All language subtitles for South Side s02e09 10 Less Minutes.eng

-Alright, step over here
for me, please.

Turn around for me, sir.
-O-Okay?

-Okay, just relax.
-I'm sorry about that.

My partner's waiting
on some test results.

-"Oh, hey, partner,
can you keep a secret?"

"Oh, yeah, I can keep a secret.
Tell me anything."

-Okay, anyway, uh, sweetie,

where you at about
11:30 p.m. last night?

-Is all this necessary?

-Hey, just answer
the questions, cool guy.

-He ain't that cool.

Look, we got some reports
of some stolen windshield wipers

last night,
and you fit the description.

-Couldn't have been me.

I was at the Promontory
for Third Thursdays.

-See, now, I know you lying,
'cause I been on the list

for Third Thursdays
since the first Third Thursday,

and they ain't did one
in over a year.

-You don't believe me?
-No.

-Okay, bet. Look.
-Whoa, whoa. Easy, easy.

Nice and slow.
Slow motion for me.

-Then what's this?
-Give me that. What is this?

-What is that? What is that?
-What is this?

Okay, you --
Yeah, take a look at that,

Turner,
and tell us what that is.

-Damn, these Negroes did
a Third Thursday without me?

And Crucial Conflict performed?
I thought they broke up.

-They reunited just for this.
It was lit.

I sold a bunch
of windshield wipers.

Damn.
Y'all are good.

-Turn around.
Thank you.

-Damn, man.
-Is it a party?

-Yeah, man, it's the party.

Third Thursdays.

-I have left my handcuffs
in the car.

Do you have handcuffs?

-♪ I was born
on the South Side ♪

♪ I was raised
on the South Side ♪

♪ Everybody stick together
like we in a line ♪

♪ 'Cause it ain't no side
like the South Side ♪

♪ On the South Side ♪

♪ South Side! ♪

-Whoa, shit.

Who puts a whole pot
in the road?

-Fuck.

My social life is trash.

All I do is sit in here

and ride around in this car
with your sweaty ass.

I lost my drip,
and now it's a drought.

-Hey, it's called
getting older.

You need to embrace it.
-I ain't old.

I got a lot of pussy
left to pop.

-Well, maybe that "P" needs
to do less popping

and less dropping
and perhaps maybe more stopping.

-Mm.
-Oh, my God.

You know what you should do?

There's this thing,
uh, Kitty goes to.

It's a bunch of mature ladies.

They sit around.
-No.

-They -- They drink alcohol.
They paint pictures.

-That's sip 'n' paint.
-No, that's --

-That's definitely
sip 'n' paint.

-No, that's too simple.
Do you get up in the morning

and go, "Ooh, morning. Sun.
I awake."

Come on, get out of here.

Hey, Bixby, call
Itty Bitty Kitty Committee.

It's ironic because my wife
has an ample bosom.

-You have got it, my main man.
-Josh nursed till he was 6.

-Giving Kattandra a holler.
-I got it set to ethnic.

Yeah, I wanted --
-Hey, there, Sandy, my mandy.

-Uh, hey, there,
Kattran-dizzle.

I got you on speaker
with the Turnburn.

What is the name
of that thing you go to?

You guys sit around,
you drink alcohol,

you paint pictures,
you go all the time?

-Oh, the sip 'n' paint.
-Ah. Fuck me.

-Say less.
Switching to vibrate.

-Bixby -- Bixby got a mind
of his own.

Anyway.

-No, we're -- we're
not gonna speak after that.

I just want some silence now.

-No.
I gotta be totally quiet?

-I feel like I had a window
into some freaky shit you into,

and I just --
I don't like that.

-I'm telling you, the San Diego
Chicken has it figured out.

He's not actually owned
by the Padres.

He's an independent contractor,
and what's most important --

he owns all
the intellectual property.

I'm on break.

Licensing, Joe.
That's the dopest hustle of all.

-That job sucks.

The job to have is
an NBA skidmark buffer.

