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1
00:00:15,723 --> 00:00:17,323
I don't think so, do you?
2
00:00:18,363 --> 00:00:20,843
It's only 29.99.
3
00:00:20,843 --> 00:00:22,363
Yeah, but where will you wear it?
4
00:00:22,363 --> 00:00:25,403
You never do anything except go
to school or study.
5
00:00:25,403 --> 00:00:28,923
Yeah. I've got library books that
have been out more than me.
6
00:00:28,923 --> 00:00:29,963
Exactly.
7
00:00:29,963 --> 00:00:31,243
I mean, why waste your money
8
00:00:31,243 --> 00:00:33,443
on something
that will never get worn, darling?
9
00:00:34,923 --> 00:00:36,683
OK, let's go.
10
00:00:36,683 --> 00:00:39,563
I have to pick up
your dad's athlete's foot powder.
11
00:00:39,563 --> 00:00:42,523
I'd hate to miss that,
but can I meet you at the car?
12
00:00:42,523 --> 00:00:43,763
All right, but don't be long.
13
00:00:43,763 --> 00:00:46,003
I've only got ten minutes left
on the parking.
14
00:00:59,683 --> 00:01:01,923
Excuse me, miss.
15
00:01:01,923 --> 00:01:03,363
I need to look in your bag.
16
00:01:03,363 --> 00:01:05,243
Why?
17
00:01:05,243 --> 00:01:07,323
Can I look in your bag, please?
18
00:01:14,363 --> 00:01:16,443
We've got a runner, boys.
19
00:01:18,963 --> 00:01:20,563
Sorry. Sorry!
20
00:01:38,763 --> 00:01:40,043
Stop!
21
00:01:45,523 --> 00:01:47,883
Sorry!
22
00:02:07,923 --> 00:02:09,243
Rani?
23
00:02:12,243 --> 00:02:13,843
What's going on?
24
00:02:57,523 --> 00:02:59,843
Do you remember what's special
about today, sweetie?
25
00:02:59,843 --> 00:03:01,643
Um, Grampa's coming to stay?
26
00:03:01,643 --> 00:03:02,883
That's right.
27
00:03:02,883 --> 00:03:06,723
Grandpa is funny and charming and
you're gonna like him very much.
28
00:03:06,723 --> 00:03:09,003
But I do need you to remember
one thing while he's here.
29
00:03:09,003 --> 00:03:12,723
I need you to remember that
Grandpa is a lying, thieving,
30
00:03:12,723 --> 00:03:14,403
selfish old bastard.
31
00:03:16,483 --> 00:03:18,923
Good luck. Cheers, mate.
Good luck, bro.
32
00:03:18,923 --> 00:03:20,563
And what is Grandpa?
33
00:03:21,483 --> 00:03:24,203
A lying, thieving,
selfish old bastard.
34
00:03:24,203 --> 00:03:26,483
Who can...?
Who can never be trusted.
35
00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:28,003
Good girl.
36
00:03:33,203 --> 00:03:34,843
Safe travels, Frank.
37
00:03:46,363 --> 00:03:51,203
Greetings and felicitations.
Margie, did you change your hair?
38
00:03:51,203 --> 00:03:52,283
Quite possibly, Frank,
39
00:03:52,283 --> 00:03:54,043
in the eight years
since I last saw you.
40
00:03:54,043 --> 00:03:55,923
This young buck must be Tom.
41
00:03:55,923 --> 00:03:57,723
Hey, dude, what's happening?
42
00:03:57,723 --> 00:04:01,683
Lord, oh, Lord,
who's this beautiful princess?
43
00:04:01,683 --> 00:04:03,083
Holly.
44
00:04:03,083 --> 00:04:04,963
Oh, what a pleasure.
45
00:04:04,963 --> 00:04:07,003
Where are we setting up, please?
46
00:04:07,003 --> 00:04:11,323
Between the hours of 7pm and 6am,
you will remain in this residence
47
00:04:11,323 --> 00:04:13,043
and the light will remain green.
48
00:04:13,043 --> 00:04:14,923
If you travel more than two metres
from this residence,
49
00:04:14,923 --> 00:04:16,403
the light turns red.
50
00:04:16,403 --> 00:04:17,483
Is that clear?
51
00:04:17,483 --> 00:04:19,563
Crystal. What happens
if it turns red?
52
00:04:19,563 --> 00:04:21,043
You get a little visit
from the police.
53
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:22,283
Ooh.
54
00:04:23,403 --> 00:04:24,843
I'll show myself out.
55
00:04:24,843 --> 00:04:26,483
Thank you for your service.
56
00:04:27,643 --> 00:04:28,963
Why were you in prison?
57
00:04:28,963 --> 00:04:30,723
It was a misunderstanding.
58
00:04:30,723 --> 00:04:33,603
Grandpa misunderstood that you can't
forge signatures on cheques.
59
00:04:33,603 --> 00:04:35,963
Oooh... Ah!
60
00:04:37,043 --> 00:04:38,243
What's a cheque?
61
00:04:44,003 --> 00:04:47,723
All right, yep, yep. I do.
62
00:04:47,723 --> 00:04:50,483
Can I speak? Thank you.
I'm asking for two poxy weeks.
63
00:04:50,483 --> 00:04:51,523
No phones allowed. What?
64
00:04:51,523 --> 00:04:53,403
Back through the machine.
Empty your pockets.
65
00:04:53,403 --> 00:04:56,083
All right, Captain, slow down.
Just a middle-aged white man.
66
00:04:56,083 --> 00:04:59,083
All I'm carrying are keys
and unwanted back fat.
67
00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:00,323
No, listen, no.
68
00:05:00,323 --> 00:05:02,323
The Chinese deal is going through.
No phones allowed.
69
00:05:02,323 --> 00:05:03,963
What? No phones allowed.
70
00:05:03,963 --> 00:05:06,083
No phones allowed.
I have to call you back.
71
00:05:07,083 --> 00:05:08,723
And the bag. And the bag!
72
00:05:08,723 --> 00:05:13,363
Listen, I'm a businessman
from Bristol, not a jihadi bride.
73
00:05:15,403 --> 00:05:16,603
Are you wearing a belt?
74
00:05:16,603 --> 00:05:17,643
I am wearing a belt.
75
00:05:17,643 --> 00:05:20,083
Yes, I like it
when my trousers stay up. That OK?
76
00:05:21,323 --> 00:05:24,003
Thank you.
Where am I going please?
77
00:05:34,843 --> 00:05:38,083
Be careful, darling.
Just do whatever they tell you.
78
00:06:11,083 --> 00:06:12,523
This way.
79
00:06:30,803 --> 00:06:33,883
Hi there. I'm Greg.
80
00:06:33,883 --> 00:06:37,963
I'm 6'7" tall
and, no, it's not in proportion.
81
00:06:37,963 --> 00:06:40,443
If it was in proportion,
I'd be 8'3".
82
00:06:48,203 --> 00:06:51,323
Greetings and felicitations.
High pockets!
83
00:06:51,323 --> 00:06:53,083
What's tickin', chicken?
84
00:06:53,083 --> 00:06:56,203
Uh, it's finger-lickin', chicken.
85
00:06:56,203 --> 00:07:00,283
Good morning, ladies. Can I just say?
You're both looking beautiful.
86
00:07:00,283 --> 00:07:01,763
No, you can't.
87
00:07:01,763 --> 00:07:03,243
He can't tell you
that you're beautiful?
88
00:07:03,243 --> 00:07:05,483
We didn't ask him
for a verdict on our appearance.
89
00:07:05,483 --> 00:07:07,563
Sorry, but I say it like I find it.
90
00:07:07,563 --> 00:07:11,283
And, ladies, you're both
a right couple of swooners.
91
00:07:13,403 --> 00:07:16,763
Attention! Sit.
92
00:07:17,883 --> 00:07:19,563
Some people...
93
00:07:19,563 --> 00:07:23,283
..think that Community Payback
is an easy option.
94
00:07:23,283 --> 00:07:25,363
A soft touch.
95
00:07:25,363 --> 00:07:27,563
Newsflash -
96
00:07:27,563 --> 00:07:29,083
it ain't.
97
00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:33,083
You will repay your debt to society
by working the number of hours
98
00:07:33,083 --> 00:07:35,323
mandated by the court.
99
00:07:35,323 --> 00:07:38,523
My name is Diane Pemberley.
I'm your supervisor.
100
00:07:38,523 --> 00:07:43,203
And I can be a good guy...or
a mean bastard.
101
00:07:43,203 --> 00:07:44,723
Your choice.
102
00:07:44,723 --> 00:07:46,963
- Good guy, please.
- You don't choose.
103
00:07:46,963 --> 00:07:48,883
You said it was our choice.
It was a figure of speech.
104
00:07:48,883 --> 00:07:51,243
It wasn't entirely clear.
Are you a trouble-maker?
105
00:07:51,243 --> 00:07:53,203
No, ma'am. Definitely not.
106
00:07:53,203 --> 00:07:56,483
When I call your name, say here.
107
00:07:56,483 --> 00:07:57,563
John Halloran.
