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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,245 - * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR 2 00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:13,214 * ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR, FIVE, SIX * 3 00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,448 * SHAKE IT, DUDE 4 00:00:14,482 --> 00:00:22,423 * 5 00:00:28,429 --> 00:00:29,763 * ONE, TWO, DO IT 6 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,133 * 7 00:00:32,166 --> 00:00:33,567 * ONE, TWO, THREE 8 00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,369 - * FOUR, FOUR 9 00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:38,439 * 10 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,142 - HERE'S WHERE RAGE AND ZEPHYR 11 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,676 DISCOVER J.T. BEATEN AND LEFT FOR DEAD 12 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:44,678 BY A GANG OF GAY BASHERS. 13 00:00:44,712 --> 00:00:46,114 - IT'S KIND OF GORY. 14 00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:47,215 - IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE. 15 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:48,582 - I'M SURE THAT I LEFT IT HERE. 16 00:00:48,616 --> 00:00:49,550 - HERE'S RAGE 17 00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,320 ZAPPING THE BASHERS WITH HIS MIND DISTORTER. 18 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:53,621 - WITH HIS WHAT? 19 00:00:53,654 --> 00:00:55,689 - HE SURROUNDS THEM WITH A MIND DISTORTION FIELD 20 00:00:55,723 --> 00:00:57,325 SO THEY THINK THEY'RE ALL FAGS. 21 00:00:57,358 --> 00:00:59,193 - THEN THEY BEAT EACH OTHER TO DEATH. 22 00:00:59,227 --> 00:01:01,562 - WOW. THEN WHAT HAPPENS? 23 00:01:01,595 --> 00:01:04,098 - THEN HE SWOOPS J.T. INTO HIS ARMS 24 00:01:04,132 --> 00:01:05,799 AND TAKES HIM UP TO HIS LAIR 25 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:07,568 PERCHED HIGH ABOVE GAYOPOLIS... 26 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:09,403 - AND HE BRINGS J.T. BACK TO LIFE 27 00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,639 WITH LOTS OF HEAVY KISSING AND DEEP ANAL PENETRATION. 28 00:01:11,672 --> 00:01:13,141 - WHICH, IF YOU'LL NOTICE 29 00:01:13,174 --> 00:01:15,409 FROM THE GENEROUS AMOUNTS OF ILLUSTRATIONS, 30 00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:16,844 IS JUSTIN'S FAVORITE PART. 31 00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,212 - YES, I SEE. 32 00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:20,514 OKAY, WHERE THE HELL IS MY PALM? 33 00:01:20,548 --> 00:01:22,250 - MM, WELL, TRY MY BEDROOM. 34 00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:23,851 YOU KNOW, IT MAY HAVE DROPPED OUT OF YOUR POCKET 35 00:01:23,884 --> 00:01:25,319 WHILE YOU WERE DROPPING OUT OF YOUR PANTS. 36 00:01:25,353 --> 00:01:28,489 - MM, GOOD THINKING, BOY-TOY WONDER. 37 00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:36,464 - YOU STOLE IT? 38 00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,631 - [whispering] BORROWED IT. 39 00:01:37,665 --> 00:01:38,899 BEN'S GOT A BUDDY LIST IN HERE. 40 00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,334 SO I'M GONNA CALL EVERYBODY ON IT 41 00:01:40,368 --> 00:01:41,869 AND INVITE THEM TO A SURPRISE PARTY. 42 00:01:41,902 --> 00:01:43,671 - WHEN'S HIS BIRTHDAY? - SATURDAY. 43 00:01:43,704 --> 00:01:44,805 - NO SHIT, THAT'S MINE. 44 00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:47,741 - REALLY? - YEAH. 45 00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,211 ISN'T THAT THE MOST AMAZING COINCIDENCE? 46 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:51,912 - WHAT, THAT YOU TWO HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY? 47 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:53,647 - OR THAT YOU AND BRIAN ARE BOTH IN LOVE 48 00:01:53,681 --> 00:01:56,150 WITH GUYS WHO HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY. 49 00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:58,452 - AHH, NO LUCK IN THE BEDROOM. 50 00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,454 - THAT'S A FIRST. 51 00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:01,889 [buzzer] 52 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:04,325 - YOU KNOW, I KNOW THAT MY PALM'S STATE-OF-THE-ART, BUT... 53 00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,227 COULDN'T HAVE JUST WALKED AWAY ON ITS OWN. 54 00:02:06,260 --> 00:02:07,228 - YOU WANT TO STAY FOR DINNER? 55 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:08,629 BEN'S MAKING PAD THAI. 56 00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:09,863 - THEN... 57 00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:11,865 WE ARE GOING TO WATCH... 58 00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,501 SUNSET BOULEVARD. 59 00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,369 - I CAN'T. 60 00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:16,770 BRIAN AND I ARE GOING TO... 61 00:02:16,804 --> 00:02:17,771 BABYLON. - BABYLON. 62 00:02:17,805 --> 00:02:19,740 - BABYLON, YEAH. 63 00:02:19,773 --> 00:02:22,743 [upbeat music] 64 00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:24,512 * 65 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:27,515 - WHOO! YEAH! 66 00:02:27,548 --> 00:02:33,221 * 67 00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:36,490 - ISN'T THAT, LIKE, THE MOST AMAZING COINCIDENCE? 68 00:02:36,524 --> 00:02:38,659 - THAT YOU BEN AND, LIKE, 17 MILLION OTHER PEOPLE 69 00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,262 HAVE THE SAME BIRTHDAY? 70 00:02:41,295 --> 00:02:42,930 - SO HOW DO YOU PLAN ON COMMEMORATING THE BIG EVENT? 71 00:02:42,963 --> 00:02:45,266 A TRIP TO KEY WEST? 72 00:02:45,299 --> 00:02:47,601 SOMETHING WITH FOUR WHEELS AND A RETRACTABLE HARD-TOP? 73 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,702 - THAT SOUNDS GOOD. 74 00:02:48,736 --> 00:02:49,870 - I'M NOT. 75 00:02:49,903 --> 00:02:51,672 - YOU'RE NOT? 76 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,541 - WHAT'S A FUCKING BIRTHDAY? 77 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:55,976 ANYBODY CAN GET BORN, EVEN YOU. 78 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:59,547 THE ONLY THING WORTH CELEBRATING IS ACHIEVEMENT. 79 00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,914 - I SEEM TO REMEMBER YOU 80 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,851 THROWING MICHAEL A LITTLE SURPRISE PARTY LAST YEAR. 81 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,353 - I AGREE WITH BRIAN. 82 00:03:05,386 --> 00:03:07,321 I THINK BIRTHDAYS ARE SILLY, 83 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:09,890 SENTIMENTAL, AND UNNECESSARY. 84 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:10,991 - OKAY, SWEETHEART, 85 00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:12,626 THANKS FOR THE RIDE, BUT, UH, 86 00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:15,429 HERE'S WHERE I GET OFF. 87 00:03:16,797 --> 00:03:19,400 - SOME CATCH. HOW COME YOU'RE THROWING HIM BACK? 88 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,668 - NOT BIG ENOUGH? 89 00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:22,903 - OH, I'M SURE HE'S BIG ENOUGH. 90 00:03:22,936 --> 00:03:24,372 - YOU STILL IN MOURNING? 91 00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:26,006 - I'VE TRIED BOYS, I'VE TRIED BOOZE, 92 00:03:26,039 --> 00:03:27,641 I'VE TRIED PILLS... 93 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:31,879 BUT I AM STILL IN THE VALLEY OF THE DULLS. 94 00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:35,849 - WELL, NEELY, MAYBE YOU NEED SOME SPIRITUAL SUCCOR. 95 00:03:35,883 --> 00:03:37,551 - YEAH, YOU SHOULD CALL MY MOTHER'S MINISTER. 96 00:03:37,585 --> 00:03:39,487 HE GIVES GREAT HEAD. 97 00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,689 - THAT'S NOT THE KIND OF HEALING I HAD IN MIND. 98 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:45,459 YOU'RE COMING WITH ME TOMORROW... 99 00:03:45,493 --> 00:03:47,495 TO CHURCH. 100 00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,962 - CHURCH? 101 00:03:48,996 --> 00:03:50,464 - THE CURTAIN HAS ALREADY GONE UP 102 00:03:50,498 --> 00:03:52,466 ON THE BIGGEST SHOW IN TOWN, 103 00:03:52,500 --> 00:03:54,968 IN THE UNIVERSE, IN CREATION. 104 00:03:55,002 --> 00:03:57,871 IT'S CALLED "YOUR LIFE"! 105 00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,340 AND IT STARS YOU. 106 00:03:59,373 --> 00:04:01,375 THE ORIGINAL CAST, WITH LYRICS AND MUSIC, 107 00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,877 AND A BOOK THAT COULD ONLY HAVE BEEN WRITTEN, 108 00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:08,316 DIRECTED, AND CONCEIVED BY... 109 00:04:08,349 --> 00:04:09,350 GOD! 110 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:10,618 all: AMEN. 111 00:04:10,651 --> 00:04:13,321 - ISN'T REVEREND BRAD INCREDIBLE? 