Gotta be fast off those knees,
though.

Here's a few techniques.

Alright, you gotta get down,
and you buff it,

and then you pop up.

Oh, my knee.
Hear that pop?

Oh, that's what happened
at the last tryout.

-Man, get your ass up.
-Okay.

Here's how you do it.

You gotta roll like this,
plant your elbow, turn,

spin around, okay, and...

-You lames is late from break.
-Your dusty-ass momma was late.

-It's not even an insult.
It's just biologically accurate.

She was late,
so she took a pregnancy test.

Twins was a surprise, though.
-Mm.

-Uh, you're late
as well, ma'am.

-Uh, no, Q.

I walked out that door
14 minutes and 30 seconds ago,

so technically, I still got
30 seconds of a break left,

which I will use to stand here
and stare at you angrily.

Jay-Mal, time me.

-I got it.
I'm up.

-Attention, everyone.

New Chicago ordinance --
all breaks are now 10 minutes.

-Nah, nah, nah.
You can't make same-day changes.

Jay-Mal, how much time
I got left?

-Eight seconds.

Seven, six, five....

-Really?
-...four, three,

two, one.

-Now my break is up!

-Hey, um, I heard
you getting fired. Sorry.

-Hey, y'all. Hey, y'all.
Listen up, listen up.

Alright, alright.
Listen.

We need to get
our full break time back.

-Agreed.
-You know what I'm saying?

-Yes.
-I got a text message,

and I can't even respond to it.

"Hey.
Them cheeks clappin'?

You riding this pony
wigless tomorrow."

-Girl, you be nasty.

-So, anyway, it takes me my full
15 to saddle up and dismount.

-Mm-hmm.

-[ Laughs ]
Don't y'all play "Monopoly"?

-No.
-I can tell.

The point of capitalism
is for capital to end up

in as few hands as possible.

Corporations like to give us
these trinkets like breaks

just so that we don't rise up.

Instead of groveling
over five fewer minutes,

the smart man would use
this time

to start his own
mascot business,

and not even necessarily
chicken-based.

-Exactly. We need somebody
with power on our side.

That's what we need.
-That's what I'm talking about.

-Yes.
-You right about that.

-Yeah.
Someone like Halsted Hercules!

Bum-bum-bum!
He got hands.

He's a square by day,
but he squares up by night.

-I got an idea for a mascot.

How about Cold Head?
-No.

-Ahh.

Also, the alderman
is right there.

♪♪

-Roll them big ol' hips.

-Sir, you wanted to talk.
-Oh, yeah, listen, uh,

I know what I want my big,
first 100-days issue to be.

I was just talking
to some constituents --

-No. No. Not the strip club
thing again, please.

-No, not the strip
club thing again.

I swear, I don't know why
you hate that idea so much.

-I'm your chief of staff.

I don't want you to be known
as the guy who lowered

ATM fees at a strip club,

especially because those fees
go to the women.

-Okay, I'd rather give
the money to the women

so I can get an additional song.

I just had this debate
with Diamond very recently.

And more importantly, $6.99?

So, basically, I'm taking out
$27 every time --

No. I'm sorry.

Those machines are
gouging people, Erin.

This is not the conversation
I want to be having right now.

The conversation I want to
be having is what is my issue?

And I think I know what it is.

You ready?

Revoking the new ordinance
on break time.

-No. Absolutely not.
That thing is too big.

I've looked at the numbers,
and it looks like

there's four co-sponsors,

overwhelming support from
City Council, and backing --

You already wrote
a press release, didn't you?

-I'm on it.

I wrote it an hour ago.
-Alright, let's see.

Okay, "O-Obama gave you
healthcare.

Allen Gayle's gonna give you

a break the titty time tax
is too much"?

-Delete that last part.
It's a typo.

But don't you see?

If I win, people will be like,

"That fool took
on all of Chicago!

Shit! Shee-it!"

That's how they talk.
I've been listening.

