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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,000 I didn't think she'd really do it. 2 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,439 How do you get to Paris? Train, ferry, train. 3 00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,880 Or hitchhike, swim, hopping. 4 00:00:13,919 --> 00:00:17,199 If we find her in time, what do we do? 5 00:00:17,239 --> 00:00:18,640 That is a good question. 6 00:00:18,679 --> 00:00:20,879 Whoa. 7 00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:22,679 Shout out if we've lost anyone! 8 00:00:22,719 --> 00:00:24,879 No, they're all in one piece, love. Right. 9 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:32,520 Nobody get on that train! 10 00:00:36,119 --> 00:00:39,920 Darling, don't just slip away! Let us give you a send-off. 11 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,280 No, come on! 12 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,079 Come on, Mariette, a tiny little do, couple of days' time, 13 00:00:44,119 --> 00:00:45,920 then you go with our blessing. 14 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:48,880 I've got her passport! Argh! 15 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:53,280 Hey, kids, look, organise a gymkhana and a donkey derby 16 00:00:53,320 --> 00:00:55,759 in our meadow on Saturday, then we'll have a cocktail party. 17 00:00:55,799 --> 00:00:59,119 Ah! We'll charm her into staying. How can she resist? 18 00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:04,640 I feel like I've been reprieved from the guillotine for a day or two. 19 00:01:05,719 --> 00:01:07,319 How long were you... 20 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,799 are you going for? 21 00:01:10,959 --> 00:01:12,799 I don't know. 22 00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,159 A year or two. 23 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,719 Long enough to never regret coming back. 24 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:21,560 I'm just worried that you never will. 25 00:01:39,239 --> 00:01:41,599 COCKEREL CROWS 26 00:01:41,640 --> 00:01:43,400 POP: Shut up, you dim lump of poultry, 27 00:01:43,439 --> 00:01:45,560 there's a princess trying to sleep! 28 00:01:46,519 --> 00:01:51,879 # Oh, you need hands To hold a brand new baby... # 29 00:01:51,920 --> 00:01:53,159 Mmm! 30 00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:55,000 # You need hands 31 00:01:55,040 --> 00:01:57,480 # To guide them on the way... # 32 00:01:57,519 --> 00:01:59,680 GIRLS GIGGLE All together, Larkinettes. 33 00:01:59,719 --> 00:02:01,280 # Oh, you need... # No, don't. 34 00:02:01,319 --> 00:02:02,959 What? Enough. 35 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:05,599 You entertain the masses! Honestly, I'm... 36 00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:07,400 Oh, sit down. Here she is. 37 00:02:07,439 --> 00:02:09,319 CHILDREN: Morning! Hello! 38 00:02:09,360 --> 00:02:11,520 You look wonderful, princess. She really does. 39 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,560 We made you your favourite breakfast. 40 00:02:13,599 --> 00:02:16,120 Marge, you reckon there's any food left for Edith Pilchester? 41 00:02:16,159 --> 00:02:18,319 I can take it round. She's becoming a recluse. 42 00:02:18,360 --> 00:02:20,840 That's not healthy, is it? I'll leave you to her. 43 00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:23,199 I've got errands. We need string. 44 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:25,400 I'm not going that way. String's everywhere. 45 00:02:25,439 --> 00:02:27,319 There is no string where I'm going. 46 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:32,680 I just don't understand. 47 00:02:32,719 --> 00:02:35,479 How can you leave when you've got Charley begging you to stay? 48 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:38,039 I do love him, but something's missing. 49 00:02:38,080 --> 00:02:39,080 Oomph. 50 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,560 He's got oomph. The nice kind. MARIETTE CHUCKLES 51 00:02:42,599 --> 00:02:45,639 And anyway, Tom had it, and look how wrong that went. 52 00:02:45,680 --> 00:02:47,080 Well, Tom will shoot off, 53 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:49,280 now he can't build his empire in the village. 54 00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:50,599 You know your problem? 55 00:02:50,639 --> 00:02:54,159 Gobby sister? Deranged family? No. 56 00:02:54,199 --> 00:02:57,360 All your life, you've had boys swooning at your feet. 57 00:02:57,400 --> 00:02:58,919 What is that, is that a swoon? 58 00:03:00,039 --> 00:03:02,439 I think so! I've never seen one. 59 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,400 So, you're bored with adoration, 60 00:03:05,439 --> 00:03:07,840 and you've forgotten how to say yes to love. 61 00:03:07,879 --> 00:03:08,879 MARIETTE SIGHS 62 00:03:08,919 --> 00:03:10,919 I've said yes. 63 00:03:12,479 --> 00:03:15,039 Even when I should've said no. 64 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,599 Alan from the... From the butcher's! 65 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:19,520 BOTH GIGGLE 66 00:03:19,560 --> 00:03:21,159 MARIETTE SIGHS 67 00:03:21,199 --> 00:03:23,800 Charley's just arrived at the wrong time. 68 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,680 RAPS LIGHTLY 69 00:03:56,039 --> 00:03:57,800 Er... Larkin. 70 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:00,800 Ah, Sir George and Lady, my favourite posh types. 71 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:04,000 We always enjoy your... your badinage. 72 00:04:04,039 --> 00:04:06,199 Oh. Though we should be cursing you, 73 00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:08,599 after you scuppered the plan for our house. 74 00:04:08,639 --> 00:04:11,800 Well, it's no skin off your nose, is it? You sold it to Tom Fisher. 75 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:16,680 No, he only had the option to buy Bluff Court if planning was granted. 76 00:04:16,720 --> 00:04:18,279 Oh, clever basket. 77 00:04:18,319 --> 00:04:23,279 So, of the many, many potential buyers, 78 00:04:23,319 --> 00:04:25,759 we thought first of you. 79 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:28,240 Oh, me? Me, is it? 80 00:04:28,279 --> 00:04:30,680 Yes, you. I said you. 81 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,160 Who you ditched when you thought what you had a better offer? 82 00:04:33,199 --> 00:04:35,079 You want to knock it down! 83 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:36,360 Only cos it's a death trap. 84 00:04:36,399 --> 00:04:38,879 It would be like watching your best friend 85 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,439 being punched in the face! No, it wouldn't. 86 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:44,240 And then whimpering as she's steamrolled into the ground, 87 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:47,519 limbs... twitching. 88 00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,519 Ignore him, please. 89 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,240 Consider buying it from us, Pop. 90 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:55,680 I'll give it some thought. 91 00:05:04,759 --> 00:05:06,639 This'll make a good jump. 92 00:05:14,319 --> 00:05:16,319 ENGINE PURRS 93 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,800 Ah! 94 00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:23,920 SHE WHIMPERS 95 00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:32,800 Excuse me, where's the police station? 96 00:05:32,839 --> 00:05:34,759 Admit nothing! I'll get you a good lawyer. 97 00:05:34,800 --> 00:05:37,120 What?! So, what is it, then? 98 00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:39,319 Cat burglary? Or did you snap and kill your husband? 99 00:05:39,360 --> 00:05:41,319 Well, let's just say I'm no longer married. 100 00:05:41,360 --> 00:05:42,879 That's not looking good for you, is it? 101 00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,199 SHE CHUCKLES You're a scream! 