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00:00:02,919 --> 00:00:07,919
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https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
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00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:15,074
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3
00:00:35,452 --> 00:00:37,320
Shoppers already?
4
00:00:37,387 --> 00:00:38,856
Hey, Monty,
I'm getting outta here, man.
5
00:00:38,923 --> 00:00:40,223
It's Thanksgiving.
6
00:00:42,126 --> 00:00:44,461
What time did they start
showing up last year?
7
00:00:45,663 --> 00:00:47,865
- About noon.
- Noon?
8
00:00:51,102 --> 00:00:52,636
Freaking vultures!
9
00:01:14,158 --> 00:01:15,459
Oh, shit.
10
00:01:48,258 --> 00:01:49,794
What the fuck is that?
11
00:02:20,825 --> 00:02:22,392
Monty.
12
00:02:22,459 --> 00:02:25,495
Yo, Monty!
13
00:02:32,670 --> 00:02:35,039
Oh, what the fuck, Monty?
14
00:02:35,106 --> 00:02:37,340
You had one job.
15
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:38,910
Jesus Christ.
16
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:44,849
Monty?
17
00:04:45,635 --> 00:04:48,538
All right, influencers,
time to go.
18
00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:51,275
Come on. Mom's is boring.
19
00:04:51,342 --> 00:04:53,678
Mom's house isn't boring.
20
00:04:53,744 --> 00:04:56,579
Her and Grant are...
21
00:04:56,646 --> 00:04:58,282
well, they're kinda lame.
22
00:04:58,349 --> 00:05:00,851
- He uses Axe body spray.
- I know.
23
00:05:00,918 --> 00:05:03,287
And he farts,
like, all the time.
24
00:05:03,354 --> 00:05:05,656
Come on, Dad.
We had Thanksgiving breakfast.
25
00:05:05,723 --> 00:05:07,825
Talk about sad.
26
00:05:07,892 --> 00:05:08,993
Mom's waiting. Let's go.
27
00:05:09,060 --> 00:05:11,228
Come on, let's go.
Come on, kiddo.
28
00:05:13,596 --> 00:05:15,232
Why do you have to work
on Thanksgiving, Dad?
29
00:05:15,299 --> 00:05:16,934
It's not fair.
30
00:05:19,337 --> 00:05:21,638
Listen, kiddo.
31
00:05:21,706 --> 00:05:24,442
Heroes work on the holidays,
okay?
32
00:05:24,507 --> 00:05:27,678
Cops, firefighters, your dad.
33
00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:31,614
Come on. Come on, let's go.
34
00:05:31,682 --> 00:05:33,050
- Come on.
- I love you, Daddy.
35
00:05:33,117 --> 00:05:35,119
I love you too, baby.
Give me a big hug.
36
00:05:35,186 --> 00:05:36,954
Oh, big squishes.
37
00:05:38,089 --> 00:05:39,724
Hey, hey.
38
00:05:39,790 --> 00:05:43,394
Grant does not work today.
39
00:05:43,461 --> 00:05:45,896
Take that for what you will,
okay?
40
00:05:45,963 --> 00:05:48,265
Okay, get out here.
Love you. I love you.
41
00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:54,171
That's a sweater, huh?
42
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,928
Has anyone seen
my hand sanitizer?
43
00:06:17,995 --> 00:06:20,031
Uh, check the drawer
in the foyer.
44
00:06:20,097 --> 00:06:21,999
Yeah, maybe check
that shithole you call a room.
45
00:06:23,134 --> 00:06:24,567
- Hey, pass the pie, will ya?
- Yeah.
46
00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,037
Hey, has anyone
seen a new one?
47
00:06:26,103 --> 00:06:27,071
Uh, check the...
48
00:06:27,138 --> 00:06:28,506
Oh! My pocket's got it.
49
00:06:28,571 --> 00:06:29,673
Honey,
I think your ride's here.
50
00:06:29,740 --> 00:06:30,674
Christopher,
we're trying to enjoy
51
00:06:30,741 --> 00:06:32,343
Thanksgiving dinner, okay?
52
00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:35,413
- You have to work all weekend?
- I don't know.
53
00:06:35,479 --> 00:06:37,181
Is Dad still charging me rent?
54
00:06:38,716 --> 00:06:40,418
All weekend. I love you guys.
55
00:06:40,484 --> 00:06:42,019
Happy Thanksgiving, honey.
56
00:06:43,754 --> 00:06:45,056
Happy Black Friday.
57
00:06:57,268 --> 00:07:00,637
Coming to the ring,
weighing 35 pounds,
58
00:07:00,704 --> 00:07:02,740
looking like
an absolute vegetarian...
59
00:07:02,807 --> 00:07:04,008
Whoo-whoo-whoo!
60
00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:06,043
Chris Godecki!
61
00:07:08,611 --> 00:07:10,613
What's up, buddy?
62
00:07:10,681 --> 00:07:12,383
Come on.
Turn that frown upside down.
63
00:07:12,450 --> 00:07:15,219
You look like you don't want
to be working on Thanksgiving.
64
00:07:15,286 --> 00:07:16,921
Oh, nice booster seat.
65
00:07:16,987 --> 00:07:18,856
Got any juice boxes
for after the game?
66
00:07:20,091 --> 00:07:22,493
The booster seat's for you,
little man.
67
00:07:30,034 --> 00:07:31,368
I hate that this shift
is something
68
00:07:31,435 --> 00:07:32,803
I've done more than once.
69
00:07:34,105 --> 00:07:36,040
So you're feeling good, then?
70
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:37,741
It's like, everyone's at home
watching football,
71
00:07:37,808 --> 00:07:39,443
eating pumpkin pie.
72
00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:40,711
This is so depressing.
73
00:07:40,778 --> 00:07:42,980
Buddy,
I had to hand my kids off
74
00:07:43,047 --> 00:07:45,483
to their mother at sundown.
75
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:49,086
Gracie remarked how sad it was
we had Thanksgiving breakfast.
76
00:07:51,922 --> 00:07:53,858
That almost makes me
feel better.
77
00:07:53,924 --> 00:07:56,427
We Luv Toys
loves Black Friday deals,
78
00:07:56,494 --> 00:07:58,362
so come on down!
79
00:08:04,235 --> 00:08:05,236
That's weird.
80
00:08:05,302 --> 00:08:06,670
Why would they
be closed tonight?
81
00:08:06,737 --> 00:08:09,573
Whoa! Whoa!
82
00:08:09,639 --> 00:08:11,242
I guarantee that was
some soccer mom
83
00:08:11,308 --> 00:08:13,611
high on the thrill
of being a douche.
84
00:08:13,677 --> 00:08:16,380
- Black Friday massacre.
- Yeah.
85
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:25,489
Oh, I don't...
I don't feel good.
86
00:08:25,556 --> 00:08:27,424
You're fine.
87
00:08:40,304 --> 00:08:43,040
Go clock in. You don't want
to talk to me for free.
88
00:08:43,107 --> 00:08:44,742
Ready for the shit show?
89
00:08:44,808 --> 00:08:46,610
What's up, man?
90
00:08:56,754 --> 00:08:58,122
I'd say be careful,
91
00:08:58,189 --> 00:09:00,391
but I bet you're tougher
than any guy here.
92
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:02,426
You're too sweet.
93
00:09:02,493 --> 00:09:03,662
All set in the back?
94
00:09:03,727 --> 00:09:05,162
Should be.
Keys are in the truck
95
00:09:05,229 --> 00:09:07,331
and I've got
a shit ton of toys to unload.
96
00:09:07,398 --> 00:09:09,333
Thanks, Lou.
Your work's appreciated.
97
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,538
Thought we said
we weren't gonna wear
98
00:09:14,605 --> 00:09:16,106
the same outfits tonight.
99
00:09:16,173 --> 00:09:18,677
Man, I guess
you should just go home, then.
100
00:09:18,742 --> 00:09:21,178
Huh. Don't tempt me.
101
00:09:21,245 --> 00:09:22,813
You brought the shopping
carts back in, right?
102
00:09:22,880 --> 00:09:24,748
Yeah, you bet.
103
00:09:27,284 --> 00:09:28,352
Knock, knock.
104
00:09:29,820 --> 00:09:31,422
Who's there?
105
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:32,556
A doughnut.
106
00:09:32,623 --> 00:09:34,291
A doughnut who?
107
00:09:36,126 --> 00:09:38,195
I doughnut
fucking believe you.
108
00:09:40,064 --> 00:09:42,233
We still on
for pancakes tonight?
109
00:09:42,299 --> 00:09:43,867
Are you buying?
110
00:09:43,934 --> 00:09:45,336
I don't think
we've ever been introduced.
111
00:09:45,402 --> 00:09:47,738
I'm the artist formerly known
as half to my ex.
112
00:09:51,710 --> 00:09:53,510
Hey,
let me get my holiday bonus.
113
00:09:53,577 --> 00:09:54,812
Nice try, Bates,
114
00:09:54,878 --> 00:09:56,880
but you get it
when you clock out at 6:00.
115
00:09:58,182 --> 00:09:59,850
6:00?
116
00:09:59,917 --> 00:10:03,887
That's a ten-hour descent
into hell!
117
00:10:03,954 --> 00:10:05,289
Oh, my back.
118
00:10:06,423 --> 00:10:07,491
We've got "I-View Sky"
119
00:10:07,558 --> 00:10:09,326
reporting
on tonight's meteor showers.
120
00:10:09,393 --> 00:10:11,428
We've got tips
on how to snap
121
00:10:11,495 --> 00:10:13,297
the perfect meteor...
122
00:10:13,364 --> 00:10:15,099
It's okay to be sad,
depressed, and even suicidal.
123
00:10:15,165 --> 00:10:16,433
Toy does not come
with any chokeable parts
124
00:10:16,500 --> 00:10:18,035
- or pieces that can be...
- Thanks, Sandy.
125
00:10:18,102 --> 00:10:19,503
And reports are telling us now
126
00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,605
people should go nowhere
near these things.
127
00:10:21,673 --> 00:10:24,208
And Chucky says
we're all going to die.
128
00:10:24,275 --> 00:10:26,443
Alice, who really
told you that?
129
00:10:27,978 --> 00:10:29,446
Corporate sent cake?
130
00:10:29,513 --> 00:10:30,814
You don't have to eat it.
131
00:10:30,881 --> 00:10:32,616
It's just nice
to know they... care.
132
00:10:32,684 --> 00:10:34,719
They don't care about shit.
133
00:10:34,785 --> 00:10:35,919
I'll take it
to the storage area.
134
00:10:35,986 --> 00:10:37,821
Archie's guys will eat it.
135
00:10:45,996 --> 00:10:47,831
Yo, Godecki,
you see the line out there?
136
00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:52,036
Yeah, it's like something
out of my nightmares.
137
00:10:52,803 --> 00:10:54,204
Are you kidding me?
Old man Peruso
138
00:10:54,271 --> 00:10:56,140
offered to give me
a handy in the back alley
139
00:10:56,206 --> 00:10:58,242
if I promised
to save him a Dour Dennis.
140
00:10:59,877 --> 00:11:01,178
Congrats.
141
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,081
Christopher.
142
00:11:04,148 --> 00:11:05,616
Happy Black Friday, Anita.
143
00:11:05,684 --> 00:11:08,218
Green Friday.