108
00:07:57,563 --> 00:07:59,203
Here. Shouldn't be.
109
00:07:59,203 --> 00:08:00,323
Frank Sheldon?
110
00:08:00,323 --> 00:08:01,723
What's the agenda, Brenda?
111
00:08:01,723 --> 00:08:02,923
Christian Taylor.
112
00:08:02,923 --> 00:08:06,243
Yo. OK, what are you people not
getting? Just say here.
113
00:08:06,243 --> 00:08:07,603
Myrna Okeke.
114
00:08:07,603 --> 00:08:09,763
Here in body, not in spirit.
115
00:08:09,763 --> 00:08:12,723
I don't know what that means.
Gregory Dillard?
116
00:08:12,723 --> 00:08:13,923
Yeah, that's me.
117
00:08:13,923 --> 00:08:15,763
Can I just apologise
for the inappropriate joke
118
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:18,043
earlier about things
being in proportion?
119
00:08:18,043 --> 00:08:22,203
To be honest, it's not even that
long. Although it is quite flat.
120
00:08:22,203 --> 00:08:23,443
Like a kipper.
121
00:08:23,443 --> 00:08:25,123
Just say here.
122
00:08:25,123 --> 00:08:26,443
Yeah, here. Yeah. Here.
123
00:08:26,443 --> 00:08:28,283
Rani Rekowski?
124
00:08:28,283 --> 00:08:30,203
Here. Thank you.
125
00:08:59,603 --> 00:09:05,323
You each have
over 100 hours to serve.
126
00:09:06,483 --> 00:09:07,843
You have been tasked
127
00:09:07,843 --> 00:09:11,443
with restoring this
into a community centre
128
00:09:11,443 --> 00:09:14,203
for the local...community.
129
00:09:15,203 --> 00:09:18,243
You will work four hours
each visit.
130
00:09:18,243 --> 00:09:22,203
Only when I am happy
with the work you have done
131
00:09:22,203 --> 00:09:24,803
will I log those four hours.
132
00:09:24,803 --> 00:09:26,123
Take another one.
133
00:09:26,123 --> 00:09:27,563
During clean-up duty,
134
00:09:27,563 --> 00:09:32,803
if you find a deceased animal
over 10k,
135
00:09:32,803 --> 00:09:35,003
do not touch it.
136
00:09:35,003 --> 00:09:37,643
That is the council's business.
137
00:09:37,643 --> 00:09:43,403
Anything under 10k -
vermin, cats, a small dog -
138
00:09:43,403 --> 00:09:45,003
that is yours.
139
00:09:45,003 --> 00:09:46,883
Can we keep it? No, you may not.
140
00:09:46,883 --> 00:09:49,563
Now, you may be wondering
about faeces.
141
00:09:49,563 --> 00:09:51,283
You read my mind.
142
00:09:51,283 --> 00:09:55,523
If you find human faeces,
do not touch it.
143
00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:59,443
You may handle
other species' faeces.
144
00:09:59,443 --> 00:10:00,803
Can we keep it?
145
00:10:00,803 --> 00:10:02,443
No, you may not.
146
00:10:02,443 --> 00:10:08,123
You are here for the next four
hours, people. You may begin!
147
00:10:20,643 --> 00:10:21,963
So, why're you here?
148
00:10:23,163 --> 00:10:26,043
Uh, oh, well, I'm here
because, uh,
149
00:10:26,043 --> 00:10:28,003
even though I run
a successful company
150
00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:30,283
making brake pads, pay my taxes,
151
00:10:30,283 --> 00:10:32,203
employ 52 people,
152
00:10:32,203 --> 00:10:35,603
we have a criminal justice system
that kowtows to the, uh,
153
00:10:35,603 --> 00:10:37,403
right-on leftie liberal brigade.
154
00:10:37,403 --> 00:10:40,003
I'm a right-on leftie liberal.
Are you sure?
155
00:10:40,003 --> 00:10:42,563
Seems like you can't really call
yourself a leftie these days
156
00:10:42,563 --> 00:10:45,243
unless you're a disabled
transgender vegan
157
00:10:45,243 --> 00:10:48,163
with a nut allergy
who makes their own soap.
158
00:10:48,163 --> 00:10:50,563
Are you reading that
straight off the Daily Mail website?
159
00:10:50,563 --> 00:10:52,163
Well, they're not wrong
about everything.
160
00:10:52,163 --> 00:10:54,123
I'm just saying, you watch yourself.
161
00:10:54,123 --> 00:10:56,883
Nothing the lefties like more
than eating their own.
162
00:10:56,883 --> 00:10:58,563
Unless they contain nuts.
163
00:11:04,323 --> 00:11:05,643
You're working too hard.
164
00:11:05,643 --> 00:11:08,163
You think it matters
if we clear this crap up or not?
165
00:11:08,163 --> 00:11:09,883
They just want to give us
something to do.
166
00:11:09,883 --> 00:11:13,163
I'd slow down if I were you.
You might burn yourself out.
167
00:11:14,683 --> 00:11:16,243
Also, you're making me look bad.
168
00:11:19,963 --> 00:11:22,483
What are you in for?
169
00:11:22,483 --> 00:11:24,163
I stole some stuff.
170
00:11:24,163 --> 00:11:26,683
Why would someone proper-smart
be stealing stuff?
171
00:11:26,683 --> 00:11:28,243
Who says I'm proper-smart?
172
00:11:28,243 --> 00:11:31,043
Well, I saw your bag
and it said Oxford University.
173
00:11:31,043 --> 00:11:35,003
My mum bought that when I went
to interview at Oxford University.
174
00:11:35,003 --> 00:11:36,643
Did you get in?
175
00:11:36,643 --> 00:11:39,643
Well, yeah,
but I'm not proper-smart.
176
00:11:39,643 --> 00:11:43,003
I just have parents who never bought
me a toy that wasn't educational.
177
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:47,403
Oy, Miss Rekowski.
Less flirting, more exerting.
178
00:11:47,403 --> 00:11:50,003
No, I'm not flirting. I'm not.
179
00:11:50,003 --> 00:11:53,043
I wasn't flirting.
She weren't flirting. I was.
180
00:11:54,563 --> 00:11:55,603
Sorry.
181
00:12:01,163 --> 00:12:02,363
What's wrong?
182
00:12:18,443 --> 00:12:20,683
Hi, Gabby. Look this way.
183
00:12:20,683 --> 00:12:22,883
All right, Gabby?
184
00:12:22,883 --> 00:12:24,043
Hi, Gabby.
185
00:12:24,043 --> 00:12:25,403
Look at me, Gabby.
186
00:12:25,403 --> 00:12:26,683
Nice to see you again.
187
00:12:31,243 --> 00:12:34,243
Whoa! If I was 30 years younger...
188
00:12:34,243 --> 00:12:36,563
You'd still be twice her age.
189
00:12:36,563 --> 00:12:37,883
Thank you.
190
00:12:39,123 --> 00:12:41,283
Did you know? On Twitter,
everyone's been debating
191
00:12:41,283 --> 00:12:42,443
who you were gonna wear today.
192
00:12:42,443 --> 00:12:44,643
Today is about me learning
from my mistakes,
193
00:12:44,643 --> 00:12:46,523
and people are worrying
about what I'm wearing?
194
00:12:46,523 --> 00:12:47,643
That is sick.
195
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:48,883
Who are you wearing?
196
00:12:48,883 --> 00:12:50,843
It's a Stella McCartney.
The Vampire's Wife.
197
00:12:50,843 --> 00:12:52,483
And shoes are Isabel Marant.
198
00:12:52,483 --> 00:12:53,563
Lovely.
199
00:12:53,563 --> 00:12:55,003
Am I supposed to know who she is?
200
00:12:55,003 --> 00:12:56,963
That's Lady Gabriella Penrose-Howe.
201
00:12:56,963 --> 00:12:59,123
She was on that reality show
where posh people have to give up
202
00:12:59,123 --> 00:13:00,723
their mobile phones
and their assistants.
203
00:13:00,723 --> 00:13:02,123
It was called No Service.
204
00:13:02,123 --> 00:13:03,403
I don't own a TV.
205
00:13:03,403 --> 00:13:05,163
Too busy making vegan soap?
206
00:13:05,163 --> 00:13:08,003
No. Too busy reading books.
You should try it.
207
00:13:08,003 --> 00:13:11,163
I read books. Yeah?
Any that aren't about the SAS?
208
00:13:11,163 --> 00:13:14,443
Hi. Hi, friends. I'm Gabby. Hi.
209
00:13:14,443 --> 00:13:16,563
Hi! Hi, I'm Lady Gabby.
210
00:13:16,563 --> 00:13:19,003
My preferred pronouns
are she, her and herself.
211
00:13:19,003 --> 00:13:21,643
I'm John. Bloke.
212
00:13:21,643 --> 00:13:22,963
I'm so sorry I'm late.
213
00:13:22,963 --> 00:13:24,523
I'm in charge here!
214
00:13:25,523 --> 00:13:28,363
Seriously?