102 00:05:46,399 --> 00:05:49,040 Pop Larkin. Angela Snow. 103 00:05:49,079 --> 00:05:53,279 Oh, I was caught speeding, and I need to show my licence. 104 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:56,000 I usually claim the sign was hidden behind a parked laundry van. 105 00:05:56,040 --> 00:05:57,920 But this time, I may plead insanity. 106 00:05:57,959 --> 00:06:00,079 Outrageous, but my kind of girl. 107 00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,000 Want to come to a cocktail party Saturday? 108 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,519 Hold me back! Heaven. 109 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,199 What a friendly village. Or is it just you? 110 00:06:07,240 --> 00:06:10,920 Just me. Come on, I'll show you where the cop shop is. 111 00:06:10,959 --> 00:06:12,959 SHE GIGGLES It's only round the corner. 112 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:15,160 Utterly debauched. 113 00:06:15,199 --> 00:06:18,720 Is he debauched? Oh, he's debauched. 114 00:06:18,759 --> 00:06:21,480 I suspect he has a whole raft of women. 115 00:06:21,519 --> 00:06:23,680 A raft of women. 116 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:26,920 Intriguing idea. 117 00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:28,240 And so selfish. 118 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:30,480 Stopping the Bluff Court development, 119 00:06:30,519 --> 00:06:32,680 which would've made us all rich. 120 00:06:32,720 --> 00:06:36,399 The entire Larkin family is deeply uncouth. 121 00:06:36,439 --> 00:06:39,199 You don't have six children if you're couth. 122 00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,399 You stop at two, and start building a pension. 123 00:06:41,439 --> 00:06:43,079 HORSE NICKERS 124 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,279 Talk amongst yourselves. 125 00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,040 I've come to shovel out your shed. 126 00:06:52,720 --> 00:06:55,160 Ah. Thank you. 127 00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,120 Or did you do it? 128 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,720 HORSE NICKERS 129 00:07:16,199 --> 00:07:19,319 Je m'appelle Mariette. 130 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,240 Je suis ravi de votre connaissance. 131 00:07:27,399 --> 00:07:28,680 KNOCK AT DOOR 132 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,079 Mr Larkin, don't look at me. 133 00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:34,399 Why not? Fine figure of a woman. 134 00:07:34,439 --> 00:07:36,759 In need of a sausage. 135 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,720 THEY CHUCKLE 136 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,079 Fried bacon. 137 00:07:41,120 --> 00:07:42,800 Kipper. 138 00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,360 You're so good to me, Mr Larkin. 139 00:07:47,439 --> 00:07:48,959 Still no telly? 140 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:50,920 I couldn't possibly afford a licence. 141 00:07:50,959 --> 00:07:54,079 I'm worried about you, Edith. You seem so sad. 142 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:57,000 No, no, no, not really. 143 00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,240 Well, I'll admit to sluggish. 144 00:07:59,279 --> 00:08:01,439 Well, we can't have that. Why don't you help me 145 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,639 with the donkey derby in our meadow on Saturday? 146 00:08:03,680 --> 00:08:06,360 Oh, I'd love that. I have a soft spot for donkeys. 147 00:08:06,399 --> 00:08:09,240 If you're talking about your bottom, you're a saucy so-and-so. 148 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:15,959 Happy now? Considerably. One more? 149 00:08:20,079 --> 00:08:22,199 SHE LAUGHS 150 00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,600 See, Edith, that's good! 151 00:08:24,639 --> 00:08:27,480 Live each day like it's your last, love. 152 00:08:29,639 --> 00:08:31,800 And keep your hand on your ha'penny. CLICKS TONGUE 153 00:08:31,839 --> 00:08:33,759 You've been an absolute lamb. 154 00:09:00,679 --> 00:09:02,600 # Je me lave 155 00:09:02,639 --> 00:09:04,840 # Tu te laves 156 00:09:04,879 --> 00:09:06,879 # Il se lave 157 00:09:06,919 --> 00:09:08,480 # Elle se lave... # 158 00:09:08,519 --> 00:09:10,080 All together now! 159 00:09:10,120 --> 00:09:12,360 # Il se lave Il... 160 00:09:12,399 --> 00:09:14,279 # Je me lave 161 00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,440 # Il se lave 162 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:18,120 # Elle se lave 163 00:09:18,159 --> 00:09:22,000 # Je me lave # Elle se lave. # 164 00:09:23,120 --> 00:09:25,039 Hmm? 165 00:09:25,080 --> 00:09:27,080 # Nous nous lavons 166 00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,960 # Vous vous lavez 167 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,200 # Il se lave 168 00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,840 # Elle se lave... # 169 00:09:34,879 --> 00:09:36,720 Good. SHE GIGGLES 170 00:09:36,759 --> 00:09:38,240 Now, imperfect tense. 171 00:09:38,279 --> 00:09:40,399 # Je me lavais. # 172 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:45,960 Erm... I haven't had a chance 173 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,879 to ask you yesterday what you were up to in the woods. 174 00:09:48,919 --> 00:09:52,360 Oh. That. 175 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,200 Yes, yeah, I... 176 00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,360 My master plan went awry. 177 00:10:01,399 --> 00:10:03,519 Well, I was worried about you. 178 00:10:03,559 --> 00:10:04,960 SHE CHUCKLES 179 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,480 I really thought, "He's... He's going mad." Yeah! 180 00:10:07,519 --> 00:10:09,879 Yeah, maybe I am. 181 00:10:11,559 --> 00:10:13,679 I mean, you have that power over me. 182 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,200 But, you know, I thought that romantic props might help, 183 00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:20,559 but I am just going to tell you now, 184 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,480 Mariette, I am in love with you. 185 00:10:24,799 --> 00:10:27,440 Yes, I love you. 186 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,000 I've loved you ever since I first saw you only weeks ago. 187 00:10:31,039 --> 00:10:35,240 I mean, you have turned me from a taxman into a... 188 00:10:35,279 --> 00:10:38,320 Yeah! A human being. 189 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:42,159 I mean, you are the new beating heart of my life. 190 00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,360 Well, good. 191 00:10:45,399 --> 00:10:47,600 What could I offer you? 192 00:10:47,639 --> 00:10:49,919 Well, honesty, 193 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,080 free from smooth talking, 194 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:56,120 and fun and seriousness and... and kindness. 195 00:10:56,159 --> 00:11:00,360 And... And actually, I am surprisingly good at sport. 196 00:11:00,399 --> 00:11:02,000 Honestly, you know... 197 00:11:02,039 --> 00:11:04,440 OK, watch. Right, see? 198 00:11:05,639 --> 00:11:06,759 SHE LAUGHS 199 00:11:06,799 --> 00:11:08,480 That's better with a dart, actually. 200 00:11:08,519 --> 00:11:11,279 And OK, music, I'm really good at music! 201 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:15,519 And, God, I am just utterly, utterly dedicated to you. 202 00:11:26,279 --> 00:11:28,120 So, what do you say? 203 00:11:28,159 --> 00:11:30,279 What do you say, Mariette Larkin? 204 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:35,480 Will you stay with me? 205 00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:44,720 No. 206 00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:47,720 I... I'm sorry. 207 00:11:48,799 --> 00:11:53,519 And if you really love me, you'll let me go. 208 00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:58,279 Yeah. 209 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:05,360 SHOP DOORBELL JINGLES 210 00:12:05,399 --> 00:12:07,200 It's not even lunchtime, 211 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,799 and I've seen Pop Larkin flirting with an unfamiliar hussy 212 00:12:10,840 --> 00:12:13,159 and Ma holding a baby - 213 00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,679 and not grimly, out of politeness, like most of us do - 214 00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:17,960 which she's obviously desperate to keep quiet. 