Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,600
This programme contains strong
language and some violent scenes
2
00:00:53,480 --> 00:00:55,440
- Hello?
3
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:06,720
Hello?!
- FEMALE VOICE:
- Hello?!
4
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,520
- Oh.
5
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:09,840
There's an echo.
6
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:09,840
- HIGH HEELS TAP
7
00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:11,360
- I've just arrived.
8
00:01:11,360 --> 00:01:13,280
- I've just arrived. Hold on.
9
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:16,480
How did my echo get here before me?
10
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,160
- Arlo, turn around.
11
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,480
- Oh, Collie! It's you!
12
00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:25,920
I got them things you wanted for the
sandwiches.
13
00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,800
Do you mind if I make one now? I'm
absolutely Hank Marvin.
14
00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:31,880
- No! You can wait until the others
get here.
15
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:33,200
What did you buy?
16
00:01:33,200 --> 00:01:36,880
- Pulled pork, pressed tongue, and a
hot and spicy whip.
17
00:01:36,880 --> 00:01:39,040
- That sounds disgusting!
18
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,400
- You said you wanted an S&M
selection.
19
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,240
- I said an M&S select...!
20
00:01:44,240 --> 00:01:45,840
Never mind.
21
00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,360
What are you doing? We're not in slow
motion any more.
22
00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:27,920
- Oh. Sorry.
23
00:02:27,920 --> 00:02:30,600
- The boss is here. He wants help
bringing the hardware in
24
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,600
from the car.
- Oh...
25
00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:35,520
But I've just made meself a tea!
- Arlokino.
26
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,880
So, if you haven't already guessed,
27
00:02:42,880 --> 00:02:45,480
it's a sort of cross between commedia
dell'arte
28
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:48,640
and a heist movie. I guess because
they both use masks.
29
00:02:48,640 --> 00:02:50,640
Which is quite clever, in a way,
30
00:02:50,640 --> 00:02:53,680
but still sounds like something a
drama teacher'd have a wank to.
31
00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:55,720
But, hey, it's series six,
32
00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:58,240
you've got to allow for a certain
artistic exhaustion.
33
00:02:58,240 --> 00:02:59,280
- Columbina.
34
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:01,600
- Oh, God, here comes the subplot.
35
00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,320
Just stick with me on these bits and
we'll get through them
36
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,120
as quickly as possible.
- Columbina, you've got to help me.
37
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,840
My daddy wants me to marry his friend,
the Captain,
38
00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:11,680
who I've never even met.
39
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,800
But I have my heart set on another.
40
00:03:13,800 --> 00:03:16,520
It's so unfair!
- Surely, Miss, your father has other
things
41
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:19,880
on his mind today. Like, 12 million
other things.
42
00:03:19,880 --> 00:03:24,040
- Because the diamonds we're stealing
are worth £12 million?
43
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:27,040
- Yes. That's...
44
00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:30,160
Yes.
45
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:31,520
So, he's not going to have time
46
00:03:31,520 --> 00:03:33,440
to be thinking about marriage
proposals.
47
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,840
- No, that's exactly why he is!
48
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:38,040
If everything goes according to plan,
49
00:03:38,040 --> 00:03:40,920
then the Captain'll be rich beyond his
wildest dreams.
50
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:44,200
Then my father will have no need to
provide a dowry for me.
51
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,480
He can keep all his own earnings to
himself.
52
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,160
- It's nearly finished.
- He's being driven by greed
53
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:52,200
and not by my own wishes of who I want
to marry.
54
00:03:52,200 --> 00:03:53,840
- But, Madam, what can I do?
55
00:03:53,840 --> 00:03:56,800
I am just a lowly housemaid in this
organisation.
56
00:03:56,800 --> 00:03:59,840
- I've written a letter to my true
beloved, explaining my plight.
57
00:03:59,840 --> 00:04:03,320
Please see that he gets it before the
end of the job today.
58
00:04:03,320 --> 00:04:05,360
- You want me to give this letter to
the Doctor's...
59
00:04:05,360 --> 00:04:08,200
- Yes! Yes, please. And not a word to
my father.
