All language subtitles for Pretty.Smart.2021.S01E08.1080p.WEB.H264-CAKES

- Mm. Good smoothies, Claire.
- Thanks.

I dropped some gummy worms
in there and just went with it.

We might need a new blender.

Hey, Jayden. How are you doing?

How would you be if the Internet troll
who preyed upon your ankle insecurity

and baited you into posting
a humiliating clapback video

turned out to be your estranged mother
with whom you'd not spoken in years?

Yes, I hate when that happens.

I had no idea things were so bad
between you and your mom.

If you don't mind me asking,
what happened between you two?

- Give him space!
- What's going on?

It's too difficult for Jayden
to tell the story with words,

- so he tells it with dance.
- Okay.

Jayden came out of his
mother's womb with a pointed toe.

It was a medical emergency,
but a performance marvel.

That's when his mother knew
he was talented.

She became his manager,
and he started modeling.

And their careers took off.

He walked the runway
at every Kohl's in the United States.

They were booking gigs,
making money, living the fast life

all the way into Jayden's teens.

Jayden grew to resent his mom's
domineering, momagerial style.

She made him practice
his runway walks over and over,

constantly nit-picking every move.

The pressure was so high
that he used to pull at his earlobe,

which stretched it enough to mess up
his perfectly symmetrical face.

With all that pressure from his mom,
Jayden reached a breaking point.

He felt like a wilting flower.

Wow. That was... Oh, it's not over.

This part's new.

Uh, they haven't spoken since
he fired her, and now she's...

blackmailing him?

She's demanding he meet her in person
if he wants the trolling to stop.

Holy sh...

Hey, where's pottery Dave?

I noticed he slept over again last night

because your stuffed animal friends
were crammed under the sink.

He's getting ready.

He's very passionate about brushing
each sector of his mouth for 30 seconds.

You have been seeing
a lot of each other, huh?

Yeah.

Hey, everyone.

- Dave.
- Hey, Dave.

Dude, I finally saw that movie
you recommended.

- Titanic?
- Yeah.

It's crazy what people come up with.

Oh! I almost forgot.
Claire, I have a gift for you.

Aw, you shouldn't have.

Ta-da! A vase.

- Oh, I love that you stuck with pottery.
- Oh, thanks.

The teacher said, while I'm not improving,
I am wasting a lot of clay.

I think it's perfect.

Ha. I think you two are the cutest.

And I find straight kissing inappropriate.

Hey, what is that, Grant? Smells great.

Mm.

My mom's casserole.

Every year, she sends a bunch of pans
from Nebraska for me to freeze.

Jayden's mom dance
made me think about my mom,

so I had to eat some.

You want a slice, Jay?
Might make you feel better.

It has 47 ingredients.

The second most important one is love.

The most important one... is Velveeta.

No, thanks. I'm fine.
You don't have to worry about me.

I just have to have a sit-down
with the woman who gave me life

and then systematically
tried to destroy it.

You're not thinking
of meeting up with her, are you?

I don't have a choice.
It's classic Jasmine.

The exact tactic she used to ensure
I was named Homecoming King every year,

including the year
the quarterback got paralyzed

and everyone wanted to "rally around him."

Be careful. It sounds like
you guys have a toxic dynamic.

Don't worry, I'm fully prepared.

I will not let her suck me
into any of her mind games.

I'm taking a scooter so I can approach
the restaurant through the alley.

Or I could give you a ride.
I'm headed out now.

Dave, you continue to be the best.

- See you later.
- Bye.

I love him.

Oh, I'm so happy Jayden likes Dave.

Why wouldn't he? Dave is awesome.

He explained to me what a 401 is.

Still have no idea.

You like him too.
Chelsea, what do you think?

Yeah, Dave's great.

He's got the sweetness of a Mister Rogers
but the sex appeal of a...

well, a Mister Rogers.

That's so good to hear.

- Solana?
- Yes?

- Do you like Dave too?
- I'm not sure.

Good.

Wait, what? Not really sure?

Hello, Mother.

Jayden, sweetie.

Come, sit.

I ordered you a Pellegrino. With lemon.

That's how I like it.
What's the point of bubbles

- without a little zing?
- Without a little zing?

Look at us two.

Don't I know my son?

Let's get you your favorite crudité.

Okay. I could go for a gherkin.

What... Oh, God, no.

I will not let you lure me
into some false sense of security.

You are blackmailing me.

Why am I here?

I just wanted to talk.

I've been watching your career,

and I am concerned
with the direction it's taken.

Look how poorly you handled
this ankle-gate thing.

You're the one who created ankle-gate!

And I'm the one who can fix it.

Jayden, sweetie...

I want to manage you again.

Hmm?

I'm... I'm sorry?

And this is how you tell me?

I didn't know how else
to get in touch with you.

You ignore my calls and e-mails,

and the one time I saw you at the airport,

you jumped into an x-ray machine
so we couldn't talk.

And I'm glad I did.

That's how I found out
"hands up, feet apart"

is one of my most flattering poses.