215 00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,240 I loathe tittle-tattle, Norma. 216 00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:21,679 But it's true. 217 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:23,639 The Larkins family are out of control 218 00:12:23,679 --> 00:12:25,559 and capable of anything. 219 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,399 Is there anyone more foolish than a gossip? 220 00:12:27,440 --> 00:12:29,200 Fish? Chickens? 221 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:32,720 The Larkins are good, generous folk. 222 00:12:32,759 --> 00:12:34,440 But whose baby is it? 223 00:12:34,480 --> 00:12:37,039 There have been no births in the village, to my knowledge. 224 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:39,240 Well, clearly, it's either Mariette's, 225 00:12:39,279 --> 00:12:41,759 or her father's by some mystery woman. 226 00:13:00,519 --> 00:13:02,720 There's your next one. 227 00:13:02,759 --> 00:13:04,000 Do you know what you're doing? 228 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:08,279 What's wrong? 229 00:13:08,320 --> 00:13:10,039 People are sly and horrible. 230 00:13:11,039 --> 00:13:13,320 There's rumours going round about Dad flirting 231 00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,279 and Mum looking after a secret baby. 232 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:16,799 Bloody 'ell. 233 00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,720 I'm sure it's lies. 234 00:13:18,759 --> 00:13:20,600 But Mum has been off on her own a lot recently. 235 00:13:20,639 --> 00:13:23,440 And Dad took sausage to Miss Pilchester. 236 00:13:34,799 --> 00:13:36,679 You all right, Larkinettes? 237 00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:40,840 You're all a bit quiet. 238 00:13:40,879 --> 00:13:43,279 What's up? Yeah? 239 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:45,000 I met a lovely woman this morning. 240 00:13:45,039 --> 00:13:47,360 More lovely than Ma? I heard she's horrible. 241 00:13:47,399 --> 00:13:49,360 No, obviously not more lovely than Ma, 242 00:13:49,399 --> 00:13:51,200 but a nice woman, she's a laugh. 243 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,399 Angela Snow's her name. Yeah. Very swish, breath of fresh air. 244 00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:00,720 Peculiar. Mm-hm. 245 00:14:02,080 --> 00:14:05,320 Ta, I feel special, but it's not gonna affect my decision. 246 00:14:05,360 --> 00:14:07,480 No, no, Mariette, come on, drink up. 247 00:14:07,519 --> 00:14:10,039 Be merry. Enjoy the benefits, eh? 248 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,240 Cigar? 249 00:14:11,279 --> 00:14:12,679 Maybe later. 250 00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:14,919 LAUGHTER 251 00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,360 What is it, Primrose, gorgeous girl? 252 00:14:20,399 --> 00:14:21,600 Nothing. 253 00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:23,519 I know nothings, and that's not one. 254 00:14:24,519 --> 00:14:28,120 All right. I heard people gossiping about... 255 00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:30,919 well, us being a weird family, 256 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:33,120 and Dad liking other women. 257 00:14:33,159 --> 00:14:34,840 SHE LAUGHS 258 00:14:34,879 --> 00:14:36,679 Don't smile. You should be jealous. 259 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:40,200 That's not me and your Pop's way. 260 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,519 He believes in spreading good cheer. 261 00:14:42,559 --> 00:14:44,759 But what if he was serious about someone else? 262 00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:49,080 Oh, I love your dad so much. 263 00:14:49,120 --> 00:14:51,840 But I hold myself in pretty high regard, too. 264 00:14:51,879 --> 00:14:53,200 Maybe he should worry about me. 265 00:14:56,679 --> 00:14:59,360 You don't keep a man by sitting on him. 266 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:03,240 Least of all Pop. 267 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,559 Looks like a big bosom, doesn't it? 268 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,080 Hold your dad back! SHE CHUCKLES 269 00:15:10,120 --> 00:15:13,919 They also talked about seeing you with a baby, and whose it might be. 270 00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:17,200 What, holding a baby's a crime now, is it? 271 00:15:17,240 --> 00:15:19,440 If that's the case, I've been a criminal 272 00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,639 pretty regularly these past 20 years. 273 00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:28,799 COCKEREL CROWS 274 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:32,000 KNOCK ON DOOR 275 00:15:34,159 --> 00:15:37,120 Oh, sorry, I'll be right there. 276 00:15:37,159 --> 00:15:39,279 Really, this is far too much. 277 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,639 No, it isn't. We need you to be happy. 278 00:15:44,320 --> 00:15:47,840 Thanks, dwarves, but I'm not Snow-ruddy-White. 279 00:15:47,879 --> 00:15:50,399 Look, OK, go. 280 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:52,840 Thank you. 281 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,440 Oh! CUTLERY CLATTERS 282 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:59,320 Ah! Right, no, look, that is enough. 283 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,960 Right, listen, everyone, stop treating me like I'm Lady Muck. 284 00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,360 It's exhausting! 285 00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:10,639 Quite right, precious. 286 00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:13,080 You're the boss. Can we bring you anything? 287 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:24,840 Ha-ha-hey, Tom! 288 00:16:24,879 --> 00:16:27,200 Let's not pretend we care for each other. 289 00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,799 I've already done enough acting in this godforsaken outpost. 290 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,440 Oh, so are you moving on? When I'm ready. 291 00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:34,639 I haven't completely finished with the oil yet. 292 00:16:34,679 --> 00:16:36,639 You don't have to play the pantomime villain, Tom. 293 00:16:36,679 --> 00:16:38,440 There are plenty of other parts available 294 00:16:38,480 --> 00:16:41,600 in our lovely little village! HE LAUGHS 295 00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:48,679 HORN HONKS 296 00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,480 SHE CHUCKLES 297 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:53,720 Pop! 298 00:16:55,399 --> 00:16:57,240 Hello, Angela. Coppers let you go, then? 299 00:16:57,279 --> 00:16:59,200 Yes. I promised to be a good girl. 300 00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,559 Never promise that. 301 00:17:00,600 --> 00:17:03,039 You have to lie to the police to keep them on their toes. You do. 302 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:05,640 I'm on my way to the village, collecting booze for our do. 303 00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:06,920 You wanna rest your pins? 304 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,640 Always, darling. 305 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,119 Come on, hop in. 306 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,680 Just to warn you, though, I've only just passed my test. 307 00:17:12,720 --> 00:17:14,720 SHE LAUGHS 308 00:17:19,079 --> 00:17:22,160 Oh! SPORADIC REVVING 309 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,079 BOTH LAUGH 310 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,279 Well, I liked the look of the place yesterday, 311 00:17:26,319 --> 00:17:28,039 so I fancied a ramble round it. 312 00:17:28,079 --> 00:17:30,839 Well, come and live in the village. I mean, we always want new people. 