60
00:04:10,880 --> 00:04:14,120
- I guess we're just pretending that
WhatsApps and emails don't exist.
61
00:04:14,120 --> 00:04:17,800
Still, I'll give her letter to the
Doctor's son, Mario.
62
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:20,400
He's thick as shit, but fit as fuck!
63
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:23,520
- Columbina, stop Fleabaggin' and make
me a cup of splosh.
64
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,600
- Yes, Master. Right away.
65
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:28,480
And I wasn't Fleabagging, I was
Miranda-ing.
66
00:04:28,480 --> 00:04:30,600
- AS MIRANDA HART:
- Such fun. Ooh!
67
00:04:31,920 --> 00:04:34,680
- Careful with that, you clumsy
cumwad!
68
00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:36,960
There's enough TNT in 'ere to blow
both your tiny
69
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:39,000
fucking brain cells out.
70
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:43,320
Now, did you bring the Glock like I
asked ya?
71
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:44,720
- No.
72
00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:48,320
But I did wind my watch up this
morning, even though it's digital.
73
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,200
- No, your Glock, your pistol!
74
00:04:50,200 --> 00:04:51,880
- Oh! You mean this?
75
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,080
- Don't point it at me.
76
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,600
- It's all right, safety's on.
77
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,120
- GUN FIRES, HE STARTS
78
00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,160
- My bad.
79
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:09,680
- HE SNIFFS
80
00:05:09,680 --> 00:05:12,880
ITALIAN ACCENT: My nose tells me this
is the place.
81
00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:24,840
Allow me to introduce myself.
82
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:27,920
I am Il Capitano.
83
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:32,040
- I'm sorry that you're ill, but my
name's not Capitano, it's Hortensia.
84
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,560
- Ah, yes.
85
00:05:33,560 --> 00:05:38,920
The Hor-tensia, daughter of my
esteemed friend Senor Pantalone.
86
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,720
But I'm sure you've heard of me by
reputation.
87
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,680
I am Scaramouche.
88
00:05:43,680 --> 00:05:47,360
- Scaramouche?
- Will you do the...
- BLEEP
89
00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:49,920
- What happened there?
- We couldn't afford the copyright.
90
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,920
- Oh. That's a shame.
91
00:05:51,920 --> 00:05:54,960
- You're the man that my father wants
me to marry?!
92
00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,840
- Un-a-til a-now I had been a-deaf to
your beauty
93
00:05:57,840 --> 00:06:00,600
and blind to-a your voice, dumb to
your scent
94
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,320
and mute to-a your caress.
95
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:06,520
I hope to wrong that a-right over the
course of this segment.
96
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:11,800
- So, what's your role in this job,
Captain? Surveillance? Security?
97
00:06:11,800 --> 00:06:16,440
- I am international authority on
booming.
98
00:06:16,440 --> 00:06:18,480
- Booming?
- Si, si.
99
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:22,320
Because of my booming skills, I can
a-smash my way in anywhere.
100
00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,960
- Will you excuse me? I just need the
bathroom.
101
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,600
- SHE VOMITS
102
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:31,120
Ah, she is sick with love.
103
00:06:31,120 --> 00:06:35,680
Hortensia, Hortensia, don't a-leave me
on the fence-ia!
104
00:06:35,680 --> 00:06:37,880
My feelings don't a-make sense-ia.
105
00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,600
I hope it's not dementia.
106
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:42,440
- Oi, Scaramouche.
- Ah, Senor Pantalone.
107
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:44,360
- Some gelignite here for you to take
a look at.
108
00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:46,720
- I have already eaten, but I thank
you.
109
00:06:46,720 --> 00:06:48,880
- No, it's fucking dynamite!
110
00:06:48,880 --> 00:06:50,520
- Maybe a small bowl, then.
111
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:58,680
- Right, the Doctor's going to be here
any minute.
- How do you know?
112
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:02,160
- Because I accidentally turned over
two pages of the script at once.
113
00:07:02,160 --> 00:07:04,760
Look, if you do me a favour, I'll let
you have a sandwich.
