All language subtitles for 1Inspector.Gadget.S01E11rel.s01e09eAppy Days.eng

Rel is taped in front
of a live studio audience.

Man, you about to be
God's favorite pastor,

'cause this custom robe is heavenly.

That it is.

I'm gonna tell you this.
Sister Brittany,

you have outdone yourself.

I'm officially the most lit pastor

in the city of Chicago.

I cannot wait for my
congregation to see this.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, hopefully, when they see this,

they'll stop talking about, uh,

Deacon Dwayne's dashiki.

Uh, Pastor,

sorry, I didn't get
a chance to ring you up.

I thought I was getting
the pastor's discount.

What's the pastor's discount?

I take it, and I just keep walking.

Okay, what you don't realize is

I'm an advertisement
for your business.

I'm a community influencer.
I influence everybody.

All I'm saying is, Sister Brittany,

I walk out of here with this,

you'll have every pastor
in the state of Illinois

calling you to make their robes.

- Hmm.
- How 'bout this?

For payment,

I'll give you an absolution.

What's an absolution?

Well, it's where I bless you
and wash away all your sins.

See, I'm already starting
the absolutions.

See?

Hey, Pastor.

Oh, man, I'm-a tell you this.

This sign spinning game is serious.

I almost got jumped on
by three other sign spinners.

How you doing in here?

Good. I sold two dresses,

and I got a Get Out of Hell Free
card from the pastor.

What you doing here?

Hi, Brittany, honey.

I-I know it's been a long time.

Ms. Monique?

Hi, Rel. It's good to see you.

- Uh, Brittany, I was just hoping...
- No.

No.

I guess that wasn't the happy
mother-daughter reunion

I was hoping for.

I mean, I don't know what to tell you.

I mean, you...
been a pretty terrible mom.

I mean, listen,
I've been back for a few months.

I'm just trying
to get my life together.

I'm not chasing any random ball
players or musicians anymore.

I actually got a steady job.

I'm not partying like I used to.

Yeah, I mean...

you don't smell like Hennessy.

Rel, listen, I don't want
to put you in the middle

of this, but I just need you to...

please,

- just have her call me, okay?
- You can't say

you don't want to put me in the middle

and then you give me your number
like that.

Hey, hey. You know? So you better

get out of here, because...
you ain't supposed to be here.

Brittany don't want you in her store!

Leave!

I can't make no promises. Get
out of here. I'll try something.

- Okay? Yes. Okay. Thank you.
- Okay. Please, Rel. Please.

- Bye.
- Thank you.

Hey, uh, I won't...
I won't spin the signs no more,

so you ain't got to jump me.

I can't believe her,

just popping up in my pop-up.

Poppity-ass bitch.

Yeah. That's why, when she tried
to give me that phone number,

I was like, "Oh, no, lady,
it's too late. You blew it."

Thanks, Rel. You always got my back.

You damn right I do.

But here's her number.

I'm not calling her.

What, you forgot how she
would always drop everything

for a come-up?

She wasn't a mom, yo.

She was a professional groupie.

Like that time in Minnesota

when she ditched me to try
to trap Latrell Sprewell.

I mean, look, that was
just a bad move altogether.

You know, that was post-choke,
you know what I mean?

She just made horrible
dating choices in general.

Like, remember when we were freshmen,

she hooked up with that senior Devon?

Do you know how embarrassing
it is for your mom

to drop you off to school and kiss you

and your classmate good-bye?

Okay, but-but, in your mom's defense,

you know, Devon was a super senior.

He was 23 years old.

And, look, look, look,

let's-let's think about
the good memories, right?

You remember when your ma used
to let us stay up all night

and watch any movie we wanted?

You remember the time
she let us watch Candyman?

We were in elementary school.

We we supposed to be watching
stuff about mermaids,

not serial killers.

I mean, come on, it was fun, huh?

You remember.

Candyman.

Candyman...

You still won't say it a third time.

Look, Rel,

all that stuff
might have been fun for you,

but that's 'cause you
didn't have to deal

with being raised by her.

I just wanted a mom like you had.

Look, you did.
My mom loved you, all right?

But Ms. Monique coming back, you know,

and reaching out to you,
ma-maybe she's trying this time.

I'm serious. The one thing

I learned from my mom passing
is that...

y-you never know
how long somebody is here.

Look, Brit,

give her a call.

Damn you, Rel.

You always make me do this.

Do what?

Feel.

Candyman.

Oh! Wait, you can't...

Whew. You won't believe
what just happened.

Tell me. I'll believe anything.

All right.

I'm walking down the street,
minding my own business.

So, this guy is trying
to change his flat tire.

He don't even know what he's doing.

The jack is all jacked up.

The lug nuts are stripped.