313 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:33,079 We're like hop-growing Dr Frankensteins. 314 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,279 Thank you, darling. I may just do that. 315 00:17:35,319 --> 00:17:37,200 Mwah! 316 00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:39,400 Oh, I say. Pop, you old devil. 317 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,599 I'm telling Ma. No. 318 00:17:41,640 --> 00:17:45,480 It's nice that old people still like a quick, informal snog. 319 00:17:56,440 --> 00:17:58,400 Let me in then, big man. 320 00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:05,319 BABY CRIES 321 00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:06,839 Thank God you're here! 322 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:10,039 You can relax now, Aunt Fan. 323 00:18:10,079 --> 00:18:12,240 We can't cope, he's possessed! 324 00:18:12,279 --> 00:18:14,880 SHE CHUCKLES No, he's not! 325 00:18:14,920 --> 00:18:16,680 He's adorable. 326 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,200 Little Oscar. BABY STOPS CRYING 327 00:18:19,240 --> 00:18:20,680 How do you do that? 328 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,559 Well, having six babies helps. 329 00:18:22,599 --> 00:18:26,000 Seth, he's got your face. Poor little squirt. 330 00:18:26,039 --> 00:18:27,319 SHE CHUCKLES 331 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,359 Any word from your daughter? 332 00:18:29,400 --> 00:18:32,000 No, Hattie can't look after herself, 333 00:18:32,039 --> 00:18:34,319 no surprise her own baby's beyond her. 334 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:35,880 Hat won't rush back. 335 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:39,000 She's fallen in with rascals up there in Whitsta-bubble. 336 00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:41,519 Well, it's a strain, being a new mum. 337 00:18:41,559 --> 00:18:44,160 Especially if the dad's run away like a bastard. 338 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:48,880 But the word's getting out about Oscar. 339 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,400 There's snoopers around. 340 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,160 We'll have to shut all the curtains, then. 341 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,039 Front and back. 342 00:18:54,079 --> 00:18:56,519 I don't want folks knowing my daughter's had a wobble. 343 00:18:56,559 --> 00:18:58,319 There's nothing wrong with a wobble. 344 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,799 But what are me and my sister here gonna do, eh? 345 00:19:00,839 --> 00:19:02,079 You're gonna carry on. 346 00:19:02,119 --> 00:19:04,240 Like this, with my help. 347 00:19:04,279 --> 00:19:09,000 And wait till your Hat sees sense and comes back to her baby. 348 00:19:09,039 --> 00:19:12,240 And in the meantime, us Larkins'll do our bit. 349 00:19:12,279 --> 00:19:15,160 Just like we always do. Just like we always do! 350 00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,759 BABY BABBLES, SHE LAUGHS 351 00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:23,640 That is a Ma Cherie cocktail. 352 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:27,960 Yes, it is. Frisky but not debilitating. 353 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,839 What do you reckon, Charley boy? 354 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,160 CHARLIE GULPS 355 00:19:32,200 --> 00:19:36,039 Ooh! Ooh-hoo! I like that one. Yeah! 356 00:19:36,079 --> 00:19:38,240 Although... on balance, I've liked them all. 357 00:19:38,279 --> 00:19:42,160 Well, all of them it is, then! How's, er... How's tomorrow's, er... 358 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:45,440 SLURRED WORDS: ..er, equestrian preparation proceeding? 359 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,880 THEY LAUGH I can't believe I got that out! 360 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,400 THEY LAUGH I dunno! 361 00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:52,559 Brigadier, the kids are in charge. 362 00:19:52,599 --> 00:19:55,880 Onto the canapes. 'Ere, these'll tickle you. 363 00:19:55,920 --> 00:19:57,720 Ooh, crisps! 364 00:19:57,759 --> 00:20:00,759 Yeah, but flavoured with cheese and onion. 365 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:02,400 Ooh, what will they think of next? 366 00:20:02,440 --> 00:20:03,680 Mm! These. 367 00:20:03,720 --> 00:20:06,440 Ooh! 368 00:20:06,480 --> 00:20:07,960 "Twig-lays"! 369 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,160 I-I don't think they're French! 370 00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:11,799 THEY LAUGH Sorry, sorry. 371 00:20:11,839 --> 00:20:13,599 I've got France on my mind. 372 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:16,720 You know, France and unrequited love. 373 00:20:16,759 --> 00:20:18,880 And goats, for some reason. 374 00:20:18,920 --> 00:20:21,640 Goats?! THEY LAUGH 375 00:20:23,920 --> 00:20:27,519 Urgh! No! No, I don't think drink is the answer. 376 00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,440 Then you're asking the wrong question! 377 00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,319 I think we're gonna win this tomorrow. 378 00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,480 Don't you, matey? 379 00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:53,680 Go on. Go on, Biscuit. 380 00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,200 New parish magazine, two bob. 381 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,599 You're going straight to hell! 382 00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:02,759 Rev, keep it civil. 383 00:21:04,000 --> 00:21:05,799 HORSE APPROACHES 384 00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:16,359 So, word is Mariette Larkin's going away. 385 00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,000 SHE SIGHS She'll never leave. 386 00:21:18,039 --> 00:21:19,799 And her mother's been seen with the baby 387 00:21:19,839 --> 00:21:21,319 everyone's trying to keep quiet. 388 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:23,480 What's wrong with your face? 389 00:21:24,559 --> 00:21:26,720 Obviously, it's Mariette Larkin's baby. 390 00:21:26,759 --> 00:21:28,920 Oh... That's probably balls, 391 00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:32,039 but fair enough. Yeah, don't ruin a nice bit of dirt. 392 00:21:32,079 --> 00:21:33,920 I don't remember her looking pregnant. 393 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:35,680 She could've knocked it out in the winter, 394 00:21:35,720 --> 00:21:38,440 when we were all half asleep. But who's the dad? 395 00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:42,319 God, I love village life. 396 00:21:47,559 --> 00:21:49,920 SHE CHORTLES 397 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,880 How are you, Ma? 398 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:57,319 I'm in love with that baby. I bet. 399 00:21:58,799 --> 00:22:02,079 Oh... I loved it when our lot were tiny, 'ey? 400 00:22:02,119 --> 00:22:04,640 Playing in the barn with them, in the hay... Mm. 401 00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:06,960 ..rain drumming on the roof. Mm. 402 00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:08,680 Yeah. 403 00:22:08,720 --> 00:22:11,200 Ooh, you know there's rumours flying? 404 00:22:11,240 --> 00:22:14,240 Oh, let 'em talk. Well, they'll have to do. 405 00:22:14,279 --> 00:22:18,319 Seth's ashamed that his daughter's abandoned her new baby, so... 406 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,839 he wants it kept quiet until she comes back. 407 00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:22,880 Yeah, I'll bet. 408 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,960 They're gossiping about you doing the funny business with a new lady. 409 00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:28,240 Angela? Mm. 410 00:22:28,279 --> 00:22:30,960 No, codswallop. Oh, well, I know that. 411 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:34,200 Hope you gave Edith Pilchester a nice little kiss, though. 