But here's the deal --
I'll take on Brookfield,

I'll take on Oak Brook,
I'll take on Willow Brook,

I'll take on Bolingbrook.
All the brooks, and win.

And honestly, if I lose,
they won't be surprised.

They'll be like, "You know what?

That fool took
on all of Chicago.

He took on all the brooks."

-The brooks are suburbs.
-Eh, keep talking like that,

you're gonna have beef
with the brooks.

-This is so foolish.

Wait, but you'll be
the people's fool.

I can work with that.
-That's the calling card.

By the way, I'm also gonna need
some calling cards.

Get Metro PCS on the phone.
-I'll just go there.

They're open.
-Oh, you can take the alley.

No, it's safe now.
The guy with the Slinky is gone.

-Okay.

-Okay, ladies, ladies, ladies.
Alright?

We don't have to be constrained
by reality here, alright?

Just -- Just paint
with your heart.

What do you feel?

What -- What vibe
is he giving you, okay?

His eyes are giving me so much.

Do you see your father?
Do -- Do you see pain?

Do you see a lover?
Do you see God?

A liar? Deceit?

What we have going on here?
-I was just...

-Okay.
We got some brick going.

A little "Blue Story."

Little "West Side Story."

I like it.
I like it.

Oh, come on in, ladies.
Yes.

You're a little late,
but it's okay.

-Hey!
Hey, Turnie.

-Hey, this is my girl, Tinisha.

-Tinisha, nice to meet you.

I got you both spots
right up front.

-Thank you.
-You guys came on a great night.

Tonight, we're painting Alfonzo.

He's a lecturer at the
University of Chicago

during the day.

He wrote a paper on semantics.

-Are there gonna be other
models throughout the night?

-Oh.
No, no, no, no.

Just him.
He's the main event.

It's very fun.
-Okay.

Um, is -- but is
he gonna show his dick, though?

-Uh, e-excuse me.
Excuse me.

Hi. Hi.
Yeah, yeah.

This is a paint 'n' sip,

not a come late and do whatever
you want and disturb the class.

We're -- We're doing
a lot of talking

and not a lot
of painting or sipping.

Paint and sip, sip and paint.

Maybe you need
some inspiration, okay?

I see you.
Alfonzo, come on.

Give the ladies -- Give the
ladies a little something.

Alright? Okay.

♪♪

[ Horn honks in distance ]

-I want all
35 of my dollars back.

We had to bring our own wine,
and that model wasn't no model.

That's an uncle.
Ol' Bachata foot jones head ass.

-That white girl
got his number.

You think she got
a big nipple fetish?

-Girl, if I was running
that night, okay,

I would provide the wine.

Cheap-ass wine, so that
I could upcharge for tickets

and keep my expenses low.
-Amen.

-And most importantly, the dude
would be way cuter, okay?

I'm talking fine, fine,
and fully nude.

-Yes.

-And ki-ki'ing would not
only be allowed but required.

-Okay.
Now, I would pay money for that.

-Yeah?

-Just dangling balls,
everywhere.

-You nasty.
-Big time.

♪♪

-10-minute break is a goofy.

That's right, I said it.
Make sure you get that right.

So, I'm putting the 15-minute
break on my back,

because Chicago is working
its people to death.

Brother, brother. Hey.
Brother, what's your name?

-Uh, Jay-Mal.
Again.

-Take Jamal Agin here.

Black homie from the South Side.

What are you?
47 years old?

-I'm 29 years old.
-No.

Unh-unh.
You see what's happening here?

Black is starting to crack.
Watch this.

Young lady. Young lady.

What important thing
did you used to do

during your break
with those extra five minutes?

-Well, I use my break time
to gather evidence to help prove

innocence on pending cases
of young, sexy inmates.

-See?
-Lawon Stalls -- innocent.

Jeremiah Shorts -- innocent.

Chico.

I'm still working on it, baby.

Why was he there?!

-I don't know why Chico
was there,

but I know what we do on break.

