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[pages riffling]
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00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:11,000
♪ dramatic theme playing ♪
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♪
4
00:00:20,042 --> 00:00:22,882
♪
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00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:38,500
♪
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BRYCE: I mean, sure,
watching a head explode is cool.
7
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But the real pros aim for the spine.
8
00:00:48,250 --> 00:00:49,790
That's what holds
everything together, you know.
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00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:51,292
You shoot out that cord,
10
00:00:51,292 --> 00:00:52,752
it's like cutting
the strings to a marionette.
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00:00:52,750 --> 00:00:54,630
The body just goes whoomp, limp.
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00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:55,495
[chuckles]
13
00:00:55,500 --> 00:00:57,210
Okay, come on.
What are we doing here?
14
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:58,628
Let's get your furry little head
out of the clouds
15
00:00:58,625 --> 00:01:00,245
and let's go figure out
who hired Kato.
16
00:01:00,250 --> 00:01:01,830
[whimpers]
17
00:01:01,833 --> 00:01:02,713
[grunts]
18
00:01:02,708 --> 00:01:04,538
Oh, you don't want to kill anymore?
[grunts]
19
00:01:04,542 --> 00:01:05,502
Okay, well, that's fine.
20
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,330
We'll call it a day on this
whole "revenge plot"
21
00:01:07,333 --> 00:01:09,293
and open up
a pizzeria, right?
22
00:01:09,292 --> 00:01:10,882
Huh? I'm joking.
Hmm?
23
00:01:10,875 --> 00:01:12,495
Of course we're not going
to stop killing people.
24
00:01:12,500 --> 00:01:13,750
That's the whole point of this
25
00:01:13,750 --> 00:01:15,290
[screeching]
26
00:01:15,292 --> 00:01:16,382
Um, okay.
27
00:01:16,375 --> 00:01:18,495
So that's it, you're done?
Alright, fine.
28
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:19,830
Well, then give me back
my sunglasses.
29
00:01:19,833 --> 00:01:21,753
[grunts]
Those are cool guy shades
30
00:01:21,750 --> 00:01:23,330
and you are no longer a cool guy,
31
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,293
so you don't get
to wear 'em anymore.
32
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,382
[hooting]
33
00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:27,915
Hey, keep it down up there.
34
00:01:27,917 --> 00:01:29,747
People are trying to pray.
35
00:01:29,750 --> 00:01:31,500
Who's this clown?
[grunts]
36
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,330
Eh, keep walking, Mr. Clean.
37
00:01:33,333 --> 00:01:34,633
[whimpers]
38
00:01:34,625 --> 00:01:38,205
Tch, tch, tch, tch.
I do not ask that you apologize.
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00:01:38,208 --> 00:01:41,128
I ask that you respect the shrine.
40
00:01:41,125 --> 00:01:43,375
Huh?
[monk laughs]
41
00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:47,420
It is true. I am fluent
in the tongue of monkey.
42
00:01:47,417 --> 00:01:49,037
[hooting]
I wouldn't get too excited.
43
00:01:49,042 --> 00:01:52,382
This guy's wandering around in pajamas
with those weird cue ball eyes.
44
00:01:52,375 --> 00:01:54,205
[Monkey growls]
Clearly he's deranged.
45
00:01:54,208 --> 00:01:56,498
Well, at least I'm not dead.
46
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,920
Hey, asshole, we're kind of
in the middle of something here,
47
00:01:58,917 --> 00:02:00,537
so maybe you should just go on
and play dress up
48
00:02:00,542 --> 00:02:01,542
with your friends over there and
49
00:02:01,542 --> 00:02:03,882
Holy shit!
Wait, can you hear me?
50
00:02:03,875 --> 00:02:05,375
Dude! What a relief.
51
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:07,915
I have been jibberjabbering
with this dumbass monkey
52
00:02:07,917 --> 00:02:09,247
for two weeks now!
53
00:02:09,250 --> 00:02:10,290
[laughs]
54
00:02:10,958 --> 00:02:11,998
Whoa!
55
00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:14,290
♪
56
00:02:18,292 --> 00:02:20,632
♪
57
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Fate in her infinite wisdom
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has tethered you together
for a reason.
59
00:02:25,625 --> 00:02:27,125
Yeah, to take out
the pieces of shit
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00:02:27,125 --> 00:02:28,915
who killed me
and his monkey crew.
61
00:02:28,917 --> 00:02:31,457
We're supposed to be
on this revengequest together.
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00:02:31,458 --> 00:02:32,958
But I swear to God,
I feel like I'm over here
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00:02:32,958 --> 00:02:34,248
doing all the killing by myself.
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[growls]
65
00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:37,210
When I was a young
[screeching]
66
00:02:37,208 --> 00:02:38,708
What are you talking about?
67
00:02:38,708 --> 00:02:41,458
I watched you mow down
20 badass commandos
68
00:02:41,458 --> 00:02:43,208
like it was a game of Contra.
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00:02:43,208 --> 00:02:45,248
As I was saying, the sacred texts
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00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:47,670
[screeching]
You are cut out for this.
71
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:49,537
Feelings are for suckers. Okay?
72
00:02:49,542 --> 00:02:51,632
I'm the brain.
You're the muscle.
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00:02:51,625 --> 00:02:54,205
You need to nut up and do your job
Listen!
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00:02:54,792 --> 00:02:56,712
Silence! Both of you.
75
00:02:57,792 --> 00:02:59,792
How can you listen
to each other
76
00:02:59,792 --> 00:03:02,292
when you won't even listen
to yourselves?
77
00:03:02,917 --> 00:03:04,327
You are lost.
78
00:03:05,167 --> 00:03:06,667
But if you allow it,
79
00:03:06,667 --> 00:03:09,537
your journey will guide you
to the truth.
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00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:14,418
Your path may be rocky,
but in time,
81
00:03:14,417 --> 00:03:17,377
you will come to develop
the calluses necessary
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00:03:17,375 --> 00:03:19,075
to keep moving forward
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00:03:19,458 --> 00:03:21,788
and fulfill your destiny.
84
00:03:21,792 --> 00:03:24,042
[whines, huffs]
85
00:03:24,042 --> 00:03:25,752
Mmhmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's gonna get some blisters.
86
00:03:25,750 --> 00:03:27,000
What about me?
What do I get?
87
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,710
A barren field...
88
00:03:29,375 --> 00:03:31,075
where nothing can grow
89
00:03:31,083 --> 00:03:33,543
until you find the seed of evil
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00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:35,833
and rip it from the soil.
91
00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:39,923
Only then shall you ascend.
92
00:03:40,250 --> 00:03:41,290
Are you kidding me?
93
00:03:41,708 --> 00:03:43,538
Of course he was saying
I'm in charge!
94
00:03:43,542 --> 00:03:45,332
I'm the one that needs
to find the evil seed
95
00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,793
so I can blow
this pop stand.
96
00:03:46,792 --> 00:03:48,462
[grunting]
97
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:50,920
No, no, no. How can we be
on separate paths
98
00:03:50,917 --> 00:03:52,077
when we're stuck together?
99
00:03:52,458 --> 00:03:55,378
We're going the same place.
And I'm leading the way.
100
00:03:55,375 --> 00:03:57,285
[hooting]
101
00:03:58,750 --> 00:04:00,830
Man, I've been killing people
for over 20 years.
102
00:04:00,833 --> 00:04:02,293
You've been doing it, what?
For 20 minutes?
103
00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:03,632
[Monkey grunts]
104
00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:05,625
So who makes the most sense
to be in charge, huh?
105
00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:07,245
[screeching]
106
00:04:07,250 --> 00:04:08,540
Nope, wrong again.
107
00:04:08,542 --> 00:04:10,792
Not the one with the body.
The one with the brain. That's me.
108
00:04:10,792 --> 00:04:14,542
The same brain that wisely told you
to grab Kato's wallet at the funeral.
109
00:04:14,542 --> 00:04:15,462
[grunts]
110
00:04:15,458 --> 00:04:18,378
It's wise because we can use
his driver's license
111
00:04:18,375 --> 00:04:20,245
to get his address.
112
00:04:20,250 --> 00:04:21,710
Tada.
[grunts]
113
00:04:21,708 --> 00:04:23,248
Oh, uh
114
00:04:23,250 --> 00:04:25,630
Okay, well, you know how you piss
on everything to mark your territory?
115
00:04:25,958 --> 00:04:28,328
An address is like
the human version of that.
116
00:04:29,000 --> 00:04:32,170
POLICE CAPTAIN: There's a goddamn
shit storm raining down on me.
117
00:04:32,833 --> 00:04:35,503
Which means it's now
raining down on you.
118
00:04:35,500 --> 00:04:37,920
We've got old ladies
getting sawed in half,
119
00:04:37,917 --> 00:04:39,457
dead politicians,
120
00:04:39,458 --> 00:04:42,538
and a Yakuza gang war
spilling out onto the streets.
121
00:04:43,125 --> 00:04:45,745
We should tell them
about the monkey, Itokeiji.
122
00:04:45,750 --> 00:04:47,250
There's nothing to tell.
123
00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,460
The fur. The surveillance video.
124
00:04:49,458 --> 00:04:51,168
We have evidence.
Mmm.
125
00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,957
We're detectives, and our job is
to follow the evidence
126
00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:55,578
wherever it leads us, right?
127
00:04:55,583 --> 00:04:56,833
Mmm.
128
00:04:56,833 --> 00:04:58,213
Back home, I worked a case
129
00:04:58,208 --> 00:05:01,168
where sweet potatoes kept disappearing
from Mr. Yamaguchi's farm.
130
00:05:02,542 --> 00:05:06,382
Anyway, animals are capable
of committing crimes, too.
131
00:05:06,375 --> 00:05:09,245
I don't understand. Why can't we
just tell them our theory?
132
00:05:09,250 --> 00:05:11,460
You mean our theory
that a monkey in a suit
133
00:05:11,458 --> 00:05:13,668
is running around town
killing gangsters?
134
00:05:13,667 --> 00:05:16,537
Hey, I know you like to blabber
when you're drunk,
135
00:05:16,542 --> 00:05:18,632
but the rest of us are trying
to pay attention.
136
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:21,245
Turn around
before I grab that ponytail
137
00:05:21,250 --> 00:05:22,750
and shove it up
your partner's ass.
138
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:25,380
You know what?
You're a dick, Ito.
139
00:05:25,375 --> 00:05:28,995
Now does anyone have any actual leads
that we can follow up on?
140
00:05:29,000 --> 00:05:30,750
[officers murmuring]
[man clears throat]
141
00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:31,958
[sighs]
142
00:05:31,958 --> 00:05:34,578
Don't. Haruka, please. Ddon't!
143
00:05:34,583 --> 00:05:35,793
Yes, Haruka.
144
00:05:36,833 --> 00:05:38,173
ITO: Ah, Jesus.
145
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:41,290
[raucous laughter]
146
00:05:43,875 --> 00:05:47,705
♪
147
00:05:47,708 --> 00:05:48,998
[Monkey hoots]
148
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:50,330
[thuds]
149
00:05:51,292 --> 00:05:52,252
[laughs]
150
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:54,790
Who says having a little toddler bod
doesn't have its advantages,
151
00:05:54,792 --> 00:05:56,252
am I right?
[hoots]
152
00:05:56,250 --> 00:05:58,920
Whoa. Looks like the General
was losing his battle with debt.
153
00:05:58,917 --> 00:06:00,577
[chuckling]
154
00:06:00,583 --> 00:06:01,923
You know, because of the bills?
155
00:06:02,583 --> 00:06:03,923
Because he owes money?
156
00:06:03,917 --> 00:06:05,997
Honestly, I feel like
these are wasted on you.
157
00:06:08,292 --> 00:06:10,422
No! Monkey, no!
158
00:06:10,417 --> 00:06:11,497
[horn blares]
159
00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,330
Hey, I'm sure
the kid's better off without him.
160
00:06:14,333 --> 00:06:16,503
I never knew my dad
and look at me, I turned out great.
161
00:06:17,167 --> 00:06:18,497
[footsteps thudding]
MAN: Oh no, it's no
162
00:06:18,500 --> 00:06:20,750
Oh shit.
We got company.
163
00:06:21,167 --> 00:06:22,627
Hey, Captain Big Heart,
164
00:06:22,625 --> 00:06:24,245
they're coming
this way, alright?
165
00:06:24,250 --> 00:06:25,630
Time to hide. Let's go!
166
00:06:25,625 --> 00:06:26,875
[whimpers, hoots]
167
00:06:26,875 --> 00:06:28,495
You don't even know
if that's his kid.
168
00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:30,790
Probably just some child soldier
he was prepping for battle.
169
00:06:30,792 --> 00:06:32,832
Why do we always get
the cleanup jobs?
170
00:06:32,833 --> 00:06:36,083
I didn't join the Yak' to sweep floors
like some stupidass maid.
171
00:06:36,083 --> 00:06:37,833
Would you quit with the jobshaming?
172
00:06:37,833 --> 00:06:39,963
My aunt was a maid.
She worked really hard.
173
00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:41,958
We get it.
You're the conflicted killer.
174
00:06:41,958 --> 00:06:43,538
Super original.
But seriously,
175
00:06:43,542 --> 00:06:45,002
save it for Oprah.
176
00:06:45,875 --> 00:06:48,415
It's easy. Just point and shoot
till the bad guys go byebye.
177
00:06:48,417 --> 00:06:50,207
HIGHLIGHTS: It just feels like
we're their errand boys. You know,
178
00:06:50,208 --> 00:06:53,578
I spent all morning driving
around trying to find a stupid blowfish
179
00:06:53,583 --> 00:06:55,633
Hey, shut up.
You hear that?
180
00:06:59,125 --> 00:07:01,665
[groans] Probably just a rat.
181
00:07:01,667 --> 00:07:03,747
This place is a shithole!
Right?
182
00:07:04,125 --> 00:07:06,955
The guy doesn't even have
a 4K TV.
183
00:07:06,958 --> 00:07:09,628
Ho ho ho ho, look at this!
184
00:07:09,625 --> 00:07:12,285
Hey, put that back.
We're not here to steal.
185
00:07:12,292 --> 00:07:13,502
We're here to scrub.
186
00:07:13,500 --> 00:07:16,670
HIGHLIGHTS: No way. Teppei said
if I find something cool, I can have it.
187
00:07:16,667 --> 00:07:18,707
BALDY:
Yeah, well, Teppei is a moron.
188
00:07:18,708 --> 00:07:20,998
And Keppei said don't listen
to anything his brother says.
189
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,960
Keppei and Teppei? Who are they,
the Japanese Hall & Oates?
190
00:07:23,958 --> 00:07:25,708
[door slams]
HIGHLIGHTS: Who the hell are you?
191
00:07:25,708 --> 00:07:27,708
Look at our uniforms, asshole.
192
00:07:27,708 --> 00:07:28,958
We're military police.
193
00:07:28,958 --> 00:07:30,828
So why don't you put down
the katana
194
00:07:30,833 --> 00:07:33,003
and slither on outta here?
195
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:35,080
Oh, you like snakes?
196
00:07:35,083 --> 00:07:36,583
Oh yeah, show, show!
197
00:07:36,583 --> 00:07:38,043
How you like them rattlers?
[hissing]
198
00:07:38,042 --> 00:07:38,962
[laughs]
199
00:07:38,958 --> 00:07:40,328
Put your blouse back on.
200
00:07:40,333 --> 00:07:42,383
We know all about
the General's gambling problem.
201
00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:44,495
And the Yakuza leeches
who feed off of it.
202
00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,420
The public is not,
and we're gonna keep it that way.
203
00:07:47,417 --> 00:07:50,747
Oh, oh, oh, I see. Okay,
Kato owed Keppei and Teppei money.
204
00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:52,460
That's probably how they roped him
into killing me.
205
00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:54,628
FEMALE MP: This is the last time
I'm gonna warn you.
206
00:07:54,625 --> 00:07:56,285
Put down the sword and beat it.
207
00:07:56,292 --> 00:07:58,752
[laughs] Or what?
208
00:07:58,750 --> 00:08:00,710
Or this, asshole.
209
00:08:00,708 --> 00:08:01,498
HIGHLIGHTS: Hey, hey, hey!
210
00:08:01,500 --> 00:08:03,420
You two!
Down on the ground! Now!
211
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:05,923
Oh ho ho. Look at this.
This is awesome.
212
00:08:05,917 --> 00:08:07,127
FEMALE MP:
Now drop the sword.
213
00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:09,375
How do you know
this ain't my sword, lady?
214
00:08:09,375 --> 00:08:11,785
Just because I'm Yakuza,
you assume I must be a thief.
215
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:14,212
Look, kid, the General's sword
doesn't belong
216
00:08:14,208 --> 00:08:15,668
in your sadass bingo hall.
217
00:08:15,667 --> 00:08:17,707
Well, too bad,
'cause we're taking it.
218
00:08:17,708 --> 00:08:21,038
This blade is now property
of the Double Dragon Casino.