Sorry, that came out wrong.
215
00:13:28,363 --> 00:13:29,843
Yeah, it did come out wrong. Gabby!
216
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:31,243
They can't be here. Look this way.
217
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:36,163
You can't be here! Go! Go!
Private property! Back! Scram!
218
00:13:37,803 --> 00:13:39,243
What are you wearing?
219
00:13:39,243 --> 00:13:40,923
Oh, it's Stella McCartney.
220
00:13:40,923 --> 00:13:42,963
This is a Vampire's Wife
and shoes are Isabel Marant.
221
00:13:42,963 --> 00:13:43,751
Thanks for asking.
222
00:13:43,752 --> 00:13:45,763
No, I don't mean,
"Ooh, what are you wearing?"
223
00:13:45,763 --> 00:13:47,683
cos I'm interested, I mean,
"What are you wearing?!"
224
00:13:47,683 --> 00:13:48,883
That is not appropriate.
225
00:13:48,883 --> 00:13:50,523
Put this on.
226
00:13:52,763 --> 00:13:55,243
Do I have to?
Yeah, it's not a fashion show.
227
00:13:55,243 --> 00:13:56,843
You're here
because you committed a crime.
228
00:13:56,843 --> 00:13:58,563
The person who designed this
committed the crime.
229
00:13:58,563 --> 00:14:01,603
I mean, someone call
the fashion police. Am I right?
230
00:14:01,603 --> 00:14:03,923
No, you're not right,
Michael McIntyre.
231
00:14:03,923 --> 00:14:05,963
I'm docking you two hours
for being late.
232
00:14:05,963 --> 00:14:07,763
Do you want another two
for being a smart-aleck?
233
00:14:07,763 --> 00:14:10,083
No. Right answer.
234
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,723
Toilet breaks at my discretion.
235
00:14:11,723 --> 00:14:12,963
Any questions?
236
00:14:12,963 --> 00:14:14,403
Yeah, what is this?
237
00:14:14,403 --> 00:14:15,763
Hoe.
238
00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:16,963
Excuse me?
239
00:14:20,203 --> 00:14:23,243
Yo. Respect.
240
00:14:23,243 --> 00:14:24,883
What is that?
241
00:14:24,883 --> 00:14:27,843
It's a...it's a gang sign.
You're not...?
242
00:14:27,843 --> 00:14:31,523
No, it's Mr Spock's Vulcan salute
from Star Trek.
243
00:14:31,523 --> 00:14:33,843
I don't think so.
244
00:14:33,843 --> 00:14:34,963
Yeah, it is.
245
00:14:37,923 --> 00:14:40,243
Oh, yeah, that...
What am I thinking of, then?
246
00:14:40,243 --> 00:14:41,643
What gang was you trying to rep?
247
00:14:41,643 --> 00:14:44,563
West Side, please.
Dre, Tupac, Snoop, that whole crew.
248
00:14:44,563 --> 00:14:46,923
Oh, here. I got you.
249
00:14:46,923 --> 00:14:49,323
Here you go. Like that.
250
00:14:49,323 --> 00:14:52,843
Oh, yeah, yeah. Good.
Maximum respect.
251
00:14:52,843 --> 00:14:55,723
Rekowski! Walk with me.
252
00:14:55,723 --> 00:14:58,843
Well, live long and prosper.
253
00:15:01,203 --> 00:15:02,643
What a nerd.
254
00:15:12,963 --> 00:15:15,843
So, your mum spoke to me.
255
00:15:17,683 --> 00:15:19,923
Said you have a scholarship...
256
00:15:19,923 --> 00:15:21,723
..to Oxford University.
257
00:15:21,723 --> 00:15:25,443
Yeah, sorry about that.
She does tell everyone.
258
00:15:25,443 --> 00:15:27,403
Must be a pretty smart doughnut.
259
00:15:27,403 --> 00:15:29,163
Don't you mean "smart cookie"?
260
00:15:29,163 --> 00:15:30,643
They both work.
261
00:15:30,643 --> 00:15:32,843
Yeah,
I know all about higher education.
262
00:15:32,843 --> 00:15:34,843
I'm gonna apply to become
a police officer,
263
00:15:34,843 --> 00:15:36,683
and education helps with that.
264
00:15:36,683 --> 00:15:38,963
So I'm actually studying
for a degree myself.
265
00:15:38,963 --> 00:15:40,803
Oh, really, where are you studying?
266
00:15:40,803 --> 00:15:42,843
Have you heard of QuickieDegree.com?
267
00:15:42,843 --> 00:15:45,323
Yeah, I get the ads
in my spam folder.
268
00:15:45,323 --> 00:15:46,763
Oh.
269
00:15:46,763 --> 00:15:50,243
Your mum said Oxford's threatening
to revoke your scholarship.
270
00:15:50,243 --> 00:15:52,603
They haven't made a final decision.
271
00:15:52,603 --> 00:15:55,083
Apparently, they want you to get
three As in your A-Levels
272
00:15:55,083 --> 00:15:58,163
and a letter of commendation
from your supervisor.
273
00:15:59,643 --> 00:16:01,043
Guess who that is?
274
00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:02,403
Is it you?
275
00:16:02,403 --> 00:16:04,843
As I said, you're a smart doughnut.
276
00:16:04,843 --> 00:16:06,523
Cookie. They both work.
277
00:16:06,523 --> 00:16:09,203
I'll expect you to work hard.
Show remorse.
278
00:16:09,203 --> 00:16:11,963
Prove that you can learn
from your mistakes. I will.
279
00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:15,283
And I need you.
280
00:16:15,283 --> 00:16:16,843
You need me?
281
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:18,963
To be my eyes and ears.
282
00:16:18,963 --> 00:16:21,643
Keep me posted on what's being said
and done behind my back.
283
00:16:21,643 --> 00:16:23,523
I don't feel comfortable snitching.
284
00:16:23,523 --> 00:16:25,443
Oh, no, don't think of it
as snitching.
285
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,043
Think of it as collaborating.
286
00:16:27,043 --> 00:16:28,283
That sounds worse.
287
00:16:28,283 --> 00:16:29,963
Only cps it has connotations
with the Nazis.
288
00:16:29,963 --> 00:16:31,283
Yeah, that might be it.
289
00:16:31,283 --> 00:16:35,883
Your future depends on whether
or not I write that commendation.
290
00:16:36,803 --> 00:16:40,643
You need my help, I need yours.
Quid pro quo.
291
00:16:42,043 --> 00:16:43,243
Do we have a deal?
292
00:16:44,323 --> 00:16:49,563
As I said, I can be a good guy
or I can be a mean bastard.
293
00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:51,003
Your choice.
294
00:16:57,043 --> 00:16:58,763
Good girl.
295
00:17:04,683 --> 00:17:08,163
This must be a mistake, sir.
Rani's not a thief.
296
00:17:08,163 --> 00:17:09,523
Tell him your news. Go on.
297
00:17:09,523 --> 00:17:11,563
Mum, he doesn't care. Tell him.
298
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:14,443
I got accepted
into Oxford University.
299
00:17:14,443 --> 00:17:17,283
With a full scholarship.
Why do you always leave that out?
300
00:17:17,283 --> 00:17:20,723
So, you see, sir, my daughter
is a genius, not a thief.
301
00:17:26,523 --> 00:17:27,883
What is going on?
302
00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:33,563
Is this the first time you've taken
something without paying, Rani?
303
00:17:33,563 --> 00:17:35,123
Yes.
304
00:17:50,723 --> 00:17:52,523
How many of these
do you want to watch?
305
00:17:53,523 --> 00:17:54,963
How many are there?
306
00:18:11,843 --> 00:18:15,323
All the hard work you've done
just thrown away. For what?
307
00:18:15,323 --> 00:18:18,683
Some sequined purses and miniskirts?
308
00:18:22,403 --> 00:18:24,043
It's so humiliating.
309
00:18:25,043 --> 00:18:27,203
Jerzy, are you going
to say anything?
310
00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:32,963
If you lie, cheat or steal again...
311
00:18:35,003 --> 00:18:37,123
..there is no place for you
in this family.
312
00:18:39,323 --> 00:18:40,563
Jerzy, I didn't mean...
313
00:18:40,563 --> 00:18:41,803
You wanted me to talk, I'm talking.
314
00:18:43,603 --> 00:18:47,683
If you get so much as a parking
ticket from this moment on,
315
00:18:47,683 --> 00:18:49,203
you are dead to us.
316
00:18:50,683 --> 00:18:51,963
Rekowski!
317
00:18:51,963 --> 00:18:53,243
We have to go in now.
318
00:18:54,283 --> 00:18:55,363
Come on.
319
00:19:14,403 --> 00:19:17,483
Hey, can you take my picture
for Instagram?
320
00:19:17,483 --> 00:19:19,363
What did your last servant die of?
321
00:19:20,563 --> 00:19:22,003
I think it was just old age.
322
00:19:22,003 --> 00:19:23,923
You have actual servants?
323
00:19:23,923 --> 00:19:26,723
Daddy does, yeah, but you can't
call them servants any more.