And I'm trying not
to make eye contact,

'cause I don't want to help.

But then he catches my eye.

I said, "Damn."
Being the good Christian I am,

so I stopped and I helped him.

That's unbelievable.

No, that's not the unbelievable part.

He was the Bulls' mascot,

and he gave me two tickets
to the Bulls game.

Fourth row, right behind the team.

What? Wait.

I know you're taking me.

Well, you know what,
you do need a pick-me-up,

but you just got out of prison
and you don't have a job.

But your brother Rel
needs a pick-me-up,

'cause he just got separated
from his wife.

So, you know, the problem is we
got two equally depressed kids.

It's hard to figure which one to help.

Sound like you got a Sophie's choice.

I had one of those once.

I was dating two chicks named Sophie.

Well, I could just go
to the game by myself,

use the extra legroom.

Or you could take a third person

so your boys don't have
to fight each other.

You know what, man?

Drinks on the house.

Dad, yo, give me the tickets.

Look, Rel don't even have
to know about it.

Jake ain't coming.

Please, man, I need this.

- What up, playboy?
- What up, fam?

Your dad scored Bulls tickets,

and your brother's trying
to make sure you never find out.

Well played, Jake.

Well, look, if Dad gonna take
anybody to the Bulls game,

it's gonna be me, 'cause I did
something remarkable today.

I reunited Brittany with her mom.

Mm-hmm. It was so powerful, too.

It was... it was like the human
version of Finding Nemo.

Why would you do that, man?

That's stupid. Huh?

You just dropped down
to third place on this.

What do you mean third place?
You know what I mean?

What... Brittany's dad
was gone when sh...

before she was even born, right?

Don't she deserve to have
a relationship with one parent?

Yes, she does.
But Monique ain't the one, man.

She is not a good mom.

She's proven that time and time again.

But people do change, Dad.

Monique can't. It's like Popeye.

Remember he said, "I am what I am"?

Well, she is what she is.

Wait, who's Popeye?

That's the vegan sailor that
solved everything with violence.

Look, Dad, no disrespect,

but I used to hang out at
Brittany's house all the time.

Monique is a lot of fun.

Well, you know, you were a kid.
Of course you had fun.

And Monique was fun.

I remember, one time,
she had a O.J. acquittal party.

If you wore a glove that
didn't fit, you got in free.

But as a mom,

she was a mess.

Guess who she had down
as emergency contact

for-for the school.

Me and your mom.

Wow.

Brittany never told me that.

'Cause she was embarrassed.

Look, one time,

her mother passed out
on the front porch,

and Brittany called me
at 2:00 in the morning,

asking me if I'd help her carry
her mother in the house.

You think that's the kind
of story she wants to share

with her friend?
She's only ten years old.

Look, no, but...

but what I saw today was a...
was a whole new person.

All right.
Well, I hope for Brittany's sake

that you're right.

But you're not, 'cause I am.

And I hope you prove me wrong.

But you won't, 'cause I'm right.

- All right, here you go.
- Ah, Sister Brittany,

you are a lifesaver.

You would not believe
how embarrassing it was for me.

In the middle of my sermon,

one of the buttons
just popped off and...

hit Mother Beatrice right in the eye.

Geez.

She's a bit injured.
But we're good now.

You know, I bought her a purse
to match her eye patch.

Now, I want you to notice.

It wasn't my personal weight
that did that.

You know, that was
the weight of the...

of the Lord's word.

Mm. See, that's what I thought.

That's why I put
some extra space in there,

for the Lord's weight.

Thank you for calling me.

Don't thank me. Thank Rel.

He had to convince me to call you.

This seems a bit uncomfortable,

and I probably shouldn't be
standing here.

So, what I'm-a do,
I'm-a go back there and change.

But before I go, I wouldn't be
the man of God that I am

if I don't pray for y'all.
Come on, Sister Brittany.

Come on. Come around here.

I'm assuming
this is your mother, right?

Hey, ma'am. Okay. Bow your heads.

Father God,

we come to you humble

and hungry for your word.

Brittany's mom
hasn't been there for her,

but, God,
you've seen it before, right?

You've seen it in all our lives.
You know,

my daughter hasn't seen
my ex-wife in decades.

But it's okay, because I had
to be the mama and the daddy.

You know, I had to braid the hair

and-and learn
what a menstrual cycle was.

But I digress.

This ain't about me.

It's about these two, God.

Amen.

Brittany, I was a terrible mom.

I was selfish, I was immature,

and I had a lot of work
to do on myself.

And I was in denial of that.

You know,

you were so good
at taking care of yourself

that I felt like you
didn't even need me.

No, remember when you
were six years old,

you would make
those little scrambled eggs?

Well, those were my hangover cure.