144
00:11:08,285 --> 00:11:09,219
What?
145
00:11:09,286 --> 00:11:11,188
Corporate said
Black Friday was racist,
146
00:11:11,255 --> 00:11:13,725
so they changed it
to Green Friday.
147
00:11:13,792 --> 00:11:16,661
Green like Christmas
and money.
148
00:11:16,728 --> 00:11:18,228
Good to know.
149
00:11:19,764 --> 00:11:22,099
Your undershirt is untucked.
150
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:25,069
That's grounds for a write-up.
151
00:11:31,810 --> 00:11:33,243
Hey, guys.
152
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,612
Hey, Daddy's at work. Look.
153
00:11:35,680 --> 00:11:38,048
Ho, ho, ho, ho!
154
00:11:44,588 --> 00:11:47,191
- Jesus fucking Christ, man.
- Come on, please.
155
00:11:47,257 --> 00:11:49,026
- Fuck.
- Bathroom.
156
00:11:49,093 --> 00:11:51,495
- Okay, okay.
- I'm parking a Buick, man.
157
00:11:51,562 --> 00:11:53,297
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
158
00:11:53,364 --> 00:11:55,667
It's in the back room, okay?
159
00:12:09,848 --> 00:12:11,683
Black Friday.
160
00:12:11,750 --> 00:12:13,617
What a bunch of suckers.
161
00:12:25,195 --> 00:12:26,798
Shit!
162
00:12:29,834 --> 00:12:31,402
Yo, Chris!
163
00:12:33,337 --> 00:12:36,273
Yo, Chris, open up!
I'm locked out here again, bro.
164
00:12:38,642 --> 00:12:40,411
Chris, come on!
165
00:12:40,477 --> 00:12:42,212
Don't make me take the main
entrance with those...
166
00:12:42,279 --> 00:12:44,415
Shoppers.
167
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:51,288
My man.
168
00:12:51,355 --> 00:12:53,090
You know I hold things down.
169
00:12:53,157 --> 00:12:56,193
That's "hold you down."
170
00:12:56,260 --> 00:12:58,429
I'll... I'll get it, I swear.
171
00:12:58,495 --> 00:13:00,097
Thank you.
172
00:13:00,164 --> 00:13:02,266
How about a nonsexual back rub?
173
00:13:03,066 --> 00:13:04,001
Please don't.
174
00:13:04,067 --> 00:13:05,770
All right.
175
00:13:05,837 --> 00:13:08,172
More for me then, right?
176
00:13:08,238 --> 00:13:10,374
You see they gave Anita
employee of the month again?
177
00:13:11,275 --> 00:13:13,177
Yeah, I saw that.
178
00:13:13,243 --> 00:13:15,212
Fucking Jonathan, right?
179
00:13:15,279 --> 00:13:17,514
I came in early five times
this pay period.
180
00:13:17,581 --> 00:13:19,717
He made me learn how to work
a fucking forklift
181
00:13:19,784 --> 00:13:21,218
all for nothing.
182
00:13:21,285 --> 00:13:22,386
It might come in handy
183
00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:25,289
if you ever need
to do some forklifting.
184
00:13:26,123 --> 00:13:27,792
Everybody listen up.
185
00:13:39,136 --> 00:13:43,207
Happy Black Friday,
We Luv Toys.
186
00:13:43,273 --> 00:13:45,509
Some quick notes
before we open our doors.
187
00:13:45,576 --> 00:13:48,545
First off...
188
00:13:48,612 --> 00:13:50,414
From OSHA.
189
00:13:50,481 --> 00:13:52,784
Uh, statistically
when it comes to retail,
190
00:13:52,851 --> 00:13:56,520
there's no day more harmful to
retail workers than this day.
191
00:13:56,587 --> 00:13:58,923
Remember, OSHA
changed their rules
192
00:13:58,989 --> 00:14:01,525
after somebody
was trampled to death.
193
00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:05,429
So look out for each other,
okay?
194
00:14:05,496 --> 00:14:08,198
Also, Dour Dennis
has been recalled,
195
00:14:08,265 --> 00:14:10,534
so if anybody asks for it,
we don't have it.
196
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:11,669
We never had it.
197
00:14:11,736 --> 00:14:13,637
Some safety issue
with the battery.
198
00:14:13,705 --> 00:14:15,539
I'm not...
I'm not... I'm not doing well.
199
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,307
Doing well... doing... doing...
doing well... doing well.
200
00:14:17,374 --> 00:14:20,945
I'm... I'm... I'm... I'm...
I'm exhausted, exhausted.
201
00:14:21,011 --> 00:14:22,714
Uh, finally,
202
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:26,918
um, corporate
has contacted me to inform you
203
00:14:26,985 --> 00:14:30,420
that they will not be able
to offer paid breaks tonight.
204
00:14:30,487 --> 00:14:32,389
Thank you
for your understanding.
205
00:14:32,456 --> 00:14:34,625
Fuck this.
206
00:14:36,093 --> 00:14:38,428
Let's quell this sitch,
please.
207
00:14:43,367 --> 00:14:46,169
I know that this
is not ideal,
208
00:14:46,236 --> 00:14:49,339
but this is a really big night.
209
00:14:49,406 --> 00:14:52,543
I would hate for a sour mood
to ruin our sales.
210
00:14:52,609 --> 00:14:54,444
What about our holiday bonus?
211
00:14:54,511 --> 00:14:56,280
Corporate promised us
time and a half
212
00:14:56,346 --> 00:14:57,715
for the holiday weekend.
213
00:14:58,883 --> 00:15:00,517
Yes.
214
00:15:00,584 --> 00:15:03,387
That is still...
215
00:15:03,453 --> 00:15:04,656
yes.
216
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,090
All right, game faces, team.
217
00:15:07,157 --> 00:15:09,192
I want smiles.
218
00:15:09,259 --> 00:15:11,562
What do we love?
219
00:15:11,628 --> 00:15:13,063
Toys!
220
00:15:17,601 --> 00:15:19,469
Ugh.
221
00:15:19,536 --> 00:15:23,440
I got a migra... migraine.
222
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,375
My back hurts, hurts, hurts.
223
00:15:27,077 --> 00:15:29,313
Chris, back here.
224
00:15:29,379 --> 00:15:31,448
I'm not myself.
225
00:15:31,515 --> 00:15:33,818
You're on reg for the night.
226
00:15:33,885 --> 00:15:35,319
All night?
227
00:15:35,385 --> 00:15:38,455
We're short-staffed.
We need the coverage up front.
228
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:41,224
I'm not doing
well, well, well.
229
00:15:41,291 --> 00:15:43,728
Looks like your massage
will have to wait.
230
00:15:43,795 --> 00:15:45,095
Bye, Chris.
231
00:15:45,162 --> 00:15:46,363
Yet others
are going through much worse,
232
00:15:46,430 --> 00:15:48,198
through much worse.
233
00:15:48,265 --> 00:15:50,768
Wait, Mister? Wait up.
234
00:15:53,270 --> 00:15:55,372
Marnie said
I should shadow you.
235
00:15:55,439 --> 00:15:57,608
I'm Emmett,
but you can call me Em.
236
00:15:59,711 --> 00:16:00,912
No, I can't.
237
00:16:02,714 --> 00:16:04,782
You, uh...
238
00:16:04,849 --> 00:16:06,784
you ever work retail before?
239
00:16:06,851 --> 00:16:08,318
- Never.
- No?
240
00:16:09,252 --> 00:16:12,522
Well, uh...
241
00:16:12,589 --> 00:16:14,458
I'm gonna let you in
on a little secret
242
00:16:14,524 --> 00:16:16,928
only a pro like me knows.
243
00:16:16,995 --> 00:16:19,196
Yeah.
244
00:16:19,262 --> 00:16:22,466
When I find myself
in a pickle...
245
00:16:22,532 --> 00:16:27,839
I take a deep breath
and I think to myself...
246
00:16:27,905 --> 00:16:29,674
"What would an idiot do?"
247
00:16:29,741 --> 00:16:32,309
For example, okay?
248
00:16:32,376 --> 00:16:34,144
If some crazy lady
comes up to me and asks me,
249
00:16:34,211 --> 00:16:35,680
"Where's the Duncan yo-yos?"
250
00:16:35,747 --> 00:16:37,247
I'd...
251
00:16:37,314 --> 00:16:39,182
Escort them
to the yo-yo section and then...
252
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:40,752
No.
253
00:16:40,818 --> 00:16:43,087
No. No.
You're already trying too hard.
254
00:16:43,153 --> 00:16:44,789
You point them in the direction
of fucking wherever
255
00:16:44,856 --> 00:16:47,357
- and they'll find it, yeah?
- Yeah.
256
00:16:47,424 --> 00:16:48,425
- Okay?
- Yeah.
257
00:16:48,492 --> 00:16:49,727
- All right?
- Okay.
258
00:16:49,794 --> 00:16:51,062
All right, get on
out of here, youngster.
259
00:16:51,129 --> 00:16:53,163
Hey, team, remember:
260
00:16:53,230 --> 00:16:55,066
no matter how bad
these suburban savages
261
00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:57,534
get under your skin,
the customer is always right.
262
00:16:57,601 --> 00:16:59,937
Whoo! Yes! It's go time.
263
00:17:00,004 --> 00:17:01,304
Places, everyone.
264
00:17:01,371 --> 00:17:03,908
Smiles, please. Holiday cheer.
265
00:17:03,975 --> 00:17:10,081
I want faces that love toys.
266
00:17:10,148 --> 00:17:13,685
Brian, unleash the beast
in...
267
00:17:13,751 --> 00:17:14,752
five...
268
00:17:16,154 --> 00:17:17,989
Four,
269
00:17:18,056 --> 00:17:20,590
three,
270
00:17:20,658 --> 00:17:22,259
two.
271
00:17:22,325 --> 00:17:23,761
Go, baby!
272
00:17:23,828 --> 00:17:26,296
Go, Black Friday!
273
00:17:47,752 --> 00:17:48,986
Stop it!
274
00:18:04,434 --> 00:18:05,870
Aw, man!
275
00:18:26,891 --> 00:18:28,625
Good job.
276
00:18:31,528 --> 00:18:33,765
Thank you very much.
Happy holidays.
277
00:18:36,466 --> 00:18:37,567
Will you hurry up?
278
00:18:37,634 --> 00:18:38,836
Ma'am, I'm trying.
279
00:18:38,903 --> 00:18:41,271
Oh, get it together,
dickless!
280
00:18:49,113 --> 00:18:50,280
Ugh.
281
00:18:54,284 --> 00:18:56,319
Hey, my turn.
282
00:19:02,827 --> 00:19:04,628
Oh, oh!
283
00:19:04,695 --> 00:19:08,232
Oh, I must have
been good this year!
284
00:19:08,298 --> 00:19:09,934
Oh, Santa!
285
00:19:13,037 --> 00:19:14,038
What's the sitch here?
286
00:19:14,105 --> 00:19:17,241
Oh, pussy boy here
is taking forever.
287
00:19:17,307 --> 00:19:18,943
There's, like, jam
in the keyboard.
288
00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:20,410
Ah.
289
00:19:22,713 --> 00:19:23,714
Sorry, folks,
looks like I'm gonna
290
00:19:23,781 --> 00:19:25,216
have to shut this lane down.