324
00:19:26,723 --> 00:19:30,243
They prefer "staff".
Will you take my picture, please?
325
00:19:30,243 --> 00:19:32,763
Why do you want a picture
of this dump? For my followers.
326
00:19:32,763 --> 00:19:35,043
You have followers?
What, like Jesus?
327
00:19:35,043 --> 00:19:37,563
Oh, no, I'm not like Jesus.
He only had 12.
328
00:19:37,563 --> 00:19:39,363
I've got 1.2 million.
329
00:19:39,363 --> 00:19:42,003
No, look, I do understand
what you're saying.
330
00:19:42,003 --> 00:19:44,923
And we've been banking
with you since 1980.
331
00:19:44,923 --> 00:19:46,563
It's like a couple
of little hiccups,
332
00:19:46,563 --> 00:19:49,163
and "Thank you for 40 years
of business, now piss off."
333
00:19:49,163 --> 00:19:50,563
Oy! No phones.
334
00:19:50,563 --> 00:19:51,843
Yes, one second, please.
335
00:19:51,843 --> 00:19:54,083
I'm just trying to keep a roof
over my kid's heads.
336
00:19:54,083 --> 00:19:56,883
I'm meeting with the Chinese today
and I will make them sign.
337
00:19:56,883 --> 00:19:58,963
Give me your phone. Just go away.
How about that?
338
00:19:58,963 --> 00:20:01,763
OK? I need two weeks
for the money to come through.
339
00:20:01,763 --> 00:20:03,923
The Chinese will sign.
The Chinese will sign.
340
00:20:03,923 --> 00:20:06,003
Thank you very much indeed.
Three, two, one. There you go.
341
00:20:06,003 --> 00:20:08,283
- Thank you so much.
- No more calls. You're here to work.
342
00:20:08,283 --> 00:20:10,563
That was work! OK?
343
00:20:10,563 --> 00:20:12,443
This is detention.
344
00:20:15,403 --> 00:20:17,923
Have you ever have Chinese wine?
What?
345
00:20:17,923 --> 00:20:21,963
If you do business with the Chinese,
they'll want to drink with you.
346
00:20:21,963 --> 00:20:26,163
Makes them feel they can trust you.
Chinese call it guanxi.
347
00:20:26,163 --> 00:20:28,403
Well, thank you for that advice,
Confucius.
348
00:20:28,403 --> 00:20:30,403
Do you want to get back
to shovelling shit?
349
00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:33,483
Be warned, though, if they bring out
the ol' Chinese wine
350
00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,763
cos that neck oil is lethal.
351
00:20:35,763 --> 00:20:39,843
When I was in Beijing, I knew
a tiny Chinaman who'd drink me
352
00:20:39,843 --> 00:20:41,083
under the table.
353
00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:43,683
We don't say "Chinaman" nowadays.
354
00:20:43,683 --> 00:20:45,843
The political correctness brigade
have ruled
355
00:20:45,843 --> 00:20:47,403
you can't say Chinaman any more.
356
00:20:47,403 --> 00:20:49,723
You can still say Englishman,
Irishman and Scotsman, though,
357
00:20:49,723 --> 00:20:51,083
so at least our jokes are safe.
358
00:20:51,083 --> 00:20:52,563
Oh, bless.
359
00:20:52,563 --> 00:20:55,643
I know you white blokes have had it
good since the Bronze Age
360
00:20:55,643 --> 00:20:57,883
and the last couple of years might
have been a bit confusing,
361
00:20:57,883 --> 00:21:01,203
but if you find yourself thinking,
"Is this offensive?"
362
00:21:01,203 --> 00:21:04,323
just assume that it is
and go about your business.
363
00:21:04,323 --> 00:21:07,243
Oy! Are you lot working
over there or gassing?
364
00:21:07,243 --> 00:21:12,003
We're working, boss! Harder than
a prostitute with two mattresses.
365
00:21:24,203 --> 00:21:25,643
I think it's too risky.
366
00:21:25,643 --> 00:21:26,963
Me too.
367
00:21:28,043 --> 00:21:30,563
No-one asked your opinion, bruv.
368
00:21:30,563 --> 00:21:33,483
Yeah, it's risky,
but do we got another play?
369
00:21:33,483 --> 00:21:36,043
Say the word
and I'll do it right now.
370
00:21:36,043 --> 00:21:39,123
No, no, not yet.
We need more leverage first.
371
00:21:45,843 --> 00:21:47,843
I went to this epic music festival
in Goa
372
00:21:47,843 --> 00:21:50,563
called the Festival
of Peace and Light. Have you been?
373
00:21:50,563 --> 00:21:52,083
No.
374
00:21:52,083 --> 00:21:53,803
Just...fantastic.
375
00:21:57,603 --> 00:21:59,963
Mm, want some?
376
00:21:59,963 --> 00:22:01,283
No, no, no.
377
00:22:02,683 --> 00:22:05,323
Hey, bruv. You want some piff?
It's high grade.
378
00:22:05,323 --> 00:22:08,003
Thanks, but I'm good for piff.
379
00:22:08,003 --> 00:22:10,563
The Festival of Peace and Light
actually inspired me
380
00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:12,963
to organise a music festival
of my own.
381
00:22:12,963 --> 00:22:14,683
Like Glastonbury?
382
00:22:14,683 --> 00:22:16,243
Less muddy, more magical.
383
00:22:16,243 --> 00:22:19,083
So, there's gonna be luxury yurts,
regular yurts, slam poetry,
384
00:22:19,083 --> 00:22:22,723
yoga, Ed Sheeran. I mean, everything
you've ever wanted, right?
385
00:22:22,723 --> 00:22:25,683
You know me so well.
386
00:22:25,683 --> 00:22:27,363
You sure you don't want some piff?
387
00:22:27,363 --> 00:22:28,843
All right, why not?
388
00:22:30,843 --> 00:22:33,003
Somewhere around here. Exactly. Hey!
389
00:22:33,003 --> 00:22:35,083
Put that out, will ya?
390
00:22:35,083 --> 00:22:37,923
Not getting extra hours
cos of your sort. Your sort?
391
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:41,203
Yeah, the sort that would rather
stand there smoking a joint or
392
00:22:41,203 --> 00:22:44,923
stealing, dealing drugs or whatever
than just doing a decent days' work.
393
00:22:44,923 --> 00:22:47,803
Oh, stealing, dealing drugs.
Why you saying that? Cos he's black?
394
00:22:47,803 --> 00:22:49,003
Because he's here.
395
00:22:49,003 --> 00:22:50,363
So are you, mate.
396
00:22:50,363 --> 00:22:53,243
Yeah, because of his sort.
Come here, give me the joint.
397
00:22:53,243 --> 00:22:54,403
What? What are you doing?
398
00:22:54,403 --> 00:22:56,763
Just give me the joint.
Stop it. Stop!
399
00:22:56,763 --> 00:23:00,203
That's enough!
What are you doing?!
400
00:23:00,203 --> 00:23:03,963
All right, stop... Stop it!
401
00:23:05,563 --> 00:23:07,963
An eye for an eye makes
the whole world blind.
402
00:23:09,323 --> 00:23:12,803
Cut it out! Right now!
403
00:23:24,683 --> 00:23:26,203
Who's this belong to?
404
00:23:26,203 --> 00:23:27,763
It's his. No, it ain't.
405
00:23:27,763 --> 00:23:31,923
Somebody owns up
or everyone gets five more hours.
406
00:23:31,923 --> 00:23:35,083
You can't do that. He can do that.
Mr Wilder's a senior officer.
407
00:23:35,083 --> 00:23:36,163
Whose is it?
408
00:23:36,163 --> 00:23:38,563
I've just told you whose it is.
It's his.
409
00:23:38,563 --> 00:23:40,283
Ask her, she knows.
410
00:23:40,283 --> 00:23:42,683
If you know something, speak up.
411
00:23:53,163 --> 00:23:55,243
We... It's mine.
412
00:24:00,683 --> 00:24:02,603
No, it isn't. It's mine.
413
00:24:03,883 --> 00:24:05,883
Five more hours for both of you.
414
00:24:05,883 --> 00:24:07,523
Why is he getting five more hours?
415
00:24:07,523 --> 00:24:08,803
For lying.
416
00:24:08,803 --> 00:24:10,563
Do you want five more hours
for sticking your nose in?
417
00:24:10,563 --> 00:24:13,603
Yeah. You should give me five more
for this as well.
418
00:24:15,003 --> 00:24:19,243
You all seem to have forgotten that
you're all here instead of jail.
419
00:24:20,283 --> 00:24:22,243
So, try not to forget this.
420
00:24:22,243 --> 00:24:26,563
Any of you lot walk, talk or think
out of line,
421
00:24:26,563 --> 00:24:28,683
I will make sure that all of you
422
00:24:28,683 --> 00:24:31,643
spend the rest of your hours
behind bars.
423
00:24:33,203 --> 00:24:34,563
Understood?
424
00:24:34,563 --> 00:24:36,563
Yes.
425
00:24:40,043 --> 00:24:42,803
All right, pack it up people.