112 00:04:13,354 --> 00:04:16,457 - YEAH, YEAH, HE SHOULD... WIN A TONY. 113 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:18,626 - THIS IS NOT A DRESS REHEARSAL, KIDS. 114 00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,961 LET US SELL IT TO THE BALCONY AND BEYOND. 115 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,830 RISE, RISE, 116 00:04:22,863 --> 00:04:24,064 AND FOLLOW IN YOUR HYMNALS. 117 00:04:24,097 --> 00:04:27,601 [organ playing] 118 00:04:27,635 --> 00:04:28,869 HIT IT. 119 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:30,338 * PUT ON YOUR SUNDAY CLOTHES * 120 00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:33,874 * WHEN YOU FEEL DOWN AND OUT * 121 00:04:33,907 --> 00:04:36,344 * STRUT DOWN THE STREET AND HAVE YOUR PICTURE TOOK * 122 00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:38,078 - IMAGINE HOW GOOD YOU'LL FEEL. 123 00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:39,747 - I THINK IT'S GOING TO TAKE A LITTLE MORE THAN A SHOW TUNE. 124 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:43,617 - * LIKE A DREAM, YOUR SPIRIT SEEMS TO TURN ABOUT * 125 00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:46,420 - HERE, SHARE MINE. - THANKS. 126 00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,590 - * A CERTAIN SIGN THAT YOU FEEL AS FINE AS YOU LOOK * 127 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:54,662 * WHEN YOU WEAR A SONG THE WORLD IS ALL A SMILE * 128 00:04:54,695 --> 00:04:57,398 * THAT MAKES YOU FEEL BRAND-NEW DOWN TO YOUR TOES * 129 00:04:57,431 --> 00:04:58,999 OH! 130 00:04:59,032 --> 00:05:01,034 * GET OUT YOUR FEATHERS, YOUR... * 131 00:05:01,068 --> 00:05:02,670 - YOU KNOW, I ACTUALLY DO FEEL BETTER. 132 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,071 - * YOUR BUTTONS AND BOWS 133 00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:05,673 * FOR THERE'S NO BLUE MONDAY * 134 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:09,009 * IN YOUR SUNDAY CLOTHES 135 00:05:09,042 --> 00:05:11,812 - COME ON, BARNABY, LET'S GO TO PITTSBURGH. 136 00:05:11,845 --> 00:05:14,415 - I WAS WITH THE PEACE CORPS FOR A FEW YEARS, 137 00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:16,049 BUT THEN, I DECIDED WHAT I REALLY WANTED 138 00:05:16,083 --> 00:05:18,952 WAS TO WORK WITH KIDS. - THAT'S SWEET. 139 00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,054 - HUH. EVER TEACH SECOND-GRADERS? 140 00:05:21,088 --> 00:05:23,691 SWEET'S NOT EXACTLY THE WORD. - [chuckling] 141 00:05:23,724 --> 00:05:25,859 I'M SURE THEY ADORE YOU. 142 00:05:25,893 --> 00:05:27,127 - I LOVE IT. 143 00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:28,796 AND IT ALLOWS ME TIME IN THE EVENINGS 144 00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:30,698 TO VOLUNTEER AT THE GAY YOUTH SUPPORT LINE 145 00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:33,100 AND TO TRAIN FOR THE AIDS RIDE ON THE WEEKEND. 146 00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:36,470 AND THEN, OF COURSE, I, UH... HELP OUT AT THE CHURCH. 147 00:05:36,504 --> 00:05:38,672 - OF COURSE. HEH. 148 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:39,907 I'M IMPRESSED. 149 00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,943 - LISTEN TO ME GOING ON ABOUT MYSELF. 150 00:05:42,976 --> 00:05:45,679 WHAT ABOUT YOU? 151 00:05:45,713 --> 00:05:47,415 TELL ME WHAT YOU DO. 152 00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:49,116 - ME? - MM-HMM. 153 00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:52,119 [techno music] 154 00:05:52,152 --> 00:05:55,022 * 155 00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,090 TED? 156 00:05:57,124 --> 00:05:58,626 - HMM? 157 00:05:58,659 --> 00:05:59,960 WHERE'D YOU JUST GO? 158 00:05:59,993 --> 00:06:02,095 - OH, UH... 159 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,764 NOWHERE. I WAS, UH... 160 00:06:03,797 --> 00:06:06,567 JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID. 161 00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,503 - SO, UH, WHAT DO YOU DO? 162 00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:12,506 - I, UH... WORK IN COMPUTERS. 163 00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:14,875 - UM, SALES? PROGRAMMING? 164 00:06:14,908 --> 00:06:18,479 - I RUN MY OWN DOT-COM COMPANY. 165 00:06:18,512 --> 00:06:20,113 - REALLY? 166 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,849 AN ENTREPRENEUR. 167 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:24,585 SO, UH, WHAT KIND OF COMPANY IS IT? 168 00:06:24,618 --> 00:06:26,787 - YOU KNOW... 169 00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,889 DEALING WITH PEOPLE'S NEEDS. 170 00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:33,427 YOU MIGHT CALL IT... 171 00:06:33,461 --> 00:06:35,028 RELIEF WORK. 172 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,530 - SOMEHOW I... 173 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,665 I KNEW YOU'D DO SOMETHING 174 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:41,502 THAT INVOLVED HELPING OTHERS. 175 00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,037 - A SURPRISE PARTY? 176 00:06:44,071 --> 00:06:45,172 SO WHAT DO YOU PLAN TO DO? 177 00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:47,040 - DO? - YEAH, YOU KNOW, 178 00:06:47,074 --> 00:06:48,108 AFTER EVERYONE JUMPS OUT OF THE WOODWORK 179 00:06:48,141 --> 00:06:49,309 AND SCREAMS "SURPRISE"? 180 00:06:49,342 --> 00:06:51,779 - I DON'T KNOW. I-I THOUGHT WE'D SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY 181 00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:53,881 AND CUT THE CAKE, OPEN PRESENTS. 182 00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,583 - ANY THOUGHT OF NUDITY AND DRUGS? 183 00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:57,785 - THIS ISN'T ONE OF YOUR AFFAIRS. 184 00:06:57,818 --> 00:06:59,653 BESIDES, I'M NOT ROLLING IN DOUGH. 185 00:06:59,687 --> 00:07:01,522 I CAN'T AFFORD SOME ELABORATE PARTY. 186 00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:03,023 - SWEETHEART, YOU DON'T NEED A LOT OF MONEY, 187 00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,925 YOU JUST NEED A THEME. 188 00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,059 WHAT'S, UH, WHAT'S BEN INTO? 189 00:07:06,093 --> 00:07:07,995 - YOGA, BUDDHISM. 190 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:10,163 - OH, WE CAN MEDITATE! 191 00:07:10,197 --> 00:07:11,632 THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN. 192 00:07:11,665 --> 00:07:12,766 - OKAY, GIVE ME A MINUTE HERE. 193 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,002 LET ME THINK, LET ME THINK. 194 00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:18,672 OKAY, OKAY, IT'S COMING TO ME. I'M GETTING AN IDEA. 195 00:07:18,706 --> 00:07:19,940 WHY DON'T WE DO 196 00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:22,676 A GEISHA-SUSHI-"MISS-SAIGONY" KIND OF THING? 197 00:07:22,710 --> 00:07:24,111 WE CAN TRANSFORM BEN'S APARTMENT 198 00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,980 INTO A FAR EASTERN PHANTASMAGORIA 199 00:07:27,014 --> 00:07:28,215 WITH COLORED LANTERNS 200 00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:31,218 AND, UM, LITTLE... PAGODAS. 201 00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:33,120 - YEAH. BETTER YET, 202 00:07:33,153 --> 00:07:34,688 WHY DON'T YOU BUY A BOTTLE OF SAKE 203 00:07:34,722 --> 00:07:36,256 AND A COPY OF THE KAMA SUTRA 204 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,826 AND FUCK YOUR BRAINS OUT? 205 00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:40,027 IT'LL BE CHEAPER. 206 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,729 - HONEY, YOU JUST LEAVE IT TO ME. 207 00:07:41,762 --> 00:07:44,565 I WILL MAKE SURE IT IS A PARTY THAT'S UNFORGETTABLE. 208 00:07:44,598 --> 00:07:46,199 - WHO'S HAVING A PARTY? 209 00:07:46,233 --> 00:07:48,235 - NOBODY. 210 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:51,505 - MUSTN'T BE MUCH OF A GUEST LIST. 211 00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:53,106 - BEN'S BIRTHDAY. 212 00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,142 AND MICHAEL'S GOING TO THROW HIM A FAR EASTERN... 213 00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:59,580 PHANTASMAGORIA . 214 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:01,048 - THAT'S NICE. 215 00:08:03,050 --> 00:08:04,151 [bell dings] 216 00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,153 - HEY, DEB, YOUR ORDER'S UP. 217 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,955 - ORDER'S UP. 218 00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:09,056 GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK. 219 00:08:11,592 --> 00:08:12,860 - WHAT THE FUCK YOU TELL HER FOR? 220 00:08:12,893 --> 00:08:14,895 - WHY THE FUCK DO YOU WANT TO KEEP IT A SECRET? 