412 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,759 Course I did. Pepped her up a bit. 413 00:22:43,839 --> 00:22:47,680 You know, tomorrow... we should find her a man. 414 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:51,160 Oh, there'll be too much else to do. Most of all, show Mariette 415 00:22:51,200 --> 00:22:55,200 that this is the best, most fun place on God's earth. 416 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:56,519 Yeah. 417 00:22:56,559 --> 00:22:59,240 Otherwise, it'll be her last day here. 418 00:23:02,759 --> 00:23:04,200 Dim the moon, would you, love? 419 00:23:10,079 --> 00:23:11,319 Ta. 420 00:23:30,759 --> 00:23:32,920 Come here, come here. Come on, come on. 421 00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,519 Oi! Big ears! 422 00:23:34,559 --> 00:23:36,759 Yes, you! Slow down! DONKEYS BRAY 423 00:23:36,799 --> 00:23:38,799 Well, you say that... Hang on. 424 00:23:38,839 --> 00:23:40,759 Come on, come on. 425 00:23:40,799 --> 00:23:42,720 BABY CRIES 426 00:23:42,759 --> 00:23:45,920 # Doo-doo-doo-doo! # 427 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,559 CRYING CONTINUES 428 00:23:52,319 --> 00:23:55,480 CRYING STOPS 429 00:23:55,519 --> 00:23:58,319 Hattie, er... 430 00:23:58,359 --> 00:23:59,880 Hattie's not coming back. 431 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:03,400 She says she'll be worse than no parent. 432 00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:07,920 Oh, Seth... 433 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:10,759 You and Pop need to take him. 434 00:24:10,799 --> 00:24:15,079 No. No, we got half a dozen. That's an egg box. 435 00:24:15,119 --> 00:24:18,519 Here, you're good with kids. And the kid's a rellie o' yours! 436 00:24:18,559 --> 00:24:21,200 Second nephew once removed or whatnot. 437 00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:26,200 Yeah, so you could adopt him. You know... casual, like. 438 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,240 You're his only hope! 439 00:24:28,279 --> 00:24:30,799 Otherwise, he'll end up in a kiddies' home. 440 00:24:33,880 --> 00:24:39,319 All right. I'll take him back with me for a while. 441 00:24:39,359 --> 00:24:43,559 Just till Hattie recovers and... and comes back for her baby. 442 00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:49,839 BABY WHIMPERS 443 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,839 I mean, I love a tricky old pile as much as the next man. 444 00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,880 I'm not talking about the backside ones, either. 445 00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:56,759 Oh, no, they're horrid. Granted. 446 00:24:56,799 --> 00:24:59,440 But look at it! And you! 447 00:24:59,480 --> 00:25:03,240 It's killing you, Sir George, you know, trying to keep it going. 448 00:25:03,279 --> 00:25:06,160 Especially with the orangery, isn't it? Which has never produced 449 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:08,680 so much as one orange. FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Orangery. 450 00:25:08,720 --> 00:25:10,160 On... Huh? 451 00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:13,319 FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Orang...ery. Orangery. I agree. 452 00:25:13,359 --> 00:25:15,920 Buy it and knock it down. 453 00:25:15,960 --> 00:25:19,960 No, please don't. It's got some lovely period details. 454 00:25:20,000 --> 00:25:22,000 Haven't we all? 455 00:25:22,039 --> 00:25:25,160 Look, I've got a lot to do today, but, you know, pfft, I'll buy it. 456 00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:27,759 SHE GASPS At last! 457 00:25:27,799 --> 00:25:29,359 Thank you! OK. 458 00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:32,640 What are you gonna do with the property? 459 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,279 HE SIGHS 460 00:25:34,319 --> 00:25:35,640 HE CHUCKLES 461 00:25:44,839 --> 00:25:46,559 FEEDBACK Testing, testing. 462 00:25:46,599 --> 00:25:48,319 DONKEYS BRAY 463 00:25:53,119 --> 00:25:54,319 Charley! 464 00:25:54,359 --> 00:25:57,559 Oh, hello, Ma. You coming up to our do later on? 465 00:25:57,599 --> 00:26:01,079 Er, no, no, I don't think I'll bother. 466 00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,400 Come on up now. All right. 467 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,240 I got a job for you. Oh, all right. 468 00:26:09,279 --> 00:26:12,119 BABY CRIES 469 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:14,720 Oh... Whose is that? 470 00:26:15,839 --> 00:26:17,160 Hard to say. 471 00:26:17,200 --> 00:26:20,279 Can I wear your red dress? Get lost, that's my favourite. 472 00:26:20,319 --> 00:26:22,079 I'll wear them all if you leave. 473 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:24,559 MIMICS: "I'll wear them all if you leave." 474 00:26:24,599 --> 00:26:26,599 THEY LAUGH, BABY WHIMPERS 475 00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,640 What-what's going on? 476 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,519 We might be having another baby. 477 00:26:43,680 --> 00:26:45,960 There you go, Pa. Yep, cheers, Reg. 478 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,200 Form an orderly queue... then orderly R, then an orderly S. 479 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:51,920 Classic jokes, no charge. 480 00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,279 JOHNNY OVER SPEAKERS: We're just moments away 481 00:26:54,319 --> 00:26:56,279 from the donkey races, so do grab a ride 482 00:26:56,319 --> 00:27:00,160 if you're a bit thick and don't value your own life. 483 00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,799 Just four kamikazes so far. 484 00:27:02,839 --> 00:27:05,799 If you throw me off, you'll be dog food and glue within a week. 485 00:27:05,839 --> 00:27:07,079 Got that? 486 00:27:07,119 --> 00:27:09,559 Actually, that reminds me of when I played Jesus 487 00:27:09,599 --> 00:27:11,079 in Worthing Rec, for my sins. 488 00:27:11,119 --> 00:27:14,920 Every show, twice nightly, I'd come on stage riding this donkey. 489 00:27:14,960 --> 00:27:17,240 And how I managed to get to the end of the week 490 00:27:17,279 --> 00:27:20,359 without strangling that lardy grey slob, I have no idea. 491 00:27:21,519 --> 00:27:23,039 Say what you like about actors, 492 00:27:23,079 --> 00:27:26,640 but very few of them pee on stage and paddle around on it. 493 00:27:26,680 --> 00:27:28,359 Anyway, on with the ladies' race. 494 00:27:28,400 --> 00:27:30,119 Go on, then, on you get, Edith, join in. 495 00:27:30,160 --> 00:27:31,640 No, it'd be absolutely ghastly. 496 00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:33,319 I've never ridden anything in my life. 497 00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:37,240 What did we agree about living each day like it's our last? 498 00:27:37,279 --> 00:27:39,960 I don't think I agreed. Well, then, let's start today. 499 00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:42,160 Come on. Mr Larkin! Come on, Edith. 500 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:43,839 Come on. Oh... 501 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:45,319 HE CHUCKLES 502 00:27:45,359 --> 00:27:48,480 There you go! BREATHLESSLY: Mr Larkin... 503 00:27:48,519 --> 00:27:51,119 There you go. Debauchery. 504 00:27:51,160 --> 00:27:55,039 DONKEY BRAY Steady, steady. 505 00:27:55,079 --> 00:27:57,359 Oh, that guy's going to shoot a donkey. 506 00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,039 Maybe it's been naughty. Bit excessive. 507 00:28:01,640 --> 00:28:04,799 Apologies. I've been told it's a starting pistol. 508 00:28:04,839 --> 00:28:07,000 PISTOL FIRES 509 00:28:07,039 --> 00:28:09,960 CHEERING 510 00:28:11,160 --> 00:28:13,720 There are going to be some red lady bottoms tonight. 511 00:28:13,759 --> 00:28:16,359 Ah, she's listing heavily, and she's gone! 512 00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,279 LAUGHTER You're a shambles! 513 00:28:22,279 --> 00:28:24,720 Grip with your thighs, Edith, grip with your thighs! 514 00:28:24,759 --> 00:28:26,920 Shameless. Filth. 