We'll do it all again tomorrow.
426
00:24:42,803 --> 00:24:46,043
Apart from the fighting.
And the ganja.
427
00:24:48,723 --> 00:24:50,163
Sir?
428
00:24:50,163 --> 00:24:51,963
I did actually have things
under control.
429
00:24:51,963 --> 00:24:55,043
In what universe is pot-smoking
junkies wrestling
430
00:24:55,043 --> 00:24:57,163
"having things under control"?
431
00:25:07,163 --> 00:25:08,683
Thank you.
432
00:26:18,683 --> 00:26:20,003
Good luck, Daddy.
433
00:26:20,003 --> 00:26:22,883
Mum says if the meeting goes well,
we can have pizza!
434
00:26:22,883 --> 00:26:25,403
I did say that, yes.
OK, good luck, sweetheart.
435
00:26:25,403 --> 00:26:26,723
We love you so much.
436
00:26:37,203 --> 00:26:39,843
Oh, this is sick!
437
00:26:39,843 --> 00:26:42,523
Es. Es, take that off.
Come on, let's go.
438
00:26:42,523 --> 00:26:46,643
Yo, check it out. Virtual reality.
439
00:26:46,643 --> 00:26:49,363
She's walking around a club
in Miami right now.
440
00:26:49,363 --> 00:26:50,643
Come on, Es. Let's go.
441
00:26:53,363 --> 00:26:54,923
Shit, man.
442
00:26:54,923 --> 00:26:56,403
Home, now.
443
00:26:56,403 --> 00:26:57,643
You seem tense, blud.
444
00:26:57,643 --> 00:27:01,523
They do virtual porn - you should
have a tug, let off some steam.
445
00:27:05,283 --> 00:27:06,523
Come on, let's go home.
446
00:27:06,523 --> 00:27:08,763
Here, Es.
447
00:27:08,763 --> 00:27:11,043
Take this 50.
Buy yourself something nice.
448
00:27:11,043 --> 00:27:12,563
She don't want it.
449
00:27:12,563 --> 00:27:13,763
Yeah, I do. It's free money.
450
00:27:13,763 --> 00:27:15,723
No, it's not. Let's go.
451
00:27:18,403 --> 00:27:20,563
Es, I'll hold if for you, yeah?
Yeah!
452
00:27:21,563 --> 00:27:23,203
Why do I have to keep telling you
all the time?
453
00:27:23,203 --> 00:27:24,963
Stop hanging with these people.
454
00:27:24,963 --> 00:27:27,043
Come on. Why do I have to keep...
455
00:27:28,403 --> 00:27:29,883
And, uh, we're very proud
456
00:27:29,883 --> 00:27:32,563
of the fact that,
from those humble beginnings,
457
00:27:32,563 --> 00:27:37,923
we now find ourselves standing here
in this 50,000 square foot space.
458
00:27:39,523 --> 00:27:42,363
But let's, uh, let's,
let's talk more about, uh,
459
00:27:42,363 --> 00:27:45,483
the family side of the business
and, uh...
460
00:27:48,763 --> 00:27:52,443
..where we've come from
and really where we intend to go.
461
00:27:53,643 --> 00:27:56,403
You can really see
the...the year-on-year growth,
462
00:27:56,403 --> 00:27:59,363
and it's this growth
that will mark a significant return
463
00:27:59,363 --> 00:28:01,043
on your investment.
464
00:28:03,843 --> 00:28:07,243
And make a partnership
with Halloran and Son
465
00:28:07,243 --> 00:28:09,523
the only sensible choice.
466
00:28:11,603 --> 00:28:12,963
Xie xie.
467
00:28:14,683 --> 00:28:16,243
Zhao!
468
00:28:19,883 --> 00:28:22,203
I'm very sorry.
Please excuse my daughter.
469
00:28:24,323 --> 00:28:28,483
She loves all things British -
One Direction, Little Mix,
470
00:28:28,483 --> 00:28:29,763
Brooklyn Beckham...
471
00:28:29,763 --> 00:28:33,443
Well, um, on behalf of Britain,
I can only apologise.
472
00:28:35,603 --> 00:28:37,483
Yes.
473
00:28:43,923 --> 00:28:46,963
Our company has built
an impeccable reputation
474
00:28:46,963 --> 00:28:48,243
for integrity and honesty.
475
00:28:48,243 --> 00:28:50,283
So, I hope this doesn't offend you,
476
00:28:50,283 --> 00:28:53,963
but is there anything that we should
know about you or your father
477
00:28:53,963 --> 00:28:56,363
that could bring our company
into disrepute?
478
00:29:00,283 --> 00:29:01,523
There is not.
479
00:29:02,803 --> 00:29:04,083
Meiyou.
480
00:29:06,323 --> 00:29:09,563
I'm sure you'd agree
that business is based on trust.
481
00:29:11,923 --> 00:29:14,083
Why should
we entrust our money to you?
482
00:29:17,003 --> 00:29:18,243
Um...
483
00:29:21,123 --> 00:29:23,843
Why should, why...
Yes, um...
484
00:29:25,163 --> 00:29:26,563
Why?
485
00:29:31,163 --> 00:29:33,083
You, uh,
486
00:29:33,083 --> 00:29:35,043
you keep your family close.
487
00:29:35,043 --> 00:29:37,763
Maybe one day when you retire,
your daughter there
488
00:29:37,763 --> 00:29:39,523
will take the company reins,
489
00:29:39,523 --> 00:29:41,803
if she can stay off
her phone long enough.
490
00:29:47,523 --> 00:29:52,003
My, uh, my father built
this company from nothing.
491
00:29:52,003 --> 00:29:53,803
Worked every hour God gave.
492
00:29:53,803 --> 00:29:56,963
Never, never bellyached,
never asked for a...a hand-out...
493
00:29:58,163 --> 00:30:02,323
On the day he retired,
he had four bidders begging to buy.
494
00:30:02,323 --> 00:30:03,763
But he didn't sell.
495
00:30:05,243 --> 00:30:07,843
He handed the business to me.
496
00:30:07,843 --> 00:30:11,203
And, uh, I asked him,
I said, uh, you know, why?
497
00:30:11,203 --> 00:30:12,523
Why me?
498
00:30:12,523 --> 00:30:15,003
And, um, he told me, he said,
499
00:30:15,003 --> 00:30:18,123
"Trust, son,
is the key to any relationship,
500
00:30:18,123 --> 00:30:20,003
"business or otherwise.
501
00:30:20,003 --> 00:30:24,363
"And who can you trust
if you can't trust family?"
502
00:30:24,363 --> 00:30:27,723
This is a family business,
Chairman Yang.
503
00:30:27,723 --> 00:30:31,683
You place your trust in me,
and you become part of that family.
504
00:30:31,683 --> 00:30:35,243
And, sir,
I never let my family down.
505
00:30:46,763 --> 00:30:48,163
Mr Halloran,
506
00:30:48,163 --> 00:30:50,243
if you prepare the contracts
for review,
507
00:30:50,243 --> 00:30:51,763
we'd like to sign tomorrow.
508
00:30:53,683 --> 00:30:56,843
That's, uh, that's great.
That's great.
509
00:30:58,643 --> 00:31:01,683
Right, well,
I don't know about you, but, uh,
510
00:31:01,683 --> 00:31:05,763
I always find closing deals
very, very thirsty work.
511
00:31:05,763 --> 00:31:08,123
So, uh, please,
grab...grab a glass and, uh...
512
00:31:11,803 --> 00:31:12,843
Yeah.
513
00:31:20,923 --> 00:31:22,243
I met a girl today.
514
00:31:22,243 --> 00:31:23,723
Player.
515
00:31:23,723 --> 00:31:25,483
I want you to talk
to her about school.
516
00:31:31,603 --> 00:31:33,123
I know you're mad at me.
517
00:31:34,323 --> 00:31:36,883
But why have you got to hang out
with them when I told you not to?
518
00:31:39,563 --> 00:31:43,123
This is our family. Yeah?
You and me.
519
00:31:43,123 --> 00:31:44,723
Not them.
520
00:31:44,723 --> 00:31:47,083
You're not my family. You're a joke.
521
00:31:47,083 --> 00:31:49,803
I'm your brother.
Show some respect.
522
00:31:49,803 --> 00:31:51,043
Respect what?
523
00:31:51,043 --> 00:31:53,243
They're down there getting
in a Range Rover.
524
00:31:53,243 --> 00:31:56,203
You're up here, unpeggin'
your little sister's underwear.
525
00:32:01,363 --> 00:32:03,243
What were
the other people like?
526
00:32:04,363 --> 00:32:05,603
Fine.
527
00:32:07,283 --> 00:32:09,483
Did you do everything you were told?
528
00:32:11,163 --> 00:32:12,323
Yeah.
529
00:32:16,083 --> 00:32:18,443
Is this our fault?
530
00:32:18,443 --> 00:32:20,043
Did we do something?
531
00:32:20,043 --> 00:32:21,243
No.
532
00:32:25,003 --> 00:32:28,883
We were too soft on you.