Break defines us.

Break is when we paint
the colors of who we are,

not just what we do.

-Hey, Allen,
can we talk real quick?

-Oh, ho, ho!

Massa is getting nervous.
He's getting nervous

'cause we're getting close
to the big house.

We're getting close.
We're up on the porch,

and he may be swinging up
there drinking a mint julep,

but we're gonna snatch it
out of his hand

and drag him out into the field
so he can do his own work.

Trust me. "Massa."
Write that down.

-Do not write that down.
-Thanks for the breather, man.

There are a lot of people
out there.

Ooh, Valerie Jarrett
liked my tweet.

Uh-oh.
-"Massa"? What the fuck?

-That's what you call yourself.
-In private.

And in case you forgot,

while you're up there
talking shit about corporations,

this corporation gave you office
furniture for free.

-Okay, I'd hardly call this
a corporation.

Also, I hooked you up with
a year's supply of Gatorade.

Still unopened.

Guess somebody's too good
for Mountain Ice.

-Look, RTO Corporate is pissed.
You're poking a bear.

You have no idea
how high this goes.

You should have just stuck
with the strip club thing.

I gave you that.
-Yeah, you know what?

You can take it back.
Okay?

And I'll tell you what else
you can have back.

You can have back
that weirdly tiny desk.

-Mm.
-It's a nightstand.

That's why there's two of them.

-Thought I was a plant,
didn't you?

Psyche!
It's a man in here!

It's Milly-the-Ghillie!

-Are you a meatball?

-Muhammed the Comet, obviously.
-That is not obvious.

-In flight!

Ssssshhhhh.

-Impact!

-Aah!

-This -- This -- This is good.

You know, they say China
is America's factory floor.

Let's make Chicago
America's break room.

I want to make sure that people
say, "Hey, go to Chicago.

They're on break."

-You definitely got
the youth vote.

TikTok.

-♪ Five ♪

♪ Five ♪

♪ Five, stay alive ♪

♪ Five to stay alive ♪

♪ Five ♪

♪ Five ♪

♪ Five to stay alive ♪
-Hey, what's up, young world?

It's your man, Travis C,
and I rung y'all bell

'cause right now,
I got my man in the booth --

Allen Gayle.

-I see white people
wear these now.

These are so much fun.
-Now, I'm torn,

'cause he's spitting hot fire,
but at the same time, he 40.

-I'm good at this.

-Turn, I dunno.

You know I got about 13 warrants
and 12 of 'em are active.

-Really, Shaw?

Half these dudes out here
got warrants.

You're not a police priority.
Trust me, I know.

-How come I'm not?
Run my plates.

I'm armed and dangerous.
-No.

Sweetie, you ain't even
an all-pro fugitive.

-Notorious for peeing on staff.

-You're more like
summer league.

-Oh, words do hurt,
words do hurt, words do hurt.

-Besides, ain't you tired
of being out there in the woods?

Don't you want to come back
to civilization, get this money?

-Yeah.
-Welcome, ladies.

Now, this is a sip 'n' paint,
but this ain't one of those

whack-ass ones
you been going to.

So, I hope you're Ubered.
-I don't give no fucks.

I drive better when
I'm drunk anyway.

-Oh, well, bitch, we took
your keys at the door, anyway.

-Girl, I don't be
remembering shit.

-Now, anyway, we work hard,
don't we?

-Yes.
-Yes.

And we deserve a break.
So, here it is, okay?

Straight from the Ickies but
ain't nothing about him sticky.

Let's give it up
for our very own Tyreese.

-Ooh.
-Yes.

-Yes!
-Okay.

-Okay.

-Yes!
-Here he is.

-Okay.
-Hello.

♪♪

-Whoa.
-Okay.

[ Laughter ]

-Damn, he's thick.

His booty got abs.

-♪ The way you movin' ♪

♪ You let your... ♪

-Hey, asshole,
show us your face.

-Oh, now, now.

