pace. You all right?
412
00:35:49,080 --> 00:35:52,038
How are you?
Lovely to have you back again.
413
00:35:52,120 --> 00:35:53,872
- Enjoy your meal.
- Thank you.
414
00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:09,316
(Mobile phone)
415
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:22,316
Hello.
416
00:36:22,400 --> 00:36:25,278
(Steve) 'You seem a bit confused
about how I pay my way.
417
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:29,717
'Well, you're the last person in the world
I need to confuse so here we go.
418
00:36:29,800 --> 00:36:34,237
'I don't buy and sell cars, I just sell them.
419
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:37,551
'But they're not mine.
420
00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:39,870
'Satisfied?'
421
00:36:41,320 --> 00:36:43,276
No.
422
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:47,751
They're really nice. They're really old.
They'll be dead soon.
423
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:51,594
Look, he has beef,
gets blind drunk and swears a lot.
424
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,755
'She can't drive
so he tears home pissed.'
425
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:59,719
I'll be doing everybody a favour
by just taking them off the road.
426
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:02,792
'Come on.
Do you fancy a laugh or not, Fiona?'
427
00:37:05,000 --> 00:37:07,036
This car's mine.
428
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:39,433
Sounds like they're all in bed.
429
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:44,678
Gotcha.
430
00:37:46,800 --> 00:37:49,519
Who's been eating my porridge, then?
431
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:53,391
Hiya, Dad.
432
00:37:53,480 --> 00:37:55,436
- This is Steve.
- We've met but you...
433
00:37:55,520 --> 00:37:58,671
- How much do you weigh?
- Wouldn't know.
434
00:37:58,760 --> 00:38:01,752
- That'd fit me.
- Ignore him.
435
00:38:03,080 --> 00:38:05,196
Shift!
436
00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:15,277
Listen, I better get off
and let you get to bed, all right?
437
00:38:25,360 --> 00:38:27,510
Thanks.
438
00:38:27,600 --> 00:38:29,830
That was really nice.
439
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,036
You too.
440
00:38:40,600 --> 00:38:43,637
What I want to know...
441
00:38:43,720 --> 00:38:48,430
Who...signed...for this?
442
00:39:00,680 --> 00:39:03,274
- What the fuck's he on?
- I think he bought Es.
443
00:39:03,360 --> 00:39:06,875
The only dealer he gets credit from
is a registered schizophrenic.
444
00:39:10,960 --> 00:39:15,158
It's not a case of whether I agree, Steve.
It's a fact.
445
00:39:15,240 --> 00:39:17,993
- If I was a single parent...
- Aren't you?
446
00:39:18,080 --> 00:39:20,150
Yeah, but if I had tits.
447
00:39:20,240 --> 00:39:24,472
Yeah, but if I had tits, Steve,
they'd double the money.
448
00:39:24,560 --> 00:39:28,519
- With a bloke they don't fucking know.
- I get it, Frank, I get it.
449
00:39:28,600 --> 00:39:31,797
- It's "Prove you're looking for work."
- And the rest.
450
00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:35,589
What was World War II about
if blokes like me are still getting shit?
451
00:39:35,680 --> 00:39:38,956
Not "How's a guy supposed to find work
with kids this age?"
452
00:39:39,880 --> 00:39:42,110
Correct. Hello!
453
00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:45,480
Oh! Good show. Well done.
454
00:39:45,560 --> 00:39:49,439
- Cos her mum, God rest her soul...
- Dad, don't start.
455
00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,795
Cos she'd better be dead, the cunt.
456
00:39:51,880 --> 00:39:55,759
- Cut it out!
- A four-month-old baby, Steve.
457
00:39:55,840 --> 00:39:58,229
A 16-year-old girl,
just had her appendix out.
458
00:39:58,320 --> 00:40:02,916
11-year-old Lip, 10-year-old lan,
7-year-old, 5-year-old.
459
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:06,231
Oh, and an Escort van, calypso blue.
460
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,635
What's the one thing we needed?
461
00:40:09,720 --> 00:40:12,188
One word. One thing.
462
00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:15,636
- Sterilisation.
- Continuity.
463
00:40:15,720 --> 00:40:17,278
Continuity.
464
00:40:17,360 --> 00:40:20,989
One Tuesday, right, we're out of bread,
so I send her down the shops.
465
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:22,877
She grabs the van keys.
466
00:40:24,800 --> 00:40:29,999
I haven't seen it since. And we haven't
a fucking clue where she is, have we?
467
00:40:30,080 --> 00:40:33,470
Eh? We... Oh, I fucking love this.
468
00:40:33,560 --> 00:40:36,791
(Turns up the music volume)
469
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:41,071
So what could I do, Steve?
What could I do?
470
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:43,435
Vanish for three weeks.
471
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:46,910
- I had a breakdown.
- (Fiona) You went on a bender.
472
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,150
I had a nervous breakdown.
473
00:40:49,240 --> 00:40:51,037
Fair enough.
474
00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,395
- (Knocking)
- Dad.
475
00:40:53,480 --> 00:40:55,118
Keys.
476
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,116
- Do you know what time it is?
- It's Frank.
477
00:41:15,200 --> 00:41:17,316
- What have I told you?
- Oi!
478
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:22,030
(Frank) Eh! Here we go.
Neighbours of Satan.
479
00:41:22,120 --> 00:41:25,510
The day you pay rent,
like some of us, Frank,
480
00:41:25,600 --> 00:41:27,795
you can play whatever shit you want.