We should've set more boundaries.
533
00:32:28,883 --> 00:32:32,083
We should never have taken
the parental control off Netflix.
534
00:32:32,083 --> 00:32:33,603
Mum...
535
00:32:33,603 --> 00:32:36,723
Mum, it's not your fault.
536
00:32:39,483 --> 00:32:42,403
You promise me,
whatever this was about,
537
00:32:42,403 --> 00:32:44,203
this is the end of it.
538
00:32:46,483 --> 00:32:48,003
Promise.
539
00:32:58,243 --> 00:32:59,483
Margie.
540
00:32:59,483 --> 00:33:01,443
Put it down. I'd like to help.
541
00:33:02,483 --> 00:33:04,203
I don't need your help.
Put that down.
542
00:33:04,203 --> 00:33:06,163
Put it down.
543
00:33:09,003 --> 00:33:12,803
While I was inside, I had time
to think about all the people
544
00:33:12,803 --> 00:33:14,723
I effed around in my day.
545
00:33:14,723 --> 00:33:16,763
You're top of the list, Margie.
546
00:33:18,283 --> 00:33:19,523
I want to make that right.
547
00:33:19,523 --> 00:33:21,163
Oh, yeah?
548
00:33:21,163 --> 00:33:22,203
On my life.
549
00:33:22,203 --> 00:33:24,523
Don't promise on your life.
Don't you dare.
550
00:33:24,523 --> 00:33:26,923
You have fooled me 10,000 times,
not again.
551
00:33:26,923 --> 00:33:29,323
I said that you could stay
until the tag comes off.
552
00:33:29,323 --> 00:33:32,283
After that I don't want you in my
or my kids' lives a second longer.
553
00:33:32,283 --> 00:33:33,923
Is that clear?
554
00:33:35,923 --> 00:33:37,003
Crystal.
555
00:33:56,083 --> 00:34:00,003
Keep it down.
Fucking human pipe cleaner.
556
00:34:00,003 --> 00:34:01,923
Sorry.
557
00:34:01,923 --> 00:34:03,363
You OK?
558
00:34:03,363 --> 00:34:05,123
Chinese wine.
559
00:34:05,123 --> 00:34:08,443
Hoo! I told you. Lethal. Yeah.
560
00:34:08,443 --> 00:34:12,323
Oh, Diane, I raised my voice
to you the other day.
561
00:34:12,323 --> 00:34:15,723
That was completely unacceptable.
And I-I would like to apologise.
562
00:34:15,723 --> 00:34:16,843
Accepted.
563
00:34:16,843 --> 00:34:19,683
Yeah, in other news, I've got to be
somewhere by four today
564
00:34:19,683 --> 00:34:21,443
to close a very important
business deal.
565
00:34:21,443 --> 00:34:24,483
I was just wondering if you could
let me go just a little bit early.
566
00:34:24,483 --> 00:34:26,203
We finish at 3.30.
567
00:34:26,203 --> 00:34:28,643
I'm hoping you could make
an exception for me today, OK?
568
00:34:28,643 --> 00:34:30,803
Because I...I cannot be late
for this.
569
00:34:30,803 --> 00:34:34,323
Being late is a serious offence
in Chinese business.
570
00:34:35,483 --> 00:34:36,883
So...
571
00:34:36,883 --> 00:34:39,043
Everyone finishes at 3.30!
572
00:34:39,043 --> 00:34:41,283
Ah, you... For Christ's sake, woman!
573
00:34:41,283 --> 00:34:43,523
I'm just trying to keep
my business from going under,
574
00:34:43,523 --> 00:34:46,003
but no, let's...let's sweep
some old CDs.
575
00:34:49,843 --> 00:34:54,403
So...what's your first impressions
of our little gang?
576
00:34:57,643 --> 00:34:59,243
Everyone's a type.
577
00:34:59,243 --> 00:35:00,763
A type?
578
00:35:00,763 --> 00:35:04,803
Um, you've got
your right-wing blowhard,
579
00:35:04,803 --> 00:35:06,683
left-wing militant,
580
00:35:06,683 --> 00:35:08,723
celebutante,
581
00:35:08,723 --> 00:35:11,083
shifty old-timer,
582
00:35:11,083 --> 00:35:12,883
and whatever the hell he is.
583
00:35:13,923 --> 00:35:16,923
OK. What type am I?
584
00:35:16,923 --> 00:35:19,163
The bad boy.
585
00:35:19,163 --> 00:35:20,483
Why?
586
00:35:20,483 --> 00:35:22,843
What, is it
cos I've got all these tats?
587
00:35:22,843 --> 00:35:24,883
Yeah, tattoos aren't
that rebellious any more.
588
00:35:24,883 --> 00:35:26,403
You know who has tattoos?
589
00:35:26,403 --> 00:35:27,683
Dame Judi Dench.
590
00:35:27,683 --> 00:35:30,523
Well, then, Dame Judi Dench
is a straight up OG like me.
591
00:35:32,723 --> 00:35:33,923
What type are you?
592
00:35:35,403 --> 00:35:36,963
Studious Asian good girl.
593
00:35:36,963 --> 00:35:40,683
Mm. So, why does
the studious Asian good girl
594
00:35:40,683 --> 00:35:42,883
shoplift?
595
00:35:42,883 --> 00:35:45,283
Probably because my dad never gave me
596
00:35:45,283 --> 00:35:48,243
the freedom to go to parties or hang
out in a bus shelter with friends.
597
00:35:48,243 --> 00:35:50,803
Yeah, I've done that.
It's not as incredible as it sounds.
598
00:35:50,803 --> 00:35:54,923
To be fair to my dad, he grew
up in Poland under communism.
599
00:35:54,923 --> 00:35:58,323
So, his idea of freedom
is drinking a can of Pepsi.
600
00:36:01,723 --> 00:36:03,123
Would you do me a favour?
601
00:36:03,123 --> 00:36:04,643
What kind of favour?
602
00:36:04,643 --> 00:36:06,563
My sister's clever, like you.
603
00:36:06,563 --> 00:36:10,403
Well, she's got her GCSEs soon,
and I just can't make her study.
604
00:36:11,963 --> 00:36:14,283
Would you chat to her?
605
00:36:15,443 --> 00:36:17,483
I mean, I'm not sure what I'd say.
606
00:36:18,963 --> 00:36:20,483
But if you think it would help...
607
00:36:20,483 --> 00:36:22,003
Yeah. OK.
608
00:36:22,003 --> 00:36:24,363
Thank you. I really appreciate it.
609
00:36:43,323 --> 00:36:44,483
You OK?
610
00:36:46,283 --> 00:36:48,723
Yeah, um, uh, just gimme a second.
611
00:36:54,203 --> 00:36:57,243
I just found a deceased animal,
and I can't tell if it's over 10k.
612
00:36:57,243 --> 00:36:59,083
What we talking?
We're talking a dead badger.
613
00:36:59,083 --> 00:37:01,043
You'd better show me.
Roger that.
614
00:37:01,043 --> 00:37:02,483
Or should it be "bodger that"?
615
00:37:02,483 --> 00:37:04,043
What? Bodger and badger?
616
00:37:21,803 --> 00:37:23,683
What's my sister doing here?
617
00:37:23,683 --> 00:37:26,403
Some men from London are running
their lines into ends.
618
00:37:26,403 --> 00:37:28,523
She asked to help roll up on them.
619
00:37:28,523 --> 00:37:30,043
Well, that ain't happening.
620
00:37:30,043 --> 00:37:32,403
She says she wants to put in work,
innit?
621
00:37:32,403 --> 00:37:37,003
Think about it, yeah?
If I say no, that ain't woke.
622
00:37:37,003 --> 00:37:39,123
In this post-MeToo era,
623
00:37:39,123 --> 00:37:42,163
that kind of blatant sexism
can get you cancelled.
624
00:37:42,163 --> 00:37:45,163
My sister ain't puttin'
in work for you.
625
00:37:45,163 --> 00:37:46,843
Then who is?
626
00:37:48,363 --> 00:37:51,163
Oh, shit, man. I've paid my debts.
627
00:37:51,163 --> 00:37:53,283
I ain't asking permission,
I'm telling you -
628
00:37:53,283 --> 00:37:54,803
someone's doin' dirt tonight,
629
00:37:54,803 --> 00:37:56,923
And if it ain't you,
it's your little sister.
630
00:38:01,163 --> 00:38:02,963
What do you want me to do?
631
00:38:02,963 --> 00:38:05,083
They're sat in a trap house
in Lawrence Hill.
632
00:38:05,083 --> 00:38:08,123
They've got a line with fiends
callin' from Bristol to Penzance.
633
00:38:08,123 --> 00:38:09,523
I need that phone.
634
00:38:09,523 --> 00:38:11,883
Oh, cos they're just gonna hand
over the line because I ask nicely?
635
00:38:11,883 --> 00:38:14,883
Nah. That's why you need this.
636
00:38:16,403 --> 00:38:17,763
Put that away.
637
00:38:17,763 --> 00:38:20,643
Shut up, man. Don't act like you
ain't never seen a strap before.