114
00:07:04,760 --> 00:07:07,520
- What flavour?
- What flavour favour?
115
00:07:07,520 --> 00:07:09,920
- What flavour sandwich?
- Whatever you want.
116
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:12,520
- Oh... I'd like a lovely slice of
ham.
117
00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:13,680
- Lean?
118
00:07:15,160 --> 00:07:17,120
- I'd like a lovely slice of ham.
119
00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,280
- I bet you're loving this on the
Cook'd and Bomb'd forum, aren't you?
120
00:07:20,280 --> 00:07:24,400
Look, just give this love letter to
the Doctor's son, Mario.
121
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,800
He'll know who it's from. Understand?
122
00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,120
- The scholar says, "Plethora," and
the widow says,
123
00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:30,960
"Thanks, that means a lot."
124
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,640
- And now he's just turned over two
pages at once.
125
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,960
- It would appear this is the place,
Mario.
126
00:07:44,960 --> 00:07:48,000
Somewhat insalubrious, yet suitably
clandestine.
127
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:51,040
The very sine qua non of a gangster's
hideaway, n'est-ce pas?
128
00:07:51,040 --> 00:07:52,600
- It's a shithole.
129
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:53,680
- Indeed.
130
00:07:53,680 --> 00:07:56,400
And, yet, its crepuscular corners will
allow us
131
00:07:56,400 --> 00:08:00,600
to dupe the old man and his cronies
with our pseudo sparklers.
132
00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,800
You have them still?
133
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:07,720
- Oh, you mean the fake diamonds?
- Yes, yes! Lower your voice!
134
00:08:07,720 --> 00:08:09,760
LOWER:
- You mean the fake diamonds?
- Mario!
135
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,560
- Yes, I've shoved them down the front
of my trousers.
- Good.
136
00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:15,640
It's important to have a little
circumspection.
137
00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:18,080
- I think I might if I bend over too
quickly.
138
00:08:19,960 --> 00:08:22,920
- When the time is right, we will
switch the bona fide jewels
139
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,640
with the paste ones and no-one will be
any the wiser. Capiche?
140
00:08:25,640 --> 00:08:28,400
- Whatever you say, Pops. As long as
no-one gets hurt.
141
00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,360
You know you can't stand the sight of
blood.
- Ah, yes. Well ceded.
142
00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:35,480
Arlokino! You made me a ham sandwich.
How kind.
143
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:36,880
- Ah...
144
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,800
- Mm! Do we have a quorum?
145
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:41,560
I speak a little Latin, you know.
146
00:08:41,560 --> 00:08:45,480
- Oh, that reminds me - a scholar goes
to a funeral
147
00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:47,360
and asks the widow...
- No, no, no, no.
148
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:49,480
You've done this bit already. Excuse
me.
149
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:51,960
- Oh...
150
00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,200
I have something for you, too, Master
Mario.
151
00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:56,680
It's from the subplot, so it might not
be that important.
152
00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:57,920
- Oh, cool.
153
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:01,840
- It's an epistle from a secret
admirer.
154
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,960
Apparently you'll know who it's from.
155
00:09:18,080 --> 00:09:19,960
- I think I do.
156
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,920
Thanks, Arlo.
157
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:24,720
- All right. Gentlemen, ladies, gather
round.
158
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,680
Grab yourselves a seat. We need to get
on with the briefing.
159
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,240
- HE CHUCKLES
160
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:04,280
LOUD CRASH, GLASS SMASHES
161
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:28,160
LEATHER CREAKS
162
00:10:38,440 --> 00:10:39,920
- Please.
163
00:10:41,040 --> 00:10:42,480
Continue.
164
00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,760
- Right. Now, you all know your roles,
but, for the benefit of them
165
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:51,400
who are watching on BBC Two, I'm going
to go through it again.
166
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,240
- And iPlayer.
- What?
167
00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:56,080
- Some people could be watching on
iPlayer.
168
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:59,800
- All right. For them what are
watching on any BBC platform...
169
00:10:59,800 --> 00:11:02,600
- Or in other countries, doesn't have
to be BBC.
170
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:06,080
They have it in Spain, don't they?