219
00:08:21,042 --> 00:08:22,212
Okay, here's the 411.
220
00:08:22,208 --> 00:08:24,038
There's a gun pointed
at a scrawny dude
221
00:08:24,042 --> 00:08:25,672
right on the other side
of this door,
222
00:08:25,667 --> 00:08:27,127
and shit's about
to go sideways.
223
00:08:27,125 --> 00:08:29,375
So we need cover.
And by we, I mean you.
224
00:08:29,833 --> 00:08:31,463
Oh! The helmet!
Here! Put it on!
225
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:33,213
BALDY: Put it down!
FEMALE MP: Drop the sword.
226
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,288
BALDY: Put it down, lady.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
227
00:08:34,292 --> 00:08:35,502
Hey, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
228
00:08:36,292 --> 00:08:37,292
[groans]
229
00:08:37,750 --> 00:08:38,670
Shit!
230
00:08:39,542 --> 00:08:40,712
[gunfire]
231
00:08:40,708 --> 00:08:42,038
God damnit!
232
00:08:44,708 --> 00:08:46,378
[screeching]
Whoa. Ha ha!
233
00:08:46,375 --> 00:08:47,495
This is awesome!
234
00:08:47,500 --> 00:08:49,170
[gunfire continues]
235
00:08:49,167 --> 00:08:51,747
♪
236
00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:53,667
Yuski! No!
237
00:08:55,167 --> 00:08:56,577
[screams]
[grunts]
238
00:08:56,583 --> 00:08:58,423
Shit! You're gonna die!
239
00:08:58,417 --> 00:08:59,497
Asshole!
240
00:08:59,917 --> 00:09:02,457
[both scream]
241
00:09:02,458 --> 00:09:03,958
[gunfire stops, bullet casing clinks]
242
00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:06,748
Okay, I just got shot,
like, 47 times.
243
00:09:06,750 --> 00:09:07,830
Oh, God, how are you?
244
00:09:07,833 --> 00:09:09,293
[gasping]
245
00:09:11,917 --> 00:09:13,457
Oh boy. Look at that.
246
00:09:13,917 --> 00:09:14,827
[whimpers]
247
00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:17,173
Oh Lord, looks like
Jackson Pollock was painting
248
00:09:17,167 --> 00:09:18,667
with blood in here,
am I right?
249
00:09:18,667 --> 00:09:20,127
Technically, this is all your fault,
250
00:09:20,125 --> 00:09:21,665
but I'm willing to look
the other way.
251
00:09:21,667 --> 00:09:23,327
Now grab the sword.
That thing's rad.
252
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:24,583
[whimpers]
253
00:09:26,125 --> 00:09:27,955
Fine, but you need
to get your shit together.
254
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:30,918
'Cause if I were a gambling man,
I'd wager that the Double Dragon Casino
255
00:09:30,917 --> 00:09:32,827
is where we're gonna find
Keppei and Teppei.
256
00:09:32,833 --> 00:09:34,963
Also, I am very much
a gambling man.
257
00:09:34,958 --> 00:09:36,828
[groans, hoots]
258
00:09:36,833 --> 00:09:38,503
What's a casino?
Are you kidding me?
259
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:39,790
It's like, um,
260
00:09:39,792 --> 00:09:42,712
if the happiest place on Earth had
a baby with the saddest place.
261
00:09:48,167 --> 00:09:50,377
Corruption grows in secret.
262
00:09:50,833 --> 00:09:53,293
It thrives in darkness.
263
00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:57,632
My mentor, Ken Takahara,
made fighting corruption his life's work.
264
00:09:57,625 --> 00:10:01,165
And that's why
it will be the central issue
265
00:10:01,167 --> 00:10:02,127
of my campaign.
266
00:10:02,125 --> 00:10:05,665
[scoffs] And you think one man
can take on this enormous task?
267
00:10:05,667 --> 00:10:09,327
Well, I raised my niece
all by myself,
268
00:10:09,333 --> 00:10:12,213
so I feel like I'm ready
for anything.
269
00:10:12,208 --> 00:10:13,328
[reporters laugh]
270
00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:14,963
Okay, time to go.
271
00:10:14,958 --> 00:10:16,828
Now, if you'll excuse me,
272
00:10:16,833 --> 00:10:19,133
the business of government
is calling.
273
00:10:19,125 --> 00:10:21,375
[reporters clamoring]
274
00:10:21,375 --> 00:10:22,625
Let's work on the adlibs.
275
00:10:22,625 --> 00:10:24,625
Come on, they loved it.
276
00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:25,785
Speaking of which,
277
00:10:25,792 --> 00:10:28,212
latest Nikkei poll has you
trailing Ozu by five points.
278
00:10:28,208 --> 00:10:30,538
But when asked
who voters trust more,
279
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,582
you're leading by fifteen.
280
00:10:32,583 --> 00:10:35,173
OZU: You little trustfund commie.
281
00:10:36,542 --> 00:10:38,542
You lied to me.
282
00:10:38,542 --> 00:10:42,252
You looked me in the eye,
shook my hand,
283
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,130
and stabbed me
in the back.
284
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:45,325
Hey, hey.
285
00:10:45,333 --> 00:10:48,923
None of us could have predicted
that a eulogy could spark
286
00:10:48,917 --> 00:10:49,957
Cut the shit.
287
00:10:49,958 --> 00:10:53,128
People were grieving.
You took advantage of their emotions.
288
00:10:53,125 --> 00:10:54,535
Oh, give me a break.
289
00:10:54,542 --> 00:10:57,542
You built your entire campaign
on manipulating peoples' emotions.
290
00:10:57,542 --> 00:10:58,832
Alright, sweetie.
291
00:10:59,667 --> 00:11:01,287
See you on the campaign trail.
292
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:03,747
Oh, Shinjisan.
293
00:11:03,750 --> 00:11:05,460
That's a nice suit.
294
00:11:05,458 --> 00:11:08,208
You should try it with a vest.
[clicks tongue]
295
00:11:08,208 --> 00:11:10,168
[laughter]
296
00:11:11,292 --> 00:11:14,632
♪
297
00:11:17,083 --> 00:11:18,753
[Monkey screeching]
298
00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:22,875
[clangs]
[grunts]
299
00:11:22,875 --> 00:11:25,625
Oh boy. It is like
a goddamn security convention in there.
300
00:11:25,625 --> 00:11:27,415
Which is, by the way, totally your fault.
[Monkey growls]
301
00:11:27,417 --> 00:11:30,627
Maybe next time, try not to start
a gang war your first day in town.
302
00:11:30,625 --> 00:11:32,825
[growling, hooting]
Alright, okay,
303
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,423
let's save the rage
for the targets.
304
00:11:34,417 --> 00:11:36,827
Now, look, I've taken out
a few casino bosses in my day,
305
00:11:36,833 --> 00:11:38,753
and in my experience
they're usually holed up
306
00:11:38,750 --> 00:11:40,750
in some back office
counting their cash.
307
00:11:40,750 --> 00:11:43,380
That's most likely where
we'll find Keppei and Teppei.
308
00:11:43,375 --> 00:11:45,705
Jesus, I can't keep saying
those names.
309
00:11:45,708 --> 00:11:48,128
It's like we're going up against
a couple of Dr. Seuss characters.
310
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:50,455
From now on, can we only kill people
with cool names?
311
00:11:50,458 --> 00:11:51,748
[whimpers]
312
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:54,000
Hey, hey, hey. Keep your
furry little chin up, okay?
313
00:11:54,458 --> 00:11:56,998
That's right. We're going
to have to kill some evil shits
314
00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:58,670
that totally deserve to die.
315
00:11:58,667 --> 00:12:00,747
And you're the one
that's gonna do it!
316
00:12:00,750 --> 00:12:02,080
'Cause it's your destiny!
317
00:12:02,083 --> 00:12:03,213
Now shut up and let's go!
318
00:12:04,208 --> 00:12:05,168
[huffs]
319
00:12:08,875 --> 00:12:10,415
Can you crawl any slower?
320
00:12:10,417 --> 00:12:11,497
[hoots]
321
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,040
Yeah, I know it was my idea.
322
00:12:13,042 --> 00:12:15,132
But that's 'cause I figured
my fear of cramped spaces
323
00:12:15,125 --> 00:12:16,495
would have disappeared
after my death.
324
00:12:16,500 --> 00:12:17,580
Evidently, I was wrong.
325
00:12:17,583 --> 00:12:18,423
[hoots]
326
00:12:18,417 --> 00:12:20,417
Dude. Go! It's not funny.
327
00:12:20,417 --> 00:12:22,247
I'm, like,
hyperventilating back here.
328
00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,000
[hooting]
329
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:25,420
Now remember,
we are doing this ninjastyle.
330
00:12:25,417 --> 00:12:26,917
Sneak into the office
through the vents.
331
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:28,827
Snap their necks
nice and quietly, then
332
00:12:28,833 --> 00:12:29,833
Oh!
333
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:31,463
Where'd you go?
334
00:12:31,458 --> 00:12:33,458
Here comes a 4K TV!
335
00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:34,958
[screams]
336
00:12:34,958 --> 00:12:36,038
MAN: What was that?
337
00:12:36,042 --> 00:12:39,962
Holy shit.
It's a monkey in a tiny suit.
338
00:12:41,917 --> 00:12:43,627
MONKEY: Huh?
[gasps]
339
00:12:45,083 --> 00:12:47,833
Okay, I think
they may have spotted you.
340
00:12:48,667 --> 00:12:50,077
GUARD: Hey, what is that?
341
00:12:50,500 --> 00:12:52,130
Out of the way.
[hooting]
342
00:12:52,125 --> 00:12:53,495
GUARD: Come here, you. Hey!
343
00:12:53,500 --> 00:12:55,290
Hey!
[screeching]
344
00:12:55,292 --> 00:12:57,172
It's ait's a dancing monkey!
345
00:12:57,167 --> 00:12:58,627
[all laughing]
346
00:12:58,625 --> 00:13:00,035
WOMAN: Dancing monkey.
347
00:13:01,917 --> 00:13:03,377
[growling]
No, no, no, no.
348
00:13:03,375 --> 00:13:04,745
Don't go all Pesci on them.
349
00:13:04,750 --> 00:13:06,210
You do that
and you're going to end up
350
00:13:06,208 --> 00:13:07,708
with more holes
than a donut shop.
351
00:13:07,708 --> 00:13:10,288
Now look at me.
Do what I'm doing. Do this!
352
00:13:10,292 --> 00:13:12,082
I know you're probably not in the mood,
but I need you to dance
353
00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:14,003
like nobody's watching
or you're dead.
354
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:19,130
[growls softly]
355
00:13:19,125 --> 00:13:21,205
There you go.
There you go. That's it.
356
00:13:21,208 --> 00:13:23,328
There. Yeah.
Now get your hips going.
357
00:13:23,333 --> 00:13:24,793
There.
GUARD 1: He's dancing!
358
00:13:24,792 --> 00:13:26,252
[all laughing, cheering]
GUARD 2: Oh my god,
359
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:27,630
this is crazy!
360
00:13:28,292 --> 00:13:29,382
Drink it. Drink it.
361
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,495
You need to do whatever it takes
to keep these guys entertained
362
00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:32,960
while I come up
with a new plan.
363
00:13:32,958 --> 00:13:34,128
[grunts]
364
00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,245
♪
365
00:13:36,250 --> 00:13:38,290
Huh?
BRYCE: Not bad, huh?
366
00:13:38,292 --> 00:13:40,542
Makes you want to focus
your entire life on getting more, right?
367
00:13:41,125 --> 00:13:42,665
♪
368
00:13:42,667 --> 00:13:45,247
[crowd laughing, cheering]
369
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:47,290
[hooting]
370
00:13:47,292 --> 00:13:48,462
WOMAN: More whiskey.
371
00:13:51,250 --> 00:13:52,290
[growls]
372
00:13:54,167 --> 00:13:56,167
Whoahoho, hey, you actually got
a pretty good hand here.
373
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,497
You should play.
Hmm?
374
00:13:57,500 --> 00:13:59,630
Come on, man. You got trip kings.
[grunts]
375
00:13:59,625 --> 00:14:02,205
Okay, look, when you've got two
or more of the same cards, that's good.
376
00:14:02,208 --> 00:14:03,458
So just take all those chips
377
00:14:03,458 --> 00:14:05,168
and just push them
right into the center of the table.
378
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:06,037
Come on.
379
00:14:07,583 --> 00:14:09,083
[chuckles]
380
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:11,420
All right, good,
now show them your cards.
381
00:14:12,000 --> 00:14:13,960
No, no, no, don't be
a dick about it, okay.
382
00:14:13,958 --> 00:14:15,078
Just lay them on the table.
383
00:14:15,083 --> 00:14:16,253
[woman gasps]
MAN 1: What?
384
00:14:16,250 --> 00:14:18,130
MAN 2: Ahh, he won!
385
00:14:18,125 --> 00:14:21,375
Yeah! We won! Woo!
Pay up, suckers!
386
00:14:21,375 --> 00:14:24,035
Pay me! Pay... my... monkey.
Pay the monkey!
387
00:14:24,042 --> 00:14:25,422
Little bitches. Yeah!
388
00:14:25,417 --> 00:14:26,287
[Monkey screeches]
389
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:36,327
♪
390
00:14:39,125 --> 00:14:41,745
Well, well, well. If it isn't
the doublemint douches.
391
00:14:41,750 --> 00:14:42,920
Must be Keppei and Teppei.
392
00:14:42,917 --> 00:14:45,077
What the hell are you doing?
393
00:14:45,083 --> 00:14:46,883
We found them
at the General's place.
394
00:14:47,375 --> 00:14:49,535
Along with this
kickass sword.
395
00:14:49,542 --> 00:14:51,172
Goddamn morons.
396
00:14:51,167 --> 00:14:54,037
It was a cleanup job,
not an estate sale.
397
00:14:54,042 --> 00:14:56,502
Get those bodies
out of the casino.
398
00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:57,920
Yeah. Yeah, okay, boss.
399
00:14:57,917 --> 00:14:58,787
[Teppei giggling]
400
00:14:58,792 --> 00:15:00,212
Oh, no. Not you.
401
00:15:00,208 --> 00:15:02,498
Wha
You're coming with us.
402
00:15:02,500 --> 00:15:05,330
[Keppei and Teppei giggling]
403
00:15:05,333 --> 00:15:06,713
Okay, new plan.
404
00:15:06,708 --> 00:15:08,248
Our targets are
in the highrollers room.
405
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:09,830
So we're gonna have
to win our way up there.
406
00:15:09,833 --> 00:15:11,083
[hooting]
407
00:15:11,083 --> 00:15:12,673
How can I be so sure
we're going to win?
408
00:15:12,667 --> 00:15:14,127
Because this moment
409
00:15:14,125 --> 00:15:16,875
is the only nonsexual fantasy
I have ever had.
410
00:15:16,875 --> 00:15:19,625
♪
411
00:15:22,417 --> 00:15:23,747
Ho ho ho, oh yeah!
412
00:15:25,250 --> 00:15:27,040
Oh. Oh no.
God!
413
00:15:28,167 --> 00:15:29,287
Loser.
414
00:15:29,625 --> 00:15:31,245
Loser. Shit, time to fold.
415
00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:32,380
[grunts]
416
00:15:32,375 --> 00:15:34,995
♪
417
00:15:37,958 --> 00:15:40,208
[crowd cheers]
MAN: Ugh, how's he do it?
418
00:15:41,208 --> 00:15:42,168
Bet it all, baby!
419
00:15:44,292 --> 00:15:45,542
MAN:
Another drink for the monkey!
420
00:15:45,542 --> 00:15:46,502
[Monkey hooting]
421
00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:49,915
Gah!
422
00:15:50,625 --> 00:15:53,075
[crowd cheering, laughing]
423
00:15:56,667 --> 00:15:58,667
[inaudible]
424
00:16:02,167 --> 00:16:04,537
♪ "Kono Samourai"
by Yamasuki Singers playing ♪
425
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,420
♪
426
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:32,125
BRYCE: Hey, that must be
the twins' office.
427
00:16:32,125 --> 00:16:33,745
Okay, all we have to do is
take out the
428
00:16:33,750 --> 00:16:34,710
Hey!
429
00:16:34,708 --> 00:16:37,708
Yo, Monkey.
Mission's this way, buddy.
430
00:16:37,708 --> 00:16:39,128
Dude. You're a mess.
431
00:16:39,125 --> 00:16:40,125
[Monkey grunting]
432
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:41,495
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
433
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,580
[body thuds]
Whoa, calm down!
434
00:16:43,583 --> 00:16:46,173
[laughs]
Is this my opponent,
435
00:16:46,167 --> 00:16:48,247
an alcoholic monkey?
436
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:50,250
[laughter]
437
00:16:50,250 --> 00:16:52,420
Candy from a baby!
438
00:16:52,417 --> 00:16:54,077
[growling]
439
00:16:54,083 --> 00:16:55,673
JustNo, ignore him.
440
00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,917
Okay? We got bigger fish
to shoot in the face. Come on.
441
00:16:57,917 --> 00:16:59,247
[hooting]
442
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,170
Aw, goddamn it.
443
00:17:03,167 --> 00:17:05,077
This is gonna be my lucky day.
444
00:17:05,917 --> 00:17:07,577
♪
445
00:17:07,583 --> 00:17:08,633
[growls]
446
00:17:08,625 --> 00:17:09,825
♪
447
00:17:09,833 --> 00:17:10,543
[hooting]
448
00:17:19,625 --> 00:17:20,705
[grunts]
449
00:17:22,042 --> 00:17:23,962
Okay, man, you taught him
a lesson, alright?
450
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:25,878
But I promise you,
this is not the kind of guy
451
00:17:25,875 --> 00:17:27,245
you want to keep
taking money from.
452
00:17:27,250 --> 00:17:29,170
♪
453
00:17:29,167 --> 00:17:30,707
[screeching]
454
00:17:30,708 --> 00:17:32,248
Whoa, I'm cutting you off.
455
00:17:32,250 --> 00:17:35,040
Getting drunk is something we do
after hits, not during.
456
00:17:35,042 --> 00:17:36,712
[screeches]
Okay, you know what, hey, fine.
457
00:17:36,708 --> 00:17:38,248
You wanna sabotage
the mission? Go ahead.
458
00:17:38,250 --> 00:17:41,080
But I know what this is, man,
classic avoidance.
459
00:17:41,083 --> 00:17:42,963
You don't wanna do the hit.
You're stalling.
460
00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:43,918
[grunts]
461
00:18:09,417 --> 00:18:12,077
Alright, monkey.
Play time's over.
462
00:18:12,083 --> 00:18:14,383
For the last time,
do not clean him out.
463
00:18:14,375 --> 00:18:17,625
I promise you, he is not gonna
let you walk away with his money.
464
00:18:17,958 --> 00:18:19,578
[Monkey growls]
465
00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:25,958
Sorry, Charlie. Full house.
[laughs]
466
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:28,883
[hooting]
YAKUZA BOSS: What?
467
00:18:28,875 --> 00:18:30,785
Aah! Son of a bitch!
468
00:18:42,292 --> 00:18:44,462
Aw, man. All you had
to do was lose at poker.
469
00:18:44,458 --> 00:18:46,708
That's so easy.
I do it all the time!
470
00:18:46,708 --> 00:18:50,038
Now they're going to take you out back
and put a bullet behind your ear.
471
00:18:50,042 --> 00:18:53,502
But, hey, now you don't have
to kill anymore, right?
472
00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:57,083
KEPPEI: Ugh! Teppei.
473
00:18:57,083 --> 00:18:58,963
You had to stab him?
474
00:18:58,958 --> 00:19:01,958
You couldn't wait 30 seconds for me
to come back with the blowfish?
475
00:19:01,958 --> 00:19:04,788
Ugh. What is with you
and the blowfish?
476
00:19:04,792 --> 00:19:07,632
What? It's a coolass way
to kill someone!
477
00:19:07,625 --> 00:19:11,285
Paralysis. Respiratory failure.
Diarrhea.
478
00:19:11,292 --> 00:19:12,962
[giggles]
What?
479
00:19:13,792 --> 00:19:16,882
YAKUZA BOSS: Are you two dipshits
running a casino
480
00:19:16,875 --> 00:19:18,375
or a zoo?
481
00:19:18,375 --> 00:19:20,915
Uhhh. A casino?
482
00:19:20,917 --> 00:19:22,877
Relax. It's just a gimmick.
483
00:19:22,875 --> 00:19:24,205
Like a mascot.
484
00:19:24,208 --> 00:19:28,748
Oh yeah? This gimmick just took me
for over six million yen.
485
00:19:28,750 --> 00:19:31,080
And I want it back. Now!
486
00:19:31,083 --> 00:19:33,753
Listen, old man, you can't talk
to us like that anymore.
487
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:35,290
We're a big deal now.
488
00:19:35,292 --> 00:19:36,962
Running this shit ourselves.
489
00:19:38,542 --> 00:19:39,292
[screeches]
490
00:19:40,292 --> 00:19:41,582
[whimpers]
491
00:19:41,583 --> 00:19:45,293
That walking wet cough
was their mother? [laughing]
492
00:19:45,292 --> 00:19:47,922
Oh my GodNo, no, no, no.
Don't you dare get sad about this.
493
00:19:47,917 --> 00:19:49,497
This is how evil spreads.
494
00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:51,960
Their mom hired me to kill Takahara.
495
00:19:51,958 --> 00:19:54,878
Then had her idiot sons
enlist Kato to kill me.
496
00:19:54,875 --> 00:19:57,075
She deserved to die and so do her kids.
497
00:19:57,083 --> 00:19:58,793
Boys, boys.
498
00:19:58,792 --> 00:20:00,832
If you're not gonna refund my money,
499
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,173
the least you could do
is kill this monkey.
500
00:20:03,167 --> 00:20:05,327
Oh, hell yeah!
501
00:20:05,333 --> 00:20:07,133
[laughing]
502
00:20:07,125 --> 00:20:08,915
That we can do.
503
00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:10,957
Mmmm. No way.
504
00:20:10,958 --> 00:20:13,248
You got one.
I get one.
505
00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:18,165
Agh, fine. Just make sure
you prepare it wrong.
506
00:20:19,250 --> 00:20:21,580
Trust me. I don't know
what I'm doing.
507
00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:22,833
[giggles]
[blade thudding]
508
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:24,133
Okay, keep your cool,
don't panic.
509
00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:26,165
Nobody's gonna panic, okay.
All we gotta do is find something
510
00:20:26,167 --> 00:20:27,457
to undo your cuffs.
511
00:20:27,458 --> 00:20:28,378
KEPPEI: Tada!
512
00:20:28,958 --> 00:20:30,668
Dinner is served.
513
00:20:30,667 --> 00:20:32,247
[laughs]
514
00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:33,540
[hooting]
515
00:20:33,542 --> 00:20:34,422
II got nothing.
516
00:20:34,417 --> 00:20:36,037
You gotta summon
that berserker rage of yours
517
00:20:36,042 --> 00:20:38,042
and bust out of those cuffs
or we're done here.
518
00:20:38,042 --> 00:20:41,172
Okay, monkey. Open wide.
519
00:20:43,958 --> 00:20:45,128
What are you doing?
520
00:20:45,125 --> 00:20:46,495
Are you really going
to die because you're too
521
00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:49,040
Okay. Okay, look!
Look, look, look! I was wrong.
522
00:20:49,542 --> 00:20:51,292
Killing is not easy.
523
00:20:51,292 --> 00:20:54,632
It's not just point, shoot,
and watch the bad guy go byebye.
524
00:20:54,625 --> 00:20:56,375
It's watch you go byebye.
525
00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:57,785
Because every time
you kill someone,
526
00:20:57,792 --> 00:20:59,712
a little bit of you dies too.
527
00:21:00,583 --> 00:21:03,003
And it sucks.
It sucks balls.
528
00:21:03,542 --> 00:21:05,922
Uuntil you're just
too numb to care anymore.
529
00:21:05,917 --> 00:21:09,327
But, but, if you're lucky,
you let it continue to suck.
530
00:21:09,333 --> 00:21:11,333
And you'll never grow numb.
531
00:21:11,333 --> 00:21:12,673
There you go, that's the truth.
532
00:21:12,667 --> 00:21:13,877
You happy?
533
00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:19,003
[whimpers]
[Bryce chuckles]
534
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,210
Oh, that's real mature.
535
00:21:20,208 --> 00:21:22,288
You know, II pour my soul
out to you and you
536
00:21:22,292 --> 00:21:23,632
Wait, wait, wait! Holy shit!
537
00:21:23,625 --> 00:21:24,915
Youyou're a monkey.
538
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:28,077
With, uh, weird feet hands
that no one bothered to cuff.
539
00:21:30,708 --> 00:21:32,628
[man screams]
540
00:21:32,625 --> 00:21:33,575
[hoots]
541
00:21:34,583 --> 00:21:36,333
[all scream]
542
00:21:36,333 --> 00:21:37,213
[screams]
543
00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:39,288
Goddamn monkey
544
00:21:40,583 --> 00:21:41,923
[screeching]
545
00:21:47,750 --> 00:21:49,040
[all yelling]
546
00:21:53,333 --> 00:21:55,083
[growling]
KEPPEI: No. No!
547
00:21:55,083 --> 00:21:57,043
I don't want to die!
Help me!
548
00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,710
Oh, goddamn!
549
00:21:59,708 --> 00:22:01,578
[groans]
550
00:22:01,583 --> 00:22:04,133
[panting]
551
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:08,125
[Monkey vomits]
Oh. Nice. Nice.
552
00:22:08,125 --> 00:22:10,075
Get rid of it.
Get rid of it.
553
00:22:11,083 --> 00:22:12,713
There you go.
554
00:22:13,583 --> 00:22:15,753
So I'm thinking there's no way
Takahara's assassination
555
00:22:15,750 --> 00:22:17,880
was orchestrated
by these two nutsacks.
556
00:22:17,875 --> 00:22:18,955
Gotta to be people above them.
557
00:22:19,500 --> 00:22:21,500
And the best way to the heart
of any criminal plot
558
00:22:21,500 --> 00:22:23,000
is to follow the money.
559
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,420
So grab this, and we'll study it
over a celebratory drink.
560
00:22:25,417 --> 00:22:26,877
[screeches]
561
00:22:28,292 --> 00:22:30,962
BRYCE: Right after we shoot
our way out of here.
562
00:22:30,958 --> 00:22:32,208
[hoots]
563
00:22:38,375 --> 00:22:39,285
Wait, hold on.
564
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:41,462
Was that intentional?
565
00:22:41,458 --> 00:22:43,918
Uh, you know, going overboard
with the booze and the gambling.
566
00:22:43,917 --> 00:22:46,037
Was it, like, all a clever plan
just to get us
567
00:22:46,042 --> 00:22:47,882
in the twins' office
or dumb luck?
568
00:22:48,542 --> 00:22:51,252
It was luck, wasn't it?
No, I mean it had to have been.
569
00:22:51,250 --> 00:22:52,540
Right?
[hoots]
570
00:22:52,542 --> 00:22:54,712
Oh, look at that, there's my job!
571
00:22:54,708 --> 00:22:56,958
500K to "X" K. T.
572
00:22:56,958 --> 00:22:58,628
That's gotta be Ken Takahara, right?
And wait, wait.
573
00:22:58,625 --> 00:23:02,455
Um, these jobs were all paid
by someone called The Accountant.
574
00:23:02,458 --> 00:23:03,958
Oh! Oh!
It's an address.
575
00:23:04,708 --> 00:23:08,328
Sugano 227.
Number 9621.
576
00:23:08,917 --> 00:23:10,877
Well, this should be
a cakewalk.
577
00:23:10,875 --> 00:23:12,415
Here's your next lesson:
578
00:23:12,917 --> 00:23:15,207
money men are always
the easiest targets.
579
00:23:15,833 --> 00:23:16,883
Ha.
580
00:23:17,292 --> 00:23:18,332
Trust me.
581
00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:22,875
♪
582
00:23:22,925 --> 00:23:27,475
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