638
00:38:22,203 --> 00:38:24,603
Where's the spot?
639
00:38:24,603 --> 00:38:26,523
32 Rossmore Avenue.
640
00:38:27,563 --> 00:38:31,683
Look, if I do this for you,
Esme don't hang with you no more.
641
00:38:31,683 --> 00:38:34,083
And I ain't asking you,
I'm telling you.
642
00:39:00,243 --> 00:39:01,883
Yeah, we'll call in the council.
643
00:39:15,723 --> 00:39:20,003
Hi, Clive, it's Diane. Yeah, another
code blue. Fire up the incinerator.
644
00:39:20,003 --> 00:39:21,723
We're talking dead badger.
645
00:39:27,043 --> 00:39:30,523
All right, roger that.
Or should that be "bodger that"?
646
00:39:31,723 --> 00:39:33,523
I know, yeah.
I just thought of it now.
647
00:39:34,563 --> 00:39:36,283
All right, thanks, Clive, bye-bye.
648
00:39:36,283 --> 00:39:37,523
You stole my joke.
649
00:39:37,523 --> 00:39:39,923
Do you want five more hours?! No.
650
00:39:41,803 --> 00:39:44,563
Home time. Tools away.
651
00:39:48,403 --> 00:39:50,003
Great. Yeah.
652
00:39:53,123 --> 00:39:55,963
All right, come on,
let's pick up the pace, people.
653
00:39:55,963 --> 00:39:58,563
Oy! You don't give the orders.
654
00:39:58,563 --> 00:40:01,003
OK, come on,
let's pick up the pace, people!
655
00:40:03,483 --> 00:40:05,083
Everyone, freeze!
656
00:40:07,643 --> 00:40:09,643
Someone better explain...
657
00:40:10,683 --> 00:40:12,283
..about the gun.
658
00:40:16,243 --> 00:40:18,643
A heat gun is missing.
659
00:40:18,643 --> 00:40:20,563
Empty your pockets.
660
00:40:20,563 --> 00:40:21,963
Open your bags.
661
00:40:21,963 --> 00:40:23,243
I'm conducting a search.
662
00:40:24,203 --> 00:40:25,483
Open your bag.
663
00:40:28,203 --> 00:40:31,843
Files, headphones...
664
00:40:31,843 --> 00:40:35,163
She Gone - Coping With Divorce.
665
00:40:35,163 --> 00:40:38,123
Oh, I'm so sorry.
I just broke up with someone, too.
666
00:40:38,123 --> 00:40:39,163
How long has it been?
667
00:40:39,163 --> 00:40:40,883
Since Pancake Day last year.
668
00:40:40,883 --> 00:40:44,443
She sent me out to get a Jif lemon,
and when I came back, she was gone.
669
00:40:45,603 --> 00:40:48,603
People, let's not get side-tracked
by Greg's failed marriage.
670
00:40:48,603 --> 00:40:51,363
A heat gun is missing.
This is serious.
671
00:40:51,363 --> 00:40:53,723
I'll buy you a new one. OK?
Can we please just go?
672
00:41:11,603 --> 00:41:13,683
Is that yours too?
673
00:41:13,683 --> 00:41:15,323
- That one's his.
- No, it ain't.
674
00:41:15,323 --> 00:41:16,803
What, you're a liar and a thief?
675
00:41:16,803 --> 00:41:19,763
Oh, his sort, must be the thief.
676
00:41:19,763 --> 00:41:22,483
You do know not every coloured
person is a living saint?
677
00:41:22,483 --> 00:41:25,763
We don't say coloured person.
We say person of colour.
678
00:41:25,763 --> 00:41:28,123
I'll give you £1,000
if you can tell me the difference.
679
00:41:28,123 --> 00:41:30,603
Why don't you just ask people
how they'd like to be described?
680
00:41:30,603 --> 00:41:34,323
For instance, would you like to be
known as caveman or dinosaur?
681
00:41:34,323 --> 00:41:35,843
Enough!
682
00:41:35,843 --> 00:41:37,323
Pass it here.
683
00:41:46,963 --> 00:41:48,283
Is this your bag?
684
00:41:48,283 --> 00:41:49,883
Never seen it before.
685
00:41:49,883 --> 00:41:51,843
That's bullocks!
I've seen him with it.
686
00:41:51,843 --> 00:41:53,323
So has she.
687
00:41:53,323 --> 00:41:54,723
Is that true?
688
00:41:56,323 --> 00:41:57,483
Three words.
689
00:41:57,483 --> 00:42:01,003
Quid pro quo. Is this his bag?
690
00:42:06,403 --> 00:42:07,643
Yeah.
691
00:42:09,083 --> 00:42:10,323
Thank you.
692
00:42:39,043 --> 00:42:40,683
Everyone on the bus.
693
00:42:40,683 --> 00:42:42,683
Hallelujah.
Thank you so much, Diane,
694
00:42:42,683 --> 00:42:44,563
for those five minutes
we're never getting back.
695
00:42:50,443 --> 00:42:52,723
Snitches get stitches.
696
00:42:52,723 --> 00:42:54,043
All right, leave her alone.
697
00:42:54,043 --> 00:42:55,963
There's a code. What's the code?
698
00:42:55,963 --> 00:42:57,323
No snitching!
699
00:42:57,323 --> 00:43:01,203
Ha! Yeah,
the noble criminal code, huh?
700
00:43:01,203 --> 00:43:05,043
We can rob, steal and murder,
but, uh, telling on one another,
701
00:43:05,043 --> 00:43:06,523
that's...that's where
we draw the line.
702
00:43:06,523 --> 00:43:08,923
We're supposed to stick together.
703
00:43:08,923 --> 00:43:10,403
There's no "we" here.
704
00:43:29,163 --> 00:43:30,843
Uh-bup-bup...
705
00:43:42,923 --> 00:43:45,803
Empty out your pockets.
Bags go through the machine.
706
00:43:45,803 --> 00:43:47,363
You've got to be kidding me!
707
00:43:49,403 --> 00:43:51,003
I need to speak to you.
708
00:43:51,003 --> 00:43:52,363
I've got somewhere to be.
709
00:43:52,363 --> 00:43:53,923
But I really need to speak to you.
710
00:43:58,963 --> 00:44:00,163
Rani!
711
00:44:03,363 --> 00:44:05,443
Oh, come on!
712
00:44:05,443 --> 00:44:06,843
Belt off, please.
713
00:44:10,083 --> 00:44:11,603
Rekowski.
714
00:44:12,803 --> 00:44:14,483
Go home. This is not a Youth Club.
715
00:44:14,483 --> 00:44:16,483
Uh, we were...we were
just talking about...
716
00:44:16,483 --> 00:44:19,763
I'm sure you'll see her again soon.
Go on, Valentino. Off you go.
717
00:44:22,923 --> 00:44:24,563
This'll surprise you,
718
00:44:24,563 --> 00:44:26,203
but when I was your age...
719
00:44:27,803 --> 00:44:29,723
..I was unpopular too.
720
00:44:29,723 --> 00:44:31,923
Yeah, that is a shock.
721
00:44:31,923 --> 00:44:33,323
I heard the talk.
722
00:44:33,323 --> 00:44:36,763
You'll always get grief for doing
the right thing. So, ignore 'em.
723
00:44:36,763 --> 00:44:38,603
They're not your friends.
724
00:44:38,603 --> 00:44:41,123
The only friend you have
around here is me.
725
00:44:41,123 --> 00:44:45,763
And you did good today, OK?
It's going in your report.
726
00:44:45,763 --> 00:44:47,443
Feel better?
727
00:44:50,203 --> 00:44:51,523
What's going on here?
728
00:44:51,523 --> 00:44:55,163
Oh, a heat gun has gone missing,
sir. I'm investigating.
729
00:44:55,163 --> 00:44:56,643
Investigating?
730
00:44:56,643 --> 00:44:59,163
Well, good luck with that, Columbo.
731
00:45:03,683 --> 00:45:05,683
Rekowski, through the machine.
732
00:45:08,003 --> 00:45:09,443
Excuse me.
733
00:45:11,243 --> 00:45:13,243
Less gawking, more walking.
734
00:45:17,083 --> 00:45:18,243
Anything?
735
00:45:19,723 --> 00:45:22,003
What are you doing? You don't
have to take your shoes off.
736
00:45:22,003 --> 00:45:23,483
It's not the bloody airport.
737
00:45:23,483 --> 00:45:25,563
Looks like an airport, doesn't it?
738
00:45:25,563 --> 00:45:28,043
With the metal detector and the...
739
00:45:28,043 --> 00:45:29,123
Well, it isn't.
740
00:45:35,563 --> 00:45:37,923
All right, let's go.
It looks like an airport.
741
00:45:39,923 --> 00:45:41,123
Whoa, whoa!
742
00:45:41,123 --> 00:45:43,403
Step back! Step back!
Come back through, please, sir.
743
00:45:43,403 --> 00:45:45,363
I need to conduct a thorough search.
744
00:45:53,403 --> 00:45:54,803
Is that allowed?