I'm sorry I had to go to such
extreme lengths to get you here,

but you left me no choice.

What do you say?

What do I say?

I say, no.

Absolutely not.

I will not fall for your charms,
and I don't need you anymore.

I live in a house that has a snack drawer.

Oh! Without a lock!

Goodbye, Jasmine.

That's too bad, Jayden,
because I have Nike.

Did you say Nike?

- Wow. You know, you're inspiring me.
- To work out?

No, to have ice cream.

Oh. Freezer drawer was left open.

Oh, God, not for long, I hope.

All my mom's casseroles are in there.

Mama's casserole!

Can't you just refreeze it?

No. It's made with unpasteurized dairy
from my family cow, Doris.

You can't refreeze those. It'll go bad.

Six trays of my mother's love
and hard work will go to waste.

I have to eat it.

You're going to eat a year's-worth
of dairy-heavy casserole in a day?

I can't live with myself if I don't.

I'm not sure I'll be able
to live with you if you do.

Hey. Is now a good time to talk?

Sure, but be careful what you say,
desert plants are always listening.

Okay.

Um, so I probably misread this,
but when everyone said they liked Dave

and you said you weren't sure,
you meant you liked him too, right?

Like, sometimes
how people say, "I'm not sure,"

but they mean, "I like him too"?

I don't mess with affairs of the heart.

I'm not asking you as a guru,
I'm asking you as one of my best friends.

Your opinion is important.

Don't you trust your feelings?

Well, I mean...

I do have a history of not making
the best relationship choices.

But, yeah, I trust my feelings.

But I also trust yours.

Well, to be honest,
I don't really know Dave.

You know him. Dave!

Loves a chicken parm,
always keeps floss on him,

has season tickets to a trampoline
slam-dunk league. Dave.

I know who you're talking about,
I just don't "know him" know him.

If you want, we could hang out.

Just the three of us.
That way, I can tell you what I think.

Oh, that would be so great. Thank you.
Okay, bye, Solana.

Bye, cactus.

One down, five to go.

Feeling great, Chels. Do you want some?

Oh. No, thanks.
I try to stay away from foods

that are on the verge of curdling.

Hey, how did it go?

Great.

Oh, I'm so glad. You should be proud
of yourself for standing up to...

I re-signed with her.

Jayden?

I don't know how,
but she got me this campaign for...

Pausing for dramatic effect.

...Nike!

Nice, Jay.

I stood up too fast.
That's a casserole no-no.

This campaign is perfect for me.

They're debuting
a gender-neutral sports purse,

and everyone knows
I look amazing with carrying wear.

My mom is coming over
to help me try on different looks

before the reps from Nike get here.

That sounds great.

But aren't you worried about falling back
into those unhealthy patterns

you so eloquently
danced about this morning?

Did you not hear me
when I said that it's Nike?

Yeah, Nike!

It kind of tickles.

Tickles? Interesting.

Dave, what is your birthday,
time of birth,

and which direction was your mother's
canal facing when you entered this world?

Uh... February 15, around 3 p.m.,

and I try not to ask
my mom about her vagina.

Solana, can I talk to you for a sec?

Over there, where Dave can't hear us?

Make sure to keep your thoughts
entirely about the eagles,

- or we'll start all over.
- The football team or the band?

The bird, Dave!

What's going on?
I thought you wanted to get to know Dave,

not freak him out
so he'll never want to see me again.

I can stop if you want, but I wouldn't
be able to tell you if I like him.

No, no, keep going, I guess.

Okay, then. I'm going to need
some one-on-one time,

- so I'll be taking Dave to a sweat lodge.
- What?

A man can only truly be honest
when his pores are open

and his back is tired from sitting
crisscross applesauce.

I guess that's fine, but please be nice.

- Of course.
- Okay.

All right, Dave, the weird stuff is over.

Now put on this blindfold
and walk backwards into my car.

I've never seen you labor this hard,
not even during deadlifts.

Not that I'm watching you
while you exercise.

I'm in a tremendous amount of pain.

But I've got to push through for Mom.

You know, she'd really like you.

Yeah? Why?

Because she likes everyone.

Uh-oh.

My belly button just went outie.
That can't be good.

Okay. I think it's time to stop, really.

No. I've got this.

Okay, all right, that's it.
Hand me a fork, I'm jumping in.

Are you sure?

Just consider it
my calcium intake for the year.

I'll get it, I'll get it, I'll get it.

- Hello.
- Hi, Mom.

Oh, your place is cute.

Teal with yellow accents.

Reminds me of your signature look.

Teal polo layered under a yellow polo,
both collars popped, and...

Puka shells!

That was a great look, Mommy.

Grant, Chelsea, I'd like to introduce you
to a very special lady in my life.

My manager.

Jasmine Jay J. Meixiu Jiang. Pleasure.

Hi. Grant.

Hello, Chelsea, nice to meet you.

This isn't our typical snack.

Normally, we have... gummy worm smoothies.

Wonderful to meet you both.

Jayden, let's see what flatters
before the Nike people arrive.