The theme is actually
"masculine mystery."

Let Tyreese be your cipher.

Paint any face on him you want.

Paint your husband's face.
-What?!

I didn't come here to paint
no damn Kevin.

I came to see some new nuts.

[ Laughter ]

-"New nuts" here
is probably ugly as hell.

-I'm not ugly.
-That's why he hiding.

-Look at him.
-I'm not ugly.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

I'm not ugly.

I said I ain't ugly!

-Ooh.
-Okay.

-Confident.

-I bet that dick ugly, though.

[ Laughter ]

-You sure?

♪♪

-Here we go.

-It's been two weeks
since Alderman Allen Gayle

called for a general strike
in the face of the city's

Jobs Creation
and Productivity Act.

Despite some support,
the city council is refusing

to take up a repeal.

Unfazed, Alderman Gayle
has promised,

"More mayhem until the city's
working poor

are heard loud and clear.

Again, mayhem."

-Amen to that!

And if they won't hear us,
then they won't see us,

and if they won't vote
to repeal the law,

then we're gonna take
the ultimate break!

-We gonna kill ourselves!
-What? What?

No -- No. No.
We're not gonna kill ourselves.

We are going to go on strike.

-[ Chanting "Strike!" ]

-Benedict Arnold.

Line-crossers.

Rat men.

Rat 1, Rat 2.

Crossed over to the other side,
huh, scabs? Huh?

-As an RTO employee,

I'm so happy that
you're fighting for us, okay?

That's great.

But as a C.E.O. of Ghillie

and the Comet Characters,
Limited,

you're the bad guy.

You see the dilemma
I got going on right now?

Let's go, K.

-It's Alderman Bowers.

-For -- For me?
-Yes.

Be nice.

-So psyched!
-I know!

-Hello, Carla Delores
Tucker Bowers.

How are you doing?
Yes.

Yes. Yes, yes.

I know I never called
to get your support.

You think I should have
just talked to you first?

I see.

Well, I think you should have
talked to the people first!

Starting with my district,
the 51st!

Beca-- What?
Oh. Oh.

Oh, such a --
such a foul mouth.

Okay. Alright.
I see where you're coming from.

It is to be war between us.
Okay. So be it.

So be it.
Bring it.

'Cause I'm gonna bring it,
and I got time today!

I didn't have time yesterday,
but I got time today!

I got time! I got --
Do I have time today?

-No.

-When do I have time?
-Tomorrow.

-I don't have that
podcast thing?

I got time tomorrow!

I ain't have time today,
but I got time tomorrow!

I'm looking at you
through the phone!

Why you breaking eye contact,
huh?

I'm looking at you, and you --
Okay, so you'll be there?

Okay, great.
Alright. Bye!

Mm!
-My phone!

-Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.

I-I treat my phone terribly.

Why doesn't it have a case
on it?

♪♪

-♪ Eh ♪

♪ Mm ♪

[ Scatting ]

-Hey, alright.
Is that the rest of them?

-Yeah. I think so.
-Thanks.

Yeah, get these bad boys
framed for your mom, man.

She's gonna love it.
-Yeah.

-By the way,
you cool with all this?

-All what?

-Your mom being out
every single night.

-Yeah, I'm cool with it.

Are you cool with it?

-Well, now that
you mention it...

I don't know, man.
She's in her artistic phase.

She's out with her girls
every night,

and they're having a good time

and they're getting all buzzed,
and then she comes home,

ready for some sloppy cuddling
with Dad,

if you know what I mean.

-I don't know what you mean.

-No, you wouldn't.

We need to have
this conversation.

You know what?
I'm ready for this conversation.

I've been waiting to have
this conversation with you.

Uh, okay.
Alright. This is, uh...

Wow.
This is happening right now.

So, men, women.

Uh, men have a vas deferens,

which is a pathway to the base
of the scrotal sack.

Uh, sperm is actually created
in the testes, uh,

and then it is moved up
through the vas deferens

and out through the penal head.