745
00:45:56,203 --> 00:45:57,843
Well, that's not mine.
746
00:45:57,843 --> 00:46:00,443
No, it isn't.
Property of Probation Service.
747
00:46:00,443 --> 00:46:01,723
Nothing gets past me.
748
00:46:01,723 --> 00:46:03,563
I've caught the thief, sir.
I'm not a thief.
749
00:46:03,563 --> 00:46:06,043
If you'll pass me Her Majesty's
bracelets, I'll cuff him.
750
00:46:06,043 --> 00:46:09,163
Cuff me? Right, where's the heat
gun? Is it still on your person?
751
00:46:09,163 --> 00:46:11,483
I'm gonna need
some rubber gloves as well!
752
00:46:11,483 --> 00:46:12,803
No, you're not. Walk very slowly.
753
00:46:12,803 --> 00:46:15,363
You're not going to need any gloves.
We're not in Guantanamo Bay.
754
00:46:15,363 --> 00:46:17,523
Anything could slip out en route.
Come on.
755
00:46:21,403 --> 00:46:22,843
Um...
756
00:46:24,323 --> 00:46:27,163
That, uh, boy asked if I'd read
his sister's course work.
757
00:46:27,163 --> 00:46:28,323
Can I tell him that's OK?
758
00:46:30,323 --> 00:46:31,443
OK, quickly.
759
00:46:35,403 --> 00:46:39,243
You tell your sister that
I am more than happy to help.
760
00:46:43,003 --> 00:46:44,843
Whatever they're making you do...
761
00:46:46,363 --> 00:46:48,723
..please don't.
762
00:46:48,723 --> 00:46:50,083
Rani!
763
00:47:05,003 --> 00:47:06,843
Come on!
764
00:47:08,403 --> 00:47:09,723
Come on!
765
00:47:14,483 --> 00:47:15,723
Hello, Dad.
766
00:47:15,723 --> 00:47:16,763
Did they sign?
767
00:47:16,763 --> 00:47:18,523
I'm just on my way. You're late?!
768
00:47:18,523 --> 00:47:20,123
Jesus, I knew
I should've done this myself.
769
00:47:20,123 --> 00:47:22,243
Do I have to hold your hand
to sign your own bloody name?!
770
00:47:22,243 --> 00:47:24,483
No, Dad, everything's fine.
771
00:47:24,483 --> 00:47:26,203
To be late is offensive
in Chinese business.
772
00:47:26,203 --> 00:47:27,803
Yeah, I'm... I'm aware of that.
773
00:47:27,803 --> 00:47:29,723
By God, if you screw this up, I...
774
00:47:29,723 --> 00:47:31,203
Just call me when it's done!
775
00:47:31,203 --> 00:47:32,483
I'm...
776
00:47:41,723 --> 00:47:43,883
Define metallic bonding.
777
00:47:43,883 --> 00:47:47,043
The electrostatic attraction
between delocalised electrons
778
00:47:47,043 --> 00:47:48,963
and positive metal ions.
779
00:47:48,963 --> 00:47:53,643
Hmm, correct.
What is the octet rule?
780
00:47:55,523 --> 00:47:58,763
Elements combine
in a covalent compound
781
00:47:58,763 --> 00:48:02,043
with eight electrons
in their outer shell.
782
00:48:02,043 --> 00:48:03,283
Are they bothering you?
783
00:48:03,283 --> 00:48:04,323
No.
784
00:48:05,443 --> 00:48:09,363
Hey. Hey!
Can you keep the noise down, please?
785
00:48:09,363 --> 00:48:10,843
My daughter is studying up here.
786
00:48:10,843 --> 00:48:12,523
Fuck off! Get out of here, man.
787
00:48:15,363 --> 00:48:17,203
They have all the privileges
in the world,
788
00:48:17,203 --> 00:48:18,843
and they choose to waste
their lives.
789
00:48:18,843 --> 00:48:22,643
Hmm! Good.
More opportunities for you.
790
00:48:22,643 --> 00:48:25,803
Which of these is the best conductor
of electricity?
791
00:48:25,803 --> 00:48:27,443
Sodium, magnesium or alu....?
792
00:48:27,443 --> 00:48:29,083
Aluminium.
793
00:48:29,083 --> 00:48:30,763
Correct. Very good.
794
00:48:51,443 --> 00:48:53,403
I'm so sorry I'm late.
795
00:48:53,403 --> 00:48:58,803
Oh, I just, uh, had a meeting
with some, uh, new suppliers.
796
00:48:58,803 --> 00:49:01,563
Anyway, the exciting part, huh?
797
00:49:01,563 --> 00:49:03,643
I think we've got
all the paperwork sorted,
798
00:49:03,643 --> 00:49:08,283
so now all we need
is your signatures.
799
00:49:12,763 --> 00:49:15,403
Is...everything OK?
800
00:49:22,683 --> 00:49:26,603
An eye for an eye makes
the whole world blind.
801
00:49:28,363 --> 00:49:29,843
Stop!
802
00:50:08,443 --> 00:50:10,043
I can help with that.
803
00:50:10,043 --> 00:50:13,523
Well, I managed without your help
during puberty,
804
00:50:13,523 --> 00:50:15,963
two divorces
and my mother's dementia,
805
00:50:15,963 --> 00:50:17,963
so I'm pretty sure
I can scrape the paint
806
00:50:17,963 --> 00:50:19,683
off an old door without you.
807
00:50:22,723 --> 00:50:24,203
What's that?
808
00:50:24,203 --> 00:50:27,403
Heat gun. For stripping paint.
809
00:50:27,403 --> 00:50:29,723
Did you steal it? No.
810
00:50:29,723 --> 00:50:31,083
Frank?
811
00:50:31,083 --> 00:50:32,443
I borrowed it.
812
00:50:38,363 --> 00:50:39,763
Plug it in.
813
00:51:28,163 --> 00:51:29,803
Bro.
814
00:51:31,443 --> 00:51:35,523
Come on, bro. It's me, man.
815
00:51:35,523 --> 00:51:37,163
Who's there?
816
00:51:37,163 --> 00:51:38,723
Hey, bro, I just need two Bs, bro.
817
00:51:38,723 --> 00:51:41,163
Eh, no man, you've got the wrong
place. No, bro. Come on, man.
818
00:51:41,163 --> 00:51:42,843
Please, I've got
the money on me now.
819
00:51:42,843 --> 00:51:44,523
- I'll just get it out.
- Please, man...
820
00:51:44,523 --> 00:51:45,843
Hey, man, I said fuck off.
821
00:51:50,283 --> 00:51:51,803
What are you thinking, man?
822
00:51:52,963 --> 00:51:54,203
Sit down.
823
00:51:54,203 --> 00:51:57,243
You, move. Now!
824
00:52:03,843 --> 00:52:06,083
Where's the line? What line?
825
00:52:06,083 --> 00:52:07,843
Don't mess with me, man.
Where's the phone?
826
00:52:07,843 --> 00:52:10,323
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- I'm not gonna ask you again.
827
00:52:10,323 --> 00:52:11,723
Where the fuck is the phone?!
828
00:52:14,763 --> 00:52:16,123
Under the rug, man.
829
00:52:39,363 --> 00:52:40,523
I dare you.
830
00:52:46,163 --> 00:52:47,803
You don't want to do this, man.
831
00:52:47,803 --> 00:52:51,203
I'm telling you, bro.
You're making a mistake, man.
832
00:53:10,003 --> 00:53:11,923
Do you know who you're robbing,
blud?
833
00:53:18,283 --> 00:53:20,443
You don't want to walk out
that door with that bag, bro.
834
00:53:20,443 --> 00:53:22,483
I'm telling you that right now.
835
00:53:49,843 --> 00:53:50,923
Hey!
836
00:53:52,443 --> 00:53:54,483
Go, go, go! Go! Go!
837
00:54:19,243 --> 00:54:21,603
Hey! This way.
838
00:55:09,083 --> 00:55:10,643
Sweetheart.
839
00:55:12,163 --> 00:55:13,763
Did they sign?
840
00:55:14,803 --> 00:55:16,323
Of course.
841
00:55:16,323 --> 00:55:18,763
We're out of the woods?
842
00:55:18,763 --> 00:55:20,123
Absolutely.
843
00:55:20,123 --> 00:55:21,563
Oh, thank God!
844
00:55:21,563 --> 00:55:22,763
Thank God.
845
00:55:27,443 --> 00:55:29,443
Did you tell your dad
the good news?
846
00:55:30,363 --> 00:55:32,203
Yeah. I told him.
847
00:55:32,203 --> 00:55:35,963
Well done, sweetheart.
I am so proud of you.
848
00:55:35,963 --> 00:55:37,483
Thank you.
849
00:57:08,803 --> 00:57:10,283
Evening, Sarge.
850
00:57:14,003 --> 00:57:16,123
Lucy. Hmm?
851
00:57:23,803 --> 00:57:25,323
This just came in? Hmm.
852
00:57:25,323 --> 00:57:28,323
CCTV from Lawrence Hill.
62105
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