291
00:19:28,286 --> 00:19:30,855
Ma'am, if you would head back
to the Santa's rear village,
292
00:19:30,922 --> 00:19:33,090
- someone will meet you there.
- Ugh!
293
00:19:33,157 --> 00:19:34,859
Dude, what the hell?
294
00:19:36,027 --> 00:19:37,161
Full discloszh,
295
00:19:37,228 --> 00:19:40,497
some guy just blew chunks
all over the ride-ons.
296
00:19:40,564 --> 00:19:41,999
You're cleaning it up.
297
00:19:45,169 --> 00:19:47,071
Th-throw up? Um...
298
00:19:47,138 --> 00:19:49,106
it's... it's a little germy, no?
299
00:19:49,173 --> 00:19:51,474
What about the floor workers?
300
00:19:51,541 --> 00:19:54,444
But I thought
you preferred the floor.
301
00:19:55,713 --> 00:19:57,682
Sawdust's
in the maint's closet.
302
00:20:02,019 --> 00:20:04,421
Ah, these fucking
idiot customers.
303
00:20:06,691 --> 00:20:08,192
Idiots!
304
00:20:08,259 --> 00:20:09,994
Is that what you think we are?
305
00:20:10,061 --> 00:20:11,361
Jesus Christ, lady.
306
00:20:11,428 --> 00:20:12,663
You watch your mouth,
asshole,
307
00:20:12,730 --> 00:20:15,398
or I'll rip this place apart,
including you!
308
00:20:17,534 --> 00:20:19,469
I believe you.
309
00:20:33,217 --> 00:20:35,720
Deep breaths. It's just barf.
310
00:20:35,786 --> 00:20:38,421
You don't have to touch it.
Don't breathe around it.
311
00:20:39,991 --> 00:20:41,391
Aah!
312
00:20:41,458 --> 00:20:43,460
That's way more
than I expected!
313
00:20:48,165 --> 00:20:51,501
Okay, um, sir?
314
00:20:51,568 --> 00:20:53,170
Sir, let's get you some help.
315
00:20:57,942 --> 00:20:59,977
Oh! Holy shit!
316
00:21:11,956 --> 00:21:13,224
Oh, fuck!
317
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,869
Chris, what the fuck?
318
00:21:24,936 --> 00:21:28,706
All customers must vacate
the premises of We Luv Toys.
319
00:21:28,773 --> 00:21:30,975
We apologize
for the inconvenience.
320
00:21:31,876 --> 00:21:34,145
All customers must vacate
the premises...
321
00:21:34,211 --> 00:21:36,113
Yo, took me two years,
322
00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:37,614
but I finally got
the hang of this thing.
323
00:21:37,682 --> 00:21:38,849
Look at that.
324
00:21:38,916 --> 00:21:40,318
Whoa, whoa, watch this,
watch this.
325
00:21:40,384 --> 00:21:42,219
Oh!
326
00:21:42,286 --> 00:21:44,689
So what exactly happened
with that Chris guy?
327
00:21:46,456 --> 00:21:48,059
I don't know.
328
00:21:48,125 --> 00:21:50,828
I think he smashed some woman
with a mini pink SUV.
329
00:21:55,132 --> 00:21:56,968
Right.
330
00:22:00,738 --> 00:22:01,939
Um, ma'am, I'm sorry,
331
00:22:02,006 --> 00:22:03,908
but we're actually
closing early tonight.
332
00:22:07,945 --> 00:22:09,981
What happened?
333
00:22:10,047 --> 00:22:11,514
I don't know.
334
00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:13,951
Came out,
and it was a fucking disaster.
335
00:22:16,486 --> 00:22:18,856
Okay. Go check it out.
336
00:22:18,923 --> 00:22:20,291
I'll keep an eye on Chris.
337
00:22:21,759 --> 00:22:23,127
I'll be back.
338
00:22:32,535 --> 00:22:34,571
I told you guys.
339
00:22:34,637 --> 00:22:37,441
I am sorry
that I crushed that woman.
340
00:22:37,507 --> 00:22:39,609
But...
341
00:22:39,677 --> 00:22:41,278
Check the security footage!
342
00:22:41,345 --> 00:22:43,247
We don't have to check shit.
343
00:22:43,314 --> 00:22:45,149
This is a citizen's arrest.
344
00:22:47,251 --> 00:22:50,520
There is something
really wrong out there.
345
00:22:50,587 --> 00:22:53,391
Yes, something
is really wrong.
346
00:22:53,457 --> 00:22:55,026
We're one hour
into Black Friday
347
00:22:55,092 --> 00:22:57,728
and we're escorting customers
away from the store?
348
00:22:57,795 --> 00:22:59,596
Yeah,
of course that's his concern.
349
00:22:59,663 --> 00:23:03,200
No, no, no, Marnie, wait.
Please, you have to believe me.
350
00:23:03,267 --> 00:23:05,202
She attacked me.
351
00:23:05,269 --> 00:23:06,636
Ask Archie.
352
00:23:06,704 --> 00:23:08,538
Archie went to go check
on that nasty puke bitch
353
00:23:08,605 --> 00:23:11,275
you attempted to murder.
354
00:23:11,342 --> 00:23:14,178
You're going to jail, Chris.
355
00:23:16,147 --> 00:23:18,082
Uh, miss?
356
00:23:19,549 --> 00:23:21,318
Oh, oh, my God.
357
00:23:23,154 --> 00:23:24,587
No, no, no!
358
00:23:24,655 --> 00:23:26,223
Aah! No!
359
00:23:30,027 --> 00:23:31,594
Shit!
360
00:23:37,968 --> 00:23:39,636
Come on, kid. Let's go!
361
00:23:46,310 --> 00:23:49,013
What the hell
is going on out there?
362
00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:50,881
This is some
next-level bath salt shit.
363
00:23:50,948 --> 00:23:53,184
No, it's just Black Friday.
364
00:23:53,250 --> 00:23:54,785
Excitement is in the air.
365
00:23:54,852 --> 00:23:56,353
- Green Friday.
- That's right.
366
00:23:56,420 --> 00:23:58,722
Green Friday, baby.
It's all part of the fun.
367
00:23:58,789 --> 00:24:00,691
It's known
as competitive shopping.
368
00:24:00,758 --> 00:24:03,626
Anita got a black eye last year
and she took it like a champ.
369
00:24:03,694 --> 00:24:04,962
No, no. Fuck that.
370
00:24:05,029 --> 00:24:07,064
Some woman
just attacked Emmett.
371
00:24:07,131 --> 00:24:09,500
It's like she wasn't
a person anymore.
372
00:24:09,567 --> 00:24:11,469
I hit her
with a fucking skateboard.
373
00:24:11,535 --> 00:24:12,837
She didn't even feel it.
374
00:24:14,004 --> 00:24:16,207
- Try calling the cops.
- Oh, no. No.
375
00:24:16,273 --> 00:24:18,442
Do not call the cops.
376
00:24:18,509 --> 00:24:19,777
Are you kidding?
377
00:24:19,844 --> 00:24:21,946
You call the cops,
and this place shuts down.
378
00:24:22,012 --> 00:24:23,214
Now, if we work efficiently,
379
00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:25,182
we can reopen
by maybe 2:00 a.m.
380
00:24:25,249 --> 00:24:27,785
Reopen? Are you insane?
381
00:24:27,852 --> 00:24:30,788
Line's busy.
I got their voice mail.
382
00:24:30,855 --> 00:24:32,356
Did you know the police
had a voice mail?
383
00:24:32,423 --> 00:24:34,325
This is the biggest night
of the year, okay?
384
00:24:34,391 --> 00:24:37,895
Corporate expects us to do
six figures this weekend.
385
00:24:37,962 --> 00:24:39,797
I'm sure corporate
will understand.
386
00:24:39,864 --> 00:24:41,465
Relax. Okay?
387
00:24:41,532 --> 00:24:44,268
I know we all want to go home.
It's a holiday.
388
00:24:44,335 --> 00:24:46,504
Blardy blardy blar.
Let me tell you something...
389
00:24:46,570 --> 00:24:48,305
What was wrong
with that lady?
390
00:24:48,372 --> 00:24:50,040
Am I gonna be okay?
391
00:24:55,679 --> 00:24:57,882
Hey, bud.
392
00:24:57,948 --> 00:24:59,450
Can I get you anything?
393
00:24:59,517 --> 00:25:00,818
Oh, man.
394
00:25:00,885 --> 00:25:03,320
There is something wrong
with the shoppers.
395
00:25:03,387 --> 00:25:04,455
Christopher,
396
00:25:04,522 --> 00:25:07,658
you are not supposed
to provoke the customers.
397
00:25:07,725 --> 00:25:09,760
The training video says...
398
00:25:09,827 --> 00:25:12,263
♪ Leave them be
and then you'll see ♪
399
00:25:12,329 --> 00:25:15,533
♪ The love of toys
is all we need ♪
400
00:25:15,599 --> 00:25:19,803
Anita,
please shut the fuck up!
401
00:25:21,705 --> 00:25:24,175
You wonder why you never
get Employee of the Month.
402
00:25:24,241 --> 00:25:26,043
You know what?
403
00:25:26,110 --> 00:25:27,578
No one gives a flying fuck
404
00:25:27,645 --> 00:25:30,181
about your training videos
or your plaques, Anita.
405
00:25:30,247 --> 00:25:34,051
Oh, I know you don't,
but there are those who do.
406
00:25:34,118 --> 00:25:37,388
The ones who don't care
are the ones like you two,
407
00:25:37,454 --> 00:25:41,425
'cause you have squandered
every single opportunity
408
00:25:41,492 --> 00:25:44,962
that life has handed to you
to do a subpar job
409
00:25:45,029 --> 00:25:47,666
ringing people up
at We Luv Toys
410
00:25:47,731 --> 00:25:49,833
for the rest of your life!
411
00:25:52,002 --> 00:25:53,037
Stand back. Stand back.
Stand back.
412
00:25:53,103 --> 00:25:54,673
I got this. I got this.
413
00:25:54,738 --> 00:25:56,707
Hey, buddy. You all right?
414
00:25:56,774 --> 00:25:57,942
Here, come here. Come here.
415
00:25:58,008 --> 00:25:59,743
Hey, buddy. Hey. Okay.
416
00:25:59,810 --> 00:26:01,478
Okay. Spit it out.
417
00:26:01,545 --> 00:26:03,247
Holy fuck!
418
00:26:03,314 --> 00:26:05,182
Uh, okay. All right.
419
00:26:05,249 --> 00:26:07,851
You're gonna be okay.
You're gonna be okay. Hey.
420
00:26:07,918 --> 00:26:10,020
Somebody get me
a fucking pillow!
421
00:26:12,223 --> 00:26:14,825
- Okay. Okay. Fuck!
- Move!
422
00:26:14,892 --> 00:26:17,294
Okay. Okay.
423
00:26:17,361 --> 00:26:19,597
The handbook says
we're not really supposed
424
00:26:19,664 --> 00:26:21,332
to make physical contact.
425
00:26:38,082 --> 00:26:40,284
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
426
00:26:40,351 --> 00:26:42,219
Okay, okay! Enough!
Enough! Enough!
427
00:26:42,286 --> 00:26:44,488
Protect me.
428
00:26:44,555 --> 00:26:46,725
Oh, God!