- Oh, yeah. Spain, Australia.
171
00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,720
It's very big in China, apparently.
- All right, for fuck's sake!
172
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:11,920
Wherever people are watching it, we
need to do a recap!
173
00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:16,480
Now, the van with the diamonds leaves
Hatton Garden roundabout
174
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:19,840
at 3pm precisely...
175
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:23,920
..and heads down Greville Street
towards Farringdon.
176
00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:27,440
Mario, Scaramouche, you pull the
barrier across
177
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,440
just west of Saffron Hill.
178
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,320
Er, you're aware of the CCTV...
179
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:34,240
- Si, si. TV.
180
00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:37,920
- Now, you understand where it extends
to.
181
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:41,560
- It extends into the kitchen, but the
reception is not-a so good.
182
00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:44,880
- Oh Jesus! Mario, you know about the
CCTV, don't ya?
183
00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:46,600
- Sure.
- Good.
184
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,520
- It's like CBeebies, but slightly
more complicated programmes.
185
00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:53,120
- What?
- I'm not sure the Chinese are going
to get that reference.
186
00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:55,160
You need to say something like...
187
00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,160
THEY ALL TALK OVER EACH OTHER
188
00:11:57,160 --> 00:12:00,040
- It's pretty universal...
- Shut the fuck up the lot of ya!
189
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:05,160
I will not stand here and be made to
look like a prick!
190
00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,560
- ARLO LAUGHS
191
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,720
- You think I'm joking?
192
00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:14,880
- Boss!
193
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:16,600
Can I suggest we do a montage?
194
00:12:19,760 --> 00:12:21,360
- Yes.
195
00:12:21,360 --> 00:12:24,320
Yes. Thank you, Columbina.
196
00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:26,000
Finally, someone talking sense.
197
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,120
You can do the voiceover.
198
00:12:31,840 --> 00:12:36,560
- At 3:02, the van, driven by a single
security guard,
199
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:39,880
parks up outside Mugshots Coffee shop.
200
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:43,880
The guard gets out as usual to order a
flat white.
201
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,320
- COFFEE MACHINE HISSES
202
00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,680
- Hortensia is behind him in the queue
203
00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,520
and bumps into the guard, creating a
distraction.
204
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:52,560
So I can swap his coffee...
205
00:12:52,560 --> 00:12:54,400
..for the drugged one.
206
00:12:57,240 --> 00:13:00,480
Meanwhile, Mario and the Captain have
closed the road
207
00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:04,160
for an electrical repair, keeping the
area free of traffic.
208
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,640
Arlo distracts the driver...
209
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:13,000
..while Scaramouche applies the
explosives to the top of the van.
210
00:13:13,000 --> 00:13:14,680
- CLUNK, BEEP
211
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:19,920
- The guard takes his first sip of
coffee while we get into position.
212
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:22,800
Then, five seconds later...
213
00:13:25,960 --> 00:13:27,760
- LOUD EXPLOSION
214
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,240
- You were only supposed to blow the
bloody doors off!
215
00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,760
Sorry, I've always wanted to say that.
Carry on.
216
00:13:45,760 --> 00:13:48,680
- Pantalone grabs the keys from the
drowsy guard
217
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:52,680
and takes the briefcase with the
diamonds from the van.
218
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:57,520
Mario and Scaramouche head down the
manhole into the sewers.
219
00:13:57,520 --> 00:14:00,200
I pick up the boss in the getaway car.
220
00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,920
We all meet back here at 6pm and share
the spoils.
221
00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:05,440
- TYRES SCREECH
222
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,640
- See? Piece of piss. Anything from
the subplot?
223
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:13,160
- No. I think we're all good on that
front, Daddy.
224
00:14:13,160 --> 00:14:14,880
- Yeah, all good.
225
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:18,240
- Bene, good.
226
00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:20,600
- Right, you've got 20 minutes to get
your shit together.
227
00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,480
- Erm, boss, is it all right if I make
a sandwich first?
228
00:14:25,480 --> 00:14:27,880
- No! Fuck off! Should've eaten before
we got here.