Are you asking for a Jayden J. Jay
Michael Jiang fashion show?

Indeed, I am.

I don't think this is going to end well.

You'll probably have a tummy ache,
but it'll be worth it.

Yes, hello, Solana.
It's me, Claire, your roommate.

You know who I am.

Uh, this is my fourth voicemail.

I just wanted to see when you
might be done getting to know Dave,

and to make sure you weren't
totally freaking him out

or making him drink some weird elixir,

or using those leeches
you always talk about.

You know what?
I'll come. I will be there soon.

Okay, I love you, bye. This is Claire.

To your mother's
endless devotion to milk fat.

May it not kill us mid-tray,
like my Uncle Larry.

I'm sorry, what?

Grant, sweetie, have you ever
thought about modeling?

Thought about it? No.

But I have been on the cover
of a few magazines.

Mommy? You ready?

Bring it, baby.

Oh! That's it.

That's my Jay-Jay.

And chin! There it is.

Calvin Klein, not Kevin Kline.

Right. Sorry.

Wear the purse.
Don't let the purse wear you.

Okay. I'm sorry.

Honey, you have the body of a dancer
and the face of a baby doll.

We don't want to throw all that away
by walking like a goblin, do we?

No. "Walking like a goblin,"
that's a great note, thank you.

Use it.

Stop, stop, stop.

We're selling Nike, not ChapStick.

Oh, I just thought I'd have fun with it.

And what do we say about fun?

Fun is a concept that ugly people made up
to feel better about eating nachos.

That's right.

- Let's try it again, shall we?
- Right. I'm sorry.

Oh, my God.

My lopsided earlobe. It's happening again.

The wilting flower!

It blooms!

Mommy...

I can't do this.

That's what Uncle Larry said
before we lost him.

Solana.

I'm trying to knock
but this material is too soft! Solana!

Is something wrong?

Yes, something is wrong.
You won't answer my calls.

- Is Dave conscious?
- He's fine.

Well, get him out of there.
He dehydrates easily!

You wanted to know if I like Dave.

I don't care if you like Dave,

because I like Dave,
and that's all that matters!

Why are you clapping?

Did I perform a monologue
from Dawson's Creek again?

No, I'm clapping
because you figured it out.

I'm proud of you.

Wait a second. So...

So you tortured him all day
with total nonsense

just to help me realize that
I don't need anyone else's approval?

That is so nice.

I wasn't torturing him.

Dave!

She didn't even turn on the heat.

I did get sweaty in my pits,
but that's me anywhere.

Oh, honey.

We played backgammon the whole time.

- You mean you cheated the whole time.
- I did not.

Wait, are you guys friends now?

Yes, Claire, because I like Dave.

Well, I don't care.

But also, yay!

Oh...

- Jayden...
- Let me guess,

you came out here to give me more notes.

Did I not storm out of the room properly?

Do I have broccoli in my teeth?

Wait. Do I have broccoli in my teeth?

No, Jayden.

Listen.

The day that you were born was...

the scariest day of my life.

Not how I was hoping
that sentence would end.

No, not because you weren't amazing,

and not because I didn't
instantly fall in love with you.

I did.

But...

I was scared because
I didn't know how to be a mother.

It didn't come naturally to me.

Yeah. My teacher always
thought it was weird

you'd pack a wedge salad
and a tonic water for my lunch.

Being your manager,

that, I could do.
I had something to offer.

Why are you telling me this?

Jayden...

Nike doesn't exist.

What?

Then who made the shorts
I've been wearing this whole time?

No, no, I mean...

I made up the campaign.

Why?

I was just so happy to see you
earlier in the restaurant.

And when you started walking out,
I made it up so I wouldn't lose you again.

So the trolling and the blackmail...?

It was all about seeing you.

I miss you, Jayden.

I miss you so much.

I miss you too, Mom.

And I was kind of excited
to spend time with you again.

I guess that's why
I said yes to this thing,

but it can't be like this...

judging and nit-picking
and calling me Kevin Kline.

It's not what a mother does with a son.

So...

What if we...

And hear me out.

...had a relationship
without you being my manager?

Oh. Like I'm your accountant?

No.

No, you're just like...

my mom.

What do you say?

Yes. I like the sound of that.

I love you, Jayden.

I love you too, Mom.

I'm never eating dairy again.

In fact, I don't think I'm ever
eating anything ever again.

I should be good in a few hours.

You know what's weird?
I think I'm starting to see

some of Doris the cow's memories.

- Ow! Don't make me laugh.
- Sorry.

Hey, guys. Hungry?

Oh, starved.

You really work up a sweat
banging on a yurt.

Oh, our wilted flower. How are you?

I'm being really brave.

It's gonna be a long journey,
but my mom and I will take things slow.

Like, the Catholic Church and progress.

You must be hungry after all that
emotional and physical strutting.

I am.

You're in luck.

- Mom's casserole for the whole family.
- Okay. Thank you.

Oh, my God.

Is this what a well-adjusted
childhood tastes like?

It can only be described through...

Oh, interpretative dance.
It's happening again.