481
00:41:27,880 --> 00:41:31,429
But till then,
if you're pumpin' it at this time of night,
482
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:34,592
you play stuff that we like.
483
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:37,037
All right?
484
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:39,270
- Do you get it?
- I get it.
485
00:41:47,280 --> 00:41:49,191
Go on, get that down you.
486
00:42:15,320 --> 00:42:17,914
(Loud music and raucous laughter)
487
00:42:20,320 --> 00:42:22,595
He made me follow you up.
488
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:24,557
I know.
489
00:42:25,400 --> 00:42:27,868
But he's right. You can't drive now.
490
00:42:30,840 --> 00:42:32,592
But...
491
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,838
Liam is in here somewhere.
492
00:42:39,760 --> 00:42:42,035
Don't the kids wake up?
493
00:42:43,800 --> 00:42:45,950
Would you?
494
00:43:02,720 --> 00:43:04,676
(Car alarm)
495
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,715
(Fiona)
lan, come and have your breakfast.
496
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:17,037
- Have you seen lan?
- He'd gone before I woke up.
497
00:43:17,120 --> 00:43:19,156
His school uniform's not here neither.
498
00:43:31,680 --> 00:43:33,750
- Good morning.
- Good morning.
499
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:38,671
Give me this.
500
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:47,954
Tell me if you're not a morning person.
501
00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:52,111
It's not something
I've had much experience of.
502
00:43:54,160 --> 00:43:56,594
First time for everything.
503
00:44:26,280 --> 00:44:28,430
How can that be good for you?
504
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:34,951
- Or that.
- Do you know what's not funny?
505
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:37,634
You. Ever.
506
00:44:48,360 --> 00:44:50,590
Anybody before Kash?
507
00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:58,115
- One.
- Who?
508
00:44:58,200 --> 00:44:59,997
I'm not telling you.
509
00:45:00,080 --> 00:45:04,039
And actually...up the arse?
510
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,554
Cos... Look, I'm not taking the piss.
511
00:45:06,640 --> 00:45:11,156
I've come through a toilet roll. And that's
just one finger. Barely up the ring.
512
00:45:11,240 --> 00:45:13,629
Screamed the house down!
513
00:45:13,720 --> 00:45:16,029
Do you get used to that? Can you?
514
00:45:17,200 --> 00:45:21,034
The whole point of the digestive system
is about one-way traffic.
515
00:45:25,080 --> 00:45:27,116
It just is.
516
00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,475
What?
517
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,949
- What?
- You!
518
00:45:34,720 --> 00:45:36,312
"It just is."
519
00:45:37,880 --> 00:45:40,997
Like we're only given lungs
so we can fucking smoke.
520
00:45:49,480 --> 00:45:52,233
(Singing oom-pah song)
521
00:45:55,640 --> 00:45:58,916
- Sit yourselves down. Who's for bacon?
- All right.
522
00:46:00,920 --> 00:46:02,148
(Boy) Yummy!
523
00:46:02,240 --> 00:46:04,549
- What's all this?
- Well, er...
524
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:07,313
Debbie's the only person
that gets up earlier than me
525
00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:10,437
so we shot off down to
Apu's on the corner.
526
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:14,832
She said breakfast is her favourite meal
of the day and since it's her birthday...
527
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:17,878
(Gasps) No, it's not!
528
00:46:18,880 --> 00:46:21,997
I didn't say it was, it said I wished it was.
529
00:46:22,080 --> 00:46:25,470
All right.
Sorry, completely misheard that, Debs.
530
00:46:25,560 --> 00:46:29,075
Perforated eardrum on the right. M'lady.
531
00:46:29,160 --> 00:46:31,469
- Anyone else want a drink?
- Who's for bacon?
532
00:46:31,560 --> 00:46:35,439
You got 15 minutes tops.
lan, Lip, your turn to wash up.
533
00:46:35,520 --> 00:46:38,830
Debbie, Carl,
you need to put them bins out.
534
00:46:38,920 --> 00:46:43,311
(Frank) 'Somebody said,
"Show me a child before he's seven
535
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:45,550
"'and I'll show you the man."
536
00:46:45,640 --> 00:46:48,712
'My problem with kids is
they're only seven once.
537
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:52,031
'After that it's a fucking nightmare.
Massive!
538
00:46:52,120 --> 00:46:57,433
'One thing I'll say about my lot, though,
they've been raised to show respect.
539
00:46:57,520 --> 00:47:01,399
'And I like that. It matters in our house.'
540
00:47:12,280 --> 00:47:14,111
Has anyone seen Dad since last night?
541
00:47:14,200 --> 00:47:17,317
(Frank) 'Six kids to keep on top of.'
542
00:47:19,520 --> 00:47:22,478
You can't file Frank as missing.
He's always missing.
543
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:23,834
Ooh, that is tight.
544
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,355
Sorry. Was my dad in the pub
this afternoon?
545
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,271
Yeah, he were there. Slaughtered.
546
00:47:30,360 --> 00:47:32,430
How was he looking when you left him?
547
00:47:32,520 --> 00:47:34,750
He can't be far. He's never far.
548
00:47:34,840 --> 00:47:39,072
Police? I've just found a body
exactly fitting Frank's description.
549
00:47:39,160 --> 00:47:41,469
(Screaming)
550
00:48:19,280 --> 00:48:21,555
You might be getting...
551
00:48:21,640 --> 00:48:25,189
but you've got a long way to go
before you can catch up with...
552
00:48:41,960 --> 00:48:43,279
For fuck's sake!
42369
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