515 00:28:26,960 --> 00:28:29,319 Like it, eh? It's a bit heavy. 516 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:30,640 PISTOL FIRES 517 00:28:30,680 --> 00:28:32,319 DONKEYS GRUNT Whoa, whoa! 518 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:37,119 Oh, no, Ma, it IS the last day of her life! 519 00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:38,319 GRUNTING CONTINUES 520 00:28:38,359 --> 00:28:40,640 Whoa! SPLASH 521 00:28:40,680 --> 00:28:43,880 Edith! Are you all right, Miss Pilchester? 522 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:47,839 I've never felt more alive! Or more injured! 523 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:50,079 THEY LAUGH 524 00:28:57,680 --> 00:29:01,359 Well, everyone else has given up. Don't know why she's bothering. 525 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:03,200 LAUGHTER 526 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:06,920 The winner is... er, an angry blonde girl. 527 00:29:09,759 --> 00:29:11,759 BABY BABBLES 528 00:29:11,799 --> 00:29:13,440 DOOR OPENS 529 00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,880 Sorry, Charley, sweetheart. You go and have some fun. 530 00:29:16,920 --> 00:29:18,039 Oh. 531 00:29:18,079 --> 00:29:20,200 You're a lovely boy. 532 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,920 Oh, we so want you to win Mariette over and be with her. 533 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,839 Mm, me too. 534 00:29:27,759 --> 00:29:29,759 So I'll go and do that, then. 535 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:33,799 I don't like these clouds. 536 00:29:33,839 --> 00:29:36,759 But there's one thing I've learnt in life, 537 00:29:36,799 --> 00:29:38,559 is to ignore the weather and critics. 538 00:29:38,599 --> 00:29:40,960 So, it's time for the horse jumping. 539 00:29:41,000 --> 00:29:44,519 Er, and that doesn't mean people jumping over horses, although, er... 540 00:29:44,559 --> 00:29:47,000 although perhaps we could do that a bit later, yeah? 541 00:29:48,039 --> 00:29:50,359 So, first to jump is, er, erm... 542 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,599 erm, the-the-the pretty one. Mariette Larkin. 543 00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,160 APPLAUSE 544 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,960 She's only a slip of a girl, she'd make a good jockey. 545 00:29:59,000 --> 00:30:01,599 Go on, yeah, brilliant. Or you could send her up a chimney. 546 00:30:01,640 --> 00:30:04,799 Go on, Mariette! Go on. 547 00:30:07,519 --> 00:30:10,279 'Ey up. Cat, pigeons. 548 00:30:15,599 --> 00:30:17,960 CROWD GASPS Oh, she's clattered into that... 549 00:30:18,000 --> 00:30:19,039 er, what's-it. 550 00:30:23,839 --> 00:30:26,920 Hello. You made such a mistake. 551 00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:28,279 Watch this. 552 00:30:28,319 --> 00:30:31,319 Excuse me, there's a system! 553 00:30:31,359 --> 00:30:32,799 Yeah, yeah. 554 00:30:32,839 --> 00:30:35,680 And this is Mrs Fothergill on... Debbie? 555 00:30:37,119 --> 00:30:40,400 Dressed all in black, going for that mystery man look. 556 00:30:40,440 --> 00:30:43,000 Reminds me of a shadow. 557 00:30:44,119 --> 00:30:46,279 He's good, though, the lad, he's good, he's good. 558 00:30:46,319 --> 00:30:47,759 Oh, he's hopped them too. 559 00:30:47,799 --> 00:30:49,039 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 560 00:30:51,559 --> 00:30:52,960 CROWD GASPS 561 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:56,480 And that's a clear round from the man in black. 562 00:30:56,519 --> 00:30:59,119 Very slimming colour, of course, black. 563 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:02,519 Feel free to take me on. 564 00:31:03,519 --> 00:31:05,319 Right, that's it, I need a horse. 565 00:31:05,359 --> 00:31:07,279 No, wait, Charley, don't rise to it, son! 566 00:31:07,319 --> 00:31:09,119 No, rise to it! Win! 567 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:11,079 I swear... Sorry, can I...? 568 00:31:11,119 --> 00:31:13,119 What? Erm, right... 569 00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,440 No, Charley, don't, it's not your thing. 570 00:31:16,480 --> 00:31:18,640 Oh, what is my thing, being a lovable loser? 571 00:31:18,680 --> 00:31:20,599 No-one's obeying the system! 572 00:31:20,640 --> 00:31:23,880 Oh, he's doing it without a saddle. He's never been on a horse, has he? 573 00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:26,559 So, he's either very good or... 574 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:30,200 The technical term for that is "untidy". 575 00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:39,160 Oh! Sorry! Sorry, sorry. 576 00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:40,920 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 577 00:31:48,079 --> 00:31:50,039 Oh, he's gone again. 578 00:31:50,079 --> 00:31:52,799 They really should make these horses wider. 579 00:31:52,839 --> 00:31:54,559 Or could we tie him on? 580 00:31:58,119 --> 00:31:59,319 Whoa! 581 00:31:59,359 --> 00:32:01,119 LAUGHTER 582 00:32:01,160 --> 00:32:03,640 No, perhaps we should all look away. 583 00:32:03,680 --> 00:32:06,279 Reminds me of a drunk actress I once worked with. 584 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,559 I'm sorry, I'm sorry. This is almost over, I promise. 585 00:32:12,599 --> 00:32:15,039 HORSE WHINNIES Sorry. Thank you, thank you. 586 00:32:17,839 --> 00:32:19,559 Yeah, well done, Charley, lad. 587 00:32:19,599 --> 00:32:21,440 Well done for giving it a go, Charley boy. 588 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,240 APPLAUSE 589 00:32:23,279 --> 00:32:25,200 Woo! 590 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,559 We love you, Charley! 591 00:32:26,599 --> 00:32:28,920 Ladies and gentlemen, the lovable loser. 592 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:30,440 CHEERING AND APPLAUSE 593 00:32:31,960 --> 00:32:33,440 Good lad. 594 00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:38,400 OK. Ooh! 595 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,680 And one more fall for the road. 596 00:32:41,720 --> 00:32:43,480 Sorry, I'm sorry, I just... 597 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:50,279 Wow. SHE LAUGHS 598 00:32:50,319 --> 00:32:51,960 Oh, my... 599 00:33:00,920 --> 00:33:04,400 You know what? I think you might be a bit of a git. 600 00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:11,000 I hear you've had a baby on the quiet. What?! 601 00:33:11,039 --> 00:33:12,720 Looks like I made a lucky escape. 602 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,079 No, Charley! 603 00:33:18,720 --> 00:33:20,039 I've got this, it's all right. 604 00:33:20,079 --> 00:33:21,279 Ooh! 605 00:33:21,319 --> 00:33:24,119 You're a bloody taxman loser! 606 00:33:24,160 --> 00:33:26,599 Oh, hang on a minute, hang on a minute. 607 00:33:27,759 --> 00:33:29,599 BLOWS WHISTLE 608 00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:40,920 Whoo! 609 00:33:42,720 --> 00:33:44,640 Well, that concludes the all-in wrestling, 610 00:33:44,680 --> 00:33:47,160 I thank you, ladies and gentlemen! 611 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,920 APPLAUSE AND CHEERING 612 00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:57,000 Where would we be without the Larkins? 613 00:33:57,039 --> 00:33:59,759 Still stuck in Kent, sadly. 614 00:33:59,799 --> 00:34:02,119 But it's true, they are most generous. 615 00:34:02,160 --> 00:34:03,960 I shouldn't have gone on that donkey. 616 00:34:04,000 --> 00:34:05,799 You know you were facing the wrong way? 617 00:34:05,839 --> 00:34:07,759 There's no right or wrong way. There is. 618 00:34:07,799 --> 00:34:09,320 Oh, shut up. 619 00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,000 You see, it's another bloody Larkin! 620 00:34:12,039 --> 00:34:14,360 They've brought it home. 621 00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:16,719 What's it doing here? 622 00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:18,440 And whose is it? 623 00:34:18,480 --> 00:34:20,119 It could be Pop's, 624 00:34:20,159 --> 00:34:22,800 if Mariette didn't slip away and have it. 625 00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:25,480 You do understand about the nine months? 