429
00:26:46,790 --> 00:26:49,593
Hey, corporate sent that!
430
00:26:49,661 --> 00:26:50,961
Back the fuck up, homey!
431
00:26:51,028 --> 00:26:52,563
Hey!
432
00:26:52,630 --> 00:26:54,398
You're fucked now, Junior!
433
00:26:54,465 --> 00:26:56,767
Sit your ass down.
434
00:27:02,707 --> 00:27:04,008
Was that the new guy?
435
00:27:11,215 --> 00:27:12,583
Hello?
436
00:27:12,650 --> 00:27:14,852
Anyone?
437
00:27:14,918 --> 00:27:16,655
Bartlett won't pick up.
438
00:27:16,721 --> 00:27:17,788
We've got to separate
that kid
439
00:27:17,855 --> 00:27:19,256
from the rest of the shoppers.
440
00:27:19,323 --> 00:27:21,058
You know, the first time
I worked Black Friday,
441
00:27:21,125 --> 00:27:23,861
they separated
shoppers by race.
442
00:27:25,095 --> 00:27:28,465
Oh, great time
for that story, Ruth!
443
00:27:28,532 --> 00:27:30,234
Great time for that.
444
00:27:30,301 --> 00:27:32,569
That's it.
It's not safe in here.
445
00:27:32,636 --> 00:27:34,773
- Can someone please untie me?
- Schaumburg answered.
446
00:27:34,838 --> 00:27:36,273
I got Schaumburg.
447
00:27:37,875 --> 00:27:39,476
Hello, Schaumburg.
448
00:27:39,543 --> 00:27:41,378
This is Jonathan Wexler,
manager of store...
449
00:27:41,445 --> 00:27:43,013
Hello? Hello?
450
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:45,549
Oh, thank God.
Our shoppers are going crazy.
451
00:27:45,616 --> 00:27:48,919
They're attacking us.
We can't get out!
452
00:27:48,986 --> 00:27:50,621
Wait. What?
453
00:27:50,689 --> 00:27:51,955
Listen to me.
454
00:27:52,022 --> 00:27:53,725
Whatever you do,
don't let them in.
455
00:27:53,792 --> 00:27:56,728
And for the love of God,
don't let them gather.
456
00:27:56,795 --> 00:27:58,195
They're building something.
457
00:27:58,262 --> 00:27:59,430
What?
458
00:27:59,496 --> 00:28:01,700
Get... I need...
just don't let them gather!
459
00:28:01,766 --> 00:28:03,067
- Don't let them...
- Hello?
460
00:28:04,435 --> 00:28:05,869
Hello!
461
00:28:05,936 --> 00:28:08,172
Okay, hang up.
462
00:28:09,173 --> 00:28:11,542
Oh, we gotta do something.
463
00:28:12,142 --> 00:28:14,945
I mean, dying in a toy store
isn't how it ends for me.
464
00:28:16,613 --> 00:28:18,615
Does anyone have a car
big enough to fit us all?
465
00:28:20,117 --> 00:28:21,753
Dad-mobile.
466
00:28:21,820 --> 00:28:24,221
Fits seven, but, you know,
we could all squeeze.
467
00:28:24,288 --> 00:28:26,123
- Ew.
- Brian, don't start.
468
00:28:26,190 --> 00:28:27,858
Ken's truck won't be enough.
469
00:28:27,925 --> 00:28:29,159
There's people
on the sales floor.
470
00:28:29,226 --> 00:28:30,627
So we gotta make
a run for it, right?
471
00:28:30,695 --> 00:28:32,262
Do we?
472
00:28:32,329 --> 00:28:33,665
We don't even know what these
things are or what they want.
473
00:28:33,732 --> 00:28:35,065
They want to hurt us.
474
00:28:35,132 --> 00:28:38,202
Oh, yeah, speaking of,
can someone please untie me?
475
00:28:39,370 --> 00:28:41,205
Ruth can't run.
476
00:28:41,271 --> 00:28:45,342
Survival of the fittest...
and non-geriatric.
477
00:28:45,409 --> 00:28:47,578
Those things are the fittest.
478
00:28:47,644 --> 00:28:49,413
You saw Emmett.
479
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:52,082
We have to stay here
and protect ourselves.
480
00:28:52,149 --> 00:28:54,351
Who knows where else
this is happening?
481
00:28:54,418 --> 00:28:57,521
I say we get everyone
together on the sales floor,
482
00:28:57,588 --> 00:29:00,457
lock the doors, hang tight
till this shit cools off.
483
00:29:02,426 --> 00:29:04,895
You guys are gonna feel dumb
when this all blows over.
484
00:29:09,533 --> 00:29:12,436
Jonathan,
this isn't blowing over.
485
00:29:14,571 --> 00:29:17,241
You know, the company
sends me this cheap champagne
486
00:29:17,307 --> 00:29:19,143
for making our sales goals.
487
00:29:19,209 --> 00:29:23,547
Now, they expect me
to generate revenue tonight.
488
00:29:23,614 --> 00:29:25,416
That's my job.
489
00:29:26,984 --> 00:29:29,520
Your job
is to be our manager.
490
00:29:29,586 --> 00:29:33,190
Protect us. Manage us.
491
00:29:34,625 --> 00:29:36,126
I can't.
492
00:29:43,167 --> 00:29:44,134
Let's move. Come on.
493
00:29:44,201 --> 00:29:45,969
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go.
494
00:29:49,373 --> 00:29:51,676
Find anyone you can and
reconvene at the service desk.
495
00:29:51,743 --> 00:29:52,811
Oh, and look out for Emmett.
496
00:29:52,877 --> 00:29:55,814
The less we have to interact
with the shoppers...
497
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,047
the better.
498
00:29:57,114 --> 00:29:58,449
Where is everyb... oh.
499
00:29:58,515 --> 00:29:59,983
Shh.
500
00:30:12,629 --> 00:30:14,699
How did all these shoppers
get in here?
501
00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:17,234
The team must've tried
to leave
502
00:30:17,301 --> 00:30:19,369
through the employee exit.
503
00:30:19,436 --> 00:30:21,638
Who knows how many
of those things got in?
504
00:30:21,706 --> 00:30:23,340
I say we split up.
505
00:30:23,407 --> 00:30:25,743
Close that door.
Secure the store.
506
00:30:25,810 --> 00:30:28,545
Ken, you take Ruth and Marnie
through the back hall.
507
00:30:28,612 --> 00:30:30,647
Hole up in the office
until we get back.
508
00:30:30,715 --> 00:30:31,950
Yeah.
509
00:30:32,015 --> 00:30:34,051
Chris, Brian, Jonathan,
510
00:30:34,117 --> 00:30:36,253
we're gonna run recon
to that exit.
511
00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:38,322
No, no, I should be
with the other group
512
00:30:38,388 --> 00:30:41,024
'cause Brian represents me
on the sales floor.
513
00:30:42,426 --> 00:30:45,930
I will carry your grace
to the sales floor as always.
514
00:30:45,996 --> 00:30:46,965
Let's just go.
515
00:30:57,074 --> 00:30:58,041
Come on. Come on.
Come on. Come on.
516
00:31:17,261 --> 00:31:18,696
Where you going?
517
00:31:19,931 --> 00:31:20,899
To the bathroom.
518
00:31:20,965 --> 00:31:22,065
Why?
519
00:31:22,132 --> 00:31:23,668
'Cause I have to go.
520
00:31:23,735 --> 00:31:25,102
Ooh, I gotta go too.
521
00:31:25,168 --> 00:31:26,738
I've been holding it.
522
00:31:35,379 --> 00:31:38,482
Your man, so hunky.
523
00:31:38,549 --> 00:31:40,584
They don't make 'em
like that anymore.
524
00:31:40,651 --> 00:31:42,987
You know, fierce. Stern.
525
00:31:43,053 --> 00:31:45,155
A real smolder.
526
00:31:45,222 --> 00:31:47,424
Ruth, he's not my man.
We're not dating, okay?
527
00:31:47,491 --> 00:31:49,426
- Oh!
- Or... it doesn't matter.
528
00:31:49,493 --> 00:31:53,530
Oh, so... so more like
consensual fuck partners.
529
00:31:55,532 --> 00:31:56,901
Wow.
530
00:32:05,108 --> 00:32:07,244
Follow me. Stay low.
531
00:32:41,079 --> 00:32:42,680
Oh, no, no, no, no!
532
00:32:47,417 --> 00:32:50,587
What part of "follow me"
did you not understand?
533
00:32:50,655 --> 00:32:52,189
Follow me.
534
00:32:56,027 --> 00:32:57,561
Hey, so let me know
if you leave the bathroom,
535
00:32:57,628 --> 00:32:59,864
'cause I can always pinch
and run, okay?
536
00:33:08,106 --> 00:33:09,941
- Gotcha!
- What are you doing?
537
00:33:10,008 --> 00:33:12,175
Getting my stash, man.
538
00:33:13,044 --> 00:33:14,679
You can't do that!
539
00:33:14,746 --> 00:33:16,246
Circumstances have changed,
Jonathan.
540
00:33:16,313 --> 00:33:17,782
That's against the code!
541
00:33:29,326 --> 00:33:31,428
- Oh, no.
- What? What's going on?
542
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,069
We gotta get to that door.
543
00:33:38,136 --> 00:33:40,004
Let's go.
544
00:33:40,071 --> 00:33:41,371
Brian, step back.
545
00:33:59,556 --> 00:34:01,425
We're clear.
546
00:34:16,540 --> 00:34:18,710
All set. Come on.
547
00:34:21,045 --> 00:34:23,881
So what do we do now?
They... they got the door shut.
548
00:34:30,620 --> 00:34:32,289
What are the shoppers doing?
549
00:34:36,460 --> 00:34:39,163
Ruth, wait here.
550
00:34:39,229 --> 00:34:40,832
Okay.
551
00:35:56,573 --> 00:35:58,876
You park that Buick?
552
00:36:02,113 --> 00:36:03,147
- Johnathan!
- Shit!
553
00:36:16,894 --> 00:36:17,962
Jonathan!
554
00:36:25,435 --> 00:36:27,705
Oh!
555
00:36:55,365 --> 00:36:57,201
Are we safe up here?
556
00:36:57,268 --> 00:36:58,635
Define safe.
557
00:37:03,473 --> 00:37:05,642
Ken, come on.
558
00:37:05,710 --> 00:37:07,377
I think we were safer
in my office.
559
00:37:08,212 --> 00:37:10,181
The doors are closed.
Now we wait, yeah?
560
00:37:10,248 --> 00:37:12,183
No, no, no. We can't wait.
561
00:37:12,250 --> 00:37:14,118
I'm with her.
562
00:37:14,185 --> 00:37:16,220
Lou was in there
and he was trying to eat me
563
00:37:16,287 --> 00:37:17,755
or pull me into him.
564
00:37:17,822 --> 00:37:20,024
- He was trying to...
- Gather?
565
00:37:20,091 --> 00:37:21,391
Exactly.
566
00:37:21,458 --> 00:37:22,727
Just like Schaumburg said.
567
00:37:22,793 --> 00:37:24,295
Yeah, they're doing it
at Santa's village.
568
00:37:24,362 --> 00:37:25,629
I saw something.