Uh, the penis has to --
-Nah, Dad.

I'm just effin' you in the "A."
I know what it means.

-Effin' me in the "A"?

We might have a talk about
the F's and the A's, man.

You "F" your mom in the "A"
with that mouth?

You're getting so big, man.

I remember just the other day,
you were like a little boy,

and now I'm like,
"Man, there's --

there's a white guy
in my house."

Anyway, come on, let's --
let's put these paintings out.

Got some fruit,
got some bottles,

and I guess they're doing
some figure art.

This guy looks like, uh,
you know,

this guy doesn't eat
a lot of carbs.

See, this is another one.

Got a little toothpick
in his mouth, see?

Think it's the same guy?
Oh, it's the same dude.

And this is another one
of the same --

Don't they usually
change models?

You think it's the same guy?
What you got over there?

-Uh, this guy on a horse.

-Okay.

What's this one?

-Uh...
-Huh.

-This is, like, almost...
dancing.

-Make it move a little bit.
-Go, Tyreese!

Go, Tyreese!
Go, Tyreese!

Go, Tyreese!
Come on!

Go, go, go, go!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Ow!
-Hmm.

-I swear, I've seen that
toothpick somewhere.

-And I'm not here
to disagree with you.

I'm just saying --
-No, but you are, though.

-Iverson's game was a little
bit more attack-attack-attack.

-No, he was definitely
a pass-first guard.

He said it himself.

"I come down the court.

I pass the ball, just like
the couch said,

then I go all around,
then it come back to me.

But you know
I'm gonna throw it up."

He sounds just like that.
You lying.

-But you know you lactose
intolerant.

-Oh, hi. Hi, ladies.
Uh, welcome.

Um, I just ask
for a bit of patience, okay?

Um, I assure you --
Oh. Wait. Hold on, girl.

Hold on, now.
Turn that the other way.

Don't show them.
Okay. Bye.

Alright, see you next week.

Um, again, um, I assure you
that you will all get in, okay?

I just need to clear the room
and re-grease the model.

-Yes.

-In the meantime, please have
your $100 out and crisp.

-Uh, $100, though, Turner?

-Yes.
-That's rent.

I gotta take this dress --
this dress, this purse --

-Ma'am, ma'am.
-It ain't even mine.

I got to do --
-Okay, um, ladies,

no, we are not cheap, okay?

But we provide a lot of wine
and some high-quality dick.

Okay, yes.

This is an elite experience
for high-end clientele.

-Oh, that's me.
I'm a queen.

Excuse me, sister.
I'm not trying to cut the line.

Hey, can I borrow $50?
-What?

-I will Zelle it
right back to you.

-Keisha, just take your ass
inside, okay?

-Thank you.
I don't even know what Exenoba--

Exeno-- Is X-rated in here?
That's my name.

-Ladies, be right back.
$100 -- $100, ma'am.

-So, he ain't got none
of his clothes on?

-Keisha, get your --

♪♪

-Let's get it!

♪ Five ♪
-♪ Five ♪

-♪ Five ♪
-♪ Five ♪

-♪ Five to stay alive ♪

-♪ Ooh, five ♪
-♪ Five to stay alive ♪

-♪ Stay alive ♪
-♪ Five ♪

-♪ I want my five minutes back,
hey ♪

-♪ Five to stay alive ♪

-♪ I want my five minutes
back, hey ♪

-♪ Turn it up ♪
-♪ Five, yeah ♪

♪ Five, get it ♪

♪ Five to stay alive ♪

♪ Five to stay alive ♪
♪ Five ♪

-Hey, kill the music!
Kill the music!

Hey, look who decided
to show up.

-Boo!

-Just come inside, Gayle.

We need to talk.
Hi.

-Y'all heard that, right?

Alderman Bowers, one of the most
powerful politicians in Chicago,

the ultimate insider,
just invited me,

the ultimate outsider,
to come inside.

Well, guess what?
I'm not coming back outside

until I get y'all
that break back!

-Yeah!
-Yes!

-You guys are hungry, right?
-Yeah.

-I'm gonna order pizzas.
-Yeah!

-Don't cheer for that.
-Ooh, sorry.

-I haven't even walked
inside yet.

Y'all already sold out.
Come on.

Pizza is the opiate
of the people.

Word.
-Yeah, word.

-She want to talk to AG, y'all.

-Who's AG?
-It's you.

-Oh.
Oh.

Nice house, Bowers.
It smells.

It smells like, uh, old money.

-You got the outside
of my house stinking.

Don't look at my coat.
-Yeah, nice mink.

-That's 11 cats.

-Whoa. Um, not cool.
What is this?

Is this a set-up?
-Cut the theatrics, Gayle.

You're now in the presence
of the most

powerful aldermen in the city.

Have some couth.

-Holy shit.

It's like the five families.
South Side.

Mexican South Side.

West Side.

Gold Coast Viagra Triangle.

Uh...hmm...

Glasses, bow tie, pocket square.

I'm gonna guess, uh,
Humboldt Park.

No.
Wicker Park.

Wicker -- Park Ridge?

Oak Park?
Lincoln Park?

-No, that's the C.E.O.
of Pequod's Pizza.

-Sit down. We're gonna show you
how Chicago works.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪♪

-Okay. Okay!

♪♪

-All the way to the top.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

♪♪

-Get it.

-Tariq Freeman -- innocent.

Donovan Campbell.
He was with me, okay?

So, that's how I know
he innocent.

Check my Facebook.

The timestamps mark the dates.

He was not there.

W-Where they said he was.
Come on.

How you gonna steal
somebody's tires,

and you rolling
with someone who got a car?

-We now return to your day
flight movie, "Jaws,"

starring Richard Dreyfuss,
Roy Schneider, and Robert Shaw.

-Holy shit!
That's where I know him from!

[ Woman laughing ]

-That's crazy.

I started this whole thing
because I was just sick

and tired of having
a trash-ass social life,

but instead,
I just gave myself another job.

-That's 'cause you
about that bag.

I love that about you.
You a boss.

-I made the best sip 'n' paint
in Chicago,

and I'm not
even enjoying myself?

No. Unh-unh. Fuck this.
This is stupid.

Look, it's time for a bitch
to sip and paint, okay?

-Hello.
-Ah!

Michael Shaw Owens,
you under arrest!

-Unh-unh. Goodnight,
get the fuck out of my event.

-No, police officer,
I will not.

-Hide the wine and the molly!
-Bitch, calm down.

You drunk.
-[ Laughing ] My bad.

Anybody need a ride home?

-Ain't nobody getting a ride.
You have a seat.

Sniffing and snorting
and huffing and puffing.

-I don't do that.
-The Magic Dragon.

-No, no, no.

-Kitty, you smell
like a Cabernet.

-Ugh, sniffing ass.
-Where is your son?

-I don't know!
-Unbelievable.

-You're not supposed
to be here.

-And why can't I be
in here right now?

-Look -- I'm looking at it.

You're in the presence
of respectable women.

-Oh.
-Calm down.

-Respectable women?

Over there, drinking all
the alcohol? Respectable?

Then why in the "F" are you
hanging out with a fugitive?!

-Ooh!
-That guy right there.

-Fugitive?
I'm about to get disbarred.

No.
-Wait. Hold up, hold up. Hey.

I-I know that I promised
the Thug Nigga Experience

without the actual thug niggas,

but I do have
other models, okay?

So, please come back next week.
No, no.

Please come back --
-Officer, that is a statue!

-This a statue?
-Yup. He ain't real.

-Yes?
-Aw, damn.

-Come on.
-Come on.

Arms behind your back,
sir, here.

Thank you very much.
You are under arrest, Mr. Owens.

-Sandy, Sandy, wait!
-What?

-I have to paint this.
Stop.