626 00:34:25,519 --> 00:34:27,440 Yes. You can strap it down. 627 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:28,840 Mm-hm. 628 00:34:28,880 --> 00:34:31,039 They'll be looking after it for someone. 629 00:34:31,079 --> 00:34:33,800 I think we will go to that cocktail party tonight, after all. 630 00:34:42,039 --> 00:34:43,559 KNOCK AT DOOR 631 00:34:43,599 --> 00:34:47,159 Cocktail party! Woo-hoo! 632 00:34:47,199 --> 00:34:49,199 MUSIC: 'Move It' by Cliff Richard 633 00:34:54,159 --> 00:34:56,039 I need you girls to be hostesses. 634 00:34:56,079 --> 00:34:57,760 Go on, on you go. I'll follow you. 635 00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,239 Well done. 636 00:35:00,400 --> 00:35:01,400 Help yourself, lads. 637 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:05,639 There you go, glass of beer, drop of cider. Well done. 638 00:35:05,679 --> 00:35:08,119 And the twins, have yourself a Ma Cherie. 639 00:35:08,159 --> 00:35:10,039 Watch yourself, though, they are lethal. 640 00:35:10,079 --> 00:35:13,000 Not you two, you're eight. They're Miss Barnwell's. 641 00:35:13,039 --> 00:35:15,760 And welcome. Thank you. You're welcome, my pleasure. 642 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:19,079 OK, Lord and Lady B-G, welcome, welcome. 643 00:35:19,119 --> 00:35:20,519 Everyone having a lovely time? 644 00:35:20,559 --> 00:35:23,559 Well, Victoria said it was a fancy dress party, so... 645 00:35:23,599 --> 00:35:26,480 Yes, never believe anything she says. 646 00:35:26,519 --> 00:35:27,519 Well... 647 00:35:27,559 --> 00:35:29,000 THUD What was that? 648 00:35:29,039 --> 00:35:31,360 One of my onions dropped. Sorry. 649 00:35:33,119 --> 00:35:35,559 Are you all right after your tumble, Edith? 650 00:35:35,599 --> 00:35:39,239 Yes, thank you. Pop's promised to teach me how to ride. 651 00:35:39,280 --> 00:35:42,599 Grip with the thighs. MA CHUCKLES 652 00:35:44,599 --> 00:35:47,960 Right, thighs! It gets worse. 653 00:35:49,079 --> 00:35:50,880 And here's the main one. 654 00:35:50,920 --> 00:35:53,400 Sanctity of marriage means nothing to him. 655 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:56,639 Mind you, she is rather gorgeous. 656 00:36:00,960 --> 00:36:03,199 Do you dance at all? Well, I fling 'em up a bit. 657 00:36:03,239 --> 00:36:05,199 You know, Ginger Rogers lives over in Pluckley, 658 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,440 she's always dropping in for a shimmy, drives me mad. 659 00:36:07,480 --> 00:36:08,800 THEY LAUGH 660 00:36:08,840 --> 00:36:10,679 Is it me, or is that man staring at me, 661 00:36:10,719 --> 00:36:12,440 and has been all weekend? 662 00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,239 Alec Norman, has he? 663 00:36:14,280 --> 00:36:16,199 There's a wasp at every picnic. 664 00:36:20,079 --> 00:36:23,199 Hello, Ma. THEY CHUCKLE 665 00:36:24,519 --> 00:36:25,800 There she is. 666 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:27,639 Our girly. Yeah. 667 00:36:29,320 --> 00:36:30,719 Wow. 668 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:33,480 You look awful (!) Thank you. 669 00:36:38,360 --> 00:36:40,800 MUSIC: 'In The Mood' by Glenn Miller 670 00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:43,800 Stop that, Frenchy. Yeah, come on, share it out. 671 00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,199 I, er... don't normally dance! 672 00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,199 PRIMROSE CHUCKLES 673 00:36:48,239 --> 00:36:50,199 Don't go off tomorrow looking for excitement, 674 00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:51,519 it's all here. 675 00:36:59,679 --> 00:37:01,519 POP: Fantastic! 676 00:37:09,559 --> 00:37:11,000 Ooh! Hold tight. 677 00:37:23,719 --> 00:37:26,840 Oh, thanks. Hello, I'm Angela. 678 00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:29,000 I've heard all about you, Mariette. 679 00:37:29,039 --> 00:37:30,840 Oh, dear! THEY CHUCKLE 680 00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,199 Oh, you've got to love a bopping vicar. 681 00:37:34,800 --> 00:37:37,079 Dancing has never looked more like unarmed combat. 682 00:37:37,119 --> 00:37:39,400 Yeah, anyone who's seen them on a dancefloor 683 00:37:39,440 --> 00:37:41,719 never calls us "the delicate sex" again. 684 00:37:41,760 --> 00:37:43,440 THEY LAUGH 685 00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:45,480 Look, it's none of my business - 686 00:37:45,519 --> 00:37:47,960 oh, God, those fatal words - 687 00:37:48,000 --> 00:37:50,480 but I've travelled a lot, 688 00:37:50,519 --> 00:37:53,079 and I think you should spread your wings, just like you planned. 689 00:37:53,119 --> 00:37:55,760 He's a sweetheart. 690 00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,440 But if I've learnt anything, 691 00:37:58,480 --> 00:38:00,280 it's that it's good to put love to the test. 692 00:38:03,559 --> 00:38:05,559 MUSIC: 'Sixty Minute Man' by The Dominoes 693 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,400 Libby, more than that. 694 00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,199 You're an active young woman, not a fruit fly. 695 00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:41,440 It's all bubbling up nicely. 696 00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:42,960 What is? 697 00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:45,639 You notice Pop and Ma haven't danced? 698 00:38:45,679 --> 00:38:49,599 Well, he's obviously lining up Miss Snow over there 699 00:38:49,639 --> 00:38:51,159 for an affair. 700 00:38:51,199 --> 00:38:53,519 So, Pop and Ma organised today 701 00:38:53,559 --> 00:38:55,239 to paper over the cracks in their marriage 702 00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:56,440 for the sake of the children. 703 00:38:56,480 --> 00:39:02,039 And they've got a baby upstairs, which is Pop's or Mariette's. 704 00:39:02,079 --> 00:39:05,000 She's pulling a fast one and joining Tom Fisher in France tonight, 705 00:39:05,039 --> 00:39:07,440 if she can give the taxman the slip. 706 00:39:11,159 --> 00:39:12,320 Darling! 707 00:39:12,360 --> 00:39:14,960 Now, don't say anything. 708 00:39:15,000 --> 00:39:18,159 But we've got a proposal we're gonna put to you. 709 00:39:18,199 --> 00:39:21,480 Yeah. We've... 710 00:39:21,519 --> 00:39:24,719 We bought big old Bluff Court, see? 711 00:39:24,760 --> 00:39:27,159 And I'm gonna knock it down before it falls on someone. 712 00:39:27,199 --> 00:39:30,880 And, well, me and Ma, we want you to have some of the land. 713 00:39:30,920 --> 00:39:32,920 Yeah, we know that you want your independence, 714 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,039 so you can do what you like with it, build a house or run a business, 715 00:39:36,079 --> 00:39:38,320 or maybe a riding school. Yeah. 716 00:39:38,360 --> 00:39:40,360 Or if you fancy it, live there with Charley boy. 717 00:39:40,400 --> 00:39:42,199 We know you love him. 718 00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:44,679 And if he loved you any more, it'd kill him. 719 00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:46,000 Not half, yeah. 720 00:39:46,039 --> 00:39:48,559 He always forgets to breathe any time he's near you. Yeah. 721 00:39:48,599 --> 00:39:50,760 He'll have to stop that, that's unhealthy. 722 00:39:50,800 --> 00:39:52,119 MA CHUCKLES Yeah. 723 00:39:52,159 --> 00:39:55,880 Oh, Mum, Dad, 724 00:39:55,920 --> 00:39:59,039 you've been so good to me. 725 00:40:02,480 --> 00:40:04,119 MARIETTE SNIFFLES 726 00:40:04,159 --> 00:40:07,519 Better in than out. Yeah, as Ma and me always says. 727 00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:14,920 But I can't take it. 728 00:40:17,159 --> 00:40:19,159 It's you giving me things again. 729 00:40:21,159 --> 00:40:23,400 I have to make my own way, 730 00:40:23,440 --> 00:40:25,199 fight my corner. 731 00:40:25,239 --> 00:40:28,840 And I... I can't be a moon, 732 00:40:28,880 --> 00:40:31,800 revolving round the planet of Mum and Dad forever. 733 00:40:31,840 --> 00:40:33,639 Yes, you can. No, I can't. 734 00:40:33,679 --> 00:40:35,039 Yes, you can. 735 00:40:35,079 --> 00:40:38,639 So... I'm going to Paris. 