569
00:37:25,696 --> 00:37:26,998
I don't know what it was,
but I think the shoppers
570
00:37:27,064 --> 00:37:28,431
are trying to reach each other
and...
571
00:37:28,498 --> 00:37:30,600
At this point,
we're just in their way.
572
00:37:30,668 --> 00:37:32,103
We're gonna have to fight
whatever's left.
573
00:37:32,169 --> 00:37:33,536
Whoa, whoa.
574
00:37:33,603 --> 00:37:35,072
God damn it.
575
00:37:35,139 --> 00:37:36,539
What's wrong?
576
00:37:36,606 --> 00:37:38,508
I can't get dinner
with my kids.
577
00:37:38,575 --> 00:37:40,610
I can't get a drink at work.
578
00:37:40,678 --> 00:37:43,714
I can't even get
a goddamn text to send.
579
00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:47,184
Uh... I'll go get that.
580
00:37:48,386 --> 00:37:50,888
You know what?
I'm getting my bonus
581
00:37:50,955 --> 00:37:52,522
and I'm getting
the fuck outta here.
582
00:37:52,589 --> 00:37:54,491
Are you fucking kidding me?
583
00:37:54,557 --> 00:37:55,993
Jonathan, give me the keys.
584
00:37:56,060 --> 00:37:57,627
Oh, uh...
585
00:37:57,695 --> 00:37:59,964
I left the keys in my office.
586
00:38:00,998 --> 00:38:02,432
Archie.
587
00:38:13,844 --> 00:38:15,578
Where's the holiday bonuses?
588
00:38:18,215 --> 00:38:20,685
Are they, like,
in your office or something?
589
00:38:20,751 --> 00:38:22,820
I thought that I told you
590
00:38:22,887 --> 00:38:26,924
that there were gonna be
no holiday bonuses this year.
591
00:38:28,159 --> 00:38:29,660
What the fuck?
592
00:38:29,727 --> 00:38:32,462
Jonathan, this is bullshit
even for you.
593
00:38:35,766 --> 00:38:37,969
That's not what you told me.
594
00:38:38,035 --> 00:38:41,439
All you said was that there'd
be layoffs after the holidays.
595
00:38:41,538 --> 00:38:45,209
Whoa!
What the hell? Like who?
596
00:38:45,276 --> 00:38:47,544
I mean, fo' sho' you
with them bathroom breaks.
597
00:38:47,610 --> 00:38:49,080
I wash my fucking hands!
598
00:38:49,146 --> 00:38:50,613
This place is a cesspool!
599
00:38:50,681 --> 00:38:52,750
Hey, guys, shut up.
600
00:38:52,817 --> 00:38:55,686
Jonathan, is this true?
601
00:38:55,753 --> 00:38:57,989
♪ Little girl ♪
602
00:38:58,055 --> 00:38:59,690
Well...
603
00:38:59,757 --> 00:39:02,660
it isn't not untrue.
604
00:39:02,727 --> 00:39:04,996
- Oh, my God.
- I mean, yeah, yes, it's true.
605
00:39:08,232 --> 00:39:11,035
I quit, you fucking joke.
606
00:39:11,102 --> 00:39:12,136
For your nose.
607
00:39:14,038 --> 00:39:16,606
Ruth, get away
from the window.
608
00:39:16,674 --> 00:39:18,641
No, the police are here.
609
00:39:18,709 --> 00:39:20,845
Oh, thank God!
610
00:39:32,256 --> 00:39:34,992
Hey, Brian, wait up!
611
00:39:35,059 --> 00:39:36,293
No!
612
00:39:38,561 --> 00:39:40,563
Go, go, go, go,
go, go, go, go, go!
613
00:39:44,235 --> 00:39:45,269
Go!
614
00:39:59,582 --> 00:40:01,719
Oh, God!
615
00:40:08,759 --> 00:40:09,994
They're all headed for that.
616
00:40:11,561 --> 00:40:13,297
What is that thing?
617
00:40:13,364 --> 00:40:14,331
Let's go.
618
00:40:18,702 --> 00:40:20,071
Chris, go.
619
00:40:20,137 --> 00:40:21,806
No, man.
620
00:40:21,872 --> 00:40:25,176
Chris, I'ma hold you down.
621
00:40:25,242 --> 00:40:26,609
Now go. Go!
622
00:40:50,367 --> 00:40:53,337
Got your doorbusters
right here, motherfucker.
623
00:42:16,620 --> 00:42:17,688
Oh!
624
00:42:26,197 --> 00:42:27,731
Ken, block the door!
625
00:42:42,780 --> 00:42:44,048
Oh!
626
00:42:54,158 --> 00:42:56,026
They're never really dead.
627
00:42:59,430 --> 00:43:00,831
Archie?
628
00:43:04,703 --> 00:43:07,504
If they got to him,
what the hell are we gonna do?
629
00:43:07,571 --> 00:43:10,074
I don't think this night
can get any worse.
630
00:43:16,380 --> 00:43:18,882
Okay.
631
00:43:18,949 --> 00:43:20,719
Does anybody else
just think that's funny?
632
00:43:24,455 --> 00:43:26,257
How long do you think
that door will hold?
633
00:43:28,425 --> 00:43:31,462
It's the only idea we've got
and it's gotten us this far.
634
00:43:31,528 --> 00:43:33,831
It's safe for now.
635
00:43:35,099 --> 00:43:37,067
My name is Emmett,
and I have loved toys
636
00:43:37,134 --> 00:43:38,902
since the first of the month.
637
00:43:48,012 --> 00:43:50,447
I think that
that is the shortest
638
00:43:50,514 --> 00:43:51,683
anyone has ever worked here.
639
00:44:01,726 --> 00:44:05,029
I have loved toys
for eight years.
640
00:44:06,830 --> 00:44:08,799
I wanted
to be a dentist, you know.
641
00:44:11,568 --> 00:44:13,772
Ten years.
642
00:44:13,837 --> 00:44:15,306
Got laid off.
643
00:44:16,708 --> 00:44:18,575
Told my wife it'd be temporary.
644
00:44:24,048 --> 00:44:25,582
Four years.
645
00:44:27,151 --> 00:44:30,054
I'd throw my name tag
in the middle, but I lost mine.
646
00:44:33,792 --> 00:44:35,092
Two years.
647
00:44:36,093 --> 00:44:37,394
Imagine making your living
648
00:44:37,461 --> 00:44:39,096
at the place
you begged your mom and dad
649
00:44:39,163 --> 00:44:40,864
to take you to
when you were younger.
650
00:44:47,604 --> 00:44:51,342
I ran home to tell my dad
after I got hired,
651
00:44:51,408 --> 00:44:52,910
and he goes...
652
00:44:54,945 --> 00:44:57,014
"Welcome
to corporate hell, kid."
653
00:44:58,182 --> 00:45:00,819
This place isn't impressive.
654
00:45:00,884 --> 00:45:04,555
It isn't fun or magical.
655
00:45:04,621 --> 00:45:06,323
It's a prison.
656
00:45:06,390 --> 00:45:07,925
It's a ruse.
657
00:45:10,695 --> 00:45:11,962
It's a lie.
658
00:45:13,297 --> 00:45:14,631
Well, that just sucks,
you know,
659
00:45:14,699 --> 00:45:18,001
'cause I always saw you
as manager material.
660
00:45:21,505 --> 00:45:23,107
Shut up, Jonathan.
661
00:45:24,608 --> 00:45:29,113
You guys want to know why
I applied here 27 years ago?
662
00:45:30,114 --> 00:45:31,949
I was lonely.
663
00:45:32,015 --> 00:45:33,685
I believe that there's
a place for everyone,
664
00:45:33,752 --> 00:45:36,320
and this is my place.
665
00:45:36,387 --> 00:45:37,722
It's a place
where you have worth,
666
00:45:37,789 --> 00:45:40,157
where regional managers
call you and ask for numbers,
667
00:45:40,224 --> 00:45:42,626
where you can reprimand
somebody
668
00:45:42,694 --> 00:45:45,830
and they have to listen to you.
669
00:45:45,896 --> 00:45:48,932
Where the women have to laugh
at all your corny jokes
670
00:45:48,999 --> 00:45:51,935
and even the coolest guys
have to obey.
671
00:45:53,437 --> 00:45:56,106
That's what We Luv Toys
means to me.
672
00:46:01,178 --> 00:46:03,347
That's some dark shit
right there.
673
00:46:03,414 --> 00:46:06,450
I legitimately always thought
you were a serial killer.
674
00:46:13,190 --> 00:46:14,726
I can't believe
I missed Thanksgiving
675
00:46:14,793 --> 00:46:17,494
with my family for this.
676
00:46:17,561 --> 00:46:20,665
Well, at least you were
invited to a Thanksgiving.
677
00:46:22,299 --> 00:46:25,569
I'm sorry. Truly.
678
00:46:30,207 --> 00:46:31,575
What are you doing?
679
00:46:54,598 --> 00:46:56,668
No one should be
without Thanksgiving.
680
00:46:59,938 --> 00:47:01,238
Turkey.
681
00:47:02,506 --> 00:47:04,107
Thank you.
682
00:47:04,174 --> 00:47:06,210
Cranberry.
683
00:47:07,812 --> 00:47:09,246
Football.
684
00:47:10,949 --> 00:47:12,015
Black Friday.
685
00:47:13,584 --> 00:47:15,352
Here's some Black Friday
trivia.
686
00:47:16,420 --> 00:47:18,589
The phrase was first used
by Philly cops
687
00:47:18,656 --> 00:47:19,691
to describe the crowds
688
00:47:19,757 --> 00:47:22,092
and the traffic
the day after the holiday.
689
00:47:22,159 --> 00:47:24,261
Mm!
And here's some retail trivia.
690
00:47:24,328 --> 00:47:27,732
The promise of savings
is an illusion
691
00:47:27,799 --> 00:47:30,400
'cause everything they put
out there is sold at a loss
692
00:47:30,467 --> 00:47:32,469
to get you through the door.
693
00:47:32,536 --> 00:47:34,638
Things are still selling
for a high margin too.
694
00:47:34,706 --> 00:47:36,473
So yeah, sure.
695
00:47:36,540 --> 00:47:38,575
Go ahead and get
that cheap flat-screen TV,
696
00:47:38,642 --> 00:47:41,111
but now you need
the wall mount and the cables.
697
00:47:42,045 --> 00:47:43,614
Customers aren't always right.
698
00:47:43,681 --> 00:47:45,683
They just want to think
that they are.
699
00:47:46,751 --> 00:47:47,685
Jesus Christ.
700
00:47:47,752 --> 00:47:49,219
Mm.
701
00:47:49,286 --> 00:47:51,421
Well,
for our last Thanksgiving meal,
702
00:47:51,488 --> 00:47:53,791
- it sure was informative.
- No.
703
00:47:53,858 --> 00:47:55,994
Don't say that.
704
00:47:56,059 --> 00:47:57,461
Don't say this
is our last.
705
00:47:57,528 --> 00:47:59,029
I think she was
just making a joke.
706
00:47:59,096 --> 00:48:00,765
No.
I got two kids out there
707
00:48:00,832 --> 00:48:02,232
that I plan to see again.
708
00:48:02,299 --> 00:48:04,936
Calm down. We get it.
709
00:48:05,003 --> 00:48:06,503
You don't know shit, Chris.