-Nobody paint this!
Nobody paint this, okay?

Put it down, please.

-And until we get
that five minutes back,

we all in jail, like this.

I want my five minutes back.
Free me. Free me.

-[ Chanting "Free me" ]
-That's right.

-What is the big deal?
It's a private prison.

-The answer's no.

-What about the thing
I asked you for?

-What was it again?

-Having a certain
White Sox catcher,

A.J. Pierzynski, apologize,
preferably in tears,

to a certain Michael Barrett
of the mighty, mighty Cubbies

for an unfortunate
punching incident at home plate

during the 2006 season.

-You'll get me killed, okay?

-We can't do anything
with this guy.

He's worthless.
-That's the truth.

-Alright, listen,
guys, guys, I get it.

You run Chicago.
I get that.

But there's something else
I know.

I annoy you.

Otherwise, you wouldn't
even have me here.

I got half my district
on the front lawn.

Sooner or later, they're gonna
run out of pizza,

and when they do,
they're gonna want answers.

Or maybe, just maybe,
they'll turn their eyes

on that pretty little apple tree
you got out there.

[ Glass breaks ]

-I know that ain't
no Mercedes window.

-Chaos is coming.

Chaos is coming.

So, I'm gonna need you guys
to work with me.

'Cause right now,
Gayle is in town.

-Well, there is one more thing
we need,

if you want to get
your 15-minute break back.

-I'm all ears.

-One of y'all had one slice
of pizza than everybody else.

I only had a corner slice.
That's mostly crust.

Who did it?
Raise your hand.

You wrong, sir.
You wrong.

-I told you I would go in there
and fight for you,

and it was not easy.
It was a fight.

But I was like Ali in '78.

-'74.

-Come on, Gorilla.
We in Manila.

-Say it.
-Exactly.

And so, all I can say
is I went in there

and I fought, and we won.

The 15-minute break
will be restored.

Whoo!
Whoo!

And there's --
And there's more good news.

There's more good news.
Wait for it.

Apparently, our district
is sitting on a ton of shale.

Shale, you guys.

Shale yeah.

-In a surprise move,
Alderman Allen Gayle

has turned back 30 years
of environmental regulation

by opening his ward
to drilling.

Pundits are saying
the same Allen Gayle

will be forever associated
with fracking.

Our news team caught up
with Gayle this afternoon

at a local school.

-Kids, despite
what you've heard,

fracking is incredibly safe
and pretty cool.

And yes, there is a proprietary
mix of water, sand,

and chemicals
that we shoot into the ground,

but here's the good news.

This does not affect this,
you see?

But don't take my word for it.

Please welcome your friends
and the official mascots

of ENDIX Energy Solutions, Derek
the Derrick and the Frack King!

-Hey, kids!
Do you all like oil?

Well, let's --
let's play some drill music!

♪♪

-We all wear costumes.

-Will the handsome defendant
please rise?

I find the defendant...

not guilty...
-Yeah!

-...on all charges.
-All of them!

-You free, baby.

-All of them!
All of them!

Undisputed,
but I ain't defeated!

That's what I'm talking about!

-♪ Booty, booty,
booty, booty ♪

♪ Booty, booty,
booty, booty ♪

♪ Booty, booty,
booty, booty ♪

♪ Booty, booty,
booty, booty ♪

♪ Booty, booty,
booty, booty ♪

-♪ Booty call,
booty call ♪

♪ Booty call,
booty call ♪

♪ Booty call,
booty call ♪

♪ Booty call,
booty call ♪

-♪ Chillin' in the crib,
cold maxin' ♪

♪ Thinkin' bout a freak
I was waxin' ♪

♪ Fat old booty,
and she got it going on ♪

♪ That's what made me want
to write this song ♪

♪ I'm tearin' up my crib,
pulling a caper ♪

♪ Looking for her number
on a piece of paper ♪

♪ Havin' visions of a big old
bum, damn! ♪

♪ I got to find that bitch ♪

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