229
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,800
- Are you ready for the twist?
230
00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:36,800
There's a good one.
231
00:14:40,720 --> 00:14:43,480
Guv, it's Detective Sergeant Janus.
232
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:45,920
We're just about to leave the
hideaway.
233
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:47,880
Put all units on standby.
234
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:51,000
No, I don't think they suspect a
thing.
235
00:14:58,120 --> 00:15:01,080
- ARLO SCREAMS
236
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:02,840
- Let's get him sat down.
237
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:06,240
Did anyone see where the boss went?
- I assume he's with Hortensia.
238
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,360
Why didn't you wait for 'em?
- I panic!
239
00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:11,080
There were polices everywhere! I get
you a drink.
240
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:14,080
- No, no! Make me a cheese sandwich.
- Caerphilly?
241
00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:16,120
- Yeah, use a blunt knife. Go!
242
00:15:18,840 --> 00:15:20,120
- Come on.
243
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:22,160
- Argh, argh!
244
00:15:22,160 --> 00:15:24,000
- Oh, fuck. What happened?
245
00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:26,920
- It was an ambush. They knew we were
coming.
246
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,640
We must have a rat in the group.
247
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:31,880
- Bob Geldof?
- No.
248
00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:34,200
I mean somebody from the police.
249
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,920
- Gordon Sumner?
- Who?
250
00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:39,240
- Roger Daltrey?
- No, they blew our cover.
251
00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,240
A double crosser. Argh! What you
doing?!
252
00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,240
- Taking your shoe off. You've been
shot.
- No!
253
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:47,200
I need a sandwich first. I'm famished!
254
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:49,560
Scaramouche, Scaramouche!
- # Will you do the... #
255
00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:51,840
- No!
- What?
- We're not allowed.
- Oh, sorry.
256
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,560
- Where's that sandwich?!
257
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:55,240
- There is no cheese!
258
00:15:55,240 --> 00:15:58,280
I can offer you a beef a-rap.
- Yeah, go on.
259
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,640
RAPPING:
- # Yo, yo, I come from a cow
260
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,120
# I got lots of prize for my
bolognese! #
261
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,560
- HE SOBS
262
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,720
- I'll give him a hand.
- Argh!
263
00:16:12,080 --> 00:16:13,480
- Listen, I got your letter.
264
00:16:13,480 --> 00:16:16,280
I want you to know I feel exactly the
same way.
- You do?
265
00:16:16,280 --> 00:16:18,800
- I do, yes. The uniform, the
moustache.
266
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,480
Always dreamed of having a daddy like
you.
- You have?
267
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:24,160
- Look, I've got something down here
that means that you and I,
268
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:27,440
we could run off together.
- Ah, he must mean the explosives.
269
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:31,520
Mario, I will a-use your bomb, but
only when the time is right.
270
00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:34,800
When Senor Pantalone gets here, then
we will blow.
271
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,680
- You mean a three-way?
- Si, si.
272
00:16:36,680 --> 00:16:40,400
The passage will be tight, but I think
we can manage it.
273
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:42,720
- Good God, I'm so hard right now!
274
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:51,720
- We could do with more a-men like
a-him in the military.
275
00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,080
- Pops!
276
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,000
- Oh, Mario. Deo gratias.
277
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:04,040
Are you unharmed?
- I'm fine. Not a scratch on me.
278
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,240
What happened to you?
- We managed to grab the diamonds
279
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:09,760
before the shooting started and made a
run for it. How's Arlo?
280
00:17:09,760 --> 00:17:12,840
- Not good. Pops, you'd better have a
look at him.
281
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,840
- All right. But I don't have all my
kit with me
282
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:18,720
and you know I'm not good with the
sight of bloo...
283
00:17:23,840 --> 00:17:26,000
- Bit of a drawback for a doctor.
284
00:17:26,000 --> 00:17:27,640
- Sorry.
285
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:36,920
- How are you feeling?
286
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:39,480
- Hungry.
- Oh...
287
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,720
You're always hungry.
288
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,280
How's your foot?