710
00:48:07,972 --> 00:48:10,541
- You don't have a...
- I don't have a what, Ken?
711
00:48:10,607 --> 00:48:12,677
A family that gives a shit
about me?
712
00:48:14,679 --> 00:48:15,546
Maybe you're right.
713
00:48:15,612 --> 00:48:17,247
But at least
I don't love it here.
714
00:48:18,181 --> 00:48:19,483
I don't love it here.
715
00:48:20,952 --> 00:48:22,419
Look at how hard you try
716
00:48:22,486 --> 00:48:25,055
to be the coolest person
working at We Luv Toys.
717
00:48:25,122 --> 00:48:26,691
Guys, can we not do this
right now?
718
00:48:26,758 --> 00:48:28,191
Me?
719
00:48:28,258 --> 00:48:29,359
You're the one that's always
720
00:48:29,426 --> 00:48:31,328
trying to get employee
of the month.
721
00:48:31,395 --> 00:48:33,063
It's a fake award, Christopher.
722
00:48:33,130 --> 00:48:35,098
Don't blame me
for trying my best.
723
00:48:35,165 --> 00:48:37,001
Your best.
724
00:48:37,067 --> 00:48:38,970
You call this your best?
725
00:48:39,037 --> 00:48:42,139
I've never seen a bigger waste
of potential in my life.
726
00:48:42,205 --> 00:48:44,641
Oh, fuck off!
727
00:48:44,709 --> 00:48:46,243
You try to give me
all these tips
728
00:48:46,310 --> 00:48:49,279
about how to live
and when you were my age.
729
00:48:49,346 --> 00:48:51,448
You're not my age.
730
00:48:51,515 --> 00:48:54,919
I still have time to realize
that this job was a mistake.
731
00:48:54,986 --> 00:48:56,821
You got a lot to learn, kid.
732
00:48:56,888 --> 00:48:58,856
"Kid."
733
00:48:58,923 --> 00:49:00,825
I'm not your kid.
734
00:49:00,892 --> 00:49:03,493
You see me way too often
to be your actual child.
735
00:49:12,770 --> 00:49:14,271
Don't.
736
00:49:14,338 --> 00:49:16,908
At least I acknowledge
that this job bums me out.
737
00:49:16,975 --> 00:49:20,544
But, my God, you treat it
like it's high school,
738
00:49:20,611 --> 00:49:22,579
like you're the cool guy
in shop,
739
00:49:22,646 --> 00:49:24,749
dating someone
20 years younger than you.
740
00:49:24,816 --> 00:49:26,650
Okay, we're not dating.
741
00:49:33,323 --> 00:49:34,692
I thought we were a thing.
742
00:49:34,759 --> 00:49:35,860
A thing, yeah.
743
00:49:37,260 --> 00:49:40,098
But, Ken,
you're almost my dad's age.
744
00:49:42,499 --> 00:49:44,434
I will fucking kill you,
nerd!
745
00:49:45,636 --> 00:49:46,971
What about
all the late-night shifts?
746
00:49:47,038 --> 00:49:48,572
What about the time we made out
on the train table?
747
00:49:48,639 --> 00:49:51,475
- You did what?
- We made out.
748
00:49:52,977 --> 00:49:54,912
It passes the time.
749
00:49:54,979 --> 00:49:56,681
But, Ken,
I don't really know you.
750
00:49:57,849 --> 00:49:59,616
I've never seen you
outside of the store.
751
00:49:59,684 --> 00:50:01,753
I mean, I've... I've never
even met your kids.
752
00:50:03,153 --> 00:50:05,123
Would we ever go out on a date?
753
00:50:05,188 --> 00:50:06,758
I don't think so, right?
754
00:50:07,925 --> 00:50:09,326
Pancakes.
755
00:50:13,831 --> 00:50:15,066
No?
756
00:50:27,045 --> 00:50:28,578
So that's it?
757
00:50:29,981 --> 00:50:33,316
You guys all think I'm some
sort of fucking loser, huh?
758
00:50:41,726 --> 00:50:42,794
I'm out of here.
759
00:50:45,262 --> 00:50:46,596
Let's go.
760
00:51:10,454 --> 00:51:12,355
What exactly
are we looking for?
761
00:51:12,422 --> 00:51:13,858
I'm fresh out of ideas.
762
00:51:19,229 --> 00:51:22,432
There's got to be a circuit
breaker or something in here.
763
00:51:40,184 --> 00:51:41,853
I can do you one better.
764
00:52:12,349 --> 00:52:14,085
Hey, what's the plan?
765
00:52:14,152 --> 00:52:15,485
Lou attacked you guys, right?
766
00:52:15,552 --> 00:52:17,354
Damn straight.
He showed Ken what's what.
767
00:52:17,420 --> 00:52:18,555
Right, which means the truck
768
00:52:18,622 --> 00:52:19,924
is still parked
in the loading dock.
769
00:52:19,991 --> 00:52:21,759
And the keys are still
in the truck. He told me.
770
00:52:21,826 --> 00:52:22,960
If we bust open those locks,
771
00:52:23,027 --> 00:52:24,361
we can get
into the bed of the truck.
772
00:52:24,427 --> 00:52:25,730
That's our way out of here.
773
00:52:25,797 --> 00:52:27,330
What happens when you
get into the truck bed?
774
00:52:27,397 --> 00:52:28,498
I figured there's got
to be a hatch
775
00:52:28,565 --> 00:52:30,067
to the front seat, right?
776
00:52:30,134 --> 00:52:32,270
Got it! Let's go.
777
00:52:32,335 --> 00:52:34,404
All right, team.
778
00:52:34,471 --> 00:52:36,207
Listen up.
779
00:52:36,274 --> 00:52:38,209
I've made a decision.
780
00:52:38,276 --> 00:52:41,311
As captain...
781
00:52:41,378 --> 00:52:42,680
I'm going down with the ship.
782
00:52:42,747 --> 00:52:44,314
- No!
- I'm staying behind.
783
00:52:44,381 --> 00:52:45,482
That's it.
784
00:52:45,549 --> 00:52:48,485
We had turkey together.
785
00:52:48,552 --> 00:52:49,854
And pretzels.
786
00:52:49,921 --> 00:52:53,157
Jonathan,
now is not the time, okay?
787
00:52:53,224 --> 00:52:55,325
Then when is my time, huh?
788
00:52:57,527 --> 00:53:00,597
Call me a fool,
but I love it here.
789
00:53:01,799 --> 00:53:03,633
This is my favorite place
in the whole world,
790
00:53:03,701 --> 00:53:07,004
and it would be an honor
to stay with the store
791
00:53:07,071 --> 00:53:08,940
in its final hours,
792
00:53:09,006 --> 00:53:11,809
as any good and strong
manager would.
793
00:53:15,378 --> 00:53:18,216
I told you they never die.
794
00:53:22,419 --> 00:53:25,022
Oh, this just got really bad.
795
00:53:49,780 --> 00:53:51,615
Go, get outta here!
796
00:54:00,658 --> 00:54:02,026
- Ken!
- Don't!
797
00:54:21,145 --> 00:54:24,882
Motherfucker! Ow! Ow!
798
00:54:36,160 --> 00:54:37,194
Ow!
799
00:54:38,428 --> 00:54:40,430
I think we're clear.
800
00:54:40,497 --> 00:54:41,866
Maybe they do die.
801
00:54:41,933 --> 00:54:43,100
- Ken.
- Are you okay?
802
00:54:43,167 --> 00:54:44,802
Wait, wait, wait.
803
00:54:44,869 --> 00:54:46,704
Stay back.
Do not come over here.
804
00:54:48,438 --> 00:54:49,874
Oh, my God.
805
00:54:49,941 --> 00:54:51,108
What happened?
806
00:54:51,175 --> 00:54:54,644
What does it look like?
Fucking new guy bit me.
807
00:54:56,613 --> 00:54:58,316
I can fix this.
We can fix this.
808
00:54:58,382 --> 00:54:59,684
No. No.
809
00:54:59,750 --> 00:55:01,518
You saw what happened
to Anita and Emmett.
810
00:55:01,584 --> 00:55:02,853
If they bite you,
you turn into one of them.
811
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:04,487
No, no, no, no.
Don't say that.
812
00:55:04,554 --> 00:55:05,856
Well, that is the mythos,
right?
813
00:55:05,923 --> 00:55:08,125
Shut the fuck up, Jonathan!
814
00:55:08,192 --> 00:55:11,128
What happened to going down
with the ship, huh, Captain?
815
00:55:11,195 --> 00:55:12,763
I guess I changed my mind.
816
00:55:12,830 --> 00:55:14,631
We can cut the arm off.
817
00:55:14,699 --> 00:55:16,701
Let's lop it off.
818
00:55:16,767 --> 00:55:19,971
Guys, you already
took my dignity.
819
00:55:21,172 --> 00:55:22,505
Leave my arm.
820
00:55:24,275 --> 00:55:25,542
Get out of here.
821
00:55:25,608 --> 00:55:28,012
Put something in the door.
Don't let me out.
822
00:55:30,613 --> 00:55:31,983
Here.
823
00:55:33,384 --> 00:55:35,252
Ken, I'm... I'm sorry.
824
00:55:37,722 --> 00:55:39,522
Yeah, me too, kid.
825
00:56:07,451 --> 00:56:08,819
Fuck.
826
00:56:10,087 --> 00:56:13,124
Come on, man!
When are you gonna take me?
827
00:56:13,190 --> 00:56:15,493
Fuck!
828
00:56:15,558 --> 00:56:17,895
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!
829
00:56:17,962 --> 00:56:21,198
Want to go someplace new, new.
830
00:56:21,265 --> 00:56:23,968
Not my... not myself.
831
00:56:24,035 --> 00:56:27,038
Been a long...
been a long day, day, day.
832
00:56:27,104 --> 00:56:29,774
Been a long... been a long day.
833
00:56:29,840 --> 00:56:31,342
Fuck off, Dour Dennis.
834
00:56:31,409 --> 00:56:33,610
Yet others
are going through much worse.
835
00:56:33,677 --> 00:56:35,146
Fuck off, man.
836
00:56:41,085 --> 00:56:42,920
You know what you're doing?
837
00:56:42,987 --> 00:56:45,723
No, but I figure
if I climb out of the hatch
838
00:56:45,790 --> 00:56:47,324
and get to the front seat,
it's our way out of here.
839
00:56:47,391 --> 00:56:49,060
Okay. Good plan.
840
00:56:49,126 --> 00:56:51,729
'Cause my Elks Lodge
is only about six miles away.
841
00:56:51,796 --> 00:56:53,330
Or the police station.
842
00:56:53,397 --> 00:56:55,466
The police are here
and they're monsters now.
843
00:56:55,533 --> 00:56:56,700
Now?
844
00:56:56,767 --> 00:56:59,804
Look,
I'll get us somewhere, okay?
845
00:56:59,870 --> 00:57:02,006
Brian, about a year ago,
846
00:57:02,073 --> 00:57:03,741
corporate sent
transportation...
847
00:57:03,808 --> 00:57:05,608
Hey, I hope you don't believe
what Ken said.
848
00:57:05,676 --> 00:57:07,078
It's not true.
849
00:57:08,245 --> 00:57:09,646
It's true.
850
00:57:09,713 --> 00:57:11,648
I don't know if he meant it,
but it's true.