221 00:08:14,928 --> 00:08:17,097 - BECAUSE I DON'T WANT HER TO GIVE ME ANY MORE SHIT ABOUT BEN. 222 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,700 - MAYBE IF YOU INVITED HER... 223 00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:22,770 - WHAT FOR? SHE WOULDN'T COME ANYWAY. 224 00:08:22,803 --> 00:08:24,805 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN, HE'S NOT DOING ANYTHING? 225 00:08:24,838 --> 00:08:26,907 - BRIAN DOESN'T BELIEVE IN BIRTHDAYS, NOT EVEN HIS OWN. 226 00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,776 - WHAT KIND OF BULLSHIT IS THAT? 227 00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:30,644 - HE ALMOST KILLED HIMSELF WHEN HE TURNED 30. 228 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,979 - YEAH, WHO'S TALKING ABOUT HIS BIRTHDAY? 229 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,146 WE'RE TALKING ABOUT JUSTIN'S. 230 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,915 WHAT'S HIS PROBLEM WITH TURNING 19? 231 00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:36,850 - HE BELIEVES IN CELEBRATING ACCOMPLISHMENT, 232 00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:37,885 NOT SENTIMENTAL RITUALS. 233 00:08:37,918 --> 00:08:39,019 - OH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. 234 00:08:39,052 --> 00:08:40,988 WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO, BRAINWASH YOU? 235 00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:44,024 EVERYBODY DESERVES A LITTLE ATTENTION ON THEIR BIRTHDAY. 236 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:46,193 - ESPECIALLY FROM THE PERSON THEY LOVE. 237 00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,695 [giggling] 238 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:50,030 WELL, IF BRIAN'S NOT GOING TO DO ANYTHING, WE WILL. 239 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,966 - YEAH. WHAT DO YOU SAY WE, UH, GO TO DINNER AND A MOVIE? 240 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,202 - OH, THAT'S NOT VERY SPECIAL. WE CAN DO THAT ANYTIME. 241 00:08:55,235 --> 00:08:57,137 - OKAY, LET'S THROW A PARTY. 242 00:08:57,170 --> 00:08:59,840 - I HATE PARTIES. - HE HATES PARTIES. 243 00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,709 - BESIDES, MICHAEL'S ALREADY GIVING BEN ONE. 244 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:04,645 - I KNOW. YOU'RE COMING WITH US, SATURDAY AFTERNOON. 245 00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,046 - WHERE? 246 00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:07,615 - A FRIEND OF MINE WHO TEACHES IN THE MUSIC DEPARTMENT 247 00:09:07,648 --> 00:09:11,084 AT YOUR SCHOOL INVITED US TO A VIOLIN RECITAL. 248 00:09:11,118 --> 00:09:12,686 - A VIOLIN RECITAL? 249 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,955 - SHE SAID THE STUDENT WHO'S PLAYING IS A GENIUS. 250 00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,790 - I'M NOT REALLY INTO CLASSICAL MUSIC. 251 00:09:16,824 --> 00:09:18,291 - WELL, MAYBE IT'S TIME YOU EXPOSED YOURSELF 252 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,227 TO A HIGHER FORM OF CULTURAL EXPRESSION 253 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,663 THAN THE THUMPA-THUMPA AT BABYLON. 254 00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,698 - WELL, IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO GO, DON'T FORCE HIM. 255 00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:27,334 ALTHOUGH SHE ALSO SAID HE'S REALLY CUTE. 256 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:31,271 [giggling] 257 00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,873 - [mouth full] WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SO? 258 00:09:32,906 --> 00:09:36,243 [indistinct chatter] 259 00:09:36,276 --> 00:09:39,079 - AHH. THESE ARE FOR YOU. 260 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,714 - BUT IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY. 261 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:43,316 - WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY, IT'S BETTER TO GIVE. 262 00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,619 - WELL, RECEIVING'S NOT TOO BAD EITHER. 263 00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,787 - MMM. - YOU KNOW, WHILE WE'RE 264 00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:48,155 ON THE SUBJECT OF YOUR BIRTHDAY... 265 00:09:48,188 --> 00:09:49,957 - YES, WHILE WE'RE ON IT, PLEASE, NOTHING SPECIAL. 266 00:09:49,990 --> 00:09:53,293 LET'S JUST KEEP IT SIMPLE AND LOW-KEY, OKAY? 267 00:09:53,326 --> 00:09:54,094 - SIMPLE AND LOW-KEY IT IS. 268 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:55,729 I THOUGHT WE COULD GO TO DINNER. 269 00:09:55,763 --> 00:09:59,366 - SOMEPLACE EASY AND CASUAL, NOTHING FANCY. 270 00:09:59,399 --> 00:10:01,769 - HOW ABOUT THE LIBERTY DINER? 271 00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:02,736 - NOT THAT CASUAL. [chuckles] 272 00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,772 - LOOK, HOW ABOUT I MEET YOU AT YOUR PLACE? 273 00:10:04,805 --> 00:10:06,039 UM, WHAT TIME DO YOU GET HOME? 274 00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:10,010 - AH, IF I HAD MY DAMN PALM, I COULD TELL YOU FOR SURE, BUT... 275 00:10:10,043 --> 00:10:11,979 LET'S SEE, I'VE GOT CLASSES TILL 4:00, 276 00:10:12,012 --> 00:10:14,381 THEN THE DOCTOR'S, THEN YOGA, SO... 277 00:10:14,414 --> 00:10:17,651 I'D SAY AROUND 7:00. UM, NO, YOU BETTER MAKE IT 7:30. 278 00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:18,786 - PERFECT. 279 00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,320 - BEN. 280 00:10:20,353 --> 00:10:22,923 - HEY, PAUL. [grunts] 281 00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,124 - HOW ARE YOU DOING, BABY? 282 00:10:24,157 --> 00:10:25,258 - MM, GOOD. GOOD. YOU? 283 00:10:25,292 --> 00:10:26,860 - AH, NO COMPLAINTS. 284 00:10:26,894 --> 00:10:27,928 - PAUL, THIS IS MICHAEL. 285 00:10:27,961 --> 00:10:30,130 - OH, MICHAEL. 286 00:10:30,163 --> 00:10:31,732 I HEARD YOU WERE SEEING SOMEONE. 287 00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:33,133 - WORD TRAVELS FAST. 288 00:10:33,166 --> 00:10:35,135 - [laughs] AROUND HERE? 289 00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,304 UH, LISTEN, UH, WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER. 290 00:10:37,337 --> 00:10:38,706 WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME SOMETIME? 291 00:10:38,739 --> 00:10:41,008 - I WILL, I'LL DO THAT. - GOOD. 292 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:43,110 SEE YOU, MICHAEL. both: SEE YOU. 293 00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:45,378 - NICE GUY. - PAUL? OH, YEAH, HE'S... 294 00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:46,513 HE'S A SWEETHEART. 295 00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:50,017 ACTUALLY, HE AND I WERE TOGETHER ABOUT FIVE YEARS AGO. 296 00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:51,151 - OH. 297 00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:53,887 - NO, WE STAYED FRIENDS, AL-- 298 00:10:53,921 --> 00:10:56,323 ALTHOUGH AT THE TIME, IT WAS NOT EASY. 299 00:10:56,356 --> 00:10:57,825 - WAIT, ISN'T THAT ABOUT THE TIME 300 00:10:57,858 --> 00:10:58,859 THAT YOU FOUND OUT THAT YOU WERE... 301 00:10:58,892 --> 00:10:59,860 - POSITIVE, YEAH. 302 00:10:59,893 --> 00:11:01,061 HE'S THE ONE WHO INFECTED ME. 303 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,796 - HOLY FUCK. 304 00:11:02,830 --> 00:11:04,732 - NO, NO, NO, IT'S... 305 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:06,166 IT'S OKAY. 306 00:11:06,199 --> 00:11:09,436 HE DIDN'T KNOW AND I-I SHOULD'VE BEEN MORE CAREFUL. 307 00:11:09,469 --> 00:11:11,939 ANYWAY, I'VE, UH... 308 00:11:11,972 --> 00:11:13,907 I'VE FORGIVEN HIM. 309 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:20,781 - THE MAN IS PERFECT. 310 00:11:20,814 --> 00:11:21,915 THERE'S NO OTHER EXPLANATION. 311 00:11:21,949 --> 00:11:24,251 HOW ELSE COULD YOU FORGIVE THE GUY WHO INFECTED YOU? 312 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,119 - [snorts] TRY NUTS. 313 00:11:26,153 --> 00:11:28,321 - IF IT WERE ME, I'D WANT TO KILL HIM. 314 00:11:28,355 --> 00:11:29,990 - BEN'S NOT LIKE THAT. 315 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,292 HE'S MANAGED TO FREE HIMSELF FROM ALL THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE 316 00:11:32,325 --> 00:11:33,861 THAT THE REST OF US CARRY AROUND. 317 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:34,828 - I WONDER HOW HE DOES IT. 318 00:11:34,862 --> 00:11:37,330 - MY GUESS, HE SINGS A LOT OF SHOW TUNES. 319 00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:38,899 - YOU WEREN'T DOING SUCH A BAD JOB, 320 00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,134 BELTING THEM OUT. - WHAT ABOUT YOU? 321 00:11:41,168 --> 00:11:43,203 YOUR DUET WITH THE BOY INGENUE? 