736 00:40:38,679 --> 00:40:42,599 My future and Charley's will be... 737 00:40:42,639 --> 00:40:44,800 a glorious tale - 738 00:40:44,840 --> 00:40:47,079 or tales - 739 00:40:47,119 --> 00:40:49,519 still to be told. 740 00:40:49,559 --> 00:40:51,480 Right, good. 741 00:40:51,519 --> 00:40:53,320 That's cleared that up, then. Yeah. 742 00:40:53,360 --> 00:40:55,159 On with the party. Yeah. 743 00:40:55,199 --> 00:40:56,960 What's that? 744 00:40:57,000 --> 00:41:00,440 I can hear some of our dear friends shouting out for a speech right now. 745 00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:04,519 Go on, do it anyway. Yeah. 746 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:10,440 CHATTER 747 00:41:14,679 --> 00:41:16,480 TAPS GLASS 748 00:41:16,519 --> 00:41:18,480 CLANG 749 00:41:18,519 --> 00:41:20,000 Thank you, Victoria. 750 00:41:20,039 --> 00:41:22,159 Erm... Evening, all. 751 00:41:22,199 --> 00:41:24,320 Lord love ya. 752 00:41:24,360 --> 00:41:27,119 Erm... My wife isn't standing with me, 753 00:41:27,159 --> 00:41:29,880 because... well, I've got some news. 754 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:33,320 And it's been boiling up for some time now. 755 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,800 And it's actually happening, so... 756 00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:38,280 Anyway, Ma? 757 00:41:39,480 --> 00:41:41,599 BABY OSCAR VOCALISES 758 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:47,119 This is a new member of our family, Oscar. 759 00:41:47,159 --> 00:41:51,320 His mother tried, bless her, 760 00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:55,880 but she... she couldn't cope. 761 00:41:55,920 --> 00:41:59,239 So, she asked us to adopt him. 762 00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:02,559 Which we are honoured to do. 763 00:42:02,599 --> 00:42:04,159 Yeah. 764 00:42:04,199 --> 00:42:06,679 You might be thinking, "They've already got six!" 765 00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:08,119 LAUGHTER 766 00:42:08,159 --> 00:42:09,639 But... 767 00:42:09,679 --> 00:42:12,639 our Mariette is... 768 00:42:12,679 --> 00:42:14,480 is off on her travels tomorrow. 769 00:42:16,400 --> 00:42:21,800 So, what better time to bring a new Larkin... 770 00:42:23,519 --> 00:42:25,639 ..here to home? 771 00:42:25,679 --> 00:42:27,880 I do a very good christening! Not what I heard. 772 00:42:27,920 --> 00:42:29,199 Yeah, you dropped my baby. 773 00:42:29,239 --> 00:42:31,920 Well, the little sod kept wriggling. 774 00:42:31,960 --> 00:42:34,360 I know a Buddhist who does a fabulous service. 775 00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:38,000 If we're widening our horizons, and it's about time, 776 00:42:38,039 --> 00:42:40,719 the Hindu naming ceremony is very magical. 777 00:42:40,760 --> 00:42:42,920 We don't want any of that continental nonsense. 778 00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:45,400 Right, come on, bit of hush now, everyone, 779 00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,159 or I'll get the donkeys back in, eh? 780 00:42:47,199 --> 00:42:48,800 LAUGHTER 781 00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,840 Now, Ma and me, we've been hearing some rumours. 782 00:42:51,880 --> 00:42:55,519 And... well, I know who's been spreading 'em, 783 00:42:55,559 --> 00:42:57,679 and I just want to say this. 784 00:42:57,719 --> 00:42:59,960 It don't make a gnat's arse of difference. 785 00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:03,000 You know why? Cos I love this village. 786 00:43:03,039 --> 00:43:04,880 And seeing as Ma, 787 00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,559 my family... 788 00:43:06,599 --> 00:43:07,599 Aw! 789 00:43:07,639 --> 00:43:09,880 ..and you lot are in it, 790 00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:14,400 and we are blessed with plenty and beauty, 791 00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:18,639 in a world where they can be in short supply. 792 00:43:20,239 --> 00:43:22,599 Anyway, well, 793 00:43:22,639 --> 00:43:24,519 bugger me if it ain't time for some fireworks. 794 00:43:24,559 --> 00:43:26,559 LAUGHTER 795 00:43:30,159 --> 00:43:32,840 You know what, Ma? If we're having a baptism, 796 00:43:32,880 --> 00:43:35,639 maybe we should get wed an' all. 797 00:43:35,679 --> 00:43:37,239 Yeah. Mm-hm. 798 00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:39,079 Wait, you're not married? 799 00:43:39,119 --> 00:43:42,320 Nah, never got round to it. 800 00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:55,360 UNZIPPING 801 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,519 HE GROANS 802 00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:00,960 Don't ever treat the Larkins like that again. 803 00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,320 Well, oddly, marriage actually increases your tax bill, 804 00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:13,119 so, it pays to live in sin. 805 00:44:13,159 --> 00:44:15,960 Uh-uh, don't use that word. 806 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:18,480 There are no sinners round these parts. 807 00:44:18,519 --> 00:44:21,679 I mean, you'd certainly be better off when the time comes. 808 00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:22,719 Time comes for what? 809 00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:24,360 To pay your taxes, Pop. 810 00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:26,000 They'll catch up with you eventually. 811 00:44:26,039 --> 00:44:27,559 FIREWORKS BANG You must be... joking. 812 00:44:27,599 --> 00:44:28,599 ..off, Charley. 813 00:44:28,639 --> 00:44:30,760 THEY CHUCKLE 814 00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:33,840 Oh! 815 00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:36,400 It's amazing, look at it! 816 00:44:42,880 --> 00:44:45,639 TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS 817 00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:56,000 I can hear you breathing. 818 00:44:56,039 --> 00:44:58,159 Just leaving you your independence. 819 00:44:58,199 --> 00:45:00,559 SHE GIGGLES Thank you. 820 00:45:00,599 --> 00:45:02,880 Though you did insist on inviting me along. 821 00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:05,719 Erm... I don't know about insist. 822 00:45:06,960 --> 00:45:09,480 HE SPEAKS FRENCH 823 00:45:09,519 --> 00:45:10,920 What? 824 00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:13,400 You're on your own, mate. 825 00:45:13,440 --> 00:45:15,239 Merci "boo-coop". 826 00:45:16,320 --> 00:45:17,679 Merci beaucoup. 827 00:45:17,719 --> 00:45:19,559 Merci "boo-coo". 828 00:45:19,599 --> 00:45:21,199 Merci beaucoup. 829 00:45:21,239 --> 00:45:22,559 Merci beaucoup. 830 00:45:29,079 --> 00:45:31,800 Eating like a Larkin, aren't you? 831 00:45:33,719 --> 00:45:36,000 More orange juice, anyone? 832 00:45:37,199 --> 00:45:39,800 You know what? I'm glad Mariette's gone off. 833 00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:41,159 I'm not. 834 00:45:41,199 --> 00:45:44,360 Look, your Pop's right, sweetheart, for once. 835 00:45:44,400 --> 00:45:46,559 She's her own woman, always has been. 836 00:45:46,599 --> 00:45:49,639 If you've got an itch, scratch it, don't sit on it. 837 00:45:49,679 --> 00:45:51,800 So earthy! 838 00:45:51,840 --> 00:45:52,800 Ha! 839 00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:54,159 Shouldn't you be at school? 840 00:45:54,199 --> 00:45:55,679 Holiday started, innit? 841 00:45:55,719 --> 00:45:57,480 Yeah, officially summertime. 842 00:45:57,519 --> 00:46:01,480 Well then, let's stop messing around and have some fun. 843 00:46:01,519 --> 00:46:02,599 Ideas, anyone? 844 00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,559 Let's go to the Roman Museum in Canterbury. 845 00:46:06,599 --> 00:46:08,519 We've done donkeys, let's ride on pigs! 846 00:46:08,559 --> 00:46:10,000 Let's paint everything yellow. 847 00:46:10,039 --> 00:46:13,280 What about a balloon ride? Nah, too draughty! 848 00:46:13,320 --> 00:46:15,320 Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com 60680

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