289
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,760
- Well, the first little piggy's still
at the market,
290
00:17:46,760 --> 00:17:50,280
but I think all the other little
piggy's have pissed off.
291
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,760
I'm not going to get that trial for
Crystal Palace now, am I?
292
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:56,600
- I'm sure Millwall would take you.
293
00:17:56,600 --> 00:17:58,600
What happened?
294
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,200
- It's a blur.
295
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,120
I was doing my distracting.
296
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:05,680
The guard comes back with his coffee,
and, suddenly, I turn around
297
00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:08,400
and there's two dozen coppers behind
me.
298
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,680
I think I shot myself in the foot.
299
00:18:10,680 --> 00:18:12,880
- I'm sure it wasn't your fault.
300
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:16,560
- No, I mean, I literally shot myself
in the foot.
301
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,920
I didn't realise the safety was off.
302
00:18:18,920 --> 00:18:21,000
I'm such an idiot!
303
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:24,240
I'm scared, Collie!
- You'll live.
304
00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:25,840
- How do you know?
305
00:18:27,320 --> 00:18:30,640
- Because I turned over two pages of
the script at once.
306
00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,840
- Ah, thank you.
307
00:18:34,840 --> 00:18:36,320
I'm fine now.
308
00:18:37,720 --> 00:18:40,400
Mario, the gems are in here,
309
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:43,480
but the servant girl has the key in
her bumbag.
310
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:46,840
You'll need to extricate it from her
post-haste to facilitate
311
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:49,320
the substitution.
- How am I supposed to do that?
312
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:52,960
- Well, flirt with her a little.
Vanquish her with your virility.
313
00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,360
Then see if you can force your fingers
into her fanny pack.
- Eurgh!
314
00:18:56,360 --> 00:18:59,480
- Quickly! We need this money, Mario.
315
00:18:59,480 --> 00:19:01,080
Tempus fugit!
316
00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:07,240
- How is the pat-it-ient?
317
00:19:07,240 --> 00:19:10,600
- Sorry?
- Young Arlokino, he has a very bad
injury.
318
00:19:10,600 --> 00:19:13,400
- Oh, er, I haven't examined him yet.
319
00:19:13,400 --> 00:19:16,040
To be honest, Captain, I'm a little
haemophobic.
320
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:19,000
- Oh, do not worry. I do not think he
is a Queen Mary.
321
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:22,000
Erm, I'm making a sandwich, would you
like a-one?
322
00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:28,000
Oh, dear.
323
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,440
- ARLO WHIMPERS
324
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,440
- It's OK, it's OK.
325
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:33,880
- Argh...
- It's OK.
326
00:19:33,880 --> 00:19:36,440
- Did you see the Master and
Hortensia?
327
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,800
- No. I was inside the van.
328
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:42,080
I heard him, though.
- He thinks we were betrayed.
329
00:19:42,080 --> 00:19:44,040
Someone ratted us out.
330
00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:46,000
- Does he know who?
- No.
331
00:19:46,000 --> 00:19:49,080
He said Hortensia had been acting all
weird recently.
332
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,800
Very secretive.
333
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,080
- That's because she doesn't want to
marry Scaramouche.
334
00:19:53,080 --> 00:19:55,080
She's planning on running away with...
335
00:19:56,720 --> 00:19:58,480
- Hey, babe.
336
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:01,280
Would you have an inhaler? Because you
are just taking my breath...
337
00:20:01,280 --> 00:20:02,520
- Yeah.
338
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:04,320
I've got one in here.
339
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:06,920
Just put it back when you're finished.
I'll leave the zip open.
340
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:08,240
- Thanks.
341
00:20:09,440 --> 00:20:10,880
- It's OK.
342
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,960
- That was easy.
343
00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,320
Baby, what're you doing to my Pops?
344
00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:24,240
- I'm trying to make him come to.
345
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:26,040
- You're going about it in a very
funny way.
346
00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:28,320
Go find the smelling salts. They're in
his bag.
347
00:21:25,640 --> 00:21:27,920
- HE SCREAMS
348
00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,440
HE HOWLS
349
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,640
HE HOWLS
350
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:47,680
- What happened?