322 00:11:43,236 --> 00:11:45,072 - AH, YOU MEAN SAINT LUKE? 323 00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:46,940 - SOMETHING TELLS ME YOUR INTEREST IN HIM 324 00:11:46,974 --> 00:11:48,375 ISN'T ENTIRELY SPIRITUAL. 325 00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:51,111 - HE IS THE SWEETEST, THE KINDEST, THE... 326 00:11:51,144 --> 00:11:53,380 SEXIEST, MOST ADORABLE GUY I'VE EVER MET. 327 00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:54,948 - SO WHAT DOES HE THINK ABOUT YOU? 328 00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:57,050 - HE THINKS I RUN A RELIEF ORGANIZATION. 329 00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,318 - WHAT? - WHAT? 330 00:11:58,351 --> 00:11:59,319 - WHAT? - WHAT? 331 00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,353 - WHAT? - WHAT? 332 00:12:00,387 --> 00:12:01,889 - YEP. 333 00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:04,091 ME, THE RED CROSS, AND THE UNICEF. 334 00:12:04,124 --> 00:12:06,994 - AND HOW, PRAY, DID HE GET THAT IMPRESSION? 335 00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:10,230 - WELL, HE ASKED ME WHAT I DID, AND I, UH-- 336 00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:12,199 - LIED? 337 00:12:13,466 --> 00:12:14,935 - WHY THE HELL DID YOU DO THAT? 338 00:12:14,968 --> 00:12:16,970 - HE'S A CHURCH-GOING ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER 339 00:12:17,004 --> 00:12:18,505 WHO DOES CHARITY WORK, FOR FUCK'S SAKE. 340 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:20,373 I MEAN, WHAT WOULD HE THINK IF I TOLD HIM I'M THE CEO 341 00:12:20,407 --> 00:12:22,309 OF JERKATWORK.NET? 342 00:12:22,342 --> 00:12:24,144 - WELL, IF HE'S AS PERFECT AS YOU SAY, 343 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,346 HE PROBABLY WOULDN'T CARE. 344 00:12:26,379 --> 00:12:28,548 - [groans] WELL, BOYS... 345 00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,083 YOU DATE YOUR SAINTS. 346 00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,152 I'LL STICK TO THE SINNERS. 347 00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:37,825 - BUT IT'S HIS BIRTHDAY, FOR CHRIST'S SAKES. 348 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,793 - COULDN'T YOU AT LEAST HAVE A CAKE? 349 00:12:39,827 --> 00:12:42,129 - I DON'T NEED ANY CAKE. I GAINED THREE OUNCES LAST WEEK. 350 00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:43,964 NOW, WILL YOU PLEASE GET OFF MY BACK? 351 00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,166 I HAVE A SHITLOAD OF WORK TO DO. 352 00:12:46,199 --> 00:12:48,135 - HEY, YOU LOOK SPIFFY. 353 00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,402 - A NEW SPORT COAT? 354 00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:52,072 - YEP. MY MOM GOT IT FOR ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY. 355 00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:56,276 - DIDN'T YOUR DADDY EVER TEACH YOU HOW TO TIE A TIE? 356 00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,878 - NO, HE WAS TOO BUSY KICKING ME OUT 357 00:12:57,911 --> 00:12:59,512 AND BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. 358 00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:01,281 - WELL, NEITHER DID MINE. 359 00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:03,516 HE WAS TOO BUSY REGRETTING THE DAY I WAS BORN. 360 00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:04,517 COME HERE. 361 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:06,486 - * ALL RIGHT 362 00:13:06,519 --> 00:13:08,889 * YOU'RE GETTING WAY TOO CLOSE * 363 00:13:08,922 --> 00:13:10,924 * ALL RIGHT 364 00:13:10,958 --> 00:13:13,093 * SMELLIN' LIKE A ROSE 365 00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,895 * COME ON 366 00:13:14,928 --> 00:13:17,430 - THIS ISN'T THE BIRTHDAY SUIT I'D LIKE TO SEE YOU IN. 367 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:19,566 [chuckles] 368 00:13:19,599 --> 00:13:21,468 - * AND FIND A BETTER WAY 369 00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:22,836 - THERE, NOW. 370 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,437 GO GET SOME CULTURE. 371 00:13:24,471 --> 00:13:27,240 * 372 00:13:27,274 --> 00:13:30,243 - DON'T WORK TOO HARD. 373 00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:35,949 * 374 00:13:35,983 --> 00:13:38,485 - I'LL CATCH UP WITH YOU. 375 00:13:38,518 --> 00:13:39,586 * 376 00:13:39,619 --> 00:13:42,222 - * WHAT HAVE WE GOT, YOU AND ME * 377 00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:43,423 - DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING? 378 00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:45,325 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU. 379 00:13:45,358 --> 00:13:46,894 - FEW DO. 380 00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,361 - IT'S OBVIOUS HOW MUCH YOU LOVE HIM, 381 00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:50,197 YET YOU WON'T CELEBRATE HIS BIRTHDAY 382 00:13:50,230 --> 00:13:52,232 BECAUSE YOU DON'T CONSIDER IT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. 383 00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,201 WELL, ISN'T IT AN ACCOMPLISHMENT THAT HE'S ALIVE 384 00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,335 AND WELL? 385 00:13:55,368 --> 00:13:57,070 ISN'T THAT ENOUGH REASON TO CELEBRATE? 386 00:13:57,104 --> 00:14:00,307 - * MAKE MY DAY WHEN YOU MAKE MY NIGHT * 387 00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:04,945 * MAKE MY DAY STEPPING INTO THE LIGHT * 388 00:14:04,978 --> 00:14:09,049 * MAKE MY DAY WHEN YOU MAKE MY NIGHT * 389 00:14:09,082 --> 00:14:11,084 * ALL RIGHT [door slams] 390 00:14:11,118 --> 00:14:13,186 * YOU'RE GETTING WAY TOO CLOSE * 391 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:16,189 [intense violin music] 392 00:14:16,223 --> 00:14:24,164 * 393 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,643 - I FOUND IT. 394 00:15:43,676 --> 00:15:47,414 I WORE IT TO THE WHAT-A-DRAG BALL IN '89. 395 00:15:47,447 --> 00:15:49,382 I WENT AS CHO-CHO-SAN. - [laughs] 396 00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,651 - YOUR MOTHER WENT AS PINKERTON. 397 00:15:51,684 --> 00:15:53,586 I PROMISED EMMETT HE COULD BORROW IT FOR THE PARTY. 398 00:15:53,620 --> 00:15:56,156 - IT WILL MAKE A FABULOUS HOSTESS GOWN. 399 00:15:56,189 --> 00:15:58,491 - HE'LL BE STUNNING. 400 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,493 - JUST DON'T BE LATE. 401 00:16:00,527 --> 00:16:02,229 - AND DON'T YOU BE NERVOUS. 402 00:16:02,262 --> 00:16:03,730 - I JUST WANT EVERYTHING TO COME OFF AS PLANNED, 403 00:16:03,763 --> 00:16:05,132 YOU KNOW, FOR BEN. 404 00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:07,734 - IT'LL BE THE SOCIAL EVENT OF THE SEASON. 405 00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:09,336 - WHAT'S THE SOCIAL EVENT OF THE SEASON? 406 00:16:09,369 --> 00:16:11,704 THE HOMO HOP AT BABYLON? 407 00:16:11,738 --> 00:16:14,474 - BEN'S SURPRISE PARTY. 408 00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:16,209 - OH. 409 00:16:16,243 --> 00:16:17,344 - [clears throat] 410 00:16:17,377 --> 00:16:19,712 I WAS JUST TELLING VIC NOT TO BE LATE. 411 00:16:19,746 --> 00:16:22,749 - UH-HUH. 412 00:16:22,782 --> 00:16:24,617 - YOU KNOW... 413 00:16:24,651 --> 00:16:26,686 IF YOU WANT TO COME... 414 00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:29,222 - AH, THAT'S OKAY. I GOT PLANS. I'M-- 415 00:16:29,256 --> 00:16:33,226 I'M, UH, I-I'M GOING TO THE MOVIES WITH MY--MY-- 416 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:35,595 MY FRIEND ROSIE. 417 00:16:35,628 --> 00:16:37,097 B-BUT PLEASE, 418 00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:39,399 WISH HIM MANY HAPPY RETURNS FOR ME. 419 00:16:42,669 --> 00:16:45,672 - I WILL. 420 00:16:45,705 --> 00:16:47,307 AND I'LL BE SURE TO GIVE THIS TO EMMETT. 421 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,409 THANKS. - SEE YOU, MICHAEL. 422 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:02,755 YOU HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO ROSIE IN...12 YEARS? 423 00:17:02,789 --> 00:17:04,457 - WELL, YOU NEVER KNOW, SHE MAY CALL. 424 00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,226 HERE, HELP ME WITH THIS. 425 00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,201 - I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO MAKE MORE OF AN EFFORT 426 00:17:14,234 --> 00:17:15,768 WHERE MICHAEL AND BEN ARE CONCERNED. 427 00:17:15,802 --> 00:17:17,637 - DO YOU SEE ME GIVING HIM ANY GRIEF? 428 00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:20,240 - I DON'T SEE YOU GIVING HIM ANY JOY. 429 00:17:20,273 --> 00:17:24,811 - I AGREED TO TOLERATE IT, NOT ENDORSE IT. 430 00:17:24,844 --> 00:17:27,314 - WELL, MAYBE YOU COULD UP YOUR COMMITMENT A NOTCH. 431 00:17:27,347 --> 00:17:28,748 YOU'VE GOT TO ADMIT, 432 00:17:28,781 --> 00:17:30,683 BEN'S BEEN A POSITIVE INFLUENCE ON HIM. 433 00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:33,386 - POSITIVE? EXACTLY. 434 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:34,821 - AND DESPITE ALL OF YOUR DARKEST FEARS 435 00:17:34,854 --> 00:17:36,289 AND DIRE PREDICTIONS, 436 00:17:36,323 --> 00:17:40,160 THEY BOTH SEEM TO BE DOING JUST FINE. 437 00:17:40,193 --> 00:17:42,762 SO WHY NOT BE A SPORT... 438 00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,731 AND MAKE THE KID HAPPY? 439 00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:51,471 - WAS HE AMAZING OR WHAT? 440 00:17:51,504 --> 00:17:54,207 - AND TO THINK THAT HE'S SO YOUNG. 441 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,409 - HE STARTED PLAYING WHEN HE WAS FOUR. 442 00:17:56,443 --> 00:17:58,445 HE STUDIED WITH THE GREAT ANDREI VISHNEVSKI. 443 00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:00,380 - I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT CLASSICAL MUSIC. 444 00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:02,182 - I READ THE PROGRAM. 445 00:18:02,215 --> 00:18:04,717 - I THINK WE'RE WITNESSING A CONVERSION EXPERIENCE. 446 00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:07,554 - ANOTHER LESBIAN SUCCESS STORY. HMM. 447 00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,456 - YES. 448 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,591 OH, THERE'S SUSAN. I'D BETTER THANK HER FOR THE TICKETS. 449 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:12,625 OH, EXCUSE ME. 450 00:18:12,659 --> 00:18:16,729 [indistinct chatter] 451 00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,300 - THANK YOU FOR COMING. 452 00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:29,276 - I JUST WANTED TO SAY I THOUGHT YOU WERE GREAT. 453 00:18:29,309 --> 00:18:33,246 - THE RAVEL WAS PASSABLE, BUT THE BRAHMS WAS FOR SHIT. 454 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,614 - I DIDN'T NOTICE. 455 00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:37,417 - YEAH, WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE. IT WAS ALL YOUR FAULT. 456 00:18:37,450 --> 00:18:39,619 - ME? - YES. 457 00:18:39,652 --> 00:18:43,656 THE WAY YOU WERE STARING AT ME WAS VERY DISTRACTING. 458 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:45,392 - I'M SORRY. 459 00:18:45,425 --> 00:18:48,461 - ALTHOUGH NOT NECESSARILY IN A BAD WAY. 460 00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:50,597 - HEH. YEAH, I'M JUSTIN. 461 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:53,366 - ETHAN. - I KNOW. 462 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,901 - WHAT'S THIS? 463 00:18:54,934 --> 00:18:57,670 - OH, IT'S NOTHING. - LET ME SEE. 464 00:19:04,411 --> 00:19:07,414 IT'S ME IN FIVE VARIATIONS. - [chuckles] 465 00:19:07,447 --> 00:19:09,782 IT'S A HABIT. YOU KNOW, I CAN'T... 466 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,384 STOP MYSELF. [chuckles] 467 00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:13,186 - IT'S THE SIGN OF A TRUE ARTIST. 468 00:19:13,220 --> 00:19:15,555 I PLAY IN MY SLEEP. 469 00:19:15,588 --> 00:19:16,756 YOU GO TO SCHOOL HERE, RIGHT? 470 00:19:16,789 --> 00:19:18,625 - VISUAL ARTS. - YEAH. 471 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,560 YEAH, I THOUGHT I RECOGNIZED YOU. 472 00:19:20,593 --> 00:19:23,196 - SOME FRIENDS BROUGHT ME FOR MY BIRTHDAY. 473 00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:27,166 - [singsong] HELLO. 474 00:19:29,402 --> 00:19:31,604 - HERE. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 475 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:33,673 - IT'S YOUR OWN CD. - YEAH, I MADE IT MYSELF. 476 00:19:33,706 --> 00:19:35,442 A COUPLE OF MOZART SONATAS, A... 477 00:19:35,475 --> 00:19:37,677 DEBUSSY, A LITTLE BERNSTEIN. 478 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:39,812 - HEH. NICE PHOTO. 479 00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:43,316 - YEAH, WELL, NEXT TIME, I'M GOING TO USE ONE OF THESE. 480 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:45,518 - DO. - ETHAN. 481 00:19:45,552 --> 00:19:47,554 GOOD JOB. - HI, HOW'RE YOU DOING? 482 00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:48,788 GOOD TO SEE YOU. 483 00:19:48,821 --> 00:19:50,490 I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU GUYS IN SO LONG. 484 00:19:50,523 --> 00:19:54,527 - WELL, IT'S BEEN, UH, WHAT, TWO OR THREE MONTHS? 485 00:19:59,599 --> 00:20:01,200 - [breathing heavily] 486 00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:08,741 [sighs deeply] 487 00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:14,447 OHH. 488 00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,583 - MMM. 489 00:20:17,950 --> 00:20:19,986 - OHH. 490 00:20:28,895 --> 00:20:30,663 - YOU... 491 00:20:30,697 --> 00:20:34,301 ARE A WONDERFUL LOVER, TED. 492 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:38,338 YOU'RE SO NICE, SO SINCERE... 493 00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:41,941 SO HONEST. 494 00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:44,444 I FELT IMMEDIATELY 495 00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:47,013 THAT YOU'RE SOMEONE I COULD TRUST. 496 00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:48,581 - [chuckles] 497 00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,417 [stammering] 498 00:20:50,450 --> 00:20:52,719 YOU REMEMBER, UH, WHEN YOU ASKED ME WHAT I DID, 499 00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:55,021 AND THEN-- AND I SAID I... 500 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:56,889 I WORKED IN COMPUTERS? 501 00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:59,292 - MM-HMM, AND THAT YOU'RE A SERVICE PROVIDER 502 00:20:59,326 --> 00:21:02,729 FOR A RELIEF ORGANIZATION. 503 00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,632 - [chuckles] YEAH, UM... 504 00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,867 W-WELL, THAT'S--THAT'S NOT COMPLETELY ACCURATE, 505 00:21:07,900 --> 00:21:11,938 ALTHOUGH... I CAN UNDERSTAND FROM... 506 00:21:11,971 --> 00:21:14,874 HOW INTENTIONALLY AMBIGUOUS I WAS ABOUT MY JOB DESCRIPTION 507 00:21:14,907 --> 00:21:19,512 THAT YOU... MIGHT ASSUME THAT, UH... 508 00:21:19,546 --> 00:21:21,348 THAT I SHIP FOOD AND CLOTHING 509 00:21:21,381 --> 00:21:25,017 TO WAR-TORN REGIONS OF THE GLOBE, WHEN... 510 00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:27,354 IN FACT, UH... 511 00:21:27,387 --> 00:21:29,689 THE SERVICE I PROVIDE... 512 00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:34,527 [clears throat] 513 00:21:34,561 --> 00:21:36,396 IT'S A PORN SITE. 514 00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:41,468 AND, UH, THE RELIEF COMES FROM... 515 00:21:43,436 --> 00:21:46,606 WELL, I'M SURE YOU CAN FIGURE OUT THE REST. 516 00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:49,809 [clock ticking] 517 00:21:49,842 --> 00:21:51,911 [both sigh] 518 00:21:51,944 --> 00:21:53,980 WELL, I GUESS WE'D BETTER GET DRESSED. 519 00:21:54,013 --> 00:21:56,383 - NO, WAIT. 520 00:22:00,853 --> 00:22:04,891 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO TELL ME? 521 00:22:04,924 --> 00:22:06,526 - WELL, YEAH, I-I, YOU KNOW, I THOUGHT, 522 00:22:06,559 --> 00:22:08,795 AFTER EVERYTHING YOU TOLD ME ABOUT YOURSELF THAT... 523 00:22:08,828 --> 00:22:12,699 YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT... 524 00:22:12,732 --> 00:22:16,135 - NO, NO. 525 00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:19,639 I'VE EVEN BEEN ON THEM MYSELF. 526 00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:22,675 COUPLE TIMES. 527 00:22:22,709 --> 00:22:26,579 - YOU HAVE? - MM-HMM. 528 00:22:26,613 --> 00:22:30,149 - AND YOU DON'T MIND? 529 00:22:30,182 --> 00:22:33,586 - NO. NO. 530 00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:37,590 LOOK. 531 00:22:37,624 --> 00:22:42,028 YOU'RE WHAT MATTERS. 532 00:22:42,061 --> 00:22:44,897 - [sighs] 533 00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:54,874 - IT WAS INCREDIBLE. [violin playing on CD] 534 00:22:54,907 --> 00:22:57,143 - HOOKED ON CLASSICS, ARE WE? 535 00:22:57,176 --> 00:22:58,811 - YEAH, AND THE GUY THAT PLAYED THE VIOLIN, 536 00:22:58,845 --> 00:23:01,047 I WISH YOU COULD'VE BEEN THERE, HE WAS... 537 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:05,618 HE WAS INCREDIBLE. - INCREDIBLE, EH? 538 00:23:05,652 --> 00:23:07,954 - YOU KNOW, IT WOULDN'T HURT YOU 539 00:23:07,987 --> 00:23:11,458 TO EXPOSE YOURSELF TO SOME CULTURE. 540 00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:13,993 - I'VE EXPOSED MYSELF TO A LITTLE CULTURE. 541 00:23:14,026 --> 00:23:16,763 THERE WAS AN OBOE PLAYER I MET AT THE BATHS ONCE. 542 00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:17,864 - OHH. 543 00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:25,838 * 544 00:23:32,812 --> 00:23:37,784 - ARE YOU UP FOR ANOTHER BIRTHDAY TREAT? 