851
00:57:13,317 --> 00:57:16,320
I made things uncomfortable by
bringing you into that fight.
852
00:57:17,655 --> 00:57:19,156
You're too good of a person.
853
00:57:19,223 --> 00:57:20,458
You remember
Christmas last year,
854
00:57:20,524 --> 00:57:21,826
we caught that woman stealing?
855
00:57:21,892 --> 00:57:23,227
I wanted to stop her. Y-y...
856
00:57:23,294 --> 00:57:26,263
She had kids.
She was stealing for them.
857
00:57:26,330 --> 00:57:27,431
What?
858
00:57:29,033 --> 00:57:31,035
What was I supposed to do,
call the cops
859
00:57:31,102 --> 00:57:33,404
so that she'd get arrested
and her kids would find out
860
00:57:33,471 --> 00:57:36,340
in the worst possible way
that Santa's not real?
861
00:57:36,407 --> 00:57:37,842
You let her do it?
862
00:57:37,908 --> 00:57:40,878
Marnie...
you did the right thing.
863
00:57:43,681 --> 00:57:45,015
Let's help Chris out.
864
00:58:05,703 --> 00:58:08,038
Hey, how do you
feel today, feel today?
865
00:58:08,105 --> 00:58:10,975
You know, I'm not doing
too good, Dour Dennis,
866
00:58:11,041 --> 00:58:12,409
but I appreciate the sentiment.
867
00:58:12,476 --> 00:58:15,346
Just always
feel bad, bad, bad.
868
00:58:15,412 --> 00:58:16,847
That's great.
869
00:58:16,914 --> 00:58:18,816
That's just fucking awesome.
870
00:58:23,754 --> 00:58:25,055
I'm good.
871
00:58:37,501 --> 00:58:39,103
Ah, fuck.
872
00:58:40,704 --> 00:58:42,406
God damn it, Brian!
873
00:58:48,145 --> 00:58:50,814
What are the odds
Chris fucks this up?
874
00:58:50,881 --> 00:58:52,850
You know, you are
a real boner killer,
875
00:58:52,917 --> 00:58:53,918
you know that?
876
00:59:01,458 --> 00:59:02,493
Bircher.
877
00:59:28,786 --> 00:59:31,656
An emergency at-home order
has been put in place...
878
00:59:33,624 --> 00:59:35,459
What do I do here?
879
00:59:35,526 --> 00:59:37,528
Civilians are advised...
880
00:59:37,595 --> 00:59:38,729
What is this?
881
00:59:38,796 --> 00:59:40,264
What are all these buttons?
882
00:59:40,331 --> 00:59:43,033
I repeat: stay in your home.
883
00:59:43,100 --> 00:59:46,170
An emergency at-home order
has been put in place...
884
00:59:46,237 --> 00:59:49,506
"You should have taken shop."
Shut the fuck up, Dad!
885
00:59:51,175 --> 00:59:52,677
Civilians are advised
to avoid
886
00:59:52,743 --> 00:59:54,578
any and all retail areas.
887
00:59:57,548 --> 00:59:59,183
I can't do this at my house.
888
00:59:59,250 --> 01:00:01,686
My house is a mess,
mess, mess, mess.
889
01:00:01,752 --> 01:00:03,420
Quiet, Dennis.
They'll hear us.
890
01:00:06,557 --> 01:00:08,125
Oh, fuck.
891
01:00:13,197 --> 01:00:14,398
Get it together, together.
892
01:00:14,465 --> 01:00:16,033
It's not like my life
was my choice.
893
01:00:16,100 --> 01:00:18,936
Hey!
This is for employees only!
894
01:00:21,005 --> 01:00:22,473
Come on, Dennis.
895
01:00:27,177 --> 01:00:28,912
My wife left me, so I guess
896
01:00:28,979 --> 01:00:31,382
I can do
whatever the fuck I want.
897
01:00:53,003 --> 01:00:54,872
What happened
to the plan, Chris?
898
01:00:54,938 --> 01:00:56,540
I can't drive this truck.
899
01:00:56,607 --> 01:00:58,710
That's what you get for not
taking shop class.
900
01:00:58,777 --> 01:01:00,577
Shh, shh!
The... they'll hear us.
901
01:01:00,644 --> 01:01:02,279
I saw Bircher outside.
902
01:01:02,346 --> 01:01:05,616
He was like Emmett.
He turned but maybe worse.
903
01:01:05,684 --> 01:01:07,518
I-I don't know.
904
01:01:07,584 --> 01:01:10,187
I don't think he saw me.
905
01:01:57,868 --> 01:01:59,269
Are you okay?
906
01:02:00,637 --> 01:02:02,106
Chris!
907
01:02:05,876 --> 01:02:07,578
No, no, no, no, no, no!
908
01:02:09,113 --> 01:02:10,815
Help!
909
01:02:14,918 --> 01:02:17,287
Aah!
910
01:02:17,354 --> 01:02:18,889
Shit!
911
01:02:18,956 --> 01:02:21,592
Jonathan, open the back door!
912
01:02:21,659 --> 01:02:23,127
We're safe in here, no?
913
01:02:23,193 --> 01:02:24,328
No! Obviously not.
914
01:02:24,395 --> 01:02:25,797
These things are fast
and strong.
915
01:02:25,864 --> 01:02:26,897
They'll rip this truck apart.
916
01:02:30,033 --> 01:02:31,635
Go! Go! Get the back!
917
01:02:31,703 --> 01:02:33,070
- Okay. Okay.
- GO! Go!
918
01:03:18,817 --> 01:03:20,417
What are we gonna do?
919
01:03:20,484 --> 01:03:24,221
Okay. Marnie, grab the back
of my sweater.
920
01:03:24,288 --> 01:03:26,423
Then Chris, Brian, you last.
921
01:03:26,490 --> 01:03:27,624
Me last?
922
01:03:27,692 --> 01:03:29,393
Well, unfortunately,
these things are hungry,
923
01:03:29,460 --> 01:03:31,995
and well, you're the slowest
and the juiciest.
924
01:03:48,312 --> 01:03:49,980
Are you crazy?
We can't see in there.
925
01:03:50,047 --> 01:03:51,482
You can't, maybe.
926
01:03:51,548 --> 01:03:54,017
I can walk through this whole
store with my eyes closed.
927
01:03:54,084 --> 01:03:56,153
Come on. Grab on. Let's move!
928
01:04:00,157 --> 01:04:01,659
I can't see anything.
929
01:04:01,726 --> 01:04:03,527
Shut the fuck up, juicy.
930
01:04:29,152 --> 01:04:30,454
This was a good call.
931
01:04:30,521 --> 01:04:32,289
Go high, you know.
That's what they say.
932
01:04:32,356 --> 01:04:34,893
- Who?
- I don't know, sports people?
933
01:04:34,959 --> 01:04:37,762
Marnie, where did the rest
of the shoppers go?
934
01:04:48,806 --> 01:04:50,340
Hello, hello, hello.
935
01:04:50,407 --> 01:04:53,410
Maybe you could love me.
Maybe you could love me.
936
01:05:06,223 --> 01:05:08,760
Guys, over here.
937
01:05:09,928 --> 01:05:11,528
Hey, uh,
938
01:05:11,595 --> 01:05:14,197
I'm totes sorry that I left you
on the sales floor.
939
01:05:14,264 --> 01:05:15,365
It's all right.
Forget about it.
940
01:05:15,432 --> 01:05:17,200
No, I've been a bitch.
941
01:05:17,267 --> 01:05:19,636
But I've totally taken control
since then.
942
01:05:19,704 --> 01:05:21,538
I totally helped with Ken.
943
01:05:21,605 --> 01:05:22,707
What?
944
01:05:24,107 --> 01:05:25,275
Oh, no!
945
01:05:25,342 --> 01:05:26,844
It's spreading too fast.
946
01:05:28,111 --> 01:05:31,248
No, no, no!
We got to put it out.
947
01:05:32,917 --> 01:05:34,786
No, no!
948
01:05:34,852 --> 01:05:37,254
I don't care how much smoke.
Back down the hatch!
949
01:05:44,094 --> 01:05:45,964
Oh, there they are.
950
01:05:46,030 --> 01:05:47,999
We don't have a way out.
951
01:05:48,066 --> 01:05:51,602
You know the worst thing
about holiday shoppers?
952
01:05:52,469 --> 01:05:55,238
They can never accept the fact
that the night is over.
953
01:05:56,074 --> 01:05:59,844
They have no idea what it takes
to work in retail.
954
01:05:59,911 --> 01:06:04,648
Year after year dealing with
hordes of unruly customers.
955
01:06:04,716 --> 01:06:06,684
You know what?
956
01:06:06,751 --> 01:06:10,755
My face hurts
because of all the fake smiles!
957
01:06:13,557 --> 01:06:16,694
My ears hurt from listening
to Air Supply
958
01:06:16,761 --> 01:06:19,897
50,000 times!
959
01:06:21,231 --> 01:06:26,136
Worst of all,
my fucking feet hurt!
960
01:06:26,203 --> 01:06:28,138
What is he doing?
961
01:06:28,205 --> 01:06:29,741
I think he's finally
had enough.
962
01:06:29,807 --> 01:06:33,878
It's right there
in the manager's handbook.
963
01:06:33,945 --> 01:06:38,181
The people that work for you
should be treated...
964
01:06:38,248 --> 01:06:39,684
like family.
965
01:06:39,751 --> 01:06:42,687
Well, these kids,
they're special to me.
966
01:06:43,888 --> 01:06:46,124
They're my family.
967
01:06:46,189 --> 01:06:47,825
Jonathan, what are you doing?
968
01:06:51,328 --> 01:06:53,898
So attention, shoppers,
969
01:06:53,965 --> 01:06:58,201
Black Friday is over!
970
01:06:58,268 --> 01:06:59,937
Whoo!
971
01:07:46,583 --> 01:07:48,452
Somebody say something.
972
01:07:51,288 --> 01:07:53,256
I bit Ken.
973
01:07:53,323 --> 01:07:54,357
You what?
974
01:07:58,863 --> 01:08:02,566
Ma'am, I have the right
to refuse service to anybody!
975
01:08:02,632 --> 01:08:05,036
And it doesn't matter appear
you're wearing a shirt
976
01:08:05,103 --> 01:08:07,939
or shoes, ma'am!
977
01:08:10,507 --> 01:08:12,642
I'll rip this place apart,
including you!
978
01:08:12,710 --> 01:08:14,746
Oh, get it together, dickless!
979
01:08:30,560 --> 01:08:33,396
I made a choice,
and I bit him.
980
01:08:35,032 --> 01:08:37,969
Ken Bates was no hero.
981
01:08:38,035 --> 01:08:40,303
He was a drunk and a creep.
982
01:08:41,873 --> 01:08:43,975
So I did us all a favor.
983
01:08:44,041 --> 01:08:47,111
You are a horrible person.
984
01:08:47,178 --> 01:08:49,247
You piece of shit.
985
01:08:49,312 --> 01:08:50,815
What the fuck?
986
01:08:50,882 --> 01:08:52,216
You didn't even think
about his daughters!
987
01:08:52,282 --> 01:08:53,450
Marnie! Marnie, please!
988
01:08:53,517 --> 01:08:54,886
These are more
than microaggressions!
989
01:08:54,952 --> 01:08:56,254
I fucking hate you!
990
01:08:56,319 --> 01:08:58,522
Guys, stop fighting, okay?
Not now.
991
01:08:58,588 --> 01:08:59,991
Grab some garland
and some lights.
992
01:09:00,057 --> 01:09:01,458
We can rappel off this thing.
993
01:09:45,303 --> 01:09:46,737
I'm okay!
994
01:09:48,105 --> 01:09:49,406
Yeah, me too!
995
01:09:49,472 --> 01:09:51,843
Oh, why are those things
so filthy?
996
01:09:53,376 --> 01:09:54,946
Guys, why is
the garbage so wet?
997
01:09:55,012 --> 01:09:57,014
Chris, you can do it.
998
01:09:58,182 --> 01:09:59,717
Three, two.
999
01:09:59,784 --> 01:10:00,650
Come on.
1000
01:10:00,718 --> 01:10:02,320
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
1001
01:10:02,385 --> 01:10:05,022
Oh! Five, four...
1002
01:10:05,089 --> 01:10:07,191
Whoa!
1003
01:10:07,258 --> 01:10:08,893
Oh, God.
1004
01:10:08,960 --> 01:10:11,229
Are you okay?
1005
01:10:11,295 --> 01:10:13,064
That thing just shook me off
the side of the roof,
1006
01:10:13,130 --> 01:10:15,432
which is perfectly fine because
I was gonna jump anyway.
1007
01:10:15,498 --> 01:10:16,399
It's, like, not even that bad
in here.
1008
01:10:16,466 --> 01:10:18,468
Okay, Chris. Let's go.
1009
01:10:18,535 --> 01:10:20,972
Chris? What about me?
1010
01:10:22,773 --> 01:10:26,310
You can stay here
with the rest of the trash.
1011
01:10:26,376 --> 01:10:28,212
Ow!
1012
01:10:28,279 --> 01:10:29,947
I'm sorry!
1013
01:10:30,014 --> 01:10:33,050
He was kind of on
all of our shit, though, right?
1014
01:10:33,117 --> 01:10:34,551
I mean, he said you were
1015
01:10:34,618 --> 01:10:37,822
a waste of potential,
Chris, right?
1016
01:10:37,889 --> 01:10:40,423
He said that you were
his girlfriend.
1017
01:10:40,490 --> 01:10:42,425
Girl, bye!
1018
01:10:42,492 --> 01:10:44,394
Dude was gonna lead us
to certain death
1019
01:10:44,461 --> 01:10:46,596
'cause he was afraid
for his daughters.
1020
01:10:47,665 --> 01:10:49,566
I did us all a favor!
1021
01:10:51,802 --> 01:10:52,937
Hey!
1022
01:11:01,979 --> 01:11:03,647
We have to make a run for it.
1023
01:11:03,714 --> 01:11:05,883
Check every car,
and try to stay quiet.
1024
01:11:11,889 --> 01:11:13,691
Any of those things
out here?
1025
01:11:13,758 --> 01:11:16,661
I think they're
inside of that... thing.
1026
01:11:16,727 --> 01:11:17,995
Looks like the coast is clear.
1027
01:11:20,563 --> 01:11:22,199
This place is gonna blow.
1028
01:11:22,266 --> 01:11:24,434
Try to find a car
that's unlocked.
1029
01:11:24,501 --> 01:11:25,468
Jonathan would have had
a plan!
1030
01:11:25,535 --> 01:11:28,205
We need a plan!
1031
01:11:28,272 --> 01:11:30,141
Oh, shit!
1032
01:11:38,581 --> 01:11:40,318
Oh, Brian, God damn it!
1033
01:11:44,487 --> 01:11:45,990
Let's go.
1034
01:11:56,067 --> 01:11:58,635
What the fuck
is he doing now?
1035
01:12:05,508 --> 01:12:07,979
Oh, my God.
1036
01:12:10,281 --> 01:12:12,083
What is that thing?
1037
01:12:20,324 --> 01:12:23,027
It's mom-fucking-Kong.
1038
01:12:30,600 --> 01:12:31,869
What do we do now?
1039
01:12:34,372 --> 01:12:36,007
It's all the shoppers.
1040
01:12:42,079 --> 01:12:43,981
What if I can
get through to it?
1041
01:12:48,285 --> 01:12:49,586
Are you crazy?
1042
01:12:50,587 --> 01:12:52,723
It's a management thing.
1043
01:12:52,790 --> 01:12:54,458
You'd never understand, Marnie.
1044
01:13:00,231 --> 01:13:02,466
Hi there!
1045
01:13:02,532 --> 01:13:04,935
My name is Brian.
1046
01:13:05,002 --> 01:13:06,470
And I love toys!
1047
01:13:15,479 --> 01:13:16,781
Okay.
1048
01:13:16,847 --> 01:13:18,883
I know you're scared.
1049
01:13:18,949 --> 01:13:22,353
I'm scared too. That's right.
1050
01:13:22,420 --> 01:13:24,587
I'm not gonna hurt you.
1051
01:13:24,655 --> 01:13:26,623
Come closer.
1052
01:13:26,690 --> 01:13:28,826
You and I have been
through a lot, you know?
1053
01:13:30,127 --> 01:13:33,030
You remember Black Friday 2016?
1054
01:13:36,200 --> 01:13:39,703
Uh, I know
the shopper experience.
1055
01:13:39,770 --> 01:13:42,440
I mean, as I always say,
1056
01:13:42,506 --> 01:13:44,942
when in doubt, go shopping!
1057
01:13:51,048 --> 01:13:54,185
You and me,
we have so many mems.
1058
01:13:56,619 --> 01:13:58,621
If anyone knows,
1059
01:13:58,689 --> 01:14:00,224
the customer's always r...
1060
01:14:01,725 --> 01:14:03,327
Oh, my God.
1061
01:14:05,830 --> 01:14:07,364
Shit. Shit.
1062
01:14:07,431 --> 01:14:08,833
Ken's SUV is over there.
1063
01:14:09,800 --> 01:14:11,634
He didn't give us the keys.
1064
01:14:14,371 --> 01:14:17,141
And he didn't put
the fucking carts away!
1065
01:14:17,208 --> 01:14:18,641
Knock, knock!
1066
01:14:22,713 --> 01:14:25,749
You're supposed to say,
"Who's there?"
1067
01:14:25,816 --> 01:14:27,952
- Now a bad time for a dad joke?
- Ken!
1068
01:14:30,187 --> 01:14:31,822
We didn't think
you'd make it.
1069
01:14:31,889 --> 01:14:33,324
Did you see Brian
get just fucking...
1070
01:14:33,390 --> 01:14:34,492
Like a paper football.
1071
01:14:38,662 --> 01:14:41,398
Ken, I'm sorry.
1072
01:14:41,465 --> 01:14:44,502
I'm sorry too.
I was an asshole.
1073
01:14:44,568 --> 01:14:45,803
You're too good
for a toy store.
1074
01:14:45,870 --> 01:14:47,204
You both are.
1075
01:14:47,271 --> 01:14:48,839
That's why
we need to get out of here.
1076
01:14:48,906 --> 01:14:50,674
Come on, let's go.
Go, go, go, go!
1077
01:15:09,994 --> 01:15:11,295
What the hell
are we gonna do?
1078
01:15:11,362 --> 01:15:13,797
If we run,
that thing's gonna pick us off.
1079
01:15:14,899 --> 01:15:16,066
I have an idea.
1080
01:15:21,872 --> 01:15:23,941
Chris,
please don't play hero.
1081
01:15:24,008 --> 01:15:26,377
Can you distract that thing?
1082
01:15:26,443 --> 01:15:27,678
I'ma hold you down.
1083
01:15:27,745 --> 01:15:30,347
- Don't.
- No, Jonathan was right.
1084
01:15:30,414 --> 01:15:31,982
It's fucking Thanksgiving.
1085
01:15:32,049 --> 01:15:33,384
I'm deciding right here
right now,
1086
01:15:33,450 --> 01:15:34,818
you guys are my family.
1087
01:15:34,885 --> 01:15:36,086
- So can you do it?
- Yeah.
1088
01:15:37,621 --> 01:15:39,557
No, I'll do it.
He's got kids.
1089
01:15:39,623 --> 01:15:41,759
No, no, you won't. Hey! Hey!
1090
01:15:41,825 --> 01:15:43,594
Whoa! Hey, right here!
1091
01:15:43,662 --> 01:15:46,230
Hey, right here! Hey!
1092
01:15:50,901 --> 01:15:53,003
I don't like you.
1093
01:15:53,070 --> 01:15:55,139
I don't have to help you.
1094
01:15:55,206 --> 01:15:57,541
I got your discount right here.
1095
01:15:57,608 --> 01:15:59,777
Look at this.
Whoa, whoa, hey!
1096
01:15:59,843 --> 01:16:01,946
Hey, check this out.
Check it out, huh?
1097
01:16:02,012 --> 01:16:05,115
You see that? Hey! Hey!
1098
01:16:05,182 --> 01:16:07,751
Right here, you big bitch!
Right here!
1099
01:16:09,753 --> 01:16:12,156
I don't need to help you.
1100
01:16:12,223 --> 01:16:15,559
I got your discount right here!
Look at this.
1101
01:16:15,626 --> 01:16:18,195
Look here!
1102
01:16:18,262 --> 01:16:20,097
Hey! Hey!
1103
01:16:20,164 --> 01:16:22,032
Yo!
1104
01:16:34,144 --> 01:16:35,714
Oh, no!
1105
01:16:35,779 --> 01:16:38,549
Oh, no, Chris. No.
1106
01:17:09,513 --> 01:17:11,282
Come on!
1107
01:17:28,399 --> 01:17:30,067
Yes! Bang!
1108
01:17:58,062 --> 01:17:59,830
I think I just pissed it off.
1109
01:18:14,945 --> 01:18:16,547
Come on! I think we can
make it to my car.
1110
01:18:16,613 --> 01:18:17,716
Let's go! Come on!
1111
01:18:17,782 --> 01:18:18,949
Come on!
1112
01:18:41,840 --> 01:18:43,640
Just a thing?
1113
01:18:43,708 --> 01:18:45,275
Just a thing.
1114
01:18:45,342 --> 01:18:46,410
Let's go.
1115
01:18:50,414 --> 01:18:51,882
Leah texted.
1116
01:18:51,949 --> 01:18:54,017
My daughters are okay.
1117
01:18:54,084 --> 01:18:56,453
They set up safe havens
for people.
1118
01:18:57,187 --> 01:18:59,189
Sounds good to me.
Let's do it.
1119
01:19:00,324 --> 01:19:02,626
We gotta make a detour first.
1120
01:19:02,694 --> 01:19:03,994
For what?
1121
01:19:05,462 --> 01:19:06,664
For pancakes.
1122
01:19:09,701 --> 01:19:10,934
Let's go!
1123
01:19:13,337 --> 01:19:14,773
Well...
1124
01:19:14,839 --> 01:19:16,907
well... well... well,
1125
01:19:16,974 --> 01:19:19,176
it's been a long day,
day, day.
1126
01:19:19,243 --> 01:19:22,413
And this is surely the end.
1127
01:19:39,946 --> 01:19:43,415
Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull
1127
01:19:44,305 --> 01:20:44,595
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