351
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,840
- She's gone - forever.
352
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,320
- Are you sure?
- I know when one is dead, and when
one lives!
- Lear.
353
00:21:55,320 --> 00:21:56,840
- It's true.
354
00:21:56,840 --> 00:22:00,080
That spineless shit Scaramouche left
us right there
355
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,480
in the middle of the fucking feds!
356
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,520
We were like sitting ducks.
357
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,200
Where is he?
358
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,680
I'll slice the nose right off his
craven face!
359
00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,760
Where is he?!
- He went to get some smelling salts
for my Pops.
360
00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:14,680
- Jesus, what a shitshow.
361
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:20,600
Columbina, come here.
362
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:22,680
You're the only one I trust.
363
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:29,920
You tell me.
364
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:34,680
Who's the snake here, eh?
365
00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:36,600
Eh? Who?
366
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:38,640
Who tipped off the Old Bill?
367
00:22:38,640 --> 00:22:41,040
- I dunno, er...
368
00:22:41,040 --> 00:22:43,000
Maybe it was, erm...
369
00:22:43,960 --> 00:22:45,480
- SHE CHOKES
370
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:05,920
- You're with me now.
371
00:23:06,960 --> 00:23:09,760
- Boss, what did you do that for?
372
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:11,680
- She's an undercover copper.
373
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:13,160
She's wearing a wire.
374
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:16,080
Check it out if you don't believe me.
- How did you know?
375
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:18,760
- Hortensia saw her fiddling with it
in the bogs.
376
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:21,240
I should've known she was too good to
be true.
377
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:23,800
- No, not...not Collie. I...I don't
believe it.
378
00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:26,560
- Yeah. By my estimates, we have less
than five minutes
379
00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,560
before the Filth get here.
380
00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,120
Where's that coward?
381
00:23:30,120 --> 00:23:32,560
Scaramouche? Scaramouche!
382
00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,440
- SCARAMOUCHE:
- # Will you do the... #
383
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,920
Oh, shit!
384
00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:44,560
- See what you've done? To your own
intended?
385
00:23:44,560 --> 00:23:46,640
- Hortensia...
386
00:23:46,640 --> 00:23:48,080
Oh...
387
00:23:48,080 --> 00:23:50,920
Oh, my Hortensia!
388
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:55,000
I wished to woo you, but now my woo
has turned to woe.
389
00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:58,600
I beg that I could a-take your place
up in heaven!
390
00:23:59,760 --> 00:24:01,000
- That can be arranged.
391
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:02,920
- Baby, why are you talking like this?
392
00:24:02,920 --> 00:24:06,000
I thought you had eyes only for me.
- For you? What you on about?
393
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:09,000
- He wrote me a letter. The subplot.
Arlokino gave it to me.
394
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:15,240
- This is my daughter's hand.
395
00:24:15,240 --> 00:24:19,240
- No, that is a letter. This is your
daughter's hand!
396
00:24:19,240 --> 00:24:22,480
- She was going to elope with a
blockhead like you?!
397
00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,400
- What are you talking about? I barely
knew her.
398
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:27,400
- You two a-timing floozy! Take
a-that!
399
00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,800
- It wasn't him!
400
00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:34,680
It was me.
401
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,120
Horsey and I have been having an
affair for several months.
402
00:24:39,120 --> 00:24:41,760
It was an amour fou.
403
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,560
It started on that business trip we
took to Italy.
404
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,320
- Genoa?
405
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,000
- Yes, since she was a little girl.
406
00:24:49,320 --> 00:24:52,400
We flew back together to the United
States.
407
00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:54,920
- Chicago?
- No, she was a passenger.
408
00:24:55,840 --> 00:24:59,360
And, when we landed at the airport, I
can't remember which one...
409
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:00,880
- Alaska?
410
00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,200
- There's no point now. She's dead.
411
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:06,720
We hatched this plan to steal the
diamonds from you
412
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,640
and run away together to the
Caribbean.
413
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,560
- Trinidad and Tobago?
414
00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:14,880
- Yes.
415
00:25:15,920 --> 00:25:18,440
But now it seems it was all for
nought.