545 00:23:37,817 --> 00:23:40,653 - NO WAY. 546 00:23:40,687 --> 00:23:42,789 [chuckles] 547 00:23:42,822 --> 00:23:46,058 NO FUCKING WAY. 548 00:23:46,092 --> 00:23:47,794 I KNEW IT. 549 00:23:47,827 --> 00:23:49,796 ALL THAT BULLSHIT ABOUT NOT DOING BIRTHDAYS. 550 00:23:49,829 --> 00:23:52,799 YOU WERE JUST GOING TO SURPRISE ME. 551 00:23:52,832 --> 00:23:55,034 OHH. 552 00:23:55,067 --> 00:23:59,506 WHAT IS IT? 553 00:23:59,539 --> 00:24:01,708 - THIS WAY, YOUNG MAN. 554 00:24:03,576 --> 00:24:05,211 - I'M GOING TO TRIP. 555 00:24:05,244 --> 00:24:06,946 [yelps] 556 00:24:15,888 --> 00:24:18,190 - [imitates motor buzzing] 557 00:24:18,224 --> 00:24:21,828 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 558 00:24:21,861 --> 00:24:24,664 - HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 559 00:24:24,697 --> 00:24:27,800 DO YOU LIKE YOUR PRESENT? 560 00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:30,202 HE LOOKS JUST LIKE THAT UNDERWEAR MODEL 561 00:24:30,236 --> 00:24:32,539 YOU LIKE, DOESN'T HE? 562 00:24:32,572 --> 00:24:36,743 ARE YOU GOING TO UNWRAP IT? 563 00:25:08,808 --> 00:25:10,677 - HI. [gong crashes] 564 00:25:10,710 --> 00:25:12,612 - [bad Asian accent] WELCOME, KIND GENTLEMEN. 565 00:25:12,645 --> 00:25:13,913 PLEASE ENTER. 566 00:25:13,946 --> 00:25:16,583 I AM YOUR HOSTESS FOR THE EVENING. 567 00:25:16,616 --> 00:25:18,150 [shy giggle] 568 00:25:18,184 --> 00:25:20,086 - EMMETT, IS THAT YOU? 569 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:24,624 - YEAH, HONEY. WHAT DO YOU THINK? 570 00:25:24,657 --> 00:25:26,292 - YOU PUT THE "GAY" BACK IN GEISHA. 571 00:25:26,325 --> 00:25:27,093 - AWW. 572 00:25:27,126 --> 00:25:28,628 - COME ON, HURRY UP AND GET IN. 573 00:25:28,661 --> 00:25:30,129 HE'S GOING TO BE HERE ANY MINUTE. 574 00:25:30,162 --> 00:25:31,330 [Emmett gasping] 575 00:25:31,363 --> 00:25:33,299 [soft Japanese music] 576 00:25:33,332 --> 00:25:35,267 - UH, MICHAEL, 577 00:25:35,301 --> 00:25:37,637 M. BUTTERFLY... 578 00:25:37,670 --> 00:25:39,572 THIS IS LUKE. - UH, LUKE, RIGHT. 579 00:25:39,606 --> 00:25:41,874 WE, UH, WE MET AT THE CHURCH OF THE HOLY SHOW TUNE. 580 00:25:41,908 --> 00:25:43,175 - RIGHT. 581 00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:44,911 IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, LUKE. 582 00:25:44,944 --> 00:25:46,178 - JESUS. 583 00:25:46,212 --> 00:25:47,313 THIS LOOKS LIKE A DREAM I HAD 584 00:25:47,346 --> 00:25:50,016 AFTER I ATE SOME BAD MOO GOO GAI PAN. 585 00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:52,151 - YEAH, IT WAS JUST SUPPOSED TO BE A FEW RED LANTERNS. 586 00:25:52,184 --> 00:25:54,754 - OKAY, SO I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY. 587 00:25:54,787 --> 00:25:58,224 COME ON IN, HAVE SOME SAKE AND CORN DOODLES. 588 00:25:58,257 --> 00:26:00,860 - I KIND OF BLEW MY FOOD BUDGET ON THE ROOM. 589 00:26:00,893 --> 00:26:02,094 HMM. - [chuckling] 590 00:26:02,128 --> 00:26:05,231 [indistinct chatter] 591 00:26:05,264 --> 00:26:08,334 - OH. MEL, LINZ... 592 00:26:08,367 --> 00:26:10,837 THIS IS LUKE. 593 00:26:10,870 --> 00:26:12,271 - OH, SO YOU'RE THE FAMOUS LUKE 594 00:26:12,304 --> 00:26:14,206 THAT TED'S BEEN RAVING ABOUT. 595 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:15,975 - TED THINKS YOU'RE PRETTY TERRIFIC. 596 00:26:16,008 --> 00:26:17,777 - WE THINK TED'S PRETTY TERRIFIC TOO. 597 00:26:17,810 --> 00:26:19,679 - TELL HIM MORE. TELL HIM MORE. 598 00:26:19,712 --> 00:26:20,813 I'LL GO GET SOME SAKE. 599 00:26:20,847 --> 00:26:24,150 [knock on door] 600 00:26:24,183 --> 00:26:25,217 - UNCLE VIC. 601 00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:26,953 - ON TIME, JUST LIKE YOU SAID. 602 00:26:26,986 --> 00:26:28,955 I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND, I, UH... 603 00:26:28,988 --> 00:26:30,056 BROUGHT ALONG A FRIEND. 604 00:26:30,089 --> 00:26:31,390 - THE MORE THE MERRIER. 605 00:26:35,261 --> 00:26:36,395 MA, YOU CAME. 606 00:26:36,428 --> 00:26:38,264 - YEAH, WELL, MY-- MY FRIEND ROSIE CALLED 607 00:26:38,297 --> 00:26:40,066 AND CANCELLED AT THE LAST MINUTE. 608 00:26:40,099 --> 00:26:43,369 AND, UH, SINCE I HAD NOTHING ELSE TO DO, I... 609 00:26:43,402 --> 00:26:45,972 - WELL, I'M REALLY GLAD YOU'RE HERE, 610 00:26:46,005 --> 00:26:48,675 AND I'M SURE BEN WILL BE TOO. 611 00:26:48,708 --> 00:26:49,842 - LISTEN, BABY, 612 00:26:49,876 --> 00:26:51,243 AS LONG AS HE'S GOOD TO YOU, 613 00:26:51,277 --> 00:26:54,313 THE LEAST I COULD DO IS WISH HIM A HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 614 00:26:54,346 --> 00:26:55,848 AND MANY MORE. 615 00:26:58,017 --> 00:26:59,952 [both chuckle] 616 00:26:59,986 --> 00:27:02,321 - BUT IT'S TRUE, TED'S JUST BEEN RAVING ABOUT YOU. 617 00:27:02,354 --> 00:27:03,823 - I DON'T THINK I'VE HEARD ANYONE 618 00:27:03,856 --> 00:27:06,726 USE "EST" MORE TIMES IN ONE SENTENCE. 619 00:27:06,759 --> 00:27:07,727 THE NICEST, 620 00:27:07,760 --> 00:27:09,128 THE CUTEST, THE SWEETEST. 621 00:27:09,161 --> 00:27:11,698 - HE THINKS YOU'RE VERY SPECIAL. 622 00:27:11,731 --> 00:27:14,801 YOU GOTTA BE, CONSIDERING WHAT HE DOES. 623 00:27:14,834 --> 00:27:17,003 - THE DICK CHANNEL-- ALL DICK, ALL THE TIME. 624 00:27:17,036 --> 00:27:18,971 - WELL, THIS IS BY FAR 625 00:27:19,005 --> 00:27:20,372 THE MOST INTERESTING DISCUSSION IN THE ROOM. 626 00:27:20,406 --> 00:27:21,941 - WE'RE JUST SAYING HOW GREAT IT IS 627 00:27:21,974 --> 00:27:23,876 THAT LUKE'S SO OPEN-MINDED ABOUT TED'S PORN SITE. 628 00:27:23,910 --> 00:27:25,144 NOT EVERYONE WOULD BE. 629 00:27:25,177 --> 00:27:28,414 - WELL, I ADMIRE SOMEONE WHO'S PASSIONATE ABOUT WHAT HE DOES. 630 00:27:28,447 --> 00:27:31,217 - OH, HE'S PASSIONATE, ALL RIGHT. 631 00:27:31,250 --> 00:27:33,052 EATS, DRINKS, SLEEPS PORN, 24-7. 632 00:27:33,085 --> 00:27:34,286 PORN, PORN, PORN. 633 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:35,454 [all laugh] 634 00:27:35,487 --> 00:27:38,157 - OUR LITTLE ENTREPRENEUR IS NOT GOING TO STOP THERE. 635 00:27:38,190 --> 00:27:40,026 - HE'S FAR TOO AMBITIOUS FOR THAT. 636 00:27:40,059 --> 00:27:41,327 MM, I'M SURE HE'S GOT LIKE, 637 00:27:41,360 --> 00:27:43,062 A DOZEN OTHER WEBSITES PLANNED. 638 00:27:43,095 --> 00:27:44,330 - FILM STUDIO. 639 00:27:44,363 --> 00:27:46,298 - EVEN A THEME PARK. 640 00:27:46,332 --> 00:27:48,300 - SAKE? - OH, UH, NO THANKS. 641 00:27:48,334 --> 00:27:50,202 I-I DON'T DRINK. 642 00:27:50,236 --> 00:27:53,439 - IS HE THE KINDEST, THE SWEETEST, THE CUTEST? 643 00:27:53,472 --> 00:27:55,875 - WHAT'D I TELL YOU? 644 00:27:55,908 --> 00:27:57,744 - WHICH I GUESS MAKES ME ABOUT THE LUCKIEST GUY 645 00:27:57,777 --> 00:28:01,380 IN THE WORLD. 646 00:28:01,413 --> 00:28:02,715 - THERE'S SOMEBODY COMING UP THE STEPS. 647 00:28:02,749 --> 00:28:04,150 IT'S HIM. EVERYBODY HIDE! 648 00:28:04,183 --> 00:28:07,186 [all gasping and squealing] 649 00:28:07,219 --> 00:28:10,122 - ALL RIGHT, THIS IS IT. THIS IS IT. 650 00:28:18,765 --> 00:28:20,432 all: SURPRISE! 651 00:28:20,466 --> 00:28:21,901 - SURPRISE. [all groan] 652 00:28:21,934 --> 00:28:23,035 - IT'S 7:20. 653 00:28:23,069 --> 00:28:24,336 YOU DON'T SHOW UP FASHIONABLY LATE 654 00:28:24,370 --> 00:28:25,537 FOR A SURPRISE PARTY. 655 00:28:25,571 --> 00:28:29,008 - WELL, WE WERE BUSY HAVING OUR OWN LITTLE CELEBRATION. 656 00:28:29,041 --> 00:28:30,309 - YOU HAD A CELEBRATION? 657 00:28:30,342 --> 00:28:32,478 - BRIAN CAME THROUGH AFTER ALL. 658 00:28:32,511 --> 00:28:36,916 - YEAH, HE GOT ME A HUSTLER. 659 00:28:36,949 --> 00:28:40,052 - WHAT? - ARE YOU SERIOUS? 660 00:28:40,086 --> 00:28:41,487 [door opens] - HE'S COMING. 661 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,155 THIS TIME, IT'S REALLY HIM. 662 00:28:43,189 --> 00:28:44,757 EVERYBODY HIDE. 663 00:28:46,358 --> 00:28:47,326 - SHH. 664 00:28:47,359 --> 00:28:48,828 [clatter and footfall] 665 00:28:48,861 --> 00:28:49,862 - SHH! - SHH! 666 00:28:49,896 --> 00:28:51,864 - SHH... - SHH! SHH! 667 00:28:55,134 --> 00:28:59,138 all: SURPRISE! [party horns blowing] 668 00:28:59,171 --> 00:29:00,907 - LOOK, WE--WE REALLY SURPRISED HIM. 669 00:29:00,940 --> 00:29:02,909 WE REALLY SURPRISED YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 670 00:29:02,942 --> 00:29:04,310 - WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? 671 00:29:04,343 --> 00:29:05,878 - WHAT DO YOU MEAN? IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY, 672 00:29:05,912 --> 00:29:07,113 AND I CALLED ALL YOUR FRIENDS. 673 00:29:07,146 --> 00:29:09,081 - HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL MY FRIENDS? 674 00:29:09,115 --> 00:29:10,182 - WELL... 675 00:29:10,216 --> 00:29:11,851 I BORROWED THIS. - OH, NO. 676 00:29:11,884 --> 00:29:13,419 - OH, REALLY? [laughter] 677 00:29:13,452 --> 00:29:15,087 - OKAY, YOU'VE HAD THIS ALL THIS TIME? 678 00:29:15,121 --> 00:29:16,989 - I'M THE CULPRIT. [laughter] 679 00:29:17,023 --> 00:29:18,858 - YOU HAD NO RIGHT, MICHAEL. 680 00:29:18,891 --> 00:29:21,460 - WELL, I'M SORRY, I WAS JUST... 681 00:29:21,493 --> 00:29:22,929 WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU? 682 00:29:22,962 --> 00:29:25,064 - I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT A PARTY. 683 00:29:25,097 --> 00:29:27,466 I DON'T WANT TO CELEBRATE MY GODDAMN BIRTHDAY. 684 00:29:27,499 --> 00:29:28,868 [indistinct chatter] 685 00:29:28,901 --> 00:29:31,537 - FINALLY, A MAN WITH THE RIGHT ATTITUDE. 686 00:29:31,570 --> 00:29:33,139 - BUT, BEN, ALL YOUR FRIENDS-- 687 00:29:33,172 --> 00:29:34,506 - OH, YEAH, MY FRIENDS. 688 00:29:34,540 --> 00:29:36,008 [scoffs] 689 00:29:39,178 --> 00:29:42,581 YEAH, I WANT MY FRIENDS OUT OF HERE NOW. 690 00:29:42,614 --> 00:29:44,851 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 691 00:29:46,919 --> 00:29:49,188 - OKAY, UM... 692 00:29:49,221 --> 00:29:50,322 [door slams] 693 00:29:50,356 --> 00:29:51,423 - SO... - PARTY'S OVER THEN. 694 00:29:51,457 --> 00:29:54,193 [mixed murmurs] 695 00:29:54,226 --> 00:29:57,196 - AND THIS IS THE GUY WHO'S GOOD FOR MY SON. 696 00:30:15,281 --> 00:30:16,482 - AFTER ALL I WENT THROUGH 697 00:30:16,515 --> 00:30:19,051 TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL, TO SURPRISE HIM, 698 00:30:19,085 --> 00:30:21,187 TO MAKE HIM HAPPY, HOW COULD HE HUMILIATE ME 699 00:30:21,220 --> 00:30:23,055 IN FRONT OF EVERYONE LIKE THAT? 700 00:30:23,089 --> 00:30:24,256 - HEY, WILL YOU SLOW DOWN? 701 00:30:24,290 --> 00:30:27,459 - AND HERE I AM, THINKING HE'S SO WISE AND SO TOGETHER. 702 00:30:27,493 --> 00:30:30,196 YOU KNOW, THAT HE LIVES ON SOME HIGHER SPIRITUAL PLANE 703 00:30:30,229 --> 00:30:32,031 THAN THE REST OF US POOR, DUMB MORTALS. 704 00:30:32,064 --> 00:30:34,533 BOY, DID HE HAVE ME FOOLED. WAS I FUCKING STUPID. 705 00:30:34,566 --> 00:30:36,202 - HEY, ARE YOU FINISHED? - WHY? 706 00:30:36,235 --> 00:30:37,503 YOU IN A HURRY TO PICK SOMEONE UP? 707 00:30:37,536 --> 00:30:39,371 - NO, I'M JUST TIRED OF HEARING YOU PLAY 708 00:30:39,405 --> 00:30:41,307 VARIATIONS ON THE THEME OF POOR LITTLE MIKEY. 709 00:30:41,340 --> 00:30:43,242 - OH, I'M SO SORRY I BORE YOU. 710 00:30:43,275 --> 00:30:44,643 - WELL, THEN, TRY ANOTHER SONG. 711 00:30:44,676 --> 00:30:46,245 - WHAT DID I DO? 712 00:30:46,278 --> 00:30:49,048 BESIDES THROW HIM A GODDAMN PARTY? 713 00:30:49,081 --> 00:30:51,984 - YEAH, I'M JUST PARKED OVER HERE. 714 00:30:52,018 --> 00:30:54,120 - NEVER MIND. FORGET IT. GO TO WOODY'S. 715 00:30:54,153 --> 00:30:56,188 GET DRUNK. THROW UP. PASS OUT. 716 00:30:56,222 --> 00:30:57,223 YOU'LL FEEL MUCH BETTER IN THE MORNING. 717 00:30:57,256 --> 00:30:59,391 - NO! TELL ME. 718 00:31:03,129 --> 00:31:04,931 - YOU WANT TOO MUCH. 719 00:31:06,298 --> 00:31:08,500 YOU EXPECT TOO MUCH. 720 00:31:08,534 --> 00:31:10,036 AND THEN WHEN YOUR HERO DISAPPOINTS YOU, 721 00:31:10,069 --> 00:31:11,437 YOUR POOR LITTLE HEART GETS CRUSHED. 722 00:31:11,470 --> 00:31:13,605 - SO WHAT'S THE ALTERNATIVE? 723 00:31:13,639 --> 00:31:18,978 TO EXPECT NOTHING? TO WANT NOTHING, LIKE YOU? 724 00:31:19,011 --> 00:31:21,513 - OH, UH, JACK AND GILLES, 725 00:31:21,547 --> 00:31:23,315 UH, ROLF FROM DUSSELDORF IS ONLINE. 726 00:31:23,349 --> 00:31:26,618 HE WANTS YOU TWO TO DO A LITTLE DOUBLE-HEADED DILDO ACTION. 727 00:31:26,652 --> 00:31:27,920 DANKE. 728 00:31:27,954 --> 00:31:29,989 [heavy breathing on computer screens] 729 00:31:30,022 --> 00:31:32,658 HEY. 730 00:31:32,691 --> 00:31:35,394 WHAT A NICE SURPRISE. [chuckling] 731 00:31:35,427 --> 00:31:39,165 MMM. BETTER THAN NICE. MM. 732 00:31:39,198 --> 00:31:40,933 - DID I COME AT A BAD TIME? 733 00:31:40,967 --> 00:31:42,701 - AROUND HERE, NO SUCH THING. 734 00:31:42,734 --> 00:31:43,535 [both chuckle] 735 00:31:43,569 --> 00:31:46,205 HEY, LET ME GIVE YOU THE V.I.P. TOUR. 736 00:31:46,238 --> 00:31:51,410 SO, THIS IS MY LITTLE KINGDOM. 737 00:31:51,443 --> 00:31:53,479 OVER HERE, YOU SEE THE BOYS 738 00:31:53,512 --> 00:31:55,514 DOING THEIR LITTLE THING... 739 00:31:55,547 --> 00:31:56,682 WITH THEIR BIG THINGS. 740 00:31:56,715 --> 00:31:59,018 OH, EASY, GUYS. 741 00:31:59,051 --> 00:32:01,387 YOU'VE GOT 15 MORE TO GO, SO PACE YOURSELVES, 742 00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:04,723 PACE YOURSELVES. 743 00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:07,960 GOD, YOU ARE JUST THE CUTEST. 744 00:32:07,994 --> 00:32:11,130 MM! BOY, IF MY MEMBERS GOT ONE LOOK AT YOU, HMM! 745 00:32:11,163 --> 00:32:14,233 UH, DON'T WORRY. NOBODY GETS YOU BUT ME. 746 00:32:14,266 --> 00:32:17,669 [performers moaning] 747 00:32:17,703 --> 00:32:19,438 WHAT? 748 00:32:19,471 --> 00:32:21,173 [performers moaning] 749 00:32:21,207 --> 00:32:23,609 - I, UH... 750 00:32:23,642 --> 00:32:26,578 I CAME TO TELL YOU, I-I THINK WE'RE MOVING TOO FAST. 751 00:32:26,612 --> 00:32:28,580 - TOO FAST? 752 00:32:28,614 --> 00:32:30,983 - IN FACT, I-I DON'T THINK WE SHOULD SEE EACH OTHER 753 00:32:31,017 --> 00:32:32,318 FOR A WHILE. 754 00:32:32,351 --> 00:32:35,487 - [scoffs] YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT? 755 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:42,961 WHY? 756 00:32:46,265 --> 00:32:48,667 [performers grunting and moaning] 757 00:32:51,670 --> 00:32:53,372 IT'S BECAUSE OF THIS, ISN'T IT? 758 00:32:53,405 --> 00:32:55,074 - LOOK... 759 00:32:55,107 --> 00:32:56,508 I THOUGHT IT WOULDN'T MEAN ANYTHING. 760 00:32:56,542 --> 00:32:58,310 I TRIED NOT TO LET IT. 761 00:32:58,344 --> 00:33:01,347 LOOK, I-I EVEN TOLD MYSELF IT'S JUST A JOB. 762 00:33:01,380 --> 00:33:03,649 LIKE ANY OTHER JOB, YOU'RE PROVIDING A-A SERVICE. 763 00:33:03,682 --> 00:33:05,784 - THAT'S ALL IT IS. 764 00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:07,286 [performers groaning] 765 00:33:07,319 --> 00:33:10,289 [hand slapping flesh] 766 00:33:10,322 --> 00:33:12,324 - THAT'S NOT ALL IT IS. 767 00:33:12,358 --> 00:33:14,493 - NO. NO... WAIT, WAIT!. 768 00:33:14,526 --> 00:33:16,462 - LOOK, PLEASE, DON'T MAKE THIS MORE DIFFICULT... 769 00:33:16,495 --> 00:33:18,264 - LOOK, I'M WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES. OKAY? 770 00:33:18,297 --> 00:33:19,365 ANYTHING. YOU NAME IT. 771 00:33:19,398 --> 00:33:21,100 I'LL GIVE IT UP. - NO. 772 00:33:21,133 --> 00:33:24,736 NO, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE TO GIVE UP DOING WHAT YOU LOVE. 773 00:33:24,770 --> 00:33:27,106 LOOK, BESIDES... 774 00:33:27,139 --> 00:33:29,508 IT'S NOT YOUR PROBLEM. 775 00:33:29,541 --> 00:33:30,642 IT'S MINE. 776 00:33:30,676 --> 00:33:33,312 - THEN WE'LL WORK ON IT TOGETHER. 777 00:33:36,682 --> 00:33:39,051 - I'M SORRY, TED. 778 00:34:06,478 --> 00:34:08,614 - ALL RIGHT, EASY, GUYS. 779 00:34:08,647 --> 00:34:10,316 PACE YOURSELVES. 780 00:34:11,783 --> 00:34:13,452 PACE YOURSELVES. 781 00:34:22,161 --> 00:34:24,630 - SO HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE LEDA'S GOFERS? 782 00:34:24,663 --> 00:34:26,298 - SHE'S DOING US A FAVOR. 783 00:34:26,332 --> 00:34:28,267 - WE HAD TO VOLUNTEER. 784 00:34:28,300 --> 00:34:31,670 - YEAH, WELL, NEXT TIME, DO YOURSELVES A FAVOR, AND ME. 785 00:34:31,703 --> 00:34:34,106 HIRE A PROFESSIONAL. 786 00:34:34,140 --> 00:34:36,142 - YEAH, YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT, HUH? 787 00:34:36,175 --> 00:34:38,177 - SHIT, I LEFT MY CREDIT CARD. 788 00:34:38,210 --> 00:34:40,712 - YOU'RE SURE? - BE RIGHT BACK. 789 00:34:47,619 --> 00:34:49,455 - SO I HEAR YOU FINALLY BROKE DOWN 790 00:34:49,488 --> 00:34:51,590 AND GOT JUSTIN SOMETHING FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. 791 00:34:51,623 --> 00:34:53,425 A HUSTLER. - YEAH. 792 00:34:53,459 --> 00:34:56,428 HE REALLY GOT OFF ON IT. 793 00:34:56,462 --> 00:34:57,829 - JUST WHAT HE NEEDS-- 794 00:34:57,863 --> 00:34:59,231 TO GET LAID. 795 00:34:59,265 --> 00:35:00,532 - I DIDN'T HEAR HIM COMPLAINING. 796 00:35:00,566 --> 00:35:02,668 - OF COURSE NOT, HE WOULDN'T DARE. 797 00:35:02,701 --> 00:35:05,437 - THEN WHY ARE YOU? - BECAUSE... 798 00:35:05,471 --> 00:35:07,139 I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU. 799 00:35:07,173 --> 00:35:09,875 - OH, FINALLY, SOMEONE WHO ISN'T. 800 00:35:09,908 --> 00:35:11,210 - YOU MIGHT'VE GIVEN HIM 801 00:35:11,243 --> 00:35:12,444 SOMETHING A LITTLE MORE THOUGHTFUL. 802 00:35:12,478 --> 00:35:14,813 - WOULD YOU SAVE THE JEWISH MOTHER GUILT TRIP FOR MY SON? 803 00:35:14,846 --> 00:35:15,814 - AH, FUCK OFF, BRIAN. 804 00:35:15,847 --> 00:35:18,217 I'M JUST TRYING TO LET YOU KNOW WHAT HE WANTS. 805 00:35:18,250 --> 00:35:20,619 - AND WHAT DOES HE WANT, MAMA? 806 00:35:20,652 --> 00:35:23,622 - SOMETHING ROMANTIC. 807 00:35:23,655 --> 00:35:25,357 - JESUS CHRIST, WHAT DO YOU THINK WE ARE? 808 00:35:25,391 --> 00:35:27,693 A COUPLE OF DYKES? - YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY. 809 00:35:27,726 --> 00:35:29,895 - MAYBE I SHOULD SEND HIM A DOZEN ROSES. 810 00:35:29,928 --> 00:35:31,497 - WHY NOT? 811 00:35:31,530 --> 00:35:33,332 - BECAUSE HE'S NOT MY WIFE. 812 00:35:33,365 --> 00:35:36,302 WE'RE NOT MARRIED, AND WE'RE NOT STRAIGHT. 813 00:35:36,335 --> 00:35:38,637 - COULDN'T YOU BEND YOUR... 814 00:35:38,670 --> 00:35:40,772 HOLIER-THAN-THOU, "I'M GAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT 815 00:35:40,806 --> 00:35:43,542 YOU CAN SUCK MY DICK" PRINCIPLES JUST ONCE? 816 00:35:43,575 --> 00:35:44,876 LET HIM KNOW YOU CARE. 817 00:35:44,910 --> 00:35:47,513 - I THOUGHT HE DID. 818 00:35:48,747 --> 00:35:50,148 - GOT IT! 819 00:35:55,454 --> 00:35:58,424 [violin playing] 820 00:35:58,457 --> 00:36:06,465 * 821 00:36:42,334 --> 00:36:44,370 - I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE MAINTENANCE GUY. 822 00:36:44,403 --> 00:36:45,671 THERE'S NO HEAT. 823 00:36:45,704 --> 00:36:48,440 - SORRY. 824 00:36:48,474 --> 00:36:50,509 - IT'S OKAY. 825 00:36:50,542 --> 00:36:52,578 MAYBE THINGS WILL WARM UP NOW THAT YOU'RE HERE. 826 00:36:52,611 --> 00:36:55,747 - [chuckles] 827 00:36:55,781 --> 00:36:57,583 I WAS, UM-- 828 00:36:57,616 --> 00:36:59,351 I WAS JUST CUTTING THROUGH THE MUSIC BUILDING, 829 00:36:59,385 --> 00:37:00,719 AND I HEARD SOMEONE PLAYING. 830 00:37:00,752 --> 00:37:01,820 THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE YOU. 831 00:37:01,853 --> 00:37:03,989 SO I POPPED MY HEAD IN AND... 832 00:37:04,022 --> 00:37:05,457 - AND WHAT DO YOU KNOW, YOU FOUND ME. 833 00:37:05,491 --> 00:37:06,492 YOU WANT SOME TEA? 834 00:37:06,525 --> 00:37:07,759 - NO. 835 00:37:10,496 --> 00:37:13,332 I WANTED TO SAY THANK YOU FOR THE CD. 836 00:37:13,365 --> 00:37:15,901 - YOU LISTENED TO IT? 837 00:37:15,934 --> 00:37:19,471 - SIX TIMES. YOU'RE INCREDIBLE. 838 00:37:19,505 --> 00:37:22,374 - I KNOW. HOW WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY? 839 00:37:22,408 --> 00:37:23,875 DID YOU HAVE A BIG PARTY? 840 00:37:23,909 --> 00:37:26,345 - UM, NOT REALLY. 841 00:37:26,378 --> 00:37:27,546 MY BOYFRIEND DOESN'T THINK BEING BORN 842 00:37:27,579 --> 00:37:29,615 IS A REASON TO CELEBRATE. 843 00:37:29,648 --> 00:37:32,784 - OH. WELL, THAT SUCKS. 844 00:37:32,818 --> 00:37:34,786 - I DIDN'T REALLY WANT ONE ANYWAY. 845 00:37:34,820 --> 00:37:36,588 - NO, I MEAN THAT YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND. 846 00:37:38,089 --> 00:37:39,858 - OH. 847 00:37:39,891 --> 00:37:41,327 - BECAUSE IF I WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND, 848 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,362 I'D GIVE YOU A BIRTHDAY YOU'D NEVER FORGET. 849 00:37:43,395 --> 00:37:45,897 - [chuckles] LIKE WHAT? 850 00:37:45,931 --> 00:37:49,335 - LIKE...FIRST... 851 00:37:49,368 --> 00:37:53,372 I'D BRING YOU BREAKFAST IN BED. 852 00:37:53,405 --> 00:37:56,608 AND THEN I'D PLAY FOR YOU... 853 00:37:56,642 --> 00:37:59,445 ONE OF RAVEL'S VALSE NOBLE ET SENTIMENTALES, 854 00:37:59,478 --> 00:38:01,380 BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I PICTURE YOU, 855 00:38:01,413 --> 00:38:04,416 NOBLE AND SENTIMENTAL. 856 00:38:06,485 --> 00:38:11,890 AND THEN WE'D MAKE LOVE A COUPLE HUNDRED TIMES. 857 00:38:11,923 --> 00:38:14,726 - [chuckles] ALL THAT BEFORE LUNCH? 858 00:38:14,760 --> 00:38:16,628 - YES. 859 00:38:18,797 --> 00:38:22,601 BUT I'M NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND. 860 00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,873 - I GOTTA... GET BACK TO CLASS. 861 00:38:30,376 --> 00:38:33,379 [ticking] 862 00:38:37,683 --> 00:38:40,652 [playing] 863 00:38:40,686 --> 00:38:45,557 * 864 00:38:45,591 --> 00:38:47,526 [knock on door] 865 00:39:09,848 --> 00:39:13,385 - I'VE MISSED YOU THE LAST FEW NIGHTS. 866 00:39:13,419 --> 00:39:15,120 - YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT IT'D BE BEST IF I SLEPT ALONE. 867 00:39:15,153 --> 00:39:16,221 YOU KNOW? 868 00:39:16,254 --> 00:39:21,126 IN FACT, I THINK I OUGHT TO SLEEP ALONE FROM NOW ON. 869 00:39:21,159 --> 00:39:22,894 - MICHAEL... 870 00:39:22,928 --> 00:39:24,396 PLEASE. 871 00:39:24,430 --> 00:39:25,664 I KNOW I GOT A LITTLE UPSET AT THE PARTY-- 872 00:39:25,697 --> 00:39:28,867 - A LITTLE UPSET? YOU WERE A FUCKING MONSTER! 873 00:39:28,900 --> 00:39:30,636 HUMILIATING ME, HUMILIATING YOURSELF. 874 00:39:30,669 --> 00:39:31,970 - I KNOW THAT TOO. 875 00:39:32,003 --> 00:39:33,138 - AND AFTER ALL THE TROUBLE I WENT THROUGH FOR YOU. 876 00:39:33,171 --> 00:39:34,406 - I KNOW. I KNOW. 877 00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:35,774 - WELL, I WON'T BE DOING THAT AGAIN. 878 00:39:35,807 --> 00:39:36,942 I MEAN, NOT THAT IT MATTERS, 'CAUSE I DON'T THINK 879 00:39:36,975 --> 00:39:38,610 WE'RE GOING TO BE SPENDING ANY MORE BIRTHDAYS TOGETHER. 880 00:39:38,644 --> 00:39:39,911 - MY T-CELLS WENT DOWN. 881 00:39:39,945 --> 00:39:42,047 - WHAT? 882 00:39:42,080 --> 00:39:45,651 - AND MY VIRAL LOAD'S BACK UP. 883 00:39:47,786 --> 00:39:51,490 - HOW UP? - 125,000. 884 00:39:52,724 --> 00:39:55,727 THAT'S WHERE I WAS BEFORE I CAME HOME, 885 00:39:55,761 --> 00:39:59,531 AT THE DOCTOR'S, GETTING THE RESULTS. 886 00:39:59,565 --> 00:40:01,467 THE COCKTAIL'S NOT WORKING. 887 00:40:01,500 --> 00:40:05,737 THE VIRUS HAS BECOME RESISTANT. 888 00:40:05,771 --> 00:40:07,072 - WELL, CAN'T THEY CHANGE THE DRUGS? 889 00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:09,407 - THEY ALREADY HAVE. 890 00:40:14,079 --> 00:40:15,514 - SINCE WHEN DO YOU SMOKE? 891 00:40:17,816 --> 00:40:20,018 [shuts lighter] 892 00:40:20,051 --> 00:40:22,621 - SINCE I'M NERVOUS, MICHAEL. 893 00:40:22,654 --> 00:40:24,823 WOULD YOU STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT? 894 00:40:24,856 --> 00:40:27,659 PLEASE. I'M NOT PERFECT, YOU KNOW? 895 00:40:29,928 --> 00:40:31,096 - YEAH, I'M FINDING THAT OUT. 896 00:40:31,129 --> 00:40:32,564 - WELL, GOD KNOWS, I HAVE TRIED. 897 00:40:32,598 --> 00:40:33,999 EASTERN RELIGION, MEDITATION, YOGA. 898 00:40:34,032 --> 00:40:35,567 YOU NAME IT, I HAVE PRACTICED IT. 899 00:40:35,601 --> 00:40:38,470 HOPING TO ACHIEVE SOME... STATE OF INNER HARMONY. 900 00:40:38,504 --> 00:40:41,707 [sighs and chuckles] 901 00:40:41,740 --> 00:40:42,974 AND THEN THIS HAPPENS, AND I REALIZE 902 00:40:43,008 --> 00:40:45,511 THE ONLY THING I HAVE ACHIEVED 903 00:40:45,544 --> 00:40:49,047 IS TO CONVINCE MYSELF I BELIEVE ALL THIS BULLSHIT. 904 00:40:49,080 --> 00:40:52,017 - IT'S NOT BULLSHIT. 905 00:40:53,785 --> 00:40:55,887 - I HURT YOU, MICHAEL. 906 00:40:58,524 --> 00:41:00,692 I HURT THE ONE PERSON 907 00:41:00,726 --> 00:41:03,829 WHO MEANS MORE TO ME THAN ANYONE ELSE IN THE WORLD, 908 00:41:03,862 --> 00:41:09,134 AND THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR IT. 909 00:41:09,167 --> 00:41:12,137 YOU KNOW, THERE'S JUST NO EXCUSE AT ALL. 910 00:41:19,110 --> 00:41:20,879 - SURE THERE IS. 911 00:41:24,816 --> 00:41:26,952 YOU'RE HUMAN. 912 00:42:10,796 --> 00:42:13,765 [violin playing] 913 00:42:13,799 --> 00:42:21,773 * 914 00:42:58,677 --> 00:43:01,613 [indistinct chatter] 915 00:43:10,722 --> 00:43:13,925 - THOSE ARE NICE. 916 00:43:13,959 --> 00:43:14,960 - MM. 917 00:43:16,728 --> 00:43:18,129 - SHALL I WRAP THEM FOR YOU? 918 00:43:28,039 --> 00:43:30,275 - NO, THANKS. 919 00:43:48,727 --> 00:43:54,165 - * THE LANDSCAPE OF YOUR HEART UNCHARTED * 920 00:43:54,199 --> 00:43:56,902 * TRAVEL BROCHURES 921 00:43:56,935 --> 00:43:59,137 * TUCKED IN YOUR POCKET 922 00:43:59,170 --> 00:44:02,340 * IN PERFECT DISGUISE 923 00:44:02,373 --> 00:44:07,713 * RIGHT THERE IN FRONT OF YOU * 924 00:44:07,746 --> 00:44:10,415 * IN PLAIN SIGHT 925 00:44:10,448 --> 00:44:12,984 * YOU MIGHT AS WELL LOOK 926 00:44:13,018 --> 00:44:15,787 * SO CLOSE AT HAND 927 00:44:15,821 --> 00:44:18,857 * BUT YOU MOSTLY FLY OVER 928 00:44:18,890 --> 00:44:21,059 * YOU NEVER LAND 929 00:44:21,092 --> 00:44:24,295 * EVEN A SECOND THOUGHT 930 00:44:24,329 --> 00:44:29,835 * HIDING IN PERFECT DISGUISE 931 00:44:29,868 --> 00:44:32,738 * IN PLAIN SIGHT 932 00:44:32,771 --> 00:44:35,240 * FRIENDS AND RELATIONS 933 00:44:35,273 --> 00:44:37,442 * HAVE TRIED TO SAY 934 00:44:37,475 --> 00:44:40,145 * BUT YOU'LL HAVE NONE OF IT 935 00:44:40,178 --> 00:44:43,114 * BUT THE PROTEST 936 00:44:43,148 --> 00:44:45,350 * OH 937 00:44:45,383 --> 00:44:49,320 * 'CAUSE YOU KNOW 938 00:44:49,354 --> 00:44:54,860 * YOU KNOW BETTER 939 00:44:54,893 --> 00:44:59,731 * THE MOON SNEAKS UP 940 00:44:59,765 --> 00:45:04,302 * ON THE AFTERNOON 941 00:45:04,335 --> 00:45:07,472 * BUT YOU'VE LOOKED DOWN 942 00:45:07,505 --> 00:45:13,078 * SO LONG AT YOUR FEET 943 00:45:13,111 --> 00:45:15,380 * 944 00:45:15,413 --> 00:45:18,817 * AT YOUR FEET 945 00:45:18,850 --> 00:45:21,486 * 946 00:45:21,519 --> 00:45:26,758 * FOR SO LONG 947 00:45:26,792 --> 00:45:32,530 * AT YOUR FEET 948 00:45:32,563 --> 00:45:37,535 * SO LONG 949 00:45:37,568 --> 00:45:41,139 * IN PLAIN SIGHT 65343

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