You were so responsible, and...

I just didn't deserve you.

Well, thank you for saying that.

You have no reason to forgive me,

and I'm not asking you to do that.

But, baby, if you
could just give me a chance

to just earn your love
and respect again,

honey, I promise you,
I will do the work.

You know what,
as much as I resented you...

it seems like you grew up.

I have.

Well, if you're serious
about what you're saying...

this time,

I guess I'm open
to giving you a shot, Mom.

Thank you.

Can I hug my baby girl?

Sure, Mom.

Praise God! Mm-mm-mm.

When God shows up, he shows out!

Amen.

Now, look, uh, one of these
buttons might pop off again.

I had a piece of chicken back there.

Oh, look at this. Brittany's mom
just posted a photo

on Instagram of her and Brittany.

Oh, the caption's "Having so
much fun with my daughter."

See, I was right
to bring them together.

I don't think so.

I mean, think about it, man.

When's the last time
we took a picture together

and you posted it and said
we're having a good time?

- Never.
- Exactly.

Instagram is not about having
a good time.

It's people pretending
to have a good time.

But, Dad, you don't even
have Instagram.

I don't need things to know things.

He don't have a job, but you
know what it is, right?

See, people base relationships
on how high the highs are

compared to how low the lows are.

But it's more about how middle-y
are the middles.

Wait, "middle-y are the middles"?

What are you talking about?

This is a middle moment right now.

We're sitting here, playing cards.

Grown men playing Go Fish,
a child's game.

Look, I'm bored to death.

I'm looking at y'all,
I want to fall asleep.

And that's a good thing.

Come on. Take a picture.

See for yourself.

No, no. Not how we're supposed
to look. How we really feel.

See? See? Bored to death.

That's how a family that loves
each other looks.

See, look, if I take one
of y'all to the game,

I-I'm feeling that the
expectations of this game

will get you guys so euphoric

and so high, you'll leave
the game thinking,

"Why, I can-I can take on
the world," but really,

you still don't have a job,

and your woman is still gone.

You can go into a deep,
deep depression

I can't get you out of.

And I ain't paying for all them drugs.

I ain't helping y'all like that.

So I'm gonna take Jake the bartender.

Come on, now. Middles, son. Middles.

Thank you.

Man, this is one of
my favorite stores.

- Yeah.
- I like to walk around

and just imagine my
clothes on these shelves.

And have all the teenagers come
in here shoplifting my stuff.

Honey, your stuff is just as
good as anything in this store.

They should be carrying your designs.

Girl, one day.

Well, maybe that one day is today.

Uh, excuse me?

Hi, sir. Are-are you the manager here?

Ma, what you doing?

I may not have the skills to be a mom,

but what I am is an amazing hustler.

Let me use that skill to help you out.

Well, Mom, Mom.

Just don't take your clothes
off, or his clothes.

I'm William, the department
manager. How can I help you?

Hi, how are you? I'm Doris Johnson.

I'm the fashion agent to the stars.

And this here is my client.

She's a young designer in Chicago,

but it seems like you're not carrying

any of her clothes in here

Oh, well, we're not acquainted
with your client.

Does the name Malia Obama
mean anything to you?

Of course.

Well, who do you think
designed the scarf

that Malia wore at her brunch

the day after her
high school graduation?

I did. I... you know.

The Obamas, they just love
my graduation brunch scarves.

I don't think that graduation
brunch scarves are a thing.

It's a black thing.

So sorry. I had no idea.

You know what?
You are way behind the times,

and your store is gonna be out
of business if you don't get

a designer here that people
actually care about.

Well, uh, maybe we can start
on consignment

with a few of your pieces.

Oh, my God. I'd be so...

Insulted. Insulted.

My client, she's above consignment.

- I am?
- Yeah.

- I am.
- Yes.

You know, you need
to place a real order,

and you need to place it now,

or else I'm gonna have
to call Malia Obama up

and-and tell her that she needs
to tweet that this store sucks.

Ma'am, I just... I can't just...

Okay. Let me ask you something, sir.

Look, how does that feel?

Soft. So soft.

That's exactly what Malia said.

- We'll order ten.
- Mm-hmm.

Ma, that was incredible. Thank you.

- It's like a dream come true.
- Yeah, well,

let's just hope that
they don't Google either of us.

Now, come on, baby.

All right, listen up, y'all.
This is Sophie number two.

She'll be tending bar tonight

while I'm in row four
at the Bulls game

with Rel and Nat's dad,

because he chose me
instead of these two idiots.

Man, come on. Back out, Jake.

Listen, man, Rel already
got dinner tonight.

I don't have nothing to do.

Look, kid. You got played.

That's how it goes.

You think this is the first family

I pulled apart for Bulls tickets?

In '92, I was at the championship,

sitting next to Jordan's dad

while his brother was at home crying.

Well, if y'all need me,
I'll be at home.

And I won't be crying either.

He's gonna cry.

We hustled the hell out of that man.

Oh, you know, hustling is what I do.

Yeah, I know.

There they are. Huh?

How does it feel to be reunited?

Does it feel so good?

You see how I made
a-a song a question?

It's incredible.

And Mom got Stafford & Hodges

to order some of my scarves,

just as long as nobody checks
with Malia Obama.

Rel, thank you so much
for bringing us together.

We're gonna have a good
time at dinner tonight.

Yes.

I'm just sorry your
dad couldn't join us.

He had Bulls tickets.

I'm just a little mad
he didn't invite me.

So I guess you could say, uh,

he took over your role as a deadbeat.

Too soon?

Damn, the alarm at the
store just went off.

- Is everything okay?
- Yeah, it should be. It goes off,

like, once a week,
but I still got to go check it.

I'll be back in, like, ten minutes.

- Okay.
- Well, cool. Uh, we'll be here.

- All right.
- Rel, are you gonna let my daughter walk

the streets of Chicago
at night by herself?

- You're a deadbeat friend.
- Oh, I guess it's funny

when a deadbeat tells
a deadbeat joke, huh?

All right.

Come on.

Hi, Jake.

It's been such a long time.

Hey, can I get my usual?

- Of course. I never forget a usual.
- Okay.

Game time!

Come on, Jake, man.

Benny the Bull said
if we got there early,

he'd let us operate the T-shirt gun.

Oh, hell yeah! I'm-a break
somebody's teeth tonight.

Let me get my favorite hat.

Is that Milt?

Damn!

- Monique is in the house.
- Oh.

It's so good to see you.

- Look at you all dressed up.
- Yeah.

You going to a club or something?

Well, no, no.
No more fast life for me.

I'm actually going to dinner
with Rel and Brittany.

Yo, man, let's get out of here.
Tip-off, baby.

All right, man.
Just give me a second, okay?

- Give me a second.
- All right.

Uh, look, I got to say this.
Speaking of Brittany,

you know, uh, she's
in a good place right now.

And, Mo, you took her
through some stuff, you know,

and it hurt me to see her go
through all that, all right?

So if you're gonna be a mother,
you can't have

one foot in and one foot out...
this ain't hokey pokey.

Look, you can't hurt her again, okay?

Now, it's good to see you, all right?

Y-You look good.

- Thank you. Good to see you.
- All right.

What the hell?

My money.

Oh, my God.

Brittany, I'm...
I'm sorry this happened to you.

Why would somebody do this?

I don't know. This is crazy.

Got to call my mom.

Hi, baby. What's up?

Somebody broke into the store.

Are you okay?

No. It's so bad.

Like, everything is messed up,
and I can't...

Can you just come?

Um, okay.

All right, baby, let...

Um, I-I'll be right there, okay?

Oh, man, where is she at?
It's been over an hour.

The police have already been here.

If you can't get here
before the Chicago police,

you're not trying.

Brittany...

Hey, hey, look, um...

I'm-I'm sorry. I should've never,

I should've never pushed you
to reconnect with your mom.

It's not your fault.

This is who she is,
and I should've known.

I mean, she asked me
for another chance,

and I gave it to her, like a dummy.

But when things get tough, she's gone.

Damn.

Dad, what are you doing here?
You're supposed to be

- at the Bulls game.
- I was. Got your text.

I came as soon as I could.
You all right?

- Well, I'm doing, you know...
- Not you!

Thanks for coming.
Sorry you're missing the game.

Hey, hey, I don't care
about that game. Family first.

Family first?
Was it family when, you know,

when it came to those Bulls tickets?

That was me saving us
from some fake joy.

Now, grab a broom,
let's make some real memories.

Why are you standing there
with that silly grin, man?

Help us clean up!

Well, this is a nice present for
your wife, shall I wrap it?

Oh, no, you ain't got to worry
about all that.

I'm-a just go ahead and just
take this with me and just

put this in my pocket.
Okay, have a blessed day.

Oh, excuse me, excuse me.
Um, you haven't paid for that.

Oh, no. I thought I was getting
the pastor's discount, you know,

where I just take it
and I just walk away, you know.

You know, 'cause I got a huge
congregation, so I let them know

this is a store I come to... it's
gonna get you more business.

Sir, take one more step
and I'll call security.

Mm-mm-mm.

Tell you this...

when you show up to the pearly gates

and you got to face God...

he's gonna remember
how you treated me today.

I'm an atheist.
Will that be credit or debit?

- That'll be debit.
- Okay, great.

Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.