416
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:21,520
We have been caught in flagrante
delicto,
417
00:25:21,520 --> 00:25:23,080
and my beloved is dead.
418
00:25:24,160 --> 00:25:26,360
Mea culpa, gentle one.
419
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,200
- Well, maybe we can get back to the A
plot now we've had this
420
00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:35,680
little diversion. I need you to hand
over that case.
421
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:37,880
- No, Pantalone.
422
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:39,640
I won't do it.
- Pops...
423
00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:41,800
- These diamonds are all my son and I
have.
424
00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:44,560
They will ensure our safe passage out
of here.
425
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:46,600
Quid pro quo, et cetera.
426
00:25:46,600 --> 00:25:48,680
- I...I won't waste you here, Doc.
427
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:51,600
I'll not shit on my own doorstep, but
I need you to hand me
428
00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:53,600
the fucking ice!
- It's fine.
429
00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:55,800
Do it.
- Nil desperandum, Mario.
430
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,400
I can handle the negotiation.
431
00:25:58,400 --> 00:26:00,560
- This is not a negotiation.
432
00:26:00,560 --> 00:26:02,680
- Stop.
433
00:26:02,680 --> 00:26:05,600
You lay a finger on him and I'll
carpet the floor with your brains.
434
00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:07,840
- It's a good thing we're not using
your brains.
435
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:09,880
There'd be barely enough for a fucking
doormat.
436
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,400
Scaramouche!
437
00:26:11,400 --> 00:26:14,880
Tame this little bitch of yours, will
ya?
- Please.
438
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,000
Your family jewels belong in Senor
Pantalone's hands,
439
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,040
not in your Papa's.
440
00:26:20,040 --> 00:26:21,880
Let us not come to blows.
441
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,960
- Oh, Captain, my Captain.
442
00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,880
I've dreamed of having your weapon in
my face,
443
00:26:26,880 --> 00:26:28,400
but not like this.
444
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,240
- Et tu, Scaramouche.
445
00:26:30,240 --> 00:26:31,840
Very well.
446
00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:34,280
Aut neca aut necare.
447
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,200
Do or die.
448
00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:38,160
- Give me the case!
449
00:26:38,160 --> 00:26:40,360
- Give it to him, Pops.
- Are you sure?
450
00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:42,720
- Yes, let him have it!
451
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,400
SHOTS FIRE
452
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:52,000
- Well, Arlo, this looks like
arrivederci.
453
00:26:53,480 --> 00:26:54,720
- ARLO SOBS
454
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,720
- I would take you with me,
455
00:26:57,720 --> 00:27:00,680
but, as you can see, got me hands
full.
456
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,440
There's a boat out the back if you
want to take your chance
457
00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:07,160
on the river. I've got an appointment
with my fence.
458
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,480
- Boss, can you do me a favour before
you go?
459
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:12,000
- What's that?
460
00:27:12,000 --> 00:27:15,160
- Can you make me a sandwich? I'm
starved!
461
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,120
- Yeah, here y'are.
462
00:27:17,120 --> 00:27:18,760
Help yourself.
463
00:27:20,360 --> 00:27:21,960
Ta-ta!
464
00:27:24,960 --> 00:27:26,400
- DOOR CLOSES
465
00:27:31,800 --> 00:27:34,360
- Come on. Get up, he's gone!
466
00:27:34,360 --> 00:27:36,520
Come on! Collie!
467
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:38,720
Come on, girl!
468
00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:40,480
You read the script.
469
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:44,880
Well, none of this has been real, has
it?
470
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:02,680
Argh, argh...
471
00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:08,720
After all that,
472
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,080
there's nothing left.
473
00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,800
Just a hot and spicy whip
474
00:28:13,800 --> 00:28:15,920
and a bag of clear mints.
475
00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:30,920
Well, fuck my old boots!
476
00:28:32,120 --> 00:28:35,080
I am going to be able to feed myself
after all.
477
00:28:42,240 --> 00:28:43,880
Are you coming, Echo?
478
00:28:53,520 --> 00:28:55,560
- I thought you'd never ask!
36547
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof